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Riley looked down at the woman in his arms and gently traced her face with the back of his hand. Buffy looked so peaceful in the night, so relaxed. He knew she had seen so much - much more than any twenty year old should have had to have seen in that time, or in an entire lifetime. It sounded so cliche, but she had fought the forces of darkness for so long, saved the world so many times, it had worn her down. Now she was always guarded, always wary, even when she was happy and there was no sign of danger. It was only in the night when she was asleep that Buffy let her guard down enough for Riley to see the girl inside, the girl she hadn't been allowed to be for very long. Part of that wariness Buffy always maintained, Riley was sure, was for her friends, for the seemingly rag-tag band of warriors who had fought by Buffy's side from the beginning for no reasons other than it was the right thing to do and Buffy needed them. She never said it, but Riley knew that Buffy worried about them all, about the toll fighting the good fight had taken and would take until the end. Buffy was protective of them all - Willow, Xander, and Giles - because they had always been there for her and she knew they always would be. Because they had loved her as much as she had loved them. Because they had been hurt more than once and still came back for more. And that was part of what hurt so much about Tara's deception. Deceptions, plural, he amended. Apart from his own sense of betrayal, Riley knew that this all hurt Buffy terribly, because it hurt Willow terribly. Buffy would take Willow's pain as her own, and would feel that it was yet another thing she had failed to protect Willow from. At least when Riley believed that Tara had done all this to protect Willow, there was hope - hope that eventually Willow would understand and forgive Tara, and therefore Buffy would eventually understand and forgive herself. But now...
And to make matters worse, Riley didn't know if he should tell Buffy about his conversation with Tara. What would be the point? he wondered. Would Buffy just feel even more betrayed? Would she hate Tara even more for hurting Willow? For hurting Riley? What good could come of me telling her the truth?
Riley stared up at the flaking and water-stained ceiling and let out a long breath. He just didn't understand. Tara had seemed so sincere about wanting to protect Willow, about fearing that Walsh was a danger to Willow, and about how much all the lies had been tearing her apart. Riley had been convinced that Tara loved Willow very deeply. Yet Riley had also been quite convinced that Tara had meant what she said in her dorm room, and more than that, that she had meant to hurt Willow.
And Riley just couldn't reconcile the two Taras he had seen that day. It made absolutely no sense. How could he have been so wrong about Tara? How could he have been so fooled by her?
That last thought echoed inside Riley's head, and his forehead crinkled as a new possibility occurred to him. He had assumed that the Tara in the dorm this afternoon had been the real Tara, and that she had been lying to him when they had been walking across the campus this morning. But what if it was the other way around? What if Tara had been telling Riley the truth this morning, but had been lying this afternoon when she had told them that she believed Walsh?
He thought back to that morning, to how much love had been in Tara's voice when she had talked about Willow; how much fear had been in Tara's eyes when she had told him that Willow was in danger; how much contempt had radiated off of Tara when she had told him her suspicions about Walsh. He thought back, too, to how devastated Tara had been when he had come back to her dorm room later; how she had collapsed in his arms under the weight of her grief over losing Willow; how he had just sat there holding her and rocking her as she had clung to him; how when she had finally stopped crying and looked up at him, he had wanted to weep himself for the emptiness in her eyes. She couldn't have been faking that. It just wasn't possible.
Riley also considered Walsh and what she had done. It was still a little hard for him to accept, that the woman who had been such a mentor to him would try and kill the woman he loved. And for what? Because Buffy was a threat? Because Buffy was getting too close to something? Because Buffy had gotten between Walsh and... something? Him, perhaps? He still didn't know the why of it all, but he knew it had happened. He had been there. He had seen it. It was the truth, no matter what the reasons. And it meant that Walsh was more dangerous than he had ever allowed himself to believe. Tara had been right.
So why had she changed her story that afternoon? Why had Tara suddenly believed, or claimed to believe, in Maggie Walsh? What had happened? At the time, he had been so disgusted by how Tara was acting and what she was saying that he hadn't stopped to consider how strange it all was. How... wrong... it felt, those words, that hate, coming from Tara in her dorm room - especially that so much of it had been directed at Willow. Now the wrongness of it all stomped its feet and screamed Riley's name inside his head, and he couldn't believe he hadn't paid attention to it sooner.
Riley would have slapped himself upside the head if it wouldn't have woken Buffy. Of course Tara had been lying this afternoon. Something had happened. Walsh had tried to kill Buffy. Riley had left The Initiative. Tara had said that Walsh had told her that Buffy faked the attempt on her life, so obviously Tara and Walsh had met at some point that afternoon. And at that point, Tara must have realized that she was the only one left who could still find out what Walsh wanted with Willow. By telling Tara that Buffy had set the whole thing up and that Riley had left, Walsh had effectively laid down the gauntlet before Tara, and Tara would have had no choice but to take a side.
Riley was sure now that Tara would have chosen Willow, would always choose Willow, and choosing Willow would have meant making Walsh think that Tara had chosen Walsh. That all made sense to Riley. What didn't make sense is why, when they had all been alone in Tara's dorm room, she didn't just tell them that. Why all the lies? Why all the anger? Why cause Willow, and him and Buffy, more pain?
Suddenly Riley had a very nasty feeling in the pit of his stomach. The only reason for Tara to not have told them the truth would be if Tara had thought she couldn't. And that didn't make any sense unless... Tara would have no reason to not trust him or Buffy, not after what had happened. And she would certainly not have any reason to distrust Willow. Besides, he hadn't felt any distrust or suspicion coming from Tara that afternoon.
And then Riley knew. Tara's performance in her dorm room had been just that - a performance. But it hadn't been for him, Willow, and Buffy, or at least, not just for them. It had also been for Maggie Walsh. Somehow, someway, Tara was afraid that Walsh would find out if Tara had told them the truth - that Walsh would know Tara had betrayed her. Riley didn't know why Tara would think that, or how such a thing would even be possible, but he knew with complete and utter certainty that it was true. And that changed everything.
If Tara didn't feel safe within her own dorm room, then nowhere was safe. The walls had ears, or so it seemed. And Riley had no idea how far that might reach. Oh, Tara... Riley thought sadly. You must feel so alone. I'm so sorry. I'll find a way to help you, I promise.
And with that, Riley knew what he had to do. He had to talk to Tara, had to find out what had happened, what was going on, what she suspected. He had to make Tara understand that she wasn't alone, that she had backup, that she had help. And he knew that he couldn't tell Buffy about his suspicions, not just yet - not until he had talked to Tara.
But talking to Tara would be tricky. He had to find a safe place, free from whatever it was Tara was afraid of. And without knowing what that was, he had no idea how to protect them from it. But still... it was something. A beginning. A purpose. A plan. And Riley Finn liked having a plan.
************************
It had taken nearly an hour, the telling of it all. Tara had laid there, holding Willow, staring up at the ceiling as she told the redhead everything. She had told Willow how she had gotten involved with the Initiative, how Maggie Walsh had been - if she was completely honest about it - something of a surrogate mother to her. She had again gone over her assignment to infiltrate the Wicca group, even though Willow pretty much knew about that already, and she had explained why she had gone along with the deception initially even though she felt it was wrong. She had also told Willow again how she had felt such a strong connection with her from the very beginning, and how that connection had made her want to tell Willow the truth even as her sense of duty made her want to follow her orders and lie... how her sense of loyalty to Maggie Walsh had overruled what Tara already had started to know in her heart - that she never, ever wanted to lie to Willow.
Willow could practically see Tara's thought process as she explained how she had started to suspect that there was something more, something dangerous, in Walsh's interest in Willow. Tara explained how she had begun lying to Walsh practically from the beginning, editing her reports, covering her feelings... all because she knew that if Walsh realized that Tara was falling in love with Willow, she would have pulled Tara off the mission and assigned someone else to get close to Willow, someone... not Tara. And while jealousy had been something of a factor, while Tara couldn't imagine not being able to spend time with Willow or being near her... there was so much more to it than that.
Tara had been afraid. She had felt the fear deep within her gut, even though she didn't completely understand it at the time. She just knew that something - beyond the lies - was wrong. Gradually Tara began to understand that Walsh wanted something from Willow, and that that something was a threat to the redhead. So Tara had kept lying to Willow, and to Walsh, trying to figure out just what it was she was so afraid of. But finally, the night they had gone to the Bronze and Tara had learned that Riley was an agent, she hadn't been able to take the lies anymore. Finally, she had realized that she had to confront Walsh and tell the truth. Finally, she had realized what the truth was – and the truth was that she loved Willow.
Of course, the best laid plans had a way of exploding in your face – something Tara knew all too well. She had left the Bronze that night with a new sense of purpose, a new vision. Finally she had been able to see past all the lies and her eyes were full of hope – hope that once the truth was laid bare there would still be a chance for her and Willow. So she had gone to see Maggie Walsh, had planned to walk away from The Initiative and her mission, but then…
It had been such a little thing, really. The look in Walsh’s eyes, the hesitation in her voice, the way she reacted to Tara’s news that she knew Riley was an agent… it might have seemed inconsequential to most, but to Tara… she knew. She knew it in her gut, in her mind, in her blood, that there was something very, very wrong. That Willow was in danger. So once again Tara had found herself with a decision to make, a split-second choice that would send her tumbling back down the spiral-staircase of lies she had been climbing for so long.
Then there had been the death of Dr. Engleman, Adam’s escape, Riley’s learning Tara was an agent, Walsh’s attempt on Buffy’s life, Riley’s quitting The Initiative, the cameras… add all of it together and it had led to Tara’s angry confrontation with Willow, Buffy, and Riley in her dorm room.
Willow had laid silently on Tara's chest, taking it all in. She understood it all now. She knew exactly why Tara had done what she had. Willow couldn’t blame her. It angered her, the choices Tara had been forced to make, the way Walsh had backed the blonde into a corner she had no way of escaping from. Everything Tara had done she had done out of love, and for that Willow loved Tara all the more, even as her heart broke for the sacrifices Tara had willingly made. As for Walsh…
"That woman needs to be beaten to death with a shovel," Willow growled when Tara finally finished the story. "She needs to be strung up by her thumbs and hung over a pit of angry frogs... angry, hopping, scaly, snarling frogs with giant, razor-sharp teeth and big, floppy legs and-"
"Willow," Tara interrupted sweetly, torn between laughter at her love's imagery and understanding of her love's need for anger. "She'll be dealt with, just as soon as we figure out what exactly it is she's up to."
"But why?" Willow practically shouted, flopping over onto her back and crossing her arms over her chest. Tara winced slightly at Willow's tone and at the sudden absence of Willow’s body, even though she knew Willow’s anger and frustration weren’t about Tara. "Why can't we just take care of her now?"
"Wil, honey, I need to know," Tara said determinedly, leaning over and placing her hand over Willow’s. "I need to know what she wants with you, what this is all about. There's just too many strange things... the creation of Adam, the murder of Dr. Engleman, Walsh's unwavering interest in you... in your power. And we still don't know why she tried to kill Buffy."
"Cuz she's an evil bitch, that's why," Willow grumbled angrily, even as she felt her anger starting to lessen as her logical mind focused on Tara's explanation and her soul focused on Tara’s touch.
Tara smiled gently at Willow's protective streak, and the bad language it triggered. "The point is that there's so much going on, and we really don't have a clue what it's all about, or if any of it is even connected," she said seriously. "Besides, I'm not really sure where we're going to find snarling frogs with razor-sharp teeth," Tara added, trying to lighten her lover's mood a little while still respecting Willow's right to be upset.
A tiny smile graced Willow's lips, as her anger continued to melt away. She turned Tara’s hand over and softly began stroking the palm with her thumb. "But you think it is connected, don't you?" Willow asked logically, though it was more of a statement than a question.
Tara nodded. "I think so, at least some of it. It's all just too much of a coincidence for it not to be. She... she wants something from you. Your power. But I have no idea why."
Willow turned toward Tara so they were now lying side by side, all the while still stroking Tara’s palm. "You think she wants to use me for something? Use my magic? I'm not that powerful, not really. I mean you're..."
"Just as powerful, and have been practicing for a lot longer?" Tara asked. Willow nodded, her eyes full of concern. Tara sighed. "I know. I've got 500 years of magic in my family history, and that scares me, too, because there's got to be a reason that she either wants you specifically, or doesn't want me."
"So maybe you're the one that's in danger," Willow suggested. It was an idea she didn’t like in the slightest.
"No, I don't think so. Walsh is focused on you. She wants you, Willow. And I need to know what she wants you for, because even if we dealt with her now... she may not be the only threat,” Tara said, the picture becoming clear as she talked it out, and all the more disturbing. “Whatever is going on may be bigger than just her, and if it is then it might just go on without her."
"So uncovering her plans is really our best shot at stopping whatever it is," Willow said.
"Yes,” Tara agreed. She slipped her hand out of Willow’s and raised it to the redhead’s cheek. “And more importantly, keeping you safe." Willow nodded, albeit reluctantly. She couldn’t deny that Tara was making perfect sense, but she certainly didn’t have to like it. A small pout formed at the corners of Willow’s lips.
Tara tilted her head, studying Willow, grinning slightly at the look on Willow’s face. "So you really want to beat her to death with a shovel?"
"Yes," Willow answered without hesitation, even throwing in a sharp nod as punctuation.
"Willow..."
"Okay, fine.” Willow said with a roll of her eyes, although seeming to give in. She looked down for a moment, scrunching up her nose and pursing her lips like she was trying to figure out a really hard calculus equation. Then she looked up at Tara with puppy dog eyes and asked, “How about nearly to death?"
"Wil..." Tara warned again, even though she wanted to laugh at Willow’s petulance.
"She just... all that she's put you through... us through…” Willow argued, though her argument lacked any real resolve. She was just frustrated, plain and simple. “And let’s not forget she tried to kill Buffy."
"I know. It's still hard for me to accept all this. That she's capable of this,” Tara said with a sigh, rolling over onto her back. Willow followed, climbing up onto Tara’s chest so she could see the blonde’s face.
“I mean, you have to understand that when she found me, I was so lost. I had nothing to hold on to, nothing to believe in. My mother was gone, my brother hated me, my father told me..." Tara trailed off, closing her eyes against the memory.
Willow watched Tara, her brow furrowing in concern. She began tracing her fingers over Tara’s collarbone, comforting her love as the blonde tried to work through whatever it was she was trying to work through. Finally, after several moments of silence, Willow finally asked, "Told you what?"
But even as the words passed Willow’s lips, her mind flashed back to their conversation that morning when Tara had first admitted to being in The Initiative. "Tara?” she asked slowly. “Yesterday morning… this morning… no, yester- you know what I mean… you said something about... being a demon?"
Tara opened her eyes, blinking slowly, looking into Willow’s eyes. Willow could see the pain, sharp and alive and raging inside of Tara, so intense it made Willow want to look away. But she didn’t. She could see how hard this was going to be for Tara to admit, and she knew Tara needed her strength. So Willow just kissed Tara on the forehead, on her lips, and waited.
"My father... he... he needed to feel like he was in control, all the time,” Tara began, unable to tear her eyes away from the green orbs watching her with such devotion and empathy and love. If she could just keep staring into those eyes, she knew she could get through this. “With my mother, with me. I think it went further back than that, actually, back to my grandfather and his grandfather. See, all the women in my family practice magic. We always have, it's in our blood. But the men... no matter how they've tried, they've never seemed to have been able to tap into that legacy, not in any meaningful way. And since they couldn't practice it themselves, they came up with a way to control those who did."
After a long pause, Willow said "I don't understand. What does that have to do with demons?"
Tara swallowed hard. She knew she needed to tell Willow the rest, but it still felt so raw, even after all this time. "The men knew that by practicing magic, the women would be stronger than them. More powerful. That one day the women might realize that they didn't really need the men at all, and might leave. So they came up with a way to make the women fear the magic."
"I still don't... oh my Goddess,” Willow said, understanding hitting her all at once. “They told you the magic came from being a demon?"
Tara nodded sadly. Shamefully. She could feel the tears pooling behind her eyes, but she pushed them down. "I grew up thinking that anytime I did something bad, it was my demon side trying to assert itself. I didn't find out until I was seventeen that it wasn't true."
Tara closed her eyes for a moment, regaining her composure. She felt Willow place a light kiss on her shoulder, giving her comfort and encouraging her to continue. Then she felt Willow shift off of her and back onto the floor. She shivered from the loss of contact, but only for a moment as Willow’s arms pulled Tara into their loving embrace. Tara went willingly, draping herself across Willow’s body the way Willow had been on her own only moments earlier. Tara sighed, lying her cheek over Willow’s heart and gratefully accepting the safe harbor the redhead was providing.
“After Maggie brought me into the Initiative, I told her… about the demon. I was so scared she would reject me, turn me away, punish me like I had been punished all my life. But she didn’t. She freed me, Willow,” Tara explained, willing the redhead to understand. “She freed me from the fear, from the lies. A few lab tests and suddenly… no more demon. Of course, I didn’t fully believe her until… out of nowhere, Maggie brought me the final proof. A confession, written by my dad. It explained everything. And it set me free.”
“How’d she get it?” Willow asked into the night, unable to see her love’s eyes but knowing those blue diamonds were lost in the gentle fire that still burned in the fireplace.
“I don’t know,” Tara said quietly, tracing inconsequential patterns over Willow’s shoulder. “Honestly? I was afraid to ask, because I knew damn well that my father would never confess that truth easily. He had to have been… I don’t know.”
“You think she hurt him, don’t you?” Willow asked hesitantly.
Tara didn’t answer for a long little while. She didn’t want to. Once again she felt ashamed. “Probably. Not her, per se, but somebody on her orders.”
“Didn’t that… I mean, didn’t you… didn’t…” Willow stumbled.
“Didn’t that what? You can say it, Willow,” Tara said harshly, though her tone was completely directed at herself. “You want to know how I could care about someone who could act so… cruel. You want to know how I could believe in Maggie Walsh when I knew she had hurt my father? Tortured him?”
Willow stayed silent, feeling guilty for having asked the question but still needing to hear the answer. Tara sighed, the anger born of her own guilt leaving her body as suddenly as it had come. It was replaced by the profound sadness she felt any time she thought of her father. “I was seventeen and in a lot of pain. I was finding freedom for the first time in my life. I chose to blame everything on my father, and I just… I convinced myself that he deserved whatever Maggie had done to him.”
“That’s understandable,” Willow said, and she meant it. She couldn’t judge Tara for how she had felt – and she didn’t want to judge her, either. She just wanted to take the pain away.
“Maybe, but that doesn’t make it right,” Tara said, knowing that if she was ever going to forgive her father, she first had to forgive herself – for ignoring what had happened to him, for ignoring Maggie’s actions. “I know that now. I ignored certain things I saw in Maggie for a long time because I owed her so much. Then I met you, and I couldn’t ignore those things any longer.”
“So… do you know, um… I mean… where’s your dad now?” Willow asked, rubbing Tara’s back and squeezing her just a little bit tighter.
“I really don’t know. I wish I did,” Tara said, and she meant it. “There are a lot of things I need to say to him.”
“And your brother?”
Tara thought for a moment. She hadn’t thought about Donnie in a very long time. “I haven’t seen him since the morning I left.”
“Do you want to?” Willow asked.
Tara sat up slightly so she could look at Willow. “I don’t know. With my dad it was like… I was angry with him for a long time, once I knew the truth and allowed myself to be angry,” she said. She sounded slightly detached, like a psychologist who had observed from afar and made some detailed notes. “But I think deep down I’ve always felt like he was sorry for it, somehow – that the whole time he had known it was wrong, and so even when he was hurting me he was hurting himself even worse. Punishing himself. I think a lot of how he acted was because of how he was raised, and then after my mom died… he was just so sad he didn’t know any other way to be.”
Willow couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “That’s no excuse for how he treated you,” she said angrily. She refused to let Tara make excuses for the man, not after how he had treated the woman she loved.
“No, but maybe it’s an explanation,” Tara said. She knew Willow was right, and understood Willow’s anger. She’ll always defend me, even when I won’t defend myself. But Tara also knew that she had to move past the blame when it came to her father if she was ever to have a second chance with him. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being angry with him, Wil. I need to see if I was right… if he can be the father – the man – I always hoped he could be.”
Willow stayed quiet, absorbing Tara’s words. Once again, she knew the blonde was right. But she still didn’t have to like it. “And Donnie?”
“Donnie… “ Tara said, a dark shadow crossing her face. Willow felt a chill run down her spine at Tara’s reaction. “Donnie was… different. There’s always been something just not right about him. Even before Mom died, Donnie was… he was so hard, even as a kid. It was like he delighted in being mean.”
Tara shuddered, but continued. “But with Mom around, Donnie kept it in check most of the time. She never knew, not really. I think she just always hoped Donnie would grow out of his anger and hatred. But once she was gone… Donnie loved to hate, and there was nothing he hated more than me.”
“Are you sure he wasn’t a demon?” Willow asked, only half joking.
“Pretty sure,” Tara said with a tiny smirk. But the smirk faded quickly. “But that doesn’t mean he’s not evil.”
Willow was surprised by the conviction in Tara’s voice. She hasn’t even called Walsh evil, and look what that bitch has done. Willow suppressed another chill as it tried to take hold. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
“I know,” Tara said, smiling lightly although it didn’t reach her eyes. “But with any luck I’ll never see Donnie again. I would like to see if I can find my dad, though. But…”
“But what?” Willow asked, searching deep into Tara’s eyes and caressing her cheek.
“I think…” Tara hesitated. “I don’t know if I can do it alone.”
Willow smiled a smile that was a mixture of relief and fierce devotion. “And what, exactly, would give you the idea that I would ever let you do that alone? If you think I’m letting you go look for dear old dad without me glued to your side, you’ve got another thing coming, missy.” Anything. As long as I live, I’ll do anything for you.
“Oh yeah?” Tara said with a little smile.
“Abso-fricken-lutely,” Willow said with a firm nod and an even firmer of her lips.
Tara burst out laughing. “Goddess I love you, Willow.”
Willow grinned broadly as she pulled Tara down into a slow, tender kiss. After a long moment, Willow lay back, smacking her lips in approval. Tara smiled.
“So,” Willow said, “what’s our next move?”
“Well,” Tara said with a leer, grazing her eyes down Willow’s body, “I think it’s time to revisit the you-and-me-nekkid discussion.”
“Tara!” Willow said, blushing as she swatted Tara’s hand away from her breast.
“What?” Tara said in mock innocence. “You weren’t so bashful a little while ago. I believe the whole us-lying-here-nekkid-forever plan was your idea.”
“True,” Willow agreed. “And I still think it’s a sound plan,” she said with a grin. Then she grew somewhat serious. “But that’s not what I was talking about. I meant…”
“I know what you meant,” Tara said softly, brushing Willow’s hair behind her ear.
“We need to talk to Buffy,” Willow said.
“We can’t. I have to do this alone,” Tara said firmly. She made a move to sit up, but Willow held her firmly in place.
“But why?” Willow asked, her voice cracking in concern. “You said Riley already knows, so why can’t Buffy know? She can help-“
“I told Riley because I really didn’t have a choice, and because… I needed to trust someone. It was killing me to not be able to tell you,” Tara said, her voice catching slightly. “But the more people that know, the more dangerous it is – especially now that we know Walsh is watching. Besides, I’m the only one on the inside now. I’m the only one with a chance to find out what’s going on.”
“But there has to be a way,” Willow said, not willing to believe that Tara had to take this all on alone.
“I don’t see it, Willow,” Tara said sadly. Willow looked away, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. Tara reached down and brought Willow’s head back to face her. “Walsh is watching, and the more people that know that, the more likely it is that one of us will slip up. Besides, even if I wanted to involve Buffy and Riley, I couldn’t now. I don’t think Riley believes anything I told him this morning now, not after what happened in my dorm room this afternoon. And as for Buffy… well, she’s more likely to rip my head off than listen to anything I have to say.”
“But won’t Riley just tell Buffy what you told him this morning? He doesn’t know about the cameras-“
“True, but I don’t think he will,” Tara interrupted. “I think Riley’s probably having a hard enough time dealing with the fact that he thinks I lied to him this morning, let alone having to explain it all to Buffy.”
“So what about us?” Willow asked, feeling the urge to cry once again as fear took hold. “Are we supposed to pretend to still be angry with each other? Avoid each other? Tara, I don’t know if I can do that. Not now.” I just found you. We just found each other.
“I know, sweetie,” Tara said, soothing away Willow’s tears with her thumb. “But we have to act like nothing’s changed.”
“But we can’t just not see each other,” Willow argued, resolve replacing her fear. “You won’t let Buffy or Riley help, fine… but I refuse to let you do this completely alone.”
“Willow, there’s nothing-“
“I can do?” Willow finished for Tara, her resolve doubling. “Maybe not from inside The Initiative. But baby, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a Grade-A, First Class hacker. There might be files I can access from the outside, which means less of the dangerous you-sneaking-around-The-Initiative-at-night-looking-for-information, which I am definitely not with the happiness about you doing, by the way… and you’re going to need someone to talk to, plan with, bounce things off of, watch you back, hold you at night, kiss you and love you and if you think I’m just going to leave you out there by yourself with no one to turn to-“
“Okay, okay,” Tara said, cutting off Willow-babble mid flow with a finger over Willow’s lips. “You win.”
“It’s not about winning, Tara,” Willow said, moving Tara’s finger and cupping her love’s cheek. She needed to make Tara understand. “It’s about you being the strongest woman I have ever known, facing something that’s challenging every ounce of that strength. I know you need to do this, baby. But I need to help you do this. Let me be your anchor. Let me give you strength. Let me love you.”
“Always,” Tara said, sealing her vow with a kiss. She felt Willow open beneath her and he lost herself inside the redhead’s mouth, meeting Willow’s devotion with her own. She was deeply moved by Willow’s words, and once again she was reminded of just how much this woman loved her – and of just how much she loved this woman.
“We can’t meet here again, though,” Tara said once the kiss finally ended. “Walsh might not be watching your parents’ house now, but I don’t know how long that will last. Better to find someplace else – someplace that has no connection whatsoever to either one of us.”
Willow thought for a moment, and then said, “What about the clocktower? Where the Gentlemen were hiding? It’s totally abandoned, on the edge of campus… Walsh would have no reason to look there.”
“I think it’s perfect,” Tara said, grinning at how her love’s mind worked. “We’ll have to plan to meet at a certain time – there’s no way for me to get word to you later.”
“We can meet at 9:30 tomorrow night. I can go to the library earlier and then sneak out from there,” Willow said almost excitedly. Truth be told, beyond the mind-numbing fear of Tara getting caught by Walsh, there was a certain thrill at the thought of all this spying and sneaking around. Secret rendezvous, clandestine kisses, frenzied… Geez Rosenberg, could you be any more of a perve?
“I’ll act like I’m going for a run,” Tara said, breaking Willow out of her thoughts.
“You think this’ll work?” Willow asked.
“I think it just might,” Tara said. Then something occurred to her. “Of course, I’m going to have to explain where I’ve been tonight. Especially since you’ve been gone all night, too.”
“Uh-oh,” Willow said. She hadn’t thought of that.
“No problem,” Tara said, grinning. She started tracing the swell of Willow’s breast. “I’ll just tell Walsh I went out to the Bronze, got drunk, picked up a gorgeous girl and spent the night with her.”
“Oh really?” Willow asked, quirking an eyebrow. “Cuz you do that often, do ya?”
“Sure,” Tara said, amusement glinting her eyes. “Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday.”
“Uh-huh, I see,” Willow said, playing along and pulling Tara closer. “Any particular type of girl you go looking for?”
“Hmm,” Tara said, pretending to think as her fingers dipped lower on Willow’s breast. “Let’s see… what’s my type? Well, I do have a thing for green eyes…”
“Yeah?” Willow said, rubbing her hand lower onto Tara’s back. “What else?”
“Mmm… freckles,” Tara said, placing a light kiss where a tiny patch of freckles sat particularly close to Willow’s nipple.
“And?” Willow asked, her voice squeaking a bit. She shifted her legs so she could slip a thigh between Tara’s.
“Well I like my women to have strong thighs…” Tara said, giving a little squeeze with her own, “a taut, muscular stomach… a long, kissable neck… pert breasts that fit just right in my hands…” Tara leaned down and kissed Willow’s neck as she rolled Willow’s nipple in the soft padding between her thumb and forefinger.
“What about hair?” Willow asked breathlessly, searching out Tara’s mouth with her own.
Just as their lips were about to meet, Tara said “Jet black.”
“What!?!” Willow squealed, pulling back in shock. Then Tara started laughing.
“Ohhhhhh,” Willow groaned, slapping Tara’s shoulder. “You are so bad. Evil, evil woman,” she said, grinning. Tara’s smile faded and she brushed the hair out of Willow’s eyes.
“Red, my love,” she said, pulling Willow’s head towards her own. “Forever and always, red.”
Then they kissed.
**************************
TBC with Part 29: Goddesses and Monsters
"Maybe I'll change my look, or cut class. You don't know! And I'm eating this banana, lunch-time be damned!" - Willow, Dopplegangland
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