Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room

[bytrsuite]

wiccachica, it's so great to see you back posting your Cafe again. I must admit, I fell behind, so this is a good chance to do some catching up.

I vote for Near Earth Channel, The Living Woman Network, and The Late Shift Comedy Hour.

[redjassy]

oooouuuu... voting... yay!

1. Channel Five: Pacific Tides Television

2. Channel Seven: Futopia Channel

3. Channel Nine: Nine West

this is short. uhmm...
still programming here at the corner of the cafe, drinking the cup of Java. Thanks.
Thanks for sharing your wonderful stories..

Ciao ,
j0aN
'redjassy'

[Sassette]

And now for the votes and praise.

It occurs to me, though, that while my votes will be counted, they still don't count, and here's why: no matter which of these you write, I will be entertained and happy to see an update.

So, I'm voting anyway, and here goes:

1) Late Shift Comedy Hour (because we all know that the Late Shift makes me feel all warm and tingly inside ... or, at least, we all know that now, because I've just said so, on an internet message board that can be accessed all the world over).

2) Near Earth Channel (because I am intrigued by the newness ... yes, I said "newness" And the channel name ... are they astronauts? Hobbits? Apes from the future? Ninjas? That last one may seem silly, but really, ninjas are always unexpected, so you should always expect ninjas. I'm just sayin').

3) I hereby relinquish my third vote, because I am completely and utterly unable to decide.

And now for praise ... these updates made me feel, well, all warm and tingly inside. I've missed this feeling. I just might even giggle.

Particular warm and tingly moments include the Dawn mockery, this line:

“Cuz I could just…take all this stuff back and you can attempt to rip open a time/space portal using nothing but your brawny little slayer hands and a stern word or two.”

... the reference to the Gershonicon in the 'last time on The Late Shift' section (because, oh my heck, that's still really >really< funny), and this line:

“That…” Xander said, peeling himself off the dirt, “Was the coolest thing I never want to do again.”

Gosh.

-Sass

[Reallybigpineapple]

Greetings, Wife-to-be!
A Vote, a vote, this website for a vote! Very exciting!
I will now once again dazzle you with my totally original and not-at-all-predicable vote:

Futopia
Nine West
Pacific Tides

Not necessarily in that order, but I can't decide in which, so please don't make me...?
We should rather like a little touchy feely nudie action if that's alright...? But enough about me, let's go back to the story...

L'ananas Vraiment Grande

[Sahugani]

More SO-real PLEASE!!!

[Wiccachicas_revenge]

Beck….beck…beck….

We are pretty evenly matched here Café Goers…with Futopia and Near Earth in the slight lead…Two more days of votes and then it’s on!

I think this calls for some demon promotional tactics…


**Commercial #1**

Black Screen.


Narrator: You’ve watched them battle the improbable….

A flickering image of Tara standing in a sandpit…lit by torches. She is trying to heft a huge sword in her hands, but is squinting like she’s waiting for a blow to land.

A giant broadsword…wielded by an even broader Gershonicon comes down quickly…then slows to a stop just at Tara’s hairline…as if by magic….

Cut to:

Mother slams open a kitchen door with a teeny-tiny service bell in her claws…

Tara…clad in a maid’s uniform is on the floor clinging to Spike’s legs. They both crane their heads up at her in rapt horror.

Narrator: You’ve seen them battle monsters…

Cut to:

The carnival from hell is going full tilt…rides blazing…lights flashing… We pull back and down until we come to…

a too-pretty, blonde pre-teen boy in designer jeans and an angelic smile.

Narrator: But to get their friend back…they are going to be up against something unimaginable…

Cut to:

The Scoobies standing in a field… giving this boy a once over…we close in on Buffy’s confused expression….

Buffy: So…you’re going to kill us with a boy band?

Xander: (shrugging)Well, that would be new…

Cut to:

Black.

Then…a flicker of the inside of a House of Mirrors…Xander, Anya, and Buffy are stepping through a mirror wall…only…this Buffy looks a little grittier around the edges…she seems dirtier…unkempt… and her hair is stringy and dark. Anya and Xander are sporting the same look. They all seem to have an affinity to black leather and even blacker smiles.

DarkBuffy: Let’s do this….

We see DarkTara standing in the mirrored doorway facing them. Smiling just as malignantly.

DarkTara: Let’s.

Cut to:

… Black.

Narrator: Miss this episode…and miss it ALL…Watch… The Late Shift…(sponsored in part by Hungry Puppy Donuts. Hungry Puppy…means tasty tasty….)

**End Commercial**

[LeatherQueen]

Most beloved wiccachicapippa - First, my votes:

Vote 1: Channel 4 - Late Shift
Vote 2: Channel 5 - Pacific Tides
Vote 3: Channel 7 - Futopia

And now for the heaping of the praise. How do I love thy stories? Let me count the ways. I love them more than hugs and puppies!

Also - as a funny story - I made a t-shirt a long time ago, that says "All Powerful Minion" because of my love of all things Late Shift. Now, I love this t-shirt because it is worn and soft and quite quite comfy. So I wear it all the time. However, in one of my visits to a 7-11 while wearing it, I came across evidence that the American education system is not all that it's cracked up to be and it's really no wonder we're behind Europe and Asia in almost every subject. But I digress - the guy behind the counter saw my t-shirt saying "All Powerful Minion" and wanted to know what it meant. I asked him, somewhat politely, what exactly he was asking. And his response, "What's a minion?" is best read here with a thick Texas accent.

So I look forward to your teaching us all what a minion is via your stories. That we may become ever enlightened, your All Powerful Minion army.

[bluebird]

Ohhhh the voting!!!

my turn, my turn (jumps up and down)

OOOOKkkaaaaaay here it goes

1. Channel 7 - futopia
2. Channel 5 - pac tides
3. Channel 3 - so-real


Great to see these being updated



bluebird

[Wiccachicas_revenge]

Beck…beck…beck…

KatezOr: It is within your every right to change your mind as much as you want. Try not to vex over the outcome of your choices…for there will be more voting to come and you can vie for any channel you want again. Thank you soooo much for voting and I hope you get the channels you want.

bytrsuite: Boy am I glad to be back in the swing of things. The pressure of Real Life has waned and I can once again focus my maniacal intentions on an unsuspecting posting Thread….bwahahahahaha! Have fun catching up…I know I did. Stay tuned!

redjassy: It’s so nice to see you here again! I have set up a personal little cove/corner for you to do your programming. Did I mention we offer free WiFi now as well…so type away.

Sassette: My dove. My Muse. The tulips between which I tiptoe….The fact that you feel warm and tingly means I have done my job. Of course that means I’ll have to work harder now to keep the element of surprise and newness in our writer/reader relationship…so expect more twists and turns…more late shift than you can bear…and by golly…more weirdness than ever. I feel a change in the wind says I….

Reallybigpineapple: My betrothed…what would this all mean without your vote? Nothing I tell you…nothing. As for touchy-feely nudie action…I’m going to have to really step up my game huh? It’s going to be hard…having been the tease for so many years…I don’t think I even have a post-coital snuggle in all that writing! Wait…..you mena YOU….ah ha….

Sahugani: I know! I miss that darn show!!….I was re-reading that one and I remembered that it was a real hoot to write…(though the “reverse scene” took a lot out of me.) I’ll have to do a commercial for that one too…Stay tuned…

LeatherQueen: First I have to say…a SHIRT??? You have a minion shirt and didn’t tell me? (my plan was to wear mine and get a whole army of All-Powerful Minions to follow me and take over the world as we know it) Had I known…we could have been well on our way to world domination.

If you really want to have fun with the 7-11 guy…go back and ask him what a cataclysm is.

Plus…my brother thought a minion was one of “those skinny green onions” if that helps. Heh (shakes head in hands) heh. Actually an All-Powerful Scallion would make the shirt’s meaning only SLIGHTLY more bizarre…and oddly Late Shifty….

Bluebird:Come in, scoot up, strap down and prepare for another Café’ update coming soon. Thank you for your votes…they will be tallied posthaste.

[Emms]

Hi again, wiccachicca! I just wanted to stop in to say that I seem to have gotten my 'cafe legs' and am now speeding through all that I've missed... I'm a woman possessed or obsessed (you choose ) Currently I'm on page 22 of this thread but steadily making progress (actually I've done little else today...wait...did I take a shower...?...I might have taken a shower... but I digress... ) I just luuuuve Futopia and Nine west and of course Pac Tides is one of the top three for me as well.

Anyway... I can't wait to get all caught up. You're awesome!! and someone back said this...but I think it bears restating... Yours is the network to watch!

xoxo
Emms

[DelWhicker]

Wiccachica chickabee! I'm loving every word so far!! I started reading this a long time ago, but failed to leave any kind of feedback, so feel free to start the wet noodle lashings at any time. I'm off to do some serious catching up.

Thanks for coming back to this series!

[tarawhipped]

Hurrah for the Cafe!

Ballot:

1. So-Real
2. Flashbackland
3. Near Earth

[Katez0r]

I won't vex. I promise. Well maybe not promise. What's a step down from promise? "I'll think about it?" I'll think about not vexing.

Wow I think I might be developing some strange form of dyslexia where everything I read appears to relate to bodily functions and food. Where you wrote "…for there will be more voting to come and you can vie for any channel you want again." I read "...for there will be more vomiting to come if you eat the pie channel you want again." And while a pie channel sounds oddly intriguing, I'd like to skip the vomiting if at all possible.

I really don't care what wins. As long as I get something. It's like when you've not had sex for a long time and you stop caring so much who you do it with and what they do to you as long as you get off.

No, maybe it's not. But I've never been good with analogies.

I'm going to have some pie.

[Wiccachicas_revenge]

Day 3

Well today is the last day of voting, Cafe-goers! Votes are counted fully tonight at 5 pm (PST) and then production gets underway. So far it looks like Futopia followed by Pac Tides and So-Real tied for second and a close-running Near Earth in Third...

The votes are tight, folks...any new votes can make or break channel selection...

Meanwhile....sit back and enjoy the Cafe...order the triple...it's my favorite.

Thank You all for voting!

WR

[Emms]

*does a little dance* I'm all caught up! Woot! and now I can vote properly (i've been waiting for this moment my entire life... well... since yesterday morning, anyway... )

(drum roll, please)

1. Futopia (*chants* FUTOPIA! FUTOPIA! FUTOPIA! )
2. Nine West (Half naked seduction...need I say more? )
3. Pacific Tides (Just gotta see what's going to happen between Rosie and Kali..*wink wink* *wanders off mumbling something about nude-y swimming*...)

xoxo
Emms

[Wiccachicas_revenge]

Thanks again so much for voting! This is the official Tally:

#1 Futopia

#2 Pac Tides (tie)

#3 So Real (tie)

So stay very tuned for episodes to start.

WR

[Wiccachicas_revenge]

The Futopia Channel
Fear The Light

Title: Bit

“This is my absolute favorite part….”

Wade, sporting his normal tussled do, grinned through the bars of Ryder’s cage. He managed to stay just out of reach of the young woman…who was…by the look of things…just starting to turn. He made a pointed gesture of checking his watch. “Moonrise in….”

“I swear, Wade… If you don’t leave me alone I’m going to murder you.” Ryder said, pressed against the other side of the bars, waiting for the opportunity to get a good swing in on him if he got close enough.

“You know there’s a weird-o cult in town that’ll pay a cherry price for a real, live wolfy.” He winks at her…she swipes at the air between them…

Though her eyes were getting the abysmal black-orbing pupils of the eternally damned, she was still primarily human and none to happy about him observing her during her transformation.

“Get away from my cage, Wade. I’m serious.” But she knew her words would be in vain. He did this every month and she had come to realize that Wade was being true to his own nature….

His annoying, voyeuristic, pain in the ass true nature.

“Gunn…tell him to leave me alone…please!” Wade glanced over his shoulder guiltily…like a kid caught pulling his sister’s hair.

The war room was empty. Wade turned back to Ryder.

“Good one, fur girl…You had me going for a…”

“Wade…please stop teasing helpless creatures in cages…” Winna’s voice seemed to come out of nowhere. Wade jumped and looked up at the catwalk.

“Oh, hi Gunn. I Didn’t hear you come in…”

“You never do.” She said. She leaned over the railing of the catwalk, her expression unreadable with her dark glasses on.

“You sound tired.” He said…trying to keep his tone casual. In fact…he had never seen or heard her tired before.

He never imagined watching a gorgeous woman sleep out a fever would be such hard work. Wel...he might have imagined it once or twice...but...

“You sound like you’re trying to change the subject.” She reminded him. “Riling Ryder up before she turns is not nice.”

“Thank you.” Ryder said through more teeth than she’d had a moment ago…not so much out of politeness as a ‘see? I told you’ voice. “I don’t want you watching me…” She swiped at the air again for good measure. This time her fingers were just beginning to sport wicked little claws.

“Cult aside…maybe we should take her to one of those dog-grooming joints in the Village…you know…a wash and a poodle cut…”

The cage rattled.

Winna sighed. It was like babysitting teenagers around this time of the month.

What Ryder wasn’t privy to was that Wade, though openly brazen and provoking with his good friend, never actually watched her turn. Usually she was too far gone to know that…but the idea that he waited around to witness one of her most demeaning a weak moments aggravated her…and that was his self-appointed job... To aggravate his best friend.

Normally Winna would chastise Wade for Ryder’s sake and sanity…but tonight she was just too preoccupied.

Taryn’s fever had spiked again and Bill was in there with her. He had sent her out again too…from her own living quarters. That didn’t bother her as much as her own reaction to the blond woman’s thrashings and crying out.

Panic. Fear.

She had even caught herself wringing at her hands and pacing the floor while Bill looked Taryn over.

Then she started in with the rapid succession of questions almost like she couldn’t help it….it was like an unstoppable force. Was Taryn alright? Did he need cold compresses? Is she in pain? Was she going to hurt herself?

The questions went on and on until Bill had ordered her from the room with a stern finger-pointing motion.

She sucked it up and stalked out of the room…She had her cool- kick-ass rep to uphold…and it was starting to break down miserably under the gravitational tow of this one woman.

“You are playing a dangerous game…” Ryder warned Wade, pointing a wicked claw-finger at him. Her eyes had turned fully now….which meant that she was going to be leaving the world of the girly-conscious very soon.

You’re playing a dangerous game too…aren’t you Gunn?

Winna listened for a moment. Taryn’s cries had subsided and she had probably fallen back into her fitful slumber.

“You’re gorgeous when you’re angry.” Wade teased Ryder down on the ground below. A clawed hand and arm came out of the cage. There was just the downy startings of fur on the forearm…

Winna watched as Wade stuffed his hands in his pockets, trying to appear nonplussed, and turned to smile almost sadly up at the catwalk as he walked away.

“You want me to make you some tea?” He asked up at her. Winna had already started towards the stairs. She didn’t get him sometimes. He could be the crassest, weirdest guy in front of a group of people…and then…

“Sure.” Winna said.

“Raspberry Oolong Breeze for the tough-as-nails lady?”

“Only if the mighty werewolf-tamer is having his usual manly dose of Rooibos Peach Tea with milk.”

“Damn straight.” He put the pot of water on the stove at the mini kitchen. Winna didn't hedge the next subject...

“So are we going to talk about this Herculean crush of yours?” Winna asked, watching him primly pull out the appropriate teabags from their boxes and plunk them into their designated “Boss” and “Lackey” mugs.
Wade looked up at her…eyes wide…for one incapable of a witty comeback. He blinked…crossed and uncrossed his arms…blinked again…

No use denying it kiddo…you’re hooked….

The flash/boil teakettle gave a throaty whistle, and Wade used it as an excuse to break eye contact and fetch the water. He poured it into the two cups. He looked down into the cups…watching them turn colors.

“I’m in love with a werewolf…” He says hearing it for the first time aloud.

“You’re in love with a wonderful girl who sometimes turns into a werewolf…” Winna says.

“Yeah, well…most people only have to worry about having their heart ripped out…but then there’s the whole ‘this could LITERALLY happen to you’ thing I have to think about….”

“You sometimes can’t help who you care about…even if it means having your heart ripped out.” Winna says cryptically.

“So?” Wade says...raising his brow. Subject change….

“So.” Winna says…becoming a veritable fortress again.

“Is the pretty police lady going to hanging her cuffs on your headboard permanently?” Winna felt her stomach flutter at the mere thought. She steeled herself.

“Wade…”

“I know…I know…’that’s none of your business, Wade…’ He mocks…handing her the “lackey” mug.

TBC…

Next up…. So Real!!!! (how long has it been)?

Stay tuned

[spells42]

Wiccachicka
I want to vote,but I can't remember enough about the different channels (curse my advancing senility!) to do so until I've re-read from the beginning. (Which pleasure I'm happily anticipating.) I DO remember I really enjoyed my time in the Cataclysm Cafe, so anything you post will be welcome.

Unfortunately I don't have much free time coming up so it'll be a while before I can catch up. So, sorry in advance for not leaving regular feedback. Perhaps you'll accept virtual feedback until then? It'd be like this:
That was a great update. As ever I found your episodes funny/moving/hot <insert appropriate or all of the above>, and I'm looking forward to more.

So happy to see you back.
Anne

[Emms]

Can I just say that I love the whole Wade/Ryder dynamic...I love the way you write your characters...they are so three dimensional... I wish I had something more eloquent to say at this point...but that's the best I can do, I think.

I'm so worried about Taryn... I mean, I know she's going to be alright... but I can't help but being concerned... she's so out of it right now... and Winna is looking quite drained (though still incredibly HOT ) I have a feeling we haven't seen the worst of Taryn's illness... I bet she's going to get much, much worse before she gets better... and I'm a whole lot intrigued to see how Winna is going to react to that..

You're putting together some brilliant stories here, Wicca... and I'm loving being along for the ride.

xoxo
Emms

[Wiccachicas_revenge]

The So-Real Channel

Episode Title: “The Schism is Gonna Get You.”

Present Time:

The White Room

Alec is sitting in the chair with a giant, dusty book resting on his lap. He taps it nervously with his fingertips as he speaks.

Alec: In case you haven’t been paying attention, The-Powers-That-Be have seen fit to sort of…sell our virgin souls to the Most Evil of Evils in a big creepy corporate buy out. Megan and Tustin have this convoluted idea that Willow and Tara are somewhere in the house (laughs) making out or something…which is ridiculous because if they were…that would really be bad… End-Of-The-World, bad. (he sighs)They don’t believe me…mostly because it sounds ridiculous…that and I haven’t told them about the second part of the passage…the really End-Of-The-World, bad part…that’s supposed to uh…happen… (runs his fingers through his hair with shaking fingers) Maybe I shouldn’t tell them. It won’t do them any good to know anyway …Plus there’s the whole sworn-to-secrecy thing I have going for me….

[hr]

Some Random Hallway

Megan and Tustin are standing over a hunkering Alec as he fiddles with his copious notes and sweats bullets.

“What aren’t you telling us, Alec?” Megan asks.

“Yeah, Keyhole…how about spilling the part that seems to be turning you into a big sweaty Alec puddle…”

Alec crosses his arms over his chest…shutting them off.

“I have n-no idea what you’re talking about…” He quips.

“I’m guessing there’s more than what you’re telling us…” Megan pressed. Alec looked around as though trying to find a way out. “I’ve seen that look on faces before…politicians and two of my exes…”

“I’m only thinking we should find a way out of this house soon…” Alec offers…not giving anything up…though he’s still clinging to his notes and the paper is rattling loudly as he shivers.

“And lose the challenge? No way…” Tustin says.

“There’s an obscene amount of money riding on our staying here and nothing you can say is going to get me out that front door…” Megan seconds.

“There’s horrible, evil, demon coming.” Alec blurts.

Megan and Tustin look at each other for a moment…then to Alec.

“You’re just trying to get us out of the house so you can win, Keyhole.” Tustin says

“No…I’m serious! It was in the book…”Alec opens his notes and reads from the wrinkled pages.

“…and two of the chosen will attempt to undermine the Most Evil of Evils…and their impending union will call to arms The Schism (with a capital T and S) And The Schism shall take on corporeal form to assure that the Great Corporate Turnover shall occur on schedule…”

“So this Schism is like a big Evil, supernatural Production Assistant?” Megan asks.

“Well….yeah.”

“Oh great…we’re so dead.” Tustin says.

“Well…maybe not…Let’s just hope that Willow and Tara haven’t done anything to warrant this Schism into existence… Alec offers.

Megan and Tustin look at each other again.

“We’re dead.” They say together.

[hr]

Meanwhile…In the Rumpus Room….

<>

The sound ricochets off the walls of the house like a large drum being assaulted by a giant three-year-old. Willow and Tara remain frozen in position…plaster still flecking down into their hair like confetti.

The billiard balls jump up and down on the table in time with the sound. They dance and clack against each other wildly.

Willow can now feel the sound in her backside, through the pool table.

<>

“I don’t like that.” She says pointing to the door. She has no idea what it is, but she knows that something is coming, and by gum, it is not pleased.

I was about to be pleased… Willow thought wistfully for one brief millisecond.

The terrible sound was not stopping, or slowing…it was coming towards the Rumpus Room loud and fast. A freight truck without brakes or brains.

“Will?” Tara said , without tearing her eyes from the door.

“Tare?” Willow returned.

“Run?” Tara suggested.

“Yep.” Willow agreed.

Both young women, clinging to their slightly-loosed clothing, scramble off the pool table and round it for the row of frosted glass doors to the rear of the room. Tara claws at the brass handles and pulls open the door, pushing Willow through first and following closely behind.

On the other side of the door, the awful sound was no lighter. Willow and Tara stand with their palms pressed against the glass like it was going to actually stop what is coming.

“I’m really starting to hate this house!” Tara says over the noise.

“Starting???” Willow howls as the sound of the thick Rumpus Room door being blown inward and apart rattles the door frames.

Through the opaque glass both girls can see a hulking shadow looming in the broken doorway of the Rumpus Room.

The ruckus ceases immediately…as the shadow shifts its gargantuan head from side to side…as though surprised not to find them in the room.

Willow covers her own mouth to keep from making any noise. Her green eyes are wide.

Back away…slowly… Tara mouths to Willow.

They slink slowly and silently backward…away from the doors…

back…back…back…

Keeping their eyes on the large shadow that has begun to investigate the Rumpus Room by tipping over the pool table with about as much effort of a pro wrestler upending an aluminum card table.

<>

back…back…back…

The crawl/inch backward until Willow feels something blocking her escape. She bites her lip to keep from shouting out, then reaches behind her slowly and feels clammy flesh.

Okay Rossman...if you scream…the big shadowy thing is going to find you both….just turn and look …just turn and look…

Willow turned her head slowly and looked behind her at the unconscious human form lying on the ground…

Megan?

She was still breathing…shallowly…and she was soaked to the bone…

What in the world is Megan doing way out here?

[hr]

Meanwhile…in a Random Hallway…

“I say we continue with what we were doing… finding Willow and Tara.” Megan says to Tustin and Alec…

“I’m with her.” Tustin says.

“But the demons…and the ghosts….” Alec preens.

“There’s no such thing as monsters.” Megan says…smiles sweetly-if not a bit oddly…and walks off down the hall.


TBC…

Next Up…..Pac Tides…..

[notl33t]

I choose the worst week to disappear off the face of the earth. Not only do I miss out on all these updates, I miss out on voting. But I would vote for the Futopia Channel [Fear the Light rocks!] in any case, which already showed up! I vote for more Futopia Channel! Mostly because I am in love with Taryn . . .and Winna Gunn.

[Emms]

Second dibs!!

Okay... I can't FB right now...but I will as soon as I get back.

[db]

*sigh*

I just found this amazingly fantabulous thread and I have to say that I am beyond impressed - this is so creative and funny and witty and smart (do you get the general gist that I like it?).

Oh. Cataclysm Cafe, how do i love thee? Let me count the ways:

Oh Pacific Tides - The lesbian romace / drama set on a lush hawaiian backdrop (how *did* you come up with this idea - it is like aDynasty & Romeo & Juliet combined into a lesbian love tale - *you* are a brilliant genious)

Futopeia - . Willa. Taryn. Cool techno woman of the night and her sweaty bed partner. Gulp. I hope Taryn feels better real soon and quits throwing stuff at Willa (and stuff like that)... so that they can finish the smoochies that we missed out on. PS: I love the Ryder character! She is a hoot - and I love how Ryder & Wade interact hee heee!

And Nine West - Who is the mysterious stranger heading to make trouble for (and further thwart the nakid romping of) our sweet heroines? I *love love love* the image of Wy dropping the sheet with those guns. *squeal*. Yay! Do it again! Do it again! *does mathematical calculation to determine what those two sexy women can accomplish in 25 seconds*


Ooooh Ooooh. and the So Real Chanel. Alec cracks me up. He is hilarious - and Willow and Tara are very sweet and hot... and the fact that it is a *reality* show - so Tara's boyfriend (KC?) is watching (along with all of the network television audience, us the reader and their housemates who are out to catch them making out)... I just think it is great commentary how *everyone* is kind of the voyeur in this story ('cept Willow and Tara of course).... Very witty, very hot and also yay.

Flashback land is confusing to me. Carnivals, bad Tara, the scooby gang.


...and now i have to run off... so enough of my babbling!

I love it!


db

edited 'cause I cannot type to save my life

[Reallybigpineapple]

Dearly Betrothed,
Even though you were quite right to assume that my mind dwells in the gutter 99% of the time, I did in fact suggest nudie action for W/T as opposed to suggestiong pre-conjugal bliss a deux for all on the thread to see. But I certainly like the way you think. Nice to meet a twin spirit
Having said that, my girlfriend does have a wee bit of a commitment problem and after all, we are engaged... And you do certainly deserve a nice reward for updating, so just let me know when you want your smoochies I have hidden talents. And some that are not so hidden

In the mean time, could we have some vicarious ones?
And one for you:

[NewRuthRising]

Nik! I'm back! Crikey, I haven't posted on this thread in years. Wow, that's actually true! rest assured I've been reading avidly.

Excellent stuff. I'm tempted to get one of those illegal remote thingies that let you control any television. Mwahahahahaha.

By the way, I was rereading Late shift and it skips from chapter fourteen to fourty two, then then misses about fifty chapters from the middle. Argh! any chance of finding the whole thing anywhere?

Cheers.

[Wiccachicas_revenge]

Beck…beck…beck….

spells42: Well…when you do catch up…welcome back to the thread and thanks for watching! I’ll tell you what… build a free-time wing onto the Café just for you with coffee and tea on tap. You are welcome to stop by at any hour and have a drink, a nosh, and a read. But above all, I hope that your schedule is full of the good busy and not the bad busy.

Emms: Thank you for the kind complements about Futopia. I enjoy writing the Wade/Ryder parts. It lets me get my angsty humor out and not release it on the poor unsuspecting souls I work with. I was really considering skipping ahead last week and just writing the other side of the fever, and Taryn’s recuperation period, but then something was nagging at me…I just sat down and started writing…and here came Ryder and Wade to the rescue. Thank you again for reading my stuff and giving great feedback. Stay tuned! Pac Tides is right around the corner…

notl33t: Don’t you worry about the voting. It’s coming up again really soon and you get to vote for whatever channels (or channel) you’d like to see. I’m glad you would have chosen Futopia so I could oblige without even being aware that I was. I have this feeling that Futopia is going to get a bit rowdy here pretty soon. It’s been a while since we had some Winna/Taryn action. Stay tuned!

db: I am soooooooo glad that you are enjoying this thread and all that comes with it. The only thing I can say about the Late Shift that might clear up the confusion is that it’s actually a spinoff show from another (much longer and epically winding) tale of our Scooby gang starting off sometime post Tabula Rasa and veering manically LEFT with …switched bodies…a creepy alternate dimension…and a carnival from Hell (literally) …and if that didn’t clear things up….there’s also the daunting task of reading it. Fortune favours the bold, dear. Wee.

Reallbigpineapple: Dear Conjugal Bliss Candidate….(lol) Luck for you…I knew what you meant and have been striving to “flash a little skin” somewhere in the episodes. With the Pan Demonic Board of Prudie not Crudie Nudiness breathing down our necks here at the station….we have to be on our toes. But you will see us railing against the system the only way we know how…

NewRuthRising: Now there’s a name I haven’t seen in ages! (okay years…but years can be ages too, right?) Well I’m glad to see you back. It’s been too long. One day we will have to reminisce about the good-old-day out in Back of the Café on the porch with our rocking chairs and corn cob pipes…but for now…let us touch on another piece of the past…this next entry…and much much more can be yours if you act now! (I’m not sure how to “act now”…..but you get the gist... It looks like you were right…a good thirty some-odd chapters went Kablooey!

Classic TV Replay: The Late Shift

Chapter Fifteen: No Garbage Cans Were Harmed in the Making of this Fic…

There’s something about strapping on wickedly sharp weaponry in preparation of what could possibly be the last, cataclysmic battle of known existence to make a girl feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I take the crossbow down from its hook. Oh yeah, bay-bay…who’s the biggest baddest Slayer this side of ….well….this side of…me. I’m the Slay-ER…the queen of Slayerdom…the Slay-Meister….

" Willow…put the safety on that, before you take one of my favourite toes off....and just so there’s no mistake...they are ALL my favourite toes...." Buffy says, nodding at the way I’m holding it aimed directly at my foot.

Oops.

I’m not exactly sure where the safety on a crossbow is… but I’m sure it’s on here, somewhere….

The Crossbow has never been my proficient weapon. Too bulky, too easy to miss the target…too much room for error…and that plus Willow Rosenberg spells…well…it spells …Hospital Visit…. Capital H. Capital V.

Okay…truth is…in my normal body…wielding one of these puppies would have proved certain doom or at least certain maimage to at least one of the Scoobies within “accidental shooting distance”.

But now, in Buffy’s body, there’s an ease, a Slayer know-how passed down through generations, a tightly-woven tapestry of skill and monster-fighting strength and indefatigable grace…

PRANGG!!!

The wooden bolt slams through a garbage can across the room, right next to where Spike was loading up stakes into a satchel. The stake-bolt hits a mere foot or so from Tara’s precious leg.

"Take that bloody thing away from her, right now!" Spike shouts. Tara’s shouting voice sound a little feminine and screechy for his taste so clams up and gestures emphatically at me. Buffy does the honors by snatching it out of my hands.

"I’ll take the crossbow, Will…you find something a little more… user friendly." I know it’s Buffy in there, but seeing Dawnie hefting a pointy-shooty thing makes me a little queasy with Maternal-Willow angst.

The only weapons left are some grabby-stabby stakes and a shiny-swingy-slashy. I pocket the stakes and lift the broad sword.

They Call me Red Sonja…heh heh

My two semesters of fencing are about to serve me well. I turn the sword in the light. It glints with wicked promise.

" Could you give her something with dull edges, Love… some weapon ala Nerf maybe?" Spike pleads Buffy.

" Just give her about seven feet of swinging space and we should all be fine." Tara says reasonably, throwing a wink my way. She’s been put in charge of the crosses, the holy water, and the small throwing axes. My kind of girl….

" And as for you, Witchy-Poo…you keep a lid on that vam-perilous Perrier you got there. I don’t want to see any accidental holy water scars on that bod." Spike says to Tara.

" I’d ask the same of you, Spike. Don’t forget the body you’re in right now…is not undead, dead, or otherwise supernatural. Keep the dying to a minimum."

" Right-o." He says and uprights the fallen garbage can. He tries to retrieve the bolt. It doesn’t budge. " I guess I’ll have to stay away from your little girlfriend to make good on that." He says.

Okay… cool sword completely forgotten. I look at Tara, who glances back up at Spike. A vial of holy water poised above the pocket of the vest she’s wearing. I know I shouldn’t even be thinking this. Not while the world as we know it is falling to pieces, and we are about to embark on a dangerous mission…

Right now, the most important thing on this planet is what Tara is going to say ….

Willow is NOT my girlfriend anymore… That’s what she’ll say. Even though it’s true…it’s still going to hurt a lot when it comes out.

I hold my breath, veklempt, as Tara slides the vial of water into its place. She quirks a half-smile so patently Tara at Spike, that it makes my heart start to pound. As shy as she seems, there’s something so strong in her character, that no matter what body her soul inhabits… the Tara I love shines through. I swoon silently, like a teenager….. which I am actually.

" Like I said: Seven feet, Spike and you should be safe." She says in a cryptic, non-committal way, and resumes stocking up. Spike gives up on the poor trash can. It’s a lost cause. He gives me a ‘look what you’ve done’ look.

Meanwhile… I’m oblivious to rubbish-cide guilt right now. I’m mentally doing a major Snoopy/Roger Rabbit/Running Man Boogie in my head.

Okay…sure…I’m clinging to the thinnest thread of hope that maybe Tara and I have a second chance at something really amazing….

…if we live through this…

….aaaand I don’t accidentally take one or both of us out with this sword before this is over….

But let’s face it, without optimism I wouldn’t be Willow Rosenberg. And Buffy-bod or not…I am still Willow…

Now where was I? Oh yeah…..

They call me Red Sonja….Vampire Slayer…


TBC…

End Transmission

[db]

Red Sonja! A chance with Tara, Spike & Dawnie wielding a cross bow. Woooo Hoooo! I don't care if I *get* this body switching thing - but I tell you what, it is entertaining as all get out!

I can't wait to read more!

*chanting*

* PacTides * PacTides * PacTides * PacTides * PacTides * PacTides....


db

[NewRuthRising]

Awesome stuff. as always, I am in awe, stupefied, wonderment, astonishment, admiration, respect, a hint of professional jealousy but mostly hero-worship

/Groupie Mode Off/

Pac Tides please? Or maybe So Real, or Futopia, or...

Damn it, I'm not good at choosing things, ok?

P.S. Forgive my criminal negligence in abondoning you for so long. I bring choco-coffee like treats in repentance.

[NewRuthRising]

Yo! Nik! Where'd ya go? I brought treats and everything!

[Wiccachicas_revenge]

My apologies my little cafe-goers...I have been writing like a dynamo out here...but alas...I have been called to do my civic duty for the last two weeks and I have one more week of jury duty left to do. Let it be known that programs, though postponed for a week...will arrive.

hmm....maybe there should be a "CSI" or a "Court TV" Channel for our girls....

Food for thought.

RWC