Cataclysm Cafe - The Viewing Room

[Dazed and Confused83]

Wow! I JUST discovered the Cataclysm Cafe and can I just say it's amazingly unique! I love this! I haven't gotten very far but I fully intend to read it all... I'm on page 5 right now...got a ways to go. But I've already come to the conclusion that it's very worthy of extended reading time.



:: scuttles back to continue reading ::



~Tiffany

[thebardgirl]

*Signs up at volunteer store for Hungry Puppy INC.*



*Calls ALL the Kittens over and points to List of Merchandise of the Hungry Puppy INC. stand, taking in large breath*



"We have shirts, shoes, skirts, and booze, pins, belts, skins of Celts, slates, signs, skates-that-are-in-line, oversized dice (with a minimized price!), animal kingdoms, rancid with idioms: dogs, cats. New smog and old bats! Foods that are rare, snoods for your hair, stickers and buttons, (okay--we'll get Snickers for gluttons) The DVD's Buffy--please ignore ME--W/T kisses, possibly disses, IF you provoke the strange English bloke...



*points to drunk man nearby who grunts in response*



...also in stock is non-white chalk, collectives we hate, like commemorative plates, books, stamps, girls-that-are-damp, coins, ducks, (we'll pay a penny for twenty bucks!), games, cars, autographs of lame stars, broken sea shells, two half-camels, computers, crafts, parachuters and crap, film with cameras, lost and alive grandmas, tickets to shows to which nobody goes, lights for Christmas trees (we ran out of Kwanza Beeds) rocking real-estate located in Great Lakes, art, antiques, human hearts, loads of geeks: Lang, KD, a bangin’ Ellen D, The Girls of Indigo with Margaret Cho, Melissa E.—Tammy sold separately--, Jewelry and watches (inexpensive swatches), magazines, light fixtures, very obscene pictures, pottery, glass, new shiny brass, AND....



*breathes*



UPDATES of a FIC that are by a HOT CHICK!



*cries with excitement bouncing up and down*



"The Cafe is BACK, and now I'm so HAPpy to be able to read what I desperately need also known to us kittisms--the Fic that IS Cataclysm."



*holds out loads of rolled up posters for public kittens*



"And be SURE to buy our latest Hungry Puppy INC. Posters, that feature your favorite fantasty fiction fem: Pippa Wiccachica Francis O’Ryan-Trolloskovic!!"



*unrolls large picture of shy, yet gorgeously inspiring/noble Wiccachica*



.....



*faints*



.....



-Elizabeth you did this to me...this happiness thing...honestly.

You shanked my janga ship!

[Mikaelah Braenna]

Yes! You have returned and with a wonderful new sponsor! Finally, we will get our doses of real television again. A station that does not play reality shows... Thankies the goddess for the Puppies!



Welcome back Wicca!



~Mika

“You stop. It’s my turn to play.” Yesterday's Tomorrow~ Ch.23~Ophelia

[Reallybigpineapple]

Pippa! My friend in cyberspace! You don't know me, but I felt compelled to come out of lurkdom to say THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU etc, well you get the picture!!

I LOVE CATACLYSM CAFE! It converted me to fanfic. It's one of the funniest things I have ever read, and I'll have you know that I'm a critical bitch!

It's possibly the most fun you can have without being on a date with Amber Benson

I finished reading your fic for the first time a couple of weeks ago, and considered suicide by chocolate when I ran out of pages.

I can't even begin to express my gratitude that there will be more cataclysmic goodness to come!!

You rule!!! Am sending cyber brownies, swedish cinnamon rolls and mochas! You are possibly the queen of everything!! I grovel before thee!!

Let me also emphatically agree with every single thing Irene73 said! Go Nine West, The Beach and Futopia, and most importantly: GO TEAM YOU!!

Edited by: Reallybigpineapple at: 12/9/04 5:07 pm

[Sassette]

I do not have the words to describe how much this pleases me.



-Sass

[Kieli]

The Wiccster's beloved agent sits staring blankly at her television screen, shocked at the announcement she has just beheld. She is so stunned that she's totally forgotten about her insistently beeping Palm Tungsten T5, her stylus hand is frozen in mid-air as she was in the middle of canceling yet another date...*ahem* APPOINTMENT with Ms. Jolie....so does this mean I don't get my condo in Maui??!





Glad to see you back, toots. Honestly, I've missed you like hell.

Time flies by when the Devil drives.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

[wiccachica]

Channel Six: Flashbackland

ENTRANCED

Episode: “Marry? Oh, Mother!!!”



Welcome to the surging white iridescence of Netherworldliness hovering somewhere over Suburbia.

Now…where did we leave off…???…..OH YES….



Inside the corporate office Meeting Room #4A of Netherworld Inc.



Taryn and Winnie stare at the Council in stunned silence. Taryn is rubbing her brow again, looking more like a Calgon commercial and not someone who has just been informed that she and the witch she’s just met are...well... thaumaturgically betrothed.



“Mother...how long ago have you all known about this?” Taryn asks, almost afraid to hear the answer.



Her mother, a fantastically preserved platinum blonde, shrugs.



“Well...It’s kind of hard to explain.....”



“ Try it....NOW.” Taryn demands, fixing her mother with her stoniest gaze. Winnie puts her hands on her hips and looks up at the ceiling.



“And you might as well explain yourself too, Mother. I know you’re up there!” She calls out to the swirling mist above them.



“This just came up recently, Gwenna. No need to get huffy...” Came the disembodied voice.



“I’ve told you since I was eight years old that refuse to hold a conversation with a fog bank...” Winnie points at the floating floor. “Let’s have it....and I want to see legs too...no showboating.”



“How did I happen to raise a child who can’t abide a little transfogrification?” The mist in the room seems to sag as though it was actually pouting. “Very well...”



Bling



A fiery red head appears out of the air, hands raised, looking as glorious as ever.



She drops her arms when she realizes her daughter is not impressed, and brushes some wafts of mist still clinging to her flowing green robe.



“There. Happy?” She asks her only daughter.



“No... happy will come when you explain to us what’s going on here and what hand you had in it....because with you, there’s always a hand.”



Her mother levitates past her and right up to a slack-jawed Taryn.



“ Oh look at you, My Dear...You’ve grown up so beautiful.” She doesn’t move as Winnie’s mother captures the blonde’s cheeks between her palms.



“ Thank you?” Taryn murmurs through her kissy-faced lips.



“ I was so afraid when we did this that you would end up looking more like your father.”



All four women on the Council make a skyward gesture of gratitude.



“ The heavens forbid.” They all chant together.



“ How long ago was this...marriage thing...made?” Winnie asks, prompting her mother to release Taryn’s face. She stops to think about the best way to explain this.



“ Well... it was rather obvious that you two were special...from very early on. Winnie’s mother began.



“ Not...not magically of course. The occasional conjuring of food items...bottles...jars of your favourite baby food...peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...things like that.” Taryn’s mother pipes in.



“ We actually thought you’d both grow up to be caterers... at first.”



“ Caterers?” Taryn and Winnie glance at each other.



“ Right...and being from high-standing Magical families we were required to betroth you both to upstanding young Magus who showed a proficiency in the food conjuring services as well.



“ You’re kidding! Arranged marriage? You were going to pawn us off of some warlocks we’d never met?”



“ Actually...it turned out to be quite impossible. When we tried to bind you maritally to the baby warlocks...it simply....”



“ Went kaput.” One of the other council members helps.



“ Went kaput.” Winnie’s mother agreed. “ Both of you...fourteen spells of betrothal to every little warlock in the House of Circe and... nothing.”



“ Goes to show you that arranged marriage spells are passé. They don’t work.” Taryn says, proud even now that her little baby will was stronger than old-school beliefs.



“ Oh...they still work. Can’t have high-standing witches floating off... marrying mortals and watering down our lines...” Taryn’s mother said from the table.



“ We took drastic measures.” Winnie’s mother said. Both Taryn and Winnie’s heads swivel to her.



“ Mother? How drastic?”



“ The Council and I agreed on a slightly more adhesive spell to do the trick....and it did.” Taryn’s mother says.



“ You cast a broadband spell on us?” Taryn yelps.



“ It was actually a minor broadband spell... just to find your magical soul mate and bind you to them at first touch.”



“ The only danger was that you might have come up marrying a Sprite or Wood Gnome...and our grandchildren would have had to wear those pointy hats for all of the Gnome holidays.” Taryn’s mother offers.



“But by far a better deal than marrying a mortal. You wouldn’t believe the grief I get at the club.” Winnie’s mother adds. The other elders nod.



“So let me get this straight...You put a whammy on your child so that you could stay in the Hecate Country Club?” Winnie demands



“It’s not like that...” Her mother soothes. “It’s about your happiness...” Winnie waves her hand above her head.



“ And I’m not ‘happy’ with Alex???”



“ I’ve seen more sparks in the last twenty minutes with you and Taryn than I’ve seen in your entire marriage to that overgrown troll.”



“ I’m happy with Alex.” Winnie says. In the distance, thunder rumbles lightly. The Council glances to each other knowingly. Winnie’s mother sighs.



“ You are?” Taryn quirks. “ Really happy with him?” Suddenly very interested.



“ Yes.” Winnie says firmly.



Rrrrumble...



Winnie looks around. “What IS that???”



Her mother shakes her head.



“ Gwenna...darling...you can’t tell untruths in the Netherworld. The whole place is like one big lie detector.”



“ I’m not lying.” Winnie hedges.



Rrrrumble...



“Are you saying that out of every single magic energy in the Universe...SHE and I picked each other and now we have to marry?” Taryn asks.



“ Well...Yes.” They all nod.



“ But we are both ALREADY married! How is this supposed to....”



“ Work? Let’s find out...” Winnie’s mother rolls up her sleeves. She raises her arms and the iridescence crackles from wall to wall. The wind picks up, and lightening snakes across the room.





What’s wrong will right

What’s right? You’ll see.

You’ll now live the life

That was meant to be

The skies may burn orange

The grass tinged bright blue

Everyworld’s opposite

Is soon to be true

And nobody will get it

My dears

But you two!





“ Mother is this really...?” Winnie starts.



CRACKLE....ZING...POP!!!





Blackness....



And then...



Welcome to the slightly more than average suburban house.



The room is still well lit and spacious. The carpets are as always the classiest burnt umber shag, and the furniture, save the 500 pound hide-away television cabinet, is tastefully decorated in our favourite rustic wagon wheel motif. The walls, of course, are sienna beige, and the curtains are orange with bright green flowers. In the connecting dining room, the table is set with colorful daisy print plates and matching glasses.



A meal has been set for two. Orange candles flicker at the center of the table…



All very familiar indeed.



The front door swings open and a gorgeous red head in a form-fitting blazer and skirt sweeps into the house setting her briefcase down next to the gargantuan television. She removes her blue scarf and hangs it over the coat rack. Her hair is meticulously styled.



“Honey, I’m.... home?” Winnie Mackay shouts to the house. She stops and stands in the foyer looking around in confusion. “ What the....?”



“ I was about o call out the Calvary for you, Sweetie...” Taryn stops descending the stairway and stares at Winnie. “ Whoa....what’s going....”



They both look simultaneously at the rings on their left hands.



Winnie slaps her forehead.



“ Mother!!!! You come down here right now! This is sooooo not funny!!!” She stomps her foot.



“ Oh...oh wow...” Taryn says, leaning against the banister for support.



TBC....



Commercial.....



Coming up: Nine West

"I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like, "Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh." -Buffy

"And I'd love a cup of coffee"- Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

"Drink up. The world's about to end." - Ford Prefect

Edited by: wiccachica  at: 12/10/04 11:28 am

[wiccachica]

Beck and Call



Ange04 ...Thank you for the wonderful welcome back. Glad to be here, and more glad that my new sponsor has offered up a lifetime supply of Hungry Puppy Doughnuts to the Café. Hope you like pastries!



Shuyaku ...Doggy biscuits and Puppy Power! LOL. I had a hard time not going down the Scrappy Doo trail on that one. I’m so very glad to have you hear in the Café though. Free drink for you when you get back!



Irene73 ... Ahh...how I have missed the dancing Bananas you provide for my entertainment... I’m fiendishly giggling right now over his little fists. As for you...no more tears...no more captivity. I’m back with a brand new bag ( full of the same old weirdness) Heh.



Dazed and Confused83 ...Once you get here they’ll be more for you to read! Welcome to the Cafe! For background on all of the Late Shift parts...you’ll need to find that TOME of a monster I wrote some two years ago. (It’s like a scavenger hunt...even I can’t find it...) Anyhoo...I’m glad to have you here reading this crazy stuff.



Thebardgirl ... Sweet ever-loving Elvis I loved your post. I laughed out loud. That...and I can’t believe you rhymed Cataclysm! That’s top-notch. The CEO of Hungry Puppy Inc. would like to offer you a full-time PR job in the main Corporate Office. Okay...I still have this goofy grin on my face... heh.



Mikaela Braenna ... Thank you for your welcome back to the Land of Odds. I am certainly feeling strange enough to write you some especially weird stuff these days...



Reallybigpineapple ... I am so glad to see you out of lurkdom for this! Did I mention that all of the plots from these channels are completely and utterly ripped right from my own life? (nods vigorously) Yep. Every shred of it. Oh...please be careful when you call me the Queen of Everything...I tend to take that stuff pretty seriously and now I’m strolling around bossing folks. They hate me when I’m the Queen. (sighs)



Sassy my Dove ... (Waxing poetic) Oh so long has it been since I have heard from Thou. Me thinks I Mightest faint. Dove of my....rafters. The spring in my... springy step...the writer of my... fic...err... Me thinks I getteth ahead of myself.



Kieli ... You didn’t get the memo? They have promoted you to the CEO of the Hungry Puppy PR firm in Hawaii. They say it’s a lot of title and the rest is just looking good and getting what you want. One stipulation though...I’m going to need to meet with Jolie.... uhm....tonight. Can you schedule that?



Missed YOU!

"I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like, "Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh." -Buffy

"And I'd love a cup of coffee"- Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

"Drink up. The world's about to end." - Ford Prefect

[shuyaku]

Hee hee hee - I love Winnie's mother. She is an absolute hoot! Great update Pippa (and thanks for the free drink ). I love the visual imagery of their very obviously 'modern' home for the times; it is succinctly and appropriately nauseating. I just have this huge grin on my face at the moment – my favorite “TV” shows are back on for the holidays. Makes me all kinds of and Although, I have to admit I had to look up the word thaumaturgically. New word of the day – yippee!



-shuyaku



ps: I have all of the previous episodes, in there entirety if anybody needs them

Oh God, Willow—you’re giving me the gift of Karen Carpenter. Just when I think I grasp the full extent of your love." - Tara

"Why do birds suddenly appear? It’s because, you are queer…" - Willow (Gods Served and Abandoned by AntigoneUnbound)

[hermitfish]

Time to plug back in the TV....an UPDATE!!!! Thanks so much for bringing this back. Where else could I see thaumaturgically betrothed witches (heh) and grumbly thunder Netherworld lie detectors? No where but your glorious story.



And Nine West is next? Super Duper Yays



~Cyd

---

All you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right kind of people.

~Eugene Pallette in My Man Godfrey (1936)

[thebardgirl]

*takes PR position* What? I need the money; I'm in college and dying to buy some actual christmas-quality presents for my family.



Oh my oh my....where to begin with this update? I'm happy, giddy and LOVE the idea of W/T having a marriage without even getting a chance to say what they want. It's great good-golly miss-molly fun.



And also, Nine West? *jumps up and down happily*



-elizabeth

You shanked my janga ship!

[wiccachica]

Channel Nine West



Previously on The Wraith...

Wy stands in front of a bed, unlacing her front.

“And what did you get for killing a family, Gillis? What kind of treasures did you find there? Why…only a watch…and a few dollars…”

A hand slips around her and pulls the gun free from her bodice.

Cut to:

---

Treena Maclay stands with both guns leveled off at Gillis.

“ I want you to tell Jas that I’m looking for him. Tell him I’m being paid a pretty fee to bring him back…and that my benefactors didn’t specify whether or not they would like him dead or alive…and he knows my preference…”

Cut to:

---

Wy is standing next to Treena as she sits on a horse.

“If you had let me kill him in the first place, this wouldn’t even be a topic of conversation.” Wy Says.

“ If I would have let you kill him in the first place, I’d still be standing up there waiting for you to get through act two…you know the one…the scene where you talk his ear off… You ever put any thought into being an actress?” Treena says back.

Cut to:

---

Wy and Treena are nearly nose to nose in a bedroll....

“ So I’m the good guy… and he’s the no-account rat…” Wy deducts. “ Then what does that make you?”



“ All you have to do is say the word and I’ll be the fiery vengeance…”



“ For the right price…right?” Wy asks. Treena pretends to think about it.



“ For Rue I would be willing to consider financing.”

---

Wy awoke from a wonderful dream to find that she was quite alone in the bedroll. Bleary and scarcely dressed, she lifted herself up onto her elbow and gazed around. The fire had died out in the night, small tufts of wispy smoke crept up through the blackened wood. Neither the horse nor his privileged bedroll were anywhere in sight. His rider was also missing.



She’s left me behind...



Wy sat fully up in panic, looking around for her clothes. Only her own dress and undergarments were dangling from the branches nearby.



Terrified of being lost in the wilderness alone, she scrambled out of the bedroll and snatched her clothing down from the tree. She bustled into her bodice without lacing it, and slipped her legs into her dress, reaching around the back for the lower buttons.



“ I knew it! I knew I couldn’t trust her! What a fool I am! I’m a... a gall-durned....”



“ Jackass?” Came the helpful retort over her shoulder. A pair of hands moved Wy’s fumbling fingers out the way to assist her with the buttons. Wy bit back a shout and stumbled forward and away from the smiling blond.



“What is wrong with you?” Wy rasped, holding her dress closed along with her bodice. Then trying to gather her composure... “Where did you...go?” She watched the blonde set her hat further back on her head. The woman’s gaze was so blue, so direct that it made Wy squirm.



“Why? Miss me?” Treena asked, that same wry smile on her lips. Nothing seemed to shake her composure. She set her palms on the butt of her gun handles and leaned against the tree.



“ No.” Wy said through her teeth.



“ Ouch. And here I was rustling up some breakfast...” Wy’s stomach griped excitedly at the word and she tried to clear her throat to mask the sound.



“I’m not...really that hungry.” She said haughtily.



“Well...seeing that your belly growing like a mad bear woke me up this morning, I’d say you’re really that hungry.” She went behind the tree and lifted a satchel. “I just brought some fruits and nuts... that sort of thing.” She said nonchalantly, walking over to sit on a stump. She had a slight limp that Wy hadn’t noticed before...like she had slept wrong.



Wy inched slightly closer. She watched the blonde pull a wild apple out of her bag and shine it on her shirt.



Not really that hungry??? Wy you ninny!



“ Yep....loooooong ride to Cordell...” Treena said to herself aloud. “ Long ride.” She bit into the apple and could see the red head in her peripheral vision inch closer.



It was actually only about a two hour ride to the sinful city of Cordell, but it was nice to think of a long ride with Wy clinging to her.



She pulled another apple from her bag and Wy clung to her dress with one hand while accepting the apple with the other.

“Thank You.” Wy said, almost cordially. Treena nodded and took another bite of her own apple.



Should have thrown it...then I would have been able to watch her drop that dress.



Treena chewed thoughtfully.



Actually we need to get her a decent outfit...some riding chaps...boots...maybe a hat...be a shame to cover that beautiful hair, though...



She shook her head. What was she thinking? She had a job to do.



Wy was busily laying waste to her apple, and when she felt Treena watching her, she began to chew slowly.



“We had better get on the trail. It’s going to be getting hot soon.” She said, standing up and casually handing the woman another apple.



This was the apple she had just known she had to get for Wy, shiny, and red, and bigger than the others. It had also been the apple the highest from the ground, and the one that she fell out of the tree getting. Lucky all she got was a few bumps and bruises, and limp that would maybe last a day or two. She could have broken her neck....and for what...for a rowdy-mouthed hellion who didn’t trust her and treated her like a...



“Thank you very much.” Wy said, surprising the blonde with her genuine gratitude. The bounty hunter stood without speaking right away.



Treena didn’t like to be undone...off her guard...not even for a second...



But this one...this red head could do it to her in that silent fraction of a moment between heartbeats.



Divine



She had actually spent much of the night watching Wy sleep. Propped up on one elbow, she had listened to the petite woman mutter inanely under her breath, and had smoothed the back of her hand across her cheek when she knew it was safe.



What would she say if she knew the real reason she was here? The real reason I was here...



Her brow had furrowed and she thought about it for some time.



She’d hate me.



She’d hate me...and she’d leave.



Now Wy was looking at her with those big green eyes, holding the apple that she had personally gone through hell and high-water to get for her, and here she was thanking her for it sweetly.



Treena held her breath and composed herself.



“My pleasure, Miss Wy...now can we go before the sun starts to bake us where we stand?” She said.



“Yes. Of course.” Wy said, and went to gather her things.



Treena watched her go. A more serious look fell over her expression.



She’d hate me and she’d leave



TBC...



Up Next: Pac Tides! The Beach!

"I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like, "Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh." -Buffy

"And I'd love a cup of coffee"- Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

"Drink up. The world's about to end." - Ford Prefect

Edited by: wiccachica at: 12/10/04 8:08 pm

[Kieli]

ROTFLMFAO! Could we have a bit more Bewitched! in this?! I was dying laughing! I'm so old, I even know that the dialogue is to dead on, it made me cringe at being born in the 60s. And dang it all, now you've made me feel bad for Treena. I swear, it's like you weren't gone a day.



You're the best, Wic, even if you think my fees are overinflated.

---

*ahem* CEO did you say? Now waitjustacottonpickin'minute...didn't you just say that YOU were CEO? I'm so confused. Someone bring me me my San Pellegrino. I think I might faint. Look good you say? Heh, I think all of the plastic in LA couldn't me look good, babe. Ask anyone who's seen a pic of me. starts tapping away on her Palm..hmm how about midnight tonight for Ms. Jolie? She just got back from a week in Maui and is looking for a little distraction *G*

Time flies by when the Devil drives.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

Edited by: Kieli at: 12/10/04 8:00 pm

[tarawhipped]

*walks into Cataclysm Cafe, bell over door jingles*



Hi! Cafe newbie here! Actually, I read this ages ago at another site, and drowned my sorrows in many mochas when I got to the end...

...but now there's more! And life is good, and I'll just sit back and savor the joy in...many more mochas.



-Cameron

[thebardgirl]

I'm happy.



No, really I am.



I love this fic.



And am addicted.



And unlike what therapists, doctors, and your mother says...



There's nothing like getting a fic-fix after forced withdrawal.



Nothing.



ESPECIALLY if it's the Cafe.



Cheers wiccachica!



-elizabeth

[ambersagoddess]

AHHHHHH



it's a joyous day in my life.



I put my breakfast in the oven (leftover tatertots) and came upstairs to check my email.



I see many CC updates, wow, as I begin to read them, the timer goes off. I ignore it and continue reading.



Three updates later, and my home smells burnt, oh well, it was well worth it, MORE SOON!



I want some good ol' beach fun now. Puh-leeeees?



SO GLAD YOUR BACK!



-Rei

"I am vindicated, I am selfish I am wrong, I am right I swear I'm right I swear I knew it all along. And I am flawed but I am cleaning up so well, I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself so clear." -Dashboard Confessional

[Reallybigpineapple]

Dearest Pippa, I... How can I ever...

(Swoons in a Jane Austenesque fashion. Is handed smelling salts. Opens eyelids with modest flutter)

I just don't know what to...

(struggles onto chaise loungue, reclines in a statuesque manner)

Thank you... I'll be eternally...

(wipes eyes melodramatically with white lacy hankie. Mops brow with afore mantioned hankie. Sips a little champagne before looking into camera)

Dearest, dearest Pippa...

Can...Can we just skip it? Can you just be marrying me now?

:

(Drops gaze modestly and lets hair drape itself gracefully across face in a Taralike mannerism)

Edited by: Reallybigpineapple at: 12/11/04 6:22 pm

[wiccachica]

Shuyaku... I do have to warn you ahead of time. I make up words. I make up words all the time. Some of them are real, sure, but if they don’t suit me, I’ll make them up. I’ll always try to throw in a nice chewy word for you. Some word of the day...Today: Danseuse. Heh.



hermitfish... Yoooouuu? You. You unplugged your TV??? Tell me it isn’t so. You know in my circles, that would skate very close to the term “ unthinkable” There are still some great shows out there in the world....just you wait and see. When all is said and done....Just say you’ll keep your TV on.



thebardgirl... I understand all about taking a job if only for the cash. No love (or creativity) lost on my own job I’ll tell you. I’m glad you’re addicted to my fic and I hope to be your fic dealer for many moons to come. Stay tuned.



Kieli... You are worth every penny of your fees, Dearheart. I have recently given up my position as CEO to fall back into the ranks of a mere foot soldier...a writer. Oh BTW...did you say Ms. Jolie was looking for a “little” distraction? How about a 5’ 11” one? Will that do it for her? (Just let me know when and where...)



tarawhipped... Welcome to the café! Where everyone is welcome and you now have a tab at the coffee bar. I’m very glad to have you here.



ambersagoddess... Sorry you burnt your tater tots. ( When does a girl ever get to say those words in a normal day? Hmm?) Fortune:Your luck is very good today...I smell a PacTides episode coming on!



Reallybigpineapple A marriage proposal? Careful what you wish for, My Dear. Being married to me would be like...like...well... (insert a cute little puffy thought cloud above my head. Inside is a film reel of me coming home from a long day’s work with a fashionable brief under one arm and a bottle of wine in the other.) “ Hunny...I’m home!!! I remembered today was our anniversary...I brought wine...” A sudden look washes over my face and I dash off to my den where I have my laptop set up. I begin writing madly, head down...tapping away. There’s an insistent banging on the den door. “ Pippa!!! It’s me or those stories! You hear me???” (end thought cloud) (sigh)



Channel Five: Pacific Tides Channel



The Beach



“Sometimes doing the right thing means choosing your own pain over pain of others...”



My mother had been a very wise woman.



When I was small, I used to believe she knew everything that I was thinking. She always had a some small saying to accompany every single thought I had.



Now, even though she was not with me, her words followed me wherever I went, in whatever I did.



I had only made it a few hundred feet... maybe less. Just far enough to hear mother’s words.



“ You bring such softness to our home and hearts, Kali...such softness...never lose that...”



Her voice soothed through my senses, dampening the fire that ate away at my insides. I stopped, switching Lopaka’s spear from one hand to the other, trying very hard to reignite that rage I felt.



Two hundred feet.



The sound of the surf seemed louder now. My anger was no longer in the forefront of my thoughts. The call of the waves finally took hold of me.



I started walking again. Two hundred and two feet. I stopped again.



I laid the hand spear in the sand and sat down on a slope near the trees. I wrapped my arms around my knees and just listened to the ocean lift and recede gently. Speaking our secret language.



Quiet. Soft. Quiet. Soft.... I closed my eyes. Dug my toes into the cool sand.



I knew that if I just sat here long enough, the world would make sense. Everything would fall into place again.

---

Keoki set the paper bag down at our feet, looking rather solemn.



“ What happened? You okay?”



“ Nuh-ting.” He said, squatting down to dig into the bag. “ Jus got caught, ladat.”



“ By who?” Angelo asked, scootching forward. After an evening of avoiding frightening hors d'oeuvres and amazing adventure, he was immediately interested in what tasty things would come from the interior of that bag.



“ Kali.” He muttered, halfway into the bag. His dark eyes lifted to meet mine briefly.



“ She’s still mad?” I asked.



He half laughed and rolled his eyes, pulling out sandwich fixings.



“ Foa bettah words.” He said. “ She puffy and cry, and her face look like...” He made a squinched face and drew his brows together.



I didn’t know if he was exaggerating, but frankly, I didn’t care. This had gone on long enough.



I stood up and brushed the sand from my dress.



“ I should go talk to her. I should clear this up.” I said. Keoki shook his head.



“ Lolo should you.” He warned handing over a slap-dashed sandwich to the eager Angelo. “ I wouldn’t.”



“ Well you aren’t me.” I said lifting up the hem of my dress and huffing off across the beach.



“ Tru dat! I no so much stubborn!” He called after me as I marched off through the sand like I was auditioning for a sequel to some Jane Campion film.



Misunderstanding and misdirected anger might make for great television, but this was the real world and I was the kind of girl that hated drama.



I would find her and I would make her listen to me.



And if she didn’t want to hear it, I’d double my efforts...no...TRIPLE them.



The only good thing I had ever inherited from the Rosewood bloodline was dogged resolve that could wear down the toughest litigators, terrify the leaders of several small countries, and hopefully regain the favor of one blonde island local who had somehow managed to acquire possession of my heart.



TBC...



Next Up: The Futopia Channel

"I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like, "Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh." -Buffy

"And I'd love a cup of coffee"- Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

"Drink up. The world's about to end." - Ford Prefect

[onlyhalfevil]

hey wiccachica, glad to see you're back! i haven't read this story since i only just saw it, but i read The Late Shift a few months back, and i just have to ask if there is going to be any continuation for that story, it was a really wacky one. well, if you could let me know, or not, thanks anyway! off to get started on this...

[wilgen]

Hi,



Shortly I want to say:

I’m so ecstatic happy that you’re back. Thank you so much.



wilgen.

[ange04]

i can't believe i missed an update! apparently, i did drink way too much at the company party. i've finally recovered and here to tell you -- LOVED the updates!



is winnie out of her mind? i'd be eternally grateful to my mother if she set me up with taryn.



what's treena's big secret? what's the real reason wy is with her?



kali's right, if she sits there long enough the world WILL make sense, once willow finds her. the ONE good thing she got from that sperm bank - dogged resolve. go willow!



glad you're back chica!

ange

[shuyaku]

First - thanks for making me feel better about the 'whole looking up the word' thing since I do consider myself to have a somewhat better than average vocabulary



Updates! Damn girl, when you return, you don't mess around. 3 updates in a row. I love my Pippa TV!!



Nine West is always good for some chuckles. I just love picturing Tara/Amber as Treena. But now we have the mystery of what the heck Treena is talking about "What would she say if she knew the real reason she was here?... She'd hate me...and she'd leave." What? Damn...



Pac Tides - I was not a bit surprised that Kali didn't follow through with her angry plan. She is the level-headed one and this update plainly supports that. So 'YAY' her.



-shuyaku

Oh God, Willow—you’re giving me the gift of Karen Carpenter. Just when I think I grasp the full extent of your love." - Tara

"Why do birds suddenly appear? It’s because, you are queer…" - Willow (Gods Served and Abandoned by AntigoneUnbound)

[Reallybigpineapple]

Pippa! I love it when you you talk dirty...

But I picture it more like this:

Suddenly turns into a tiny, fidgety jewish man, looking suspiciously like Woody Allen. Sits down in a director's chair and yells:

- Action!

Pippa enters the door.

- Hunny I'm home! No reply... Pippa proceeds to open door to study. Slouching figure sits at desk tapping away at laptop, sipping a rather nice full bodied Burgundy from bright red beer hat. Next to the figure there's an identical laptop and beer hat, with wine already poured. The room is filled with scented candles and roses. On the walls there are framed pictures of Winna Gunn, Kali and the Hungry Puppy executives. Reallybigpineapple turns around and exclaims: Happy anniversary Hunny!

Pippa and Pineapple spend the rest of the evening sitting side by side tapping away, sipping wine from the winding straws and occasionally pausing for a little mutual hand holding and beta reading...

-CUT!

Ah...well, can't blame a dork for dreaming, can yah?

The offer stands

THANK YOU FOR THE UPDATE!! YOU RULE SUPREME!

Edited by: Reallybigpineapple at: 12/13/04 5:42 pm

[Irene73]

HEY!!



An update on my daughters birthday...so cool!!



Thank you so much for updating often...television sucks...*gives t.v. an evil sideview glance*...but all is good with the puppies and the PIPPA!!!



Ok so what's going on with Treena...Hmmm?



And The Beach is back...o.k. I'm crying again.

Happy tears though. My computer took a nose dive...and in the middle of the holiday season...crap!!!!

So my decisions are...gifts for family and friends or new computer for me...hmmm? *Scratches head and ponders her decision*...*comes to a decision*...NEW COMPUTER FOR ME...HEY THE PIPPA'S BACK...EVERYONE WILL UNDERSTAND!!!



Continue my beautiful darling with the lovely updatey goodness...my neice and nephew have been kind enough to let me use their computer...that and twenty bucks a piece...gotta love the family *sighs*



Saluting you while hoding up a can of Coke,

Irene



"Oye como va...mi ritmo...bueno pa gozar...mulatta...Oye como va...mi ritmo...bueno pa gozar...mulatta"



Artist Carlos Santana

Song "Oye Come Va" AWHOOWHA!!!!



QUE VIVA LA PIPPA...ORALE!!!!

The Mexican/American community...or Chicanos...have officialy adopted the "Pippa" as one of their own...

She will now be officially known as:



LA PIPPA

[TromDeGrey]

Shazam! And I am bowled over by brilliance! My goodness how I've missed this! So thrilled to see your return, my dear. Wildly entertaining, as always!!!

Trom's Brain: Rubbing the World the Wrong Way

[robotguru]

Rei told me about this, i had to see what it was all about...and now it's 3:10 in the morning and i have an assignment (thank whoever is up there listening, typed before clicking on this thread) to hand in tomorrow...ugh...today.



Nice fic(s), i love the Beach, Fear the light and the reality one i'm too tired to remember right now lol.



Update soon?

Chris

------------------



There can be no rainbow without rain, you cannot know true happiness until you know sadness first.

[wiccachica]

onlyhalfevil... Thank you for the welcome back. I’m glad to be here! My only words for you are....you actually READ the Late Shift??? That is a feat... A true feat. I haven’t even read the Late Shift! It’s kind of still swimming around in my head these days (which makes for some interesting conversation with me I assure you) I hope it’s a good thing when I say: Next up is actually the Late Shift...and just between you and me...I’m thinking it’s been too long since I’ve been REALLY weird. Heh. Stay Tuned.



Wilgen... I’m glad to be back! After two laptops and a desktop...I assumed I was merely cursed because I tend to write like a banshee when I’m on my game. But now I’m back and trying not to be too weird....yet. Is it working?



ange04... Party? There was a company party and I wasn’t invited? One you had to RECOVER from? Well....shoot! Well...(shuffles feet) I suppose I could wait for the next one to come around. But I won’t have fun! And by golly when I drink drinks and eat expensive hord deeverves I won’t smile and I won’t bob my head to the beat of “ The Rhythm is Gonna Get you”....Nope. Heh. No really. Thank you for reading this stuff, ange...I’ll try to throw in a little non-angst in the Pac Tides area for you real soon.



shuyaku... I’m trying to think if I put in a good enough word for you in this next post.....(hmmm) Did I say next post? Yep...I think I did. Here comes another one. I’m on a roll! You know in Nine West I had to throw a wrench in the pudding on that one. It was just about to get all cuddly and cute in Cordell...and the Troll couldn’t have that. He demanded some high-falutin angst on that channel...and what the troll wants......well...you know. On Pac Tides I had to fight off the troll’s angst and go for the gusto. Stay tuned for that one.



Reallybigpineapple... Side by Side laptops? $1233.77... Scented candles and roses? $25.89.... Wine in beer hats? Priceless. Heh. That was great! I actually had the image in my head of me popping on a beer hat and sitting down at my computer and it seemed very natural. I’m weird like that. Oh the offer stands does it? Well you may want to hold onto that until you read some of my angstier stuff. You may snatch the roses right out of my hands and shout: “ What were you thinking????” Thanks again for the lovely image.



Irene... What have I always said? Is it really family if they don’t extort money from you? I’m really glad I made you cry. (Here is yet another thing a girl hardly gets to say in a regular day) I will try very hard to make you cry even more. Happy tears. Happy tears. Like that little Treena cliffhanger? Sucks to be me right now...knowing what’s going to happen (so far) La Pippa.....Hee. I like that.



TromDeGrey... And I too am very very happy to see you on my thread again. I missed ya kid. I’ll try to keep it mildly entertaining for you. I know you have your uppercrust tastes.



robotguru... I hope you are reading this after a nice...long...restful day of napping. Welcome to the thread. I hope you get a big old “A” on your assignment. (because we all





Coming later today: Futopia Channel

"I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like, "Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh." -Buffy

"And I'd love a cup of coffee"- Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

"Drink up. The world's about to end." - Ford Prefect

[wiccachica]

Fear the Light



“The Empress Dilatoriness”

“Procrastination is the sabotage of ourselves”– Anonymous



“ Ow-ow-ow-owwwww! Sssst!” I groused up at the red head above me. Winna had her shades off, hovering over me. She pulled me closer to her chest, her hand on the back of my head, holding me still.



I was in torturous ecstasy.



“ Big baby.” She said, dabbing at my throat with a cotton ball sopping with boric acid.



Okay...so it was antiseptic or something...but it felt like a little squishy ball of evil being pressed alternately against the two small wounds on my neck.



I admit. I was a little miffed. Just minutes ago we had been ventured into a major kissing marathon where only the strong-willed survive. Things had been progressing rather nicely...until she had, in the throes of our ardor, put her hands on the sides of my neck to pull me closer and I had come up and off the oversized bed like a screaming, flying squirrel.



Now here I was, instead of the copious canoodling that I had been prepared for, Winna had switched to “Not-So-Naughty Nurse Mode” in the blink of an eye.



“ Look at this. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this was hurting you. “ She pushed my face away from her chest almost comically, looking down at me in the dim light. “ Have you had a tetanus shot?”



“ Yes.” I sighed, missing the soft warmth of my previous headrest.



“ Good.” She pulled me to her again to get a closer look at the wounds. “ You might want to have this looked at by a doctor. You know... get a shot of penicillin or something...”



“ And tell him what? Oh don’t worry about those marks.... I was playing ‘chew toy’ with a rookie vampire in a spooky graveyard a night ago?”



“ That or you had something of a mishap with an electric turkey fork...” Winna offered, stroking my hair offhandedly.



“ Well I don’t think I’ll get these EXTRA benefits with my HMO.” I murmured as she continued to stroke my hair. It was nice. VERY nice.



“ You’re hot.” She said, kissing the top of my head.



“ Thank you.” I murmured into her middle with a lazy smile. She put her hands on my face.



“ No....well yes...that too...but I’m pretty sure this is a fever thing.” She disengaged herself from me and walked over to the credenza near the kitchen. When she came back, she was wearing her shades. She looked me over “ Yep. What did I tell you? Fever.” She put her hands on her hips...thinking to herself. “ Okay...okay...” She pulled a cell phone from her hip and dialed a number.



“ I thought that we were going to...listen to some music...” I protested.



“ Hey, Doc. Yeah it’s me. I know it’s the middle of the day but I need your expertise, Bill. Here at Ground Zero. A bite.... Infection, fever... No, it’s not me. Tomorrow? Well.... actually can you make it tonight? Great....right...okay...” She flipped the phone shut.



“ Okay. So I’ve been instructed to get you into bed until the Doctor gets here.” Winna said down to me.



“ Wow...that’s a good one.” I retorted. “ Does that one work often? You train Vamps to bite girls so you can get them into...”



“No I mean it.” She said seriously, reaching down and lifting my legs onto the bed. “ He thinks you might have something called Blackguard Pyrexia...or just Blackguard... to a lucky few.” The seriousness in her tone made the laughter bubbling up in me fizzle out.



“ Am I going to tur.....?” Winna held up a finger to stop me.



“Don’t even say it. You’re not turning into a Vamp, silly. You were bitten...yes. And this fever is just your body fighting off the shear ‘unnaturalness’ of an infection caused by something inhumed for even the shortest amount of time...”



“ Inhumed?”



“ Buried. Inurned. Under the ground. Have you seen that National Geographic Special on Komodo Dragons? Pretty harsh. That Vamps pointy little mouth was probably just filled with all sorts of bacteria and creepy cra...”



“ I get it. I get it.” I groaned while Winna deftly removed my shoes. Oddly this was not at all as sexy as I would have imagined it to be.



“ Blackguard comes on fast, and feels like warmed over Hell on Rye, but it’s completely curable with a little antibiotic cocktail and a few days off your feet.”



“ Says you.” I muttered, pouting so hard that even she could see it in the dark. “ I’m probably going to end up chasing rats and spiders in the basement.” I said. Suddenly I FELT really feverish. I was sick...right? Sick and probably going to turn into some freaky feminine version of Dracula’s Renfield...



(Was that a pronounced hunch I felt coming on?)



“ Don’t’ be silly.” Winna told me, pulling a blanket out of what seemed to be thin air, but was probably just the end of the bed, and laying it over me. “ I don’t have a basement.”



“ Now, Sleep.” She said to me. Sitting on the edge of the bed.



“ I’m not even tired.” I said, looking up at her.



“ Sleep.” She said firmly, like the world alone would send me into the fabled Land of Nod. I fought the urge to obey with every ounce of my being...I mean... I hadn’t been too tired to keep my eyes open ten minutes ago, right?



“Sleep.” She urged me again, brushing a lock of my hair from my face.



I. Will. Not. Sleep......

---

I watched Taryn’s eyelids drop slowly closed and I waited. It was what I was good at. Being able to sit completely still for hours on end was a skill that took me many years to hone, so fifteen minutes of watching a gorgeous woman slip fully into slumber wasn’t exactly what I considered hard work.



I waited until I was sure that my movement wouldn’t wake her up before I stood...very slowly. She didn’t stir. Her cheeks were already gaining that brighter blue glowcast that I recognized as a person with a fever.



Why hadn’t I seen it earlier?



I’ll tell you why...because you were kinda caught up in OTHER things, weren’t you?



I was already in my pajamas so I walked around the wide expanse of my bed and climbed in on the other side. This light movement was enough to cause her to turn over, bringing her in closer proximity to me than I had expected...



I am a stone in a small brook. I cannot be moved. I am a stone in a...



Taryn makes a small noise in the back of her throat. I’m not sure if she’s dreaming yet but her brow furrows in this absolutely enthralling way. I have to refrain from making the cute puppy noise at her.



What is going on with you, Gunn? You are soooo losing your cool here...To hell with pity...this woman is your Kryptonite.



I reached out to touch her cheek, my fingers just above her skin. The heat coming off her was nearly tangible. I could see it like a blue/white aura around her.



She looks like an angel.



I take the glasses off and set them on the headboard above me. This close, I can see her features in the dark. She continues to sleep undisturbed. I reach out and give into the urge to be closer to her by lightly touching her hair.



]She looks like an angel.



tbc...



Next up: The Late Shift!!!

"I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like, "Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh." -Buffy

"And I'd love a cup of coffee"- Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

"Drink up. The world's about to end." - Ford Prefect

[Sheba]

Well well well...da bombs back ! Ooh Im soooo glad to see you've gotten back to updating! This is simply fabulous, and I look forward to updates galore! Cheers! Sheba

[Irene73]

Hey!!!



"Your my angel...come and save me tonight...your my angel...come and make it alright, come and save me tonight...Don't know what I'm gonna do...about this feeling inside...yes it's true...La PIPPA rules for all time"



Ok...so not exactly Aerosmith's version of the song, you might have noticed that I added a little something different in the end. SUE ME...HE HE HE!!! Better yet don't, I need to buy a new computer.



Chica you have done it again...why do you insist on bringing on the happy tears...oh joy!!!



GREAT UPDATEY GOODNESS. You have restored my faith in all unfinished fics...if La PIPPA can do it...you can do it!!!



As far a my neice and nephew go...a little pout, a little cash and their computer is mine for a whole 2 hours...lovely kids



There is one thing I would like to mention about the "Late Shift" I have read and re-read it, and I still don't get it! My capacity for understanding things has diminished throughout the years, 31 years of life will do that to you...so brief overview? Or am I asking for way to much...I made fudge/alomond brownies...will that help?



As always saluting you while holding up a glass of Kool-Aide,

Irene