Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - Chapter 176 - 01/27/14 - COMPLETE

[Katharyn]

I'm back and the next part will be up inside an hour...

Feedback first though... I am going to go in reverse order for once because one refers to the other!

Azirahael - Thanks for the PS! And yes, who would ever have thunk I'd get feedback quoting those names LOL I feel like I've been analysed for a English project or something. Hee! (Actually a couple of people actually covered Sidestep as part of PhD and things like that (more about fandom than the story itself) so this was kind of similar)

I will cover the differences shortly... when I say hello to...

Zeppo - I'm just gonna call you Zeppo cos... easier

I won't say this is 'tireless' LOL, actually I'm having all sorts of fun with it and thanks so much for joining in the thread, catching up so thoroughly and feeding back in the same way. Lovely to have you here.

I have to be honest now and say that the 'small pebble dropped in the pond' is really growing into more of a big pebble! I've just been (re)writing the ending of S5 while away and added a substantial amount of material and the ripples from that pebble are still with us by then (Not specifically characters necessarily, but the implications certainly)

Honestly, again, Diana when I introduced her was not intended to be anything because I hadn't decided her role. So if she worked for you as being 'dangerous' that's great since the danger was that she wouldn't work at all! Faith though... well, you read Sidestep. You know about me and Tara and Faith...

Never fear, there will be a meeting of Tara and Diana when everything comes out... I couldn't not to it!

I am not sure that Tara's magical progress is more Sidestep than S4, though her overall role certainly is and I'd agree with you there.

I hadn't really considered the clash between canon dialogue and my own nor really noticed it even when reading aloud, however I can certainly see the potential for it now that you've raised it.

I have a few things to say on that...

1) Yup, there's a big difference between canon dialogue and mine. No question. So yes, in hindsight it was never going to link together as well as it could unless...

2) Unless... I tried to write like the show. I can't. Or at least not and cover the stuff I want to anyway... As you correctly point out, the show is moments in time and this story is filling in the gaps between moments. So it's difficult to do that quite the same way.

3) Even recognising the clash between styles, on balance I don't regret it. The amount of feedback from people anticipating certain points of the T/W journey from S4 suggested to me (and I had only final prep based on feedback as the bulk had been completed before part one was even posted) that there are moments people love and part of how they connect is through certain lines. Could that be better integrated, sure. You've been very eloquent about how it doesn't quite work. However, I don't regret the idea of having them in there.

4) But... that will be less and less the case. S5 doesn't have to feature as much of that. Some lines, sure, you can probably guess them. But aside from Family there's no BIG T/W canon episode to cover. The rest is moments for T/W in a wider story. We'll be spinning that the other way to make the wider story fit into the T/W one...

5) The plot will continue to broadly shadow the canon. Or parallel or something... It's not a full re-write. I could've done that, as you suggest, but... that wasn't what I was writing. This is fairly concise (for me) at about 700,000 words (so far!). I think a whole new story on the same scale, slowly diverging more and more, would be into the million mark with ease... Yeah, I've spent a few days shy of 12 months of writing every day on this and I was trying to keep the scope down!! I'm cheating here!

Thanks once again.

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Bonus Chapter
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: Some moments in life stuff for Tara, Willow and a few others…
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: The end of the last part was – originally – intended to lead us more directly into another chapter paralleling canon. But I inserted this bonus part now because it’s just the best place for it to fit. Like other bonus chapters I’ve not redrafted the whole story to work around them so there’s an element of it being ‘out of time’ in case there’s not a perfect fit in some ways.
Now, the second scene in this story was inspired at my request for ideas by Kajun’s experiences in a tattoo parlour for a day. I have no idea if someone like Faith walked in, but this is as close as I want to get to the detail of that activity without watching bad reality TV. On the other hand, if someone as hot as Paige is involved… I could go along for the curiosity and moral support side of things!
The second bonus scene coming from the same exercise of me asking for ideas will probably be worked into the summer stuff a bit further down the line. That will fit in with both Kajun and Missocki’s ideas.
Thanks to: Kajun, and not just for the reasons above.



“Whacha doing?” Willow asked. Tara wasn’t one for watching that much TV. So finding her in front of it – alone – was a little unusual. Of course ‘unusual’ pretty much described their lives. After all, she and Tara had only recently used a spell that had torn apart a human-demon hybrid and (unfortunately) left them and their friends naked.

So yeah, unusual was pretty much usual.

Still, Tara and TV? The occasional documentary, that was about it for them. Oh, and when she was having her breakfast at the weekend, Tara had taken to watching cartoons. She seemed to take a lot of pleasure in them too, laughing out loud and sometimes splurting out a little milk and cereal if it was really funny.

But outside of that, somehow, in this – months long – first flush of their relationship they usually found something better to do than watch TV. After all, aside from being together, they had schoolwork and everything to take care of. Let alone the supernatural hunting.

Then, having friends? That took more time than you’d have guessed. It’d kind of been a surprise to both of them, she thought. Tara had come from a place where she had some – but not many – friends. While, for her part, she’d been combining the Slaying and the friendship for so long that the two had kind of merged together. Her friends were her Slaying buddies and vice versa.

Having people in their lives who were just friends? That was proving to be a little different to what either of them had expected. Like Tara, she’d not known many people before Buffy she’d considered a friend. Just Xander, really.

But then just last night they’d been out with Annie – and she was really into having a friend like that. The party (involving far too many naked jokes) had only stopped when Faith - who’d they’d run into later on - had taken things a little too far and managed to (with a gleeful look in her eye) start a bar fight.

In a case of much too much information, Tara had informed that when Faith didn’t find something to slay she was happy to get a fight on her own terms and use that to fuel what she was looking for with some random guy.

Last night? It’d been something to laugh and giggle about. This morning? She could see it for what it was. You had to hand it to Faith; most sluts really didn’t put that much effort into it. Say what you like about her – and she had more that was good to say after what had happened recently – but Faith wasn’t a lie there and spread ‘em kind of gal.

While, on occasion, she had been known to do that for her girl. Last night, when they’d gotten home, being an example. So… she was surprised to wake up for the third time this morning, alone and to hear the sound of the TV.

Hugging Tara from behind, she kissed the top of her head and then looked down at Miss Kitty in her lap, napping. Yeah, there was still a joke there somewhere. “Is that C-SPAN?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh. I didn’t know you – you know – watched that.”

“From time to time,” Tara said, looking up at her. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I?”

Oh, everyone should. But so few people ever did.

“Anything special?”

“Defence appropriations committee.”

“Hoping to see something about the Initiative? Because I don’t think that’s the sort of thing they show on public access TV. That’s like secret sessions and black ops or black bag budgets. Something black, anyway.”

“No, I’m just interested,” Tara said, tipping her head back for another kiss which she happily obliged. “Aren’t you?”

“Well, of course, democracy interests me, but more in the sort of abstract sense. I mean… doesn’t seem like anything ever happens in congress except for business as usual.”

“But don’t you want to see why?” Tara asked.

“I guess… I can think of things I’d rather be doing on a Sunday morning…”

“It’s nearly afternoon, baby,” Tara said. “Look at the time.”

Yeah… they’d been ‘up’ until late and then ignored two natural – cat shaped – wake ups.

“Well, I’m not dressed,” she said, trying to be enticing. Most of the time she didn’t need to ‘try’ at all. But Tara’s attention had been drawn by the political session and… that was kind of weird. Was she really going to be passed over in favour of lots of rich political types?

“I am.”

“Oh… well, if it’s a pussy you were looking to pet - ”

“Got one,” Tara said, waving Miss Kitty’s paw at her gently enough the kitten didn’t even wake up on her warm perch.

“Okay, I get it… You’re interested in the workings of democracy. I am too,” Willow said.

“Oh?”

“One woman, one vote and all that.”

“Uhuh.”

“The lady from Sunnydale moves that we retire to the bed and spend some unproductive time making ourselves very, very happy. More time, technically.”

“Ourselves?” Tara wondered, actually turning away from the TV. “Like – at the same time?”

“Umm, maybe that was badly written legislation… Maybe I can make an amendment before the vote?”

“Please do,” Tara said.

“What I should’ve said – should’ve moved – was that we’d spend some unproductive time making each other very, very happy. I promise, it’s not going to cost anything either,” she said.

“Not a dime?”

“Not one, single dime.”

“Sounds like a bargain. And well worth consideration. Have you prepared a briefing paper? Perhaps a PowerPoint?” Tara asked.

“I didn’t think I’d need one, after all, I already have one vote in the bag,” Willow said.

“I could filibuster though,” Tara suggested.

“That’s gonna be hard for you to keep up,” she said, moving her hand lower, inside Tara’s top.

“Oh?”

“I promise you, you won’t be able to keep talking for long.” Her hand had found something very appealing; something that would’ve sold her if this hadn’t been her proposal to make.

“I don’t know, I’ve gotten better,” Tara said. “I stand up for what I want and I t-talk more than I used to. You told me that.”

“No, see, you don’t understand. The Lady from Montana is going to struggle to say much of anything when I’m sat on her face.”

“Oh… That. Right. That’s technically what they call cloture.”

“So do you give up?” she asked, tipping Miss Kitty from her girlfriend’s lap and replacing her there.

“I was watching that,” Tara said as she deliberately put herself in the way of the TV.

“Was. Past tense. You’ve already accepted the inevitable.”

“Nothing’s inevitable,” Tara told her, her hand slipping up inside her nightshirt and missing the place she’d kind of hoped it would go in favour of gently cupping her breast, circling a thumb over the flesh a little.

“Oh, I think you’ll find it is.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, baby, I’m absolutely, one hundred percent, for sure, going to sit on your face.”

Tara sighed, as if it was the worst thing she could’ve said. But the hand and the tiny smile said something else.

“Oh, well, I guess if you absolutely insist.”

“Oh, I do. I do. But you have to vote,” she pointed out.

“I’ve already got my hand up,” Tara pointed out.

“But you’ve not got it up in the right place. So I guess you better hurry.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you remember?” she asked.

“What?”

“Oh… I’ll tell you later.”

“What?” Tara repeated.

“Shut up and love me. All you do is talk, talk, talk and those lips are much better - mmmmn”

------------------------

This was what they were doing?

This was what Willow had allowed them out of bed for?

To watch Annie get a tattoo?

Really?

While she was all in favour of offering moral support to friends, that wasn’t – exactly – why they were here, was it?

C-Span? Willow had declared that ‘weird’ even though it was the inner workings of their democracy and every citizen should be informed. But the things that caught Willow’s attention were… stranger still.

It wasn’t like she’d even been obsessing about it – which her girlfriend was well capable of. No, as best as she could tell the conversation that had brought them here had taken place when she’d been in the restroom while they’d been out with Annie last night.

The way Willow told it, it’d gone something like this:

Annie: I’m getting a tattoo tomorrow.

Willow: Cool, can we come and watch?

Who did that?

Or, maybe, everyone did that? It wasn’t like she’d really gone and done this kind of thing with her friends from school. There hadn’t been so many of them and some of those had more conservative father’s even than she did. Then… Montana? Not exactly the tattoo capital of America.

Not out where she came from, anyway.

And she had to suppose she was lucky Willow hadn’t offered more concrete ways of showing solidarity. Like getting one too. In her excitement last night, her girlfriend might have easily made that rash promise.

Operative word – ‘rash.’

Luckily she hadn’t and now things were calmer, she couldn’t see Willow wanting to mark herself for life.

That didn’t mean she couldn’t support their friend though. Flicking through the sample books, she even had to admire the artwork while Annie waited her turn.

Willow – of course - had more practical concerns. “What I don’t get is how they know how it’ll look when the skin moves, like, will the tattoo only work when they’re stood or holding it just right?”

“I know because I’m good at my job,” the tattooist said as she came out to Annie. “You sure about your decision, honey?”

Neither she nor Willow were making much eye contact with the girl who was going to be giving Annie her tattoo. Giving? Doing? Some word like that. Yeah, think about the words, not the girl.

Their reticence was probably because they were both sort of fascinated with how the artwork on her skin moved. There was still plenty of plain skin there, but the work that someone – and it looked to the inexpert eye like the same hand – had done for her was… Actually, it exquisite in a strange way she’d never appreciated before. True artwork.

Now, in fifty years it might not look so good, but right now? It made everything in the book they had look like… doodles. And some of the designs in the book were actually interesting.

So, it was hard to keep your eyes off that. It was really the tattooist’s skin that Willow had been talking about. Not the little thing that Annie was going to get done.

The tattooist – apparently called Paige – probably wasn’t much older than them and she was wearing cut off everything’s. Also there was more than a hint that her body art extended to inserting pieces of metal into places that you wouldn’t expect to notice otherwise. Except for, you know, how some of that artwork disappeared under clothes and kind of led your eyes there and then… they stood out.

“I’m sure,” Annie confirmed.

“Then come on over, hop up into the chair.”

“Umm,” Willow asked, “are those… stirrups?”

“Cool, huh? The last guy who owned this place had it put in. I left it in place when I got here. People want their ink done all over their bodies. Don’t worry; I don’t pierce anything down there.”

“Worried? I wasn’t worried!” Willow insisted. “I wasn’t even thinking - ”

“At least not commercially,” Paige said and winked at her.

“Looks like you made a friend,” she said to her girlfriend.

Willow just – fiercely – changed pages in the book and even though confronted by a page full of skulls, deciding to keep her attention there. Obviously the idea of being pierced ‘down there’ didn’t sit well with Willow and she wanted to keep her mind on something – anything – else.

This while Paige was with Annie, getting her ready for the tattoo that she’d come in with the day before, an idea that the girl had worked up into the design she was now stencilling on Annie’s shoulder.

“You can come around and watch if you’re really interested,” Paige said.

“R-Really?”

“Everyone likes to see their friend in pain,” Annie joked. “I’d watch you mutilate yourself.”

“Really? Thanks! I think… Will it really hurt?”

“Yeah, it’s really going to hurt,” Paige confirmed. She’d know, of course, being covered in tattoos.

Tara took a chance to look at the work on the tattooist’s shoulder, barely covered by the thin strap of her shirt.“ You’re a surfer?” she guessed from some of the art – and yes, some of it, truly was art.

“Why else would I be here?”

“Sunnydale’s good for surfing then?” Better than talking about how much pain her friend was going to be in in just a few minutes.

Paige glanced her way. “Not Sunnydale itself, but just around the headland there’s a nice point break… and that means nothing to you, does it?”

“Broken point?” she shrugged. Willow didn’t seem to have any idea either.

“Yeah, that’s it exactly,” Paige said, but she wasn’t being nasty about it. There was even a little smile for her.

Everyone knew different things. Surfing was one of the many things she didn’t know. Nor how to turn parts of someone else’s body another colour for the rest of their life.

Nor – while they were on the subject - where and how to stick pieces of wire and metal – apart from your ears. She wouldn’t deny the effect of any of those things – Paige had the body of an athlete, some beautiful artwork and the individuality that gave her a startling presence you wouldn’t actually expect to be interesting.

But all in all? She couldn’t help feeling – as she saw Annie screw up her face – that getting there was way too painful to consider.

Call me a wuss, if you like, but… I’m really a wuss.

Not that everyone else seemed to think that way. She happened to know Ethan had tattoo’s (he’d told her), Buffy had been given a tattoo by Ethan and had to get rid of it because it came with the side-effect of empowering a monster. Giles too… Then there was Faith, some of whose tattoo’s she’d seen.

After all, her friend the Slayer had been locked in a cage for days and then the whole spell of unmaking thing. She was sure that Willow would’ve understood if a little skin had been revealed during the first and she’d noticed something during the second.

And Willow would’ve been relieved to know that there were a couple – Faith said – she’d still not seen. Even though she’d been walking around pretty boldly when everyone else had been covering themselves up, you had to look to see some things and she hadn’t looked.

She had no desire to either. Her desire was all for Willow.

But think of the devil and she will appear… “Wassup, finger artists?”

Faith.

“What are you doing here?”

“Yeah, Faith, good to see you, how you doing?” her friend countered sarcastically.

“Yeah, Faith. Good to see you. How you doing? And what you doing here?” she asked, grinning.

“Great. And – because you asked nicely, are you sure you and Red haven’t been body swapped? Because, you know, it can happen.”

Tara shook her head. Faith was the only one she knew who’d managed that with some arcane technology her former boss had supplied. By reputation he wouldn’t have liked her to be getting tattoos either… “I’m just surprised,” she said.

“You’re surprised? I’m the one with ink already. You… You told me that Red likes your skin just the way it is.”

Willow slipped up alongside her then hugged her, which was always nice. “Yes, I do. No need for any changes in the skin department.”

“So the question should be what are you two doing here?”

“Oh, Annie’s getting a tattoo. We came because we love learning,” Willow said. Tara nodded, she couldn’t argue with that. They were curious and now they were getting to see the whole thing.

“You?” she prompted.

“Same,” Faith said. “Your friend Annie’s okay. She reminded me, I meant to get more work done and Paige’s the only one I’d trust to do me down there.”

“Down there?” Willow asked. Tara felt like slapping her forehead. How did her lover not get that reference?

“You saw the stirrups, right?” Faith’s grin just pointed to the fact that she loved nothing better than to shock.

“Yikes!” She did think, for a minute, that Willow was going to clamp her hand over her own groin, as if Paige was going to launch herself at her, hold her down and inflict an intimate dolphin on her. Or possibly a shamrock, which – strangely – she’d have thought would suit her girlfriend better.

Neither of those things was going to happen. Mostly because Paige was running a business and not one that was going to give away freebies. Also, she didn’t look like an assault tattooist.

Still, she didn’t want to think too much about that kind of artwork. Nor to ask Faith just where – exactly - it was going.

Or what it was. All of which was too much information by far. They were friends, but she solidly hoped to go the rest of her life without being naked with her again.

All in all, back to the original thing of not thinking about it. Yeah, that was better. Safe.

“Relax,” Faith said. “You lesbo’s don’t get to see it.”

“Because we’re lesbians?” Willow asked, her sensitivity immediately piqued.

“Uh-uh,” Tara said to her girlfriend. “Just stop right there.” She had to wonder whether Faith’s read of Willow was good enough to know exactly what she was doing. Probably… Faith was surprisingly good at that. She just used her excellent intuition about people for… less than noble purposes.

“What?” Willow asked.

“I know you, you’ll talk yourself into wanting to see it on general principle,” she explained.

“Will not.”

“Will too.”

“Will not!”

“No, you really will, Will,” Annie said from the chair, wincing as Paige applied the buzzing needle. “Ouch…”

“I won’t!”

“You would, we all know it,” Faith said. “Why not just admit it?”

“You’d show me?” Willow asked.

“Hell no,” Faith told her.

“Good… I think,” Willow’s response was caught up in whether it was homophobia, polite amongst friends or Faith just didn’t like her. Probably not the last one, since the thing with Adam some of the bite had left all of their interrelationships.

“Now your girlfriend,” Faith asked grinning. “If she asks… that’s a different matter.”

Willow turned to her. “Don’t you dare!”

“What?” This was on her now? How had that happened?

“Ask her.”

“As if I would - ” she started.

“Well, you better not.”

“You know I wouldn’t,” she insisted. There wasn’t much that she’d be less curious about than that. Okay, in general – knowledge – terms she might idly wonder about what – and why – Faith would have anything inked into her skin down there. But… looking? No. That was a step beyond friendship. Something Faith should share only with… well, with people she liked to share herself with.

Boyfriends?

Lovers?

Not exactly the words… not really. There was one, Faith used. Started with an F and ended with a K. Could have an ‘S’ on the end of that.

“I know you know I wouldn’t,” Willow said. “And you know, I know, you know I wouldn’t but… Please don’t.”

“There’s only one…” she hesitated, wondering what she was about to say because she really didn’t know – exactly – what Faith was having done. And where.

“Go on,” Faith said, “you can say it. P-P-P – go on…”

“Only one,” Tara said, feeling like she should stick her tongue out. But not right now, that’d get twisted a different way…

“Only one,” Willow repeated happily, squeezing her hand. “It’s mine right?”

“Of course.” Hadn’t she proven that earlier? More than once?

“I thought we were doing the inside of your wrist,” Paige said to Faith.

“We were,” Faith replied. “But – that particular lesbian – the blonde – I lost my piercings to her and now I’m thinking about ink too and I seem to - ”

Tara shook her head, knowing that – just to shock – Faith would totally go there just because people were assuming – She couldn’t do that. Not for that reason. “No! Don’t let this make you – not there!”

“You know better than that, T. I don’t do anything I don’t want to,” Faith said. “I think it’ll be a… talking point.”

“A talking point?” Willow scoffed. “Since when do you talk - ?”

“Remember, sweetie, we’re all getting along. Remember?” she reminded her girl.

“Oh, yeah. Look, we’re talking about it already.” Willow said brightly, and she was proud of her.

“So… what are you having done?” Tara wondered.

“Aside from replacing the rings you took out when we got naked the other day? Well, that’ll be my secret…”

“Not for long,” Willow said under her breath, but with confidence born of understanding the Slayer.

***********************

[Azirahael]

dib!
Just one, more would be greedy.

Ohmigod, Faith!

Having an element of shock-jock to my personality too, i know how much of a vulnerability having that kind of attitude can get you into.
it can goad you into doing things you'd really regret later, just to push it one step further than the norms were expecting.
it can get away on you.

Not sure i like the rings though.

And yes, i think Willow would talk herself into looking too

I think this chapter made a nice interlude.

I look for ward to more!

Chapters, not necessarily intreludes.

Actually, whatever, it's all good.

[Kajun]

Katharyn, I have missed having updates every 2-3 days.. soooo good to have a new update to read!! Thanks for using one of my crazy ideas. Anyhoo.. hilarious that Willow tries to tempt Tara away from educational activities. Who would blame her though? You could argue that she wasn't pulling Tara away from learning --just changing subjects. Hands on study of human anatomy would be much more fun than watching politics on the tv. That was pretty smooth play on spicey talk from both “parties”. Heehee

Gotta say that if Faith trusts Paige then Annie is in good hands. The timing works really well here considering the recent unmaking spell --even if it's not intended to be specifically set in the immediate aftermath. Faith isn’t one to dilly dally when she wants to do something. This whole scene had me giggling. Faith lost her “piercings” to Tara.. ROFLMAO. Okay, you know I love Willow but I do enjoy Faith getting her riled up. The Slayer keeps things interesting and in the Scoobie line of work, it’s good to be kept on your toes.

Is Tara keeping track of the bar fights too? Willow would need a bigger sheet of paper to record those on a chart! Really fun chapter.. thanks so much!! Hope you had a nice vacation!

[Katharyn]

Azirahael - I am glad you're spacing out the dib...

Faith is endless fun, especially when I get to put her next to Willow and Tara. I think you're right, there's an element of wanting to shock but to be honest, I think she'd have been there anyway. Shocking is more about the presentation at the time. She'd have got it done anyway and not felt the need to say a word otherwise... LEast that's how I see her. That's a little different to what you were saying, and I think that may be how she's changed from who she was last time around? I didn't write her that way conciously, but it's how I feel prompted by what you said.

There are more chapters - of course - and more interludes! Essentially we will be doing a fair few parts set in summer (which features more Bonus chapters added late in the process) and basically summer before S5 is uncharted territory so that is all a good chance to have fun.

And talking of chapters, I've added about 40,000 words in first draft for the ending this month... Figure 50-60K before I am done with the final versions... So, we're up over 160 chapters now...

Loads more to come!

Thanks

Kajun - I know, I'm sorry. But I am back here for the foreseeable. There was no wifi anywhere I could easily get to with a laptop so couldn't really post. Glad you waited!

I am using all your crazy ideas but this was perfectly timed. You asked me how I wrote it so fast... I had to! I knew this was the perfect time once I pushed it to Faith and her piercings LOL. I could also speculate that the spell could remove tattoo... I hadn't thought of it, but actually... it would!

The C-Span thing came from the fact I caught myself watching it for no reason at all. It sucks you in... weird.

We'll see Paige again. I hadn't intended to create a recurring character, but once I used her here it opened up an avenue in the other part that you suggested and so I used her there too. Because - and this is nothing to do with my taste in women - but when I was writing her... dayum!

Glad you enjoyed what you (largely) inspired And yes, we had a great time. I was even allowed to write as I alluded to above....

Thanks so much

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Sixty-Eight
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: The first of two parts winding up the season.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Once again I’ve put one of Christa’s greetings from Effing Dykes into Faith’s mouth (so to speak) and so… thanks to her too.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: Okay, so I realised that I needed to bring the story back on track a little – especially as we’ve now had a bonus chapter in the mix. We’ve had a victory at the end of season 4 and – as with canon – that wasn’t quite the end of things.
However I’m not going to be so weird and mysterious (even if I would quite like to get writing on Tara’s back in there somehow…) What we’ve not addressed for a while is the big, hanging thread – Diana. What she wants in bringing these people together through Tara and the threat posed by the darkness. We are still in S4 here in terms of how I am thinking of that. I just want the lingering threat to serve as some kind of bookend for the season. However we’ll be back to the girls for the final part of the season because – even though you’d usually put the cliff hanger at the very end - it’s really all about them. Once again that represents the difference between fanfic and a novel or other dramatic structure we’re all familiar with.
PSA: Obligatory ‘Just say no’ warning… Don’t give your kitten nip without checking at what age it’s safe for them. Thank you, Kerry for that titbit a long time ago. Hope you’re well, wherever you are. And now I just realised, there are readers here who may never have heard of ‘Just say no.’ I feel old again…




Tara was disappointed. It wasn’t something she’d experienced very often since meeting Willow because… Willow. But still - right now - disappointment.

Despite the fact that – collectively – they’d shared life and limb danger and that more than a few of them had shared an unfortunate bout of nudity (which no one looked like letting her forget any time soon that she’d caused it), the two ‘teams’ didn’t seem to have bonded.

Ethan and Faith sat over on one side of her. Giles and Buffy on the other.

Xander was off doing whatever he did when he was trying to make money to buy Anya pretty things – it couldn’t still be those awful power bars this week could it? So she, Miss Kitty and Willow were the only three who really linked the two camps. And it was tenuous for her, since she was new to the group and getting lumped in with the B Team by virtue of her newness and who she spent her time with.

Oh, and no one except the A Team was happy with the B Team label. Not even when she’d suggested as a badge of pride or that B was for ‘Bad Ass’

Frankly, Miss Kitty was doing a better job of holding the two sides together and was the only one who hadn’t said anything about the whole disintegrating clothes thing. Their little cat was used to nude women, of course, but even she’d looked up from her nap with mild surprise when the four of them had walked in to grab some clothes.

Not entirely naked, that day, but only a lab-coat away from it.

Miss Kitty knew very well where her kitty food, scratching post and nip came from though. Mostly she was worried about the nip… they were raising a nip-head because Willow went just about as dotty as Miss Kitty herself when she was freaking out on it.

Right now though, rather than napping in the middle, Miss Kitty was going from one side to the other of the room and more than once she’d noticed some competition to attract her attention.

Buffy and Faith – not to mention Giles and Ethan – would compete over anything. And Miss Kitty just loved it because that meant it was all about her. As it was meant to be.

Our kitten’s becoming a cat before her time.

“She’s late,” Buffy said again.

Giles checked his watch and gave his glasses a (unstressed) polish. Ethan’s shoelace was the current centre of Miss Kitty’s attention and she his, while Faith just looked bored and had done since Buffy had managed to get the cat to cross the room from her lap with some sort of clicking sound that Faith had speculated – not quietly – was how she attracted guys too.

And this was while there was some newfound respect between them all. This was things being ‘better.’ The ‘teams’ just seemed to have shifted the source of - and reason for - the rivalry

“I don’t think a Goddess can be late,” Willow said, clearly quoting from somewhere. “I think, like wizards, Goddesses arrive exactly at the time they intended to.”

“Oh yes, very good,” Giles said, smiling and pleased that someone had expressed a knowledge of the written word. Willow had always said he was easily pleased and so it appeared.

“Please,” Tara said. “Just a little longer. I’m sure there’s a good reason -”

“Your woman is correct, Tara Maclay, my arrival is consistent with my intention.”

Diana.

“Oh. There – Umm – I think – I think you know who everyone is,” Tara said, a little uncomfortable at the level of suspicion that lingered around the room. Deep, obviously.

Of all of them, only Ethan truly bought into Diana’s status as a Goddess and he had his own reasons for that, she was sure. Willow was here for her. Buffy and Giles precisely because they were suspicious. Faith… Well, she’d called in a favour to get her favourite Slayer out of bed.

And it looked like she’d end up owing her quite a few after the past couple of days… She could only imagine what Faith’s calling them in might mean for her.

Dancing.

Taking an illicit drink.

Helping her find the guy she wanted for the night? As if I know anything about that!

“By reputation in some cases,” Diana replied.

Ethan had fallen to his knees before his Goddess. He was uttering some sort of prayer to the avatar of Diana that was his God of Chaos. One and the same, simply different parts of the whole. The gender of the Gods, always pretty fluid in his mind. He didn’t seem to mind in the slightest that the old man he’d thought he was worshipping had actually turned out to be a youthful looking young woman with impossibly long legs, a short robe and a penchant for not wearing underwear.

Not that he ever dared look up when he was down on his knees before her. She couldn’t help thinking the simple possibility wasn’t a factor for him though. By now she knew him too well.

“You’ll excuse us for not prostrating ourselves as well,” Giles said pointedly drawing a distinction between himself and Ethan who ignored it and continued his devotions until the Goddess laid her hand on his head at which point he straightened with a satisfied smile on his face.

Touched by his Goddess, the ultimate approval.

“Prostration is not required.”

Buffy still looked mildly confused though and had done since Giles had first mentioned it. “Isn’t that something with a doctor and rubber gloves?”

“Not quite,” Giles said.

“Slayer Summers,” Diana said evenly. “It is past time that we were introduced.”

“I get that all the time,” Buffy said. “I have no manners.”

“And your disquiet, your uncertainty is ill-hidden by your flippant manner.”

“Busted!” Faith added.

Perhaps because that was why Buffy was often that way, the Slayer cut straight to the point. “What is it you want of me?”

“In this you are not alone, Slayer. You are a hunter, in this you are as much mine as is your counterpart, Slayer Lehane.”

“And yet somehow I feel like a free spirit,” Buffy said, pretty much spoiling for a fight with someone. “I don’t think I belong to anyone, but if I did then it’d be my Mom. Maybe my boyfriend, but he’s really not the ‘owning’ type.”

“Leave it, B,” Faith advised, then shrugged as Buffy shot her an angry glare. Apparently Buffy didn’t like to be told that she belonged to anyone, but everything Tara had heard – though it might easily be exaggerated or flat out incorrect – suggested that the old Gods had some purpose and hand in the creation of the Slayers. True? Maybe yes, maybe no.

The thing they should ask themselves right now, was whether it mattered if Diana thought it was true?

Or if she wanted them to believe it? The point, surely, was that Diana was certainly a power and one that was currently not in the ‘big bad’ column. Didn’t they want to keep her out of that when they’d shifted Adam out of it and into the ‘in messy pieces’ column instead?

“Sorry, lady,” Buffy said. “I don’t like to be told that I have no choice. This is America. Over here we separate church and state, and only the government gets to tell me what I can and can’t do. Though – pretty much – as we’ve seen recently, they screw that up. So mostly I just listen to what he says.” She pointed at Giles.

“The mentor,” Diana said, “an honoured role that is founded in antiquity. You will need to command your charge to my cause, Rupert Giles.”

“Oh no, no,” Buffy said. “He doesn’t do commands. And I don’t take well to them. You thought Faith was bad? She just says ‘no’. Me, I ask questions. I ask ‘why’. You want something sister, then you ask and you explain yourself. Then, if you ask really nicely, I might think about what you have to say.”

Faith was shaking her head and Tara winced for just the same reason. She’d seen what Diana was capable of and feared what else she might be able to do beyond that. It was like Buffy was trying to push her buttons.

Like she was trying to make Diana align herself. One way or the other. Us or them.

It was a dangerous game she was playing. Slayers weren’t invulnerable, just harder to kill than the rest of them and… the rest of them? Right here. In the firing line.

“Impudence,” Diana said. “In that you are much like Faith Lehane. But where she needed to be shown the error of her ways, you… you feel concern for the people here, beyond just your friends.”

“Are you threatening them?” Buffy asked. “Because - ”

“Mine is not the threat,” Diana told them. “And my purpose here is only to increase your understanding. You must be aware of what awaits you and I understand the truth of these days, that my word is no longer enough for you and yours. You will not believe until you are told by another. So I offer you the word of another.”

Diana turned to her and Tara thought…

“Tara?” Willow asked, clearly going to the same mental place. They all thought that she was the one who was going to tell them what they should do on Diana’s behalf.

No. That wasn’t it at all.

Tara shook her head. For a moment, when she’d first been told what Diana intended, she’d had the same fears. But her role here was simply to provide the name that she’d already been given. She supposed that someone else providing it was merely ‘stagecraft’ but she didn’t play to that expectation. She wasn’t sure how to make herself sound dramatic. So she just said it.

“Hades.”

--------------------------

Even with some warning – they shared nearly everything after all - Willow was surprised to hear it said so openly.

“Hades.”

Around the room, there was less belief than she might’ve expected considering this was Sunnydale and after the things they’d done… why not? Tara knew, of course, so she was up to speed. Ethan looked almost wistful at the prospect. Giles was… thoughtful if sceptical.

Buffy was kind of ‘blank’, tough to read, as she could be sometimes when she was still turning things over in her head and didn’t want to appear to be the stupid one. Sometimes, being blonde bothered her, too much taunting by Cordy back in the old days perhaps. Willow had always found blondes to be pretty smart cookies. Good friends and… recently, attractive in all new ways.

Or at least one of them. Recent blonde and brunette Slayer nakedness was something she was desperately trying not to compare.

Buffy though, she was sometimes afraid of looking ‘typically blonde.’ Especially since she didn’t get hers out of a bottle like Tara did… And yes, I love the light brown Tara too. And the almost red/brown Tara.

I just love Tara and… Oh, yeah, Hades.

But with Buffy’s careful reticence, that left Faith to just come out and say as the obvious question. “Who?”

“Lord of the Underworld, if you believe the Greek myths,” she explained. “And why wouldn’t we when we have a real live Goddess standing right here with us?” A little, deliberately nervous giggle and everyone knew that she was worried about this moment.

For a horrible moment she’d wondered whether Buffy was going to bring up eating her shoe if Diana proved to be an actual Goddess. But… no. The doubts about the truth of that were still there, but Buffy knew better than to raise it now. Challenging Diana, calling her a liar – in their current circumstances – wouldn’t have been the idea of a smart cookie.

Also it could damage their relationship with an ally. A strange ally, but an ally all the same.

If Tara was right then Diana was out of touch, old beyond years and actually not a bad ‘person.’ Not bad as such, just someone who… held a different viewpoint.

But if Giles and Buffy’s fears – rather than their hopes – were on the ball then this could be the next big bad they were sharing a room with right now. Miss Kitty, no respecter of anyone’s status, abandoned wrapping herself around Faith’s heels and bounded over to Diana. Spotting something she licked at the tip of Diana’s toe. Everything in the room stopped, Miss Kitty looked up – a viewpoint no one else wanted given no one thought this Goddess wore underwear – and decided that she was done.

Off she went again, sauntering this time on her way back to Faith.

And things unfroze.

“You stand at the mouth of the Underworld,” Diana said. “You all live where, for uncountable years, men avoided making their homes.”

“Yeah… well, we dealt with the man who made it all possible,” Buffy said. Was that supposed to be a subtle threat?

Diana’s lack of concern with virtually anything that they said meant that the Goddess had no real reaction. No sign of offence or acceptance of what Buffy might’ve been implying. Maybe it had been so it was so subtle that it went right be her?

Maybe she just didn’t concern herself with such things. The Mayor, after all, had just wanted to become a demon. A big demon, admittedly, but just a demon. Diana fancied herself a Goddess, which had to be a step up. Or a whole flight of stairs. Right?

“A darkness comes, Slayer. This I have told Tara and yet you resist acceptance. Your counterpart and the wizard Rayne have been called to assist in the defence of this world against its end and yet you alone will not accept.”

“I like to see things with my own eyes,” Buffy said.

“And when your eyes meet those of the darkness, you might very well be breathing your last,” Diana said. “Do you believe I am Diana, Goddess of the Hunt? Artemis, Goddess of Virgins and Child Birth?”

Buffy looked around and, pretty much, no one could say that she wasn’t any or all of those things. Which seemed good enough for now.

Please, don’t make her force you to eat your shoe…

“I’ll go with that, for now.”

“But you will not listen – more fool you,” Diana said dismissively. “You, mentor.”

“Me?” Giles asked.

“Do you understand the role that Hades plays in this world?”

Giles nodded. “I believe so.”

“Then you know that he has little care or concern for the world above, his intent had ever been to bring balance. To keep the forces of life and the forces of death in their proper places. But even Zeus’ brother will be swept away into the vast ocean of eternity if the darkness is permitted to pass unchecked.”

“Ah, now I’m not quite sure that I understand,” Giles admitted.

“This world will cease to exist. There will be no life. No death. No demons. No humans. No gods.”

“And you need us?” Faith asked, before Buffy could. Faith was the one who was already supposed to be onside here… “Don’t get me wrong,” she added as the Goddess turned to her. “I love a good fight almost as much as I love a good f-”

“Faith…” Tara warned.

“I mean, there’s bound to be a fight if you want me along – but what kind of Goddess are you if you need us to fight your battles for you?” Faith asked.

Even Buffy approved of that question.

Diana nodded, as if acknowledging a point. “A Goddess with ancient and modern limitations. There are few enough of us left - the others have passed beyond the concerns of this world – but we few remain.”

The question on – almost – everyone’s lips was obviously ‘why?’ but no one asked it. Not out loud anyway.

“The darkness is not so limited, it wants nothing to do with this world and thus has little notion or concern for any of the denizens that exist here. It is to be believed that it has ripped the form from many of my brethren when they stood against it.”

“Wait, hold up and rewind a little. I might be misinterpreting the old-timey speak, but did you just say this darkness has taken down Gods and now you want us to go up against it?” Buffy asked. “Is that what you just said?”

Willow looked to Tara, had she known all this? No. Not in even as much (limited) detail as had been offered so far by Diana. She was obviously surprised too, as were Ethan and Faith.

“It is your own end which you will fight to prevent,” Diana said. “Not mine. No matter the outcome, I will yet exist in some form. I barely remember what it was like… before the world, but I will endure. You and yours, your families, your world, your friends and your lovers will all perish if the darkness has its way.”

And there it was. If Diana was right then Buffy would presumably accept that they had no choice but to fight.

“Buffy…” she said. “I think maybe we should listen to her. Do what she asks to find out more. At least until we know what we don’t know.”

She gave Tara a little smile, since it was that hearing which was all that her girl had asked of her. ‘We have to get the others to listen,’ Tara had told her. And she’d heard enough now to know that they had to find out the rest. However that was going to happen. Whether the threat was from this ‘darkness’ or from Diana herself, they needed more information if they were going to fight this thing.

You couldn’t fight what you didn’t even know was out there.

A stiff nod then from Buffy, Giles seemed to be in agreement too. No one else really mattered, since Tara was already on side.

So what next?… Now they’d go to the Hellmouth then? It’d been a while, but at one point that had seemed like so common an occurrence that it’d been like taking a trip to the store in this town. She asked the question, but not quite so flippantly as that.

Diana looked at her, plainly surprised at the idea.

“Only the dead gain audience with Hades in his own realm,” she replied, as if she should’ve known that.

“We’ve been to the Hellmouth plenty of times,” Buffy said. “I never saw Hades or the Halls of the Dead or whatever is supposed to be over there or anything like that. The only dead we saw were the undead. Everything else was just a hole in the ground.”

“What you see,” Diana explained, “is a corruption if it’s purpose The end result of the withdrawal of my brothers and sisters from this side of the veil. With little control over the creatures that were left behind, they’ve been free to seek the power of the entrance to the other side. They have created holes, tunnels if you will to yet other places, other worlds. Yet it remains the entrance to the underworld above all other things. However only the true dead may make the journey.”

“So…?” Because dying really wasn’t an option she wanted them to pursue for the sake of reconnaissance. But it didn’t sound that was Diana’s idea anyway.

“The mind can always go where the body cannot.”

Willow expected someone to come up with some sort of quip about that, but Xander and Anya weren’t here so… less likely perhaps. Faith wasn’t a quippy person and Buffy certainly wasn’t in the mood for it.

But the whole ‘Tara’s room as neutral ground’ thing was working and Miss Kitty was adept at ice-breaking. And so, apparently, what Diana had just suggested was perfectly acceptable. At least to some of them.

“Drugs?” Ethan asked. “It’ll be just like old times, Ripper. Remember?”

“We’re not taking drugs - ” Giles started. “Except… you seem to want us to.”

Diana had conjured from somewhere - because she sure as anything had no pockets (no quips, no quips!) – a number of leaves from a plant. Large, green and… what were they?

“What are those?” Willow asked.

“They will free your mind.”

“I told you,” Ethan said.

Free my mind?

Something about Red Pill, Blue Pill went through Willow’s mind, but she really didn’t think it was that kind of thing. Tara in leather though… sudden flash of Matrixy-inspiration that went away as Diana walked around the room, handing each of them a leaf. “Place this under your tongue and you will find the freedom to find the answers that you need.”

“Umm… what will it do to us?” Tara asked and Willow was really, really glad that Tara wasn’t taking this part on faith alone.

“I have just told you.”

“Well, it could kill us,” Willow elaborated, “that would get us closer to Hades too and that’s not somewhere we want to go. I’m looking forward to a long, happy life with – well, with people I care about.” She met Tara’s eyes. “So I’m saying a big ‘no’ to poison. Is that what this is?”

“You will not be harmed.”

“But you’ll forgive us for being wary?” Giles asked.

The ‘Just say no’ message was alive and well, right in this room even if Miss Kitty was setting a bad example since she was an eager nip-head.

“And how might I convince you? Take it myself, no, you would not believe me in that. Ah… the little one.”

“Wait!” Tara objected as Diana scooped up Miss Kitty and offered her first a finger to nip at and then slipped a tiny portion of one leaf into her mouth.

Almost immediately the kitten’s struggles ceased and she looked… she looked to be sleeping. Dreaming even. Just like that, sucked into a deep sleep. She was already making those little noises like - One paw flicked out at some imaginary mouse.

Aside from how sudden that shift of conscious state had been, the cat looked just fine – but it was worrying Tara all the same and she took Miss Kitty from Diana with the first hint of disapproval towards the Goddess that Willow had ever seen from her girlfriend.

“Get it out of her mouth,” Willow suggested and Tara tried just that.

“Do not worry, she is feline. A hunter. She too belongs to me and she is perfectly safe,” Diana said. “She will join you in your dreams, but cannot wake until all of you choose to do so. These leaves all come from one branch, they are as one and any who enter the dream state will exist there together.”

That Miss Kitty was – apparently – sleeping, was reassuring. But there were plenty of things that might not affect a cat that would hurt them. And vice versa, they weren’t likely to become nip heads were they, but Miss Kitty? Yeah, she was already on the road to a life as an addict. Now this… and they all had to take it so they could get her back?

Blackmailed with the waking of an unbearably cute kitten? Damn, Diana had found their collective weakness.

“What will we see?” Willow asked. “Where do we need to go? The Hellmouth?”

“You will find your own truths,” Diana said. “I cannot tell you because I have never dreamed.”

“N-never?” Tara asked.

Willow glanced at Giles. He was their moral compass really and he was peering at the leaf as if he was a botanist trying to identify it. “Where… what is it from?”

“It is a leaf of ambrosia,” Diana said.

“But I thought that - ”

“Eat it and become immortal?” Diana asked. “Hardly. It is true that Ambrosia is the food of the Gods. But we would hardly leave a source of immortality lying around. And these are only the leaves, not the fruit.”

Buffy sniffed at it as if still suspecting poison.

“Are – are we doing this?” Willow asked Tara who was still cradling Miss Kitty and looking concerned, even though the kitten’s reactions to her whiskers or ears being touched looked absolutely normal.

“I want her back.”

“She’s fine, baby, look at her. She looks like she’s chasing nip flavoured mice. She’s happy even… But do we…?”

Tara looked at Diana. “Is – is there no other way?”

“No other way that you will believe. You hunted the abomination, destroyed it, but you were still fragmented, your differences greater than your commonality. There is no spirit to you but these two lovers. You would all do well to follow their example.”

“So… let me see if I understand you? You want us to dyke out?” Faith asked. “I’ve got no problem with that, as a thing, but I pick my own fuck buddies. Thanks.”

“What Faith is trying to say, no matter how crassly, is that it’s doubtful we’re all going to fall in love with each other,” Giles said.

“Granted. But many of you already have the love. You must mend your rifts, find each other, otherwise… the darkness will tear you apart and consume you. It will play on your differences and in the end you will destroy yourselves without it even having to raise a hand.”

“All very cum-by-yah,” Ethan said. “Look, if you want a human test subject then fine… I’ll take - ” Before he could even finish the sentence, he slipped backwards in his chair and was obviously out of it.

Everyone gathered around him - except Tara - and watched his chest rise and fall, how he ignored being prodded and – in Buffy’s case – that was done quite hard. His display of trust and the fact that he was – almost – human did go a long way to convincing them.

“You want to do this?” Buffy asked Giles.

“Not really but it may be that we have no choice and need to show some faith – or rather, I should say some ‘trust’.”

Willow’s concern was more with Tara and what she wanted, but when Buffy and Giles agreed to do it too, taking up sitting positions alongside Tara’s bed, the pair of them slipped into unconsciousness there.

“Faith?” Willow asked.

“It’s not the first time I’ve been slipped something in a vadge-badger’s bedroom,” the Slayer replied. “Just see that I’m not slipped anything else.” Faith grinned; she did like to pretend that everyone was out to sleep with her. “Keep your fingers and your toys to yourself. Both of you.”

Then she was out too.

Which just left them and Diana.

It seemed inevitable now. They were the ones who’d sought to persuade the others to listen and now they were the ones who’d be last to display that trust?

“Love you,” Willow said. Miss Kitty was between them as they lay down on the bed and they were looking into each other’s eyes as Tara returned the promise.

“Love you,” Tara agreed and they slipped their leaves into each other’s mouths.

And everything changed.

***************

[Azirahael]

"vadge-badger" awesome!

i like the things about the setting that the story explains.

And i find myself wondering, how many of the things the scoobies have to deal with, exist because the old gods have gone?
Because they are no longer around to organize things.

Still really hoping for some Fuffy madness though!

Even though this is a story about our two favourite girls, it's still nice when their friends are happy too.

Keep up the good work!

R

[Kajun]

Katharyn, Heehee… everyone is vying for MKF’s attentions. Love it! They weren’t shouting and throwing punches so I’d say things are much better even though it didn’t seem like it to Tara. The A team shouldn’t have a problem believing there’s a big bad on the way. Consider how many times they’ve had to avert an apocalypse and that it gets more challenging with each new threat. But.. hold on to your hat cause I’m gonna side with Buffy here. It’s good that she doesn’t just accept Diana’s word claiming to be a Goddess and that they must do as she says. What she wants as a result of victory against the coming darkness may not necessarily coincide with what the human population would want. Plus.. yeah, it could actually be the Huntress they must defeat! Only the author knows for sure..

I’m worried about Tara. Diana wants her to go to Hades yet only the dead can pass. Is it safe to assume Tara will do an astral projection or possibly a body switch with Buffy (since she died once) in order to accompany Diana? Hmmm.. now I have to wonder if something happened to Faith that we don’t know about since she could well be a potential vessel. Now you got me speculating.. and biting my nails!

This little trip with the nip probably won’t be much fun for some of the Scoobies. I suppose it would depend on how each interpreted whatever is revealed. The only one I’m confident will have a pleasant experience is Miss Kitty! Again.. worried for Tara since her own secret may get twisted around in her vision and cause her even more pain. Obviously she won’t discover the truth of her not-a-demon self, that’s down the road, but what other truths will she learn? This is an interesting way to change up the S4 finale. Well done!

[Katharyn]

Once again, Azirahael, I claim no credit for some of the things that come out of Faith's mouth whenever she T/W or she come into proximity to each other. That's all Krista at Effing Dykes, but I am loving using it Surprisingly, due to how I write, they don't enter the room during the scenes so much that I use them very often. But take it from me, Faith is coming up with something EVERY TIME they meet. And always new, always fresh... You're just getting the best of them.

Mythology is fun... and can also trip you up. Slipping stuff in like this, without making it pure exposition, is tricky though. Especially playing in a story paralleling canon. It can't be totally AU and has to stick, somewhat, to what might be expected. (If you accept Greek gods!)

But yes, I like the idea... The Gods left and they left all their toys out. Also (like Anya) they had the power to mess with reality. That sort of stuff happened a lot more in the past and so 'left overs' from the changing nature of reality are out there too. If I've not said that yet, I will be eventually.

Fuffy madness? *cough* What kind of madness do you mean? *cough*

Seriously. I want to know as I may have that covered if you mean one thing, but maybe not if you mean another LOL

And yes, you're right, sorting the other characters out is fun too. Esp after spending so much time bringing the girls together.

Thanks so much

Kajun - Another post from you filled with speculation and hopes which I have to... not be candid about. Hope you don't mind

I kind of decided that MKF is all about Faith. I may not actually get to show it much, but she's all over Faith when she's there.

Now, you siding with Buffy is just freaky. But I keep telling you, Buffy isn't the bad guy! And you're right, the author does know. Because the author's added about 45,000 words this month and nearly, so very nearly, written every required scene. A couple more to stitch it together and... done. (Apart from redrafting the ending and part prepping and posting about 100 more parts (not yet divided up!)) Yeah... we're still going to be around a while!!

Worried about Tara? Well... Part 69 will sort that right out for you.

And yes. It's part 69. Do not expect a literal interpretation of that but... yeah... I couldn't resist.

Yup MKF will be having her fun during that too.

Thanks again, your speculation is always very (paranoid) informative

You're right though, I never liked Primeval. It was worthless IMHO aside from a couple of visuals. So... this is a little different.

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Sixty-Nine
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: Not Primeval Restless. No. Definitely not. It is a dream. But not Primeval Restless. In fact, you might call it an end of season reward… And part 69 to boot…
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: Okay… so I am ending the canon flow of S4 on a W/T note, but also somewhat plot related. I thought Primeval Restless, for all its Miss Kitty and T/W momentary (visual) goodness was pretty stupid as a close to a season. More of an ‘I’m so clever’ moment by the writer(s) and the first of many such moments that provided decreasing returns with each iteration, but that’s my problem with the show and not everyone agrees, so I will shut up about it now.
In this part I am doing a dream of my own. It won’t be so weird as the canon though. I usually don’t try to steer readers in my notes too much (explanations after, sure!) But here I will say one thing… This is Tara and Willow’s experience. Others are having their own experiences. So, unlike Primeval Restless, this isn’t just Willow’s dream. It’s a shared, W/T/MKF one…
So yeah, it’s a dream, make sure you’ve got that! A dream, people. From the beginning. From the very first line, they’re in a dream. Okay? Now to see if I can actually bring that around to the actual point… Hmm, challenging…
You might think I’m totally wasting the fact this is part sixty-nine. COUGH. But you’ll see I’m really not.
One last time though. This is a DREAM. The Scoobs physical bodies are in the room, but they’re in their own heads for the duration of this part. So there’s no reason to worry about being overseen or overheard… Right? Don’t even tell me about it. Good.
Thanks to: Everyone who’s been with us, lurker and poster alike, through S4. I had a lot of fun with this one season. There’s more fun in S5 (especially the first half), but there’s a lot of seriousness in there as well (as you may be able to imagine.) Lots of surprises too, because other broad themes remain to be picked up…
Edited to add: Yes, I have no idea what this episode was called. LOL. I always meant Restless, but I always typed Primeval. So I've left it there... Like I said, I never liked this episode anyway so forgive me! And it's been more than 10 years since I saw it!





Nothing had happened. Right?

She was still right here, looking into Tara’s eyes. Blue… so blue. So beautiful. So mesmerising. A girl could look into those eyes forever and find herself lost for an age. Maybe even aeons. She wasn’t sure how long an aeon was, but less than forever, right? Anywho, that was what those eyes could do to you.

So they were still here. Miss Kitty was still here and…

Everyone else had vanished? What was up with that?

Oh, and they were all naked. All meaning both of them because they were the only ones here. All except Miss Kitty who didn’t seem to mind. It also meant totally and absolutely, buck – even – naked.

“Clothes are stupid,” Miss Kitty said, except it came out in a single ‘mewl.’

“Umm… baby, did you - ?”

“I heard it,” Tara told her. “I don’t believe it but… I heard it. Did – Miss Kitty? Did you – umm - just say something?”

Their cat looked at them with one of those ‘who me?’ expressions you expected from dogs but cats weren’t supposed to give a damn what you thought of them so they never needed to perfect it.

“You just asked Miss Kitty if she spoke,” Willow said, grinning and letting her eyes wander down Tara’s body. If you could lose yourself for aeons in her eyes well… the delights of her body would easily withstand a lifetime of discovery and enjoyment.

A point she intended to prove.

Boobs!? How had she missed out on the delights of boobs for as long as she had? And these boobs were all the more special because they were like… hers. Tara had said as much. ‘I am, you know, yours.’ Well, thank you very much, now bring those delightful boobs my way, baby. Regularly and often.

Oh, irregularly too. Surprise boobs were some of the best boobs of all.

“Umm…”

“What?”

“You just asked me to bring my boobs your way?”

“You heard that?”

“You said it,” Tara pointed out.

“I did?”

“Yes.” Mewl.

Both of them looked at Miss Kitty again who still looked like butter wouldn’t melt, but that was because she didn’t care about butter. It wasn’t one of the dairy products that actually interested her. Unlike a saucer of creamy milk which was -

“What did – what did I say then?”

“I told you,” Tara said. “You told me to bring my boobs over.”

“Yes, but I called them something…” Willow hinted.

“Delightful, you called them delightful.”

“You did hear me…” Willow said.

“You said it, I told you. She told you too,” Tara said, gesturing at Miss Kitty. “Do you really think my boobs are delightful?”

“Constantly,” Willow admitted. “There’s nothing better – okay, there is something better. But not that comes in a pair!”

Tara grinned. “I like that you like that… and yours are delicious too – I’ve told you that before, right?”

“I got the idea,” Willow said. “Even if you didn’t actually say the word. I figure anything you try to put in your mouth so much has to be delicious.”

“I meant to say it.”

“I think, usually, that it’s a bit muffled. You know you’re at your most appreciative when you you’re in the thick of it – or them, since you, know, it’s a plural. They’re a plural. Barely more than a handful, but definitely a plural.”

Tara’s finger pressed against her lips. “You know - I… I don’t think we’re where we think we are.”

“Looks like your room,” Willow said, after sucking on the tip of Tara’s finger. “Tastes like you too though… I could stand some more sampling to make sure. More and varied parts…”

“Where did – where did everyone go though?” Tara asked.

“Discretion, better part of valour, they know we’re in love and they know we like to do what couples do.”

“Everyone knows.” Miaow.

“Does Miss Kitty usually talk?” Willow wondered.

“She’s always… No,” Tara said.

“Of course I do.” Miaaaow.

Tara looked at their cat and wondered… “Not usually. That’s unusual right?”

“That she does or she doesn’t?”

“Umm, does?”

Willow thought about that. It did seem surprising that she was – seemingly – saying things. “You could be right.” Miss Kitty was batting at a lock of Tara’s hair that was conveniently just in her reach. “Awww, look at that, she’s so adorable.”

“Miss Kitty?” Tara asked.

“You too… All the pussy in this bed. On it anyway.”

“Sassy mouthed minx,” Tara breathed.

“I’m right here.” Mewl.

“You look beautiful in this light,” Willow said, running a fingertip down Tara’s curves.

“Still right here.” Mewl.

“So smooth,” she continued.

“Still right here.” Miaow. “Do not roll over.”

“I… I have this urge,” Willow said, “to… I don’t know… I don’t know why but – somehow want to write on you.”

Tara didn’t hesitate. “You want to tattoo me?” She didn’t even sound like she’d mind being permanently marked, so long as it was her. Which… kind of meant it had to be a dream, right? Or something strange… but…

“No, that’d hurt. But a brush and ink… it could be - ”

“You had me at brush,” Tara said.

Mi – owwwww.

Willow sought and received the kiss, the warm bundle of fur caught between them. “Wait, you know I said, ‘brush’ right?”

“Uhuh,” Tara pulled her back into the kiss.

Miss Kitty made a horrible coughing sound, like she was bringing up a hairball. But surely she was too little to need that… she hadn’t had that much hair yet.

“Are you even listening to me?” Mewl-miaow. “Right. Here.”

Both of them watched as Miss Kitty got to her feet, tested her footing on the soft bedding and then strode arrogantly down the space between them, tiny paws pressing into their joined ankles and calves when she got far enough and – a moment later – landed so gently on the carpet that she might have missed it if she’d breathed at the wrong moment. Then there was what might’ve been a very impatient ‘thut!’

“I think she’s bored of us,” Tara said.

“No… she’s just pretending to be a big kitty,” Willow said. “She knows what side her bread’s buttered. Now… where did that bottle of ink go?”

It seemed, maybe, a little strange that Tara would have a bottle of ink, but somehow the brush seemed less unlikely. Lots of possibilities with a brush. Tantalisation for a start.

She could imagine, okay, maybe she couldn’t but she might not have to just imagine for much longer when experience was so close…

Because there was the ink… Ink and brush. Ink, brush and skin. Smooth, smooth skin…

“Schmoooove,” Willow said, sweeping her hand back up and forth over what she thought might be her canvas. “Back or… front?”

Tara smiled. “Depends…”

“On what?”

“Your design… how much space you need. And just how wild you want to drive me? I can’t promise to stay still, you know?”

“Mmm,” Willow considered her options. “Miss Kitty will be miffed if I drive you too wild.” There was a pussy joke there too, damn… lesbians and cats, it was a match made in heaven. Just like this woman of hers.

Tara rolled over onto her front, absolutely uncovered and looking back at her as one foot lolled tantalisingly, up and down, up and down… Then she pulled her hair aside and bared her back. An open canvas for… what?

Willow wasn’t worrying about content at this moment though; presentation was looking like it would be everything.

But she imagined that any canvas had to be carefully prepared for a masterpiece to be laid upon on it. And all she could think to do was kiss her way down Tara’s bare back from her neck on down. Dragging her bare breasts over Tara’s smooth skin as she went, making sure to keep that contact even when her lips lifted and fell into another kiss.

The low rumble through Tara’s body was a sign of her appreciation of what was happening and that didn’t change at all when Willow took detours around the curves of her shoulder blades, down to the sides of her breasts where they were pushed outwards and then back on track… Down. Always down.

Going down.

---------------------------

Willow’s lips had driven her wild already, running down her body with tiny, tiny kisses that tickled as much as anything but she did her best to withstand the torture stoically. All she allowed herself was a moan from time to time, just to release the tension.

Otherwise… she had no idea what would happen. Maybe she’d have melted into a river of itty-bitty Willow loved pieces.

The pressure of the tips of her woman’s breasts against her back, butt, thighs and eventually yes, her heels was one of those experiences in life that she’d never quite thought about but, it was very nice thank you very much.

What she couldn’t withstand so stoically was the tickling as Willow’s lips rounded her heels and made their ways over the arch of her feet. Squirming and protesting did her no good, Willow took hold of her ankles and gently held them in position while she finished her move down her body… and found her toes at the very end.

A relief, a blessed relief.

But, relief or not, by then she was missing Willow’s body against hers.

Willow might’ve gone down as far as she could; resisting the lure that Tara had put in place for her by parting her legs… well, she thought it was just enough. That was one place that Willow had declined to kiss, perhaps thinking more about what was to come. There’d be no brushwork if they got into that right now but if Willow touched her there with the tip of her brush then she was certain – based on nothing more than the reputation of a soft brush and Willow’s exquisite care – that she might just explode into itty-bitty Willow loved pieces, rather than melting…

Yes, things had certainly gone that far already.

Willow’s ascent up her body again did nothing to help, but it was a totally different experience. Massage should’ve needed oil, shouldn’t it? Whatever… Willow’s fingers working her muscles from her ankles on upwards – respecting the sensitivity of her arches this time - were so unlike the kisses, except they were also founded in love.

It wasn’t just the way that her thumbs and fingers worked into every possible knot. It wasn’t just how she went up and down, three steps forwards and two steps back… Not just how it was slow, so slow, but so firm at the same time. No, it wasn’t just any of that.

Nope, nope, nope…

It wasn’t how Willow’s work continued over her butt and treated it just as lingeringly as anywhere else or just what that must’ve been doing to her modesty as her girl pulled at the flesh.

Modesty? That had pretty much left the bed along with Miss Kitty.

Nor was it how Willow’s fingers had raced up the insides of her thighs and just caught so fleetingly and then retreated. No matter how clumsy Willow might claim to be, that hadn’t been an accident.

Nor how her thumbs had pressed into the crack and towards… towards... towards…

Nope…

None of that either.

It wasn’t that Willow was eventually straddling her upper thighs and bum, and that was an interesting sensation only enriched by the obvious heat and desire her girl was keeping in check just enough to make this linger…

No, alluring as all those things were, it wasn’t any of them that really set her off.

Not even that Willow’s work up her spine and her back, into her shoulders once more offered to strip away years of pent up tension. No. No. No. None of that, unbelievable as it seemed.

At the end, at the very end, it was the scratching…

Willow had been very proud of her short, practical – for a girl who liked girls – fingernails ever since she understood that was the way to go. But they were still enough for… “Oh God…” Tara sighed more than once as the scratching began. The tension had all left her already. She was no more than a wet, warm puddle on the bed for Willow to do what she might with… but the return of Willow on the journey back down her body, this time drawing her nails down her skin… Oh. My. God.

It shouldn’t have been good. It shouldn’t. Certainly without massage oil. Not hard enough to leave a mark but still verging on that dividing line pleasure and discomfort… “Oh God… where did you learn to do – ooooh….”

Willow didn’t spare any of her. Not her back. Not her butt. Not her thighs, calves or ankles…

And then finished by coming back up again, rubbing her naked body up her back and after the barest hint of pain, the pleasure was so intense… Touch me, touch me and I’ll die… Don’t touch me and I’ll die anyway…

“Willow - ”

“I know,” Willow said, right at her ear. Barely more than a whisper before she kissed it. Basically lying on her, but a little to one side so…

Tara felt her lover’s hand, just one of this time, move down her body and realised that she didn’t need to open her legs again, they were already open, already her hips had lifted and sought contact, touch… And then Willow’s hand finally gave her what she’d been built up to need and to crave… Something slipped into her, something rubbed at her, just far enough to… tip her.

And sometimes a good tipping was all that a girl needed. Velvet or not.

When the shuddering spasms and gentle cries had faded, Tara lay there and, after hearing the words she always loved to hear, felt Willow straighten to rest over her one more time.

“There,” Willow said.

She just about managed a sound that translated into a question mark. She knew that she must’ve because Willow got it…

“Now you’ve got that out of your system, you won’t wriggle so much,” Willow said and with that, without leaving the bed even once, Willow’s brush started work on her back.

All that had been about getting her to lie still? She needed to be a canvas for Willow much more often.

“You said it, toots.” Miaow.

“Thanks.”

“My pleasure,” Willow said.

“No, I was talking to – um, yes, thanks to you too.”

“Shush,” Willow said, focused on her work.

She did wonder whether it was possible to read what was being written on her back just by the sensation alone, but she soon gave up on that effort. Not only was that sensation just so deliciously sensuous as to be distracting but also there seemed to be little pattern to it that she wasn’t even sure that Willow was actually writing. After all, she wasn’t really going from left to right. Instead her lover seemed to go wherever she was minded to.

There were two main areas though, she could tell that much. To the left and right of her spine. Everywhere from her shoulders on down to the small of her back… the brushwork went on and on and she wasn’t sure that she really could promise not to wriggle. Because it was so delicious. So deliciously maddening and Willow was utterly absorbed in what she was doing from what she could see from the fragment of her lover that was revealed to her in handily placed mirror.

Not nearly enough of her naked girl though.

Even after having the sensual tension drained from her, it was all that she could do to lie there, just letting her lover make love to her in still another way. And there was no way to deny that the level of that sensuality was once again rising.

This time Willow was loving her with brush strokes rather than fingers, lips or tongues. Her whole skin the focus rather than her… Well, more intimate places. She pushed an arm under her face, tipping it to one side to watch Willow as much as she could.

Even with one eye, the sight of the naked Willow straddling and pressing down into her was alluring to go along with that sensuality. Willow’s tongue – which she knew to be so very talented - pressed through her lips as she concentrated. The energy flow and feel from that contact as well as what Willow was doing with her… mmmm.

“What is it?” Willow asked, curious as she smiled.

“You, you were biting your lip,” she said. “When you’re all naked and, you know, on me… Just seemed funny.”

“I’ll bite another lip if you keep laughing at me.”

“Noooo.” She objected, even though if Willow did such a thing she’d somehow turn it into a pleasure anyway. “I wasn’t laughing, I promise, it was just cute. Cute makes me smile.”

“Cute’s good,” Willow told her, returning to her brush work. “Just so long as you remember I’m not just cute. I’m beautiful too.”

“If you’d let me up,” she replied. “I’d show you.”

“Stop moving,” Willow said.

“Sorry.”

It was easy enough to surrender when they were like this. When the sensations on her skin were so relaxing… Sweeps of the brushes, fine and precise but then longer and not seeming like they could be part of any writing. And yet it wasn’t a painting or anything like that either, she could feel that much too.

“What is it?” she murmured, head still resting on the back of her hand.

“I don’t know,” Willow said. “It’s just… I know that I have to put it down.”

“Okay,” Tara said easily.

So Willow was writing something on her back. She couldn’t see past the part where she had a girlfriend, a naked girlfriend, a naked girlfriend who loved her, a naked girlfriend who loved her – and had recently loved her - and was writing on her bare skin with… Ohhhh, that was a soft brush.

And that was enough. Willow had earned her canvas and, since it was her back, if it had to be washed off then she’d need help and there was a favour she was looking forward to returning once they were in the shower. That might well be perfect.

“Is there much space left?” she asked some time later. Willow had been going for what felt like hours and hours…

“Enough,” Willow replied. “There’s always enough.”

“What? Are saying I’m fat?” Tara asked.

“Fat enough,” Willow teased, making her squeal.

“Actually, I guess it’s okay, I’ve got you now so… I’m pigging out every chance I get.”

Willow bent and kissed the back of her neck. “More of you to love… perfect.”

Just what could she threaten this girl with that she’d ever believe? Not much… Everything could be turned into a positive and she felt the same way… “You love me just the way I am.”

“But the ink’s an improvement… There,” Willow said with a final swirl of the brush that ended right in the top of the furrow that descended down between her cheeks and made her shiver. “Perfect.”

“Did you write me a love song?” she asked.

“Song? Me?”

Good point. “A letter?”

“I… don’t think so.”

“Can I see?” Tara asked.

“You really want to get up?”

“No…” Tara admitted, Willow’s fingers sweeping up and down her bare arms until, at the end of one stroke they caught her hands and rubbed them gently instead.

“Baby?” Willow asked, lying on her again, the ink must be dry already… Either that or this was a curiously erotic printing technique.

“Mmm?”

“Would you be bothered if I told you I saw a mouse?”

“Here? Mice? No… we don’t - ”

“Oh,” Willow said, “its okay… we’ve also got a cat and she’s running after them, chasing after them… pouncing. I… I think our Miss Kitty’s in heaven. I mean, remember that toy one we had for her? It’s that – but it’s alive.”

Sure, that was unusual.

And she did want to see, but once again she had little interest in Willow moving from where she was. The urgency just wasn’t there, just beautiful, languid – and naked - relaxation…

“Was Miss Kitty always that big?” Willow asked as there was a thud that made the bed shake.

“How big?”

“Oh, big… You know, I guess that’s kind of… tiger big?”

Yeah, that was unusual too.

--------------------

When Willow watched Miss Kitty pounce on her toy once again it was then that she realised… she was – everything was – things were back how they had been.

Right?

Of course, until that moment, it’d been tough to tell that anything had been wrong – no, not wrong… different.

So their kitten was just that, a kitten. Certainly not a big old tiger sized kitty chasing dog sized mice around a room that was nowhere near big enough for any of those kinds of shenanigans. No, certainly not any of that.

Tara was beside her again, fully clothed too… She sighed, realising that their experience must’ve all been a dream. At first that seemed like a disappointment, but then she was reassured that it had been a dream because all the others were still here too. In the room. All their friends.

And they were waking up too…

“Hey sweetie,” Tara said, brushing her face. Brushing.

I remember brushing. Brushes. Brushwork…

“Did – I was – did you…?”

“Miss Kitty was chasing mice,” Tara said carefully, her eyes flickering to the others.

“Umm – yeah… The mice. A mouse. One big mouse. You were there for that? And she was… really big? Right?”

They both looked down at their kitten who – right then - was clambering up Ethan’s leg, not shy about using her claws to make her way either, bringing him out of his own sleep.

“I think… I think that’s how she sees herself,” Tara said. “She’s not a kitten in her own mind. She’s Miss Kitty and she thinks she’s already perfect. I guess you should be happy she wasn’t dreaming about that laser pointer you torment her with, it probably would’ve been like that death star thing.”

Willow had to smile at that one. “She was… talking. You heard that, right?”

They both looked and Miss Kitty answered them in her own way.

Mewl?

That was it. No extra level of understanding. It might’ve meant, ‘where’d the mice go?’ but now they had no way to know.

Willow watched the kitten looking back at them from her perch where Ethan was steadying her, presumably in return for her withdrawing her claws from his clothes and his skin. If only it was that simple to make those bargains with her though. Miss Kitty had yet to learn boundaries.

“I was wondering,” Tara said, again making it clear she was watching what she said, “whether… we really need to go down to the arts and craft place and get a soft brush, right?”

“Ohhh, yeah… Oh. So…”

Yes, they really had shared that dream then and Tara’s flushed embarrassment might be at what had preceded it. But they were both dressed, they were right where they’d left each other on the bed, beside each other. Only Miss Kitty had moved and that was because she only stayed still when she was napping…

Which was most of the time…

“Hey, where were you two?” Faith asked.

“Us?”

“You – you saw it all too?” Buffy checked.

Faith nodded.

“We… umm, well we weren’t with you,” Tara explained, probably looking too furtive to get away with it.

“No. You definitely weren’t with us,” she emphasised and checked on Diana who had remained silent.

“Yeah,” Buffy explained. “We were all there, at the Hellmouth and… we went down into it, but you guys weren’t with us.”

“Umm.”

“We… we were dreaming too. We were dreaming with each other,” she said. It seemed to be what they were suggesting.

“You guys were all in each other’s dreams too, then?” Tara asked. Trying to sound casual about it. Nothing to see here.

What had gone wrong with that? Why had they not been with Buffy and Faith? Not that she regretted it.

Hellmouth.

Tara.

Guess which won. Every. Single. Time.

“They were fucking,” Faith concluded, not all that inaccurately but… how had she known?

“We were not!” Tara said. “We were right here…”

“Willow and Tara up a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G.”

“Faith!”

The Slayer held up her hands, showing she wouldn’t go any further with that once Tara objected. “Just saying, but go on… deny it? Can’t can you?”

“We were… together, but we weren’t doing that,” Willow said. Not if she chose to characterise it as making love. There were times (lots of times), in their relationship, when – yes – it was undeniable that they were… well, she wouldn’t use the word, but the intensity and the attitude… Okay, yes, they might do the F thing. In fact only a couple of days ago Tara had F’d her like… Oh, wow. But this time, in their dreams and other times, they’d been making love. It might be semantics and it might be because Faith had never learned the difference, but it was a distinction she was happy to make.

Especially since the room had been full of their friends rather than just their cat, which was the usual limit to their audience.

“Willow was… she was writing on my back,” Tara said, sitting up on the edge of the bed and stretching. Was she trying to be all sexy? Probably not. Maybe it was the dream but… damn, she was managing it anyway. “What about – what about the rest of you?”

“We went down into the Hellmouth – well, we thought we did, right?” Buffy asked.

“That’s about the size of it,” Giles confirmed. “And… it wasn’t just a hole in the ground, a crack in reality. It was…”

“There was a river,” Faith said.

“You’ll find that was the Styx,” Ethan supplied.

“A ferryman who… well, he definitely didn’t need to go on a diet,” Buffy offered. “He could’ve done to put a little weight on, to be honest. Because he was just fricking bones.”

“And I had a coin,” Faith said.

“Look at where you were keeping it,” Buffy complained.

“What? I don’t carry a purse and it ruins the lines of the leather if it’s in my pocket,” Faith said. “I always keep something in there. Safest place.”

“Please tell me you’re talking about your bra?” she begged. After their dream, she was ready to believe anything. Hot woman and giant pussy… Umm, giant cat. Cat.

Faith gave her a look like, ‘really?’ But things were weird enough… why had she and Tara not been with the others? They’d all been in a dream together, these were the leaves from the same source of Ambrosia, food of the Gods and it had worked for them but… not for her and Tara? What was up with that? Why had they been excluded?

She felt left out but… it was hard to mind that much because of what they’d spent their time doing…

“So you crossed the river Styx?” Tara checked, returning them to the point. Her girlfriend was no less confused, she could tell. Both of them glanced towards Diana, who was still there, taking it all in. Had Diana not been with either of the groups then?

Was it something to do with the Goddess that they’d been having sexy time while the others had been hanging out with a skeletal ferryman? Umm, no. Hopefully not… She hoped it was just because, well, they really were in love with each other. That was reason enough. And sexytime didn’t need an audience. Even a kitty that could talk now seemed pretty freaky.

Especially a kitty who’d seen… well, everything. Some things many times over.

“Quite a smooth crossing, actually,” Giles said.

“What were you expecting? Shooting the rapids?” Ethan challenged him.

“Well, if one was already dead, I don’t imagine you’d care very much,” Giles bit back.

“What then?” she asked as lightly as she could manage, taking her lead from Tara. Leading them into giving answers.

“Well, once we got over there… I think we cut the line, didn’t we?” Buffy asked.

Faith nodded.

“As usual, the colonials have no concept of how to form an orderly queue,” Giles commented.

“A queue?” Faith asked. “Some of those guys looked like they’d been there a long time. And I’m not talking back in the day.”

“Were they all mouldy?” Willow asked.

“No, they were like dressed old time. Some of them were in togas and stuff, but maybe that was just an unfortunate night at a frat house or something…” Faith shrugged. “Some of them were even cute. You know, whatever you like between their legs.”

No one said anything for a moment as they considered that.

“What?!” Faith demanded. “I’m being – whatsit they always talk about – I’m being inclusive.”

“So you give equal opportunity offence now?” Buffy guessed, but if Willow was any judge there was less rancour there than there had been before this experience. Definitely less than before Faith had – literally – saved their asses when they’d gone for Adam.

“That’s right. You got it, B.”

Buffy just rolled her eyes, but didn’t seem massively pissed off at her twice-removed replacement. Which was new and… probably meant that they’d found or experienced something that had brought them to a better understanding, even if they hadn’t become ‘friends’ or anything. That was probably asking too much but… getting on? Tara would be really happy about that.

And what makes my girl happy is a good thing. That’s a rule.

“So, we stood around for a while,” Buffy said.

“Quite a while,” Ethan corrected.

“Really? For us – well, it didn’t seem like long,” Tara said, looking at her.

Time had been passing strangely. She remembered every brush stroke, almost, but it’d flown by in other ways…

“Well, I suppose that’s dreams for you. We were down there for perhaps a day?” Giles suggested the timing to the others and no one disagreed. “And then - ”

“He saw you,” Diana said, interjecting for the first time.

“He knew we’d come from you,” Buffy said.

“He’d been waiting for you to come to him too,” Faith added.

“He says that you’re correct,” Giles told her. “Actually.”

“And that he would provide the proof that you sought,” Ethan finalised.

All four of them, at that point, snapped out of whatever moment they’d been in. Some sort of linkage, revealing their dream experience. They’d become the supernatural equivalent of an answer machine.

That or sexy dreams with Tara? Didn’t feel like they’d missed much, actually.

“So that’s it?” Willow asked.

“Yeah.”

“And… you believe him?” Tara wondered.

“I… I think that we all know what we think we saw,” Giles said.

“Operative word, ‘think.’” Buffy confirmed.

“You know me, T, I don’t buy into things easily but…” Faith shrugged.

“Well, he liked you,” Buffy said, but Faith waved it off.

“But…?” Tara asked.

“The proof,” Ethan said. “I mean, I don’t personally doubt your word Diana, but… these others?”

“The proof lies with the scribes,” Diana said.

“Scribe? Who are the scribes?” Willow asked.

Diana looked at them. “Us?” Willow asked. “We’re the scribes? I don’t remember doing any scribing – except… Ohh.”

That’s what we were doing?

“Oh.”

“What? What did you do, Will?” Buffy asked. “Did you write something down? Where is it?”

She looked over at Tara, wondering if it could possibly be true. Had the dream crossed over into reality? It was impossible… everyone had gone, their little kitten had been running around the room the size of a tiger and talking to them. No way, no how had they…? Not all of it could’ve been real. It was impossible.

“You… you don’t own any ink do you?” she asked her girlfriend, “like in a bottle?” She’d never seen any here.

Tara shook her head. “No brush either, or I wouldn’t say we need to buy one.”

They both looked around, no sign of those articles mystically appearing either. So… no, they hadn’t done anything which – even if the others had all been in a magical sleep – they could’ve known about or anything to be ashamed of…

“Will? Tara?”

“Ah… Willow, Willow was… how do we put this?” Tara asked.

“I was – in my dream, our dream,” she corrected, “I was writing on her back… with ink and a brush. A lot – I mean a lot of writing, not a lot of ink. Or brushes. That was the main part of the dream.” And it’d be just great if they left it there… They didn’t need to know what she’d done to get Tara to lay perfectly still, knowing the girl was too saucy to relax all through that without being thoroughly relaxed first.

“And it was naked…” Faith pointed out all too logically considering the source. “We know that and it’d have to be, wouldn’t it?”

“Or else why write on her back at all.”

“She didn’t write on my back,” Tara said. “She – we dreamed that she did.”

“And we dreamed that a scribe would have the proof,” Giles said. “Tara, is it possible perhaps that there is something your back?”

“No!” Willow insisted. “I mean… there can’t be. Because you were in a dream and we were in a dream and all that was a dream and this isn’t so – unless it is, unless I’m dreaming this. We might all be dreaming this?”

“This is no dream,” Diana said, but that could easily be a dream version of her. “And the scribe will have written where opportunity presented it… A back is as good as anything.”

Everyone was looking at Tara.

“Don’t look at her that way. She’s not taking her top off,” Willow said, feeling not only defensive but possessive too.

“No, but she could pull it up?”

“Come on.” That was a general chorus and Tara didn’t seem to get why she was resisting it, turned her back.

“Will?”

Willow sighed, tugged at the bottom edge of Tara’s top and…

Faith craned her neck to look. “Oh, honey. That ain’t no simple tramp stamp.”

Ink… Writing. A language that she kind of recognised but didn’t understand. The characters were familiar.

“Ah…” Ethan said.

Everyone was clustered around Tara’s part exposed back, but the girl herself couldn’t see it.

“Ah? Ah, what?” she asked. What had she written on Tara’s back? And why was it really here when there was no brush. No ink…? It made no sense.

“Greek,” Giles said.

“Though rather an ancient form,” Ethan agreed.

“Fortunately we both read it, even if no one’s spoken it in hundreds of years.”

“Why am I writing ancient Greek?” she asked. “Will someone explain that?” Tara’s hand took hers. Yeah, because she was the scribe, or they were the scribes… something. Still, sexy time with Tara instead of a trip over the river Styx? It still seemed like the better end of the deal… and no one else seemed to have had anything to do with it.

“And what does it say?” Buffy asked.

“Well, we’ll have to forego a complete translation,” Giles said. “Until someone could, perhaps, get a Polaroid of Tara’s back?”

Good idea… A careful polaroid. That didn’t give anything else away since she’d have to take her shirt and bra off.

“But you can make something out now?” Faith asked.

“This seems to be the end,” Ethan said, not actually touching Tara as he ran his fingers along the line of text that Willow really didn’t remember putting there.

It was going to come off right? It wasn’t a tattoo…? Right?

She might need help in the shower and a firm hand…

“Here it says, “So comes the darkness, the end of everything, the one who will – I think the best translation is to say ‘the one who will rip the world asunder’.”

Giles nodded, grudging in his respect. “‘Asunder’ is as good as anything.”

“Couldn’t you just say like, ‘in half’?” Buffy asked.

“Or that, yes.”

“And what’s that last word?” Faith asked, pulling down a little on Tara’s skirt and, Willow wasn’t pleased to see, pushing at a little black elastic too. Grr. That was the last thing she ever wanted.

“Oh… that’s not a word, well it is, but I think it’s supposed to be a name, the name of the darkness.”

“That’s good,” Buffy said. “I always like to name my pain. What is it?”

“Glorificus.”




END OF SEASON FOUR

Tara and Willow will return in ‘Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda – Season 5’

************************

[Grimm]

Dibs!

Your biggest fan has returned * gives Kajun nice, hard stare*.

Give me a few days to catch up.

[Kajun]

Grimm, *stares back*

Suddenly I feel so relaxed.. my eyes are getting heavy.. my limbs are like noodles.. I’m going into a deep, deep sleeeee....

*makes clucking sounds*

<3 2 1 SNAP>

Wha? Oh, welcome back Grimm! You put the fan in Katharyn’s fantastico fans.

Katharyn, That was trippy. How long is that text going to be on Tara’s back? I hope Willow can clean it off before they make a trip to the beach. It would suck if Tara had to go all covered up. No fun!

It would be so cool if Miss Kitty, as a tiger, got to help in the fight against Glory. I can’t help but think of Elivira’s movie --The one where her punked out tiny dog turns into a giant Rottweiler! Or whatever big dog that was.. it’s been a while since I’ve seen it. Anyhoo.. MKF continues to be adorable! I love that she was with Willow and Tara during the dream.

Now they have a name and need to go into research mode. Unless… they all forget! Even having a polaroid won’t help if that spell is already in place but at least they should be more willing to believe there’s something really bad on the way.. or already there! YIKES! I’m anxious to see how this plays out. We need to have a bit of fun in the sun first, please. Faith might wanna learn how to surf.

[Katharyn]

Grimm - YAY! You're back. I did wonder what I'd done...

Take your time, in the mean time I get to make corrections Kajun pointed out to me as stupid mistakes (my words!)

Kajun - Not exactly how you thought it might be. No one was dead (even though it was a good chance to kill a Scoob as 'host' as you speculated.)

MKF as a tiger is what makes it trippy

The text on Tara's back? Not forever... she will be unblemished by the beach!! Never seen Elivira so... that was no inspiration I have to keep reminding myself to add MKF. She will fade into the background in S5, but then I will make sure we keep seeing she's okay...

Glorificus? Yes. They could get all researchy but... Nah, it's summer!

Fun in the sun first... We will pick Glory up again more as we get to that point in S5. However, like Adam, there's the problem of not showing her perspective. Put Glory in a room with anyone and they basically die so there's not a huge amount of opportunity to show her as much as I'd like. We will get to see her though - of course I mean I have this Clare Kramer crush to deal with...

I think Faith probably could just get on a board and go when it comes to surfing... I have something else planned for the beach.

Thanks
Katharyn

[Katharyn]

As noted below, posting this part won't affect the normal posting schedule. It's a true 'bonus' and the next full chapter will post tomorrow (Tuesday) as expected.

Also, this is hot off the presses. Literally just finished and up already...

Enjoy.

Katharyn

--------------------

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Bonus Section
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: A short scene set after the end of season 4 events. A celebration. A musing on what they’ve discovered.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: So I was struggling with motivation to spend the time and effort slotting the three different sections of the ending together (I hate doing that sort of thing when I could be actually writing, which just proves I should be more disciplined when I write the first draft) So, for the last day of the actual 12 writing months, I decided that I wanted to write one, last original section. It’s very short so it’s a true bonus and won’t reset the clock on the usual posting schedule.
But today is 31st March 2013 and I started this story on 29th February 2012. With 12 months of actual writing (every day) and one month off doing the Raiders story we’re so very nearly done that I needed this celebration. Since, looking through my notes, I had three usable ideas left with each had some merit so I wanted to use those up. Hooters. Vampire mythos and Ghostbusters. Three things that will obviously confuse Google.
In addition I’d seen the feedback on part 69 where Kajun was – quite rightly – suggesting the Scoobies should start Glorificus research. And they would! But I hadn’t really shown it. I was so caught up mirroring the S4/S5 that I left the summer as almost entirely fun and so it was a bit la-di-da, forget the threatened end of the world. That will still happen, to an extent, but at least with this part in there it will show why they’re not all over it like a rash 
This bonus chapter, unlike most others then, is actually well placed where it is and works quite well in this slot. It is the last full, original section that will be written from scratch in this story even though about 90 more chapters will be posted before the end. Why? Because tomorrow I start on something else and and just do the work necessary to get the story up on the board.
Incidentally, this story… almost as long as the bible (I happened to read that factoid today!). Possibly longer by the time we’re done… Not bad for 12 months writing!
So, enjoy it… feels like farewell to me, but we’ll be here for months yet! The next full chapter will be posted at the usual time…
Credit: – Elements from Ghostbusters are entirely the property of the writers and producers of that movie. Also, I lifted the story Faith tells about Hooters from somewhere but can’t remember where so… It’s not me.




“I do have the feeling that – perhaps – we’re not taking this entirely as seriously as it merits,” Giles said.

“I don’t know,” Xander replied, cautiously looking around at the dangers that surrounded him. “The books and the interwebs thing came up mostly empty, so… idle speculation must be our next step and… this is a place for idle speculation.”

“It’s not the conversation,” Giles said, picking at a curly fry. “Or even the cuisine. More… the location.”

“Are you a Brit or one of those dudes that’s had his nuts cut off?” Faith demanded. They were all sat around a large table as couples except for those who weren’t in couples.

“Quite British, I assure you. But is this really where you wanted to come?”

Faith shrugged and Willow just knew where her mind was going right then. “I wasn’t actually intending to come,” the Slayer replied. “But… I could always be persuaded.”

“And that’s something I’d like to see,” Xander said, entirely unwisely because Willow was well aware of where his girlfriend’s mind was going too. Anya had no less of a dirty mind than her boyfriend – or Faith – she just put it to slightly different purpose.

“I just bet you would,” Anya said, unhappy with his attention to the hero of the hour.

“Because Lord knows that’s one thing you never saw,” Faith commented, popping a fry into her mouth from the collective plate.

“Oh?! You had that problem with him too?” Anya asked, distracted from her jealousy by the chance to compare notes on what she considered an important topic.

Anything that cast Faith’s – brief –time with Xander in a negative light interested Anya a whole lot. And – it appeared – anything that cast them as sisters in experience.

“What? Being quick on the draw? Sure.”

Tara tried raising her hand to stop them while Giles cleaned his glasses, but Willow suspected that as one of the best friends of most people involved, she needed to be the one to stop this in its tracks.

“Hooters may be an unusual place to discuss the threatened ending of the world - ” she started.

“It didn’t actually say ‘the end of the world’,” Ethan, who was happy as a pig in muck, said from beside her. Any minute now he was going to pat one of these waitresses on her less-than-covered ass and they were all going to get thrown out.

Faith’s theory appeared to be that with the number of men, gay and flexible girls in their group Hooters wouldn’t actually be a bad choice. And if you were picking your dining experience on the basis of superficial – sometimes very superficial – sexual attractiveness of the serving staff then… sure, she could see that. But the curly fries really were as good as the Slayer had insisted was her motivation for coming here.

Of course that wasn’t really the reason they’d come here, it was all about Faith getting to watch them all squirm or embarrass themselves, but that was progress.

In a way at least.

And it was her treat for her part in the whole ‘taking down the Initiative’ thing. Just today a number of army trucks had departed from the college and didn’t look likely to be coming back. They’d been shipping out equipment, salvaged from the base under the college and everyone had been wondering with all the concrete that had been coming the other way. Truck after truck pumping their loads into the substructure of the base.

And how was it she was thinking that was dirty? Faith, of course…

But the Slayer got a pass. Truly. Because the fact they were all alive, that no one had gotten seriously hurt before Tara had used that spell that ended it all was… It was Faith.

And she’d done good. In every sense. Even I have to admit it.

So… they were done with that threat. And now onto the next one. That was just the way things were here. Always onto the next thing and – in Faith’s case – the next guy.

And that’s a quip I need to remember.

“It said the world was going to be torn ‘asunder’,” she reminded them.

“But what does that really mean?” Ethan challenged. “Hmm?”

“Asunder? I’m pretty clear in my mind what that’s going to mean.”

“You’re an expert?” Ethan asked equitably.

“In this, yes. It was my girlfriend’s back it was written on. Remember?” And very sexy that was too… Easy to wash off though so it had been a good job the air conditioning was working, otherwise they might’ve lost their warning in a smear of sweat.

Mmmm, sweating Tara.

“Are you okay, baby?” she asked, leaning over to Tara.

“I… don’t know what to do with my eyes.”

“You can keep them on your plate, if you like. Or on me?” she suggested. Just being helpful. She was hardly going to insist. After all, these girls weren’t strippers. They were wearing more than most girls did on the beach. It was just that they were serving in a restaurant, not soaking up rays.

“Look at what you like,” Faith insisted, just a little exasperated. “That’s what someone’s paying for.”

“Someone?” Willow wondered.

“Not me. It’s your treat, remember?”

“Oh… yes.”

“Did I tell you about the last time I ate for free at Hooters?” Faith asked.

“No, but if there’s connotations to the eating remark, I’d just love to hear all about it,” Ethan said. Xander seemed quite interested too, not having learned his lesson after Anya had been distracted by shared experiences with Faith.

“I thought we were discussing a world being torn asunder?” Giles asked.

“Well, it’s still here now,” Xander waved his concerns off. “And this is a celebration.” Buffy joined her in rolling her eyes and got an eyeful of Sarah, their waitress. And she – apparently – was all natural.

Except for her hair which betrayed an old dye job. And hadn’t they all been there? Tara, at least, who did like to change her hair colour.

“Me and some friends were in one place, out of state - ”

“Obviously,” Anya said, “because you don’t have friends here. Apart from us. Obviously.”

The last part sounded like an afterthought.

“So,” Faith said. “We had a bet. Anyone who could get her number got a free steak, paid for by the others.”

“I feel so bad for her,” Tara mused quietly while Faith told her story.

“And you won?” Ethan asked. “Of course you did.”

“Sarah the waitress? She’s doing what she wants, it’s putting her through school and… if she was working in a beach bar, she’d have even less on,” Willow said. That seemed like an important comparison.

“Or a strip joint,” Buffy said while Eddie – who’d never been to such an establishment before either – kept his eyes grimly on his plate. Even when his girlfriend was talking to him.

“I guess…”

“So,” Faith said, “I went up to her and told her that my friends were willing to pay for dinner if she’d give me her number. So that she could give me a fake one and that’d pay them back for all the terrible lines that they’d try to use on her.”

“And it wasn’t a fake, was it?” Ethan asked, in some sort of mental happy place she really didn’t want to know about.

“No. No it wasn’t.”

“And you rang to find out,” Xander said. “That’s awesome… and… and – anyone for dessert?”

Anya wasn’t exactly amused. “Why is Faith telling her stories – look, you’ve gotten Xander all excited… again… okay? But when I say something - ?”

“It’s never okay,” Buffy said. “For either of you. Right?”

“I think it’s okay,” Ethan said. “Smart girl, I bet?”

“Studying to be a Doctor,” Faith replied. “Of something. I don’t know if she made it but she made me and I returned the favour.”

“See!” Anya said. “She keeps doing it and no one tells her to shut up.”

Which is because she can put her first through a set of ribs and rip out your heart.

“So, vampires,” Willow said, not quite willing to go through another of their fights in public.

“Vampires?”

“Vampires,” she confirmed. “Just because we didn’t find out much about Glorificus – yet – doesn’t mean that we can’t spread the knowledge and the things that we did find out.”

“Like what?”

Even Faith was curious, after all she was a vampire Slayer and they were by far the most numerous enemies that any of them had faced.

“Diana basically bred them,” she said and felt Tara wince as they were holding hands and the flash of ‘unfortunate’ through their connection only just preceded her own understanding that might not have been the best choice.

“Oh? Really?” Buffy asked.

“Well, it was a very long time ago… I’m sure – so… vampires. It’s a fascinating story,” she tried. Possibly Tara wouldn’t thank her for blaming the majority of their supernatural problems on the leader of the campus Wicca Group. The only God they’d met face to face, even allowing for the dream of Hades most of the rest of them had.

“Please,” Buffy said. “Fascinate me.”

Now that she thought about it… “Well, it is fascinating, but not very long. In fact it’s kind of short…”

“Then we can get back to talking about waitresses with tight shirts, small shorts and – at least some of them – an easy attitude,” Anya quipped. “Come on, hurry up if you want to say something.”

“Umm – right. So… vampires were created by the old Gods,” Willow said. “They came from the Dionysusian Maenads.”

“The what now?”

“Kind of like vampires but… not. They liked to party and… kill people.”

“So your typical lesbian vampires then?” Faith asked.

“We don’t stereotype in this group,” Buffy reminded her counterpart. They’d even had to watch the Watcher’s video on the subject. In some ways, the Watcher’s Council was coming curiously up to date.

“Oh, come on. We’ve got raging straights, quick draws, queers and eunuchs.”

“I am not a eunuch,” Giles insisted.

“I am not quick on the draw.”

Faith and Anya shared a look.

“It’s true,” Willow said to distract them. “I mean about Giles – not – I don’t know about Xander, I never – I’m shutting up about this – him – but Giles - Miss Calendar – never mind.”

Faith wasn’t having any of it. “Point is, everyone knows that every girl vampire is queer. Me, I think it’s because they’re all so fucking oral.”

“That is – actually – factually inaccurate,” Giles said.

“Vampires aren’t oral?” Faith asked. “How the fuck can you say that? Do we need to ask Buffy?”

“No, no, we don’t,” Buffy answered for him.

Giles was trying his best, but getting run over by the Faith machine. “I meant - Despite the prevalence of the myth and… you were saying about maenads, Willow?” He was flustered again.

“Umm – absolutely, So, maenads. Artemis – Diana by any other name, found that they were perfect to hunt. They can run forever, they possess both animal and human cunning. Fun fact, huh?”

The table considered that and then turned to her for more details. The trouble was that she had nothing more. The story was complete as it was right now. “What?”

“That’s it?” Tara asked. The only person who wasn’t judging her for that, still wasn’t all that impressed.

“Well, yeah. But – bright side – look at what we stopped talking about? Lesbian vampires, Hooters girls and Faith’s expertise in both of them.”

“When it comes to girls, she’s not as… experienced as she pretends,” Tara said.

Willow glanced over at the darker of the two Slayers who winked at her and licked her lips, well aware of the conversation they were having. Oh, yes, Faith’s flexibility – her word – had given her some understanding but… unlike with the guys (on whom she was a renowned expert on volume alone), not so much as she pretended. Tara was right about that. It was – once again – just one of those things Faith hoped to get a rise out of.

Because, why wouldn’t she? She was hanging around lesbians so she had to be the most experienced one here. Again.

That depended, she supposed, what and how you were counting. Numbers of different girls, sure, Faith probably had them beat. Repetitions, duration, quality and satisfaction? The girl didn’t have a chance of standing up to either of them.

“So… Glorificus?” Giles tried, picking at another of the curly fries. He wasn’t that happy with any of the meal and wasn’t hiding it. You’d think by now he’d be used to fried food and the sizes of the portions he was served with by now. This was America after all.

“There are some references,” Willow said. “But nothing – I’m not sure that - ”

“So you don’t know much?” Buffy asked.

Surprised, she started to react. That wasn’t the sort of thing you expected Buffy to say. It was more a Faith sort of thing to say and –

“You’re supposed to follow that up,” Buffy added for her, like it was some reference that she was supposed to get.

Except she didn’t. “Huh?”

“But I know I love you?” Faith said, kind of sing song.

“Huh?” Faith was playing along, right? Or making a play… for me? No. Faith never said ‘I love you’. Not to get anyone into bed. She used a different four letter word. But confuzzled much?

“And that may be all I need to know?” Tara finished. Again, singing.

Oh, so it was a song then?

They were quoting songs at her. In Hooters? And Faith had taken part in it? Well, this is Sunnydale.

“Okaay then, if you’re all had enough fun at my expense?” she asked.

Faith was the one that shook her head, even while Tara squeezed her hand. “No,” Faith said. “Not nearly enough fun yet. Give me a moment and I’ll find something else.”

“It just doesn’t stop with you, does it?”

“The fun? No, not really.” And then Faith winked at her. A real, honest to goodness… wink.

Is this really still just Sunnydale? Or have I gone to another, stranger place? If I have… my girl’s right here with me so it’s not so bad.

“Glorificus?” Giles tried again.

Distracted, she waved his question off. “Look, I’m sorry, but we know more about Gozer the Gozerian,” she said.

“Perhaps,” Giles admitted. “But that’s why we must try harder.”

“Wait,” she said. “Back up just a minute. You know who Gozer the Gozerian is?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I mean – Gozer’s not… real is she – he - it?”

“Only if we’ll be saved by a giant made out of marshmallow,” Giles said.

She and Buffy shared a look right then. As in [i]Oh My God. “You…”

“You saw a movie in the last twenty years?” Buffy asked. “You actually watched a movie?”

“And one that didn’t include butlers or stuffy, repressed English upper class people?” She felt like it was important to clarify.

“I suppose,” Buffy pointed out, “it makes a certain kind of sense.”

“You think?”

“Ghostbusters must basically be required reading for Watchers, right?”

Buffy might have a point there. “Is that the way it was?” she asked. “Or did you, you know, go to the movies for fun?”

Maybe it had just been the training.

“I did see it during my training, that’s true,” Giles admitted. “But not as part of the curriculum. And certainly the Watchers ways are simpler. I prefer the simplicity of a stake, an axe or a sword over strapping a nuclear device to my back.”

“On the other hand,” she said. “I can see that a nuclear device could offer us a lot of firepower. If only there was someone who’d carry it?” They’d just fought the Initiative and if the government hadn’t taken all their stuff away, maybe they’d have had something like that.

“What?” Faith asked. “Why are you looking at me?”

Giles shook his head. “No… She’d cross the streams.”


**********************

[Grimm]

Dibs again!

* marks territory*

I'm getting close to being caught up and don't want to read ahead.

So, B.B.L with feedback.

[TZeppo256]

*Grins* The "Chance" reference in chapter 67.5 made me giggle. Tara certainly did have her own little pussy to play with! Also, I may have missed this, but has Faith had a chance to apologize to Buffy's mom since joining the B Team? As I recall, the last time those two interacted with one another (at least in cannon), Joyce called her a psycho, and Faith did nothing to disabuse her of that particular assertion. As Faith moves ever so slowly back into Buffy's good graces (or at least off of her kill list), it will eventually be incumbent upon her to make reparations with the most important woman in Buffy's life. Alas, given that the narrative perspective is strictly limited to what can be seen through Willow's or Tara's eyes, I doubt that's an interaction that we'll ever get to see.

No, chapter 69 is very much not "Restless", that is certain. However, given how closely the narrative structure of it resembles the structure of "Restless"--an end-of-season coda which portents the coming darkness of Glorificus--a comparison between the two is all but required. To that end, I was inspired to re-watch Willow's dream sequence from "Restless" just to refresh my memory, and I was struck by the differences between the two; mainly the fact that while Restless is a private dream, Chapter 69 is a shared vision.

Willow's sequence in Restless was a very personal dream representation of her own personal desires and fears--Tara and being discovered as 'unworthy' of everyone she loves, respectively--which was tainted by the presence of the First Slayer stalking her. Everything in that sequence operated on dream logic and was completely limited to Willow's perspective and her knowledge base, as in "Death of a Salesman"--a play Willow had doubtlessly never read--revolving entirely around Cowboy-Riley killing the eponymous character. Scenes shifted from one to the next with little transition, from Tara's room to the college halls to the play to the classroom, with no questions asked as to why she moved from one place to the next. Also, almost all of the people she knew appeared to her as she saw them: Xander as bumbling and horny, Oz as stoic as ever, Buffy as take-charge and impulsive, and--tellingly not only of Willow's character but also of meta-level attitudes--Riley as a farm-raised hick. And finally... there is Tara herself, representing in Willow's dream not just her lover and her new-found sexuality (as evidenced by the skin-painting), but also the avatar of the First Slayer. In Willow's dream, Tara alternates between the two roles with almost no transition and with only subtle affectations, and she warns Willow not only about her own fears, but also in abstracted terms the danger of the First Slayer to her. Also, Tara told Willow that she "didn't know everything about her", a subconscious allusion to the fact that she had yet to disclose her 'demon' nature to Willow. All of this contributed to the sequence's surreal feeling and pseudo-logic in order to evoke the sensation of dreaming, as was the intent.

In Chapter 69, however, the sequence is a much more focused and far less symbolic vision shared by and interactive with both Willow and Tara. The focus comes primarily from the comparatively shortened length, in that the scene never leaves Tara's room nor the back painting. Yes, they make love, but that is strictly performed as an immediate prelude to the painting. They never visit other places with strong emotional connections, like Willow's classroom or any place associated with Tara's mother's passing, and they only interact with each other (and MKF), never anyone else who might cause them internal anxiety. As a result, the interaction becomes that much more insular, connected though it may be to the others' vision by the message communicated from Hades through Willow's hand onto Tara's back. Also, although there are a few odd things, like MKF being able to talk and both girls gaining a limited form of telepathy, there is very little that occurs that wouldn't transpire during a normal night of love-making between the two women: The interactions between them are fully in keeping with their waking personas with each other, and--again--there are no sudden scene changes from Tara's dorm to anyplace else. All of this culminates in a much more literal and straight-forward experience that indicates both women were fully conscious with one another and which evokes the feeling of a shared astral projection to a meta-physically defined place rather than a shared dream.

I feel compelled to add at this point that this doesn't make one better than the other, they're just different. Having a shared lucid experience isn't by itself any better or worse than a dream sequence (though I have to wonder what a truly shared dream would look like, as most depictions of characters interacting with others' dreams involves an observer and the observed, with the observer being in full control of their faculties and mental barriers while the observed operates solely on their instincts and within the confines of the dream logic). They are simply two separate settings for telling a story.

However, that being said, I feel as though we missed out on an opportunity here to learn more about the girls, and for the girls to learn more about each other. Dreams are terribly intimate things, in which characters grapple with their basest fears and deepest secrets, and in them characters often think or envision or do things that would be shocking to others who might observe them. If Willow and Tara had been semi-lucid in a shared dream sequence, in which emotionally saturated figures and places from both girls' lives interacted with them and each other without any kind of meaningful context, it would not only have been fascinating to observe, but also may have generated some interesting relational tension between them that would have had to be overcome, their relationship stronger for the struggle.

In any event, I'll be interested to see how Season 5 starts to shape up, when and how Dawn will make an appearance, and also to see what kind of shenanigans the girls get up to at the beach. (Hopefully Willow won't get as untoward as when--in another story--she felt up Tara as the blonde was trying to work in an ice cream truck. Boundaries, girl, boundaries!)

Thank you, and take care.

*notices there's a new chapter posted, goes off to read it*

[Katharyn]

Grimm - We're marking territory now? Eep!

Zeppo - Honestly, any chance reference was accidental! Or at least not concious I'd never be so... oh, wait, yes I would. I just didn't LOL

Faith and Joyce... Very good question! The sort of thing that may need to be cleaned up. It should've been handled, I guess, though the lingering Buffy/Faith tension (totally not about being potential girlfriends *COUGH*) might be around that! It WILL be addressed, just not in it's own little scene. I forget for now what happens though. The consequences of it will DEFINITELY show up though... just - as you say - not through a perspective we see.

Your whole Restless analysis? LOL. Wow. It's like being in school In a good way...

My only comment on Restless itself is that I really was never a fan (apart from certain visuals!) and that because I knew I wasn't going to do a true parallel, I didn't even have to read the script for it. That means that I've seen it maybe three times in my life and not for 10 years or more... So I had - for example - forgotten it was Death of a Salesman (even though I did study that play OUAT) And on the subject of Arthur Miller - why not do 'The Crucible' instead, since they had a pair of witches and lots of other girls?

I don't disagree with your analysis of Ch 69 either. Though having no interest in doing what it did (or real memory) that explains why, perhaps, I wasn't a bit more symbolic. But also, I should say, that I don't need symbolism as much. The girls - with one (Family) exception - are an open book to each other and to the reader especially (due to PoV) so I didn't need to tell a Willow self-analysis story really. It would've been even more 'in the head' than I usually am. Also, those things are hard and (given what I mentioned) for little pay off unless it was very well done.

You also presume that I knew exactly where things were going. Easier to be 'significant' if I knew what I was being significant about! LOL

Finally though... You may be looking for something I dislike doing with these characters (I torture everyone else I write!) which is that relational tension you mention. Really, I love to prove I can tell a story, a long story, without tearing the characters we love apart. I did that for years in Sidestep for that very reason... I know that's not what you meant at all, but it's just me. I get defensive about the girls LOL

All that said, I really loved your analysis and the options you present because (with more thought) they would be very valid and a nice alternative. It's just not where I went though and I wanted you to understand why. Don't take it as a 'defence', it's not. It's just an explanation!

Once we get past summer, we will - of course - be into S5 and there will be no untoward fun with ice-cream. At least not in a truck. For some reason... I seem to remember that story you refer to, which is weird because I don't read stories very much. If it was something really old, maybe I beta read it for someone. Or maybe someone else did the same thing!

Thanks again (I may put my reply into daily word productivity count cos... lots here!)

Katharyn

[Kajun]

Me: I think it's strange. I mean, I think I should worry that I’m in a competition I didn’t know existed.

MKF: With who, the biggest fan?

(Shot of Grimm, marking her territory in slow-motion.)

Me: You'd think she'd know her place by now.

MKF: She will. (Looking at the posts) She's not all caught up yet.

Me: You're not worried?

MKF: I never worry here. (Swishes her tail) You haven’t even called actual dibs in 69 chapters and several bonus parts. Plus, the author appreciates all her fans, even the lurkers. You may not be #1 but you’re safe here.

Me: Cool, I trust you. *starts reading bonus* Gosh.. look at those.

Katharyn, This was an unexpected surprise! How on earth did they convince Giles to go to Hooters? LOL You know he secretly digs it. Faith, as Buffy, must have done a real number on Eddie if he can’t tear his eyes away from the plate. Is he only avoiding Faith or every female in the place for fear of sparking his girlfriend’s wrath? He better grow a pair if he wants to keep Buffy. Who wants a wuss for a partner? Oh.. I guess Anya does. LOL

In Tara’s case.. her questioning where to look is just her way of being thoughtful. It’s pretty obvious she only has eyes for Willow. Faith can’t turn her head and if she can’t no other girl would stand a chance. Willow and Tara can enjoy the view just as they would a gentle spring breeze or the smell of fresh baked bread.

This is the first time it felt like there wasn’t an A versus B team. It’s nice to see them just hanging out and even bonding a little --Even if it is via something as silly as Xander’s quick draw. LOL Maybe they should have all their Scoobie meetings in Hooters? The tension between them isn’t over for sure but it’s progress. Great update, as always!

[Azirahael]

Heya!

Loved the little aside, it made a nice breather.

as to my 'Fuffy madness' comment earlier, i shall explain using a food metaphor:

Reading fanfic is like going out to eat, where none of the places have labels.
you never know if you are going to Napoleon's, or Mac D's until you get inside.
(You're Napoleon's if you were wondering
Now, i ordered chicken (Willow & Tara goodness)
and yup, I'm getting some good chicken

but the chicken is no surprise.
It's what i wanted right now, and it's good.
what i am curious about, is the side dishes.

I'm getting chicken, but what spices did you add?
Are there nummy onion rings? (Onion rings would be Buffy and Faith getting together)
Now i showed up for chicken, and I'm getting chicken, so no worries on that score.
Just wondering if there are onion rings to make it super-yummy is all.

I have the same 'problem' when reading B/F centric stories.
In that even if it's a B/F story, i want W/T happy in the background.
which is why post-chosen stories are so iffy.
And no she-who-must-not-be-named.
Brrr.
A little like having a yummy streak with some sour, horrible sauce added.

Am i making any sense?

R

and now i'm hungry.

[Katharyn]

Kajun - Obviously your powers of observation aren't as sharp as MKF! Though... slow motion look at Grimm, marking her territory? Umm. Whatever turns you on, I guess...

How did they get Giles to Hooters? Gratitude to Faith LOL. Her idea...

I suddenly feel bad for Eddie. I keep beating him down, but actually - he's just the quiet guy who quietly sits in adoration of his girl (I know a few guys like that!) And yes, he's the teensiest bit sensitive to the fact that Faith as Buffy made him somewhat unworthy of her (his point of view) So he's being extra careful. If I were telling a Buffy story, you'd see a different side to him. But there's nothing bad there and he's not a total wuss...

Tis true to say that if Tara's not looking at Faith - practically her best friend after Willow and obviously a slut-bomb - then she's never going to look anywhere so, yeah. But I think Tara's more worried about the fact these girls 'have to' work there and wear those uniforms. Of course, they don't. But she's considerate like that and perhaps a little old fashioned about it.

A vs B... Hold onto that thought

Thanks so much...

Azirahael - Most of summer is a breather to be honest, you'll be so sick of air by the time we get back into S5 LOL.

I really do love your metaphor and I love the logic and... I am unsure what I should say. Okay... there's RIDONKULOUS chemistry between the two of them and if Faith's going with anyone you can bet your ass she'd want to be going with someone who could *cough* keep up */cough* with her. But... You're not going to change that girl, at least not quickly. Which makes Buffy a lay... and we know what happens when Buffy gets laid outside of a relationship. The frigging world threatens to end. (slight exaggeration) Once again, if this was a Buffy focused story then I could invest the time to justify what you're talking about and earn it but in this story? It'd end up being like flicking a switch... (Yes, Faith knows how to flick Buffy's switch. After all, she's practiced *COUGH*)

Also, there's a story reason not to do that... So I won't even keep you in suspense. It's not something I'm doing here. But... you might enjoy something else. And there's always sequel stories... Or bonus chapters... One of which you just inspired me to start... I'll see where that goes (probably more of a section than a chapter)

Maybe if you'd said something like this months ago I could have tweaked things that far... Maybe not. The story is what it is

Sorry, but thank you for the very pleasant speculation!

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Seventy
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: The first of a few of parts set in the summer between Season 4 and Season 5. A fairly peaceful time, we know, and I’m not really messing with that too much. I’m just not willing to miss out a couple of months of their lives entirely when they’ve not yet been together that long. Time without disasters can’t be beat.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: These little segments don’t necessarily all run together and can be seen to take place over a few weeks, unlike the rest of the chapters where each segment is immediately connected to the ones within the same chapter. We’ll get back to that… You might call this ‘Meanwhile on the Willow and Tara show’…
Thanks to: All of you for sticking with me so far.

-------------------------

SEASON 5 (ish)

Season Notes: We’re actually going to open in the summer (no pun intended) because there’s some things I want to deal with in more detail just saying they happened… Once again that’s the difference between fanfic and a novel, there are things that you (hopefully) want to read while there are things I want to enjoy exploring too that you just wouldn’t include in a well-paced novel, movie or TV show where page/word count is a factor in being published/produced.
There will probably be a little more divergence from the canon this season, as we get further away from the point when things changed, naturally we see things happen differently, but we’ll be close enough that you’ll still see where the episodes would be. We’ll just be skipping a few plot lines related to Spike, Riley or whatever because obviously they aren’t involved (or are dead) and our characters have gone in different directions.
Somehow I’ve gone through all S4 and not really managed to remove most of the core Scoobies even though I brought in their replacements! We’ll have to see how that goes and whether I persist that way even though I tell myself I really don’t want to write the rest of those characters but somehow am having fun with them anyway…

-------------------------

Summer – One


“Good lord – and I say that as a lapsed Jew practising Wicca - ” Willow said as she saw her girl standing in the door. “But, I think it’s justified. What happened to you?”

“I t-told you, I was out with Faith.”

“You did, you told me that, but I’m still not quite at the point where I trust her with you,” she said.

“Sweetie, you know Faith likes guys.”

“Faith likes guys a lot,” Willow corrected, even if it was getting pretty obvious that the Slayer was what they’d once described as ‘hetero-flexible.’ Whatever it took. With whoever she could… take. “She likes a lot of guys a whole lot. But it wasn’t that kind of trust I was talking about.”

Cos, like Tara was going to cheat on her? Ha… That was about as likely as the vice versa thing. Not happening.

“We weren’t in trouble,” Tara said, coming over to her and sitting on the edge of the couch where Willow had been laid out, dozing and watching TV.

“Well, no, because it’s you and you don’t get in trouble.” She picked up her feet and put them across Tara’s lap rather than keeping them tucked back. Tara got to sit back in the seat while she got to have her feet rubbed, because there was just no way Tara could resist that.

Not for long anyway.

And not even because she was a foot fetishist, or particularly liked rubbing them and the skin to skin connection did something good for both of them.

Not because of any of that.

No, it was much, much simpler. It was just because Tara was a good girlfriend.

And everyone knew it, not just her. Everyone was, she liked to think, a little jealous of just how good her girlfriend was. Buffy, Xander – and Anya too come to think about it. Even those who liked boys were jealous of her for her girlfriend.

She was less certain – and it seemed less likely – that Faith would be jealous about that, but Tara and Faith were getting along so well that the two of them sometimes went out without her.

And since she was also a good girlfriend, she never said anything about that.

Two ways of looking at the pair of them going out without her. Glass half empty, her girlfriend was going out with a wild, super-strong, trouble/guy magnet. Glass half full, Tara didn’t get upset that she usually didn’t want to go with – even though she was asked along every single time.

Sometimes she was even asked along by Faith… Maybe not with any expectation she’d say ‘yes’ but still, that was big progress.

And, see, she and Tara were in synch on this. Once Tara had asked, and she’d turned the offer down, Tara didn’t feel guilty about going out any more. No drama, no clinginess. It was healthy, healthier than Buffy and Eddie for sure. They were virtually in each other’s pockets when there wasn’t Slaying going on.

But it made them happy so… that was fine too.

“You look… Sweetie, you look like you were being, well, energetic actually.”

Tara smiled. But to herself, it seemed. Like a happy memory. Not saying anything about it.

“Sorry, was that a question?”

Hmm, yes, she’d left it as an observation. Tara was – technically – correct about that. And also, her hands – as always – felt really, really good. “Yes, you look like you were being energetic?”

“Faith told me what I had to say if you noticed that,” Tara said.

“I’m sure Faith did. Let’s just pretend you did that already, because we both know what sort of thing she wanted you to insinuate,” Willow said.

“Okay.”

“So, with all that out of the way, what were you doing? You look like you were doing self-defence with her again.” Good as Tara had always looked in clinging, slightly sweaty, training gear, on that occasion the black eye had been an unfortunate addition.

It’d just been the once that had happened though and everyone was trying to get more in shape… They had the threat of this Glorificus hanging over them all and even Diana couldn’t tell them when that might actual come into being as something real and imminent. All of them who weren’t Slayers had picked up a little self-defence and weapons training over the summer.

Unfortunately for Tara’s eye, Faith hadn’t been willing to hear of Tara training with anyone else. It was just about faded now though.

“No,” Tara said, “Nothing like that. We – Baby, we danced,” Tara said.

“You danced?”

“Uhuh.”

“You?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure, yes. We’ve danced, sweetie,” Tara reminded her. “Remember?”

“I do remember,” Willow said, it’d been a memorable night for more reasons than that. “But that was like slow dancing; you look like you’ve been working out.”

“Faith… doesn’t really do slow dance,” Tara said.

“So you were dancing with her?”

“You’d rather it was some other girl?” Tara checked.

“Oh, hell no.”

“So…?”

“Could have been some guy,” Willow pointed out. “I wouldn’t have minded you dancing with a guy; they’re not going to get anywhere.”

“Neither is Faith,” Tara told her. “Not even if she wanted to. Which she doesn’t, by the way.”

“Yeah, but at least a guy might’ve been able to teach you how to let me lead.” Willow thought back to their dance, two girls, neither of whom had really wanted to lead and yet Tara hadn’t been able to get with the idea of following either. Sometimes a girl just had to step up to the plate. Especially if she was still waiting for Tara to team that jacket with her boots.

Still waiting except in her dreams.

“Swaying and holding’s good enough for us,” Tara said. “And I don’t think there’s a lead in the dancing we were doing tonight.”

“I guess not.”

“I mean, if there was then… it was always going to be Faith,” Tara explained.

“I guess – but come on, you and Faith, energetic dancing? I bet the guys were all over you both, was she beating them off?” She thought about that for a moment. “And I don’t mean in an eww kind of way.”

Tara shook her head and pulled a face. “No guys.”

“Oh, come on, the night Faith goes out not looking like a slut bomb is the night I’ll actually do it.”

Again…

After all, she’d done that one Halloween. Even Faith hadn’t looked as much like a prostitute as she had that night. An outfit, even for Tara, she was never, ever putting on again.

The Spell of Unmaking was too good for that costume.

“No guys,” Tara confirmed. “Really.”

“Did she took you to a lesbian bar?” Willow wondered. Where else was she going to exclude guys from the equation?

“No. No, she didn’t.”

“Oh. Good.”

“I took her there,” Tara said.

Willow grinned, liking the way this was going. It always made her grin like an idiot when Tara was wicked. “Did she know? I mean, before you got there?”

“Nope,” Tara said happily.

“Ooooh! I so love it when you’re evil. I wish I’d been there. Was she really pissed?” Willow asked, excited in spite of herself. They’d not really fitted in with the Sunnydale gay scene – at least not while school was out. It’d get easier when more people their own age were around again. Right now, it felt like everyone else knew how to be her better than she did.

“I wouldn’t say ‘pissed’ exactly. I mean, we did stay and – you know, lesbians do like Faith.”

“I can see that, she has that hetero-flexible, ‘I don’t care when the lights are out’ slutty availability going for her. Actually, I don’t think she cares when the lights are on either. But I guess confidence is always a turn on. She was still confident right?”

Tara nodded. “Yeah, but… I mean that they really like her. You thought guys followed her around with their tongues hanging out but… I don’t often say this but… dayum. These women were all but telling her exactly what they wanted to do with their tongues. I’m pretty sure a few offered too.”

“She punch any of them out?” There were some places where a girl could get grabbed just as easily as if she was around any group of guys. Not here in Sunnydale, but… they existed.

“Not that I saw.”

“So, how,” Willow started to ask, “did all tonight’s lesbians and bi girls act around the hottest girl in the place? Knowing she wasn’t available and all?”

“Like I said, nearly everyone was looking at her. I was - ”

“No,” Willow stopped her. “I was talking about the hotness that is you, doofus.”

Tara smiled, in spite of the modesty that was so much a part of her nature. It was one of those things that she had long adored in her girlfriend, and still did, but she’d also been quietly looking to change Tara’s self-regard.

After all, the girl was beautiful. Tara was hot. Tara was more than worthy of every accolade she gave her, as well as all the love. The little smile was more enticing than the blushes had been too.

“Faith was the only one the collective ‘they’ were looking at,” Tara said.

“Somehow I doubt that,” she said. “I happen to know that there’s a some lesbians who are extremely into a girl like you. Just like you in fact. Lesbian’s that wouldn’t give Faith a second look if she was naked and pole-dancing in the most rainbow flavoured bar you ever did see.”

“Yeah, but most of those lesbians have the initials W-R,” Tara concluded.

“Some, not necessarily most. In fact probably not anything like most. Girl’s like you are very appealing.”

“Which is why you give me the third degree about where I’ve been?” Tara asked, stroking the tops of her feet.

“Can’t you tell? I’m insanely jealous.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to come with us next time. Make sure I’m not making time with the local queer girls.”

“Maybe,” Willow said, though she didn’t think she would. It wasn’t – just – about Faith. It wasn’t even about loyalty to Buffy who had her own unresolved issues with the other girl even after everything good Faith had done.

No, actually it was the healthy parts of their relationship where she and Tara did other things with friends. Sometimes that crossed over, sometimes it didn’t.

Annie had visited and stayed with them last week and Willow felt closer to Tara’s former-dorm mate after that than she ever had last year, when she’d always felt like she’d been in Annie’s space – from a certain point of view. Same with anyone from Tara’s dorm. She’d been using their hot water, taking up space in their kitchen and refrigerator. Keeping Tara from Annie too, not that she’d ever minded.

In fact Annie had always shown some sort of intense pleasure that her friend was (in her words) ‘getting some.’

And she was… getting some. Giving some too.

Maybe the boot had been on the other foot once Annie had arrived here. They were living in her parent’s house this summer. Ira and Sheila were away for the whole vacation – they’d broken the news to her by email, just three days before leaving on their cruise – and that had been just fine with her. Housesitting with Tara? Perfect solution to their summer housing needs.

Of course things hadn’t gone exactly to plan, what with Faith walking out on Diana’s hospitality and suddenly needing a place to stay too after they’d been here a few weeks. And then with Tara feeling all responsible in her leadership role and letting her…

So… it was all very weird. She and Tara had her Mom and Dad’s room – the first thing they’d done was bought fresh sheets and everything so that… well, they’d bought fresh sheets and used those ever since. Meanwhile Faith wasn’t in the spare room. Somehow, Faith had ended up in her old room which Mom and Dad had redecorated as soon as she went away to college…

Yeah, that had been a surprise too… Her stuff was all in the basement.

That was all her Mom’s doing, she was pretty sure. ‘You’re always welcome back, but all your old stuff is in the basement.’ She still hadn’t been down there and sorted out what she wanted and what was useless. But Faith Lehane was in her room and it was only Tara’s rules that would’ve stopped it being ‘christened’ in a way that it’d never been when she was living in there.

And that would’ve been the only ‘christening’ that occurred under Ira Rosenberg’s roof. Obviously.

“Where is Faith anyway?” she asked.

Right about now she should’ve been sprawled out, not doing anything to find herself a place after the summer when Willow’s Mom and Dad would be back and not wanting her as a house guest… Instead she was… Well, yeah, stupid question really. She knew where Faith was.

“She found a guy,” Tara said.

“I thought you said there were no guys?”

“Oh, I see why you’re confused. She found a guy on the way home,” Tara explained.

“Anyone else,” Willow said, “anyone at all, and I include Buffy in that, and I’d worry about her hooking up with some guy she met on the way home. How long?”

“Maybe five minutes,” Tara confirmed, obviously knowing what she meant. “You know she’s not like Buffy.”

“Oh, yes, we know that!” Willow said. “She knows what she wants and it’s the same as what they want. They can’t hurt her – in any way. I guess I should be worried about the poor guy more than her.”

“Maybe,” Tara said, pressing her thumb into the sole of her foot and making her sigh.

“So, she just left you to walk home so she could go home with some guy?” Willow asked.

“She didn’t just leave me. She reminded me how to break someone’s nose and to kick them where it hurts,” Tara said. “Just in case.”

“So much better. Obviously.”

“And I came home to some girl,” Tara said. “I couldn’t complain really.”

“Some girl?” Willow asked. “Some girl?” She pushed her foot into Tara’s face. “Some girl?”

“Okay, some hot girl…” Tara kissed the arch of her foot delicately enough that it tickled.

“That’s better. So… umm, you all tired out or do you have the energy for another dance?” If Faith was out then she wanted to take full advantage… it was always a little weird getting frisky if she was in the house with them, which wasn’t that often since she was usually out most of the night, used her Slayer skills to creep in and then slept while they were out in the daytime.

“Maybe the horizontal kind?” Tara asked.

“Well, if you absolutely insist… Will you lead?”

“If you absolutely insist…”

----------------------------------

“Push her off,” Tara said, “if she’s bothering you.”

“Faith?” Ethan asked, earning himself a whack.

“Miss Kitty,” Tara corrected.

At her name, the cat – and she was no longer quite small enough to be called a ‘kitten’ no matter what her pouches of food said – looked over at her. Tara just stared back at her and Miss Kitty did finally settle in his lap after much too long trying to find the perfect spot. She did seem to like to sit on their guests.

“Really glad you’re not talking about me like I’m not here or anything,” Faith said.

“Of course you’re here,” Ethan said. “I wouldn’t be if you weren’t.”

“So… you two have been conspiring against me?” the Slayer guessed.

“It’s n-not like that,” Tara promised.

Faith had moved out of Diana’s without saying why, but speculation – and there’d been plenty – varied between something going on between these two to a better alternative just showing up when she and Willow found themselves at the Rosenberg’s for the summer. And since Faith had earned herself a lot of credit with her actions at the end of the semester… no one had objected.

Whatever it had been, this pair didn’t seem to be at odds – which was good. At least no more than anyone else was at odds with either of them. What was that saying? ‘The enemy of my enemy’…?

That saying should probably have made these two bosom buddies and Ethan gave every sign – despite his age – that he’d like nothing more than to buddy up to Faith’s bosom.

Again.

Not that the Slayer couldn’t handle him. It was more worrying that Faith might actually go there. Because… ew.

“Except for how it totally is like that, T. I know you too well by now.”

“She’s right, it’s like totally a conspiracy,” Ethan said, mimicking Faith’s accent.

“Thanks,” Tara said, pulling her face but still half amused. Life was never dull. Between these guys, Willow and Annie? Yeah, dull was something she’d not seen for a while. “Thanks for h-helping.”

“You two want to get to the conspiracy part?” Faith asked.

Tara hesitated, unsure how Faith was going to take it.

Willow, knowing this meeting was about to happen, had suddenly remembered an urgent errand that was going to take her all the way across town to Buffy’s. Now that the other Slayer had just arrived back from her summer trip, Buffy had spent most of last night with them anyway – while Faith was out - so Willow’s ‘excuse’ couldn’t have been that urgent.

Some of that had been checking up on the – not totally popular – decision to let Faith get out of Diana’s. ‘Let’ being not entirely representative of how it had gone. Faith had just turned up on their doorstep with the bag that contained her whole life. So… ‘let’? Really?

Buffy hadn’t argued though, not after what had happened and Faith had proven herself.

Even so… Willow – and Buffy - had left her here alone to deal with this. ‘The price of leadership’ Willow had called it since she was the one who lived here and might be expected to offer her some support.

She just had to face it. Sometimes, despite her monster fighting ways, her girlfriend – her Willow - was big chicken.

Some of us don’t have that – very welcome – luxury

“Oh, for goodness sake,” Ethan exclaimed. “It’s really not that hard. Look, Faith - ”

Miss Kitty, disturbed by Ethan’s sudden exclamation, got to her feet looking disgusted with him. Didn’t he understand his purpose as somewhere warm for her to curl up and be petted precisely as much as she wanted to be – no more and no less?

“No,” Tara interrupted him. “I’ll do it. It was my idea so… I should be the one to say it.” Great. Now Faith knew it was her idea too, not some joint effort or that they could blame on Giles or anyone else. No, it was her idea… Pretty much all her idea.

Everyone else had just been surprised and then – kind of – came around to the idea. Not enough to stick with her though.

“Please. Before I die of old age,” Faith prompted as Miss Kitty took an interest in her twirling finger and jumped off Ethan in that direction. Knowing better than to resist, Faith cleared a spot and quickly found the young kitty in her lap without actually having her climb up the leather with her claws.

Miss Kitty just didn’t care. Kind of like Faith, who’d have been no different – Willow had agreed – if she’d been a cat.

“We – I – No, it’s we – but I thought first – and we all agreed - ”

“Tara…”

She’d heard that tone before, most recently when they’d been out and run into a pack of demons who needed slaying in the worst way. Buffy had been away at Eddie’s so… Faith had done it her way.

“Okay… Well, we thought – you need to go finish school.”

There. She’d said it and – for once – Faith was inscrutable.

Inscrutable and very starey.

Not blinking.

If Faith had been a smoker – one of the few vices the girl didn’t actually indulge in – then she’d have taken a deep drag, held it and then exhaled the smoke in their faces. Fortunately for Willow’s parents she wasn’t so… they waited.

Long seconds.

No one said or did anything. Except Miss Kitty who was quickly learning not to care what else was going on in the world when it was really all about the feline in the room.

“And where,” Faith said eventually, “did you come up with a stupid-ass idea like that, T?”

Tara glanced at Ethan who shrugged. She’d already admitted it was her idea. “There’s never been anything like this,” Tara said. “Slayers used to die because they didn’t have anyone, no one on their side. One girl in all the world, that stuff, working for a secret society of old guys who just wait around for her… kind of weird really. But Buffy proved that if you have help – if you have friends – then you can survive.”

Faith had an objection. “Your honour, I’d like to point out that she died already. That’s how I ended up being Slayer in the first place. Just because she’s walking around now, taking up valuable air, doesn’t mean all that much.”

“You’ve got us,” Tara persisted. “And Buffy might not be your biggest fan, or Giles or… well, any of them really, but as long as you’re doing the right thing – I mean Buffy left you in charge for a whole ten days when she went off to see Eddie!”

“Sorry, T, maybe I’m just be being all dumb and uneducated but I’m not seeing how this all ties up,” Faith replied. “Buffy left you and Giles in charge, Tara. I was just the substitute Slayer to handle to the patrolling side of things.”

“Umm, it was still more trust than she’d shown you before you helped with Adam.”

“So the girl will do a lot to get her leg over.”

“Be fair,” she said. “You’re still in that period we’re supposed to be looking for how you do. But Buffy didn’t mind – too much – when you moved out of Diana’s. I mean, she argued, but she let you come here with us,” Tara tried, though she wasn’t sure why she was bothering. Faith’s problems with Buffy these days were as much about how Buffy saw her as her own feelings.

And – most of the time – Buffy remembered what Faith had done for them. Most of the time… She couldn’t argue with that.

“Why don’t you get to the part where this sends me back to school?”

At least, Tara thought, Faith was still sat there. She could’ve left the room and no one could’ve stopped her. Not all of that could be down to Miss Kitty who’d found her new place and settled down in a curl - after positioning Faith’s fingers right where she wanted them, scratching absently.

“Well, it’s about what you expect from life – I guess that you stopped going when you became the Slayer?” Tara asked, something she’d never really talked to Faith about, but that might’ve been a mistake.

“I stopped going – much – long before that. Once I was the Slayer, there didn’t seem a lot of point. That no-hoping Watcher of mine thought I could get everything I needed from books, so he didn’t care. Which was strange, he’d have been the first one to say this… It never crossed his mind though. Maybe he had more brains than I thought.”

“No,” Tara said. “That was wrong of him – look, maybe school seemed like a distraction then, but right now… Buffy’s going to college! She’s looking at having a life, you know, surviving.”

“Me and B are nothing alike, Tara. Not in anything we do. Not who we are. What’s good for her isn’t always good for me.”

“I think she’d agree,” Ethan said. “And I know which of you I prefer.”

“Aw, you say the sweetest things. Look, I don’t need high school,” Faith said. “I have anger issues and I can break someone’s neck like that.” She snapped her fingers. “Do you really think that’s a good combination with a bunch of teenage emos, jocks and nerds getting on my tits?”

“You don’t have to go back to school - though you probably could - you could study at home or in a community college class or something – Please, you should think about this, Faith? You’ve come so far…”

“And what am I going to be apart from a Slayer?”

“Yes!”

“It’s what I know, T. It’s what I like. When I was just some kid, I was angry and I didn’t fit in and I lashed out at whatever. Now I’m angry and I don’t fit in but I lash out and hurt things. Bad things. That’s all I need. Well, not all I need, but you don’t want to hear about the other stuff.”

“I do,” Ethan pointed out. Hand part way up.

Faith gave him a filthy look. “One day I’ll get taken down though, that’s just the way it is.”

“I don’t believe that,” Tara said. “All you need is something to live for.”

“And what’s that then? School?”

“No, but it’ll open doors for you to do what you want - ” Tara said.

“Maybe I need a girlfriend? Getting wet definitely loosened you up.”

“Ha-ha. But no, what are you afraid of?” Tara asked.

“I’m not afraid of anything. You should know that, T.”

“She’s afraid of surviving,” Ethan said, suddenly inspired to contribute. “I’ve seen it before, not in a Slayer, but the same principle. She’s afraid of having to figure anything else out. She’s afraid she can’t figure it out. That’s what survival means to her. Not just being able to beat things up. Or down.”

“Wrong,” Faith said. “You couldn’t be more wrong.”

“Really? Well if I can make a suggestion, why don’t you prove it to us? Go finish what you yanks call ‘High School.’ After all if you’re eventually going to succumb to my many and varied charms then you’d just be an embarrassment if you can’t even graduate.”

As motivational speeches went, that wasn’t one of the best. But she tended to think that his preceding analysis might be spot on. Certainly it’d struck a nerve with Faith who was looking uncomfortable. Almost as if she might bolt. Miss Kitty sensed it too, because she looked up for just a moment and shifted her position, threatening to hang on with her claws if Faith were to consider vacating the chair.

Unacceptable response.

This really was a collective effort, even if the feline portion of the team was doing it for selfish reasons.

“Okay, old man. Point one, you don’t have any charms,” Faith said. “Point two, even if you did, it’s not what I’m looking for and point three, I couldn’t care less if you look down your nose at me. Mostly because I can break it any time I choose.”

“All good points and eloquently made,” Ethan said. “But my own point still stands. Most people don’t like me very much either, but every single person I’ve screwed over in my time recognises one thing, I’m a survivor and I always have a plan. One goes with the other.”

“I have plans,” Faith said.

“Yours are to hit, stab and behead things until they die,” Ethan said. “It’s hardly Montgomery at El-Alamein.”

“Say what now?”

“Exactly.”

“You’re right though,” she said, taking another tack. “There’s lots of stuff you don’t need to know that they’ll teach you in High School. Most of it maybe, but there’s stuff you do need to know and – more importantly – one day you’ll need a job.”

“Will I?”

“You will if you’re going to stick to the straight and narrow?”

“And what would you know about straight, bush ranger?” Faith asked.

“Be serious – just for a minute. There’s no evil sugar-daddy whose going to be paying you, putting you up in an apartment, because you don’t do that anymore. And – I know what he meant to you, the Mayor. I don’t think that there are many out there like him either. I think… he was the exception. So… it’ll never be that easy even to be bad again, let alone good.”

Faith hesitated, forced to confront it. “What do you think I am? Anya? Needing pretty things?”

“Pretty things like food, clothes – and you can make those look rather good,” Ethan said. “A roof over your head. More to the point, if there’s somewhere you need to get to, you’ll find it opens more doors than it closes, no matter what your nefarious purpose.”

“I’m not sure exactly what ‘nefarious’ means, but I think I like the sound of it,” Faith said.

“You can’t even flip burgers down at the Doublemeat without a diploma,” Tara warned, frowning at the warlock for that last part. No nefarious purposes, that was part of the rules. Certainly not under the Rosenberg roof, which was a nefarious free zone. “So what does that leave you?”

“I can think of a couple of things I’m good at,” Faith sighed.

Not willing to follow the Slayer’s logic to those places, she was forced to disagree. “Neither of which you want to turn into a career.”

“What makes you think you know what I want, T?”

“Because I’m your friend,” she said, only realising from Faith’s surprise that it was a label she’d never applied to herself before. Or if she had, not often enough to make it commonplace.

Then the other girl looked at Ethan. “I’m not your friend,” he said. “I’m not here for the goody-two-shoes agenda, but quite frankly I’d rather have one less Slayer who’s ready and willing to kick my ass.”

Close enough, she mused. And pretty honest too. He wasn’t here for anything but Diana, the truth behind the avatar of the God he’d been worshipping his whole adult life. Thing was that Ethan’s worship was less about prayer and more about practical demonstrations of his devotion to chaos and the two faced God… who was really a part of the Huntress.

“So, now I get the whole ‘we’re friends’ guilt trip?” Faith asked, idly scratching Miss Kitty’s ear, causing it to flick over and over in reflexive pleasure.

“Nope. No guilt.”

“Not going to threaten to throw me out if I don’t do what you want?”

She shook her head. “You’re out anyway. We all are in a few weeks. When Willow’s Mom and Dad get back.” There it was, that was a simple fact and one – now – they were sure Faith was aware of. Willow would be pleased.

“You can move in with me,” Ethan said. “I’ve got a nice big bed and you don’t look like you’d take much closet space.”

Faith flipped him a finger, which just made him grin. “Sorry, T, wouldn’t work. I wouldn’t fit in and anyway, no school would have me. I fucked some stuff up before I got here. After I got here too. I have records… they have records.”

It felt like a breakthrough when Faith was arguing on the details instead of the general principle and so, she persisted.

“D-did you ever see Ferris Bueller?” she asked.

“We get to steal a Ferrari now?”

“No… but - ” Should she say this? It was like, offering a slightly shady thing to do a good thing. That was a grey area, right? Acceptable if your heart was pure and your reasons were good. “Look, my girlfriend – Willow - ”

“Like we were in any doubt who your girlfriend was?”

“My – My Willow can do the computer thing. No one even has to know who you are…”

There, she’d said it. Willow had done better and worse things with computers in pursuit of a worthy goal. After all they’d hacked the databases of a secret government organisation, found out all the dirty secrets of what taxpayer dollars were being spent on. Very illegal, but very necessary at the time. She happened to agree that had been the right thing to do.

Sometimes the law didn’t understand circumstances, not their circumstances. The law didn’t even accept that there were anything but people and animals out there. And Faith was one of those supernatural beings; she had different problems to regular people.

It was a grey enough area that she was happy to offer Willow’s services. If they were absolutely necessary.

“Careful, T,” Faith said. “You’re getting close to crossing a line there.”

“To see you graduate,” she said. “That’d be worth it.” She believed that, she did. Even if you wanted to break it down to something as simple as money then how much would keeping Faith locked up – if they could – cost? How much damage could she do?

How many people might die?

She didn’t believe for a second that school was going to be the one thing that kept Faith here on the right side of things with them, but she did believe – and even Willow admitted it – that it could be part of a package.

It was easier, Willow said, to keep being an eff-up when you had nothing to live for.

“You really want me to do this?” Faith asked them.

“Yes, but you have to want to – or else there’s no point. People making you do things you don’t want to, we know how that goes,” she said. “So I’m not going to mention it again, I promise. Unless you decide to go and then… well, we’ll all do everything we can to help.”

Faith pursed her lips, focusing on Miss Kitty, even though she was obviously deep in thought. A new look on her, really. “I – look, I can’t promise anything. I can’t say that I’ll be able to stick it or not smack someone in the face and get thrown out.”

“If you only smack them in the face, it might be considered a successful experiment,” Ethan said, which made Faith smile that way that predators did.

“We’ll make Ethan your guardian too,” Tara said, deciding on the spur of the moment. “As far as the school’s concerned at least – because you’ll have to have one. So if you get in any trouble, you know he’ll have your back.”

“And – to coin a rather crass – but accurate - American phrase – ‘I lie like a motherfucker.’”

Faith’s smile turned to one of genuine amusement. “That might even be worth seeing. Get you called in to see the Principal? I’d like to see that.”

“No!” Tara said. “Let’s start from the point of not getting in trouble and see how it goes. Okay?”

“I can’t – I’ll think about it. Okay, I will, I’ll think about it,” Faith said.

“Good enough,” she said. “But think fast, we have to try and get you enrolled. Sunnydale’s down a school, you know?”

“It wouldn’t have been, if I’d been around,” Faith said.

She wondered, for a moment, if she’d strayed into dangerous territory. But… apparently not. Maybe Faith just meant the school wouldn’t have been blown up. Or maybe it was something how events had gone to take them there – that, having a friend, she might not have gone to work for the Mayor and taken things there?

“Are you really my friend?” Faith asked.

She shrugged, trying not to make it too big a deal that it might freak Faith out. “My cat loves you.”

“Your cat loves anyone warm, don’t you, precious?” Faith asked, turning her attention to Miss Kitty.

“Yes, you’re my friend.”

“Well, okay.”

Tara smiled, not really expecting a gushing affirmation or reciprocation. This was as close as she was likely to get.

“Oh, hey, T, Remind me to look into that apartment of mine, I think, maybe he gave it to me… I might not have to live with you.”

They looked at her. What had they just said?

“What? It’s not a new evil sugar-daddy,” Faith told them as if it should’ve been obvious.

****************

[Kajun]

Whatever turns you on, I guess...

Umm.. just playing along with Grimm. It wasn’t meant to imply anything sexual in nature. GAH.

[Azirahael]

Heh, i like Ethan, he's a little like a male version of Faith in some ways.
He'll try anything

And Tara and Faith dancing was nice.
And Tara taking Faith to a lesbian bar was cheeky

about the GED or whatever, i think it's awesome of Tara to be that kind of friend.
To think of her future like that, and to patiently cut through the bullshit.

I think Faith is going to feel a lot better about herself afterwards.

Go Tara!

R

[Katharyn]

Kajun - To quote a movie, "excuses are like a**holes... everyone's got one" EDIT - it has been pointed out to me this may mean something else in different places... It's really only about the excuse! It's also been pointed out to me I may have been factually inaccurate at the start of this whole joke LOL. Yeah, I got schooled.

Azirahael - Faith and Ethan... it's a match made in a very peculiar hell - from everyone else's point of view!

Tara/Faith dancing - indeed, most of summer, is actually about stressing that these kids have a life. A life beyond Slaying. A life beyond each other. It's harder in the throes of the seasons to do that. I mean, if you look at the time gaps between episodes, you know it's happening, but for dramatic reasons you can't always send them dancing in the middle of a drawn out crisis. So it's nice to do this stuff. First half of S5 isn't too bad, but once you get into it... well, you know sort of where it's going. Opportunities will shut down.

And yeah, Tara's the practical one. She thinks of this stuff. It probably never occurred to her NOT to do that...

Thanks so much.

Next part not so far off.

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

Okay, so just to make a point that my posting got a little messed up this week. I added a bonus part and also messed up the date format in the thread title (American's just have to do everything backwards! Month then day? Really? No one else!!!) So anyway, looked like it was last updated in February... LOL

So anyway, if you missed it... There's been a bonus chapter, chapter 70 and now chapter 71. Not that you need to read all of them this time. Because it's summer! Except it's freezing here LOL

Enjoy

Katharyn

--------------------

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Seventy-One
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: Second of the Summer parts between Season 4 and Season 5
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: I get a little… political during this one. But it’s all in fun, remember that. I mean, let’s face it, part (if not the main part) of the reason we loved the girls back in 2001 was the desperate state of lesbians and bi women on TV, not to mention in movies where the indy features I saw were totally depressing for the most part or just not all that good. There were some that shone, for sure, but many really didn’t and that’s as much to do with budget and funding as anything else and a comment on that time and more especially the mid to late nineties. So when the girls get into this conversation at the very end… don’t take it too seriously – I know that I’ve had this conversation with several friends at various points in my life. So a lot of this is drawn from something personal… Like I said though – in fun 
Thanks to: I don’t know if I’ve said it recently, but the Moderators of the board. I’m not sure everyone here realises how lucky we are to have a forum with rules, boundaries and limitations that is monitored and free of advertising. It’s a blessing, seriously. If you’re reading this, take a moment to thank them because I certainly wouldn’t be here if this wasn’t the safe place that they make it.





“You, lover of mine,” Willow said, “are nothing less than a miracle worker.”

“I won’t deny it,” Tara said, bearably smug. On some people it’d be unbearable, but that wasn’t a factor when it came to Willow Rosenberg’s girl. Bearable was a nice, consistent factor with Tara. No matter what she did, she was always bearable.

Her arms were looped around her girl, just a nice casual hello and welcome/glad to be back. Oh, and there were kisses because – again, you know – Tara and little thrills of contact whenever their skin came together which made the kisses… mmm.

“I always said you were silver tongued,” Willow said.

“But you were talking about something else when you said it,” Tara teased.

“I won’t deny that,” she admitted. “I mean, you’ve always been persuasive to me, but my definition of silver tongued might’ve been a little… fruitier than what other people would’ve said. But this… Awe, seriously, baby, I’m in awe. What the frilly heck did you say to make it happen?”

“Well, Ethan kind of helped.”

That wasn’t really what she wanted to hear, not really. Least said, soonest forgotten. But, on the other hand and since she really did want to know about this so… she asked the terrible question. “Okay, okay, I’ll bite, what did he do?”

They made their way through to the living room, taking their places on the couch with each other. Not ‘beside’ each other. ‘With’ each other because couches. Girls in love. They were made for entwining.

“He told her that she could get to be nefarious if only she had an education, but mostly because there’s no way she can think he’s a do-gooder. That has to have helped.”

“He actually said ‘nefarious’?”

“Yeah, Faith didn’t know what it meant, not exactly, but she got the right idea pretty quick.”

“It is a good word,” she admitted. “I don’t use it enough. Maybe it’s an English thing, I mean they sound better saying that kind of thing, don’t you think?”

Tara nodded but she wasn’t having any of this deflection of credit thing. Maybe Ethan said something, but they wouldn’t even have been there without Tara. Getting Faith to agree to go to school? That was… Tara had helped kill a Big Bad and – compared to this – Adam was kind of small potatoes.

Or no potatoes, more accurately, since Professor Walsh had neglected to give him potatoes but… the point was that this was all Tara. And she needed to realise that.

Without recourse to potatoes.

“So, Ethan helped. But it was you she was talking to, sweetie. You were the one who decided this needed to happen and you’ve come back with your pretty nose intact.”

Tara grinned. “You really like my nose, don’t you?”

“Of course! It’s a beautiful nose. If I could have any nose, other than my nose, I’d have your nose except if I had your nose then you wouldn’t have a nose and so you’d have this… hole. Not a good hole either. And what’d happen when you had a cold? Eww… No… So, you can keep your nose. It’s pretty enough right where it is.”

“Thanks. I think…”

“I know,” she said, cuddling up to the woman she loved. “I know. I think too much.”

“And then you don’t always engage the bit that was thinking before you start talking.” Tara said, kissing the top of her head.

“So what are you watching?” she asked rather than answer that point. Guilty as charged, my lady. She glanced at the TV again. The paused video image.

“Oh, it’s that movie that you heard about. The one with the blonde? And the dog.”

“You started without me?” she asked.

“I didn’t know when you were coming home,” Tara replied. “I figured that I might have time to see how it was. Test out whether you wanted to watch it.”

“Do I?”

“I don’t know yet. I think… Look, we’re not far into it and her dog’s not well already.”

“Uhuh,” she said. “That sounds pretty typical. If there were two dogs they’d be stereotypical. You see what I did there?”

“I see, and I know what you mean.”

They had this theory and so far it was being borne out by pretty much everything that they watched. The theory was titled, ‘Lesbians in entertainment: Tragic or what?’

Well, the tragedy on TV was that they were pretty much invisible except in hospital dramas and usually wanted nothing more than babies even when they did get a girlfriend.

But… movies? It was obviously easier to get a ninety minute movie made than twenty episodes of a show on TV and in movies… everyone usually died. Or if they didn’t die then they were definitely at risk of being left alone.

This – for example – was supposed to be something of a comedy, kind of… and now the dog was…? In imminent danger of being an ex-dog?

“You want I should go look up what happened?” She didn’t really want to move and they had wanted to give the movie a chance. But sometimes it was just nice to know…

Rather than answer, Tara’s arm went around her, suggesting that wasn’t necessary and so she jabbed the remote at the TV as she un-paused it. “Isn’t she the chick from that viral horror film?”

“Uhuh.”

Not that they really bothered with that kind of movie, not with the life that they lived. Horror was a bit like a documentary, with more blood. “She looks different with short hair.”

“Uhuh.”

“You want me to shut up don’t you?”

“Uhuh.”

Most of the attraction of watching a half-run lesbian movie with Tara was… well, Tara. The remainder was in grimacing. They were pretty sure that there really were good films out there, they were just being eluded by them. That was the trouble with not really having anyone in their lives that was qualified to make recommendations and she’d promised her Mom that she wouldn’t remove the child protection software on her iBook. Searching for ‘lesbian’ anything flagged up as a big no-no.

Yes, she could hack government databases, and had done. Theoretically at least even - though she’d never done it - she could alter her grades or anyone else’s and, yes, she could generally plot to take over the world by computer if she liked. But if she searched for anything remotely sex related – let alone her own sexuality – then she was in trouble? How did that work?

But they were living in her parents’ house while they were away and so… it seemed only polite to stick to the rules.

Oh. Yeah. She’d been drifting off from the already halfway unfolded story. Dog was at the veterinarian. Not coincidentally the veterinarian turns out to be kind of cute and obviously working too hard. Also, she had a wedding ring… “Oh-oh.”

“You saw that?” Tara asked.

“Well, the placement of her hand and the ring in shot, kind of a clue.”

“It’s not been hidden, to be fair.”

“So… her dog dies, her girl goes back to her husband and… what? She kills herself?”

“I don’t know, I’ve not seen it yet,” Tara pointed out, which was about as pointed as her girl tended to get in asking her to just shut up.

“Sorry.”

“No… It’s kind of, not much is happening.”

“Significant glances there,” she said after a while. “Is that – is that her husband?”

“The guy with the beard? Uhuh.”

“He looks hairy.”

“He does look hairy, but he’s a nice guy – look, he’s buying her a drink too. She looks like she needs one,” Tara said.

“I can’t get over how hairy he is…”

“This from the girl who dated a werewolf,” Tara reminded her.

“Well yes, but… damn. Has he taken his shirt off?” Willow asked. “No… it’s not that kind of marriage. They’re not like fighting, it’s just that she – the veterinarian – she’s kind of frustrated and he’s happy going to bed with a book, once he gets home. This drink, this may be the first fun thing they’ve done together in months.”

“Ouch. Is that what happens when people are together for a long time?” she asked.

Tara shrugged. “You tell me, I’m still playing catch-up, time wise, to your last relationship. Remember the werewolf I mentioned?”

“Yes, yes… Never mind him. I can’t get over that guy though. I bet his back’s all hairy too.”

“No! I don’t want to think about it, I really don’t.”

“Neither does his wife,” she said. “If she goes for blondie the dog owner then she’s probably just rebelling against excess hairiness, and that’s no basis for a sounds relationship. Oh! He’s been called away. What? Is he a doctor or something?”

“No, he’s a veterinarian too,” Tara said, obviously giving up on actually watching in favour of providing a commentary she’d find useful. “They have a practice together.”

“Ouch. That sucks. Working together all day, especially with sick animals – Cute animals I could understand, but sick ones? That’s got to get you down,” she decided as she was talking. “Then they come home to each other and he’s all hairy… I get why she’s – Look at her! The little hussy! Look how she’s playing with her glass!”

“She knows what she’s doing,” Tara said. “I thought… I thought the blonde, the other one, I thought she was the one who was going to make all the running, but she’s putting herself right out there. Yeah, look at that. She wants to be kissed.”

“They’re not going to kiss here,” she said, absolutely certain of it, just as she had to agree that Tara wasn’t wrong in her observation.

“They are.”

“Are not, her husband hardly left the place yet, he’s only been gone a couple of minutes – or did time elapse in that montage? Yeah? Well, they’re not going to kiss here. They’re going to look at each other oh-so-significantly and then she’s going to give the blonde a ride somewhere maybe or… they’ll take walk and she’ll tell her all about her hairy husband and that one will say ‘I’ve got no excess hair… anywhere.’”

Tara paused, reached for the remote and put it on pause.

“What?” she asked. “You want to go grab a drink or something?”

“Really? You really think she’s going to say that?”

“What she’s feeling, it’s just about the hair,” she concluded. “I’m serious.”

Tara sighed and switched the film back on and they quickly found that they were both wrong. Significant looks were as far as things got, at least at that point.

“This is rated R right?” she asked.

“I think so, did your Mom wire up the DVD player to report back to her if you played anything - ”

“No!” she said, slapping Tara’s ankle in mock anger. “But the movie, it’s rated R for sexy times, right? Not for graphic suicide or anything depressing like that?”

“Umm,” Tara picked up the box. “Doesn’t say, but there’s a picture on the back of the box that looks pretty much like they end up topless.”

“Yup, that’d do it. I’ll be amazed if anyone’s allowed to even kiss on screen, just to deserve the R. If it’s like that movie from last week, the ‘toplessness’ will all be below the level of the frame too.”

“Maybe, on the boobs side, but the kissing? No, that’s not fair,” Tara said. “They often get to kiss. They just don’t get to be in bed. ‘Especially not in bed kissing. Definitely not without those miracle sheets that cover just about anything no matter how you end up lying there and never, ever get rumpled and sweaty. But it’s a movie so… you know, maybe?”

“Ohhh, the dog died,” she said as the scene changed. “Look… while she was out too. That’s not good.”

“Are you sure it’s dead?”

“You can’t call it an ‘it’,” she said.

“Well, I don’t remember if it’s a he or a she,” Tara said.

“Too busy watching the lesbians?” she asked, pulling Tara’s hand up to her mouth and kissed the back of it.

“Something like that, maybe.” Tara kissed her again too and they settled for a moment.

Cue depressing ‘burying my dog’ scene. Another montage. This time of ‘life isn’t quite the same without him/her/it and vet getting on with the work and then wondering why she hasn’t seen…’

“Oh, she’s calling. Is it too soon?”

“No, she needs comforting. Pet dies, sexy, married veterinarian falls into your arms. It’s every dyke’s dream apparently.”

“Not.”

“A classic cliché of the genre.”

She wasn’t exactly sure about that one. “So they meet, they have another drink? Ooh, yeah, she said the husband was away at a conference or something. There you go then.”

“You were right, drinks.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been back with my dog,” she started to imitate the movie. “But he/she/it died, otherwise I’d have been right there paying you lots of money to get him/her/it treated.”

“It’s okay,” Tara teased in return. “I’m happily married anyway; it wasn’t like those looks of longing I was giving you really meant anything. Certainly didn’t mean that I was hoping for a chance we could be alone and you’d be vulnerable enough to do something silly that we can both blame on the grief.”

“Who says it would be silly?” she asked, continuing the pretence. They’d turned the sound down by now, having given up on the film itself. It was much more fun to substitute their own lines and it wasn’t as likely to end up in total depression.

She was still hoping for sexy-times though. Didn’t need the sound for that, not with the inevitably flowery music.

“Well, wouldn’t it be silly to do what I want to do? To kiss you?”

“It might be, for the next few minutes. I don’t think I’m ready to – oh, there we go, I’m ready now. Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me and then – yes, now I’m shocked. Shocked and worried and – why does that feel good? Why do I want to kiss you again?”

“Because I’m a good kisser,” she laughed, adding a little of herself into the role, because actually she was. Tara had told her that and you didn’t need any basis of comparison to decide what you liked and who was good at what.

“No,” Tara said. “It just feels right. Ohhh, kiss me again.”

“And yes, I will kiss you and we will fade to black and ooh, I’ve got my top off now.”

“Mine too. Boobs are great, aren’t they?”

“Oh yes, you’re just finding that out! Boobs are great. But so is kissing. Kissing and boobs. We’re movie lesbians, kissing and boobs is all we get – and, by the way, may I compliment you on your boobs? I like them so much, I’m going to have to kiss them too – really earn that R rating.”

“Thank you very much,” Tara forced out through a laugh.

“I have to kiss them because I don’t get to do anything else. I don’t even get to put my hand out of shot. Let alone my mouth.”

“I’m just having fun with this, there’s really no need for anything else,” Tara said.

“But there’s so much more!” Willow cried just as her character made some sort of protest of her own.

“More? What… what more? Surely there can’t be more than this…?”

“Oh… there will be, if we fade to black....”

“Oooh, it went all dark!”

“Oh… Ohh… Ohhh. Yes!! Oh, God, there is more!!”

It was the one and only time that she had ever known her girl need to fake anything and it was good to know what it sounded like, just for later reference…

Tara wasn’t much of an actor, but… that was okay.

--------------------

“Ohhh, sweetie, no. I’ve laughed too much,” Willow said. “My sides hurt.”

She smiled, happy in the damp heat of a steamy bathroom. Willow swore that the extractor was up to getting rid of the moisture later; otherwise she’d have been worried. After all it wasn’t their bathroom. “You should be in here with me,” she said.

“Maybe,” Willow admitted. “But supermodel slim as I am, sometimes size matters. Do you want to tell my parents that they need a bigger tub? And why?”

“Umm, no?”

“Right answer, lover.”

Willow was sat beside the tub, on the bath mat. She wasn’t wearing much but a previously fluffy – now damp - towel been as she’d already had her bath, Now it was her turn. Hot, hot water - that was one great benefit of staying here this summer. She’d miss it when they went back into dorms and had to share the water with dozens of other girls and – more to the point – wouldn’t get to do this either.

At least not far enough away from everyone else that they could be… relaxed.

She rubbed Willow’s hand for a moment, where it trailed in the water by her side, then went back to shaving her legs. “Sometimes I wonder why I do this, why we do this?”

“Oh, that’s easy.”

“But we shouldn’t feel like we have to, right”

“That’s not the feeling I’m thinking about,” Willow teased, looking up at her. “You want me to tell you why we do it?”

“Go on…” she kept smoothing her legs even while she questioned the need for doing it at all. Maybe Willow was going to say that once you started you really couldn’t stop, not without unbearable stubbly legs and… well, everything else.

Or maybe not.

“Because you feel good.”

“You mean, you think I feel good?” She wasn’t seriously about to throw away her razor, but it was one of those things that sometimes just came to mind and you wondered how you got here. Somehow that seemed to happen more around Willow than it ever had before.

Or maybe it was college…

No, it was definitely Willow. Her girlfriend made her… question things she’d previously just assumed.

“No, because you feel good. I find you sexy and you like it, so you feel good about liking it.”

“How’d you know how I feel?” she asked.

“That’s easy too,” Willow said. “It’s because I feel the same way.”

Cupping and rubbing water over her leg, she checked that she hadn’t missed anything and then put the razor aside. “Okay, okay… maybe you do know.” It was all coming true, day by day… Willow was becoming the person who knew her better than anyone else. Everything about her… nearly everything anyway.

Just the one thing that hadn’t come out and was getting closer and closer.

But there was still plenty of time. Time enough, anyway. It was… months away yet.

“You think there’s time?” Willow asked.

“Huh?” she jerked a little, threatening to slop water out of the tub. Time? Time for what? Did Willow - ?

“You drifted off there, baby,” Willow said. “Everything okay?”

“Sure, I was… I was just thinking,” she reassured her girlfriend, settling back into the water. “Just thinking. What were you saying?”

“The beach, we’re supposed to be going with everyone next week, remember?”

“Yeah, I think it’ll be good to have everyone back together,” she decided.

“Good so long as Buffy and Faith don’t kill each other, that kind of good?”

“Or you don’t kill Anya,” she pointed out. There were lingering tensions all over the place, but – at the end of the day – they’d been forged into a collective by their experiences and they could all – at least – stand each other and actually, even if it’d be denied, lots of combinations were actually verging on genuine friendship.

Just… with tensions.

“I’d never kill Anya,” Willow retorted. “I’m – what was the phrase – oh, yeah, ‘I’m happy that my friend has a girlfriend. I’d never do anything to hurt that.’ Except, you know, banish her or whatever you do to a vengeance demon. I mean, doesn’t anyone else think it’s weird that he’s dating someone who has like thousands of years of – well, let’s just call it ‘experience’ – all that experience behind her. And, let me tell you, she might play the ‘I was a demon and never felt anything like this before’ card but things she’s said…”

“What?”

“Tara, she was dating some of that time - Oh, and when I say ‘dating’, that’s a euphemism, baby.”

“I get it,” she said. “But I don’t think you can really hold being a demon against her. I mean… we know better than that, don’t we?”

“Yeah, I guess we do… Now she’s an entirely new type of horror. My friend’s girlfriend who shall not be criticised. Much harder to deal with than any demon ever could be.”

She forced a smile, but Willow wasn’t looking at her so… it really didn’t matter. It’d been a mistake to even get into it. She should’ve left it alone, because one day… Willow might have reason to remember this conversation.

To ask ‘why didn’t you say something then, Tara? When you had the chance?’

“You see the best in everyone, don’t you?” Willow asked. “No, wait, that’s not right. You find the best in everyone. I mean… everyone that I’d expect my girlfriend to hate or at least dislike just out of general loyalty; you go and find the good side of them. Some girls might think they were being undermined, but not me… I’m better than that. I admire it.”

And Willow was also modest, of course.

“Anya’s funny,” she said, squeezing her girlfriend’s hand. “And she’s kind of like me; she’s a Scooby-girlfriend. We connected over that. If you just like put yourself in her place then she’s much easier to understand. I mean, she’s basically just an uber-libertarian-free-market-capitalist-nympho and she’s probably the best thing to come along for Xander. Am I right?”

Willow sighed. “You are right, but what does that say about him? And – actually - I wasn’t even really thinking about her.”

“Ah… So Faith then?”

“Oh, how’d you guess?”

“I’m sorry,” she said, “we just… Somehow we just get along.”

“No,” Willow said. “That’s not it. I don’t think any of the rest of us could’ve made her into a person we’re halfway to trusting now. Lord knows Giles tried and Xander did his part - actually, she did his part - but he tried. Faith coming along with us next week?”

She took Willow’s hand and dunked it in the water at the same time as she squeezed it tightly. “You want me to say ‘no’ don’t you?”

“I wouldn’t mind if you did,” Willow admitted. “But I’m not going to actually ask you to. I mean, we’re not going to the beach for the stress.”

“That might not really be fair, sweetie. At least half the time, Faith doesn’t start it. Okay, definitely like thirty to forty percent of the time she doesn’t. Yeah, at least that much.”

Willow’s sigh showed that she accepted that truth. Just about everyone was guilty of winding up the lingering tension in some way. But Willow was right to be worried in one sense. If Faith was coming then that would be a moment of awkwardness. Apart from that end of semester trip to Hooters, it’d be the first extended time that Eddie, Buffy and Faith would all be in the same place since what had happened a few months back during the body-swapping incident.

Mixed blessings had resulted from that.

No one was going to argue that Faith hadn’t done something horrible but… the experience of having friends and family had helped turn her around more than anything she’d done or said since. And… since then she’d had the chance to feel like she was really helping the scoobies for the first time. That she was necessary and important. That addition to her self-worth might’ve been key to turning her around.

Because they could get on a little better, didn’t mean that Buffy had forgiven what had happened though. And what with people being away in various combinations over the summer – Eddie, for example, had spent most of the summer at home - this would be the first time for a while that everyone was together.

“So… you thinking of getting that new swimsuit?” Willow wondered.

“Oh, yeah, that was subtle,” she smiled, relaxing into the water as she felt the gentle waves lapping against her chest and her legs while Willow stirred it up a little with her hand.

“Well, you made your feelings clear and I like your feelings. All your feelings are good. Very good.”

“Especially when they’re feelings you?” she wondered, earning herself a splash.

“Exactly,” Willow said. “Plus… I have a definite need to know whether my hot girlfriend is going to show me up in that swimsuit or going to join the pale skin and freckles brigade in covering up?”

Tara shook her head, then realised that she did need to deny it verbally too since Willow wasn’t looking at her or actually able to see her. “No, I thought it was – well, I’m sure my old one’s fine. It is fine isn’t it?”

“I think you look good,” Willow reassured her. “But… what are you worried about? Is it the money?”

“No,” she admitted. They’d saved a lot of money living here over the summer and the suit was fairly cheap - that was part of the attraction but…

“So, what? Don’t worry about comparisons with Faith and Anya… they have different things in mind when they go to the beach.”

Yeah, there was that. She hadn’t actually been comparing herself at all. But somehow, now that she had, she couldn’t shift the idea that Faith’s bikini would somehow be made of leather. Uggh. “And you’ll be covering up.”

“Like I said, that’s just the curse of the red-head,” Willow said. “If exposed to sunlight I do only marginally better than a vampire. You’ve not seen pink until you see me get caught.”

Both of them considered that statement for a moment. “You know what I mean,” Willow corrected. “You’ve not seen pink like that. Cos, yeah, you’ve seen the pink. You’re all about the pink.” Then she lapsed into silence.

“Actually, that was very restrained of you,” she commented a moment later, once it was obvious there was nothing more.

“Thank you, I was really trying to stop digging.” Willow even sounded pleased with herself. “So… what is it that’s holding you back?”

“I don’t know… I guess, this is going to sound all serious and political – which I’m not really being but - ”

“Tara, it’s me. I’m not going to bite your head off, no matter what you say. Don’t worry about it.”

There was that. She took a breath. “I’ve been thinking a little… You know I’m taking Issues in Gender Studies as my filler elective this year?”

“Sure. I wish you’d come to drama with me and Buffy, but I get why maybe that’s not your thing. So?”

“Well, I did a little of the pre-reading and… I’m wondering whether we – no, I wonder whether I’m being a proper lesbian.”

“You were doing air quotes around that, right?” Willow, who was facing the other way and at best had a steamed up mirror to check in, asked.

“Not exactly, but they were there mentally. Mental air quotes.” Which sounded pretty ridiculous when you thought about how many times removed from her actual words that made her intent.

“Oh. Okay… I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t think I understand it. So is there a handbook I’ve missed?” Willow asked.

“Not that I know of.”

“Good, because I’d have been all kinds of pissed at you if you’d not given me the reading up front.”

She grinned again, knowing that if – in fact – there’d been reading, then Willow would’ve definitely done that too.

“As it is… You want to know what I think?”

“Please.”

“I think there might be people out there who’d consider us ‘bad lesbians’, if you added up all the stuff we like, what we don’t like and everything. I mean… you’re thinking about a swim suit that’s wow even if it’s not like teeny-weeny or anything and you shave your legs, we both do and neither of us is French with our pits and we sit and laugh and joke about totally depressing lesbian movies which just sucked.”

“Is that what you think then?” Tara asked. “That we’re bad at being lesbians?” It was something that – while she was single and celibate – she’d really never thought about. It had seemed kind of theoretical. Knowing who she was, but not actually doing anything about it.

Now that she did have the girlfriend and there were all kinds of ‘doing’ going on, suddenly she was worried about what other people might think? People like them?

“No, not really. I only said that I think some people might say so. ‘Some people’ who have more of an agenda, or expect that everyone has to be like them instead of like us.

“Tara, I’m… I’m happy with the lesbians that we are. Sure, if you want to grow a forest under your arms I might look at you a little strange for a moment, but I’m not going to stop loving you over it. And if you want to shave your head I’ll ask if I can keep your hair in a box or something because I love it so much, but… you’ll still be you. And if you want to get something pierced I might say, that’s very interesting and ‘ouch’ but – to me - the important bit of being a lesbian is… being in love with you.”

“Could that be any more stereotypical?” Tara asked, sighing. But then, look at the things she’d actually been worrying about?

Willow turned, leaned over the side of the bath, looking right at her. “You know what I think about stereotypes. Look, love, I mean, I’m down with the going down thing and that’s one of your defining characteristics of girls who only like girls… One of them, I guess someone might not even like that. But I do.”

“Me too,” she promised, surprised at just how eloquently Willow had put that, without going off into babble hardly at all. Endearing as that was...

“So… you want to keep your hair long, wear skirts and wear totally un-sensible shoes… No one else has a reason to care so long as you don’t clash with me. Where does it say, I don’t know, that one of us has to be all feminine and one more… butch? Or that we can’t wear swimsuits? Or – anything? You said there was no handbook so… Just don’t clash with me. But let’s not wear the same things either because then we will look kind of sad.”

She filed all that away, wondering if she’d have cause to bring any of those words of wisdom in class? Most likely she’d just been reading the wrong book? But Willow was right. “You know, I think we’re actually the very best kinds of lesbians,” she said.

“Lesbians in love,” Willow told her.

“Mmm,” she flicked water at Willow’s nose. “Good call.”

“Hey! Why’d you do that?”

“You were there…”

“Well, just keep going unless you don’t want me to tell you what I found…?”

“Go on.”

“Kiss me first.”

Shifting enough in the bath that the water slopped dangerously towards Willow, she gave her girl that kiss then stayed there, in Willow’s face while her girlfriend played with her wet hair.

“Go on,” she said.

“I want you to do something else for me…” Willow said.

“You want I should pull the plug out first?” Tara asked, assuming Willow meant to get in. Or at least on…

“No… On the precious topic, I’m still waiting to see you in the boots and that jacket of yours,” she said. “At the same time. I want a promise. Just once… ‘kay?”

“And nothing else?”

“That’s up to you. Just the once.”

“Just once,” she said, sealing it with a kiss. Why not? It wasn’t like she hadn’t bought them and put them in her closet. “Now what is it?”

“I found our next movie,” Willow said.

“Really.” So far… not too impressed with the way those films had largely left her feeling.

“Uhuh.”

“Your Mom’s not going to get all angry that you’ve been using the internet is she?” she checked, curious since Willow just seemed so smug. Their movie selections, trying to educate themselves rather than just simply watching for fun, hadn’t been a huge success. ‘Happy and together’ movies might be out there, but not many of them were well made and watchable too.

“Nope. My Mom has no problem at all with ex-con’s hooking up with mafia molls and stolen money.”

“Obviously,” Tara said, smiling. “Wait, is this…?”

“Uhuh,” Willow nodded.

“And you’ve got it already?”

“Uhuh.”

“And you just sat there and watched depressing dog killing movie instead?” she asked.

“Oh yeah, we had fun with it though… Just next time, maybe, we’ll be having fun cos it’s a good movie…”

“Wait, I’ve seen those pictures from the film… Am I going to need to go get myself a tank top?” she asked, knowing how Willow’s mind worked. It was no coincidence she was talking boots and jacket.

“Well, I’d never say anything,” Willow said. “But… you’ve already got the jacket and I bet she wears boots too… She’s bound to.”

“I should be disturbed you’re trying to change me,” she said.

“No, Willow said, kissing her nose, taking a maddening droplet of sweat-steam from the tip. “I love you just the way you are. But… is it my fault I have the occasional fantasy about you too?”

“One day,” she said. “We’ll talk about my fantasies…”

“Mmmm, do you promise?”

**********************

[Azirahael]

Dibs!

[Azirahael]

Dibs!
I like these little 'slice of life' scenes.

It gives us a sense that they are real people, in a real relationship.
Even if they are a little silly.
I think someone very famous once said something about it taking real lovers to be silly.
:-)

And i think we all want to be in a relationship like that, where we are free to be anything, even silly.
And now i'm looking forward to the girls interacting with the others, so much fun!

Plus I think the others need exposure to Faith in a non smoking apocalypse kinda way.
I they can see her as an actual person, rather than a plot device or backup.
Right, i'm off to the airport, i'm off to Oz for a couple of weeks.
I might be off the grid for a while, no idea if they even have internets there.

Toodles!

R

[Katharyn]

Azirahael - I've waxed lyrical about the slice of life already so (for once) won't repeat myself (though in my defence I often repeat myself because I forget!)

Real people and real relationship, that's absolutely what I wanted. I am not a writer who does relationship drama - at least not for T/W - but there are always friendly tensions and you can't avoid those even at the best of times. Sometimes, yes, they are also silly

Speaking personally it's a damn good job I can be silly in my relationship otherwise... well, what kind of GF lets her SO spend 2 hours a day or more writing. Every day. Most recently about a show that ended 10 years ago and due to copyright will never, ever make her any money? That's silliness for you right there

Have the best time on your trip! Not sure how far you're going, but I think Oz is so far from anywhere that two weeks is a pretty brief trip!

PS - pretty sure they have internets. It just works the other way up there and is powered by kangaroos rather than mices. (Which takes me back to an old Tom and Jerry cartoon...)

Katharyn

[Azirahael]

You realise that the thing with water going down the plug hole the other way is a myth, right?

But yes, I the internet here is powered by kangaroos, that bit is true.
And it's rubbish. Not like NZ's kiwi powered internet.

It's brain damagingly hot here, and and even the grass can kill you. No kidding.

Next overseas trip i take is going to be to frikkin Iceland.

R

[Azirahael]

Ooops, double post.
Blasted dodgey Ozzy internet.