Bellalocke wrote:
I am going to chime in here again even though substantive feedback feels impossible. Normally, I like to point out the superfine details in any given chapter because anything less feels like a copout, but your fic is so dense that it feels impossible to do so all in one go after one read through. I will attempt to do so after another few readthroughs, or at least be a bit more concise and specific.
These chapters were so very dense, you are right, but I didn't feel they leant themselves to being broken up because can you imagine how much more frustrated at Willow you would have been? I worried it would tip too far the other way that people would give up if they read chapter after chapter after chapter, dozens long, where this relationship drags out? I thought of it kinda like a mini series, at least the initial parts where we get to Willow accepting herself and her love for Tara, so each chapter was meant to be an 'episode' - some network, some HBO!
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That said, GrimCityGirl brought up a really really good point. The financial disparity between Willow and Tara is a huge sticking point throughout the entire fic. You tackled the issue in a meaningful way because it wasn't just something that felt tacked on, but rather an issue that was woven all throughout the fic. Privilege, especially financial privilege, is a hard subject to tackle. Until Willow is able to acknowledge that she has that kind of privilege the difference in the level of appreciation and wonder that comes with a journey like the one they undertook is palpable. Tara is so much more appreciative of the trip because she spent the better part of her life busting her ass and going without things to make it happen. Willow is spoilt and has little reason to appreciate in the same manner because she was simply able to take money that she did not earn and do the trip with Tara on a whim. I am glad that you were not afraid to have Tara take Willow to task on the fact that she was being a brat and missing the point of the trip completely. The fact that Willow managed to grow from that experience is a wonder, even though it was painful and something that was really hard to watch.
Yes, I spoke to GCG about this but it really is one of the biggest issues in relationships - what I loved was that I was able to have them work this shit out in a really lasting way. This makes me able to write a really mature relationship as they go on despite still being so young and only going into college. Had they stayed together in Cali while they still would have stayed together, things would be very, very different and I wouldn't be able to realistically portray their living together and [redacted, redacted]
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Willow's internalized homophobia was another difficult topic to tackle that is rarely done in fics. I cried when Willow called Tara a dyke. Doesn't matter that she was frightened because she was suddenly confronted with feelings of her own that she did not understand, that is not something you call your best friend.
Let me tell you: I agonized over this but it's actually the real first point of this fic where I transitioned it from my normal happy-go-lucky stuff to something a little more. I thought; will kittens forgive me, forgive Willow? Is it forgivable?
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Tara was amazingly forgiving which simply highlighted her unconditional love for Willow; that she was completely in love with her best friend didn't hurt either. As loving as I can be with so many people in my life, I had that happen to me when I initially came out, and there were friendships that did not survive despite how close I had once been with them even though attempts to repair bridges were made. Willow is incredibly lucky that Tara was able to see why things happened the way that they did and be willing to forgive her for saying such a hurtful thing.
It was so important to me that while Tara forgave and forgot, as that is just the kind of person she is, that Willow didn't. Willow will never forget or forgive herself for that. She's move past it, understand why she said it, understand how harmful her thought processes were but she will never forget the danger of self-loathing to the degree that you try to make someone loathe themselves. For me, this was the biggest lesson she learned in this fic.
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Seeing Willow struggle with her internalized homophobia was extraordinarily difficult as well because it is so relatable but being confronted with the consequences of it in terms of a relationship is heartbreaking at the best of times. Perhaps it is because of the memory of what Tara went through in Canon that I just want to see her happy and not hurting as much as she does in so many fics, but this one especially. Seeing Willow hurt her all over again, albeit in a different way, was so hard, but it was so rewarding to see the growth and the change in both of them.
Oh trust me, I never, ever, ever want to hurt Tara. I just want all rainbows and goodness and happiness for her. But I know that ultimately, Willow is all of those things to her. It's just getting Willow to a place where she can be those things proudly.
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By the end of the fic, I was so proud of both of them, and so proud of you as well. The maturity of this fic is evident throughout and is a direct reflection of your growth, your change, and your own maturity. Truly, it is a rare sight to behold, and perhaps only one that can be seen after being away for so long and then trying to play catch up on missed fics. There is nothing quite like going on a binge of your fics and seeing the change through the years, even though it makes feedback feel impossible. The best thing that I can say here is don't stop writing or creating because you truly are a blessing to this little corner of the universe. I hope that you continue to find stories to write Tara and Willow because they mean something, even or perhaps especially when they are hard to read at times. I hope this little review is suitable as feedback and does this piece of art justice.
You're gonna make me cry! I love this little corner of the universe with all of my heart and plan to stick around as long as I'm wanted (and probably even when I'm not!)
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The easter eggs feel like the stupidest thing I ever did when I'm searching for a song lyric, any song lyric, to fit into a chapter just to satisfy this silly requirement I put on myself BUT...I do love it when I'm able to slip in a line I love. The satisfaction outweighs the occasional frustration with myself
Thanks so much, B!
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. Is it sad that I sat for an hour and legitimately cried over it? Yeah probably, but then I learned of Dub's Fic Club covering this story and I felt like maybe I could some how salvage this piece of feedback through Dub's excellent use of bullet points. Beyond the hilarity that Dub always manages to pull out of any given situation, their bullet points do bring back memories of reading those initial chapters of the story. The memories that stick out the most to me when it comes to this fic is how surprised I was at the angst and how well done it was, the frustration with Willow - to the point that I would literally be reading the chapter and either muttering under my breath "Why Willow, Why?", Shouting "What the fuck are you doing?", or having to walk away because I was either too sad or too upset to want to be anywhere near expensive electronics, and feeling grateful that I did not have to wait for updates. As much as you broke my heart with these chapters, I pushed through because I knew all of it was for a reason. 
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