The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Leap of Faith
PostPosted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 12:57 pm 
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11. Fish in the Bowl
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 3:43 pm
Posts: 1333
Location: United States
Hello Kittens. I've found another story in me. This will be the the continuation of Pathways & Patterns, which is a continuation of This look of Love. I know there have been alot of new kittens so in case you are interested you might want to go back so that the family history makes sense. There are alot of references to what took place inPathways and Patterns.The posts will be irregular but I hope that you'll enjoy the family as I have written them.





Title: Leap of Faith


Rating: PG maybe pg-13 for a curse word or two.


Feedback: Go for it. This is for all of you not me.


Archive: Copy, cut, paste I don’t care it’s all for pens readers anyway.



Summary: This fic takes place about a 5 years after Pathways & Patterns. The family is doing what families do...living. It isn't angst free and it has a few twists along the way.



Author’s Note: Some of the events in this fic are serious and it is not my intention to be insensitive to anyone that has lived through similar experiences.


Copyright Disclaimer: Joss and Company owns all the original BTVS characters... blah blah blah


Enjoy!



Leap of Faith





Part 1





The Maclay-Rosenberg house had grown and changed in so many ways. Five years passed with ever evolving patterns of emotion. The Oregon experience seemed so far and yet closer than they all wanted to admit. Abbey had grown in size, matched only by the towering height of her seven-year-old cousin Patrick. Each day brought them closer together. Their time in Oregon connected them in ways they’d yet to fully recognize. The adults in their lives brought basic understanding, as comfort. The family had come to love the growing boy, often forgetting his genetic misfortune.


Patty, as Buffy continued to call him, found his way into the fold of Wicca, enjoying a connection with the people in his life. Each night for five years he’d kept a photograph of his parents, Brenda and Donald Maclay, beside his bed, often asking his aunts to share the few memories they had. Each year brought height to his body and questions to his faithfully tender heart. Tara spent many hours sharing what she could recall, huddled in the safety of carefully crafted forts. She searched her memory for special times with her friend, his mother. Brenda had turned away every attempt of contact, telling Tara that seeing her in jail would scar the child forever. As the questions came about Donnie, the blonde struggled, knowing that the wrong statement could crush Patrick’s fragile world. The one truth she could share was that he had loved the boy. It was a sad and sick kind of love, but it was all his hardened heart could have given. She was fortunate to not know details; she and Donnie had had such limited contact, and he had only had such a short time with the child; a blessing and an eternal curse. Hiding the truth would soon become a terrible burden for the blonde Wicca.


Abbey had memories, most frightening, of her late uncle. She spent countless nights snuggled in the safety of her parent’s bed; terrifying nightmares reduced her tiny sweaty frame to tossing and turning. Tara hungered to ease Abbey’s pain, knowing that her own flesh and blood had caused such heartache; they’d attended countless counseling sessions and meditation retreats. She watched her daughter grow into a young lady, each year pulling her further and further from the nightmare of their time in the forest. The guilt still lingered, her failure visible in the scars around her wife’s wrists.


The passing years brought cautious transformations. Together, as a family they witnessed Patrick step without braces, Abbey sleep with less fear. Time offered peace, understanding and a family bond that strengthened them.


Tara sat at her desk, sifting through the pile of reports and legal documents. The Bennett house had evolved into a camp for children in crisis. The fulltime staff maintained a functioning cattle ranch as well as a cooperative effort with the local hospital to assist young victims of domestic violence. The blonde had long since resigned her position with the cultural center; however she often found summer help amongst the teen and young adult members there.


Willow watched her lover work, quietly peering over the ridge of her laptop; unable to count the moments of joy they’d entertained since finding one another. Her career remained relatively unchanged since Patrick’s arrival. Programming and experimenting on her family routinely took them off on wild adventures. Promotions elevated her to senior development engineer, a position that could be accomplished from any location. She still thirsted for new technology, which demanded weekend trips through the local computer warehouse. The excursions brought sighs and moans until the occasional rerouting to the science and craft store brought them all back to blissful harmony. Daylight was full of happy moments.


The redhead stopped typing, lost in the thought of their approaching wedding anniversary. The idea that each year increased the bounty of love to their marriage sent her thoughts spiraling as far from work as possible.


Tara looked up from her papers, smiling at the vision of her wife’s focused musing. She twisted the switch on the desk lamp, dimming her corner of the room. “Will?” The light of candle flame flickered against the redhead’s face, framing her with a heavenly glow.


Willow held fast to the dream state, wanting the euphoria to fill her.


The blonde dropped her pencil down on the desk, slowly standing from her chair, her ears delighting in the rhythmic breathing of her wife. She whispered again. “Willow?” Her calls went unanswered. She lowered herself in front of the mesmerized woman. “Sweetie, are you okay?”


The redhead blinked hard, shaking herself from the distraction. She opened her eyes to the breathtaking sight of her soul mate. She thanked the goddess. There was no one else on earth that could excite the very essence of her being.


Tara stood inches away from ruby red lips, carefully folding the notebook closed.


Willow felt the computer lift from her lap. Tara placed it beside them on the table, pulling herself across the vacant but warm space of her wife’s thighs. “Working very hard, I see.”


Willow moved her lips toward her lover’s. “Working…” The redhead paused, waiting for pale pink kisses to meet her halfway.


The blonde obliged, filling the space between them. “But not hard?”


“Well no. I was just thinking about you.” She smiled, wrapping her arms around her wife.


“Good thoughts?” Tara fell against the redhead’s shoulder.


“The day you married me.” She rubbed the small of Tara’s back. “The best thoughts.”


They watched the dance of candlelight across the ceiling.


“I would do it again.” Tara’s soft words interrupted the moment.


Willow leaned back, drawing her soul mate near. Her hands traveled slowly, each tender touch releasing a passionate sigh from the blonde’s lips. Thin spindly fingers caressed the soft flesh along her jaw line, resting in the hair framing her face. “Would you?”


“Every minute of it.” She closed her eyes to the sensation.


“Every?”


Tara hesitated. “Well, we could skip the week after Abbey’s fifth birthday.” She tensed as the chill of memories washed over her.


“I wouldn’t change a moment, Tara.” Willow watched the seriousness grow between them. “It strengthened us… all of us.”


The blonde shrugged off the idea, her mind shuffling through the terrifying events following her daughters fifth birthday; the vicious attacks against her partner, the hateful names, and the torturous silence during their abduction. The memories felt like living beings, beings that had taken on a life of their own. “It tested every ounce of peace my body has ever held.” She turned away, embarrassed again by the feelings. These were the conversations that Tara hated, the wounds that wouldn’t heal.


“Well, there is that too.” The redhead fumbled her words. The tenderness of their conversation was shifting quickly toward fear and resentment. “Baby, you have every right to be angry and sad and even hurt.”


“Thanks, Will.” She pulled away from her lover. She didn’t want to be consoled. She wanted to feel the burden lift from her soul.


“I’m just trying to understand.” The redhead watched; uneasy as the space between them grew.


“So am I.” Tara walked back to her desk. “Did the goddess think I was weak?” She couldn’t look at her wife. Deep inside she knew the answers.


“Tara… no!” She stood, following the blonde across the room. “You aren’t weak. Not one atom of your molecular structure is even in the vicinity of weak and the goddess, well, she’s blessed us beyond blessing.”


The blonde raised a questioning brow, pressing her forehead into the palms of her hands. She closed her eyes. There was no hiding from the thoughts consuming her, the confusion merging with disbelief. She looked up at her lover. “Are we pretending?” Her rasping voice begged for answers.


“Pretending what?” Willow stared.


“This…” She waved her arm around the room, “the candles, and oils, the prayers and chants, all of this. What’s the point if in the end its only purpose is to survive pain? I’m tired of just surviving pain.”


“We are doing more then surviving, Tara.” Her tone was harsh. “Have you looked around here lately?” She walked to the base of the staircase, pointing toward the rooms above them. “Have you missed the way those two children up there have changed?”


“No, in fact I have the image of Abbey screaming in the middle of the night engraved in my mind.” Her fingers pressed against her temple. She felt the sadness of failure. “That beautiful little body covered in sweat, and so pale with fear.” Her eyes glazed with tears. “I can’t get them out of my head, Will. What he did… what did I do to her?”


“What did you do?” Willow stopped cold. “You?”


“Me.” She looked away, falling deeper into her pain. “I failed.”


“Tara, you didn’t do this to her. You didn’t put her through any of it.” The redhead stepped closer, careful to give her lover space to vent her feelings. “You helped her through it. She’s the strong fighter that you’ve always been. That we all are teaching both of the kids to be.”


“But the wounds, Will. I’m the reason she had to get through any of it.” Tara stepped away, pressing her fingers against the jagged rock of the fireplace. “How do I get beyond that?” The coarse texture of the brick’s mortar rubbed the soft flesh.


“We get beyond it as a family, Tara. We share our pain and move forward.” The redhead sighed, frustrated. “The thing is, baby, we are where we come from. We carry all the pain and sorrow of our childhood and that makes us who we are.”


Tara interrupted, “that’s my point.” She tossed a log on the fire, the move shifting the cinder and ash into a wildly sparking flame. “She gets to carry this for the rest of her life. She gets to be afraid when she closes her eyes. She gets to have all of that forever.”


“She will always have those memories, baby. We just have to teach her what to do with them.” She kept her distance, knowing touch would intensify the emotion. “Why is this coming up again? I thought we’d worked through this.”


The blonde’s hands slapped to her sides, frustrated. “We’ve talked about it. It seems like we’ve talked it to death.”


“Then let it go, Tara… she’s trying to.” The redhead took a slow cautious step toward her wife.


The blonde Wicca lowered herself slowly into the desk chair. Her hand swept across the papers in front of her. “Truth, Will?”


The redhead understood the tone. Her soul recognized the ache. She stepped toward her lover, closing the gap that stretched between them. “I only ever want the truth, Tara.”


“I look at the papers that pour in here for the foundation. I sign and copy. I transfer and delete.” She traced the signature on the page. “I thought all of this would help me move on. I thought it was the best way to turn something so evil into something good.” She shook her head. “It only reminds me.”


Willow dropped to the floor, resting on her knees. She turned the chair, positioning them face-to-face. “What happened to you as a child was wrong. What they did to you is unforgivable. But it happened and it can’t be undone. It’s separate from what happened to the children. I know you want to crawl inside and hide, but if you do your dad and Donnie win. They take the power all over again.” Her palms rubbed the length of her lover’s thighs. “Don’t give up what you have to the ghosts of your past, baby. Think about what that will do to our children.” She stared into the reflective eyes of her soul mate.


Tara lowered her head, gravity spraying hair across her face, a position she’d long since abandoned. “Will they blame me, Will?”


“Only if they lose you, too.” She brushed the hair from her lover’s face, tucking it tenderly behind her ear. “Remember when Patrick went for therapy after the braces came off that first time?”


The blonde nodded.


“Whose arms did he go to?” Willow asked, deliberately. She watched her wife’s eyes, knowing she’d find a measure of hope in retelling the tale. “He looked for you, Tara. He didn’t randomly scuttle around the room falling into the arms of the first hot blonde he saw.” She bobbed her head, waiting for a reaction, pressing her tongue playfully between her teeth. “You are his safety. The calm place he landed after a very frightening start. You are that to all of us baby.”


Tara shook her head, opposing the idea. “I don’t feel it sometimes.”


“Strong people always feel like they are weak.”


Tara furrowed her brow, waiting for an explanation. “Do they?”


Willow smiled. “You have a strength that is unmatched by many, even the best of our Slayer.” The blonde shook her head, disagreeing with the statement. “Tara, every part of your past, where you came from, what has been done to you, all of it could have given you reason to be so hard and cold.” The redhead wiped the small tears from the corner of her lover’s eyes. “You understand things, Tara. You have a pathway to places of cold fear and you walk through it.”


“I’m so afraid, Will,” the blonde confessed.


The redhead tangled her fingers between her wife’s, arching their palms tightly together. A calm voice emerged from Willow’s lips. “That’s because you are not only beautiful but very wise.” Tara shook her head. “Only a wise woman would understand what she has and how fragile that is. Only a wise woman would fight through her deepest fears to turn such sadness in to leaps of joy. Baby, you are what is beautiful about our love.”


The blonde looked into her wife’s serious face. “I’ve brought pain to us all.” She dropped the redhead’s hand, caressing the marks around Willow’s wrists. “These aren’t the only scars that won’t fade.”


“I’m alive, Tara. She’s alive. That little boy would not be alive if I didn’t have these scars.” The redhead raised her voice. “We were put there for a reason. I believe that. I don’t question it any longer because what came from such pain is an amazing family.”


“I thought after Donnie’s death…” She hesitated. “I thought it would free me from my past.” Her blue eyes glazed with tears.


“It freed you to have a future with me, baby.” The redhead stood, pulling her lover into her arms. “We can’t undo it. There is no magic that can take this away. We just have to move forward and remember.”


“It’s the remembering that I can’t let go of.”


"What are you suggesting?”


Tara pulled away, walking toward the stack of papers on the desk. “I was thinking… that maybe we should …” she paused, making certain she wanted her thoughts to leave her head, “that we should sell the ranch.”






TBC

Very soon


Last edited by Urn of Osiris on Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:21 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Leap (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 1:13 pm 
Yay a sequel! :bounce



Great start! It´s great to read how Willow tries to convince Tara that she has strenght. :D



*lil´c*

"I am S-E-X-Y" Amber at the FedCon



Sweet Amber ~~~ Amber Board ~~~ Danielle Benson ~~~ Danielle Benson France ~~~ Danielle Board



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 Post subject: Re: Leap (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 4:26 am 
I'm very happy to see a continuation of this story of W/T's life. Looks like poor Tara's unable to let go of the memories of past traumas. She's questioning her faith (and who doesn't, from time to time), and also doing what good people often do: blaming herself for others' evil which she could not prevent. She needs to finally let go and realize that Donnie, and everyone else, is responsible for their own actions. Most of us have enough to do bearing the burden of our own deeds; carrying the weight of the world is too much.



Thank God, Willow is a fount of wisdom and love. Hopefully she can keep Tara on the right path, and get her through the pain. The question is, will the "leap" of the title be a leap of faith? Looking forward to seeing how the story develops.



Russ



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 Post subject: Re: Leap (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 07, 2004 1:00 am 
yay! i was very excited to see this! cant wait for more!



Rai

Forgive me now! Tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty...



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 Post subject: leap of faith
PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2004 7:17 am 
Thank you for the continuation of this story! I've read the first two and loved them. I have liked all of your stories and am just now becoming a non lurker.

Thanks again,

Noelle



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 Post subject: Re: leap of faith
PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2004 1:41 am 
Yay! :pinky There's a sequel of this fantabulous story! :pinky

Continue soon?



BH

Beauty in things lies in the mind which contemplates them - David Hume



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 Post subject: Re: leap of faith
PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2004 7:55 am 
Hello dear kittens!



First I must explain the title change. It seems that a certain friend protested the abbreviated version from my original ‘Leap of faith’ to ‘Leap.’ So it was decided for me that it must be altered. I apologize if it confused anyone. It certainly surprised me. *shakes finger at culprit*

I have to agree that it should be ‘Leap of Faith’ so I am leaving it.



At this point I have much of the story written in my head and am working rapidly to get it out. So I hope you can be patient when my brain and hands conflict. Hmmm that sounded really naughty.



First I must say thank you to my beta and her girlfriend. I love you both and appreciate your friendship beyond infinity.



I’d like to thank those of you that don’t like to post but do take the time to e-mail me privately. Your kindness and support keep a writer very motivated.



And now to the wonderful souls that left feedback:



Lil’c – It’s great to be back and to be writing W/T fic again. I hope you enjoy what’s to come.



Russ – What wonderful feedback. Thank you! I try to balance Tara because although she has endured so much pain she also has built an amazing life despite it all. Keeping faith is such a funny thing. I question it all the time when I witness the bastardization of what essentially is the commandment to love. Love no matter what. I think the more the world debates it the less we really do it.

*jumps off soapbox* *kicks it back under the table*

I think by design my version of Tara struggles with her past because she sees how easily it is repeated. The work is in changing patterns that are part of family history. That’s the journey here. I hope that you enjoy it.



Rai – It feels great to continue this. I enjoy writing this family. I hope that you will enjoy reading it. Thank you!



Noelle – It’s always wonderful to delurk. I did it in one of my favorite fics ever, ‘Unexpected Consequences.’ I highly recommend you give it a read if you haven’t already. I’m very pleased to read that you enjoyed the previous stories. I love this family and enjoy writing them. Thank you for reading and for leaving feedback.



BH – Thank you. I’m happy to hear that you like the stories. I am currently working on edits for part two. I’ll put them up as soon as I can.



Thanks again everyone.

Urn of Osiris"All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the Web of Life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself."



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 Post subject: Re: leap of faith
PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2004 8:50 am 
I was really pleased you decided to grace us with a sequel. Nice to see how Abbey has grown, and that Patrick, has become stronger. Donny's malevolence is still causing trouble for poor Tara; it must be so difficult for one with such a gentle soul to understand the evil that people can do.



Thanks!


Sheacht mh'anam déag do bhéal, do mhalaí's do ghrua



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 Post subject: Re: leap of faith
PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 3:39 am 
Moooosie!!!!!



You are the cutest and best friend ever! I can assure you that my girlfriend, the beta guru, shares my sentiments.



I love this series! It has so many memories for me. As long as I have been a kitten it has been there. As long as I have known you (it helped me get to know you!), the characters have grown and blossomed, and in many ways I feel that they are a part of me. Thank you for writing this fic. I can't wait to read more!



Never stop writing! You're amazing!



I love you!



Rachy



p.s. Leap suckkkkkkkkkked *sighs*





“And what flavor Amber fan are YOU?



~*@.......We are the weirdest person in the world.......@*~




"Love who you love, just do it with your whole heart." - Urn of Osiris

Edited by: Tara22  at: 8/27/04 6:21 pm


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 Post subject: Re: leap of faith
PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 3:12 pm 
Hello again kittens!



I've been changing my mind about small details in part two. I've decided to let my beta give the thumbs up before posting it. I expect it to be very soon. The next day or so.



Molly - Thanks for the feedback. I do appreciate how much you enjoyed the fics. Perhaps we can get you to put up some more observations from the bus? I did enjoy them. The inward eye could really use some of your work. I've been playing with this fic for awhile and thought there would be an interesting tale about survival. Being trapped inside yourself and finding a way out always seemed so dramatic to me. Sometimes we get caught up in helping others so that we don't have to really deal with our own stuff. Look for some of that in future updates.



Rachy!!!!!!!! - You doll! How wonderful it is to see your feedback here. I've missed that dizzying avatar. You must use it often and in public! *grins* So you know that this fic has been in the works for ages and that developing it has been interesting. I think your support and "gentle nudging" have helped. (The use of your girlfriend hasn't hurt either, THANK YOU!) Who knew tuno and chai could get you this far. You really have been on this journey with me haven't you. You've become such an important part of my family I can't imagine it any differently.

I'll write as long as my fingers can manipulate the keys. Posting it might require some veg roll and a hot van. Chai.

Mwa!!! I love you too!



And as for the suckage of 'Leap', well I guess we'll never get to find out now, will we?



*reads the never give out your password disclaimer*



Thanks all. I'll be back very soon to post the next part.

Urn of Osiris"All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the Web of Life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself."



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 Post subject: Re: leap of faith
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 6:30 am 
Title: Leap of Faith





Rating: PG maybe pg-13 for a curse word or two.





Feedback: Go for it. This is for all of you not me.





Archive: Copy, cut, paste I don’t care it’s all for pens readers anyway.



Summary: This fic takes place about a 5 years after Pathways & Patterns. The family is doing what families do...living. It isn't angst free and it has a few twists along the way.





Author’s Note: Some of the events in this fic are serious and it is not my intention to be insensitive to anyone that has lived through similar experiences.





Copyright Disclaimer: Joss and Company owns all the original BTVS characters... blah blah blah





Previously...



Tara hesitated. “Well, we could skip the week after Abbey’s fifth birthday.” She tensed as the chill of memories washed over her.



“I wouldn’t change a moment, Tara.” Willow watched the seriousness grow between them. “It strengthened us… all of us.”



***********



“I thought after Donnie’s death…” She hesitated. “I thought it would free me from my past.” Her blue eyes glazed with tears.



“It freed you to have a future with me, baby.” The redhead stood, pulling her lover into her arms. “We can’t undo it. There is no magic that can take this away. We just have to move forward and remember.”



“It’s the remembering that I can’t let go of.”



“What are you suggesting?”



Tara pulled away, walking toward the stack of papers on the desk. “I was thinking… that maybe we should …” she paused, making certain she wanted her thoughts to leave her head, “that we should sell the ranch.”








Part 2





The redhead stared in shock. “How can you even think it, Tara?”



“I think it keeps me from moving on.” The blonde filed through the legal documents. “These vouchers; every time I approve a new supply order, it reminds me of my father. I can smell the sacks of feed corn. I can feel the ache from lifting it into the truck. I can see the disapproving glare from Donnie when I stumble because of the weight.”



Willow couldn’t move. The idea of selling the Bennett legacy was something she never expected from her wife. “But Tara, that’s only one memory. What about the first time Patrick climbed onto a horse without any help? What about Abbey’s first ride? What about the long walks through the fields.”



“I don’t know, Will.” Her frustration flared.



“You’re too far from it all.”



She frowned at the redhead. “Are you serious? Weren’t you listening?”



“I’ve never been more serious in my life.” Willow explained. “You keep going back so far, Tara. You’ve made so much more of that place since your father’s death. You have touched so many lives I can’t even begin to count.”



“Why don’t I feel it?”



“I think it’s time for us to take a little trip, baby.” She opened her laptop. “I’ve been planning three weeks in England for our anniversary.” She displayed the itinerary. “I think we might just have to switch it all over to three weeks in Oregon.”



“Stonehenge? You were planning Stonehenge?”



The redhead smiled, offering an audible confirmation as she typed. “Mmm hmm.”



“You were going to give me moonlit circles of dew drenched rock?” She pouted at the thought of losing a dream vacation with her wife. “Willow…” She felt a selfish sorrow.



“Well, I’m still going to, I’m just postponing it for a little bit.” She pinched her fingers together; an example of the time she’d have to wait. “Right now I think we need to go and visit the house. I think you need to see how far you’ve really come.”



There was a silence in the room as Tara sorted through the papers. “Why am I trapped here, Will?” She dropped the files on the desk. “I just want to look at this place and not feel the darkness.” She traced the photograph of the restored farmhouse.



“Baby…” She wrapped her arms around her wife, pulling them tightly together. “Abbey’s birthday is coming up. I knew all of this would come rushing back and that we’d need to take a break. I think this year we need to visit the past. You need to see how far we’ve come.”



Tara heard footsteps on the stairs. They turned together to watch their daughter peeking through the handrail spindles.



“Mom?” the thin blonde interrupted.



Tara answered. “Yes, Ab.”



“Could we?” She held out a brush and hair bands.



The blondes had a ritual of hair braiding. Shortly after their return from Oregon, Abbey found comfort in styling her hair like the pictures she’d seen of her grandmother. The stories of the eldest Bennett woman brought comfort to the tiny girl. They used the time together to sort through fear, to open up about all the pain of the time in the forest. Tara knew what her child was seeking. She remembered feeling the same connection with her mother.



Willow stepped toward her daughter. “Hey doll, how about I give it a go this time.”



The girl looked with fear at Tara. “Mom?”



“Hey!” Willow read the nonverbal communication. “Hey!” She glanced back and forth between her two blondes. “I can braid.” She crossed her arms.



“Well, ma,” Abbey explained, “when the computer crashes I’ll never call mom so when I need braids I’m not gonna go to you.” She looked at Tara.



“Ouch.” The redhead pouted. “Really Abbey, I can do the braid thingies. They aren’t that hard.” She made the maneuver with her hands. “Over under over under. See, I can so do this.”



Tara giggled. “Really baby?” She grabbed her lover’s hands. “You have fantastic hands,” She leaned in to whisper, “but just not for braids.” She kissed the redhead.



“Tara!”



The blonde led her daughter out through the kitchen. “We’ll be out back.” She yelled over her shoulder. “If you want to bring those talented hands.”



The redhead stood in a numb stupor. “We have unfinished business, Rosenberg.” She yelled out the back door.



“I know we do, Rosenberg.” She yelled. Tara pushed open the door, following her daughter to the back porch.



Abbey dropped a pillow onto the hard deck surface, nestling in front of her mother’s position on the creaky porch swing. Abbey felt the comb pull through her hair. Each gentle caress made her feel safe and loved.



Tara remembered her childhood. She thought about how her mother must have felt going through the same motions. The blonde slowed her hands.



“Mom?” Abbey turned slowly. “Mom?”



Tara smiled. “Sorry, Abbey girl.”



The child smiled at the name. “Are you alright?”



“I was just thinking.” She carved a trail, separating the halves. She started the rhythmic braiding motion.



Abbey understood the tone. “About Grandmother?”



Tara shook her head with a soft smile. “You are so wise, little one. Yes. I was remembering how your grandmother would do this very same thing for me.”



The child smiled. “Do you think she would have liked me?”



Tara wrapped the band around the end of the braid. “I think she would have loved you.” She brushed the other side of her daughter’s hair. “She would have loved watching you grow.”



“She was beautiful… like you.” Abbey smiled.



The elder blonde felt a warm flush across her cheeks. “She was more beautiful then anything.”



“You have her hands, mom.”



Tara felt a tear roll down her cheek. She’d only ever dreamed that Abigail would have the tenderness that came from the heart of her grandmother. She was witnessing that bounty of love, alive in her own child. “You have her courage.”



Abbey turned to look at her mother, the braid twisting in the soft hands. “Do you really think so?”



“Oh Abbey, I know so. I know it better then I know anything.” She watched a smile stretch across the young blonde’s face.



“Will she know me when we meet?”



Tara stiffened. She’d never heard her child ask such a question. “What do you mean, honey?”



Abbey began to explain. “I was just thinking, when I die, I’d know you and ma and aunt Buffy and all of my other family because we’ve met. But grandma, I never met her. Not for real. And I just wondered how she would know it was me.”



Tara pulled the child onto her lap, squeezing her tightly. “You know how you could tell that I have her hands?”



Abbey nodded.



“Well, Grandma will see herself in you. She will look into those beautiful eyes and see right through to the very best part of every Bennett woman that has ever been born.”



“Really?” Abbey looked very serious.



“Honest to my heart.” Tara held her hand to her chest.



Abbey squeezed her mother tightly, rolling into the cozy corner of Tara’s lap. The elder blonde padded the floor wafting the swing with a gentle rocking motion. Abbey closed her eyes, feeling a safety that only absolute love could provide.



Willow listened, wondering if the child had overheard the earlier conversation. Tara felt her lover’s presence and smiled. Moments of quiet were cherished. “Will.” She called to her wife.



“You look pretty cozy.” The redhead slipped her hand down the length of her daughter’s hair.



“How much did you hear?”



“A lot.” She waited to catch her wife’s eyes. “Is that okay? I didn’t mean to listen I just… was surprised.”



Tara hesitated. “Is she sleeping?” Her arm slipped over the child’s motionless frame.



“Out like a light.”



The blonde reached for her lover’s hand. “She’s so smart, Will.”



“And beautiful,” she kissed Tara’s hand. “So much like you.”



“Does she seem sad?”



“She seems like she understands how sad you are.” Willow lifted their legs across her lap, taking over the swings soft motion.



Tara closed her eyes. “I’m holding her back, Will.”



“What do you want to do?”



The blonde looked up at her wife. The redhead smiled her knowing smile. “I guess we need a family vacation.”



“Oregon?”



“Here we come.” Tara blew a kiss to her wife. “Did you set this up?”



“Not even if I had planned it would it have happened this way.” She captured the kiss. “So that look...” She pointed to Abigail’s half braided head of hair, “the two of you thought I couldn’t do that?”



Tara giggled. “We got distracted.”



“And?” Willow ran her finger against the bottom of her wife’s foot. “Even distracted I would have gotten both sides.”



“Yes, Willow.” The blonde wiggled as the tickling continued.



“When do you want to go?”



“I just don’t want to be there on her birthday.” Tara ran her hand along her daughter’s back. “That would be too much.”



“I can arrange time in two weeks. We could be back to celebrate our anniversary, tucked cozy in our home.”



“Sounds perfect.” She yawned. “Could we skip the trip and get right to the celebrating?”



“No.”



“Then let’s make the plans.” Tara fell against the hard wood of the swing.



“I’ll take care of everything.” She stood. “Even this darling little half braided child.” She smiled, hoisting their daughter into her arms.



“I love you, baby.” Tara grabbed her lover’s arm.



Willow smiled. “I’m not carrying you.”



Tara followed them into the house. “You don’t have to carry me, just catch me if I stumble.”



“Always.”



“Care to put those talented fingers to use?”



“Always!” Willow grinned.







TBC

Urn of Osiris"All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the Web of Life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself."



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 Post subject: Re: leap of faith
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 8:00 am 
Abbey is so wise for her age; having inherited Tara's gentle nature, she's attuned to people's moods, and can tell when something is bothering them. Lovely to see Willow and Tara talking through, and deciding together, what is best for their family.



Thanks for the update.



As for my scribbles from a bus, my attention seems to have wavered somewhat and my writing very sporadic. Now, when I'm not reading on the bus I'm sitting daydreaming about my girl. To be honest, it's the best way of passing time on the commute. Thanks for enquiring though.


Sheacht mh'anam déag do bhéal, do mhalaí's do ghrua



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 Post subject: Re: leap of faith
PostPosted: Sat Aug 14, 2004 9:10 pm 
After just reading the first two fics and now the begins of this one I can't wait to see where you go. I hope Paddy will be ok going back there and the hate from that place doesn't bring all that trauma back for him and for Abby. I am very intrigued please continue soonish.

Arron



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 Post subject: Re: leap of faith
PostPosted: Sun Aug 15, 2004 5:29 am 
I'm sure many kittens grinned when they saw you were writing again. I know I did.



I love your writing. You paint the joys and pains of life and love so vividly. Your characters are real and their emotion is intense!



Thanks for reminding me why I love fic.



Big hugs and trays of timtams,

Rozy







~*@.......We are the weirdest person in the world.......@*~



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 Post subject: Re: leap of faith
PostPosted: Sun Aug 15, 2004 10:23 am 
Great update! :D

I love how you capture the interaction in this little family. :heart



*lil´c*

"I am S-E-X-Y" Amber at the FedCon



Sweet Amber ~~~ Amber Board ~~~ Danielle Benson ~~~ Danielle Benson France ~~~ Danielle Board



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 Post subject: Re: leap of faith
PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 3:08 pm 
I hope nothing bad comes out of this trip.

The trips just needs to be filled with smoochies and fun.



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 Post subject: Re: leap of faith
PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 9:07 pm 
Oh you dear wonderful darling!



Yey! A new Osiris fic to follow!!!! YEY!!! As always, wonderful. I can't wait to print it all out.





Any chance we'll see "Return of Crayon Breaky Willow"?? Or "The Red-Headed Crayon Breaker Strikes Back"?



Thank you eversomuch!

-LadyCallie

~*~

RealLiveTara is my RealLiveGirlfriend! *swoons*

"It doesn't have to be a really frenchish french, I just wanna feel your tongue."- my girlfriend last night.

"I don't wanna come out of the closet. All my clothes are in there!" -Me



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 12:34 pm 
Hello again. I’m so grateful to those of you that are reading my fic. I adore you all. Again I’ll publicly thank those who privately email me. Your honesty and sincerity are truly touching and inspirational. Thank you!



Molly – I’ve tried to write Abbey with an old soul since P&P. Some kids just understand and can still maintain their youthfulness. She’s a big sister and I think as the story progresses you’ll get to see how much it means to her to be one. Thanks for the feedback. I do appreciate hearing what readers think.



Your scribbles are dearly missed but I should say that they were never scribbles to me. You are a great writer. Very insightful! But who am I to argue with reading and daydreaming? Much better way to spend the time!



Arron – Thank you for reading and for going all the way back. I’ve got plenty of twists and turns planned for this fic. I hope you’ll find it equally as entertaining. Thank you for the feedback. It’s great to know that you enjoy the story.



ROZY!!! – You doll! *Hugs* As if I could tell a story of love better then you are living it. You and your girl inspire me to write. Witnessing such a mutual partnership makes me want to never stop. Thank you! Your talented skills make my very sloppy grammar and punctuation look good. I owe you frozen Tim tams and hot chai. We shall dunk them together soon.



Lil’ c – Thank you. I hope to give more simple moments in this story, maybe a break here and there to enjoy how connected they are as a family. Don’t worry though; there will be drama too.



Na71684 – The trip will have smoochies and fun but come on, as if it’ll just be that. Are you saying that you don’t want drama? *scratches head* Thank you for the feedback. I do appreciate hearing from readers.



LC – It’s so great to hear from you. I’ve wondered how you’ve been. If you get a chance drop me an email. I’d love to know how life is going for you. As for the fic, I just had to continue. I love this couple and can’t stop creating a world for them. After P&P I knew I wanted to tell more of their story. I just had to wait for my head to work it all out.



Just thinking about CBW makes me giggle. I’ll have to see what I’m inspired to write. It’s so great to see you here and thanks for returning to read my fic.





That’s all for now. I hope to put up the next part very soon.



Urn of Osiris"All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the Web of Life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself."



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2004 6:52 am 
Here you go!





Part three





Willow could feel the warmth of her wife’s flesh beside her. She pulled the woman in, leaving no question of intent. The blonde rolled onto her lover, kissing slowly down the length of her wife’s body, locks of blonde sweeping across bare alabaster flesh. Willow closed her eyes, basking in the sensation of loving lips across her skin. She tried to express but words came out as soft sounds of desire.



“Shh, don’t say anything.” Tara lingered over her wife’s side, dipping in along the soft curve of flesh between each rib. She could feel the pace of the redhead’s heart quicken. The blonde’s hand moved to feel the pulse against her palm. There were no barriers, no hesitations, no scars or wounds, only two hearts intertwining into one simultaneous rhythm. Tara kissed the warm space beneath her palm. She could feel the tempo of Willow’s pulse against her lips. She wanted more and could feel her lover’s desire for the same.



Willow arched into the sensation, aching for the contact, without hesitation. The blonde lingered. Her pace slow, hungry, fixed on deliberate savoring. She touched her way to the curve of the redhead’s neck, whispering in her ear. “Can I have you?”



The redhead felt her mouth run dry. She licked to moisten her lips, to only force a sound. “Mhhum.” She shuddered as Tara’s breath rolled across her ear, moving through her, waking every nerve.



Tara’s fingers splayed across her lover’s skin. “I love you.” She whispered across Willow’s breast. Her tongue danced in the dew of her heaving arched form. The blonde pulled away, hinging her arms to draw Willow up with her. “You are so beautiful.”



Willow opened her eyes. Tara pushed the damp deep red trails of hair from her lover’s cheeks, pressing her mouth over her wife’s. Their bodies connected in perfect form, touching, caressing every point of pulse until they found themselves locked in rhythmic ecstasy, looped in an endless cycle of love.



The handle of the bedroom door rattled.



Willow closed her eyes, blocking the sound from her consciousness. She held her lover. The blonde felt her body burn, aching for more. They stilled and the redhead sighed at the pause.



The handle rattled again. “Auntie Tara?” A small voice came through the seam of the door.



The redhead pressed her lips to her lover’s, passionately driving down along the length of the blonde’s collarbone. She whispered, “you are brilliant.” She leaned forward, pressing her wife to the mattress behind her. “You vixen, you planned to have your way with me.”



Tara smiled, feeling her wife glide along the length of her heaving breast. “Will, sweetie…ohh.”



“Auntie Tara, Auntie Willow, I can’t get the cover off the milk bottle.” He pulled the door, trying to shake it open.



“Will.” Tara grasped the crumpled weave of the bedspread.



“Auntie Tara?”



“We’ll be right down, Patrick.” Willow called toward the locked door. The redhead felt her lover tremble from the vibration of her voice. “Wait for me, baby.”



Little footsteps padded down the hall toward the staircase. Patrick trailed his fingers between the handrail spindles, plunking a tone all the way to the lowest step. He’d ventured the descent hundreds of times; each time delighted by the progressive speed at which he could get to the bottom. He felt an ache in his leg as he jumped the final two skids. His pace slowed as he walked toward the kitchen.



“Hey little brother.” Abbey sat at the table. She scooped a spoonful of puffed rice into her mouth. “You hungry?” She swiped the dribble of milk into her hand.



The slim boy pulled out the chair beside his cousin. He looked into the bowl, spinning his spoon in the pool of milk and puffed rice. “Thanks Abbey.”



She smiled. “Where’d you go?” She wondered why he’d left his breakfast half prepared.



“I went to get help with the milk.” He scooped a mouthful of cereal. “The door was locked though.” Tiny bits of food slipped out the corners of his mouth. “And you weren’t in your room.”



“My moms.” She looked at him. “It happens sometimes. They have a tricky door. If they don’t pay attention it gets locked.”



“I shook it really hard.” His eyes showed concern, “cause they didn’t answer at first. I think I woke ‘em up.”



“Are they coming down?”



“Yep.” He took another mouthful.



“You want some more?” Abbey dumped another helping of cereal into her bowl.



He answered with a full mouth. “No.”



They finished their breakfast. Patrick pushed the plastic of the cereal pouch back into the box. Little bits of puffed rice fell on the floor, crunching under his feet.



“Maybe they fell asleep.” Patrick looked toward the staircase. “Or they forgot I was hungry.” He pouted.



“They didn’t forget.” Abbey stopped him from climbing the stairs. She noticed him wince as he lifted his foot. “What’s wrong?”



“My leg hurts a lot today.” He rubbed his thigh through the soft flannel pajama pants.



“Did you tell mom?”



He shook his head. “They were sleeping…remember?”



“Oh yea. Maybe we should go tell ‘em?” She helped him climb to the top.



“Will they be mad at me?” He worried.



Abbey looked confused. “Because your leg hurts?”



He frowned. “No… because I woke them and then I didn’t need the milk.”



“Na, I wake them for stuff like that all the time.” She rattled the door handle. “Mom, Ma, can we come in?” She turned the handle. “Still locked. Are you sure they woke up?”



“Tara?” The redhead whispered to her lover. “Baby, you locked the door.”



“You were cheering about it earlier.” She rested against her wife’s sweat slicked shoulder.



“I was cheering about a lot of things, locks fell to the bottom of the list real fast.” The redhead climbed out from under her wife. “We wanted children, right?” She questioned playfully.



“We welcomed them with open arms. Remember?” Tara grabbed her lover’s hand as she crossed her body. “Kiss me.”



“Yes, ma’am.” She leaned over the blonde.



“Don’t get me…” their lips met softly, “started again.”



The children pounded impatiently.



“Not a chance.” Willow pulled away slowly. “Open arms… children… wanted. Remember?”



She smiled as her naked wife slipped into her soft white terry robe. “I remember everything, Will.”



“Remember, it is me getting out of bed to unlock your door.” The redhead stuck out her tongue.



“Twenty minutes ago you thanked the goddess for that lock.” Tara pulled the sheets over her body.



Willow watched. “Oh to be 400 thread count cotton.” She unlocked the door.



“We got locked out, ma.” Abbey pouted.



The red head picked up her nephew.



“Abbey poured my milk, Auntie Will.”



“Did she?” The redhead saw the little boy wince as his leg wrapped around her waist.



Abbey looked at her little cousin, then at her mom. “Well, he loosened the cap for me.” She climbed onto the oversized bed.



Tara pulled the child into her arms. “Thanks, Ab. Your mom and I just needed a few more minutes together.” The blonde read concern on her wife’s face. She mouthed silently. “What’s up?”



Willow lowered herself to the bed, quietly mouthing a reply. “He’s hurt.”



Tara sat up, pulling the sheets over her naked chest. “Abbey, will you take your cousin into the bathroom to wash up?” She could see his milk mustache.



“Sure, mom.”



They watched the boy favor his right leg. Tara put on her sweat pants and nightshirt. “He’s limping, Will.”



“Maybe he just slept wrong.” Willow’s tone was calm. She pulled on her flannel pants and a singlet top.



Tara turned to her wife, concerned. “Slept wrong?” She rubbed her palms nervously. “The doctors said limping could be a sign.”



“I know, baby.” She held her wife’s nervous hands. “Don’t panic.”



“Don’t panic.” She forced a smile. “I’m not panicking.”



“You’re rubbing. First indication of panic.”



The blonde squeezed her hands in her armpits. “I’m not rubbing.” She flapped her elbows, keeping her hands in position. “See!”



The children came back into the room. The women watched the boy walk with a limp.



“Patrick?” Willow squatted down to his level. “Hey bud, how’s your leg today?” The redhead asked directly, knowing that he wouldn’t purposely hide an injury.



“I jumped.” He waved his arm toward the door, indicating that he’d been on the stairs. “But it hurt when I landed.” He rubbed his thigh.



“Let’s check it out.” The redhead helped him out of his pajama pants.



Tara winced at the sight of his thigh. The discoloration was deep and looked very painful. She watched her wife touch the skin but the boy barely reacted. They looked at one another with confusion.



“Patrick, honey… this looks like it happened before this morning. How about last night?”



“I don’t remember.”



Tara scooted to the floor beside her young charge. “Okay, why don’t you go put on your pants for physical therapy? I think we’re going to go and visit Dr. Taylor.”



Abbey looked at the bruise, then over at her parents. They could read her concern.



“Can you help him, Abbey girl?” Willow asked carefully. “Mom and I are going to get dressed.”



“Sure.” She walked him toward the door, scooping up the pajama pants.



“Wait for us, though. I’ll carry you down Patrick.” Willow closed the door behind them. “What the hell is that?”



“I’m not sure Will.” She pulled off her shirt. “But it looks bad. I’ve never seen him bruise like that before.”



“I think he’s broken it.”



“It can’t be… not again.” The blonde pulled a loose fitting t-shirt over her sports bra. She twisted her hair into a bunch and pinned it up. “You know what that means, don’t you?” She pulled on her jeans.



“Slow down, baby.” The redhead walked to her lover’s side. “Let’s take him in. Maybe it’s just a big bruise.”



“Right, a big bruise.” Tara pulled on her boots. “He’s had tons of them. Has them all the time. Growing boys bump and bruise a lot.” She rambled on, trying to convince herself it was a minor injury.



“You ready?” The redhead reached a hand to her wife.



“Let’s get him to see Adam.” Tara pointed to her half dressed wife. “Sweetie, you should think about pants.”



“What?” Willow stared in shock. “What?”



“You’re legs feel cold… at all?” Tara smiled.



The redhead looked down at her naked lower body. “Oh, you distracted me.”



“I’m noticing that.” She tossed a pair of red denim jeans to her lover. “As much as I love your legs I’d rather not share them with the rest of the world.”



“Mmm hmm.” Willow smiled. “Better?” She grabbed her wife around the waist.



“For now. Absolutely.” She inched toward the door, holding tightly to her wife.



“It’s going to be okay, Tara.”



“He’s a tough little guy. He’s been through worse.”



They carried the boy toward the stairs, trying to stay positive. The family made their way to the hospital and into their doctor’s office. They’d called ahead, notifying the staff of his injury. They greeted the regular visitors, paying special attention to the boy in Tara’s arms. Patrick noticed his thick, catalog sized, patient file on the office counter. He wasn’t in a great deal of pain so he was more excited to see Carol, his favorite nurse, and cared very little about his leg.



Willow and Abbey walked down to the cafeteria to get food for the hungry women and distract the young blonde’s concern for her cousin. In Abbey’s heart she’d claimed him as her brother and would only refer to him as that. She was a pro at the hospital visits. She kept a small notebook of games that she could play with him; connect the dots, tic tack toe and many other things to pass the time. Slowly, her science bag was transformed into a source of entertainment for long waiting room stays. She felt like his protector, an emotion that her mothers were quite aware of.



“Apple or orange?” The redhead asked.



Abbey eyed the display of candy. “May I have some cookies, ma?”



“An apple or an orange. I didn’t hear cookies in there anywhere. Did you?” She tapped her daughter on the nose.



“I added them.” She gave a hopeful grin.



Willow caught a glimpse of her beloved in their daughter’s smiling eyes. “Let’s not have all that sugar this early in the morning. I’m going to get mom an apple, would you like some fruit?”



“Does it come with cookies?”



The redhead looked at the giggling woman behind the lunch counter. “Have you grown any tasty cookie apples for this one, Sam?” She pointed to the little blonde.



“Sorry, little one.” She shook her head. “We’ve got apple pie or apple sauce or double chocolate chunk cookies.” She watched Willow shake her head when the word cookie came out. “Minus the cookie.”



“You said cookie, you can’t take it back.”



Willow smiled. “I’m officially overruling the cookie. Take it off the list.”



“Fine.” Abbey pouted. “Orange.”



The redhead tossed it to her daughter. “Do you remember when you asked me about why oranges are orange?”



Abbey made an agreeing sound. “Uh huh.” She continued. “Because of the chickens… right?”



They shared a knowing giggle. Abbey carried the apples and oranges as Willow paid. They made their way back to the office. Tara was pacing the small exam room. Little Patrick fiddled with the implements on the large office table, flipping the stirrups back and forth.



The doctor knocked gently before entering. He stretched his hand toward the redhead. “Willow, how are you?” He moved an arm around Tara. “And you? Don’t be nervous.” He could sense the blonde’s anxiety. “Let’s take a look.”



He waited as they unsnapped the side of the boy’s pants. They worried that he didn’t seem to feel as much pain as all the discoloration would imply. The doctor prodded the wounded area. “What happened, Patrick?”



“I jumped.” He stated without hesitation. He tone was proud, as he’d been happy to have full use of his limbs.



“We’re going to need some pictures pal.” The doctor looked at the other leg, then to Willow and Tara. “I’m going to send him down with Polly.”



The nurse came in with a wheel chair. “It’ll be about 15 minutes for the pediatric x-ray. You ready, big guy?”



He stretched on a hospital gown and Tara lowered him into the chair. “Should I come with you this time?” The blonde looked at his bright eyes.



He looked up at the Nurse.



“Simple hold your breath this time, pal,” referring to the x-ray’s invasiveness. She kicked off the break.



He smiled. “I like this one. It’s easier.” He looked at his cousin then back at his aunt. “Can Abbey come, too?”



They looked at the women.



Tara answered. “We’ll be right there.” She understood that the doctor wanted to speak with them both. “Abbey can be the tour guide.”



“Cool.” She followed the nurse.



The Rosenbergs knew their way around the hospital. Patrick’s recovery had been complicated and required many trips and hundreds of tests and x-rays. They’d become close friends with the staff members; most of which protected him as their own.



“It looks like the bone has fractured.” He sat on the stool beside the exam table. “It means he’s outgrown the metal rod. With discoloration that dark, I’d say it bent far enough to break the bone.”





TBC

Urn of Osiris"All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the Web of Life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself."



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 2:39 am 
Ah poor Patrick, the little mite has had so much to deal with and now this. Lucky he has our girls and Abbey to help him through any ordeals.


Sheacht mh'anam déag do bhéal, do mhalaí's do ghrua



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 12:12 pm 
Poor little boy. I hope he will be ok.



*lil´c*

"I am S-E-X-Y" Amber at the FedCon



Sweet Amber ~~~ Amber Board ~~~ Danielle Benson ~~~ Danielle Benson France ~~~ Danielle Board



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 25, 2004 9:58 pm 
Poor Patty! This sounds like it might interfere with the family vacation.......





Enough sad stuff...... I'm excited to see a little more heavy petting ( ) in this sequel...... I love smut. Not like, luvvvvvve.





Thank you Osiris!

-LC



~*~

RealLiveTara is my RealLiveGirlfriend! *swoons*

"It doesn't have to be a really frenchish french, I just wanna feel your tongue."- my girlfriend last night.

"I don't wanna come out of the closet. All my clothes are in there!" -Me



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 3:48 am 
What can I say!? I love LOVE LOVE this fic!



Thank you so much for continuing to write it.



You bring the characters to life. The love you etch into the words you write is so amazingly beautiful.



Never change!



You are the master of plot, my darling!



I love you dearly!

Rachy



p.s. I can't wait for tim tams and fondues! :P Hurry and get your butt over here girl!





“And what flavor Amber fan are YOU?



~*@.......We are the weirdest person in the world.......@*~




"Love who you love, just do it with your whole heart." - Urn of Osiris



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 4:38 pm 
Hello all. Thanks for reading and for leaving feedback. I really do appreciate knowing what readers think. Part four is coming up very soon and the direction is going to take a dramatic turn. Well I hope it will. Some feedback on that would be greatly appreciated.



Molly, Lil'c, LC and Rachy Thank you so very much for taking the time to reply. Just knowing that the words meant something makes it worth writing.



More very soon!

Urn of Osiris"All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the Web of Life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself."



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 05, 2004 8:32 pm 
Title: Leap of Faith





Rating: PG maybe pg-13 for a curse word or two.





Feedback: Go for it. I'd really like to know what you all think.





Summary: This fic takes place about a 5 years after Pathways & Patterns. The family is doing what families do...living. It isn't angst free and it has a few twists along the way.





Author’s Note: Some of the events in this fic are serious and it is not my intention to be insensitive to anyone that has lived through similar experiences.





Copyright Disclaimer: Joss and Company own all the original BTVS characters... blah blah blah





previously







Tara pulled the child into her arms. “Thanks, Ab. Your mom and I just needed a few more minutes together.” The blonde read concern on her wife’s face. She mouthed silently. “What’s up?”



Willow lowered herself to the bed, quietly mouthing a reply. “He’s hurt.”



Tara sat up, pulling the sheets over her naked chest. “Abbey, will you take your cousin into the bathroom to wash up?” She could see his milk mustache.



“Sure, mom.”



They watched the boy favor his right leg. Tara put on her sweat pants and nightshirt. “He’s limping, Will.”



“Maybe he just slept wrong.” Willow’s tone was calm. She pulled on her flannel pants and a singlet top.



Tara turned to her wife, concerned. “Slept wrong?” She rubbed her palms nervously. “The doctors said limping could be a sign.”



“I know, baby.” She held her wife’s nervous hands. “Don’t panic.”






****************



“It looks like the bone has fractured.” He sat on the stool beside the exam table. “It means he’s outgrown the metal rod. With discoloration that dark, I’d say it bent far enough to break the bone.”





***************************



And now.....





Part 4



“I knew it.” Tara rested against her wife for support. “It looks awful. But he doesn’t feel it. That’s a bad sign too, isn’t it?”



“Actually, don’t get ahead of yourself. Let’s see what the x-rays show and then we’ll go from there,” he explained gently. “He has a lot of nerve damage in his hip, Tara. I think that the swelling might just be pressing against them.”



“The bruise is just so big. I should have noticed it.”



Willow squeezed her arms around her wife. “He never complained, sweetie.”



The blonde nodded. “He rarely does.”



“He’ll be fine, ladies.” The doctor opened the thick file. “I think he tested for 60% loss on his first visit here. He’s only had about five years but each injury set him back. Let’s see what the results are but if it’s fractured and the pin is bent, we’re going to have to put in a new one.”



“Surgery is going to freak out both of the kids.” Willow looked at the doctor. “When? When would you do it?”



He pulled out a list of numbers. “Everything can be done in the children’s ward here. We should be able to schedule it in a few days.”



“That’s pretty fast.” Tara stepped toward the door. “I need to get upstairs.”



Willow stayed behind. “I’ll be right there.” “What do you think the long term is, Adam?” The redhead addressed him casually. They’d worked closely together on fundraising projects for the pediatric wing of the hospital. “The last time this came up you said…”



He interrupted. “Look, Willow, when this came up three years ago we discussed how growth spurts could weaken his leg.” He closed the file in front of him. “This looks like a fracture and it looks like it’s in the same spot. To fracture it, with a pin, is very serious.” He pushed his pen into his breast pocket. “I’m 99% sure that a larger pin is the only way this boy will get through his adolescence without continuous breaks.”



“We know. We’ve discussed this possibility more then once.” Willow shook her head. “If people would just stop and think…” She paused. “That bastard.” She whispered under her breath.



Adam was fully aware of the family history and the events leading to the initial break of Patrick’s legs. They trusted the young boy to his care. The women could see this coming. They’d prepared financially but emotionally it was hard for Willow to hide her anger.



“We’ll talk about the long term healing.” She turned to exit. “I need to find Tara and the kids.” The redhead walked out the office door; her body raging with emotion, the anger unbearable. She reached the outer corridor leading to the pediatric wing. Her hand rested against the steel plate on the swinging door. She couldn’t bear to see her son. She knew he was going to endure invasive surgery and hated that he suffered over and over for his father’s thoughtless actions. She dropped her hand, leaving a heated palm print across the metal surface. Her back slumped against the concrete wall. She still felt the need to punish herself for not being in Patrick’s life early enough to stop his father’s hand. She melted slowly down, collapsing on the hunch of her heels. Her hands folded across her face and she wept. In the cold stillness of the vacant hall she released the energy that she knew Patrick could not witness. She’d never felt so helpless, so alone.



The redhead closed her covered eyes. She could feel the haggard breathing taking control. She wanted to disappear. For the first time in her marriage she thought she couldn’t survive an obstacle. She felt helpless and now understood how her wife had felt just a few hours before. In her moment of weakness she wanted to fix what had been broken. She tried to clear her mind; to find comfort in the silence of her soul. The tears washed down her face and she didn’t wonder about anything. It was as though her mind let go of existing in the numbness of her grief. She felt a vulnerability that hadn’t passed through her since that dark night in the Oregon forest. Her hands dropped from her face and she stared at the dark scarred rings around her wrists. She could feel the fear of that night merge with the anguish of humanity. The pain cascaded along her cheeks, flowing down and off the trembling curve of her chin.



The redhead felt a hand rise toward her face.



“Mrs. Rosenberg?”



The nurse held a tissue to the redhead.



Willow wiped the tears with the back of her hand. “Thanks.” She looked up. The tall skinny dark haired man waved the scratchy paper in her face. She refused his gesture. She recognized him from the admissions desk. He made her nervous and she was quick to keep her family away from him. “I’m fine.”



“You got bad news on the kid?”



She stood defensively. “He’s not a kid, he’s a child and what we did or didn’t get is private.” Her sadness turned sharply toward anger.



He stepped away, turning his attention toward the approaching group.



Tara stood behind them, holding the door for her children and Carol the office nurse. She could feel the tension between Willow and the nurse. The redness around her wife’s eyes needed little explanation. “Will?”



“It’s fine, baby. I’m fine”



The nurse turned away, pacing quickly toward the reception area. The redhead knelt beside her young charge. “How’d it go pal?” She rested her hand against the arm of the wheelchair.



“It was an easy one, aunt Will. Me and Abbey are gonna color this.” He showed the box

of crayons and X-ray coloring book. “It’s a new one. Phillip said they just got them in.”



Phillip was the pediatric x-ray technician. The women found the staff’s attention comforting. They worked very hard to make him feel safe and seeing the same faces eased his nervousness.



“Can we color them now?”



The redhead looked up at her wife, not knowing if she’d already given the children an answer. Carol interrupted. “I’ll take them back upstairs to the office and you can wait for the films. Phillip said it would only be a few minutes. He’s not very busy this morning.”



“I’d rather stay with them, Carol.” Tara watched the pouting children.



“Mom!” Abbey whined at the blonde. “We’re not babies. We go there all the time. I promise we’ll stay right in the playroom.”



Tara knew the facility well. The office was equipped with a fulltime childcare center. Most families used the services when serious adult conversations were needed. The women reconsidered and allowed them to go up with Carol.



“I’ll be with them until you come up.” The nurse smiled. “If that’s alright with you both?”



Willow hesitated, an overprotective intensity filling her. Tara questioned. “Sweetie, did something happen?”



“Nothing really. I just have this feeling.”



The blonde took her hand. “I’ll wait, you go up with them.”



They kissed tenderly. Willow followed the nurse to the elevator, leaving Tara waiting in the hallway. She felt a force drawing her back to her wife. The energy confused her but she felt a danger around them that she hadn’t felt for years. She tapped nervously on the metal handle, willing the elevator to lift them faster to the floor. The children exited to the play area. The redhead signed them in and returned to the elevator. She tapped the button continuously; impatience urged her to the staircase. She descended two steps at a time, the length of her shirt lofting as she rounded the landings. She felt a panic and called to her wife with her mind. Something she’d refused to do since the darkness of the Oregon forest. “Tara?”



The mental invasion startled the blonde. “Willow… what are you doing?”



The redhead felt the connection. “Baby, I’m sorry. Just tell me that you are okay.”



“I’m fine.” The blonde looked down the length of both corridors. “Why wouldn’t I be?”



Willow explained. “I felt something Tara. I can’t explain it but something is happening.”



The blonde Wicca closed her eyes, listening for what her wife was feeling. “Go back to the kids, Will. It’s Patrick. Go back now!”



The redhead barely felt her feet upon the treads of the staircase. She climbed as quickly as she’d descended. The reception area of the office was vacant and she hesitated before opening the childcare center door. “Get here now, Tara.” The redhead whispered a simple spell protecting herself and her family.



She opened the door to find the space empty. “Abigail!” She yelled for her daughter. The quiet sent a chill through Willow. “Abbey.” She called again to the silence. The world spun wildly around her, the sense of helplessness swirling with panic. “Tara!” She yelled to her wife. Over and over she felt no return. She crumpled to the floor, feeling only the emptiness of isolation. “Tara!”



“Willow.” A hand settled across the shoulder of the redhead. Tara knelt beside her wife; firmly planted just outside the X-ray doors. She’d huddled down against the wall, a cold pool of tears collecting along the seams of her sleeves, her face buried in her hands. The blonde was confused by her state but even more concerned about the continuous calling of her name. The redhead seemed trapped inside herself. “Willow… sweetie, I’m right here.”



The nurse interrupted. “I’ll take the children upstairs if you’d like.”



Tara smiled. “Thanks Carol, we’ll be right behind you.”



They walked together down the hall. Patrick tried to look back over his shoulder at his aunt. He’d never seen her sleeping in the middle of the day and certainly never known her to do it in the hall of the hospital. Abbey hopped on the back of the wheelchair distracting them both.



Willow heard Abbey’s laughter. Her head popped up and her eyes locked on the group as they pushed the elevator button. She was reliving the moments of her vision, only this time she was not in the picture. Her head was fuzzy and confused. The gentle stroke on her arm forced her eyes to meet with soft calming blue. “Tara.”



“Will.” She moved alongside her wife. “What just happened?”



The redhead leaned against the blonde’s shoulder. “A dream…” she rubbed the tears with the back of her hands. “I’m not really sure. I rested my head and then it was like I was living this terrifying moment. I was here and then I wasn’t but the whole time it felt like we were in danger. Then there was a pull toward Patrick and when I went up to the office they were gone.” The blonde drew her wife in closer. “Tara, I couldn’t find them. I couldn’t save them.”



“Shhh.” Tara watched the tears fall as she comforted her wife. “The kids were just here. They went with Carol, the x-rays are finished and we just need to see Adam.” She helped her wife stand. “There isn’t any danger.”



“Well, maybe not right now but there was something. I felt it.”



Tara slipped her arm around the redhead’s waist. “We’ll figure it out.” Together they made their way back to the doctor’s office. In the elevator they agreed that her dream might have been a vision and they decided to explore it further. They’d arrange for Buffy to come over. They were sure that Patrick would want his aunt to know what was happening with his latest injury.



Doctor Taylor read the technician’s notes. The x-ray revealed a comminuted fracture with multiple bone fragments. The thin metal rod had bent, forcing the fragile bone to splinter. They’d decided that surgery shouldn’t wait two days. Patrick was scheduled for a five o’clock procedure.



The women called Buffy immediately. It was the slayer’s duty to contact the rest of their friends. The Harris’s were out of town but vowed to return as soon as they could. Dawn couldn’t drop her plans for a weekend away but promised to meet them all when she could. They had a regular hospital routine but this was the first surgery. This came unexpectedly and nervous energy themed the afternoon. The slayer pulled her friend aside.



“Hey Will, what’s up? You’re usually the rock when it comes to the medical stuff.” She stared at the boy’s empty bed. “He’s a strong little guy.”



The redhead looked at her daughter. “Not now, Buffy.”



The room was full of Patrick’s favorite things. Buffy plunked down on the end of the bed. “What’s the recovery time after all of this is done?” She fumbled with the stuffed dog.



The redhead rattled off practical statistics and probabilities. It forced her to stop concentrating on the dream she’d had earlier that afternoon. The reality sent the slayer toward the edge of the bed. “We were supposed to go to the Bennett house in a couple of weeks.” Willow stared out the window. “We’ll have to put it off for a bit.” She directed her words toward the frosted glass. “There’s no way that he could handle a drive that far.”



“Why the trip now?” Buffy hated seeing Willow so emotional.



Willow wiped the tears from her cheeks. She turned to watch Tara and Abbey unpack the small suitcase of Patrick’s clothing. She kissed her elder blonde, caressing the soft curve of her cheek. “Buffy and I are going for a walk. We’ll be right down the hall.”



Tara nodded, whispering, “I love you.”



Abbey pushed the suitcase into the small closet. She climbed into her mother’s lap, resting her sleepy head on her shoulder.



Willow closed the door. The friends stood across from each other in the long sterile hallway. A pause of silence accompanied the redhead’s concentration on the floor.



“What’s going on, Will?” Buffy couldn’t take the emptiness.



“I don’t even know where to begin, Buff.” She crouched to the floor, resting her back against the wall. “I really hate the smell of hospitals.”



“Well, that’s a start.” She watched her friend make a tiny smile. “But I’m guessing it’s not what’s eating at you. Are you and Tara having problems?”



The question caught the red head off guard. If there was one thing solid in her life, it was her marriage. “Are you crazy?” She flashed an icy glare at the slayer. “Why would you even ask me that? Tara’s my life. Those children mean everything to me.” Her eyes glazed with tears.



“You seem so sad, Will.”



“So the first thing you think is that I’m having problems with my wife.” Her shock turned quickly to anger. “Thanks for being so supportive.”



The slayer ran her hands through her hair with frustration, crouching down across from her friend. Her legs twisted gangly alongside her. “I wasn’t attacking you or Tara. I was just trying to get you to talk to me. I just want to help.”



“Help?” Her laugh hinged on insulted. “You wanna know irony?”



“Because I don’t?” Buffy shot back.



“It was rhetorical, Buff.” She continued to explain. “Last night my wife and I were discussing selling the ranch to get away from the pain of the past and this evening they are cutting open our son because of it.” She paused as the words came from her mouth. She’d felt that way about him for years but she’d been very cautious to keep them to herself.



“Son?”



“He feels like he’s mine.” She pulled her knees to her chest. “If I could I would make it legal but it’s been hard enough just having custody.” She planted her hands along the edge of her face, drawing her long red hair into a ponytail.



“I thought Brenda gave you custody?”



Willow pulled her knees forward, wrapping her arms tightly around. “The last time we visited she swore to us she would never have him see her in prison.”



“Did you ask to adopt him?”



“Well… No. How do you ask someone to give you their child?”



Buffy slid across the floor to sit beside her friend. “You just do. By the time she gets out he’ll be an adult anyway.”



Willow agreed. “I just think of him, Buff. Right now they are cutting him open to fix what she and Donnie did to him. I can’t stop blaming her.”



The slayer understood her position. “I’d die before I’d let anyone hurt Dawn, so I can only imagine how it would feel if he was my kid.”



“It makes me sick to visit her.” She shared her anger. “She should have stopped him.”



The slayer processed the comment. “Didn’t she?” A long silence filled the brightness of the corridor.



The redhead wanted to deny it. She’d spent so much energy blaming the woman for so many things that she’d never stopped to consider why Patrick was finally free of his father’s torment. The Slayer waited for a response.



“Stop being wise Buffy, it’s very creepy.”



The slayer leaned against the redhead. “You know, I really love that little guy.”



Willow slipped her arm around the brunette. “I know you do, Buff, and he counts on that.”



“Does he really?”



“Well you have to know by now that he idolizes you.”



“Idol?” She sat up proudly. “I’m idolizeable?”



Willow was pleased to share the story. “There are times when Tara and I wonder where he finds the strength to carry that fragile little body around. We all know how every injury sets him back, how it frustrates him. He looks to Tara as a mother but he sees something so very different in you.”



“A father?”



“Maybe, I’m not a great judge but the two of you can be very physical. He wants to jump and run and do all the things that all the other boys do. Most of us see his limp and want to keep him from breaking. He knows you love him and it makes him want to try harder. It makes him feel like he can.”



“I do all that?” She smiled at the redhead. “I wasn’t even trying.”



“You don’t, and I think that’s why you are so big to him.”



“So then you have the kids and you have a great wife, what’s all the bad energy about?”



“I’m just so tired, Buffy. Tara and I knew that this was coming and I think now that it’s here we’ve moved to the next level of parenting him.”



“What does that mean, Will?”



“It means that his life is ours now. He’s not going back.”



“I thought you wanted that.”



“I want it and I don’t.” Willow confessed the truth she’d been hiding. “He’s always going to need this place.” She slapped her hand to the floor. “A place that I hate more than just about everything.” She struggled to explain. “We were blessed with Abbey and she’s healthy and so very happy.”



“She has great parents.” Buffy leaned against the wall, scrunching her legs in as a nurse wheeled by with a patient.



The redhead crumpled her face. “It’s more than that.” She stood from her tangled position on the floor, needing to pace her nervous energy away. “He knows the difference, Buff. He’s beginning to understand that this wasn’t an accident.”



“So you’ll deal.” Buffy followed her down the hallway.



“I hate them, Buffy. How can I love him like my own child when I hate the people that created him?” She fought the tears that were coming. “I can’t help but see Tara in him. I think about what they did to her. How it still makes her feel.” She looked at her friend. The slayer had long since abandoned her control over tears. “When does she get to be free from them?”



The conversation stopped. Buffy was staring down the hall at the opening doors. As if in slow motion the surgical nurse walked into Patrick’s hospital room. The two women raced inside.



Abbey had fallen asleep in her mother’s lap. Tara held her, singing her favorite John Denver tune. The nurse interrupted. “Mrs. Rosenberg?”



Tara turned toward her. “Yes.” Buffy and Willow slid into the jam of the door, as they rushed to get inside.



“I just wanted to come out and tell you what’s happening with your son.”



Buffy saw the terror in the blonde’s face. She picked up Abbey and carried her from the room. She could sense that the news wasn’t very good.



“Happening?” Willow stood beside her wife, oblivious to the nurse’s error. They felt like his mothers. He felt like their son.



The nurse continued. “The damage to his leg is severe. We removed the bent insert. We set the bone and drilled for the rod.”



The redhead interrupted. “We know all the technical stuff, just tell us what’s happened.”



“Will.” Tara grasped her lover’s hand.



The intimacy caught the nurse off guard. “The initial x-rays didn’t show the internal damage. He’s lost a lot of blood. In fact we are all pretty amazed that he was conscious when they checked him in. Right now he’s been transfused and that seems to be helping. But there are complications.”





TBC





Urn of Osiris"All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the Web of Life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself."



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 05, 2004 10:24 pm 
:sheep



what a place to stop!



can't wait for more.



Rai

Forgive me now! Tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty...



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Mon Sep 06, 2004 12:25 pm 
Oh my god! You can´t stop there!!! What will happen to this poor little boy?



*lil´c*

"I am S-E-X-Y" Amber at the FedCon



Sweet Amber ~~~ Amber Board ~~~ Danielle Benson ~~~ Danielle Benson France ~~~ Danielle Board



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2004 5:20 am 
You are a wonderful writer, and I love that you always keep in the forefront that the 'Scoobies' are a family. Although I love the angst- freeness of your first story, the complexity and issues you are exploring in this and your previous story are done with care and respect, which make them good to read.



Thanks I can't wait for the next installment.



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2004 8:42 am 
OMG you stopped it there:shock

I am glad Willow is talking this out to Buffy, She needs to get it out and right now Tara really doesn't need more stress. So I am very glad Buffy could be there as a sounding board. And wow I am in awe at the gamut of emotions you can so seeming effortlessly convey in this chapter I was a very emotional read and wonderfully written. I hope you can update soon so we know how the little guy is. Great Job

Arron

She walks in beauty, Like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright; Meet in her aspect, and her eyes. ~ by Byron ~



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 Post subject: Re: Leap of Faith (Pathways & Patterns continued)
PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2004 12:35 pm 






Osiris! You evil, nasty, mean woman, you!!! You can't leave me hanging like this!! I protest! LOUDLY!!!





Did that work? Damn, no post yet...... you force me to bring out the worst thing ever........



You know you can not resist that face.





(heheheheheee )





On a serious note, you are still the Mistress of Cliff-Hangers. And I happily dangle by one finger for you, and your writting. I love Willow, and I really enjoy the way you write her.



Thank you again! I'm off to print out everything!!!

-LC

~*~

RealLiveTara is my RealLiveGirlfriend! *swoons*

"It doesn't have to be a really frenchish french, I just wanna feel your tongue."- my girlfriend last night.

"I don't wanna come out of the closet. All my clothes are in there!" -Me



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