The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2016 12:12 pm 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:34 pm
Posts: 6
Topics: 1
Location: U.K
Hello everyone,

So I know my first original chapter was pants so I re wrote it, thankfully this time I had a beta Azirahael.
I did some of it and he helped with a lot of the dialogue and editing so this is a joint effort and I will definitely use
his help to create the rest of this story.

I have a vague idea of what will happen so please bare with me.

So as you know I don't own the characters and it's AU.

I'd like to thank Azirahael for all his help and please ignore chapter 2 we will be re writing it so please leave feed back

Thanks

Sarah :)




Chapter 1



Willow was stacking deodorants on shelves.
She knew it wasn't the job she planned to do for the rest of her life, but for now it would do.
Working in a shop called “Sparks”. A fun name the owners thought would bring customers in.
She looked around at the small shop, glad that she didn’t have to work in some horrible chain store.
Best of all it was just around the corner from the Espresso pump and not far from home
The pay wasn’t awesome, but the perks were great.

She had just finished, when her boss made an appearance "Willow could you come out back with me for a moment?"
“Um, sure boss.”
“Willow, this isn’t school or the army. ‘Lilly’ will do just fine” She said with a warm smile on her face.
Willow stood up and followed her out back, worried despite the reassurance , that she she was in trouble for something.

"Don't look so worried dear" Lilly said as they entered her office. "I just wanted to see how you were settling in and if you wanted some more hours?"
Willow perked up a bit when she heard this. She’d only been working weekends, and was looking forward to earning some extra cash.

"I'm settling very well , thanks Miss Maclay. Um, Lilly., Everyone is so friendly and I love my work" Willow said with a big smile on her face.
" I would like some extra hours., Does this mean I can work more hours during the week?"

Lily smiled.

" Yes. More hours during the week, and I want you to work with my daughter Tara., She's good at what she does , but she’s very nervous when talking to the customers. I would like for you to help her gain the confidence she needs, and hopefully you both will make a new friend.s"

Willow nodded happily, and Lily called Tara into the office.

Willow saw the shy girl she had seen around the place a couple of times., Mostly during training, when she had little energy to spare.
She had long light-brown hair and the bluest eyes Willow had ever seen.
She a little more nervous than she could explain. "Tara, this is Willow. She's been with us for a little while and she's going to be working more hours, during the week. So you’ll be working together." Tara looked up a little and smiled at Willow. "H-hi W-Willow."

As their eyes met. They both thought the same thing: “Wow!”
Straight away Lilly could see a connection and smiled.

She gently shooed them out onto the shop floor. “The shelves still need filling. But there’s no reason you can’t have a nice chat while you’re working.”

They both nodded silently, and hurried to their task, all the while sneaking secret glances at each other.

As the day went on they had only talked about work because: Duh! Work. Willow decided that the next day she would talk to this girl who was so… interesting.



The next morning saw Willow up early and eager for work. She was really looking forward to talking to Tara, but oddly jittery. And not knowing thing made her more jittery.

She didn't know why she was feeling like she’d just had a triple espresso, this way but knew she wanted to find out. While she was contemplating on how she was going to talk to Tara, her Dad wandered into the kitchen to get breakfast started.

Willow's Mom left when she was 12 years old. Willow had always preferred her Dads company over her mom's. Her dad had always made time to spend with her, taking her fishing, teaching her to cook while her mother just worked all the time and drank too much. Willow came back from school one day to find that her Mom had already left and that her parents were getting divorced.

She thought she would be upset about it. That’s what they show on the TV all the time.
But realized she felt a lot happier without her making the house all gloomy and angry.

Willow watched her dad make them both bacon sandwiches for breakfast, (Another little bonus) she decided to tell her dad about the new person she met at work.
"Hey Dad! I met this new girl at work, well she's not new, but it's the first time i have met her. Her name is Tara and she is the bosses daughter, there's something about her but i'm not sure what it is, what should i do?" She asked nervously.


Ira turned around and looked at his daughter seriously, he could see that from this first meeting with this girl that something had changed in his daughter. The nervous babble was his first clue. Buffy never prompted such a high-speed stream of words.
“It sounds like you like her,” he said cautiously.
Willow lit up with a huge smile, and bobbed her head happily.


He knew Willow was serious about this girl. She had never seemed so nervous about talking to any one else before and she definitely never asked for his advice in the matters of the heart. Though he’d never expected to sit down with his daughter and have a casual chat about girls.

And he wasn’t a hundred percent sure his daughter even realized she was attracted to this ‘Tara’ girl. And deep conversations like that, he really didn’t want to have over the breakfast table.

"Well Willow, I'm afraid I can't help you with that. All i can suggest is that you be yourself and just get to know her. If she is as special as you say she is, she will be happy to get to know you in any way she can. Just remember to bring her round for dinner one evening so i can see the girl that's got you all nervous and jumpy," he said with a fond smile.

Willow nodded happily.

After they ate breakfast. Willow hurried off to work. When she arrived she stuffed her stuff in her locker and hurried about, making sure she had everything she needed for the day set up.

Tara came out to open up the shop, she was nervous but also excited to get to work with and get to know the new girl, Willow. She just wasn't sure how to go about getting to know her.

As the day wore on both girls were both feeling down as they had been too busy and unable to really talk.
Willow was thinking that she might go over and try to talk to Tara when she noticed that the other girl seemed to be in a heated conversation with a customer. She walked over to see what was going on.

"What's going on here is everything alright?" Willow asked her.

Before she could say anything the guy turned around and angrily said to Willow "This incompetent woman will not help me, and is unable to even speak properly to me."

"Well sir i can help you with your inquiry. Tara, I'll handle this. Can you cover the till?" she asked her nicely.
Tara nodded and headed over to the till. Five minutes later when the customer had been served and had left the store Willow found Tara waiting for her out back. "Don't worry about that guy he just seemed to have a chip on his shoulder and seemed like he was just plain angry," Willow said in a rush.

She saw Tara give her a small smile and decided to try and talk to her.
"Listen Tara if you ever need to vent or talk about the day or anything at all, well here's my number" She nervously handed over a scrap of paper with her number on.
Tara took it and gave her a bright smile. "T-thank y-you W-willow i will do that" Tara blushed and ducked her head, she would have carried on talking but realized that the shop was about to close and they had to get the shop tided up.

Later that night Tara decided to send willow a text: Thank you willow for helping me earlier, if it's alright with you, can we meet up before work tomorrow and talk get to know each other?

As she was getting ready for bed she got a reply: Absolutely! Meet me at the espresso pump at 7 :)

Both girls went to bed with a smile on their face, and excited for the morning.


Last edited by Langers93 on Sun Sep 03, 2017 2:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2016 2:32 pm 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:34 pm
Posts: 6
Topics: 1
Location: U.K
Chapter 2


Tara was looking forward to going to work that day, her mom had asked her to work
With new girl and was looking forward to getting to know her better. She got up and
A quick shower before getting ready for the day ahead of her.

Tara went into the kitchen and saw that her Mama was there making funny shaped pancakes
Before leaving to go to work. "Here's you pancakes sweetheart" Terri said handing
A plate to her daughter. " I have to go to work now but I'll see you later enjoy your day at work
Sweetie" Terri left with a kiss to Tara's head and a smile.

Tara put her plate in the sink and walked the ten minute walk to work. Once she arrived she put her stuff away and noticed that Willow had just walked in as well.

She looked down nervously but said " H h hi W willow"

Willow turned around and offered a smile of be own, "hey Tara ready for a hard day of work?" The other girl looked up smiled and nodded.

They headed out to the shop together to get on with their work for he day. Willow decided to try and talk to Tara to get to know her a bit better. "Tara what do you like to do when your not working?"

" I I I like to r r read and I I like to play c c cook as well s s sometimes. W w what do y you like to do?" A bit embarrassed by her stutter. Willow just smiled and said " I like to read too and I like video games just to relax and unwind you know" They chatted away while serving customers and getting new promotions organised nth happy in the fact that they were getting to know each other better.

As they were getting ready to go home Willow slipped a piece of paper to Tara with her number on and said that she could text or call whenever she liked. Tarablushex slightly but accepted it and put iron her pocket.

Later that night as Willow was playing around with her games she received a text from Tara: I enjoyed chatting with you today I hope to get to know you some more and I'm happy to get to work with you.
Willow smiled and sent a reply happy in the knowledge that she had made a new friend. She was about to get ready for bed when she decided to text Tara one last time: Would you like to meet up for breakfast or coffee tomorrow morning at the espresso pump?

Yes is 8 ok? Came the reply. Willows smile was so wide that her cheeks started to her. She gave her reply and went to bed looking forward to the next morning.

The next morning both girls rushed to get ready for work and headed out to meet up for breakfast. They both ordered mochas and muffins and found a table to talk.

"So Tara I know your mom Lily is the manager and owner of the store but what does your Mama Terri do?" Willow asked curiously.
"Oh she is a chef in a local restraunt she's amaZing when it comes to food she taught me how to cook as well." Tara replied with a fond smile.

They chatted away happily until Tara realised they would be late for work if they didn't hurry. They gathered their bags and made a dash to get to work on time. Lily came out o her office and smiled at the two girls and was happy to see that Tara had made a good friend in Willow but secretly hopped it would turn into something more.


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 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 9:36 am 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:34 pm
Posts: 6
Topics: 1
Location: U.K
Hello to all that read this. This is the first story I have t written and may not be very good please leave feed back negative or posit no would like to hear what you think thanks Sarah


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 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2016 10:08 am 
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10. Troll Hammer

Joined: Thu Apr 28, 2005 1:08 pm
Posts: 1120
Topics: 1
Location: Easton PA
Interesting start, curious where you're going story-wise.

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 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:18 am 
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10. Troll Hammer
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 1:49 pm
Posts: 1159
Topics: 12
Location: Seattle, WA
Sharing your writing for the first time can be terrifying. Bravo for being brave enough to post your first work here. This is a great place for feedback and encouragement, even if it can take some time for traction to build up to get a response.

My initial thoughts:

You may need to want to reach out to a beta-reader. Your formatting lacks structure and you have a large number of spelling and grammatical errors that can be distracting and even deter readers from engaging the story. Any additional time you can take to review, edit, and polish a chapter before you post it is time well-spent.

Your chapters are so brief they are really more just "scenes". You may want to consider combining multiple scenes into a single, longer, chapter. This gives readers more to ingest and helps to create an investment of their time in your writing.

Your initial concept and "meet cute" are good springboards but, overall, we're missing a lot of detail that would help to inform the setting and groundwork of the story.

I hope that you take my notes as constructive and not negative. DCP is a great place to learn and grow as a writer. I wish that the Beta Pens forum was a bit more active, as I think you'd benefit from "work-shopping" your writing there before posting completed chapters here in DCP... however, there is nothing wrong with the work you are doing; you're a beginner and I can think of no better place to shape your crafting muscles than here.

I look forward to your next installment.

Cheers!
DW

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 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2017 12:39 am 
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11. Fish in the Bowl

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 1:35 pm
Posts: 1478
Topics: 2
Location: California
Hi Sarah,

Thanks for sharing your story - I like the shyness of Tara and the warmth, too. It's lovely how they're finding each other. I was reading over one of my stories - "How I Met Your Mother" and I noticed a few typos and mistakes so I'm planning to comb through and fix some things.

It's hard to spot your own mistakes so a BETA can be a real help. I've benefitted from advice from so many people so if you want me to look over your stuff and do a quick proof-read I'd be glad to help. Another thing I like to do is read other stories look at why a moment is funny or tender or hot and try to see the techniques the writer is using to get the effect. That helps me learn from other people's talent which helps!

You have a real feel for the sweetness and love between them and real courage to put yourself out there and ask for feedback.

I look forward to seeing more.

Ariel


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 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 1:58 am 
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9. Gay Now
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Joined: Sat Sep 24, 2011 7:45 pm
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Kudos for making a start!

I'm interested to see where this goes.

Formatting the story, and dialogue could use some work, but that will come with time.

As has been mentioned, getting a Beta to bounce ideas off of, and to ask you questions is always good.
Arial has volunteered, and if she's busy, i'll be happy to help :)

R :flower

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How i Met Your Mother - By Ariel


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 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2017 1:12 pm 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:34 pm
Posts: 6
Topics: 1
Location: U.K
Hello everyone, thank you for all the feed back I'll take everything you have said into consideration
And I'll reach to betas and talk to them.


When I first started this story I really had no Idea what I'm doing I haven't really been paying much
Attention to my story, but i may continue and continue with some ideas. Ariel and ariazeael thank you
For the offer of helping I will definitely talk to you guys when I decide if I'm gonna pick up and how
It's gonna work out.

Thanks

Sarah


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 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:04 am 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:34 pm
Posts: 6
Topics: 1
Location: U.K
Hello everyone

Chapter 1 has been re written will eventually do chapter 2 again so for now ignore it please let me know what you think. Thanks to azihareal for all your help with the new chapter


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