(I wanted to pair chapter nineteen with chapter twenty, which is taking some time to write, but Web Warlock's comments convinced me to post ahead of time.)
Chapter Nineteen
Walking up the staircase was the hardest thing she thought she'd ever done. Not sure if what she was doing was right, not sure if Willow would even accept her decision, it was all she could do to put one foot in front of the other.
The girl turned over in her sleep and pulled her comfort blanket tightly against her chest. Her lips moved slowly, as she spoke the truth of her soul. It was all there before her: everything she'd ever dreamed, everything she'd ever wanted, everything she'd ever needed. Arms closed around her and hands slipped up her back and wound into her hair, she turned again, settling into another dream, another place, another time. She covered her brother's mouth with her hand and whispered in his ear. They had to be quiet, quiet like little mice. He was hungry, and so was she, but they couldn't search for food. Not yet, not while the moon hung high in the sky. The forest faded away and she was sitting on the bedroom floor with Buffy and Willow. Her eyes fell on the tarot card placed in front of her and she concentrated on the picture of a woman dancing mid air as she began speaking the ancient words, making herself into a channel for the magicks. And then the bedroom faded away, as she moved into yet another dream, another place, another time.
In another reality, Dawn carried the mug of steaming tea into the bedroom. Two fat candles and a small night light cast shadows on the walls. Tara lay on her side biting down on the edge of her comfort blanket. Her breathing was shallow and labored, her muscles tight and tense. Dawn set the mug on the nightstand and slipped on to the bed, folding her legs to the side. Gently, she began stroking Tara's hair, drawing the girl from her dreams and her sleep.
Soon, blue eyes opened and looked curiously at the slender figure sitting on the bed. Moments later, a wide smile lit across Tara's face and she sat up, pulling the teen into a warm hug, before leaning back and looking about the room.
Knowing who Tara was looking for, Dawn explained. "Willow's not here. She had to go to the Magic Box to get you your herbs. We ran out last night." The blonde seemed to accept her explanation, at least she stopped looking about. "Don't worry, she'll be home soon."
Dawn's eyes strayed over to the still steaming mug. "Tara, I want to try something. I told you about it yesterday. Someone told me about this special tea. It might help, but I'm not sure." Dawn heard the fear in her own voice, and was surprised when Tara unexpectedly reached to weave together the fingers of their left hands, it was a comfort gesture her other Tara had made a hundred times before.
"But I'm worried, too. I don't know for sure how this will affect you. Still, I just can't believe that Spike would want to hurt you." Dawn winced as she let the vampire's name slip. She hadn't wanted to bring him into the discussion. "I know he's evil in a lot of ways, but I also know in some ways he can be good, which is just weird because aren't demons supposed to be all one thing or all the other?"
The teen shook her head to bring her thoughts back on track. "And I'm feeling guilty because I know part of the reason I want to do this is because I want to talk to you. To ask you how you know all these things. Things like this." She said, holding up their still interlocked hands. "I want to know how you know all the little ways my Tara used to take care of me when I was upset or scared." Unwanted tears rolled down Dawn's cheeks. "And I want you back because if you're back, then things will get better. Maybe Willow doesn't know it yet, but you're her home, and you're my family." Dawn picked up the mug from the nightstand. "I just want my family back."
Her hand shook she gave Tara the mug. "I tasted it, and it's pretty awful. I tried to fix it up with milk and honey, but it still tastes like boiled dirt."
Tara took the mug from Dawn's hands and sniffed at the dark brew. Her nose wrinkled, and for a moment Dawn was afraid she wouldn't taste it. She sniffed at it a second time, and then, with her eyes locked on Dawn's, she took a deep sip.
Dawn let go of the breath she'd been holding. "That's it. Take another sip. I'm not sure how much you need to drink. But when Kit's mom takes Lethe's bramble for her headaches, she usually drinks about half a mug."
Tara took another deep sip and another after that, before handing Dawn the mug. The teen looked down and noticed it was nearly empty. She returned the mug to the nightstand. "I'm not sure what's supposed to come next. The tea usually makes Kit's mom kind of sleepy."
Dawn reached behind Tara and fluffed her pillows. "Maybe you should lie back, or something."
Tara started to lie back, but then twisted to her side, and began choking. At first Dawn thought the blonde had swallowed the wrong way, but then she noticed Tara's pale skin beginning to turn a deep red. In a panic, Dawn tried to push Tara down, only to have the blonde begin fighting her.
Grabbing at her stomach, Tara managed to push Dawn to the side as she stumbled from the bed and towards the bathroom. She fell against the toilet and vomited twice, before sinking to the floor.
Terrified, crying, Dawn pulled Tara into her arms, and only then noticed that Tara was burning up with fever. Her mind on autopilot; she got up from the floor and grabbed one of the bathroom towels. She soaked it in cold water, rung it out and draped it over Tara's head, before grabbing another towel, and then another, until she had Tara covered in cold wet towels. Five minutes had passed before she thought to give Tara aspirin. And that was how Buffy found them, Tara stretched across the bathroom floor, Dawn getting ready to give her two of the tiny white pills.
"Dawnie, what happened?" Buffy had rushed up the stairs as soon as she came through the front door and heard Dawn crying. But discovering her sister and Tara on the bathroom floor was the last thing she'd expected to find. She stepped around her sister so that she could kneel beside the blonde. "Did Tara fall?"
Still crying, Dawn choked out. "I'm so stupid. Tara's really sick. She has a fever, and she threw up twice."
Buffy put her hand on Tara's forehead. The fever could be felt through the damp towel. Trying to get her sister to focus, she spoke quickly. "Dawn, where's Willow and when did Tara start another fever?"
"Willow went to the store, and the fever started about five or six minutes ago." The teen pushed back the towel she'd draped over Tara's head. "There's a water glass on the counter. Fill it up for me. Tara needs to swallow the aspirin."
"Are you sure we should be giving her aspirin after she threw up?" Buffy questioned, even as she filled the glass.
Calmer now that she sister was home, she explained. "It should be okay. Willow always says that the most important thing is to get the fever down."
The Slayer watched her sister work the pills into the blonde's mouth and then help her swallow them. She took back the now half full glass and dumped the remaining water into the sink. "Okay, Tara swallowed the pills." From her sister's posture alone she could tell there was much more to the story. "Dawn, just tell me what happened."
As evenly as she could, the teen explained, "I gave Tara this tea. It's a kind of medicine. I thought it would help, but it just made her sick."
"What tea?" Buffy tried to make her voice sound calm, but she could not entirely tamp down the fear bubbling inside her stomach. "Dawnie, tell me what happened from the beginning."
To afraid for Tara to care about her sister's anger, Dawn explained. "The other night, when Spike brought Tara home, he told me about this tea." As soon as she said Spike's name, she felt Buffy's anger rise. "He said it would help her. I looked it up on the web, and Kit's mom uses it, so I thought it was safe. I didn't think it would make her sick."
Not believing she was hearing her sister correctly, Buffy held up her hand. "Wait a second, start over, what about Spike?"
Her voice small, the teen added. "The other night, when he brought Tara home, he told me about this tea. He said it would help Tara." The teen checked Tara's pulse it was strong, and her breathing appeared all right.
Buffy tired to swallow her temper, but the mention of Spike's name got the better of her. "And you believed him?" She shouted, causing Tara to jerk in Dawn's arms. Deflating quickly for having frightened Tara, she lowered her voice before continuing. "Dawn, Spike is not to be trusted. We've gone over this. He's not our friend."
"Buffy, he brought Tara home. He cleaned away the glass. He wanted to help her." Dawn said, not sure if she was defending herself of Spike.
The Slayer focused her eyes on the shower curtain and began counting the checkerboard pattern until she regained her calm. "Look, I don't care about Spike. Just tell me what you gave her."
Dawn braced for another angry blast. "Lethe's bramble."
For a moment Buffy could not believe what Dawn was telling her. "You gave Tara the stuff Willow used to steal our Tara's memories. You used a spell?"
"No, I didn't do a spell." Dawn hissed. "I would never use magicks, not after everything ..." She trailed off, she did not have a right to be angry at her sister. "I told you. I gave Tara some tea." The teen picked up one of the damp towels and began gently bathing Tara's arms. More calmly, she explained, "I thought I was helping. I would never do anything that I thought would hurt Tara."
Buffy watched her sister gently attend to the blonde and made herself remember that whatever Dawn had done, she did it out of love. The Slayer brushed her fingers over Tara's forehead. "The aspirin, or the wet towels or whatever must be helping. Her fever is going down. Help me toss the rest of the towels into the bath tub, I want to get Tara off this floor and into bed."
Dawn did as she was asked, and then moved out of the way as the Slayer gently picked Tara up from the floor and carried her back to the bedroom. When they had Tara resettled in the bed, Buffy sat down in the corner chair and Dawn perched next to Tara on the bed. As Buffy watched Dawn idly stroke Tara's hair, she remembered an evening from a year ago. Their Tara had been suffering from a head cold, and she'd found her younger sister keeping the witch company. It did not matter from what reality the woman lying in the bed came, Dawn would never knowingly hurt her. Of that, she was certain.
"Dawn." She waited for her sister to look at her before continuing. "I know you did what you did because you want Tara to get better. But none of use can just act on our own. We don't know what's wrong with Tara and until we do ..."
"We should just wait and see?" Dawn questioned. The teen shook her head. "Buffy, I know I should have talked it over with all of you, especially Willow. But I thought no one would be able to say yes to Lethe's bramble, and we can't keep waiting around for Tara to get better."
Buffy sighed as she leaned forward in her chair. "Honey, we're not waiting. Giles is working on things on his end. Willow is keeping up with the research. We'll solve this. Maybe Lethe's bramble is the answer, but we all need to work on this, okay."
Tara moved in her sleep, pressing her face against the teen's hand. Dawn bent down to kiss Tara's forehead. It was cool to the touch. "The fever is gone." She whispered before sitting back up and turning to look at her sister. "I'm sorry I acted on my own. It's just so ..."
"Frustrating?" Buffy supplied. "Look, Giles is already working on this, but why don't we call him tomorrow and see if we can light a fire under him. How would that be ..." Buffy heard Willow come through the front door and cut herself off. "Wait here. I'll go tell Willow what happened."
Dawn nodded and watched her sister leave the room before whispering, "We don't really know what happened." She heard Buffy take Willow into the kitchen, and then waited for the explosion. None came, but a few minutes later she heard Willow's footsteps on the stairs.
The red head slipped into the room and sat down on the other side of the bed. She gently brushed her fingers along Tara's cheekbone. "Her fever's gone down."
"I think so." Despite being afraid of what she might see, Dawn looked into Willow's eyes and was surprised to find only understanding.
Willow's voice was soft. "Dawnie, can you tell me the whole story."
The teen nodded, more eager to come clean with the hacker than she realized. "The other night, Spike told me that Lethe's bramble would help Tara. I did some research on the Web, and I talked with my friend Kit. Her mom takes Lethe's bramble to help her with her headaches. When you left, I made the tea and then took it up to Tara. She drank it, and but it made her sick to her stomach. Buffy came in when I was trying to cool down the fever using wet towels. I also gave her some aspirin." The main points covered, she added, "Buffy carried Tara to the bed."
Willow sighed. Tara looked so vulnerable when she fell into one of her deep sleeps. She could not help but worry that the progress they'd made was lost. After a moment, she responded. "Dawnie, I know how important it is to you to help Tara. I really do. But we need to talk about these things first."
Unable to stop herself, Dawn asked. "Are you mad at me?"
A faint smile passed over the hacker's face. "Maybe a little bit. But just a little." Willow moved back as Tara shifted in her sleep from her back to her side. "It looks like she's settled down. The cool cloths and the aspirin helped, I think. We should probably let her get some sleep. Why don't we go downstairs and wait for Buffy to come back. We'll leave the door open in case she calls for us."
Dawn stood up from the bed. "If it had been anything else but Lethe's bramble, I would have told you." She admitted softly. "I just didn't want to hurt you."
Willow saw the tension in the teen's shoulders and forced a grin on to her face. "You know you're pretty amazing for a kid."
Not sure what Willow was talking about, but hoping it meant Willow really wasn't angry with her, Dawn could only reply, "What?"
"I did all that bad mojo on you, and said all those mean things, and you still want to protect me. That's pretty amazing." Willow tried to make her tone light, but the words hurt all the same.
Dawn saw the pain in Willow's eyes and spoke quickly. "How about if I promise to talk about things first if you promise to stop hurting yourself over the past?" She saw the hurt change to resistance, and pushed her point harder. "I want my Willow back and that means you need to stop thinking that everything you do is somehow connected to what you did last spring, and that you have to stop thinking that you don't have a right to be mad at me when I screw up, or pleased with yourself when you get good grades, or happy..." she almost stopped herself from saying the words, but then made herself continue, "or happy that this Tara is here." Willow started to protest, but Dawn cut her off. "I want my Willow back, and my Buffy and my Xander and Anya and Giles and everyone. And that won't happen until everyone stops with the beating up on themselves." Out of breath, she stopped, fearful over having said too much, happy that she'd finally spoken her heart.
A dozen emotions passed across Willow's face, before her expression settled into a gentle smile. "I didn't know you had a 'resolve' face." She joked, wondering when her Dawnie had found the time to grown up.
It was an opening, and the teen took it. "Not as good as yours probably, but I can get the job done if I put my back into it."
"Okay, now you're just mixing your metaphors. Willow teased as she held out her hand to the teen. "Let's let Tara get some sleep. Buffy should be home soon, and then we can figure out what we're doing for dinner."
Dawn saw a new worry form on Willow's face. "Where did Buffy go? She asked, already guessing the answer.
"To find Spike and ask him about the tea." Willow sighed a second time as she watched Dawn's expression fall. Why was it was always one step forward, one step back?
"This is my fault." Dawn said miserably. "Buffy shouldn't have to see Spike. Not ever. Not after what he tried to do."
Willow's eyes caught on Tara lying asleep. The girl had crossed dimensions to stop a great evil. What was keeping them from stopping their habit of taking on the weight of the world? "Dawnie." Willow tugged on the teen's hand, indicating she wanted them to head downstairs. "Let's make a deal and both of us stop with the taking responsibility that isn't ours to take. I can't say that I don't agree with Xander when he says 'Spike needs every inch of his boney white butt kicked,' but it's Buffy's job to decide when and how to see and deal with Spike, not mine, not Xander's, not yours."
The teen reluctantly fell into step with the red head. "But shouldn't we help her?"
"Sweetie, we can help by making sure Buffy knows how much we love her, and by trusting Buffy to figure out the right way to deal with all that happened, and the right path to follow from there. Buffy already knows how all of us feel about what happened between her and Spike. What's important now is making sure she knows we believe in her."
Willow let go of the teen's hand as they began down the stairs. "We all screwed up big time last year, we all made mistakes," she resisted the urge to add that hers were the biggest, continuing instead, "but one of dumbest mistake we made was when we stopped supporting each other through the bad stuff and the good, and the other one was when we stopped being honest with each other." She followed Dawn into the front room. "And the best way to fix that is to try to rebuild the trust we once had."
"So, you're saying I need to trust Buffy?" Dawn asked as she scooted into her favorite corner of the downstairs' couch.
Willow favored the teen with a smirk, knowing it would be more effective than continuing her "wise woman act." "Pretty simple advice, but I think I'm right." She narrowed her eyes, trying to look all knowing, but knowing she only looked silly. "And I think it's the only way you're going to get what you want."
"Even if she acts like a big dumb jerk sometimes." Dawn teased, trying to match Willow's optimism, as well as her expression, but wondering if they could ever regain what had been lost.
"Even if we all act like a big dumb jerk sometimes." Willow corrected, resisting the urge to tell Dawn the source of her advice, knowing her lover wouldn't want her to cloud the issue. Instead, she grabbed the remote from the coffee table and flipped on the television. It was time to change the subject. "But enough with all the big people talk. Want to watch cartoons or the Discovery channel?"
The teen heard the echo of her Tara's voice behind Willow's advice. If anyone believed that relationships could be healed, it was the gentle witch, and if Willow could still have hope after all that happened, why couldn't she? For a moment her attention shifted upstairs and to her other Tara. Part of her wanted to search for Spike herself and find out what went wrong, or if there was something else she could do, but a bigger part of her knew Willow was right. They all needed to start trusting each other again, and that meant trusting her sister and Willow to figure out what to do next. After a moment, she responded. "There's a show about dolphins, that's coming on right about now. I was going to tape it."
"Why don't we watch it together?" Willow asked patting her hand on the seat cushion so that the teen knew it was okay to curl up next to her. They watched the show on dolphins and then the next one on the mysteries of the ancient pyramids. When the knock sounded on the front door, Dawn was fast asleep, her head on Willow's lap. Thinking Buffy had forgotten her keys, Willow carefully moved Dawn's head on to a pillow and went to the door.
Giles stood uncomfortably holding a suitcase in one hand and an umbrella in the other. For a moment, the two stared at one another, and then Willow moved into his arms, just as Giles dropped his suitcase and umbrella. Wrapped in Giles embrace, Willow wondered how the librarian always managed to smell of aftershave and soap, as if he'd just jumped out of the shower and not come from a transatlantic flight.
The moment was over quickly, as both pulled back, each slightly embarrassed by the display of affection. Willow reached down to grab the umbrella as Giles picked up his bag. "When did you get here?"
"My flight arrived about an hour ago. I would have called, but I thought it would be easier if I just rented a car and came here on my own." Giles put his case down next to the table in the foyer. "Why do I have the feeling I've come in the middle of things?"
"Because you have. " Willow put her finger to her lips and nodded her head towards the leaving room. "Dawnie is sleeping on the couch so why don't we go into the kitchen. I bet you could do with a cup of tea."
"It's nice to see that you stay with Miss Hartness and the coven hasn't worn off." Giles observed and then immediately frowned, afraid his words might be misinterpreted. "I didn't mean to suggest..."
Willow brushed away Giles concern. "Relax, Giles. I know what you meant." She nodded her head for him to leave his bag in the foyer and led the librarian towards the back of the house. "I just finished convincing Dawn that we need to start trusting each other again, part of that means trusting that our words aren't going to be heard the wrong way."
Giles followed closely behind the young witch who only months ago he feared would never recover from the deeds she'd committed or the losses she'd suffered. She wasn't the Willow he'd first grown to love, but he could see little bits and pieces of the wonderfully funny teenage he'd once known in the posture of the perspicacious woman before him. He could only hope that Buffy was likewise recovering.
In the kitchen, Willow emptied the old water from the kettle and refilled it with fresh. "There's black tea in the middle cupboard. I'll get some clean cups. Unless you want me to make it in the pot."
He decided to take advantage of Willow's returning grace and move right to the point. "Willow, cups are fine. What I want you to do is tell me what's wrong. I can tell by the look on your face that something's amiss. Is Tara all right?"
The red head startled for a moment, surprised and happy that Giles trusted her enough to want to push past the small talk and get straight to work. As efficiently as she could, she related the night's events. "So Tara's upstairs asleep, Buffy's hunting down Spike, and Dawn's crashed out on the couch. I think that about sums it up." The hot water kettle began to whistle and Willow took it from the stove.
Giles pulled off his glasses and began polishing the lenses. "Lethe's bramble. I wouldn't have thought of it."
"Is it dangerous?" Willow asked, already knowing from Giles reaction that it wasn't. She poured boiling water into the two teacups and breathed in the steadying scent of the tea.
"No. It's been used medicinally for centuries, for headache mostly. But I seem to remember it also being used as a psychotropic." Giles stared into his teacup for a moment, lost in thought. "In the middle ages, it was used by physicians to treat what they called St. Vitus's dance, but what was in most cases a kind of hysteria, and in fewer cases, some form of chorea. I've never heard of it producing any kind of side-effect and why on earth would Spike suggest it for Tara's condition?"
"He must know something about its properties." Willow mused. "Which also means he must think he knows what's wrong with her."
Giles cleared his throat. "You seem sure that Spike wanted to help Tara."
"I can't think why he would want to harm her. And no matter he's done in the past, I especially don't think he'd ever set Dawn up to harm her." Willow explained as she slipped on to one of the counter stools.
"For a vampire he always has had a soft side for the both of them." Giles caught himself. "Even if she really isn't..." Giles uncomfortably trailed off.
Willow nodded, understanding the librarian's confusion. There was no way the situation could be anything but confusing. "It's okay, Giles. We all do it. Mix up the two of them."
Giles pulled out the other counter stool and sat down next to Willow. "This has to be simply awful for you."
"Awful, in all sorts of ways." Willow agreed. "But mostly awful because Tara isn't better."
"Aside from what's just happened, how is she?" Giles prompted, gently.
Willow took a sip of her tea before responding. "We had a good day, today. We went out. I took Tara to get her hair cut. We had a picnic in my car and we played in the park. But she still can't talk. At least not talk to me or anyone else. And sometimes I can tell she knows who I am, but other times, she'd completely confused." Willow glanced at her teacher and friend and confessed. "The worst is when she gets scared, and I don't know how to make her feel safe."
"And you still know nothing more about this great evil she's come here to fight." Giles added.
"I know it sounds terrible, but I've been so busy worrying about Tara that I haven't spent a lot of time worrying about whatever big bad is slouching his or her way here to Sunnydale." She startled slightly as the back door opened and Buffy slipped inside.
"I cannot believe I can be this wet and not be in danger of drowning." Buffy declared as she shucked off her coat, oblivious to the presence of her old watcher.
From the corner of her eye Willow saw Giles rise to his feet, his face a study of concern, love and pride. "And if you can't believe that, you won't believe who's standing in the kitchen." Willow said, grinning.
"Who?" Buffy asked as she pivoted to face Willow, only to stop as her eyed fell upon the man she thought of as her true father. She did not stop to say hello or do any of the myriad other things people do when seeing each other after a long while. Instead, she simply moved into his arms and stayed there, and would have stayed there even longer if Dawn had not chosen that moment to come into the kitchen.
From the kitchen counter Willow watched Giles hold Buffy with one arm as he opened his other arm to Dawn. He drew the teen close, as he pressed a kiss on Buffy's head, and without needing to be told, she knew the simple truth. Giles had come home.