Ah, yes, an update. I had nearly forgotten what posting one of these was like.
Found my muse. Wolflord did indeed have her. Sneaky Wolfie, always taking my muse. I must come up with an appropriate punishment.
Thanks for all the well wishes, by the way, regarding my finally-fled-flu, and my upcoming excursion. The outfit is picked, the plans are made, and I'm only having mild panic attacks now. Hehe.
Okay, I'll get to replies soon. Thanks for reading and responding. Oh, and I'm sorry but that rating's gonna be staying "R" for a little while longer. But trust me... when the NC-17 rolls around, it'll be worth the wait. Oh my, what I have in store for you... hehe!
-BB
Title: The Truth of Deception - Part 14: The Calm
Author: blameburner
Feedback: Sure… Always a plus
Summary: AU, baby! So you all know by now... Tara is part of the Initiative. Plenty of questions remain, however, and the answers will be revealed... eventually.
Spoiler Warning: S4. Everything up to "Hush" is canon. After that, this story veers off. There will be some similarities to S4, but definite differences. Basically, if it happened after "Hush" on the show, assume it
didn't happen unless I mention it specifically.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, but oh how I wish they were! Joss, blah, blah, ME, blah, blah.
Rating: Generally R, but some NC-17 (maybe). Just be prepared.
Pairings: W/T, of course.
Angst: Maggie Alert! Maggie Alert! Automatic rating of 5, plus 1 more cuz things are starting to come to a head. So I guess that's a total of 6 for all my fellow non-math majors out there. Hehe.
Previously...Walsh closed the report and walked out of her office. She wandered down the corridor, lost in thought about the redheaded witch. She needed Willow Rosenberg to be powerful, even though she feared it at the same time. She needed Willow Rosenberg to be strong, even though she knew it could doom them all. She needed Willow Rosenberg - period. Otherwise... otherwise she would have to turn somewhere else, somewhere she didn't want to go if she could help it.
She turned the corner and took out her card key, sliding it through the scanner and walking through the heavy steel door. She took out another card key, a secret card key, and swiped it through another scanner. The pressure-sealed door opened with a hiss, and Maggie Walsh entered Area 314.
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"I just... I couldn't admit that I loved you... until I admitted I was gay," Willow said. "Once I did that... everything else just fell into place. I'm just sorry it took me so long to get here."
"It's okay, Willow," Tara said, kissing her lightly. "All that matters is that you're here now."
"No," Willow said, smiling back at the woman she loved. "All that matters is that
we're here. Together."
Tara nodded and sealed Willow's words with a kiss.
Part 14"Mmmm, yummy picnicky goodness," Willow murmured as she nuzzled Tara's ear.
"I don't think the picnic is in my ear, sweetie," Tara giggled even as Willow's mouth was completely turning her on. Actually, Tara couldn't remember a single second of the last week where she wasn't completely turned on by Willow. Even Willow organizing her sock drawer had been a turn on - in a slightly disturbing way.
Tara sat back on her knees, surveying the picnic blanket and all the goodies she had laid out on it. Egg salad sandwiches, sliced cucumbers, watermelon, two kinds of soda, carrots, strawberries, and of course, chocolate. Can't have a proper picnic without chocolate.
The blonde glanced over and noticed the pout on her girlfriend's face. By sitting back, Tara had moved her ear - and all other tempting body parts - out of the reach of Willowlips from where the redhead was lounging in her side. Tara could just imagine the little babbling rant that was probably running through her girlfriend's head about the sudden lack of Taraskin.
My girlfriend, Tara thought, smiling a little secret smile. She couldn't get over the fact that Willow was her girlfriend. She often passed the monotonous hours in class - which meant being away from Willow - by just saying "Willow's my girlfriend" over and over in her head.
Tara girl, you are completely whooped. She smiled at that thought, too. Yes, Willow Rosenberg most definitely had Tara whooped. Head over heels whooped. And it didn't bother Tara one little bit.
Willow watched her girlfriend lost in her own little world. Tara had done that a lot in the last week, getting lost in thought and then smiling the cutest little smile, and Willow thought it was the most adorable thing in the world.
Could my girlfriend be any cuter? Willow thought.
Mmmm... my girlfriend.
"So? Did I forget anything?" Tara asked her love.
"Hmmm, let me see," Willow said, looking around the blanket. "Well, from this angle it doesn't look like it, but..." she trailed off, rising to her knees.
"But...?" Tara said, suddenly worried that she had, in fact, forgotten something.
"But..." Willow said, shuffling over on her knees to kneel behind Tara. She wrapped her arms around the blonde and rested her head on Tara's shoulder. "I have to check from this angle, just to be sure."
Tara grinned her lop-sided grin, resting back against her girlfriend's body. "That's my girl... always being thorough."
"Mmmm-hmmm, thorough," Willow responded absently. She was becoming increasingly distracted by the long expanse of Tara's neck, which was even more distracting than usual since Tara had her hair pulled back today. Willow couldn't resist running her lips along that neck and taking a little taste.
Tara let out a throaty moan. Since the night they had declared their love, they hadn't been able to keep their hands off each other. Stolen smoochies and little touches that were about way more than friendship when they were in public... smoldering kisses and lingering caresses when they were alone.
They had spent endless hours kissing and touching... so many hours that seemed like forever and yet blew by at a feverish pace, to the point that Willow had wondered if maybe some sort of quantum singularity had formed around the two of them that was warping space-time every time they touched. Then Willow had decided that it all sounded too Star Trek-y and that it didn't really matter, anyway, although the words "Star Trek" had spurred a whole Tara-as-Seven-of-Nine-wearing-tight-spandex fantasy that Willow was bound and determined to bring to Tara's attention when Halloween rolled around.
Yes, the last week had been a virtual smooch-fest, one that was burning hotter and hotter every time their lips met. That first night they had lain their for hours, just kissing, learning the sweet contours of each other's mouths and faces and necks. Their mouths had been in constant motion, brushing and trailing and opening and devouring for hour upon hour, until they had finally fallen asleep in one another's arms.
There had been touching, too... of course there had been touching. They had touched each other with chaste caresses that promised more, stroking the upper swell of the butt, the back of a thigh, the underside of a breast... it had been enough, more than enough, even. It had been exquisite.
And now... oh boy. The fire that burned constantly between them was once again flashing into a raging blaze. Tara turned in Willow's arms and found her love's lips even as Willow guided Tara down to the blanket. Their picnic spot was rather secluded, in a small clearing in a grove of trees by the lake, though Willow wasn't thinking about that at all. All she could think about was Taralips and Taraskin and... oh Goddess... Tarathigh pressing up between her legs.
Their mouths moved hungrily against each other as their hands searched for something to cling to. Tara's hands found Willow's backside, pulling Willow even more firmly against her raised thigh. This only enflamed Willow further, who had given up all pretense of innocence when her hands boldly slipped underneath Tara's blouse and began squeezing Tara's breasts.
"Mmmmnnnnn," came Tara's strangled reply to Willow's more than welcomed invasion. In just a week Willow had become an expert in touching Tara, and vice-versa. It amazed them both just how quickly their relationship had progressed, how fast they were moving towards the inevitable - and highly anticipated - conclusion of finally being
together together.
Willow trailed her lips down Tara's neck while her hands worked deliciously over Tara's soft mounds. Willow's thumbs brushed over Tara's already hardened nipples, eliciting a low groan. Wanting desperately to hear that sound again, Willow brushed her thumbs back the other direction. Tara groaned again, and Willow nearly came just on the sound.
She wanted Tara, in every way. It was so different than it had been with Oz. There had been wanting with Oz, sure. But there had also been fear and hesitation and nervousness and doubt and concern... with Tara, there was none of that. There was nothing but love. Yes, there relationship had progressed rather quickly - at least if you ignored the fact that their first kiss had taken nearly two months to happen. But now, since that kiss and since they had admitted their true feelings, they were steaming rapidly towards making love.
Willow realized she really did consider it "making love." With Oz, it had always been sex. It was nice and good and sweet and special, but it was still just sex. With Tara... Willow wanted to make love. She wanted to spend the whole night just touching and tasting and caressing and stroking and kissing, and then she wanted to fall asleep holding Tara and then wake up and do it all over again. She wanted to look into Tara's eyes as they both shattered into a million pieces and then fell together into the safety of each other's arms.
Not that "making love" would always be soft and gentle. Willow had always thought that when people called it "making love," the words were a way of saying one thing... boring. People who "made love" had no imagination, no spark, no passion... or so Willow had always thought.
But now... no, Willow knew that making love with Tara would also be intense and passionate and fevered and downright blistering. There was lust and desire and deep, deep wanting that needed to be expressed, that refused to be denied. And yet Willow knew, too, that no matter how frenzied their lovemaking might get - and Goddess knows a little bit of frenzy was certainly not a bad thing - that it would still be tender and profound.
Willow wanted to make love to Tara, and she wanted to do it right now.
"Tara," Willow whispered, moving her head so she could look into the blonde's eyes.
"Yes, my love," Tara said, reaching up to caress Willow's cheek.
"I want to make love with you," Willow said softly.
Tara searched Willow's eyes, and knew that it was true. It was the moment she had longed for - and also the moment she had dreaded. Part of her wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life making love to Willow, and yet... and yet Tara couldn't, in good conscience. She couldn't make love to Willow while there were still so many lies between them. She couldn't - wouldn't - do that.
Tara so desperately wanted to tell Willow the truth, it was breaking her heart. She knew Willow would be hurt, knew that Willow might never even want to see her again. Yet Tara was willing to take that risk. She had decided what seemed like a lifetime ago that she would wait for Willow forever, but she would never give up on their love.
The problem wasn't how Willow would react. No, that wasn't what kept Tara from telling Willow the truth. The problem was Maggie Walsh. Since the last time she had spoken to Walsh, Tara hadn't been able to find out anything about Walsh's plans or why she was so interested in Willow. Tara knew the reasons Walsh had given, but her instincts told her that Walsh was up to something else, something she wasn't letting Tara in on. And that scared Tara more than the thought of what Willow's reaction to the truth would be.
Tara was afraid for Willow, afraid that telling Willow the truth would put her love in more danger. Grave danger that Tara had no way of protecting her from if Walsh learned that Tara had told Willow everything. Not only would Walsh no longer trust Tara, she knew, but Walsh was likely to order Tara to stay away from Willow because her cover would have been blown. If Tara's cover was blown, there would be no point in Tara continuing the relationship with Willow, at least in Walsh's mind. Then Tara would have no way of discovering the truth of Walsh's deception, and no way of protecting Willow.
No, Tara could not tell Willow the truth just yet. And that meant Tara could not make love with Willow.
In truth, Tara had not expected their relationship to move so quickly towards the inevitable physical expression of that love. Tara had thought Willow would be nervous and scared about being with a woman for the first time. Tara had thought, given how long it took Willow to recognize her won feelings, that it would take just as long for Willow to be ready to make love.
Tara realized now that she should have known better.
When Willow wanted something, she went after it whole-heartedly. When Willow loved, she loved completely. Once Willow had made her decision, there was no going back, and going slow was not an option. It was one of the many reasons Tara loved Willow. But now... it was a problem. Tara didn't know what she could do, how she could not make love to Willow without hurting her. Especially when Tara wanted so very badly to make love.
"Willow," Tara said gently, smiling lightly. "We've got plenty of time to make love," she said. "We don't have to rush..."
"I know," Willow said, silencing Tara with a kiss. "I don't want to rush, either. But somehow this doesn't feel like rushing."
Tara brushed Willow's hair back behind her ears. "Sweetie, I would like nothing more than to make love with you..."
Willow smiled, then frowned. "I feel a 'but' coming... and not a sexy Tarabutt, either."
Tara grinned. She loved how her girlfriend's mind worked. "But..." she said, watching Willow's frown deepen, "I just want to make sure you're ready. Really ready. Making love won't just be about you being with me - it'll also be about you being with another woman."
"Another woman? What, is there some rule that your first lesbian experience has to be a threesome? Is that in the Lesbian Handbook? Cuz if it is, I think I need to re-read that page, and-"
Tara kissed Willow firmly, and pulled back laughing. "You... you have a dirty mind."
Willow grinned. She had known what Tara had meant by the "another woman" comment. She just liked yanking Tara's chain. "And you love me for it."
"Just one of a million reasons," Tara said reverently.
"I don't want to rush, baby," Willow said seriously. "It's just that... when you realize you love someone completely, you want to love them...
completely. Starting right now."
Tara smiled, tracing Willow's cheek with her fingers. "I feel the same way, sweetie," she said. In truth, Tara very much did feel that way. "But... can we just give it a little more time?" She wasn't lying, not really. Tara really did want to make sure Willow was completely ready before they made love for the first time. And yet... it was all a lie, just the same.
"Of course," Willow said, smiling back. She would do - or not do - anything for Tara. "Though I have to tell you... it's getting harder and harder to keep my hands off of you," she said huskily.
"Who said anything about keeping your hands off of me?" Tara asked coyly, quirking an eyebrow.
Willow growled and pounced on her girlfriend, tickling her mercilessly. Tara screamed Willow's name, but Willow didn't relent.
"Willow? Is that you?"
Willow looked up, startled. That voice sounded very much like...
"Buffy!" Willow squeaked, rolling off of Tara and sitting up quickly. Too quickly, it seemed. "Oh, head rush," Willow groaned, slapping her hand to her forehead, which of course caused her to groan again from the pain caused by the forehead slapping.
All Tara could do was giggle.
Adorably panicked Willow strikes again, Tara thought.
"There you guys are," Buffy said, following the sound of Willow's voice. The Slayer plopped down onto the picnic blanket. "I've been looking all over for you two."
"You have?" Willow asked, still rubbing her forehead. "Is there demony badness? The world's not ending again, is it?" Willow asked. She really didn't want to face another apocalypse. Not today. It would soooooo spoil her picnic with Tara. The picnic Buffy had just invaded uninvited, come to think of it.
Stupid world better be ending, or Buffy and I are gonna have to go a few rounds, Slayer strength or not. I can take her. I'm a hair puller."No, no doom and gloom," Buffy said happily. "Well, not today, anyway. I was just... kinda... well... I was bored."
"Oh," Willow mumbled, relieved and annoyed at the same time. Buffy was oblivious, or so Willow assumed. In actuality, Buffy was simply playing dumb. Willow had been spending practically every waking moment - and a lot of the sleeping ones - with Tara, and Buffy wondered... well, she wondered if she was imagining things, or if... or if...
"Well its good that you found us, then," Tara said, smiling. "Since you were bored."
Buffy smiled back at her new blonde friend. She really did like Tara. A lot, actually. Granted, she had only talked with Tara a few times, since Willow was monopolizing all of Tara's time, but still... Tara had this way of making Buffy feel very at ease, and Buffy never felt at ease about anything, so being made to feel at ease was pretty high up on her list of "things that make me like people." Plus, Willow was really, really happy since she had met the blonde witch. And if Willow was happy, Buffy was happy... though Buffy did wonder just what Willow was so darn happy about... and whether Willow was happy with Tara because she was getting a happy from Tara, leading to happy happys.
Oh my God, I have been hanging out with Anya waaaaaaay too much, Buffy thought.
And Xander. Great, I've got Anya's depraved mind and Xander's inability to communicate in anything remotely close to a sentence. Please, Hellmouth. Just open up and swallow me whole. I won't put up a fight, I swear."So a picnic, huh?" Buffy said in an desperate effort to make idle chit-chat, when all she really wanted to do was tie her best friend to a chair and find out what was going on with her and Tara.
"Yep," Willow said, also in a desperate effort to make idle chit-chat, when all she really wanted to do was point off into the forest and shout "vampire" so that Buffy would take off on a wild-vampire chase and leave Willow and Tara to their picnicky smoochfest.
Buffy looked back and forth between Willow and Tara, which was making the redhead more and more nervous by the second. It was obvious to Willow that Buffy suspected... something. Buffy wasn't stupid. Oblivious, yes. Self-absorbed, sometimes. But stupid, no. Buffy had a tendency to miss the little things, but put enough of them together and she's eventually pick up the scent. Especially when it came to her best friend, because when it came right down to it, Buffy cared. A lot.
"Uh-huh," Tara said, joining the idle chit-chat parade.
"So, who's hungry?" Buffy asked innocently, eyeing a sandwich. Willow glared for a moment at her best friend, who returned a mock-glare of her own that sent Willow into a fit of giggles. Buffy laughed, too, and they both dug into some sandwiches.
Tara watched Willow and Buffy eating and joking, and smiled a bittersweet smile. She knew that Willow had been keeping their relationship a secret from Buffy. In a way, Tara was relieved by that. She had deliberately misled Walsh about the extent of their relationship, leading her boss to believe that Willow wasn't interested in her. And Tara knew that she had no real way of explaining the change to Walsh. It was simply one of those things she had decided to deal with if and when it came to Walsh's attention, hoping that between now and then she'd be able to come up with a reasonable explanation.
And yet Tara was bothered by Willow's reluctance to tell her friends, as well. Tara feared that Willow wasn't telling her friends that she and Tara were more than just friends because the redhead deep down had doubts about their relationship. Tara's insecurity about herself sometimes made her wonder whether Willow really did love her.
I mean, how can someone as wonderful as Willow possibly love me?But then logic and reason and love and truth won out, and Tara knew that Willow's silence had nothing to do with her. Not really. Willow was simply scared about how her friends would react, whether they would still love her and accept her. Accept them, together as a couple. Tara knew, too, that in time Willow would come around, that she would have the strength to tell her friends the truth. And how could Tara fault Willow for that?
She couldn't, Tara thought somewhat bitterly. She couldn't fault Willow's dishonesty at all, but especially not when Tara's own dishonesty was so much worse. Some days, Tara really hated herself for what she was doing to Willow. And yet... she also knew she was doing the right thing. Or at least, she was doing the thing that was more right. There was no completely right thing, not really. Which is what made all of it so damn hard.
************************
Maggie Walsh walked around the examination table, trailing her hand lightly over the form partially covered by a white sheet. Walsh heard the door open and close behind her.
"Are the programs complete?" she asked without taking her eyes off the form lying on the table.
"Nearly," a nervous looking man in a white lab coat said. "I just have to recheck the final subroutines and install them, along with the integration matrix."
"Good, good," Walsh said absently. "When can I expect completion, Dr. Engleman?"
"I need another 48 hours," Engleman said. "Then... it... should be ready for animation."
"He," Walsh corrected. "
He should be ready for animation."
"Of course," Engleman said, though he disagreed. The
thinglying on that table could never be considered anything other than a monster, at least not in Engleman's opinion. Still... the thing Walsh liked to call "Adam" had its uses. If it worked, that is. If they could get the final programs fixed and loaded into its computer processor of a mind, and if they could successfully animate it, and if...
"And what about the Falasian Crystal?" Walsh asked, finally looking at Engleman for the first time.
"Safe," Engleman said. "It's safely hidden away. And the witch?"
"I have the situation under control," Walsh said absently.
"What does that mean?" Engleman asked. Lately he had begun to have a very bad feeling about this whole project - especially where Walsh was concerned.
"It means," Walsh said coldly, "that I have the situation under control."
Engleman swallowed. Hard.
Walsh curved her thin lips up into a smile. "Don't worry, Doctor. Just get those programs finished and I'll take care of the rest."
Engleman nodded and scurried out of the room, anxious to get away from Walsh. Walsh turned back to the part man, part demon, part computer lying on the table. She reached out and stroked Adam's cheek.
"It's almost time," Walsh said reverently.
*************************
TBC with Part 15: Gathering Clouds
"I feel like someone ran me down with a car, and then got out to give me a really great pair of shoes." - sassyeggsglobal
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WOLFLORD 
WOLFLORD 
_______________ 
You may just be plesantly suprised, and if you find a "good" woman, you may not even look back at the boys 
) You don't have to go "looking"...Just have a good time and they will come 
WOLFLORD 
Not liking that... Ah, I do really.
