Never No More

[Niko]

I was very excited when I saw you have updated. plz keep it up and update soon.

[wimpy0729]

Yay an update!

Well, they finally get some more interaction. So, Tara understands why Merritt's uncomfortable hm? Does she know the whole story? And now she's being all flirty, which is just yum. Is it too early to request some hot nekkidness soon? Oh, now I'm greedy for more, so please update again soon, k?


Wimpy

[Paint the Sky]

I'm really liking this fic. It's another one thats hooking me in with the intrigue. So many questions to be answered, and I feel like I'm gonna pulled every which way before I get them.

I like this non-babble version of Willow, subdued just doesn't cover it, it's like prison and whatever else has knocked the life completely out of her, but this version of Tara should be the girl to restore her joie de vivre.

Can't wait to see how the story unfolds.

[EmeraldArcher]

Some late, but well-intentioned, responses before I post:

Zooeys_Bridge, well, you may just dibs the whole story – you are Greyhound fast on the response! I normally write much more verbosely (is that even a word?). This story is my attempt to be ‘dialogue’ heavy, with a few thoughts, and very little description. I’m not sure I can pull it off, we’ll see. You can say you love Tara all you want, and feel redundant free about it. I’m glad she is to your liking, as she’s AU, but still (I hope) Tara-like in some ways. As for Merritt, well, she just got out and is trying, but it’s going to be hard. But, if anyone can ‘break through those defenses,’ it’s probably Tara, right? You feel free to hug Merritt all you want! And, lol, yes, I was a writing fiend back a ways, but. . . work’s kicked in and I find less time to write these days. I am glad you’re still reading, and thanks so much for the kind response(s).

nothingtosay, can you call Merritt Willow? Hmm, I don’t know, since her name’s Merritt that might be awkward. . . . LOL, yes Merritt is just a little jumpy and awkward out in society, with good reason though, right? Yes, the attack was a flashback of something that happened to Merritt in prison. . . you’ll find out what precipitated that event a little later. . . when she’s asked about the scar (oops, spoiler alert). Thanks for reading and for taking time to respond!

Niko, glad the update excited you, and I will do my best on the updates.

wimpy0729, yes, they finally get a little bit of interaction (see below, even more). Tara does understand Merritt’s discomfort, maybe cause she’s observant? Maybe cause she knows what it’s like to have your back to an open room? We’ll find out. Does she know the whole story? We’ll find that out, too. Flirty Tara you like. Check. LOL, ‘hot nekkidness,’ huh? We’ll see what happens. As for the next update, see below. Thanks for reading and posting!

Paint the Sky, first, may I say I’m a big fan of yours, so getting some feedback from you is great. I’m glad the story is intriguing you. I am hoping it continues to do so. Merritt is not a font of 411, that’s for sure. But, I suppose, after where she’s been, it’s best to keep your mouth shut. But, as you say, Tara is getting to her, is pulling her back into the world. We’ll see how far Tara can get her. . . . Thanks so much for reading. Again, what a pleasure to hear from you.

To everyone who's still reading, and especially those who continue to comment, thank you very much. Now, let's get on with it.

EA

[EmeraldArcher]

Title: Never No More
Author: EmeraldArcher
Email address: sixtiesgirl8@yahoo.com, or leave a message here on the board
Feedback: If you feel so inclined.
Distribution: Please ask.
Spoilers: No spoilers. This is AU(If my understanding of AU is correct).
Rating: PG-13 to NC–17. This includes sex, violence, sexual violence, language.
Pairing: The gang’s all here. . . pretty much, just different.
Disclaimer: I didn’t create these characters. I make no profit from them.
Summary: AU. It’d spoil the fun if I told you.
Note: I haven’t ever tried writing AU fiction. Not sure how it will go. Also, no beta used, so any and all mistakes are mine. Am aiming for weekly updates, more so if work permits.
Thanks: To Xita, for having the site, and keeping the site.

Chapter: Ninth

“How is it?”

Merritt nodded. “Good.” She took a drink of water.

Tara sipped at her iced tea. Emma’s words came back to her: “You don’t know much about her.” Tara put her glass down. “So, Carver Merritt Carver, . . .” Tara paused and considered her next words. How exactly was she going to ask every question she wanted to? Slyly? Casually? Conversationally?

Merritt set her glass down. Looked at Tara. She swallowed. Uh. . . .

“What do you do?” With no tact whatsoever, apparently.

Merritt’s eyes skirted to the waitress as she passed their table. Then back to Tara. “Uh. . . .” She rubbed her hand across her forehead. “Comp— I. . . .” Merritt coughed over her answer. She took a small drink of water. “I work— I do gardening. . . .”

Tara perked up. “Oh?” Merritt nodded. “Like landscaping?”

Merritt shook her head. “No.” Tara was silent. Merritt cleared her throat. “Like. . . raking leaves.”

Tara was silent, but nodded. “Do you like it?”

Merritt raised a shoulder. Tara waited. Merritt waited. Then, “I-I guess.”

Tara nodded. “What do you like about it?”

Merritt considered. What did she like about it? Leaves. Grass. Dirt. Sun. Sweat. Air. Freedom. Freedom. Freedom. Merritt shook her head softly. “I. . . like the outside— being outside.”

Tara smiled. Nodded. “Sounds nice.” They both ate in silence for several minutes. “I’m inside all day.” Merritt nodded. “With work— well, you know, I work in a store, so inside.” Merritt nodded again. “And school.” Is she a student? “Are you in school?”

Merritt shook her head. “No.”

Tara nodded. “Never?”

Merritt swallowed. Took a slow drink of water. Shit. . . . She set the glass down. “I was.”

Tara smiled. “What did you study?”

Merritt shifted in her seat. What the Hell are you doing, Carver? Shut the fuck up! “Ah. . . .” Merritt rubbed a hand across her forehead. She took another drink of water. “I, um, studied. . . computers.” Brilliant.

Tara lifted an eyebrow. “Really? Computers?” She tilted her head, considered the information. Then, she softly shook her head. “Computers to gardening— that’s different.”

Merritt nodded a bit. “Yeah.”

“Where’d you study?”

Merritt cleared her throat again. “Up state. . . a ways.”

Tara nodded. She leaned forward and rested her arms on the table. “So, you didn’t finish? School?”

Merritt glanced at another waitress as she passed by them. She shook her head. “No.”

“Why?”

Merritt swallowed. She lifted her eyes to Tara’s and held them. Really, what could she say? To answer that question would require the whole nasty, ugly truth. Oh. . . you know how it is, a little felony charge here, a little prison time there, kinda makes the whole college experience seem kinda useless. Or, a big fat lie. Merritt shook her head. “It. . . it just didn’t work out.”

Tara searched Merritt’s eyes. She waited for more. Then, “I couldn’t stand not being in school. I love it.” She took a bite and swallowed. “That makes me sound kinda geeky.” Merritt smiled. Tara’s fork paused inches from her mouth. “Like a big ole nerd, huh?”

Merritt’s smile grew and she shook her head. “No.”

Tara took a deep breath. “God, I like your smile.”

Merritt’s breath caught. Her smile faltered. Um. . . .

Tara put her fork down with a loud clank against her plate. “I’m sorry— I just totally said that out loud— I’m sorry, really, I’m sorry, please don’t leave.” Tara’s voice had reached an almost panicked pitch.

Merritt raised her hands in a surrendering gesture. Then, she took another drink and stared down at her plate. What am I doing? “Thank you.” She looked up at Tara.

Tara’s eyes were wide with hesitant fear. And then, she smiled softly. “You’re welcome.”

They both took to eating in silence again. The waitress came by and filled their glasses. Merritt glanced at Tara. The blonde was staring at her while she ate. Merritt swallowed. “What?”

Tara wiped her lips with her napkin. “I was going to ask you another question.” Merritt waited. “But I thought you might think I was interrogating you or something.”

Merritt was silent. Then, “Hardly.” She shook her head. Tara really had no idea what a true interrogation was. Absolutely none. Merritt could tell her. Tell her what it was like. To be interrogated. Taking someone to lunch? Asking if they were in school? What they studied? Not quite the interrogation techniques she had encountered. Tara worried about interrogating her? If Merritt thought about it any longer, she was going to laugh right out loud. It was ridiculous. Her whole life was ridiculous. It was a total joke, and she couldn’t share the punch line with anyone.

Tara sat back in her chair. She set her hands in her lap. “Are you alone?”

Merritt mirrored Tara’s image. She frowned. “Alone?”

“I mean, do you have family here?”

“In Sunnydale?”

“Yes.”

“No, not anymore.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

Merritt reached up and fingered the edge of her napkin. “Not like that. They’re— you know, they just moved.”

“Oh.” Tara smiled, pointed to herself. “Big ole nerd.”

Merritt let her eyes wander over Tara’s face, from her eyes to her lips and back again. “Hardly.” Tara felt her skin heat up, felt it turn red with a happy embarrassment. “Anything else?”

Tara blinked. “What?”

“Any more questions?”

“Oh.” Tara thought for a few seconds. “Do you live around here?”

Merritt sat forward and crossed her arms in front of her on the table. She looked Tara in the eyes. “That was nerdy.”

“Oh, God.” Tara covered her face with both hands. Merritt smiled. Tara dropped her hands and knew that her face must’ve been a blazing, fire engine red.

“You wanna know my sign?”

Tara laughed out loud. “Stop it.”

“Do I come here often?”

Tara snatched her napkin from the table and threw it across the table. “Stop!” She burst out laughing again.

Merritt drew back and laughed as Tara’s napkin floated harmlessly to the floor. She bent and picked it up, setting it beside her plate. “Sorry.”

Tara shook her head and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “I haven’t laughed like that in— well, I don’t know when.”

Merritt smiled. “You should do it more often.” Carver, stop.

Tara stopped laughing, her breathing quick. She tucked her hair behind her ear, and knew her flush had deepened. “Thank you.”

Merritt nodded. She glanced over her shoulder. “I’m gonna. . . .” She hitched a thumb towards the hall.

Tara nodded. “Okay.”

Merritt stood and walked down the short hall to the women’s bathroom. Once inside, she locked the door and leaned against it. She took a deep breath and rubbed her hands over her face. She dropped her hands and walked to the sink. She stared at herself in the mirror, stared at the reflection looking back at her. An image of Tara came to mind. She watched a smile form on her lips, as the sound of Tara’s laughter rang in her ears. Merritt shook her head and let the smile fall away. “Carver. . . you can’t do this.” She swallowed and stepped away from the sink. “Just don’t.” She turned and exited.

Merritt approached the table to find Tara talking to the waitress. Tara looked at Merritt and smiled. “Do you want dessert?”

Merritt sat and shook her head. “No.”

The waitress stuck her pen behind her ear and smiled. “Be right back with the check.”

Tara and Merritt sat in silence. Tara finally cleared her throat and asked, “Are you doing anything else today?”

Yes. Say yes. Merritt shifted in her seat. “Not really.” Shut it, Carver.

“Good.” Tara turned as the waitress returned. She reached up for the check.

Merritt leaned back, pushed a hand into her front pocket, “Here.”

Tara smiled, but shook her head. “Uh-uh, my treat.”

Merritt shook her head. “No.” She withdrew several dollars and held them out to Tara.

“Yep.” Tara glanced at the check and pulled money from her own pocket.

Merritt shook her hand. “I can pay for my food.”

Tara handed the money and check to the waitress. “Thank you.” The waitress moved away from the table. Tara faced Merritt again, saw the hand still held out to her. “I know.” Tara reached and touched Merritt’s hand. “You bought dinner.”

Merritt swallowed as her eyes shifted to Tara’s hand, to Tara’s fingers, where they covered her own. Merritt stared. She could feel the heat of their skin touching, smooth, soft, warm. . . . No, Carver, no, no, no. . . . She was unsure what she should do. What she should say. Meal times on the inside didn’t really cover proper lunchtime etiquette. Especially etiquette where touching hands was involved. If it involved not getting shived in the chow line, well, that’d do just fine. But, somehow, that advice didn’t seem appropriate here. Merritt pulled her hand from Tara’s and lowered it to the table beside her plate.

Tara’s hand hung in the air between them a moment longer before the blonde sat back and folded both in her lap. Tara found herself rubbing a thumb over the skin of her fingers where they had touched Merritt. No, Tara, no, no, no. . . . Tara smiled softly. “You can leave the tip, okay?”

Merritt considered. “Okay.” Not knowing the check total, she laid a five on the table. She took one last sip of water and stood up.

Tara stood up as well. “We’re still good?”

Merritt nodded. “Yeah.”

Tara smiled. “Good.” As they maneuvered themselves to the door, Tara glanced back at Merritt. “Do you like music?”

“Music?” Merritt held the door as Tara exited, and then followed.

Tara stopped just outside and turned. “Classical music?”

“Um. . . .” Merritt took a breath. “I guess. I haven’t heard much.”

“There’s a concert today. In the park. I was thinking. . . if you wanted? We could go.” Tara leaned towards Merritt. “It’s free.”

Merritt had to smile. Tara just made her smile. Without really even trying. It was kind of disconcerting. But at the same time, it was also really. . . nice. “Don’t start.”

Tara raised her hands. “I’m just sayin’.”

Merritt glanced at her watch. “What time?”

“Three.”

Merritt looked at Tara. “We better move.”

Tara smiled. “Great.” They both started up the street. As they reached the corner, Tara started to slow her pace. She held up a finger. “One quick stop— I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” Merritt pushed her hands in her front pockets and glanced at the sign: ‘Maggie’s’ She frowned a bit, puzzled by what exactly ‘Maggie’s’ was. People still buzzed around, crowding the sidewalks, all smiles and shopping bags. Merritt watched for several seconds, and then found her eyes wandering to the equally busy streets. Cars passed, back and forth; Main Street was as busy as she ever remembered. Probably even more so. It had been a long time since— Merritt’s eyes froze on the dark car across the street, on the figure behind the steering wheel. Fuck.

Agent Harris raised a hand and gestured.

“Fuck,” Merritt whispered, shaking her head. Glancing over her shoulder, she quickly moved away from the store. She dodged several cars and slowed down as she approached the car.

“Hands,” he said, pointing a finger at her.

Slowly, Merritt pulled her hands from her pockets and kept them opened wide.

“Get in.”

“What?” Agent Harris didn’t repeat himself. Merritt walked around the rear of the car, throwing her eyes towards the store, hoping that Tara wouldn’t come outside. Merritt got in the front passenger side and shut the door. She kept her eyes focused on the glove compartment.

Agent Harris took a breath and shifted in his seat. “How’s it goin’, Carver?”

Merritt swallowed. “Fine.”

“What?”

Merritt cleared her throat. “Fine, sir.”

Agent Harris smirked. “Yeah.” He stared at Merritt’s profile. “So,” he started, then looked across the street. “Who’s your girlfriend?”

Merritt’s mouth went Saharan. Her heart raced. Fuck. . . . Her head whipped up and her eyes riveted to ‘Maggie’s.’

Tara.

The blonde was standing just outside the entrance, a bag in her hand. She was looking up and down the sidewalk. She was looking for Merritt.

“Should I ask her? Call her over? Introduce myself?” Agent Harris turned and looked at Merritt. Merritt pulled her eyes from Tara. She shook her head. Again, Agent Harris smirked.

Merritt’s mind raced. What could she say? Tara was a friend? Someone she ‘ran into’ in a store? Merritt didn’t want to tell Agent Harris anything about Tara. Merritt didn’t want Tara involved with him. At all. She’d done enough in her life to deserve whatever she had coming to her. But Tara didn’t deserve the fallout. Tara was a good person. Tara deserved more. Tara deserved better. Better than her. So, no matter what she had to do, Merritt was going to make sure Tara didn’t get anywhere near Agent Harris. Not. Ever. And Merritt realized, in that moment, that the only way to accomplish that feat was to stay away from Tara herself.

For good.

“I’m waiting.”

Merritt took a breath. “Okay.”

TBC

EA

[KloeFrost]

oh no!
Harris, you jerk!

[jay/wt4evr]

damnit Harris you a***
yay for flirting!!!

[spells42]

Things were going so well, I guess something had to go wrong. He's very much of the 'not nice' this Harris.

Good to see the update, looking forward to more, as always.
thanks
Anne

[Zooeys_Bridge]

oh, balls.

I'm a huge Xanderfan in the-best-friend-of-willow-ever kinda way, so seeing him as anything else kinda freaks my shit. then again, i suppose there is no willow in this fic, so things can be bent. you've really painted him as a skeezeball here even without saying much, and that really makes me nervous. you're really good at implying something with just a hint, but then leaving the rest to the imagination. and my imagination is leading me down a dark, violent hallway with Harris and Merritt at the end and not a whole lot of protection for her. no wonder she wants to keep him away from Tara.

goddamn it, it was going so well.

I still love the struggle between Carver and Merritt, in that she keeps telling herself she can't do this(with Tara), but at the same time she just can't help herself.

I smiled a bit at the interrogation bit, listening to Merritt's thoughts, then a pit sunk to the bottom of my stomach wondering where that story came from in the first place. Imagination, remember? It's a scary place.


Anyway, I saw you floating around here last night, and i waited to see if anything would happen, but went to bed. And voila! A morning update to cheer me! Wonderful! I can't tell you how excited I get when you update. It's a real thrill. I just love what you do, thanks

[WTJunkie]

Hello EA. I'm really liking the intrigue of this fic. Merritt's emotional damage and self loathing are truly heart breaking.

One question has been nagging me though. I've only read one other fic where the names of our regular characters were changed, but it kinda worked. But what's your reason for changing some of the names (Merritt, Emma) and not others (Buffy, Tara, etc)?
WTJ

[Paint the Sky]

Paint the Sky, first, may I say I’m a big fan of yours

Thank you.

Like Rachel, I liked the conflict between what Merritt wants to say/do, or not say/do, and what she does say/do. Tara's winning ways are softening her resolve, and we almost see the real Merritt and not the loner Carver.

I like this dorky Tara. It's almost a role reversal with Tara all chatty and open and Merritt (Willow) all defensive and guarded, a nice dynamic and it works well here.

And just as we see the defences start to fall we get to meet the very charming Agent Harris again. We've had, what, two scenes with Harris and each time you have managed to leave us with an uneasy feeling about him. If this was a movie I could see Matt Dillon playing him ala Wild Things, all respectable on the surface but really insidious at his core.

Excellent stuff.

[Foomatic]

So I read this over my lunch break, and wow, how did I miss this gem? It's cool to see the girls in a totally different setting . . . you're keeping us on our toes! I too, have to lament the "Xander's a big honkin' jerk," but it's also kinda refreshing seeing everyone out of the norm with different personalities; Tara all bubbly and flirty, Willow being mysteriously withdrawn (I wanna know what she did, dammit!) . . . keeps it intriguing!

I loved the first "Really?" exchange, it had me cracking up, cause my partner says that to me all the time. "Really, April? Reallly."

Anyways, love the story so far.

[JujuDeRoussie]

Hello EA,

It's been a long time since I let any feedback, and I'm sorry about that. I am still thrilled by your fic though. And more and more curious.

Please keep up the good work.

Friendly,

Julia

[nothingtosay]

haha! i love the "slip up" EA.

Tara thought for a few seconds. “Do you live around here?”
Merritt sat forward and crossed her arms in front of her on the table. She looked Tara in the eyes. “That was nerdy.”

gawd, this line took me FOREVER to understand..and i had this whole collection of pick-up lines;
Hey, babe make me your Burger King and you can Have It Your Way with me. and... personal favourite Will you be my DairyQueen? cause you know I'll Treat You Right. haha! im such a dork.

I like that Merritt's finally interacting with Tara here.
then Harris had to go and destroy the moment....woah..thats one very very evil cop...and he's not even the parole officer...is he?*checks and reads again*

YAY for the update!
theres something bothering me, w/c Donald is that? and he seems rich..with the Butler and stuff..And im guessing Tara lives in the same house(!?!)
im gonna wait here for a new update. to have my questions answered or get more questions...

[EmeraldArcher]

Yay for the Board going back up! Some responses to the last post:

KloeFrost, really? You don’t like Agent Harris? I wonder why. . . .

jay/wt4evr, lol, again with the not liking Agent Harris. At least the flirting is nice, huh?

spells42, Anne, glad you liked the update and are looking forward to more. Lol, yes, I know, I have a tendency to get them in a good place and then knock them down. Agent Harris is an a-hole, I agree, but I am hoping he will be a 3D person as time goes on, and maybe some of his behavior will be further explained. Thanks for reading and posting!

Zooeys_Bridge, “oh balls”? LOL! I do have to say I was surprised that you did not dibs this post; and not cause it’s mine, but cause you are a dibs-maniac all over this board. I’m sorry that my “bad” Xander has, as you say, freaked your sh*t (lol, btw). He is a different Xander, not the usual best friend, as you say. “Skeezeball”? LOL! I guess he is. Thanks. It’s interesting that you bring up “hinting” at things, rather than spelling it all out. It is definitely something I am aiming for in this story, for good reason. I hope that as the story goes on, you’ll see why that is, and why it’s important.

WTJunkie, Hello WTJ. I’m glad you’re liking the intrigue of my story. Yes, Merritt has tremendous emotional damage and self-loathing is intense, and at times, overwhelming. I am hoping that readers will understand and accept (and have patience with) the slow-going of Merritt’s re-entering into society. Although the story is fiction, I am trying to show that Merritt needs time to recover, as many prisoners do after release. That’s not to say some good stuff won’t be coming along . . . it just may take a bit as the characters “fall in like.” As for your question about the names. First, it’s AU and so I have changed some names, and not changed others. Emma is a completely new character, I made her up for this story. You’ll see why the others have changed and/or remained the same as the story goes. And, you’ll be seeing some others who you may or may not know. . . .Good question though. Stick around, I think you’ll like it!

Paint the Sky, you’re welcome, no joke, huge fan here. I’ve had a lot of fun writing the duality of Merritt’s inner desires against her outer actions. It’s a balancing act, with a specific purpose to the story. Which I hope works out in the end. It’s very important, these inner musings, as are her actual words (my only spoiler, and it may not make sense here). It’s interesting that you see a difference between Merritt and Carver. Carver, which she calls herself, which Agent Harris calls her, is still that prisoner; and Merritt, which Tara calls her, is the woman. And those two personas are battling it out. But as you say, Tara’s chipping away at that hard shell of protection. ‘Dorky Tara,’ huh? I guess she is. She is certainly chatty and flirty; and Merritt (Willow?)? Not so much. Is it just me, or are people really stuck on the whole Merritt / Willow thing? Lol. Who knew? Keep reading, it’s important. And Agent Harris. Yes, well, he’s got his own little personality now, doesn’t he? And I want you to have those feelings about him, it’s important, cause Merritt’s story is coming. As is Agent Harris’. I totally get the Matt Dillon reference, btw. Nice. Thanks so much for reading, and for your comments. As I said, being such a fan, it is a real joy to hear from you.

Foomatic, hey Foo, thanks for reading over your lunch break. A gem, huh? Really? (See how I worked that really in? just for you, lol) I’m glad you like the girls in a different “universe.” I hope there’s still some of the Buffyverse there, but different too. Lol, everyone is so totally not in the Agent Harris camp. Poor guy. Lol. Tara flirty. Merritt (Willow?) withdrawn. Yep. I mentioned before (see Tara the Phoenix response) Merritt and Agent Harris’ stories are coming. So you’ll know what happened, dammit! And I am glad you like the “Really?” I always laugh when my boss says it to people. And it seemed fitting for Tara. Hope you keep reading, and thanks so much for your comments.

JujuDeRoussie, hi, Julia. Yes, it’s been a really long time since you’ve left any feedback, but you’re here now, and that’s all that counts! I am glad that my story is still thrilling you and making you curious. You’ll keep reading, I hope?

nothingtosay, LOLOL, those were your pick-up lines? Do they work? So Priceless. Even more so, that you didn’t get Tara’s right away. Lol. You really think Agent Harris is ‘evil’? Evil? Hmm, we’ll see. And no, he’s not her PO, he’s with the FBI. More on all that later, it’s all coming, just keep reading. Ok, I don’t know what ‘w/c’ is, I’m a dork. Is that ‘which character’? You’ll find out who he is shortly, and yes, he has money. I Tara lives with him, that you’ll find out too. Keep reading! Thanks for the comments, it means a lot!

Thanks everyone for reading and posting! On with the show!
EA

[EmeraldArcher]

Title: Never No More
Author: EmeraldArcher
Email address: sixtiesgirl8@yahoo.com, or leave a message here on the board
Feedback: If you feel so inclined.
Distribution: Please ask.
Spoilers: No spoilers. This is AU(If my understanding of AU is correct).
Rating: PG-13 to NC–17. This includes sex, violence, sexual violence, language.
Pairing: The gang’s all here. . . pretty much, just different.
Disclaimer: I didn’t create these characters. I make no profit from them.
Summary: AU. It’d spoil the fun if I told you.
Note: I haven’t ever tried writing AU fiction. Not sure how it will go. Also, no beta used, so any and all mistakes are mine. Am aiming for weekly updates, more so if work permits.
Thanks: To Xita, for having the site, and keeping the site.

Chapter: Tenth

Agent Harris pulled a small notebook and pen from the inside of his jacket. Flipping it open, he looked at Merritt, pen poised. “Go.”

Merritt swallowed hard. Her eyes darted to Tara, then back to Agent Harris. “She’s— I just met her in a store.”

“Just met her? Fast work.”

Merritt didn’t respond. She knew enough to know that. Speak when spoken to. Answer a question when asked. Never volunteer anything. Ever.

“What’s her name?”

Merritt took a deep breath. There wasn’t any way to get out of telling him. She couldn’t lie. It would be too easy for him to check the information, and Merritt didn’t want to risk a parole violation for willingly giving false information to Agent Harris. “Tara.”

Agent Harris scribbled the name in his notebook. He waited. Then, “Is that Tara like Cher, or Madonna?”

Merritt frowned. “What?”

“Full name.”

“Maclay.”

Agent Harris wrote. “Who is she?”

Merritt shook her head. “I don’t know. No one.” Merritt’s eyes dropped to the dashboard briefly. Agent Harris stared. Her eyes met his. “She works in some ninety-nine cent store.”

Again, he scribbled. “Where does she live?”

Merritt shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“Phone number?”

Again, “I-I don’t know.”

Agent Harris sighed. He flipped a few pages back. “You went to a soccer game last night.”

Merritt’s heart pounded. What? How did he—

“Lunch today.”

Shit. . . . Merritt felt her palms beginning to sweat. He’s. . . he’s been watching me. . . .

“I assume that was her that you called from the payphone?” Merritt looked at him, dazed. “Right. Number.”

Merritt swallowed. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Agent Harris was watching her. Had been watching her. But for how long? How long? Did he know where she lived? Where she worked? Was her room bugged? She knew he had his issues with her, and she knew she was going to be under the microscope until she finished her parole. . . but she was not prepared for this type of scrutiny. This type of surveillance. This—this was just like being inside. No privacy. No personal relationships. No. . . nothing. Everything that she had was his for the knowing. And Merritt realized, sadly, everything was his for the taking.

Merritt took a breath. Tara walked to the shop next door to Maggie’s and went inside. Merritt looked at Agent Harris. He could do what he wanted with her, Merritt didn’t care. If Agent Harris wanted to take her room, her job, even her freedom, fine. But he wouldn’t take Tara. She would give Tara up, let her go. If she couldn’t have Tara as a friend, she would live with it. But she wasn’t going to let Agent Harris anywhere near the blonde. Never. She cleared her throat. “It’s in the phonebook.”

Agent Harris’ pen paused above the paper. And then he laughed. “She didn’t give you her number?” He laughed again. “Priceless.” He shook his head. “Where are you staying?”

Merritt sighed. “The Sun.” Agent Harris’ pen tapped on the paper. Asshole! “Room eight.”

Agent Harris wrote the information down. He flipped the pad closed and slid everything back inside his jacket. He glanced across the street, noticed that Tara was not visible. He looked at Merritt. “She didn’t wait long.” He faced Merritt more fully. “I’ve waited three years, Carver.” Merritt's eyes held his. “You’re going to tell me what I want to know. One way or the other, you’re going to tell me.” Merritt remained perfectly still, dead silent. “It’ll be easy. . . or not. I really don’t give a shit. But you’re going to tell me. Cause if you don’t. . . .” He leaned towards Merritt. “Three years will seem like nothing.”

Merritt lowered her eyes. Fuck. . . fuck.

Agent Harris shifted in his seat, put the car in drive. He didn't say goodbye.

Merritt didn’t look at him. She opened the door and stepped out, shutting the door behind her. She raised her eyes as Agent Harris pulled out into traffic, and saw Tara standing across the street. Great. Merritt sighed. She watched Tara’s eyes follow Agent Harris’ car around the corner. And then Tara was looking at her. “Shit.”

Merritt moved towards the crosswalk, biding her time. A sideways glance showed Tara mirroring her, moving towards the corner as well. Merritt’s mind raced. How was she going to do this? How was she going to send Tara away? She didn’t want to hurt Tara. She certainly didn’t want Agent Harris to hurt Tara. But how was she supposed to end their friendship? Were they friends? They had just met, had just talked a bit. They barely knew each other. Were they friends? Could they be friends so quickly? Would it be best to just say it? Just say she was sorry and she couldn’t see her? Just leave it at that? Just walk away for good?

The light changed, and Merritt started across the street. She shoved her hands in the front pockets. How was she supposed to do this? How could she tell Tara to leave her alone? That she didn’t want to see her anymore? That she didn’t like her? Or want her around? How?

“Hey,” Tara said, as Merritt stepped up onto the sidewalk.

Merritt stopped in front of Tara. “Hey.”

“You Caspared.”

Merritt frowned. Caspared?

“Disappeared,” Tara offered. “Like a ghost?”

“Oh.” Merritt nodded.

Tara hitched a thumb over her shoulder, in the general direction of where Agent Harris’ car had driven. “Old friend?”

Merritt swallowed. “No.” Merritt shook her head.

Tara was silent for a moment. “Well,” Tara said, tilting her head a bit as she watched Merritt. “Are we still on?”

Merritt pulled a hand free from her pocket and tucked some runaway strands of hair behind her ear. Tara had just given her the perfect set up, the perfect ‘get out of jail free’ card. Were they still on? All she had to do was say ‘no.’ Tell Tara no. Tell Tara she didn’t see this working out. Tell Tara goodbye. It was for the best. Tara would be away from her, away from Agent Harris. Tara would be better off that way, without her. She just needed to say it, say the words. But how could she, when all of those things were untrue? “We’re still on.” Idiot. . . .

Tara’s smile was brighter than the sun. “Great!” She reached out for Merritt’s arm, then suddenly caught herself. “That’s. . . that’s great.” Tara practically bounced. “We should go.”

Merritt smiled at Tara, her eyes roaming over the other woman’s face quickly. . . . you really did it this time, Carver . . . She nodded. “Okay.”

Again, they started towards the park, side by side. Just above the sounds of the cars and people, Merritt could hear music wafting on the breeze. It grew louder as they crossed over to Sunnydale Park. Merritt was surprised at how many people were crowded into the park. Main Street had nothing on this. Across the grassy slopes it looked like five hundred people sat side by side, on blankets or folding chairs, facing a small, semi-circular amphitheater. Umbrellas, picnic baskets, children, couples, old, young—everywhere Merritt looked.

Tara and Merritt stood at the edge of the sidewalk, at the top of the grassy slope, scanning the crowd for any available space. The light breeze carried the smell of freshly cut grass, with just the slightest hint of popcorn underneath. Merritt took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The sun felt warm on her face as she lifted it skyward.

Tara raised a hand to shield her eyes from the sun's glare as she surveyed the ever-increasing crowd. Down about halfway into the crowd, beside a tree, a young man was frantically waving at her. Tara smiled and waved back. She turned to tell Merritt, but her words froze on her lips. She stared at Merritt's profile, the tilt of her head, the slightest of smiles on her lips. Her eyes skimmed over Merritt, traveling the length of her throat, until her gaze fell upon the crest of collarbone. Oh, Lordy. . . . Heat flushed Tara's skin. She took a deep breath and looked away. Perv!

Merritt heard Tara's deep inhalation. She slowly opened her eyes and turned. Blonde hair swirled slightly in the breeze, several renegade strands whipping into Tara's face. Without a thought, Merritt reached up and brushed the fine hair back, tucking it behind her ear.

Tara felt Merritt's fingers whisper against her skin, felt the softness in the gesture. Heart pounding uncontrollably, she turned her eyes to Merritt.

As soon as she realized what she had done, Merritt snatched her fingers away from Tara. Shit, what the hell. . . . Merritt shifted her feet, shoved her hand into her pocket.

Tara looked at her silently. Tara's heart pounded. She swallowed hard, tried to think of what to say, something that wouldn't scare Merritt off completely. She tucked more unwieldy hair behind her ear and smiled softly. "Thank you."

Merritt turned away from Tara’s stare. "Looks. . . " Merritt cleared her throat. "Crowded."

Tara smiled at Merritt’s attempt at casualness. "Always is." And with that, she started into the throng, weaving a labyrinthine maze between blankets, chairs, dogs, children, any number of persons and things.

Merritt stood still, unmoving. Her heart was suddenly racing, her blood pulsing. She couldn’t walk in there. She couldn’t sit there. There were just too many people. Too many. No walls, no fences. Nothing to put your back against. Merritt felt a sheen of perspiration on the back of her neck. Too many people. Too many. On its own, her hand moved to her stomach, slid down over her abdomen, covered the scar so well-hidden beneath her clothes.

“Merritt?”

Merritt blinked. She turned to find Tara only feet away, staring at her.

Tara tilted her head, a soft smile on her lips. “Come on.”

Merritt took a deep breath. She shifted her hand and shoved it into her pocket. Okay. . . . She nodded and followed. She felt like a million eyes were on her as she trailed behind Tara. She kept her head down, her eyes averted, mumbled 'excuse me' or 'sorry' as she walked among the crowd.

Tara reached an impasse of stroller and porto-hammock and stopped without warning.

Whoa. Merritt whipped a hand up to Tara's back to stop herself from running into the blonde. "Sorry," Merritt said, then dropped her hand.

Tara smiled. She looked left and right, tried to figure out their next movements. Tara scanned the area around her. "Hmm. . . ."

Merritt shifted her feet. Quickly offered, "Back there’s fine." She gestured behind them, towards the sidewalk, out of the crowd. “Really.”

Tara looked up the hill briefly. "Oh, no." She shook her head, her eyes scanning around them once again. She smiled. “This way.” She took off again, back stepping around the stroller and dropping to her knees.

“What are you. . . ?” Merritt’s question died on her lips.

Tara crawled on her hands and knees beneath the hammock, and bounced to her feet on the other side. She brushed the grass from her hands and knees and turned to Merritt. Her smile was full of laughter. “Come on.”

Merritt shook her head. She looked at the couple lounging together in the hammock, surprised that they seemed rather oblivious to what had just transpired. She shook her head again. “Tara, I—”

Tara lifted a hand. “Trust me.”

‘Trust me.’ Simple enough words. But so difficult to do. Merritt hadn’t trusted anyone— not even herself— for so long, for years, that the request seemed foreign to her. It seemed ridiculous. Trust was not something she did. She learned that the hard way. Trust. It was a fluid thing, never constant, never faithful. It was a thing to be bought, to be sold. Visiting hours. Phone privileges. Cigarettes. Magazines. Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. Money. Violence. Death. Supply and demand cornered the market on ‘trust,’ and what its value truly meant. She learned that the hard way. The near-fatal way.

“It’s okay, Merritt.” Tara’s hand still hung in the air, beckoning.

Agent Harris’ voice echoed in her thoughts. His threats. His promises. He could hurt her. And he could hurt Tara. The smartest thing Merritt could do for the both of them would be to turn away, to walk away. To trust Tara would mean more than one gesture at some summer concert in the park. To trust Tara would mean putting her in harm’s way. It would mean telling her the truth. Trusting Tara with the truth. Trusting Tara. Period. Merritt raised her eyes to Tara’s, and Tara smiled even wider.

“Trust me.”

Everything inside of Merritt told her to turn away, to walk away. ‘Trust me.’ Could she? Could she trust Tara? Could she trust herself? Could she be friends with Tara without Agent Harris hurting her? Could she try?

Merritt pulled her hands from her pockets and moved forward. As Tara had, she went to her hands and knees and crawled under the hammock. Emerging on the other side, Merritt looked up. Tara was looking down at her, her eyes sparkling with mischief and laughter.

“See?” Tara lowered her hand, held it out to Merritt.

Merritt swallowed. She glanced at Tara’s hand for a moment. And that was all it took. It was that easy. To trust. It started small. It started simply. With a hand. And a smile. Merritt reached up and took hold of Tara’s offered hand. She pushed to her feet, her hand held tightly in Tara’s, Tara’s tightly in hers. Merritt wiped her free hand across the seat of her jeans, but kept her eyes on Tara’s. “Yeah.” She smiled and nodded. “It’s all good.”

Tara’s heart almost hurt. This was something. This was big. Whatever was happening between them, this thing Merritt had done, this small thing of taking her hand, of following her, this was big. And Tara wasn’t going to waste it. She shifted her grip on Merritt’s hand, but didn’t let go. She tugged on Merritt’s hand and began to turn. “It’s all very good.”

[Zooeys_Bridge]

gotta get my Never No More dibsing back on!

[Zooeys_Bridge]

I double post if I dibs, I've decided. It's easier because I get to scroll through the thread and do my re-reading and quotes. I just thought I'd letcha know

Anyway, really? Has it only been ten chapters? I feel like it's been so much more than that. I let loose a little squeal in my heart when you update because like Tara discovered, it's huge.

Merritt didn’t respond. She knew enough to know that. Speak when spoken to. Answer a question when asked. Never volunteer anything. Ever.

ugh, that just breaks my iddy heart. The whole interrogation with Harris is twitching my nerves. I really don't want to see what he's capable of. Her meekness, looking at the dashboard, not answering, mute shaking of the head, the stuttering, it's really just getting to me. That's good, don't worry. It means she's so real I can't stand it. I just want to rip her our of this story and into where it's safe.

I hate that he followed her. He just negated all the progress Merrit made with Tara in learning to be outside. Damn it.

Everything that she had was his for the knowing. And Merritt realized, sadly, everything was his for the taking.

Fucking foreshadowing. I had to remind myself of the first terrifying chapter of your story. To remind me.

I love and hate that Merrit can't pull away from Tara. To do what she knows she should do to keep the both of them safe. But gosh, they're cute ain't they?

“You Caspared.”

God I love your Tara! Can I have her, pretty please? Cherry on top? I want her to be mine, for her eyes to twinkle and for her to say phrases like that all down-home girl witty like.

I love that while Merrit was feeling the sun on her face Tara copped a look. Yummy.

Without a thought, Merritt reached up and brushed the fine hair back, tucking it behind her ear.

awwwwwwww and then for Tara to think "...of what to say, something that wouldn't scare Merritt off completely. " How wonderful that Tara knows how frazzled Merrit is and how delicate she is and that her every move is catered towards protecting that delicacy?

Merrit's fear about the fence was so vivid, I felt myself panicking. That was really good, becuase my heart leaped for her again there, too.

And oh god, that Merrit thought trust seemed ridiculous? Not that it was hard or that she hadn't done it in just about forever, but that the mere concept was foolish? God, you really know how to dig it in deep, dontcha?

My heart goes a pitter-patter

Tara’s heart almost hurt. This was something. This was big. Whatever was happening between them, this thing Merritt had done, this small thing of taking her hand, of following her, this was big. And Tara wasn’t going to waste it. She shifted her grip on Merritt’s hand, but didn’t let go. She tugged on Merritt’s hand and began to turn. “It’s all very good.”

That's why Merrit can't just leave and pull away. Becuase there's more to them. There's big

[jay/wt4evr]

Great as always. but can I say A***** Harris!!! and what an arse! and did I say jerk?.
Caspared? loooool that was sooo cute!
update soon?

[wimpy0729]

Oh, man, Harris is such a jerk, and that's putting it nicely. Even out of prison, Merritt still isn't free. Oh, the angst. She was so torn when she was trying to decide what to do about Tara, feeling the need to keep her away from Harris and safe.

But oh, the whole "trust" thing just got me. What a huge thing that is for her indeed. I really love how Tara sees this and I can't wait to see where this can lead. Hopefully far, far away from Harris eventually.

More soon please?


Wimpy

[Paint the Sky]

You know, I feared the worst when Harris turned up at the end of last chapter, and his line of questioning and Merritt's reactions, both externally and internally weren't making me feel any better.

He really is a shit, isn't he? I wonder what he needs from Merritt? Whatever it is, he is prepared to go to any lengths to get it, or so it seems. I wonder did she discover something when comitting her computer crime, hacked into something she shouldn't have? Ignore my speculating, I do it all the time:) It's a compliment really.

Right up until Merritt decided, consciuously or not, to stay with Tara I really thought she would push her away for Tara's own good. Given the undercurrent of malice in this fic, she might have been better doing that, I don't see happy times ahead.

Merritt heard Tara's deep inhalation. She slowly opened her eyes and turned. Blonde hair swirled slightly in the breeze, several renegade strands whipping into Tara's face. Without a thought, Merritt reached up and brushed the fine hair back, tucking it behind her ear.

I just loved that bit. It was a very natural thing for someone to do, but I think for Merritt, it may have been the most intimate of touches she has given in three years.

And then the 'trust me' part toward the end, well, that spoke volumes. Your own words say it best.

It was that easy. To trust. It started small. It started simply. With a hand. And a smile.

I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, and I'm wondering who waved to Tara.

[JujuDeRoussie]

Hello EA,

Yes still reading but as I am preparing for a long journey, and vacations where I will have little time to read, I will surely be unable to feedback.

However I am really pleased about Meritt actions. I so understand her reason, but her acts are better. I hope to read more soon.

Thank you.

Friendly,

Julia

[nothingtosay]

yes w/c = which. sorry really lazy in typing...
hmmm..i suppose, they broke the ice (albeit i seemed like a fool and considering i used those back in junior high... )

anyone breaking a GREAT moment between two people, is EVIL. even if they were your waiter...they have no right cutting in when you were gonna kiss..*ahem* sorry got a little side-tracked..back to DoubleA(Agent Alex), why is he so hellbent on making Merritt's freedom burn down in flames??..is he like one of those people she scammed?(dont answer if its gonna spoil the future plot)

Trust. It was a fluid thing, never constant, never faithful. It was a thing to be bought, to be sold. Visiting hours. Phone privileges. Cigarettes. Magazines. Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. Money. Violence. Death. Supply and demand cornered the market on ‘trust,’ and what its value truly meant. She learned that the hard way.

i find that this line is true. people will only put their trust on others if they know that person can give back something in return, and at the same time...

It was that easy. To trust. It started small. It started simply. With a hand. And a smile.

i dont understand why it took her this long to realize that SHE could trust tara completely.

gawd..she's(Merritt) evolving..one issue solved, a gazillion MORE left.. im wondering why she didnt work-out while doing her time..i mean 3years of doing nothing would make you loco..but then again she did brush up on her brain instead of the brawn side.

[EmeraldArcher]

No excuses, folks, I'm just lazy it seems. . . On we go now:

Zooeys_Bridge, lol, looks like you got your ‘dibsing’ back on!

Zooeys_Bridge, you double post all you want, lol. Ten chapters seems like a lot to me, lol. But, then again, I’m writing it so maybe that’s it, who knows. Big squeal? Little squeal? Lol! Well, I’m not sure saying I’m glad your “iddy heart” breaks when you read Merritt’s behavior and responses during her lovely interrogation by Agent Harris, but I take it as a high compliment, as you say. Agent Harris has really become the most ‘hated’ character I’ve ever written, and, lol, I think I’ve only written three scenes with him? Lol. He has managed to intimidate Merritt, as well as make her feel pretty crappy, so, actually, yeah, I guess he is a big ole honkin’ jerk, lol. Lol, effing foreshadowing, huh? You no-likey? Well, if there can’t be any foreshadowing, what fun is it I ask? Glad the “push and pul” within Merritt is to your liking. I feel like it is an honest response, as she has been shut away from everything, and now has the chance to open up, but is scared. . . . LOL, yes, you can have Tara, if Merritt will let you. See what happens at the end of the story I guess… And yes, Tara “copped” a look. She’s human, right? And, yes, I think Tara does have an understanding of the Merritt’s fragility. Maybe Tara really understands. . . . It would seem almost ‘fake’ to me if Merritt didn’t carry many scars with her, many ‘post-traumatic’ scars, as it were; the fence and beating being just one of them. Agent Harris and interrogation another. She would flash back to those time and again, have to learn to process them in the here-n-now so she can deal with them. It’s bound to come up, one way or another. As for trust, well, not too much more for me to say on that – Merritt will tell you a little later, I’m sure. And, yeah, “There’s big.” Thanks for reading!

jay/wt4evr, great, huh? Well, thank you. Lol, yes you can say “A***** Harris! And what an arse! and did I say jerk?” You go right ahead if it makes you feel better. Glad you liked “Caspared.” Seemed appropriate, and very fitting for Tara’s personality. And well, it wasn’t soon, but see update below. Thanks for reading and posting!

wimpy0729, lol, you don’t mince words, do you? Harris does seem to be of the jerk variety, at least that seems to be the consensus. As I mentioned above, I think it will take time for Merritt to get past a lot of things, and her not feeling free, even in the world, is one of them. With Tara, and Harris, and everything, she’s got a lot to decide, and even decisions she’s made so far may change, you never know. . . Angst. . . yep, me likey. More soon? Not so soon, but it is below. Thanks for reading, and for taking the time to comment.

Paint the Sky, Ok, don’t want to sound all “stalker-fan obsessed,” but again, how happy am I that one of my favorite authors is posting on my story? Very, very! Uh, yeah. . . moving on! It seems like our Agent Harris is not in the “well-liked” category, that’s for sure. I like that you are trying to figure out what it is that he actually does want from Merritt. Makes me feel like I’m doing my job. . . somewhat. So, I’ll take it as a compliment, thank you very much! I vacillated between Merritt staying with Tara, or pushing Tara away. As a writer, I’m sure you know how that is. As I was writing, it seemed to take on a life of it’s own, different than I had planned, and as the tumblers fell into place, I could see the story changing, working in a different way, but working just the same, towards the end I envisioned. It was kind of scary, but at the same time very exciting. I think, as a writer, you probably get when that happens? And, yes, as you say, she may have been better off leaving Tara. . . . To be honest, the part about Merritt and the hair? Wasn’t sure on that. After writing it, I could picture it so clearly and it seemed like a really beautiful and “natural” thing for someone to do, but I wasn’t sure it fit Merritt. She had been so closed off to the whole touching and other intimacies, that I thought it might be too much. It still may be. But I really could just visualize it, so what the heck. And with the ‘trust’? And Merritt taking Tara’s hand, I thought maybe too much? Oh well. . . . Lol, and as for who waved at Tara? Well, my friend (if I may be so bold?) read below. Thanks so much for reading and for commenting— it’s great to hear from you. Oh, and PS, that fat little penguin you have on your (ah, I don’t know what you call that?) Your sign?? (Ugh, sorry, computer geek) Super cute!

JujuDeRoussie, hey there, Julia, a long journey and vacation? Nice. Hope it was good? I’m happy that Merritt’s actions please you. And you may read more, yes, just look below! Merci!

nothingtosay, lol, no, you’re not a lazy typist, I’m a geek, I told you, I just don’t have all the abbreviation knowledge. No worries. Lol, I think if you were using pick-up lines in junior high, then I must be ancient! I couldn’t even handle pick-up lines in college, for jiminy’s sake! And as for the evil waitress, well, she was just doing her job— and maybe $5 wasn’t a very good tip! “Double A?” Lol, nice. I like it. Why is he hellbent on screwing around with Merritt? Well, she did break the law after all, right? And we’re not too entirely sure what all that entailed . . . but he is, right? The trust issue will come up again, and as you say, many times what someone gets may tell you how much trust is available, so we’ll see what’s gonna shake out. As for why it took so long for Merritt to trust Tara? Well, it’s only been a day, really. . . and after years of not being able to? She may not be over it yet. Lol, why didn’t she work out in stir? Well, she’s not much for the brawn, more the brains. But I did give you a small glimpse as to why she might not have wanted to be in the yard or in a closed place with heavy metal objects lying around. . . Thanks for reading and commenting! It’s truly appreciated!

Thanks, everyone, for reading when I get around to actually writing and posting! And to those who comment? Superstars, one and all!

EA

[EmeraldArcher]

Title: Never No More
Author: EmeraldArcher
Email address: sixtiesgirl8@yahoo.com, or leave a message here on the board
Feedback: If you feel so inclined.
Distribution: Please ask.
Spoilers: No spoilers. This is AU(If my understanding of AU is correct).
Rating: PG-13 to NC–17. This includes sex, violence, sexual violence, language.
Pairing: The gang’s all here. . . pretty much, just different.
Disclaimer: I didn’t create these characters. I make no profit from them.
Summary: AU. It’d spoil the fun if I told you.
Note: I haven’t ever tried writing AU fiction. Not sure how it will go. Also, no beta used, so any and all mistakes are mine. Am aiming for weekly updates, more so if work permits.
Thanks: To Xita, for having the site, and keeping the site.

Chapter: Eleventh

Tara pulled Merritt along behind her as they both continued their bob-and-weave trek through the gathered crowd. Merritt felt Tara squeeze her hand several times, and she had to consciously stop herself from responding in kind. Maybe everything was happening too fast, maybe she didn’t quite understand it, maybe, maybe, maybe. Merritt just let her hand be held, and tried not to think too much about it.

Tara stopped when they finally reached an oak tree. Merritt stopped beside her, glancing from Tara to the young man smiling at them both.

Tara smiled at Merritt. “Merritt, this is Andrew.” To Andrew, “This is Merritt.”

Merritt faced him fully. Her eyes ran over his rather diminutive frame before settling on his face. She nodded.

Andrew smiled at Merritt. “Hi.” He held out a hand. “Andrew. So, your Tara’s friend? Way cool.”

Merritt didn’t respond to his inquiry. She reached a hand out, shook his firmly. “Hey.”

Andrew released Merritt’s hand and turned his attention back to Tara. “Well?” He raised his arms. “Is this the best spot, or what?”

Tara glanced around, from the tree to the stage and back again. “It’s perfect.”

Andrew nodded ecstatically. Then, he stepped closer to Tara, inches from her.

Merritt frowned. What the. . . ? Her eyes darted between Tara and Andrew, confused. Are they. . . ? Merritt shook her head. Merritt had seen her fair share of weird things in prison. Crazy things. Unbelievably psychotic things. But the thought of watching Andrew and Tara together— that was too much. Even for her. “Hey, uh. . . .”

Tara looked at Merritt. “Let me just. . . .” She turned back to Andrew.

Merritt nodded. She shifted one-eighty so she faced the tree. Nice. . . .

“Give it to me,” Andrew said. His voice was low, whispered.

Merritt pressed a hand to the bark. She squinted up into the high branches. . . . tree. . . .

“Ready for it?” Tara asked.

Merritt swallowed. Patted the tree harder. Big. . . .

“Gimme, gimme, gimme,” Andrew replied.

Merritt looked higher. . . . tree. . . .

Tara opened the brown bag. She pulled out a comic book packaged inside a clear plastic bag. “Here.”

Andrew squealed. “I. . . I. . . .” Eyes glazed, he turned and wandered away through the crowd.

Tara smiled and shook her head. Turned to Merritt. She frowned. “Uh, Merritt. . . ?”

Merritt tried to look higher into the tree. She shoved her hands into her pockets. “Mmm?”

Tara tried not to laugh. “What are you doing?”

Merritt pulled a hand free and slapped the tree a couple times. “Oh, uh, well. . . .”

Tara smiled. “Feeling up that tree?”

Merritt snatched her hand away. She turned to Tara, felt heat rise up her throat. “I. . . I. . . no, I. . . .”

Tara tilted her head. A single eyebrow lifted. “Hmm?”

Merritt glanced in the direction Andrew went. “I. . . ” She shook her head. “Just giving you two. . . some, uh, . . .” She waved her hand in the air between them.

Tara was stunned silent. Then, “P-Privacy?” Tara stammered. “Andrew?” Disbelief filled her voice. Tara smiled. “And me?” Tara burst into laughter. She doubled over, put her hands on her knees.

Merritt frowned. She glanced around them. No one seemed to be paying attention at all.

“Oh, Merritt. . . .”

Tara’s laughing voice pulled Merritt’s attention back to her. . . . idiot. . . . .

Tara slowly stood up. She pressed a hand over her heart and fanned herself with the other. Her skin was flushed red. Tara wiped a tear from her eye. “I. . . oh, my God, that’s. . . .” She shook her head. “. . . that’s just too. . . .”

Merritt felt her skin flush. Idiotic?

“Carver Merritt Carver. . . .”

“What?”

Tara shook her head again. “Nothing. . . it’s just that. . . .” Tara smiled and sighed a breath. She looked into Merritt’s eyes. “Andrew is so not my type.”

Something clicked on inside Merritt. An invisible switch flipped at Tara’s words, and Merritt’s stomach plummeted to her feet. She swallowed. Knew the flush was all the way up to her cheeks. Her heart beat erratically. “Oh.” Tara lifted an eyebrow. Merritt nodded softly. A hint of a smile touched the corner of her mouth. She glanced once more towards Andrew’s retreating form. “Good,” Merritt said, barely audible.

Tara smiled. Her eyes ran over Merritt’s hair. Down to the nape of her neck. To her shoulders. “Yeah.”

Merritt turned back. “What, um. . . .” She gestured to the bag.

Tara lifted the bag. “Oh, well,” she began, then moved towards the tree. She turned and sat down on the grass, her back pressed to the trunk. She looked up at Merritt and waited.

Merritt nodded. Duh, sit. Smiled. Then mimicked Tara’s pose beside her.

“Watchmen, issue one, first printing, signed.”

Merritt frowned. . . . what? She looked at Tara, the confusion obvious.

Tara smiled. Bumped her shoulder into Merritt’s. “The comic book?”

Merritt’s confusion didn’t lessen. “Um. . . .”

Tara gave a dismissive gesture. “I know. I don’t get it either. But, these are the best seats, so.”

Merritt looked at the stage. The musicians were finding their seats, flipping sheets of music. The crowd had settled and was quieting. Then she looked at Tara. “You bribed him with a comic?”

Tara nodded. “Like I said, so not my type.” She crossed her feet at the ankles. “I would’ve asked for money.”

Merritt lifted her shoulders. Tilted her head. “Yeah, well, sure. . . .”

Without warning, the crowd broke into applause. Merritt turned her attention towards the stage. A man walked to the microphone.

“Good afternoon, everyone. I’m Mayor Wilkins, and I want to welcome you all to the first concert of the summer.”

Tara laughed and pulled the bag onto her lap. “It’s starting.”

Merritt glanced at Tara. And the bag. Then back to the stage.

“Please remember to turn off all electronic devices, and deposit all garbage in the trash receptacles placed around you. Without any further delay, please welcome the Sunnydale High School orchestra.” And with that, he walked off stage while another man walked on. Another round of applause started as the conductor took his place at a small podium, wand in hand.

Tara’s legs bounced up and down. “Oh, this is gonna be good.” She reached inside the bag on her lap. “Here,” she said, as she pulled an object from the bag and held it out to Merritt.

Merritt turned. Her eyes fell to the offered item. “What—”

“Trust me,” Tara interrupted, “it’ll make everything so much better.”

Merritt took the item. A pair of cardboard glasses, one lens red, one blue. Okay. . . . She shook her head softly and pulled them on. She tilted her head up and down several times, alternating from regular view to red and blue. Definitely different. She wasn’t quite sure how wearing 3-D glasses would make the concert-going experience any better, but maybe things were different now. She glanced at Tara.

Tara smiled. “Very nice.”

Merritt took a deep breath. She wasn’t convinced.

Tara held up a finger. Then retrieved another item from the bag. She pushed something onto her face and turned to Merritt. Perched on Tara’s face was a pair of glasses made out of slinkys, complete with dangling eyeballs on the ends.

One look and Merritt lost it. She laughed out loud, full and unrestrained. Completely free. Shocked at the sound of her own laughter, Merritt quickly clapped a hand over her mouth.

Tara laughed in return. Then reached up and pulled Merritt’s hand away. “It’s okay, Merritt, you can laugh.”

Merritt cleared her throat. “Sorry.”

Tara shook her head. “Don’t be.”

Merritt swallowed. She dropped her eyes to their hands, where Tara’s still held hers. She glanced up, just as Tara’s eyes followed.

Tara released Merritt’s hand quickly. Set it in her lap. “Sorry.”

Don’t say it, don’t, don’t. . . . Merritt took a deep breath. “Don’t be.” Oh, shit. . . you said it. . . .

Tara stopped breathing. Just for a moment. For a moment, no air passed, her lungs burned, her heart beat furiously. Oh, lordy. And then, a breath. Deep. Solid. Sure. She swallowed.

Before Tara could say anything, the loud Tap, tap, tap of the conductor’s wand against the metal podium echoed over the grass.

Merritt turned away from Tara’s gaze, her eyes moving towards the stage. Carver, just don’t. . . friends. . . you can’t be more than. . . friends. . . .

Tara stared at Merritt’s profile for several seconds. She took in the rise of her cheek, the swell of lips, curve of throat. She closed her eyes briefly. Imagined what it would be like to touch the pale skin just above the. . . . Tara, just don’t. . . friends. . . you can’t be more than. . . friends. She took a breath and turned her attention to the stage.

The music started. Merritt listened for several minutes. What she heard made her more and more confused. This wasn’t quite what she had expected, when Tara had asked her if she liked music. She wasn’t actually sure what she had expected. She’d been gone a long time, it was true. But she was pretty sure that it was supposed to sound like music. What she was hearing right now? Not so much. The discordant notes, the off-key tone, it sounded like. . . . Merritt couldn’t put a name to it. There really was no word in her vocabulary. None. She looked at Tara.

Tara sat against the tree, her legs pulled up, arms wrapped around her knees. Her head bobbed, off-beat, to the music. A smile lingered on her lips. Tara felt Merritt’s gaze. She turned. The googly-eyes dangled and bounced crazily. Tara pointed a finger at her own face. “Better, right?”

Merritt smiled. Then grimaced at a harsh note. She looked back at the stage. After a moment, “Earmuffs— that’d be better.”

Tara burst out laughing. She rocked over and bumped her shoulder against Merritt’s.

Merritt smiled again. Shrugged. “I’m just sayin’.”

Tara took a deep breath. She wiped a tear from her eye. She stared at Merritt’s profile again. . . . I’m in trouble. . . .

TBC

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for great update-y goodness... Good that Tara made Willow laugh...

[Paint the Sky]

Hey, EA, I'm so very pleased to see an update.

That was fun, light and fluffy and geniouly laugh out loud funny in places.

I love this Tara - she is a complete goofball. The whole 3-D glasses and googly eye thing just cracked me up.

But, what I liked best was the way you slipped in those more significant moments without taking away from the 'light' element of this part. It all blended really well, and the more 'serious' moments didn't feel forced in, it was just a normal part of the piece.

Things like when Merritt really laughs - it's nothing on the surface, people laugh everyday, but it feels like another breakthrough for her, just like in the previous update when she pushes Tara's hair back. Little things like this carry real weight for me.

I also loved how you moved their relationship on so easily. I liked the subtlety of how you did that:

"Andrew is so not my type.”

Something clicked on inside Merritt. An invisible switch flipped at Tara’s words, and Merritt’s stomach plummeted to her feet. She swallowed. Knew the flush was all the way up to her cheeks. Her heart beat erratically. “Oh.” Tara lifted an eyebrow. Merritt nodded softly. A hint of a smile touched the corner of her mouth. She glanced once more towards Andrew’s retreating form. “Good,” Merritt said, barely audible.

Tara smiled. Her eyes ran over Merritt’s hair. Down to the nape of her neck. To her shoulders. “Yeah.”

That with the "Sorry" and "Don't be" coming from them both was just lovely.

You've given them a solid platform to build from, my only worry is how high will you let them go before you bring it all crashing down?

[Zooeys_Bridge]

Yesss, bless you, EA, for an update.

I forget how much I miss this story until you post then I'm like 'damn, that was too good'. I'm helplessly dangled at the tip of your story and I want the whole things like....right now. But thank goodness you're doing the pacing for me, else I'd devour all of Never No More in a day. So thanks for making me savour each delicious chapter at a time.

Uuugh, this is so good. I'll just second everything PTS said.

[shiraz]

Just tuned in to this one. I'm lovin' it! Hopefully the trust just keeps building....I can't imagine what it feels like to be locked away and harassed by an fbi a-hole.

Falling in love with a gorgeous blond? I'm all over that

More soon, please?!

Shiraz

[NoKittyNo]

I can't tell you how much I love this fic. I am addicted to AU's of any-kind, (especially first-meetings, it's horrible, really .. You should see my endless list of Kitten Bookmarks, lol)

This Tara is so different - but still, so the same, the cheekyness of s6 and semi-5 are lingering in there..just enough.

I think you write very well, (as do all posters on here )

Keep up the great work! I look forward to your updates.