The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

General Chat  || Kitten  || WaV  || Pens  || Mi2  || GMP  || TiE  || FAQ  || Feed - The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe

All times are UTC - 8 hours



Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2016 12:12 pm 
Offline
1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:34 pm
Posts: 4
Topics: 1
Location: U.K
Summary: willow is a shop worker and she meets someone and it changes her life.

This is my first fanfic story I'm not very good please leave feed back thanks.
Thank you to slupton12 for listening to my idea.


Chapter 1


Willow was stacking the shelves of the small shop she had been working in for a couple of months. She knew it wasn't the job she planned to do for the rest of her life but for now it would do. The shop was called sparks a fun name the owners thought would bring customers in. It was based in Sunnydale just around the corner from the espresso pump and just a few minutes from where she lived with her dad.

She had just finished when her boss Lily Maclay came out. " willow could you come out back with me for a moment?" She asked with a warm smile on her face. Willow stood up an followed her out back thinking she was in trouble for something and wondering what it was.

"Don't look so worried dear" Lily said as they entered her office. "I just wanted to see how you were settling in and if you wanted some more hours?" Willow perked up a bit when she heard this as she had only been working weekends and was looking forward to earning some extra cash.

"I'm settling very well in this store thanks Miss Maclay, everyone is so friendly and I love my work" Willow said with a big smile on her face. " I would like the opportunity to do some extra hours, does this mean I can work more hours during the week?" Lily smiled at her liking the new bubbly redhead she had hired a couple of months ago.

" You will be working more hours during the week and I want you to work with my daughter Tara, she's good at why she does as well but she is very nervous when talking to the customers. I would like for you to help her gain the confidence she needs to work here and hopefully you guys will be good friends" Willow agreed and Lily called for Tara to come to her office.

Willow saw the shy girl she had noticed a couple of times, she had long brown hair and the bluest eyes she had ever seen, willow could feel her heart beating a bit faster. "Tara this is Willow she's been with us for a little while and she's gonna be working more hours and closely with you." Tara looked up and smiled at Willow. "H h hi w w willow"

As there eyes met they both thought the same thing: wow she's gorgeous. Straight away LIly could see a connection forming between the two girls and smiled. They went out onto the shop floor to carry on with putting out the stock while sneaking secret glances at each other.

As the day went on they had only talked about work and Williw decided that the next day while working she would talk to this girl who had her pulse racing and hands sweating.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2016 2:32 pm 
Offline
1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:34 pm
Posts: 4
Topics: 1
Location: U.K
Chapter 2


Tara was looking forward to going to work that day, her mom had asked her to work
With new girl and was looking forward to getting to know her better. She got up and
A quick shower before getting ready for the day ahead of her.

Tara went into the kitchen and saw that her Mama was there making funny shaped pancakes
Before leaving to go to work. "Here's you pancakes sweetheart" Terri said handing
A plate to her daughter. " I have to go to work now but I'll see you later enjoy your day at work
Sweetie" Terri left with a kiss to Tara's head and a smile.

Tara put her plate in the sink and walked the ten minute walk to work. Once she arrived she put her stuff away and noticed that Willow had just walked in as well.

She looked down nervously but said " H h hi W willow"

Willow turned around and offered a smile of be own, "hey Tara ready for a hard day of work?" The other girl looked up smiled and nodded.

They headed out to the shop together to get on with their work for he day. Willow decided to try and talk to Tara to get to know her a bit better. "Tara what do you like to do when your not working?"

" I I I like to r r read and I I like to play c c cook as well s s sometimes. W w what do y you like to do?" A bit embarrassed by her stutter. Willow just smiled and said " I like to read too and I like video games just to relax and unwind you know" They chatted away while serving customers and getting new promotions organised nth happy in the fact that they were getting to know each other better.

As they were getting ready to go home Willow slipped a piece of paper to Tara with her number on and said that she could text or call whenever she liked. Tarablushex slightly but accepted it and put iron her pocket.

Later that night as Willow was playing around with her games she received a text from Tara: I enjoyed chatting with you today I hope to get to know you some more and I'm happy to get to work with you.
Willow smiled and sent a reply happy in the knowledge that she had made a new friend. She was about to get ready for bed when she decided to text Tara one last time: Would you like to meet up for breakfast or coffee tomorrow morning at the espresso pump?

Yes is 8 ok? Came the reply. Willows smile was so wide that her cheeks started to her. She gave her reply and went to bed looking forward to the next morning.

The next morning both girls rushed to get ready for work and headed out to meet up for breakfast. They both ordered mochas and muffins and found a table to talk.

"So Tara I know your mom Lily is the manager and owner of the store but what does your Mama Terri do?" Willow asked curiously.
"Oh she is a chef in a local restraunt she's amaZing when it comes to food she taught me how to cook as well." Tara replied with a fond smile.

They chatted away happily until Tara realised they would be late for work if they didn't hurry. They gathered their bags and made a dash to get to work on time. Lily came out o her office and smiled at the two girls and was happy to see that Tara had made a good friend in Willow but secretly hopped it would turn into something more.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 9:36 am 
Offline
1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:34 pm
Posts: 4
Topics: 1
Location: U.K
Hello to all that read this. This is the first story I have t written and may not be very good please leave feed back negative or posit no would like to hear what you think thanks Sarah


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2016 10:08 am 
Offline
10. Troll Hammer

Joined: Thu Apr 28, 2005 1:08 pm
Posts: 1120
Topics: 1
Location: Easton PA
Interesting start, curious where you're going story-wise.

_________________
Snapshots:http://thekittenboard.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=10210 a Love Story


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:18 am 
Offline
10. Troll Hammer
User avatar

Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 1:49 pm
Posts: 1152
Topics: 12
Location: Seattle, WA
Sharing your writing for the first time can be terrifying. Bravo for being brave enough to post your first work here. This is a great place for feedback and encouragement, even if it can take some time for traction to build up to get a response.

My initial thoughts:

You may need to want to reach out to a beta-reader. Your formatting lacks structure and you have a large number of spelling and grammatical errors that can be distracting and even deter readers from engaging the story. Any additional time you can take to review, edit, and polish a chapter before you post it is time well-spent.

Your chapters are so brief they are really more just "scenes". You may want to consider combining multiple scenes into a single, longer, chapter. This gives readers more to ingest and helps to create an investment of their time in your writing.

Your initial concept and "meet cute" are good springboards but, overall, we're missing a lot of detail that would help to inform the setting and groundwork of the story.

I hope that you take my notes as constructive and not negative. DCP is a great place to learn and grow as a writer. I wish that the Beta Pens forum was a bit more active, as I think you'd benefit from "work-shopping" your writing there before posting completed chapters here in DCP... however, there is nothing wrong with the work you are doing; you're a beginner and I can think of no better place to shape your crafting muscles than here.

I look forward to your next installment.

Cheers!
DW

_________________
Check out some of my most popular works: Special ... Leave It to Giles ... The Inimitable Giles ... Giles at Christmas

Challenge Fics!: You Could Be Her ... Glasses ... Graffiti ... Pizza Day

Forbidden Fics?: Check out the Litterbox!

Oops, I made a mythtake... wt4ever


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2017 12:39 am 
Offline
11. Fish in the Bowl

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 1:35 pm
Posts: 1476
Topics: 2
Location: California
Hi Sarah,

Thanks for sharing your story - I like the shyness of Tara and the warmth, too. It's lovely how they're finding each other. I was reading over one of my stories - "How I Met Your Mother" and I noticed a few typos and mistakes so I'm planning to comb through and fix some things.

It's hard to spot your own mistakes so a BETA can be a real help. I've benefitted from advice from so many people so if you want me to look over your stuff and do a quick proof-read I'd be glad to help. Another thing I like to do is read other stories look at why a moment is funny or tender or hot and try to see the techniques the writer is using to get the effect. That helps me learn from other people's talent which helps!

You have a real feel for the sweetness and love between them and real courage to put yourself out there and ask for feedback.

I look forward to seeing more.

Ariel


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Soulmates are found in unexpected places
PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 1:58 am 
Offline
8. Vixen
User avatar

Joined: Sat Sep 24, 2011 7:45 pm
Posts: 869
Topics: 14
Location: Beyond the orbit of Mars and accelerating...
Kudos for making a start!

I'm interested to see where this goes.

Formatting the story, and dialogue could use some work, but that will come with time.

As has been mentioned, getting a Beta to bounce ideas off of, and to ask you questions is always good.
Arial has volunteered, and if she's busy, i'll be happy to help :)

R :flower

_________________
“All I feel is sunlight. All I hear is music.” Willow
How i Met Your Mother - By Ariel


My Story: Coming Home


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 8 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  

W/T Love 24/7 since July 2000
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group