The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Learning To Laugh (January 2, 2021)
PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 6:51 pm 
8. Vixen

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:33 pm
Posts: 724
Topics: 2
Location: North Carolina, USA
Author: Taranwillow4ever
Rating: PG-to begin most likely moving to R/NC-17
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters; I just imagine different lives for them. No spoilers, no monetary gain, just an opportunity to write.
Feedback: YES PLEASE
Summary: Willow and Tara meet in college, but it takes a little while for the romance to set in. Time of Meeting mid 1980’s therefore no cell phones, no tablets. Computers are in labs and it is only the lucky few who have their own.

Thoughts in italics

How the hell do I get myself into these types of situations? wondered Willow Rosenberg. She was laying on the floor of a dorm room of a different college than her own. She and her two friends had come to the larger Boston university to meet others who were involved with their Gay/Lesbian student groups. One of the girls had offered that Willow and her friends, as well as, another student from a nearby college could sleep in her dorm room after the dance that the college had sponsored. Willow’s two friends had paired up with the host and the other student, leaving Willow laying on the floor listening to the hushed kissing and giggling in the beds above her.

Willow had felt different from the other girls since kindergarten. She had a short period when she wanted to be a boy, because the boys were able to chase the girls. Adults said that the chasing was the way boys told girls that they liked them. Willow was clear that she wanted to be the chaser, not the person being chased. After being told clearly that she would never become a boy from one of her closest friends, she suppressed these thoughts. Willow knew not to talk to any adult about these thoughts and feelings she had toward the other girls. She knew it was wrong without being told. She had never heard the word homosexuality, or lesbian or gay. The only option presented to her was growing up, getting married, implied to a man and having children, once again with a man. Her parents always joked that she didn’t have to get married until she received her Ph.D. Eleven-year-old Willow discovered the loophole and vowed that she would prolong her Ph.D. as long as possible. She knew that she had no desire to get married.

Willow suppressed this thought that there was something different about herself all through elementary, middle and most of high school. She had a strong aversion to dresses and skirts and only wore them when her mother insisted. When put to her own devices, she would choose corduroys or shorts, polo, tee- or button-down shirts. She was sometimes called a tomboy, and that was a fine definition of her identity. Willow spent her middle school, and most of high school years being mostly invisible. A smart red-head who loved school and was not particularly gifted at sports. The one sport she loved was softball. She played it from third grade through high school.

As friends became more interested in boys, and classmates began pairing up, Willow figured that she was a ‘late bloomer’ and focused on her studies trying to do as well as she could. She knew that she wanted to get away from her parents and go to college.

Willow began to strongly suspect that she was gay, she didn’t like the words lesbian or homosexual, during her last two years of high school. Late in her Junior year, she had developed a very intense friendship with a girl named Kate. Kate professed her love for Willow on the last day of school; while standing under a tree on the campus of their small, private high school. Kate was adamant however, her love for Willow was a philosophical love, not a physical one. Willow, being somewhat naïve, took this as truth and quashed what she now realized was her significant attraction to Kate. She wrote and received long letters and poetry. They spent almost every weekend together. They slept over at each other’s houses and spent hours siting in parks and docks in each other’s neighborhood. Looking back, it was possible that Kate’s mother had an inkling of what was going on, because she would frequently look in on them during sleepovers, and make sure that they were both in separate beds. She also slept on a cot outside Kate’s room.

Willow took every opportunity to be physically near Kate that she could. They would sit, knee to knee near their lockers, sharing chips after the softball practices or games. Willow volunteered to be the score keeper for the field hockey team so that she could be crammed in the backseat of a car with Kate, who often would fall asleep on her shoulder. It was a long distance call from Willow’s home to Kate’s. Willow would save up her babysitting money to have long phone conversations. She even asked her parents for a telephone credit for Hanukah instead of a present. Kate was the most important person in Willow’s life.

Toward the end of their ‘friendship’, there had been rumors that she and Kate were more than friends. As Willow looked back, the source of these rumors was the girl who had been Kate’s best friend prior to Kate and Willow beginning to spend time together. Willow wondered if she had inadvertently stolen this classmate’s girlfriend. In hindsight, Willow thought that it may have been better if they had admitted to their attraction, the sexual tension had been channeled into self-defeating behaviors and angst which caused Willow to become depressed and referred by her school for therapy. The therapist framed the end of the friendship as ‘breaking up’, and Willow realized that it was an appropriate description. It didn’t take long for Willow to accept that if she was having the feelings of a breakup, then they’d been in a relationship.

Willow applied to two co-ed and three women’s colleges. Her parents, who had gay friends, and couldn’t have been so dumb as to not see what was happening in front of their eyes, but were also in profound denial, strongly encouraged the co-ed schools, but fate had the final say. She was rejected by all but one of her chosen schools, a small, women’s college in Massachusetts. She remembered an aunt saying that the school would turn her into a lesbian. Little did her aunt know, that there would be no turning necessary.

When Willow entered college, she found that many of the group of students that she had befriended were coming to grips with their sexual identity as well. It was not anything that people talked about, but slowly her friends began to pair off, and/or become involved with older students. Willow joined the very small, on-campus gay group and this is how she found herself laying on the floor of a strange dorm, listening to her friends laughing and making out.

The other place that Willow found acceptance was the theater. The girl across the hallway from her was the lighting design person for the campus theater. She encouraged Willow to come and participate, sharing that you could get paid to work making scenery and doing other tech work. Willow had always liked drama, but she knew that she was not particularly good at acting. Even in high school, she’d been the girl behind the curtain, doing the sound or finding the props, or helping the drama teacher with whatever she needed. The idea of making money to do something she already loved, was an ideal opportunity. She worked in the theater all freshman year and was assured a work-study job for the next year.

The first week of school her Sophomore year, there was an alumni activity. Willow was asked to represent the Computer Program. Representing involved her attending a dinner and talk about how the Computer program was state of the art and they should donate to it. Willow put on her best pair of chinos and a button-down shirt and her blue blazer. She tied her long red hair back into a ponytail and walked out of her dorm to the cafeteria where the activity was occurring. When she got there, most of the tables were filled with Alumni and students. Willow saw a spare seat and sat down. She introduced herself to the Alumni and the other student representative.

“Hi, I’m Willow Rosenberg. I am a sophomore studying Computers and Mathematics. She was going to start talking about the Computer program when the other girl burst in. “Hi. I’m Tara Maclay. I am in the Art Department. We are going to have a major exhibit this semester and are hoping that we can get a few well-known artists to come and do classes. Willow saw the girl’s eyes narrow, daring her to interfere with her goal of getting the alumni to sponsor these classes. Willow waited for the girl to put some food in her mouth and she began her spiel about the Computer program and how they were working hard to get more desktop computers in the libraries. She started talking about MS-DOS and how the school wanted to buy a few Mcintosh Computers for the Art labs. Willow thought that working the other girl’s interest into her comments would be an olive branch, but the other girl just glared and waited for Willow to breathe to begin her sales again. Oh my gd, she is such a bitch thought Willow and was glad that most likely their paths would rarely cross. Willow continued talking to the alumni beside her. She was called to talk to other tables about the Math, Computer and Physics department. She talked about the computer languages that they were using and the most state of the art information. Willow returned to her table when it was time for desert. When the alumni got up to grab some, Tara said rudely to Willow. “If it wasn’t for your long hair, you’d look like a boy. This is a Women’s College.”

Willow acknowledged her feedback silently repeating her appraisal of the brown-haired girl.

This girl got her goat . All the way back to her dorm she was fuming. How dare she make that comment. Sure, she was all pretty and feminine and a typical straight girl, but that doesn’t give her the right to comment on what I’m wearing. What if I commented that he shirt was low cut, what if I said that it seemed that her skirt was too short. She wouldn’t have liked it.

Willow fumed into her room, closing the door a little harder than she had planned. Her roommate, Anya was sitting at her desk studying.

“What’s up Wil? You don’t usually slam doors.”

“I just met the most infuriating girl. She was at the same dinner as me. She was always trying to cut me off, and she had the nerve to tell me that I didn’t look like a girl.”

“Um, sweetie, you usually don’t, especially if your hair isn’t obvious.”

“I know, and you can say that, you’re my friend, but she doesn’t know me. She doesn’t have the right to judge my clothes. What if I made comments about her blouse being low cut. What if I told her that her skirt was too short. That would be rude. It is just as rude to comment on my clothes.”

“You noticed her blouse and her skirt?”

“Anya… focus, she was rude to me. You are supposed to support my tirade.”

“Oh, poor Willow,” said Anya in a deadpan voice.

“Have you ever met someone who just made you so angry. I wanted to scream. She was so rude.”

“Hum. Willow you don’t usually have this strong of a reaction. Even when you’ve been called ‘sir’. What’s up?”

“I think it was that holier than thou attitude. Like she was better that me because she was all pretty and artsy and articulate. I hate when straight girls look down on me. They are not better than me.”

“Hey, Willow chill. Don’t let some random girl get you so upset. Nobody’s better than you. Nobody’s worse than you. Breathe kiddo. Don’t you have some proofs or equations that you can do to get your head off this?”

“Anya, you know me so well.” Willow took off her jacket and grabbed her backpack to start her homework.


A few weeks later, Willow went to the theater shop to work. She and another girl were reassembling the stage. In came a group of girls who Willow suspected to be actresses. These girls were full of charisma and energy. They were gossiping and laughing with each other. They were talking about the roles that they were going to try out for, and genuinely enjoying each other’s company. Willow noticed that the girl from the dinner was there too. She looked down at her dirty tee-shirt and jeans and hoped the girl would not recognize her. Willow felt invisible. The acting teacher called the actresses up one at a time, and they each recited a monologue and sang a song. Willow had returned to the shop when she heard the most beautiful voice. This voice made her knees weak, this voice was beautiful. Willow moved to look onto the stage, but as she was walking, the tech teacher called her over to ask her a question. Once she was finished talked to her, there was no one on the stage.

Willow looked out into the audience and saw several girls sitting together. They all looked like the typical students, fresh faced and happy and straight, definitely straight Willow remarked to herself. Willow continued her work and hoped that the girl with the beautiful voice would get a part and she could hear her again.

Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
Learning to Laugh What I Discovered at Band Camp

Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Sat Jan 02, 2021 1:04 pm, edited 44 times in total.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 2019 Fic)
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:21 am 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2018 1:38 pm
Posts: 85
An intriguing first chapter. I do enjoy an alternative setting and I don't think that I've read a story where Willow has taken a dislike to Tara. I was at university in the late 80's and remember well computer labs! Looking forward to the next chapter.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 2019 Fic)
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2019 12:36 pm 
3. Flaming O
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 7:07 pm
Posts: 126
Topics: 4
Location: Canada
Oh, interesting! Trying to adjust a bit, though - Tara!? :angry That was uncalled for missy.

This is looking like it will be a fun read! Looking forward to more :grin


 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 2019 Fic)
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2019 6:38 pm 
8. Vixen

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:33 pm
Posts: 724
Topics: 2
Location: North Carolina, USA
Northernlass: Hey, a kindred spirit. I often feel like I am WAY older than everyone else. When I first joined the board. I had several people who called me "mom". Yes, computer labs, and plugged in phones. I admit that I am channeling my own experiences in this fic. I was in undergrad from 83-87. This is a story that I have been working on since I found myself in the identical situation that Willow finds herself in at the beginning of the story.

CopperAndGold: I hope you enjoy. Definitely lighter than my last story.

Author: Taranwillow4ever
Rating: PG-to begin most likely moving to R/NC-17
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters; I just imagine different lives for them. No spoilers, no monetary gain, just an opportunity to write.
Feedback: YES PLEASE
Summary: Willow and Tara meet in college, but it takes a little while for the romance to set in. Time of Meeting mid 1980’s therefore no cell phones, no tablets. Computers are in labs and it is only the lucky few who have their own.

Part Two

Along with pursing a double major in Mathematics and Computers, working in the theater, being one of the three co-leaders of the Lesbian Alliance group, Willow was also an academic advisor for her dorm. This job only required her to be available if students needed guidance and to remind everyone to register for classes, it didn’t require much work except being the Residential Staff on-call one weekend a month, and to sit in the student lounge and watch the door on Friday and Saturday nights. Willow remembered that this was her weekend and hurried off to her dorm. As she sat at a desk in the main room, doing her homework and being ‘available’, a girl walked in. She was wearing loose fitting pants and a peasant blouse that accentuated her assets. Willow couldn’t help herself, she had realized quickly that she was a ‘breast gal’. She recognized her from the theater and asked in a friendly manner

“Hey, how did your audition go?” She realized it was the girl from the dinner and wished that she had stayed silent.

“H…H…How did you know I auditioned?” replied the girl. Just then, another girl entered the dorm, grabbed the first girl’s arm and pulled her back toward the dorm door. Willow could just hear the second girl warning the first, “Don’t be seen talking to her. She’s one of the campus dykes.”

Willow felt humiliated; she looked back down at her notes. She didn’t see the brown-haired girl look back and smile.

It sucks that I get labeled that, and I haven’t even had a real relationship. I’d like to earn that reputation, not just get it.

Just then, her roommate Anya came up to her. “Hey Wil, how you doing? You on-call this weekend?”

Willow gestured to the desk and answered in the affirmative.

“Well, I’m going into Boston to a party. I’d invite you, but you’ve got to work.”

“I probably wouldn’t have gone anyway. Not into the partying crowd.”

“Not into the straight crowd you mean.”

“That too,” said Willow.

“You’ve got to go out. It’s not like a hot girl is going to just walk into the dorm and knock on your door or chat you up at the desk. We’ve got to find you a girlfriend. That would put a smile on your face.”

“It would be nice. Too bad it’s so hard to know who is gay and who is straight. Wouldn’t it be cool if that was just something you could ask someone? I keep looking for the girls with the double piercings or an ear cuff on their right ear. But every time I find someone, they are always someone I already know.”

“Well, have a good night. I should be back pretty late, but don’t worry if I don’t. Just assume I crashed with someone in Boston.”

“Be careful of that ‘crashing’” Willow put up air quotations.

Anya smiled and replied, “I will. I took my pill. I take my pill every day.”

“That doesn’t protect you from STDs though. Be careful. Do you need a condom? I think there are some in this drawer.” Willow began searching through the desk.

“I’m fine roomie. Bye.”

Willow watched as Anya left the dorm and walked toward the bus stop.


Willow was putting up the lights as the rehearsal began. She had a wrench attached to her beltloop and was sitting on the ten foot ladder waiting for the actress to stand in her spot so that Willow could be sure that the light would illuminate her correctly. She moved herself ladder around, listening to the people sing, and doing her job as the lighting assistant. She listened for the voice she’d heard, but none of the actors sounded like the girl. I wonder who she is? Why do I care? Why do I get so hung up searching for people. Thinking that it is destiny. I just need to just realize that I am going to stay alone. I’ll never have a girlfriend. I’m too weird. . She was about to exit the Art’s Building when she heard the voice again. It was coming from one of the art rooms. Willow quietly walked down the hall, glad that she’d been wearing her backstage garb so it was difficult to see her. She got to the art room and there was no one there. I guess I am hallucinating beautiful voices. I’ve got to get more sleep.


Willow was at sitting at the desk again, watching the phone and making sure that nobody came into the dorm without an escort or a key. Her friend Leslie had agreed to come keep her company and they were gossiping about the ‘dyke drama’ of the day.

"Sometimes it seems like we're in a square dance, swing your partners, change your partners. There is a small group of our friends that seem to have dated everyone else in the group."

“Yeah, you have a point." she paused, "Hey, you know what, there’s a new one. I would have never guessed her."

“A new what?”

“A new 'player on our team'. Terry and Faith were at that Bar in Cambridge, you know that one that has a Women’s night every Sunday. She was there. They said she was really pretty, with blue eyes, and they said that her eyes are not the only thing about her you’d want to look at.”

“You are as bad as a guy sometimes?” remarked Willow. “And just because a girl is at that bar, doesn’t necessarily mean she’s gay. Maybe she went with some friends. Maybe she likes to dance to techno.”

“You can’t blame a girl for looking. Terry and Faith said she was on her own, and she looked really hot.”

“What is this girl’s name?”

“I can’t remember. She’s an art student or something. Terry and Faith talked to her and they said she was really sweet. She had a bit of a stammer but seemed really nice.”

“All this, and you can’t even remember her name?”

“Sorry. Well kiddo, I got to get back to my dorm room. Chris will be getting out of work, I promised her some…” she air quoted, “snuggle time.”

“You two are insatiable. I am so jealous. I want a relationship like that.”

“I am sure you will eventually find Ms. Right. You are a really nice person. You deserve it. But you’ve gotta put yourself out there. As Anya says, nobody’s going to just walk up to you and express their interest."

Willow thought to herself. I only know one art student, but it can’t be her. For one, she didn’t stammer and for two, her comment to me was definitely homophobic. However, she does have really pretty eyes, and as Leslie said, her eyes aren’t the only thing you’d want to look at.

It was getting late and Willow was about to pack up for the night, when there was a knock at the door. Willow got up to answer it and was greeted by a pair of the bluest eyes she had ever seen. It took her a moment to realize that this was the art student who she had been thinking of.

“Who are you here to see?” asked Willow before allowing the girl inside.

“Um…you?” said the girl.


“Yeah, I’ve come by a few other times, but it must not have been your night. It was other people at the desk.”

“Yeah, I only have to be sitting here every fifth weekend day. I sometimes offer to take other people’s shifts. They all have lives. I don’t, so I don’t mind sitting here. I get my homework done and I at least interact with some people. So, what do you want?” asked Willow slightly gruffly.

“Um...I…I…I’ve been thinking…never mind it is stupid,” the girl turned to leave.

Willow saw that the girl was struggling. It pulled for Willow’s compassion. “Come on in. I’ve got another few minutes. You can keep me company, that is if you want to take the risk of being seen with one of the biggest dykes on campus.

“Y…you…you heard that?”

“Uh…huh. Not my favorite comment. Takes a close second to being told that I look like a boy.”

Tara hid behind her hair. “T…t…that is w…w…why I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to apologize. I treated you really badly during that dinner. I don’t know why I said that. I was just feeling so competitive. My teachers had told me that I had to convince the alumni to give to our program. I was afraid that everyone was going to want to give you money. You were so well spoken and sounded so smart. I wanted to get you off your game.” The girl gave her a lopsided smile and followed Willow into the lobby.

“Well, it kind of did. I know that my idea of dressing up is kinda boyish. But I hate dresses and skirts, and I feel like if I am wearing pants. I should wear a jacket. I guess maybe I should invest in some nicer shirts.”

“Your shirt looked nice. It set off the green of your eyes.”

“You noticed my eyes?”

“Yeah. I’ve never seen anyone whose eyes are almost emerald.”

Willow blushed. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that she was flirting with me . Willow and Tara talked for a few minutes. Each sharing how successful they had been with the alumni.

“Well, I better go home.” She started to walk to the door, Tara turned around and said, “Listen Willow, I am really sorry about how we met and what a jerk I was to you, and then I didn’t confront my friend when she said that mean thing about you. I looked back and tried to smile at you, to tell you I didn’t agree with what she was saying, but you’d looked down.”

“You smiled at me?”


“But today, you still waited until really late to come talk to me. Is it so nobody would see you come to apologize.”

“I was working at the library, my shift wasn’t over until 11.”

“Oh, sorry. Now I’m being the jerk. Here you are being really nice and apologizing, and I am accusing you of being homophobic. It’s been really hard being one of the known ‘out lesbians’ on campus. I feel like everyone looks to me to be the model. I’m just a Computer and Math nerd. I am nobody’s model.”

“It’s ok. I can understand how hard it is to be called names by people who don’t even know you. Well, I’ll see you around. Bye.” Tara walked to the door and left.

“Bye” said Willow watching the blond walk away and enjoying the view. It can’t be her. It just can’t be.

Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
Learning to Laugh What I Discovered at Band Camp

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 6, 2019)
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2019 7:58 pm 
3. Flaming O
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 7:07 pm
Posts: 126
Topics: 4
Location: Canada
Ok, I'm feeling less cross with Tara now :lol

I can't relate much with Willow's situation, I've been really lucky to not have had a rough time being gay. I can't imagine the turmoil of being bullied over it and trying to figure out how to date without stepping on landmines. I really appreciate all those who've gone through these things for the lessons their struggles taught societies at large.

As for the story, you've got me looking for more. Now the girls have met, I'm excited to see how it'll all develop! :clap


 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 6, 2019)
PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 9:59 am 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2018 1:38 pm
Posts: 85
I'm liking how the story is progressing. It's a lot different from Meeting Expectations, that's for sure. I love to read how other people take two such adored characters and write them in a range of situations.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 8, 2019)
PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 8:03 pm 
8. Vixen

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:33 pm
Posts: 724
Topics: 2
Location: North Carolina, USA
Northernlass: Thanks for the positive vibe on this newest iteration of mine. There will not be close to as much angst, and probably more 'smut'. I greatly appreciate your providing feedback. It makes me want to post.


I can't relate much with Willow's situation, I've been really lucky to not have had a rough time being gay. I can't imagine the turmoil of being bullied over it and trying to figure out how to date without stepping on landmines. I really appreciate all those who've gone through these things for the lessons their struggles taught societies at large.

I am glad for you that you cannot relate to Willow's situation. I look back at my teen and young adult years and wonder how my life might have been different if there had not been as many landmines. I know that I still hold the internal homophobia from these years. I still approach a lot of new friendships with the expectation that I may be shunned for my affectional preference.

Learning To Laugh Part 3.

It was a week later, Willow had offered to watch the desk for one of the other dorm staff. It had been a busy night, and she’d not been able to do much of her homework. She was engaged in a particularly difficult math problem when she heard a tapping at the door. She grumbled to herself, “I wish people would remember their keys.” She looked out, and once again was greeted by the bluest eyes. She opened the door.

“Hi. You just got off work again?”


“Who are you visiting today?”


“Me” she squeaked.

“Yeah, is that ok?”


Willow sat down at the desk and Tara sat down in a chair nearby. The desk was a little higher than the chair, so Willow had a very good view of Tara’s chest. Tara was wearing a v neck tee-shirt under an open long sleeved jacket. Don’t look down her shirt, don’t look down her shirt.

“Um, Willow, my eyes are up here.”

“And they are very pretty blue. Cobalt right? You’re an art major, I am sure you know all those blues. I am a lighting person. Blues are really important. You’ve got to mix the blues and the yellows to make a natural color on the stage. I like blue.” Willow babbled. She caught me looking at her. Now she must think I am deserved to be called those names. She’s smiling at me. She has a really pretty smile. This cannot be the same girl that my friends saw at the bar.

Willow paused, Should I ask? What’s the harm? If it’s not her, then she’ll just say no and will never know why I asked. “Hey Tara, can I ask you a really weird question?”

“I guess.”

“Um. Did you by any chance talk to my friends Terry and Faith two Sundays ago?”

Tara blanched, “How did you know? Who told you?”

“Listen, word gets around really quickly in this community. Actually, not that quickly. I guess they mentioned something to my friend Leslie and she told me last week.”

“Do you ever go there?”

“I’ve gone a few times; when I could get a ride.”

“Are you always alone?”


“Does that mean you’re not seeing anyone.”


“Nope you are seeing someone, or nope, no girlfriend.”

“The latter.”

Willow found her gaze moving from Tara’s eyes. She quickly looked away; hoping that Tara had not caught her.

“Do you like looking at them?”



“ I am a breast gal. I like looking at women’s breasts. I try not to be a perv, but yeah.”

“I’m more of an eyes and butt girl. I noticed that you looked nice in those chinos. Kinda cute in those jeans when you were up on that ladder too, and as I said, the emerald eyes...”

“You saw me on the ladder?” Willow gulped.

“Yeah, I was looking in on the rehearsal and I saw you up there perched on the ladder, bending over, aiming those big lights down on my friend Amy.”


“Uh huh. I’ve been noticing you around a lot. I’ve been wanting to talk to you. But I get tongue tied. I met your friends at the bar, and they were so nice. I asked them about you, and they said you were one of the nicest people they knew.”

“You asked them about me?” Willow squeaked again.

“Yeah, that’s not creepy stalkerish is it? I’m not sure that they realized that I was asking specifically about you. I threw in questions about other people to make sure I wasn’t too obvious.”

Willow looked at Tara. why this girl was telling me this, and why of all the people in the school, she’d be asking about me . She suddenly felt tongue tied, and said, “Um, thanks for coming to sit with me. Um, my shift is up. I gotta go. The show is tomorrow and I’m going to be in production all day. Are you going to the show?”

“Yeah, my friend Amy is in it. Maybe I’ll see you there?”

“Maybe.” Willow gathered her books and went to her room.

This interaction continued to perplex Willow. Why was this girl coming to talk to her?

Willow did what she usually did when perplexed, especially when it came to women; she called her friend Leslie.

“Hey, Leslie, it’s me Willow.”

“Yeah, I know. Your voice is pretty identifiable.”

“Can you talk?”

“For a bit, Chris is in the shower.”

“This really weird thing happened tonight.”


“This girl, her name is Tara, two weeks in a row she has come by. She is the girl who I thought was such a bitch at the alumni dinner. Last week, she wanted to apologize for being rude to me at the dinner and then about when her friend made a rude comment to me. Today, I don’t know what she wanted. She just sort of came over and started talking to me.”

“Ok. What was she talking to you about?”

“Nothing much. School, the weather, normal stuff. Then she caught me looking down her shirt. I couldn’t help it. She was sitting in the chair next to the desk, and they were just there. You shouldn’t wear a V-neck tee-shirt if you don’t expect people to look.”

“Ok. So she knows you’re a perv.”

“She knows that I am gay, from her friend’s comment that I was one of the biggest dykes on campus.”

“You actually are probably one of the smallest, but yeah?”

“I admitted that I was a ‘boob gal” and then she talked about how she likes eyes and butts. Then she made a comment about how I looked in my chinos and jeans and said that I have pretty eyes. Oh, yeah. I think she asked me if I ever went to the bar, and if I had a girlfriend. She’s the girl that Terry and Faith met.”

“Willow.” Leslie said rather loudly.

“Yes?” said Willow wondering why her friend was yelling.

“Are you really that dense?”


“Remember when I told you that a girl wasn’t going to just come up to you and start something?”


“That is exactly what happened. A good-looking girl, who we are pretty sure is gay, purposely came to the dorm not once, but twice to talk to you. Basically, told you that she had been checking you out, asked if you were single, and you don’t realize that she’s flirting; coming on to you.”

“No. She’s way out of my league.”

“Seems pretty clear to me. Now did you say anything to show your interest, other than staring at her eyes and chest?”

“No. I kind of ran away.”



“Willow, if you think you could like her, you’ve got to make that up to her. The ball is in your court. Don’t blow it. A hot girl is interested in you.”

“Are you sure? She said that she was asking questions about other people.”

“What did she say exactly.”

“Um…Something like, ‘I met your friends at the bar, and they were so nice. I asked them about you, and they said you were one of the nicest people they knew’. Then she said that she wasn’t trying to be creepy stalkerish, that she’d asked about other people too.”

“Willow, Willow, Willow.”

The realization hit her, “I blew it, didn’t I?”

“I don’t know. But if I were you, I’d find her, and I’d find her soon, before she gives up and moves on.”

“I gotta be in the theatre all day, but she said that she was going to the play.”

“I’d get out of that damn lighting booth as soon as the play is over, and I’d look for her.”

“What should I say?”

“Willow, I can’t do this for you. Say what you want to say. Be your sweet self, just try not to babble too much.”

“I kinda had a babbling attack when she saw me looking at her chest and she told me that her eyes were up higher. I started babbling about blues and told her about the role of blue in lighting.”

“You have got to be the biggest nerd I know. I love you, but nerd.”

“That’s me. Big old dyke nerd.”

“As I said, you’re actually not that big, you are definitely not old, but dyke yeah, and nerd definitely. Listen Chris is back, and we have some plans.”

“Goodnight, enjoy yourself. Tell Chris I say hi.”

Willow got off the phone. Shit, shit, shit, shit. How could I miss this? I wonder if I’ve been missing clues all my life, that’s why I always feel like people talk to me and then move on. As my therapist would say, “social skills Willow, social skills”. Nobody tells you how to distinguish being nice from flirting. .

Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
Learning to Laugh What I Discovered at Band Camp

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 8, 2019)
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:45 pm 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2018 1:38 pm
Posts: 85
Loving how light hearted this story is. Willow is just a bit dense and clueless which is very amusing. I'm looking forward to seeing how you write their relationship.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 8, 2019)
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2019 5:06 pm 
8. Vixen

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:33 pm
Posts: 724
Topics: 2
Location: North Carolina, USA
Northernlass: THANK YOU, thank you, thank you for replying. I can see people are reading my story, but no one was giving me any feedback. I want to know what people think. Thank you again. Yes, WIllow is dense and the story is fluffy. There will be some "normal" angst, but nothing like Meeting Expectations.

Author: Taranwillow4ever
Rating: PG-to begin most likely moving to R/NC-17
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters; I just imagine different lives for them. No spoilers, no monetary gain, just an opportunity to write.
Feedback: YES PLEASE
Summary: Willow and Tara meet in college, but it takes a little while for the romance to set in. Time of Meeting mid 1980’s therefore no cell phones, no tablets. Computers are in labs and it is only the lucky few who have their own.

I was going to stretch this out into several different "parts" but decided to post a longer one. I hope people are liking my story. Please, leave me an emoji if you are Kitten Board member. I really like getting feedback. :banana

Learning To Laugh, Part 4
Willow felt nervous/anxious/excited the entire day. She tried to keep herself under control by focusing on her job of helping in the lighting booth. She kept going back to wondering if Leslie was right. Was Tara really flirting with me? Maybe she’s just that kind of person. Flirts with everyone. She’ll probably wonder why I am even coming up to talk to her. Maybe I shouldn’t do it. I don’t want her to think I’m stupid, but what if she really is interested, this might be my opportunity. I don’t want to blow it. She has seemed so nice these two times that she came to talk to me. I guess her explanation made sense.

The anxiety was already causing her to feel hot and little weak in the knees. She needed to climb up and adjust some of the lights, so she took off her shirt and worked in her black tank top. You gotta keep your balance, don’t want to fall 10 feet down. Focus Rosenberg. Everyone else had gotten a break before the play, but Willow and Aimee needed to practice the light cues, so they stayed in the booth.

“You have another shirt to put on right” asked Aimee

“Yeah, we don’t want to have a glowing white Willow in the booth.” Willow put the black button down shirt over her tank.

“Good, us techies keep the black clothing business in stock. I guess us and the English techno people.”

“Yeah, sometimes we are the same people. Have you listened to the The Cure album The Head on the Door?” asked Willow.

“Yeah, it is wicked good.”

“Willow laughed, yeah it is.”

The play went off without a hitch. Willow successfully made sure that all the lighting cues were set up, and the right lights came on at the right time. As soon as it was over, Willow told Aimee that she’d be back to clean up, but there was someone she needed to talk to.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it. Go find that girl. See you tomorrow?” said her friend Aimee.

“What girl? What makes you think I am going to see a girl.”

“You’ve been kinda off your game today. Not that you didn’t do everything right, but it seemed that you were a little more spacy than usual. It was clear someone was on your mind.”

“I am sure that it is just a friend thing.”

“Well, go see.” The older girl smiled at her.

Willow walked out into the lobby. She looked around for Tara, and at first didn’t see her. Shit, I missed her, idiot! However, she looked around again, and saw her standing near the door. She walked up to her.

“Hey, did you like the play?”

“Yeah, it was good. I’ve seen it a few times already. My friend has had me sneak into the auditorium to watch. But it was nice to see it all come together. You were doing the lighting right?”

“Helping, my friend Aimee was controlling the board. I just set it up for her. It’s not that important.”

“I am pretty sure that it is an essential role.”

Willow blushed, “I guess.”

The two girls looked at each other.



“I was wondering….um…I missed dinner. I was wondering if you’d like to go to the campus pub and maybe get some pizza?”

“Are you asking me out Willow?”

“Um…just asking if you’d like to get some pizza.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you were asking me out,” commented Tara quietly.

Willow looked at the blue eyed beauty. Part of her wanted to hit her ears to make sure that she wasn’t hearing or imagining things. She froze. “I couldn’t have just heard what I think I heard. This cannot be happening. These kind of things don’t happen to Willow Rosenberg. Willow must have been staring at the girl with a shocked look on her face.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, yes I am fine. I just wasn’t sure if I heard you right. Can you repeat what you just said?”

Tara walked closer to Willow and said in her ear, “I said that I wouldn’t mind if you asked me out.”

“That is what I thought I heard.” Willow kept on staring at the girl.

“Do you really want to go to the pub? It’s going to be loud there. How ‘bout going to Gino’s. I’ve got a car. We can drive there.”

She probably doesn’t want to be seen at the pub with me. But she’s ok with Gino’s. Their pizza is good. Beggars shouldn’t be choosers. “Ok”

They walked to the parking lot and to a somewhat beat up brown Honda Accord hatchback. Tara got in the driver’s seat, and then opened the door for Willow.

Willow got in. I am in the car with her.

“What kind of music do you like?” asked Tara gesturing to the radio.

“Pretty much everything. What do you like?”

“I like alternative rock, stuff like Echo and the Bunnymen, Squeeze, Yaz.”

“I like them too. Is that why you went to the bar? To listen to music and dance?

“Well, that and the obvious.”


“Um went to a lesbian bar…dance, to hang out with other women, meet other college students, all the things you go to a bar for.”

“I usually just go to watch people. I tend to feel invisible. Everyone looks like they are having fun.”

“You don’t have fun?”

“I like being around all the other women, but as I said. I feel invisible.”


Tara picked out a good radio station, and they drove to the pizza place.

They walked into the restaurant and each bought themselves a piece of pizza. Willow tried to pay for Tara’s, but she insisted that she didn’t need to.

“Maybe next time.”

Willow looked at Tara again, her heart was beating fast, and she felt like she could hear the blood rushing through her ears. I’ve got to be hearing things. Next time?

They sat down and began eating their pizza. A few times, Willow looked up and saw Tara looking at her, but when Tara realized that Willow was looking, she hid behind her hair. Eventually, they both looked up and their eyes met. She is smiling at me. She has a really pretty smile. Her eyes are really blue. The shirt she is wearing makes her eyes look really blue.

“That shirt makes your eyes look really blue.”

“I know. That’s why I wore it. I was hoping you’d notice my eyes again. Are you going to give me another lesson on color combinations for lighting design.”

“Well, you’ve got to be careful of the greens. They can make it seem like you are underwater. Wait, you didn’t really mean that did you.”

“Well, it’s interesting to listen to you talk about lighting. It is clear that you really enjoy what you are doing, but no I guess I was teasing you about your babble yesterday.”

“I babble.”

“It’s cute. Your cheeks got really red when you started to babble yesterday. I wanted to see if I could get it to happen again.”

“Did it?”

“Yep. Though not as red as when I caught you looking down my shirt.”

Willow felt defensive, “If you don’t want people looking, why did you sit the way you were sitting. It was like your cleavage was right there, underneath my nose. How could I not look.”

“I didn’t want people looking, I wanted you to look.”

Willow gulped. “Seriously?”

“Uh huh. Tara smiled at her. It was sort of a half-smile looking out the corner of her eyes”

“So why did you give me so much trouble?”

“Cause it was fun. You turn red, and I can see the wheels turning in your head, but it seems like you don’t know what to say. Haven’t you been teased before?”

“Um…yeah, lots of teasing, but not the kind of teasing you’re referring to, I had the teasing, making fun of Willow teasing, not the pretty girl trying to get Willow to blush teasing.”

“You think I am pretty.”

“Of course. You’ve got to know how beautiful you are. You’re classically beautiful. The kind of beauty that artists paint beautiful.”

“I’m an art major. I’ve never seen a painting that looks like me.”

“You must not be looking at the right paintings. You are knock down gorgeous.”

“Are you flirting with me Willow?”

“Were you flirting with me last night?”

“Uh, yes… I thought I was losing my touch. You jumped up and left.”

Willow pointed to herself. “This girl is usually not flirted with. Nobody usually notices me. I work really hard to fade into the background. Flirting, not my strength, identifying flirting, not my strength either. Honestly, I was talking to my friend last night and she had to practically hit me over the head to realize that you were maybe flirting with me.”

“It wasn’t that subtle.”

“Well, it was subtle to me. I’m not used to people just coming up and talking to me. I don’t have a lot of friends. I’m used to being looked at like a pariah, like your friend indicated. Nobody just says they want to be my friend.”

“Did I say I wanted to be your friend?” asked Tara.

Shit, shit, shit, what is going on. She came with you to dinner, and now she’s saying she doesn’t want to be your friend. Maybe you should just leave. I am sure there is bus back to campus. I am so stupid. I just set myself up as a joke. I bet she’s going to go back to campus and tell everyone that she pulled one on me. I am so stupid.

“Willow, I can see the wheels turning in your head. Are you, ok?”

Willow pulled herself together, vowing not to show that this hurt her feelings.

“Well, I’m sure that you’ve got your good laugh. Tell all your friends how you got me. I’m going to go now.” Willow stood up.

“Wait,” Tara grabbed her arm, “What are you doing. I drove you here. Tell all my friends what? I don’t get it.”

“Well, you just said you don’t want to be my friend, so this must be some sort of joke. A prank.”

“You really are not used to be being flirted with or teased are you?”

Willow sat down again, “No. I’ve been pranked before though. I’ve thought people were going to be my friend, and then I find out it was some sort of dare.”

“Really? I am so sorry. I did not want to hurt your feelings. Of course, I want to be your friend. I don’t just go out for pizza with random strangers. I actually don’t usually take chances and try to get to know people who I find interesting. Believe it or not, I am really shy.”

“Seriously, you have not seemed shy to me.”

“I don’t know. When I am around you, I don’t feel shy.”

“That is ironic. When I am around you, I do feel shy, but I feel shy around a lot of people. The only time I don’t feel shy is in class and in the theater. I feel a sense of accomplishment and mastery there. Interpersonal interactions with others, not so accomplished.”

“You put yourself down a lot, do you know that.”

“Just telling the truth.”

“Whose truth?”

“My truth I guess.”

“I am thinking that your truth is skewed. I don’t think you see yourself objectively.”

“Say’s the girl that doesn’t know she’s drop dead gorgeous.”

Tara smiled her lopsided grin again.

“I am sorry that I got all righteous indignant Willow. I’ve been told that I don’t always get humor. I often take things literally. That might be why I am so good at computer code. It is objective. It is clear. If you aren’t clear, if you don’t give clear instructions, your program won’t work.”

“It’s kind of funny. My major is the opposite. If you are too clear, you are too literal, the professors don’t like it. Most of the art professors like abstract art rather than realism.”

“I guess that is why they give out two different degrees. Bachelors of Arts and Bachelors of Science.”

They had both finished their pizza. They threw away the trash and walked back the car.

“I like your car. It must be nice to have a car on campus. I sometimes feel trapped. If I had a car I could escape sometime. But I won’t have a car. My parents don’t think it is something that is necessary. They believe in the use of public transportation. We’ve always lived places with public transportation, Boston, Chicago, Washington. babble much Rosenberg.

“I live in the country, so no public transportation. It was like I got my freedom as soon as I could drive. I could take you off to escape sometime. Just call me. Speaking of car rides, would you like to go to the bar tomorrow with me.”

Is she asking me to go to the bar WITH her, or is she just offering a ride? Either way, it’s a ride to the bar. “Sure, if you are going.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow and we can make plans. That is if you’ll give me your number.”

“I’ll write it down for you.” Willow found a piece of paper and a pen in the car and wrote down her number. “Here.”

“Thanks.” Tara put the number in her pocket.

“Thanks for coming out with me to get food. I didn’t realize how hungry I was. I need to remember to bring a granola bar or something with me on show nights. I feel like I often get left hanging without dinner.”

“My pleasure.”

Tara turned on the radio again. They drove back to campus, Tara left Willow off at the dorm.

“Talk to you tomorrow. Thanks again,” said Willow.

“You are very welcome,” replied Tara.

Willow walked into her dorm and climbed the stairs to her hallway. There was loud music coming out of one of the singles and a bunch of guys and girls were in the hallway. Well, this is going to be fun to go take a shower. But I am so sticky from the show and hanging with Tara, I gotta take one. She went into her room, grabbed some sweats and a tee-shirt, towel and shower bucket. She quickly walked past the group and went into the bathroom. I wish there was a way to lock the door. I hate when there are guys on the hallway. She thought to herself.

After her shower, she returned to her room, closed the door and settled down into bed. She could still hear and feel the beat of the music coming out of the other girl’s room, but it was muted by her door and the fact that her bed was pretty far away from the hallway. Willow grabbed the book she was currently reading; and settled in to read and go to sleep. She was drifting off when the phone rang.

Ugh, who would be calling me now?


“Hi Willow. It’s Tara.”

“Hey,” said Willow perking up.

“Um, I just wanted to call and tell you I had a really good time tonight.”

“Thanks. I did too.”

“Anything interesting going on?”

“No. There is a loud party on my hall, and I felt weird taking a shower with a bunch of guys around. But all worked out ok. Your dorm?”

“It is quiet here.”

“That must be nice.”

“I guess. Sometimes it seems too quiet.”

“Oh.” What am I supposed to say? Willow yawned.

“I’m sorry did I wake you up?”

“No, no. I was reading.”

“What were you reading?”

“It’s a fantasy book about dragons by Anne McCaffrey.”

“Dragons are cool.”

“I guess. She’s a good writer. I have read most of her books. I like this one.”

“What other things do you like to read?”

“Well, I’ll read a cereal box if it is in front of me. I like science fiction, and fantasy, mysteries, and some non-fiction. Not much into the romance books.”

“Have you read Rubyfruit Jungle ?”

“Yeah, her writing is a little weird, but it is a lesbian classic.”

“Yeah, I guess. One of my friends said it was so good, so I read it. Unfortunately, a lot of lesbian fiction is pretty badly written.”

“I know. It is also often depressing. Have you read The Price of Salt ?”

“No, should I?”

“Sure. It is a little dated, but supposedly it was one of the first lesbian novels to have a happy ending.”

“Do you have a copy?”

“I think so. Do you want to borrow it?”

“That would be nice.”

“I’ll bring it tomorrow.”

“Well, good night. Sleep tight.”

“Ok, you too.”

Willow hung up the phone. That was odd.


Willow spent much of the next day in her room. Her roommate Anya had returned in the morning and Willow had shared with her the events of the night before.

“So you went to dinner, and then she called you afterwards?”


“And now, you are sitting here waiting for her call to see if she still is planning on taking you to the bar?”

“No, I am just hanging in my dorm room, doing my homework, and talking to my favorite roommate.”

“Willow, I am your only roommate, and you usually spend any weekend day that you are not in the theater, in the library, NOT in our room. Having you as a roommate, usually means that I have the room to myself. You never hang here.”

“Well, new habits can be made. Maybe I want to spend more time here. I pay a lot of money for me to live in this dorm.”

“So now you are worried that you aren’t getting their money’s worth. I don’t buy it.”

“I am not sitting here waiting for her phone call.”

“Whatever you say, whatever you say.”

The phone rang.

“You answer it.” Willow said to Anya.

“Why? It is probably for you.”




“Hi. I am Willow’s roommate. Yeah, she just came in the door. Willow it is for you.”



“So, I said I’d call.”


“Do you still want to go to the bar?”

“I guess if you are still planning to go.”

“Yeah, I thought it would be fun. My friends Sue and April are going to come too.”

“Cool.” Ok, it is a ride to the bar. Not an invitation to go to the bar with her. Good to know.

“So, I’ll come by your dorm about 8?”

“Ok, I’ll be ready and waiting. See you then.”

“Ok, Bye Willow.”

“Bye Tara.” Willow put down the phone.

“Does my roomie have a date?”

“No, it’s just a ride. She’s bringing two other girls with her.”

“Oh, well I guess that is good too. Maybe this is the night that you will find Ms. Right.”

“I am pretty sure that I am not going to meet anyone at a bar. You know I just go to hear the music and watch people dance. I don’t have the guts to talk to anyone. I try to be invisible.”

“Willow, you think you are invisible a lot. You do realize that you are a good looking woman, right?”

“Oh, Anya. I didn’t think you’d noticed.” Willow pretended to fan herself.

“What are you going to wear?”

“I don’t know. Jeans and shirt. My usual.”

“You said that she’d made a comment about your eyes.”

Anya walked into Willow’s closet and looked at the clothes. “This shirt will show off your eyes. Wear this, do you have a nice tank top, wear that under and use the shirt like a jacket. Wear a real bra, not one of your sports bras. You want to accentuate what you got under the tank top. Anya continued to look around the closet. “and these jeans.” She took a pair of pressed Levi’s off the hanger. These show off your curves and are clean.”

“I wasn’t going to wear dirty jeans.”

“I hope not”

“Wear your converses too. That will be a good outfit for you. Comfortable, and cute.”


It felt like the day dragged on. Willow tried to keep herself busy doing homework, reading her book, she even tried to take a nap to kill time, but napping had never been her forte. She went to dinner, came back, took a shower and put on the clothes that Anya had suggested.

A few minutes before eight, Willow walked down to the doors of her dorm and watched for Tara’s car to come by. Tara arrived promptly at 8. Willow was surprised to see that the other girls were in the backseat leaving Willow the passenger seat. She entered the car.

“Hey Willow, you look really nice.” She gestured to the girls in the back seat, “Do you know Sue and April?”

“You are on the soccer team, right?” she said to the two girls who were cuddled up in the back seat.

“Yes. Just so you know, you didn’t see us. We’re not out. The coach is really homophobic and doesn’t want any dykes on the team.”

“Ok, got it. That must be kinda hard. How long have you been together?”

“We met last year when we came in the summer for the soccer preseason.”

“So you’ve been able to keep it secret for over a year?”

“I don’t think it is really a secret from most people, just something that is not talked about,” said April.

“I get it. If I had it to do again, I would stay in the closet. One of my biggest regrets was accepting one of the leadership positions of the Alliance. I thought that it would help me meet people, but all it did was give me a reputation and cause me a lot of grief.”

“Really?” asked Tara.

“Definitely. It’s been nothing but grief since the paper printed the leaders of all the campus organizations. Nothing like being outed to the whole school without your knowledge.”

“I can imagine that it was hard,” commented Sue.

“So how did you guys meet,” asked Willow referring to Tara and the soccer players.

“Oh, Tara was one of the team’s biggest fans last year. Little did we know that she had a crush on the goalie.”

“You had a crush on Buffy?” exclaimed Willow.

“Unrequited, but yep. Sue saw me looking all doe-eyed at her and told me that she’d been dating Erica since freshman year.”

“It’s not like I even realized that was what was going on. I seriously thought that I just liked to watch soccer. It took Sue confronting me and spelling it out to make me realize. It really wasn’t until this summer that I admitted that it was not a passing phase.”

“I hate that phrase.”


“Phase. My mother still keeps saying it is a phase. I will come to my senses and date, marry and have many grandchildren with a nice Jewish boy. Until then, I am not particularly welcome at home. To quote my mother, ‘I am not going to have a dyke as a daughter.’ Do your parents know?”

“I think that my parents suspect, but it is just not mentioned. They know that Sue and I are roommates and good friends. They don’t ask. I don’t tell,” replied Sue.

“Same with my parents. They are traditional. I don’t think that it even occurs to them,” commented April.

“My parents were really cool about it when I told them. They said they loved me, and would love whomever I loved,” stated Tara.

“Seriously?” asked Willow.

“Yup. I am really lucky, and I know it.”

Tara turned on the radio as they drove the hour into Boston.

Once they got to Cambridge and found a parking spot. They all got out and walked to the bar. It was a college night, so all they needed was to show their college ID’s and pay the cover to get in. Willow realized that she must have been the only one with a real ID, because the other three were given one handstamp, while Willow was given another, the one that clearly telegraphed that she was too young to drink.

“You don’t have a fake ID?” asked Tara as they went into the bar.

“No. I don’t drink, so I don’t need one.”

“You don’t drink ever?”

“Not really.”

“Oh. That’s cool. I don’t drink a lot either and of course I’m not drinking tonight because I drove. I don’t drink and drive. I think that is why Sue and April asked me if they could come along when I said that I was coming here. They wanted to drink and not have to worry about driving.

“That makes sense, they seem nice. Make sure that they know that I’d never out them. But do they know they are taking a risk coming here. You never know who is going to be here.”

“I think they are tired of hiding. They are two of the best players on the team. The coach can’t afford to kick them off.”

“That’s good. I guess I should try to watch a game.”

“Yeah, we could go to the next game together. Beth has been a good friend to me and I like April.”

“It’s good to have friends. They seem nice.”

Willow and Tara walked into the main bar. It hadn’t gotten too crowded yet, but the techno beat was thumping and people were dancing. Willow walked over to the wall and started watching the videos that were playing on the screen.

Tara stood near Willow, they watched the videos together for a few minutes, a song came on that Tara obviously liked, she asked Willow, “Do you like to dance?”

“Sometimes, I’m not very good at it. I look like one of the kids from Charlie Brown’s Christmas. Do you?

“Yeah, I love to dance.” As Tara was saying this, Sue and April came into the bar and grabbed Tara and they went to the dance floor.

Willow watched them dance. They seem to really enjoy themselves Willow watched Tara dancing. She looked so carefree and happy. It was like she was in her element. As she was watching, the feeling of being ‘other’ began overwhelming her. how can I feel so alone among all these people , Willow began to feel the curtain of depression begin to fall. She walked into the second room of the bar and sat down on one of the couches to continue watching the videos.

After a period of time, a sweaty Tara came and sat down next to her. “Why did you leave? I thought that we were going to dance?”

“You looked like you were having fun with them, and they are good dancers.”

“Yeah, we were having fun, and yes they are pretty good. But I don’t care how people dance, just if they want to dance. Willow, do you LIKE to dance?”

“It’s ok. I tend to feel really self-conscious. But sometimes, when I let my head go, it can be fun.”

“What can I do to help you ‘let your head go’? I want you to have a good time.”

“I have a good time just watching.”

“It doesn’t look like you are having a good time. You are sitting in the dark, alone in a corner, watching videos. Your eyes look sort of sad.”

“The videos are really cool. I try to figure out why they choose what video to go with what music. Sometimes it doesn’t make any sense. I think that sometimes they put the videos and music on randomly and occasionally they link up, but otherwise they are playing independent of each other.”

“You’ve really thought this through.”

“This is not the first time I got a ride to the bar, and the other people were dancing and drinking and I was in here watching videos drinking Coke.”

“Willow, do you think that I just offered you a ride.”

“Yeah?” Willow looked at Tara, she couldn’t understand Tara’s facial expression, but she knew that what she’d just affirmed bothered the girl. take a chance, what can you lose

“I was kinda hoping that maybe you invited me to the bar because you wanted to go to the bar with me, but I wasn’t sure, and then you brought the them too. As I told you yesterday, I don’t pick up the social cues as well as I should.”

“Willow. I invited you to come to the bar with me, because I wanted to come to it with you. I thought that we could have fun. I want to get to know you.”

“What do you want to know? But first, can I get you something to drink? You look hot.” Willow blushed at the double meaning of what she had just said. I am glad that it is dark, so she can’t see how red I must have just turned

“You think I look hot?”

“Well, you were just dancing, and that causes sweating, and it can be warm on the dance floor…”

“Oh, that kind of hot.”

“Not that you aren’t the other kind of hot too…” UGH “Do you want something to drink?”

“Sure, a Coke© would be nice.”

Willow got up and went to the bar to get a Coke©. She sat back down next to Tara and handed it to her.


“You are welcome. My pleasure.”

There was an awkward silence.

“So, you like Coke©?”

“Um, yes. The caffeine is a positive too so that I don’t get tired at the bar or driving home.”

“Yeah, too bad that the ‘Ladies night’ is Sunday night. Doesn’t quite jive with the going to college, classes early in the morning.”

“When is your first class tomorrow?”

“8 am.”

“Willow, why did you agree to come. You’ve got to be in class at 8am!”

“It will be ok. Plus, when pretty girl invites you to go to the bar with you, you don’t say no. Sleep be damned.”

“Ok, whose flirting now?”

“I am, I guess. I don’t really understand this flirting thing. It seems like it is just being honest. Saying the nice things you think about the person, rather than filtering it. I’ve got a very fine filter.”

“Fine as good or fine as not much gets through.”

“Um…” Willow thought, “probably the second, but there is also a hole in part of it, if the thoughts get through there, it causes babble. I can babble and I often say things I am thinking and that I shouldn’t say, and I make comments, and a lot of words that really don’t say anything of relevance, but it is me trying to explain what I was trying to say.”

“Like that?”


“I think it is cute.”

Willow smiled She thinks I am cute!”

“Why are you blushing”

“How can you tell I am blushing. It is pretty dark in here.”

“I can just tell. I can see that you are getting red patches on your upper chest.”

Tara put her finger on one of the patches. “Feels kinda hot.”

OMG, she is touching my chest.

“Blood flow, definite skin issues for redheads.”

Tara removed her finger from Willow’s chest and scooted closer to Willow. Their legs were almost touching. “Do you ever not put your hair in a ponytail?”

“Sometimes…it’s just easier to deal with and cooler in the ponytail.”

“Can I take it down?”

“Sure” Tara reached beside Willow, undid the hair tie, and fluffed Willow’s hair. It I turned by head even a fraction, my face would be in her boobs. I feel self -conscious now. She is looking at me. Did she just lick her lips. She is looking at my chest again. What is she thinking.


Willow didn’t know what to say. Her eyes darted around. She looked at the girl who was still staring at her.

“Yeah, it is kinda longer than you’d expect.”

“N..n…no t..t…t…that’s not i…i…it.” Tara tool a breath, “You are beautiful. I knew you were cute, but with your hair down you are beautiful, striking. Add to it, that great tank top, I don’t know why I ever made a comment about you looking boyish. You are a beautiful woman.”


“Let’s go dance.” Tara took Willow’s hand and led her back to the dance floor.

She’s holding my hand..AHHHHH

They began dancing to the music. Willow got warm and took off her overshirt, tying it around her waist. Instead of being self-conscious, she just let her body move to the music, trying to mirror some of the moves that Tara was making. As one song led into another, Willow saw April come up and whisper something into Tara’s ear. April then looked at Willow, smiled, whispered in Tara’s ear again, Tara whispered back and April went back to where Sue was dancing.

When they stopped to take a break, and Willow had brought back two more sodas for them, she asked, “What did April want.”

Tara blushed. “She wanted to know who the pretty redhead I was dancing with. Honestly Willow, you look a lot different with your hair down and less layers of clothes. I had no idea how muscular you are.”

Willow made a muscle, “lifting and moving 30lb lights can tone a girl up.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you have a very nice clavicle?” Tara reached over and touched the bone she was commenting on.

Willow’s eyes went wide She is touching me again. I hope she doesn’t notice what effect that has on me a little further down. Padded bra, a good thing to wear. No clear nipples. “Um, no. Nobody has every commented on any of my bones, other than to say that I have a small bone structure.”

“Oh, she also said that they needed to leave soon. Sue’s got a lab at 9. I said to give us about 15 minutes.”

“Ok, I am ready to go whenever you guys are.” Willow put her shirt back on but left it open so Tara could admire her clavicle.

Tara put her hand on the small of Willow’s back and led her into the other bar where April and Sue were waiting.

April and Sue fell asleep on the ride back down. Willow stayed awake to help keep Tara alert. They talked about the songs that they’d heard and about their favorite groups.

Tara dropped Willow off at her dorm and commented that she’d had a good time, and hoped she’d see Willow soon.

“Yeah, I had a great time too.” Sue and April had woken up. “Nice to meet you too. I’m going to try to catch your next home game.”

“Cool.” They both answered.

Willow went up to her dorm room, trying to be quiet to not wake up Anya, but Anya was awake and it appeared waiting for her to return.

“So how was it? Tell me all about it? Did you meet any hot lesbians?”

“Um…no…I pretty much hung with Tara the whole night. We danced a bunch.”

“You danced?”

“Yeah, it was fun.”

“You, Willow Rosenberg, wallflower extraordinaire, danced at the bar?”

“Yes, why are you so surprised.”

“Willow, you never dance, and your hair, your hair is down.”

“Yeah, Tara asked me to take it down, and she said that it made me look good.”

“I’ve been telling you since last year, that you look really good with your hair down. Beautiful, wavy red hair, and you push it back in that ponytail. So, this Tara? Do you think something could come out of it?”

“I don’t know. She seems to like me, but I can’t tell if it is as a friend or as a potential, you know…”



“Same thing?”

“No it is not. Lover implies sex. I’m not ready to have sex. I don’t believe in having sex until you are in a committed relationship.”

“You are an old soul Willow.”

“I know.”

“So you had fun?”


Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
Learning to Laugh What I Discovered at Band Camp

Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Sat Jan 02, 2021 1:06 pm, edited 4 times in total.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 11, 2019)
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 9:27 am 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2018 1:38 pm
Posts: 85
Great update. I feel like I got a double helping of your writing. I think that we must be about the same age because I love Echo and the Bunnymen! They were my absolute teenage band. I have actually seen both Echo and the Bunnymen and Squeeze in the past 5 years. So back to the story......totally loving the socially inept and unconfident Willow, missing all the cues. Tara is just gonna have to seduce her! More please.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 11, 2019)
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 2:06 pm 
8. Vixen

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:33 pm
Posts: 724
Topics: 2
Location: North Carolina, USA
Great update. I feel like I got a double helping of your writing. I think that we must be about the same age because I love Echo and the Bunnymen! They were my absolute teenage band. I have actually seen both Echo and the Bunnymen and Squeeze in the past 5 years. So back to the story......totally loving the socially inept and unconfident Willow, missing all the cues. Tara is just gonna have to seduce her! More please.

Northernlass: Glad you got the references. I had no idea that either group was still together. I absolutely LOVED Squeeze. It was definitely a double helping of the writing. As I whine about regularly, I see the count go up on my stories, but very little feedback. THANKS FOR YOURS. :blush I feel like a loser when I see that nobody has commented for days and I see my name under the last post. I was so happy to see your feedback this morning. Willow is very unconfident and really just doesn't understand that someone could actual like her. (She's nothing like the person that I regularly saw in the mirror in college :) or see now. You comment, I update. I've been writing ahead, so I will always have something to post when someone comments.

Learning to Laugh -Part 5

Willow was sitting in the cafeteria the next day eating her lunch. She was deep into her reading when a tray was set down next to her. She looked up and saw it was Tara.


“Hi. Mind if I sit here?”

“Nope. Have a seat.” Willow moved her backpack off the other chair at the table.

“Did you make it to your 8 am class?”

“Yes, but just barely. I must admit I just threw on some clothes and went.” Willow looked down at the sweats and a tee-shirt she was wearing.

“I don’t know how you do it. I could barely get to my 10 am class. I was yawning during most of it.”

“Are you sorry that you went to the bar?”

“Definitely not, you?”

“No. I had a really good time. Thanks again for taking me.”

“My pleasure. What does the rest of your day look like?”

“Well, I have another class at 1:30, and then work at 4:00. We have to strike all the lights and put them back in storage.”

“So, if I came to the theatre I’ll get to see you climbing up and down ladders?”

“I guess.” She has made several comments about my climbing up and down ladders Speaking of that. I need to run to my dorm and change. Need to wear jeans to work.”

“How come?”

“Um, I need to have a belt loop to attach my wrench to.”


“Well, a falling wrench could really hurt someone, so we attach them to a telephone cord and hook it on our belt, so if we accidently drop it, it just kind of bounces back.”

“That makes sense.”


“So, what is your schedule?”

“I have a studio class, 3-D Art at 2. Before then, I need to go to the library to do some reading for my Sociology Class.”

“You’re taking Sociology?”

“Yeah, gotta love those required courses. It’s my last required Humanities class. All I have left is a math class next semester and I can totally focus on the art classes.”

“I have one more Humanities class to take next semester. I came in with some credits, so I can take several extra electives if I want.”

“What is your course load this semester.”

“Analytical Geometry, Physics of Chemistry, COBAL, Psychology 101, and Technical Theater 200.”

“You are taking five classes?”


“How do you do it, with working in the theater, being a dorm staff, and being an officer of the Alliance.”

“I don’t know. I just do it. We pay by the semester, not by the course, so I want to get as much as I can out of it. You can only take five and a half courses without getting permission of the dean. I couldn't find a half credit course this semester, so just five. What are you taking?”

“Art History 300, Drawing 200, 3-D Art, and Sociology”

“That seems like a pretty heavy load too.”

“Nothing like yours. No wonder when I came to the dorm to visit you, you were studying. You must have to study all the time.”

“Not all the time…”

“They, here is a game on Wednesday at 7:00 at Smith. I told Sue and April that I’d go. Want to come with me?”

“What time would we need to leave here?”

“5:15 at the latest.”

“My Physics lab gets out at 5. I could do that.”

“Do you want me to just pick you up from the Science Building.”

“That would work.” Willow looked at her watch. It was almost 1:00. She picked up her half eaten sandwich, and grabbed her backpack. “I hate to run, Tara, but I’ve got to run to my dorm, switch books, change into jeans and get to the Science Building for class at 1:30. It was really nice talking to you.”

“It’s ok. If I don’t see you sooner, I’ll be outside the Science Center at 5:15.”

“Great.” Willow put her tray up and rushed out of the cafeteria.

Willow was out the door and on her way to her dorm when she realized that she had forgotten her book under the table. She was walking toward the table when she saw a girl sit down at the table with Tara. She heard their conversation.

“What were you doing talking to that freaky, geeky dyke?”

“Um, talking. Do you even know her?”

“No. I don’t want to know her. You should watch out. People will wonder about you if you hang out with her.”

“Thanks for the warning.”

Willow walked up to the table, and quickly grabbed the book from under the table. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation.”

She tried to leave as quickly as she could. Thanks for the warning Willow felt humiliated. Tara was thanking someone for warning her about Willow. Idiot, you should have known that it was too good to be true. A girl that beautiful would never really like a geek like you.


Willow was climbing up and down the ladder, unscrewing the lights and handing them to Aimee who was putting them in the storage area.

“Hey, Willow. I think there is someone here to see you?” said Aimee.

“Huh?” asked Willow.

“There is a girl, who came in the auditorium and is just watching you. We could take a break, you could go talk to her. I am pretty sure it’s the same girl I saw you leaving with Saturday.”

Willow looked around and saw that Tara had taken a seat in the audience.

Keep your chin up Rosenberg, don’t let her know that the comment hurt. Figure a way to bow out of the soccer now too when you get the chance.

Willow walked up to her and sat down, a chair between them. “Hi.”

“Hi. I thought I’d come watch you work. Is that weird?”

“I don’t know is it?” Willow said tersely. “It’s a free country. You want to watch, I guess you can.”

“Are you ok?” asked Tara.

“Yeah, kinda tired. But I am ok.”

“You seem upset. You seemed upset when you came to get your book from the cafeteria.”

“No, I was fine. You know I love being called a dyke by people who don’t know me.”

“I told her not to call you names, that she doesn’t even know you. She’s a real bitch. I don’t know why I ever was friends with her.” Tara looked Willow in the eye.

“Listen, Tara it’s ok. I understand that you wouldn’t want to be seen with me; be my friend” Willow looked down at her hands.

“What are you talking about?” asked Tara, her voice getting shrill.

“You thanked her for the warning,” mumbled Willow.

“No, I didn’t. That was totally sarcastic.”

“It didn’t sound that way to me.”

“Well, that is how I meant it. I thought she was being really stupid, and rude.”


“Really. Willow, have I recently said or done anything that would indicate that I don’t want to be your friend?”

“I don’t know. I am not around you all the time.”

“Well, I haven’t I like you. I want to get to know you better. I want to be friends with you.”


“Well, you’re cute, your smart, according to your friends you are really nice and caring, you look good on a ladder.” She raised her eyebrows.

Willow blushed. “According to my friends…have I not been nice to you?”

“You’ve been nice.”

Willow looked over to see that Aimee was trying to do the work of both of them.

“Listen Tara. I gotta get back to work. I will see you Wednesday, ok?”

“Can I call you?” asked Tara.

“Sure. I’ll be back in my dorm probably between 6:30-7:00.”

Willow noticed that it took Tara some time to leave the theater.

She is totally looking at my butt This thought made her smile.


Willow returned to her dorm room a little after 7:00. Anya was sitting on her bed doing homework.
Willow threw her knapsack on her bed and went to grab clothes to change into after a shower. She was about to leave, when Anya said, “Oh, that girl called you at 6:45. I wrote down her phone number.”

Willow went over to the desk where the phone was located. In Anya’s neat script, was a phone number. She picked it up, looked at it, looked at the phone. She then went and sat down on her bed.

“Aren’t you going to call?”

“I don’t want to sound too eager.”

“She seemed disappointed you weren’t back.”

“Did she say she wanted me to call.”

“I guess. She just asked for me to give you her phone number. Wil, people don’t leave their phone numbers randomly. It usually means that they want you to call them.”

“Oh, Ok.” Willow picked up the phone, dialed the number and waited for the rings.

“Hello. Room 304.”

“Um, hi. Is Tara there?”

“Sure, I’ll get her.”


“Hey Tara, this is Willow. You called?”

“Yeah.” Willow could tell that Tara was bringing the phone into another area of the room. “Sorry, I needed to go in my closet. Nosy roommate and her friends.” She said very quietly. “Um…I…I…I was w…w…w…wondering if you’d like to go for a w…w...walk tonight? But it’s getting late. You must have a lot of homework to do. Sorry.”

“Actually, I am sort of ahead of my self in all my classes. I could go for a walk. Where do you want to go?”

“I thought that we could walk the par course. It’s kinda lit and it’s supposed to be a really nice night. Do you know where it is?”

“Yeah, it circles around the fields and ends near the Science Building, right?”

“Yeah. You want to meet me in front of your dorm?”

“Speaking of dorms, what dorm do you live in”

“Washington 304.”

“How did you get on old campus?”

“I don’t know. My roommate had a good lottery number I am guessing.”

“When do you want to meet?”

“5-10 minutes.”

“Sounds good. See you then.”

Willow hung up the phone.

“What did she want?” inquired Anya.

“She wanted to know if I wanted to go for a walk.”

“A walk?”

“Yeah.” Willow shrugged.

“That’s a new one.”


“Well, I don’t know. Maybe it is a lesbian thing. No guy has ever asked me to go for a walk before.”

“I guess I’ll see.”

Willow went into her closet. Grabbed a fresh tank top and shirt, sprayed on some deodorant, and looked at herself in the mirror. She grabbed a hooded sweatshirt and put it around her waist in case she got cold. She undid her hair, putting the elastic around her wrist, and brushed out her hair.

“That’s better.”

“It feels weird not to have It up.”

“You look so nice with it down. You should go brush your teeth, who knows this might be a rouse to get you into the woods to kiss you.”

“You think?”

“I don’t know. Can’t hurt to be prepared. Have fun. Don’t do anything I would do.” Anya laughed at her own joke.

Willow exited the room, went to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, made sure her hair still looked good, and went to the front door. Tara was already there, looking a little flustered. She too was wearing jeans and a shirt. She had a string bag that Willow figured had a sweatshirt or sweater in it from its bulk.

“You ok? You look flustered.”

“No, I’m good. I just walked a little fast so I’d get here on time. You left your hair down.”

“I know you liked it last night.” Willow smiled at Tara.

They walked through the fields behind Willow’s dorm and into the woods where the par course was located. The lights from the field illuminated the path. They talked and Tara occasionally bumped into Willow and laughed. Willow felt that this was reminiscent of walks that she and Kate had taken.
Maybe it IS a lesbian thing

“Is this something you do often?” asked Willow, “taking evening walks around the fields?”

“No. April gave me the idea. She said that she and Sue used to do it. It was a good place to go and talk where no one could bother you.”

“You don’t want to be bothered?”

“Not bothered, I just feel like everywhere on campus is so loud and public. There isn’t a lot of places to be able to sit quietly and talk. My dorm is so loud, and my roommate is always inviting people into the room. I don’t feel like I have room to even think sometimes, definitely not talk to someone.”

“You want to talk? Yeah…No… I…I…I…I actually…”

She is stuttering, that usually means she is nervous. Why is she nervous “What’s wrong, you actually…?”

“I…I…I…I am not usually the one who…usually… I don’t know how this works?”

“What works?”

“This telling someone that you are interested?”

“You’re interested in what?” said Willow. “I’m interested in a lot of things. We can talk about whatever you want to talk about.”

“Let’s sit down.” Tara motioned to a sit-up bench. It was on an incline, so the two slid into each other.”

“Willow, I like you.”

“I like you too.”

“No, Willow I LIKE you. Like butterflies in my stomach like you. Like I think about you a lot like you. Like I want to hold your hand like you.”

“Oh…” OMG, OMG, OMG, Chill Rosenberg

“Oh?” said Tara kind of quietly.

“Oh, I like you too.” Said Willow louder than she had planned. Willow reached out, tried to subtly wipe her hand on her jeans and took Tara’s hand.” She’s got soft hands. I hope mine aren’t too sweaty.


“Uh huh.”

“I’ve never done this before.”

“You’ve never done what before?”

“Held hands with a girl I liked. Well, actually that is a lie. As I look back on my middle school and high school life, I realize that I had several strong crushes on other girls. I’d try to maneuver myself to be standing next to them in activities, and other excuses to be near them,” confessed Tara.

“I hear you. I volunteered to be the score keeper for the field hockey team so that I could have the chance to sit with my first girlfriend in the backseat and she’d fall asleep on me.”

“That’s cute.”

“I guess. In the end it caused a lot of problems.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t think I want to go into that now. It might scare you away,” mumbled Willow.

“I’m a lot stronger than I look,”

“I’m not. Well, you saw my arms, my arms are kinda strong, but you’re not talking about that are you. Going to stop babbling now.”

“You’re cute when you babble.”

“I’m glad you think that. If you are going to hang around with me. It is something to get used to. It’s that hole in the filter.”


“Never mind.”

“Oh, that description of your filter at the bar. I remember now.”


“Do you think we should keep walking. I feel like it is getting really dark.”

“I brought a flashlight.” Tara took it out of the string bag on her back.

“You thought this out. It seems.”

“Sort of.”

“It is nice. A bit chillier that I expected. I’m glad I thought to bring my sweatshirt.” Willow stood up and put her sweatshirt, including the hood.
“W..w..we could still hold hands if we each put on our hoods. Kinda incognito in the dusk/dark. We could be anyone.” Tara paused. She put on her sweatshirt and hood and took Willow’s hand. They walked a bit and she asked, “Does it ever bother you that you have to hide?”

“It’s my reality. I don’t really think about it. Lots of people think what I am is wrong, so it’s best to keep it as secret as possible. I hate hearing the Bible thumpers talking about sin and hell and all of that. Actual the Torah doesn’t mention anything about lesbians. But still, it is clear than all types of homosexuality are considered wrong at my parent’s synagogue.”

“You are Jewish?”

“Yes. Not practicing though. I had a Bat Mitzvah, that is sort of like Conformation for Christians, but I really haven’t gone to synagogue of my own free will since then.”

“I went to a friend’s Bat Mitzvah; it is way more complicated than a Confirmation. She had to lead the services and read a whole long passage in Hebrew, right? The food and party afterwards were really great.”

“Yeah, it is a lot of work. But for me, it ended up paying off. If it wasn’t for my Bat Mitzvah money, I wouldn’t have any spending money other that what I make at the theater.”

“Your parents don’t give you any money?”

“No, as long as I am “living this deviant lifestyle, they will not give me any help.”

“How are you affording to be here?”

“Several really good scholarships, financial aid and student loans.”


“It’s nothing. There are a lot of people in my same situation. This year it was a lot better, I didn’t have to take out as many loans. Last year they didn’t believe me that I was doing it on my own. This year, I was able to prove that they were not providing me with any financial assistance.”

“That’s good I guess.”

“Yeah, I am guessing that I’ll get a good job after I graduate, and the loans won’t be too bad. Computer Programming is taking off. The ‘wave of the future’ they say.”

They waked until they were at the end of the path. As they came into the light, they dropped their hands.

“We’re closer to your dorm,” said Willow. “Can I walk you there?”

“Sure,” replied Tara.

Willow kept her sweatshirt hood on, in case someone recognized her. She walked Tara to her dorm.

“See you tomorrow?” Willow asked.

“Hopefully. Do you have a break for lunch tomorrow? I have one at 1:30.”

“Me too. Upper or Lower cafeteria?”

“Which one do you usually go to?” asked Tara.


“I guess that is why I never saw you. I always go to the Upper.”

“We’ll meet at the Upper café at about 1:40?”

“It’s a date.” Tara smiled.

Willow smiled back and practically skipped back to her dorm.

Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
Learning to Laugh What I Discovered at Band Camp

Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Sun Nov 22, 2020 12:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 11, 2019)
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 2:49 am 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2018 1:38 pm
Posts: 85
You wrote this so sweetly. Only Willow and Tara could finally admit they are attracted to each other then not even hug at the end of their walk. I wanna knock their heads together! You capture the era and the homophobia and secrecy really well. As long as you keep posting I will read. It's so lovely that after all the post Buffy years that some people are still writing new content.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 11, 2019)
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2019 3:43 pm 
8. Vixen

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:33 pm
Posts: 724
Topics: 2
Location: North Carolina, USA
Northernlass: It never even occurred to me for them to hug. I think that Willow's internalized homophobic gets in the way of even "normal" ways that girls interact. I'm glad that the sweetness came out. I know that it is weird that I am still writing this stuff so many years after Buffy was off the air. This forum was a safe place for me to get support and encouragement ten years ago. I think of it fondly. I have always liked to write, and this place gives me the opportunity to do it and feel like I am sharing it with others. I love that others share their stories with me. This story has been in me for a long time.

Learning to Laugh Part 6

Willow had difficulties focusing on the psychology lesson. All she could think about was how good it felt to be holding Tara’s hand, and wanting to see her again. The professor was droning on about the difference between operant and classical conditioning, I wonder if attraction can be explained by these principles. Tara smiles, I smile. Tara talks to me, I feel butterflies. Tara holds my hand, I feel warm everywhere. That seems more like nerves than conditioning. I liked holding hands with Kate when we could. But holding Tara’s hand was way nicer. Maybe because I wasn’t as scared. Maybe because I could feel my feelings, and not feel ashamed or stupid. Tara doesn’t make me feel stupid. That is a big difference. She thinks I am smart and funny. Willow continued half listening to her professor and half fantasizing about the next time that she could hold Tara’s hand.

Willow’s class got out a little late, so Tara was already at the cafeteria and had gotten a seat by the time she got there. Willow quickly grabbed a sandwich, chips and a soda and went to the table where she was sitting.

“Hey, how was your class?”

“It was good. We were working on shading and perspective. It was kind of elementary, but I think I got some good drawings. What class were you at?”

“Psychology. It was kind of boring. It was all about conditioning.”

“Like classical and operant. That poor dog, salivating at a bell. That poor little boy, afraid of a coat.”

“You took it?”

“In high school. For some reason, I always remember those two factors.”

“I thought that it was going to be more interesting. It is really general.”

“That’s 101 classes for you.”



“You are really ok being seen with me?”

“Willow, I don’t care what people say about me to my face or behind my back. I have a bunch of friends; I don’t need to be around anyone who would judge me for who I was hanging with.”

“Is that what we are doing, hanging?”

“What would you call it?”

“Hanging seems to be a good word.” Willow bit her sandwich and looked over at Tara. The sun was hitting her brown hair, making the golden highlights shimmer. She had to close her mouth again, so she would not noticeably drool.

“What you thinking about?” asked Tara.

“Um, the sun is hitting your hair and making it lots of different colors. It looks nice.”

“Thanks.” Tara blushed.

“Why do you always blush when I say something nice?”

“I don’t know. I am not used to so many compliments. Nobody has ever said as many as you seem to spontaneously say.”

“That hole in my filter, dear Liza, dear Liza. There’s a hole in my filter, dear Liza a hole.”

“You are a goof.”

“Yup.” Willow smiled at Tara.

“When is your next class?”

“3:00, yours?”


“So have classes at the exact same time on Tuesday and Thursdays.”

“That makes scheduling easier.”

“Scheduling what?”

“Scheduling time that I can see Willow. When do you work.”

“Mondays at 4:00-6, and Friday 10-12. When do you work at the library?”

“Well you know Fridays I work from 6-11. I occasionally pick up another shift if I can. I can really use the money. I’m on scholarship too. I need that money for spending. My parents have nothing extra, they have two in college, two out of college, and one in high school.”

“You have four siblings?”

“Yep, I knew a Math major could figure that out.”


“Yeah, I’m the middle. My brother Andy is 24, he is working in Boston at some bank, my sister Trinity is 22, she graduated from BU and is living in Washington DC. I’m here, and my younger brother is a freshman at Colby, he’s a lacrosse player, the only one of us to get a full ride scholarship, and then Kathy, whose a Junior in high school. Do you have any siblings.”

“Nope, just me. My parents said that one was enough, but I secretly think that my mother quickly discovered that she didn’t really like having children.”

“My mom always says that she loves being a mom. She says that it was what she was born to do.”

“My mother, I think, thinks that she was born to tell other people what to do. She’s a Law Professor. She goes all around the country talking about Tort law.”

“What is a tort?”

“Something where you get compensation for wronging someone.”


“I don’t really get it either. But she loves it. My Dad is a Law Professor too, but his interests are more general.”

“Do you think you’ll want to go into law?”

“Definitely not. I hate writing, I don’t like to read boring stuff. I like equations and code.”

“I guess Math and Computer Programming is the right thing for you to do.”

“I so like it. Do you like majoring in Art?”

“It’s actually Art History, but yeah. I am planning to take some of the education classes too so I can maybe be an Art teacher. My mom was a teacher before she had us all. She says once Kathy goes to college, she might return, but I don’t know.”

‘She might like having the house to herself.

Tara finished the last bite of her sandwich, “Wil. I am really enjoying the conversation, but I have to finish some of my sociology reading before class. I am not like you. I rarely am ahead.”’

“We could both go to library and study. I was planning to go there anyway.”

“Ok. But you gotta promise to let me read.”

“On my honor as a gentlewoman,” commented Willow, crossing her heart like a knight.

They walked to the library and Willow led her to her favorite table. It was nestled between the Science stacks, and there weren’t a lot of people around.

“I haven’t been back here for a while,” stated Tara. “I’m usually at the checkout desk.”

“Most of the books I need to use are in the reserved reading, so I don’t check out a lot of books. Last year I spend a lot of time in the HQ section.”

“What section is that?”

“Oh, mighty library worker. You don’t know your system? HQ is for Social Sciences. The .75-.79 are about homosexuality. I read the books in the library because I didn’t want to be found out by checking them out. It’s were I met my friend Leslie. She was doing the same thing.”

“I guess I don’t have the book smarts about being gay.”

“I’m just a gigantic reader. If I’m interested in something, I read all I can about it. I read cereal boxes, I read the back of cans. I read everything.”

“Ok, I have to get to work.” Tara opened her knapsack, got out her Sociology text and began reading.

Willow looked at her COBAL assignment. She had run her program and it had worked, so she was fairly confident that she’d done it correctly. She looked ahead in her book and began learning the information that she’d be doing the following week. Willow worked hard to control the urge to just stare at Tara. She did her best to focus on her book but seemed to be looking at squiggles on the page.

Every few minutes. Willow would look at Tara, who was engrossed in her reading. A few times, Tara caught her and smiled. Willow smiled back and tried to read her schoolwork. It felt like it had taken forever, but Tara eventually closed her book and declared herself finished.

“What time is it?”

Willow looked at her watch. “It’s 2:45, we should probably be going to our classes.”

They walked out of the library and headed in opposite directions to their classes.


Willow exited class and headed to the dining hall. When she got there, she looked around for the blue eyed girl, but didn’t see her. She got her food, pulled out her book and sat and read as she ate. Afterwards, she went to the computer lab to work on the program that was due the following week. Several of her classmates were there too and she ended up spending more time helping them, then working on her own work. She walked back to her dorm and was surprised to find Anya sitting at her desk working. Willow flopped herself onto her bed and asked her roommate.

“Is this having trouble thinking about other things normal, Anya? All I can think of is when I am going to see her again. It’s like my brain has just turned to mush. Instead of studying, all I want to do is daydream. Well, really what I want to do is go for another walk so I can hold her hand again.”

“So why don’t you call her and ask her if she wants to go on a walk?”

“I don’t want to seem too eager. I want to play it cool. Plus, it is pretty late. It is almost 8.”

“Ok, so why don’t you either lay on your bed and daydream or do whatever you usually do on Tuesday nights.”

“Get ahead in my Wednesday classes?”

“I guess. You are usually not here, so I don’t know what you do on Tuesdays. Willow, did you come back to the dorm to see if she’d called or if she will call.

“No… well, maybe…yes.”

“Are you going to get all mopey Willow if she doesn’t?”

“No. She and I are going to a soccer game tomorrow together. So, I know I’ll see her then.”

“I thought their game was away.”

“It is, it’s at Smith.”

“You and she are going to drive to Smith to watch a soccer game?”


“Do you even like soccer, do you even know anything about soccer?”

“Um, girls running around kicking a ball into a big net called a goal. We’re really going to support her friends.”

“So my Willow is going out on a school night?”


“My roommate is growing up.” Anya sighed. “Well, you can sit here by the phone. I have a study group over in Hamilton dorm. See you later.” Anya picked up her backpack and left the room.


Willow felt her eyes drooping. She’d read some of her book, outlined her next two weeks of psychology lessons, and watched some TV. She’d gotten ready for bed and as reading by the small light on her desk adjacent to her bed. She was just drifting off when the phone rang.

“Hello,” said a tired Willow.

“Oh, sorry. Did I wake you up?”

“No, it’s good. I was reading.”

“You sound really quiet.”

“No, I am fine.” Willow said in a louder voice.

“This is Tara.”

“Yeah, I know your voice.” I will probably recognize her voice for the rest of my life. Willow felt a weird sensation running from her feet to her head. It was like an electric current. If she didn’t know that it was a pleasant one, she might have thought that she was feeling embarrassed or ashamed. But the big smile on her face made it clear that she was happy.

“I just wanted to call to say goodnight and tell you I was looking forward to going to the game tomorrow.”

“Cool. I am looking forward to it too. Should I bring anything?”

“Make sure you bring a jacket or sweatshirt. It can get cold once the sun goes down.”

“Yeah, I figured that much. October weather in New England, need to be prepared for warm and cold. Anything else?”

“No just yourself and a jacket. I’ll bring a blanket for us to sit on, the bleachers are cold. We can get snacks at the game, and I figure we’ll stop to get something cheap on the way back?”

“That sounds good. I was going to try to pocket a sandwich from lunch, but that sounds like more fun.”

“The sandwich thing could work too. Why don’t we both do that. It will save us some money.”

“Ok, sandwichs and snacks that travel well in a backpack.”

“Sounds good, so goodnight sweetie.”

Ah, she just called me sweetie, maybe she calls everyone sweetie. Keep yourself together. Willow croaked out “Goodnight.” She cleared her throat, “Good night Tara.”

Tara hung up, and Willow found herself staring at the telephone receiver. she called me to say goodnight. I think she likes me. The mental electricity surged into her head making it tingle. Her heart began racing, and she was no longer tired. I feel like I could get up and do a jig. That would be an interesting thing for an Eastern European Jew to do. Willow hung up the phone and went back to bed and continued reading.

After a while, Anya came in the room. “Hey, you’re still awake. I figured you’d be out like a light by now.”

“Yeah, I was asleep, but then Tara called to say goodnight and confirm the plans for tomorrow. That gave me some energy. I think I am finally starting to wind back down.”

“She called you to say goodnight?”


“That is a sign that she likes you. I don’t ever call anyone just to say goodnight.”

“She wanted to confirm our plans too.”

“Which did she say first?”

“The goodnight, I think she added the plans so that it wouldn’t seem strange. She called me sweetie too.”

“OMG Willow, you have a girlfriend.”

“I wouldn’t go that far to say.”

“Willow, all signs point to this girl wants to date you; she likes you. And from that big grin on your face, I think you like her too.”

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

“Are you sure this is the same girl from the alumni dinner?”

“Positive. I am kind of thinking that there was energy/attraction then too, it just got channeled into the negative, rather than the positive. Like Elie Wiesel says. ‘the opposite of love is not hate; the opposite of love in indifference’. I did not feel at all indifferent if you remember. “

“Definitely, if how you were feeling that day is any measure, you’ve got a lot of passion in that red-headed body of yours.”

Willow blushed. “I guess…”

Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
Learning to Laugh What I Discovered at Band Camp

Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Sun Nov 22, 2020 12:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 17, 2019)
PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2019 1:24 pm 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2018 1:38 pm
Posts: 85
Another engaging chapter. I'm really looking forward to seeing how and when you write the first kiss!

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 17, 2019)
PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 1:16 pm 
7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
User avatar

Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 11:37 am
Posts: 613
Topics: 8
Location: Maryland
I'm loving this story so far. Just read the whole thing in one sitting and am eagerly awaiting the next update. Its beyond refreshing to see a new approach on how W/T meet and the obstacles they have to overcome.

Alyson, oh, Alyson why don´t you join my band? So you could play the flute like this one time in band camp.
I Am Forever / A Special Christmas of Sorts / Maybe It's Just Me / Honeysuckle Rose /Blackouts and Breakthroughs / When Love Arrives

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 17, 2019)
PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2019 6:25 pm 
8. Vixen

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:33 pm
Posts: 724
Topics: 2
Location: North Carolina, USA
Northernlass: You don't have to wait long. Thanks for the comment.

mmmh-Hot-Sauce: I am glad you like the different perspective. Thanks for commenting. I am enjoying your story as well.

Learning to Laugh (Part 7)

Willow felt like it was the longest class day of her life. Beginning at 8 AM and ending at 5, with barely a break to grab some food before running to the next class. She had a test in her Analytical Geometry Class which kept her mind busy for most of the session. However, she found herself fantasizing about Tara during her theatre class. She must have had a dreamy look on her face, because the professor asked if she’d like to share her thoughts with the class.

Willow had blushed, “Sorry, I was thinking about lunch. I have an 8am class, so I missed breakfast.”

“Well, try to get back on track,” said the professor, who began again to discuss the way that they built the Shakespeare Theatre.

As soon as class was over, Willow exited her class and ran to the cafeteria. She grabbed three pieces of bread, two packs of peanut butter and three packs of jelly, two granola bars, two packs of chocolate chip cookies, an apple, a pear, two bottles of apple juice, and a carton of chocolate milk.

“You hungry today?” asked the lunch lady with whom she had frequently chatted.

“Yeah, lots of classes, not a lot of time.”

“Ok, you gotta eat. You don’t want to get thinner.”

“I am fine.” Willow grabbed two plastic silverware packs and put all of the food other than one piece of bread, a pack of peanut butter and a pack of jelly in her backpack. She made herself half a sandwich, opened the milk. She put her backpack on shoulder and began walking to the Science Building, eating her sandwich and drinking her milk.

As she was walking, she saw Leslie.

“Howdy, stranger. Haven’t heard much from you,” said Leslie.

“Been busy. School, theatre, etc.”

“Yeah, I’m more interested in the etc.”

“What do you mean?”

“I saw that you and Tara were eating lunch together yesterday.”

“You did? I didn’t see you.”

“I don’t think you saw anyone. It was clear that you only had eyes for Tara,” Leslie said in a playful manner.

“It was clear?”

“Probably not to everyone, but to me. So does my friend have a crush?”

“I don’t know. Maybe…” Willow smiled.

“Oh, my little Willow is growing up. She’s got a crush.”

“Why does everyone keep talking about me growing up. First Anya, then you.”

“I guess it is because it’s like we are seeing you come out of your shell.”

“I wasn’t aware that I was in a shell. I am not a bird or a reptile.”

“Metaphorically, psychologically”

“I know, I am not as clueless or illiterate as you think. I can get metaphors. You might be an English Major, but I did well enough on the English AP Exam to place out of English 101.”

“Really, why did you take it last year?”

“I wanted to be in a class with all of you guys. I thought it would be fun.”

“Was it?”

“No, but I enjoyed the all-night writing parties with you and the others.”


“Yup, I am. I’ve gotta get to class. See you later.”

“What’s in your bag. It looks fuller than the usual Willow 3 classes.”

“Oh, it’s got dinner for me and Tara and a sweatshirt. We’re going to the Smith soccer game.”

“You are going to a soccer game? I didn’t think you even liked sports…”

“I’ve never given them a chance.”

“Or, you are willing to do whatever Tara suggests.”

“Within reason.” Willow blushed.

“Does my friend have a girlfriend?” said Leslie gently punching Willow on the shoulder.

Willow looked down at her feet and said quietly, “I don’t know. I kinda hope so. I am hoping it will be clearer after tonight.”

“Well, you’ve got to check in with me tomorrow. I want to hear all about it. Lunch?”

“Sure, I’ve got class until 12:30 See you at the Lower Cafeteria, 12:35?”

“Ok.” The two friends walked in their two separate directions.


Willow saw Tara’s car as soon as she exited the science building. “Hey,” she said as she put her backpack in the backseat and sat down in the front. “I didn’t keep you waiting long did I? We were doing a lab on the electrochemistry of cell membranes. It took the whole time. How was your class?”

“Not as cerebral as yours. We are starting a pottery unit. Fortunately, I had a spare set of clothes to change into. It was really hard keeping the clay off my clothes, but I succeeded.”

“Can’t even tell you were doing pottery.”

“I am pretty sure there is still clay under my fingernails.”

Willow picked up the hand that was not on the steering wheel and examined it. “Maybe a little, but your hands look nice. You must moisturize.” Who the hell am I, my mother. UGH

“Every day. Gotta keep your hands nice and soft in case…” Tara left the sentence hanging.

After a beat, Willow got the …, and blushed. She looked at her own hands. I’ve got to buy some hand lotion. She dropped Tara’s hand.

“You could still hold it?”

“Huh… oh Ok.” Willow took Tara’s hand again. “You’re ok driving with one hand.”

“Yes, I have many talents. Driving with my left hand is one of them. I’m kinda ambidextrous. I can do a lot of things with my left hand, as well as, my right.” Tara smiled at Willow.

Why does everything that she says seem to be a double entendre?

“Why are you blushing?” asked Tara.

“Can I plead the fifth,” squeaked Willow.

“I guess. But that’s the second time you didn’t want to answer my questions.”

“What was the first.”

“Monday night, you said something about your first girlfriend, that in the end it wasn’t very good.”

“Oh, yeah. I remember. Still not the best topic of conversation.”

“Well, pick one of the two. Tell me about her or tell me why you were just blushing.”

Willow paused, “Ok. Um…Um…You see…”

“You don’t have to tell me Willow, I was just trying to tease you a little. I guess I also want to know about your first girlfriend.”

Willow took a deep breath, “So, I call her my first girlfriend, because after the fact I realized that it was the best definition. Her name was Kate. She and I went to school together. She transferred to my school when we were Juniors. We started becoming really close around the time that softball started. She was the catcher and I played third base. We worked really well together. After practice, we’d sit on the steps near our lockers and share chips. Our lockers were in this little alcove off the Art Room, so not a lot of people were around. Close to the end of school, she asked me to go on a walk with her. Walks must kinda be a lesbian thing We stopped and were sitting beside this tree. We’d gone there before. Well, we were sitting there, and she told me she loved me. Now, I have not changed that much, but believe it or not, I was even more clueless then. I just said it back, not thinking about the ramifications of the comment. A few days later, she then started talking about how we weren’t gay. I hadn’t gone that far in my mind, so I said, “ok”. I was just happy that someone loved me. We spent a lot of time together over the summer. We wrote each other a lot of letters and poems. I realize now, that we were channeling all of our attraction into intellectualization. When we started our Senior year, a rumor was started that we were gay. It was easy to deny, because she said that we weren’t. I realize now, that the person who started the rumor and continued it was a girl that she’d been best friends with prior to her interest in me. I think I stole her girlfriend.”

“Hindsight is 20/20.”

“Yeah, I guess. Well, it ended up going to a really dark place, she said some really mean things that shot me to the core. I got really depressed.” Tara squeezed her hand. “Her mom wouldn’t let her hang out with me, and she gave me the cold shoulder through graduation. There were only 30 kids in our graduating class; so, it was really hard be ignored. I contacted her freshman year of college, and she acknowledged that she too was gay. I am guessing she’s happily living her life now.”

“Have you ever wanted to get back with her.”

“No way. She went to the dark side. I could never trust her.”

“So, I don’t have to worry about an ex coming and sweeping you off your feet.”

“Definitely not. I’ve dated a bit, but no one that I would even consider and ‘ex’. You? Do I have to be worried. Maybe about Buffy coming back for an alumni activity?”

Tara blanched. “Um…”

“I was just kidding. You couldn’t have dated Buffy. She was involved with Erica for forever.”

“I wouldn’t call it dating…”

“Seriously?” said Willow incredulously, pulling away her hand.

“Can I take the 5th?”

“Sure. Gotta say I’m interested though.”

“It’s not something that I am proud of. Glad that it helped me put two and two together, but not proud. I really don’t want to talk about it.” Tara put both hands on the steering wheel.

After a long, pregnant pause, Willow said, “I am sorry. I didn’t handle that well. I don’t care what you did before we met. It is none of my business, and not something I am really interested in. Right now, I am interested in you. I like you.”

“It’s ok. It was a natural progression. I am sorry I overreacted.” Tara put her hand on the gear shift. Willow took the hint and took her hand again. Willow sighed.


“I just really like this hand holding thing. Before, I never got why people did it; I used to think it seemed stupid. But I think now I understand. It makes you feel all connected and warm and fuzzy.”

“You are feeling warm and fuzzy? You are so cute.”

“Did you ever watch the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer special?”

“Willow, you are Jewish, why were you watching a Christmas special?”

“I had a friend Xander, when we were living in San Jose, I think I was in third or fourth grade. He invited me over to watch them at his house…did you ever see it?”

“Yeah, sure. Why?”

“Well, when Clarise tells Rudolph he’s cute, he starts jumping around saying ‘I’m cute, I’m cute, she said I’m cute’ and then he starts to fly; that is how I feel whenever you call me cute.”

“So, do I have to worry about you flying away? Maybe I better make sure I hold your hand.”

“I don’t think you have to worry. I am firmly planted on the ground; but I really like holding your hand. If you think it’s better that way to keep me from floating off, so be it.”

The two girls held hands, listened to music and drove to the college. The game was about to start when they got there. Tara took a blanket and put it on the bleachers and the two of them sat down, their legs touching. Tara had brought another blanket that they put over their laps. It was chilly and both had put on their sweatshirts. Willow looked around and was somewhat amazed that there were so many dyads of women. She knew that Smith was a women’s college, but it seemed like the stands were full of lesbians. Willow whispered to Tara, “Is it me, or does it seem that there are a lot of couples in the stands?”

“Yeah, one of the reasons I invited you to this game. We won’t stick out.” She took Willow’s hand under the blanket.

“What positions do Sue and April play? Can you point them out?”

Tara pointed to a girl running in the middle of the field. “There is Sue. I think April is still on the bench. She doesn’t always start. They both play forward. A real good game is when they are both o the field. It is like they both know where the other is, and they pass the ball seamlessly.”

“Why doesn’t the coach always put them in together then?”

“I don’t know. I can’t say I totally understand their coach.”

Willow and Tara watched the game. Tara pointing out some of the other players on their team. Willow could tell that Tara really enjoyed watching the sport.

Willow whispered in Tara’s ear. “You like watching all those long-legged, athletic girls running around in short shorts, don’t you.” Tara turned her head, their lips now millimeters apart. Willow looked at the blue eyes of the girl. I don’t want our first kiss to occur in the middle of all these people. It seemed that Tara concurred, because they both moved their heads, going back to watching the game.

At half-time, they both took out the food that they had brought. They laughed as they saw that the two of them had chosen almost identical food with the exception that Tara had brought chips and an orange. They both made themselves a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and drank it with apple juice.

“I really like peanut butter and jelly,” stated Tara.

“I was hoping you were not allergic.”

“Nope, only allergy is shrimp. I was pretty sure that you would not pick shrimp as a good backpack food.”

“Actually, I’ve never had shrimp. My parents didn’t really keep kosher, but we never ate pork or shellfish.”

“You’ve never had bacon, ham, sausage…?”

“Nope. I’ve thought about trying them, I've even taken some during breakfast, but when I think about eating it, I just can't."

The game started again, and they sat there watching, holding hands, enjoying not having to feel out of place. Their college won the game. Tara and Willow went down to the field to congratulate April and Sue. Sue had scored the winning goal with an assist by April. They said goodbye and went to Tara’s car.

They got in in the car and each closed their doors, and Tara began to drive.

Willow commented, “That was pretty amazing watching April and Sue play. You were right, it seemed like they just knew where the other was going to be,”

“They are really synchronized. Sometimes, it seems like they are just 2 halves of a whole. They are very well suited to each other.”

“Have you ever read Plato’s The Republic?” asked Willow.

“No. Obviously you have or you wouldn’t be asking.”

“Yes. One of the things that he writes about is that at the beginning of time, there were these beings, they had two faces, four arms and four legs. Some were male & female, others male & male, and still others female & female. They all were split in half by Zeus because he feared their power. Our life’s goal is to find our other half. I read this when I was a Senior in high school. I remember it resonating that my other half was female. Not that I told anyone this, but the fact that this writer from ancient times was writing about all permutations of relationships made me feel less alone.”

“That is a cool concept. I’m not sure if I believe that there is only one person out there for everyone though. What if your person is in Brazil and you are in China and can never afford to travel?”

“I don’t think the universe would do that to you.”

“What if you meet your person, and it doesn’t go right, and you never see each other again? Is there only one chance?”

“I think there is usually more than one chance, in case the first time you sort of insult them, or make them feel like dirt, or something like that?”

“Again, I am sorry. Not my proudest moment.”

“I was talking to my roommate, Anya a few days ago. She was asking me if you were really the girl from that dinner. She noted that I was really wound up about the things you said to me. I was really upset. I guessed that there must have been some energy there; I had a strong reaction to you. I guess there was an attraction.”

“Willow are you telling me you are attracted to me?”

Willow’s eyes bugged out of her head. Of course, Tara could not see them because it was dark and she was driving. Is this one of those teasing moments, is this one of those times I should be honest? What am I supposed to say? Take a risk. “Uh, yeah. I kinda thought we agreed on this point when we went for our walk.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

She forgot? “Teasing again?”

“Yep, you are a little too easy.” Tara reached her hand over to Willow’s thigh.

“I am not easy,” said Willow, taking her hand. “I need to be courted.”

“Courted? You want to be courted?”


“What does courting entail?”

“Um, spending time together, getting to know each other, taking things slowly, dating.”

“So, you’re not a love um and leave um kinda girl. You don’t put out on the first date. Bummer I was hoping to get some.”

Willow choked on her saliva. Her eyes bugged out again. She started to cough.

Tara asked, “Are you ok? I was joking again. I think there is some water in the backseat.”

“I thought so,” wheezed Willow, she rooted around the backseat and found a bottle of water. She took a long drink and stopped coughing.

“Honestly, I have never flirted this hard in my life. I am usually the flirtee, not the flirter. Not that I have been much of either. It just seems that everything seems to have a double meaning when I am with you.”

“Tell me about it, that was the reason I was blushing earlier,” she paused, “Are you saying I bring out your bawdy side?”

“I guess. I never thought about having a bawdy side.”

“Me either. I have always considered myself kind of repressed. But I keep on hearing the double entendres in everything we say.”

“Well, at least it isn’t just me.”

They drove for a bit in silence.

Tara broke the silence, asking, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, you just did.”

“Another one?”

“Uh huh.”

“We could do this forever, couldn’t we?”

“Yes,” said Willow trying not to giggle.

“At the game, when you were whispering in my ear, did we almost kiss?”

“What do you think?”

“I think that I wanted to but didn’t want our first kiss to occur in the middle of a soccer stadium with lots of other people around.”

“Sounds true.”

“You wanted to kiss me?”

“Yes, more than anything, but not in a soccer stadium and not in front of strangers.”

“So, what are we going to do about it?”

“I’m not sure. What do you think we should do about it?”

“Well, right now I am tempted to just pull over the car and lay one on you, but it is dangerous and illegal, and I don’t want our first kiss to be our first time getting arrested.”

“I concur. Although, that is a big assumption that I have never been arrested.”

“Willow, you’ve been arrested?”

“No, but it was an assumption.”

“You have been hiding a smart aleck beneath that shy, quiet exterior.”

“I guess. Just like I bring out the bawdy in you, you bring the smart aleck out in me.”

“I like it.”

“I am glad.”

“So again, what is your plan?”

“I don’t have one. You?”


“A deep subject.”


“Too far?”


“I wish we didn’t have roommates.”

“I suspect that we will repeat that comment many more times.”

“Is there a campus parking lot that is darker than others? We can pull the hoodie caper again.”

“We could go back to the sit-up bench.”

“It is cold.”

“We'd warm each other up.”


They drove back to their school. Tara parked in her usual parking lot, and the two of them walked toward the par course, hoping that it did not look strange for two hooded people to be walking into the woods. As soon as they got past the well lit areas, they took each other’s hands and walked toward the bench.

Tara sat down on the bench, and Willow joined her. They turned to each other and their lips met in the middle. Their kisses started tentatively, but soon mouths were opened and tongues explored. When either of them stopped, they would rest with their foreheads against each other. Tara moved so she was straddling the bench. Willow’s hands were in Tara’s hair, and Tara’s arms were encircling Willow, keeping her from pushing them down the incline.

They kissed for a few minutes, until they both became self-conscious and cold. They walked back to the lit campus, and once again, Willow walked Tara to her dorm, keeping her hood over her tell-tale red hair. “Bye, See you tomorrow?”

“Lunch, could we do it at the lower cafeteria? I bumped into my friend Leslie yesterday and we arranged to have lunch.”

“Sure. I’d like to meet your friends.” Tara opened her dorm door and walked in, looking back at Willow who was watching her. Tara gave a little wave and walked out of Willow’s sight.

Willow walked back to her dorm. When she got to her room, Anya was once again waiting up.

“OMG. Willow got kissed.”

“How do you know?" asked Willow as she peeled off her sweatshirt and took off her shoes.

“Well, your lips are puffy, your eyes are glassy, and you have a very content look on your face. I can’t wait to see what you look like after you get laid.”

“Anya.” Willow said loudly.


“I am not going to get laid.”

“Famous last words.”

“I can promise you it’s not going to be something that can be defined as “getting laid”. It will be making love, and as I have told you multiple times. I will not have sex until I am in a committed relationship.”

“You still got yourself royally kissed.”

Willow went and looked at herself in the mirror. Her lips did look a little puffy, and she did have a sleepy grin on her face.

“I will concede that happened. It was really nice Anya. Better than anything I’ve experienced before. I’ve kissed a few other girls, but nothing like how it felt to kiss Tara. There were fireworks and feelings from my head to my toes.”

“I am glad for you. You deserve that kind of experience, kiddo.”

“Thanks. I need to go to sleep.”


Willow went to the bathroom, brushed her teeth and got into bed. Anya had turned out the light and was already gently snoring.

“Good night Tara.” Willow said in her head. She was probably imagining it, but she felt a tingle going through herself; she was sure that Tara had just said the same thing.

Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
Learning to Laugh What I Discovered at Band Camp

Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Sat Jan 02, 2021 1:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 21, 2019)
PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:56 am 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2018 1:38 pm
Posts: 85
Loved the first kiss! But they didn't even talk about it. Typical! More please.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 21, 2019)
PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:20 am 
7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light

Joined: Sun Jan 19, 2014 7:01 am
Posts: 540
I love your new story! :applause I read chapter 4 on the trainride this morning. I'm glad Tara had the courage to admit to Willlow that she LIKED :flower her and that Willow got the meaning of that eventually and believed this time that Tara is earnest. It's sad that Willow was obviously shunned and ridiculed so often in the past that she has a very low self-esteem and fear of social interaction with anyone except very few people she feels she can trust (Leslie, Aimee, Anya). It gives me hope that she obviously added Tara to this short list of people who can be trusted now.
I'm looking forward to see their relationship bloom. Hopefully they won't be "outed" as a couple before they are ready to show themselves as one.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 21, 2019)
PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:03 pm 
1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2014 3:38 am
Posts: 6
More please!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 21, 2019)
PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:44 pm 
8. Vixen

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:33 pm
Posts: 724
Topics: 2
Location: North Carolina, USA
Loved the first kiss! But they didn't even talk about it. Typical! More please.
I thought that they talked about it more than the average. I could of prolonged it, but I'd decided that the soccer game was a good time to have a first kiss. THANKS for the Feedback.

Will's Redemption :
Hopefully they won't be "outed" as a couple before they are ready to show themselves as one.

I hadn't thought of having them outed before they were ready, do you think there should be more angst in the story? :hmm The part I am writing has some angst. Oh, and Thank you for your kind words about Meeting Expectations (which I have been referring to ME, forgetting that ME is Mutant Enemy : oops). The comment about my TUMS part was particularly appreciated. I have an ambivalent relationship with whether I want to write Smut or not.

Islev18 : Thanks for the feedback and encouragement to write more. Feedback makes me want to post. So here is more.

Learning to Laugh
PG-R for now
Josh etc. owns all of these characters, I just imagine different lives for them. I write because I love to, feedback is my only compensation.
Setting: A Massachusetts College, mid 1980's. Computers are in labs, phones are plugged into the wall, and most college students don't have answering machines. The way that people leave notes for each other are on dry erase boards on dorm doors and/or actual notes & letters.

Note: I think in dialogue. I am trying to add some details to make it more robust, but it is mostly conversation and Willow's brain.

Question: I have been writing this from just Willow's POV, should I include some of Tara's thoughts?

Part Seven-B

The next day, Willow’s class had gotten out early, so she had been able to get to the cafeteria earlier than Tara. She saw Tara enter, look around, smile at her and then get in line for food. Rather than eating, Willow found herself watching Tara as she chose food. Finally, Tara came and sat down.

“Hey,” said Willow as Tara sat down.

“Hi,” responded Tara with her trademark half smile. “How was your class?”

“It was ok. It was a lesson about social learning. He showed the movie about Bobo the clown. I hadn’t realized it, but I had a Bobo clown when I was a kid.”

“Did you let out all of your frustrations on it?”

“I don’t remember. My only clear memory of it was hitting it and it coming back up and hitting me, causing me to fall on my butt. I don’t think I really liked it.”

“Poor little Willow.”

Willow blushed. “How was your class?”

“It was good. We are working with charcoal today. Between that and the pottery, I am going to perpetually have dirty hands.”

This caused Willow to look again at the beautiful long fingers of her, girlfriend? She could see a smudge of charcoal on the side of her hand closest to the pinky. “Isn’t that the artist’s ID? Paint, charcoal, clay, etc. All us computer/math nerds are known for are pocket protectors and slide rules.”

“Please tell me you don’t ever wear shirts with pocket protectors. I may have to re-think…”

“No pocket protectors, I promise no pocket protectors,” responded Willow with a little more force than necessary. “I must admit, I do actually have a slide rule somewhere in my backpack. We have to occasionally use them.”

“Willow are you talking about slide rules again?” said Leslie as she joined the two girls.

“Tara, this is Leslie.” Willow pointed to her friend. “Leslie, this is Tara.”

“Nice to meet you Tara. I think we might have Sociology together?” Leslie gave a little wave.

“Maybe, it’s a big class and I sit in the back,” commented Tara.

“I sit near the front. It is the only way that I can stay focused,” admitted Leslie.

“That makes sense.” Tara smiled at Willow again.

Just as she was saying this, April and Sue came to their table and sat down.

“Hey guys. Willow did you like the game?”

“Yeah, it was fun to watch. You guys are really good. You all play like the proverbial well-oiled machine.”

“Thanks,” they said together as they sat down and started eating their lunch. After a few minutes, April commented, “So, I noticed that the two of you were sitting pretty close together.”

“It was chilly?” said Tara.

“Yes, a very cold October night,” chirped in Willow.

“So, is that it?” asked Sue, “It has nothing to do with the fact that you are both glowing or that a certain hooded duo was seen leaving the par course late last night.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” stated Tara.

“Yeah, sure,” replied Sue. “We could see your smiles can across the cafeteria. It’s like we need sunglasses.”

“Really?” said Willow, starting to feel paranoid.

“No, it’s not like you’d see it if you weren’t looking for it. We just were looking for it. We figured something may have been starting on Sunday. So, Tara, I see that you took our par course suggestion to heart.”

Tara looked at them with a somewhat guilty look. Willow began looking at her sandwich with rapt attention. Do they realize that they are taking a big chance sitting with me. “Are you sure you want to be seen eating at the same table as me?” asked Willow.

“We are over all that. If people want to speculate, people can speculate. Believe it or not, most people don’t care, and those who do, who wants to hang with them. You are a nice person Willow. You shouldn’t feel like such a pariah,” stated April.

“You can always say that I am helping you with math or computers. I’m kind of infamous for that too.”

“It must really suck to feel like everyone around you needs to justify why they are befriending you.”

“It is, but ask Tara, she’s had two incidents of well meaning ‘friends’ come up to her unbidden to tell her to stay away from me if she wants to maintain her reputation.”

“What reputation would that be?” asked Sue.

“I don’t even know, I guess my reputation as being a straight girl.”

“Never knew you had one of those. I’ve always known you were sort of bendy.” Sue said to Tara.

Tara started to giggle. That has got to be one of the best sounds, I could listen to it forever, almost as good as that guttural growl she made when we were kissing.

“Hey, Earth to Willow, come in Willow. Where did we lose you to?”

Willow came back to the conversation, trying to control her thoughts so that they were not telegraphed.”

“I’m fine. Just thinking about something math related.”

“Yes, I am sure that thinking about Math makes your cheeks pink and your eyes sparkle.”

“Hey, I like math,” commented Willow.

“I think we know something you like more than math,” teased Sue.

“I can’t win. Can I?” Willow retorted. Tara reached under the table and gave Willow’s hand a quick squeeze.

“She’s not so good with the teasing,” stated Tara.

“Oh, she’s in for it then. I swear half of all of our conversations are teasing. You’ll have to translate for her.” Sue said to Tara.

“Gladly,” Tara responded.


After lunch, Tara and Willow went to the library. As they were walking in, Willow asked, “So what’s today’s plan?”

“I’ve got to get some books for my Sociology paper.”

“What are you going to do it on?”

“I am not sure. We’ve got a lot of different options.”

“What are you leaning toward?”

“Well, something women centered. Maybe something about matrilineal groups.”

“That sounds interesting. I’ve got a psychology paper due in a few weeks. I am going to write about Bem and her androgyny scale.”

“That sounds interesting too. I don’t think I ever heard of that.”

“It has to do with how stereotypical your behaviors are masculine men to feminine women. People who have behaviors of both are considered androgynous.”

“Oh, is that like the Kinsey Scale?”

“No, that has more to do with sexual preference, while Bem had to do with identity and behavior.”

“Sounds like you already know a bunch about it.”

“Sort of, but I need to find a copy of the original article from The Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology

“I know where those periodicals are located. Follow me.” Tara walked toward the staircase leading down into the bowels of the library.

“I thought that you needed to look for your books?” said Willow as she followed Tara.

“I can look tomorrow when I am working.”

Tara led Willow down to the sub-basement. She showed Willow how the periodicals were shelved, and Willow went looking for her chosen journal. Tara followed her. Once Willow had found the periodical, Tara came behind her and gently pushed her against the stacks. Her mouth finding Willow’s. Willow quickly looked around and saw that they there was no one around. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Tara’s muscular tongue pushing for entry into her own mouth. Ok, I have seen this happen in movies, I have read about it in books, and now I understand why. The feeling of risk and excitement made her nerves more enervated.

Tara pulled away. “Sorry, I just had to do that.”

“Nothing to be sorry about,” squeaked Willow. “I was trying to figure out a way to work that into our time too.”

“Really,” Tara blushed.

“Uh, huh. I’ve got to say, that I think I’ve been thinking/reliving the time at the par course a lot over the last 14 hours.”

“Me too.”

“I really like kissing you.”

“I really like you kissing me too,” Tara paused, “I really like kissing you too. You are a good kisser.” Tara took Willow’s hands and they stood looking at each other. They heard someone entering the room, they quickly pulled apart and Tara grabbed a journal and began looking at in with rapt attention. Willow took the chosen periodical and went to the Xerox machine and copied the article. Afterwards she put the article in the pile of periodicals to be re-shelved.

“That has got to be one of the most boring tasks of working in the library. Especially around the end of the semester. I once spent 8 hours putting the periodicals back on the shelves. Every time I though that I’d finished, I’d come back and there would be more to do.”

“Sort of your own Sisyphus.”

“Huh?” asked Tara.

“Oh, another Ancient Lit thing. He was the mythological person who had to push a rock up a hill, but every time it got to the top of the hill, it rolled back down.”

“I think I remember that from my freshmen year. We read Edith Hamilton’s Mythology.

“We did too. Just think, Freshman Willow was in Washington, DC and Tara was in…”

“Auburn, NY”

“Where is that?”

“Sort of between Syracuse and Rochester. My Dad works at the Seneca Army Depot. We moved there when he was in the Army. My mom said she wasn’t moving anymore, so he left the Army and got a civilian job there.”

“My parents moved all the time. When I was really little, we moved every year. I went to seven elementary schools, and three Jr. High Schools. Usually we lived in an apartment near university where my mom was lecturing. Fortunately, my mom was at Yale for three of my four years of high school, so we rented a house. That was the most stability I ever had.”

Willow looked at her watch, and then looked at Tara. She looked around to see if anyone was around. It seemed that they were alone again. She brought her mouth close to Tara’s ear. “You know of any good hiding spots down here? We’ve got about 20 more minutes before we have to get to class.” she placed a quick, kiss on Tara’s neck.

Tara took Willow’s hand and brought her over to the microfiche area. There was a small alcove leading to a door. “Nobody ever comes back here. It’s storage space. I asked once what was behind the door. The librarian said that the banners for class reunions were kept there.”

“No worries about that right now.”

“Nope, not needed until May.”

Tara leaned up against the wall, her legs apart. Willow put her feet between Tara’s and pressed her body against Tara’s. Their kisses started chastely, but quickly they opened their mouths and their tongues fought for dominance. Tara’s hands were in Willow’s hair, she felt Tara undo her ponytail and fluff out her hair. Willow’s arms went around Tara’s torso, hugging the slightly larger girl. It’s like we’re puzzle pieces, we fit together perfectly. .

After a period of time, Tara whispered into Willow’s ear, “I am pretty sure I could stay here for the rest of the day doing this, but we’ve got classes to get to. What time is it?”

Willow looked at her watch. “We’ve got to get going. It’s 2:45. Do you have my hair tie?”

“Yeah, sorry.” Tara handed the black band back to Willow. They started walking to the stairs.

Willow reached back, grabbed her hair and put it back into her signature ponytail.

“Can’t you leave it down?” asked Tara.

“I feel more like student Willow when it’s in a ponytail.”

“Does that mean you feel like girlfriend Willow when it’s not?” said Tara subvocally.

“I guess. Is that what we are, girlfriends?” Willow said equally quietly.

“I think so. That’s the moniker for people who kiss like we were just kissing.”

“I have a girlfriend!” said Willow loud enough for Tara to hear, but no one else.

“Me too.” Said Tara. They exited the library and went their separate ways.


After class, Willow went to the computer lab to get started on her newest assignment. She’d had some ideas when she was sitting in class and wanted to strike while the iron was hot. She found herself working in the lab until her stomach began growling. She looked at her watch and saw that she only had about 15 minutes before the cafeteria was closing. She rushed out of the building, running to the cafeteria. Most of the foods bad been put away; however, there was always bread, peanut-butter and jelly out. She grabbed the sandwich fixing, a carton of milk, a pack of cookies and cashed out. She brought the food to her room and began reading her book while she ate her sandwich.

Willow was in the land of dragons and dragon riders when there was a knock on the door.

Willow walked to the door and opened a crack. Nobody had knocked on her door in a long time. She saw brown hair and a blue eye. She opened the door more. Tara walked in and they stood in the small space between the two closets, a sort of dorm entry way.



“How was your class?” asked Tara.

“It was good. I was one of the only people who did the program right, so I got to teach it to everyone else. I like teaching.”

“I hope I am going to like teaching. I’m taking my first education class next semester.”

“How was your class.”

“I was really glad that I did the reading. Without it, I think I would have been lost.”

They two stood looking at each other. Tara looked at the bed and saw Willow’s book.

“Did I interrupt your reading. I just had this urge to come say ‘hi’ and I followed it.”

“No problem. Do you want to sit down.” Willow gestured to her bed which had several large pillows against the wall, making the bed sort of a couch.

“Sure.” Tara took off her shoes and sat on the bed cross legged. “Are you sure that you are ok with this? Your eyes look kinda spacey.”

“Oh, I am fine with this. Just kind of surprised that you came to visit.”

“Why are you surprised?”

“Well, I figure you’ve got lots of stuff to do, friends to hang out with, etc.”

“But what I wanted to do was come see you.”

“Oh,” she paused, “Cool.”

“Where is your roommate?”

“I don’t know. She’s probably out with her friends.”

Tara moved closer to Willow, their shoulders were almost touching. “Is this ok?”

“Yeah, It’s fine.”

“You look sort of nervous.”

“I’m ok.”

“That thing is happening to your neck again.”

“Really?” Take deep breaths. Calm yourself down, don’t act like a spaz.

“I like being near you, holding your hand…”

“Me too. I mean I liked getting to hold hands with you, not that I like to hold my own hand, can do that anytime, and really what is holding your own hands, kinda wringing your hands, trying to control yourself and your hands.” Willow looked at her hands which were clasping each other.’’

“Can I hold your hand again?”

“Sure, any time.”

“How ‘bout now.”

“Oh sure.” Willow wiped her hand off on her pants and joined Tara’s outstretched hand.

Tara moved so that she was sitting closer to Willow, their hands in between them.

“Do you want to watch TV or something?”

“Sure. If you want to.”

“The TV is Anya’s, but she doesn’t care if I watch it.”

Willow got up and turned the TV on.

“Do you like Cheers?”

“Sure. I don’t watch a lot of TV. Whatever you want to watch.”

“Do you want something to drink. I think we have some soda and juice in the fridge.”

“What kind of juice?”

“Apple, I am pretty sure.” Willow opened the refrigerator door and looked at the bottles. “Yep, Apple.”

“I’ll take one.”

Willow grabbed a root beer and an apple juice and went sat back on the bed. After opening the juice, Tara put her hand between them, and Willow took the hint and took her hand. “Your hands are really soft.”


“Yours are nice too.”

“I should probably moisturize more. I don’t think about it. But now that I am holding hands with someone, I guess I should start taking better care of them.” Willow looked at her other hand.

Tara began making little circles with her thumb on Willow’s palm.

“What would your roommate say if she came in here and saw us like this?”

She’d probably introduce herself, and say something nice, but embarrassing.”

“She wouldn’t freak?”

“Definitely not. She knows that I am gay and she knows about us. She told me that she could tell that we’d been kissing last night.”


“She said that my lips were puffy and I had the look of someone who’d been kissed.”

“My roommate has no idea. She isn’t one of those people who is very aware that there is anything other than her experience.”

“How did you end up with her?”

“She was friends with one of my friends and needed a roommate. She had a good number, but no one to share it with. I didn’t have anyone who I wanted to room with, so we were placed together.”

“Are you still friends with that group?”

“Not really. She’s another Art History major. We are pretty independent of each other. I don’t bother her; she doesn’t bother me.”

“What do you think will happen if she finds out?”

“I don’t know. I’d like to keep her in the dark as long as possible.”

“Well, I guess that we’ll be spending more time here than there, eh?”


Tara and Willow cuddled up and watched Cheers, and then Night Court. As Night Court was ending, Anya came through the door. “Hey Willow, watching TV?” She looked at Willow and Tara cuddled up on Willow’s bed. “OH, sorry did I interrupt something? I’m Anya. Willow’s roommate. Did I interrupt Smoochies?”

“No, Anya we’re fine,” stated Willow.

“Why aren’t you smooching?”

“Um, we were watching TV.”

“Isn’t smooching better than watching TV? Don’t you like to kiss Willow, Tara?”

Tara was dumbstruck for a moment, but then stated, “I definitely like to kiss Willow. We just didn’t want to get into anything seeing we had no idea when you would be back.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” stated Anya. “We’ll have to figure out some sort of code. Knock three times, wait a few minutes, then come in. I want Willow to be getting her smooching on.”

“Anya, do you think you could say smooching more times. I don’t think Tara figured that it was your preferred moniker for kissing,” stated Willow.

“Smooching, smooching, smooching,” answered Anya.

Tara got up from the bed, put on her shoes, and leaned over and kissed Willow on the lips. “Bye sweetie. Sweet Dreams.”

“Bye. Will you be ok walking home alone?”

“I am pretty sure I can do that. I’ve been walking around campus on my own for the more than the last year. The way from this dorm to mine is well lit, and I walk with my keys between my fingers.”

“Ok. See you tomorrow?”

“Sure. You have class and work, right?”

“Yep. You don’t have class.”

“Nope, no Friday classes for Tara. But I have some Art projects to do. How about you come by the pottery studio when you are finished with work. We can hang out until I have to go to work.”

“That sounds like a good plan. Goodnight. Call me when you get to your room. Just let it ring twice, and I’ll know you are home safely.”

“Ok. Goodnight.” Tara walked out of the room.

Willow picked up her book and waited until the two rings occurred. She then grabbed her night clothes, and shower bucket to take a shower before bed.

Willow got out of work and went to the Visual Arts side of the building. She looked through the window of several rooms until she found the one where her blue-eyed girlfriend was working on a pottery wheel. She was dressed in blue sweats and a grey sweatshirt. There were streaks of clay on the front of her pants and the bottom of her shirt. The Bangles “All Over the Place” was blasting out of the radio and Willow could tell that Tara was working intently. Willow went to the radio and turned down the volume in an effort for Tara to be aware of her presence, but not scare the girl.

Tara turned off the wheel and turned to Willow.

“Hey, sweetie. Is it 12 already?”

“After that actually. It is almost 1. Work went late. We have to build several more risers in preparation for the glee club concert. It’s easy work but takes a while.”

“I guess I got in the zone,” said Tara as she wiped her clay covered hands on her sweats.

“What are you making?” Willow looked at the object on the wheel.

“We are supposed to be making a series of useful but artistic items. I am working on making a set of pitchers for my family. I figure they will be good Christmas presents too. I’ve got a bunch of aunts and uncles.”

“That seems good. I tried to make a useful computer program for my mom using BASIC when I was in high school. It didn’t work that well, and she didn’t really appreciate it.”

“My mom is really good at appreciating the things that my siblings and I make for her,” commented Tara proudly. She then looked over at Willow and said, “Sorry, not to rub it in.”

“No problem, I am glad that you have good comments about your parents. It’s what I wish for everyone.”

Willow watched as Tara went around cleaning up after herself. I am falling hard for this girl.

Once she was done, Tara said, “I need to go change, and then I thought we could grab somethings from the cafeteria and go down to a park and have a picnic.”

“That sounds good,” replied Willow.

“I’d invite you to just come with me, but who knows whose going to be in my room…”

“I understand, it is way too early to deal with the possible ramifications of anyone meeting me,” said Willow, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

“It’s not really that sweetie… It’s just complicated. I want to yell to the rafters that I’ve met the most wonderful girl, but I also don’t want my roommate to find out through someone else. I feel liked I need to be the one to tell her.”

“Listen, Tara, I understand. It’s ok. I will go to the cafeteria, grab some food. You join me, and then we can get going.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Tara and Willow exited the classroom, walked out of the building and Tara headed to her dorm, while Willow went to the cafeteria.

Willow grabbed a combination of foods and then went to an empty table and began doing her Geometry homework. She was just in the middle of a difficult problem when she saw Sue and April coming toward the table. She moved her work and made room for the two to sit down.

“Hey. Good to see you again,” said Willow.

“Yeah, you too. Where’s Tara?”

“She had to go to her dorm and change out of her pottery clothes.”

“Why aren’t you eating?”

“We’re going to take our food to go and then go to a park that Tara knows.”

“That sounds like fun. We’ve got practice. Are you guys going to be at our game tomorrow? It’s at BC.”

“I don’t know. We’ve not talked about it. But I wouldn’t be surprised. It seems that Tara really likes watching it.”

“And you like watching Tara,” said April quietly.

Willow blanched and then blushed. “Yep, yes I do.”

“You’ve got it bad. You’re not going to hurt our friend, are you? She’s got a tender heart.”

“I don’t plan on hurting her. I really like her a lot.”

“She seems to like you too.”

The three girls kept talking until Tara joined them. Tara was dressed in a pair of well-worn blue jeans and a sky blue shirt that called out the blue of her eyes and accentuated her assets. Willow struggled with not staring.

“Hey guys. What are you up to today?” Tara said to the soccer players.

“We’ve got practice, and then we’ve got some plans to hang out.”

“Sounds good. You’ve got a game tomorrow right?”

“Yep, BC 2:00, are you coming?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to Willow about it yet.”

“Well, we told Willow and she seemed ok with it.”

Tara looked at Willow, who nodded affirmatively.

“Ok. We’ll probably take the bus to Boston. I am low on gas. Is that ok with you Willow?”

“Sure. Sounds like fun. Little did I know that if I became a soccer fan, I’d have so many things to do.”

“It can keep you busy, especially if you play. I’ve got to spend most of tonight studying,” commented April. “I’ve got an exam in Calculus and I don’t really understand a lot of it.”

“Calculus? I could help you. I’ve been told that I am really good at explaining math. Instead of babysitting when I was in high school, I tutored kids in Math. We could meet tonight and I could try to help you.” said Willow.

“Are you asking my girlfriend out on a study date?” asked Sue.

“Um…no…” stammered Willow.

“Just kidding. You really don’t get teasing very well do you. Sorry, how ‘bout we meet at the library tonight, and you can help April, while I do some research. I know your favorite library worker will be there,” suggested Sue.

Willow blushed again and nodded affirmatively. “Meet you in the Science section at 6:30?”

“Ok,” Responded April.

Tara looked at the food on Willow’s tray and noticed that she’d grabbed similar food to Wednesday, but added an orange and chips, rather than cookies and a banana. She’d done the opposite. It was clear that they both were trying to make sure that they had the foods that the other liked. “Lets put this food in my bag and get going, ok?”

“Sure,” said Willow, helping the girl pack the food into the bag.

“Have fun you guys,” commented Sue as the two of them left.

As they exited the building, Willow said, “We don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t have the gas. We could just stay on campus and have our picnic.”

“No, a park picnic is my first attempt at courting my girl. I’ve always thought picnics were sort of romantic. I wish I hadn’t needed you to provide half the food, but that’s how my dining plan works.”

“It is still romantic.” Willow looked at the beautiful girl walking next to her and for the 100th time wondered what she had done to be so lucky that this girl liked her.

They walked to Tara’s car and got in. Willow saw Tara look around, and then felt her hands on her face. Soft, smooth lips were on hers. “There is more of that to come later.” Tara said after moving back to the seat and starting the car.

I could definitely get used to that “You are really daring.”

“There wasn’t anyone around. It was worth the risk.”

Willow smiled and blushed. “I’m glad you are a risk taker. I am not, I will try to be a little more daring. If that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I just really like kissing you, so as I said. It is worth the risk.”


“Really what?”

“You think I am a good kisser?”

“Yeah, don’t you?”

“Um, not really. I’ve not kissed a lot of people, and I was given the feedback that I wasn’t that good by one of the few people who I did kiss.”

“Seriously, someone told you that you weren’t good at it?”

“Yes. Made me very self-conscious.”

“Well, I don’t think that that person knew what they were talking about. You are great. But if you want to practice. I’m all up for it.”

“It won’t be an imposition on you?”


“Well, you know, practice does make perfect.” Willow put her hand on Tara’s leg, and Tara joined their fingers together.

They drove about 15 minutes to a state park. Tara parked, and then went to the back of her car and grabbed one of the blankets that they had used at the soccer game. Willow carried the food, while Tara carried the blanket. They found a nice grassy plot under a tree and put the blanket down. It was near a play structure, but there were no children there. Willow pulled out the food and began arranging it on the blanket.

“So, what do we have today? Two Turkey sandwiches, some mayo, chips, chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cookies, and orange, a banana, and two bottles of apple juice. It’s weird that we tend to pick almost the same food as the other.”

“Great minds think alike. I guess.”

They each chose a sandwich and shared the chips and cookies. Several times they reached for the same chip and giggled as their fingers touched.

Tara asked, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” replied Willow.

“What is your favorite color?”

“Blue, yours?”

“Green. Favorite Food?”

“Cookies, yours?”

“Pizza. What flavor cookies?”

“Anything but anise flavored, Pizza?”

“I like Pepperoni, but now that I know you don’t eat pork, I’ll probably be more fond of cheese or vegetarian.”


“Yuck, Green Peppers?”

“They are ok?”


“Like them a lot.”

“So mushroom and cheese pizza?”

“That is my favorite.”

“IF you had to chose only one cookie you could eat, what would it be?”

“Oatmeal. I really like chocolate chip, but sometimes the chocolate gives me heartburn. Oatmeal always tastes good.”

“With or without raisins?”

“Either, you?”

“With. I like almost all dried fruit. Ever had oatmeal with dried apples in it?”

“No. You?”

“Yeah, my mom has made them. She likes to make cookies for us to have when we get home from school.”

“Seriously, your mom makes cookies, and has snacks for you when you get home from school. My mother never even thought of doing anything like that. I’d come home and was on my own until my parents usually came home about 7pm. We rarely ate dinner as a family.”

“Oh, my parents insisted that we all eat dinner together as often as possible. The only excuse to not be at dinner was an activity, and then there would always be a plate waiting for you when you got home.”

“It sounds like you had a ‘typical’ childhood. Mom who stayed home and cooked. Dad who came home for dinner.”

“Yeah, it was pretty good. I am lucky.”

“My parents were gone a lot. That is why I am probably so independent and self-sufficient. I am used to fending for myself. As I said before, my mom didn’t really enjoy taking care of me, and I was aware of that, so I tried hard not to need to be taken care of.”

“It sounds like your childhood was lonely.”

“Sort of. I always had my books and school. That kept me busy.” Willow began rubbing her neck, a headache starting to form.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, I am fine. Just getting a little bit of a headache.”

“Come over here and put your head on my lap. My mom used to rub my head when I was getting a headache. It sometimes prevented it.”

Willow moved over and put her head on Tara’s lap. Tara pushed Willow’s eyes closed, and lightly rubbed her forehead and head. this feels so good. Willow focused on the sensations going through her head and body. She felt Tara’s body move and again felt soft lips against her forehead.


“Yeah. Thanks.” Willow opened her eyes and saw that there were kids on the playground and parents sitting on the benches.

“I guess we are not alone anymore.”

“Nope. Ready to leave?”


Willow and Tara walked back to the car and returned to campus. When they got back, Willow asked, “Do you want to come up to my dorm?” asked Willow.

“Um, sure. What time is it? I’ve got to get to work at 6.”

“It’s 4:30. We can hang until 5-5:15, then got to dinner and then the library. Do you need to go back to your dorm to get anything?”

“No. I’m good.”

Tara and Willow walked to Willow’s dorm. “Do you want to have me go in first and go up the stairs, and then you can walk down the hall and go up the other stairs, so nobody notices you’re with me?” asked Willow.

“Seriously Willow, all this cloak and dagger stuff. Why do you care?” said Tara sounding a little annoyed. “I don’t care what people say.”

“I just don’t want things to be made hard for you.”

“Willow, what has happened to you before that it makes you so worried?”

“I’ll tell you when we get inside,” responded Willow as she opened the dorm door and walked up the stairs to her floor.”

Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
Learning to Laugh What I Discovered at Band Camp

Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Sat Jan 02, 2021 1:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 25, 2019)
PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:12 pm 
9. Gay Now
User avatar

Joined: Sat Sep 24, 2011 8:45 pm
Posts: 984
Topics: 15
Location: Beyond the orbit of Mars and accelerating...
Sounds serious.
I suspect a good deal of betrayal, mockery and verbal abuse is involved.

Def having some sort of dissonance though.
Like in most modern places, you keep quiet about being gay if you don't want to deal with the assholes.
And back in the day, you kept quiet, or the Gestapo took you away.

But in the 80's?

Willow seems to be acting like the Gestapo are coming, but not consistently.
It's odd.
Mind you, i lived through the 80's A: in another country, and B: at that time i had no idea i was gay.
Yep. Still happens.

Anyhoo, cool story.
I look forward to seeing where it goes :bounce

R :flower

“All I feel is sunlight. All I hear is music.” Willow
How i Met Your Mother - By Ariel

My Story: Coming Home

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 25, 2019)
PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2019 1:52 pm 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2018 1:38 pm
Posts: 85
I really liked the portrayal of university life, day to day mundane life. You all seem to study so much more in the US than I ever did. I do the the 'love in the stacks' scenes! I'm glad you have given Tara a happy home life, but sad that Willow has been so thoroughly ignored and rejected.

My personal opinion about Tara's POV is that on one hand it would change the flow of the story, but on the other hand it would give an insight into Tara's perception of Willow. I wonder how you might introduce that, maybe a flashback?

I'm intrigued to hear about what Willow has experienced that makes her so nervous about being seen or 'found out'. Hope you post soon.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 25, 2019)
PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2019 5:11 pm 
8. Vixen

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:33 pm
Posts: 724
Topics: 2
Location: North Carolina, USA

Sounds serious.
I suspect a good deal of betrayal, mockery and verbal abuse is involved.

Not too much. I reward those who provide me with feedback with another piece, so more will be posted later tonight, and you'll read what happened.

And back in the day, you kept quiet, or the Gestapo took you away. But in the 80's? Willow seems to be acting like the Gestapo are coming, but not consistently.It's odd. Mind you, i lived through the 80's A: in another country, and B: at that time i had no idea i was gay.

Willow is a little paranoid. You'll see why she is scared, but it is nothing compared to what our predecessors had to deal with in the US and in other countries. I am jealous of kids growing up now, but I am thankful that I born in the 1960's not before then.

I am baseing a lot of what Willow says on things that I actually experienced in the mid 80's in college. I thought I was gay prior to college, and it quickly became evident that I was right when I started college. When I was with my friends, I was relatively open, but other times, there were a lot of clandestine meetings, and entering rooms at different times, looking both ways before going into a room. I got to the point that I just stopped caring, but for my first two years I was a lot like Willow.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

I really liked the portrayal of university life, day to day mundane life. You all seem to study so much more in the US than I ever did. I do the the 'love in the stacks' scenes! I'm glad you have given Tara a happy home life, but sad that Willow has been so thoroughly ignored and rejected.

My iteration of Willow is that she is a genius and is taking an advanced level of courses for a sophomore/second year of college. She is a serious student and spends more time studying than the average student. I remember the athletes that I hung out with also needed to spend a lot of their spare time doing schoolwork because they missed a lot when they went to games, etc. One summer my GF and I both stayed on campus and I worked at the library...I have fond memories of sneaking a kiss in the stacks. :blush I will continue to wonder why all my stories make the Rosenberg's so horrid, Tara's family will be in this story, so I wanted to provide a background for when it happens.

My personal opinion about Tara's POV is that on one hand it would change the flow of the story, but on the other hand it would give an insight into Tara's perception of Willow. I wonder how you might introduce that, maybe a flashback?

I will try to figure out if there is a way to get Tara's POV in some. I don't want to do the alternating scenes that I used in my last story. Maybe I will just do an episodic addition to give at hint of what Tara is thinking.

I'm intrigued to hear about what Willow has experienced that makes her so nervous about being seen or 'found out'. Hope you post soon.

You won't have to wait long. Thanks so much for your feedback, as I often repeat, it keeps me writing and definitely makes me happy whenever I read it. I will post at least two scenes later on tonight. :kgeek

Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
Learning to Laugh What I Discovered at Band Camp

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 25, 2019)
PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2019 5:41 pm 
8. Vixen

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:33 pm
Posts: 724
Topics: 2
Location: North Carolina, USA
Learning to Laugh
PG-13 to R

Part 8

They went into Willow’s room. They each took off their shoes and sat down on the bed. Willow could tell that Tara was still somewhat annoyed.

Willow crossed her legs and sat down with her knees touching Tara’s. She took her hands, and said, “I am not trying to annoy you. I’m just scared. Last year, I started dating this girl. We’d only been dating for maybe a week when somehow one of her friends got wind that we were dating, told her parents and they came and took her out of school. Her parents complained to the school, and the dean called my parents. Things got even worse with my parents than they already were, and it was when I was totally disowned by them. The dean made some veiled threats too about how my scholarship could be affected by my behaviors. I’ve got to keep my scholarships and I don’t want to ever be the person who interferes with someone else’s education.”

Tara squeezed Willow’s hands and looked into the green orbs. “Listen, that’s not going to happen to me. I have come out to my mom and my sister. I haven’t had the direct conversation with my dad, but my mom and dad share everything, so I am sure that he knows. My mom is supportive of any choices I make. There is nothing that anyone could tell them that would make them take me out of school, and they are certainly not the kind of people who would complain to a dean of the college. They totally know that I am responsible for my own decisions and that nobody can convince me to do anything that I don’t want to do.”

“I like your parents more and more every time you tell me about them.”

“They are good people, as are you. I hate that you’ve been made to feel that you are a ‘bad’” Tara made air quotes, “person for being just who you are.”

Willow struggled with keeping eye contact with Tara. Tara took her fingers and lifted Willow’s chin until the green eyes met the blue. “You, Willow Rosenberg are a good person. I wish that you could see yourself through my eyes. I think you are wonderful.”

Willow blushed and looked away, “Thanks.”

“Do you think we have some time, or do you think that Anya’s going to come barging in again?”

“I think we have some time. Why?”

“Just wondering if we have some time to make out.” Tara leaned forward and put her lips on Willow’s. She delicately probed Willow’s lower lip with her tongue and wordlessly requested entrance to Willow’s mouth. This request was granted and the two began exploring each other. Tara pulled Willow closer, she was leaning against the wall with Willow kneeling between her legs. Each of them had their hands in the other’s hair, keeping their mouths intertwined. Tara undid Willow’s ponytail, throwing the hair tie onto the other part of the bed. Tara pulled Willow onto her lap, so that the slightly smaller girl’s legs would go around her hips, Willow’s feet crossing behind her back against the pillows. Tara removed her mouth from Willow’s and began kissing her face and neck. Willow arched her back as Tara nipped at her neck and took her earlobe into her mouth. OMG. I am seeing stars. This is amazing. I have never felt this way before. Willow pulled Tara’s mouth back to her own and their tongue again battled for dominance. When they stopped to take a breath, Willow mirrored the ministrations of her girlfriend, placing featherlight kisses on her girlfriend’s face and then taking her earlobe into her mouth. Tara moaned and pulled Willow closer to her. That has got to be one of the sexiest sounds in the world. Tara’s hands were all over Willow’s back, holding and rubbing it in response to Willow’s kisses. Suddenly, Willow heard Anya’s voice in the hallway. Did I lock the door? I hope I locked the door. Willow pulled away, as she heard the key in the door. This sound also registered with Tara, she let go of Willow’s back and helped the girl sit down beside her.

Anya came in the room and put her bag on her bed. She initially seemed oblivious to the girls, but she then said, “Willow, we’ve got to get some sort of signal. Hey, Tara. Nice to see you again.”

“Hey Anya,” replied Tara in a more breathless manner than she had planned.

Anya looked at the two girls and said, “You’d both better comb your hair and wash your faces before you go to dinner, or everyone will know what you two have been up to. Tara, I’ll go get you a wet washcloth so you don’t have to be seeming to do the walk of shame out the door.”

The two girls looked at Anya and then at each other and started laughing. They had both made the other’s hair a mess and Willow’s flush had spread from her chest up her neck.

“Anya, how can you be so cool about this?” asked Willow.

“What’s not to be cool with, as I said before, I am happy for you.” Anya exited the room.

Willow got up, grabbed a brush from her bureau and combed her wavy hair. She then handed it to Tara so that she could do the same.

“Will you keep your hair down?” asked Tara.

“Sure,” replied Willow, putting the thrown hair tie onto her wrist.

Anya came back in with two wet washcloths and gave one to each of the girls. “You guys are still looking sort of flushed. Willow I’d wear a hoodie if I were you, it will make your red neck less obvious. Tara, I am surprised with your complexion that you don’t radiate it as well.

“Lucky I guess,” replied Tara.

“Well, I’ve meeting some friends for dinner. See you all later. I am going to the campus movies tonight, so I should be back by 11. Ok?”

“Got it, I’ll be in the library probably until then. Tara works tonight. I’m tutoring one of her friends too.”

“If I’m later, I’ll knock twice, and then wait a few minutes.

“It won’t be a problem,” stated Tara.

Anya walked out the door, and Willow and Tara began to giggle again.

“We’d better get ready to go to dinner.” Tara got up and began putting on her shoes.

“Ok,” replied Willow, as she did the same. “One more kiss?”

“I think that would be dangerous. I’ve got to eat before work."

The two women left the dorm and walked to the cafeteria. When they had gotten their food, they saw that Leslie and a few of Willow’s other friends were sitting in the corner of the cafeteria. “Do you want to sit alone, or with my friends?” asked Willow.

“Either is fine with me,” replied Tara.

“Do you mind? I haven’t been able to talk to Jessie or Maggie in a while. Our schedules have been clashing.”

“No problem, Willow. Lead the way.”

Willow walked to the table and placed her tray down. Tara followed. Willow introduced Tara to the others, “You know Leslie, this is Jessie,” she pointed to a short-haired blond girl, “Maggie,” a girl with curly brown hair waved, “and Augi,” the black haired girl put up her hand. “Guys, this is Tara.”

“Hey Tara,” they all said.

Jessie stated, “I think you were in my Art History class last year.”

“I thought I recognized you. Hey.”

“Nice to see you again,” replied Jessie.

“You go to a lot of the soccer games, right?” commented Augi. “You are friends with April and Sue. I play defense. Mostly, I am a bench warmer, but sometimes I get put in.”

“Yeah, they are good friends of mine. I like soccer. I played it in high school but was not even close to good enough for college.”

“We have some intermural games; you should come out and play sometimes.”

“That might be fun.”

All of the girls seemed to be trying hard to make Tara feel welcome at the table. The time flew, and Tara had to leave while they were all still talking to get to work on time.

“I’ll see you later at the library?” asked Tara as she got up to leave.

“Yep, I’ll be there.”

After Tara left, the questions started coming.

“Ok, Willow spill. How did you end up becoming friends with her, I didn’t think you liked to hang with straight girls.”

“She might be kinda bendy,” said Willow blushing.

“No way. Come on, how? You’re ok looking, but she’s drop dead gorgeous. She is totally out of your league kiddo. I am pretty sure that you are barking up the wrong tree,” commented Maggie.

“I’m pretty sure I am not.”

“She does like soccer, and she is friends with April and Sue,” commented Augi.

“April and Sue are not together, they are just good friends,” said Jessie.

Augi, Leslie and Willow looked at each other.


“I take the 5th,” commented Augi. “You know the coach’s rules. There are no lesbian athletes.”

“Yeah, tell that to the softball team,” remarked Jessie. Everyone chuckled.

“So back to Tara. Willow, we are your friends. We don’t want you to get hurt. That girl is totally out of your league. Don’t get your hopes up.”

“Ok,” I guess I know what my friends think of me. Hum…

There was a pause, and then Augi said, “Wait, were you at the Smith game?”

“Maybe?” replied Willow.

“OMG. You were there with her.”

“Uh huh.”

“Willow are you dating that beautiful woman?”


“How did that happen?” asked Maggie.

“How did you ever get the balls to approach her?” asked Jessie.

“I didn’t. She approached me.”

“Seriously?” commented Maggie.

“Yep,” said Willow.

“Leslie, did you know this?” asked Jessie.


“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“It wasn’t mine to tell. Honestly, I am as surprised as you all are. No offense Willow, but she IS out of your league.”

“Well, I guess it is clear what you all think of me.”

“No, Willow. That is coming out wrong. We’re your friends, we want you to be happy. You’ve been through a lot of shit. We don’t want you to get hurt. Someone that good looking, isn’t going to stay with someone like you. She is probably just using you to have an experience. It’s just that... come on…she’s…”

“Beautiful, nice, sweet, wonderful…” said Willow with a goofy grin on her face.

“Is she nice?” asked Maggie.

“Definitely. Really sweet and nice,” stated Willow. “I’ve got to get going. I am meeting April at the library to help her with some homework.”

“Are you going to become the official soccer tutor?”

“I don’t know. If there are people who need tutoring… Well, thanks all of you for the confidence boost. See you later. Augi, I’ll see you tomorrow. We’re going to the game.”

“See you then,” replied Augi.

Willow got up, walked across the cafeteria, put up her tray, and left.

Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
Learning to Laugh What I Discovered at Band Camp

Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Sat Jan 02, 2021 1:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 26, 2019)
PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2019 8:06 pm 
20. Not one Much for the Timber
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Posts: 3210
Topics: 15
Location: H-Town, Texas
Wow, with friends like Willow’s... who needs enemies?

Someone that good looking, isn’t going to stay with someone like you.

“Someone like you?” WTF? I understand they don’t want Willow getting hurt, but geez there are nicer ways of saying things. It’s really no wonder Willow has such a low self esteem, I think she may be in need of some new friends.

Looking forward to more!

Shelby - Racing The Rain (IN PROGRESS) / Baby Makes Three (IN PROGRESS) / The Santa Line / Everything She Does...Is Beautiful / Calfornia Grass

"Transform your pain. Release your past. And ... uh ... get over it."
~Willow, Where The Wild Things Are

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 26, 2019)
PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2019 9:15 pm 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2018 1:38 pm
Posts: 85
I agree with Finey, Willow's friends leave a lot to be desired on the boosting self esteem front!

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 26, 2019)
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 5:00 pm 
8. Vixen

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:33 pm
Posts: 724
Topics: 2
Location: North Carolina, USA
Northernlass and Finey_Mc_Fine: Yes, WIllow's friends lack tact. I think that they are generally concerned for her well-being, but they could have phrased it a lot better. Anya is probably the only one of the people who really knows Willow, her friends only know the Willow that she shows them. They don't realize how their words have an effect on WIllow. Thanks for the feedback, I hope you will continue to read. I am at the place where I am no longer several submissions ahead of myself, so I'm not sure I'll be able to keep posting in response to every feedback. However, I have started writing a bit from Tara's POV, which could pad the submissions a bit...

Learning to Laugh

Part 9

“So, it’s just about the slopes of curves?” asked April.

“Yeah, if you can understand the slopes of lines, you can figure out the slopes of curves.”

“I think I get it now. Thanks so much Willow.”

“You are welcome. My pleasure. I like teaching.”

“You are good at it.”

Willow sat while April continued to do her homework. After April was done, she asked, “April, do you think Tara’s out of my league?”

“Huh?” April looked at Willow with a confused expression on her face.

“We were having dinner with some of my friends, and after Tara left to go to work, they implied that Tara’s out of my league and that there was no way that our relationship would work.”

“These are your, friends?”

“Yeah, they’ve been my friends since I started college. They were the ones I’ve hung around with since freshman orientation.”

“and they seriously had the balls to say that Tara was out of your league…why?”

“Because she’s so pretty…”

“Ok, can’t deny that, but you’re no troll. Maybe they can’t see you objectively. You’re a good looking woman too, and you are really nice. Pisses me off that they would judge Tara just based on what she looks like.”

“It seemed that they were just trying to warn me so I wouldn’t get my heart broken.”

“Who was trying to warn you of what?” asked Sue walking up to the two women studying.

“Oh, Willow’s ‘friends’” she made air quotes,” were trying to tell her that Tara was out of Willow’s league and to not believe that Tara could actually be interested in her.”

“Seriously!” exclaimed Sue.

“Yup,” responded Willow.

“Well honestly, she is out of your league, but she likes you. You like her. That’s all that matters.”

“They were saying that I was probably some sort of experiment. I guess they couldn’t believe that someone as pretty as Tara could be gay.”

“Well, that’s kinda stereotypical. Listen, we’ve been friends with Tara since last year. We were with her when she started to realize which team she played for. She is very clear that she plays for our team. You are no experiment Willow, she really likes you.”

“I really like her too.”

“Well, that’s good. We are her friends and we don’t want you to hurt her.”

“I have no intention of hurting her, at least not on purpose.”

“Don’t let people get in your head Willow. You are a cool person, and you obviously are making Tara happy. I’ve never seen her so smitten. Not even Buffy, that was a crush…”

Sue glared at April. “Um…forget that.”

“What was up with her and Buffy?” asked Willow.

“What has Tara said?” asked April.

“Nothing, exactly.”

“Well, it’s hers to tell, not ours. But honestly Willow. We’ve never seen her so happy since you two started talking,” commented April.

“Really? inquired Willow.

“Definitely,” asserted Sue.

Willow looked at her watch. It was almost 10:00. “Listen, I’ve got to look for some books for my psych paper. It was good talking to you, and I am looking forward to the game tomorrow. Thanks.” Willow stood up and began gathering her books.

“Thank you, I think I might pass Calculus with your help. Don’t let your well meaning friends, get to you Willow."

“I’ll try not to.” Willow walked toward the stacks.


Willow sat down near the entrance of the library to wait for Tara to get off work. She’d successfully found several books that would be good for her paper, and she’d been able to get the citations for articles that she’d look for at a later time. She, however, was ruminating on the comments of her friends. Maybe I am being unrealistic to think that someone as beautiful and nice as Tara would want to be with me. I probably should be wary… Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft, “Hey you,” said Tara as she walked to where Willow was sitting and sat down next to her.

“Hey you, too,” responded Willow.

“You didn’t need to wait for me…Are you ok? You look down.” Tara looked into the dull green eyes. Willow averted her gaze.

“I’m fine, just tired. But I didn’t want to miss the chance to walk you home. Plus, I wanted to know what the plan was for tomorrow. Do you still want me to come along to the game?

“Definitely, why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes people change their minds. Sometimes things come up.”

“Well, maybe other people do that, but I am not other people. I want to spend a bunch of time this weekend with you.”

“You do?” commented Willow, her mood perking up.

“Yeah, isn’t that what people do when they are dating? Spend time together?”

“I guess. I haven’t done much dating. So, what is the plan?”

“Well, the first plan, is that we need to leave this bench and get going. The library is going to be closed in a few minutes.” The two women got up and started walking down the library steps. Second plan. I guess is to determine when we are leaving tomorrow, and then third is whether we want to go find a deserted corner and make out, or if you want to walk me back to my dorm.”

“Ok, Plan two. What were you thinking?” asked Willow.

“I was thinking that we could catch the 11:00 bus. That will get us to Boston at 12:00. It gives us two hours to get something to eat and catch the T to BC.”

“That sounds like a good plan two. Now three? What is your choice?” inquired Willow. Did you have somewhere in mind? It’s kind of cold outside tonight.”

“No. I was hoping maybe you had an idea.”

“Not the sneaky person, here” Willow pointed to herself, “and I pretty much try to avoid the dark spots. If it wasn’t so late, I can think of some places in the theater that might meet the criteria, but it should be all locked up by now.” Willow looked around. There seemed to be more people out and about in the campus center than usual. “Is it me, or does it seem that there are a lot of people walking around tonight?”

“I bet the movie just let out that they were showing in the science center,” as she was saying this, a several students came walking up to Tara and one started talking to her.

“Hey Tara, we never see you anymore. What have you been up to? I know you were working at the library tonight, but it’s like you’re never around anymore. We’ve got to catch up. I’ve got to be telling you about the gorgeous guy that I’m dating from U.Mass. He says he’s got a friend that sounds like he’s right up your alley. Tall, blond, and muscular. We should all go out sometime. Remember all the fun we had last year.” The other girls were murmuring their agreement.

Willow continued to walk, as Tara stopped to talk to them. Willow walked toward her dorm. What an idiot I am. She’s got a type. Tall, blond, MALE. What am I, short, red-headed, not particularly muscular and decidedly female Willow entered her dorm, walked to her room, opened the door, and flopped onto her bed. Not even bothering to turn on the light or even take off her shoes. Willow’s fears and anxieties echoed around her mind just an experiment…just a joke… stupid… too good for you… out of your league…loser…nobody will ever care about you…you’ll just cause trouble for her…you are unworthy…you should just disappear…the only redeeming feature of you is your intelligence, and that’s not even that incredible…she’s better off with her other friends…useless.. The phone rang, but Willow didn’t feel like answering it. She let it ring.

After a few minutes of this pity party, Willow kicked off her shoes, threw her backpack onto the ground, and went to her closet to get her pajamas. She changed into her pajamas and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face before she went to sleep.

When she got back to her room. Anya had returned. The phone began to ring again. “Anya, can you answer it. I don’t feel like talking.”

Anya could tell that Willow was serious, and in one of her blue funks. “Ok. If you insist.”

“Hello?...Yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s here…her backpack is on her bed…Ok, I’ll tell her goodnight and that you are looking forward to seeing her tomorrow…You’re welcome…Goodnight.”

After she hung up the phone, Anya asked, “Why are you ignoring her? She seems like a really nice girl.”

“She’s too good for me. I am out of my league. Everyone agrees.”

“Who is everyone?”

“April, Sue, Jessie, Maggie, Leslie, Augi, me, I’m sure you. Everyone.”

“Willow. What happened? Tara seemed really confused. She said that you all were walking, she stopped briefly to say hello to some people, and you just walked off. She wanted to know if you were ok; if you’d got home safely.”

“I didn’t want any of her friends to see me. I don’t want to cause her problems.”

“Willow. Have you been taking your medicine?”

“Most of the time, why?”

“Well, I know that when you don’t, you start getting really depressed and feel hopeless. Tell me exactly what happened today to get you so down.”

“Well, it started at dinner. Tara and I were sitting with Leslie, Maggie, Augi, and Jessie. When Tara left for work, they bombarded me with the fact that Tara was out of my league and that I shouldn’t believe that she’d ever really want to be with me. I was talking to Sue and April, and they confirmed that Tara was out of my league, and then her friends were talking about how Tara’s type is tall, blond, and muscular. I am none of those things.”

“Ok, I hear all the bad things. Did anyone say anything good?”

“Well, April and Sue said that Tara seemed happy. They stated that it was not an experiment, that she, as they said it, played for our team… They indicated that Tara seemed to like me.”

“Focus on the positives Willow, not the negative things. When Tara looked at you, just a few hours ago, I could see that she was very fond of you. Nobody has ever looked at me the way that Tara looks at you. She’s a keeper, Willow. But you’ve got to have faith in yourself, and you need to keep taking your medicine. Even if you don’t think it works. I don’t want to have to worry about you getting depressed again.”

“You don’t have to worry Anya. I guess I am just really tired. I’m going to sleep.”

“Ok. And don’t you dare decide to not go with Tara to the soccer game. Don’t let your depression rule your life.”

“I won’t.”

Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
Learning to Laugh What I Discovered at Band Camp

Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Sat Jan 02, 2021 1:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 29, 2019)
PostPosted: Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:49 pm 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2018 1:38 pm
Posts: 85
My heart is breaking to hear Willow being so down on herself. I know that depression can be a whole vacuum for any positive thoughts, feelings, and self esteem and I really think that Willow needs to be honest with Tara about how she's feeling. I like that Anya is the person giving her the pep talk and is a positive force in Willow's life.

In reflecting on the story so far I am struck by how hard it was to find anywhere private to spend time together and how much fear is bubbling under the surface. I think we are lucky in this day and age that society has come so far, however events in the modern world are a stark reminder that homophobia is alive and kicking.

Now that you've got to this point in the story I do feel like a little of Tara's POV would be very welcome. Excellent story so far.

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (June 29, 2019)
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2019 2:49 pm 
8. Vixen

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:33 pm
Posts: 724
Topics: 2
Location: North Carolina, USA
NorthernLass: Here is Tara's point of view. I don't think Willow is up to talking to Tara yet about her depression. Don't we all want to put our best foot forward in a new relationship. The sneaking around is reality. As I have said before, some of the things I am writing are directly from my own experience.

Learning to Laugh

Interlude One:
Interludes will be Tara's point of view via her "letter to herself diary".

September 25, 1985 10:00 pm
Dear Tara,
You know that journals and diaries are at risk of being read. I can’t count the number of times my brother threatened to read mine. So, I am going to create my journal as letters to myself and mail them home. I think that today is a day that I am going to remember for a long time. I finally met the girl that I’ve been sort of obsessed with. Her name is Willow. She is incredible. She’s got red hair and is a little shorter than me. She was wearing khaki’s, an emerald green shirt and a blue blazer, and Docksiders. She has the most beautiful green eyes. She is a computer and math whiz. I didn’t make the best impression on her. In fact, I insulted her. I told her that she looked like a guy. It wasn’t true, she definitely looks like a girl. I only did it because I was worried that she was going to impress everyone so much that nobody would want to donate to the Art Department. I think I hurt her feelings. I’ve got to figure out a way to make it up to her. Why am I so stupid. I don’t feel like I can ever talk to girls. I don’t know how I never saw her last year. I really want to talk t her again.

October 3, 1985 9:00 PM
Dear Tara, I saw Willow again today. She looked really cute/hot in her jeans and a tee-shirt. She was working at the theater. It looks like she is one of the lighting tech people. I’ve been trying not to think about her, I am having a hard time not doing it. I found out that she’s on the dorm staff, so she’s gotta be working the desk sometimes on the weekend. I talked to Sue about my thoughts and she told me that Willow’s one of the leaders of the gay campus group and had been outed last year. So, I guess if I am going to try to befriend her, it’s going to make people know about my realizations from late last year and this summer. There is something about her that just makes me want to learn more about her. Talk to her more. I’ve got to figure a way to talk to her. I’ve gone by her dorm a few different times, but she doesn’t seem to ever be the dorm staff on duty. I am going to try again on Friday.

October 4, 1985 11:30 PM
Dear Tara, Today I walked to Willow’s dorm to apologize about the things I said to her at the alumni dinner. She was there. She asked me how my audition went. I had gone and auditioned for one of the shows because somebody encouraged me to. I am definitely a sing in the shower kinda person, the singing went well, but the monologue sucked. I don’t really want to be in the play anyway. When I talked to Willow, I of course stammered. I was just about to try to talk to her more when Stacy came and grabbed me and told me I shouldn’t be talking to her. She called Willow a name and I looked back to tell her I didn’t agree with what she was saying. But I don’t know if she saw me. How can I apologize, I feel like I made it worse instead of better.

October 5, 1985 3:00 PM
Dear Tara, You’ve got to try to stop obsessing about Willow. You are going to go to the Bar tomorrow. You want to find a girlfriend, a real one, not some figment of your imagination. If you are going to identify yourself as a lesbian, you might as well as least start dating.

October 7,1985 2AM
Dear Tara, Ok, you went to the Bar today. You were watching other people dance and two girls from school came up to you. They said their names were Terry and Faith. They recognized you from school, but they promised that they wouldn’t tell anyone that you were there. I tried to figure a way to work Willow into the conversation. When I mentioned her, they said that she was one of the nicest, sweetest people they knew. I think I got to figure out a way to meet her again and apologize. I have been trying to stop thinking about her, but I can’t.

October 10, 1985 9:00 PM
Dear Tara, Get a grip. Either do it or move on. You’ve got to decide what you want. It’s like she’s everywhere. You go to the library, you see someone with red hair, your breath hitches, you start to blush. Even if it isn’t her, all you can think of is that there is another slight, red-haired girl somewhere on campus that you really want to get to know. Do it.

October 12, 1985 12:30 AM
Dear Tara, you finally got the nerve to talk to her. You flirted up a storm. You caught her subtly looking at your chest. Next time you should wear a shirt that accentuates your assets. She is so cute when she is flustered. I don’t think she knows that you are gay. I think she assumes that you are straight. Even though you were flirting. You finally got to apologize, so that is good. She seemed more relaxed. She confronted you about coming by so late, but she seemed to believe that you were working earlier. Have I told you that she has the most beautiful green eyes?

October 19, 1985 12:25 AM
Dear Tara, I think she knows that you are purposely coming to visit her. Three times in a row gets kind of obvious. You wore a shirt that accented your cleavage and sat in a seat that made it almost impossible for her not to look down. She definitely seemed to appreciate the view. You still were flirting with her a lot. She started babbling about all the different blues that are in lighting design, in an effort to assert that she was looking at your eyes. It was cute and funny. Oh, I am getting hooked. She is so pretty and cute. I’d love to see what she looks like if she takes that ponytail down. I can tell that her hair is wavy. She asked point blank if I’d been at the bar and seemed glad to discover that I was the one sited. I thought that they said they wouldn’t out me, but I guess it all works out ok. I asked her a bunch of questions and it seems like she isn’t dating anyone. I did everything I could think of to show my interest, but she seemed to get scared and ran off. She said she’d see me at the play. Maybe all hope is not lost.

October 20, 1985 12:45 AM
Dear Tara, it was a really long day. You’d agreed that you’d go to the play and you did. But it was hard to keep your focus the whole day wondering if you’d see Willow. What are you doing thinking about going after one of the most identifiable lesbians on campus. There is no way you are going to be able to skate between the two groups if you are seen with her. She seems really nice, a little awkward, but cute and sweet. After the play, You were almost ready to give up when she walked up to you and invited you to get some pizza. I didn’t want our first ‘date’ to be somewhere that there would be a lot of people watching, so I suggested that we go into town to eat. She likes to listen to a lot of the same music as I do. We had a really good time. She still didn’t seem to believe that I might be flirting with her or that the fact I was at the bar indicates that I am gay. She has a hard time being teased, she seems to take things literally. It seems that some bad things have happened to her, because she got defensive and thought that I was pulling a trick on her. When I asked her in a flirty manner what made her think that I wanted to be her friend. I was trying to insinuate that I wanted to be more than a friend, but she took it like I was faking being her friend to humiliate her. Who would do something like that? I can’t imagine being the butt of that kind of joke. I am going to have to be careful that I don’t hurt her feelings. By the end, she seemed to be more relaxed. We started talking about the bar and without thinking, I invited her to the bar tomorrow. I think I am going to ask April and Sue to come along so it’s not too awkward. Maybe they can figure out if I am getting the right messages. I really enjoyed talking to her. I want to call her now that I have her number. There has got to be an excuse to call. I just want to say goodnight but will that be weird. I wish someone would create a handbook on how to do this. I feel inept.

3:00 PM
Why did I ask her to go to the bar? Why did I invite April and Sue? What am I going to wear? What if she realizes that I am not half as smart as her? What could she see in me. Newbie dyke. She’s been out since freshman year, she’s got to have a lot of experience. I haven’t heard of her dating anyone, but I am sure she has. She is so cute, and nice. I’m surprised she’s single. You know she likes to look at your chest, so think about ways to accent them. She said she likes alternative music. Make sure you put that station on. Hopefully April and Sue can tell me if I’m getting the right vibes from her. Only five more hours.

October 21, 1985 1:00AM
Dear Tara, You went to the bar with her, and April and Sue. They said that Willow was definitely looking at me in more than a friend way. It seemed that Willow wasn’t sure if I’d just offered her a ride or invited her to the bar with me. I had to tell her directly that I wanted to go to the bar with her. She seemed to be pleased at that information. She bought me a coke. She looked really nice in a form fitting pair of jeans, a tank top, a button-down shirt and Converses. By the time we got to the bar, I was wishing that I hadn’t taken April and Sue. Willow has some really interesting ways of thinking and watching other people. I got her to take down her hair and it is as beautiful as I imagined. She’s got muscular arms that she usually hides under long shirts, but she shouldn’t. She danced with me. It made me feel really good. I like this girl the more I get to know her. Sue and April were really surprised to see the difference between ponytailed Willow and wild haired Willow. She doesn’t drink which makes it easier to get to know her. What you see is what you get. She does not have a lot of pretenses. She let me hold her hand, and she danced with me. She started out seeming like she was worried what people were thinking about her, but when she finally got into the music her dancing was good. We admitted to the flirting. She made sure to stay awake with me on the ride home. She is sweet.

October 21, 1985 5:00 PM
Dear Tara, you figured out that most likely Willow eats her meals on lower campus so you went there for lunch. She was clear that she didn’t regret going to the bar, and she was really sweet. She had to leave pretty quickly to change and get ready for her next class. She is taking 5 classes, three of which are advanced. I knew she was smart, but she must be a certified genius. I invited her to go to the Smith Game with me on Wednesday. Right when she left, Suzan came over and sat with me and asked why I was eating with Willow. I sarcastically thanked her for warning me, but at that moment, Willow came back and I didn’t think that she caught that I was being sarcastic; her eyes looked really sad. Later on, I went to the theater to try to explain, and I think she understood. I asked if I could call her later and she said sure. Memorizing her phone number.

10:30 PM
Well, I invited Willow to go for a walk with me. I took the risk and told Willow how I felt. She said she is feeling the same way too. We walked on the par course and held hands. It is weird being the one to pursue someone. I’ve always been the one pursued. I would think with how she presents, she’d be kind butch, but she’s not. She’s really timid and shy. I found out that she is pretty much on her own. Her parents basically disowned her when she came out. I am so lucky that my parents were cool. I need to thank them again. She’s got even less money than I do, so we are going to have to do stuff that is really cheap. She walked me back to the dorm. I wanted to give her a hug goodnight, but I was afraid someone would see us. I really want to kiss her. That’s all I could think about after we said goodnight. We arrange to have lunch with each other tomorrow. I can’t wait.

October 21, 1985. 10:30PM
Dear Tara, you seem to do a lot of your writing at 10:30. Lunch with Willow was good. She started singing the Dear Liza song with the concept that there was a hole in her filter. Willow tends to say what she thinks. It’s not that she doesn’t have tact; rather, she spontaneously just says what is on her mind. She defined flirting as just saying the nice things that spontaneously come into your head. She babbles sometimes and it is so cute. I talked to April today, and she said that she thinks I have it bad. I told her that I was taking her to the game. She thought that it was a good idea. I called Willow, I think I woke her up, but she said that I didn’t. We decided to grab extra food at lunch so we don’t have to spend any money on dinner. I accidentally called her sweetie, but she didn’t seem to mind. I can’t wait for the game. YAY me.

October 22, 1985 11:30 PM
Dear Tara, You and Willow talked the whole drive to Smith. I asked her a bit about her first relationship and she told me about it. I really didn’t seem to be that positive of an experience. She was emphatic that she is definitely, 100% no question gay. She really likes it when I call her cute. She is really smart. She is able to just talk about these things that she has learned and makes them so understandable. She talked about how at the beginning of time there were these things that were split in half and spend their lives looking for their other half. It was a cool concept. She said it gave a sense of belonging that her other half could be female. She’s really open and honest. The Smith game was a good one to choose. There seemed to be a lot of couples in the stands, and that allowed us to sit really close together. Willow didn’t seem to know a lot about soccer, so I got to point things out and she seemed really into the game. There was a moment when her mouth was just a fraction away from mine; she was whispering in my ear, I thought we were going to kiss, but I didn’t want our first kiss to be in front of all those people. We talked about kissing on the drive home and went to the par course and had our first kiss. It was AMAZING. Nothing like any other kisses I’ve had. You are falling big time for this girl. You made plans to see her again tomorrow. I think that Willow is more traditional than you expected. She talked about wanting to date and take it slow. She used the word courting, which is such an old fashioned word, but it made me want to court her. I’ve got to think of some low budget dates that I can invite her on. Maybe go to a park for a picnic. Anywhere that we can get some alone time to kiss and maybe some other stuff. I like the idea of taking it kind of slow. The stuff with Buffy was not slow at all, and I felt guilty before and after. I want to do it right with Willow. I think that this could be love. Sigh

October 23, 1985. 10:30PM
Dear Tara, you were very daring today, not only did you go plan to eat lunch with Willow, but you also made out with her in the library and then later went to her dorm and surprised her. You met her roommate who is a real character. They seem to be really close. They are sort of what I imagined a roommate would be like; rather than Claire and me. I don’t feel like we have anything in common. I keep worrying that someone is going to tell her that I have been hanging out with Willow. But I guess it isn’t as big of a deal as it could be. She’s really busy with all of her stuff. I think as long as I keep a low profile, everything should be good. It’s not that I am embarrassed about being with Willow, it’s just that I’ve kinda had the best of both worlds. Getting to be out when I am with Sue and April and Willow, but still be treated like the old “straight” Tara too. I wish that it wasn’t such a big deal. It seems that Willow has experienced a lot of bad things. I may be selfish, but I don’t want those kind of things to happen to me. Ugh. I’m going to suggest we go on a date for lunch tomorrow.

October 24, 1985. 9AM
Hey Tara, It is supposed to be a really nice day today and tomorrow before a cold front comes in late Saturday. Did you ever think that you were going to be taking the weather seriously. I think I want to take Willow on a picnic this afternoon. She’s got classes and work this morning, but she said she’d meet me at the studio after her work. I am probably going to ask her to come to Boston with me to the soccer game too. She seemed to really like the last one. It would be nice to be able to sit next to her on the bus and then at the game. When our bodies touch, I feel tingles everywhere. This is nothing like I’ve ever experienced before, and all we’ve done is held hands and kissed. I can’t imagine what it is going to be like when we go further. I wonder what she’s going to expect. She’s got to have a lot more experience than I do. I don’t want to make the mistakes that I’ve made again. I want to take it slow and savor the experiences. I definitely don’t want to feel any regret. The more I think about it, the more I realize that Buffy took advantage of me, it wasn’t really reciprocal. I think she just used me to scratch an itch. I am glad that I stopped it before it got too far. I don’t want to think of having to tell Willow that I went ‘all the way’ with Buffy. I don’t want her to think that I am some sort of tramp. I really believed that they’d broken up…I definitely don’t want alcohol to be any part of my relationship with Willow. I am glad that she doesn’t drink. I wonder why that is? Maybe I should ask her. I really don’t want to ever have to admit to the stuff that happened with Buffy…

11:30 PM
Willow is so sweet. She offered to help April with her Calculus. When April came up to the desk to talk to me, she said that Willow had explained it so well, that she actually really understood it. I don’t think she realizes how amazing she is. She explained where a lot of the paranoia comes from. I can’t believe the bad experiences she has had about being gay. She’s got really bad luck. I met a bunch of her friends at dinner today. They were all really nice. I could see myself hanging out with them. Willow looked kinda down at the library, and then when we were walking back to my dorm, Michelle came and started talking about how her new boyfriend had a friend that was ‘perfect’ for me. It was kinda awkward. Willow ended up just leaving, and then I am almost positive that she chose not to answer the phone. Maybe I am being paranoid. She said she was tired, she said that she was looking forward to going to Boston tomorrow. I better get to sleep so that I have plenty of energy tomorrow.

10/25/85 12:20 AM
April and Sue called me and asked me to come up to their room. I did and they told me that Willow’s friends had given her a bunch of trouble about dating me. They’d had the nerve to tell her that I was out of her league. If they even knew, I am the one out of her league. I thought that they were cool; maybe it is just that they are trying to protect her. I will show them that I am worthy of their friend’s love. That’s what I need to do. Until tomorrow…

Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
Learning to Laugh What I Discovered at Band Camp

 Post subject: Re: Learning To Laugh (July 1, 2019)
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2019 12:32 am 
7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light

Joined: Sun Jan 19, 2014 7:01 am
Posts: 540
DIBS! :whip
Good idea of you to include Tara's point of view in the form of her "e-mails to myself"-diary. Interesting that Tara feels a little inadequate to Willow while every other character of this story (except Anya, maybe?) thinks Tara is out of Willow's league. It puzzles me a bit that this is the general opinion considering that Tara doesn't seem to be part of the "in-crowd", no popular athlete or something, not rich etc. All Kitten-Boarders will surely agree that Willow and Tara are both beautiful women. Your Tara obviously dresses "nicer" than your Willow and as a math student Willow might be labeled a "nerd" but that still doesn't explain to me why the common belief seems to be that Tara would "stoop down" in a relationship with Willow.

I still hope Tara won't be generally outed against her will. There is already enough potential for angst in this story considering Willow's mental illness she (understandibly) doesn't want to reveal to Tara in this early stage of their relationship and Tara's wish to keep her prior "relationship" with Buffy a secret from Willow.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Hopefully during their trip to the soccer game Tara will be able to convince Willow that she (still) earnestly wants a relationship with her. It might help if Tara revealed her insecurities that Willow could think her "inexperienced" as a lesbian - I suspect in truth Willow is much less experienced than Tara thinks, so she might clear that up to Tara.

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