The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Tue Dec 24, 2013 3:18 am 
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3. Flaming O

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Neverland is a classic in its own right.

But the suspence is lethal. Can't wait for the girls to finally meet alone. :)

Happy Holidays and thank you for this Yule present! :flower

-s

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Tue Dec 24, 2013 7:58 am 
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I love this so much.
holding my breath for the next one. Their lack of communication is frustrating, I wanna pull my hairs out.

love the frequent updates. so exciting.

<3

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2013 8:05 pm 
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1. Blessed Wannabe
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Merry Christmas, or if you don't celebrate that forgive me and happy special holiday to you! This chapter was amazing, heartbreaking and incredibly well written (as always). I'm really looking forward to everything finally unraveling! I cant wait to read Buffy finding out about Willow, Willows reaction to telling Buffy, Tara's painting, the final showdown and anything else you might have indoors. Thank you so much for writing this story!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Thu Dec 26, 2013 2:23 pm 
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Ms. Moderator Fantastico
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Heather, Glad to hear Tara isn’t planning to sell “Just Paint”. It would have been sad but that’s the thing about creating art for a living. If you keep it all.. you’ll starve. She has another option so, Hooray! What it is???

It’s interesting how you’ve made me do a complete 180 with Morgan. The hate for her was powerful in the beginning but now.. she’s one of my favorite peeps! Marissa isn’t totally blind to Willow’s feelings for Tara but she is more pragmatic and cautious than her partner. Tara needs that balance, now more than ever. And sleep. Whew.

I get what you’re saying about Shelia, but she is forcing her personal experiences and desires onto Willow as if they are one and the same. Shelia is quick to acknowledge what outsiders think/say/do but completely dismisses everything Willow tells her. Someone of her intellect surely must realize that she is placing all others above Willow. It is her own personal happiness that is achieved through the approval of virtual strangers via how they view her daughter. She wants to present her skewed version of the perfect daughter, a clone of herself, to the world, not the daughter she HAS. Willow can’t possibly be happy unless she does exactly what mommy says and ensures the masses will look favorably upon (Shelia) her. If that isn’t a “trophy” I don’t know what is! Honestly, I don’t care about Shelia’s motivation –whether she’s afraid and truly loves Willow.. blah, blah. Just let me be mad at her!!!!! I don’t want to be logical or understanding.. I want to be mad.

I don’t want to be mad at Buffy though. Please let that go smoothly. :pray

Re: your breeder story.. I guess you didn’t set him “straight” huh? LOL Why would he just assume a woman with a child was hetro? Sounds like he’s.. just a bit.. behind the times. Someone should clue him in on the numerous options for parenthood.

Hope you’re all having a great Holiday! :)


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Fri Dec 27, 2013 1:25 pm 
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32. Kisses and Gay Love
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Heather – I hope y’all have a great holiday. It is so much fun with kids, isn’t it?
This is a fantastic update and I’m so happy to see it. We saw Willow have her conversation with Xander so long ago and then a few more conversations for support but this is the first time we’ve seen Tara ever talk to anyone about Willow. So this is overdue and wonderful to read. I love that both Michelle and Marissa are close enough to Tara to make her feel welcome and offer their hospitality. And I’m glad that Tara trusts them enough to accept it. I also love that Marissa put together the connection between the two paintings without even knowing that they are connected. I’m glad that Tara came up with the idea of Anya’s truck so they can get the paint to the studio and the canvas out of there.
Quote:
She frowned. “It’s harder than I thought it would be. To say out loud.”

Both women nodded. “Did you and Willow have a fight?” Michelle asked.
I can’t even express how perfect this line is. It takes away the need for Tara to go through like 3 levels of starting the conversation. Like “ok… so you know Willow? Well… I sort of … you know I mean she’s straight…” or however that would go. This way they just skip it and get her to the start of the conversation. Like “ok. We’re all talking about your feelings about Willow. Go on.” It’s just brilliant.
Quote:
“Oh my god,” Michelle blurted out incredulously, shaking her head. She looked at her wife, long and hard, and then looked to Tara. “Willow is totally crazy about you.”

“Michelle!” Marissa said, annoyed.
On one hand, I don’t like that they seem so fighty about this whole thing with Willow but at the same time I see no reason that Michelle shouldn’t be able to give Tara some comfort and her honest opinion just because Marissa is convinced that it’s not true. I mean they can disagree and both say “here’s where we disagree” and let Tara know that … whatever that they have her back either way. And then Tara hitting it totally on the head about Willow coming out to her mom! Yay, Tara.
And then they are so sweet with Marissa planning to drive Tara home. So sweet. And then that they called Willow is again just so sweet. It’s a good thing that she called an answering machine because a voice mail would be pretty silly leaving all the talk as if Willow could hear it. But it works out since Willow answered.
Ah… so much hope here. I can’t wait for the next part.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 11:38 am 
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Heather,

I really enjoyed the interplay between Michelle and Marissa in this chapter. Their exchanges are fun to read, but it also shows how far the unintended consequences of Willow’s coming out story reach. The women barely know her, but the situation obviously touches on some raw nerves for them. Tara’s slightly shocked reaction is sweet. I doubt she can even imagine her and Willow bickering as they do.

I loved this.

Quote:
Tara watched in rapt fascination. It was like someone took the angel and devil who had been sitting on her shoulders arguing about Willow’s affections for years and made them life-sized and lesbians.


Tara has really missed having a confidant like Xander, who can see the situation from the outside, though both Michelle and Marissa are rather vehement in their opinions (which are only based on supposition) while Xander freely admits what he doesn’t know.

Once again, Tara stands by her instincts despite Marissa’s scepticism. I thought it was true to Tara’s character for her to decide to go back home, but I was glad she didn’t. I’m hoping that after seeing Buffy, Willow will be able to recover from the initial shock of her mother’s rejection. I think that ultimately Buffy will put her own feelings aside to support her friend when she realises what Sheila has done. I think the time apart from Tara will be good for Willow in the long term. She needs to be strong even without Tara by her side. Tara is bound to feel guilty for not seeing Willow and through the story you’ve always kept each one’s view of their culpability in some kind of balance. I don’t think it would be good if one of them was clearly more to blame than the other.

I liked the practicalities of dealing with the painting; the way you include these everyday details adds a lot to the realism of the story. It had occurred to me that the painting would be a problem given the other artist’s booking of the studio, though not because I thought he would be a creep, but because it would be so distracting for him – like trying to compose music with the radio blaring. I also liked the little details such as Tara’s yoga pants. Feeling exposed just when she wants to hide – though she already has a fair idea that she won’t be able to.

I was interested in your comments regarding how Sheila sees her role as a parent. I agree that she believes that she raised Willow to be an independent person. However, Sheila did so in the naïve expectation that Willow would then live her life in exactly the way Sheila laid out for her, including avoiding Sheila’s own mistakes. Her fear, to my mind, comes from the shocking realisation that she cannot control Willow. She does not know how to deal with other people except by controlling them. I don’t think her reaction is that of a hardcore homophobe because I can easily imagine a rejection along similar lines if, for example, Willow had announced that she was marrying a penniless drop-out, or if she had decided to ditch her career and join a commune. Sheila refuses to see that withholding her approval as a means of control actually increased Willow’s natural desire for it and made her far less independent than she might otherwise be.

I think that Willow shares her mother’s controlling nature to some degree, except that in her case, she’s far more aware of the fear that underpins it. She wants to avoid rejection and prior to the flinch; she thought she could do so by elaborate planning. She thought she could manage other people’s emotions, and of course her own, and achieve the outcome she wanted – but no one else had read the script.

I’m really looking forward to reading Buffy and Willow’s meeting. Thanks again for all your work on the story, and I wish you and yours a Happy New Year.

Clare

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 6:35 am 
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I just spent the last week or so playing catch up. I had to start it over again because I know how awesome this fic is. I am so glad I had left feedback previously, it made it easier to find and read with my new handy dandy app on my phone.

I mostly skipped the feedback because of wanting to read the next chapter so badly but I caught one that made me seriously LOL (and I don't use shortcut/textspeak/acronyms that is how serious I am here!)

"I thought 'they may dance at the bar' but on the other hand THIS COULD GO ON FOR A LONG TIME." (Caps added for emphasis) and it was said by JustSkipIt in September of 2004 when your chapters were in the single digits.

I admire you for saying you will finish this and actually showing us that you will. I wish I could do the same.

You write the characters so well that I can feel what they feel. I always identified with Willow in the series, but I identify with your Willow more. Her comment about if she had known Tara earlier she would have realized she was gay sooner. That is actually true for me. If I had been able to watch the series when I went to college (I am the same age started watching sophomore year when the show started but could not continue to watch in college). When I did finally watch it I knew because like Willow I fell in love with Tara. And it was all "Hello, gay now!" Or you know always.....

And that is just one small example of how I connected with your Willow. And I am sure I am not the only one who identified with the angst of coming out all alone. Waiting to tell my parents first, before any girlfriends who my parents could blame. Before all of my friends so no one could tell them accidentally. In fact I came out to a lot of my friends by saying "so I finally came out to my parents."

I am excited to see them finally make it together, knowing it should be soon. It is funny how excited I can be for a story to end, especially since we know how all these end here with happily ever after. Yet sad at the same time because that would mean the story has ended.

Don't mind me jumping around here, there is so much wonderfulness and it is hard to keep it contained.

It is not just Willow and Tara that you are good at writing. All the support characters are beautifully executed. As others have mentioned with the recent Marissa and Michele exchange, agreeing to disagree. Paired with the fight scene from Morgan's party I feel like I know these characters too. I wonder how well you know them. They are so real, I feel like I could visit San Fran and actually meet them.

I feel like I could write so much more I just cannot get it out. Just keep up the good work. And congratulations on all your life events that contributed to making you the awesome writer that you are (you thought I was going to say something about how long this fic has been in progress huh? But I am being a smart-ass and slipping thay in here). I look forward to reading more.

Delayne

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverlandryon
PostPosted: Sat Jan 04, 2014 4:54 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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The pipsberg alarm is a myth, as is evident by my lack of replies lately. I'm backed up, and not in the Dulcolax way (though I would much rather suffer some constipation then miss leaving feedback so horribly). My apologies again, I'm really bad at this. It's not for lack of love, both you and the story, I'm just never on the board any more. I would like to remedy that so maybe I will start stalking this place again. I have this fancy new keyboard that makes me love to type again...

Anyway, I've got some catch up below. I'm just thrilled to see the story get to this point and the updates coming pretty regularly now (not a myth!)

Part 68:
A wonderfully done update. The updates where you describe Tara painting are always a thrill because they are so intense and as the reader you really feel like you are inside her head experiencing everything with her. Willow doesn't really have that visceral equivalent, so it always feels like a very special perspective of Tara's inner self. I also imagine her intensity paralleling yours as you write, especially with the descriptions of the music playing.

I've imagined the painting in my head, and I don't think my inception of it (see what I did there) does it justice, but believe me you've described it grandly enough that what my brain came up with is pretty f-ing fantastic. Wish it was real.

Reading Tara working through her feelings for Willow and the situation was amazing as always. She seems to have it all pretty well figured out, it's just about Willow now. And poor Willow sitting at home by herself working up to seeing Sheila and come out - wow we are finally here after all these updates. Let's get too it!

Part 69:
Wow. Whew. Hot damn. That was a painful read, but so amazingly realized. I know I have said this before, but you have the most uncanny ability to write in a style and with content that speaks right to the personal experiences of the reader. I have no doubt that everyone that read this saw some aspect of their own coming out in the conversation with Sheila. Though the words are not the same for everyone, there are common stages that friends and family go through when you tell them, and reading this really catapulted me back in time to my own coming out. The denial, the excuses, the self-projection, the fear. Ouch.

I must say, Willow was amazingly composed and handled the situation very well. Sheila was basically a train wreck of bad parenting. Willow held it together and said what she needed to say, and though she was devastated, she accomplished her 'mission'. A very Willow trait. I loved that she put on her big girl pants and I can picture her determined face. I was cheering for her and booing Sheila. I've no sympathy for her, but I'm a little biased.

And my heart just broke... how could... I can't even...
Quote:
The two women stood awkwardly across from each other for a long moment before Sheila spoke. “I look at you and it's like…” The older woman pursed her lips, tears filling her eyes. "You look like my daughter, but you're not her, and I just feel so, so sad."

Willow started to panic as another cold chill ran through her. She smiled nervously. "Mom–"

"I feel like you've died, Willow,” the woman said, putting a hand over her heart, her chin wavering. “That's what it feels like right now. Like someone has called me and told me that my only child has died and I need time to let my Willow, my little girl, go.”


Willow making her way home, nobody to comfort her, was so vividly painful. I've read a lot of coming out stories, both real and fictional, and I must say this was was the best written and by far one of the most painful - all with words only. Bravo, bravo.

Part 70:
I think my biggest thought after this update is that I really like Marissa and Michelle. They're cool, and real, and I don't have canon reference to imagine them but it doesn't matter because you write them so well that they pop into my head without effort.

It was really nice to see Tara work through some of her feelings outside of her head. She hasn't been able to do that - ever. Willow had some of this with Xander, Tara hasn't been able to tell anyone. Now that it's finally out in the open, and Tara realizes a lot of what she thought was under the surface was in fact clearly available for Marissa and Michelle to debate and disagree over, I imagine it's not all as intimidating or elusive.

This bit about Marissa's coming out was hilarious. Who takes their 31 year old daughter out for ice cream? Would like to know that guy! Also hilariously optimistic on Michelle's part that Sheila might be taking Willow out for ice cream...
Quote:
"No,” Michelle said with a bright smile, shaking her head. “She just feels guilty. She waited a long time, till she was like 30 or 31, and when she told her dad he didn’t even care. He took her out for ice cream.” Michelle sighed, evaluating the tight look on Tara’s face. “Maybe Willow’s mom is taking her out for ice cream right now.”


It was nice to have the update wrap up with the call to Willow. It was nice of them to worry about her and assume, rightly so, that she was invested enough that she would worry about where Tara was. Given Willow's emotional state she really needed that assurance. I'm eagerly waiting for the next part and the epic meeting between Tara and Willow, but wait she's seeing Buffy first I think so that may be a while... sigh. Well, when it happens the board will literally - LITERALLY - implode.

Love you, amazing work. xoxo

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sun Jan 05, 2014 2:49 pm 
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Amazing as always! I'm glad Willow is still planning to come out to Buffy, considering what a disaster her mom was! Great update! Don't fail me now; you're almost done!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:06 pm 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light

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Kittens I don’t usually do this, but just in case you didn’t see, Sassette recently updated her Vignettes and this new one is as great as the others; like no time has passed. Happy, happy, happy.

BeMyDeputy Oh man, either you got too busy to come back or your “done flying” means you’re secretly an astronaut aboard the International Space Station and you’ll get back to leaving feedback once your 6 months in space are done. ;) Hope you like the next part (and that your flight(s) went smoothly!).

zampsa19752001 Thanks so much. Willow and Tara cuddles do sound divine. :) Hope you like the next bit!

writerfreak Thanks so much. I don’t think Tara’s a better artist than Richter—he’s arguably the world’s greatest living artist—I just meant his painting style for his abstracts was similar to what Tara created (just, Tara’s was a little more chaotic). I’m not sure how good of an artist Tara is; definitely good enough to become a part of a serious collector’s collection, and probably good enough to eventually make her way into a museum, but will she have work permanently installed in the Tate or something eventually? I don’t know. Fun to think about though. I think she’s exciting and fresh, and that’s why she’s getting the response she’s getting. Thanks so much re: this particular update; I’m glad it worked for you. I really appreciate the kind words about the characters, that means a lot. Working on the characters’ various motivations, etc is one of my favorite parts of writing this story. Hope you like this next bit and thanks again.

loislane1 Wow, thank you laptop! I appreciate the expanded feedback very much, thank you. Thanks re: the emotions/thoughts; that means a lot. I think I’ve said this a bunch of times already, but this story doesn’t really have a plot; without the partially informed thoughts and misunderstandings there’s not much else going on, so I’m grateful that you think it works. Re: the assumptions about Xander and Willow’s relationship and how it spills out - I think this is pretty common in real life. I know I’ve held onto assumptions about people’s lives beyond their due date. As for Xander, we’ll definitely see more about his motivations, etc in upcoming updates. You’re right about their actions from the park on being saturated with choices that they think are the best choices at the time that in some cases turned out to be spectacularly wrong. My goal with this story was to not have any bad guys; these are all good people at their cores and though bad things happen, it’s usually because of bad choices not mean intentions. (That’s not to say they’re not capable of mean, everyone is, but it’s not their central nature or attitude.) I’m really glad you liked Tara’s process as she painted and figured out Willow. Thanks for sharing about how you relate to Willow. She is someone who compartmentalizes I think; her brain is always working, and I think if she didn’t compartmentalize she’d be overrun by thoughts. Thanks also for sharing about your experience with coming out. You pretty much nailed it; “terrifying but ultimately liberating.” Love it. Coming out to Buffy is this next update, so hopefully you’ll like where things go. More on Buffy and Xander in upcoming updates, as well. Good theory about what Tara’s going to do about her painting deficiency, hope you like what she does decide to do. (And nice name for the painting. Not it, but I like it.) Thanks again for the very kind words and hope you like this next bit.

WillowRulez Thanks so much for the kind words. I’m glad you think the story has a realistic feeling to it, that means a lot. I try to remember when writing—especially the secondary characters—that Willow and Tara aren’t the center of the universe. Marissa doesn’t exist just to get them together, you know? She has to have her own life, her own concerns or else she doesn’t have her own opinions and comes off as just a plot device. (And I mean, to be realistic she is in the story to advance the plot—which is Willow and Tara getting together—but if that’s all she did, all she worried about, she’d probably be a pretty boring character.) More on Tara not making it home in this next update. I do think Willow is the only one who can reassure Tara about the flinch and her feelings. Until Tara hears everything from Willow it’s just something she’s made up in her mind, you know? There’s only so much confidence you can take from your own mantras. And as for Willow oversleeping, I don’t think you have to worry about that. She’s far too anxious to miss her next appointment! :) Glad to see you liked “Your Hand In Mine,” that’s awesome. It’s a favorite of mine, so I’m always happy when others like it too. Thanks again, and hope you like the next update.

Grimm Haha, why yes, yes Marissa does have frizzy hair. ;) Glad that you were happy that Tara wanted to go home. I think that was part of her, “whatever happens, I’ll still be your friend” bit shining through. She’s so torn. Her role is a hard one because she has this romantic thing with Willow to sort out, but she’s also the girl’s friend, so it’s like she has two distinct responsibilities. Glad you liked Marissa and Michelle’s bickering. I didn’t intend for it to be so contentious, but when I thought about what their last week must have been like since Morgan’s party, it just flowed that way. Haha re: Operation Closet Extraction - yup, coming right up. Hope you like the next bit and thanks very much!

love_2003 Thanks. I’m glad you liked the angel/devil line; it made me snicker. I didn’t originally have them calling Willow but then I couldn’t imagine that they wouldn’t; they’re good people, it would be out of character for them to not worry that she’d worry. And yes, just need to come out to Buffy and then it’s all about Tara. Hope you like the next part.

Bellalocke Thank you so much, both for the kind words about me sticking with the story and how the writing affects you. That really, really means a lot. And wow to the re-reading; that is so humbling and impressive, thank you. (And I do mean impressive because this is so looooooong.) It is weird (and amazing, crazy, etc.) how long it has taken to cover what is essentially 3 weeks (“present” time) and 3 days (flashback time). I commend everyone who has stuck with this story - I mean, it just blows me away that people are still reading this. (And I don’t blame anyone who has given up, I just hope that some day they make their way back once this is done and see that yes, they do end up together!) Re: taking time developing things, that’s been my favorite thing about writing this story. I’ve enjoyed really experiencing their friendship forming and their love deepening. I’m selfish, I love spending time with Willow and Tara and being able to be with them on this journey has been a blast. That other people have enjoyed it too has been so, so awesome. (And I feel you about happy/not happy about the story ending; it seems surreal to even think about not having Neverland to write anymore.) Thanks so much, and blessings to you during the season as well. Hope you like the next part!

branny72 Too true about everyone needing a good friend; Tara is lucky to have two women that care enough about her to fight in front of her haha. Glad you liked the U-Haul line; there’s no way they could have talked about U-Hauls without that joke. Glad also that you liked Michelle’s honesty. She has a very carefree personality and it seems like biting her tongue is not part of her MO. (Which delights me so much because she’s in PR; that whole business is about biting your tongue!) Thanks so much - I hope you like the next bit.

fineartsmajor:) Thanks! I suppose these updates were holiday presents—I’m just happy I could get them posted during the crazy bananas holiday season. It was a Christmas miracle haha! Thanks very much for the very kind words (and I’m sure Bellalocke thanks you too for agreeing!). I am very humbled. My main goal with this story—because there really is no plot beyond Willow coming out, I suppose—is to always remember that the characters are good people who are making mistakes in spite of their best intentions. They aren’t trying to hurt anyone… and yet people still get hurt because that’s life. Life is messy and wonderful and I wanted to try and capture just a little bit of that. That anyone thinks I’ve succeed even just a little bit is so amazing; thank you. And wow to the kind words about the story’s novel-like qualities. That’s just… wow. I’m just blown away. (And Wuthering Heights is boring! It’s one of my mom’s favorites and I’ve just never gotten the appeal, but then, there’s no way I’m falling in love with Heathcliff so maybe that’s the problem! Jasper Fforde has an AWESOME take on WH in his Thursday Next series of novels. It is totally how I see that book.) Thanks so much Andi. I hope you like the next bit, and happy holidays/New Year to you too!

SylverMaki Happy Christmas to you, haha. Thanks so much. Yes, affirmations all around! Michelle was nothing if not helpful in illuminating exactly how crazy Willow is for Tara. Yes re: Willow’s plan—more on that in this next update. Hope you like the next bit and happy New Year to you!

kimmy_s Thanks! Marissa and Michelle definitely have differing opinions on both Willow’s feelings for Tara and whether they should speak so freely about the different possibilities. Glad you liked the angel/devil line; it seemed to fit the situation! I think Tara’s mind is made up with re: to Willow’s feelings; she’s convinced that Willow has feelings for her, but is very insecure about whether they’ll end up together, even knowing Willow cares about her. She really just needs to hear it from Willow for it to be real, you know? Thanks again Kim, hope you like the next part.

Phantasyland Thanks so much. I don’t know about classic, unless of course you’re referencing the fact that I started writing it thousands of years ago, then I totally agree! ;) Hopefully the suspense isn’t literally lethal, haha, but I do hear you. Only a few more updates… Doesn’t seem real to write that! And you’re welcome for the Yule present - happy holidays to you and hope you like the next update.

truck_driving_magic_mama Thanks so much, though don’t pull your hair out! :) Hope you like the next bit.

thecurse&thegifted No forgiveness necessary, thanks for the holiday wishes! Happy holidays to you too. Thank you so much for the kind words. It was heartbreaking; Tara’s so uncertain about how to handle this mess she’s found herself in and that’s hard to read (and write). As for Buffy, more on that in this next update. Hope you like where the story goes, and that you like this next update.

Kajun Amen about hoarding your art = starving, although, I honestly think Tara would eat ramen for a year rather than sell either of her big paintings. It would have to be a pretty dire situation for her to part with either. As for what Tara’s option is, stay tuned. Alllll will be revealed in the next few updates (or several; I don’t know exactly haha). Very interesting re: Morgan. I think she’s a good egg. She was interested in Tara, but saw no point in pushing once she realized Tara was into Willow. I have my own theories about her beyond what Michelle and others think about her “womanizing,” which I think helped with writing her backing off. I try to remember with all of the characters that they’re not in the story just for their reactions to Tara and Willow, but that they all have their own pasts, desires, etc. I think it helps with how they interact with everyone. And yes, Marissa is definitely more pragmatic and cautious. I think how Marissa and Michelle approached this conversation has a lot to do with their previous experiences. You’re right that Tara needs balance and rest; hopefully she’ll get a little of both. More on that in the next one.
Haha okay, okay, I won’t talk you out of being mad. Have at Sheila. ;) I agree with you, of course, that Sheila is definitely thinking about others ahead of Willow, but I think it’s by way of thinking about herself… if that makes sense. I guess re: trophy that I equate that with a lack of feeling, like if Willow is a trophy and Sheila only cares about her in relation to herself, that that would make Willow disposable. Does that make sense? Like if Willow is a trophy, and she “steps out of line” that she can be discarded, and I don’t think Sheila thinks that at all. But I’ll stop, I’ll stop. Go on with your mad self. ;) Re: Buffy - more on her reaction in this next part. And no, didn’t set the grocery store guy straight about the breeder line. It was just too funny. Partially because, hello, gay, but also because I was so exceedingly polite, and my son (who was a very very quiet, shy baby) wasn’t being a terror or anything. There was no reason for him to get all snippy except that I was a woman with a kid. So, I sort of figured that it wouldn’t matter if I told him I was gay, that he’d probably still see me as a “breeder.” I don’t think his idea of a “gay community” included strollers, haha (and maybe didn’t include lesbians, either). Hope you had a great holiday season as well and that the new year is treating you well, and of course, that you enjoy the next update. Thanks again!

JustSkipIt Thanks, we did have a great holiday. It definitely is fun with kids!
Thank you so much re: this last update. Tara talking to someone about Willow is insanely overdue. I actually never pictured that it would be Marissa and Michelle that she opened up to (I suppose I always thought it would be Anya) but I’m glad it worked out this way. I think the last few weeks with them getting to know each other better at the gallery provided them all the opportunity to have a deeper conversation than they might have a month ago. Re: Marissa connecting the two paintings, I imagine Tara’s personal painting style is different than what she sells, and to an expert it is glaringly obvious. Maybe the ones she sells are more composed, thematic while the two that she painted about Willow are just crazy gestural and explosive. Thanks re: Michelle’s “did you and Willow have a fight?” line. I wanted to set the tone that Michelle and Marissa know that Willow is the root of Tara’s recent emotional up and downs and that Michelle has no problem talking about it. I’m glad it worked! When I thought about Tara starting off on this whole big back story thing it just felt so… writerly. If that makes sense, like, that’s not how a conversation between friends would go, or at least, not these friends in this moment.
As for the fighty - I tried to write it with them being less Mrs. and Mrs. Bickerson, but it didn’t fit with their personalities and how I saw their last week since Morgan’s party. I imagine that Michelle worked the gallery on Tuesday to help make up for the blow out they had at the party and when she came home all excited about how Willow and Tara were into each other and how she talked to Morgan about it, Marissa was annoyed because a) it wasn’t their business, b) Willow was straight, c) Morgan and Tara seemed to like each other, so why put that in Morgan’s head and d) Tara didn’t want to talk about her feelings for Willow when Marissa had tried to broach the subject in the past so, drop it, and that led to some arguing. Then when Michelle wrote “bring Willow” on the party invitation Marissa was pissed at Michelle for interfering and maybe setting Tara up for heartache, not to mention, probably wanted the invite to be less personal and more professional. So, totally independent of Tara, this has been something that this couple have been talking about all week. Not to mention coming out stuff and past relationships (maybe that stuff came up too when arguing about Michelle’s Cass/party situation) as being possible argument fodder during the last week… Aaaand I realize that’s more than you probably wanted to know about those two minor supporting characters, but that’s how their “fighty” came to be.
So, anyway! Yes to Tara getting that Willow was coming out. I think she’s nervous and insecure wondering if Willow was going to say, “I’m gay!” or “I might like a woman” or “nope, too scary, not saying anything.” That’s terrifying for her as the person waiting to see what her future is going to hold. As for the offer to drive home and calling; it just seemed in character. :) Hope you like the next bit, and thanks as always.

wayland I’m really glad you liked the interplay between Marissa and Michelle, it was really fun to write. And yes, the unintended consequences of Willow’s “straight” label reach far. Marissa and Michelle—as gay women—both have their own experiences crushing on straight women, coming out, etc and it would be unrealistic for them to speak about Tara’s situation without alluding to or pulling from their own experiences and observations. I think back to Willow at Morgan’s party with the “Straight” sticker that Michelle made for her (and her reaction to it) and how that impression stuck with and percolated in the married pair. Glad you thought Tara’s reaction was sweet. I think she’d be rethinking this whole relationship thing if she thought she’d bicker with Willow that much! ;) Truly though, I think she’s just impressed by how their relationship works, how they can disagree and sort of jab at each other but still be in love and caring. Not everyone can pull that off. And yes, both the M’s are vehement in their positions unlike Xander. I think that’s largely a function of their personalities, with perhaps a dollop of gay vs. straight experience.
Glad you thought it was true to Tara’s character to decide to go home. I tried it a couple of ways in my mind—that she decided not to and that she actually did—and wow, were they bad. I mean, like spectacularly bad. Just so forced and contrived both ways. This at least felt more natural, and I think it makes the next couple of updates much stronger. I agree that Willow needs a little time before she tells Tara everything; more on that in the next update. I think when she thought up this plan she thought she’d tell everyone and presto she’d be this secure, out woman equal with Tara in experience and gayness… But now that she’s going through it she’s realizing that things are a wee bit different than she thought they’d be. Thanks re: the practicalities. I think the painting is a distraction, and also that this guy is dickish enough to make it a big deal, like having it around is an affront to him, personally. Thanks too re: the yoga pants. It wouldn’t make sense for her to have clothes she actually wanted to wear—lord knows any work out bag I’ve ever had has been a total weird mish mash of stuff—and once I started to think about what she usually wears vs. the yoga pants, her feeling uncomfortable in the tighter pants seemed like something that would come up.
Interesting thoughts about Sheila and control. I agree in part; there definitely are control issues, and spot on about how she’d probably have a similar reaction if Willow dated, oh, say, an artist, or quit her job to do anything other than what she trained to do. Sheila wants Willow to have a career and get married and have a family because it made her happy and she’s positive it’ll make Willow happy. Anything outside of that freaks her out. If Willow said, “I’m straight but don’t want to have kids, and probably won’t ever get married,” I think Sheila would have also said she didn’t agree and support the decision. She probably wouldn’t say, “it feels like you’ve died,” perhaps, but there would be massive amounts of guilt, cajoling, etc. and their relationship would be insanely strained. Homophobe of the hate/disown/repent variety, she is not… but that doesn’t mean her words and actions are any less hurtful. Rejection is rejection, I think. It’s an interesting situation, extremely complicated, and probably one that a lot of people face as they struggle to come out and find their place in modern families. And yes, I agree that Willow shares her mom’s controlling nature, and I do think at this point in her life she’s more subtle about it. (Willow on the show didn’t seem to understand how she was controlling until it got dire; this Willow is still figuring out her limits with wanting to control people’s reactions to her, etc.) Thanks for the thoughtful feedback, very appreciated. I hope you like the next bit and Happy New Year to you too!

dtburanek First, thank you so much for the reread; that’s just wow. And massive giggles about that piece of feedback you quoted. So, from now on we all know who to blame for this taking so long: JustSkipIt. She jinxed it. Sorry Deb, could have been over years ago if you hadn’t said anything. ;) Thanks also for the kind words about my perseverance. I love this story, it is a part of me in a way that is really hard to explain. I know I’ve said this before but so many times it feels less like I’m creating it and more like I’m channeling it from someplace out there in the ether, like it exists fully-formed some place and it’s just come to me in chunks as the years have gone by. The best thing about this story is that I still love it. I still love Willow and Tara, still want to check in with them and see how they’re doing… It’s going to be bizarre not to have that anymore when this story is over. I’m not sure what I’ll fall asleep thinking about anymore… (So, goes without saying I suppose that I’m with you in the exited/sad for the story to end camp, too.)
Thank you re: depicting the character’s emotions, that means a lot. And thanks for sharing your “gay now!” experience. I think so many people feel that way once they come out, like, I would have done this sooner if I had met the right person earlier or if I had known coming out wasn’t going to be so bad, or if I had known I would have been this happy, etc. You know? Thanks also for sharing your coming out experience. I think a lot of people are perfectly happy dating and having relationships while closeted to their families, while there are others who just can’t imagine having their lives separated like that. I’m glad you liked the Marissa/Michelle exchange. It means a lot that you feel that you know them, truly. I have a pretty clear idea of who they are (they’re not based on real people) and it’s been fun to have them evolve in my mind as the story has gone on. I feel like I know fairly well how they would react to things and what their life is like independent of their rolls in this story. I try really hard with all of the characters to remember that they have lives outside of their roll in the story, so Marissa and Michelle are here to help Tara and Willow get together via their interactions, but they also have lives (jobs, backstory, other friends, etc.) that they’re concerned about. It helps me a lot and I’ve found it makes creating their dialogue, reactions etc easier. I don’t have to try to make them fit into a roll, they create it themselves, and sometimes the results are really surprising. (I never thought Michelle would be the person who hangs out with Tara until she decided to go home; in fact, I never thought we’d see Michelle again after the party.) Thanks so much for the real life well wishes and the smart assy dig about the story taking since the dawn of time. ;) I appreciate it, truly. Please enjoy the next update.

pipsberg Thank you so much. Re: the “pipsberg alarm”—I think these folks seriously overestimate how much we talk to each other. ;) I kid, I kid. You’re busy, I know that more than anyone, and new interests have kept you otherwise occupied. Yay for the keyboard, though. Can’t wait to see what comes of that.
Thanks re: part 68. I’m glad you thought that the painting description worked. I really enjoy writing about her painting process (because I can’t paint and I so wish I could), even if it’s kind of frustrating sometimes because I feel like I don’t do a good enough job capturing what it would look like. I’m sure if I could see what everyone imagined from what I wrote they’d be wildly different… though I guess that’s kind of the cool thing about reading fiction, that everyone’s experiences of the works are different. (Is the painting in your mind of a spinning top, by chance?) Glad you liked Tara’s emotional discoveries, as well as Willow waiting and psyching herself up to come out to her mom.
Re: part 69—thank you, truly. I’m really flattered and humbled that you thought it worked. As you know, it was hard to write, partially because it was so devastating to Willow, and that was hard to do to a character I love. I’m glad you thought Willow was well composed; that was important to me, that she stick with her rehearsed planned answers and reactions to get through it, and I’m happy that you thought she did it. And yeah, that quoted bit was pretty harsh. Hard to see how they can have an normal relationship again any time soon.
Re: Part 70, so glad you liked the M’s. They are fun to write. I find myself giggling when I think about their interactions, and having them be so enjoyable to write is a really fun discovery in this story because they’re not based on canon or real life people. They just, exist in this world, and that’s kind of fun. I’m glad that you liked Tara having a chance to talk to someone about Willow. It’s looooooong overdue. I get what you’re saying about it maybe not being so intimidating now that she knows other people know, but I do think that she’s so far into her own feelings and shock about what she’s decided is going on that she can’t see that as a benefit, you know? Glad you liked Marissa’s coming out. I loved the idea of her dad taking her out, just seemed sweet, like he really was just so happy that she was happy and he wanted to do something special for his little girl, so ice cream it was, even if she was in her thirties. I have her whole backstory in my head, so it was fun to take a peek at what her life was like before her cameo in this story. I’m glad you liked the phone call; I couldn’t imagine that they wouldn’t call, especially Michelle who is convinced that Willow loves Tara. Willow and Buffy are up in this next update; hopefully you’ll like where it goes. And, hopefully the board doesn’t LITERALLY explode when Willow and Tara see each other again—I kind of like this place, I don’t want it to go poof! Thanks so much, it truly means the world. Love you xoxo

KnightlyLove Thanks so much, and yes, Willow is still going with her coming out plan (more on that in this next update). And hoping not to fail—I’m in this to win this! Enjoy the next update.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:07 pm 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light

Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 12:04 pm
Posts: 695
Topics: 1
Title: Neverland
Author: EasierSaid
Feedback: Yes, please.
Spoilers: None.
Setting: AU. There is no Hellmouth, there is no slayer and no magic of the wicca variety. Just our girls and the rest of the Buffy characters living and loving in that great city by the bay, San Francisco.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me Mutant Enemy.
Notes: Phase 2 of The Plan. References to “Dopplegangland.”


Thoughts in italics

PART 71

The tea; she shouldn’t have had that cup of tea. Tara opened her eyes slowly, her bladder screaming at her to wake up, and her brow quirked as she became more fully aware of her surroundings. She was disoriented as she looked around; the light was all wrong for her bedroom. She twisted her neck and saw shadows that she didn’t recognize, smelled scents that didn’t belong in her apartment, and then her eyes flew open as she realized where she was. She sat bolt upright, knocking a pillow that had been placed under her slumbering head onto the floor, her heart thundering in her chest as her mind exploded into full consciousness.

Willow.

The blonde had fallen asleep on Marissa and Michelle’s couch, and from the look of things in the quiet, dark apartment, it had been hours since she decided to just rest her eyes for a moment while Michelle got her keys.

I didn’t call.

The blonde stood and immediately looked around. She didn’t know where the light switch was in the room, didn’t remember in her panic where her bag was to locate her cell phone. She took a step and stumbled, bumping into the coffee table and knocking something over. She needed to find her bag. She needed to call Willow and tell her that she was safe. She took another step and again stumbled. She looked down and disentangled her legs from a thin throw one of the married women must have placed over her as she slept. She threw the blanket onto the couch and brushed her hands over her face, exhaling sharply as she again tried to orient herself in the dark. Had she left her bag in the bathroom? Or by the front door?

Marissa quickly entered the room, tying the sash to her robe around her waist and then turning on a small table lamp. She rushed to the blonde’s side, placing her hands on the frantic girl’s arms to stop her from moving. “Tara. Tara, slow down. What’s wrong?”

“W-Willow,” Tara said wildly, her hands shaking. “I n-need to call her. I fell asleep a-and–”

“Okay, Tara,” Marissa said gently, her voice calm as she squeezed the blonde’s upper arms reassuringly. “We called her. She’s fine.”

It took a few seconds for the words to sink into Tara’s muddled mind. She relaxed, a small, relieved smile emerging on her lips before worry returned to her face, her brow knit. “Really?” the blonde asked, her voice small.

“Really,” the gallery owner said, her hands comfortingly squeezing the blonde’s arms again. “She’s fine. She knows you’re here and that you fell asleep on the couch. She sounded tired.”

“Oh,” the blonde said, looking down at the floor.

“She probably needs rest as much as you do,” Marissa said as she stepped back from the artist. “I told her that you had some work to do in the morning but that you’d be home around noon tomorrow.”

Tara nodded her head. Willow would be picking Buffy up at the airport at noon.

Marissa dipped her head until the blonde looked up and they made eye contact, the gallery owner smiling. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Tara said, embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I m-must have woken you up.” She looked to the floor again and noticed that the thing she had knocked from the coffee table was her backpack. The blonde’s brow quirked. One of the women must have put it there for her before they went to bed.

“It’s okay,” Marissa said. She reached over and picked the fallen pillow up off of the floor. “Let’s get you moved into the guest room. Far more comfortable than the couch.”

“Okay,” Tara said, nodding agreeably. She followed the woman into the guest room, carrying the backpack in her hand and then said goodnight as the frizzy hair woman left. Tara eyed her bag and then gave into temptation, pulling her phone from her bag and checking for messages. Of course Willow wouldn’t have called or texted. The redhead probably went to bed shortly after Marissa called. The blonde sighed and put the phone back into her bag, then slipped out to use the bathroom. She returned to the bedroom and then climbed into bed, resting her head on the cool pillow. She was nauseated, probably from lack of sleep, and she closed her eyes hoping that laying still would make the sickness recede. Within several minutes she was asleep, her spinning mind thankfully retired for the night.

She woke a little after 7:30 and ate breakfast with Marissa and Michelle, the three women congregating around the island in the married couple’s kitchen as they chatted sleepily over coffee and muffins. Anya called roughly an hour later to say that of course Tara could borrow the truck, anything for a customer buying that much paint, and besides, they were friends.

The four women went about doing the work that needed to be done, meeting at the studio just before 10:00. They organized the storeroom first, periodically grouping around the painting in the main room to discuss ideas on how to move the work without destroying it. As Marissa and Tara predicted the paint was still wet, so moving the work without irreparably damaging it would take tremendous amounts of luck and skill. The four women finally decided to carry the work down the stairs, gently holding the bars that stabilized the huge rectangle and hoping that in doing so they didn’t puncture the canvas on the other side. Once outside they gently loaded it in the back of the delivery truck. Michelle drove to the gallery—against Anya’s massive protestations and to Tara’s great relief—with the other three women precariously balanced in the back, gently holding the painting in place as they navigated the bumpy streets. They made it with one slip up, a series of finger prints on the lower left side which Tara quickly fixed with a palette knife. It was a miracle that they’d successfully moved the huge painting, and as Tara stood before it alone in the back storage area at the gallery, she couldn’t believe that something so beautiful was hers.

“Tara?”

The artist reluctantly turned her attention from the painting and looked over her shoulder. Michelle stood just inside the door, her keys in her hand. She smiled encouragingly. “Ready?”

Tara took a deep breath and nodded. She looked back to her painting, taking it in one more time. All of the love and the pain of its creation washed over her and she sighed, her stomach clenching tightly as she picked up her backpack and case of paints. She followed Michelle out of the gallery and toward her car in the nearby parking garage.

**************************************************************

Willow was groggy when she woke, her eyes blinking back the gray morning light slowly. She groaned and flopped her arm on the mattress as she rolled over, the comforter twisted around her body moving with her. She felt hungover, the emotional exhaustion from the last two days causing her to wake sluggish and slightly sick to her stomach. She quietly groaned and reached for her phone on the bedside table. She had forgotten to turn it back on before falling asleep and she guiltily thought there had to be at least one message by now. She powered the phone on and waited as it came to life, turning to face the screen when it buzzed. Three calls, all from Xander. She exhaled slowly. She owed him a call. He deserved to hear from her after everything he’d done for her over the last two years, yet the thought of calling him, of rehashing everything her mother said… She frowned and closed her eyes, the now-familiar sickness flaring inside of her. She couldn’t do it. She didn’t have the energy, and besides, if she did she’d start crying and she still needed to see Buffy in a few hours, to see Tara after that… She sighed and opened her eyes, deciding to text instead. She quickly typed out a message and hit send. It was only a minute before her phone pinged. ‘Love you Will.’ Willow pressed her lips together tightly and took a shaky breath. What would she do without Xander? She texted again and then sat up, blinking back tears as she put the phone on her bedside table and disentangled herself from her comforter.

She rose and leisurely showered, knowing that she wasn’t in a rush, but even with dragging her morning routine out she was still ready far earlier than needed to head to the airport. She tried to find something to do online, and even contemplated opening the server and working, but she was so nervous she couldn’t concentrate. Buffy’s apartment. She could go there. Maybe take the girl groceries. After all, with two weeks away Buffy’s fridge would be pretty sparse. The redhead had a spare key; it would be the friendly thing to do to stock her fridge with essentials. She grabbed her phone and headed downstairs, freezing momentarily as she entered the great room. Her eyes locked onto the two notes on the kitchen counter; one that Tara left and one she had left before heading to see her mother. Willow slowly walked to the counter and re-read her own note, then crumpled it up with a frown. She needed a new note. She took a small slip of paper and pen from beside the phone and wrote quickly, her nerves from yesterday over how to sign the note greatly dampened. For all she knew, Tara wouldn’t see this note either. She tossed the crumpled note in the trash, then quickly readied herself and left.

She walked up and down the aisles at Safeway slowly, half-listening to the easy listening music piped throughout the store as she perused the shelves. Milk. Eggs. Bread. Cheese. She looked down at the hand basket she carried and frowned. Milk. Eggs. Bread. Cheese. Because maybe, after she tells her best friend that she’s lied to her for two years, Buffy would like to partake in a tasty cheese omelet on toast. Willow sighed and threw a package of Oreos into the basket. She grabbed a few more impulse items and made her way to the front of the store, noting with some frustration as she waited in line that the trip didn’t kill as much time as she’d hoped. After checking out she went to put the receipt in her back pocket of her jeans and frowned, feeling something already there. She put the grocery receipt in her jacket pocket and then dug into the back pocket of her jeans, pulling out small slips of paper, Tara’s name written on them in various colors of ink, the blonde’s name framed in little hearts. Anya’s store. The samples. Willow sighed, returning the slips to her back pocket. She really needed to do laundry soon.

She stopped by Buffy’s apartment and unloaded the groceries. The redhead looked around once done, wondering with morbid fascination where they’d be when she revealed everything. Standing at the counter in her kitchen? Sitting on the couch? The knot in her stomach turned, and she exhaled to try and keep her nerves from overwhelming her. She checked the time and decided to make her way to the airport. She arrived at the airport with a little less than an hour to kill, and spent the time nervously checking news and email on her phone. She paced at the foot of the escalator by baggage claim once the board showed Buffy’s flight had arrived, the redhead’s nerves building, until she saw Buffy descend into view, a tired, wide smile on her face. Willow smiled in return, and stepped forward to help Buffy with her bag.

**************************************************************

Tara felt like she had held her breath the entire drive home. Michelle kept quiet as they navigated the rain-slick streets, knowing that any attempt to engage the artist in conversation would be met with politely distracted answers at best. Tara thanked the spiky haired woman when she stopped her car in front of the artist’s apartment, the blonde noticing with a quick flick of her eyes up at her home’s dark windows that her apartment was empty. She didn’t think Willow would be home—she was undoubtably picking Buffy up at the airport any minute—but the redhead’s absence still made her stomach twist. She exited the car with a small smile and wave, and backpack and paint case in hand, headed to the front door.

The blonde took the stairs slowly, and put her key in the lock with a deep breath. She turned the key and then opened the door, slipping inside and locking the door behind her with her eyes trained on the floor the whole time. She was nervous about what she’d see on the kitchen counter. Did Willow leave her a note before she left? What would it say? She looked up and felt the wind sucked out of her. Her note was still on the counter; she recognized the paper, could see her handwriting and the blue ink she had used. But it was creased. Bent. The redhead had obviously held it at some point, her fingers pressing into the paper and leaving marks. But… it was still on the counter. Discarded. What was Willow's reaction to it?

And then Tara’s brow knit as she looked beyond her note. There was another, smaller slip of paper sitting on the counter next to the one she’d left. Tara dropped her bag and case and hurried to the counter, picking up the second note in her trembling hands. ‘Picking up Buffy. Talk when I get back?’ The blonde read quickly. And then Tara felt her breath hitch. ‘Love, Willow’ Tears filled her eyes. ‘Love, Willow.’ Even if it was just mimicry, or a kind gesture to sooth her embarrassment, it was more than she could have hoped for in the moment, more than she probably deserved given her disappearing act. That Willow didn’t hold it against her, that Willow didn’t hate her for leaving, was such a profound relief.

Tara quickly wiped the tears from her eyes, a dopey smile on her face. She looked around her apartment, noting the time on the microwave clock as she did so. Now what? She couldn’t imagine Willow simply dropping Buffy off; the petite blonde would inevitably invite the girl in, and if what was about to happen between them happened, Willow very well might be over there until nightfall. The blonde took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled as she realized she probably wouldn’t see Willow for a couple of hours at least. She placed the note back on the counter and took her jacket off, immediately noticing how chilly the apartment was. She crossed back to the front door and stowed her jacket and shoes by the secretary desk, then picked up her discarded backpack and case and headed to her studio, stopping to bump up the thermostat as she went. She placed the two item in the corner of her studio and then headed back out toward the stairs. She needed to shower—she was still entirely too colorful—and then she needed to find something to keep her distracted while she waited for Willow to return.

**************************************************************

Buffy and Willow spent the entire drive back to the petite blonde’s apartment discussing the girl’s trip. After a lengthy rant about how her flight home was the last time she’d ever lay over in Denver to save $100, the perky girl caught the redhead up on everything Dawn, much to Willow’s delight. It felt good to listen to her old friend sound so happy. Buffy effusively shared observations on what she liked about Boston, and was quick to apologize for not visiting while Willow lived there, saying that perhaps the two of them could fly back to visit Dawn in the spring, just the two of them, and Willow could show her around. Willow responded that she’d like that, thinking nervously that she hoped the offer would still stand after their long overdue conversation today.

They brought the petite blonde’s bags in and settled at the bar in the kitchen, Buffy quickly tearing off a piece of bread from the baguette Willow bought and woofing it down while Willow poured them each a glass of water.

“The grocery store run was above and beyond, Will. Thank you,” Buffy said, wiping her mouth as she swallowed her last bite.

“Well, a hungry Buffy is a cranky Buffy,” the redhead said with a slight smile.

“Thanks,” the petite blonde deadpanned. “So how have things been with you?” She asked, taking a small sip of water. “Like working from home?”

Willow swallowed hard, thinking about all of the little moments she got to spend with Tara this past week because of her office’s fumigation. How insanely precious the past week had been. “It’s been nice.”

The petite blonde nodded. She looked down at her hands before she spoke. “How’s Tara? Is she doing okay?"

"I, I don't know,” the redhead said, surprised by the question. “I haven't talked to her in a couple of days."

“Really?” Buffy asked, genuinely surprised. The two girls had been inseparable while she was away; it seemed like they’d spent every waking moment together. And living together… How could they have gone days without seeing each other?

“Really,” Willow confirmed with a slight head bob. She felt sick.

“Oh,” the petite blonde’s brow quirked. She looked up and guiltily met Willow’s eye. “Tara and I sort of had a fight Friday night,” she admitted. "As in, ‘I stuck my foot in my mouth and proceeded to hurt her feelings, aren't I a total jackass,’ fight."

"A fight?” Willow asked, confused. Friday night? But we were together Friday night…

"Yeah,” Buffy said as she puffed out a deep breath. "It was stupid. I, was stupid." The petite blonde looked at her old friend. "She didn't mention it?"

"No," the redhead replied, amazed. And then she remembered. Before they went on the roof Tara had gone to her studio to paint. There had been a phone call. She said it was a wrong number… The redhead thought, her brow knitting. Why had Tara lied?

Buffy sighed contritely. "I owe her a big apology. A huge apology. And honestly? I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to accept it."

Willow looked up at that. She warred with her next words. "What did you fight about?" She asked tentatively.

Buffy shot a look at the redhead and then shook her head. "It's not really important,” she answered with a sheepish smile.

Willow just nodded, distracted.

Buffy evaluated her old friend. The girl seemed so withdrawn. "Willow..." The petite blonde began cautiously.

"Hmm?" The redhead asked, looking up.

"Are you mad at me?"

Willow turned her full attention to the petite blonde and steeled herself. It was beginning. "No."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm definitely not mad at you."

"Is it Xander?” Buffy asked hesitantly. “About his new job? Because I know you were hoping he'd move up here and now he probably won't."

The redhead shook her head. "It's not Xander."

"Then what's with the frowny face, Will? You look like someone ran over your computer."

Willow nodded in acknowledgement, her voice tight. "I had a bad day yesterday."

"Work?" Buffy asked, before quickly continuing. "Only, yesterday was Saturday, so no work. Though, it is you, so–"

"I saw my mom yesterday," Willow interrupted quietly. "She was in town. It didn't go well."

Buffy's brow furrowed. "Didn't go well? Why?"

"I told her something that she didn't like and we sort of had a fight," the redhead said, grateful that her voice didn't catch.

"About...?"

"About me being gay," Willow said simply. The redhead looked directly into her old friend's eyes. "I'm gay, Buffy."

"Oh," the petite blonde said, truly shocked. And then the words sunk in. "Oh..." So her gut feelings weren't always right. Her conversation with Tara on Friday… "Oh."

Willow waited patiently as the wheels in the petite blonde's brain obviously turned.

Buffy looked up and made eye contact. "Are you okay?"

And the question was such a huge relief. "I've been better," the redhead admitted tearing up, and the petite blonde moved forward and hugged her tightly.

They stood together next to the counter in Buffy’s kitchen for a long while, Willow wrapped in her best friend’s strong arms. “I love you, Will,” the slim redhead heard spoken softly into her hair as Buffy held her tightly. “This doesn’t change anything, okay?” The redhead couldn’t do anything other than nod, she was so choked up. After a long embrace, Buffy let go and met Willow's eye. “Do you want to talk about it, your mom?”

“No,” Willow said, shaking her head emphatically. “No.” She paused, her face twisting. “Buffy, it was awful,” she said as she looked up, her eyes wide and vulnerable. Buffy nodded and took the redhead back in another tight embrace, letting the girl compose herself with heaving sighs as she rocked her slowly.

“I’m here for you, okay,” Buffy said as she stroked her friend’s hair. “Anytime you want to talk.” She felt the redhead nod against her shoulder. After a long while, Buffy pulled back and looked her old friend in eye again. She spoke softly. “Does Tara know?"

"Tara...?" A crease formed between the redhead's eyes. "I, I haven't told her," Willow said as she wiped a few stray tears from her eyes, surprised by the question. On a list of first things Buffy would ask after inquiring after her mom, that was probably the last.

"But she suspects?" Buffy asked gently.

[“I]What…?[/i] Maybe?" Willow answered guiltily, still confused by Buffy’s line of questioning. Her flinch replayed in her mind and she swallowed down the sick feeling that had persisted since Friday night. Yes, she amended.

"Do you have feelings for her?" Buffy asked, and Willow felt the truth swell inside her.

"Yes," she said, her voice barely a whisper. She had to be honest.

Buffy nodded. The redhead could tell the petite blonde's brain was busy, and she didn't want to push.
"Xander–"

"He knows," Willow confirmed, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"When did you tell him?” Buffy asked.

Willow took a deep breath. "I told him two years ago."

Buffy’s jaw dropped. “Wow." She felt like she had been punched in the stomach.

“Buffy–“

“Wow,” the girl repeated as she walked away. Willow watched anxiously as her old friend paced, the girl’s eyes trained on the floor, her mind racing.

“I’m so sorry,” the redhead said.

“Sorry,” Buffy repeated as she looked up. Her face was flushed red; Willow couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Buffy blush.

“I can explain.”

“Great,” the petite blonde said, nodding her head. “Because I really want to hear it.”

“Okay,” Willow said as she took a deep breath, twisting her hands nervously before her. She had practiced this so many times, but now, in the moment, it all seemed so forced. Fake. She looked her old friend in the eye. Best to just start at the beginning. “Do you remember when I visited you and Tara three years ago?” Willow asked.

“Of course,” Buffy said, her face twisting. “But what–“

“Three years ago, when I visited,” the redhead interrupted, her voice gentle, reassuring. “You left me with Tara to go to work; you spent the night at Riley’s.”

Buffy remembered. In retrospect staying with him that night had been so selfish, but at the time, with how in love she had been… She sighed as she was flooded with emotions from that time. Thinking about him and what they had had was jarring. It had been safe. She had been happy. How she had messed up that relationship… She swallowed hard and turned her attention back to the redhead.

“Tara and I went to the park,” Willow continued softly. “The Academy of Sciences museum.”

“I remember,” Buffy said nodding, her emotions careening wildly inside of her.

“I fell in love with Tara that day,” Willow said simply. “I didn’t know it was happening in the moment—it sort of hit me later on during that trip—but I knew that I loved her before we left for Sunnydale.”

The petite blonde was floored, both by the timeline and the intensity of emotion. ‘Love?’ When Willow had admitted to having feelings for the artist Buffy had expected a crush, like when Willow first started babbling about Oz back in high school. She expected that Willow would gush about how cute she thought Tara was, or confide that she was starting to think about Tara as more than a friend… But ‘love…’ Buffy shook her head. She was stunned. “Why didn’t you say something?” She asked quietly, the reality of Willow being in love with Tara, for years, apparently, starting to sink in. “We were in the car together for six hours.”

“I was scared,” Willow said. “I had never felt that way before, about anyone. And for it to be a girl someone…” She took a deep breath. “A-And I was still with Oz, graduating, living on the other side of the country… It was, really confusing.”

Buffy nodded, allowing her friend that. They made eye contact and Buffy nodded her head again, urging her friend to continue.

The redhead took another deep breath. “Do you remember when I visited you in Sunnydale two years ago?” Willow asked more gently, and the petite blonde nodded.

Buffy remembered that visit acutely. Seeing Willow had been such a breath of fresh air; she had needed it so badly, she had been suffocating. Her mom, dead for six months after a sudden illness, recovery and then aneurysm. Selling the house she and Dawn called home. In a contentious custody battle with her absentee father. Looking at a summer full of classes to make up for the ones she had to drop when her mom died, just so she could graduate and get a job that wasn’t at the Doublemeat so she could prove that she could support her sister… And Spike. She bit back the bile that rose in her throat at the thought of his name. How confused and degraded she felt in that secret relationship. Buffy struggled to remain calm as she was put back into that time emotionally, rage and embarrassment tearing through her veins.

Willow carefully evaluated her silent friend, the petite blonde’s face growing tighter by the moment, and decided to continue talking.

“I had just broken up with Oz…” the redhead said softly. “I was gay, and in love with someone who lived on the other side of the country, a-and I wasn’t her type; she probably never even thought about me, even…” She shook her head. “I had just gone through the hardest year of my life, doubting myself, wondering, was I really gay or was it a phase, and I was just so mixed up and confused. And when I got to Sunnydale… I felt like if I didn’t tell someone how I felt, that I was gay, that I was going to burst. I tried to tell my mom but it went so badly and…” She looked at Buffy, speechless and sighed. “I ended up at Xander’s and told him. I told him about falling in love with Tara, about how confused I was about what that meant for me, my future… And then the next day you showed up and you had us going on a double date with Richard and his friend…”

Buffy swallowed hard. Richard. She had forgotten about him. He was nice. Too bad she had never given him a chance. She had been too distracted by whatever it was she had been doing with Spike. She looked up at Willow and clenched her jaw.

“I wanted to tell you Buffy,” the redhead said earnestly, her brow knitting. “But when we went on that date… You were playing matchmaker and trying so hard to set me up with that guy… You looked so happy, for the first time in so long and it was just–” She sighed. “I’m Old Reliable, remember?” She asked, calling back to a high school conversation Buffy undoubtably had long forgotten. “People rely on me. I record shows that I think people will want to watch, or bring an extra banana in my lunch in case anyone’s hungry. I research where all of the best restaurants are,” she said, her face turning scarlet as she remembered doing that very thing for her mother the night before. “I didn’t want to let anyone down and I really didn’t want to let you down. Not when you had always been there for me and especially not when you were going through so much.” She waited for Buffy to speak, but the girl was silent. It was unnerving. “Buffy?”

“Wow. I." The petite blonde paused, organizing her thoughts. Willow and Tara. They got her through that dark time. Xander too, in his simple way. And she had failed them all. "I must not be much of a friend.”

"Buffy," Willow said, the petite blonde's words stinging. "You're my best friend."

"Your best friend?" Buffy raised her brows in disbelief, her face flushing red.

“You are,” Willow insisted, her voice hurt.

“But you don't trust me,” the petite blonde said, her pride wounded. “Not really."

"No, I do," the redhead surged forward. "I so totally do. I didn't keep this from you to be mean, or, or, mean."

"Then how come you didn't tell me until now?” Buffy said, her voice frustrated and hurt. “I mean, I know I wasn’t the greatest friend two years ago with everything that was going on–“

“Buffy,” Willow said, her brow deeply furrowing. She never thought that, and never meant to imply that to her old friend.

“I know I was selfish and self-centered–“

“No, Buff–“

“But after everything with Dawn and my dad and Spike; how hard I’ve tried this last year to move past all of that,” she said, meeting Willow’s eye. “God, the last three months,” she said, a false smile on her face. “How many times have we hung out since you moved to San Francisco?”

“I don’t know,” Willow said quietly, chastened.

“And before that? ‘Move in with Tara, Will,’” Buffy said, imitating herself from months before. “’You guys will get along great, Will,’” she continued. “‘Just get to know her, you’ll like her, Will.’”

“I–“ Willow stopped, shame flooding her features. “I know how this must seem. But, you have to believe me when I say I didn’t mean for it to get like this. When I told Xander– It just happened so fast and I got kind of overwhelmed, by it, and Xander was there and you weren't and then by the time you showed up I was sort of doubting everything again and I was just, afraid."

Buffy nodded, allowing her old friend that. "But at some point you stopped doubting.” She thought of Willow visiting Xander three weeks ago. How they must have talked about this, about Willow’s long-standing unrequited feelings for Tara, about how they’d kept this from Buffy for years because she… She seethed at the thought of them talking about her behind her back. “At some point in the last two years you stopped doubting. And yet you still didn't feel the need to tell me."

"I did," Willow countered, to Buffy's raised eyebrows. "Feel the need, it, it just, there never was a perfect time–“

"A perfect time?" Buffy repeated incredulously.

"Your mom died, and–“

"You're going to use my mom dying as an excuse?" Buffy asked icily.

"No, I. This is coming out all wrong." Willow said, frustrated. "I just, we didn't see each other, much, a-and when we did, it was just, such, bad timing. I couldn't be like, ‘Sorry your mom died, here's this big thing about me, la-de-da.'" She sighed. "And I didn't want to do it over the phone. I couldn't just call you up from a different time zone thousands of miles away and say, ‘How are things, oh I'm gay, as in, lover of women, not just happy.'"

"Of course you could have!" Buffy's jaw set. "You could have just called. Or wrote an email, or said it in IM, or in a text! If we were good enough friends, you would have. God, what did you think would happen if you didn't tell me face-to-face?"

"I don't know,” the redhead said, honestly unable to articulate what she had been so worried about. “That things would change, that you'd wig out–"

"Why would you think that?” Buffy asked, exasperated. “Why on earth would you think that, knowing how close I am to Tara?"

"Because it’s different—I’m not Tara. I'm Willow, old reliable Willow, your wing woman," Willow said, flustered. "Your trusty double-date partner, person, and I know how much that means to you, to have that, for me to be that person and I was scared that if I wasn't that person you'd–"

"What?" Buffy demanded.

"Be disappointed in me."

Buffy sighed, frustrated. “Maybe I would have—for like a half a second. I mean, not disappointed in you, but, yes, I have liked having you be there for my stupid straight double dates…” The girl paused. “But Willow, you're my best friend. You're like a sister to me. How could I not be happy for you? I mean, do you really think I'm that selfish?"

“Selfish,” Willow said, taken aback. “No, I–”

"And, god, the arguments I've had with Xander about you two–”

"Arguments..." Willow interrupted, shaking her head confused. "What arguments?"

Buffy shook her own head, her face red, brushing off Willow's question. “Have we really drifted so far apart that you and Xander would hide something this major from me for two years because of some stupid double dates?”

“No,” Willow sighed, frustrated with her inability to explain how she felt, why she had been afraid. “It’s not just the double dates–“

“Then what?” Buffy asked, exasperated. “What could it possibly be? Don’t you know that you can tell me anything—anything—and I’d be there for you? Be happy for you if you were happy? Willow, I love you.”

"I know, I just–” Willow huffed in frustration. "This is not how I expected this to go."

"Really," Buffy replied sarcastically. “Because you had like, what, two years to plan how I would react? What did you think I would say?"

Willow shook her head and said meekly, "I don't know."

The two women stood opposite each other quietly, tension thick. Buffy finally spoke. “I think you should go."

"Buffy," Willow replied, surprised to her core, her face falling.

"I'm super happy for you Will,” Buffy said, her voice wavering. “I really am, and in a week or two I'm sure I'll feel warm and fuzzy about you, but right now… Right now, my feelings are so hurt." She stopped speaking abruptly, tears starting to fill and sting her eyes. She swallowed hard to try and keep her composure. "I'm embarrassed, and my feelings are hurt, and I think I need to be alone right now."

“Buffy…” Willow said, her shoulders sagging.

“Please,” the petite blonde said again, fighting to keep the tears at bay.

"Okay.” The redhead nodded her head contritely. “I’ll go.”

“Trust me,” Buffy said, her voice quietly strong. “I fully understand the irony of saying that I’m here for you and then asking you to leave, but if I don’t have a chance to be alone right now I think I might say something I don’t mean and I really don’t want to do that.”

“Okay,” Willow repeated. She stood, her fingers twisting before her. She picked her jacket up off the kitchen counter and walked toward the door, turning before she took the handle in her hand. “I’m sorry." It was the second time in two days that she’d ended a conversation with those words.

Buffy just nodded. She watched Willow leave, and when she heard the door click behind her old friend, her face screwed up and she cried. She allowed herself to cry for a couple of minutes, the tears finally slowing down until she was left with just sniffles and a hitch in her breath. She quickly wiped her eyes and blew her nose, taking a deep breath to try and regulate her breathing. She couldn’t shake the old feelings careening inside of her. Her mom dead. Losing Dawn to her dad. Spike. And Willow. Willow, who had a been her rock, her breath of fresh air… and who she had apparently failed. She had been so closed off, for years. She thought about Willow, hiding in her room after she moved in with Tara, in love with the blonde but too afraid to say anything and her heart hurt. It hurt for Willow, it hurt for Tara—because she knew Tara loved Willow, too—and it hurt for her. When had she gotten so cold? Was it when her mom died? Or before that, when things with Riley didn’t work out? Or was it even earlier, with Angel? She ducked her head and then brought it back up. When was the last time she had really listened to what was important to Willow? She thought about all of the times she had avoided listening to Willow’s work stories because it hurt too much to have that constant reminder of her mom’s death, how many times she tried to distract the always-reluctant redhead with another stupid double date because she felt so lonely after what had happened with Riley and Spike. Kevin, Buffy thought, her face screwing up in shame as she remembered the handsy man she had surprised Willow with at Tara’s pre-gallery party.

She took a deep breath, and new thoughts filtered in. She had been closed off, yes, selfish maybe even, but how could Willow and Xander have excluded her from something so important? She thought of last summer at their friend Amy’s wedding, how the three of them had gone together, but really, it was the two of them and her. God, Xander knew when he moved to Boston; he likely moved there to help Willow, to be there for her, and where was she? Sleeping with Spike and lying about it. Buffy took a deep breath as the feelings from that time again threatened to overwhelm her.

She paced for a minute and then walked to the bathroom where she quickly stripped and took a shower. She washed the cross-country flight from her skin, her eyes stinging with anger and hurt. She stepped from the shower and roughly toweled off, her wet hair hanging around her shoulders as she made her way into her bedroom. She dressed in comfortable clothes and then sat on her bed, her jaw tight. She sat for a long time, still, collecting herself, organizing her thoughts and emotions. And then she stood, grabbed a few things from her bedside table and a workout bag from her closet. She picked up her phone as she exited her apartment, dialing as she locked the door. She took several steps toward the stairs and spoke when the other party answered. “Hi, Jim? It's Buffy."

**************************************************************

Willow drove away from Buffy’s apartment in a daze, giving no thought to where she was going except that it wouldn’t be home. She couldn’t see Tara like this. She was stunned. That the petite blonde thought Willow and Xander had kept this from her because Buffy was selfish, or a bad friend… It tore at Willow. And arguments. Buffy and Xander had argued? Her brow was deeply furrowed as she turned onto Geary, heading away from downtown toward the ocean. A detour at 16th took her to Clement and she followed that for a while before stopping, the Royal Grounds sign catching her eye. Several minutes later she was back in her car driving, the smell of a freshly made mocha tickling her nostrils.

She first visited Eagle’s Point three weeks after moving to San Francisco. Tara had recommended it in passing, saying it was one of her favorite places in the city. Located near The Legion of Honor museum, it provided stunning views of the Golden Gate Bridge and Baker Beach below. Tara had mentioned over dinner one night how often she liked to sit there and watch container ships go under the bridge. How calming she found it. How inspiring. Willow had visited the next day.

The redhead parked her car near the point and sat for a long moment, her hand reaching for the drink she had picked up at Royal Grounds. It had stopped raining, but the ground outside looked saturated and squishy. She assumed the nearby golf course would be closed for the day, and she turned and looked to the backseat of her car for something waterproof she could sit on outside. She found a Whole Foods reusable bag and grabbed it, tucking it under her arm as she exited her vehicle, the steaming cup of coffee in her other hand. She locked her car with a beep and headed toward the raised wood deck tucked amidst a short bank of trees. She could see her breath in the cold, crisp air, and she pulled her jacket tightly around her. The sky was dark, only a few patches of blue peeking through, but the bridge was clearly visible, the orange spires seemingly reaching up to touch the ominous sky.

She stepped up onto the empty deck, her footsteps echoing as she made her way to the railing. Not even the most persistent tourists would be out this way during a storm, and she enjoyed the solitude the recent shower had afforded her. She looked at the bridge and sighed. Iconic and familiar. She thought about how Tara described it, like it was hers, in a way, and she slightly smiled. Lucky bridge.

She turned, found a bench and walked over to it. She placed the reusable bag on the wet wood and sat down on it, resting the steaming cup carefully on the wood bench next to her leg. She was careful not to rest her back against the backing, or to tuck her legs up into contact with the wood; the last thing she wanted to do was get her clothes wet, to be as uncomfortable physically as she felt emotionally. She sat for a long while, not thinking of anything in particular, letting the cold air seep into her lungs. She felt numb. It had taken her three, long years to get to this point, and now that she was here… She took a deep breath. She was finally out. She thought back to that night after the park, how scared she had been, how terrifying it had felt to admit to herself that she was in love with Tara, and later that she was gay. It seemed so long ago. Three years. She had earned a master’s in that time. Started her second job post-college, moved cross country. She shook her head. Three years. And now, now she was out. She had gone through with her plan. Her mother knew. Buffy knew. And hopefully, in a short time Tara would know.

She took a shaky breath. She thought she’d feel relieved, that telling her mom and Buffy would be like lifting a giant stone off of her chest, but the uncertainty the truth had introduced into her life was just like lifting one stone off and setting a different, equally heavy rock into its place. Would her mom ever accept her? Would Buffy ever forgive her? The redhead took a deep breath and pulled her coat tight around her, the chill she felt coming from deep inside her. And Tara. Willow smiled softly to herself despite her roiling emotions, her heart skipping a beat in reminder of what was really important. Things would be different the next time she saw Tara. She’s no longer be “straight Willow,” silently pining, secretly flirting. She’d be out. She’d be strong. And she’d beg the girl for forgiveness before telling her everything. About how she fell in love with her that day in the park, the memory of them holding hands in the tulip garden getting her through some of the darkest times in her life. About how she had wanted to kiss her Friday night, about how she’d wanted to kiss her a thousand times before that, and how, if the blonde allowed, she’d kiss her every day for the rest of her life. All because she loved her. Ardently. Absolutely.

Willow took a deep breath and stood. She picked up the bag and the still-full cup. The mocha had long gone cold so she tossed it in a waste bin on her way to her car. She threw the reusable shopping bag in the back seat and started her car. With a quick check of the mirrors, and a confirmation that her head lights were on, she pulled away from the curb and headed for home.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:54 pm 
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DIBS!!!! :grin

Heather, I do feel better for Willow thanks to Buffy. She was like a breath of fresh air. 100% on board!! Willow got the hug she so desperately needed. I was literally brought to tears of joy. Until.. Oh No. This isn’t going to end well. Keeping a significant part of who you are a secret from your best friend is bound to cause deep emotional pain. Willow obviously never considered that Buffy would blame herself for being kept out of the loop –thinking she hasn’t been a very good friend. Xander knowing the truth long before her was a second punch to the gut.

Unlike Shelia (GRR), I can sympathize with Buffy. Best friends share their most intimate of secrets and support each other in good times and bad. She wasn’t given the chance to support Willow, to be her confidant, her shoulder to lean on. Willow was all that and more for Buffy. Of course she would question whether her friendship with Willow was as close as she’d always believed. Buffy’s already reflecting on her own bad decisions and why those choices were made. She will come around, pretty quickly I suspect. She doesn’t seem like the type to hold a grudge plus.. she really does love Willow unconditionally. She is a good friend and Xander is proof of that, otherwise, she’d have totally dropped him long ago. Opposite reactions to Willow’s coming out but one unfortunate, devastating similarity. Buffy is gonna feel extra bad when she finds out that Shelia (GRR) told Willow to leave too. My heart still aches for Willow. :cry

Willow doesn’t know (yet) how much her deception has negatively impacted her friend’s relationships. But.. they are all guilty of keeping secrets and not listening to each other. Buffy and Xander never told Willow about their arguments and strained friendship. Buffy dismissed Dawn’s suspicions. Tara refused to listen to Anya. Marissa doesn’t agree with her wife. Tara hides the fact that she spoke to Buffy and that she heard Willow on the phone with Oz.. and over-heard Willow talking with Xander and that “Just Paint” represents their day in the park and.. sooo much more. Don’t get me started on Shelia again --GRR. Plenty of What If’s and Should Have’s to go around.

I knew immediately what the notes were when Willow pulled them from her pocket. Nice touch there! And I’m glad Willow left the second note. Tara needed that. Willow is on her way home now. I have a personal note for Willow:

Save the words for later. Just Kiss! –T

PS: :wtkiss


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 1:33 pm 
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Yay for excellent update-y goodness... I'm glad that Willow finally told Buffy, I hope Buffy figures out the logic of Willow's thought process and forgives her very soon... Can't wait for Willow - Tara cuddle fest...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 2:10 pm 
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Fantastic update! Poor Tara panicking because she fell asleep and hadn't called Willow, the Willow's heart wrenching conversation with Buffy...Finally, Willow is headed home - now she just needs to kiss Tara and make it all better for both of them. :wtkiss :grin

Thank you for such a fantastic story!! I look forward to your next update.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 3:27 pm 
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Hi Heather

You've made my day, I was so excited to see an update when I woke up this morning.

Coming out to Buffy went as well as Willow could have expected. I would be pretty upset if my best friend kept something that huge from me especially after finding out Xander had known for 2 years. I love the way you take care to include other characters thoughts and feelings so we get the whole picture and not just the narrow W/T viewpoints. Buffy's inner ramblings were great to read. In a way she is blaming herself for not noticing something sooner being preoccupied with her relationships at the time. On the other hand she's aware that Willow (and to a point Xander) have deceived her and she's still trying to process all that.

Anyhoo, bravo for another brilliant instalment.

Kim

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"I don't want our first time to be a quickie. I want it to be, a longie." The redhead looked at the blonde and smiled sweetly. "I want all of you." ~ Willow to Tara in Neverland by EasierSaid
The most anticipated Chapter in the history of fanfiction everywhere!


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 3:38 pm 
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:banana :banana Oh wow, I intended to continue my rereading of your story tonight with chapter 23 and instead I stumbled over your newest update, tore through it and now I'm shaken to the core. Buffy's reaction to the "I'm gay"-part was really great, but I guess we all, Willow included, truly feared her reaction to the knowledge that Willow didn't tell her the truth Xander knew about for two years.
Poor Buffy for being so torn up here, reminded of the darkest time in her life and reproaching herself for having failed her friends. And that she doesn't say to Willow "I feel like I failed you" but instead turns on her in anger and even asks her to leave so she won't see her breaking down is so human but also so sad. Because she let's Willow down in this moment and she knows she does. And I don't believe it's for the reason she gives, that she fears she will say things to Willow she won't be able to take back. I think she does it so Willow won't see her "weak", trying to keep her dignity. Maybe if she knew how Willow's meeting with her mom ended, that she too asked her to leave, she wouldn't have done it, at least I hope so.
I'm really wondering where Buffy went to in the end - to the gym or so to distract herself, to Jim to talk about everything? Or did she decide not to let things end with Willow like that and is trying to meet her at Tara's?

Although I'm not happy with Buffy "kicking Willow out", I think she treated her far better than her mom. She has told Willow that she still loves her, no matter what, and that she only needs a little time (one or two weeks) to get over her shock. If the last point is true we'll have to see (I hope she'll come around sooner, considering that a span of a week is an eternity in your world :) ).
All Sheila gave Willow was "I don't hate you" and the immensely hurtful "I feel like my only daughter died and I need time to mourn her" -comment plus the message "I can't even stand to hug you anymore", no hope that she'll have a place in her arms again in the future (grrr, now I've thought about it again I remember how intensely I dislike Sheila at this point...).

But returning to this chapter, my heart really went out to Willow here. When she aimlessly drove away from Buffy I at first thought she would go to the park, to some place she visited with Tara three years ago...but maybe it's too far, I have no imagination of the distances here, really. I'm glad that she didn't fall into despair because the talk with Buffy ended similarily to her coming out towards her mom, that she was able to make her peace with both for now and realize that the most important thing is now to tell Tara how she really feels. I'm so looking forward to this conversation (and the following smoochies, of course :wtkiss ). PLEASE let them have it in the next update! Of course I'm still curious how Tara will resolve her "I need a fourth picture"-problem practically in the last moment. And I've got to tell you that I've been imagining for ages now that Willow's mom will react badly at the coming out and will later call at Tara's house, trying to apologize to Willow and get Tara instead and that she will unexpectedly open up towards her and confess how horribly she reacted and beg Tara to tell Willow that she didn't mean it and she's so sorry (and that ramble clearly shows I'm no writer, LOL). BUT I would be very frustrated if the next chapter would only feature Tara and then end with "and then she heard Willow's key turn in the lock". So please, don't do this to me!
And although you JUST updated, I hope it is not too ungrateful to beg you to post the next chapter this weekend... :pray :pray :pray


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 12:06 am 
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Ugh, and here I was hoping that the everlasting cliffhanger that has been this entire story was coming to an end this chapter. Then.....you manage to make it last enough so that there's still a cliffhanger. I feel like I've been on the edge of my seat since I joined this board, which by the way was nearly 10 years ago, and I'm still as addicted as the day I opened up chapter 1. There are a few, precious few, couples portrayed on screen that I will always see as having the greatest love one could ever view. These two are one of them. Thank you for keeping Tara alive in our hearts. And yes, she's better. She will go in the Louvre someday. Next to the Mona Lisa.

writerfreak :flower

ETA: Neko Case playing Coachella this year? Hell yes. If only I lived in California. https://scontent-b-atl.xx.fbcdn.net/hph ... 1655_n.jpg

Also ETA: I have figured out your system after this has stuck in my brain as a math equation for like 2 weeks. I swear if you ask my wife she says it goes a mile a minute until I figure out some of the small details I can't help but notice. You always update on a date that is divisible by 7, why is that? Hoping that my equation is right because it means the next update could be as soon as 3 days, but as long as 17. Hoping its not 17, or like....a year as it used to be.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:55 am 
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Okay, I get being hurt about being kept out of the loop. But, this is Buffy at her self-absorbed best....smdh

Willow just told her something earth shattering. Told her how her Mom reacted HORRIBLY to this news.
But, as usual, it's all about Buffy. I am so not digging her right now :no .

Outside of the hurt feelings about not being told, Buffy took the news as well as could be expected. I'm sure she's feeling all types of guilt, as she should, for her fight with Tara and her dating set-ups for Willow.

I am beyond excited for the next face to face meeting between Willow and Tara. They have both been thru the ringer and deserve a bit of levity and a whole lot of happiness.

Great update.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 1:39 pm 
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Ask and ye shall receive. Honestly, this version of Sheila is about who and what I expected. Iwas most concerned about and anxious to read Buffy's part in this.
And it went on what I call the good side. Absent the burden of leadership as in the show, Buffy is less pushed to the nasty side she showed in ep.s like "the Yoko Factor." I have to agree, she's being selfishBuffy here, but 1- she was decent enough to say she likes what's goign on 2- simply, if you know you're likely to express oemthign nasty, it's best tos eparate until it passes. Nobody's that perky after a transocntiental flight, and big news is, by definiton, not a thing anyone can process quickly.
I don't remmebr Richard at this point, but I'm assuming Buffy uses a workout to deal with tnesion and conflict the way Tara uses her art. (whereas I tend to release it by re-palying old arguemnts I never had with people from my past. Hey, I figure it gets my cardio going.)

Willow's after-meditation. Like a lot of fans, I identified with Willow in the earliest seasons. (As she grew stronger, I focussed on Jonathan.) Like ehr, I tned to both over-think and over-intellectualize. So, like ehr I'm the type who feels stronger just by makign a decison or a delcaration, evne beofre I know how it's going to turn out. I could really feel what shye was thinking there.

However, evne close to the end like this, I am visualizing more twists and turns before the finale`; I sort of know your style by now *grin.

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Kim: (moves the hand aside) Screw The Moment. I *love* you.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 10:55 am 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

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I have to say that when Tara read the last part of the note " Love, Wilow" my heart did skip a beat :) just great, really.

We are getting theeereeeee!!!!! Oh pleas please pleaaase....... Let it be in the next update.... Pleeeaaaseeeee can't handle the waiting!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you so much for your work Heather, can't wait to see if you will create another story or something!!!


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 12:24 pm 
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Cliffhanger Classic, eh?


:banana :eatme :banana :eatme

Things will be ok, eventually, right? :wtkiss

-s :)

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 4:00 pm 
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Heather,

I doubt I’m the only one of your readers who has spent many a happy hour imagining how significant scenes in your story might play out, and this one is one of the biggest. It’s actually quite strange to read the definitive version and not for the first time, you’ve taken the story in a direction I didn’t expect. Considering that we all knew the ultimate destination of the characters from chapter 1, it’s impressive how you’ve kept up the tension throughout without resorting to plot contrivances or deus ex machina spanners in the works. All the twists and turns are credible and arise from the flaws of your very human characters.

I had high hopes for Buffy.

I expected her to be hurt and to feel betrayed but I thought she would put her feelings aside in the circumstances. I thought she would wait to vent her anger on Xander or to someone else who was less involved.

She has known Sheila a long time and she knows how badly Willow craves her mother’s approval. She witnesses Willow’s devastation, but a few seconds later, the moment she finds out that Xander knows, that’s forgotten.

I think there are actually horrible similarities between Sheila’s reaction and that of Buffy. Neither woman rejects Willow simply for being gay. (Buffy, unlike Sheila, is certainly not homophobic.) They reject her for not being the person they thought she was – the person they need her to be. She’s damaged their pride and their self-esteem. Sheila thinks she’s a good mother. Buffy thinks she’s a good friend. They aren’t.

Willow is clearly going through the emotional crisis of her life, but for Buffy, it’s all about her. She is hurt by the implication that she is a bad friend – and then promptly proves it. She claims to love Willow, but the absurdity of saying ‘I’m here for you,’ moments before throwing her out ought to penetrate even Buffy’s self-obsession.

Quote:
I fully understand the irony of saying that I’m here for you and then asking you to leave


The word she should be using is not irony, but hypocrisy.

As Xander pointed out, Buffy lied to them too, but they recognised the emotional strain she was under and forgave her. I imagine him being furious and hugely disappointed to hear how Buffy behaved.

Quote:
Don’t you know that you can tell me anything—anything—and I’d be there for you?


Umm . . . Buffy . . . evidently not.


Reading Willow saying sorry to someone she loves who has just sent her away was bad the first time, but again is really awful. Cruelty from loved ones is particularly hard, causing as it does so much self-doubt and confusion. I wish Willow would be more angry and less apologetic, but that wouldn’t be in character.

You’ve left Willow in an interesting place. In quick succession: Tara has shut the door on her and fled. Sheila has told her to leave. Buffy has told her to leave. She’s pretty shattered.

She seems a very long way from the confident, strong, out woman she wanted to become before approaching Tara.

But on the other hand, the worst has happened and Willow has survived. On her own. And she is still determined to approach Tara and to do everything she can to win her love. Willow had opportunities to fudge the truth with Buffy – about Tara and about Xander – but she didn’t take them. It hasn’t even occurred to her to back track or to try and recover Sheila and Buffy’s approval before moving on to the scariest conversation of her life. Apart from a brief text, she isn’t even relying on Xander to boost her confidence. That’s a big change, and in real time that character development has been very quick. Three weeks ago, Willow was almost too scared to talk to Tara.


I really enjoyed the chapter, it gave me plenty to think about and I liked the way you wove Tara’s story around Willow’s. Thanks Heather.

Clare

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 6:37 pm 
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blahblahblah this is the first time I've felt extreme dislike for your Buffy.

I do like how real and fleshed out this fiction is but you are soooo stringing us along. Never-neverland.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 8:17 pm 
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**runs in out of breath** I'M HERE!! I'M HERE!! Finally, the long-awaited coming out conversations with Sheila and Buffy are over. A huge relief, yet heartbreaking at the same time. I must admit that I actually cried tears when she first told Buffy and they hugged. Then, of course, it couldn't just stay all hugs and puppies. Nope. WTF Buffy?? She totally turned it all around and made it about her. Sure, I understand some hurt feelings, but she needs to get over herself. I don't totally get Willow not telling her for all those years either, but this is Willow's choice about how and when she wanted to tell them. It would have been great if those conversations would have gone better, but hey, this is Neverland. I would expect nothing less. Grrr

And now... ***drum roll please***... time for probably the most anxiously-awaited conversation in Kitten Board history!!!

And Heather, I swear, you better not go back 3, 2 or 1 year again or I will be completely bald. :gnome Believe me, that would not be a good look on me.

I enjoyed Marissa and Michelle's little disagreement over telling Tara their opinions on Willow's feelings. Seemed pretty spot-on to me and much like some couples I know. "Sure, we might not agree, but I still love you to pieces" kind of thing. And Tara's reaction to that whole thing cracked me up. I'm really glad they made the call to Willow too. They're good people. Also, I can't wait to see what happens with Tara's new masterpiece.

So much going on, and I am SO excited! Thanks again for taking time out of your busy life to give us this. Hugs and kisses to Pips and the little ones.


Wimpy

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 11, 2014 10:29 am 
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32. Kisses and Gay Love
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Heather – Part 71 – What a great update. I’ll try to work through it thoroughly but I’m not sure how much time I can dedicate to it. Less than this update is worth – that’s for sure.

I love Tara’s disoriented waking and how kind Marissa is, not that I’d expect any different. And I love that she is reassured about their calling Willow. But I will say that this thing about neither of them calling or texting the other is starting to get strange. Like both of them are checking their phones and then going “oh.. didn’t text” but neither of them wonders if maybe she should do that? Great that they got the paint and painting situated. Seriously love Anya – of course anything for a customer buying that much paint plus they are friends.

Great of Willow to manage some groceries for Buffy. God, I wish she had done that when we got home from our holiday trip to the in-laws… And Tara’s return home and finding the note. Lovely. Hmm. I wonder if she took pics on her phone. I feel like if I were an artist and I created something like that I would want to keep going to the gallery to see if it was real and a picture would keep me from obsessing so much.

But the meat of this update. Buffy and Buffy’s reaction. I don’t even know how to say how much I think you have hit this all so spot on.

Quote:
They stood together next to the counter in Buffy’s kitchen for a long while, Willow wrapped in her best friend’s strong arms. “I love you, Will,” the slim redhead heard spoken softly into her hair as Buffy held her tightly. “This doesn’t change anything, okay?” The redhead couldn’t do anything other than nod, she was so choked up. After a long embrace, Buffy let go and met Willow's eye. “Do you want to talk about it, your mom?”
Perfect, Buffy. We can all give her an award for wonderful, supportive friend. Seriously, she doesn’t always rock but here she does.

But then…
Quote:
Willow took a deep breath. "I told him two years ago."

Buffy’s jaw dropped. “Wow." She felt like she had been punched in the stomach.
As well she would. And as Willow should have thought and considered and chosen differently 9000 times since then.

Quote:
“Wow. I." The petite blonde paused, organizing her thoughts. Willow and Tara. They got her through that dark time. Xander too, in his simple way. And she had failed them all. "I must not be much of a friend.”
Yes. I think that’s a reasonable thought and statement for Buffy to make because the fact is that either she is not much of a friend or Willow doesn’t feel safe with her and either way, that would be a shitty way to feel.

Quote:
"Of course you could have!" Buffy's jaw set. "You could have just called. Or wrote an email, or said it in IM, or in a text! If we were good enough friends, you would have. God, what did you think would happen if you didn't tell me face-to-face?"
Buffy let her off easy here. I think my list would have included Owl from Hogwarts, balloon-a-gram, carrier pigeon, and sky writer.

Quote:
"I'm super happy for you Will,” Buffy said, her voice wavering. “I really am, and in a week or two I'm sure I'll feel warm and fuzzy about you, but right now… Right now, my feelings are so hurt." She stopped speaking abruptly, tears starting to fill and sting her eyes. She swallowed hard to try and keep her composure. "I'm embarrassed, and my feelings are hurt, and I think I need to be alone right now."
Yay, Buffy! Way to express your emotions and to set a boundary.

Also, I have no idea why she is calling someone named Jim.

Willow – I’m super duper glad that she’s ready to go come out to Tara but at the same disappointed that she doesn’t have more time and attention to put to the damage she has done to her relationship with Buffy. I just hope that even with joy and love and lurve with Tara she will still take the time to make it up to Buffy and try to heal.

Oh… can’t wait for the next part.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 11, 2014 1:51 pm 
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I think it's funny how different the various readers think about Buffy's reaction here, from "Boo Buffy!!!" to "Yay Buffy, serves her right!". I'm still conflicted like I expressed in my first comment. As an outsider with a clear head one might really call Buffy hypocritical here...because I'm pretty sure she didn't confide in Willow back then when it came to her unhealthy love affair with Spike. Of course you can't compare that with being gay, except that both "secrets" concern the intimate sphere and I think even best friends have no right to demand from you to reveal that. If the friend chooses to let you in you might be glad or even proud because you feel trusted, but there should be no thinking like "you have to tell me cause I'm your friend!" I understand that Buffy is hurt that Willow told Xander and not her, but this still doesn't excuse how she acts in the end of this conversation.
But this is of course a judgement from the outside...how I would have behaved in Buffy's shoes in this very moment I don't know...and sadly I don't have a friend that is as close to me as Willow is to Buffy so I can't claim that I can totally relate here, either.

But I know from personal experience that a secret (and also a lie) seems to become bigger and harder to reveal the longer it's kept. Even if it started out as nothing major. My elder brother had a friend who died in a car crash and only after his death he and their other friends found out he wasn't 20, but 19. When they met at the age of 12 or so he told them he was as old as them (probably because he feared they wouldn't play with him because he was younger) and he kept this fib up until his death, even celebrated his 18th birthday at the age of 17. I guess he just feared he missed the point where he could have taken back the lie without loosing his friends. His lie / secret got out of his control. The same happened to Willow here, I think, only her secret was really big and scary to begin with. But she found the courage to reveal that secret finally and for that courage I want to hug her right now and tell her that everything will be allright, that Buffy will come around and that she will be happily united with Tara VERY SOON (you would't make me a liar, would you?)


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 11, 2014 2:20 pm 
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I do like the back-and-forth feedback - in a way, this story has always been *that important* to us here.

Wasn't aware SPike, as Spike rather thna william, existed in this universe.. Interesting.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 9:49 am 
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Yay! Update. I'm getting these weird mixtures of feeling this story coming to an end and I don't want this story to ever end. I want it to be like a soap opera where it goes on forever it seems. One of the long running ones. But I so desperately want to know the conclusion--of how happy they'll be and to just wrap myself in their joy and love. I've spent so much of my life alone and wishing and so when I see them together and happy it is really going to make my day, week, month, year even. I have tried and wish I can make a story as good as this that I could live in away from where I am.
Thanks for writing it and giving me somewhere to hide.

Anyway back to this, Buffy will be Buffy, she is caring but she is selfish. She'll come around and get over herself. I just can't wait to see Willow walk through that door, see Tara and spill the beans of love. I know Tara will understand and feel the relief she is waiting for. Then they can move forward together, facing what is out there as one front. It'll be easier because they'll know they aren't facing it on their own. Excellent Update. Please update soon, more :).

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 10:46 am 
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You bring up a very good point, SylverMaki. I'm hoping there are at least 4 decently big events left that will be portrayed, if you think about them and they are pretty important. Not just W/T goodness though that does count as one of my 4. But then we also have the LA show that's been sort of looming, what is going to happen with the Master work because now that's left in question, what is going to happen when Buffy comes back around, and oh wait I just thought of a 5th. Xander. I mean he totally should have a visit for the resolving of everything with him and Buffy too and there should be awesomeness between the 4 of them. And we haven't seen him since early in the story. Of course if you're like me you could probably think of a thousand details that could be covered in the next update. I want to know what the title is to the Master work. And Willow to attempt an explanation for Just Paint......lol or how about just everything because I could go on forever.

writerfreak :flower

ETA: And because I was thinking of it just now, and I read lavendarangel's comment....no Faith in this? No, awesome all with the hotness Faith? Preferably the repentant kind but even if she were crazy it would still be Faith. Damn that woman is gorgeous.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic - Neverland
PostPosted: Mon Jan 13, 2014 12:51 am 
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Am I the only one who keeps hitting F5 to see if there are new updates?


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