Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - Chapter 176 - 01/27/14 - COMPLETE

[Willow_Friendly]

Yay for Willow and Tara a little awkward at first loving!!!!

I'm wondering if Faith is going to ask Tara for juicy details but in a friendly kind a way this time.

[Katharyn]

Missocki - Oh yes, you saw that word

Thanks so much. The 'okay' that was really me making a late, spur of the moment decision. Yes, it was a classic line. But sometimes they just don't read as true as they might. Like they were done that way for time or something... I'm wordier than that!

As we know.

Thank you for dibs and enjoying LOL. More frolicking to come.

Kajun - Uh-oh, broken moderator alert...

I'll take that as a good sign

HUGS

Willow_friendly - Yeah, it is a little awkward. Even through this I left it vague what they'd been up to so far. But any first time is awkward in some way (least that is what experience and vague questions to others have taught me!) They'll get better at it. And each other!

Faith?

Faith's gonna get PAID. I think. If I remember to edit it in. There was a certain wager...

Thanks

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Fifty-Nine
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: There, doesn’t that feel better? Well, they’re not done. So, the next morning…
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: In a real novel you’d never indulge in the way that you do in fanfic. Having written both, I can say that with real confidence. In a novel New Moon Rising would be much shorter, the love making too. In fanfic you work much more like the old weekly serials where you’re aiming to bring people back each week and you reward what the reader comes to you – and the website – for. Also let’s be honest, you indulge yourself as a writer too. That was, let’s face it, fun! But the story must go on… And so we will return to a brisker pace. That’s the rise and fall of a fanfic story. But we’re not going to do that immediately. 
Oh yes, I am a tease. You should know that by now.
But really, there’s a story reason! How can I not deal with the aftermath? Now see, I was also going to say that you could skip this part, you know, just jump right over it cos of all the plot-what-plot that was in here. Then the girls decided that wasn’t going to happen. Tara decided that she just had to get into some stuff that I really liked writing about and so… yeah, I just had to go there and think it’s nice. So nice that it just grew and grew…
Bright side, you don’t have to feel guilty for indulging in the – frankly slightly pornographic – section because really you’re just making your way to the part that matters. I’m good to you, really… I give you excuses for your bad habits – and the good ones. I’m so good to you right?
Oh, long term readers of my previous stories, will recognise echoes of ‘the muff question’. It was a long time ago, but that came directly from a chat with Xita… All hail.
Thanks to: Everyone who has fed back and – in their own way – contributed to this fic. In a very real sense I write this for you. Actually I write cos I have to get stuff out of my head and I enjoy it. But also it’s for you.




Willow wanted to tell Tara she’d help clean and tidy up. She did. It was the right thing for any guest to do, especially one who’d been made so very welcome. But… no.

Instead of offering to help, she just had to tip her head to enjoy the sight of her girlfriend – her lover actually – walking around, naked as the day she was born, and doing all that tidying herself.

Naked as the day she was born, sure, but no baby had ever looked as appealing as that. Curves. Curves in all the right places.

Soft curves.

Soft curves, leading to more softness…

Wet… soft…. curves… folds.

“Enjoying yourself?” Tara asked, not seeming at all put out that she wasn’t helping. This could very well be the first bit of exhibitionism that Tara had participated in her whole life. Seemed likely since she hadn’t ever done it either.

And it was a privilege to be present for the occasion. “Immensely,” Willow replied, grinning and then rolling on her back on a bed that was surely going to resist all efforts to tidy it up and would instead need to be stripped right back. They’d been… active. Things had gotten… wrinkled.

So… yeah. She was just as naked as Tara and there was a tremendous freedom to it. Last night had been the first time she’d slept totally naked since she was little and didn’t have to care about it. And while that was no big thing, having Tara do the same had been a big, old and delicious thing.

Probably neither of them had woken much in the night, they had both been exhausted by events – good and bad – but there was some intangible difference between lying with someone who had a shirt or nightdress on – or even something as insubstantial as panties - and someone who was just plain old naked. Naked-naked-nakey-naked.

Somehow the heat was… more immediate. And of course smooth skin was always there, pressed against her. Smooth… Soft…

Curves…

Or maybe it was just that all the hesitation had vanished. Up to now they’d been holding back, avoiding putting pressure on themselves. Or appearing to.

Somehow she thought Tara might’ve reached the same conclusion about the nakedness because… Had she ever dreamed Tara Maclay would be prancing around her room naked - while she watched - when she had plenty of chance to put something on?

Of course not.

Naked…

Naturism had never been something she’d given much thought to and she wasn’t about to start walking around with no clothes on now, not outside this room at least. But there was something that was just so… It wasn’t even that she was ‘comfortable’ with Tara. It was more that there was an absolute lack of discomfort. None at all. No need for concealment and no need for an artificial security blanket. Less ‘sure we can if you want to’ and more ‘why wouldn’t we because, duh?’

Of course she might just still be high on all things Tara, but even if she was, that was a street legal drug and she was a proudly hooked to the naked Tara dragon thing you chased… Just say no? Well, hell no to that.

“You know,” Willow said. “You don’t have to do that now.”

Tara paused, candle in hand and then placed it, with some reverence at the heart of the cluster of other ones she’d already had. “And if I want to?”

“Then that’s pretty much okay too.”

“Could you be any more lewd?” Tara asked, looking at her on the bed. Naked, uncovered and… not exactly covering herself in any way. Any of herself. Actually… kind of putting it out there.

Cos that was what naked, sexy girls who wanted their girlfriend to come back to bed did. Probably but… the question deserved an answer. “Umm, yes?” Willow suggested.

“Well – okay, you could but…”

“I was just thinking,” Willow said, “I’m so comfortable around you. If I want to sit or lie here with no clothes on then that’s just as cool as if I wanted to dress sexy for a special dinner or wrap myself up in a winter coat, hat and gloves. I feel like I can just be around you.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m touching myself or something,” she said, considering just how she might be lewder. It’d probably take that much, but lewdness didn’t seem like a bad thing with a girl you loved. Tara didn’t seem to think so either. “But I absolutely could, if you wanted me to.”

Grinning, she watched a flicker cross Tara’s face and considered that – perhaps – one day that might be something Tara would enjoy but not right now. “You go ahead, if you need to,” Tara deadpanned. “Me, I’m cleaning up.”

“Well, if you keep moving around all naked and hot and sexy… and out of the bed, I might just.”

Tara paused beside the bed, leaned over it and kissed her full on the lips. It was a kiss that was full of promise, albeit delayed promise. Oh, and boobs hanging down so very, very tantalisingly. Full of that too.

“Or… not.”

Then Tara was gone again and Willow watched her on the mirror now, enjoying another view… Tara was searching. What was she searching for? Everything she needed was right here, hadn’t she shown that?

“It’s not a big room,” Tara said. “How hard can this be?”

“What are you looking for? What have you lost?”

“Some of - I wanted to tidy our clothes,” Tara said. “And yours… but – where d-did you throw my bra?”

“Umm, over that way, I think,” Willow replied, thinking back. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying a lot of attention to the landing, just getting it off you.”

“No,” Tara said. “I wouldn’t trade anything that happened last night. Not one part of it. Aha!”

“See, all found now.” Nothing she had to feel guilty for. “So you wouldn’t change anything?” she asked, ending up a little less lewd as Tara sat on the edge of the bed and she curled up to give her space. Less… on display and more… sensuous. Yeah, sensuous.

Like Tara’s naked back. Her sexy… sexy… nakey… backy… Oh, there are the boobs…

“Nothing.”

“What about… well, how you were feeling when I arrived?” She was still sorry, very sorry about all of that and she couldn’t see it going away any time soon either. Maybe she was just dwelling on it too much, but… What she’d done to Tara? She’d known who she loved when Oz arrived back. It’d been right there, she’d been right there. But the surprise, the confusion it’d created…

“Nothing,” Tara said again, touching her hand when it was offered. Stroking and then releasing it. “Are you p-planning on getting up today?”

“Isn’t it Saturday?” Willow asked.

“Uhuh.”

“And so do we have classes?”

“Nuhuh.”

“Do we have plans?”

“Maybe…”

“Early plans?” she checked, that seemed more relevant. Later plans, maybe.

“Well, no…”

“Well, then I’m not planning on getting up. I’m happy right here.” It’d been wrench enough to go pee, putting on one of Tara’s – clean – tee’s to make the dash and then… yeah, she’d left it on the floor when she came back, determined to return to that state of nakedness that was ridiculously comfortable while everything was still warm.

“Nothing I can say to tempt you?” Tara asked. “Breakfast? Eggs over easy? Toast. Jelly?”

“Nope.”

“A nice, hot shower?”

“Will you be with me?” Tara’s eyes flickered to the door, as if one of her dorm-mates might burst in right away.

“No,” the other girl replied. “I… I don’t think either of us could keep that from getting inappropriate in public.”

“You have so little faith in us and it depends what you define as ‘public’? I think a bathroom shower cubicle with a lock is pretty private.”

“I know you and I know me…” Tara tugged on her pinkie, pulling her whole hand behind it. “And I heard you last night. So… no…”

She didn’t get shower sex because she was noisy? No fair! She was going to have to check when her Mom and Dad were next going away… There was a nice big shower at home and of course she had the key.

“Then you’ll need to stay here with me,” Willow said. “Why don’t you come back to bed?”

She wasn’t going anywhere. Not until she tempted Tara into more indulgence of their desires. Not that she’d call the morning a disappointment if it ended right now. Waking up with Tara, lying with her for some time as they touched and kissed, and then watching her cleaning naked and beautiful… that was pretty special.

But there was something she’d promised, something she’d been promised. She just didn’t want to be pushy about it. Maybe she could just ask for what she wanted but… nah, seemed better to let things happen ore naturally. At their own pace.

Because… she’s my lover. And the loving thing. That’s what we do now.

After all, she could feel Tara. See the movements of her eyes; hear the tones in her voice. Notice the way that her breasts rose and fell and how her breathing seemed to have quickened, just slightly.

“In a minute,” Tara said, kissing her one more time and – somehow – ignoring the very obvious shivers that ran through her when Willow reached for and caressed one hanging breast.

“Just a minute then,” she said, unfurling herself and lying out on the bed. Yeah, she was kind of lewd again but that wasn’t something that worried her.

Tara returned to her task straightening up the room around them, gathering the last of their clothes and placing them neatly in piles. Hers and hers. “You’re not… worried are you?” Willow asked.

“Worried?”

“Well.., about – I mean, I don’t want to push. We don’t have to – I just thought, well, I thought maybe we would and then when we didn’t and you started cleaning and – you want to, don’t you?”

“Just as much as you,” Tara promised her.

“Oh… somehow I doubt that. You don’t know how much I want it.”

“Seriously.”

Willow shook her head, denying it. “If you wanted it as much as me, you’d be right here with me. Instead of driving me wild with your naked cleaning shenanigans. What are you doing now anyway?” Not that the sight of Tara bent over, right in front of her, wasn’t like all kinds of… hot. Hot enough to make a girl wonder just how she’d gone so long not realising what the real definition of ‘hot’ was?

“Umm… I’m kitten proofing things?” Tara said, picking up other stuff that she’d been storing under the desk drawers.

“Miss Kitty?” Willow asked.

“I thought – maybe – since we didn’t have plans we could go back to the plans that we had made, I mean, I still want to and you’re not death to all cats so…” Tara shifted, turned her back to her – still bent over – and… Willow couldn’t see anything wrong with a pussy, nothing at all.

A poor joke, by anyone’s standards… but classic. She’d tell Tara later. Right now, she was in seduction mode. Or as near as she got anyway.

“So you’re kitten proofing?”

“Kittens get everywhere, they get into everything.”

“Then I want to be a kitten,” Willow said, stretching out a bare leg and prodding Tara with her big toe. She missed, unfortunately and hit her girl’s butt instead and – unexpectedly – Tara winced.

“Ouchie.”

“Sore butt?”

“I fell,” Tara said. “I told you.” More like she’d fallen on her ass when a werewolf had been chasing her or when Faith had been fighting him to a standstill.

“It’s okay,” Willow said. “I’ll kiss it better.”

“You want to kiss my butt now?” Tara joked.

“More than anything else,” Willow replied. Okay, that was an exaggeration but… More than nearly anything else.

Turning, she leaned out and put her hands on Tara’s hips, pulling her backwards until she was standing right at the edge of the bed. “Where does it hurt?”

“Willow - ”

“Where does it hurt?” she insisted, kissing Tara’s lower back, the delicious hollow at the base of her spine, before the curve of her butt swelled out. Her fingertips were running and down Tara’s thighs once she was sure that her girl wasn’t going anywhere.

“You’re not kissing - ”

Well, if Tara wouldn’t answer, she just pressed her lips to one cheek. “There?”

“Yes…”

“There?” Another kiss to mark the spot, this time on the other side.

“Yes…”

“Here?” Lower…

“Yes.”

“And here?”

“Yes, there too.”

“Oh, poor baby,” she said. “All bruised and sore. I want to make it all better.” She kissed again, further in this time.

“I’m feeling better,” Tara said, obviously swallowing, sensing the shift.

If Tara wanted it, Willow was willing, able and very, very ready to help her forget all about her bruises. Every indication was that Tara wanted… Running her fingers up and down Tara’s thighs, then moved around, so that you’d definitely consider it up and down the inside of her thighs.

And Tara responded to the delicate pressure, adjusting her stance and parting her legs just a little. Kissing inwards, lower… Surely Tara knew what she wanted, where she was going. She’d promised this just last night, al though, she’d never thought it’d come from kissing her lady’s sore, bruised ass.

She’s my lady…

My naked, sexy lady…

She’d rather Tara had never bruised anything and that the only soreness she ever felt was because they’d gotten too deliciously enthusiastic and… no, not even that. But since bruising – and the rest - had happened they had to make the best of it. And from the way she was moving now, pressing backwards almost imperceptibly, she didn’t doubt that her girl was into this. Sore butt forgotten.

Willow figured that she could do no less and slowly, delicately brought her hands up, up, up until… Tara shivered and moaned, the touch driving her too it. And she was right there, she felt like moaning too but…

Her kisses were zeroing in as Tara pushed back and bent over, just a little, driven to it in her desire to be touched, kisses and touched some more. Licked…

I’m going there… I’m going to be a downtown gal. And from behind, even though I’d thought that the attractions of Tara’s front were so obvious I couldn’t think of it any other way.

Momentarily her hands had been forgotten, like it was almost hard to keep track of them, but Tara placed her own on top, pulled them back up and then left them at the very edges of her lips while Tara’s moved on up… one to her breast, the other pushing her long hair back as she sighed.

Yes… the hands… Stroking her finger tips over the naked flesh, tantalising whimpers and sighs from a woman who very much wanted to be touched that way. That way and other ways too…

She delicately dragged the tip of her little finger over – Tara shuddered and almost cried out. Almost climaxed, Willow was sure. Okay… not yet… She eased away from that most sensitive spot but didn’t abandon her girl. With a circling of her finger she could stir Tara to press her hips back and forth. Towards and away from her lips.

“Lie down,” Willow said, knowing that her true desire, what she wanted to do for Tara was going to be frustrated while Tara was stood there and too low for her to get to without lying down and if she did that… “Lie down,” she said again, firmer this time.

Tara’s reluctance was more than likely just due to the momentary proximity of her orgasm, a moment before. At least that was what Willow assumed, but maybe some element of understanding slipped into her pleasure seeking consciousness at that moment. That it would only be better this way…

At least she hoped so… no pressure or anything. But while Tara got onto the bed, pausing only to kiss her, Willow appreciated that while there was need and expectation, that was only because Tara was already so into this – into her – that all she had to do was not mess up and Tara would surely get there.

What she’d done with her fingers, she could surely do with her tongue. And she always tested well…

“No,” Willow said, “face down.”

“But - ”

“Trust me,” she said, only realising what Tara’s objection had been once she’d already overridden it and lain down.

“Now who’s lewd?” she asked. Tara’s legs were parted and absolutely nothing was hidden from her. All very fascinating, actually, how a woman’s desire for her girlfriend became visibly obvious.

Okay, note to self, never, ever admit to Tara that she’d first come up with that particular word. ‘Fascinating’? Really? ‘Enticing’. ‘Beautiful’. Maybe even ‘floral’ with a little explanation, but not ‘fascinating’… that gave away entirely the wrong impression.

Unaware of that decision, Tara just sighed and moaned gently when Willow moved down and kissed her once more on the butt, but she didn’t take her time with that this time… she moved inwards and – finally – touched the tip of her tongue to Tara’s naked sex. The hairless purse, a consequence - Tara had admitted - of asking Annie how she prepared for a date, had already been a source of fascination for her. Now it was simply a delight.

The problem with Tara being face down was one of positioning really, ease of access to her clit – and there was something she’d never had to worry about before - but at least initially it didn’t matter. Licking gently at the lips and then inwards, to the furrow of Tara’s sex, was… it was a thrill. Not the thrill of the forbidden, but the simple thrill of knowing what it was doing to Tara. There was no attempt to hide the enjoyment and the pleasure. Little that could be done to conceal the need either.

There was no hiding just how turned on Tara must be right now. Every physical sign you could think of was right there, pretty much in her face. Scent, taste, sensation, the works. All of it enthralling, the sum much greater than the parts…

I’ve turned her on. I’ve turned her on, I’m going down on her and I’m going to Get. Her. Off.

Never once had she anticipated what a thrill the act of giving this way would do for her. The raw intimacy. While Tara pushed back against her face, Willow bore down against the cotton sheets, seeking some stimulation for herself. As Tara moaned, as she moved, Willow found herself at least wanting to do the same. She had to be strong though, not give in to her own needs. Focus on Tara. Focus on the occasion.

Her first time loving her girl this way. Scary wonderful. Mystifying obvious. And yes, Tara was going to get loved.

Now.

Swirls. Swirls seemed to drive Tara wild. Deep swirls, surface swirls. Swirls…That was okay, she was down with the swirls, the in and the out.

“Mnnnnn!” Tara sounded like she was biting back lust, love and frustration as she briefly – too briefly – found her way to her ultimate destination, taking the tip of her tongue to the small nub of skin that… made this girl moan like a… like a girl who moaned a lot.

Too brief, too inaccessible. She could keep at it and Tara couldn’t do without. Fingers? No… she wanted this to be all about her mouth. Her lips. Her tongue. That level of intimacy…

She made the suggestion first with her hands, then murmured a request that was muffled by… well, muff. Though there might be a terminology question there. Was a bare muff still muff? More like a ‘couldn’t keep it still muff’. Tara did seemed to get the message, lifting her butt up, thighs still spread wide and giving Willow easier access as she turned over onto her back. In return for taking away the sensation of being able to grind down into the sheets, Willow briefly licked a finger and slipped it into Tara while she got down to teasing that clit.

It didn’t seem like even a minute had passed and Tara was already making every sign an orgasm was about to slam into her like a speeding truck.

But her girl wasn’t afraid of it, and neither was she. They were both chasing it, desperate for it for the same – but different – reasons.

While applying her mouth to Tara’s pleasure felt natural and delicious, the way she was working that finger felt much more awkward – not like last night – but there was no withdrawing it. She could feel the need, the muscles that were clutching at it. The moans that marked its passage. But it was her orally focused skills that she was much the more proud of as she delivered Tara her climax and her girl’s weight bore down on her as Tara reared up to sit on her face.

*****************

[Missocki]

Dibby Doo!
Well then.
Willow and the internal dirty puns are delightful. Everybody loves a dirty pun.
Tara was so sweet getting the room ready for the kitten. But we know Willow was enjoying the view.
I'm totally happy with nonplot moments occuring. It's good for the soul!

[DaddyCatALSO]

"The word" didn't surprise me; there's always things that can be siad in side whichever tribe you belong to, which Willow does.

In a way, glad to see Oz didn't start wolfing in the lab when he saw Willow. I agreed with it on the show but here it just would've made his elaving again into an overly-easy forced choice instead of being what was simply right to happen.

Otherwise, well=-handled transitions and such. And, well an Extra Flamey scene is a good thing, even if usualy skim over them ebcause, hey work and library.

[love_2003]

Very worthy!!

[Katharyn]

Missocki - You know why I do internal puns? Because I think of stuff but don't want to change the dialogue to include it LOL. Laziness in one way, or me being *cough* concise... yeah, right.

I like to think maybe Tara was revelling in being looked at the way Willow looks at her. did the kitten prep need to be done RIGHT THEN? Probably not... but I give the girl a break and don't insinuate it

I'm pleased you like the non-plot moments because I thought of some more this weekend that will probably be worked into the summer break or early S5... This story is expanding still!

Thanks

Daddycatalso - Thanks! I completely understand about public places LOL... Oz wolfing would've been kind of gratuitous, I agree for the very reasons you said. Willow needed to choose Tara, not to have him choose for her and leave Tara as second best which - unfortunately - I believe was a valid reading of canon... Maybe not, it's been ten years for me, but you COULD take it that way. I hate - as I've said many times - ambiguity. Damn it, you're going to know what I mean!

Thanks again.

And thank you to you, Love_2003 - I said I wanted a 'thud'

And I'm pleased there was no whip

We are - technically - still in NMR even in the next part, but it's being posted tomorrow since we've cleared canon NMR now and so back to a 3 day post schedule.

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Sixty
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: And we’re still in the aftermath of New Moon Rising… Because you deserve it after I dragged things out so long.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: Directly follows part fifty-nine. I was writing 59 as a ‘plot what plot’ section that could be skipped for those who don’t want to read the sexy-times, added what follows in this chapter and just loved doing it. This, again, is one of those moments that we never saw in the show but somehow had to exist. Not specifically now, but like Tara having friends and that sort of thing, eventually conversation does have to turn to Tara’s parents. But, of course, we start somewhere else.
Thanks to: Kittens, who will put up with any amount of smut just to get to the plot… It’s that way around, right?



OhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygod

Tara’s heart just wouldn’t stop pounding. Not even as the wave of warm, blissful relaxation sluiced over her in the aftermath of her orgasm.

Her whole body was alive and just…Where in all the worlds had Willow figured out how to do that? To make her feel that way? If she’d thought that last night’s hand down pants loving had been as good as it got then… I was very, very wrong. I should never have told Willow it was just fine, last night. But… I didn’t know what I was missing.

It was one of two things she’d have had trouble admitting but, until last night she’d never really worried about herself as a sexual being. Sure, absolutely, she wanted of the sexiness, being around Willow had long since convinced her of that.

Definitely.

Because... Well, who wouldn’t? Didn’t – nearly – everyone feel that drive and urge? Sure. But…

To be with Willow would’ve been enough. If making love with Willow had been ‘so-so’, just ‘okay’ or ‘whatever’ then… this still would’ve been the only relationship she ever needed or wanted. After all… Willow. And Willow hadn’t ever been about the sexiness.

Now she wasn’t just the sexiness…

Because this? Willow making her feel like this?

Okay, so this was officially unexpected and – as Willow herself might have said – so-freaking-wonderful.

“What are you thinking?” Willow asked, trailing a finger up her spine.

Tara turned her head, able to look once more on the woman who was now beside her. “I – I was thinking that was kinda unexpected.”

“What’s unexpected about it? Didn’t think I could do it? Did ya?”

There was that competitive – be the best – spirit. She was sure it’d never go away.

“No! I mean, yes. I mean, I thought – hoped – I knew you could – would, I mean – would be able to - Umm, but actually I meant… being on my tummy. I never really… yeah, well, thought about it, you know, that way. You know right?”

Yeah, that was all it had been… But after being so deliciously sexed up by a girl she loved – the girl - now wasn’t the time to admit that it wouldn’t have mattered to her if it hadn’t been so good. Or even if it was never good, because it was reasonable to expect that they both might’ve needed practice.

After all, could it still get better? She didn’t quite see how. But I’m very willing to experiment.

So in not saying it, really, she was just being considerate of Willow’s feelings and not spoiling the mood. Both were noble gestures.

“Right. Me neither,” Willow said.

Of course, up to not so long ago Willow hadn’t been thinking about girls all that much at all. At least not to the extent to thinking about how she’d make love to one. But that was okay, Willow might’ve once been going with the hetero-flow, but now she was a big old lezzie-rock in the river. One that wasn’t going anywhere.

“But I… Tara? Is it weird that I love your back?” Willow asked. “I mean, I love your front too – there’s many, many, attractions to your front. There’s your face, your belly, your… well, you know and not to mention the boobs. I shouldn’t have to mention the boobs, but I really want to mention those boobs. God, I love your boobs but - ”

“You love my back too?” Tara asked, never having seen the attraction. Literally, she’d never seen it. Twisting yourself around to look in a mirror didn’t count. But maybe she should take another look… And one at Willow-back too. Just for research purposes.

“I love your back. I love your back. Back front and sides and – I promise – I won’t always ask you to lay face down because… you’re so beautiful, and your eyes – did I say I love your eyes while I was babbling? I mean – did I say it while I was babbling? Not did I say I only loved your eyes while I was babbling. Did I?”

Tara pressed a finger to Willow’s lips, only to have the tip kissed. “I didn’t mind it being this way.” It was hard to keep the grin off her face.

Didn’t mind?

“Didn’t mind?! You didn’t mind, did you?” Willow laughed. “That’s really very gracious, Tara! Thanks so much for not minding!”

“I know. It’s one – being gracious is one of my many qualities, love. Not minding while wonderful things happen to me is another of them.”

Okay, so ‘wonderful’ wasn’t something that had been part of her experience up to now – things had usually topped out at ‘pretty good’ for the last little while, certainly since Momma passed – but yeah… She hadn’t minded.

Not at all.

“I love your modesty too,” Willow said, kissing her lightly on the lips. “But that really is one of your many qualities.”

“Tell me more?” she pleaded, quite happy to listen to Willow just talk, even if it was about her. She didn’t have to shrivel with embarrassment. Not any more. Not when it was Willow. Somehow self-consciousness had gone away long before –

I sat on her face. Oh…

Seems like that’d be uncomfortable but… no.

“You’re funny,” Willow said, resting partly on top of her, sort of on her side but on her as well. In kissing range even while she was lain on her tummy this way. “Just for a start, another start after the first start.”

“So are you,” Tara said, smiling.

“I don’t mean to be, often and when I mean to be I’m not but… you being funny, it’s like the big secret. The other big secret, the one that only I get to know about.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Tara said. “You’re jealous and possessive. You want me all to yourself.”

“It’s true. I do. I’m not ashamed of it.”

“Red haired, green eyed girls… Momma always warned me about them. ‘They’ll want you all to themselves,’ she said.”

Willow’s smile softened. “I… It’s funny to hear you talk about her that way. You know, joking. I… never know what to say. Or what not to say. There’s this whole thing about what to say that I don’t know.”

“I like to talk about her,” she reassured Willow. “I do. I like to because it feels like… it brings her a little closer again, you know? Like I’m not forgetting her.”

Not everyone felt that way. Donny didn’t, he’d barely uttered a word about Mom since she passed. He couldn’t even face up to what was going to happen… before. Barely visiting the hospital.

And Daddy just wasn’t a talker. Period. He was more about instructions, the rest of his thoughts he kept to himself. No matter how much he missed her.

Willow nodded, the fingers on Tara’s back had slowed to a gentle crawl, no longer tantalising and very much more about simple contact. Maintaining the flow of energy between them which was no longer surging but more like the water at the edge of a lake, gently lapping the shore.

Call it a kind of possessiveness, if you liked and she did like.

Willow had chosen her. But she’d chosen Willow too, so she got to be possessive about her.

Right back at you… lover.

“I’ve – I’ve not lost many people.” Willow said. “Most of my family are still around or I don’t remember them because I was really young. There was Jesse, he was a friend of ours, he… Well, in the end Buffy had to slay him which says about everything you need to know about this town as well as him but…” A shrug.

“My Mom,” Tara started then. “You know, this is… we just – I just – you were just - ”

“Weird?” Willow asked. “You can say that again but, please don’t. How do you think I feel? I’ve just been making sweet love to her daughter, then you start talking about her and… it’s like one time, maybe, you don’t want her to be any closer? You know?”

Tara smiled. “My Mom would’ve loved you. She… I never got to tell her that I like girls. Just didn’t all work out that way, but she probably knew, even though I didn’t say it. But she’d have loved you, Willow. She’d have probably said that we were fated for each other.”

“Fated?”

“Uhuh.”

“Not just ‘made’?”

“Nope, she was a big believer in fate, amongst other things. She didn’t believe that anything happened without a reason.”

“Do you think we found the reason – you know, for us – last night?” Willow asked. “Or had we already found it?”

Willow didn’t believe that, she was just being mischievous. And a little full of herself for what she’d done. And she deserved it too.

“She never said that there couldn’t be more than one reason,” Tara explained. But since the question had been asked, actually she happened to think she’d found the reason long before last night.

Why had she fought so hard to come away from home? Why Sunnydale of all the colleges that had offered her a place? Why had she walked into that Wicca Group? Why had she sat in that, particular circle at that particular time?

Why had she looked up at that very moment that Willow had?

Why had their eyes met – which Willow always said was the very moment she knew that all of this would follow. Not like explicitly but…

It was fate.

Fate and because everything happened for a reason.

“Wise woman,” Willow said, moving up even closer to her. Snuggly was a sign, Tara supposed. Naked they might be and the afterglow was… wow… but Willow’s moving up against her this way probably signalled the end of their friskness.

For now at least. Neither of them was likely to forget how it’d felt, both to give and to receive.

Being so close meant she couldn’t, easily, start anything else except a kiss, but the ongoing contact all along their bodies was sweet and it was wonderful and yeah, it tingled even after things had calmed down.

It was being together and it was totally comfortable. It was, she supposed…

“What?” Willow asked.

“What – what?”

“You had a… look.”

“I was just thinking, this – us, like this, it’s comfortable, it’s easy.”

Willow shook her head. “Don’t you be taking me for granted! At least not already. You should have realised by now that I’m a high maintenance kind of girl.”

“I’ll try to remember,” Tara laughed. “But – I mean, this is how I always felt about my Mom and Dad.

“I never really saw a moment like this – of course - but… their relationship was just… They were totally comfortable with each other, even when things were rough. And he was never quite the same after she passed. The side of him that only she could draw out, it went away and I never saw it again.”

“That’s rough,” Willow said, touching her hand.

“No. I understand… He, when he lost her, there were the three of us, me, Daddy and Donny. She was the glue that held us together though and without her… we did what anyone would’ve. We grew apart.”

“I bet you were a terror growing up though,” Willow said. “I mean, your teen years have to be a catalogue of late nights, underage boozing and illicit kisses with hot girls out in the barn. You were always a rebel; maybe you had a cause – but possibly not. You troublemaker you.”

“Uh-uh.”

“Oh, come on!” Willow was just teasing, but she was happy to play along. “I’ve seen your boots – by the way, did I mention I love them! Great for stepping on really, really small demons – I bet. Not just the boots though, you have that jacket and… I’m still waiting for you to wear the boots and the jacket together. You know, at the same time.”

Tara paused and because she did, Willow jumped to the wrong conclusion. Assuming that she’d jumped to a conclusion. So… she got all worried and explaining-Willow came out to babble.

“Not that I’m asking you to change – not now, though… I mean, leather jacket over naked boobs? Could be a look right there. One… just for me. If you’re uncomfortable with that or, you know, worried about catching anything in the zipper, then perhaps a tank top underneath? But I’m not trying to get you to change or what do they say, butch up?

“No… I just think – maybe once you’d look… You don’t even mind I said this do you, not even before I started digging my hole?”

“Is that a euphemism?” Tara asked, trying to keep a straight face. Obviously she failed because, hello, not straight at all.

“What?”

“Digging your hole?”

“Actually no. You know very well what I really meant. Minx.”

Tara kissed her. “You’re right. But Willow, if you say something I don’t like, you won’t have to guess. You should know I’ll call you on it.”

“Great… I’ll look forward to that,” Willow said faux-dubiously, probably a little relieved. That was exactly the sort of thing her girlfriend needed. “But I really don’t want you to change. I just think… maybe, sometime, you might put together what’s already in your wardrobe in a shiny, new way…”

Tara grinned, unable to do anything else. “I don’t own a tank top.”

“Call yourself a lesbian?!”

“Do you?”

“Well… I’m recently gay. I’ve not been shopping yet. But you wouldn’t be averse to me buying you one?” Willow fished. “And you could accessorize with a hair band? Again, something you already own…”

She couldn’t help her reaction.

“I’ll take that smirk as a ‘yes’,” Willow said.

“That was not a smirk.”

“It was a smirk. I should know, I’m the one lying here looking at it – well, half of it. But half of it makes it even more of a smirk. Additional smirkiness.”

“More made up words,” Tara chided. It was something she could always fall back on.

“Get used to it, honey, I don’t take language as I find it, I make it work for me. Language shakes it’s booty in my face. Yeah, that’s right, I just said that! Look, can I ask you something?”

“Umm, let’s see… you came to me last night, told me that we could be together, we made love - ”

“More than once,” Willow added.

“More than once. And I love you and I recently sat on your face, so… yeah, you can probably ask me a question. Just the one though.”

“What was your Mom’s name?” Willow asked.

“Lillian.”

“That’s a pretty name.”

“She wasn’t just pretty, she was beautiful,” Tara said. “It’s not just me, everyone said so. Dad was… well, lots of people thought he was the luckiest man around.” Of course, those who’d known the family for a while and the history hadn’t been so impressed by a pretty face, but Momma had spent most of her young life doing things for other people so they’d treat her more kindly when the time came.

Or maybe that had just been a consequence, since Momma had been… She’d been a good person anyway. Probably wouldn’t have thought about it that way. Even given what she was though, plenty of people had come out when she was sick and to the funeral.

Plenty of people had loved her, in spite of it.

“Do - ? Nah, sorry.”

“What?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“What?” Tara asked firmly. “We’ve been through this. Say or ask what you like, sweetie. I don’t mind.”

“I just wondered, you don’t seem to have a picture of her – not out anyway. I was just wondering whether you had one?”

Tara had to admit she was surprised, not that Willow would be curious because – hello – it was Willow, but now? “Of course I do, it’s just – the room gets the sun and I don’t want them to fade by having them on the wall.”

“Can I… you know, see?”

Fortunately she didn’t even need to get out of bed, even though Willow was obviously worried about her leaving her there. Snatching at her hand almost as soon as she moved, holding onto her fingers. “Don’t worry, it’s – it’s right here.” Moving just enough to free her arm and reach for the bedside drawer and groped blindly inside it.

Pulling out the small photo album she brought it back between them, pushing herself up so she could see it properly. Didn’t miss that Willow’s eyes flickered to her breasts, crushed beneath her.

“Jackpot,” Willow said, adjusting to the new position. “I’m going to enjoy that for a long time…”

Perhaps she ought to worry about that, but somehow she couldn’t seem to care. “Later,” Tara said. “I’ll tell you everything you want to know about every picture, I’m not in most of them though. I mean, I took a lot of them.”

“That’s you though?” Willow asked as she turned the pages.

The picture had been taken on a beach somewhere, a lake as far as she remembered. Momma had taken it and she could only have been… five? Maybe six?

“Uhuh.”

“So cute!” Willow squeed, positively gleeful. “But pink and yellow swimsuit? Really not your colours.”

“Oh?” Tara asked. “I thought you liked pink…”

She let that hang a moment and Willow just ignored it.

“Because of the – you know, pink, it’s the colour of - ”

“Gotcha!” Willow said, kissing her. “Of course I get it. I may be new to this but I’m a fast learner. And observant.”

“Yes, you are.”

“You too. I mean, we’re both learning as we go along.”

“Feeling our way,” Tara added.

Willow thought about what she could add to that. “No, I’ve got nothing. So, there’s a picture of her?”

“A few,” Tara said. “All these – these are back before I was born.”

“Any when she was about your age?” Willow asked. “Never mind, she looks – about then?”

Tara looked at the photo that Willow had selected. Yes, it was Momma and it was one where she was looking right at the camera, smiling as if sharing some joke with the person who’d taken it. Not Daddy. Daddy hadn’t ever been involved in some of the things that Momma had done when she was younger. It was what made them, in many ways, such an odd couple.

Pictures of her with peace symbols, flowers in her hair and – conspicuously – usually lacking a bra might’ve suggested she’d been some sort of flower child or hippy, but if so she’d been a late bloomer to the movement. Fifteen to twenty years late.

And Daddy – a marine with a haircut to match – hadn’t voted anything but GOP in his whole life. Somehow she doubted it’d ever occurred to him that there was another party out there.

“I went to a few of those protests with her,” Tara admitted. “I don’t remember it that well, but… there were some smoky buses that we were on.” Less of a mass movement by the eighties and more of a niche.

“Your Dad didn’t mind?” Of course Willow already knew that Mister Maclay was… pretty conservative.

“I never heard him complain,” Tara said, “so long as we got home when he expected us to. But he loved her so much… he never wanted to keep her caged.”

No, he hadn’t wanted it. He’d just done what was necessary.

“They worked in spite of their differences,” she continued. “They didn’t have to be in each other’s pockets.” Of course the demon wasn’t always there and… he hated what he had to do to keep everyone safe. In his mind he’d probably letting his little bird fly when he could.

When she thought about it, it was just another form of confinement. Love him or not, Momma never had a choice really but to come back to her cage. Donny had never gone along on the protests. Was that just because he had no interest, because neither Mom nor Dad had thought it was the place for him or a more subtle form of control?

Come back or…

And where on earth had that come from? Why was she wondering about that? Now. With a beautiful, naked girl pressed up against her and her body feeling all loved up…

Willow noticed the change in her feelings too, but jumped to the wrong conclusion. Of course, she didn’t know enough not to. “Missing her?”

“Every day,” Tara said, “and twice on Sunday. But…” She shrugged as best she could lying like this. What was she gonna do?

“She looks like you, I mean, I guess you look like her. The hair, the eyes. The smile too. She smile at your Dad and win his heart?” Willow asked.

“Actually, she threw a drink in his face.”

“Wow, really?”

“She didn’t mean to, it was his brother who – well, my uncle’s never been allowed to forget it.”

“Your Dad suffered the consequences?”

Tara smiled. In more than one way… You didn’t just marry into this family. Responsibility for controlling the demon, stopping them from running amok and protecting the women in the family from themselves? It took a special kind of dedication to take on that service.

“I guess… I guess she did smile at him, he never looked at anyone else once he met her and this was a man who used to be a marine.”

“I guess I know what that means,” Willow agreed. “Sounds like he loved her very much.”

“He did, he still does. He’s not looked at anyone else either, since. I wish… I don’t want him to be alone as he gets older.”

Of course, she had a good guess at his reasoning. He’d accepted her preferences, welcomed her honesty and then planned for a future in which she wouldn’t be getting married. One in which there’d be no equivalent of him to step in and… keep things under control.

He was alone because he was waiting for the next round of his duty…

“Don’t cry,” Willow said, running a finger under her eye.

“I’m not - ” Tara said, but then Willow showed her the glistening fingertip. “I… I guess.”

“We’re not talking about this anymore,” Willow said. “I’m sorry. I mean… I shouldn’t have pushed. Not now.”

“You can ask me anything, I told you that. There’s nothing I won’t tell you, Willow.” But you have to ask… you have to ask. I can’t just come out and admit what I am. Only if you ask me so I don’t have to lie.

“I shouldn’t have though,” Willow said. “I mean… we’ve had a wonderful night and morning’s been pretty great too.” The big smile was infectious and Tara found herself returning it. “Then I go and make you cry… What kind of girlfriend am I?”

“You’re my girlfriend,” Tara said firmly.

“Talking of which… We’re not going anywhere today. We’re staying right here.”

“I think we should probably get out, do stuff. Enjoy the sun. Exist out in the world - ”

Willow considered that. “You sneaky witch. I know what that look means. You want to show me off, don’t you?”

“Can I help if I’m proud of you?” Tara asked. Showing off had been the least of her intentions, but on the other hand what was the point of locking themselves up in here all day?

What was the point of hiding perfection?

“You should be proud of you too,” Willow said. “You… You’re stronger than I would’ve been. You know, before I arrived with the candle and all. Did I say I’m sorry about that?”

“Yes. Yes, you did. Right when you arrived.”

“Hmm, I guess I did. It all seems like a bit of a blur,” Willow said. “I got so… I was so afraid you’d just send me away, that I was too late, that I’d hurt you too much for you to let me in.”

“Your happiness couldn’t hurt me,” Tara said, since they were being all honest and… well, lying here very naked and very, very happy in the afterglow of her first night of being a very sexual woman, why not?

“So as long as I was doing it to be happy you were okay?”

Tara nodded. “I wouldn’t have liked it but… it doesn’t matter now, you chose us.”

“I chose you,” Willow corrected. “‘Us’ was a happy by-product of that.”

“See, it’s the other way around for me,” Tara said. “I chose us and you were the happy by-product.”

Willow’s face scrunched up as she worked that through. “One of us is probably insulting the other one but… I can’t decide which is which so, if it was you then I forgive you. If it was me, you’ll just have to forgive me too, because I said it first.”

“Since you put it that way,” Tara said, laughing as Willow turned the pages, looking at some of the pictures. Skipping a few, pausing over some and asking questions about others. Finally, she paused on a page that included a couple of shots of Crowther, a gun dog who’d always seemed old to her but had lasted until she was nine or ten. And on the same page, Tansy.

“You know the part where I’m not death to all cats?” Willow asked, looking at the picture of the black one.

“Hmm?”

“If you really want to go out, then… let’s go for Miss Kitty, today. I mean, since you’ve already been kitten proofing and all. You can show me off to the people down at the pound if you like.”

“This would be the part where you want to commit and you you’ve proven to yourself that - ”

“Okay, okay. Yes. I’m a one hundred percent pussy lover,” Willow said. “Which, you know, is one of those coincidences, because I know you are too.”

“I am.”

Willow closed the book, set it aside carefully.

“Maybe you’d like to show me first? Since you’re going to make me get out of bed and all.”

*****************

[Missocki]

Dibby for update!
I really love these "plot? What's that moments" I am glad that you drove into the history of Tara and her family a bit. Even with the details missing for Willow, it still is important for who Tara is as a person.
Brownie points for this-
“Okay, okay. Yes. I’m a one hundred percent pussy lover,” Willow said. “Which, you know, is one of those coincidences, because I know you are too.”"
Heeheeeheee!

[Kajun]

Katharyn, Ready for some fb with real words? LOL I had no idea what Tara was up to with all the morning after tidying. Ohhh.. prepping for MKF! She’s already put the drama behind her. Forgive and move forward. Willow could learn a thing or two from Tara.. especially regarding her feelings for Faith. I’m pretty anxious to see what happens when they meet again. Is Tara going to be forced to play referee again?

I don’t think it’s too awkward that the girls are talking about Tara’s mom like.. right after. If it had been during then.. ewww.. but hey, Tara was just being all domestic. She probably spent a lot of her childhood helping around the house. This is a significant time in Tara’s life so it’s only natural that she would want to share her joy with her mom. Sharing stories about her with Willow is the closest thing to that she can do. I’m only a little surprised Willow hadn’t already seen the photo album. They’ve had a lot going on since meeting at the Wicca group and are lucky there’s time for a budding relationship in the first place! My heart hurt when Tara said her father never wanted to keep her mom caged. One day, Willow is going to remember all these comments and get upset with herself that she didn’t figure out that Tara thinks she is a demon. No reason she should have put two and two together but that’s just Willow. And.. here I go getting way ahead of the story again. Oops!

Okay.. off to the Pound. MKF will have to stay in the dorm room and not accompany Tara on her visits with the Goddess. (I’m one of those people who enjoy taking the family pet on fun little excursions to the park or even just to the 7-11) The dogs love Tara so the kitty would probably be safe but why risk it? She’s a sneaky cat, not a snack-y cat!

[JustSkipIt]

What a seriously delightful series of posts. First I have to say that the bit about making it up to her right now has never set quite right with me. It always strikes me a bit more... commercial than I like in my making love. You manage to make it seem sweet and tender rather than "I owe you so I'll go ahead and do this thing..." They are so adorably lovely and experimental and just ... all wonderfulness. And the next morning with the ... is there a name for that position? I don't know but I love that Willow wants to try it. She's such an experimenter. Anyway, I wish I had time to write more and more but this is just wonderful. Thank you.

[DaddyCatALSO]

I won't get too much into the postion discussion, as from what's said could mean few things. I'm guessing though that during the course of the night they'd gone around (or, as an old Korean tale put it "conquered each other") more than once and that was the last of the series.

Being comfortable after - that's crucial.

Interesting this version of Mr. Maclay seems more sympathetic than the usual run - I always like the little variations like that.


Superficially, this could be seen as a filler chapter, just a sweet interlude between chapters of action. But it's not. Things have *changed* for both of them, and talking is important to cementing that. It helps the changes turn into words in their minds, helps express the changes in their feelings using changes in how they *use & mean* words.

[Katharyn]

Missocki - I'll be honest, since we've moved past NMR now, the next big thing to build up to is - of course - Family. This is really the girls story rather than S4 and S5 so... yeah, I'm slipping this stuff in because it resonates with that and because I have that power of showing in S4 what I want to be in place for Family...

Sometimes I wonder about lines like the pussy line, purely because I wonder if Tara would really go there. But hey, I think Willow would and when you're around someone enough you tend to pick up on how they are, adapt to it. I know I became 'fruitier' in one of my early relationships! Thanks.

Kajun - I do have (now you mention it) some sneaking suspicion that Tara might be avoiding or making clear she doesn't need an inquest into what happened. By 'moving on' as you say. Willow and Faith will meet again, this is true... And it's no small thing for Willow to let go of her animosity after what Faith did to her friends.

Absolutely, Tara did help a lot around the house. No question. And absolutely, she wants to talk about her. She'd be wary of letting something slip but that will just make her even more keen to share what she can. You're spot on.

Asking Willow to spot Tara THINKS she's a demon is much tougher than seeing if she actually was one. I think it's kind of unreasonable, looking at the progression as we go and easier after the fact. As for Mister Maclay, as DCA mentions, I make him a better person than some assume. I've done that before and have here, but more because I don't think Tara's Mom would have raised the girl she did if he was a flat out villain.

MKF... Yes, she's coming! And your thing about the park? I read your feedback a few days ago and didn't notice that line. Then in a new (bonus) scene I am writing to insert (probably into summer S4/S5) I've ended up taking her there. Subconscious influence! So that was you!

Thanks

Justskipit - Thank you, 'delightful' is delightful

Absolutely, I didn't want a 'transaction' to take place. I hurt you so I'm making love to you now is NOT what I wanted. Hence the concept of 'perfect moment' and waiting... I hope that kind of replaced it. And once you let that genie out of the bottle... there's no stopping Willow especially. She will want to try everything and we'll have a few references to some of those things over time (even if we don't see them!). Thank you so much!

Daddycatalso - It's fair to say that the girls weren't exactly 'stationary' during the night. Very true! But comfort is the thing as you say. I was wanting to give them that comfort already in one sense, despite the prolonged wait. And I think they have that. All they've done is bring something else into the mix. Even if that had been a disaster, they'd still have been okay (if embarrassed!)

Mister Maclay... Yes, he won't be the villain of Family. I mean, he won't be all kind and understanding either, but not a flat out villain...

In a novel, yes, this would be a filler as you'd try to wind the elements you mentioned into other 'plot' scenes. But in fanfic where you can take your time, this is exactly what you said. Indulging in exploring the new version of them together.

Thanks all! Next part will post tonight.

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Sixty-One
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: At least a little time has passed since NMR and the morning after it… Now Willow needs to put up with Faith.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: After slowing to a crawl to enjoy the ‘coming together’ of Tara and Willow (pun very much intended), we’re getting things moving again. Once again it’s the curse of the fanfic versus the novel. Indulging in the things that we all love to see seriously skews the structure of a story. Though not much time passes in the multiple chapters I post, it does leave the reader a lot of elapsed time between plot points which is a different problem. There’s a small nod to Terry Pratchett in this piece. Anyone spot it? There might even be a prize. (After all it is a VERY small nod)
Thanks to: Anyone who can remember what was going on before we all got distracted by the girls… umm, finding each other.



“Aww,” Faith sighed, playing up to it and knowing exactly what she was doing.

And because of that, Willow was bristling. She didn’t really want to bristle but she knew that she should. And so, because she should, she was.

Faith.

Faith was here, in Tara’s room and that wasn’t even the thing. Oh, no. It wasn’t that she’d sauntered in here like she owned the place with the classic greeting ‘What’s up, sluts?’ Because of how, you know, they were doing it now. All of it.

It wasn’t even that Tara had handed over – on demand – ten dollars because the two of them had a bet as to whether it would turn out she liked to use her hands. Tara did and so the ten dollars were in Faith’s pocket right now. If you could call the slit in the skin-tight leather pants a ‘pocket’? It wasn’t like you could hold much in there.

Wasn’t like she remembered her doppelganger being able to sit down in them either, but Faith somehow managed it.

No, it was none of those things. Any of which might have been okay and even taking them all together, maybe she’d have gotten adjusted to.

It was worse than all of that.

Faith was playing with Miss Kitty.

About the only thing she was sure that Faith had ever played with before were people’s lives, Xander, several other – hopefully – unknown guys and presumably herself.

None of which she wanted anything to do with.

Maybe dolls, in the sense of ripping their heads off. More likely a GI Joe and guess what she’d have done with those.

But now… She’s playing with my kitten.

And even worse, Miss Kitty Fantastico was fascinated with the Slayer.

It’d seemed like it had been the zippers on her jacket initially, tinkling as she moved around. Shiny and large. Of course a very small, inquisitive and not as sneaky as she should be kitty was going to get all fascinated. With that.

“I love cats,” Faith said.

Yeah, sure you do. Because I’m a dog person, you have to tell Tara you love cats.

So there it was. Her new nightmare. And the icing on the cake to all this… nightmare. She had to be nice.

Tara hadn’t asked her to be nice or even to be here when she said that Faith was coming around. But… the renegade Slayer, a murderer – and too many people were seeming to forget that – had still helped bust Oz out of the Initiative. Between Faith and Ethan Rayne she had cause to be grateful to two of the people she least wanted to owe a debt to.

She couldn’t have been less happy to owe someone had Principal Snyder been the one to bust Oz out. You know, if hadn’t been a greasy mess in the shell of his old school.

Even Spike would’ve been an improvement and that was really, really saying something.

Miss Kitty swiped at the toy Faith was dangling, catching it cleanly even before Faith could jerk it away. The toy – a toy she’d bought - flew off under the bed and the kitten wasn’t far behind it. More than happy to make her own amusement.

Not that she’d had to. The stream of visitors to Tara’s room had grown considerably since Miss Kitty had come on the scene two days ago. Buffy might’ve pretended she was just checking in – what with her not going home in that time – but in truth she’d had two objectives. The first was to prove she was more than okay with her newly gay roommate (though that wasn’t a new thing, just new to Buffy) and the other had come to be seeing the abominably cute kitten.

Cute, cute, cute. Everyone said it. But it was true… so very, very true as well. There wasn’t a button that was cuter, not in the whole world. Or even a puppy. Not even a puppy they might’ve named Nicolai.

Miss Kitty Fantastico might be very young, but she had unbearable cuteness down already. She’d been born with it. And it wasn’t just the way she looked. Oh no, not just that. The things she did. The way she did them. The looks she gave you… The way she walked, building up to owning the place but being cute about it for now.

So, if she’d been in the mood for smuttiness, she might’ve commented that the newest pussy to take residence on Tara’s bed wasn’t any more lacking for attention than the other two. But… that would just be smutty. And who needed to be smutty when Faith was here?

And Miss Kitty was in her element. Annie was in here a lot now on one errand or another and new toys had started to show up too, ones that they hadn’t bought her. Sneaky cat? Hell no. Miss Kitty was getting to be a celebrity. And even when someone turned up for ‘another reason’, they quickly fell under the spell of a little, black and white kitten’s charms.

“What’s not to love about cats?” Willow asked, causing Tara to smirk, having heard the alternative theory before they’d gotten her. Even Miss Kitty was looking at her as if to say really?

Yeah, really. She was a convert. It’d be a hard hearted individual who didn’t love Miss Kitty and Tara knew very well that there was very little about her that was hard.

“I know, Red,” Faith said. “You’ve gotta admire them. They’re self-reliant, vicious little creatures when they need to be, only sticking around for what they can get from you and best of all they know that you know it. Plus… I have to admit that this one’s just… a darling. Yes, you are!”

‘Darling’? Really? Willow raised her eyebrows, it was such an un-Faith-like thing to say. Tara, not knowing the Slayer for as long – but probably better all the same - just accepted it. Or maybe she was just better at concealing her surprise. Yeah, could be that.

“So, you’re sticking around?” Willow asked. Not at all an invitation to leave just as soon as she liked. Don’t let me detain you.

Okay, so she didn’t technically agree with the decision to ‘let Faith go’. Like they could’ve got her back in a cage if she hadn’t wanted to go without a major fight anyway? But she had to support it because… Well, it had turned out that she’d been the one to admit the help that the renegade Slayer had been to them while she and Buffy had been looked in a room with Xander.

Faith and Tara – with Ethan – had got the job done. Rescued Oz from a fate that had probably involved… pieces. You had to respect that and because of it Faith was making a lot of people start to believe she’d really turned over some sort of new leaf. Of course, they’d all heard that more than once before. But this time… maybe she was really trying.

She wanted to put her finger on something Faith was doing. She wanted to not be able to put her finger on it, but know something was there. But the only fingering that was going on… well, it involved Tara and no one else.

There was nothing… not even a suspicion when it came to Faith.

Just… a fear.

Everything after switching bodies with Buffy, they had to admit that had been a generally positive move on Faith’s part (since it seemed to have changed her) and no one could believe that the Slayer really had the patience for the long con. Or to have developed the skills to fool them all and pull it off. That just wasn’t who she was. So that really only left the possibility that Faith really, truly and genuinely, wanted to change.

Or at least she was changing, even if she didn’t actively ‘want’ to.

Of all people it had been Giles who’d reached the conclusion that a Slayer who wanted to change had to be supported or else the consequences could be… unfortunate.

And the English voice of reason and authority had rung true enough that everyone – bar Tara of course – had been reminded of the fact that they’d largely ignored or excluded Faith, back when she’d first shown up. Or, at best, expected her to become just like the rest of them. ‘Go native.’

For good reason – Willow thought - as the girl had been – and was – a first class bitch, but all the same… She was self-aware enough to admit that there was some blame to be shared, even if personal responsibility should’ve trumped all of that blame added together.

And so… she was being nice. Or she was trying her best. But mostly she was doing it for Tara.

If there was one thing that bugged her more than Faith getting on with Miss Kitty, it was Tara getting on with Faith… Or vice versa, actually. Because Tara got on with pretty much everyone. At least so far.

So are you sticking around, Faith? Or is there someone you can screw somewhere that’s… else?

“Huh?” Faith asked, distracted by the darting Miss Kitty who – because she wasn’t a dog – didn’t bring the toy back. She just stayed where she was with it. A much more efficient use of her time. Much less energy used and…

All mine, she seemed to be saying from her place under the bed while she and Faith both peered under it. “I asked if you were sticking around?” Willow asked, face to face with Faith’s cleavage while they were looking from opposite sides of the bed. And who hadn’t been there?

“Why? Am I cramping your style?”

“No, you know me, Faith. I don’t have any style.”

“Sure you do. It’s just not good.”

Willow popped up, resting her elbows on the bed and looking over at Faith, who mirrored her pose on the other side. Almost like a challenge. “Unlike you, I suppose, who’s wearing the same things now that you were when you went into hospital.”

“Well, excuse me for not shopping while I was lying there in a coma. Perhaps I should have a ‘I’m going to college, Mom, please come and help my buy some ‘free-spirit’ clothes from the same place everyone else goes’ shopping trip. What is that? Gap? Or are you still at Sears?”

Faith actually did the air-quotes around ‘free spirit’. Damn her.

“It is not Sears.”

“Struck a nerve, have I?” Faith asked.

“Tara likes my fashion sense,” Willow said, turning to the woman in question for some support as she came back into the room with their coffees.

“I do what now?” Tara asked, distracted by being the centre of attention before she’d done or said anything. It still wasn’t something she was used to.

“No. Tara likes you,” Faith corrected, causing the girl in question to grin wildly. “See?”

“It’s t-true,” Tara said, handing her a coffee. “I do like you.”

“Thanks, honey?” Willow lifted her head, asking for - and getting - a kiss. “How about my fashion sense, do you like that?”

“Umm.”

“Yeah, honesty’s important in any relationship, T.”

“Umm.”

The delay was almost certainly about Tara figuring out how not to be on one side or the other of an argument. Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to wash. Not this time.

Sometimes, you just had to stand up for the woman you went down on.

“You can be honest, lover,” Willow said. It wasn’t like she was going to break up with Tara for saying ‘no’. Uhuh. But the bonuses for saying ‘yes’ would be something Tara might have in her mind. You know, if she knew her well enough yet. The ‘lover’ had been a nice reminder though, she thought.

Both of them staring at her seemed to catch Tara on the hop and so instead of saying anything right away she handed Faith her drink and then retreated across the room, sitting down at her desk with her own beverage. Hair falling in front of her face in a way that was just adorable but also… unacceptable. This girl needed to man-up (about as much manning up as she needed from Tara) and to just admit what she thought.

“I love everything about Willow.”

“Sounded more like a ‘no’ to me,” Faith replied.

“You heard what she said, she loves everything about me.”

“Of course she does, you’ve been screwing every chance you got for what… what? A week now? And because there still wasn’t enough pussy, you went and got one from the pound.”

Willow didn’t bother correcting her after she caught Tara’s eye. It’d only been a few days, as Faith should’ve known. “Well – well – you’ve been – just how many guys have you screwed in that time?”

Ha! Zinger!

“Willow,” Tara said. Something about it, the tone and the warning.

“Yeah, Willow, the Missus has spoken.”

“Faith...”

Okay, she was happy with that. Tara didn’t want to put up with their bickering and two words had sorted them out. And – she was pleased to note – the way she’d said ‘Faith’ had been much less patient, much less… familiar. More like a teacher or something. More like than ‘girlfriend’ or ‘lover’.

Which was good. There were perks to being her girlfriend. More perks really, because the perks were already perky and kinda obvious. This was just an… added bonus. Tara would take her side against Faith, even if she wished that there was no need to take sides at all.

No Faith.

“Sorry,” Faith mumbled.

And then Willow realised that both Tara and Faith were looking at her. When had she fallen onto the bad side of this by not being the first to apologise? What was up with that? “Sorry.”

Hold on… Faith actually apologised? Without sarcasm?

“G-good,” Tara said and sighed.

“I was only asking Faith if she was sticking around,” Willow said, determined to have an answer to that question. Having a Slayer – another Slayer - here… Well, hadn’t they already proved that this town was only big enough for one of them?

And look at the consequences of trying to make that work.

“Oh?”

“I don’t know yet,” Faith said. “There doesn’t seem much to stick around for.”

“And it’s a big world out there,” Willow said. “Lots to see and… do.” No, Tara wouldn’t have responded well to what she’d been about to say. Lots of people to do.

Tara did raise one eyebrow though and Willow wondered whether it was because she’d guessed what she was going to say, or because her girlfriend actually wanted Faith to stay.

If it was the latter then it was most likely because she agreed with what Giles had admitted, about it being better that Faith were here – where she could be watched and kept in check – than out there where she could be up to anything.

Including some really bad stuff.

Thinking about that, Willow had seen three possibilities if Faith left.

First – she’d slip back into her old ways and sell her services to the first big bad that wanted a super-powered minion. It wasn’t that she didn’t have form for it. Might even end up here, on the other side.

Again.

Second – that she’d blunder into something serious, make it a hundred times worse and maybe even get herself killed. And no matter whether she liked the girl, that wasn’t something she’d ever look forward to aside from the simple relief of not having to worry about her anymore.

So far so conventional wisdom – everyone foresaw those outcomes. The third thing was that she’d get herself pregnant and either clean up her act or fuck up her own kids life. There was only so much sluttiness – with guys at least – that could go unpunished by the gods of probability. Right?

Okay… so that was a little harsh and Faith was – no doubt – bright enough to take precautions and… Tara was still regarding her that way. It’s like she sees right into my thoughts.

She can’t see into my thoughts can she?

Or maybe I’m just really, really obvious.

Tara’s eyebrow returned to its normal – and enticingly beautiful – position before Willow’s girlfriend turned to Faith. “I don’t think you should go anywhere.”

Willow sat back; surprised that Tara would just come out and say it, even if she wasn’t shocked by the sentiment itself. There was some sort of – unlikely – friendship that was coming into being between these two. She could almost see the ties that were forming between them.

Like it or not – and she liked it very much, thank you very much – Tara was just easy to get along with. She might be quiet, resembling a mouse until she got to know you, but once you did know her… well, you’d definitely come to like her.

Whether Faith would admit the same was a different matter. Faith didn’t do friendship. Did she?

“Why’s that, T?”

“Diana wants you here, for one thing,” Tara stated plainly.

“You know, Gods rank about one rung higher on the ladder of people I listen to than Watchers. Or is that lower?”

Willow was halfway to smiling at that one, but smiling at anything to do with Faith – if she could help it – was something she definitely didn’t want to be caught doing.

She’d get all guilty, after all this was the girl who’d tried – and succeeded – to swap bodies with Buffy and then had conned them all and almost slept with her boyfriend before Buffy had even got there.

Oh, and she’d killed someone and taken the Mayor’s side against all of them.

No, they didn’t do smiling at - or about - Faith.

But Tara didn’t want her to leave town?

“Try – try this then,” Tara said. “I want you to stay; I think you can still do what you were supposed to here.”

“There’s already a Slayer,” Willow pointed out, spotting Miss Kitty lurking under the very edge of the bed, apparently trying to sneak up on Faith’s zipper again. “Maybe more than one’s a crowd?”

“What Red said,” Faith said. “She’s trying to be nice because she’s into you – in every way, I guess – but the truth is that no one wants me here.”

“I told you, that’s not true. I do,” Tara said again.

“I’m not sure how much you count for,” Faith said. “There’s a hierarchy about these things. Giles and Buffy whistle, the rest of this lot jump.”

“We do not,” Willow objected.

“Oh come on, Red, let’s face it. You go where Buffy leads and Xander just follows with his tongue hanging out. Anyone who makes their own way or doesn’t toe that damned line is out.”

“Well, we don’t ask how high, just for the record. And I’m sorry that you feel like you were excluded when you got here,” Willow said. “God knows I am, because of everything that happened because of it. But you ‘making your own way’ has been a disaster for everyone. Up to a couple of days ago you were locked in a cage because no one could trust you to - ”

“Willow, baby, please,” Tara said.

She took a long, deep breath. Okay… Tara had a point. This was an unbalanced Slayer that she was ragging on. Someone who didn’t need much prompting to go off the deep end and there was no other Slayer here to restrain her. Good points all.

Oh, and Tara wanted to be nice to her. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

And Faith’s reaction? A simple nod that set the zipper wobbling and Miss Kitty pounced, only to be scooped up in mid leap by the Slayer in a demonstration of the reactions that made her so very, very lethal. “Not this time, precious,” Faith said to the kitten.

Miss Kitty yawned, bored before Faith even started with her and that proved to be the moment that broke the tension as everyone melted in her cuteness.

“Okay. So I’ll stick around,” Faith said, not even bothering to look at her like she was going to challenge it. “For a little while anyway. But… I’m gonna need somewhere to stay.”

“You can’t stay here,” Tara said, saving Willow from looking for a way to say the same thing without pissing her girlfriend off.

“Here? With you two just getting into each other? No thanks, once I put my head down, I like my sleep.”

Willow felt like she should make something of that accusation but – actually – it was pretty true to their current form. And Tara’s denial was spot on, neither of them wanted Faith bunking down on Tara’s floor and cramping their style.

“Don’t look at me,” she said. “The only other space we have is in the room I share with Buffy and… that’s not going to happen. Buffy would never go for it.”

“Like I’d share with her anyway?” Faith said.

“I – I guess we could talk to Giles and the others,” Tara said. “I mean – they might know somewhere?”

“Plenty of places around, T,” Faith said. “Thing is… they all need cash and that’s something I’ve not got, I’m not going to get any, am I, precious?”

Aside from the fact that Miss Kitty was whoring herself to a renegade Slayer, what still bothered Willow most was… Faith seemed to be really into the kitten too. Something else, somewhere else in the world was seriously askew. It had to be because physics taught that for every action there was an equal and opposite reaction. Maybe a volcano was erupting or something along those lines. You know, cataclysmic, apocalyptic events to offset Faith being concerned with anything apart from herself.

She was only a kitten though. Maybe when she grew up, Miss Kitty would learn to have some standards.

“You never seemed to lack money before,” Willow said.

“Well, that was when the Mayor set me up.”

Oh. Yeah.

“I wish… I wish you two would just get on,” Tara said.

“It’s not me!” Both of them said at once. Then. “It’s her.” Again, together.

“Well, I’m glad you can at least agree on something,” Tara said.

---------------------------------

“There’s a difference to you, Tara.”

Diana was feeding the dogs, piece by piece. And she seemed to be feeding them still dripping meat. Something had died to give them their dinner. It was far, far from the delicate – if a touch clumsy - fastidiousness of Miss Kitty. Even before the incident with the saucer of milk which they’d made sure to capture on camera.

“I – yes, I suppose there is.”

“You and your woman, Willow?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I approve.”

“Oh. I – Well, I thought – I thought you were the Goddess of Virgins?” Tara said, not even certain why she’d question such a thing.

“And you supposed that was why I consorted with you? For your innocence and your chastity?”

“I don’t - I don’t know,” Tara admitted. “Maybe.”

“No, Tara, your value to me is much greater than that.”

“Umm. That’s good. I think.” After all, no one wanted to be defined by who they hadn’t slept with. Did they? Or had it been a certain point of pride - looking back from where she was now - that she’d waited for the right person?

It hadn’t felt like waiting at the time though…

“They also call me the Goddess of the Hunt and that is what you’ve delivered to me. You’ve returned to the fold one who was lost.”

“Faith?”

“Yes… the Lehane girl… She is mine.”

“She’s yours? Like you say I’m yours?” There was only one person that she belonged to and that was Willow, but you didn’t argue with how a Goddess wanted to put things. Diana could say what she liked, so long as they knew the truth. Willow was hers and Faith was… her own person.

“Mine, but different. Your devotion comes from belief,” Diana said, flicking another piece of meat across to Jupiter in a high arc, not seem bothered by the spatter of blood. “Lehane will never believe, but she belongs to me all the same. What is she but a hunter? A hunter of the creatures and beings that skitter in the dark places, those denizens of the other places that cross here, to my world?”

“You’re saying that the Slayers belong to you?” Did that include Buffy? Because she was fairly certain Willow would’ve said something if Buffy had known anything about that.

“Of course,” Diana said, looking up at her. “Where else could they look in their devotion?”

“Did you… make them?”

She watched as Diana thought about her question, tipped her head to one side and considered. “If I did, I do not remember it. Perhaps. Perhaps not. But their nature is one with mine. They hunt; they kill for survival and for the good of the whole. Ever has it been so. Ever will it be so, and thanks to you, good Tara, Lehane Faith has come back to us.”

“I don’t – I don’t know,” Tara said. “She’s not really made a decision, but it’s true that she’s been doing… better than she was.”

“You underestimate your accomplishment,” Diana said. “And it’s scale. Two hearts have turned in the last days. Your witch and your Slayer, you continue to gather those who will prove worthy allies against the darkness. Where once there was one, now there are two.”

“Slayers?”

“No.”

More than just the Slayers then? Was that it? The point that she and Willow had talked and joked about… Two witches. Two Slayers. Two men of experience who happened to be English, but the one dedicated to the service of his Goddess – Ethan – was the more willing to embrace that knowledge, even if his motivation was… flawed.

“You’re – there’s not going to be an – well, an idiot, is there?” she asked. “Not that – I shouldn’t say it at all, really. I mean he’s not an idiot, not really but that’s what they’ve been calling him – when people point out the two… thing. Is there?”

“You may always depend on idiocy, but to answer your question, it is not required.”

Was that a joke? Diana was capable of it, but her jokes were usually on another level, one that she rarely understood. Kind of like… well, like her and everyone else actually.

“So… this is what you wanted?”

“A war cannot be fought without an army,” Diana replied.

“W-war?”

“Certainly. When the darkness comes, everyone who would stand in the light must do so or we will all surely fall.”

“You – well, you haven’t explained what this darkness is,” Tara said. “Not exactly. Maybe, maybe we could help more if we knew what we were looking for?”

“There will be no disguising it when it arrives,” Diana said. “That kind does not walk in the light as we do. They are not the same for all that they elevate themselves as we do. Once… they were little more than annoyance. But now, I fear it is we who are the annoyance to them.”

“Umm – why?” And what was she talking about?

“Their power is unfettered, either by belief or lack of it. Where once our pantheon was legion and powerful, today there are but a handful left of us that remain as we once were and all of us are weakened. They… are not.”

She thought that – maybe – she understood some of it. Diana was referring to the state of the Gods? Faded now from the world, most of them at least. Or reduced to concepts rather than beings that personified them. That Diana would remain was almost logical when you considered that her purpose was the hunt and – while there remained something for her to hunt – what else could she do?

But the others… At different points she’d heard different tales and Willow had been present for some of them too. Sometimes it sounded like it was a lack of belief that had changed things. As Diana had proven though, who couldn’t believe in something that was right there? Personally she found that much easier than believing in any of the deities that she couldn’t actually see, touch or watch feeding their dogs bloody pieces of meat.

That wasn’t to say that she didn’t believe in the possibility, but Diana was right here. Wasn’t it likely that someone like Zeus who’d had a twisted way with the ladies and thunderbolts at his fingertips would be perfectly believable? Seemed likely, so maybe it was more about those others acceptance that the world had changed and that their place in it was just gone?

Or – alternatively – it was their refusal to see that which had ended them. Could’ve been that too.

Diana didn’t really seem to want to explain, maybe because it might make her vulnerable?

That vulnerability already existed though. Diana was convinced that the Darkness was advancing, without ever explaining what that was. An enemy of some kind and one that she had to fear enough to need to gather an army to her? But what did that mean?

And now that she had her army, what next? Not only the Wicca Group, but her, Faith and Ethan – to great or lesser extents. And through Willow… the others.

“I don’t think I understand?” Tara said.

“Understanding is not required,” Diana replied easily, ruffling the smooth hair on top of both the dogs’ heads. They looked well satisfied with their meal, blood caking their muzzles where they’d been sloppy, drooly eaters. Some people she knew might’ve been disgusted by it, but growing up on a farm the real world was exposed to you. It was a long way from Miss Kitty though, mortified by the milk on her whiskers and around her mouth.

“We’re just supposed to help then?” Tara asked. Understanding, it seemed to her should be the very minimum requirement. “Because we believe?”

“Yes.”

“I – I don’t think that the others will necessarily accept that,” Tara said. But common sense told her that she shouldn’t either. Not on the basis of nothing more than words.

“Rayne will do as he is told. Lehane will do as you tell her. So is the question with yourself, Tara?” Diana asked, snapping her fingers for the dogs to follow her.

And Tara realised that she, too, was following when summoned. Just like a well-trained dog... “Okay, yes.” She’d actually been thinking about Willow and her friends, but since she like to think of herself as at least being on her way to being one of them that was okay. The last thing she wanted was to be in opposition to the woman she loved. Running around in some rival group, doing the bidding of a Goddess that she believed in but could not totally trust the motives of?

It’d prove the others right to have wondered about her and she didn’t want that from Willow’s roommate.

“And so you question.”

“We – people, I mean – we’re, umm, we think more about things now,” Tara said. “Or – at least we don’t just accept what we’re told. Some of us, anyway.”

“Maybe you should.” Diana reclined onto the sofa that dominated the centre of this, her living room. At least that was how Tara thought of it. The dogs sat to either side of her. “Darkness comes, Tara Maclay. And when it arrives, if it remains unchecked it will consume the world.”

“I know – but - ”

“But nothing. Darkness comes. I tell you it is so and you do not believe my word?”

“I believe,” Tara said urgently, because she did. She wanted to – no, she did. She believed that something was coming. She believed that Diana felt that it had to be opposed. And she absolutely believed that if a battle between Diana and anything that could threaten her was to be fought then that would shake Sunnydale, if not the world as she said.

The question was what she was supposed to do about it?

“Then you will come with me,” Diana said.

“C-come with you? I mean, go with you?”

“You and I will make arrangements to see my Uncle, Hades and petition for his aid.”

“Hades?”

Hades, Lord of the Underworld. The place that accessed through… the Hellmouth? That Hades?

“I believe you heard me.”

Gulp.

*********************

[Missocki]

Dum dum dum dibs!
Whaaaaaa......!!!!!!!!!!! Hades?!? Underworld!?! Oh My Goddess!

On that note, Willow internal dialogue is just so classic. And Tara getting Willow and Faith in check? Wicked. Loving the miss kitty interactions with Faith and I like how Faith is evolving and it seems like we will get her for a while yet...*crosses fingers*

[faolan228]

Screaming because this was an awesome chapter. Funny, but we also made some leaps and bounds.

Wasn’t like she remembered her doppelganger being able to sit down in them either, but Faith somehow managed it.

This makes everything in Sidestep so much better, really.

But now… She’s playing with my kitten.

Hmm, Willow I see this angers you, regardless of universe.

God, can Miss Kitty and her Auntie Faith be an actual thing now? Faith's adventures in cat sitting? This was so sweet I got diabetes, I swear. And like I said, I just LOVE Willow and Faith acting like a couple of 13 year old dickheads sniping at eachother until Tara scolds them. I dunno, it's just something I've always loved.

I got a lot of theories about what the coming darkness is. Glory, the First....hel, for all we know, Diana might consider the Key/Dawn a threat. Or it could be something we haven't seen before. Either way, I wait.

There wasn’t a button that was cuter, not in the whole world. Or even a puppy. Not even a puppy they might’ve named Nicolai.

That puppy is currently 90lbs. at 6 months. When this story is complete I'll post a pic from when you first started writing, and pic from the day of completion, because this story is so gloriously awesomely long.

[Katharyn]

Faolan - Before I start... 90lb? Already! Sheesh!

We did make some leaps, though - hey it's me - we won't 'leap' to the what has been trailed here as fast as you might think. The S4 plot will be getting in the way of things like that, but we will get there. The Hades thing will take the place of an episode in S4.

Do you know what? I really didn't have Sidestep in mind when I wrote those things you alluded to except in as much as I always have Sidestep in mind somehow! For example I had no thoughts at all about Sidestep Miss Kitty and how she came to be given to Tara. I don't even remember if there was a Faith/MKF intersection, but I will trust you if you say there was! Mostly I think there are themes I like and then I can claim that THIS is my canon and Sidestep is my AU based on it... that way I'm consistent

We won't dwell on MKF and anyone really, but if you want to believe this is all going on (to piss Willow off) then sure! I may refer to it in passing now you gave me the idea But Tara will definitely continue to be the adult

As for the 'coming darkness', there's nothing in this story from beyond S5 (except opposition to ideas) so it's either original or from S5... Period. It also means that - to me - the 'ultimate' enemy is what they will face there. They won't be upping that ante every year! (PS - it's not Adam!)

And yes... this is gloriously long isn't it. I'm just a few days short having been working on this for 12 months. Every day. (Except when writing Raiders.) And I'm still adding new bonus chapters and working on the very end. However I've set myself an objective that all writing will be done by end of March which will be 12 actual months. Nothing new after that apart from parts being prepped for posting.

There has to be limit and - for me - this is actually quite controlled!

Thanks
Katharyn

[DaddyCatALSO]

I truly like the way you're portraying Willow's attitude towards Faith here. People who not only just won't bend, but who insist on going on from there to adding a whole lot of other negatives that they have absolutely no reason to even bring into the discussion. It's just so common (and tends to have presented itself in my own past in the people closest to me.)

And I also heart how you're going beyond the "Faith and Tara have great freind chemistry" which is so common in fic onto actually *showing* Faith's more tender side. (I do regret that your storyline eliminates the Angel-Faith friendship which grew over there but heck, different continuities, there's always a tradeoff. As a for mer DoD bureaucrat, I know about tradeoff.)


And,a s always, I enjoy when other writers touch on subjects I like to deal with but I won't bore the board with details, altho I might bore you with a PM one of these weeks:-).

Try as I might, I can't think of anything in S-4 or S-5 that would fill in this "Dark They." You've already excluded Adam, said it is a thing already from S-4/5 which leaves out Wolfram and Hart and, presumably, the First Evil, and I don't see Glory, Dracula, Warren, or D'Hoffryn filling that description.

[Kajun]

Katharyn, I love that Faith shows up at Tara’s and instantly bonds with MKF. She has real affection for the not-so-sneaky kitty. There’s the side of Faith the scoobies never saw. And.. Willow turns innocent playfulness into petty jealousy. She’s pretty desperate to find reasons to continue hating Faith. It’s funny that both are quick to apologize when Tara simply says their names with a disapproving tone. On the serious side of that, the ability to gain the respect and trust of someone like Faith is essential to being a great leader. Once Diana’s mysterious mission is complete, the Wicca group is going to need someone like Tara to step in and lead the way, especially as they grow in numbers and power.

If only one person wants Faith to stick around, the fact that it is Tara is a pretty convincing reason. Willow should take a note. Faith put more stock in Tara’s request than knowing a Goddess wants her there. She isn’t swayed by the prospect of buddying up to a powerful being. No, she stays because a friend asks. I think that’s a pretty big deal for the Rogue Slayer.

I just kinda assumed Diana would ask Faith to join her on the trip down “south”. Apparently she doesn’t need extra muscle for the task. Perhaps it is an opportunity for Tara to get some experience as Diana’s possible protégé? Surely there’s more to that than just running a group. I’m curious to know why Diana needs to seek counsel with her Uncle. Great update!

[binky]

This gets better and better.

Haha about the idiot.

Though technically, Tara would've been closer using "fool," which would've played well with the whole Greek mythology, and is often how Xander was used in canon. But I concur with Diana, one is all that is really needed. Two would start to wear (Xander almost does by himself).

Your stories are a real treat. Thanks.

[Katharyn]

Daddycatalso - Thank you! I've had a little reader pressure about reactions to Faith and even about Willow's. The thing is, I really don't think she can let go easily, not even for Tara. Civility, sure. Maybe. Soon... But forgiveness? And Faith playing with her Kitty? Yes, it just brings it all back.

No way did I want Angel involved, his dynamic of riding to the rescue was so unnecessary here... but I did enjoy the same dynamic you refer to. In a way it was a model for Tara and Faith. As for Faith's more tender side, yes... I think you have to include it (though I think she would argue about 'tender'!) Making Tara accept her just as she was would, actually, make her seem a poor judge and make the others prejudices seem much more reasonable (and they are reasonable, because they haven't seen - nor want to see - the same side as Tara)

I'm glad I continue to follow subjects you are interested in, since you're here and all

When considering Diana's words, do consider that she speaks a little strangely (even more so when I finish making her that way without any logic or scheme!)

Thanks...

Kajun - Truth be told, MKF bonds with Faith. She's little, but she's a cat all the same And I think Faith would get along with cats... in a feral kind of sense LOL.

You're right about Willow looking for reasons and 'my cat likes her' is pretty weak!

And there you go speculating on things I can't talk about LOL

I do agree though that Faith staying because Tara asks (rather than Diana expects or needs) is a big step for her. She's still feeling her way through what she wouldn't even admit was a friendship. In that she's quite catlike herself. All like 'well, I don't have anywhere else to be and you pet me and feed me so I guess I'll stay at least another day.'



Thanks again!

Binky - Thanks so much! If I had thought about what was coming, yes, I would've used 'fool' but nevermind! One fool is enough, though in S5 we nearly get two!! (and yes, we will cover that episode too)

Once again, thank you for the feedback and for reading, it's lovely to know you're here and enjoying it.

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

I am reliably that I missed Missocki - Sorry! Though in fairness, I think Faolan actually posted before there was more than dibs there

Hmm, yes... Hades

Though, as I think I said elsewhere, it will take a while because other things will get in the way! Hey, it's me!

Willow's internal dialogue is always fun and - after all this time - kind of easy (with a spritz of Lilly from HIMYM where they occasionally air that dialogue too). I like writing Tara best, but Willow is 'easier' because of that uniqueness.

And what's a girl gonna do but keep her GF and her friend in check when there's a kitty to keep under control too? Yes, it might appear I am lining Faith up for being around a while!

Maybe.

So long as she avoids the Sidestep...

Thanks and sorry Missocki!!

[Katharyn]

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Sixty-Two
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: The Scoobies talk through what to do about Faith after what was said in the last part.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: There has to be a part like this. I’m already turning things inside out by suggesting that Faith could stick around, surely Buffy and co have to have an opinion and voice in that? Sure they do, if only so you readers don’t feel the need to tell me that they’d never go for it without having their say and ask when that’s coming out  Like I said many times, half what I write is just to avoid opening the door for plot holes 
Thanks to: Today’s music is Muse. Excellent live…



“It’s a nightmare,” Willow said. “It’s just a nightmare.”

“You mean having a girlfriend who knows her own mind and makes her own friends without asking your permission?” Anya wondered in her own uniquely blunt way.

Even Faith had more tact than that. Not much more tact, but definitely more. The difference was that Faith knew what tact was but didn’t much care. Anya was just oblivious.

“Why are you - ? You don’t even like Faith,” Willow said, the last thing she needed now was Anya taking Faith’s side out of some shared animosity towards her. Especially since Faith had actually slept with Xander (Disclaimer - sleeping not involved in those few minutes) while all she’d done was kiss him.

“That’s not true. I don’t like the fact that she slept with Xander, but I’m mature enough to realise that she’s used him and discarded him like an old tissue. In fact there probably were discarded tissues - ”

“That’s enough, honey,” Xander said. “Please let it be enough. I feel your pain, Will. I do.”

Yes, it was best to let that Anya-ism lie.

“It’s not – I don’t – I don’t really mind that Tara and Faith get on,” she said. “I mean, Anya’s right about that. Tara does make her own decisions and she’s made one that she’s not going to be frightened of a homicidal bitch who sold us out with no more than a flip of her hair and a hike of her tits. That’s fine, I can live with that.”

“So… it’s the feline, Miss Kitty Fantastico you’re bothered about?” Anya asked.

“No. It’s not – well, yes, but she’s only a baby and she’s a cat so what can you say – they go their own way, right? I know that now and did I tell you about this thing she did with the saucer of milk? I was so cute – she dipped her nose too far into it and then couldn’t get it off, she was like freaking out – Maybe you had to be there.”

“And maybe you ought to let us know what you’d like us to do,” Anya suggested. “Then we can talk about something else.”

“Tara thinks that Faith can end up being… good,” Willow sighed.

“And perhaps you want us to tell her otherwise?” Giles asked. He’d sat silently through most of Anya’s words. It was probably the best way.

“No…” Willow said. “I’ve already told her everything we know about Faith, all the things she’s done or – not done,” that last part she looked over at Buffy for. “But… she’s my girl and she’s made up her mind and I’m afraid maybe she’s right. She’s a smart cookie. A smart, delicious, beautiful cookie.”

“And you’ve been enjoying her cookie,” Anya said brightly. “A cookie you can eat without ruining your appetite.” She subsided when her boyfriend laid a hand on her arm while embarrassed reactions rippled around the room. It may, in hindsight, have been a mistake to clue Xander and Anya in on falling in love with Tara.

This was her realisation as Giles rubbed his glasses, Xander coughed and Buffy just looked away, trying not to laugh.

She had to do something, say something. “Yes, yes, okay, Willow’s a lesbian and that opens up all sorts of jokes, quips and puns,” she said.

“Open,” Xander said, laughing, but then no one else joined in this time. “You’re a very open person – despite hiding this really big thing from your best friend for like months. But – yeah – shall we get back to talking about Faith? Please?”

“And there’s someone else who’s open,” Willow said. “Not that I – damn it, Xander. Just… seriously now, what do we do about her? We can’t keep suspecting her.”

“I think I choose to,” Buffy said, raising her hand.

“Me too.”

“And I.”

Add in the two men then…

“I have no opinion,” Anya announced. “So long as she keeps her hands off Xander I don’t have to care.”

“Trust me, honey,” her man said. “There’s not much chance that she’ll come sniffing around me again.”

“Why? Were you having one of your off days?”

“No! I mean… why yes, I was. It was embarrassing, let’s not talk about it. But the point is, Willow, we all know Faith, Tara doesn’t. That ought to count for something,” Xander said, obviously trying to help his girlfriend feel better about Faith.

“I know, I know,” Willow sighed. “I do, I get it. I’m right there beside you all on the ‘not-trusting-Faith’ bandwagon but… does she never get to change? I guess that’s what I’m asking. Does she never get another chance?” she asked.

“Lord, Willow, have you been sleeping with Tara or eating her brains?” Xander asked.

“No,” Anya interjected. “Maybe you missed the cookie reference, but I’m fairly certain it’ll have been her puss - ”

“It’ll have been nothing we want to talk about,” Giles said, much to Willow’s relief. There was ‘out and proud’ and there was ‘too much information’ and Anya’s forte was definitely the latter. She had no filter, none at all. Even – it seemed – when it wasn’t her information or anything she really knew about.

“The point being,” Xander said with some semblance of gallantry, “that you seemed to have changed your tune, Will. Jaunty it may still be, but it’s definitely a different tune.”

“I’m happy for anyone to come up with an alternative that we can all live with,” Willow said.

“All including Tara?”

“All including Tara, we don’t have the right to exclude her and I won’t exclude her. By the way, that’s not just because I’m spending my days and nights in love with her, but because Faith helped Oz. I feel bad even having this conversation without her here.

“Faith - She did other stuff for us, after all that bad stuff that we’re definitely not forgetting, but she helped Oz. She helped Oz because Tara took her down there. I owe both of them for that and so… Tara gets to be the one who stands up for Faith if she wants to and I’m not going to shout her down.

“I’m not going to be on anyone’s side except Tara’s.”

“Okay...” Buffy said reasonably. “I can get with that programme, you’re right, Will. Something does have to be decided about Faith. So, let’s make that decision.”

“Now? What about what I just said?”

“We know what Tara will say. She’s a good person, she’ll talk about being careful, but giving Faith a chance, won’t she? What you just said?”

“I… guess…” She wasn’t certain how happy she was about speaking for her girl, even though Buffy was pretty much right and Tara wouldn’t have minded if she’d been asked…

“So we can take that as read. Let’s get this decided.”

“Umm, Buff, much as I love a good show trial,” Xander said. “I’m not exactly sure this is how things are supposed to work.”

“Show trial…? Xander,” Buffy replied. “Let’s just remember that you do not want me in the same room as Faith while we’re going through all the bad shit that she did. You do not want me in the same room while someone tells me that she’s changed, or she can be a good person, or that she had this hard life she never talks about. Plenty of people had hard lives and never did any of the things she did. It’s no excuse.”

The rest of them all looked at each other. The level of tension and threat in her voice… “Buffy, is there something – did she do something?”

“Aside from steal my body, sleeping with my boyfriend and try to screw up my life? Or aside from fighting against us, killing someone and working for a giant snake?”

“Yes… Aside from all that.”

“You really want to know?” Buffy asked.

“Yes, I think, if you’re asking us to sit in judgement on Faith, that we do need to know.” She was just glad that Giles was the one that said it. She’d been about to – in her own way - but he was old and British and therefore guaranteed to get a better hearing when his Slayer was in this sort of mood.

“She’s everything that she shouldn’t be,” Buffy said. “She arrived here and she was… I died. Then there was Kendra and she fought the good fight, she did what every Slayer gets to do, she died too. Some other Slayer, who must’ve been doing the right thing. And there was no one there to bring either of them back so then there’s Faith...

“And she doesn’t do what she’s supposed to do. She’s selfish, she’s hurtful and she’s a screw up while the rest of us, all of us, had to sort out her mess. Oh, I have abandonment issues, boo-hoo, let me run off and work for the first evil dude who behaves like I wish daddy had. Yeah, boo-fucking-hoo.

“Kendra and that other girl are dead. Gone. And for what… Faith?”

“Are you saying we should kill her?”

Buffy bit her lip and Willow could see that wasn’t what she’d meant at all but if she’d got any angrier she might’ve talked herself into it and then what would’ve happened next time Faith did something to piss her off?

And you could pretty much take the fact that would happen to the bank.

Slayers weren’t immune to feelings and letting things build up, Faith was the living proof of that.

“You’re right,” she said. “We should talk this out, right now. All of us. Anyone has something to say, you let it out – right now. What she did to you, what you think about her. What you think should be done. You say it now and when we decide… I’ll tell Tara.”

“I want to like Tara, Will,” Buffy said. “No, that’s not fair. I do like Tara. Lots. She’s great and she’s good for you, she loves you and she’s a great girl – I said that already - but… if she’s going to stick up for Faith then that might be something that causes some trouble.”

“No,” Willow said. “Like I said I want this all out of the way. You are not holding this against Tara.”

“Willow’s the only one who gets to hold anything against -”

Xander stopped his girlfriend with another gentle hand.

“I believe that the terms have all been laid out,” Giles said. “And I would recommend that none of us get overly dramatic. There will be no capital punishment, but there will be no free passes either. Within those limitations, I think it’s both prudent and necessary to make a decision on her future. There is, after all, always the option of asking the Council to come to collect her again.”

Willow looked over at the phone, wondering if maybe she should try to call Tara. This… wasn’t the sort of thing you went home with one night – not long after since you’d committed to the woman you loved – and just sprung on her. ‘Oh, we had a trial for Faith. She wasn’t there and you weren’t but I totally stuck up for your point of view but…’

“Maybe I should call Tara?”

“We talked about that,” Buffy said. “I’m tired, I’m cranky and this isn’t the best - ”

“Not Faith, just Tara. Just Tara. I think she needs to be here for this,” Willow said.

---------------------------

‘You need to be there,’ Diana had said.

Tara walked down the street, counting off the houses, looking for the one she’d visited a few days ago for the very first time. But everything looked different after dark.

Sent here by the Goddess, what was she supposed to do or say? ‘Hi, is Willow here? I was just wondering because Diana, you might know her as Artemis, well, she sent me over here because something was happening’?

Maybe that was what she was going to have to say since she didn’t even know if Willow was actually here. Except for how she’d stumble over the words and it’d sound even more pathetic and weird than it even sounded in her head.

There was the house though and the lights were on, someone was home. And as she came up the driveway – when had Mister Giles got himself a big, red, convertible? She could hear voices. She could hear women’s voices. She could hear Willow’s voice.

That, at least, answered that question. Diana had been right, since the voices were raised ones.

But she didn’t mean to eavesdrop and so she didn’t hesitate, not even for a second before ringing the bell. Even though she did catch her name, in quite a loud voice too.

They’re talking about me?

“Speak of the d-devil?” she asked as the door opened and everyone just stopped what they were saying.

“Tara,” Giles said. “We were – yes, actually we were just talking about you.”

“I – I don’t mean to steal her away from you,” she said. “If that’s what you’re thinking?”

“Willow?” Giles asked as everyone else made poo-poo noises. “You’re quite welcome to her, actually. Though – I hope you don’t think I meant that as it sounded.”

She smiled. “I’ll take her however I can get her.” Willow’s light kiss as she ran over took away the fear that they were actually talking about her. She knew her girlfriend well enough to understand that if Willow had needed to cover something up she’d have been laying it on thick, really thick. She wouldn’t have been able to help herself.

So… it wasn’t her, then… what? Running her fingertips up and down Willow’s arm, down to her hand where it briefly interlinked. Strangely since she was looking over Willow’s shoulder while her girlfriend kissed her, this kiss, that gesture seemed to soften what had threatened to be a quite strident mood in the room.

Was it about Diana then? It could’ve been, but none of these people had a personal stake in that, even though the Goddess had sent her here – albeit without instructions. And she really did have to engage with them on that topic but… this was a different problem and adding another one on the top of it didn’t feel like it’d be ideal.

“Faith?” she guessed.

No one had to say anything; she knew she was right just from their faces. “It’s – it’s not bad,” Willow said. The tone of her voice said ‘not yet’ though.

“Faith,” Buffy said, just to confirm it.

Ah, there was the ‘opposition’ then.

“C-can I sit down?”

“Sit next to me,” Anya said brightly, patting the seat.

And there was the audience, the baying crowd who didn’t really mind how things went because she had no personal stake in it. Bread and circuses. Of course, Anya had probably been around for her share of that.

“Thanks.” She took the offered spot, meeting Anya’s enthusiastic smile. She really did seem pleased to see her and have her sat there though.

So… who would be next to make their positions clear?

“We really weren’t trying to exclude you, Tara,” Giles said, obviously wanting to be the reasonable one. “It just seemed rather an opportune moment, while the rest of us were here, to discuss an issue that’s been allowed to drag on far too long.”

“In other words,” Xander added, “Faith’s was a pain in the ass before she turned bad, a bitch and a half when she did and now that she’s back… we don’t know what to think. But,” he added quickly, “I’m leaning towards asking her to leave town.”

“He knows what will make me happy,” Anya whispered to her conspiratorially, but easily loud enough for everyone to hear it. “He likes to make me happy. Any way he can.”

“That’s n-nice,” she said.

One against. One willing to been seen to be reasonable. One looking to keep his girlfriend happy, but otherwise feeling he had a connection to Faith based on being one of her boy-toys for a couple of hours. If that.

And Willow…

Willow who’d surely be feeling guilty enough to do what she asked. And… that wasn’t how she wanted to ‘win’ if there was such a thing as winning. Somehow she didn’t think that there was any good answer. Something convenient, something that gave some semblance of revenge on a girl who’d hurt them all? Was that in any way ‘good’?

But if Faith could turn over a new leaf? What then?

Wouldn’t that be good? No matter what Diana wanted or asked for, it didn’t have to be here. But being good rather than bad? Treating her badly now, when she was trying would surely be the final nail in the coffin. There’d be no way back from that, none at all.

And then people would get hurt.

“I – I’m not here to tell you what to do,” she said. “In fact I c-came here for something different but that can wait.”

“It’s okay, baby,” Willow said. “No one’s letting this be about you.”

Smiling, she could see that Willow was feeling bad – again. Nervous, worried, more worried than she should be too. She wasn’t about to let this come between them either. Nothing was worth that, all she had to do was show them that she just wanted what was best for everyone. Right?

“I know.”

“But you’re seriously deluded if you think Faith’s done enough to earn a free pass,” Buffy said. The Slayer’s arms were crossed; she was totally defensive, like she expected to be told that she was wrong, that she didn’t have any right to feel the way that she did.

“She shouldn’t have a free pass,” she said. “She’s done terrible things, I know.”

“Well, I’m glad we agree on that.” Buffy was obviously surprised.

“But she can do great things too,” she added. “You have, I bet Kendra did. And – well, I think there might’ve been another Slayer after Kendra and I bet she did too. But Faith’s supposed to – do great things I mean, isn’t she? Isn’t every Slayer supposed to do great things?”

“Actually,” Giles said, “those who have the good fortune to survive long enough would consider themselves accomplished to have done half of what Buffy managed before - ”

“Before I died.”

And there it was, Buffy was – probably quite rightly – focused on the fact that she’d died and set all this in motion. Was she feeling responsible? No, who felt responsible for dying?

Who had to ask themselves that question in normal, day to day discourse?

This was a whole other world she was into now, even if she’d had a taste of it in her life since she was just a little girl. These people fought against what she was going to become…

And maybe she knew, deep down, that she needed to demonstrate to them that someone could be saved, helped and turned around because… one day, otherwise, they might start looking at her the same way as they were looking at Faith now. Making decisions about some other girl’s life.

And maybe her death.

“She didn’t have any part of that,” she said, and it was the wrong thing to say because Buffy already knew it very, very well. But… “She’s not sorry,” she said.

“Umm – that was unexpected,” Xander said. “I thought you were on Faith’s side, Tara?”

“Shhh,” Anya retorted, looking for all the world like she was missing popcorn to dip into.

“No, she’s not sorry. She never will be. That’s not her,” Buffy agreed.

“And you’ll n-never get an apology from her either,” she admitted.

“Damn straight.”

“You’ll have to pardon the expression,” Anya said, putting a hand on her knee in a neighbourly fashion. “She doesn’t mean any offence - ”

“I know what she means,” she confirmed, smiling. If anything Anya’s chirping up took some of the tension away, because everyone had to react to her too. The ex-demon was a part of this too, part of their group. “Buffy, all that’s true. It is, I know. But can you tell me what you’d do with her instead?”

“We could, you know, send her to LA? Maybe Angel can find something to do with her? He solves problems for people, you know, people like… you guys,” Xander said.

“Whereas I just slay things?” Buffy challenged Xander’s suggestion.

She hadn’t ever met Angel, but she’d heard enough from Willow to understand Buffy’s reaction to suggesting he might be a good solution. ‘Complicated’ didn’t even begin to cover it, even though she had another – human – boyfriend now.

“Do you really think you can keep Faith anywhere she doesn’t want to be?” she asked.

“She was in that cage.”

“We’ve been through this. She let you keep her there, and you know it. I let her out, she could’ve run, she could’ve h-hurt me. She didn’t do any of that.”

“So because she chose not to beat you to a pulp, or maybe to stab you – did I mention that’s what she did to the poor guy she killed? – because of that, we’re supposed to give her a pass?”

“No, I’m saying she’s – she’s trying to change and I think she’s proven that.”

“Because she’s caught now.”

“Only because she chooses to be. You could get out of this, Buffy, you know you could, and Faith’s way more devious and willing to hurt people than you ever will be,” Willow said.

She was glad of a little moral support, even if Willow going to stay neutral-ish.

And should do, really.

She wanted to say that, she wanted to tell Willow not just to side with her because of gratitude or guilt or even because of love. Willow should only be on her side in this if she believed it was the right thing… because she found that she couldn’t be totally – one hundred percent - certain of what she was advocating. And that was a terrible position to be in.

Buffy was right, there were consequences if she was wrong. Real consequences for real people, if Faith went back on the word she actually hadn’t ever even given. If this was the long game the Slayer was playing, trying to win someone over just to do something even more horrible further down the line.

But she trusted in Diana and Diana said they needed Faith. If Willow was convinced, if Willow would back her on it because she believed it, then that’d go a long way to quieting her worries about the possibility of being wrong. But, for her, it still came down to a question of what else were they going to do? Throw away the key?

Giles was the one who forestalled Buffy’s retort, and it looked like it was about to be a doozy. “Tara has a point there, at least. Just for a moment, let’s look past the debate regarding Faith’s motives,” he said quickly. “And move on to what she’s supposed to do if she remains at liberty – which may be something that’s outside of our hands anyway. We can’t forget she’s still wanted by the Council.”

“You – you could say something to them though?” Tara asked.

“Given cause, yes, perhaps I could. Whether they’d listen is another matter entirely.”

“I can’t believe we’re talking about this – now you’re going to speak for her to the Council?”

“Not without good cause, not without seeing a real turn around in her and prolonged benefits to her continued liberty,” Giles assured his Slayer.

Buffy threw up her hands. “Why am I coming off as the bad guy here? She’s a murderer.”

“And she slept with your boyfriend,” Anya said. “What? I’m just saying, when I was – well, when I was with my former employer, that was usually the sort of thing that made people call on my services. Most of the time it was about sex and before… I never really understood why that made people go so crazy, it seemed so simple. But now I do. Look at me, I’m growing as a person.”

Tara blinked once, twice, took a deep breath and strenuously ignored that little tale. It seemed the easiest way.

“I think Mister Giles is right,” she said.

“Honey, please,” Xander interrupted and then realised Willow was glaring at him. “Sorry, I mean, Tara… If you want to fit in with the cool kids, then call him Giles like everyone else.”

“I still think Mister Giles is right,” she continued, not willing to abandon the title since it seemed to please him.

“Or Rupert, if you prefer,” the man himself offered.

Never in her life had she considered calling someone Rupert. It was one of those words or names that she’d never thought would pass her lips.

“How come she gets to call you Rupert?” Willow asked. “Not that I’m complaining, because of how – never mind.”

“The four of you have known me since High School and we have a professional relationship. It wouldn’t have been seemly to - ”

“Faith,” Buffy said firmly. “We were talking about Faith.”

“Tara was just saying that she thought I was right.”

She nodded. “Faith has to prove herself, no question. We each – all of us – need to be satisfied that she’s doing better than no harm; she’s got to be helping people. Even if it’s not helping us.”

“What do you mean by that?” Buffy asked, eyes narrowing. “Don’t you think I want to keep my eye on her?”

“P-probably,” Tara agreed. “But I don’t think you want her around so much, so putting yourself in a position where you have to deal with her all the time…” She shrugged. “I j-just think you might be setting yourself up for a lot of stress?”

“Exactly,” Buffy replied. “That’s what Faith is. She’s a lot of stress. Always has been, doesn’t look like she’s letting up anytime soon either. And that’s on a good day. So tell me please, Tara, who’s going to watch out for her if I’m not?”

“M-me?” she suggested.

“You?”

“Uhuh.”

“Well, I don’t know you that well,” Buffy said, stopping Willow from interrupting. “Willow loves you and I’m happy that the two of you have found each other. I look forward to us all being even closer, but I don’t know you nearly well enough to just take your word for it that Faith’s turned over a new leaf. And… not to be Debbie Downer, but if she decided to run rings around you or to do something bad, then I don’t think you could stop her.”

“Tara’s a powerful witch,” Willow said, sticking up for her. “Better than I am.”

“N-not really.”

“That doesn’t count for a lot if you’ve got a knife stuck in your gut,” Buffy said, but softened just a touch when Willow winced. “I’m sorry, but there it is. I can’t trust Faith not to try and hurt the people I love, and I really, really hope that includes you, Tara. I’m not down on you, I’m not, but I’m down on this idea because I think it sucks ass. Come up with something else and I’ll be on the Tara train, first stop Willow. But this…?”

“This is beginning to become unproductive,” Giles said.

“Ya think?”

“What – what would it take?” Tara asked. “What would it take to get her a chance?”

************************

[Missocki]

Dibs

Anya. Dear Lord. I love that lady. The whole cookie thing, Also, points for Anya for the "no offense" after the "Damn Straight." I liked that Anya wanted Tara to sit next to her and tried to make her feel welcome.
Giles was so adorable, "You can call me Rupert." Wills not loving that, even better.

I do understand the group's distrust of Faith, but I love that Tara is sticking to her guns. I am glad that you brought the debate on Faith back into the discussion for the Scoobies. It was definitely needed, regardless of what the Scoobies decide. I do wonder what the gang, rather Buffy, wants of Faith as a sign, of well, faith. Buffy was irking my nerves ganging up on Tara a bit, but we do know of the anger Buffy about Faith. Can't wait to find out where things go for the Faith.

So is Buffy still with Eddie then? It seemed like it with the "my boyfriend" line, but it's been a while since we've heard from him. Of course Buffy and Eddie aren't our focus, *wink*, so pfft.

[Kajun]

Katharyn, Heehee.. I just love Anya. As usual, you nail her odd way of speaking. She’s over a thousand years old. Who’s to say she’s never been in a lesbian relationship? Although.. the fact that she thinks Xander is a stud muffin makes me believe she didn’t have much luck in the sex department. We know (from future canon) she dated a troll and now she’s with an idiot. LOL Still.. she’s a lot smarter than anyone gives her credit despite her choice of boy toys. Plus.. she’s nice to Tara.

I don’t think the scoobies have a right to decide what happens to Faith. They can call the council or try to keep her locked up but the fact is, she is a Slayer; they have no authority over her. Does Buffy think anyone is the boss of her? No. Not Joyce, not Giles and certainly not the counsel. When Faith first arrived, they didn’t give her an honest chance to be part of the group. This isn’t just about them trusting Faith. Faith needs to be able to trust them too!

Kendra was called and died because of Buffy. Not Faith. They need to take responsibility for their own roles in everything that has happened since Buffy arrived in Sunnydale. They won’t forget anything Faith has done but they sure forgot all about Jenny and Angelus’s role in her death. He killed a lot of innocent people because of her unwillingness stake him when she had the chance. That’s all on Buffy. So there. Sorry.. Sometimes her holier than thou attitude really pisses me off.

Anyhoo.. I’m always on Tara’s side. If they give her any shit then.. release the hounds!! LOL

[DaddyCatALSO]

Quick ones since I didn't have time to finish:

!- Yes, this is a great Anya, Tone right on.

2-Where does Buffy get the diea another SLayer came between Kendra and Faith. I know Faith was with her first Watcher before she was called and *some* of her advetures probably happened then btu from how she spoke she'd beena fully empowered Saleyr for a while beofre comming west and it's only the time between US TV seasons, 5 months tops.

[love_2003]

I love that Anya is so welcoming of Tara; I think a part of it is because she knows that Tara wont try and take Xander away. I think that if Tara were to look after Faith then she would be ok; I don't think Diana would let anything happen to either of them. Looking forward to everyone's reaction when/if Tara tell them that Diana wants to visit Hades.

[DaddyCatALSO]

Plus Anya might already see Tara as the social ally she became on the show, fellow newcomer etc.

But what was with Xander's "honey"? Did he get mixed up and face Tara while thinking of soemthign to say to Anya? Because I can't see even *him* saying that on purpose to a woman he barely knows and who's invovlved.

[Katharyn]

Thank you all very much

Missocki - Yeah, you have to love Anya as a character. I did - in Sidestep - want to do more with Anyanka as a final act, however the story never came together and she wouldn't have been as fun as Anya. Like I said somewhere in the text (you may not have seen it yet) Faith has a mouth on her because she doesn't care, but Anya is just oblivious! With Willow babble, Faith and Anya... there's nothing I can't put in someone's mouth. (Pun intended!)

Part of why the group (Anya and Giles) are so good to Tara is to make clear that the doubts about Faith aren't a personal thing. I think some readers see it as being harsh on Tara or not trusting her (and they barely know her yet) but no, it's all about Faith! Which is kind of what you mention, and I wouldn't disagree. In a way, Buffy's actually being professional for once. Course she's doing it out of anger...

And yeah, she is still with Eddie. You're right though, unless there's an opportunity or I need him, I won't show everything about all the characters. But be assured if/when they split up Willow will hear about it from Buffy and so will you.

Thank you

Kajun - See, I got your name right!

Anya and the woman loving? See... we're going there. Seriously. Absolutely happening in Season 5.

Which raises an interesting point, we did find out later that she had affairs with all sorts of people and wasn't 'desperate' or 'inexperienced' when she met Xander. So I choose to interpret the difference as she's human again now. Back when she was first alive, before being a demon, she had a bad time. It was a long time ago and obviously something happened that made her be recruited to be a vengeance demon. Now she's human again, she has all the chemical responses to have feelings as well as sex... Just my reading, won't matter in the story.

Actually, I think the scoobs are the better choice to decide on Faith. Their decision is really let her go/work with her or give her to the Council. It's not like they'd be killing her themselves... So doing what you suggest they should is actually the 'negative option' here. Maybe that becomes clearer next part and I am spoiling you

I think Buffy's point about Kendra is (or was meant to be!) that Buffy did what she did and died. Kendra did her job and died. Another Slayer (I will get to that below) did the same. Faith... she's not doing what she should with the power she should. But I never claimed Buffy wasn't a hypocrite. It was just that no one called her on it. Which is how she ended up as she did (well, technically the writers did that to her but....)

Thank you again!

And thank you, Daddycatalso - Much appreciated, I like it when something sounds right to you guys! Believe me, it doesn't get written that way, all that comes in redraft when I read it aloud to myself.

The 'other Slayer' is my own personal contrivance. I didn't want Faith meeting Kendra, but I did want her meeting a Slayer by pure chance. So... an extra one. Also I liked the life lesson that actually, you could die - as a Slayer - in the wink of an eye. Sometimes, you might not even get past your first few nights. If I didn't include that in text already then it will definitely come out in the future, however I see it as Faith told Tara (while in the cage) and Tara mentioned it to Buffy and the others.

And your second comment picks up what love_2003 was saying so I will deal with that there, however (and I haven't checked) I believe that 'honey' was Xander talking to Anya. I could've mislabeled the dialogue or maybe it just wasn't clear. Someone a character talks to different people in the same paragraph... I may not have switched it around clearly enough or you maybe misread LOL

Thanks!

Love_2003 - Certainly, Anya has no fear of Tara. And I'd agree also with what Daddycatalso said about the ongoing social ally, the newcomer (though not as much 'the girlfriend' as in this version Tara is more integral than canon)

And yes, everyone will find out about the Hades thing, but it comes towards the end of the season (at least the 'visit' if not the news)

Interesting final point on Anya in the story - interesting to me - one of my regrets now that I've got so close to a finalised draft is that I never quite worked in a dynamic I wanted to cover. That was kind of the Amy adopting Penny as her BFF in Big Bang Theory (if you know that show) without Penny getting much of a choice until she just accepts it. I really had that in mind as where I wanted to go, but the story was long enough. I never said it 'didn't happen' but not quite there either... I wanted to. Maybe Annie made that a little redundant too.

Thank you so much

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

Okay, faithful, wonderful readers...

I've got 1.5 bonus chapters I will be inserting in the story (probably summer between S4 and S5.) These will be the last additions I make before devoting the 12th month of writing this to the finale.

So far so good... But I'm offering the chance to fill that other 0.5 part slot. A scene really or else that part will be too small to include.

Funny ideas, lines, things you wish you could see. No drama but just funny, sexyor happy ideas for summer (I have the canon stuff covered)

Give me an idea and I will write it and give credit of course

Thanks
Katharyn