Hiya all!
@Citanul Yeah. Culture shock don't even begin to cover it
But on a lighter note, one of the epilogue vignettes involves the United Nations, and an angry Faith.
Shiny new episode, right here:
Warning! This episode is generally fluffy, but contains discussion of That Episode™. Please keep that in mind. Birthday Bliss (AKA Chocolate & Presents & Everything. AKA Tara gets mad.)“So, Whatcha getting them?” Buffy said excitedly.
She and Willow were sitting in the shade of a tree, watching the last few workmen finishing their home.
“I’d tell you, but then I’d have to tickle you,” Willow said with a smirk. “Plus, Faith’s listening in. How’s it going to be a surprise if she knows already?”
Buffy held up a finger. “Good point. Let me hang up the Faith phone.”
’Hey, uh… Faith.’ she sent on their private line.
’Wassup, B? Did ya forget my name?’ Faith replied with a psychic chuckle.
’No, I was going for a new cutie name, and I totally blanked. Anyway, Willow wants to tell me all about your birthday present, so I’m hanging up the phone.’’This is revenge for the other day, isn’t it?’’Totally! See you in a bit.’And Buffy closed the connection they shared, down to a trickle, Faith grumbling as she did so.
“There, done. I’ve hung up the Faith phone, which is only fair, because she did it to me when Tara wanted to talk about something. And she
still won’t tell me.”
She grinned and leaned forward. “Ok Wills, spill! What have you got Faith and Xander?”
“What to get the Slayer who has everything?” she said with a grin. “Well, I don’t know Faith super well, so I was going to just stick with chocolates. But then I bumped into Mary, who is organizing the most amazing chocolate present ever.”
“Really?”
Willow’s eyes widened. “Really. You have no idea. We’re all sharing, so it’s not like it’s totally Faith’s, which is a good thing, because if it’s possible to die of chocolate poisoning, this will do it.”
“Sounds good! What is it?”
“A twenty pound block of Belgian chocolate, and a small axe.”
“Well if you don’t want to say-”
“No really. I’m totally serious, Buff. Mary made a similarly huge brick of brittle toffee, but the main thing is a massive cube of chocolate, and a sort of toffee-hammer axe thing. Apparently she read something about post-natal depression, and cocoa helps. So she made, or just got, an enormous block of chocolate, and you use the shiny little axe to hack chunks off with. It’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Whoa,” Buffy said, wide eyed. “What does a twenty pound block of chocolate even look like?”
“It’s a big brown cube, bigger than your head. Really, its crazy huge. We are going to be so sick of chocolate.”
“Not. Possible.” Buffy said seriously.
Willow giggled and waggled a finger at her friend. “You say that now. Wait till you really see it.”
“So, what did you get her?”
“Well, she can buy almost anything she wants, so me and Tara got started on a few things we were planning to do, a bit early. We got you both a whole bunch of baby books of course, and the cutest little baby booties. They’re so cute! They made me cry and get all clucky.”
Buffy raised an eyebrow.
Willow shrugged and smiled shyly. “It’s baby season, I guess.” She grinned knowingly at Buffy. “Probably helped by the cutest little kids running around all last week.”
Buffy flushed pink and looked away in embarrassment.
Willow laughed brightly.
“Tara doesn’t know, but I got three sets, and hid the other two.”
Buffy chuckled. “I figured it was only a matter of time.”
“But that’s not even the real present. The real present is magic!”
“Oh, do tell!” Buffy said excitedly.
“Well, we were going to start putting protection spells on everybody’s armour, after we reverse-engineered the spells on Tara’s armour.”
“Oohhh,” Buffy said, appreciatively.
“But we’re not there yet, plus that would be kinda pointless, given that you and Faith are kinda bullet-proof, and no we haven’t figured out why yet.”
“But-”
“What about the baby?” Willow interrupted. “Yep, we thought of that. So we’re going to enchant Faith’s belly plate with protection spells.”
“Nice,” Buffy said brightly.
“But that’s not very present-y, so what we’re going to do is put the first batch of other spells on her armour. The ‘air conditioning’ spell on Tara’s armour turns out to be pretty simple, and I already knew a waterproofing spell. Plus, because she’s all pregnant and stuff, it gives us time to work before she goes on patrol. Plus her armour gets pretty runes!”
“Oh, she’ll like that,” Buffy said. “Especially anything that hints at her getting back to work. She’s been a little bit worried that I’m going to run off and leave her at home to be a housewife.”
“You mean you’re not?” Willow said with a smirk.
Buffy poked out her tongue. “No. We’re thinking that we’ll both take the week off when Hope is born. After that part-time work maybe?”
“Good plan. I know sitting on the sidelines isn’t your style. Faith’s either.”
Buffy nodded. “It’s true. I guess I’ve gotten used to being ‘the chosen one’. Anyhoo, on to more fun things. What did you get Xander? And what do you think he’s gotten you?”
“Ah! Well, we’re going to give his armour all the protection spells we can think of. Really, he’s the guinea pig for all this stuff. Oh, and a floaty spell so he doesn’t go splat if he falls off something high.”
“I approve of this Xander-saving gift. Anything that keeps Xander more alive gets my vote.”
“Yep,” Willow said. “I mean he has all the tools he’s ever going to need, plus on the slaying front he has that magical sword, stolen from heaven even. Topping that would be hard. And that’s without all the weapons he’s collected. So other than the magic stuff, we’re going to do what we always do: scrape together a bunch of money, and buy all the shiny things that we see in town.”
“Fingers crossed there’s no zombie attacks or anything,” Buffy said with a sour look.
Willow rolled her eyes. “One time, Buffy. That happened one time.”
“Yeah, but it really stuck with me! Zombies!” Buffy said, a horrified expression on her face. “Zombies are super gross! Eew! Eew-eew-eew-eew-eew!”
“Yeah, that was pretty bad. But, on the plus side, I think there’s a good chance that this year, dead people showing up to a party will be a good thing.”
“Uh?” Buffy said uncertainly.
“Jesse! Jesse is going to try and join us for the day.”
“Oh cool! Xander will love that.”
“Me too. Don’t forget, I’ve known Jesse nearly as long as Xander.”
“Well, you two certainly had fun when he was here last time. Also, do you know what Xander’s getting you?”
Willow shook her head. “Nope, but I think it involves wood. I saw orders from a speciality timber place, so I’m guessing something woody.”
“Wood is good. Faith and I got you something too,” Buffy said with a smirk. “Not wood though.”
“Nothing wrong with things that are not wood. Chocolate is not-wood.”
“Yeah, Mary’s got that covered. More chocolate and we might go boom, and end the world or something. Or at least feel really icky. But I got you something, and Faith got her favourite cousin something, and then we got something for the both of you.”
“Well now I’m really looking forward to tomorrow now,” Willow said happily.
“Will you be able to get to sleep?” Buffy asked with a smirk.
“I’m not a little kid you know. I’m perfectly capable of getting to sleep before my birthday,” Willow said with a slight huff.
“Oh who am I kidding. Tara will have to put me to sleep.”
“Well she does have that stamina you mentioned,” Buffy said with a cheeky grin.
“Buffy!”
+++
Faith blinked blearily, and rubbed her protruding tummy absently.
A fair stretch of skin was visible between her tank top, and the top of her boxers.
“Jesus, you two are up early.”
Xander and Willow were ensconced on a couch, pyjama-clad, watching cartoons and eating icecream.
On a table behind them was a pile of brightly wrapped presents. Front and centre were two huge, wrapped boxes, almost large enough to hide in.
“Yep!” Willow said brightly. It’s our birthday, why wouldn’t we be?”
“Plus, icecream, cartoons and presents!” Xander said.
Faith gave them a look. “Are you sure that kiddie potion is all worn off?”
Xander just grinned and ate icecream.
“Come on Faith! Grab a seat and some icecream!” Willow said, patting to the couch.
Faith staggered over and collapsed onto the couch next to Willow. “Ugh. I got up to pee… like for the third time tonight. I was gonna get a snack, but screw it, I just can’t be humped.”
“Icecream?” Xander said, proffering a bowl.
“Eh, sweet. Thanks Xan-man.”
“No Buffy?” Willow said, rummaging through a box of comic books.
“Nah. I woke her up enough. Plus she’s gonna have to do all the getting up, feeding the baby and changing the diapers. Figure I’ll let her get all the rest she’s gonna need,” Faith said with a grin.
“Um, you’re not gonna…” Willow shrugged helplessly.
“Breast feed? Eh, I’ll just let B roll me over and she can attach the little bug. No reason I have to be awake.”
Xander failed to stifle his laughter at the image that produced.
“Sorry, it was just funny.”
Faith smiled. “Yeah.”
She yawned. “Icecream for breakfast, whoda thunk it?”
She took a spoonful. “Mmm… chocolate. I’m not usually a fan, but right now,” she shrugged. “It’s all good.”
“Hormones?” Willow said, smirking.
“Well I wasn’t gonna say anything, but yeah,” Faith said, licking the icecream off her spoon. “Pass me some o’ them comics?”
“Got a favourite?” Xander said, pulling the box closer.
“Wolverine?” Faith said. “I always liked him.”
Xander sorted through the comics and handed over a stack of them, in order. “One whole series, enjoy.”
“Wicked. Can’t remember the last time I just blobbed out and read comics,” Faith said. “Though, check me out, I’m getting’ good at the blobby thing.”
“Not long now,” Willow said with a little smile.
“Yep. Which is why the G-man and his gang are planning so hard. I think they’re worried that you-know-who is gonna do something really crazy. So they wanna beat them to the punch.”
“And do something equally crazy?” Willow asked worriedly.
“Yep.”
“No more apocalypse talk,” Xander grumbled. “It’s our birthday. Only fun stuff is allowed to happen today.”
“Cool.” Faith thought for a while. “Uh… tryin’ to think of something to say that’s not work related.”
Her eyes fell on the comic. “Uh hey! So my folks were pretty crappy, an’ I figure yours weren’t that great either.”
“Mine sort of forgot that I existed,” Willow said. “Xander’s were… worse.”
“How is this fun?” Xander said, frowning. “I mean, one of the bonuses of living in a whole other state, is not having to deal with the crappy parental units.”
“Uh, yeah. Sorry. I meant that I sort of used to imagine what it would be like to have different parents, ‘y’know?”
They nodded.
“And I read a lot of comic books. So I used to wonder what it would be like to have a superhero as a dad, y’know?”
“Batman,” Xander said, without the slightest hesitation.
Willow giggled. “It’s always batman! When you’re not imagining you’re batman, you want him as a dad?”
“Well… yeah. Batman is cool! He’s like, the realest superhero. All the others were born with powers and stuff, but he wasn’t. And he didn’t care, he just got to training, and made some cool gizmos, and kicked ass.”
“Also he was crazy rich,” Faith added.
“Which doesn’t hurt,” Xander added.
“Sounds kinda familiar,” Willow said smirking. “Though if you put pointy ears on your helmet, you’re going to get teased.”
A slow smile spread over Xander’s face. “I’m Batman.”
Faith laughed. “Yeah, prettymuch.”
“I’m Batman,” Xander said.
“You said that already.”
“Holy cow, I’m batman!”
“Yep. You’re a genuine superhero,” Willow said.
“Wow. Best birthday ever!”
He turned to Willow. “What about you Willster? Who did you want as a parent?”
Willow looked thoughtful. “Um, I’ve thought about a few superheroes, but only as people I’d want to be. Or um, date.”
Faith grinned. “So who’d you wanna-”
“Wonder Woman,” Willow said before Faith had even finished the sentence.
“That was quick,” Xander said. “Clearly you’ve put some thought into this.”
“Well… Linda Carter was really sexy. And no way is Wonder-woman straight.”
“True dat.”
“Something in the water,” Xander muttered.
“Hush you,” Willow said, poking Xander with one finger.
“So, before we give Xander images he really shouldn’t have, back to the parent thing.”
Willow thought a bit longer. “Batman I guess.”
“Huh, two for batman. How come?”
“Well, too many superheroes have mental issues to be even remotely good parents. At least Bruce Wayne, well he’s scary intense, but you know he cares. And you know he’ll move heaven and earth to look after his kids. Anyone else is likely to get trapped on another planet, get taken over by aliens or just forget they have kids, or just not deal. Not Batman.”
“Jesus. You put way too much thought into that,” Faith said, shaking her head.
“Also rich,” Willow said, with a smirk.
“Money is good,” Xander added. “What about you?”
“Wolverine,” Faith replied. “He’s just chill, y’know? If I brought home a cute little blonde chick, he’d be cool. And probably get me a beer.”
“Plus if Wolverine is your dad, you’d probably end up with the whole healing factor immortality thing, which is pretty cool,” Willow said, bouncing slightly.
“Also a plus.”
“Though knowing our luck, if we did live in superhero world, we’d likely end up with some crazy-person like Magneto as a dad,” Willow said.
“Nah.”
Faith saw Willow glance at the table covered in presents.
“I saw that. We gonna open them, or what?”
Willow looked horribly conflicted. “Um, no. I mean, I want to, but we should really wait until everyone else is up and about. So they can join in too.”
“Join in?” Faith said. “Whose presents are they?”
“Well, ours,” Willow said guiltily. “But everyone’s going to want to see us open them. And see how pleased we are and stuff!”
’B! get up! We wanna open the presents!’ Faith sent.
’Urgh! Don’t shout. I was going to get up in a bit anyway.’’Well Red won’t open stuff until everyone’s here to be impressed. And I don’t wanna wait all damn day.’Buffy grumbled mentally. ‘
’ Alright alright. I’m up. And what are you doing up so early?’Faith smirked.
’YOUR kid woke me up by tap-dancing on my kidneys. And I figured I’d get breakfast while I was up.’’Great. This is how it’s going to be huh? When she does something awesome and cute, she’s your kid. And when she’s a pain, she’s my kid.’Buffy said silently.
’Yep. Now get down here, there’s presents to open!’’Ugh. What about the others?’‘G-man gets up pretty early. Surprised we haven’t seen him already. Anya’s at the Magic Box, doin’ the books. Give her a call and roll ya sister out of bed, and we’re good to go.’’Alright, but only because you’re the birthday girl.’’And not because I’m the mother of your child?’ Faith said, somehow mentally sounding like she was close to tears.
’That too. See you in a few minutes.’“B will be down in a bit,” Faith said, switching to happy mode.
Willow bounced happily. “Yay! I can’t wait to open the pressies!”
Faith grinned. “Yeah. Me either. Gotta say, this is gonna be a first for me.”
“The first of many, we hope,” Xander said.
“Sure. Sounds good.”
She eyed the pile of presents. “I can’t help wonder what some that stuff even is. I mean, some of those are fucking huge.”
Xander stretched out with a happy yawn and a grin. “Well, two of the big ones are from me. The other big one is from Giles. And no, I have no idea what it is.”
“I can tell you what one of your presents is,” said a new voice from the doorway.
The three looked around. “Jesse!” Willow squeaked.
“In the flesh. Kinda,” Jesse said with a grin from the doorway.
Willow disentangled herself from the couch and glomped him in a huge hug.
“Joyce said she’ll be along in a little bit. She’s…” Jesse cleared his throat and grinned. “She’s spending quality time with Giles.”
Faith grinned. “Booty call for the G-man. Nice.”
“I told her to hang a sock on the door handle, but I don’t know if she heard me,” Jesse said. “I think she’s planning to surprise him with a little personal time, before she visits the rest of the gang.”
“Wicked. Should be good for making B squirm a little.”
Jesse opened his mouth to say something and glanced at Faith’s protruding tummy. “Whoa! You’re really showing. You look like you’re ready to pop any day now.”
Faith shrugged. “Yeah. We don’t have long. We reckon the Powers that Be are gonna do something desperate any day now, so Giles and the gang are cooking up some kind of attack plan. Which I’ll just bet is what Mrs S is here for.”
Jesse nodded. “Yeah, she looked a little tense.”
“Giles should fix that right up,” Faith said.
Willow just giggled.
Jesse went crosseyed.
And then Buffy wandered in, looking rumpled.
She yawned. “Hey crazy people. Whatcha doing up so early?”
“It’s the big birthday, Buffy! It’s as good as hanumastice!” Willow burbled.
Dawn and Heather bounced in, looking alarmingly fresh and chipper.
Buffy just groaned. “Look at you! All dressed and ready for the day. What’s wrong with you?”
Dawn smirked. “Well we had an early night. So, early morning.”
“I don’t want to know,” Buffy grumbled. “You two hold hands, and that’s all I want to know.”
Dawn rolled her eyes and Heather just grinned. “Well hands
are involved, sure.”
“Pull up a pew and help us with the presents,” Faith said.
“Just in time,” Tara said, as she strolled in, clad in fluffy pyjamas and a robe.
Willow grinned. “It’s like you read my mind.”
She patted her lap. “Sit here baby.”
Tara sat down with only a slight wiggle, Willow hugging her enthusiastically.
Buffy groaned and absently dragged a couch over, Heather and Dawn moving another up close.
A huge collection of presents was piled on the table.
“Shouldn’t we wait for Giles?” Buffy asked.
Dawn smirked. “No. Really. I went by his suite and there was a ‘do not disturb except for apocalypse’ sign. And a sock on the door handle. So I’m thinking no, let’s not wake him up.”
Buffy looked puzzled. “But in college a sock on the door meant… oh!”
“Yep.”
Willow smiled brightly. “Yay Giles, I guess. Um, I guess that means that your mom came-”
Buffy glared.
“For a visit,” Willow finished lamely.
“If not now, then fairly soon,” Faith said with a grin.
Buffy looked exasperated. “Can we not? I mean, I’m happy for them, but I’d really rather not think about my mom… and Giles… doing things.”
“Well, if there’s any truth to that Stevedore comment your mom made that time, they’ll be a while,” Willow said, eying the pile of brightly wrapped things eagerly.
With a flash of light, Anya appeared. “Hello les- everyone,” she said brightly.
“Still working on that human thing, huh?” Faith said.
“Hey, I remembered. Plus I got you presents.”
She sat down in Xander’s lap.
“Are we going to open them?”
Willow brightened.
“Willow obviously wants to open the presents. You can open mine first if you like.”
Willow eagerly dug through the presents, unearthing the ones labelled ‘from Anya’ in bold letters.
There was a large heavy bag for her, and a much smaller envelope for Faith.
Willow gave her a significant look.
“It’s safe to open in public,” Anya said in response. “Honestly, you buy one person a vibrator, and no one ever lets it go,” she muttered.
“It was huge!” Buffy said.
“You’re a Slayer. It was the most powerful one on the market. Anyway, now you’re a lesbian, so I’m sure Faith is stretching you out.”
Buffy stared in open mouthed shock.
Xander winced.
“So… presents?” He asked hopefully. “The nice ones that don’t get boyfriends killed by angry Slayers? Please?”
“Yes,” said Buffy, unamused. “Lets.”
Willow picked up the heavy, wrapped object. It was the size of a pillow and heavy. Really heavy. And it rattled.
She gave Anya a puzzled look. Anya grinned in her usual, slightly worrying way.
Willow gave up and opened the wrapping and blinked. It was a twenty pound bag of cereal. Muesli to be precise.
She really wasn’t expecting that.
“See, it’s your favourite!” Anya said brightly.
Tara brightened. “Oh! The one with all the nuts, and the honey crunchies?”
Anya bobbed her head cheerfully.
“Well, I have lots to share,” Willow said with a weak smile.
“I also had a word with our catering supplier, and we’ll be getting it in regularly. But this one’s all yours.”
“Thanks Anya. That’s… surprisingly thoughtful of you.”
“Ha! That’s nothing on Faith’s present. You’ll be overwhelmed by how thoughtful I was!”
Faith held the envelope at arms length. “Not gonna explode, is it?”
“That wouldn’t be very thoughtful, would it?” Anya replied. “Besides, if it did explode, you’d get flesh and organs all over everyone, and I am told that random organs are an inappropriate birthday gift.”
Faith looked at everyone else. No one seemed particularly surprized, or put out by Anya’s random gore comments.
She shrugged and tore open the envelope, everyone watching curiously.
Inside were a fat stack of legal documents.
“Uh, thanks. What is all this?”
“It’s a will,” Anya replied. “Also life insurance, a trust fund and stocks in some of the most reliable companies I could find.”
“Am I missing something?” Jesse said.
Anya sighed. “I know you don’t like thinking about this sort of thing, but that doesn’t stop bad things from happening. With this will, and these stocks, and the insurance, if anything happens to the Buffy, or even the rest of us, You and your baby will be set for life.”
Faith looked impressed.
“And if anything happens to you, Buffy is named as her legal guardian,” Anya added quietly.
“And this?” Faith said, holding up a brightly coloured business card with a pentagram on it.
“The best obstetrician in three universes. Seriously, he’s expensive, but he has never
ever lost a baby. And he’s delivered demon queens.”
“Wow,” Buffy said. “That
is very thoughtful.”
“Ha!” Anya said, looking around at all the others triumphantly.
“It’s not a competition,” Dawn groused.
“Well, that’s good then. Because you’d lose.”
“Hey hey, no fighting on our birthday… day,” Xander said. “It’s a rule. Tell ‘em Will.”
Willow nodded seriously. “It’s a rule.”
“Thanks uh, Anya.” Faith said.
Anya beamed.
“Who shall we open next?” Willow asked excitedly.
“Giles,” Anya replied promptly. “He’s busy servicing Joyce, so we won’t be seeing him for a while,” she said in a very matter of fact tone.
Silence followed.
Faith grinned. “Right. Let’s do Giles.”
“Actually, Joyce is taking care of that I think, but here are his presents.”
Anya pushed over a pile of oddly shaped things.
There was something heavy the size of a large encyclopaedia. Every veteran Scooby could identify it as a book with their eyes closed. It positively radiated bookish vibes.
There was a huge and lightweight package of such a bizarre shape, no one could figure it out.
Another huge and oddly shaped package that looked a lot like a wheelbarrow.
And lastly, a large and light, squishy parcel that practically shouted ‘clothes!’
All for Faith.
Willow had a small wrapped box as long as two or three of her small hands.
Xander had an envelope with his name on it.
“Wow. That’s like, more presents than I’ve had in my whole life, right there,” Faith said.
“Open some,” Xander said. “I have no idea what some of this stuff is.”
“B? wanna help?”
“Sure!” Buffy said, and enthusiastically tore the paper off the ‘wheelbarrow’.
It turned out to be a car-seat for a baby. A very good one.
“Wow,” Buffy said. “It’s a car seat.”
“For a baby,” Faith added. “Holy shit B, we’re gonna be parents!”
“Scared?”
“Fucking terrified.”
“Then I guess we’ll do alright.”
“My turn,” Faith said, and shredded the huge oddly shaped package.
Pieces of coloured wrapping flew like confetti, to reveal a baby stroller.
“Whoa. It’s one of the good ones,” she said, folding it out. “Check it out, it’s got knobbly tires! This thing is bad-ass!”
And indeed, it was a sports model stroller, made for mums and dads who liked to take their kids for a run. It came complete with big sturdy wheels.
“Is this all going to be baby things?” Buffy asked. “Has Giles gone all clucky on us?”
“Heh, I am so gonna call him ‘grampa’ when I see him next,” Faith said.
That got a laugh from almost everyone.
“Well, I’m gonna use my new psychic powers and say that this is a book,” Faith said, hefting the book-shaped package.
One quick peel showed that her powers had not failed her. It was indeed a book. A crisp new hardback textbook with the word ‘Slayer’ embossed in gold leaf on its smooth leather cover.
“Huh,” Buffy said. “I was expecting ‘Vampire’ on the cover, complete with old timey bad spelling.”
“Giles wanted to make it about the Slayers, not just the monsters they fought,” Willow said.
“We all worked on it,” Dawn added. “Even Faith.”
“I did?” Faith said.
“Sure. There’s a big chapter in there all about you, and your story,” Dawn said brightly.
“Giles really didn’t want to make any of the old mistakes. So there’s a bit in there about alienation, desperation, and what it can make you do,” Willow explained.
“Not sure I like that,” Faith said with a frown.
“You will when you read it,” Dawn said. “And it’s not just you. There’s a lot in there about Giles too.”
“It’s all about how to be a Slayer, Faith,” Tara said. “A real Slayer, like you and Buffy. Not a throwaway tool, like the old council would have had.”
“And this is the historic first edition!” Willow chirped brightly.
“You should check the dedication,” Xander said.
“We all signed it,” Dawn added.
Faith cracked open the book, which had the sharp smell of new printing, and looked.
For Buffy and Faith. May we all aspire to their greatnessAnd it was signed by all the Scoobies, in various colours that could only have come from Willow’s collection of pens.
“Wow. Shit B, we’re in a fucking book!”
“That is weird. But kinda cool too.”
“I should probably let Giles tell you this stuff,” Dawn said. “But it’s his way of saying sorry for all the things that went wrong.”
Buffy shrugged. “Eh. I forgave him for all that stuff ages ago.”
“Next present!” Anya said. “More happy things please.”
Faith grabbed the last of her large parcels from Giles, and tore it open.
Inside was a pile of baby clothes, pacifiers and a pair of t-shirts.
One shirt was red and printed with ‘I have the most beautiful baby in the world.’
The other was pink and said ‘proud mommy’ in gold sparkles.
Buffy had tears in her eyes. “Oh Giles, you big softie.”
And for once, neither Anya, nor Faith went for the obvious joke.
Faith just gave her a squeeze.
“I’m getting’ the feelin’ the G-man is lookin’ forward ta bein’ a gramps,” Faith said, emotion sharpening her accent.
Buffy nodded silently.
After a moment to collect her thoughts, Faith held up the last of the items with ‘Faith’ written in Giles’ distinctive hand.
“Hopin’ this ain’t another will.”
She opened it and read closely for a while. Eventually she grinned and handed the two slips to Buffy.
Buffy glanced down, saw ‘Tahiti’ and squealed with joy.
Willow waggled her finger in her ear. “Ow. And you say you’re nothing like Dawn?”
“Ohmigod Giles!” Buffy said, bouncing in Faith’s crowded lap. “All expenses paid! My second three, favourite words! Heeheeheehee!”
Willow giggled. “Oh wow, the operating budget is never going to recover from this.”
“Not if I can help it!” Buffy said gleefully.
Willow put on her sternest face, and waggled her finger at Buffy. “Do not buy Tahiti. We have nowhere to put it, so just leave it where it is.”
“Challenge accepted,” Buffy said, grinning madly.
“Two tickets for a five star hotel on Tahiti,” Faith said. “All expenses paid. For a freaking month!”
“Whoa!” Xander said. “When is it?”
Buffy checked. “Any time this year, or next.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s meant to be a honeymoon,” Dawn said. “I also think you can get married in Tahiti.”
“Cool,” Faith said.
“You realize we’re all coming to the wedding, right?” Xander said.
“Sure. Wouldn’t be a wedding unless all of you were there, Xan.”
“Xander’s turn!” Willow said, piling things in front of him.
“But Giles only gave me one present,” he complained, waving a very formal looking fat envelope around.
“Have yourself a magic baby, and that might change,” Faith said with a wink.
“How would I… never mind, I don’t want to know.”
He opened the envelope and read the official looking documents.
He grinned.
“Ahn, honey? This one’s for you.”
Anya looked confused. “What? It’s not my birthday. And I’m dead, what would I need with presents?”
She looked at the paperwork read carefully, rereading some parts, until her eyes widened. “Oh Xander. You are getting so much sex tonight. All the dirty things you ever wanted to try? Tonight it happens.”
Xander’s good eye widened. “You mean?”
Anya smiled brightly. “Yes! Though we might have to look around for some of the things we need. I don’t think the campus has any-mrph!” she said, as Xander desperately covered her mouth and looked around nervously. “Eh heh.”
Buffy looked slightly put off.
Dawn looked alarmingly curious. “Butterscotch pudding?”
Xander shrugged helplessly.
“And on to presents that don’t get Xander killed. Anya honey? Please don’t tell everyone our sex stuff.”
“But it’s so fun watching them squirm,” she protested. “And you turn such a bright shade of red.”
She grinned alarmingly at everyone. “Honestly, americans are so prudish about this sort of thing. Scandanavian countries have no problem with- mphf.”
She grinned at Xander’s furiously blushing face behind his mouth-covering hand.
Dawn’s brow furrowed. “What does Scan-”
“Don’t,” Buffy warned. “Don’t set her off again.”
“And now you see why,” Faith paused, reading the paperwork that Xander had dropped, “Giving the crazy Viking-girl ownership of the Magic Box, is a present for Xander.”
“Giles is surprisingly cunning,” Willow said. “Now I’m worried what he got me,” she said holding up her small parcel.
It was about the size of a cigar box, or an old-school pencil box, and slightly heavy.
“One way to find out sweetie,” Tara said, rubbing her back reassuringly. “I am certain it’s nothing embarrassing,” she said with quiet confidence.
“Ok. Here goes.”
Willow carefully unwrapped her present. It was an oiled wooden box, polished to a soft shine.
“Ooo,” Buffy said. “It looks old-y.”
“It feels old,” Willow said.
She opened it, and looked within.
Inside was a large ebon handled blade, a smaller ivory handled one, and a note.
The blades were of Damascus steel, patterned in shades of grey and silver.
“That is a
very impressive Athame,” Tara said.
She picked up the note and read. “The Athamé and Boline of Agtha Gyles, witch. This is true Damascus steel, and its like has not been seen in centuries. When two metals become one, something is made which is greater than the sum of the two parts. As it is with you and Tara. Agtha was a truly exceptional witch in her own right, and a terror upon those who roused her wrath. I can think of none better to bear them.” Tara’s mouth twisted into a crooked grin. “P.S. Yes, Tara can share them.”
“Wow,” Willow said, lifting them out of the box.
“Those things are old,” Dawn said. “They stopped making real Damascus steel centuries ago, and they lost the art.”
Tara tested the edge. “This is
really sharp,” she said, impressed.
She examined them closely. “They’ve been cleansed, but we’ll need to dedicate them before we can use them.”
“This is a piece of history, baby. Giles’ history. These things belong in a museum.”
Xander shook his head. “These things are tools, Will. They were made to be used, and they’re Giles’ to give. I think he’d be upset if you put them away and never used them.”
“Wow. Next year is going to have a lot to live up to.”
“Which neatly segues into my presents,” Dawn said brightly.
She handed over two of the now-familiar fat, official-looking envelopes.
One marked ‘Tara/Willow,’ and the other ‘Faith’. Xander got a squishy parcel.
Xander tore his open to discover a thick red knitted sweater. On the chest was ‘world’s Best uncle’ knitted in with white wool.
“Cool!” he said. “Now I’m looking forward to the winter! Thanks Dawnie!”
Dawn beamed. “No problem.”
She turned to Faith. “You want to open yours next, because Willow’s is going to be a hard act to follow.”
Faith nodded, and tore the envelope carefully open.
Inside were two books of coupons, each printed with an etching of Dawn, and ‘World Bank of Dawn. Entitles the bearer to one free babysitting, no questions asked.’
She handed one to Buffy. “Oh, we are sooo gonna use these.”
Dawn smiled. “Sure. But there’s only fifty, and they have serial numbers, so no photocopying them.”
Buffy pouted. “Well, there goes my clever plan.”
“I’m almost nervous,” Willow said, eying her envelope.
Dawn shook her head, her braid waggling. “Don’t be. You’ll like it, though it’s a little like Xander’s present from Giles.”
“I get a shop too?” Willow said, opening the envelope carefully.
Inside was a folded bundle of paperwork. A driver’s licence dropped out, with Tara’s face on it.
Tara picked it up. It read ‘Tara Elizabeth Giles.’
Willow held up a birth certificate. “What a cute little footprint!”
“It’s the real footprint too,” Dawn said. “We got it from your original one, which now has a different footprint.”
“Woohoo, baby! You’re legal!”
Tara smiled happily. “Thank you Dawnie.”
“No problemo. There’s a whole background in there, so, you should have a look at it sometime. We kept everything as close as possible to reality, so it’s not like you have to learn Spanish or anything.”
“Que pasa?” Tara said.
“Funny.”
“Thank you Dawnie,” Willow added. “It means a lot to me that you’re looking out for my girl,” she said, squeezing Tara tight.
Dawn smiled “Thanks.”
“Where’s mine?” Xander said.
Dawn felt around behind the couch until she came up with a large rattle-y box. “Here. But I’m saving it. You’ll see why in a minute.”
Xander pouted. “I don’t get to open my present?”
Dawn raised one eyebrow, Tara-style. “You only have to wait a couple of minutes. And give up on the pout. I grew up dealing with Willow’s sad-puppy face, so you have no chance.”
Xander grinned. “Worth a try.”
“Well, in that case,” he said, “I guess it’s my turn.”
He twisted around and groped behind the couch, coming up with a cardboard box. He pulled out a small blue drawstring bag and peeked inside.
“Will, this is yours.” And handed it over.
Willow and Tara both peeked into the bag, Willow pulling out a polished wooden plaque. It was so shiny she could see her face in it, and carved into it in neat, gold-filled letters were the words ‘Rosenberg-Giles residence.’
Willow squeaked with joy. “Thank you Xander. Um. Baby, I can’t reach Xander, can you hug him for me?”
Tara chuckled, and hugged Xander.
“You give good hug,” Xander said when they parted.
“I learned from the best.”
“Uh, Will? That’s not actually your present. It’s just a bonus. I’ve got one for everybody.”
And he handed them out one at a time to everyone, hesitating only slightly when he got to Dawn.
“Sorry if it’s a bit premature.”
Dawn opened her bag, and took out a plaque marked ‘Summers-O’connor Residence’.
She blinked in surprise.
“Honey? Wanna move in with me?”
“Yep!”
“That was easy. Thanks Xander”
“Don’t kill me,” was Xander’s reply, though he wasn’t looking at her, he was looking at Buffy, apprehensively.
Buffy sighed. “Relax you guys. I’m not going to blow a seal. Dawnie’s all grown up now. I may not like it, but I do get it.”
Anya frowned. “I was under the impression that American law was against that sort of thing. Why would you bl-”
Xander whispered in her ear.
“Ah. I understand. How annoying, that would have made it easier to- mrpfh” she said as yet again Xander desperately put his hand over her mouth.
“Let’s all pretend that that never happened,” Buffy said.
Faith opened their bag, and took out a similarly polished plaque reading ‘Summers-Lehane residence.’ “Thanks Xander.”
Xander nodded curtly, still blushing furiously.
“We have a similar present,” Willow said. “In that it’s not specifically a birthday present, and it’s for everybody.”
Everybody paid attention.
“We’re reverse engineering the enchantments on Tara’s armour so we can all have air-conditioned, waterproof, ouchie proof armour. It’s not ready yet, but we’ve made a start. Which is where some of our presents come from.”
“And we’ll happily share, after Xander finishes,” Tara added.
“That’s my cue,” Xander said.
He dug through the presents until he found a flat one the size of an envelope, and handed it to Faith.
“Cheers Xan-dude,” she said, and peeled the paper off to reveal another official-looking envelope.
She tore the end off, and tipped the contents out, to reveal a small card, a key-ring, some stickers and a smaller amount of paperwork.
“That, Faith,” Xander said “Is premium membership to the local classic car club, which includes free servicing, priority repairs, and access to the racetrack.”
“Wicked! As soon as the little bun pops out, ya wanna go down the track and lay some rubber, B?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.”
“Outstanding!”
“And here’s something I’ve been working on a little.”
He got up and carried over one of the really big boxes. It was clearly heavy.
“The plaques were sort of practice for this.”
“Jesus Xander, what the fuck is it? It’s huge!”
“Ah, I think I know,” Willow said knowingly.
Xander grinned. “Betcha don’t.”
“It’s wood.”
He nodded. “Yep. Only, nope. Because that’s not what it is, just what it’s made of.”
“Faith, honey? Do you want to open your present before someone gets hurt?” Buffy said, mock glaring at Xander.
“I might just do that, B.”
Faith tore the wrapping off, to reveal a grey woollen box.
“Uh, cool. What is it?”
“Padding. If you unwrap that, you find your present.”
Buffy hopped off Faith’s lap and knelt on the floor to help.
Together they pulled away the wool blanket to reveal Xander’s prize.
It was a big chest.
It was made of dark patterned wood, and polished so richly, that it looked like you could see into it forever.
It was carved with roses and thorns all around the border, and in the centre of the lid, was a simple scene of the sun rising over the edge of a hill.
A lot of love and work had gone into it.
It was beautiful.
“Wow,” Buffy said.
“Uh-huh.”
“American Walnut burl,” Xander said. “It’s a pain to work with, but it comes up really nice.”
“Jesus Xan. This is fucking amazing.”
“Thanks. Dawn did the art for it, and I built the box. So it’s really from both of us.”
Dawn beamed happily.
“Wow, thanks Dawn,” Buffy said.
“Uh-huh,” Faith grunted. “This is one of a kind.”
“Nearly,” Dawn said. “Buffy? You wanna drag the other huge present over?”
“Sure.” She grabbed the other huge box, feeling the same woollen underlay.
“Will? This one’s for you,” Xander said.
“I get a chest?” Willow said.
Xander nodded enthusiastically.
“Wanna help me with this, baby?”
Tara nodded. “Absolutely.”
Together they cheerfully shredded every part of the wrapping paper, even lifting the box to get the big sheet at the bottom, and they tore it into tiny bits.
When they were finished, there was brightly coloured confetti scattered all over.
Willow took a moment to lift a bit of green and yellow paper from Tara’s hair with a smile.
“Jeez Will, did you miss any?” Buffy said.
“You know Willow, Buffy. She’s very thorough,” Tara said, smirking.
“Yep,” Willow said, flushing very slightly.
Four hands peeled the grey wool back to reveal the box underneath.
It was beautiful.
Where Faith’s chest was dark, this was light, though no less shiny.
The white willow was so light it was white. Almost as white as Tara’s hair, and polished until it looked almost silver.
Instead of roses, the edge of the chest was decorated with cat-tails, as of a willow-tree in full bloom.
And the central picture showed the sun shining down on a hill. A hill with a willow-tree on top.
“I sense Dawnie’s work again,” Tara said softly.
Willow nodded dumbly.
She looked up.
“Wow Xander. This is amazing.”
Xander looked away bashfully. “Aww, shucks.”
“You too Dawn. This is a once in a lifetime thing.”
Dawn beamed. “Yay! Glad you like it!”
“See? I worked in a bunch of symbolism too. See, you’re a Willow tree, that bit’s pretty simple. And ‘Tara’ means ‘hill’ so the hill is for Tara. And if you look at the sun, it’s got the swirly pattern from your ring on it.”
“Wow. That’s really… complicated.”
“What about Faith’s box?” Buffy asked.
“The same. The sun is for ‘Summers,’ because ‘Buffy’ doesn’t translate to anything but ‘what was mom thinking?’”
“Hey!” Buffy said in protest.
“And Faith is a hill too, because Lehane translates to ‘grey hills.’ sorta.”
“
I was named after the famous arts-ballet lady-person that mom admired,
Dawn.”
Dawn smirked in the face of Buffy’s glare.
“Who’s next?” Dawn asked excitedly.
“Us!” Buffy said brightly, pointing to Faith and herself.
“One of the great things about being a couple, is being able to get one set of presents between ya,” Faith said.
“Hey, we got great presents!”
“I ain’t arguing.”
“Well, here’s ours, even if we are cheapskates,” Buffy said.
She plonked a slightly squishy, creaky parcel in the table, along with an extra large envelope.
Faith strongarmed a heavy box on from down the side of the couch, onto the table.
Xander closed his eyes and hummed, waving his arms around vaguely.
“I’m using my powers to detect… a jacket and a box of tools!”
Dawn just gave him a look. “Faith buys everyone a leather jacket. And you know about the tools, because she asked you what tools you needed, and what were the best brands.”
Xander grinned. “Yep. Still appreciated, thanks Faith.”
He opened his presents, and revealed, a nice leather jacket, and a big red toolbox.
“Awesome! Thanks you guys.”
“And this one’s from us too,” Buffy said, pushing the big envelope forward. “Faith helped me pick it out.”
He carefully tore the end off the envelope, and tipped it up.
Out dropped a comic.
Xander blinked. “Holy cow! A signed first edition X-men?! Wow, thanks Buff!”
“Keep it away from Andrew,” Faith said.
“Nah. He’s not into X-men.”
“I suppose that we’re next,” Tara said.
She passed over a large squishy parcel, which by now everyone could recognize as clothes.
“Baby, you didn’t need to get me anything,” Willow protested. “I wake up every day to the best present anyone could ever give.”
Tara smiled the soft smile she kept for Willow alone. “I know. I wake up to the same present. But here is another one anyway.”
“I saw it and thought of you.”
Willow carefully opened the parcel to reveal a riot of bright colours.
She lifted up a soft woollen bonnet, fluffy scarf, and soft woollen sweater, all in bright rainbow stripes.
“Heeheehee!” she said, snuggling into them.
“I saw the bonnet in town,” Tara said. “So I asked around, and found out who made it. Then I asked her to knit the scarf and sweater.”
“Wow,” Faith said. “You’re gonna look like ‘Where’s Wally,’ only gayer.”
Willow giggled as she fondled her soft rainbows.
“Thank you baby,” she said, as she treated Tara to a soft kiss.
“The only problem I have now, is that I have two favourite scarves, both from my fiancé.”
“One for everyday, and one for special occasions?” Tara suggested.
Willow held up the ribbon of soft light. “This is definitely a special occasion scarf. Even if I want to wear it all the time.”
Buffy chuckled. “We can’t blame all of your old wardrobe on your mom, can we?”
Willow grimaced. “Well, the white tights were definitely her idea. But if it was fluffy and colourful, it was definitely mine!”
Willow looked up into Buffy’s bright smirk.
“Hey, I can colour coordinate!” she protested. “I just like bright colours,” she mumbled.
“Well, look on the bright side,” Faith said. “You have a whole set that matches. Even if it will never match
anything else.”
“Next time it’s cold, I am totally wearing these,” Willow said brightly.
“And we will have no trouble finding you,” Xander said.
He looked out the window to the grey sky.
“Y’know, it’s kinda cold today. And it’s supposed to rain later.”
“Perfect!” Willow said.
She pushed over the last two presents, one small parcel to Buffy, the other to Xander.
“Remember earlier I told you about putting the mojo on everyone’s armour?”
Xander and Buffy nodded.
“Well, we haven’t figured out how the spells work yet. But we needed practice enchanting magical things, so we tried out a few simple spells first.”
“So, you get magical presents,” Tara added.
“Cool!” Buffy said passing the parcel to Faith to open.
“A tiny gay magic Frisbee?” Faith said, holding up the rainbow coloured ring. One side of the ring had a dozen small runes cut into it. “And some cute booties?”
Buffy predictably went all gooey. “Aww! They’re sooo cute!”
“It’s a teething ring,” Tara said. “Willow picked it, and we both enchanted it. If you chew on it, any pain you are feeling goes away.”
“Slightly less sleepless nights,” Willow added. “Um, the booties aren’t magical, we just thought they were super cute.”
“Do I get one?” Xander said, eyeing his similar sized parcel.
“No. You get two,” Willow said brightly.
“But they’re not actually teething rings,” Tara added with a gentle tease.
Xander opened his parcel, and took out two eye-patches. One was black, the other a very dark red.
He turned them around, and looked at them closely. There were runes, picked out in gold wire on the inside.
“Awesome. I like the red one.”
“There was a blue one, but we slightly set it on fire,” Willow said guiltily.
Xander looked at her with his good eye. “On fire? Is this going to set me on fire? Because that sounds like a bad thing.”
Tara chuckled. “It’s alright Xander. We were trying to find a way to get actual gold runes onto silk.”
“Yeah. Molten gold plus silk? Not a good combo,” Willow said.
“This looks like wire,” Xander said looking closely at one of his patches.
“Yep. Turns out you can just buy the stuff, if you go down to a jewellery shop and ask nicely.”
She turned to Buffy. “And yes, we went to the nice jewellery shop.”
“They are doing very well these days,” Tara said mildly.
“The other shop has a big sale on,” Xander said. “I’m hoping it’s a closing down sale.”
“Give it time,” Faith growled. “I still owe that bitch a few harsh words.”
Buffy waggled a finger at her. “No killage.”
Faith sulked. “Not gonna kill her, B. Just gonna yell at her a lot. And maybe break some things.”
“Cry,” Anya said.
“What?”
“Cry,” Anya said simply. “A pregnant woman crying in her store, about not being able to get an engagement ring for her fiancé? That should be the end of her business.”
“Jesus. You’re a vicious woman, Demon-girl,” Faith said.
“Thanks,” Anya said brightly. “Though ‘Angel-girl’ is probably more appropriate.”
“Because that won’t cause confusion around here,” Dawn said, rolling her eyes.
“It’s that or Anchor-butt. You choose,” Faith said.
“You are just jealous of my butt,” Anya said brightly. “You have a nice rear, but mine is better.”
“As if,” Faith snorted.
“Xander? Who has the nicest butt?” Anya asked.
“Oh, no you don’t,” he said. “Fight if you want to, but don’t drag me into it.”
“But-”
“Nope. Putting my foot down and everything. You’re my girl, so yours is the only butt I care about.”
Willow blinked. “Uh, you’re getting better at this stuff, Xander.”
“Eh, practise. Eventually, even
I figure it out.”
“I am very impressed, Xander,” Anya said, the admiring light in her eyes, matching her words. “And later, you can have all the butt you want.”
Silence reigned.
Xander blushed.
Buffy sighed.
They’d nearly made it through a whole social occasion, without Anya managing to scar everyone’s mind with some sex-related thing.
Though, now she was slightly curious about Scandinavian countries, and that was a little unsettling.
“Some things never change,” she muttered.
Xander fiddled with his eye patches.
“So, um. Very cool,” he essayed. “What do they do?”
“Um, the black one lets you see in the dark. The red one lets you see heat, kinda like the alien from Predator,” Willow said.
“We’ll make you another blue one,” Tara said. “We should be able to get it sorted out in a few hours, but we need a new eye patch.”
“Just stick with the black one most of the time,” Willow said. “It has no downside at all. When it gets too dark for everyone else, it won’t for you.”
“Like a Slayer?”
“Yep.”
“Cool.”
“The other one looks like Predator vision. Which is handy for finding people or tracking, but it makes it hard to do ordinary things,” Willow said. “I tested them both.”
“This is awesome you guys! Uh, what does the blue one do?”
“It’s a translating one. It lets you read any language,” Tara said.
“Tara knows all sorts of ‘see cool stuff’ spells,” Willow said proudly.
Tara smiled shyly back at her.
“Just don’t get clever and try to wear more than one at a time. You’ll get a headache.”
“Hey, hold up!” Buffy said.
“What’s up Buff?” Xander asked.
“Where’s my present?”
“Uh, were we supposed to get you one?” he asked, confused.
“No, doofus. My present for Willow and Tara!”
Everyone looked around at the snowdrift of wrapping paper surrounding them.
“Um, anyone got a present detecting spell?” Xander asked.
“Um, no,” Willow said. “No shoe-sale detecting spells either, before anyone asks.”
“Pooh,” Buffy said. “Well, everyone look around for an envelope. I wrapped it.”
“This would be a lot easier if we hadn’t all used the same wrapping paper,” Willow grumbled.
“I bought a huge roll,” Buffy complained. “No sense in wasting it.”
“Well, everyone look around for a brightly coloured envelope,” Willow said.
A great deal of rustling followed.
“I think I’ve found it,” Tara said, holding up an envelope.
“How do you do that?” Buffy asked.
Tara smiled. “Everybody’s good at something. This is my something.”
Willow smiled. “You found me.”
Tara smiled back. “Yes I did.”
“Across dimensions, even.”
“And before you jump each other on the couch, could you perhaps open my present?” Buffy said sweetly.
“If we must,” Willow said teasingly.
Tara handed the envelope over, and Willow opened it.
“Ooo, a naughty weekend at the four star hotel and spa in Goldenwoods!”
“Yep!” Buffy said. “Though the amount of naughtiness is entirely up to you.”
“Plus, by the time you get back, this place should be done, and everyone can move in,” Xander said, waving over his shoulder in the vague direction of the Scooby palace.
“Neat!” Willow said. “Not that we
need a vacation from you guys, but vacations are generally nice to have.”
“Well, you’re booked in for tonight, and the rest of the weekend,” Buffy said. “Not that I’m trying to rush anyone, but we are running out of time to do anything, y’know,
normal.”
Willow frowned. “Are you sure Buff? Because we can always go later.”
“Nope. You enjoy your weekend. We’ll be ok here in the fortress of multitudes,” Buffy said. “We’re pretty safe in our new home, surrounded by twenty feet of rock, spells and three thousand heavily armed women.”
“And we have patrols in town. So if something does go crazy, backup will be right there,” Faith said.
“Yeah, we are going to have to do something about all those armed women,” Xander said.
“Poor Xander. Are they giving you a hard time?” Willow teased.
“Nope. But having poked through my soldier memories a few times, I can tell you that we need way more space for that many fighting types. And something for them to do.”
“Don’t sweat it X,” Faith said. “I get the feeling G-man and the band, are getting ready to kick this thing off next week. So they only have to stay sane until then.”
“You realize there’s still two presents left, right?” Dawn asked.
Buffy and Willow’s eyes lit up. “Oh yeah!” Buffy said. “I can smell them, and it’s driving me bonkers.”
The dense, heavy blocks had been stacked at the bottom of the pile, and half buried in a snow drift of shredded paper
Both of the head-sized blocks were wrapped in the familiar wrapping paper, and were now sitting on the table, next to a tiny hatchet.
“Go nuts,” Xander said.
Willow and Faith both tore the paper off, and the cellophane wrapping underneath, to reveal two huge brown cubes.
One of toffee, and one of chocolate.
Faith held up the small hatchet. “I think we’re gonna need a bigger axe.”
Buffy bounced to her feet, and ran to their room.
She returned moments later with the axe they called the Scythe.
Willow goggled. “The Scythe. The symbol of the Slayer line. Forged by sorceresses in the distant past, and you’re using it to cut chocolate?”
Buffy grinned. “And toffee.”
She quickly shaved off some large strips of chocolate and toffee, showing that yes, the Scythe really
would cut anything.
Xander learned to his peril, that eating large amounts of toffee in one sitting was unwise. He ended up welding his jaw shut with toffee, and was unable to speak for fifteen minutes, while it dissolved.
But that didn’t put a damper on the day. Far from it.
After the relentless teasing and giggling had died down, and Xander had gesticulated wildly to get his point across, the Scoobies decided it was time to get clean, and head into town, for the other half of their special day.
+++
“Good birthday?” Tara asked.
Willow hummed a happy tune. “The best!” she said, and snuggled into Tara’s side. “And hey, Xander got a raio controlled buggy, that he got to race with Dawn, which was pretty cool.”
It had been a happy day of friends and presents and chocolate, and now they were enjoying their last present: a naughty weekend in Goldenwoods’ finest hotel.
The pair were sprawled across a giant bed, gloriously naked and sated.
“Did you enjoy your presents?” Tara asked with a sleepy purr.
“You know, I did,” Willow said sleepily. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I’ve already gotten the best ever present possible. Ever. The end,” she said, nuzzling a little bit for emphasis.
“Sex is your best ever present?” Tara said teasingly.
“Nope, silly. The sex is great. Wonderful. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious even,” Willow said with lethargic happiness.
“But no. my super awesome amazing… zowie! present that just keeps on giving, is you,” she said, with a squeeze for emphasis.
“Zowie?” Tara said with quiet amusement.
“Needed a new word. The others just… not enough,” Willow said sleepily. “Never need… another present… Happy now.”
And with that, Tara felt the last grip Willow had on consciousness let go, and she drifted away into comforting sleep.
Moments later, similarly tired and sated, Tara joined her.
+++
“Mmmm... Xander,” Tara said thoughtfully.
“Okay, not quite the response I was, fishing for,” Willow said, looking confused. “Especially after that evening of naughty fun.
“No, he's here,” Tara said.
“Think they're making up?” Willow asked. A pang of deep anguish shot through her, along with a jolt of confusion. Something wasn’t right.
“I hope so,” Tara said, seemingly oblivious to Willow’s state. “That's the best part.”
Willow looked around, a sense of dread building with terrifying speed, as if she was drowning in fear and did not know why.
And Tara didn’t seem to notice, and that felt wrong somehow.
She looked across at her love, smiling gently, her dark blonde hair somewhat mussed.
Her hair? What was wrong with her hair?
Willow looked down at herself, her pale and slender legs.
Something seemed wrong there too.
She’d always been slim, so why did she suddenly seem surprized by that? Why was she expecting more muscles?
She tried to say something, but her throat was paralysed with fear. Unable to utter a word, she just whimpered.
And worse, Tara didn’t even seem to notice.
They went through their morning routine, with Willow scared out of her mind, and no idea why, until at last, they heard shouts from outside, and a loud crack.
Willow jerked as she was splattered with red, and her world came crashing down.
Horror was not a sufficient word for what Willow felt at that moment.
“Your shirt…” Tara said as she fell.
“No... no... no...” Willow said, collapsing as all her worst fears came to life in front of her.
“Tara? Come, on baby. Get up. Please. Tara...” she said, as tears spilled down her cheeks.
’Don’t urge me to leave you, or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your Goddess, my Goddess. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Goddess deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.’ the words echoed in her mind, coming from depths hidden within her soul.
She did not recognize the voice, but it spoke truth.
And if the world didn’t have Tara in it, then she didn’t want to live.
The sunlight shining in from outside started to darken.
It was easy, just unravel the knot that tied her soul to her body, and let go…
‘Sweetie?’ came a voice in her soul.
’Hold on baby, I’m coming!’’Willow, no! You hold on, I’m coming!’The house shook, and the light through the window, which had been slowly darkening, began to brighten until it blazed brighter than the noon-day sun.
Pure white, it burned through the window with such intensity that it was akin to a solid thing.
And yet it did not blind Willow, nor make her look away.
Instead it brought comfort. Comfort and healing.
The wall slowly faded away, to reveal Tara resplendent.
She floated there in a gown of white, her wings rippling out behind her, haloed in light.
She drifted in, to stand in front of her love.
She smiled.
’where you go, I go.’Willow blinked in surprise. “Tara?”
“I’m here Willow.”
“Holy… you!” she frowned. “This is a dream?”
Tara looked down, her face falling. “Oh Willow.”
Willow looked down too. “Oh,” she said as she laid eyes on her fallen love, bleeding and dead on the ground. “I’m gonna go with nightmare.”
“Oh Willow. This was the worst day. But it’s over now, and we are still together,” she said, as she swept Willow into her arms.
Willow snuggled in close and held her tight, tears of joy and horror streaming down her face, weeping.
“Someone is going to pay for this,” Tara said, her voice uncharacteristically hard.
“What?” Willow sniffled.
“This was not a random dream, sweetie. This was sent.”
Giving Willow a final squeeze, she let her go, and standing over her own fallen corpse she commanded of the world “Show yourself!”
Nothing happened.
The light from outside the room darkened, and the body on the ground shook. And stirred.
And Tara stood, blood running down her chest, and her eyes as black as night.
Willow whimpered.
And Tara took up a fighting stance between the dead version of herself, and Willow.
“Now I am really angry,” she said.
Her eyes burned with light.
Not the mellow reassuring glow she usually had, this was the burning heat of the desert sun.
Her eyes narrowed to burning slits. “In the name of the Goddess, show yourself!”
Her magic flowed out from her in a shockwave, driving the dark eyed Tara back against the wall.
The blast revealed a figure, a simple shape, barely humanoid, outlined in light.
“Not possible!” it hissed, it’s voice far from human.
“We hear that a lot,” Tara said evenly, a faint tremor of anger in her voice.
“But that doesn’t matter now. What matters, is that you tried to hurt Willow!” Tara said, her halo of light flaring with her anger.
No. This was not anger. This was
fury. Righteous fury, driven by love. And fear.
“You dare?! You try to take her from me?!” she shouted, flame blazing from her eyes.
“You tried to convince her to kill herself?!”
“Orders,” the barely visible figure croaked.
Tara’s fury flared.
In the waking world her anger was channelled into constructive actions, put aside or simply put away.
But here, in the dream world, she had no such restraint.
Her power flared flaring like the sunrise on a distant world.
But this was not a sunrise that brought the safety of daylight, and surcease from the terrors of night.
This was the sunrise of a supernova, stripping away all pretence, all hiding places, and finally burning everything away, until nothing remained, not even the earth.
“
SHE. IS. MINE!” she roared.
And the Dreamweaver stared at the untrammelled power of the light, and quailed in fear.
For a very short time.
+++
Willow woke first, which was only very slightly unusual. Tara usually woke before she did.
Something felt… wrong. Worrying.
She prised open one eye, and took in Tara sleeping peacefully next to her, only faint snores to be heard.
Nope. No problem there.
Her brow furrowed.
Something smelled burnt.
Her wandering eye fixed on the ten foot protective circle burned into the ceiling.
Yep. That was the source of the scorched smell.
Nothing seemed to be an immediate problem, so she simply snuggled closer to Tara, and tried to drift back to sleep.
+++
“It looks very pretty,” Anya said. “But is it strong?”
The construction foreman gave her a disbelieving look, and nodded. “Very. That’s inch-thick bulletproof glass, and very heavy steel framing.”
“I am not anticipating bullets,” Anya said, looking slightly annoyed. “I am anticipating many break-ins.”
“This will stop anything other than a ram-raid by someone in a pickup truck,” he said, trying to not lose his cool.
“Care to put that to the test?” Anya said.
He frowned. “How?”
Anya waved at Heather to get her attention. “Hey! Want to break something?”
Heather blinked. “You sure you don’t want Jules? I can get her if you like?”
“No. You’ll do.”
She turned to the foreman. “I’ll make you a deal. Give her a small crowbar and a hammer. If she can break in, in less than a minute, you fix it so she can’t.
At cost. If she doesn’t, you fix whatever damage she causes at overtime rates, and I pay for the materials of course.”
He eyed Heather suspiciously. She was clearly fit, but as slender as a reed. “I’m not in the habit of betting at work.”
“I will also ensure that you get paid an additional ten percent for all further work, if she doesn’t get in. And there’s going to be a great deal of that.”
“Done,” he said, holding out his hand. Disconcertingly, she spat in her palm, and clenched his hand in a terrifyingly strong grip.
She turned to Heather. “Get this right, and I’ll make sure you get the pick of the roster for at least the next week.”
Heather lit up. “Date night here we come!”
“Go look over the outside, and think about it while he gets you a hammer and a crowbar.”
“Can I have my hand back please?”
She let go of his white and bloodless hand.
“Damn,” he said, examining his hand. “I just have the feeling I’ve done something dumb.”
“I am hoping so,” Anya said brightly.
Heather looked closely at the door. “I think I can do this,” she said.
The foreman handed her a claw hammer, and a small prybar.
She went outside and Anya locked the door behind her.
The foreman made a show of setting his watch.
“Go!” he said loudly.
Heather turned and sprinted away.
He blinked in surprise. “That was unexpected.”
When she was a good fifty meters away, she turned and sprinted back, at a speed that would have left an Olympic sprinter looking like he was standing still.
Just before she hit, she jumped and slammed into the big window with horrific force, feet first.
The impact was felt through the floor, and a resounding boom echoed through the whole place.
The glass bowed like a trampoline, and small bits of concrete dust fell down, but it held.
Heather landed lightly on her feet, looking really surprized, the window wobbling and vibrating
“Holy shit!” the foreman shouted.
Anya sniffed. “If she wasn’t such a lightweight, she’d have made it through.”
She gestured urgently through the window. “Keep trying! You still have fifty seconds!”
Heather looked annoyed, more so when Anya added ‘shooing’ gestures.
She jammed the small pry-bar into the gap between the door and the frame in the bottom corner, opposite the hinges.
She hauled mightily, but the thick steel frame did not want to give, and the lock bolts that held it in place were far too sturdy.
She held up the pry-bar, bent.
Breathing hard, and looking highly annoyed, she just let go and started hammering on the middle of the glass door with brutal force, hitting the same spot over and over for a good half minute until the super tough glass starred and cracked.
With a shout and an almighty kick, she kicked the whole panel of broken glass out of the frame and stepped through, breathing hard.
The foreman stared in shock, and Anya raised her fists triumphantly. “Yes! In your face!”
He looked with disbelief at the broken, but still largely intact panel that had folded and popped out with the force of a kick.
“Holy- what- how?!”
“This is the sort of thing we’re dealing with,” Anya said with an even tone. “Only worse.”
“Jesus!”
“No, not Jewish hippies,” Anya said. “Far nastier than that.”
She patted him on the shoulder. “Now, I want to talk to you about the improvements you’re going to make…”
+++
Willow found Giles in their completed command centre, enjoying the quiet, some distance below ground.
Quiet voices murmured in the subdued background, as Watchers and Guardians coordinated the care and maintenance, of entirely too many women warriors.
“Giles!” Willow said with a touch of urgency.
He looked up from his notes and frowned. “Aren’t you two supposed to be enjoying a, ah, er,
weekend?”
“We did the naughty part already, but we think we were attacked!”
He raised an eyebrow. “And this was not part of the… festivities?”
“Giles!” Willow protested, looking slightly shocked.
Giles had the decency to look slightly embarrassed. “Perhaps we should talk in private,” he said, and lead her to a meeting room to one side of the ‘hub’.
Willow sat down on one of the chairs, clearly agitated. Giles pulled up a chair nearby.
“When we woke up, there was a big protective circle around the bed, burned into the floor and ceiling. We’ll be getting a bill for that! And when I spoke to Tara, we both remembered some really weird bits from our dreams. Not much, but enough to let us know that something happened.”
Giles brow furrowed. “While you were sleeping?”
Willow nodded.
“Bad dreams?”
Willow nodded solemnly. “We both woke up in tears, and we weren’t really sure why.”
“Hmm. This is sounding familiar,” he said at last.
Willow blinked in surprise. “It is?”
He nodded. “I was attacked a little while ago in
my sleep. I believe it was of a similar nature.”
Willow pondered that for a moment. “Tara says she usually puts up a ward when she sleeps. But she’s gotten out of the habit since she got back, because y’know, the entire campus is warded.
And how.”
“Where
is Tara?” Giles asked.
“Collecting ingredients for a spell. She wants to do some investigating.”
“I can’t say I blame her.”
Giles took off his glasses and polished them thoughtfully.
“If the attack you dealt with was anything like mine, it was meant to be a delivery of a terrible nightmare. Most likely as a method of damaging our morale and sanity.
Willow looked worried.
“Um, Giles? We’re not at all sure what happened, but Tara thinks it was a bit more serious than that.”
“Oh? How so?”
Willow fidgeted nervously with the edge of her sweater. “We… we got the feeling when we sat down and talked about it, that whatever the heck happened was pretty close. Like, ‘only just survived’ close.”
Giles looked concerned, and moved over to sit next to Willow. “Can you tell me about it?”
Willow slumped. “When I woke up, I remembered thinking about the day Tara… when Tara was…” she trailed off, unable to articulate a day so terrible, that even now it tore at her soul.
Giles put a comforting hand on Willow’s shoulder. “I understand. Don’t trouble yourself dear girl.”
She put her hand on top of Giles’ and squeezed. “Giles… you don’t get it. I think… I think I would have-”
He squeezed back. “Dear girl, I
do understand. We are walking wounded, all of us. And these visions are targeted at the most vulnerable parts of our psyche.”
His face was open and unusually vulnerable.
“And if anything happened to you, all of you, do you think I would be in any better place than you were after Tara?”
He smiled sadly. And then his face hardened. “But this really is too far. And I think the time has come to do something about it.”
“Giles?” Willow said a worried frown.
“It’s time to pull the trigger, as Reggie would say.”
“Um?”
“We have given our enemies far to much time to work their will. And given how often they have failed so far, it is only a matter of time before they try something either desperate, or effective.”
“Are you saying…?” Willow trailed off.
“Time to take back the initiative. We’re going to war.”
+++