The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 6:00 pm 
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3. Flaming O
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Location: Land of midnight sun and naked blondes.
(Sad blues cords)
My fic-writer's-a-gone and left me-eh, oh, yeah, gone-an left me a-aall-aloo-oone...
My fic-writer's gone an' left me... and so forth.
The lonely musician sighs and takes a puff on the cigarett. The thin blue pillar of smoke is the only thing moving in the empty jazz club...


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:14 pm 
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4. Extra Flamey
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What a fantastic idea for a story...or stories should I say! Just following and developing each story itself seems difficult but you pull it off with a wonderful flair. God, I hope you update any one of these stories in the future, cuz I am hooked dude. So good. So very good. YUM CATACLYSM CAFE. :-D So very very yuuuuummm

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 8:31 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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Location: Shoalhaven,NSW, Australia
Wiccachica
Hi! I just found this thread last night courtesy of Lost Threads or Finda Fic, and couldn't tear myself away until about 3 a.m.

Cataclysm Cafe is insane and I love it. You've much better programming choices than TV here, and I'm hooked. I think my favourites are Futopia, The Living Woman Network, Pacific Tides, and NineWest in no particular order, with So Real coming a close second.

I have to admit I'm a sucker for Tara in western gear, maybe a little dirty & disheveled (from the dusty ride, people!), with boots and an attitude. You've also piqued my curiosity by introducing a second redhead - would the real Willow please stand up?

It's been a little while since you updated the Cafe - I hope you're going to come back to these amazing fics and bring us all to a satisfactory climax? :-D (Yep, I know that's cheesy.) But seriously it would be a tragic shame to leave these great stories hanging like this.

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Every path has its puddle. Old English Saying... I think I just stepped in mine...


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 6:48 pm 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Thu Apr 28, 2005 10:06 am
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Location: Los Angeles
The Veiwing Room

The Wraith





Treena could stand at the window like that for hours.

Wy found that little nugget of information out the hard way. She had been sitting in a large...very comfortable chair for a while, trying her best to look alluring and mysterious while watching the blonde at the window gaze pensively out at the rain.

After a good half hour, Wy moved her way to the bed, hoping the considerable noise she purposefully made would snap the bounty hunter out of her vigil. When that didn’t work, Wy sighed way too loudly and lay back on the bed, making the springs creak and all but insist Treena come join her there.

Treena remained at the window, arms crossed, looking very serious and very business-like with her guns still hanging from her hip. Something was bothering her nagging at her really, and she couldn’t put her finger on it.

She had been silly enough not to listen to her instincts telling her that something was wrong at The Red Sash in Cordell.

She’d been sorely wrong about the docile nature of her ward as well.

Now she was getting that jittery feeling in her gut again. Like she could stand still for too long or she’d explode...

So she stood still. She had trained herself to do just that. Funny thing was...she didn’t explode. In fact, she felt calmer than she had for the past week.

Except when you were holding Wy...

The rain was still coming down strong. Treena hated the rain almost as much as she hated ignoring her instincts. You couldn’t see enough in the rain. It covered potential danger like a great silvery veil. It meant you had to look harder, and stay on edge at all times... because that’s when anyone with half a mind and a heart full of hate would most likely come for you.

When you couldn’t see them coming.

Treena watched the unfortunates who had to venture out in the downpour scurry from one building front to the next, hands up to cover their heads. She scanned each fool without prejudice. Anyone could be a potential danger.

Her warning bells were jangling again and she gritted her teeth to dim them down. Maybe she was over-reacting.

Maybe...

Treena could hear Wy huffing and tramping around in the room behind her, but it didn’t pull her attention away from the street.

On the street below, a woman scurried across the muddy main with her small son, muddy up to his knobby little knees, in tow.

A man stumbled out of the saloon across the street and leaned against a post to try and stand without falling. He looked out at the rain from under the overhang as if wondering if he could make it to his horse without getting doused.

A darkly-clad stranger stopped and stood in the rain, looking up at the hotel and demanding every iota of Treena’s attention.

The stranger’s face was partially obscured by the wide brim of the hat. The rain did the rest of the business of hiding their face.

Strange...the way they stand... seems damn familiar don’t it, Maclay...?

Treena shook her thoughts away and kept her gaze on the apparition in the street.

And that certain tilt of the shoulder, the way their hands rested slightly too high...like they might have pistols on their hips to contend with.

The stranger stared up at the hotel with an unwavering intensity that made the hair on the back of Treena’s neck stand at attention.


Was she looking at this room?

Treena couldn’t tell. With the hopes that it was not, she kept her eyes locked on the dark specter who didn’t seem to mind the downpour at all.

With an exasperated sound, Wy sat up on the bed, looking at the bounty hunter’s back.

“Look. I’m doing my half-naked best to seduce you, dammit, now could you come away from that window!” Wy finally surled.

Treena didn’t turn from the window. But it was the ‘half-naked’ thing that broke her concentration. For the briefest of moments, her brain shut down and began to do the calculations...

Plus: If I look, I’ll get to see her half-naked.

Minus: The person down there on the street might be here to kill us.

Plus: Wy is here in this room... and she’s half-naked.

Minus: If I look away. That person might come up here and shoot us both.

Plus: It’s only five steps to the bed... Less than five seconds.

Minus: We’re on the second floor. It’ll take a half a minute to get up to this room.

Plus: I’ll have twenty five seconds.

Minus: Your gut is telling you that something bad is going to happen, Treena. You should always with your gut.

Treena had not turned from the window, but in that flash of a second that she had weighed her options...she blinked.

And the stranger was gone.

She scanned the street in both directions, and saw nothing. Panic was never a boon in Treena’s line of work, but right then she felt it slip-sliding its way through her. Instead of making a grand production of her present state, she turned from the window, looked at the half-naked woman pouting on the bed not five steps away...

And started a mental countdown from twenty five.

TBC...


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 7:37 pm 
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14. Lesbo Street Cred

Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 10:00 am
Posts: 2065
Location: Middle 'o the middle, U.S.A.
You updated! You updated! Oh most wonderous of scribblers, divine in your tippy tappy typiness, gifting us with mories of the stories.

Yay.

But this most miserable of readers could, if permitted, possibly point out that while the update was the epitome of perfection it was also, shall we say, a tad ... ummm ... brief?

Having had that most scrumptious appetizer this humble reader's appetite is most definitely whetted. So ...

I have cast off the books and rubbish round the television, dusted off the screen, and settled on to a pillow scant inches from the screen. Take your time - I can wait. Whatever channel suits your fancy...

Blink. Blink. Blink. Bli...

- Boschi

Blink.


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:18 am 
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2. Floating Rose

Joined: Sun May 15, 2005 2:40 pm
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whee!

that was hilarious, what with the attempted seduction failing leading to blatant requesting and the mental pros-and-cons tabling.

ah... intrigue and suspense.


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 3:09 pm 
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4. Extra Flamey

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Hi Pippa,

Plus: Yay, you updated.

Minus: It was kinda short.

Plus: The Cataclysm Cafe is still in business.

Minus: The commercial breaks are too long.

Big Plus: Yay, you updated.

Thanks, wilgen.


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 2:47 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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Location: Shoalhaven,NSW, Australia
So happy to see an update to Cataclysm Cafe. I've been getting nothing but snow on all the channels for a while now, so it's great to tune into one of the shows.

Yay! I got western Tara: boots and low slung gun belts.... mmmmm.

Hopefully reception will improve for the other channels soon too? :-D

Anne

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Every path has its puddle. Old English Saying... I think I just stepped in mine...


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:08 am 
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3. Flaming O
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Hallelujah! Great is the resurrection and the life!! For the wonderous Café in the Sky is again open for Mochas. Praise the Puppies that be! Pass the cookies. Short? Bah! Life is short and we're all gonna die, so there you are. Oh, and did I mention: Hallelujah? :bow
Ye Olde Fanne

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 11:14 am 
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10. Troll Hammer
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yey finally an update! :party :party

my fave tv is back on! all right!... i hope all the channels work too! i've missed my dose of cataclysm!

does this mean we get to vote again?!

i hope to see you here more often!

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Last edited by tarebear on Sun Nov 13, 2005 2:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 10:22 pm 
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10. Troll Hammer
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GASP!!!

You're back!! :thud

Huzzah! Huzzah!!!

SOOOO glad to see you here... and with an update to boot! We are spoiled!

YAY!
DW

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Check out some of my most popular works: Special ... Leave It to Giles ... The Inimitable Giles ... Giles at Christmas

Challenge Fics!: You Could Be Her ... Glasses ... Graffiti ... Pizza Day

Forbidden Fics?: Check out the Litterbox!

Oops, I made a mythtake... wt4ever


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 7:45 am 
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2. Floating Rose
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**And Now for an Important Special News Announcement**

(A swarthy-looking demon steps up to the microphone, clears his throat, and taps the head.)

“Ah…erm…testing….testing….one-two-three. This on? Good. (bolstering) My name is Irwin Bombak, and I am here representing the Demons That Be. They have a statement they would like me to read: ‘We, the Demons That Be, the all-powerful force behind the truly heinous, evil line up of bad television, have had no ill-dealings with the head writers at the Cataclysm Café…and we had NO involvement in their untimely disappearance and their unsavory stint in captivity. We are (clears throat again) Happy to see them return to their offices, and we have no comment on the allegations they have brought forth concerning trying to keep (coughs) Willow and Tara apart using bad television. We, The Demons That Be, look forward to producing many, many more hours of high-quality shows for all to see…and we have decided to make Pippa and the Troll equal partners on the Board of Demons to show our sincerity and good will. We thank you.'

**Paid For By The Demons That Be**

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 10:45 am 
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11. Fish in the Bowl
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Well well well well well. Lookie who's stumbled back to the forum. All that time stuck in a Demon dungeon did wonders for your complexion, my dear! Absolutely wonderful! They should open up a spa.

:smug

So glad to see you back! Hope we'll see some stories from you soon.

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"People flock in, nevertheless, in search of answers to those questions only librarians are considered to be able to answer, such as 'Is this the laundry?', 'How do you spell surreptitious?' and, on a regular basis, 'Do you have a book I remember reading once? It had a red cover and it turned out they were twins.'" -- Terry Pratchett


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 2:25 pm 
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4. Extra Flamey

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Pippa (and The Troll)!!! Congrats on the promotion. It's about frikkin' time. Is there any news on the broadcasting regularity? Is the station still a voting network? Will TLS get an update? Or is the wild west the first? So many questions....

Very happy you're back.

wilgen.

p.s. what's with the revenge?


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 2:52 pm 
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2. Floating Rose
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Beck and Call….

LeatherQueen: Yes. Demony Dungeons aren’t as bad as they sound. They actually do have a spa down there. They had a juice bar, a coffee bar, (who knew coffee was demon invention???) and all the reality TV and Jerry Springer I could watch. I definitely missed my favorite librarian though! I hope never to be gone like that again. Believe me.

Wilgen: I too am glad for the promotion. I love a good pay raise…especially when the money is make believe (though the Troll seems to be living fine on his new income) As far as regularity…I hope that the schedule gets ironed out soon…and I’m gearing up (re-reading) for some primo Late Shift action soon. The first three episodes are scheduled by the demons…just to get the juices flowing again… the next ones will be on an interactive voting system. And being trapped for 6-months in a hell dimension without a reliable computer has added the “revenge” to the Wiccachica name. I’ve come back darker, stranger, and just a little bit sexier than ever before…stay tuned.


Channel Five:
The Pactides Channel
Episode of....The Beach



Keoki crossed his arms over his tanned chest and scowled at his sister’s bedroom with the discerning eye of a first-rate detective.

When he had arrived home, Angelo in tow, it was just past dawn. Keoki had found the house disappointingly quiet and even more disappointingly missing two very important females. He’d hoped that in the extra time he had given them, the world would have been set right, and that he would have found them snuggling romantically in Kali’s room. His hopes were shattered when, not only did he find the two girls gone, but...

Things were missing. Lots of things. He’d made a mental list:

The food he had left behind from his earlier pilfering of the refrigerator was gone. Kali’s back pack contents had been emptied out onto her bed. The bota bags for water had been taken down from her bedroom wall. Two words swam up to the surface of his thoughts.

As he noted other things...smaller things, (Kali’s boots, their Dad’s hand-crafted hand spear for fishing, and Keoki’s own machete... for instance) the words came glaringly into focus

Day. Hike.

Where would they day hike to if they were trying to get away? Someplace safe... Someplace hidden...

Into the gully...

Keoki continued to scowl. His father would kill him for certain if he knew Kali had gone into the gully. He would be home in two days and as the oldest son…the one left in charge… Keoki was going to be the one to feel the heat.

Angelo watched as Keoki walked out of his sister’s room and down the hall to the room he and his younger brother shared. Instead of his “slippahs”, he pulled regular shoes onto his feet.

“Where are you going?” Angelo asked from the door way. In his tuxedo he seemed comically out of place in their humble home, hands in his pockets, looking like a rumpled James Bond.

“To find’em. My faddah is gonna kill me.” Keoki muttered over his laces.

“I’m coming with you.” Angelo said, and shrugged when Keoki glanced up at him. “What? I’ve got nothing better to do than save a few lives.”

[hr]

When they had stood at the edge of the gully earlier, Rosie had been awe-struck by the sight. The deep depression in the earth had, over many years, become host to a massive forest of tropical foliage and oddly noisy but decidedly benign creatures. What struck Rosie the most was the foreign sweet wet smell of clean air.

Kali put her fists on her hips, ignoring the dull pain that was beginning to creep in around the edges. Even with the medication, this was going to be a rough trip. “Stay close to me. If you need to stop, let me know. ..we’ll take a break.”

“Okay.” Rosie nodded, still staring out at the gully with something like awe. Once Kali had started to move again, deftly moving down the small grade towards on a small footpath that had been beaten by years of use, Rosie gained her bearings.

“Wait… We’re going in there[i]?” Kali was already at the bottom of the hill. She looked up at the redhead.

“Yep. We are going in there.” She smiled at Rosie’s look of trepidation. “C’mon…it’s not as scary as it looks…”

“And nothing [i]weird
lives in there?”

“Nothing weirder than you.” Again…that sassy smile that made Rosie’s stomach bottom out. She had held her hand up to Rosie and Rosie moved down the hill to take it.

Tropical predators be damned!

Now as the sun started higher into the sky, Rosie was no longer impressed by the cleanliness of the air…nor was she so concerned with the possibility of her father finding them, the strange sound of static electricity that had been growing steadily louder as they walked, or any dangerous creatures that might devour them both. There were two items taking precedent over her thoughts…

The very realistic possibility that they were about to be forever lost in the middle of this overgrown mini jungle…

And the fact that…well….

Kali was looking incredibly hot in the cutoffs and white t-shirt she had chosen to wear on their little escape.

A few patches of foliage had overgrown the path they were taking, and Kali walked a safe distance in front of Rosie, swinging the machete like an Amazonian goddess in the throes of battle. Hot. Hot. Hot.

“We should be coming up to a place ahead where we can rest…take a swim…or whatever…” Kali said, concentrating on the overgrowth. Rosie was concentrating too.

On…well…

**Bam**

Rosie smacked headlong into a willowy sapling in front of her and fell…hard…on her backside.

“Oof!” She let out the cry before she could stop herself. Kali turned and hurried to her.

Rosie dropped her head to look at the ground which was conveniently MUCH closer now…

Damn. Now you’re going to have to explain WHY you weren’t looking where you were going…

“Are you okay?”

“Yes…” Rosie muttered, her face growing almost as red as her hair.

“What happened? Are you hurt?” There was genuine concern of the blonde’s face. She stroked Rosie’s hair back from her brow, trying to meet her gaze.

Okay, Rosewood…let’s see you get yourself out of this one. How are you going to tell her that you were too busy looking at her b…

“Bird! I saw a BIRD and I wasn’t looking. I WASN’T looking. I mean… I WAS looking…. at the… bird…” Rosie bumbled insistently, growing steady more flushed. Kali stared at her for a few seconds, her hand still on Rosie’s hair.

“I think you’re getting overheated out here. Let’s get you some water…” Rosie allowed her to help her to her feet.

“I’m fine. I think I bruised my pride a little…” She not-so-reluctantly allowed Kali to hold her while they walked the few feet to the “clearing” just beyond the brush.

It didn’t occur to Kali that the “static” sound was actually that of a small waterfall against a humble freshwater pond.

Rosie was staring at the waterfall, and Kali was smiling and staring at her.

“You like?” Kali asked.

“I LOVE….This is amazing.” Rosie said, breathless.

“I figure we can rest here for a bit…take a swim…you know…” Rosie was about to ask her if there was anything in the water she should be concerned with, but quickly forgot when Kali peeled off her shirt and started on the buttons of her cutoffs.

Whoa, Nellie!

Kali carefully folded her shorts and placed them on a rock then walked to the water and waded in up to her waist.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

“Uhhh…” Rosie was trying to form words…she knew they were there somewhere…rolling around inside her head…

Kali flashed another devil-may-care smile.

“Or you can stay out there and bird watch.”

TBC…

Up Next: Nine west and then….The Late Shift rides again!

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 3:23 pm 
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4. Extra Flamey

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Whoa, Nellie! Indeed. You got a little bit sexier in a Demony Dungeon? Guess you are right that they are not so bad as they sound.

I thought the new episode would be confusing as hell because I saw the previous episodes some time ago but rewatching the last it all came back. Lovely update.

wilgen.


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 6:29 pm 
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3. Flaming O
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So I was on the phone with my dear friend and destroyed her hearing with an ear-shattering squeal of epic proportions. When her ears stopped ringing and I stopped squealing, she said to me, "You just saw the Cataclysm Cafe update, didn't you?" And she was right.

I'm so excited you're back. I've been snivelling about your disappearance for some time now. I wanted this thread to take my lurking virginity, but wanted to wait for an update. I was saving myself. But damnit, it took so long and I got distracted by a hot young fic and.. well, you know how it goes.

I hope some sloppy forty-seconds will suffice.

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 10:50 pm 
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9. Gay Now
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Oh my god! The Cataclysm Cafe is open again! Now I can stop using my TV for a doorstop and go back to staring at the static in anticipation of a show! Wheeeeeeee!

-Cam

p.s. Would it be presumptuous and gauche of me to put in a plea for more SO Real? I'd be willing to tap dance while juggling donuts for the hungry puppy. *smiles ingratiatingly*

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 6:09 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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Wahoo! You're back. I hope the channels have programmed more broadcasting time? I can't wait to see the continuation of my favourite fics.

Anne

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Every path has its puddle. Old English Saying... I think I just stepped in mine...


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 8:54 am 
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3. Flaming O
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How do I love thee? 487 ways, actually. I counted awhile back. And, not all of them are naughty.

I cannot express the joy and delight I feel at seeing an update to this marvelous collection of twisted, twisted stories, in which the various incarnations of W/T are always, always horny and on the verge of getting it on.

Bless you, and the troll you rode in on.

I'm so happy right now, I'm going to get up and do a little dance.

...
...
...
...

Okay, done. That rocked. Bird watching. Heh.

-Sass


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:06 am 
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2. Floating Rose
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Beck and Call…. :kgeek

Wilgen: Demony dungeons aren’t as bad as they sound. My particular dungeon had a lot of potential. Spacious, central-heating, a built-in coffee bar…and a beautiful view of the Los Angeles canals… I’m also glad I’m not the ONLY one rewatching the episodes. I wish I can claim that it’s all stored here in my head….but alas…


Katez0r:I’m excited to be back. I’m sorry it took me so long to crawl out of the hole…aaaand that you had to lose your lurking virginity to some other hot young fic…but I do know how it goes with the young siren fics on this board. With that said…my deepest apologies to your dear friend who now must hate me for assisting in the destruction of one of her eardrums.

tarawhipped: It is never presumptuous to ask for So Real. I happen to really miss that channel too (and will have to go back and make sure al the characters haven’t run off to be on soap operas, commercials and such in the hiatus.) May I say how happy I am to see you back in the Café. I’ll put the first ten coffees on the house tab.

spells42 In fact they have scheduled us for more broadcasting time, and we’ve hired a few new writers to the team whom I think you guys will enjoy (to be announced at a later date) Right now they are doing research on the shows so that they get the voice/tempo/and strangeness that is the Troll. Stay tuned in for a stint of two or three pre-schedule fics and then a vote.

Sassette: My Dove, my Muse, my reason for all reason! How I have missed you.! Being loved in 487 naughty ways is intriguing…I must say. :smug I may have to request a demonstration at some point… but I know…I know….I’ve been gone a long time (can I fib and say I was lost in the deepest reaches of the Congo for the last hrmlmf months?) I understand that I must now re-win your heart…for my pen has become lukewarm and my lap…sadly chilly in the time away…

The research continues…but we shall see an update verrrrry soon….

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 8:25 am 
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5. Willowhand
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Location: Somerville, MA
Hooray! Cataclysm Cafe is back!

No more sitting around and wondering if it'll come back . . .

:tumble

No more nights crying lonely tears . . .

:cry

Finally, more alternative uber W/T goodness straight from the Cafe.

:party

Thank goodness.


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 9:12 am 
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2. Floating Rose
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Posts: 28
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:party
cafe is open again..

whew... been awhile pippa.
it's nice to be back and timing too.. and what a treat updates! :party yay!!!
Hope to read more of your updates.
Thank you for sharing your stories :bow
Okay, i am gonna sit back here and drink a cup of java. Waiting ;-)
Waiting for more. Thanks :moo :bigkiss
Thanks.

Ciao

Your avid reader,
RedJassy
'j0aN'

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 7:17 am 
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Location: Land of midnight sun and naked blondes.
Bloody hell! A new episode. I thought such had become the stuff of legends and folklore only. THANK YOU! Bloody brilliant. Our wedding still on?
Ye Olde Fanne :flower

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:12 am 
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2. Floating Rose
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Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2006 6:54 am
Posts: 41
Location: Los Angeles
A Little Beck and Call…

notl33t: There will be no more lonely teardrops here at the Café. Come inside…drink your fill of tea and coffee…and knosh on some pastry. It’s on the house today.

redjassy: It has been a while…and it’s taken me this long just to read up on old stories so I get them right…but while you’re here…have some nice hot java (on the house of course for you) and prepare for a voting soon.

Reallybigpineapple Of course our wedding is still on. I know…I know…It’s been a long engagement…but it will be worth it…I swear… For you…I offer only the world and all of it’s treasures…..



The Late Shift
Sponsored by Hungry Puppy Donuts


Just A Gnomon In Time

Let us get our bearings.

Let us delve our resources… our direction if you will.

No, no…books will never do…too stuffy…the dead words squished between the pages like tiny black flowers…

What it calls for is a recap….of epically small[i] proportions…

It begins with…. A vampire …and Our Tara in front of a store in the rain. (The first time that is)

Throw in some

• Inter-dimensional travel
• Kronos Demons
• A few saucy flashbacks
• A tattoo (or two)
• Date Night
• An Amazonian tribe championed by the Gershonicon
• A Carnival
• A peculiar vampire and his live stuffed puppy
• Untimely Horrible Death (or something like it)
• A plethora of Willows and Taras

• A Dark Tara and her new Willow Bride
• A carnival (for the second time)
• And the much-needed disclaimer that this tale is not intended to resemble any person living or dead that it is entirely fictional and if there are any demons out there that take offense to any negative stereotypes being thrown around…that they should kindly turn the other cheek.


[i]And now our heroes are headed back to the…


[hr]

“Empty field.” Xander says, peering through the fence at the decidedly…

“Empty…Empty field.” Anya notes.

“I just said that.” Xander huffs. “ I never get any good lines…and that was my line. It was the first line that was ALL mine…”

“I know but by ‘empty’ you were referring to the human notion of tangible emptiness in this field. I’m saying that this field is metaphysically empty. The energy of this place has been tapped.” Anya replies.

“So the carnival leeched this place dry…and now it’s like a dead battery cell?” Buffy asks.

“Well we are just going to have to recharge it.” I say, staring through the slap-dashedly erected fence that had been put up after the carnival had quite literally…BLEW out of town.

I cling to the fence for a moment, thinking.

There is no way I’m giving up. Not even if it’s the future ME I have to destroy to get Willow back.

“I’m coming to get you, Will.” I whisper to the empty empty field.

But how?

“Why am I still here?” Spike finally wonders allowed. I turn to scowl at him, he backs up a step, but continues. “No! I mean it! At first watching you monkeys being tortured was worth the incessant trouble you’ve been getting into lately…but so far I’ve been knocked around, punched in the face, turned into a girl, locked in a little room with a gorgeous view of the sunrise, and what do I have to show for it???” We are all looking at him now. “Nothing! Not a bloody thing! That’s what!” He furls his coat at us. “I’m not even getting fed… or paid!”

“Spike…” Buffy says.

“No! That’s it. I’m out of here! I’m going to the bar for a pint …cuz I haven’t had a real meal in days.” He waves his hands around his ears. “Plus my heads all screwy! I don’t know what day it is…and I really don’t like any of you! I thought I’d be a nice guy and bring Blondie to Red out of the kindness of my unbeating heart and it’s gotten me nothing but a giant, painful ball of trouble… ” He starts to storm off in the direction of the “seedy” side of Sunnydale but stops about twenty paces out.

“Something else to add to your vampiric ninny-fit?” Anya asks.

“I’ve got it.” He says, spinning around.

“What?” I ask. “What have you got?”

“Nobody move. I’ll be right back.” He takes off in a black cloud of leather…leaving us standing in front of the very empty field with nothing to do but wait.
[hr]


After ten minutes of strange and extremely awkward silence, Buffy, forever looking for something to slay… turns to Dawn…who had been uncharacteristically quiet and non-whiny all the way there.

“I thought I told you when we left the crypt that I wanted you back at the house.”

“I want to help.” Dawn says, trying to keep the whine out of her plea. It comes out sounding stubborn… with just a sprinkling of whiny.

“You can help by going home with Anya and staying out of harm’s way.” Anya steps up a little too eagerly.

“I couldn’t agree more. And with me there watching you, I will also be out of the way of horrible dismemberment and death as well…It’s a win-win situation.”

“But I’ve been helping!” Dawn says. This time she sets her screech-decibels to ‘manic harpy’ and we all cringe.

“Do you really want to go back to the carnival, Dawn? Do you remember the chasing and the rats and the screaming?” Xander reminded her.

“Yeah. I do remember the screaming… YOUR girly screaming, Xander.” She groused, her voice beginning to drop now that she was seeing there was no way to talk her way into this.

“Hey! Uncalled for! I never screamed like a….” Xander looked around at the other faces. “Okay…but it was a very mature girly scream…”

“Which shouldn’t distract us from the point here…Dawn needs to be at the actual house…not at a demonic funhouse…. of the impalementy fun variety.”

“That wouldn’t be a bad thing…except that we actually need her for this plan.” Spike says from behind us. We all turn to him and he is smiling like he’s already saved the world. He’s holding a book, a Kohls Amulet and a smile…

TBC…

Stay tuned for an Afternoon Edition and a vote!

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The best things come to those who procrastinate.


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:24 am 
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30. Sweaty and Kinda Gay
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Posts: 5210
Location: Oregon
Okay...so I have to admit that I don't think I've ever read any of these... I've always been daunted by the fact that I don't understand how this thread works... is it a bunch of televisions shows? Is it on long story line? Is it a mish-mash of a bunch of little "self-contained" story-lines with plots and humor that extend too far above my head for me to grasp? All these thoughts have tiptoed through my brain at one time or other when faced with the prospect of actually giving it a go. Well...today I'm happy to say that I've finally taken the plunge... and yes it's true, I did start with the last update first...and it's also true that I still have no idea how this thread works...but from what I just read I can tell I'm going to love it. Your humor is so on point and everyone is so true to character. I love it. I really like Anya and Xander in this bit, too. And the line about Anya taking Xander's line referring to the empty field was absolutely brilliant.

*runs off to suss out the workings of this thread*

xoxo
Emms


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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:49 am 
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2. Floating Rose
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Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2006 6:54 am
Posts: 41
Location: Los Angeles
The Not-Quite Afternoon Edition:

Chapter: Open to Interpretation

Two and a half minutes later…

“That is…byfar…the dumbest idea you have ever had, Spike.” Buffy says, glaring stakes at me.

I’ll tell you… I’m feeling not in the least inclined to help these people. If it weren’t for the sole fact that I kind of like making fun of Red…and I really can’t do it when she’s not here…

Yeah…If it weren’t for that… I wouldn’t be helping at all.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

“You have a better idea, Slayer?” I ask. “Cuz I could just…take all this stuff back and you can attempt to rip open a time/space portal using nothing but your brawny little slayer hands and a stern word or two.”

“It’s crazy.” She argues. Persistent little thing, her.

“And we’ve never done anything crazy…” I get rewarded with her blank stare and I sigh. “Look…I’m just saying we have a door…and we have a key…” I indicate the Niblet who looks as shocked as everyone else.

“Sure….A key that doesn’t open anything anymore!” Buffy says. Dawn harrumphs.

“Then we just use this amulet thingy to fashion us a skeleton key.”

I’m not getting any reactions from them so I shrug again and start to walk off. They mutter quickly amongst themselves.

Note: Keen vampire hearing has always been a boon.

“You know…Spike’s theory…while convoluted and world-alteringly dangerous…just might work.” I hear Anya pipe up.

“I don’t mind being a key again…even though the word skeleton in any sense gives me the heebies…” The Niblet chimes in. Mostly because she doesn’t want to be left out, I think.

“Of course it may mean that you’ll be charbroiled instantaneously…” Xander adds…helpful as usual.

“Actually…she should be quite safe. The amulet provides a buffer for the person wielding it. It’s anyone within a couple hundred feet of the transference that will most likely be affected.”

“Great! Great! And what does affected mean?” Buffy hoots.

“Well the conduit is a small orb set into an amulet. It’s used for transmogrification… so who knows what we could turn up as…” Anya says.

“I would just like to say I kind of like me the way I am.” Danger chimes in.

“But if we’re far enough away….” Tara charges.

“It should work...” Anya says.

There is a moment of silence as I saunter farther away…step by step…

This is a brilliant idea and they know it.

“Erm…hey….” Buffy says…just loud enough for me to hear. I keep walking. “Hey…Spike…” She says again…chagrined.

I stop and turn. They are all watching me, expectant.

“Yeah?”

“So…a key, a door and an incantation and it’s as easy as that?” I pluck a cigarette out of my pack and purse it between my lips. I smile around it.

“There’s always a catch, Love.” I say and light up. “No pun intended.”

“And that would be?” Buffy says in that ‘I knew there had to be more to Spike’s stupid plan’ voice.

“I’m just saying. We’re going to be knocking pretty loudly on a big, evil door. Someone or Something’s bound to hear us coming.”

“You guys take care of the door and I’ll deal with the homeowner.” Buffy says with that familiar kill-em-all glint in her eye. “Deal?”

“Deal.”

TBC…

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:53 pm 
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2. Floating Rose
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Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2006 6:54 am
Posts: 41
Location: Los Angeles
Emms:Welcome to the fold, young Café-goer. You are the first person who has said they fell in to this absurd and wacky tale by reading the last episode first. Even from the beginning, you might find me to be a bit patter-brained as a storyteller. The Late Shift was originally written to confuse and surprise you so don’t expect much more than that. But I bid you welcome…and good reading….

And now the Afternoon Edition of:

The Late Shift
Chapter: Verum Tachar Paraclut et Sprrl


The Niblet sat cross-legged on the ground in the dirt.

Though the area was nothing more than a few patches of grass and some litter, it was as close as we could come to approximating where the carousel had been.

“Good. Now all we need is for you to wait until we’re far enough away…and then you read this incantation… and poof…we’re back in Funkytown, pet.” I say pointing at a passage in the book.

“A-are you sure this is going to work?” Dawn asked…not quite sure now about being so eager to volunteer her body as a key to the Etherverse.

“Like a charm.” I say, dropping the amulet into her hands. “Just read that bit there…and we’ll be back in hell in no time.” I smile reassuringly. She doesn’t look convinced. She sighs and finally takes her first good gander at the book.

“Hey! This is in some weird demon language!”

“It’s Hoji. A Kogathra Demon dialect. It’s the only spell I could find on short notice. Sound it out. It’s really all about phonetics.”

“Okay…” She says…still not sounding too sure.

Anya kneels down and spontaneously hugs Dawn, surprising us all.

“We will be just far enough away to keep from being turned into oozing-yet-sentient puddles of matter…but close enough to come help you if you…you know….need us.” She thinks about it. “Actually at least Buffy will. Her being the Slayer and us being really…mortal and weak…and only able to die once….you know how it is”

“Thanks.” Dawn says dryly. Buffy gives her a quick, slayer hug that squishes some of the breath from her sister…and then we are on our way…

We walk towards what Anya deemed as ‘minimum safe distance’…and some. I figure…wherever the ex-demon wants to be…that’ll be out of harm’s way…so I’ll stick with her until after the Big Whammy.

We found our safe place behind some large rubbish bins some two hundred yards out.

I can feel the Slayer’s grip on my arm and its starting to know what a drumstick feels like seconds from being plucked from the chicken.

“This better work, Spike.” She says. (or you’re dust) But of course she doesn’t even need to say that second part anymore.

“It will. Now, watch.” I say, turning myself into the twist of my arm enough to relieve some of the pain and still look nonchalant…almost like I was more interested in what was happening with the Niblet.

[hr]

Dawn fingered the amulet…watching how the colors inside changed in the dim light. She rubbed the surface for a moment, checked to see that everyone was behind the garbage cans, and turned her attention to the book.

“Verum tachar paraclut et sprrl…."

(nothing)

“Uhm…. Verum tachar paraclut et sprrl…”

She rubbed the stone again…repeating the incantation…to no avail.

[hr]

“Something’s wrong. It’s not working.” Buffy says.

“Wait for it….” I say….

[hr]

“Hey… Verum tachar paraclut et sprrl!” Dawn rubbed the amulet again, then finally turned it over. She squints. “Made in Taiwan?” She glared out at the trash cans. “Hey this thing isn’t even the real …!”

[hr]

“…deal!!” We hear her shout.

Buffy had started to stand up behind the cans when I took her wrist this time…pulling her back down.

“Wait.” I said.

[hr]

“Did you guys hear me?” Dawn yelled at the top of her lungs…shaking the amulet. “I said that this dumb thing doesn’t…”

[hr]

It was not an explosion of light.

It was a trickle.

It dribble/slithered through Dawn’s fingers and spilled out onto the worn dirt.

It shimmered there in a large puddle for a moment, and then began to spread out around her, slowly…hesitantly….testing the ground…

And then the light suddenly surged outward from there.

<>

Of course, it being light and all…It struck us with nothing more than awe.

I even said it out loud…

“Awww……that was a poncy displ….” I started.

<>

The sound wave came a flea’s breath later and knocked us all flat to the ground. It pressed us into the dirt for several seconds as it washed over us…

The fence that had been erected around the fairgrounds flattened back like a chain link flower opening. The rubbish cans, that we were hiding behind, squealed under an invisible weight and then crumpled inward and flattened down like empty soda cans.

And then the force retracted…leaving us quickly… an invisible ocean wave receding.

Buffy sat up first and looked around. Her face and hair covered with dust.

“What was that???”

I sat up, followed by the dribbling idiot vamp. Our vampire constitutions warranted a quicker recovery than most…save the Slayer.

“That…” Xander said, peeling himself off the dirt, “Was the coolest thing I never want to do again.”

“I wholly agree.” Anya chimed in, sitting up looking disheveled and dusty. Like shell-shocked soldiers, we got to our feet.

“Is everyone okay?” Tara asked...finding her bearings. We all looked to each other and then turned as a single unit to look over the decimated rubbish cans to Dawn.

She was still sitting right where we had left her…holding a still glowing amulet out at arms length in front of her.

“Now what???” She called to us.

“Well…now you should drop it!” Anya shouted back. “And then you might want to probably run like hell!”

Dawn dropped the amulet and then froze. It didn’t adhere to the laws of gravity, but instead paused in mid air where she has loosed it. She watched it, mesmerized.

“So now we have a light…and a creepy floating key…” Xander stated the obvious. “What next?”

“Wait…do you hear that?” Tara asked. We all paused, stock-still…though none of us had actually been making much noise to begin with.

“Please, please, please don’t be rats….” Xander hiss/prayed under his breath.

“Listen.” Tara insisted.

We did.

(Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick)

The sound was growing louder and more resonant by the second.

“A bomb?” Anya said.

“A toy?” Buffy hoped.

“Bad.Bad.Bad….” Danger said eloquently.

“Listen.” Tara said again, and took a step forward to tilt her head…searching for the source of the sound.

“Tumblers.” I say. Buffy turns on me.

“What is that? Some English word for ghosts? Demons? Are there Tumbler demons coming?” I sigh at her.

“Tumblers like from a pin-tumbler lock being opened.” I say.

“Oh.” Buffy says…the alarm going out of her expression…though I don’t know why.
“Oh!” She says again as it hits her.

(Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick)

Buffy looks up at me.

“Oh sh…..”

SCRAPE…………CLICK…….

SCRAPE…………CLICK…….


TBC.

And now…the time has come….

Voters…start your engines!

Remember the rules of three: Each person gets the remote and pick three channels. Voting polls are open for three days. The top three channels get produced. Easy as pie!

Here is the Channel Line-Up:

Channel Two: The Living Woman Network

Channel Three: The So-Real Network

Channel Four: The Late Shift Comedy Hour: Sponsored by Hungry Puppy Donuts Inc.

Channel Five: Pacific Tides Television

Channel Six: Flashbackland

Channel Seven: Futopia Channel

Channel Eight: Children’s Broadcast Station

Channel Nine: Nine West

Channel Ten: Near Earth Channel **new**

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 Post subject: Re: Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room
PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 11:12 pm 
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3. Flaming O
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Posts: 51
Location: San Diego, CA
Feck. What to pick, what to pick????

Pac Tides! Nine West! More Late Shift!

No wait.

Futopia! Nine West! Living Woman!

No no.

So-Real! Pac Tides! Flashbackland!

I'm going to hit submit now and stop changing my mind.

Right now.

Okay I want Futopia, Living Woman (because... what are they up to??) and So-Real.

The end.

Damnit this is hard.

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 Post subject: And The voting polls are open...
PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 6:30 am 
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2. Floating Rose
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Posts: 41
Location: Los Angeles
Voting hereby begins.

I wish you luck in your endeavors and wisdom in your choices.

:kgeek

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