by wimpy0729 » Tue Dec 11, 2012 4:48 am
THE LOVERS, THE DREAMERS AND ME
AUTHOR: Wimpy0729
RATING: R
DISCLAIMER: Willow, Tara and all other BtVS characters belong to JW, ME, etc. All other characters, human and otherwise, belong to me.
ANGST RATING: Somewhere in the middle.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have no beta, so all mistakes are my own. For any glaring errors, please PM me.
***SPECIAL NOTE*** -- Well, I was doing some calculating (3x5 = 20, 6x8 = 25, naked Willow, naked Tara) but my train of thought derailed. I think in order to get these girls where we want them by Christmas, I will need to post updates about two times a week. Tentatively, I will plan to post on Tuesdays and Fridays, give or take, so keep an eye out. (But don't get a Red Ryder BB gun or you'll shoot your eye out). Oh, that was bad. My deepest apologies.
A huge thanks again to all for reading and/or replying.
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CHAPTER 16
Faith pulled over in a parking lot once she got to Sunnydale and called Buffy to let her know what was going on and to get directions to Willow's house.
"Do you want me to meet you there?"
Faith hesitated and thought about it for a minute. "Can you wait a little while? I think I need to talk to her alone first and see if I can find out anything at all, but maybe you can be on standby."
"I understand. That might be for the best," Buffy said with a sigh. "I just wish I knew what to do."
"Me too, babe...me too. I'll call you later."
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Willow was curled up in a ball on the couch wearing her loose sweats and an old t-shirt, watching Bridesmaids and crying. She hadn't washed those sweats since Tara was there. She didn't care if they were all stained and starting to stink. She was blowing her nose again when Chosen started to bark, then she heard a knock on her door. She looked out and didn't see a car, so she thought Buffy had just walked over again. She'd been doing that a lot lately.
She shuffled to the door, opened it and jumped back. She didn't know what Faith wanted, but if she thought she had hurt Tara, then she expected it was probably to give her a good bludgeoning.
"Faith..." she said nervously, "uh...Buffy's not here," she mumbled, looking around for a weapon. Her mind was so frazzled she couldn't even think of one single spell. So if Faith was pissed, she was screwed.
Faith stood there and looked at her, her expression unreadable. She took in the sight of the redhead and couldn't believe her eyes -- the dirty, rumpled sweat pants hanging loosely on her bony hips, the equally dirty and wrinkled t-shirt, skin even paler than usual with dark circles under her red-rimmed eyes, and hair that looked like it hadn't been washed or brushed in at least a week.
<Damn. This is even worse than I thought.>
"Hey, Willow. Actually, I came to see you," Faith said calmly.
"Me? Why would you want to see me?"
Faith noticed her looking around like a scared rabbit ready to bolt. <Gently, Faith...>
"I wanted to see how you were doing. Thought maybe we could talk?"
"Talk...I hate that word," she mumbled, looking down. "Talking leads to yelling...and crying...and all kinds of badness." Willow felt the tears coming again. <God, are they ever going to stop?!>
"Please, Willow...can I come in? I just want to help."
Surprisingly, Willow found herself hoping maybe she really could help. She was desperate enough to try anything right now, so she opened the door wider and moved out of the way.
"Thank you," Faith said as she stepped inside and gently shut the door. She followed Willow to the living room and sat in the chair on the other side of the room. Chosen got down off the couch and walked over, rubbing her head against the brunette's leg and Faith smiled as she petted her. "She's looking great, Willow."
"Yeah." Willow wasn't sure what else to say just yet.
Faith looked back up at the nervous woman and tried to figure out how to start this difficult conversation.
"Look, Willow...I don't know what the hell happened..."
"Join the club," Willow said morosely.
"Okay, I'm just trying to figure this out here for all of us. I know things are bad, and I'd really like them to get better. You see, I have a real problem seeing the people I care about in pain...especially both of you," she admitted shyly.
Willow looked curiously at the brunette. This was the softer side of the woman -- the one that cared about the animals she rescued, her friends...her family.
"Can you please...just try to tell me what you remember?"
"She didn't tell you anything?"
"Not a word. But I know this is eatin' you both up, so can we maybe try to...retrace your steps or something?"
Willow leaned back on the couch and sighed. "Okay, I guess I can try," she finally acquiesced. She closed her eyes and the memories came flooding back.
"Well, after the school, she took me out in the country...by a creek, I think. It was very pretty." Willow smiled for the first time in what felt like forever as she relived the good parts of the evening. "She laid out sleeping bags in the back of the truck and lit some candles."
"That sounds very romantic."
"It was. It was perfect. She brought champagne and fruit and we looked at the stars and talked and...stuff."
Faith was watching her carefully as she told her story. They had obviously had a wonderful time during that part of their date.
"So then what happened?"
"Well, we came home, and we got worried when we saw all the blood. We went looking for you guys and found you in the pool all...you know," she said blushing. She cleared her throat before continuing.
"Then we went back into the house and went upstairs to get towels for you guys from the bathroom...and she seemed to be...I don't know exactly...maybe a little distracted. So I thought she was probably tired, and I started to leave." Willow stopped and thought for a minute. "Then...she said she wasn't tired, and she wanted me to stay. She said she wanted to talk to me about something, so we went in her room and she shut the door. I was getting nervous because she was acting a little...different. Like she was really nervous too."
Faith furrowed her brow, listening intently and trying her best not to interrupt.
Willow kept her eyes closed and tried to remember every little detail.
"So I asked her if I had done something. I asked if it was me." She sighed and took a long pause.
"She said, yes, it was me, and I think my heart actually stopped there for a few seconds. Next thing I know, she's hugging me and said that it was me...but in a good way." She blushed and looked over at Faith.
"What she said next...it's kinda personal. I don't know if I feel right saying anything else."
"Willow...I appreciate you respecting her enough to think that...I really do, but let me just ask you something," Faith said, leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees.
"Okay," Willow said hesitantly.
"Was this when things started to go bad?"
Willow nodded sadly. "Yes."
"Then I think it might be important, okay?"
She closed her eyes and leaned back again frowning. "She's gonna hate me forever."
"Willow, that's what we're trying to fix here. I swear, I just need to know so maybe I can help you two."
"Well, she...she said it was me...in a good way. That she couldn't stop thinking about me, and that...when we did stuff...you know..."
"What 'stuff' exactly? I'm so sorry I have to ask this personal stuff, believe me, and I promise it won't leave this room."
Willow exhaled loudly and forced herself to continue. "When we...kiss...and touch that she...that she feels things she's never...oh, man...she said her body does things it's never done before. I think that's how she said it," Willow said quickly and felt the heat rising rapidly up her neck and into her cheeks. "And she said she was having a hard time...controlling herself," she mumbled.
"Then...then it got kind of confusing. She pulled away and said something about she was scared of losing me if I found out something. Then she started talking about how she didn't know how to use her laptop. She said she just sits there...and she was a loser because she was 27 years old and didn't have any experience with it, and I could tell she was embarrassed by that, which she shouldn't be. I mean, a lot of people don't know how to use them unless they've taken classes. I told her it wasn't a big deal."
Faith managed to pick out a few key words. The puzzle pieces started to fit together and she felt like she'd been hit in the gut with a 2x4. <Oh no...this is bad...sooo bad>
"Oh fuck."
"So I thought, hey, I'm great with computers. I do it for a living, ya know, so I offered to tutor her. That's when she first got kinda mad, saying she wasn't a 'project' or something, which I didn't get at all. I figured she might not be comfortable with me tutoring her, so I told her I knew a lot of other people who could teach her stuff if she didn't want me to do it, but honestly, I knew a lot more than they did."
"Ohhh...fuck fuck fuck." Faith dropped her head in her hands and groaned.
"Cause I've been teaching people computer stuff since high school. I actually taught my own class my junior year."
Willow paused and frowned even more. "And then...then...she got really mad and asked me to leave, but I didn't know why she got mad. I was just trying to help her," Willow said brokenheartedly. "I swear...I only wanted to help her. I didn't mean to hurt her -- never! You have to believe me," she said as she started sobbing once again. She took a breath and choked out the words.
"And then...then...she got soo mad and screamed at me to leave. It scared me, and I just...I ran, Faith. I ran away from her, because she...she didn't want me there. Oh, God, Faith! What did I do?! I miss her so much!" Willow shook with the force of her sobs and buried her face in her hands. "I don't know what to do!!
Faith brushed the tears from her own cheeks and moved to kneel in front of the broken woman. "Willow. Willow, listen. You didn't do anything wrong, honestly. This is just one HUGE misunderstanding. Willow...do you hear me? You didn't do one damn thing wrong!"
"How could I not? She...she told me to get out. I must've done something wrong!"
"No! Now you listen to me. You two were talking about completely different things -- WAY different things."
"What?"
"Willow, she wasn't talking about her laptop."
"Yes, she was. She seemed so embarrassed because she didn't have any experience with it..."
"Willow!" Faith said forcefully as she took the redhead's face in her hands making her look at her. "Trust me...that girl knows how to use that laptop. She sits at that thing for hours on her days off sometimes."
"But, she says she just sits there..."
"That's not what she meant, Willow...I swear!" Faith let go of her red, tear-stained face and sat beside her on the couch.
"Okay, I'm really, really confused now," Willow said as she rubbed both hands across her face. "Then what the hell was she talking about?"
"Well, see...here's where we get into a very private bit of information, which there's no way I would ever tell anyone under normal circumstances, but I am 110% positive that's what she was trying to tell you."
"Faith...maybe you shouldn't."
"No. This has to be said, but I need to ask you something just as private after I do...okay?"
"Um, how private are we talkin' here?"
"It's pretty big...so let me just get it out, please?"
Willow hesitated, then finally nodded.
"Willow, when she said 'experience', she was talking about...women. Do you understand?"
Willow frowned and looked closely at the brunette.
"You mean...women...on the internet? Like dating sites? She's dated lots of women from there?"
Faith just sighed and shook her head.
"No, Willow...not dating sites. She has no experience with women...sexually."
Willow's eyebrows flew up and her mouth dropped open, and if Faith hadn't caught her, she would've fallen off the couch.
"Are you okay?"
"Huh?"
"Are you okay?"
"Uh...huh uh...no way. There's just no way! I mean...she's just soo...gorgeous and so sexy and...there's no way."
"I am telling you the truth. She is on that computer reading all those stories about lesbian lovin', but the girl is scared shitless when it comes down to doing something about it."
Willow just looked at her with eyes as big as plates...not saucers, but honest to goodness plate-size eyes.
"So see, she has this kind of phobia, plus she thinks that since she's never done anything that other, more experienced women won't be interested in her. You see what I'm sayin'? Why she got so upset?"
"Oh My God!" The reality hit Willow like a Mack truck and Faith had to catch her again.
"Oh, shit. I told her it wasn't a big deal! And...everything else...Oh God!"
Faith was shocked as the redhead jumped up and ran down the hall.
Willow didn't think she had anything left in her body as she heaved repeatedly into the toilet then hung her head on her arm that rested on the toilet seat, moaning.
"It's got a funny echo when you do that, doesn't it?"
"Ugh."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," Faith said as she handed her a glass of water.
"Oh my God, Faith...the things I said."
"Yeah, I know. It was bad considering what she was trying to tell you, but you know what?"
"What?" Willow said sorrowfully.
"She was trying to tell you. She trusts you enough...cares for you enough to share that with you. And you know what else?" Faith asked, finally seeing a sliver of a smile on the redhead's face.
"What?"
"I think she wants to do it with you."
"What?!! No! You said she was scared shitless and...and..."
"Trust me...she wouldn't have been telling, or at least trying to tell you unless she was thinking about it. And that wasn't an easy thing for her to do, believe me. So what...don't you want her?"
"No! I mean...yes, I want her, and I...I really, really care about her."
"She feels the same way. We just need to get this mess cleared up."
"Oh, yeah."
"So, Willow, " Faith said as she sat on the bathroom floor across from the redhead, "now it's your turn."
"For what?"
"As her best friend, I'm obligated to ask -- to prevent anymore of these heartbreaks from happening -- when you guys get back together, and it gets to that point...will it bother you that she's a virgin?" Faith asked gently.
Willow looked down into her glass of water and smiled.
"Not at all...as long as it doesn't bother her that I am," she whispered.
Faith busted out laughing. "Oh man. You two are a perfect match."
Willow just blushed and shrugged her shoulders. "I think so."
"So, now the question is...what are we going to do about this mess?" Faith asked, leaning her head back against the wall.
"I don't know. She probably doesn't even want to speak to me after the things I said."
"But she doesn't know you were talking about the computer. Maybe you start with that and go from there."
"Faith, tell me...how is she? I mean, I know how bad it's been for me, but for her to think what I said was about...sex...she was probably devastated," Willow said sadly.
"Yeah, she was," Faith said with a sigh. "She hardly talks, doesn't eat much. She just goes to work or stays in her room. I've never seen her like this."
Willow's lips started to tremble and she brushed fresh tears from her eyes.
"Don't blame yourself. We'll figure this out, okay?" Faith said as she stood and offered her hand, helping Willow up.
"Thanks, Faith. But, if I call her, I doubt she'll even answer."
The brunette nodded. "You're probably right. Maybe just a short text...some flowers?" Faith suggested.
"Yeah, that sounds like a start anyway. Man, this isn't going to be easy. I mean, should I let her know what you told me? I don't want to get you in trouble. And I can't just blurt out, 'hey, guess what -- I'm a virgin too'."
Faith just laughed. "Hey, why don't we take a step back, take a little break. Do you think you can hold anything down?"
"Maybe."
"Okay, then. Why don't you get yourself cleaned up and I'll get us something to eat."
Willow looked down at her dirty clothes and sighed. "What...you don't like my outfit?" Willow said sarcastically.
"No offense, Red, but you look like shit. And if you're going to start wooing your girl back, you might want to try this new thing called a shower."
The two girls shared a smile and Willow held her arms up to the brunette in question. "Is this okay?"
Faith moved into the thin arms and gave her a firm hug and patted her back. "Yeah. Just don't grab my ass or I'll have to tell Buffy."
"Thank you, Faith...seriously." Willow squeezed her tight and stepped back. "I mean it...thank you."
Faith just shrugged it off. "Hey, somebody had to do somethin'. T's been driving me crazy. Now, you go shower...please," Faith said as she left the bathroom. "Hey, you care if I invite Buffy over?"
"That sounds great."
"And don't forget to use soap!"
"Smart ass," Willow mumbled as she shut the bathroom door. She smiled as the usual Faith returned and realized she kinda liked both sides of her and was glad Buffy had her in her life. Now she just had to get Tara back in hers.
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As soon as she heard the shower turn on, Faith pulled her phone out and called Mary.
"And you're absolutely positive?"
Mary grabbed onto the back of the kitchen chair and fumbled with it until she managed to turn it and get her butt half way on the seat. "That's...oh, my. How is she?"
"Oh, dear. I was afraid of that."
"I'll explain later. Be careful coming home."
Mary barely managed to hang up her phone and turned to her anxious friend, who was sitting at the kitchen table with books scattered all around.
"She is."
"Amazing," Sofie whispered as she searched around the table. "Is this all we have on them?"
"It's all I could find, yes."
"Okay. Let me call Rupert and see what he has."
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Faith called Buffy to give her an update and see what she thought might be good to get Willow for dinner. She was shocked at how much weight the girl had lost in such a small amount of time. Buffy arrived about 30 minutes later with a variety of fast food, hoping that Willow would at least eat something. The only thing Faith had told Buffy about their conversation was that the girls had had a huge misunderstanding that snowballed and exploded. She would leave the rest up to Willow if she wanted to tell her.
Willow emerged from the bathroom freshly showered, shampooed and shaved, and actually wearing clean clothes. She felt a little better, but wouldn't really feel good until she had this disaster cleared up. She told Buffy that she would explain some now, but not everything...not until she had talked to Tara. That is, if she would even talk to her again.
I'm mildly curious to see what Sophie and Mary come up with and see how a "tactful Faith" ends up turning out (because I'm pretty sure that is impossible) But I'm much more anxious for reconciliation to happen between our girls. So I too will continue to throw shit at the wall until this is resolved 
So I predict the next chapter will be kinda fun seeing how Faith will go about asking Willow, without coming right out and asking. I sure hope that one of these girls eventually gets hit with a clue stick, because seriously. If either of them actually sat down and thought about the ENTIRE conversation calmly as a whole, they would figure it out and boy are they going to feel dumb when they finally realize what the deal is, lol.
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I have to hand it to you Pam, you are pushing me into the "liking Faith" category, which I didn't think was possible! So Willow finally opens up and tells all. Faith teared up, but if it was me, I probably would have burst out laughing. Horrible, I know. 
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