The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Re: From the Journal of Tara MaClay - Part 14F
PostPosted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 9:39 pm 

I always love how you capture Tara's emotions and thoughts. I can only imagine the pain Tara is going through when Oz returns, but you do an excellent job making them clear.

NMR never ceases to amaze me everytime I watch it. No matter how many times it is rewritten and retold, it leaves me in awe. Also, for someone who has never written a love scene before, you do a very convincing job. Beautifully written.

Are you going to write a morning after scene? I will love to see how our two ladies will discuss everything. Also, I can't wait to see Tara's POV on the rest of season. Please update soon.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.

Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

Edited by: The Rose24  at: 8/2/04 9:40 pm

 Post subject: Re: From the Journal of Tara MaClay - Part 14F
PostPosted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 11:31 pm 
yay! and excellent! and thank you!


Forgive me now! Tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty...

 Post subject: Re: From the Journal of Tara MaClay - Part 14F
PostPosted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 9:36 pm 

The wait was definitely worth it, and you've more than done justice to NMR. As you pointed out, the broadcast version was told basically from Willow's point of view. Here we have the other side of the story.

Once again you've done an amazing job of getting inside the head of this wonderful, complex character. We watch with growing pain as Tara's hopes slide away, as she comes to accept the desolation of her future, yet still tries to be brave for her beloved, putting Willow's happiness first. As I'm reading this, I'm listening to Carole King: "It's too late, baby ... something inside has died and I can't hide and I just can't fake it. ... we just can't stay together ... still I'm glad for what we had."

I don't think there's a more poignant, heartbreaking line in all of W/T fiction than that with which Tara ends her journal as the light dies: "Goodbye, Willow, I loved you from the first moment I saw you." I can't read it with a dry eye.

Then come the two words that change everything forever, "I am." Like a bolt of lightning, or "a sudden burst of light and colors! A rebirth when no life seemed possible."

The lovemaking scene over which you agonized is perfect. Not because of who does what to whom, but rather because it is clear to the reader that this transcends sex. What they are doing is giving themselves fully to each other in love and joy; truly "making love."

This is a wonderful, sensitive piece of writing, and I thank you for your efforts and for sharing it with us.

And Carole sings, "Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for, 'cause if I make you happy I don't need to do more."


 Post subject: my emotional reply
PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 5:11 am 
it only took a short time to read all of this great fic from start to the end of tara`s pov of NMR. and i have to say

:sheep :banana :pinky you are good.aI love reading tara`s pov.and this journal is so emotional.this fic is sooo Tara. thanks for i say all us kitties:party and:party some more.:tara and:willow ...woo and hoo.

come, to the author we must do the druken dance of joy:dance :dance :dance :dance and of course :sheep and the way you wrote the love scene was just:thud :thud

:thud :thud :thud .THE WAY TARA WAS SO :hmm WHATS THE WORD IM LOOKING FOR?our sweet tara seemed to:fallen in a good way of course during her time loving willow...:thud :drool factor is off the scale.:blush :shock

:eek :eek :D :D .im all:blush in a good the author

:bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow enough said.

 Post subject: Re: my emotional reply
PostPosted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 8:21 pm 
All I can say to this is "wow." I think that this is the chapter that we were all waiting for when you started this fic, where Tara's fears are finally put to rest. Everything was in perfect detail, from Tara's anguish to Willow's uncertainty to the unyielding sensuality... okay, enough analytical-talk. I'm off to read this again.

It's insulting to the whole gender[sic] of rap.


 Post subject: Re: From the Journal of Tara MaClay - Part 14F
PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 9:01 am 
Fungirl, as I’ve said, this is really Willow’s episode as we saw it. I wish we could have seen a bit more of what Tara was going through, but thanks for thinking this was worth the wait.

Rhiannon, like the name and that is one of the songs I listen to (along with other Fleetwood Mac) when I write this. Thanks for the vote of confidence on the end, I still question my ability there, but since it seems to have gotten across what I wanted, I think I will be happy with how it turned out. I have already started the next part, and have several other pieces in the works, though how long it will be till they are completed is anyone’s guess.

Rose24, In this case Tara does continue where she left off in the next part. Her dream that night should be…interesting to say the least. Again, thanks for the praise on the end, I did feel it was important to the story. The rest of the season is actually pretty short, YF which has some good W/T stuff, but Primeval and Restless not so much. I have some specific things I want to do and will probably end with something more completing for W/T than Restless. Hopefully the delay won’t be quite as long. And yeah, I hardly ever tire of NMR variations either. It and Family are my favorite eps, though I love the devotion Willow showed in Tough Love, and for me that was the saddest episode, even beyond SR, which just seemed heavy handed and infuriating rather than tragic.

RaiStarr, glad you liked it, thanks for sticking with me.

Russ, I actually love Carole King as well and several of her songs are on my itunes playlist that I listen to when I write this. It’s Too Late has always struck me as a very sad and lonesome song. I also like Jazzman and Nightingale quite a bit too. You don’t want to know what other dorky songs I listen to, but I find a lot of the 70s stuff fits and gets me in the right mood to write this. I definitely recommend Carole King’s Greatest Hits to everyone.

This episode is definitely one of excruciating pain, Tara’s worst fear coming true, followed by transcendent joy, her greatest dream coming true. How she managed to stay sane through all this is amazing. And what truly speaks volumes about her character is how much she is willing to sacrifice just so Willow can be happy. It is up there with Willow willing to take care of the mindsucked Tara no matter how hard that will be on her. No that’s true love and devotion from both.

Glad you liked the lowest point for Tara, and that you liked the end. I did want it to show them completely giving themselves to each other, at least that worked for one person! :)

Willohand, wow, that’s a lot of emoticons! You must read a lot faster than me, it takes me forever to read through one chapter even when I am doing light edits. It would be so much easier if I could read like that. Ah well. Glad you liked it and I hope the rest continues to be good.

Tempest Duer, I think NMR is definitely the payoff for W/T in season 4, glad it worked out right. One would think that Tara’s fears WERE put to rest here, but really, in season 5 we see her still fearful. In the early portions she still feels insecure, not part of the group, and while I don’t think she doubts Willow’s love, still wonders why she’s with her and maybe is fearful about how long it will last, though she should know better. But then some of the fight in Tough Love felt forced and a little unlike the two characters, though doubtless they had a fight about something at some point. Anyway, hope the rest of this, whenever it comes, is re-read-worthy.

Well, thanks to everyone for the overly kind thoughts and comments, NMR definitely deserved the extra time and attention, we’ll see what happens next, hopefully not too far in the future.


 Post subject: Re: my emotional reply
PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 2:21 pm 
To begin with your worries; no need. It's not a wild-monkey-sex scene, it's a love-scene. Since we've already established you write emotion very well (specificly Tara pov) there really was no need to worry :) . I wonder when Tara will truly realize ("let it sink in", if thats proper english) Willow isn't going anywhere but stay with her. She'll probably think all this a dream when she wakes up next morning, except that Willow will be lying beside her of course :)

NMR from Tara's point of view would first be mostly agony and sadness, I realized that but actually reading it brought it home. Poor girl, it's a shame she didn't have other friends to fall back on... accurate how she describes her dorm as a self-imposed prison :cry . It's not directly Willow's fault of course, though she's likely to feel guilty anyway.

That Tara still sees herself as less worthy due to her belief of being a demon still saddens me. For that reason I would like this diary to continue all the way up to Familly (5x06) although I realize we're probably talking about next year for this story to finish then :lol .

It's interesting to see that this part is still very much read-worthy even though I know the sequence of events pretty much by memory. We know will work out nicely for Tara in the end, but the road towards the end is rather painfull. It was sweet to read how much Tara was thinking first of Willow and 2nd of herself (or possibly 3rd since she did care for Oz too 'cos Willow did). Very caring, our Tara... perhaps a bit too much at times... from which Willow will protect her no doubt.

I tend to view NMR as sort of end of season4 since I didn't care all that much about Split & Join, the two episodes following it :) . _Restless_ at least had some redeeming visuals, heh... although it confused the heck out of me, which I hate :) .

Well, carry on... :lol

Grimmy :wave

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

 Post subject: re NMR
PostPosted: Sat Aug 14, 2004 11:13 pm 
BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:applause :applause :applause :applause :applause :applause :applause :applause :applause :applause :applause

 Post subject: NMR
PostPosted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 12:40 pm 
Garner- thank you. I just now realized you put this up so sorry it took me so long to send you props. You've gotten inside as well as anyone has ever done, and you did it beautifully and in keeping with the way tara and Willow really are- I should note that NMR is my fave episode of all time as well. I've watched it so often my DVD player won't play it any more and I am going to have to buy S4 all over again.

This is so utterly Tara, shy, self-deprecating, uncertain, but all of a sudden when with Willow far more certain. The sex scenes were erotic, not in-your-face, in keeping with our girls and their likely lack of expertise.

Good on ya, mate!

 Post subject: Re: NMR
PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2004 9:54 pm 
Well with all the work I am doing on Ghosts and the travel to conventions like GenCon and such it should be no surprise I haven’t gotten much done on this lately. I hope to rectify that soon, but who knows. I am still working on the Journal, but slowly.

Grimlock: Well you are partially right about Tara worrying if all that happened was a dream, but she doesn’t make it all the way to morning. :) I am glad the end part worked out well. I have always said that what separates W/T from the other couples is that the sex was not the primary thing between them. It was the romance and love, the sex just came from that. If I’ve shown that, then I succeeded there. Yeah, I too sort of would like to see this go to Family, maybe I will go that long. You never know. But at the rate I am currently writing that will be a long, long time, unfortunately. I also am surprised how often I can read different versions of NMR or season 4 and still find it interesting. The whole Willow and Tara falling love part is definitely one of my favorites things in the whole series. Josswad and ME got something right there, too bad they didn’t realize how much it meant. As for the rest, well, I liked Primeval as it had cool combat scenes and looked neat, though the enjoining spell was sort of hokey and should have been tried against Glory much earlier than the dismissal it was given. Yoko Factor still has some good W/T scenes and I liked Riley and Angel fighting, that was cool too. The end with the split and Xander finally finding out about Tara seemed like it left a lot unsaid.

Umgaynow: Thanks for the accolades, I hope the rest continues to hold up to this standard.

Dana5140: Also glad you liked it. NMR is a ton of fun and a great episode too. The only down side was I thought Riley and Buffy’s tiff was stupid and Riley was being very reasonable and Buffy unreasonable and the whole thing, much like the fight in Tough Love, seemed forced and arbitrary. Unfortunately it heralded the way things would be done in the future. Too bad. Tara being so concerned for Willow and Oz in the library always seemed like a very strong statement on Tara’s character. She obviously loved Willow quite a bit to be so concerned about her despite what she was going through.

Well, thanks to all who’ve read this and hopefully more will be coming in the not too distant future. Ha, can I be more vague?


 Post subject: From the Journal Part 15A
PostPosted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 3:49 pm 
Well, it has been and awfully long time and while you all might have thought this was dead, I really have been getting a little done. This part proved harder to write than the last one actually. Odd that, but stories surprise you sometimes. Anyway, this is shorter than normal, but rather than wait longer and since this is at a good break I thought I would finally update. I hope you all remember what was going on and are still interested in this.

Title: From the journal of Tara MaClay Pt. 15

Rating: NC – 17, kinda.

Summary: The events the morning after New Moon Rising, before Yoko Factor in Season 4.

Note: Written August-November (yeah, this took too long) 2004. The entries are no longer consecutive days, some gaps may appear. This isn’t an interlude, exactly, but what occurs the morning after NMR and the beginning of the conclusion of some hanging threads. Well, I suppose that makes it an interlude anyway, oh well. It will be finished next part and then on to Yoko Factor.


Wednesday afternoon continued… I fell asleep in my Willow’s arms, nestled against her completely satisfied and happy for maybe the first time in my life. I don’t know how I ever managed to drift off to sleep after having finally been able to show her how much I loved her. Oh, Goddess, to be so close and completely a part of someone like that is almost more than I can handle. Nothing previous comes close to how wonderful that was, and blessed be, still is.

My dreams that night were even more vivid than normal. She and I were walking in a sort of meadow area; tall grass, already a light brown from the summer heat, surrounded us. A small river or large stream gurgled nearby, and we could hear frogs, insects and occasionally a bird would leap into the sky in a burst of feathers and flapping. A number of trees were scattered around as well, only they were sort of short and squat.

        We walked hand in hand, sort of bumping shoulders and glancing shyly at each other now and then. We each had on a one-piece pullover dress of light blue or yellow, with small designs on them. She looked so beautiful and I knew that the path we were following lead to our cottage, and that once we got there…I could feel a surge of desire that had every promise of being fulfilled. It had been a long journey, and though we each seemed kinda tired, anticipation filled her eyes as much as mine.

        The little house came into view and it was perfect. It stood some thirty or forty feet tall, with massive doors that swung open from hinges along the top. Big windows with wide ledges were evident, yet no plants or flowers graced them. A large bank of dark gray, almost black, clouds had formed off in the distance, across the brook, and was moving swiftly with a wind that tugged at our dresses, pressing them more firmly against us, which I noticed showed off her chest and legs very nicely. The heat within me increased, and I licked my lips. She smiled at me and gave a bright look that was inviting and thrilling at the same time.

        Lightning flickered amongst the clouds of the oncoming storm, and I noticed that some of the nearby trees had great white gashes on them where limbs had fallen to the ground revealing the inner wood beneath. A few seemed all blackened and scorched.

        We looked at each other and suddenly the whole area darkened. Heavy drops of water began falling, infrequent at first, but then with an almost pounding regularity. The roll of thunder crashed around us and suddenly everything blazed a bluish-white as lightning struck a tree just ten feet away. There was a tremendous cracking and crash that threw us to the ground. We both looked the picture of ridiculous with our hair hanging wetly against our heads, our dresses soaked and hanging limply from our bodies while little rivulets of water streamed down from our shoulders and gathered force along the path around us.

        The lightning continued to flicker down all around, sending wave after wave of sound shuddering through the ground and making us cringe with each blow. I noticed that the immediate area was brighter, somehow, than the rest of our surroundings. A silver light seemed to illuminate us. I looked over at her and the ring on her left hand was glowing brilliantly. The little engravings upon it were shining a pure white, while the rest was a deeper silver color. I lifted my hand up and saw that the ring upon it was similarly alight.

        The door flapped upwards and open, and a large black and white cat bounded out of the house. It towered far above us so that all we saw was its white belly, spotted with darker fur, a black chin and enormous whiskers that seemed to stretch out forever. A second, more white than black, feline joined the first, and then seemed to look up at the sky in disdain, before regarding the immediate vicinity as if looking for something.

        Another, closer, bolt made us sort of jump and throw our arms around each other. We were suddenly terrified and as our hearts raced faster, threatening to burst from our chests, a tiny filament of silver and white ran from the rings towards each of the cats and sort of surrounded them.

        Their heads swept towards us, and in a flash they had leapt nearby, their paws sending a splash of water over us. Large toothed mouths descended and opened and carefully grabbed the fabric of our dresses and we were lifted quickly above the ground. In a giant, yet surprisingly gentle, bound we were before the house and then borne inside.

        Two kittens sat in the cottage licking milk from a saucer big enough we could have swum in it. A giant table dominated the immediate right, while a loft filled with straw stretched across the back with a massive mound of blankets beneath it. Other bowls, chairs, a fireplace and various farming implements seemed to be scattered about.

        I was jarred in a bone-rattling leap as the cat carrying me leapt up into the loft, and then dropped me on a quilt amongst the straw. A big, raspy tongue pressed me down into the crinkly straw a couple of times, before I heard a retreating thud as the cat jumped back down. A moment later she was deposited next to me and also given similar attention. The little silver-white cords of light continued to extend from our rings to the felines, who were now moving about down below us, apparently occupied in domestic pursuits.

        I shivered once, the chill of the drenching and the fear making goosebumps rise on my arms. She looked over at me wetly, her eyes sort of large and still scared, probably mirroring my own.

        I quickly slipped the wet dress over my head and put it at the edge of the loft. The air on my naked form made it seem even cooler than it had been before.

        She hadn’t moved, just sat there shivering and looking sort of stunned. I went over to her and touched her hand, felt the electrical tingle flood through my arm, into my chest, and saw her begin to relax. I murmured something about getting her out of the wet dress and she lifted her arms as I slipped it off of her. I took it to hang from the edge near mine and then returned to sit next to her.

        Her luscious body shook and she looked so forlorn sitting there all naked, her hair hanging in wet strands about her head. I drew her against me and felt the heat of her body beneath chilled, wet skin. The touch was magical, exhilarating, so soft and silky with a pliancy that made my heart run faster still.

        Suddenly she was atop me and her lips were questing for mine. We kissed and kissed and the world around us sort of blurred or faded out as our hands roamed, our mouths and tongues caressed each other. The previous coldness was forgotten as a new heat rose enveloping both of us and was eventually satiated. Our thrashing, moans and gasps seemed to have no affect on the other occupants of the cottage, who went about their inscrutable feline business while the storm continued to expend its violence outside.

        I remember waking up with a jolt just after screaming her name, impossible waves of pleasure and joy seeming to almost tear my body apart.

        The room was still dark, but the usual campus lights filtered in, and the blinking glow of the clock told me the power was back on. A gentle patter of rain struck the windows and for a moment I swore I heard laughter from outside our room.

        However, her warm body was plastered against mine, sweat slickened the areas where we were pressed together, and she sort of whimpered or moaned softly, kind of pleasurably, and it reminded me of similar sounds she’d made in the dream.

        Dream…I had to still be dreaming. There was no way the most spectacularly splendid woman in all of creation was lying naked next to me, that we’d made love, been completely intimate with each other. It had to be some trick, a fantasy suddenly turning into a nightmare that would end with her body opening to devour me with teeth that ran from her shoulders to her feet. Love wasn’t a part of my life, it couldn’t be. Evil creatures with a demonic heritage aren’t allowed such things.

        My senses had to be deceiving me. She couldn’t be lying beside me, the small soft hairs below her waist tickling my thigh, her arm pressed just below the rise of my bare chest. Goddess my memory had to be wrong. There was no chance she’d chosen me over Oz, said she loved me, given herself to me. It must be a dream, some sort of test or setup. Any moment Father would burst in and berate me for my wickedness and weakness. None of this could be real.

        My heart began racing, my breath shot in and out while my eyes fearfully searched the darkness about for some indication of what was truly happening, where the catch was. A wave of panic seized me, perhaps I was still in the closest and the beast was toying with me again? Or maybe, somehow, it had returned?

        My chest rose and fell in rapid and irregular swells. My head moved from side to side as I strained to see what waited out in the dark, hidden and watching, ready to pounce, laugh and ridicule me for my stupid, frivolous belief that I was worthy of love from someone so amazing and special, a divine creature the complete opposite of my base nature.

        Her soft voice speaking my name almost shattered my mind. Obviously my sudden movement had wakened her, and I could feel her shift her head and lean on an elbow to look up at me. One of her hands clasped my bare belly and I felt her silky hair brush my chest as she placed a soft kiss on my breast.

        My body shuddered, but not in pleasure. This couldn’t be real, she could never love me. She’d know what I was, would see the demon inside me and never allow herself to get so close, risk corruption.

        Tears spilled from my eyes and I must have drawn back from her, my head still shaking back and forth and little, ‘no’s,’ coming from my mouth. I didn’t deserve anything like this, it couldn’t be happening, not to me. I wanted to leap from the bed and run screaming out into the rain. This was too much, too cruel. To be teased by what I’d wanted most, Donny had never been so wicked. No, let the crackling lightning and storm take me.

        Oh, Goddess, I don’t know what happened next, not exactly. I shook and trembled so violently, my tears flowed freely and I felt like I wanted to shrink into a fetal ball and then collapse into nothing.

        I really don’t deserve her. She must have gotten a panic of her own at the sight of my reaction. Yet instead of being hurt or thinking I was somehow rejecting her, she took my hands, moved up beside me and shushed me. Her hands shifted to my head, her lips pressed repeatedly against my skin, but with a fervor and possessiveness I’d never imagined.

        Her voice was like satin or silk, so comforting, soft and soothing, telling me over and over that it was all right, that she was there, that it was OK. I might have mumbled that this couldn’t be happening, that I didn’t deserve her, I don’t know. What I do clearly recall is her breath in my ear saying that she loved me, that she was mine. She said it again and again with words and than with her body. I remember her lips on mine, the feel of her body fully on top of me, and her arms around me, grounding me, easing my fears. Her hands stroked away the terror.

        Ahhh, her voice, her sweet love-filled voice continued to say that she was there, that this was real…that she loved me, and I clung to it and her. Clung to the sensation of her warm, soft, wet tongue gliding across my skin; to the sensation of desire and need that she kindled deep within me and then quenched. I touched and tasted her body, verifying its solidity, the overwhelming rightness of it. Goddess it felt so good, so natural. Like she was a part of me, like we’d always belonged together and just hadn’t fully realized it.

        I held her to me, arms encasing her, my face pressed into her hair, her neck, holding her so tightly, as if I could pull her into me, until she squeaked and I had to relent a bit.

        Even now it still vaguely seems like the last day or so couldn’t have happened, like it was some story from one of Mother’s romances, only with me and Willow in it. My mind spins with emotions and sensations I’d never really hoped to ever experience. The world seems so much brighter, clearer than ever before. How could I have missed the way the sun sparkles through the rain covered tree branches? Each drop is like a miniature world with its own multicolored halo, so vivid and vibrant. The breeze that wafts in through the window is warm, and though maybe unusually humid, still makes my skin tingle.

        When will she be back? I want to see her again, want to feel her once more, just to make sure I’m not making all this up. I can’t stand being away from her now. While my fears that this isn’t real are dwindling, the part of me that feels connected to her is so raw and…vacant, empty without her nearby. Goddess I just want her in my arms again!

        It’s like my body is surging with power, like I’m pent up in a cage that only she can open and let me loose. Waiting for her to return is an interminable Hell while my soul aches for her presence.

        Waking this morning was the most deliciously enjoyable start of any day, ever. She was lying on her back and I was snuggled up against her. My head lie where her arm joined her shoulder and I could feel her skin on my cheek, see the soft mounds of her little breasts, the rosey area of her nipples and the expanse of her stomach beyond. Our legs were entwined and moist with mutual sweat from long contact.

        I rode the rise and fall of her breathing and my heart seemed awash with admiration and love. A singularly sweet, almost painful, longing vibrated throughout me. My Willow. Her Tara.

        I felt her stir, a hand start to gently trace my arm, my shoulder, stroke my hair. I wanted to melt into her, probably did. She asked if I was awake and I replied that from now on every day with her would be the dream that I never wanted to wake from.

        She gave a little laugh, and probably smiled, though I was facing the wrong way to know for sure. I couldn’t miss something so divine, and so I lifted my head off of her, though that too seemed difficult, and sort of scootched on up so that our heads rested together on the pillows. She turned to face me, pressing herself against me once again. I felt the wetness between my legs, the shortness of breath, sudden lurch in my heart rate and wondered in the back of my mind if we’d ever be able to leave the bed.

        Our fingers touched, I could see her green eyes shining and sparkling so brightly, the smile that lit her face was so broad, so deep. She gave a little sigh, her small, delicate fingers gently traced the curve of my cheek, stroked my hair and then she kissed me. It was soft, deep and long with a different sort of passion than the ones that had showered me the night before.

        Oh, Goddess, I never thought it could feel so good to belong to someone so fully and completely. To lose yourself in their smile, their eyes, their touch. Now I do shudder with remembered joy. We made love for a third time in less than twelve hours and each time was staggering; a miraculous barrage of feelings that I can barely begin to process.

        She’s so…Willowy. Goddess I get wet and feel a deep stirring just thinking about what we did, about how good she tastes and feels. It’s mindblowingly amazing and it’s like I can’t get enough, all I want is to feel her skin, her muscles moving above and beneath me.

        Oh Mother, she’s so sweet and understanding, too. I know she had class in the morning, but she didn’t make any move to leave, I think she was as enchanted as I was with being so wholly together. She finally said that she hoped that she’d made up for all that she put me through the last few days. I couldn’t help smiling and taking her fingers in mine before saying that I’d never experienced anything so wonderful. That she had nothing to make up for.

        I didn’t know what else to say except to repeat that I loved her, that no one had ever looked at me like she does, wanted to be close, touch me, hold me. I hoped that I would never disappoint her or make her feel like she’d made the wrong choice.

        She put one finger over my lips then, gave me that sort of stern look she sometimes gets, though a slight smile softened her features and lessened the affect. She told me that I should never doubt that I was worthy of love, that I was special and unique and as wonderful as anyone ever could be. There’d never really been any choice to make, just her coming to realize how much I meant to her, consciously understanding just how deep her love for me really was. Oz had never made her feel like I do. She’d loved him before, but they’d been two very different people, she never felt as close to him as she did with me. We shared something that was powerful, deep and maybe even beyond love.

She said it felt like I was part of her, that we were connected on a basic level that was primal, electric, ferocious and even a little scary, but she was so thankful that we’d found each other. No more talk of being unworthy, or thinking I wasn’t beautiful, radiant and stunning. I took her breath away every time I smiled or touched her.

        I told her it was just all so new, I mean I’d known I liked women from an early age, but just never had the courage or confidence to do anything about it, and she was so perfect. She laughed here and said she was far from perfect, just ask Xander or Buffy, but I interrupted and said I loved her flaws as much as everything else. She got her mock outraged look and demanded to know what flaws these would be? I giggled and said she obviously lacked judgment since she’d fallen in love with me!

        She gave me a reproachful slap on the shoulder and said that was what she meant, no more snide cuts or digs. Besides, she’d even told Buffy that she had feelings for me.

        I have to admit that that sort of brought me up short. We were lying facing each other again, and though our bodies were still, our hands continued to caress and stroke one another. My hand stopped moving and I stuttered, ‘R-r-really?’ That was such a big step and one I thought she’d never take, at least not this soon and not with Oz in town, for I realized she had to have done it recently, probably the day before.

        She just nodded and said it hadn’t been her intention of coming out, as it were, but Buffy had been asking her about Oz, them spending all night together and she’d been trying to comprehend just what it was she was feeling, why things were making her stomach so acidy, her mind a swirl of uncertainty. She just couldn’t lie, didn’t want to keep her feelings secret any longer, though it might have been better if she had.

        I must have frozen then, maybe looked down momentarily all panicky. But she took my chin and said not because she was embarrassed or ashamed or anything like that. It was just that Buffy had kinda wigged out, acted a little odd and kept saying her name over and over in a strange way.

        Here her voice sunk down a bit and she softly admitted that is was a little too disturbingly close to what she’d feared would happen if she said anything.

        I started to say something, tell her that she shouldn’t jeopardize her relationship with her friends, with her best friend, just for me, but she cut me off and stated that even if Buffy did start acting differently or couldn’t handle it she wasn’t sorry she’d done it. She didn’t want me to have to keep secrets or act differently around her friends. Buffy and Riley, Xander and Anya, they could hold hands, touch one another or be close in public so there should be no reason we couldn’t too.

        Her hand stroked my hair, continued along the line of my jaw and she said that she loved me too much to let anything stand in the way of that. I was her girlfriend and the world, her friends, everyone, better get used to it.

continued immediately below...

 Post subject: From the Journal Part 15B
PostPosted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 3:51 pm 
The end of this update, just a short one as mentioned.

        I smiled at her, though my heart stuck in my throat and I found it very hard to swallow and my eyes got watery. I told her I loved her so much, kissed her deeply and then said I’d try to make sure she never regretted being with me. She said she never could and kissed me back, and we snuggled together and breathed in the scent and essence of each other.

        We laid together for a while, occasionally touching or kissing gently, feeling each other languidly, like we had all the time in the world and nothing else mattered. Oh Goddess, nothing else did! I was with her, we were together, naked, I could feel her skin, smell her, sense the rhythm of her breathing and heart. What else could matter?

We talked a little bit more now and again. I told her how much I loved her hair, how soft and luxurious it felt, she said she never realized how erotic women’s breasts were, how soft and tender mine were. Her hands accented her words and we were overcome by the heat of one another again.

Eventually we resurfaced and I asked her if she had any regrets about the path she’d chosen? Her reply was another long kiss and a whisper that no regrets could exist, that everything was too perfect. We laughed, giggled and could feel the energy flowing between us. Rushing like a tide, lowering and rising, but always a powerful current that seemed to feed off our constant contact. It was almost intoxicating. We talked about the strength of this energy that seemed to pour through us whenever we touched, how that made each kiss, each stroke that much more intense. How it seemed to be getting stronger the longer we were together. We wondered where that came from and why and bless her, her analytical mind wanted to test it, see the extent of it, though I said that maybe we should let some things stay sort of a mystery, undefined and extraordinary. She relented, but thought it would be a shame not to explore it in more depth at some point.

        I have to admit that I felt so comfortable, so at ease with her that I said there were other things we could explore at depth, and pulled her onto me, let my hands roam the cleft in her rear, delve deep into her. She makes me feel so bold sometimes, makes me need her, want to please her, hear her moan my name. She returned my ardor, and we were lost in each other another time. We were insatiable vixens, I didn’t know that two people could make love so many times in such short a time.

        When we were finally both enjoying the afterglow and the lingering, seeped down deep into your bones satisfaction, she mentioned she felt like one of the cats from her dream, all drowsey and purrey, ready to curl up in a ball around me and sleep all day.

        I softly stroked her hair and smiled recalling my own dream with the giant cats and said that I knew what she meant, it was odd but I had dreamed about cats, too, and a fierce storm and that they’d carried us inside where we were safe in a cozy bed of straw and blankets.

        She did that little half shudder as she pressed in closer and her arms tightened as she said that was what happened in her dream as well. The storm had been sudden and it seemed like something was out there amidst the lightning and wind, something hostile or malevolent deep in the clouds, but the family of cats had protected us.

        I laced my fingers through hers and said it just showed how close we’d become, our dreams were almost exactly the same. She got a peculiar look that I don’t recall seeing before. It was sort of like she was considering and maybe filing something away in that boundless mind of hers. She noted that it was odd that our dreams had been that similar, so specific and vivid. She thought that had to mean something and I said it was a definite sign I should get a kitten! She laughed and asked if it could be a black and white one, and I replied that that’s exactly what I’d thought.

        We chuckled, sort of giggled a bit and talked about how cute a little kitten would be, and where we’d hide the litterbox and the food dishes and all that. It was so cool and, I don’t know…domestic, to be discussing all that with her. I mentioned that Beltane was coming up soon and that since it represented the Goddess and God joining together, the deepening of love and passion, we should think about some sort of special celebration to Them; give thanks for having found each other, declare our love before nature and the spirits.

        She really got excited and said it sounded like a great idea. She wanted to do something so that I would always know that she loved me, that I’d never doubt that this is where she wanted to be. I blushed at her comments and she laughed and said I was so cute sometimes, that everything about me was just so adorable.

        Oh that it were so, but even now, despite all our time together and the fantastic things that have happened I have to worry my demon side will lead to tragedy at some point. How can I keep hiding this from her? She’s been so open and honest with me. I feel so bad and dirty keeping things from her. It’s like a small bit of acid burning and chewing away at me deep inside; like I’m holding something, or a part of me, back from her, which, of course, is the case. She deserves to know the truth about me, but Mother, I just can’t bring myself to ruin everything we’ve got right now. I’m such a horrible person, but I need her too much, couldn’t stand losing her now that I’ve just truly found her.

        What am I going to do about this? If she found out what would happen? Would she hate me? Would she be forced to kill me? How would Buffy and the others react? I mean, they kinda accept, or at least tolerate, Anya, but she’s an ex-demon. Heavy emphasis on the ‘ex’ part. Would they be so accepting of an actual one?

        Damn it! I hate keeping this from her, now more than ever. There’s so much to lose. The last thing I want to do is ever make her be sorry for loving me.

        Oh Mother, do you see that? I wrote ‘loving me.’ I think I actually believe, deep down, that she does love me. She is a miracle, I wish so much that you could really meet her, help me tell her the truth. She deserves that.

        I hid my doubts, with her right there, touching me, laying next to me, it wasn’t that hard to think of better things. Neither of us were inclined to get up, but eventually a different set of pressures drove us out of our warm cocoon of love and warmth. We rose by unspoken consent and headed down to the bathroom. We made use of the facilities, washed and all that. It was past noon and the place was pretty empty till a couple of girls dressed in black entered.

        They must have been coming back from lunch as they brushed their teeth and were reapplying some makeup. We exchanged a glance and a smile over their Goth look, but then noticed that they were talking about how horrible it was that someone named Cindy had died right outside the dorm this morning. One thought she’d been hit by lightning or something while the other wasn’t so sure, what with the tree so close and all that just seemed too weird.

        Willow interrupted and asked what happened, what they were talking about and they sort of glared at us like where had we been, which made us both blush, but she pressed on. The paler girl said that Cindy was from one of the other halls and had been around at a few of the parties. Linda and her boyfriend found her this morning laying beside that big tree out front. They didn’t know exactly what happened, but it was awfully strange.

        She asked about neck rupture or anything like that and the two girls scoffed and said that no one mentioned anything about an attack or wounds and talk about morbid curiosity. I jumped in saying Cindy was someone we knew from class and that she seemed in good health and wouldn’t just collapse or something and was it even safe on campus anymore? They replied it must have been some freak heart accident or an aneurism or something like that and they were sorry our friend had died.

        We left and she wondered if this was somehow related to Adam and then got extra worried that it happened so close to my dorm, and what if Adam somehow could sense magic or witches or something then he might have noticed her and somehow followed or tracked her here and then seen me and that would mean he’d know I was special, well as a witch at least, and might be planning something awful and even Buffy and Riley together hadn’t been able to stop him and who knew what he was planning, and if they couldn’t stop him what could we do and…

        And by this point she’d gone right through babble and almost into total panic mode. Her cheeks were getting all red and her eyes wide and frantic, darting here and there as if expecting to catch sight of the monster lurking in the shadows or hidden somewhere right there in the hallway.

        I stopped her with a hand on the shoulder and told her to breathe, relax, Adam didn’t seem very interested in magic or those who used it, and from what she’d told me about him, if he’d been involved in the girl’s death it probably would have been more…messy.

        She did that little adorable upward eye thing and looked coquettishly towards her shoes and I put my other hand on her left shoulder and added thanks for thinking I was special and being concerned for me. She gave an embarrassed sigh and a slight smile and I gave her a soft kiss.

        Our lips parted and we both noticed Mandy coming down the hallway from the opposite end from the elevators. Her face contorted in a look of disgust and her mouth opened and then suddenly she paled and her lips twitched into a nervous little ‘O,’ and she looked around fearfully. It really was pretty funny if it weren’t for the fact that she had several abrasions on her face, a discolored nose and a couple of bruises on her arms.

        After a moment nothing happened and she sort of sighed, looked daggers at us again and took a step forward just as the door flung open and one of the large women’s track team burst forth. The door caught Mandy right in the face and knocked her on her ass with a loud ‘wompf,’ and she whined, ‘Damn it, not again.’ The track girl, probably late for practice, called ‘sorry,’ over her shoulder but rushed past as we suppressed snickers.

        We ducked into my room while Mandy sat there still shocked by her rapidly swelling nose and the trickle of blood coming from it. Willow shook her head and laughed a bit more evilly than out in the corridor. She said it suited her right and that some people obviously didn’t learn very fast.

        I smiled, a little more hesitantly, and suggested that maybe it would be best to lift the curse before the poor girl got hurt. She repeated ‘poor girl?’ with a great deal of incredulity before going on to remind me that this was the same girl who had been picking on me, being mean, bigoted and if she weren’t taught a lesson, made to re-evaluate her misguided notions, that she’d never change.

        I ducked my head and said I knew; it was just that I didn’t like seeing her get hurt so much and what if it got worse or she didn’t realize what she needed to do? Her gaze softened and she took one of my hands and said she loved how I was always so caring and considerate, even for those who probably didn’t deserve it. It was one of the things she thought was so endearing about me.

        I know I blushed and still couldn’t look at her. It was going to take some getting used to her frank comments about my good qualities, it just seemed so weird to be hearing them instead of deprecations like I’d heard all the time back home.

        And she was probably right, too. Hopefully the curse would teach Mandy and her friends a lesson of tolerance and respect for others, and that you never knew what they might do if you treated them badly. She did agree that if things didn’t resolve soon she’d confront the girl and remove the curse if she seemed repentant, if I wanted her too, that is. I finally looked back up and said I knew she’d do the right thing, which got me another kiss.

Once we’d separated, I speculated that she might not be entirely unfounded in her worries about the girl dieing outside either, this being Sunnydale and all. Maybe Buffy knew or had heard more and one of the things I recalled from the night before was the sound of laughter in the rain, and now that I thought about it, it might’ve happened once or maybe twice before, only with no bodies of course.

        She didn’t recall hearing anything, but agreed that checking with Buffy and maybe Giles too would be a good idea. Strange deaths were their department after all and even I had to admit it was a little too close to my dorm, my room, for comfort.

        So we resolved that she’d check in with Buffy and Riley, she also wanted to make sure The Initiative wasn’t pursuing the gang in their search for Riley. I cut in and asked why they’d be after Riley, wasn’t he one of them? She looked a little sheepish and said that she’d completely forgotten to tell me what had happened after I’d come to tell her that The Initiative had taken Oz. I’d just assumed that she’d gotten Riley to have him released, but she shook her head when I mentioned this and said things were worse than before, as usual.

She seemed pretty resigned to that so I let it pass, but it makes me wonder how she ever dealt with the constant pressure of saving people from vampires, demons, and other monsters, even stopping the world from ending while still trying to go to school, get good grades, handle her parents disinterest and the rest of life. I mean, all I had to deal with was Donny and Father. Well…and mother’s situation, too, but at least that was all I had to focus on. No pressure of knowing that if I couldn’t cut it, if I got tired or just wanted to run and hide, no-one might die as a result. Goddess she’s got such a strong spirit, a mind that is so sharp and able to cope with just about anything. No wonder she’s so gifted with the Craft, able to pick things up so quickly. No matter how much I think she can’t make me respect, admire…love, her any more, something else comes up and shows me just how wrong I am. Buffy is so lucky to have had this wonderful red haired angel beside her during high school, and of course I am blessed beyond the telling of it.

She quickly related how they’d been planning to go in and get Oz when Spike had come by and offered to sneak them into the Initiative base and help get Oz loose, which really helped because otherwise they would have had to break in which would’ve been very difficult.

I stopped her and asked why Spike was helping them, wasn’t he a bad guy? She replied that he wanted to get back at the commando types for holding him prisoner, but I reminded her that she’d said before that he couldn’t remember how he got out or where the base was or anything. How did he know about a back or secret way in? Weren’t they worried it was a trap somehow?

She gave me a different odd look, not the one I’d come to love, but as if to say that I’d surprised her, but in a good way, said something she didn’t expect. She slowly went on saying well, yeah, now that she considered the matter, it was kinda odd. She’d just didn’t think about it at the time, or maybe just assumed he’d remembered something, though that was awfully convenient timing.

She remained quiet for a moment as her brain processed and I swear it was almost like listening to a hard drive spin. She shook it off after a second and continued explaining that while Giles and Anya took the power down, the rest of them went to a lesser used entrance, which was oddly open, and snuck on down into the holding areas. They’d found Riley in the brig; he’d tried to rescue Oz and had been caught. On reflection she thought it was awfully brave of him to try and rescue Oz like that, jeopardize his entire career, become a renegade and everything.

I laughed a little, which got a mock scowl from her and I had to say that it reminded me of the A-Team, wrongfully on the run from the army, yet still helping others and all that. It was one of Donny’s favorite shows, he used to watch the re-runs all the time. Of course I was pretty young then and used to think it was sort of cool and always wished that they’d come and rescue me. It was pretty embarrassing really and I am sure I was beet red as I told her this, and then I realized I’d probably said too much and she was giving me another strange look so I hastily prodded her story along asking how they found Oz?

She went on saying that Riley led them to Oz, but when she tried to help him he had almost gone all wolfey and Riley had to be the one to help him out. Buffy had taken the new commander of the place hostage too, and that though they got caught, they used him to get out and make their escape, along with Oz and Riley, though his commander had said if he left then he’d be considered a traitor.

I got a little nervous at that and asked didn’t they shoot traitors or something? She said she wasn’t sure, that sounded sort of nineteenth century, but no matter what the case Riley wasn’t with the Initiative anymore and they’d be searching for him, maybe even for Buffy and the rest of them as well.

She’s said her life is never dull.

She paced about the room a bit and went on explaining that it turned out that she’s the one who makes Oz lose his calm and brings out the wolf in him. She was pretty upset by that, she never meant to hurt Oz, no matter how things had gone between them before. He seemed kind of accepting of the situation though, and when he’d asked if she was happy, she had said yes. She squeezed my hand here and smiled at me and I felt my cheeks heat up again.

She continued telling me how she’d said goodbye to Oz, that he left that night, which was sort of sad and she’d miss him, but that it was probably for the best. Oz had his whole life before him and she knew things would turn out well; that he’d find his way, he’d always been good at that, and whenever they ran into each other again, hopefully it would be as friends.

I told her I was glad they’d gotten a chance to talk, catch up and parted on better terms than before. She sort of looked at me funny, a little surprised, but I said that they’d been through so much, been important to each other and that they deserved a better end than angry or bitter feelings over the werewolf girl. I was just glad she’d gotten some closure and sense of peace, finally.

She smiled at me and hugged me, kissed me again once, twice and before things went any further, through a Herculean effort, I managed to mention she was going to check in with Buffy? She murmured, yes, check with Buffy and her hands roamed lower on my back to my rear.

I sort of giggled, squeaked and that she definitely needed to check in before we had to get dressed again. It was important to see what the situation was, and really I should try and get to some classes today, even if I would just be thinking about her the whole time. She smiled at that last and said her too. She stepped back and finally relented that she’d do the rounds, change, go to class, but she’d be back for dinner, and this time we really were going to go someplace fancy and nice.

        She moved closer once more, as if she couldn’t bear to be that far away and placed her arms around my waist, sort of kissed the end of my nose and said softly that she owed me a date and a big evening and she wasn’t about to let me off lightly. I just sighed and sank into her embrace, whispered that she could do whatever she wanted with me and we kissed a couple of times, the thrill still as great as ever, before she finally pulled away and left.

Oh, Mother, I was left standing stunned, alone but not really. The memory of her thrums through my mind like electricity through an incandescent light, it illuminates me, makes me feel buoyant, dizzy, want to hum or like I could defy gravity on a whim. Parting wasn’t as hard as I thought it’d be. I know she’ll be back, return to me with open arms, soft lips… I am such a lovestruck calf. All I could do this afternoon was stay in my room, write in my journal, lie on the bed and remember the feel of her, relive all the sensations. There’s still a small section of my mind that worries that this can’t really be happening, that I had to have made it all up, but I don’t give it any heed.

I should feel guilty about missing class and all, but I don’t. This is just all too much. I’ve never been so happy, never had to deal with feeling like this. Goddess what do I do?

I’ll work on the spell book she got me, I’ll remember, and I’ll wait for her to get back. There’ll be time enough for class and the normal world tomorrow. Today, today is for me, her and us.


 Post subject: Re: From the Journal Part 15B
PostPosted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 6:30 pm 
Wow, it was a real surprise to show up here and see an update. As usual, it was wonderful and I think that most definitely it will be worth re-reading about a million times or so. I know I've said this before, but I love the way you get inside Tara's head. You're really able to write in her voice - and I love that.

It's insulting to the whole gender[sic] of rap.


 Post subject: Re: From the Journal Part 15B
PostPosted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 9:05 pm 
I second that wow. It's been awhile since I've read this, and I'm as impressed as I was the first time I read it. You may as well have set up camp in Tara's head... the emotions and some of the little things she notices or says is so well-done descriptively. Love it, thanks.


 Post subject: Re: From the Journal Part 15B
PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 12:08 am 
Garner, so good to see you back! :wave

Leave it to Tara to still be insecure after Willow has given herself completely to her, but that is part of Tara's charms. As always, I love the way you have written from Tara's POV. It proves you know her character very well.

Also, very clever of Tara to realize something isn't right about Spike's sudden willingness to help.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.

Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

 Post subject: Re: From the Journal Part 15B
PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 9:08 am 

Aaawww... how cuuuuuuuuuuuute :lol

A nice early xmas present Garner, thanks :)

Yeah I figured Tara would need some time adjust to a NICE future at least. Leave it to Tara to think of something not-good about herself... and to Willow to get rid of that when she spots it, heh :)

I probably comes as no surprise I'm in favour of cancelling that punishment spell. Can't such much goodness coming of it anyway, you can't force people to approve of what you do. It just doesn't work, you CAN of course force people not to hurt you.. thats easy... ah well. Good for Tara to bring it up anyway :)

Tara does have the weirdest dreams I must say. I never dream about so many cats, certainly not such BIG ones :) It's neat how Willow's dream are almost the same (though she no doubt will analyse stuff a bit more:-)

Tara's line about the A-Team "always wished that they'd come and rescue me" had me feel real sorry for her. I wonder if she actually said that one out loud. Good thing she covered that up with another question. Willow wouldn't like to hear that Tara really needed someone to rescue her from her horrid

father and brother.


"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

 Post subject: Re: From the Journal of Tara MaClay Part 15B
PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 9:36 am 
It took me two days to catch up with this...

I don't posses the words for how amazing I think this is :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow :bow .

To you :clap :clap :clap :clap



"To the world, you may be one person; but to one person, you may be the world"

 Post subject: Re: From the Journal of Tara MaClay Part 15B
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 11:43 am 
Well I guess everyone hasn't forgotten about this after all! That's cool. Hopefully things won't take so long next time to get done. The morning after stuff was trickier than I had thought it would be. Maybe, if I'm lucky, we'll have another chapter before or around Christmas!

TempestDuer, glad this was a nice surprise, too many around Thanksgiving tend to be of the nasty variety, I don't know why that is. Also nice to see that I didn't lose Tara's voice in the intervening time. I was mildly worried about that.

Onyxsundrops, still the coolest screen name I've seen. Glad that you stuck with the story. Hopefully the description does not get in the way of the flow of the story. I always thought that Tara was the most observant of the group, even if she didn't always say what she noticed. If that makes any sense. :)

Rose24, one of the problems I have is that Tara was still written as very insecure in season 5. Personally I would think some of that would be eliminated during the summer between the two seasons. Really a lot of her growth doesn't occur till season sux, which is too bad really. That either says to me very deepseated doubts and fears, or the show's writers not doing much with her in S 5. I think she will tend to get a bit better as we go through the future parts. And with Spike, for someone who states he hates them, they sure trust him an awful lot.

Grimlock72, well if you can't be cute you might as well write cute. :) Again, I can see Tara having had a pretty active fantasy life while at home, and a very crushed spirit so that she ends up doubting anything good in her life. It is sad and I think her background gives her a great deal of strength and a more impressive will than we saw most of the time. Tara seems too caring to want to see anyone hurt, so the curse would bother her more than Willow. We'll see how that resolves. The dreams, well, Tara's dreams have some roots in my own, I used to dream about red cats quite frequently. Sometimes even giant ones that leapt from planet to planet. It was very odd. I think she's got so much buried in her mind that her dreams become stranger and more vivid and were almost something she looked forward to, a place where she might be a little happier than at home. A bit of a refuge if you will.

Behindhereyes, happy to see a new reader, or someone who was willing to take the time to read all of this. There is quite a bit and hopefully it reads smoother all at once than I would expect. That is always a problem writing something long and in so many parts over so much time. I am surprised there aren't more gaffs because of that.

Thanks to all for the compliments. Hopefully next time won't be so long, though I will warn you there will be a terminally putrid poem in the next one. Well, maybe not that bad...

Anyway, till later,


 Post subject: Re: From the Journal of Tara MaClay Part 15B
PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2004 10:06 am 
Hey!!! :wave

First of all I just wanted to say what a wonderful job you are doing on this fic. :bow

I'm so glad to finally see a "play by play" account of what Tara was feeling and going through when she met Willow. You have done a marvelous job filling in the blanks for each episode. :applause

I don't know how far you are willing to take this...but if you ever plan on trying to go forth and tackle season 5 and 6...well you have a willing and patient...*clears throat*!:dumbo

I'll just hope that in your season 6...things will turn out a little different. If it is not your intention to take it that far...then, the writing you have provided for us so far...well for a lack of a better term...THANK YOU!!!:bounce

There are so few writers that can really capture raw human emotion...and describe it so eloquently...a few to mention, KINDAGAY, WASHI, ANTIGONE UNBOUND, JUSTSKIPIT, OPHELIA, JIXER, DARKWICCAN AND NOW YOU, just to name a few...there are so many all deserve mentioning! :applause

So in conclusion, we will all sit here during these holiday seasons, eagerly anticipating updatey goodness...makes for a cozy night by the Christmas tree.

Saluting you while sipping on a mug of hot chocolate,

Irene:bigkiss :pride :D

"En las estrellas te puedo ver...cuando tus photos me siento a ver."



"In the stars I can see you...when your pictures I sit down to see."

Edited by: Irene73 at: 11/23/04 11:04 am

 Post subject: Re: From the Journal of Tara MaClay - New Fic
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 5:51 pm 
This is a really cool journal!!! i love tara and i cant get enough of her and willow!!!!!!!! it's so sad that tara doesnt think that willow doesnt love her cause oz came back!!!! i hope willow will come to her senses!!!!!!!!

[img noborder]wt_essential_av[/img]

 Post subject: OOOOO it's good!
PostPosted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 10:40 am 
This is a really good site. it hink that your really doing well with this fan fic. i love it! anyways..............well it's terrific!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lololololol:bow :rofl

 Post subject: Re: From the Journal of Tara MaClay - New Fic
PostPosted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 12:15 pm 
Woah, I am SO loving this fic. It's so realistic and well-written it just makes me go :thud Read all the updates almost in one evening, I just had to go to work in between ;) I was going to stay home this friday night to read but I'm through already :happycry

Please please never stop updating!! :applause :bow


‘I like being in complete and utter control. I like to dominate!’

 Post subject: yay update
PostPosted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 2:11 pm 
Nice to see an update...I remember reading this before I even joined this board. Had a good time reading it again.

This fic is a wonderfully deep and emotional character study. Putting it in journal format has really left an bare, honest account, removing some of the pretense that would have to occur otherwise. Tara's voice seems genuine and portrayed well. Kudos.


What is love but whatever my heart needs around

~Trespassers William

 Post subject: Woah!!!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 12:52 pm 
this is turning out to be a really good fic!!!! i feel;) it is so good!!!!!! loll i love the realistics in it!!!

 Post subject: From the Journal
PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2004 5:35 pm 
Well it is cool to see that there are some who haven't read any of this before, that is always cool to see. I am also amazed that reading this all in one shot works. I've always felt that doing something this long over several months would lead to excessive repetition and some disjointedness. If that has been kept to a minimum than I am surprised.

Irene73 I also thought we needed more of what Tara was going through and thought during those episodes where we saw so little of her. Of course the show could have been just W/T and we wouldn't have seen enough of them, but still...

Tarawtch07 also happy to have you on board. There might even be an update in the not so distant next year. It could happen. Hope it isn't too long.

lilfed and Hermitfish, also glad you gave it a try or stuck with it. The last gap was pretty long and usually updates are bigger than the last one. Things seem to have gotten more detailed as I've gone along. I am not sure why that is, maybe because Tara actually was around more or I got more comfortable with the story or PoV. I tend to wig out around Christmas, but hopefully will be back on a more regular writing schedule and that should help.

Thanks for responding and everyone have a safe shopping season! :)


 Post subject: Re: From the Journal
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 12:52 pm 

This is so cool

 Post subject: Re: From the Journal
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 5:53 pm 


First of all, sorry so late with feedback,I don't know where I was when this was posted.

Now on with the feedback....

Fantastic as usual.When I read this,it almost feels as if I'm Tara,thats how good you are.Looking forward to more.


 Post subject: So good.
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 1:51 pm 
Love it.


 Post subject: Re: So good.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 10:10 am 
Great update, Garner, you made my day - as usual! :clap

Your dream sequences always stun me, you're really great at those! :thud

And now what, is there a subplot about that girl's death, which we never had the chance to see on Buffy, or is there something I've forgot about?

Glad to see ya back on the track on this fiction, hope to read something more not that much time ahed! :read


"I love slow, slow but deep, feigned affections wash over me" Dead Can Dance

Einstein was right.

 Post subject: Re: So good.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 2:48 pm 
SaraBiga, there is indeed a subplot coming up that has nothing to do with anything that happened on the show. I don't know why I exactly wanted to do something outside of the show, but for whatever reason did and do. So there will be a bit in the next part that is totally mine as opposed to strictly from the show. It shouldn't be horribly long or or anything, and will tie some stuff together.

I did toy with including what happened in the first W&T comic, Wannablessedbe, but think I have decided not to do that. There is enough there already from Tara's perspective, and Amber and Chris wrote it, and I don't see the need to trample on that entirely. Though I suppose I could be convinced otherwise. I did sort of think it would be neat to include that in what was going on with them.

Anyway, after the subplot stuff it is on to Yoko Factor and the episodes again. Really, after NMR, Tara's role kinda declines. The main cast is mostly dealing with Adam and the dreams in Restless, so for Tara, there is a bunch of stuff she isn't involved in. Which also means save going on to season 5, the journal should be coming to a close soonish too.

Well, that's it for now, thanks to everyone for leaving some thoughts or comments. Good luck with the shopping season!


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