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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Mon Jan 13, 2014 12:30 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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F5? For real? No offense, but is this 1998? I ask Siri to reload the page.

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"We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep - it's as simple and ordinary as that."
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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Mon Jan 13, 2014 12:50 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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New interests? Whatever can you be referring to...?

*Looks up slowly from her Jr. Scientists Chemistry Set

Oh the keyboard? That's for work notes. Yeah. Nothing to see here.

Well, this last update was another gut punch. After Sheila dropped her parental baggage on Willow, I'm thinking - "Oh good, well Buffy will be supportive right? She'll want to see Willow and Tara get with the gayness right quick, no? We'll have some quips, maybe two seconds of weirdness, then huggles and besties...."

-OUCH- Doubling over in pain...

Seriously, I get Buffy's reaction. In retrospect I should have expected it. And you even had be going for a minute with the ultra-fast supporto Buffy move. You know what I love best about Buffy's reaction? It's so in character. It's all about Buffy, which is sort of why she ended up getting shut out of Willow's revelation in the first place. Don't get me wrong, Willow was a bit of a douche for not telling Buffy, but what Buffy herself stumbled upon in her reaction is that she hasn't exactly been available emotionally for a long while and the situation she's in now is as much her fault as it is Willow's. Buffy's reaction is totally about herself, not about Willow. She's angry at herself for being the type of friend that couldn't be trusted and this hurt her tremendously. Thinking back to cannon Buffy, I think she would have reacted the same way had Willow hid this for so long. Love, love, love that consistency and how you manage to convey such amazing depth to each and every character, even if they don't have a massive part in the story. Wonderfully done! Buffy will get over it. I hope?

As usual, I loved you using the city so vividly when Willow leaves from seeing Buffy. The city itself is one of the most interesting and complex characters in Neverland. Seeing Willow use the moment to collect herself and reaffirm her goal to come out and tell Tara was lovely because we can see how determined Willow is to do this and do it right, regardless of how hard it is (and has been)! I simply cannot wait for the next part, where presumably Willow and Tara have THE conversation. Unless you are about to do a flashback with Buffy or Xander, because we haven't really had much there. But please don't.

Love you, amazing job. Rah Rah!! xoxo

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"We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep - it's as simple and ordinary as that."
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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Mon Jan 13, 2014 3:57 pm 
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4. Extra Flamey

Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2010 2:02 pm
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I was flicking through previous chapters and feedback of Neverland the other day, as you do, and I noticed this comment from Heather back in 2004:

Quote:
Buffy's reaction... not quite sure, but I'm confident that she'll be a good version of Buffy (not freaky, controlly Buffy). We'll see.


See? Even Heather thought she was going to be nice.

I also enjoy the to and fro on the board when a character has done something absolutely awful/totally-justified-in-the-circumstances.

I’ve read all the arguments and . . . nope . . . still pissed off at Buffy.

As Pipsberg, among others, pointed out, Buffy wasn’t exactly available for Willow to confide in. She had plenty of hints that something was going on with her friend but she didn’t follow them up.

The Willow she saw definitely had something weighing on her mind. Buffy decided that she knew what it was. Xander, Buffy’s close friend, repeatedly denied that Willow was in love with him but Buffy refused to believe or trust him because she knew best.

Most importantly, Buffy doesn’t listen. Willow explained that her coming out to Xander had been impulsive when she was confused and full of doubt. When she stopped doubting she intended to tell Buffy, face to face. I really can’t imagine explaining something so important in any other way. I think that Willow, despite her fears, was hoping for the warm embrace and instinctive support of Buffy’s initial reaction, which is not something anyone can provide by phone or text. But by the time Willow was seeing her regularly again, Buffy had pressured her into moving in with her close friend Tara . . .

If she stopped to think, Buffy would realise what a huge complication that was, but her wounded pride is all she can think about.

Having said that, I think that Buffy will come around pretty quickly and Willow will forgive her because she is now well aware of the damage keeping her secret has caused, to Buffy, but to Tara above all.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Mon Jan 13, 2014 5:12 pm 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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Very briefly, lest my evening plans change on me.

I feel so badly for both Buffy and Willow here. It's utterly surreal to read the feedback and see so much anger at Buffy. I've honestly wondered if I read the same update as others did. Amazing how fiction touches people so differently.

I think you did a beautiful job of writing both characters so sympathetically. The access you give us into Buffy's thought process, to the emotional landmine that Willow has tripped over, really worked for me.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 11:09 am 
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10. Troll Hammer

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Kim: (breaks off the kissing) I l... (Sue stops her with a hand)
Sue: We don't talk about things like that right after, you know that, no saying those things in The Moment.
Kim: (moves the hand aside) Screw The Moment. I *love* you.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 12:58 pm 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

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First - I terrified my friend mid-conversation last night by screaming in glee when I realized i had missed several updates. Okay, maybe she was actually mad I wasn't paying attention to her story.

Anyway! Initially, I was really disappointed that Tara didn't go straight home to see Willow, before realizing that was not fair. Poor Tara has gotten even less support than Willow throughout this entire process, and she is going on a lot of faith right now. It was good that she was able to have an evening to collect herself and recover. It was also nice to see how stable Marisa and Michelle are. They were a great contrast to all the angst. Kudos for calling Willow, they didn't have to do that, and I'm really glad they thought of her. *imagines future double dates*

Sorry, where was I? Oh, right, Willow. Poor, poor Willow. I like that you included some Buffy POV in this next part. I don't think Willow can ever truly realize the strain her secret has put on all three of them. Poor Xander and Buffy were both trying to protect her in their own way, and it just made everything worse. i see where both girls are coming from, but I also think that Buffy had a right to be hurt, though she's probably more embarrassed than anything else. It's hard to be a trio of best friends, sometimes.

Moreover, I'm glad Willow took some time for herself after leaving Buffy's. I hope this teaches her to stop operating on so many assumptions. I like that as the fic has progressed, Willow has become steadily more comfortable in her new city, as well as around Tara. I'm also glad she didn't immediately call Xander, as she would have done several weeks ago. Basically, I love seeing the growth in both these girls so much. I can't wait to see where you take us next, whether it be that first, awkward conversation between Buffy and Xander, or a hopefully happier conversation between Willow and Tara.

Happy new year, and thank you for posting!


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 10:37 am 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light

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Kajun Hooray for dibs, haha. :) Glad you felt better for Willow thanks to Buffy. The hug was so needed, and I think when they look back on this day the hug will be the thing that stands out for each of them as the truth about their friendship. You’re right about the deep emotional pain, and I think a lot of it is not just being left out, or having Xander know before her, but that they had been going along like everything was fine between the three of them when it was severely imbalanced, and that it all happened during Buffy’s lowest time ever. This update has been interesting, seeing who can sympathize with Buffy and who can’t. You are right that Buffy loves Willow unconditionally; more on when/whether she comes around in the next few updates. And I do think Buffy will feel awful if/when she finds out that Sheila asked her to leave, though I do think that because it’s not about Willow being gay but a problem in their friendship it’s not on the same level of hurt. You’re totally right, of course, that the deception has spilled out like ripples on a pond; when it all comes out, when everyone starts to see things as they really were and not what they seemed it’ll definitely have interesting effects on every one’s lives. Glad that you knew what Willow had in her pockets; I like the idea that she has limited clothes because she’s been too distracted by Tara this week to do laundry and it’s come back in this random way. Love the note, hopefully you like how things go in the next update. Thanks so much, I really appreciate it!
p.s. I like your p.s.!

zampsa19752001 Thanks so much. Buffy definitely has a lot to think about; hopefully she’ll be able to step outside of her hurt and see things from Willow’s POV, though to be fair, Willow probably should have been honest a lot earlier. Going to be interesting to see how they repair their friendship. And yes, Willow and Tara in this next update. Hope you like where it goes from her and enjoy this next part.

branny72 Thanks so much, I appreciate it. Tara panicking when she woke up felt natural, so glad you thought that worked. And yes, Willow is on her way home. Hooray! Hope you like the next update!

kimmy_s Aw, thanks so much re: making your day, that’s awesome. I think you’re right; coming out to Buffy did go as well as could be expected. I’m glad you liked seeing things from Buffy’s POV a bit. I think so much of her reaction is rooted in what was going on in her life two years ago (and how she’s dealt with that since) that to leave that out would have been odd. Buffy asking Willow to leave definitely was about needing space to process, so will be interesting to see how she goes about doing that. Hope you like the next installment and thanks again.

Wills redemption Wow to rereading - that’s just amazing. I had to go back and see what Chapter 23 was because I honestly had no clue! I’m glad you thought Buffy’s reaction to Willow’s “I’m gay” was great - I can’t imagine her having any other reaction. But of course, you’re right, it’s the other news that was the big question mark. You know, I don’t know if she has the awareness to say “I failed you” at this point, I think she’s just so angry. I think that’s how she dealt with everything with her mom dying (and after), by being angry and turning cold, you know? I don’t know if she’d have had Willow stay if she’d known Sheila had done the same; it brings up an interesting question about boundaries. Buffy was pretty clear about what hers were: She was hurting, she was starting to think she might say something mean, so they needed to take a break from each other. More on where Buffy went in the next few updates.
I agree that Buffy treated Willow better than her mom. There should be no doubt in Willow’s mind that Buffy loves her and that the problem she has is not because of her being gay, but because of something she’s done, AND, that Buffy thinks it will be better between them once she has time to think about things. I think that’s pretty huge, all things considered. As for Willow, she actually went past the park to get to the Point. I think as soon as she got to the point and had a few moments to herself she had switched her thoughts to Tara. I mean, she came out to her mom and Buffy so that she could be honest with Tara, and if she was going to go home, she’d have to talk to Tara… Her only options really were to be a wreck or pull herself together and do what she needed to do. As for Willow and Tara’s conversation - this update for sure, so read on! Hope you like how it goes. Interesting re: Willow’s mom. Sadly, not how it’s going to go, but would be interesting. I think Sheila and Willow have an interesting road ahead of them.
p.s. And yes, it is amazing how people are interpreting Buffy’s reaction, siding with “boo!” or “yay!” I’m totally in awe and so appreciative of everyone coming back and explaining their thoughts. It’s super instructive and interesting to read. I agree that best friends have no right to each other’s intimate lives; if Willow wanted to date women on the sly without telling Buffy that’s her business. I think with Buffy, it’s more that Willow is coming out to her and it is obvious to Buffy that Willow needs her support… so why didn’t she ask sooner, especially if the reason give why she didn’t is because of something so flimsy as worry about double dates. (And Xander knowing is huge, because it makes Buffy wonder well, why him? What’s wrong with me?) Thank you for sharing your story. I think Buffy herself tells Willow that things will be fine, in time. And I think Willow has to believe her. As for Willow and Tara, more on that in the next update. Thanks again!

writerfreak Thanks so much. Was the last one cliffhangery? I didn’t want Willow and Tara’s first conversation after everything to be buried at the end of a long update; it definitely deserves to stand on its own. And thank you re: keeping Tara alive - I can’t imagine a world in which she isn’t alive and breathing, doing something wacky. So, thanks to all of the writers at Pens, this place rocks. Very nice idea about Tara’s art; I think she’d be thrilled if she just ended up at a small gallery’s permanent exhibit. Re: Neko Case, yes saw that. I can’t imagine it would be a very fun show though considering how crowded Coachella is; I’d so much rather see her in a smaller club! And very funny about my “system!” There is definitely no system, mathematical or otherwise. I write when I have free time/am not too tired and post as soon as I can read through it without making four or five changes/seriously can’t read it again. Hope you like the next update!
p.s. There will definitely be more to the story after Willow and Tara get together. No way this is going to end with a sort of, “and they kissed” update. I don’t know how much longer it’ll go on for, but the painting situation does need to be resolved, some more with Buffy, etc. I have an end point in my mind that should allow for the story to cover the big things, without going on for another 70 updates.

Grimm Yeah, I hear you about Buffy being self-absorbed, but it does raise the question of at what point do you have to put your own hurt aside for a friends? So much of her problem with Willow’s news doesn’t have anything to do with Willow; it’s about Buffy and how she’s been handling things since her mom died. Feeling like your friends lie to you because you suck has to be a hard pill to swallow, even if that’s not why Willow kept things from her. And you’re right, Buffy took the actual news—that Willow’s gay—very well. I think that’s what they’ll both take away from this when they look back on it years from now. And Willow and Tara coming up in this next update; hope you like where it goes, and thanks so much!

DaddyCatALSO Interesting that Sheila was more or less what you thought and that it was Buffy that you were anxious about. I agree that it was on the good side. Buffy’s definitely not as impatient as “Yoko Factor Buffy,” and she’s definitely selfish in this update, but you’re right, she says very clearly that she’s supportive of Willow being gay and that she’s going to be okay with everything, just that she needs time, so they needed a break from talking. And so right about being tired after a cross-country flight! (And Richard is touching back to the show, Older and Far Away.) More on where Buffy goes and does in another couple of updates. Interesting about your affection for earlier season Willow. I think if push came to shove I’d choose post-high school Willow, and not just because of Tara. With Willow at the Point, she really just needed to reset. She couldn’t stay away from home forever, and the next time she saw Tara would be when they talked, so she really needed to forget her mom and Buffy and move her mind along. And too funny about knowing my style! I wish I knew what my style was. Willow and Tara are up next, and then… some updates and then The End. :)
p.s. The back-and-forth feedback is amazing. I’m seriously so grateful for everyone sharing their opinions and discussing their opinions. It’s seriously awesome and interesting. And yes, Spike’s loitering around in the past; I know that Willow and Xander have very briefly mentioned him in a previous update, with Xander saying effectively that Buffy lied about her relationship with Spike to them.

Ayu I’m glad the note made your heart skip a beat; that’s so cool, thanks. And yes, Willow and Tara are coming up next; hope you enjoy the next update and where things go from here! And another story - eek! Let’s see if I can finish this one without messing it up first! (And though I don’t have an F5 key, I have refreshed Pens/stories more than I care to admit over the years, so I’m right there with you! ;) )

Phantasyland Another vote for this last one being a cliffhanger - I honestly didn’t think I was creating one! And will things be okay… must read the next one to find out for sure. Enjoy!

wayland You know, one of the most amazing things about posting this story on Pens - aside from the overwhelming support - are the number of people who have told me about how they’ve imagined how the story might play out while I was taking my sweet time writing the story. I just think that is AMAZINGLY mind-blowingly awesome. Just, wow. When the story is over I really hope some of you guys come back and tell me how you thought things were going to go; I’m curious, for sure.
Interesting that you thought the story went in a direction you didn’t expect. (And thanks re: keeping the tension up; that is so flattering and humbling.) Interesting also about thinking she would push her feelings aside. I think Buffy’s reaction raises an interesting question: At what point is being there for a friend in need damaging to your own emotional/mental well-being? Should she have pushed aside her own hurt to be there for Willow or be honest about how hurt she was and ask for space? She’s just been crushed by hearing that she wasn’t confided in (and I think for that part of it, it’s not so much that Willow didn’t tell her, but that Willow told Xander and that the three of them have been hanging out like no big deal while Buffy and Xander have been arguing about things without Xander saying more; not sharing Willow’s news, but being more active about having Buffy and Willow talk and not put him in the middle), and put back in time to a place where everything in her life was awful. Like, ‘maybe I shouldn’t even be alive anymore’ awful.
I think about canon Buffy… After her mom died she had Dawn to protect and Glory to defeat. But what if she hadn’t had that ‘life and death’ danger/duty to focus her energy on? Or Dawn? How would she have dealt w/ everything? On the show she closes off and doesn’t want to hear about things that don’t directly affect her, just becomes emotionally cold (in S6 mostly, but even in S5 she’s freaking out), and I strove for that here, though of course, it’s harder to really convey that “giving up” feeling because nobody’s looking to her to be a leader. You say, “They reject her for not being the person they thought she was – the person they need her to be.” But what if Buffy rejects Willow in that moment for confirming what she knew about herself, that because she had allowed herself to become so cold and broken by her life events that she was incapable of being there for the people she loved most. What if Willow’s deception didn’t highlight a character flaw in Willow, but a perceived fault in Buffy?
I honestly don’t know if Buffy knows how much Willow craves her mom’s approval; I doubt Willow’s ever confided that in anyone other than Xander because it’s so tied to her feelings/future being gay. I wonder too if Buffy doesn’t acknowledge that Willow is going through “the emotional crisis of her life” because she’s sees that Willow’s been dealing with everything for 2 years with support, and Willow doesn’t say she’s questioning anything, just that she’s upset with how things went with her mom. And interesting re: Xander and Willow forgiving Buffy about Spike. More on that in upcoming updates. Re: Willow’s character and angry vs. apologetic; here I think anger would be out of place, because she really does accept that she’s done something wrong. I think the emotional take away from her conversation with Buffy is bewilderment above all. She had no idea that Buffy thought she was a bad friend, none, so that Buffy thinks poorly about herself is just perplexing to Willow. And I think Willow knows the ‘strong out equal woman’ ship has sailed. Now, it’s all about Tara. Plan, etc. are all forgotten; it’s just about Tara knowing that Friday was not what it seemed. Thanks re: Tara’s story, and so hope you like the next update.
p.s. But Buffy did have a good reaction, in the grand scheme of things, right? (I think by freaky I probably meant, freaked out by Willow being gay, but then again way back in 2004 I thought I’d be wrapping this story up in 2004 so… ;) ) She said she loved Willow, got upset because Willow didn’t trust her and told her that she needed time but that things would likely be fine. That seems pretty good considering how many other reactions she could have had. And I totally get what you’re saying, but if you’re Buffy, and you’ve been hanging out with Willow for three months in the flesh on a pretty regular basis (weekly at the very least) - weren’t there opportunities before now for a face-to-face? Re: what pips said about being unavailable; Buffy thinks that Willow must have kept it from her because she’s cold/selfish/etc, and when she voices that Willow seems taken aback - I don’t know that Willow thought that of her, at least, not consciously. And I wonder, how much of Buffy thinking she wasn’t there for Willow is hindsight, like, well she didn’t tell me so it must be because I’m a sucky friend, not because she actually would have been a sucky friend if told, you know? Who knows what Buffy’s reaction would have been 2 years before? Not one of them knows, because short of inventing a time machine they’ll never know. I actually think Buffy would have been an über-friend; it would have been the thing that distracted her from everything else crappy in her life to be excited/supportive of Willow. By all accounts she was an awesome, supportive friend every time Willow broke up with Oz, including 2 years ago, so… And re: Xander and Buffy - except for one exchange between them, almost everything we know about their relationship is from dialogue to third parties (which we all know can be incomplete picture) or other’s perceptions of what their relationship is like. We don’t know what’s gone on between them, outside of what we’ve seen. Just sayin’. ;) Thanks again for everything, lot of good things to think about.

KnightlyLove Yeah, it seems like “booooo” Buffy is the dominant feeling around these parts! And stringing along? Next update. Get on it. (Thanks!)

wimpy0729 /throws Wimpy a towel, hands over a cup of water, wraps space blanket around shoulders. Whew, glad you made it! And yes, Sheila/Buffy conversations are over, time to get to the big enchilada. Aww to tearing up when Buffy hugged Willow; that hug was so necessary. I just thought, with everything, that there’s no way Buffy would do anything other in this situation. And another vote for “get over yourself, Buffy!” I hear you about Buffy’s reaction; I think for her she’s upset that Willow didn’t tell her, but also upset that she’s been left out of this friendship dynamic w/ Xander and Willow that she thought she was a part of AND reminded that this is all probably her fault because she made bad choices and almost drowned emotionally when her mom died. It’s heavy. (In a totally Marty McFly way.) So much of Buffy’s reaction doesn’t have anything to do with Willow, and I think in the long-run they’ll realize that and only look back on the hug part as the important bit. And dude, NO PRESSURE re: the next update. Ugh. I just hope you guys like like their conversation, truly. And no flashbacks, though I very nearly posted an update that was just Willow heading home and deciding to take a two hour detour to Oakland for pie first. So many giggles, then so many worries about death threats. I’m glad you liked Marissa and Michelle’s disagreement, and too funny that you know people like that - me too! I always am amazed by how they function. Hugs and kisses passed on - thanks so much Wimpy, means the world.

JustSkipIt Wow, thank you so much. I’m so humbled by the kind words. I’m glad you liked Tara’s waking up. I imagined that she would be pretty freaked out. She’s stayed out late before without ever thinking of telling Willow that she was okay but obviously things are really different. My take on why they’re not texting each other: 1) they’ve never texted or called each other so it would be new/weird/awkward and do they really want to do new/weird/awkward the first time they talk after the flinch? and 2) what could they possibly say on the phone that shouldn’t really be said face-to-face. I don’t think Willow is hoping that Tara calls or texts; I think she pretty much feels like she deserves radio silence for flinching and that Tara calling or texting would be waaaay out of character. Tara on the other hand I think has a sliver of hope that Willow will reach out, but even that is more wanting it to happen than thinking that it will.
Thank you re: Buffy’s reaction, so glad you thought it worked. I couldn’t imagine her reacting any other way to news that Willow’s gay; she truly loves Willow and wants her to be happy. Buffy has probably been on this side of coming out a couple of times in her life (Tara, though it was more matter-of-fact introductory) and possibly another friend. It just seems like she knows what she needs to say/do to reassure Willow that everything is fine by her, as long as Willow is happy. I think that’s huge for Willow, she needed that in a major way. Agree, of course, that Buffy would feel shock about being left out for that long. I think she probably had the last two years flash before her eyes and just felt it all rearrange, you know? Everything she knew to be true was completely changed in an instant. That has to be massively disorienting. Re: Buffy putting the blame on herself; when she looks back 2 years prior she sees herself in a really awful place. It would be odd, I think, for her to not at least try on the idea that she was left out because she was not the best friend, even if that’s not necessarily the truth of the situation. And re: face-to-face, I lean towards your reaction. I get why Willow would want the reassurance of seeing Buffy’s body language when she told her, but if she really needed Buffy’s support, she should have probably reached out any way she could. Add in that they have been face-to-face for months and well… Willow doesn’t have much of a reason other than worry about something that in retrospect she can’t even understand.
And yes, boundaries. Buffy realizes that this conversation is only going to go someplace hurtful and she puts an end to it. It’s an interesting situation that she’s in, because she wants to be supportive, wants Willow to feel safe and supported re: being gay but Buffy also feels like she’s been turned inside out and plopped down back in a really ugly time in her life… so who gets priority here? Willow, who has just admitted something very intimate and scary, or Buffy, who feels like the worst friend on the face of the Earth, and who wonders if she’ll forever be the person she was 2 years ago - cold and selfish - a person that she really doesn’t like very much and who she’s actively worked to distance herself from over the last year. Buffy chose herself, and I can’t really blame her. I don’t know that it’s fair for her to have to work through all of this stuff that doesn’t have anything to do with Willow, exactly, in real time with Willow. She tells Willow that she needs time, that things would probably be fine, but for now she needed space. I think that’s reasonable. (And Jim is the firefighter guy Buffy had started dating before she headed out on her trip; was her date to Tara’s gallery show opening. :) )
And yes, Willow is definitely going to need time to digest what’s happened with her relationship with Buffy, it’s just going to come on the other side of her last big revelation. More on Buffy and Willow’s relationship in the next few updates. And the next part… only slightly nervous. Hope you like it, and thanks again so much.

SylverMaki You know I feel the same way about the story coming to an end. It seems surreal to me that it’s getting close; I will miss it so, so much. More than words can say. (That said, I don’t think I could write it forever, soap opera style. That sounds so intimidating!) And thank you so much for sharing your feelings about the story and your life; wow, that means so much. I started writing this story because I wanted to feel what it was like to be in love… and it lead me to the love of my life. My brain trips on that daily. I think if you put love out into the world, it comes back to you. Truth. Hopefully that will happen to you too. So true about Buffy being caring yet selfish, and that she’ll probably come around. As for Willow and Tara - in this next update, for sure. Hope you like how it goes and thanks so much.

pipsberg Funny about F5/Siri. I actually asked Siri to “Refresh Pens” and now I know of a clean, comfortable place to stay in Phuket, Thailand. (Thanks Siri!) I was actually referring to girls that are lost, but the keyboard is a nice distraction, too. And yes, another gut punch. Sorry! Funny about the Willow/Tara gayness - I think Buffy will be their biggest fan, once she gets over her feelings being hurt. I’m so glad you thought Buffy’s reaction was in character. As you know, keeping them in character is like the biggest thing I stress out about with this story. I mean, obviously they’re different versions than what was on screen, but I like that they’re recognizable. You’re right that Buffy’s reaction is about herself; she just is so hurt to realize (her thought) that the reason she wasn’t confided in was because she was a sucky friend… It’s hard for her to see beyond that. I don’t know how canon Buffy would have reacted; I can see it a couple of different ways, but of course, it depends on which season version of Buffy! Thanks very much re: use of the city. That has been such a pleasant surprise, how much of the city I’ve been able to use and how it feels like it adds another dimension to the story. And of course, I love San Francisco so whole heartedly… it helps me feel less homesick. I’m glad that you liked Willow giving herself a moment to just be and reconnoiter. She’s shifted her focus; it’s all about Tara right now. And yes, THE conversation in the next update (no flashback; I don’t want to die). Hope you like what happens next, and thanks so much for your support and kind words. Love you oxox

BeMyDeputy Thanks so much. I feel badly for Buffy and Willow, too. Life is so messy and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves without knowing we’re doing so. The feedback for this one has been pretty interesting. I don’t know if it’s just that people had high expectations for Buffy specifically, or friendship in general, but it’s been fascinating to read, and I so appreciate everyone’s feedback, especially those engaging in a dialogue. So instructive. Thanks so much re: how the update worked for you. I thought showing why Buffy was upset was essential. Hopefully you’ll like the next update, and thanks again.

lavenderangel Too funny about scaring your friend; hope she wasn’t really mad though. Thanks re: Tara not going home. I can’t imagine how she could have managed that after the emotional day she had. She really needed some rest, and to talk about her feelings with someone. (Though I don’t know how much talking she did, what with Marissa and Michelle bickering.) And funny about double dates; I’m sure that will happen. Poor Willow indeed - she’s had a rough few days. I’m glad you liked reading Buffy’s POV; I thought it was really necessary, because so much of her hurt is something that’s not accessible to Willow. I think you’re right about Buffy feeling embarrassed, I think that’s a huge part of what she’s feeling. When they have the benefit of hindsight, in a few weeks, months, years, they’ll see just how out of whack they all got. I do think though, that in the long run it’ll be water under the bridge. I’m glad you thought it was good that Willow had some time to herself. I didn’t really know what she was going to do when she left Buffy’s house, but alone time at the Point seemed much needed. You’re right that Willow is more comfortable in SF, and around Tara. I can’t imagine her calling Xander at this point. She’s so emotionally exhausted that talking about it just seems awful, and I think right now she realizes that he’s part of the craziness. (I think she’s super confused that Buffy and Xander have been arguing, etc.; she’s going to need to get to the bottom of that.) As for the next update, it’s all Willow and Tara. I hope you like it, and where the story goes from there. Thanks so much, and happy New Year to you too!


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 10:38 am 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light

Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 11:04 am
Posts: 688
Topics: 1
Title: Neverland
Author: EasierSaid
Feedback: Yes, please.
Spoilers: None.
Setting: AU. There is no Hellmouth, there is no slayer and no magic of the wicca variety. Just our girls and the rest of the Buffy characters living and loving in that great city by the bay, San Francisco.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me Mutant Enemy.
Notes: Send up the Kitten bat signal, it’s time. (Lines/references to New Moon Rising and Entropy.)


Thoughts in italics

PART 72

The chair had been her grandmother’s. Tara had convinced Jill’s father to tie it down in the back of his beat up F-250 when she moved down to start her freshman year of college, the man grumbling that she was better off spending $25 and buying a new chair. Her mother had reupholstered it right before getting sick, the last big project the woman was able to complete before cancer started to sap her of her strength. The blonde loved it, even if it was lumpy and threadbare in places.

After her shower, and a half-hearted attempt to read, Tara half-carried and half-dragged the old chair to the opposite side of her bed, setting it up near the bank of windows in her bedroom. She grabbed a throw blanket from a knit storage bin by the foot of her bed and sat down, pulling her knees to her chest, her still slightly-damp hair sitting on her shoulders. She covered her legs with the blanket and watched out the window as dark clouds blended into each other and passed her by, the occasional patch of blue peeking through. She ached to paint, to clean, to do anything requiring frenetic energy so she could work off some of her nerves, but she willed herself to sit still, to be still, her best attempt at a meditation being the mindless task of watching headlights drive past her apartment in the quickly darkening day. If she just sat still, kept her mind clear, she wouldn’t go crazy waiting. She wouldn’t imagine and reimagine every possible scenario that Willow’s return home would bring. She’d keep calm, and when she saw Willow, she’d be ready for whatever would happen.

Her head snapped up when the light in her room changed, bright headlights shining in an arc along the walls. She stood up straight, the back of her legs bumping against the chair as the throw blanket fell forgotten around her feet. Willow was home. Tara raced to her bedroom door and then abruptly stopped, placing her hand on her stomach, again willing herself to be still. She took a deep breath, and then another, then made her way calmly to the stairs.

She took them as slowly as she could manage, her trembling hand touching the wall for support as she anxiously concentrated on just breathing. She made the turn in the stairway and felt her stomach flip. She had never been so nervous in her life. She took three steps down and then sat, slowly sinking onto her bottom, the wood beneath her cold. She placed her palms lightly on her knees and straightened her back, hearing the ancient garage door close below with a thud. She would be patient. She didn’t want to ambush the redhead as soon as she walked in the door; Willow should have time to take her coat off, maybe even get a drink of water if she needed. Tara took a deep, shaky breath and slowly exhaled, idly wondering if it was possible to pass out from nervous anticipation.

She held her breath as she heard the key in the lock, held her breath as she heard Willow enter and lock the door behind her. She guessed from the sounds below that the girl next removed her coat then kicked off her shoes. It was a habit that in retrospect Willow probably picked up from her, as she didn’t remember the redhead removing her shoes upon entering when she first moved in. Tara waited for the redhead to call for her, or even move to the kitchen but it was silent downstairs. The blonde finally stood and took a deep breath, unable to wait another moment. She walked down the final few steps and turned into the great room, and she felt her chin tremble as she saw the redhead’s back, the girl silently facing the secretary table, her head slightly bowed. Tara was shocked by the wave of emotion that hit her. She had never been more relieved to see anyone in her life. She took a moment to soak it all in; the last moment before everything changed. Willow was wearing the jeans she loved—well-worn and flattering—and the red long-sleeve that made her heart flutter. The blonde silently sighed as she realized once again how much she loved the girl standing across the room, how much she needed her in her life. It was powerful and overwhelming, and Tara momentarily felt faint as the emotion overtook her. She took a deep breath to center herself, swallowed hard and took a couple of silent steps forward, stopping near the kitchen counter.

"Hey,” Tara said softly, her heart skipping a beat as Willow turned to face her.

"Hey,” Willow replied nervously, her heart hammering in her chest as she made eye contact with the blonde. She had been steeling herself by the secretary desk and had been caught off guard by the blonde’s gentle voice. The redhead twisted her fingers before her as she took the girl in; the blonde was devastatingly beautiful, even with the worry lines etched between her eyebrows.

“A-Are you okay?" Tara asked, taking two small steps forward.

"Me?" Willow asked, truly surprised by the question.

“I know you were n-nervous about seeing your mom,” Tara said gently. “How'd it go?" She felt like her entire world was lodged in her throat, and she put every ounce of her energy into appearing calm.

"It–“ Willow shook her head sharply. She couldn’t get distracted; this was too important. She took four large steps toward the blonde. "Tara, about what I did on Friday night–"

"It's okay,” the blonde said, bowing her head and nodding a few times, the action stopping Willow in her tracks.

"No, it's not,” the redhead said gently, standing several feet from the blonde. She had stopped to be respectful, but it was taking every thing she had to not just grab Tara’s hands, to launch into a fervent plea for forgiveness.

“I p-put you in an awkward position,” the blonde said to the floor, her voice sounding practiced.

“No,” Willow said, shaking her head. She just wanted Tara to look at her.

“And I’m s-sorry that I ran away,” the blonde continued, her head still bowed. “I sh-should have stayed and listened. Leaving w-wasn’t fair.”

“No,” Willow repeated, slightly shaking her head. This conversation; it felt just like the conversation with her mom. With Buffy. It was going all wrong, and this, this couldn't go wrong. Willow stared at the blonde, willing her to look up, and when the girl finally met her eye, she spoke.

"I love you."

The words shattered the silence around them and Tara's heart constricted so fast that it stole her breath. She felt the blood drain from her face, felt her extremities go cold. She couldn’t have heard that right. Because it sounded like Willow had just said that–

"I am, in love with you." Willow said, pausing slightly before continuing, her voice feeble and halting. "Gay, and in love with you..." She took a small step forward before stopping, her hands twisting in front of her. "I came out to my mom yesterday. She didn’t, take it, well…” the redhead said, her brow quirking and smoothing. “She told me some pretty awful things, a-and I haven't heard from her since,” she finished softly. “And I told Buffy today. Also, didn't go well." Tara looked perplexed, so Willow continued talking. "Not, so much with the me-being-gay thing, but the, lying to her for three years, thing."

Three years, Tara thought stunned, feeling like a bolt of lightening had struck her where she stood. She held her breath, afraid to breathe, afraid to do anything that would change what was happening.

"She didn't know, Xander did… Wasn't too happy about that,” Willow continued, casting periodic nervous glances at the girl across from her.

"Th-Three y-years?" Tara asked softly. It was all she could do to force the words out. Xander?!

"That's how long I've been in love with you,” Willow said sincerely as she met the blonde's eye before looking away. "Five, probably, if I was really honest with myself. Maybe always, I don't know..." She shook her head. She looked up, her clasped hands moving in front of her. “I wanted to kiss you Friday, so much, but I just had this, plan, this big stupid plan and it wasn't in the plan so I sort of freaked because I thought I had to tell my mom first and tell Buffy first, like they deserved to know before I could get involved with anyone, that I had to tell them before I could get involved with you because you deserved to be with someone who was out, not someone all closeted and afraid and…” The words petered out and Willow looked at the blonde vulnerably, her eyes wide and honest.

Tara opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out, everything crashing around her and building up at the same time. She felt simultaneously numb and electric. This couldn’t really be happening.

"I made these, doodled these, last week when we went to see Anya..." Willow said as she took the little squares of paper from her back pocket and dumped them on the kitchen counter to her left. Tara looked at them, rooted in her spot. She could see hearts. Her name. Her head swam. "I forgot to take them out of my pocket when we got home. And I didn't have a meeting at the Four Seasons two weeks ago. I went to the gallery to see your paintings, and I was worried you would think it was weird, like I was some sort of stalker person so I lied. I don’t like Morgan, at all. And I think I moved to San Francisco to be near you," Willow said, Tara looking at her disbelievingly. “Because I love you. So much. And Frida–“

Willow never had a chance to finish, Tara closing the distance in a frantic burst of movement. She took the redhead’s face in her hands; she kissed her forehead, then her cheek and then her lips with every ounce of love she’d suppressed for three, long years. Tara pulled back and rested her forehead against Willow’s, but before she could speak, the redhead leaned in and captured her lips in a slow, sure kiss. Tara's kiss had been one of comfort, reassurance that she felt the same way, but Willow's was far different. It was confident and absolute. There was no flinch, no tentativeness, and it turned Tara's knees to jelly because there was no questioning the intent—Willow was kissing her quite purposefully.

They pulled apart and Tara quickly spoke. “I love you.” She immediately said it again, unsure whether she’d said it the first time or merely dreamed it. “I love you.”

Willow broke out in a beaming smile and Tara smiled back. Tears started to fall from the blonde’s eyes and Willow frowned, reaching up her hand to brush the tears away. “Hey… You’re crying…”

Tara exhaled, a half smile emerging on her face, her brow quirking. “You are, too.”

“Oh,” Willow said self-consciously as she reached up and felt the tears on her cheeks. She closed her eyes and sighed when she felt Tara reach up with her thumbs and wipe the tears away. She opened her eyes and looked into Tara’s, her green eyes questioning. “Are you okay?”

The blonde nodded. “Happy tears,” Tara said reassuringly as she laughed lightly and took a deep breath; she wiped her eyes before returning her hands to the redhead’s body.

“Tara,” Willow said, leaning her forehead against the blonde’s and nuzzling against her face, her arms wrapping comfortingly around the blonde’s waist.

Tara felt like she couldn't speak; she was in awe. Willow was holding her, lightly kissing her face. How could this be real?

"I'm so sorry," the redhead said in a soft voice, barely loud enough to reach Tara's ears as she held the women in her arms. "I've been in love with you forever, I just, I didn't know how to get to a place where I could say it."

And Tara understood. It wasn't about her, not really; it was about Willow coming out. How hard this must have been for her. To want something that she couldn't have because fear was preventing her from doing so. Tara took a shaky breath. All that Willow had been through since Friday night. The last three years. The blonde pulled back and took in the green eyes before her. "The tulips,” she said, the emotion in her voice thick. The redhead's brow crinkled in confusion, and Tara took in another unsteady breath. "I've known that I loved you with everything I had since the tulips."

Willow was floored. The tulip garden at Golden Gate Park. Three years ago. She frowned as her chin quivered, tears flooding her eyes and making the sight of the girl she loved blurry. She simply nodded, overcome with emotion. Tara knew. She knew exactly how hard the last three years had been because she had gone though it, too. How stupid she had been, trying to get the blonde to fall in love with her these last two weeks. “Tara,” she said, the words barely escaping through the sadness choking her voice. Tara nodded back, her own voice lost and they kissed, tears streaming down their faces, wetting their cheeks, dropping to their clothes.

They finally broke the kiss and curled into their shared embrace, hands stroking hair, their bodies slowly starting to sway together. Willow rested her head on the blonde’s shoulder and sighed. Tara kissed her temple and she sighed again, reveling in the feeling of just being held. Moments passed before Willow pulled herself upright and met the blonde’s eye.

“I really love you in that shirt,” the redhead finally said, her fingers tracing the side seam of the blonde’s white peasant top and Tara laughed, some of the tension and sadness lifted.

The blonde ran her fingers along one of Willow’s belt loops and met her eye. “Those are my favorite jeans.”

Willow’s eyebrows rose and Tara arched her own brow in response. The redhead blushed, a bright, embarrassed smile pulling at her lips, her tongue pushed forward and pressed against her teeth and the blonde almost melted; the girl before her was so endearing. Tara leaned forward again, kissing the redhead. It was slow, and perfect, each woman concentrating on the feel of the other’s lips, the smell of them together. After a long moment Tara laughed into their kiss, first a chuckle that grew and Willow couldn’t help but smile at the girl’s delight.

“What?” She asked, pulling back to get a better look at the happy blonde. The sight made her heart race.

Tara just shook her head, a beaming smile on her face, and pushed the redhead’s hair behind her ears. “I thought you were in love with Xander.” She started to lean in for another kiss but Willow lurched back violently; the blonde’s brows shot to her hairline at the movement.

“You what?!” The redhead sputtered. “Why, why, why would you think that?”

And Tara couldn’t help but laugh, deep and throaty at the look of abject horror on the redhead’s face. “Buffy–“

“Buffy thought I was in love with Xander?!” Willow repeated, her face twisted.

Tara bit her lip to try and suppress the smile on her face and she started to soothe her hands over Willow’s face to try and get rid of the girl’s worry lines. She sighed happily when Willow reached up and gently gripped her wrists. “A long time ago, after you broke up with Oz; Buffy thought that you were in love with Xander–“

“But I wasn’t!” Willow exclaimed. “I was totally gay.”

Tara again laughed, the joy she felt threatening to blow her into a million pieces. She nodded, allowing the confused girl that. “B-But you guys are so close–“

“Because he was helping me, with the being gay.” Both girls brows furrowed. “That doesn’t sound right when I say it out loud…”

“Buffy thought that maybe the closeness were feelings,” Tara explained, her smile dying down. “And over the years, it just, it took on a life of it’s own.”

“All this time, you thought…?” Willow asked, vulnerably.

Tara nodded. “B-But I figured it out, sort of, this week.”

“This week?” Willow asked rhetorically, her voice small and appalled. A million affectionate mentions of Xander flew through her mind. “Morgan’s party,” the redhead said, her head snapping up, and Tara looked away. Willow caught the blonde’s eye. “I was on the phone with him the whole night. You thought–“ She didn’t know what to say. Her face contorted with sadness. “Tara…”

“T-Thhat was confusing,” the blonde admitted with a slight head bob. And heart-wrenching, devastating… “It felt like you were there with me, but then you were on the phone with him and–“

“I was, there to be with you,” Willow hastily explained. “But then Morgan showed up,” she said, her brow quirking. “A-And it was her house, and she was perfect…”

Tara bowed her head. “The roof,” she said quietly. “You must have thought…” The redhead’s sobs from that night came back to her.

“But, trellis!” Willow said, attempting to pull the blonde from thinking badly about herself. The redhead sighed. “That night was hard,” she said. “A-And I was a jerk. But you didn’t owe me anything, you didn’t even know. Just, in the moment…”

“I heard you on the phone,” Tara quietly admitted, and Willow’s brow quirked. “Outside. When you were talking to Xander.”

“You did?” Willow asked. “But you said…”

Tara exhaled quickly. “I lied, because I thought– I didn’t want you to f-feel embarrassed. You were so upset…”

“What did you hear?” The redhead asked, her voice stunned.

Tara took a deep breath, her eyes trained on Willow’s. “That you were in love, and that you were upset with Xander for dismissing your feelings.”

The words she spoke that night came back to Willow. ’This isn't some high school crush Xander... This is, love, real, true love and and I can't just pretend that I don't feel it.’ “And you thought I was talking about him…” Willow said, her shoulders sagging, crushed. “Oh god…“

“I-It’s okay,” Tara said, her head bowed and bobbing.

“No, it’s not…” Willow said emphatically as she guided the blonde’s chin up and searched the blonde’s face. “Tara… I am so sorry.”

“Willow,” Tara said, an embarrassed smile gracing her lips.

“No. I–“ The redhead swallowed hard, searching her mind for the right words. “I felt like I was going crazy when I thought you liked Morgan, and that was just for two weeks.” She felt dazed as she met Tara’s eye. “I can’t even imagine what that would feel like for years…”

“It’s okay,” the blonde repeated, her voice a little stronger. “It um, sort of, goes with the territory of being in love with you.” She saw Willow’s brow quirk; Tara’s face turned gentle. “You were with Oz, three years ago…”

Willow hung her head and exhaled, the weight of what her straight identification must of done to Tara.

“Willow…” Tara guided the redhead’s head up. She met her eye and then leaned forward, kissing her softly. “It doesn’t matter now.” She leaned forward and kissed her again. “It doesn’t matter.”

Willow sighed and rested her forehead against the blonde’s. “I have so much to make up for.” She felt the blonde’s arms wrap around her.

“No, you don’t,” Tara said, her hands running up and down Willow’s shoulder blades.

“I do,” the redhead said, nodding her head. “And I’m going to. Starting now.”

“Now?” Tara asked amused, her half smile emerging. “Right now?”

“This very second,” Willow said softly, leaning forward for a kiss. They kissed, and something sparked between them. They both felt it, passion starting to grow. The blonde gently pulled away before things got too heated, and again rested her forehead against the redhead’s.

"Say it again," Tara said softly.

"I'm gay," Willow replied.

A full-blown smile lit up the blonde's face as she pulled back and met the girl’s eye. "The other one,” she said shyly.

"Oh," Willow said, slightly embarrassed. A soft smile pulled at her lips. "I love you."

Tara nodded then rested her forehead against Willow’s again with a happy sigh, a huge smile on her face. She felt Willow’s hands run the length of her back comfortingly and she shivered, which made the redhead wrap her arms around the blonde tightly. They tucked back into each other and stood for a long while, just being, the euphoria of their shared confessions starting to recede. Tara was the first to speak, her voice serious as she pulled back and looked Willow in the eye, her hands comfortingly smoothing the soft skin on her face. “Do you want to talk about it?” She asked, searching the girl’s green eyes. “What happened with your mom? And Buffy?” She tried to keep her voice neutral though she was dying to know more about each interaction.

Willow’s brow furrowed and she shook her head. “No,” she said, dipping her head momentarily. She looked up and smiled, her eyes showing sadness. “Cause right now I’m really happy, and that, that isn’t happy.”

“Okay,” Tara said, brushing the redhead’s hair behind her ears. “But when you do…” she said, looking the redhead in the eye.

“Okay,” Willow said nodding. She rested her forehead against the blonde’s again.

Tara rubbed tiny circles on the redhead’s lower back. She trusted Willow. When the girl was up for talking about her experience, she would, and she would do her best to be there for her however the girl needed.

Willow pulled back and looked at the blonde. They stared for a long time, neither one believing their good fortune. Tara’s smile grew, enjoying the adoring look the redhead gave her. It was honest and unfettered, and it made the blonde feel giddy. “So what now,” she asked, her voice playful and low.

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” Willow asked and Tara giggled.

She nodded happily. “Yes.”

“Okay, good,” the redhead said, brightly smiling. “I thought we could go out to dinner. Maybe back to the Beach Chalet?”

“Oh,” Tara’s brow furrowed.

“Or someplace else,” Willow quickly said.

“N-No, that would be nice,” the blonde said. “I just.” She sighed. “You m-mean tonight,” she said, her voice surprised.

“Yeah…” Willow said, her brow knitting in confusion. She felt the mood shift. “I mean. We should, right? Cause, this is new and we should probably go on a date now… Right?”

“R-Right,” Tara said, nodding her head. She dipped her head and took a small step back, dropping her hands from around the redhead’s shoulders. They stood next to each other awkwardly. “T-That makes sense.”

Willow nodded, though she didn’t know why she was nodding; this felt wrong. Them standing apart, her doing anything other than holding the blonde in her arms felt spectacularly wrong.

“You know, if you think about it," Tara said, her voice surprising them both. "W-We've kind of been dating for a while." A shocked smile exploded on Willow's face as Tara voiced the thought she thought had been a secret. "D-Dinners, a concert–"

"Oh, coffee!" The redhead blurted happily, cluing in on where Tara was going with her line of logic. Her heart started to beat harder, faster.

"Yeah yeah, coffee," the blonde said nodding fiercely, her eyes never leaving Willow’s. "Coffee's good."

"Very good."

"The best."

"So..."

"So..." The two stood opposite each other in awkward silence. "This is ridiculous..." Tara finally said, stepping forward urgently.

"Oh thank god," Willow replied, surging forward. The two grabbed ahold of each other and embraced, their lips clashing, moving quickly over each other’s. "How many dates?" Willow breathlessly managed as Tara moved her lips to the redhead’s jawline.

"What?" Tara asked distractedly, as she moved her lips to the redhead’s neck.

"How many dates have we been on?" Willow said, her eyes closing and breath quickening at the feel of Tara’s lips her neck.

"I don't kno–" Willow's hand reached up and fondled Tara's left breast, and the blonde moaned in appreciation.
"Enough for that to be okay?" The redhead asked, her hand squeezing again.

"Yes," the blonde groaned as she brought her lips back to Willow’s face.

"Good,” Willow said before her lips were once again claimed. She snaked her other hand around the blonde and placed it on her lower back, pulling her in tight, and the blonde responded by kissing the redhead hard before starting to push the girl backward. They stumbled and bumbled together until they made their way to the couch. Tara broke their kiss and Willow promptly sat down, the blonde quickly following her, immediately kissing her again.

They furiously exchanged kisses, hands in hair, caressing curves, devouring each other. The intensity of it all left Willow dizzy; she reached behind her and quickly laid down on the couch, Tara following and climbing on top of her. The blonde immediately pushed her thigh between Willow’s legs and the girl groaned. “Oh god,” she gasped, the blonde’s lips returning to her neck. Willow pushed her own thigh up and moaned when she felt Tara push down on her, her own hips rolling up for another brush against Tara’s leg. The explosion of sensation was intoxicating, and Willow knew that in that moment she had never been wetter in her life.

Tara kissed over the soft skin of Willow’s neck, stopping when she felt the girl’s racing pulse point thrumming against her lips. She felt the redhead’s hips push up against her again and she hummed happily, her own hips following, the two settling into a rhythm that quickly eclipsed every other pleasurable experience she’d ever had. Tara dragged her lips back up to Willow’s ear, flicking the girl’s earlobe with her tongue. She felt Willow’s hands wrap around her, her thin fingers pushing the blonde’s shirt up, the redhead’s hands quickly finding skin. “Willow,” Tara groaned, pushing harder with her thigh, swallowing hard when she felt the redhead return the movement. She had never wanted anything more, to feel Willow pressing up against her, pressing into her.

The girls rocked together, soft sounds escaping their lips as they ground together, Willow’s hands pushing Tara’s shirt higher and higher. Willow was losing control, she knew it, and knew also that if things didn’t slow down she’d regret it. "Tara, wait, stop," the redhead gasped, wriggling as she stilled the blonde's hips; she pulled back as best she could, putting space between them.

Tara blushed fiercely as Willow’s words and actions registered. "I'm s-sorry," she said as she started to sit up, realizing with embarrassment just how insistent her thigh had been. "I'm going t-too f-fast."

"What? No," Willow said, her brow deeply furrowed, her hands frantically grabbing the fast retreating girl's forearms so she couldn't stand up. Tara stopped, sitting on her haunches over the redhead, her head bowed behind a curtain of hair, and Willow pulled herself into an awkward half prone position. "You're not doing anything wrong," Willow quickly assured, one hand gripping the blonde’s arm, another gently smoothing over the blonde’s side. When she was sure that the blonde wouldn't bolt, she dropped her hands and awkwardly pushed herself into a more comfortable seated position. "Tara," she said, urging the girl to look at her. Once she did, the redhead blushed. "I was just." She sighed, her blush deepening and she rolled her eyes. "It was just feeling a little, too, good." Her brow quirked and she willed the blonde to understand.

"Oh," Tara said, understanding clearly. Her own blush deepened. She had been close, too.

"I just." Willow stopped, collecting her thoughts. "I don't want our first time to be a quickie. I want it to be, a longie." The redhead looked at the blonde and smiled sweetly. "I want all of you."

Tara nodded, a lump in her throat, a shiver running through her body. With those simple words, Willow staked her claim: She was the anti-Jill. She was gay. She loved her. And she wanted every inch of her without clothes.

"Ok?" The redhead asked, bringing her hands up and gently caressing the blonde’s waistline, her fingertips sneaking up under the girl’s shirt and setting the blonde on fire.

"Oh yes," Tara replied, relieved. She leaned forward and they kissed, slowly, patiently. After a few minutes of languid kisses, Tara nervously murmured, "Do you, do you want to go upstairs?"

Willow nodded into the kiss. “Yes."

Tara relaxed at Willow’s confident reply, deepening the kiss and the redhead responded in kind. They kissed with minimal contact, passionate but not desperate, each enjoying the pace and pleasure.

"Okay," the blonde finally said, slightly pulling back. "We're going to have to stop kissing to walk up the stairs."

"I can’t,” the redhead said, reaching up and pulling the blonde back to her embrace.

Tara smiled into the kiss before pulling back. “Walk up the stairs?"

"Stop kissing you,” Willow murmured. "I don't want to ever stop kissing you." She reached up and kissed the blonde again.

Tara nodded into the kiss, and after a moment pulled away. "Come on," she whispered as she pulled back, and Willow followed.


Last edited by EasierSaid on Mon Jan 20, 2014 1:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 10:45 am 
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Dibs?!

I left to send out the Kitty bat signal on the Facebook group, Kisses and Gay Love (http://www.facebook.com/groups/48527633942/), and then I realized that if there is any Neverland post to have the honour of dibsing, it is this one (and likely the next one!).

I don't want it to be a quickie, I want it to be a longie, perfectly sums up how I feel about Neverland. You have captured the characters so completely and treated them (and us Kittens) with such care and respect. And this chapter is so, so beautiful, Heather. I know/hope we still have much more to come (and without subtext!) but this is the perfect culmination of all our gals have been through. And after all of the worrying, careful/strategic planning, subtle-touches, near-misses and more worrying, I love, love the way you've had them declare their love. Oh yeah, and I love how you portrayed the vulnerability in Tara. So much to love here that I don't know how to do it justice with words. I am going back to read again so I can process a bit more, but I wanted to get these thoughts down now. (Plus, I'm also on my way out the door to Babies R Us!) ;)

And thank you so much for the good thoughts about our baby on the way! I am filled with excitement and trepidation all the time and at the same time!! I have been writing a pregnancy blog of sorts http://www.ababyforsappho.weebly.com so if you'd like to drop by and leave some wisdom, that would be awesome!!

Thank you so much, Heather!
Jen

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Last edited by masterjendu on Sat Jan 25, 2014 3:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:09 am 
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Holy . . .

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:37 am 
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Yay update! I am so scared. I am gonna read it though, I have too. Be back for feedback...

Sigh, awwwwww, it was soo sweet and perfect. Loved it! Perfect really. Congratulations Heather! :applause :applause Cant wait to read more, more, more. :bow

And lots of kissing :wtkiss woot!

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Last edited by SylverMaki on Sat Jan 18, 2014 12:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:43 am 
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Extra Big Yay for Amazing Update-y Goodness...

Big yay for :wtkiss finally... Can't wait for what happens next...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:48 am 
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OH MY GOD!!! :wtkiss :thud :sheep :bow :clap

Oh wow wow wow wow wow I'm pretty speechless right now. This is everything we've been waiting for and more and I don't think words can do it justice. My heart is so close to exploding with joy and love.

Thank you for this wonderful gift of an update I feel like singing at the top of my lungs right now (and at 6.45am on a Sunday morning with a voice like a strangled cat I don't think my neighbours or my girlfriend would be too pleased!!)

I REALLY REALLY REALLY can't wait for the next instalment.

Edited to say: I've now read this chapter 10 times and it still gives me goosebumps. 10 years of waiting, dream sequence, misunderstandings, flashbacks, the flinch are all wrapped up in this beautiful package of words and emotions. I could sit here all day and spout all the superlatives that you so rightly deserve but everyone including me has been saying them since Chapter 1. I'm very excited to see what's next.

Thanks
Kim

P.S. thanks to Jen for the bat signal on Facebook!

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"I don't want our first time to be a quickie. I want it to be, a longie." The redhead looked at the blonde and smiled sweetly. "I want all of you." ~ Willow to Tara in Neverland by EasierSaid
The most anticipated Chapter in the history of fanfiction everywhere!


Last edited by kimmy_s on Mon Jan 20, 2014 9:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 12:42 pm 
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:eatme :eatme :eatme :eatme :dance :dance :dance :dance :dance :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow

:drool :drool :drool :drool :drool


:grin :grin :grin :grin


Ummmmmm.....words...problem with...

Oh Heather!! :flower :flower Perfect, absolutely PERFECT! And sweet and hot and I can't think of all the words to convey what I'm feeling right now. I cried, I laughed, I danced around the house like a lunatic!

FINALLY!!!

Good lord, I really think you broke me. After everything...all the torture, the misunderstandings, all the frustration (for them and us), the YEARS of waiting, this was SO worth it. :bow :bow :bow I even forgive you for the flinch. lmao

You don't know how excited I got when I finally saw the rating boosted up to R. LOL Man, their passion about made them and me explode a little prematurely. And Willow wants ALL of her! No quickie. LOL Thank God!

Wonderful, amazing job of giving us this beautiful moment. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Gratefully yours beyond comprehension,

Wimpy

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 2:19 pm 
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Oh my gawd! It actually happened! Pinch me now cuz I think I'm dreaming! OUR GIRLS FINALLY GOT TOGETHER!!!

Wow. This has been one heck of a ride. A longie indeed! But even with all the spacing between each update (which has recently not been as agonizing! Thank you!) the continuity and tension were still there and... Ooof! The power of these characters, this story you created... Kinda gives me hope. I mean, I know it's fiction, but if these two girls managed to pull through that kind of anguish for so long, maybe there is a happy ending out there, right?

So thank you, again! Looking forward to the resolving of issues with Buffy (I hope! I did not see a "The End" thar!) and maybe some extra candeh? Haha.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 2:46 pm 
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Neverland brings all the old kittens to the yard, and they're like: IT'S ABOUT FRICKIN' TIME.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 3:11 pm 
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This isn't a trick, right?

I mean, it's not one of those Soap Opera dream sequences where next update you pull the rug from under us?


Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally!!!!! :bow

This was absolutely Puuuuuuuuuurfect :kitty .

No more fear. No more pain. No more doubt. No more hesitation......just love and acceptance.

This update was worth every frustrating update where you added a twist, turn , two steps back or 3 years flashback and then some :clap !!!!

Now, for the love of God, don't let Buffy decide NOW would be the perfect time to mend fences :grin ....lol


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 3:21 pm 
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I can see the light at the end of this long and winding story. The lead up to this point so far has definitely been worth it.
Can't wait to read the next update.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 5:48 pm 
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I'm totally on the Grimm train, thinking this is a dream sequence. I mean I've only been reading this (albeit as a non member) from the first day you posted. Good times in the CMU library. And waiting for this moment, hoping it wasn't a dream sequence. And alas, I don't think you're going to disappoint me!

It was really cute and very endearing. Very Willow and Tara. And I also am really hoping Buffy doesn't make an ill times entrance. So cute and so happy. :applause

Thank you!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:12 pm 
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I don't really post, just really read. But I had to, this is great! I can't believe it, thank you for updating! I really can't wait for the next one.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 7:14 pm 
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Okay, after my initial euphoria wore off, I decided to go back and read the update again. Outside of the kisses and declarations of gay love, these were my favorite parts:

Quote:
"I'm so sorry," the redhead said in a soft voice, barely loud enough to reach Tara's ears as she held the women in her arms. "I've been in love with you forever, I just, I didn't know how to get to a place where I could say it."

And Tara understood. It wasn't about her, not really; it was about Willow coming out. How hard this must have been for her. To want something that she couldn't have because fear was preventing her from doing so. Tara took a shaky breath. All that Willow had been through since Friday night. The last three years.


I think Tara's reaction is the difference between loving someone * Buffy * and being IN LOVE with someone. She didn't worry about imagined *or real * slights and was able to put all the feelings of hurt and doubt to the side because she understood how torturous the last few years must have been for Willow.

Quote:
I don’t like Morgan, at all.


I feel you on this one, Willow. With all the drama going on with the " flinch ", I forgot about that bitch.

Quote:
Tara bit her lip to try and suppress the smile on her face and she started to soothe her hands over Willow’s face to try and get rid of the girl’s worry lines. She sighed happily when Willow reached up and gently gripped her wrists. “A long time ago, after you broke up with Oz; Buffy thought that you were in love with Xander–“

“But I wasn’t!” Willow exclaimed. “I was totally gay.”


She sure isn't having any trouble admitting the truth now!

Quote:
"Say it again," Tara said softly.

"I'm gay," Willow replied.

A full-blown smile lit up the blonde's face as she pulled back and met the girl’s eye. "The other one,” she said shyly.

"Oh," Willow said, slightly embarrassed. A soft smile pulled at her lips. "I love you."


Beautiful, quirky Willow at her finest!

Quote:
"So..."

"So..." The two stood opposite each other in awkward silence. "This is ridiculous..." Tara finally said, stepping forward urgently.

"Oh thank god," Willow replied, surging forward. The two grabbed ahold of each other and embraced, their lips clashing, moving quickly over each other’s. "How many dates?" Willow breathlessly managed as Tara moved her lips to the redhead’s jawline.

"What?" Tara asked distractedly, as she moved her lips to the redhead’s neck.

"How many dates have we been on?" Willow said, her eyes closing and breath quickening at the feel of Tara’s lips her neck.

"I don't kno–" Willow's hand reached up and fondled Tara's left breast, and the blonde moaned in appreciation.
"Enough for that to be okay?" The redhead asked, her hand squeezing again.


Whoa...easy killer!

This update has me smiling like an idiot. It was emotional, sexy, funny and sickeningly sweet.

Well done.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 9:43 pm 
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I started reading this story shortly before my 18th birthday in the fall of 2006, when I thought coming out would be impossible. I cannot tell you how much I loved reading your version of Willow and Tara, partially due to the romance, but mostly because of how much they supported one another. Even at the beginning of this story, they were always so perceptive toward the other person, hyper aware of their mood and body language. When I Imagined this scene 8 years ago, i was entirely focused on the comfort aspect. I was so worried about my own coming out, but I knew that at least in this story, Willow had a Tara who would tell her everything would be all right.

As I've grown up and my life has become more stable, I have been able to appreciate more and more of this story. I don't know whether 18 year old me would have loved this scene, but 25 year old Lauren thinks it is spectacular. I loved everything about it, from all the little touches, to how everything just spilled out. It was wonderfully understated. I don't think I appreciated how terrified they would still be, and you captured that breathless mix of relief and apprehension wonderfully. I loved that even as they were constantly holding each other, they were stroking faces, pushing hair back, all these little gestures that I'm sure they have wanted to do for years.

I have basically been smiling for the last half an hour. Thank you so, so much for finally giving them this chance to be together. The quotes from the show were wonderful, but I loved Tara saying "I love you" more than anything else. I can't remember W/T simply saying that to one another on the series, and it was just so, so wonderful to read here. I love that everything is being put aside, if only for the night, allowing them to just be.

Okay, I now need to go reread it 5 more times.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 10:22 pm 
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FINALLY! :thud

ETA: Translation: speechless. Maybe some extremely happy and cheesy excited smiles and inability to sit still due to the major awesomeness of the happy adrenaline rush. Yes, I am possibly acting like a 4 year old and don't care that I have apparently reverted 25 years off my own age. The only concrete thought about this chapter that I can say without any doubt is in my mind is: Totally worth the wait. And totally in character now that I think of it. Yes. Awesomeness. And if this turns out to be a dream sequence as Grimm mentioned, well I don't know what I would do. This entire story has now upgraded to scenes I would see in a movie somewhere that would quickly rocket right up to the top of my favorites list. Especially with this last one. I can picture the screen going black with giggles in the background. Why....I don't know. Its just there.

As for the other stuff, I was honestly just really excited about Neko Case playing Coachella. I mean, major accomplishment. Living on the other side of the country totally hinders my ability to go, but then again living like an hour from Cleveland in Ohio means I also get to go places where some awesome bands play like Peabody's and House of Blues. Both are amazing. If you look back the mathematical system made sense though considering the dates you'd posted. I still say this one was 2 days early. (haha). Glad this story will be continued. I now must go read the update again.

writerfreak :flower

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:03 pm 
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Fantastic update!! :drool :bow :wtkiss

I'm scared one of them is dreaming though...I don't want it to be a dream. They have been through so much already - they deserve happiness!!

Anxiously awaiting the next update!!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 6:44 am 
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In fact, you can tell it isn't a dream, because it includes both Willow and Tara's perspectives. All of the dream sequences are from the dreaming girl's POV alone.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 12:17 pm 
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Woohoo! *Snoopy Dance* This was a very nice read as I step away from my comps for a few. I was really looking forward to how you finally brought these two together. After such a long arc in the story there were so many ways this conversation could have gone and I personally think you chose the most appropriate route. Finally Willow got to have one conversation in her coming out go well. Her thoughts as it started to go off track and the simple and universe shattering
Quote:
I love you
was very powerful. I enjoyed reading Tara's thoughts as everything she hoped for and all of her realizations of the past week turn out to be true with that one simple three sentence phrase. Yes there are plenty of ripples in the pond to deal with but all of that becomes so much easier as a pair. Neither is alone anymore!
I anticipate the future updates greatly.
-H.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 12:27 pm 
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Heather, So beautiful. After all these years, I’ve imagined this scene thousands of different ways, but not a one of them compares to the absolute perfection you have created. Seriously.. perfect.

There are so many moments I want to address but there are two football games today (Go Niners --Even though my nephew is a huge Seahawks fan- sorry kid!) and I really want/need to take more time to re-read and reflect. Three rounds just isn’t enough! Finally.. :wtkiss !!!!!

WHOOHOOOOOO…. :D :)


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 1:57 pm 
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Somehow I missed the Bat-signals, but today I signed in randomly...and YAY! I'm so excited for this update. I'm also slightly conflicted, because I'm not sure how much more of this beautiful story exists. But, ummm, yes, wow. That said...let's get serious!

This update had my heart in my throat, as if I was the one standing in front of the woman I'd loved for 3 (5) years about to tell her. You did it perfectly. There was no other way but those three simple words, and Willow knew it. Therefore, my favorite part of the update:

Quote:
“No,” Willow repeated, slightly shaking her head. This conversation; it felt just like the conversation with her mom. With Buffy. It was going all wrong, and this, this couldn't go wrong. Willow stared at the blonde, willing her to look up, and when the girl finally met her eye, she spoke.

"I love you."

The words shattered the silence around them and Tara's heart constricted so fast that it stole her breath. She felt the blood drain from her face, felt her extremities go cold. She couldn’t have heard that right. Because it sounded like Willow had just said that–

"I am, in love with you." Willow said, pausing slightly before continuing, her voice feeble and halting.

We are not worthy. :bow :clap

And then there was this:
Quote:
"How many dates have we been on?" Willow said, her eyes closing and breath quickening at the feel of Tara’s lips her neck.

"I don't kno–" Willow's hand reached up and fondled Tara's left breast, and the blonde moaned in appreciation.
"Enough for that to be okay?" The redhead asked, her hand squeezing again.

"Yes," the blonde groaned as she brought her lips back to Willow’s face.

"Good,” Willow said before her lips were once again claimed.

I must admit, I laughed out loud.

But I was not laughing after this:
Quote:
“Oh god,” she gasped, the blonde’s lips returning to her neck. Willow pushed her own thigh up and moaned when she felt Tara push down on her, her own hips rolling up for another brush against Tara’s leg. The explosion of sensation was intoxicating, and Willow knew that in that moment she had never been wetter in her life.

I looked more like this: :shock :drool

I think I had almost forgotten how well you write :wtkiss scenes. There was only a split second, when this:
Quote:
Willow was licking her in long, broad strokes and Tara bucked her hips in time. She panted, sweat running in rivulets down her skin and she groaned, "right there, oh god, Willow-"

The door slamming snapped Tara's eyes open.

went through my head, that I was concerned this might actually be fake.

But you wouldn't do that to us...right? Because if you did...we'd all...well, we'd all...who am I kidding? We'd all love it, just like we've all loved it for the last 10? years? Well, only 4 years for me...but still. I love your writing, and this story is by far my favorite fan fic ever. Thank you so much!


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 3:05 pm 
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:pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky

Oh yay!!!! *runs around in circles giddily*

The wait has been so long, and when it was finally out there between them.... well, finally!

Time for joy and happiness for them, no more longing and pain. Because all this time has been painful.

I can't wait for the next chapter, moving forward in the open, together, loving - as it should be.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 3:23 pm 
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Wow, I thought for sure you were gonna make us wait a few more updates :bounce I'm so happy you didn't!!!

Quote:
Marissa doesn’t exist just to get them together, you know? She has to have her own life, her own concerns or else she doesn’t have her own opinions and comes off as just a plot device

Exactly - and I love that you consider that and take such great care of your secondary characters.
Quote:
Until Tara hears everything from Willow it’s just something she’s made up in her mind, you know?

I would be the same way. Sometimes you just don't hear what other people tell you or just dismiss it as just another theory.
Quote:
That Willow didn’t hold it against her, that Willow didn’t hate her for leaving, was such a profound relief.

Yay for notes!
Quote:
“I love you, Will,” the slim redhead heard spoken softly into her hair as Buffy held her tightly. “This doesn’t change anything, okay?”

Best friend ever.
Quote:
"Right now, my feelings are so hurt."

I totally get where Buffy is coming from. I really feel for Buffy. Why do we always tell our best friend last? Buffy will eventually realize that she is just so important to Willow that Willow couldn't risk losing her. But still, it hurts. I hope Buffy will be able to blow off some steam and then talk to Willow.
Quote:
She thought she’d feel relieved, that telling her mom and Buffy would be like lifting a giant stone off of her chest, but the uncertainty the truth had introduced into her life was just like lifting one stone off and setting a different, equally heavy rock into its place.

This sums coming out up perfectly. We all probably thought that coming out would make everything easier but the uncertainty after it is just as bad.
Quote:
"I've been in love with you forever, I just, I didn't know how to get to a place where I could say it."

:bounce :banana :bounce :banana :applause
Two perfect and beautiful updates. I also think that it would be highly unrealistic if they would wait to move further. They have been waiting for years :wtkiss
Can't wait for the next installment!

_________________
"I don't get your crazy system!"
"System? It's called the alphabet!"


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