Tara's hands suddenly clutched at Willow's sweater, abruptly drawing Willow from her memory of dancing in her lover's arms. She wrapped her arms tightly around Tara's waist and began gently rocking from side to side. "Baby, what's wrong?" She pressed several kisses on to Tara's forehead, trying to soothe the girl from her nightmare as she crooned: "Just wake up, sweetie. Just come back to me. I promise you're safe and sound."



Willow felt the flutter of Tara's eyelashes against her cheekbone. "Baby, are you awake? Just talk to me sweetie. Just let me know if you're waking up."



The surface of the beach seemed to drop away with her, and the girl kept falling through space, twisting and turning in the howling wind. A sob broke free from her throat. Her heart pounded with fear. But then from far away she heard music, and a woman's voice, calling to her, telling her it was okay to land, reassuring her that she was safe. She turned on to her stomach as the green rushed up to meet her, enveloping her, cushioning her, capturing her in its love.



Willow could hear Tara make small sounds in the back of her throat. She brought her lips to Tara's ear and whispered. "Come on, baby. Don't be afraid. Wake for me. Please just wake for me."



Something tickled against the sensitive flesh of the outer curve of her ear. Fingers moved against her back. She breathed in and filled her lungs with scents of rare and common spices. A voice sang to her, and the girl awoke softly crying out its name.



Willow kissed Tara's temple. "Tara, say my name for me again. Wake up for me, my sweetheart. It's Willow and I miss you so much. I know you're almost there."



The girl felt Willow's lips brush on the side of her head and she turned into the kiss. "Willow?" Her voice sounded thick and muddled. She tried clearing her throat and started to cough.



"Baby?" Willow moved her head back to look into Tara's face. "Tara, can you open your eyes for me."



The girl whimpered; her eyes still closed. "My head hurts."



"Do you want me to get some aspirin?" Willow asked, starting to sit up.



The girl wrapped her fingers into the fabric of Willow's sweater. "Don't go. I'll fall." Her voice was pitched high and she sounded terribly frightened.



Responding at once to the girl's cry, Willow leaned back into the cushions. "I'm not moving, sweetie. This is me not moving." She brought her hand to back of Tara's neck and began massaging the tense muscles. Not understanding the girl's fears, Willow crooned. "Baby, you're safe. I won't let you fall." Tara seemed to settle and Willow asked. "Do you remember a few minutes ago? You came down to the kitchen."



"The kitchen?" A dim memory of walking through the house began to form in her mind and her nose twitched. "You were sautéing mushrooms and garlic."



Relieved to hear Tara begin to make sense, Willow explained. "And zucchini, too. But I think the zucchini may have burned. Someone is fixing more, but that might have burned too. It must not be our day for zucchini, I guess." Realizing she was starting to babble, she clamped her mouth shut.



Her mind clearing more, the girl murmured. "I woke up in the upstairs bedroom."



"Yes, you woke up and then you came downstairs, and then you fainted or something. Buffy carried you to the front room." Willow drew her fingers through Tara's freshly cut hair. "Do you remember fainting?"



"We're not upstairs?" Tara questioned, still keeping her eyes closed in fear of making the pain in her head worsen.



"No, honey, we're in the front room. Buffy carried you. We're lying together on the couch." Willow reinforced as she pressed another kiss on the girl's temple.



The words "lying together" cleared away the last remnants of the fog inside Tara's mind. Suddenly, she realized she was draped across the red head. Embarrassed, she tried to push herself up, only to feel Willow's arms close around her back.



As much as she understood the girl's reaction, Willow's heart twinged all the same. She didn't want Tara to feel embarrassed. Cuddling together had become a comfort to both of them. "Tara, just relax for a minute. You fainted a little while ago. I'm afraid that if you move you might collapse, so try to lie still."



Blushing, the girl protested. "Willow, I'm too h-heavy. I must be crushing you." But she did as Willow asked and resettled into the hacker's arms.



"Baby, you are light as a feather. Really. " Willow soothed. In her coaxing voice, she argued. "Just lie still. This is our comfort position. You're not crushing me."



The reference took Tara back to the practice room. It was only hours ago, but it seemed like days. Her eyes now open, she looked about the room, half expecting to find the others sitting in the chairs around them. "Where is everybody?"



"Buffy, Dawn and Giles are in the kitchen finishing making dinner." Willow explained, as she moved her hand to the small of Tara's back. "Do you remember seeing them?"



Distracted by the warmth of Willow's hand at her back, the girl questioned. "Seeing who?"



In a patient tone, Willow reminded. "When you came into the kitchen, you said something to Dawn and then something to Giles and then you fainted."



The girl shook her head. She did not remember seeing anyone besides Willow in the kitchen. The red head had been holding a wooden spoon, her hair was ruffled up on one side, and the sleeves of her sweater were pushed up past her elbows, revealing pale freckled skin. Something else tugged at the back of the girl's mind, something from before she went downstairs. Her reflection in the bathroom mirror: it was wrong somehow. She put the memory together and then blurted out, "Willow, all of my bruises are gone. And the cut on my forehead is h-healed."



Willow nodded slowly, not following Tara's train of thought. "Anya took out the stitches as soon as it was safe."



"But how c-could I heal that fast?" Her thoughts stumbled over one another as she tried to reason why Willow wasn't surprised.



"We're not sure." Willow admitted. "We did some research, but none of us really understood what happened after you and my Tara rejoined or why you couldn't wake up. Anya even called Giles, and that's why he's here."



"What do you mean I wouldn't wake up?" Tara asked, trying to understand. This time when she tried to sit up, Willow let her. "How long was I asleep?"



"Well, that depends on what you count as sleeping." Willow evaded as her own thoughts began to catch up with Tara's. "It still feels like the day of the spell, doesn't it?"



"Sort of." Tara's expression changed from confused to concerned. "But it's not, is it?"



Willow sat up as well, moving to the opposite corner of the couch and bringing her legs up on the cushions. Not sure where to begin, she explained. "It's been eleven days since the rejoining."



A shiver went down Tara's spine. "Eleven days? I've been sleeping for a week and a half?" The comfort she'd felt in Willow's embrace faded as panic began to bubble inside her. The apprentice would move into this reality in less than a month, and she was no more prepared now than the day she arrived.



From the expression on the girl's face, Willow could tell where her thoughts had turned. "If you're worrying about your mission, don't. Giles is here now. The Scooby force is coming together."



"I'm going to need to do some c-casting." The girl said, thinking out loud. "We still have about three and a half weeks before the apprentice is set to arrive, but he'll be sending an advance team to stir things up before he crosses into this reality."



"And we'll deal with that too." Willow said with confidence even though she had no idea what Tara meant by an "advance team." Right now, none of that was important. Tara was awake and that was all that mattered. "Tara, I promise we will get on top of this, but for now we need to make sure that you're okay."



Unable to resist Willow's reassurances, a lopsided smile formed on Tara's face. "Are you always this convincing?"



It took Willow a moment to switch gears with the girl. She bantered back. "Only when I'm right." And then matched the girl's responding grin.



Outside, a car zoomed down the street, momentarily distracting the blonde. When she turned back, her eyes fixed on Willow's sweater. It was a rich dark green, and around its color and cuffs there was a pattern of embroidered leaves and vines. A memory of concentrating on the pattern while Willow fed her French toast flavored with vanilla and raspberries came to her, and she looked at Willow confusedly. "I wasn't really asleep, was I?"



Willow blinked as she was forced to switch gears once again. "You slept a lot of the time, there were also moments when you were awake, but not like you're awake right now. More like being awake while you were dreaming. You said stuff, sometimes." The hacker broke off, frustrated with her inability to explain what had happened to the girl.



Noticing, but not understanding Willow's frustration, Tara flashed on a memory of the red head leading her by the hand from the front room to the kitchen. "You took care of m-me." She said, unable to hide the gratitude in her voice.



Embarrassed by the girl's tone, Willow felt compelled to add, "Dawn too, and Buffy and Xander, plus Anya and Clem. I didn't tell you about Clem, before. He's sort of Dawn's ex-babysitter and he's a demon." Willow's eyebrows knitted together. "I'm not sure what kind of demon. But he's a kind person and he sort of became part of the family after last spring." Realizing she was again falling into babble mode, she took a deep breath before adding, "Everyone helped."



Willow's words triggered other more distant memories of her father complaining to her mother when, as a child, she'd caught colds and sore throats. Years ago, she'd resolved never to be a burden to anyone again, and now Willow had spent days caring for her, caring for her after she'd cost Willow so dearly. "It s-sounds like all of you had your work cut out with me. I'm sorry I've been such a b-bother."



The hacker watched with dismay as the girl's happiness over being well treated transformed into awkwardness. She spoke up quickly, too quickly "Tara, don't do that." And then winced as Tara physically ducked. As gently as she could, she brushed her fingers over the girl's hand. "I meant don't apologize for needing our help. We wanted to take care of you." She waited a beat, before adding softly "I wanted to take care of you."



Tara knew Willow was speaking the truth. Still, she could not stop herself from asking why.



"I guess the quick and easy answer is that it's what we do. But there's more to it than that." Willow said, holding Tara's eyes but struggling with the words she wanted to say.



"Because I l-look like her." The girl whispered unconsciously smoothing her hair over the scar that ran along the left side of her face.



"Because you hold part of my Tara's soul." Willow corrected, and then added. "And because of other things, things I can't really explain except to say I missed talking to you." She stopped explaining, knowing she couldn't express her feelings in words, and asked instead, "Do you get it?"



Tara looked into eyes that reminded her of blades of grass. "Sort of." She ventured hesitantly.



Not liking the distance between them, Willow moved from her corner of the couch. Her hand shook slightly as she stroked the girl's hair behind her ear. It felt like silk under her fingertips. Under the lamplight, she could see the different shades of blonde. Her attention returned to the girl's eyes, blue, unguarded and filled with trust. "I like being able to see your face."



It took every once of effort she had not to lean into Willow's gentle touch. Willow was too generous with her affections, and she did not want to take advantage. Afraid of the silence, she added. "I like t-talking to you, too. Which is kind of weird, because I usually don't." Worried she wasn't making sense, she added. "Like talking to p-people, I mean." With a wavering smile, she joked. "The w-whole stammering thing can make it such a c-challenge."



"Well, I'm not 'people,' not really." Willow continued to stroke the girl's hair trying to decide who was more comforted by the gesture.



"Not people?" Tara questioned, unconsciously moving closer to the hacker.



Willow shook her head. "No, not people."



"Friend?" The girl asked searching for a word to identify what they were to one another. "Friend" was the best she could think of, but the word seemed incomplete. Friends were Larry and Sam, Diego and Carl, Susan and Jackie, but Willow seemed more.



"Dear friend." Willow declared as she lifted her arm over Tara's shoulder and drew her close. As the stiffness in the girl's shoulders and back relaxed, she brought Tara closer to her side, and began gently stroking the back of the girl's head. "You know you really gave me a scare before. I'm not big with the fainting."



Her voice barely above a whisper, the girl declared. "I'll try to avoid it in the future." The concern she'd felt earlier faded as shadowy memories of cuddling in Willow's arms rose in her thoughts. She tried to identify the feeling in her heart, and she remembered it was safety. She wondered how Willow did it, not since her mother had anyone made her feel entirely safe.



The hacker pressed a kiss on the girl's hair. "I missed you." She whispered.



"I think I've been missing you too." Tara whispered back. She turned her face into Willow's shoulder and brought her arm around Willow's waist, knowing it was okay to hide inside the red head's arms. "I just can't remember things yet. My head's all jumbly."



"Don't worry about it, baby." Willow reassured. "It will come back to you."



The two fell into a comfortable silence, as Tara listened to the slow and steady beating of Willow's heart, and Willow stroked circles on Tara's back.



As much as she wanted to let Dawn and Buffy know Tara had reawakened, Willow could not bring herself to move. Selfish or not, the simple act of holding Tara was helping to ease away the stress of the past couple of hours. And so she kept her silence and instead let her always busy mind turn over the events of the day, from waking up in each other's arms to taking Tara for her hair cut to listening to her laughter as they chased each other through the rain to seeing her collapse in the kitchen to hearing her speak to her for the first time in far too many days.



But thoughts about the day they'd spent together quickly spun into questions. She could not help but worry that they had no idea why Tara woke from her long sleep. Was it simply the right time for her to wake, or was it the Lethe's bramble, and if it were, would they need to give Tara more? Without knowing what happened following the rejoining, they had no way of predicting what might happen next. Her scientific mind disliked so much uncertainty, and as much as Willow loved puzzles and problem solving, when it came to the people she cared for, she was only interested in solutions.



Unaware of Willow's quandaries, feeling utterly content, Tara stopped trying to reassemble her memories of the past few days and instead let herself drift in the moment. From the kitchen she could hear a radio playing softly, and every so often Willow would hum along. Smells wafted in as well, of herbs and melting cheese, reminding her that she was hungry. She turned closer into Willow's sweater and picked up the scent roses. A smile formed on her face. Willow's hair smelled faintly of jasmine and her perfume of orange blossoms. The girl wondered if Willow realized that she smelled like springtime.



Her hand slipped around Willow's waist, and her fingers curled under the hacker's sweater, hooking on to one of her belt loops. Unbeckoned, a memory came to her, of her arm tightening around Willow's waist as they ran down a cement staircase. Her forehead wrinkled. The memory seemed only hours old, but how could that be? Time no longer seemed to track for her, but she couldn't decide if it was because there was too much or too little.



The sound of something crashing to the kitchen floor jerked both of them from their questions. Giggling at the unmistakable sound Slayer exasperation, Willow joked. "I think the Dawn-monster has struck again."



Her face still turned into Willow's shoulder, Tara murmured doubtfully. "Dawn-monster as in Dawn is a monster?" A familiar feeling of nervousness came upon the girl, and she had to stop herself from biting her lower lip.



"Only in the sense of being fifteen going on eight and thirty-eight simultaneously." Willow leaned back to look into somewhat anxious blue eyes. "Are you up for meeting her and Giles? I promise she's really not that bad, and Giles is just a big semi-stuffy teddy bear."



The image of a slender young woman with long brown hair and eyes as big as Willow's hovered in Tara's mind. She leaned back into the cushions, but did not let go of her hold on Willow's belt loop. A half smile formed on her face. "Dawnie makes funny sandwiches cut into quarters and likes to watch cartoons."



Happy Tara was remembering something from the past few days, Willow grinned back. "Peanut butter, jelly and banana slices are her signature sandwich; a total sugar overload, but no one can deny that they are a tasty treat." She sat up from the cushions and stretched her neck until it made an audible pop. Catching Tara's sympathetic wince, Willow smirked. "I think I've been tossed to the ground by too many vampires, but don't tell Xander I said that, or Buffy. I don't want to lose my rep for being a total kick-ass."



Trying to maintain her grin, Tara agreed to keep her silence, even as another memory came upon her, of running down an alley to defend Willow from the vampire that had helped give her her newest scar. Her eyes caught on Willow's narrow wrists and delicate hands. The red head was by no means built for fighting. She wished she had always been there to protect Willow, before remembering what her being in this reality meant in the larger sense of things, and her heart caught once again on the horror of what Willow had been forced to witness.



Now standing, Willow rolled her shoulders and stretched out her arms. "See, good as knew." Not sure if Tara was frowning out of worry for her bad back, or the prospect of meeting the others, she cajoled. "Have I mentioned just how happy you are about to make Dawn? She's been looking forward to meeting you the way she usually looks forward to summer vacation."



Tara forced another grin. "I hope I don't disappoint her." She tried to play her remark off as a joke, but knew by the expression on Willow's face that she'd been unable to hide the sadness in her voice.



Wanting more than anything to make whatever was troubling the blonde go away, Willow caught Tara's hand, pulled her up from the couch and shamelessly flirted: "Trust me, the one thing you could not do is disappoint anyone." Gratified to see Tara's frown turned into a shy blush, and studiously ignoring the increased beating of her own heart, Willow coaxed. "Come on, let's put on our game faces and say hi to the gang."



Now more nervous then ever, still holding Willow's hand, Tara let Willow lead her through the house, but stopped them both as they reached the kitchen door. What she needed to say could not wait. "Willow, thank you." She watched Willow's eyes brows rise, and explained softly. "I know what my coming here cost you, and you've done nothing except help me in every way."



For a moment her lover's face seemed to superimpose on Tara's. Willow's voice shook slightly. "I hope you also know what your coming here has meant to me." Other thoughts and responses swirled inside her head, but it was all she could say for now. Instead, she gave Tara's hand a tug. "Come on baby, no more stalling, it's time to meet Giles and Dawnie." Unexpectedly wanting to believe that the tremble in Tara's hand was more than simple nervousness, she added, "I promise they won't bite."



Relieved she'd said what she needed to say, a new nervousness came upon Tara. Her stomach fluttering, still blushing from Willow's teasing, she noticed that Willow's cheeks had gone pink as well. Her voice sounded unnaturally loud in her ears, as she said, "Okay, but only if you mean your p-promise," before letting Willow tug her forward.



As they pushed through the swinging door and into the kitchen, her fingers automatically tightened around Willow's hand. She glanced quickly around the room. Buffy and a teenager she assumed was Dawn stood near the stove, an older man sat at an island counter sipping from a mug. A pot of near boiling water sent steam into the already warm kitchen, and the smells of sautéed onion, garlic and fresh herbs filled the air. Willow moved slightly ahead of her, catching their attention, just as Dawn asked if it was time to take out the garlic toast and Giles responded, "It still needs time to crisp."

"This from a man who eats his toast burnt." Willow joked as she stepped to the side and happily announced, "Look who woke up again."



Tara watched as Dawn dropped the towel she was holding on the kitchen counter, began towards her, but then stopped, just as Buffy's face opened up into a wide smile, and Giles put down his mug. Overwhelmed, she stopped short as well.



"Tara?" The teen asked and then wrinkled her nose at the obviousness of her question. Starting over, she explained. "I know that already. I mean how are you feeling?"



"Better." Tara replied. Never happy with being the center of attention, she tried a joke. "Not so sleepy." And then felt the color rush into her cheeks. Falling back on old habits, she tipped her head so that her hair would sweep forward.



From her side, Tara heard Willow murmur, "Hey, none of that," as the red head quickly reached up with her other hand and retucked the hair behind Tara's ear.



Dawn inched closer. "We're making pasta for dinner, but we managed to burn up the zucchini twice, so I wouldn't hold out a lot of hope." Her eyes caught on Tara's hand clutching Willow's, and it was all she could do to remember that the Tara who stood before her was not the Tara from before. Afraid she was about to cry, Dawn looked down and noticed that the cuffs of Tara's sweatpants hung over her feet and fell against the floor. She flashed on a memory of the night before, of Tara happily standing in the yard watching Willow take the groceries from the car, heedless that the cuffs of her pants were growing damp from the wet grass. A breath shuddered through her. "But we're making garlic toast, and that's always pretty good."



"Everything smells w-wonderful." Tara replied softly. Not sure what else to say, she remarked. "You must be Dawn."



Hearing Tara say her name, all of her resistances broke away. Nodding, unable to stop herself, Dawn finished moving across the kitchen and wrapped herself into Tara's arms. She knew she was making a spectacle of herself in front of her sister, Willow and Giles, but she didn't care. Instead she cuddled deeper, knowing that both her Taras understood.



From the stove Buffy's throat closed with tears as she watched her little sister dive into Tara's arms, and then watched Tara's hands seemingly instinctually begin to stroke the teen's hair. When the two self-consciously moved apart, Buffy quickly claimed the attention by asking, "Okay, just answer one question. How do you feel about kidney beans?"



Blinking as she tried to catch up, Tara tactfully explained, "They're not my favorite." Only to become even more confused when Dawn unexpectedly burst into giggles. "Did I miss something?"



"It's more like you confirmed something." Dawn chortled.



"A few nights back Buffy made kidney bean soup for dinner, and you didn't seem to care for it very much." Willow explained, through her own giggles. "It's a long story."



Her face turning scarlet, Tara sputtered at Buffy, "I'm so sorry. I would never ..."



Hands in mid-air, starting to giggle herself, Buffy cut Tara off, "Tara, don't apologize. I didn't like the soup either."



Enjoying what he feared had become the all to rare sound of laughter in the Summers' kitchen, Giles used his most stuffy tone to ask if Tara was hungry, explaining that while kidney bean soup was no longer being served, a possibly delicious pasta primavera was intended for dinner, intentionally sending Willow, Dawn, and Buffy into another spate giggles.



Not entirely understanding what was so funny, but starting to relax despite herself, Tara began smiling as well. When Giles re-asked his question, she admitted, "Right now, a little, more thirsty than hungry, I think."



"Perhaps a glass of cold water." Giles said, rising from one of the kitchen stools and heading towards the refrigerator. "And it might be a good idea for you to sit down." He took out the water jug from the top shelf and he filled an empty glass handed to him by Buffy, and then handed it off to Dawn who handed it off to the girl. "We were wondering if you remember anything from earlier this evening."



Tara accepted the glass of cold water from Dawn and took a sip before responding. "Not really. It's kind of fuzzy. Willow told me I came into the kitchen and then fainted." She moved to the stool Giles had offered her and sat down.



Giles pulled of his glasses and inspected the lenses. "Fainted or collapsed, it's hard to say. In any event, before you passed out, you surprised us by greeting Dawn and asking me when I'd returned from England."



Tara sensed Willow stepping closer, almost hovering behind her, and leaned back, letting her back brush against the red head's shoulder. She shook her head. "I can see why that would be surprising."



"Will thinks she may have mentioned Giles name to you." Buffy offered as she tested one of the penne noodles.



Tara thought for a moment, before glancing at Giles. "Plus, I heard stories of your counterpart in my reality. He led a cadre called the White Hats and was greatly respected."



Not wanting to press the issue, and blushing slightly at the mention of his counterpart, Giles nodded and returned his glasses to his face. "In any event, you seem to be on the mend now."



Dawn stepped closer to the kitchen island. "Do you remember anything from the past week?"



Tara nodded fondly at the teen. "Bits and pieces." A half smile formed on her face and she sat forward on her stool, leaning towards Dawn. "I remember eating peanut butter, jelly and banana slice sandwiches and tomato soup." Delighting in Dawn's corresponding grin, she added, "and watching cartoons."



"Good lord, how could you forget? Remind me to never convalesce at Revello drive." Giles said with a mock shudder.



Pretending to ignore the librarian, Dawn pressed. "What about today? Do you remember going to Stefan's for your hair cut?"



Tara fingered the ends of her hair. "Sort of." Her brow furrowed. "I remember more clearly watching it rain from inside Willow's car, and Willow falling in a big puddle while we were running in the park."



Willow moved her hand to Tara's shoulder and squeezed. "So you can't remember the six foot red head who wearing skin tight leather pants and who washed and cut your hair, but you can remember the five foot three inch red head who slipped in a puddle and landed on her butt." She brought her other hand to Tara's waist and wrapped her fingers inside the hem of the girl's sweatshirt, before whispering. "Very nice."



Whispering as well, Tara added. "I also remember a five foot three inch red head who took me out for a picnic," before reaching up to close her fingers around Willow's.



The room fell into a momentary silence as everyone made their adjustments to each other's presence. Tara's eyes tracked from Dawn to Buffy to Giles. Their concern for Willow was obvious. She also noticed Giles' and Buffy's eyes focus for a moment on Willow's hand in hers, and she tracked Dawn's quick glance at Willow's hand on her waist. Embarrassed, she resisted the urge to shake free of Willow's grasp, needing the red head's reassuring contact more than the others approval, and then realized that the other's curiosity was anything but disapproving.



A memory of sitting on the couch with Willow and Dawn, while Buffy built a fire in the fireplace swept forward in her mind, followed by another, of Xander coming into the front room carrying two large bowls of popcorn. Most of her life she had rarely felt like anything other than an intruder: the odd girl out in school, the not quite daughter in her foster families, and the witch among normals. Only with her cadres had she known what it felt like to be accepted, to be welcome. And now she knew that feeling again, here in the Summers kitchen among people that she barely knew, but who clearly cared about her.



She looked up into Willow's eyes and for a moment lost herself in the color of the true earth before she spoke. "And I remember being tucked in at night." Caught up in yet another memory, this one of helping her put on a bright blue rain slicker, Tara did not notice Buffy and Giles quick exchange of glances or Dawn's happy grin.



Happy beyond understanding why, Dawn teased. "But do you remember Willow's bedtime stories about Miss Kitty Fantastico, the wonder cat?"



Willow's delight over the girl's affectionate gaze shifted into awkward embarrassment at the mention of the Miss Kitty stories. Grinning weakly, she sent up a silent prayer that Dawn would see not see fit to mention the funny voices she sometimes put on when telling the tales. Some things did not need to be shared in front of Giles.



Catching Tara's now quizzical expression, Willow explained. "Miss Kitty was Tara's and my cat, but she ran away after there was an accident of sorts." Not at all ready to explain that Miss Kitty had run off after a hell god had torn down the outer wall of her lover's dorm room, she jumped ahead in the story, adding, "After Miss Kitty ran off, we made up a whole bunch of stories about the adventures of a sneaky cat to make ourselves feel better."



"Miss Kitty, kitten of mystery, Miss Kitty and the lost tomb of the Incas, Miss Kitty and the alien menace, Miss Kitty and the modern minotaur." Dawn supplied, noting Willow's awkward blush but unable to quiet her enthusiasm.



"Why am I guessing Tara isn't alone in her enjoyment of the tales of the kitten?" Giles ventured, giving Dawn a measuring gaze and trying ease Willow's obvious embarrassment, and not at all guessing that he was its source.



Unaware of Willow's embarrassment, or Giles' gentle admonishment of Dawn, Tara slowly acknowledged. "Miss Kitty must have been a very brave little cat." The image of a small kitten formed in her mind and she could not help but ask, "Did she have one white leg?"



"No, Miss Kitty was multi-colored." Willow said, her forehead wrinkling. "Are you remembering another cat?"



"I'm not sure." She admitted. Unaware, she leaned closer to Willow as a new wave of nervousness passed through her. There was something about a cat, and it was important, but try as she might, she could not tease the thought forward.



An awkward silence suddenly filled the room. Not understanding what had just happened, Dawn offered "Besides being sneaky, Miss Kitty loved half and half and catnip."



"And playing with balls of string." Buffy chimed in. Still standing next to the stove, she watched as Willow's body seemed to close around Tara's. Something had just spooked the girl, and she wished she knew what it was. With amazement, she also watched the girl's worry fade away as quickly as it appeared, her body seeming to respond instantly to Willow's touch. Ready to ask what had just happened, she noticed Giles shake his head and announced instead, while holding up a penne noodle speared on a fork. "Speaking of food, and I mean people food, not cat food, I'm calling this is al dente. Anyone else want to check?"



Dawn started to move towards the stove, but then stopped as she caught the expression on her sister's face. "I'm sure the pasta is fine." She announced, before pivoting on her heel and heading back towards the cupboard. "So, dining room as opposed to sacking out in front of the television?"



"Please Dawn." Giles responded delighted they would be dodging the bullet of American informality for his first night back. He favored Buffy with a glance that said they would discuss things later, and then asked Dawn, "Could you use some help?"



"Maybe you could bring in the glasses while I grab the plates?" Dawn asked slipping past Willow as she headed towards the cupboard.



Tara wasn't sure if it was the actual food, the company, or Willow's close proximity, but dinner was utterly delicious. Making the meal even more enjoyable, talk of Giles flight, and Buffy's job at the high school helped keep the attention off of her, giving her time to regroup and to see the bonds of true friendship that held together the Scoobies.



Before, she'd been in too much pain to notice the ease with which Buffy and Willow could signal their thoughts to one another, but now she could see the effect of years of comradeship between the two. Buffy and Willow were a team the way Sam and Marty had been, and she could not help but envy them their friendship. Although she knew that Giles has been away for some time, it was obvious that his place in their cadre had never been filled, and Buffy, Willow and Dawn were delighted to have him back. And as for Dawn, the teen was exactly as Willow had described, ricocheting between eight and thirty-eight with startling swiftness. But despite her occasional teenage missteps, Tara also witnessed in the teen a shy kindness combined with a real intelligence. She smiled inwardly; it was no wonder that Willow adored her.



Watching all of them interact, her worries about falling behind on her mission eased considerably, but not entirely. There was no shaking her deep concern that none of them really understood what they were up against. Resolving to remedy that problem as soon as possible, she was drawn from her contemplations as a warm hand moved lightly over her thigh. She looked into questioning eyes, smiled weakly and whispered. "Sorry, I guess I got a little distracted."



"More food, less distraction." Willow whispered back as she took her hand away from Tara's thigh and then reached for the serving bowl. A faint smile dancing on her face, she added. "If you're going to fight that big bad of yours, then you're going to have to regain your strength pronto, missy."



Tara's eyes widened as Willow refilled her plate and she wondered how she would ever finish Willow's idea of a reasonable second helping, but several stories later, all focusing on Dawn's high school misadventures, she looked down and realized she'd eaten every noodle. Now feeling slightly embarrassed for her appetite, she tried to avoid Willow's smile of pure triumph, before finally giving in and acknowledging the red head's superior knowledge of her capacity to eat, guessing Willow must have learned quite a bit about her over the past week and a half.



Wanting to do her share, Tara offered to help with the post-dinner clean-up, but was promptly voted down and sent with Willow and Giles to the front room, while Buffy and Dawn held down kitchen duty. Outside rain continued to pepper the roof, and a dampness she'd not noticed before hung in the air. Noticing her shivering, Giles offered to start a fire, and she soon found herself sitting on the floor in front of a small blaze of crackling tinder and wood.



She held out her hands to warm them, before leaning back against the wingback chair on which Willow was already perched. "Dinner was wonderful."



Giles leaned back in the other wingback. "It was, wasn't it?" He twirled his wine stem and watched the merlot sweep along the inside of the glass. "And for a moderately priced California red, this is very good."



"Are you sure you don't want to try a glass, Tara?" Willow questioned, her eyes focused on the way the blonde's hair sparkled under the firelight.



Tara glanced over her shoulder at the red head and smiled. "No, thank you."



"Are you worried it might have some effect on you?" Giles inquired. "I don't think you need to be concerned. It's doubtful that the side-effects following the rejoining are anything other than magickal in origin." Giles crossed his legs. "Which isn't to say that they are not concerning, only that a glass of red wine will doubtless cause no debilitating effects."



Tara hid her grin as Willow whispered in her ear, "And I bet you thought I used too many words." Looking towards Giles, she explained. "I'm not much of a wine drinker. I wouldn't know a m-merlot from a chardonnay."



Slightly buzzed from the two glasses of wine she'd had with dinner, Willow absent-mindedly ran her fingers through the girl's hair. "That's easy, merlots are red wines and chardonnays are white." Residual happiness from their play day hanging in the back of her mind, Willow added. "We should go wine tasting some afternoon. There's a winery about two hours north of Sunnydale."



One of the logs on the fire tipped forward and Tara used the poker to push it back, making sure not to move out of Willow's reach. "Is the winery called San Miguel?"



Willow tried to recall, but she couldn't be sure. "I don't remember the name. But the main building was once a church. We've driven past it on our way to San Luis Obispo."



"My cadre stayed several nights at the San Miguel winery." Tara contributed. "I don't remember any church buildings, but that doesn't mean anything since most of buildings had been burned. We stayed inside the grounds, but slept outside." She added happily. "It was really pretty, you could see the ocean from the bell tower, and at night the stars seemed so close you would have thought you could have reached up to touch them."



"Do the place names of this reality largely correspond to your own?" Giles asked pulling the girl from her memory, as he wished his memory of "Bizarro-Sunnydale" was clearer.



The girl shrugged her shoulder. "I'm not sure. I guess I would need to look at a map."



"Xander thinks your hometown has a different name in this reality." Willow mused, before startling. "Oh my god, we forgot to call Xander and Anya to let them know you woke up and Giles is here from England." The red head slipped from her chair. "I'm going to call them right now. I don't want anyone feeling all out of the loop-y."



Smiling as the hackler bustled out of the room, Tara returned her attention to Giles, who continued to swirl his wine glass. "Xander and Anya will be pleased to know you've returned."



"Yes and no." Giles responded, his expression shifting from a slight grimace to a gentle smile. "Anya may be upset to learn I'm here."



Unbelievingly, Tara asked why.



Giles made his voice sound conspiratorial. "Even though I've signed an endless number of legal documents making Anya operator of the Magic Box, she continues to worry I will someday stage a coup of some sort to regain control."



Confident for no real reason that there was more to the librarian's remarks than he was letting on, Tara prompted. "But you came back because of something else? And not just because of me."



His expression pleased, Giles asked. "What makes you think that?"



Tara shifted to face the librarian. "I'm not sure. A feeling, I guess." She wrinkled her nose. "Also, you stepped around Dawn's question about how long you would be staying in town."



"A correct feeling, as it turns out." Giles explained, delighted by the girl's ability to observe. Wherever she was from, like her dearly missed counterpart, this new Tara clearly possessed excellent thinking skills. "And, you're right. I did avoid Dawn's question."



"You have good news." Tara concluded from Giles comfortable posture.



Giles nodded. "I think, yes. Good news for me, certainly, and I hope the others will also see it as good news as well." He uncrossed his legs and leaned forward, with his elbows on his knees. "But my news can wait. I'm much more interested in learning more about this practice you call conjuring."



Understanding that the former watcher was not ready to share his secrets, Tara followed his lead, happy to discuss magicks with someone who was so obviously well schooled. "Conjures are methods for shaping the elementals towards particular ends."



"By elementals, you mean the natural forces of the earth?" Giles prompted.



Tara nodded slowly. "Yes, the energies that exist around us." She used her finger to trace the Oriental carpets much faded pattern. "From the earth and the sky, from fire and water, and air. The conjures help us to touch to all that's around us."



The ice broken between them, by the time Willow returned from the kitchen, the two were deeply engaged in a discussion of the four forces.



"That's fascinating, so you use sign, symbol and number to channel energies." Giles voiced as he settled back into his chair.



"Sound as well." Tara added. "The chanting helps in maintaining the focus." She leaned forward so that Willow could slip back into the chair behind her. "Conjures require the creation and sustenance of environments and circumstances, otherwise they just break apart or fade back into the ether."



"Concentration must be key then?" A high-pitched squeal sounded from the kitchen, which Giles easily ignored. "This is probably the most disciplined form of magick I've ever heard discussed. I cannot imagine how excited Miss Hartness and the coven will be to learn of your methods."



Glancing over her shoulder, Tara asked Willow, "Miss Hartness helped you last summer, right?" And immediately grew concerned at Willow's expression.



"She and the others saved my life." Willow explained softly. Her voice was calm, but a nervous twitch could be seen in her left eye.



Worried the conversation was, however unintentionally, triggering Willow's lingering pain over her forays into dark magicks, Tara pressed closer to the hacker's jean clad legs, wishing she knew words that could offer comfort, and not guessing how the simple act of drawing closer said all that needed to be said.



Sensing Willow's ill at ease, but unsure what to do, Giles elected to fall into his old role as teacher and explainer, thinking he could at least be properly boring. "The coven is one of the oldest in England, established sometime during the seventeenth century, I believe. They are well respected not only for their abilities with magicks but also their work as magick historians. Their central library far exceeds the Council's." Giles nodded towards both young women, but wanted Willow in particular to hear his confidence in her. "I hope someday you and Willow are able to visit, but I suppose that there are matters here that must be attended to before any thoughts of travel can intrude."



The sound of the front door opening followed by Xander and Anya's bustling entrance interrupted any response by either of the witches. Tara rose from the floor, before extending her hand to Willow and helping the hacker from her chair. Feeling more than a little out of place, she held on to Willow's hand as Giles, Xander and Anya exchanged hugs and greetings. Moments later, Buffy and Dawn came in from the kitchen, both inexplicably damp, and soon the group was resettled on the front room furniture, Xander and Dawn now on the floor, Buffy, Willow and Tara on the sofa, and Giles and Anya in the two wingback chairs.



Idle chatter about Giles flight soon shifted into Scooby war stories. Tara listened quietly, unconsciously paying closer attention when the stories featured Willow. At some point, she realized Giles was watching her, his gaze discrete and benignly curious.



She remembered the expression from the others' faces from before the rejoining conjure. Anya's expression the most frankly curious, Buffy and Xander's a worried curiosity, and Willow's harder to identify. Now, Anya, Xander and Buffy's expressions reflected a kind of acceptance, while Willow's seemed happy but guarded. Something continued to worry the hacker, and she wanted to ask what it was, but her intuition told her to wait for now.



Like Giles', Dawn also appeared to regard her with a measure of curiosity, but Tara could not help but think the teen's curiosity came from another place. Where Giles wanted to know about her past and her use of magicks, Dawn's only concern seemed to be with her health. Indeed, at some point, Willow whispered jokingly in her ear that Dawn was in full mother hen mode, and Tara could only smile in agreement as Dawn repeatedly offered blankets, hot tea, hot chocolate, popcorn and any number of sweet treats.



More bits and pieces of the previous days came back to her as the night wore on, and Tara found herself remembering clearer Dawn's tender caring for her as well as other stories of the teen's high school adventures, these focusing less on monsters and more on boys. Memories of Dawn bringing her hot tea gave way to memories of Willow feeding her and helping her to dress, and she began to wonder how she would ever be able to repay the two for their kindness. But intermixed with what she recognized as waking memories, came memories of a different kind. While Xander related a wild story about fish men and going out for the high school swim team, Tara tried to tease forward memories of what she could only assume were dreams.



Unlike the memories of being cared for, these did not resolve into anything more than fuzzy images and incomplete actions. Growing frustrated, she returned her attentions to the others just as Buffy launched into another Willow tale, this one about an Internet boyfriend who turned out to be a demon of some kind. Tara guessed that overtime the story had grown more humorous to the Scooby cadre and shared in the laughter, but still she could not help but empathize with the lonely teenage Willow, or wish they'd met then and not now.



Soon enough she was asked to contribute some stories of her own. She stammered through two stories of demon fighting with her first cadre before Dawn came to her rescue and launched into the tale of her first day at Sunnydale High School, an entirely different kind of monster tale, this one of the mundane kind. It was going past ten when Giles could no longer hide his jet lag and Buffy declared it was past everyone's bed times. Within minutes, Xander and Anya rose to leave.



After saying her goodbyes to Xander and Anya and her goodnight to Giles, who was claiming the couch for the night, Tara followed Willow upstairs and into Willow's bedroom. Going up the stairs, Tara noticed Willow's back stiffen with tension. Now, the red head seemed to be avoiding her gaze. Feeling awkward and unsure, she moved to the side of the room and watched as the red head seemingly automatically blew out the candles that had been left burning on the night stand, flipped on the floor lamp near the bed and pulled back the bed covers. Not liking the silence between them, not sure if she had the right to press, Tara asked softly. "Can you tell me what's got you so worried?" She watched as Willow prepared to deflect her question, but then changed her mind.



Willow chose among the issues crowding her mind. "I wish we knew why you woke up today."



"You're not convinced that it was the Lethe's bramble?" Tara questioned, stumbling slightly over the term. Over dinner, Buffy, Willow and Dawn had shared the story of the tea and its initial side effects, but try as she could, she still did not remember her first awakening. Plus she could not help but feel there was something else about the substance, something that Buffy and Willow were holding back.



"Actually, there's no other explanation why you woke up today, and not yesterday or the day before. I just don't know how and why it worked, and that bugs me." Willow thumped at her head with her thumb and forefinger and grinned. "You know me, busy, busy, head."



"But that's not all." Tara guessed, hoping that the hacker would open up more.



"There's other stuff." Willow admitted slowly.



"Like Miss Hartness?" Tara questioned, adding before Willow could answer and before she lost her nerve. "And having your lover's near double as your temporary roommate." Instantly afraid she'd overstepped, she dropped her chin, letting her long hair sweep in front of her face.



Willow grinned, surprised and more than a little pleased at the girl's directness. She stepped closer to Tara's side. "I guess running with those cadres of yours taught you how to get to the point, huh." She pushed back her veil of blonde hair, her grin fading somewhat as she added. "Having you as my bunkie is not the problem you think it is. Unless." She trailed off.



"Unless?"



"Unless it's a problem for you, being bunkies I mean." Willow explained, her voice uncertain.



Tara shook her head, unsure if she was blushing because of Willow's concern or because of her close proximity. She breathed in and caught a faint whiff of the red head's perfume and felt her blush deepen. "It's not a problem for me, I just don't want to c-crowd you." She watched a new expression form on Willow's face, one she had not seen before and one that sent her pulse racing, not sure where the conversation was leading, she resisted the urge to step backwards and held her ground.



"Isn't it me who is crowding you?" Willow teased, moving a little closer.



Tara swallowed before responding. "No, because this is your bedroom." Blue eyes caught on green, and she suddenly remembered counting the flecks in Willow's eyes while eating oatmeal cereal. She blinked, trying to refocus her attention. "You know you don't have to s-share your bed. I could sleep on the floor."



Willow laughed. "Yes, you could. You could also sleep in the basement or in the backseat of my car or outside on a park bench, but none of those things are going to happen either." She draped her arms over Tara's shoulders and pulled her into an impromptu hug. "I think you've forgotten that you just woke up from a some strange illness. Sleeping on the floor is not an option."



Standing so close to the red head, all of Tara's nerve endings became alive at once. She deliberately slowed her breath, thinking that she could hear better the movement of Willow's blood inside her arteries and veins. Almost dizzy with sensation, she let her head drop on to Willow's shoulder, just as an explosion of memories of Willow holding her, cuddling her, brushing her hair, singing to her, rubbing her back, caring for her in every way rushed through her mind. Her knees began to buckle, and she felt Willow's arms tighten around her waist, holding her up.



"Baby, are you okay." Willow asked, a shiver traveling down her spine as she felt Tara turn her face into her neck, and the familiar brush of Tara's lips. For a moment she was afraid Tara was going to pass out again, but then the blonde spoke softly.



"Okay, I'm okay. Just a little dizzy." Tara murmured, leaning into Willow's frame, relishing the safety of the red head's embrace. When the whirling in her head passed, she straightened inside the circle of Willow's arms, but didn't move her head. Starting to feel embarrassed, she mumbled. "Sorry, I don't know what happened."



Willow waited until she was sure Tara had regained her balance before loosening her embrace. "You had me worried there for a minute." She brushed a kiss on Tara's cheek, only then noticing the heat spilling off of the blonde's skin. Now frantic that Tara was about to collapse, she could not control the rising pitch of her voice. "Baby, you're running a fever. I think you should lie down."



Her embarrassment forgotten in the wake of Willow's panic, knowing that there was no need to be concerned, Tara looked up and gave the hacker a reassuring smile before dropping her head back on Willow's shoulder. "Really, I think I'm fine. Whatever it was, it's passing."



Still anxious, Willow sputtered. "You're sure it wouldn't be better for you to sit down, or lie down, or maybe I should run downstairs and get the aspirin."



"No, this is really nice." Tara disagreed. Now feeling wonderfully lethargic, she added several moments later. "I'm okay. I just suddenly remembered a whole bunch of things from the past few days."



"Memories of what?" She asked, part of her still wanting still to run downstairs and find the aspirin bottle, but a more powerful part wanting to follow Tara's lead and stay still. She exhaled and watched as strands of soft blonde hair ruffled under her breath.



"Of you taking care of me." Tara's eyes fell closed, and she breathed in Willow's comforting scent. "You have the most gentle hands." Her voice growing fainter, she added. "When you hold me nothing hurts."



Willow's throat closed with tears at the sweet sound of Tara's voice. She'd missed it so much. Memories of her own came back. Memories of comforting Tara during the first days following the conjure, when the girl seemed caught in the grip of some terrible nightmare, and then later memories, when Tara seemed to drift between waking and dreaming. She felt what could have been a kiss against her neck, and she realized that she hoped it was. Happily content to stand in the middle of the bedroom holding Tara in her arms for the rest of the night, it turned out that that would not be necessary.



Feeling like she'd just woken from a dream, Tara raised her head and looked into warm green eyes. "I kind of spaced out there for a while, huh?"



Mesmerized by the movement of Tara's lips, Willow responded slowly. "You went a little dreamy-girl on me. Are you okay?"



"I think so." Tara said, stepping backwards, and letting her arms drop to her side, but not taking her eyes off of Willow's. "I wonder what that was all about?"



"Probably just an aftershock from what happened to you before, which we still don't understand. Tomorrow is going to be a major research day." Beginning to feel awkward under the girl's tender gaze, Willow moved to the dresser and pulled out a fresh nightshirt. She held it out to Tara. "Why don't you grab the bathroom first? I want to check my email before we go to bed."



Starting to share in the red head's awkwardness, Tara nodded and scurried out of the room. In the bathroom, she made a face at her reflection, before washing up and getting into her nightshirt. The hem hung just below her knees, and the flannel felt warm against her skin. She thought she remembered it from before, but she couldn't be sure. She was more sure of a pair of patterned blue flannel pants and a light blue tee shirt, and that Willow did not need her to be such a cling-girl. Tempted to knock her head against the wall, instead she resolved to make herself less dependent, and dismissed as wishful thinking any interpretations of Willow's affections as more than friendly.



When she returned to the bedroom, she found Willow at her desk.



The hacker closed her laptop cover and turned in her chair. "I sent Miss Hartness an email letting her know you woke up, and that Giles had arrived safely."



"You like her a lot." Tara ventured, moving deeper into the room. "Miss Hartness, I mean."



A wide grin stretched across the red head's face. The nightshirt hugged Tara's narrow frame perfectly. "She's pretty amazing. But so was everyone at the coven. The whole place was wonderful: beautiful and green and damp. They make the best scones ever, and their split pea soup is to die for." Willow stood up from her desk and carefully tucked the chair in the leg well. Blushing slightly, she moved past Tara to the dresser and dug out an old pair of thermal pajamas with yellow smiley faces. "They helped me so much. More than I deserve." She added, her grin fading.



"You shouldn't think that way." Tara's response was automatic and out of her mouth before she knew it. She winced, knowing Willow did not need her to weigh in on the past, but hating how Willow seemed to think herself unworthy of all efforts on her behalf.



"What way?" Willow snapped, instantly, wishing she could take back her words, but already seeing the hurt on Tara's face. She tried to mitigate her tone with a smile, but she knew it wasn't enough.



Unable to meet Willow's eyes, but unwilling to let Willow's anger go unchallenged, Tara mumbled at the floor. "That you don't deserve people's h-help."



Willow took a deep breath and resisted the urge to go to the girl and take her in her arms and try to soothe away her concerns. She deserved better. "Tara, after the things I've done..."



"Willow, you can't fix the past." Tara interrupted; she forced herself to look Willow in the eye. "You can only try to do better in the future."



Not really hearing Tara's advice, Willow disagreed. "I understand what you're trying to say, but I took lives. It's just not that..." She trailed off.



"Simple?" Tara supplied. "It is for me." Not caring if she was overstepping, not even knowing where her words were coming from, but certain she was right, she pushed on. "People make mistakes, terrible mistakes. You acted out in grief and rage and anger. You embraced d-darkness; you hurt and k-killed, but I've never seen that part of you, and I don't think I ever will because it's gone." She could hear her voice rising in pitch, and feel the burning in her eyes that always signaled she was about to cry. She shook her head, trying to regain her self-control. It was important for Willow to believe she was right. "That blackness, that part of you that embraced darkness, it's gone. It's left you. You're different now."



Willow tried to take in what Tara was saying. Tara sounded so sure, so certain. She sounded the way she did when she explained conjures and talked about magicks. And still, Willow could not bring herself to believe the girl. "How can you know this?"



Tara ran her fingers though her hair, pushing it back behind her ears. Her mind scrambling for some explanation for what she had just said. "I don't know how, I just do. Things happened to you in England. Things you can't talk about." Tara moved to sit on the bed. "Something inside of you changed, and the magick is different now. But you don't believe it." She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. "Will, you need to believe it."



Willow jerked at the girl's use of her nickname. She'd never used it before. Not knowing what to do or say, she changed the subject. "You're cold. You should get under the covers." She moved to the bed, and helped the girl pull back the bedclothes and then settle underneath them. "I should get ready for bed."



Tara reached for Willow's hand and held it to her cheek for a moment. "Come to bed soon, okay." The courage that had filled her moments ago had faded away, and the girl looked small again, defenseless and alone. She looked as she did that first night, when she'd fallen on the Magic Box floor.



Willow nodded. She picked up her pajamas from the corner chair before heading for the bathroom. Not wanting to leave Tara for long, she hurried into her pajamas and quickly brushed and flossed her teeth. When she came back to the bedroom, the room was dark. Still, she could feel Tara's eyes on her as she climbed into the bed. The girl was lying on her side, curled up with her knees against her chest. Reaching out as she had the night before, she crooned. "Baby, you're shivering. Come to me, okay."



Unable to resist Willow's call, Tara slowly unfurled her arms and legs, and then inched her way closer to Willow, not stopping until her head rested against Willow's shoulder and her fingers were wrapped tightly into the fabric of Willow's pajama top. As her body folded into Willow's, the tension in her limbs drained away and her breath evened out. The green came back to her, and it made the demons that wanted to hurt her go away. Just before she fell entirely asleep, she murmured, "You're different now. I've always been yours, but now you're finally mine."



Hours later Willow continued to listen to the hallway clock tick outside the bedroom. Seconds had turned into minutes, minutes into hours, and the whole time Tara's words had echoed inside her head. It was going past two when Willow brought her lips to Tara's and kissed them, closing over them and holding them, trying to send into Tara's dreams all of the love that she could not say, could barely admit to herself. And then she too fell asleep.

OMG....



Please forgive me, Technopagan, for taking this long to give you some feedback. I won't comment on everything in my brain right now, otherwise, it would be like I was the one giving the update.



I have to be honest, I haven't yet read the very beginning. I started reading this at the part where Willow and Tara are sitting with Buffy and Buffy is able to see Tara's tears on Willow's fingers. What I have read though, has been genious, in the making. You are just so incredibly talented. I don't even know the right word to begin to describe it.



You have made me cry several times already and that's saying alot. It just means that your writing is very powerful. It kinda saddened me at first though, cause it felt like we were losing Tara all over again. I will never get over that feeling. The wound in still very fresh and will remain so, I have a feeling. But... anyway... I don't want to complain and grieve about that right now.



I just can't wait to see what happens next. I find it intriguing that THIS Tara, is now starting to have some memories that involve Willow's Tara. I was hoping something like this would happen. Even though this Tara is different, there are still so many characteristics to the Tara we know and love and I'm sitting on the edge of seat, waiting to see what happens with that angle.



I like Willow's closeness with her and Willow's inability to admit her growing feelings for her. It's very heart aching, but yet, understandable at the same time.



I'm still wondering how much of our Tara will show up in this Tara, now that have merged together.



Can't wait for more. Again, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to respond. I'll get the rest of this read soon. I just have to.



You know, this update and last, I was just so surprised when I got to the end of it and there wasn't even one kiss involved. I actually can't wait for that and wonder how it will happen. It's inevitable, afterall.



Thank you.



Jen

My Fan Fiction and More!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"I felt cheap," Vamp Willow

Edited by: Jennpurr at: 1/18/03 12:03:11 am

Happy Happy



I was going to mend the roof this morning, but now I have something far more important to do...read chapter 20.



Thanks Technopagan, I've been on tenterhooks with this for over a week. Back later to give full and wholesome praise........err feedback.



back now.... OMG, no wonder this took so long. It really must of been difficult.



I thought for a long period that *our* Tara was gone for good, with only ever decreasing glimses of her. *new* Tara's personality was in the ascendent and whilst we are all rooting for her what we really want is an amalgam of both. So it was with some relief that the awkwardness evident between Willow and Tara relaxed somewhat towards the end. No wonder she was so uncertain, she was starting to think that *her* Tara was gone for ever and that *new* Tara was going to be no more than a friend.



This is turning into a real tour de force.

-----------------------------------

love and kisses

Still Waters



..... she wears secrets in her hair......

Edited by: Still Waters Run Deep at: 1/18/03 2:46:56 am

AWWW WOW!!



I loved this update!! I really love the way you bring across both Willow and Tara's feelings toward each other..and how they notice..but yet kind of don't at the same time.



And I'm starting to worry about the Lethe's Bramble...is it just me???



I hope things work out soon!! *SIGHS* I'm starting to think our two Tara's are...our two tara's.. *grins* or well, Tara with some of the old tara's memories..



Keep up the great work!! can't wait for more!!



~NICK~

What a great (and huge) update! Awwwww...all of the character interaction was really nice. You just made my Saturday morning...now I can go out with a smile.

I've just read the last few chapters--some of it more than once--and I just love how gentle you are with these characters. In some ways, I notice the small things the most: the way Giles and Willow just move into one another's arms and the way Willow realizes Giles trusts her. That beautiful moment between Willow and Dawn where Dawn expects Willow to be angry, to storm, and instead she sees understanding in Willow's eyes. That quiet exchange between Willow and Tara at night ending with Willow's kiss. The way everyone here wants Willow to stop hurting herself for the past.



In this last chapter, too, I love the way the memories are starting to blur into Tara's mind: the glimpses she has of other times, as in this line:

Quote:

---

"I think I've been missing you too." Tara whispered back.

---

And it's the same for Willow, in some ways; it is so wonderful to see Willow have some memories of this Tara that she can look back on already, instead of only having memories of the Tara who is gone.



I guess what I see is that the rejoining of the conjure is something you show not just by talking about it but by reflecting it--by creating it--in your language: memories of two Taras coming together in one sentence. I keep thinking about that.



Wonderful, wonderful story. Thanks.

"And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!" -- Willow in "Doppelgangland

I was real thrown for a bit cause Tara's confusion confused me about the time period you were telling, very effective. The half-awake Tara of the last update seemed to have a lot more of the old Tara in her. The awake Tara seems a lot like the new Tara but with small bits of old Tara. I hope that didn't confuse. I am curious how much of a blend happened. But the period of transition allowed willow and tara to get closer without fear and now it's translating to their new relationship as they realize that no matter what willow and tara belong to each other. I am also curious as to what exactly awoke Tara. I must also confess to Tara's comment puzzling me. "You're different now. I've always been yours, but now you're finally mine." How is Willow more hers now and when she says she's always been hers that sounds more like a new joined Tara statement. It's like when she's half awake as in that moment right before sleep, the barriers are down more.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Tallulah Bankhead

Ah, the good thing about updates to this stories is that they are HUGE So no need to apologize all that much really.



I noticed Dawnie thinking this: "For as long as she could remember, no matter the problem, Giles and Willow had always solved it.". I found that rather interesting, she doesn't see Buffy solving anything ?? Heh, just stuck when reading this update.



I'm also wondering about Willow reaction to Giles mention the Coven/miss Hartness. First I figured she doesn't want Tara to be 'pumped for information', like for example the CoW would love to do. But near the end she mentions she likes Miss. Hartness... so thats a bit confusing. (she managed to evade further answering that question though )



It has only been 11 *days* since the joining ? It sure feels like it has taken a LOT longer. I too would like to know what triggered Tara waking up and (more importantly) if she's now 'stable'. Don't want Tara to relapse just when she's needed.



One other thing Tara's feeling awfully guilty about being a burden to a lot of people and such. That is worrying in that she might feel she should fight the apprentice alone, regarding him as 'her' problem. I hope she stops worrying and starts accepting help as a normal/human thing.



Will this Tara have to remember/deal-with all of old Tara's memories ? There some not so pleasant memories around which I would rather see her skip. Glory comes to mind in that regard.



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Wow! That was a great update.



It was definitely well worth the wait.



It's very interesting to see how the memories and personalities of the two tara's mix together. I'm looking forward to reading more. Though given the quality don't worry about taking as long as you need to write the updates.

I understand, you should be with the person you l-love


I am

oh... my... gosh...



this is some of the best fanfic I have ever read, the complexity of the characters is wonderful and exciting.



This needs a standing ovation.

Absolutely amazing. I really feel like having not enough words to describe my feelings for your story. It's not only wonderfully written and superb ...it's so much more.

The last part was especially heartbreaking and lovely.

All the snuggling and the way Tara tried to explain Willow about the past, and that she can't change it anymore, but that she is different now and so on.



I am still worried about the Lethe's Bramble and how Tara is going to feel in the next days. I hope she is going to be okay.



Thanx for these awesome updates!

snuggle79

__________________

"I got so lost"

"I found you, i will always find you"

thanks for the update, T!



lots of room for awkwardness here, I think. tara feeling like a burden, man it must suck for her...it's terrible to be really sick and also be scared of being a bother. and it's funny, because so much of her memory is a big fuzzy mess, but her childhood seems pretty much intact, so she can remember things like her dad ragging on her for catching colds. and willow, feeling worried about crossing lines with this tara, not knowing where she stands now that she (tara) is awake and coherent, and that comfortable closeness they had when tara was out of it isn't necessarily going to carry over. and she's still torturing herself about what she did after tara's murder. of course, I know our girls will overcome these stress points, together...it's definitely gonna be a challenge though!



I think I've said this before, and I know others have, but I have to reiterate that I love your dawn. she really gets to shine in this story, and in a lot of ways her needs, as a kid, hold the whole family together because she's the one that's allowed to have needs.



looking forward to more tender moments and mysteries unfurled!

Say you really like shrimp. Or, say you don't like shrimp at all. "Bah, I wish there weren't any shrimp," you'd say...

--Anya on multiple dimensions

Hello, to all of the kind and lovely people who've read, or read and commented on Doppelganger Redux. I am surprised and delighted that so many of you would spend valuable weekend time reading! And what a long read it was, lol.



And now, a word of explanation: After finishing part one, which shifted between the limited third person point of views of Willow and (au) Tara, I thought what better way to show the "rejoining" (after times apart, everyone has more or less returned to the fold) of the Scoobs than by writing part two in the unlimited third person point of view! What I did not think was how much deeper I would have to dig to understand the characters, to see how the characters would see one another, to see how characters would think individually about the problems they face. While a valuable learning experience for me, writing from this point of view has certainly slowed down my writing process. Thanks for sticking with me.



Jennpurr aka Jen: You need no forgiveness. Feedback is lovely and deeply appreciated, but seeing the "hit" numbers increase with each chapter's posting is also quite gratifying. Wow, I cannot imagine starting DR mid-story since so many unlikely things happen-yet you've been able to catch on. Good for you!



Reassure me that the tears you've cried were good tears: the tears that make us feel better as people in the crying...



Trying to describe how the characters are sometimes unable to understand or imagine, let alone speak, their feelings has been a serious challenge for me. Part of me wants to say, "Get on with it, just tell so and so what you really feel!" But soon enough I am able to get my inner-Anya under control and return to the job of narrating this story, lol.



Still Waters: I caught your post late last night my time and looked forward to your update-even as I worried about the state of your roof.



Woo Hoo, a tour de force, I am a tingle with pleasure. Trying to figure out where our Tara and au Tara (or original Tara and new Tara, or essential Tara and in the flesh Tara-naming is such a problem) meet and overlap has been incredibly confusing for me, no wonder poor Willow is often at her wit's end. Expect more confusions and awkwardness. Both of our girls still have a long road ahead of them...



Tommo-Coming from you (a gifted writer) that is such a lovely thing to say. Thank you.



SilverWingedNemesis aka NICK: You are right on target, I think.



Frumpycat: How nice to know that you are smiling!



Tulipp: First of all, how do you find the time to write so beautifully and read other people's work? I am so behind on your wonderfully literate and moving story, Bread! You are amazing.



Writing the Willow/Giles scenes is such a pleasure. As characters, so often they have served as the great explainers of things-for that reason I love showing how they can communicate without words.



And as for memory, it is such an astonishment. Until it is lost, it is usually taken for granted. (I think I mentioned in an earlier post that thinkers from the early modern (Renaissance) to the present day have often denigrated the thinkers of the so-called Dark Ages for their fascination with memory over imagination!) Yet what are we but the composition of all that we remember. Memory is at the center of so much, and yet it remains a mystery to scientists and poets alike.



Xita: You are one heck of a good reader. People who are trying to suss out what's going on would do well to read you comments and questions.



Grimlock: I am delighted to know that you appreciate the "hugeness" of my updates. Isn't it amazing, only 11 days have passed since the rejoining, and the story began only four days before that? Time is moving very s l o w l y, lol. Good call, there is more than meets the eye to Tara's "awakening" No doubt all of the Scoobs are too much with the guilt and not enough with the taking credit. But, that is who they are. One of the fun things for me is seeing how the characters see one another. Also, in chapter twenty, nearly everyone, but Giles and Dawn in particular, "perform" to expectations or "put on" certain rolls and in so doing also reveal themselves.



You are right in noticing that Willow has a complex relationship to her friends in England. For Willow nothing is ever easy. She still has far to go...or at least Doppelganger Redux still has far to go.



Justin: Thank you for the kind words. Nice to see an old friend from the early "pre-Kitten" days of Doppelganger Redux. (You are who I think you are, yes?)



Willow4Tara2gether4ever: I am taking a bow. * sound of crashing middle-aged dork * Whoops, my curtsey just isn't what it used to be.



Snuggle: Thanks for sticking with story. I'm looking forward to posting the next update! And not just for the sweet and kind words received from you and so many others.



Sammibackwards: I know Tara's line about "now you're finally mine" has confused some, glad not you. It's an important line in the story-and I will be returning to it in the next chapter, and after that. It's actually quite key-okay, I'm saying too much so that's all I'm saying, lol. As for your other comment, it is weird isn't it how sometimes we can speak without words and sometimes we don't have the words we need to say.



JewWitch: Dawn is such a treasure. Her impulses are sometimes off, but she has this one great mission-to bring together her family-and she's slowly getting her heart's desire. Nice call on the state of Tara's memories, and you guessed right, things will get better, there will be many more tender moments, and mysteries will be revealed.



Once again, thank you to everyone who took time out of his or her busy weekend to offer comments and feedback. Your kindness has been greatly appreciated. I had a little setback today, and reading your many supportive responses meant the world to me.

Oh, what a fabulous update. I haven't left feedback in a while cause, well, I sort've wonder what in the world I could say about something that makes me happier with every reading.



The way that you're handling the rejoining of these Taras is so masterful, I'm very impressed. It's so much richer, and realer (is that a word?), to have these subtle changes that occur during different states of wakefulness and coherence than sudden snaps. I totally saw Real Tara during those not-so-lucid moments, when Willow held her by the bed, and with the line right before she fell alseep, about Willow finally being her's.



Showing the transition in this way also brings the reader closer to the feelings and confusion Willow is going through, and the way you express this confusion is similar to how you express the 2 Taras. It's as if Will is allowed to tap into her true emotions, those she's not yet willing to admit to, when she's in her "other" state, which seems to be mostly when she's protecting and giving support to New Tara. Then, all that matters is that she's hurting, and she can (unconsciously, I think), give her that physical reassurance that comes from long-time lovers. Just a touch, small pressure on the back, etc.



Finally, I'm also happy with the way in which you show the progression of a more physical, wakeful attraction between the two. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it seemed that this chapter attempted to introduce the fact (both to the reader and the characters) that as they are drawn to each other their mutual (albeit still denied) feelings will eventually start to take physical form and affect the way in which they interact, maybe forcing them to deal with their feelings. I just sort've read those last scenes in the bedroom as...well, they felt like they had a hint of sexual tension to me. Or am I crack-smoking?



Anyways..yay for the next chapter! Your updates are always worth the wait in terms of quality and sheer size.



edited cause I'm a poor spell-checker

Edited by: Big Dummy at: 1/19/03 9:41:09 am

I'm going to stay awake pondering this statement too:

---

"You're different now. I've always been yours, but now you're finally mine."

---

Is the change because of how Willow turned away from power, from the need to be SuperWillow? Or has this re-creation of Tara in the merger cured Willow of her fears of losing Tara, allowing her to open herself fully? Hmmm....



Oh, and I wanted to say that I loved your food descriptions. It's something people just don't pay enough attention to, and yours are wonderful. I can smell the vegetables stir frying in olive oil, the garlic of the bread, and the tragic burning of the zucchini. Hmmm....I didn't know Willow could cook, but it looks like everyone else is abysmal except for Giles, so it's good that she can.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 1/19/03 1:35:52 pm

Hi Big Dummy: Thank you for taking time out of your weekend to catch up with D.R. Thank you also for your kind comments regarding my handling of merged Tara. I don't think you have been smoking crack, lol.



Ah, those moments before sleep steals away our sensibilities and we become so much more open to our hearts. They are the best, aren't they?



Yes, there is a rising degree of sexual tension between the two. Some of that will be dealt with in the next chapter (sorry, the "good stuff" is still chapters away), and, since this is the Doppelganger Redux-verse things will get even more complicated for our girls. But Tara is a strong person, notwithstanding recent health setbacks, and Willow is also strong (maybe even stronger).



As for the length of my chapters-I am glad that you are not enjoying them. Samuel R. Delany, the great science fiction writer, literary critic, and pornographer, has written (on more than one occasion) that everything in science fiction should be said twice. I think he's right, for science fiction and narratives in general. It seems to me that it is in the rhymes and repetitions of the elements of a narrative that the story becomes real to use, or to use your term "realer." To be successful a narrative needs to construct a memory (I really am stuck on this idea)-and so little bits of dialogue (from BTVS and other chapters) come back, kidney bean soup, tarot decks, little cats, grass so green, bodies hanging from street lamps, and books of shadows all come back. But of course that also means that the details must be touched on again and again--and thus the pages begin to build in number.



Darkmagicwillow,

Thank you as as well for taking the time to read chapter twenty. While I am sorry to be keeping you awake, the line, "You're different now. I've always been yours, but now you're finally mine." was meant to haunt you (consider that a general "you.").



There is a really important truth in it. What with the merging and all, it's so much easier to see the changes in Tara. But Willow has been changing as well. If you haven't already guessed, I adore Willow. She is entertaining in both senses of the term, she amuses our senses and she captivates our minds. Right now, Willow is in this amazing state of becoming. Is it any wonder Tara has cheated death and crossed realities to be with her?



And may I also say that I am delighted to know you are enjoying the food references. Food is such a fun way to tie together the action of a chapter or scene. By the way, if you don't burn the zucchini, the dish described is quite tasty. It's not necessary to peel the tomatoes (unless you are making it for the one you love). Chop the veggies, but leave them chunky. Use fresh basil. The Parmesan takes care of the salt, but add some freshly ground black pepper and a little crushed red pepper. Since it's an uncooked sauce it does not keep very well, but it makes for a nice meal served piping hot or at room temperature.

Beautiful writing. Loved all those arkward tender moments, especially that yearning kiss at the end. Sigh.

And how can anyone resist this Tara doing old Tara's trademark 'hiding behind her hair' move?

Also liked the strong Scoobie support network that Willow and Tara(s) are sheltered in.

Still hooked by the consistent high quality of your story telling. Consider me part of the standing ovation!

"Gosh,look at THOSE!" (Dopplegangland)

i've only got 3 words...



oh.my.god.



incredible fic...awesome update...i'm soooo happy you update in length...i can't wait for the next one...your updates are so worth the wait...



~steph

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. ~ Oscar Wilde

Ok it's taken me a couple of days but I've just read this from the start to the last update. I must admit it took me a little while to get into it but now I love this fic.



Really well written and fabo storyline.



Sits on the update couch waiting for the next bit.



Jill

~~~~~~~~

Willow - Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs did ya?

Willow - I'm a blood sucking fiend, look at my outfit . . . .

doofus, tkheaven, funkyasian and WillowPowered: thank you for the lovely comments, and for cheering me on with the next chapter. I am hoping to post it sometime late next week, or early in the week there after. In any event, reading your kind words certainly helps to keep me on task and on my game.

Wow

I was feeling a little sad this a.m. so I sought out some W/T fic - it's now 10.28 p.m., and I am sitting here and all I can think is wow.



I'm not sad now, but instead have that satisfying feeling that comes after reading something thoroughly satisfying. I do have to let you know however, that my reading means I haven't practiced, so if I suck playing some of the new pieces tomorrow night I'm blaming it on you (not really ).



My heart broke at the last section of the first part, and a number of times after. It soared when Willow felt Tara and could feel Tara's touch in the beginning, and again when they played in the park.



This story is so amazing. I forget who mentioned Oliver Sacks books, but the person is right - especially in the dream sequences and the shared memory experiences - they are truly fascinating. I once had the privilege of hearing him speak in person - it was inspiring - he truly thinks on many levels - and this is where I draw the parallel (besides memory, and brain function) as you story is works in an intricate web of layers - all with deeper meaning.



Would it be horrible of me to end this by saying that I hope that the enjoining means that there is still much of our Tara still there. I know it's selfish of me, but I miss her so much.

Trying to catch up on reading and giving feedback (*not* an easy task, I tell you...). I'm so loving this fic! I feel myself completely lost in the amazing words and plot developments, almost like transported to another dimension while reading it. Such strong feelings so well written they touch and awake other strong feeling on the reader too!



And what Tara said at the end... uhmmm... really makes you think. Kinda fits the whole "re-birth" of Tara, if we can put it this way. Almost like Willow had to loose her to find out the exact meaning and importance of Tara and their love. And then, get her back, completely open to start again with this knowledge.



Oh well, what do I know? Just throwing words in the air...



Can't wait for more!!!!

--------------------------
"She had tasted Willow on her tongue, and she had worn Willow on her skin. There wasn't a shower in the world that could have washed that away." (Terra Firma, by Tulipp)

Dekalog, I seriously hope that sometime between the a.m. and the p.m. you stopped reading long enough to eat meals; rest your eyes; talk to your plants, your pets, other humans; and move random objects around the house. I also hope your performance went well despite the fan fic distraction.



Justastraightdog is the kitten who mentioned Oliver Sacks. I am so impressed that you heard Sacks speak in person. I've seen an interview or two, and find his work fascinating. When it comes to the subject of memory, however, I am probably more influenced by Mary Caruthers' terrific work on the "art of memory." She is a professor of English at NYU, and works on function of memory in medieval society-great stuff. Her book, The Book of Memory is terrific.



Finally, I don't think that you are selfish in the least for hoping to find our Tara in the girl. Without giving away too much, may I simply say that I wouldn't worry too much. The memories of the soul are not easily forgotten.



Sheila WT, how delightful to know you are liking DR's many plot developments, especially since there are so many more of them up the road *grin*. I think you are right in thinking Willow learned a great deal from "losing" Tara (although I would have preferred that lesson come to her in a much different fashion...). In many respects, parts two and three of DR explore that lesson learned...for both our girls, because, as you and I both know, Tara could never be truly lost to Willow.



Okay, it's late and I am becoming tiresomely cryptic. For those who are interested, chapter twenty-one is coming along. Ready, steady, there is a shocker up ahead, plus one or two spicy bits and a good deal of W/T sweetness.

moving random objects around your house again, pagan?

"We're forgetting about the troll.

Let's pay attention to the troll." Tara, Triangle



*never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence*