Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - Chapter 176 - 01/27/14 - COMPLETE

[JustSkipIt]

Absolutely fantastic. I have to confess that I could not figure out where Tara was running with Oz. Obviously not to the classroom. Then I thought the laundry room? Buffy's room? I did not think of Oz/Faith's crypt. I loved it! You do inner dialog and outer dialog (if that's a thing) so well that it's easy to forget how exciting and flowing your action is too. You have just the right amount of Tara running, Tara dodging, Faith distracting, Faith fighting. You can sense the affection Tara and Faith have with each other. Even trust.

Also I was amused by Faith's distracting taunt. I think that the first thing Faith said to Oz might have been "Hey as long as you don't bite me or try to hump my leg we're 5x5" or something like that. So this is when they became not 5x5. Oh yeah. Also when he tried to murder her friend in daylight.

[Katharyn]

I somehow knew that would go down well - at least once I knew that you'd taken to Faith's continued presence well (and yes, I did have to think about that!)

Azirahael - Thank you so much! I'm not sure Faith 'only' knocked him unconcious because she wouldn't have to kill him, though lack of ability to kill him in wolf form may have been an issue

I have to remember to keep Faith as what she should be. She's got regrets, but she's not changed her whole personality. Also, she wouldn't regret this at all!

Thanks again!

Missocki - I have to say, there's a couple of comments about it being Faith and... honestly, I came up with that through practicality. When I locked her up I did it where I did because... well, where else if not jail? Then if Tara couldn't be sure where anyone who could help (Buffy) was or being too far away (Diana) then Faith kind of became the only practical option. She wasn't really thinking beyond that and neither was I!!

As for the reactions of the others... I really can't say now!

Once again, the Oz thing had to be done. He had to go wolfy because at the end of the day that is what sends him away. Maybe he would when he realised Tara and Willow were right together. Maybe, but he really left because he couldn't control himself around her. That's something that hasn't changed because of the small changes made in this reality... so it had to happen that way.

Or will LOL...

Thanks

Willow_friendly - When Oz wakes up... he won't remember much, I guess, but he'll be in pain as you say! And it can only help Faith... probably... Thanks so much!

Faolan - I had to give that Tara/Faith scene for old times sake... I mean, for me, it's a classic And if I can do that to help drown out the bad elements of NMR then... yay! What conclusion do you think the scoobies will jump to about Faith? Curious... Thanks!

Kajun - True, that could be another con. All he'd need was a sniff. You'll find out more that Willow did in that class in the next part And yes, you make the point I was referring to above very eloquently. In fairness, in canon, that is why he left... On the other hand, I'd rather he left because Willow was happy with someone else but... I was willing to take it!

Again, as I referred to above. Tara went to Faith for practical reasons. The fact that it works nicely for the story was a happy accident! I love that you're liking this, it's a big factor in pushing on Thanks

Grimm - Oh yeah, she wouldn't have stopped either... even if she couldn't kill him. For her, that might've been a test of stamina... It's fair to say that Willow will have to adapt to that situation... and not far off too.

You've very helpfully reminded me of something I shan't admit now but I hadn't actually considered... LOL So I will thank you even though I won't tell you what... And thanks for the very fulsome praise It's nice to have feedback and it's extra nice to see when something really works for you.

Your final question... Okay, I think the scenario you are referring to was like the basis of someone elses fic. Knowing that I wouldn't go there (even though my stories may be similar to lots of fic I haven't heard of!) No. I'm not making Tara a dog.

One bitch is enough in any friendship

Justskipit - Hey, thanks very much! It was your comment that prompted my explanation of Tara's practicality above, so thanks for that opportunity (you may have noticed I like to explain my thoughts!)

The inner dialogue stuff... LOL. You may have seen me say before, I started that because I HATED literature class where we had to pretend that the teacher knew the motivation of the writer and what (s)he was trying to say blah blah. Screw that. I want you to know what I'm trying to say (add all you want in after!) Inner dialogue lets me do that without verbal exposition out the jacksie LOL Often I don't balance it too well, and often I let it get in the way of the flow of action. So I am VERY pleased if this worked for you in that regard. I've been trying to control myself a little more in that regard Thanks!

Faith is going to be nothing if not irreverent while she is around. I am deliberately using Krista's greetings from Effing Dykes website when Tara (or Willow) walks into a scene where she is present. We'll probably get through a few euphemisms. But it's not limited to just them. For as long as I can, I'm going to keep her mouthing off... She's pretty much the reason for the mildly offensive language warning on the notes of every part. I mean... come on, does anyone believe that - once not on prime-time US TV - this girl isn't going to cuss? Uh-uh...

Thanks so very much

In the next part... Willow finds out.

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Fifty-Five
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: Faith helped Tara, so now she can get all extra-flamey with Willow, right? Umm, no. There’s more before that…
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: Remember the fact you’ve had a nice, long chapter here… just so when I give you a shorter one, it’s all balancing out.
In part it’s long because there are times when things just come together and work. That eludes me sometimes; this entire fic – even at part 55 – still has no ending (I write this in the first draft, I’ll have figured it out by the time you all get here!) (REDRAFT EDIT – and I did!) But in this part… everything just came together. I had loads of fun with the events that unfold around Oz being taken by the Initiative and naturally with Faith and Tara’s scenes together. I’ve referred to it before, but I loved to put them together in Sidestep, but in that there was a Faith-like edge to Tara too, they were almost kindred spirits. But here Tara is just… Tara. She’s not some super-witch all clued up on what to do. She’s just a good person with a few extra skills who knows who to run at the right time. All invaluable skills, she’d definitely agree.
Anyhow, what I enjoy writing and think everyone should love just as much often means much less to the readers than other parts I am all ‘meh’ about… That’s the way it goes. But I loved doing this stuff so… tough 
Music: Today’s music has been Seal. Why? No particular reason. But is it wrong that I’m having Heidi Klum thoughts? I didn’t really like her when she was younger, but that woman has just gotten better with age and kids. LOL.




One thing about pretending to read, it left you lots of time to think about other stuff. More time than you had when you were pretending to pay attention to your lecture. Also, and this was a bonus, there was the risk of everyone figuring out that wasn’t what you were doing at all.

Or falling asleep. There hadn’t been drool, and it hadn’t been for more than a second or two and, yes, it was a boring lecture from a professor who knew less about his subject than she did but…

Shouldn’t have done that.

Lots of things I shouldn’t have done recently. Lots I should have done too.

Heading to the library gave her that chance to think. That safe place. And she’d always found them comforting as places too. There was nowhere she’d felt more at home than a library, even one she was still fairly new to. Nowhere except… Well, waking up with a certain someone, she’d felt more at home then.

More at home with that certain someone than even surrounded by knowledge… just waiting to be tapped. Pro for Tara… if she’d been making that list she’d started. Pro for Tara.

And in here you’d have thought that nothing would happen to disturb her thought process, but since thinking wasn’t getting her anywhere – she was no better off now than she had been several hours ago in terms of knowing what to do – an interruption wasn’t unwelcome.

From what she could hear, the disturbance seemed to be about a library card or more about not having one. And, a few moments later, she was faced with Tara. Who did have a library card so… that made no sense. Tara who was something of a mess and obviously upset.

Yeah, I did that… Yay me. Way to go Rosenberg.

“Tara? What’s happened? Are you okay?” she urgently when she got over herself and realised this was about more than just being upset.

Tara hesitated, just for a second but then explained. “It’s - Oz. We were talking and – and – he found out about us, he smelled you on me – your sweater, I mean not - and he changed, right in front of me. He changed into a wolf, Willow.”

Okay, some things just weren’t supposed to be possible. “What? Are you sure?” What a stupid question. No one mistook not shaving for a werewolf. “But it’s daylight!”

“I know!” Tara insisted. “But it happened.”

Oz had changed and gone after Tara. He’d gone after Tara as a wolf. “Oh my God, are you all right? Did he hurt you? He didn’t hurt you did he? Were you bitten?”

“I’m fine – I think – I mean – I ran to… I went to Faith.”

“Faith!?”

“I had to – I didn’t know where you or Buffy would be or even if you were on campus – I had to go to her - ”

“No,” Willow said, taking her hand, seeing just how upset Tara really was. The calm she was trying to project was instantly cast aside by the flow of energy between them. Tara knew that she was terrified for her. “You’re right, you’re all right and that’s what matters. She really helped you? Faith?”

“She saved my life, Willow,” Tara said. “I didn’t get bitten or anything. He’d have - ”

Killed her.

“I know, you don’t need to say it.” She’d seen what Oz had done to deer when he was wolfy. Pet cats had disappeared entirely, gone in a mouthful. “But – it’s good. It’s good…” This was all too much and she was uncertain what she ought to be thinking. Tara had been in danger but Tara was fine. Oz had changed, during the day, and gone after her but… Faith? “So… where’s Oz?”

“We locked him in Faith’s cage,” Tara said. “It seemed like the best idea, I mean –”

Since it had originally been Oz’s cage, well yeah… “That’s a good plan,” she agreed. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I fell on my butt,” Tara moaned and, even though she wasn’t joking about it, Willow had to break out in a relieved smile. She had to let go of the immediate build-up of tension and all of that she’d already been under. She moved a little closer to Tara, still holding her hands. Not together but inside her personal space. That in-between zone they’d occupied so easily until…

He came back and now look what he’s done. Look at what I’ve done…

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Willow said. Wanting to hold her. To tell her it’d be okay, that she’d kiss it better or something but… she couldn’t offer Tara that hope, just in case it might yet be false. It wouldn’t be fair, it’d be cruel. So she just held her hand, even though… Tara would make it better. Tara made it better. Everything.

I can smell her. We’re so close… I could just fall into her arms, kiss her. End all this.

But Oz had just tried to kill Tara… In the daytime. Because of me. That was the danger that she brought to this girl, this woman… a boyfriend who was a werewolf and jealous enough to break all the supernatural laws… Okay, the moon was out somewhere around the world, but not here. Not here.

Tara was alive though, which was all that mattered about that but… “Is he okay?” she had to ask. Faith wasn’t known for being gentle and even if a werewolf could regenerate nearly any injury not inflicted with silver…

“He’s just fine,” Faith said. “Way to get your priorities straight, but I guess you’re not entirely straight anymore… or are you?”

“What are you – what’s she - ?!” Willow started, alarmed and but Tara had hold of her hand and the renegade Slayer had just saved Tara’s life. So this was the person who didn’t have a card to get into the library then. One more crime to rack up…

But Faith had saved Tara. And the venom in her words wasn’t so unusual but… this time it was siding with Tara. Her world was truly askew… How had that ever happened? The girl she hated and the girl she loved – on the same side?

Faith saved her life… So… she kind of saved my life too.

“The leg humper’s sleeping off a kicking. He’ll have a sore head and a few other sore spots,” Faith said. “But I didn’t do anything permanent.”

“Like you could – you need silver to really hurt him, what are you doing here anyway?” It was easy to let animosity boil up, that was just her default setting with Faith. No matter what good she’d done. Again…

“Oh, I’m looking for silver,” Faith taunted.

“What’s she doing here?” she asked Tara instead, knowing that she and Faith could easily fall into old patterns and she needed answers.

“Gee, thanks for saving the girl that gets me wet, Faith. I really do appreciate it.”

Tara ignored Faith’s taunt too. “I asked her to come, she saved my life, Willow. She saved me from Oz.”

Yeah… that. She knew it but…

Willow glared at the Slayer, found that glare returned and then some before Faith broke it off as she always had, like having a mortal enemy didn’t even matter to her. “Go on, you can do it. Just try… a few words. I’ll even tell you what you should say. If you don’t like the ‘wet’ thing. Let’s try, ‘Thank you very much, Faith. I’m sure.’ Then I’d say, ‘And you’re absolutely welcome, Willow, don’t worry about the fact that I just saved your girlfriend from your boyfriend.’”

She thought about a genuine expression of thanks, but figured Faith didn’t really want it. Which was… reason enough to do what she ought. “Thanks,” she mumbled.

“And let this be a lesson. This is exactly why I screw them and leave them,” Faith said. “No one I ever fucked went pyscho and tried to kill anyone. Can you and Bee say the same? No? Well, as my pop used to say, 'thus endeth the lesson.'"

“Take me to him,” Willow said.

-----------------------

“He was – he was right here,” Tara said, looking at the empty cage, its door stood insultingly open.

“Maybe he woke up as Oz again and let himself out,” Willow mumbled.

“What you think I was just sat in there like a lemon because it was comfortable?” Faith asked. “If I could have gotten out of there I would.”

Tara wasn’t so sure about that, it’d seemed to her like Faith had accepted her lot and was just rolling with it, at least until they decided what they were going to do with her. Then she’d have escaped, if she needed to. She was still hanging around now, even though she could’ve run and neither of them could – or probably would’ve - tried to stop her. Not with everything else that was going on.

And then there was the gratitude. Faith had surely earned her freedom, even if other arrangements still had to be made to make sure…

“The lock looks kind of busted,” Tara said. And not by three hundred pounds of werewolf throwing itself against the door from the inside.

Faith peered over her shoulder. “Hmm, you’re right. It was blown, small charge.” She shrugged as they both looked at her. “What? This is what I do. Personally I like to kick doors in but the Mayo… Well, he had some people who were a little more… technical.”

“You’d know about blowing anyway,” Willow mumbled under her breath and Tara reached out, took her hand and squeezed it. Both to ask her to stop taunting Faith but also to assure her that it was okay, that they’d find him.

They had to find him. She knew that.

“Seems like you might be learning a few tricks of your own, Red,” Faith countered. “Dogs and girls, got to admit you’re kinkier than I ever thought you would be, it’s always the quiet ones. Ever do it - ”

“Shut up!” Tara interrupted the pair of them before they could get any further into their bickering. Even after just a few minutes they were getting to her. If it wasn’t so serious and dangerous you’d have thought they were siblings, rivals their entire lives. But without the love. “We – we – um…” They’d both shut their mouths, which was kind of what she’d hoped for but now what? “We have to – umm, what do we think took him?”

“Council,” Faith said simply, but at the same time Willow came out with “the Initiative.”

“What’s the Initiative?” Faith asked.

“You didn’t tell her?”

Tara shook her head at Willow’s question. It hadn’t seemed all that relevant, she wasn’t about to give Faith over into the hands of someone who was as likely to cut her up as to just keep her safely locked up. No one deserved that.

“Bunch of commando guys,” Willow said. “We’re up above their secret base right now and they work for the government.”

“Who’d have thunk it, something else my pop said was true,” Faith commented. “They’re the ones who let this ‘Adam’ get away from them?”

Tara nodded, she’d told her that much when they talked. Just not put a name to it’d origins. “You don’t think - ” She looked at the lock. Could this have been Adam?

Willow shook her head, perhaps more in hope than anything else. “No, this wasn’t anything that could’ve ripped the door off its hinges. I’d think it takes skill and knowledge to place an explosive properly to do the job?”

“Makes sense,” Faith agreed. “What? I can’t agree with you?”

“It’s just… unexpected,” Willow said.

“Okay, let’s try and make it two for two,” Faith said. “This one’s much better than the dog boy. You traded up. Do you agree? Maybe you two can just forget about this and go have some spectacular, wet make up sex.”

“Faith…” Tara said and the Slayer held up her hands apologetically.

“We’ll find him,” Tara promised. “We will.” Willow was staring down at the ground, as if she could see right through the concrete, pipes and earth down into the secret government lair that had first spawned a big bad and now swallowed up her boyfriend. “They – they just thought he was dangerous. I’m sure if they find out he’s a person that…”

Willow didn’t need it spelling out; she knew very well that what Tara was saying might not work out that way, or anything close to it. After all lots of people must’ve seen the ‘big dog’ running through the campus and chasing her. They’d known he was dangerous, even if they didn’t know exactly what he was. Seemed like the Initiative might not care too much. “They might hurt him,” she admitted.

“I… Tara, I have to go. I have to find Buffy.”

“What am I?” Faith asked. “Chopped liver? You’ve got a Slayer right here, baby. And if a hottie like Tara was into me, I’d not be running after my boyfriend who can lick his own balls – seems to me you can leave him to that. He’ll be happy enough in a kennel - ”

“Shut. Up. Or I can put you back in your cage, now it’s vacant,” Willow said, her tone utterly threatening.

“You think? You and what army? Oh, yeah, they’re the ones who’ve got him.”

“Just try me,” Willow said. “Tara, I know she helped you but I can’t trust her – not with this. So… I have to go – you know - ”

“I know,” Tara agreed, watching Willow run away. But not away from her, rather towards saving Oz.

Somehow it felt like the same thing.

-----------------------

“I’m not certain,” Giles said, “that the American government will appreciate a full frontal assault on one of their facilities, let alone a secret one. In fact I’m quite sure they’re going to be even touchier about it when it’s a secret.”

“We are the people,” Buffy said.

“Yeah, and we’re taxpayers,” Willow said. “Or at least, you are. You do pay taxes, don’t you?”

“When I have work,” Giles said. “As a foreigner with a work visa, I could find myself unceremoniously dumped on a plane. After they put me in jail for the rest of my working life. Oh, that’s if they don’t shoot on sight. So, I don’t imagine that saying I paid for part of this will get us very far either…”

“No, you’re right, that might not get us very far but, this might,” Willow said. Every second counted, as they’d already said, even if the Initiative probably hadn’t gotten around to doing anything to Oz yet. They’d want to study him alive before they got to the part that might change that status. Right?

That was the hope no one was talking about.

“What is it?”

“I’ve been going through the files I downloaded,” Willow said. “Looking for anything about werewolves. The first thing, the good news – I think – is that they’ve never had one before so… hopefully they’ll hold off on hurting him.” She couldn’t help it, she started tearing up and Buffy’s hand closed on her shoulder supportively.

“But the main thing,” she continued - gathering herself and squeezing Buffy’s hand back - “is this… A backdoor.”

“Okay,” Buffy said. “Wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t comment this is awfully convenient. And also, maybe, asking why would they’d leave it open?”

“They probably haven’t,” Willow accepted, even though the files looked to suggest that, perhaps, they wouldn’t have much trouble with it, “but since we don’t know anyone down there that can let us in, what else can we do? At least the backdoor won’t attract as much attention as the front if we break it down.”

“True,” Buffy agreed. “But we might want to try a little subtlety.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you heard of the Trojan horse?” Buffy asked.

Unsurprisingly everyone in the room was able to say ‘yes’.

“Oh. I thought maybe it was just me that’d done the reading. But – umm - well, we give them something they think they want and…?” She shrugged.

“Sneak inside under that cover?” Giles finished.

“Whatever you think, Buffy,” Willow said, willing to try whatever plan they could agree on. “But we have to do it fast. What do you need?”

“Three volunteers,” Buffy said.

“Oh, that’s easy - ”

“No, Will, I think we might have to go looking for them.”

------------------------------

“Ohhh, yeah.” Faith moaned in deep appreciation. “Fuck me!”

“It’s g-good?” Tara asked.

“You sure do know how to please a girl, Tara,” Faith said. “But we already knew that.”

“Shut up and eat your burger.”

“Hey, I’m on your side,” Faith said through another mouthful. “I’d much rather see Red with you than the dog boy. She’s not my taste, of course, she looks like she’d break as soon as you threw her legs over your shoulders but hey… Each to their own.”

“Why do you have to keep t-talking like that?” Tara asked.

“My ‘dirty mouth’?” Faith grinned, wiping away ketchup from around it. “You ought to be used to it by now.”

And she supposed she was. “N-no, I mean about Willow…”

“She’ll choose you,” Faith said.

Tara couldn’t help it; a surge of hope spiked through her at that moment when someone else told her what was going to happen. That it was Faith only spoiled things when she thought about what that meant. The girl wasn’t renowned for her good judgement, even if she was obviously very observant.

“I – I don’t want to talk about it,” Tara said.

“Sure you do. You just don’t want to talk about it with me and not while the hairy mother-humper’s still down there and being filleted like a fish.”

She gave Faith a look, tearing her eyes away from the not entirely clean table top.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that,” Faith said. “Just because I’m a bitch doesn’t mean I don’t get it. That’s what most of those fuckers don’t understand. I get it, I really do. The thing is, I just don’t care.”

Actually Tara kind of had her doubts about that. “You want another burger?” she asked, figuring that her life had to be worth a couple more. It wasn’t like they’d been starving Faith, far from it, but all the action seemed to have awakened a Slayer sized appetite. Willow had mentioned something about their metabolism being really fast.

They might need her to be fully fed, depending on what happened next.

“Mmm, no, I’m good. You eat like a bird though. You should eat more. Try a burger.”

“I’m – I’m fine,” Tara said, recoiling from the greasy ‘meat’. She was fine with burgers and real meat, but this barely rated as food, it was just something to fill your stomach, nutritional value be damned. “What – what was that?”

She’d seen something through the window, it’d looked like… It’d looked like a demon and it had flashed past right here in the middle of campus in the early evening. Of Faith there was now no sign, just a three-quarter eaten burger rocking on the plastic tray.

“Faith!” She picked up her bag and hurried after the Slayer who’d saved her life.

What else was she supposed to do?

----------------------

“Now this is what I call a target rich environment,” Buffy said, fighting her third demon in quick succession. These were the stupid kind who lined up one by one to take her on.

“You’ve been watching too many mo-VIES,” Willow shrieked as one of the demons almost clattered into her on its way down.

“Maybe, I guess I am a product of my generation,” Buffy said, neatly snapping a neck with a crack that Willow found went right through her.

“I think that first one’s still alive,” Willow pointed out.

“Good!”

“The other ran away!” She sidestepped again, dodging the red skinned demons that resembled anyone’s idea of what something that climbed out of hell was supposed to look like. Not only was it red skinned, but it had actual horns and a visage that made it look like there was a devilish moustache on each of the top lips. It wasn’t actually hair, but that was what it looked like.

Oh, and they were all the same. Identikit demons. As if they’d been made and there wa sonly one pattern.

“Buffy,” Xander said, struggling with one of the demons himself. “Commando guys at three o’clock. No, you’re other three o’clock. Okay, it’s more like five – but - ”

“Over there,” Willow corrected for him as Buffy took the demon off his hands.

“Now that’s what we need,” Buffy said, pleased that her volunteers had actually arrived.

“Don’t get blood on the uniform,” Willow reminded her.

“Good point to remember, thanks!” Buffy called back to her, and then… “Hey guys!” Big smiles no doubt and they wouldn’t have stopped until… Yeah… it was just like watching TV. And she might’ve guessed, but boxers and vests, that was what army guys wore under their commando gear.

Buffy was just a little too efficient at stripping the comatose guys to believe she hadn’t been practising.

The next thing was size was also an issue… Even sharing the three uniforms around as best as they could manage, Xander’s was short in the leg, up around his ankle. Buffy’s was so tight over her bust that it was verging on the indecent while… well, being left with ‘the other one’ she was swamped by the pants and the top.

“This isn’t going to work,” Willow said, even though she was the one who just needed to get down there. She tugged at the clothes, trying to get them to hang better.

“Okay, I’ve got a better idea,” Buffy said, “let’s stop by the science labs; see if we can’t find a white coat. Maybe two…”

“I’m thinking two,” Xander said, staring at her boobs in a way that Anya definitely wouldn’t have appreciated. But they were right there and they weren’t going anywhere either, not in that uniform. “Then I can take the other uniform.”

“Hurry,” Willow said. “Something’s going on – it must be. So many demons, commando guys? And we need to snatch one of the demons too, or are we good with this one even if we go to the labs?” She put her foot on the back of the demon Buffy had knocked out instead of killing it.

Buffy looked down at it. “Hmm, we’re good. I think. This guy doesn’t weigh much more than me. He’s just a strong little thing.”

“You really want to carry him?” Xander asked, probably from the point of view of someone who expected to have to do the heavy lifting but had some doubt about his ability to pull it off.

Also, chicks in lab coats didn’t usually manhandle the specimens.

Buffy wasn’t wearing a lab coat yet though. “Fine, I’ll do it.” Buffy hefted the guy up onto her shoulder, putting the rest of them to shame.

Xander just gave a ‘what can you do?’ shrug and then said, “To the labs!”

Of course that probably sounded better if you charged off, like Batman, and swung down a pole into the secret lair. Instead, they picked their way around campus, trying to keep people’s eyes off the demon as well as Buffy’s cleavage which was just as obvious when the sweater was so, indecently tight to the point of just look ridiculous.

“It’s almost like they want to be grabbed…” Willow murmured.

“I know!” Xander replied, still looking at Buffy. “Anya would kill me for even noticing but - ”

“The demons,” Willow said patiently while Buffy glowered.

“Totally. The demons. That’s what I meant too. The demons want to be grabbed. I certainly wasn’t talking about anything else. Not at all. No Sir. Ma’am. No Ma’am.”

“Okay, Xander,” Buffy said, “I want you to cast your mind back to your night as army guy. You understand the military mind-set.” Willow was pretty certain it was still appreciative of boobs. But that might not be what Buffy meant.

“I do.”

“So think back, picture yourself… Now, think about what your superior’s going to do if you keep staring at her boobs.”

Oh yes, it was what she meant.

“Umm.”

“Then factor in that I’m me and your not in the army…”

“Umm.”

“Now remember what I did to Parker.”

“Umm.”

“So, are we good now? Are you focused?”

“We’ll be better when you’re in a lab coat,” Willow interjected on his behalf. “But, you know, they are pretty… out there.”

“It’s not my fault we clobbered the three tiniest guys in the Initiative,” Buffy moaned, but let it go then – perhaps mindful of the fact that just a few hours earlier Willow had come out to her and she’d been ‘totally fine’ with that. Now that same room mate was cognisant of her boobs? That must be giving her something to think about… Or maybe it would later.

“We just need to get down there,” Willow said.

Nodding stiffly – what else did you do with a demon over your shoulder – they made their way through and around milling demons, more army guys and yes, actually some people with lab coats and clipboards observing what was going on. But rather than clobber them it was easier to just grab white coats from the college labs instead.

More comfortable once she’d changed, Buffy checked on the demon, then punched it in the head again as it showed too many signs of stirring… maybe.

“He’ll be alright,” Buffy said, but she’d waited until Xander had crossed the room to look out of the window to say it. She meant Oz and she was about to ask the awkward question too.

“I know,” Willow replied. “We’ll get there in the nick of time and save him from a fate worse than…” That thing she didn’t want to mention or even think about.

“Do you know what you’re going to do yet?”

“I don’t have time to think about it…”

-----------------

“Now this is what I call a target rich environment,” Faith said.

Tara, hurrying after the Slayer who was having way too much fun, tried to stay close. This shouldn’t be happening; it was turning into an all-out war up here… Demons and commando guys were battling it out, students and faculty members were dodging the little electrical dart thingies, tranquilizers and… was that really flaming demon poop?

The members of the Initiative looked like they were gaining control though, they must be out in force to take on this many of these little demons and it looked like they were trying to take them alive too. Or at least a lot of them. Which, as a soon to be demon herself, seemed like the humane thing to do.

The question – when evisceration might be on the cards for poor Oz – was what was going to happen to them when they were taken down below?

“Faith!” Tara called, dashing after her only real protection in the midst of this maelstrom. She was surprised that the Initiative had chance to take Oz if this was what they’d been involved with. Or had this just started?

And if so… why?

Chaos was ensuing and naturally enough… “Ethan? Faith – this way!”

Since that direction also presented a target rich environment, Faith obligingly adjusted her course and cut a swathe through the demons. It was like watching those martial arts matches where they were allowed to do just about anything. At least that was how Faith was behaving and her targets were only ever the demons, the commando guys she ignored totally except when she stopped to flirt with one who must’ve admired her… technique. Yeah, in that tank top, that was what he’d been admiring.

“Ethan!” she called again, seeing the man across the quad, in front of the Arts Library building. She caught his attention, but then was confronted by a squalling demon that chittered at her, some sort of threat perhaps, when it jumped into her path.

Faith wasn’t about to allow that though.

The Slayer’s no holds barred destruction of her ‘enemies’ was tempered with a scripted, heroic inevitability of victory. Like a match where Faith was the hero who had to win no matter how many she was up against and how bad they were. The only difference was that Faith never went down and left the audience worried about the outcome.

Oh, and no pro-wrestler ever did as much damage as Faith did every single time she took one of these demons on.

Seeing her clothesline one of the creatures was one of the more brutal things Tara had witnessed in her life and she knew for a fact that the Slayer she was following was being a good deal less gentle with the diminutive demons than the Initiative guys were being.

But then Faith was a Slayer. The clue was in the name. Not interested in taking them alive for study. More than that she was a Slayer who had no use whatsoever for rules, boundaries or limitations.

Making their way over to the English warlock, Tara realised that Faith actually had no idea who he was. “Faith, Ethan. Ethan, Faith. Ethan’s a w-warlock and probably caused all this mess. Faith’s a Slayer and - ”

“If I had caused this mess,” Ethan interrupted, “then she’d be the one to kick my ass. What happened to the other one?”

“I’m the real Slayer,” Faith said. “Buffy’s the reject that death threw back into the pond.”

Both she and Ethan looked, surprised, at Faith. Was she serious? Apparently. And, from a certain point of view, she might even be technically correct. Or chronologically at least.

“So you – you didn’t do this?” Tara asked him as he seemed to be denying it.

Ethan shook his head. “But isn’t it grand?” He looked impressed. “I heard and… I just had to come down here.”

“I’m having fun too,” Faith confirmed. “Time to make a decision on what you want to do, T?”

“Me?”

“I’m wanted by the police, the Watchers and your friends,” Faith said. “Some people would say my judgement’s not too sound.”

“I don’t know,” Ethan said. “I’m wanted by a few people myself and I’m just delighted to make your acquaintance.” He held out his hand.

“You are not trying to flirt with me?” Faith asked, punching a demon in the ‘nose’ to add additional emphasis to her point.

“Umm…”

“Not in that shirt.” Another emphasis, another demon in some kind of agony.

Ethan seemed pleased. Shirts, after all, could be changed. “I’m not certain what you hope to achieve,” Ethan said. “But you can most assuredly count me out.”

“Ethan – we need your help,” Tara said, reaching a decision quickly. Just as Faith had asked her to.

“We do?” Faith asked.

She nodded. “He’s been in the Initiative, in their base. He helped us find out all about them – he can help us again.”

“You… No way. You want to rescue Dog Boy?” Faith asked.

“Umm, yes. I think – it’s the right thing to do.”

Faith deflated, as if that was the one thing that could’ve turned her around. “You had to say that, didn’t you? Okay then… so what’s your plan? What do we need this guy for?”

“He knows stuff,” Tara said. “Like I said, he’s been in there – and I hear he’s great at surviving too.”

“A talent I can respect,” Faith said.

“I don’t know why you’re not listening,” Ethan said. “I am not going back down there, not now. Find yourself another guide.”

“Okay, Ethan, let me put it this way for you,” Faith said. She sucker-punched him in the gut, then drove her knee up into his chin when he doubled over.

Groaning, Ethan missed the fact that – after she’d punched him – she went right on to protecting the three of them from another of the – slightly inept – demons. “And if that didn’t work,” Faith said, lifting his head. “We’ll talk about this.” Then she pressed his face between her breasts.

Tara realised that she was standing there, open mouthed, staring at the scene that was unfolding before her. Was the girl possessed? Under the influence –

“Guys,” Faith mouthed to her and Tara just nodded as if she knew what the other girl was talking about. Was there really some tension between Faith and the older guy? Did she really want to know?

“Okay,” Ethan said, coughing as he straightened up, but only when she let him go. “So, we’re invading the Initiative. Front door or back?” It was that simple to persuade a guy? Hit him and put his face in your chest?

Faith looked to her and shrugged, having no opinion and not seeming like she cared. Since she also didn’t have anything to back up her impression, Tara just considered that – with everyone up here grabbing these demons – the whole place was less likely to be guarded heavily, but the back door even less so.

Besides, it wasn’t like they could bluff their way inside. An old English guy, a stammering girl and another one with an attitude a mile wide – even if she rocked a tank top - wouldn’t get past the gate. They couldn’t all fall for the face in the boobs thing, right? “Back door?” she said.

“Occasionally,” Faith said. “On special occasions – Oh… right. Sure.”

“Off we go then,” Ethan said. “You know, Faith, is it, if you want to do that again…”

“Shut up. Hey, T, are you seeing this for what it is?”

“What’s that?” Tara asked, bemused as to how this had all come together. She didn’t imagine Willow would be very happy, or her friends. After all, could this get worse from their point of view?

“An old English guy - ”

“Not that old,” Ethan insisted. “Not unless you like experience - ”

“An English guy, a witch and a Slayer… Sound familiar? All we need now’s an idiot and we’d be all set to take over.”

***********************

[Missocki]

Dibby do!
Wow, crazy update we got here. Loving Faith right now, staying with tara and the follow line -
“Occasionally,” Faith said. “On special occasions – Oh… right. Sure.” Backdoor... Yeesh.
Loved the Slayer, witch, and old english guy and needing idiot for the set. Teehee.
So both parties are going to save the Oz man. I see that going well...
Damn, Tara is even more ridiculiously awesome leading a charge to save Oz. another notch in the Pro Tara sheet!

[Grimm]

I love the Scooby Gang 2.0!!!!!!!!

I am bursting with excitement over how this situation ends. 2 seperate rescue missions are heading into the Thunderdome. It is going to be chaos!!!!!

I really wish Faith was sticking around for the long haul. I just love how you write her.

Waiting to see if Artemis makes an appearance.

[Katharyn]

Heya, I would've waited for a few more responses but... I have news. I have good news. Good for me, anyway. Good for you, I hope. I've just broken the end of the story. Not in a bad way. I mean... I've found the ending it needs. I was parroting Weight of the World and The Gift in my initial drafts (with the necessary differences in how I handled S5) and was never really happy with it. Now though... I've found what the ending needs to be. It will tie things up nicely, with a big pink bow. Also, we probably won't end right at those episodes, well see a few more chapters beyond them which I hope you won't object to by that point.

Original writing makes me happy and this certainly will be that, but still touching base with some things from the episodes... It means a little ret-conning of parts you've not seen and (potentially) a minor tweak to a part already posted in which case I will change the part in question in the post and provide a summary of how that changes/ask you to go back and re-read a smallish section of one chapter. Not sure if that will be necessary yet, but I know it will help the overall effect.

All in all, I am one happy writer at this moment This can be good and I've broken it early enough that rather than just pushing those changes at you at the end, I can work them in over time getting there. Very, very good

Missocki - You know, I wondered if that backdoor reference might pass some people by. Lets face it, Faith doesn't even experiment. She just does and gets what she wants. Makes you wonder more about what she considers a 'special occasion' than anything about what she was doing! It was a throwaway late addition, but I liked it... it's just her.

The idiot line was worked in from the very beginning, but that works really nicely too

This goes to show what I meant before, this isn't Sidestep Tara... she might've blown her way in there alone and just done what was necessary. Our Tara here though needs allies and they wouldn't be allies if it wasn't for her being there...

Thanks!

Grimm - I never considered calling them version 2.0! Another name for the superhero team might come up

I have to admit, it's possible I got some episodes confused, about this one and what is going on at the background in the Initiative, but it's good enough to suit my purpose! It's already chaos in there though!

Faith... well, she's Faith. It's tough to see her changing radically without something massive happening to her and it's tough to keep her around when she's Faith... eventually, she wears a little thin.

As for Artemis/Diana... I'm saying nothing about that, though I have always been concious she drops out of the story from time to time. But really, she's worse than Tara and Willow ever became in Sidestep in terms of her power. If she was there all the time, she'd just blow everything away. No drama, no tension. At least with Sidestep T/W the story was theirs so it didn't matter so much. Diana is a great story tool, but you can't keep using her to pull their ass out of the fire.

Or else we might as well have left the Superstar in place...

Thanks and... I'm going back to my plotting! (Writing or world domination, you decide!)

Katharyn

[faolan228]

Every so often, there comes a fic, or a chapter in a fic, that leaves me so happy-dumb I bring my hands to my mouth and make funny noises and kick my feet in delight. This was one of those times.

Where do I even begin?

The Willow and Faith interaction, the sibling rivalry and all. I roleplay as Willow, and my Faith and I play the relationship as exactly that. An antagonistic sibling relationship, which will undoubtedly eventually be reigned in "because Tara will scold us."

Well, Faith. Just...Faith. This girl is my spirit animal, backdoor and all xD Also, glad to see your alternative to getting into the Initiative without the Riley connection.

I volunteer myself to be Team Tara's idiot. If we adopt a demon we can be Jabber Jaw and the Neptunes. The team names have to keep up with the teen mystery solving theme. Tara and the Pussycats?

[Katharyn]

Faolan - wow, what a nice thing to say

You roleplay as Willow... hmm, okay... I could take that a few different ways I'd never thought of it as siblings, but that is effectively what it becomes when Tara is 'in charge' and a good shorthand. Yeah, you may see some reference to that added down the line while Faith is around. That was you! And yeah, I could write Faith fic... I really could. Of course, I'd need Tara and thus Willow and so... yeah, I'm already doing it

Faith is never going to be in a team called the Pussycats! Though, she might not object to the Pussy Posse... Damn, I am so bad... I should have a mild language warning on my response to feedback

Oh, I seem to have moved up a posting level too!

Thanks
Katharyn

[Willow_Friendly]

I don't know about Tara's idea it could only lead to badness or it could really help out Buffy and Willow. Hopefully she'll have those squirt guns that knock you out. And i would like to see Faith evolve more in the story but Faith being who she it could be difficult.

[Katharyn]

Willow_friendly - LOL, yes, that would certainly make sense wouldn't it? The squirt guns and all...

The trouble is that apart from hitting things and staking, there's a pressure from canon and as a writer not to keep repeating the same tricks. Sure, I could wheel those out (though one was broken and it took them both to do the spells as I recall) but then you'd have seen it already. It's a serious theme... as I wrestle with rewriting the ending of the story (end of S5) I am very concious of what I have already done in the story and why I can't use that again unless it's in a new and interesting way... It's just a rule, no matter how sensible it may seem.

Of course they have someone who can hit things now in Tara's team

Faith's evolution... well, she's already done some. Evolution is a slow burner!!

Another part should be up later today...

Thanks
Katharyn

[Katharyn]

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Fifty-Six
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: Everyone is off to rescue Oz. Just not… together.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: A little different from canon as we can see; now we have both groups trying to rescue Oz. It has the advantage of being a surprise! Not sure if we need a name for the ‘other’ team? Team Tara?
And finally, so, if this was TV then you’d have a ‘Previously on The Secret Lives of Willow and Tara’ then you’d end the recap with the final line of the last episode before launching into the first line of this one… That final line was, of course, ‘All we need now is an idiot…’ and so we cut to Xander…
Thanks to: Someone who’s ‘let’ me write Tara and Willow every day since 29th Feb without fail (including redrafting.) I will be taking a break in November to do Nanowrimo, but I am so far ahead in my redrafts I’ve got that covered  (And by the time you see this that will be in the past… Time travel messes with my head!)



“We are such idiots,” Xander said.

“You can just speak for yourself there, Private Harris,” Buffy replied. “If you hadn’t tried to impress that guy with your knowledge of military protocol and upbraided him for his non-shiny boots, we wouldn’t be in here.”

The ‘here’ in question was a holding room. To look at it was actually more like a conference room, but the doors and the locks were more than adequate to the original assumption. Buffy hadn’t actually tried to break out yet, but that was because there were cameras and lots of guys with tasers and tranq darts just outside.

As she’d pointed out, those could still take her down. She’d just wake up faster than they would, what with that Slayer metabolism of hers. Useful, but still not avoiding the fact she’d be taken down in the first place and they’d have probably ended up somewhere less pleasant.

That being said, from what they could tell, the Initiative was busy. Everyone down here seemed distracted by the demon activity up above. No, ‘distracted’ wasn’t nearly the word, Willow thought to herself. ‘Overwhelmed’ was much more like it. You could hear the uncertainty amongst the Initiative members – was that what they were? ‘Members’? Staff? Personnel? Soldiers?

Whatever they called themselves, they were having plenty of noisy discussions and arguments about what to do next. Seemed like the Initiative was full to bursting and they were running out of space to hold all the demons that they were bringing down here. And that might’ve been the saving grace for the (mostly) human intruders who’d tried to break into their base.

First of all it meant that they’d been brought here as a holding area rather than taken down to the cells, even though that might’ve gotten them closer to Oz.

If Buffy had gone all Slayer on them that might not have been the case but these were people, soldiers who thought they were defending their country. They didn’t even know that they were messing around with things they couldn’t understand. When they looked at her, Buffy and Xander they didn’t see demons, they saw people. Kids, actually. And that was good – yay for being underestimated - if not saying much for military intelligence.

The people here didn’t even use the word ‘demon’ for goodness sake. The creatures were ‘hostiles’ and it seemed like the numbering system they’d been using had exploded in the last few days and hours. To the point that they’d just about given up on it and reverted to ‘that effing hostile, you know the one’.

The second advantage to the lack of space down below – besides making their inevitable breakout easier - was that no one had thought too much about whether they could possibly be more than just ‘ordinary people.’

Albeit ordinary people trying to sneak into a top secret facility in army sweaters and white coats. As a plan, it’d probably always been doomed to failure. But now they were here, the Initiative wasn’t exercising itself – for example – about whether one of the intruders had super-strength and reflexes, while another was a pretty-handy witch. Nope, no consideration of that at all.

Finally, no matter what the downloaded material they’d gotten hold of a few months ago had shown, surely they couldn’t be doing anything to hurt Oz when all of this was going on?

Even so… there were potential downsides. Lack of space may have meant they’d been forced to put demons in with him and if that was the case then… he could still be in trouble. Assuming he wasn’t still wolfy.

“We have to get down there,” she murmured.

“We’re inside, Will,” Buffy said quietly. “We’ll make this work. We always do. We’ll find him.”

“And by the way, I did not ruin this,” Xander said. “I’d have been remiss not to tell him about his boots.”

“Maybe, if you were his commanding officer. But you were dressed as a private and he was a Major. I don’t need to know much about the army to know that you don’t do that. And by the way, I think they let them off shoe shine duty when all hell is breaking loose.”

“We’re at ‘All Hell is Breaking Loose’?” Xander asked, suddenly even more worried to hear the Slayer say so.

And who wouldn’t be?

“By their standards,” Buffy clarified. “Not ours. We’re at, ‘Oh, there’s a crowd of demons, I wonder what they’re doing here?’ No more than that. You know. Yet.”

“Oh, cool. You had me worried for a minute there.” He paused, looked at her. “But Willow’s right. We need to get after Oz. Get the furry dude back to strumming his guitar and – why the hell was he a werewolf anyway? It was middle of the day?”

He’d just realised? Maybe one of them was an idiot.

“I…” Willow didn’t know how to say it, what to explain about how this was her fault and she’d put two people that she did/had/would love in danger just because… Because she couldn’t just come out and say what needed to be said. If there was anyone who was an idiot here then… it’s me.

Though she wouldn’t have made the shoe shine mistake. Just saying… Or not saying… thinking.

Her roommate stepped in though, saving her from having to explain the wolfiness away. “That’s complicated and not something we need to worry about now, at least not while we’re wired for sound,” Buffy said, nodding at the cameras.

“Right, right, we don’t want to give the trade secrets away,” Xander concluded.

“Or even that there are any,” Willow added, getting it entirely. Buffy was right to be cautious, it hadn’t occurred to her at all. But then she’d just been worried about getting Oz out of the Initiative. New mission, now they had to worry about getting themselves out of here too.

“Huddle up,” Xander said, “then they can’t hear or see our lips – you know, the government has lip readers.”

“They have software,” Willow corrected, “they don’t even need lip readers now.” All the same, she joined the three man huddle at the centre of the room. Or the two girls and a guy huddle that sounded more like someone’s idea of fun…

“I’m sorry, Will.”

She shook her head. “We all agreed and some of this was my idea, but we’re inside – right? It’s got to be easier to move on from here than to get inside in the first place. So what do we do?”

“I vote we clobber the first person who sticks their head through the door,” Xander suggested.

“Assuming they’re stupid enough to fall for that,” Buffy said, “what’s this ‘we’?”

“I can clobber when I have to,” Xander said.

“I don’t clobber,” Willow admitted. “But I can do other stuff, maybe a confusion spell to create a distraction or, you know… confusion?”

“Or… we could make like Ripley and light a fire?” Xander suggested, looking at the fire alarm and smoke detector. “Anyone got a light?”

“Same problem, I don’t think they’re stupid,” Willow said. “In fact, I’d really like to think all these tax dollars are being spent on smart people, it’d give me hope for my own future employment.”

“And I’m not really up for hurting soldiers,” Buffy said. “It just seems wrong, somehow.”

“And they’ll just come back with big guns,” Xander said. “That’s the army way. If you can’t beat them, come back with bigger guns.”

“That too.”

“Okay, so how do you want to get out of here?” Xander asked.

“I… don’t know.”

“Yet.”

------------------------

“I don’t know,” Ethan said. “Honestly.”

“Then what use are you, old man?” Faith challenged, it’d proven a good way of getting him to comply so far. There weren’t many people who came out of being punched in the gut genuinely more inclined to help. Of course the Faith-boobage ploy might’ve had something to do with that. It may not exactly have been what you’d called ‘exclusive access’ but it was definitely access.

Right now, she was at the point of ‘whatever worked’ to keep the two of them going.

“D-don’t worry,” Tara said, “we must be in the right area.”

They were obviously in the holding area; cells that they’d passed were already full of demons, vampires, creatures of various colours and kinds – but no people. And no werewolves either. But she had no idea which she was looking for to give them a clue where he might be.

“One of the right areas,” Faith countered. “This place is fit to burst.”

Tara nodded, the Slayer certainly wasn’t wrong. Cells that Ethan had said were designed just for one suddenly had three in – or what was left of three… Putting different species of demons in together seemed to have turned bloody but the jailors were evidently too busy fighting other fires to care until they needed to clean up. Things were just about under control, but they weren’t… tidy.

“Close enough,” she said. “Think, please?”

Ethan paused. “If I’d known I was hunting werewolves then I’d have brought something along to do the job.”

Tara nodded again, yeah, they could all come with spells to do just that but not without some ingredients that she just wouldn’t have available on such short notice. “Or if we’d asked Diana,” she said.

Faith harrumphed, not setting much store in talk of a Goddess. Somehow she didn’t seem all that impressed. “Just point me at something I can break or hit,” she said. “Please. All this sneaking around is giving me a headache.”

“Perhaps a neck massage?” Ethan offered, reaching for her. “Very good for headaches.”

“Put your hand on me and you’ll get it back minus a finger.”

And this from the girl who’d pushed his face into her boobs to get him to do what they wanted. Funny thing was, every time Faith threatened him, Ethan just got more interested.

“No need to be like that. Let’s try this way,” Ethan said and it quickly delivered exactly what Faith had requested. A scientist in a white coat, which was how they knew he was what he was, she supposed. Seeing them – no uniforms or lab coats of their own – his face turned to panic and he turned to flee, but it was far too late for that.

Faith grabbed him, wrapping her arm around his throat, even though he was an easy foot taller than she was. Just meant that his back probably felt like it was going to break as Faith arched him back.

“Okay, nerd. Werewolf, brought in today, where is he?”

“Where - ?”

“No, paying some fucking attention. I said werewolf,” Faith corrected.

Tara realised from his confusion that even though he’d know his pop culture and probably had seen the American varieties running around London and Paris in the movies, he might not have put two and two together yet. He was a science guy after all.

“He p-probably doesn’t look like a werewolf now,” she tried helpfully. Hadn’t someone told her that? That when they fell asleep they turned back into people?

Faith slapped her own forehead with her free hand. “Colour me stupid, she’s right. All sorts of brains on my friend. So, this guy, used to look like a mangy, ginger man-dog, now probably looks like a mangy, ginger guy. And kinda naked too. Seen anything like that?”

Tara looked at her, seriously. That hadn’t been a nice way of putting it.

‘What?’ Faith mouthed back to her before returning her not inconsiderable attention back to their prisoner. “Come on, I know a real, live, girl touching you is probably a new thing and a turn on. But unless you tell me what I want to know I’m going to ram your pocket protector somewhere you’ll never get it back.”

From the ring on his finger, Tara was pretty sure he was married, but Faith was making her impression on him and it was pretty much like the idea of Faith had made on her once upon a time. Scary, scary, scary. Tall as he might be, he couldn’t fight her strength or lower centre of gravity. She could probably snap him over her knee if she really wanted to.

Hopefully that wouldn’t be necessary. No snapping. Evidently that was one of those little rules Willow had talked about. One to live by.

“Umm – yeah, we had a hostile came in like that earlier. D Wing. One of the cells down there.”

“Which is D wing?” Tara asked.

When the nerd didn’t respond right away, Faith wasn’t gentle about prompting him. “You heard her, four eyes, which is D wing?”

“First right, second left,” he said, “please let me go.”

“Oh, no… you’re coming with us. And if you’re lying…” Faith left the threat hanging. But not with much of a dangle.

“Umm, maybe – actually it was B Wing,” he corrected. “B – D – I get them confused. They sound the same – B Wing, yeah, that’s second right, first left. That’s why I get them confused. Definitely B wing.”

“Nice try,” Faith said, sounding like she almost respected him for the effort. “You’re front and centre. Anything that hits us, hits you first. Right?”

“R-right.”

So they made their way awkwardly, with Faith struggling with her human shield’s height even if the man appeared totally broken. Second right, first left. And… nothing. Just another block of holding cells, sophisticated looking places in terms of the locks and all, Ethan wasn’t saying how he’d gotten past them. And more than a few had been bloodily redecorated too. Here and there were still… parts.

Until finally… “Oz,” Tara murmured.

He was naked, curled up in a ball on the bench that passed for a bed and looked bruised. How much of that was due to the Initiative and how much was Faith’s wailing on him, Tara wasn’t sure. But she had bruises too. Her butt was all bruised up. Not to mention her heart. And now… she was here to rescue him. How was that for irony?

“I better - ” she hung back.

“What?” Faith asked from behind the tall science dude, holding him almost like a giant ventriloquist’s dummy. Obviously without her hand where she’d threatened to shove the pocket protector… But it would’ve looked to anyone else like she was talking to him and not the much shorter Slayer.

“It’d be better if he didn’t see me,” Tara said. “Or smell me…”

“Smell you? You mean dog-boy - ”

“No! I mean, well, yes, but – but not like you mean. He didn’t sniff – he could just smell me, he could smell Willow on me.”

“Ohhh, I see,” Faith said. “I can imagine how that - ”

“I was wearing her sweater,” Tara insisted, trying to ignore the curious eyes of the scientists that Faith had hold of.

“That wasn’t what he was smelling,” Faith said. “Was it?”

She wasn’t going there, not even to argue about it. All the time she’d been talking to Faith, she pretty much knew what Faith thought girls together involved and she probably wasn’t wrong either. But she was wrong about what… umm, was left over. Smellwise. Wasn’t she? But he was a werewolf and…

No. I washed my hands. And my face.

Anyway, she’d changed the sweater but even now… “L-look, he went wolfy in the daytime, that’s what got him here and he did it because he saw me as a threat to his - ”

“Pack,” Ethan supplied. “Do go on, this is fascinating. Lesbians with just a hint of supernatural bestiality, I’m thinking of starting one of those internet website things.”

“Shut up,” Tara said through clenched teeth. She didn’t need his perversions on parade as well as Faith’s.

“Yeah, Rayne, it’s only bestiality if he was changed when they were doing it. As for the lesbian part, no one can really argue with that.”

Tara sighed, actually thinking that their hostage might conceivably be the most reasonable of the three people she was with and might raise the tone of conversation just by being there. “I just don’t want him to wolf out again if he sees me.”

“Well,” Faith said reasonably – which was freaky in its own right – “I can’t protect you and him if we split up and don’t think for a minute he’s going to be happy to see me or Mister Parade here.”

Parade?

“Raining on her parade,” Ethan explained. “Rain? The young lady might not quip in quite the way Miss Summers does, but she has a talent for picking out nicknames.”

Faith was also right. Ethan Rayne had caused trouble for them all before, including Oz, so that was another person Willow’s boyfriend might not really want to see. And Faith… well, the amount of bile directed at the Slayer was matched only by the contempt Faith had for those who were directing it at her.

Yeah… Oz had reason to hate all of them. But only one of them had made him wolfy.

Guilty as charged.

“Has to be you, T,” Faith said. “And if he wolfs out again, then he’s staying in his kennel.”

“We can’t do that!” Tara said.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not crushing on you or anything, but given a choice between Red’s boy-toy – who’d like to turn us into chew-toys – and you? I’m getting you out of here every time. Unless you’re good enough to get out alone?” Faith seemed open to that latter possibility, but Tara had to shake her head. No, she certainly wasn’t.

“We have to get him out of here,” Tara said. “Willow - ”

“Willow might be leaving you high and dry, T.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Tara told her. “She – she couldn’t leave him here, neither will I.”

“Then he needs to man up and stay bi-polar,” Faith said.

“I think you mean bipedal,” Ethan said, which explained a lot that she’d been wondering about at that moment.

“That’s what I said,” Faith added, not flustered by her mistake at all. But that was Faith all over, she just didn’t care. Willow would’ve flapped about misspeaking, so would Buffy. But Faith… She was – pretty much – in the moment. It was something that Tara was starting to envy her for. No worries about what was in the past, no thought of what the future might hold. She was a Slayer and expected a violent death one day, but she’d probably had the same attitude before she’d become the chosen one.

Or one of the chosen two as things had turned out.

Trouble was that she’d learned to hold a grudge even while she was living like that and everyone else had struggled to deal with someone who just wanted to enjoy her life, her way, at that particular moment because she had more reason than most to expect it to be snuffed out.

Why hadn’t they got that? Willow or any of them?

And why was she realising it now of all times?

Probably because Faith was doing her a solid right now, stepping above and beyond any gratitude she might actually have realised for sticking up for her and doing a little towards not handing her over to the council. More than that, Faith seemed to be ready to reorient herself, if someone would give her a chance and let her be herself.

She wanted to do the right thing again.

Or at least not the wrong thing.

And that was something she’d learned by being Buffy for those few days, living her life and having her friends. Tara knew it was nothing to do with her. The good example, friends and family, had been enough.

Little enough, since it just showed what Faith had needed from the start and – from her own point of view – never got from her newbie Watcher or the rest of the Scoobies.

Personality clash, it seemed like anyway. Faith had a personality and it clashed. With just about everyone.

Everyone but me and maybe Ethan…

“I rather do think it has to be you,” Ethan said.

And faced with no choice at all, Tara stepped up to the glass door and tapped on it, wondering whether there was any chance at all he could hear her over the general mayhem of an overly full detention block?

She was also wondering whether the glass would hold if he changed and leapt at her.

Oz’s eyes were open, open wide. He was looking, looking for Willow.

But Willow wasn’t here.

--------------------

“Will, come on, snap out of it,” Buffy said.

“Huh?” She’d just been thinking – feeling – hoping. All that stuff that came together when she thought about Oz. Tara. The choice she had to face and what was likely to happen to him if they didn’t get him out.

What would happen if she did get him out.

No question, he had to be rescued, but everything would change if…

Now wasn’t the time to make that decision, as Buffy was keen to point out.

“Will, come on, get with the programme.”

“I… I just thought, for a moment, I thought I felt… Tara.” She shook it off, couldn’t be. There was always that sense of her, but this was more immediate. Closer. “What are we going to do, Buffy?”

“After due consideration, the vote has gone for clobbering,” Buffy informed her.

“I didn’t vote,” she said, but not with much of an objection. These soldier boys weren’t stupid and seemed to be under the control of the scientists. They were taking precautions; they had all the gadgets and weapons. But the mark one human was vulnerable to what Buffy, especially, could do to them.

“At least two to one,” Xander said, his ear pressed to the door. “No matter what you say and I think I hear our clobberee coming.”

“Stay back, both of you,” Buffy reminded them. They’d already talked about the dangers. “Behind the door.”

If the guards were armed then being taken by surprise might see them open fire and while no one expected a Slayer to be able to shrug off bullets, Buffy could still do more to get out of their way than either she or Xander could. “It’s okay, I don’t want to be caught in friendly fire. Or any fire, actually. Fire, all round, would be a bad thing.”

This was a new danger though, fighting people, the Army of all things… This wasn’t where they were experienced or what they wanted to do. This… It wasn’t why they were here. Maybe Ethan had the right of it when he’d told Giles that the old ways were changing.

She thought she was a modern kind of girl, after all she’d moved from relationship with a werewolf in a band to a lesbian witch without much of a quandary, but maybe she was the tail end of the old world…? Maybe places like this were the wave of the future? Seemed like, a couple of years ago she’d have thought so. Maybe even tried to help or get a job in a place like this?

High tech research and defences against things that were – usually – very low tech. Seemed like that was what the government was trying to achieve, even if part of that had gotten away from them this time.

She pressed herself into the wall, Xander doing the same on the opposite side with Buffy directly behind the door. There was a beep as a keycard must’ve triggered the lock and she heard Buffy take three, quick breaths – clearly counting them. On the third the door started to open, inwards, and Buffy let it do that until she was ready to –

Before Buffy could shove it - the door slammed back into the Slayer. Obviously whoever was on the other side had the same idea and Buffy rolled back into the room, crouched and ready to spring on whoever had been paranoid – or smart - enough to -

“Faith?”

Faith?

“Hey, B.” The newly arrived Slayer looked around. “Now, see? This is what I’ve been saying all along. Getting locked in a pokey little room by the Army, this is what happens when you’re a tight ass.”

Faith?

Bright side, at least they weren’t going to get shot, but Buffy was still ready for a fight. It was a fight she’d had before and won… though Tara had suggested once or twice that Faith might’ve let herself be taken down that second time, no longer being the same girl that Buffy had ‘thrown off’ a roof… One thing they could take to the bank though was that Faith wasn’t working for the army.

No one, no one here would be able to put up with her very unmilitary ways. Yeah, Faith, in uniform? Some people – like Xander – might like to see it, but that didn’t mean it would ever happen.

And talking of friendly fire as they had been…

“What - ?” Willow ducked out, further back and protected from whatever the rogue Slayer might do next. She didn’t think she was a target but –

“Hi, Red, I’ve got something of yours,” Faith said and beside her was… a beat-down, sheepish looking man in a blanket and probably not very much else.

“Oz!”

Faith had gotten Oz out? What… the whole damn world was askew. No, not just the world. It was a universe sized thing.

Willow rushed to him, pushing past Buffy and Faith both, hugging him and then noting that she could be pretty certain that he really wasn’t wearing more than the blanket he had clutched around him. The way he kept one hand holding that closed, even as he embraced her and –

“Tara?”

Tara was here. Tara. Oz. Together. With Faith. And… Ethan Rayne?

Tara was here. She was holding Oz and Tara was here.

Tara had rescued Oz while they’d been stuck here. Tara had rescued Oz.

She was hugging Oz and Tara had gotten him out and… She’d been wrong; the world – the universe – had just twisted even more. Soon it was going to turn itself inside out and –

Maybe I’m going to throw up.

Oz pulled her even more tightly against her.

“I knew you’d come for me,” he said. “I knew you would.”

Had he even said ‘thank you’ to Tara then? Who did he think had rescued him?

And what if he’d gone wolfy? What then? Would they have had to leave him? Would Faith have had to hurt him? Would he have hurt Tara? Tried again?

She extricated herself from Oz’s embrace and an awkward moment ensued. There were enough rivalries being turned on their head right here to sink a battleship and it wasn’t helping her confusion. Not helping it at all.

Can’t think here. She needed to think, but she couldn’t think here. Not deciding before had been bad enough but… now there was more to consider. What Tara had done, for her… It couldn’t be anything but the very definition of selfless.

Not to mention dangerous.

Would I have left him? In her place? I don’t know.

And what can I give her now? Before we get out of here? What can I give her? Over Oz’s shoulder she smiled at Tara. Saw the spark of acknowledgement and then a flicker of… Tara looked away.

Pain. It’d been pain.

I’m hurting her. I’m hurting her right now at this very moment. I’m hurting her and I don’t want to. But I don’t want to hurt him and someone’s going to get hurt. Buffy said that… all I can do is be honest.

“We need to talk,” she said, “when we get out of here.”

Tara and Oz both looked at her, neither of them sure who she meant.


**************************

[Missocki]

Dibbies!

[Kajun]

Katharyn, Sorry to be so late to the fb party. For parts 55 and 56:

I wanna smack Willow. Yes, I do. First, for taking so dang long to choose Tara, and second, for being a bitch towards Faith. Will it take Faith creating world peace to be given a chance or what? Seems to me saving Tara multiple times should have been well and truly enough. Faith was a lot nicer about it towards Red than I would have been. She obviously cares a lot about Tara and wants her to be happy.

Poor Ethan and his unsexy shirts! He’d probably do about anything for a second face-full of Slayer cleavage! I love that Scoobie 2.0 is kicking ass and taking names while the Orgs are locked in a room. Xander will need to pull double duty as the idiot of both groups. That’s a task he can handle with ease! LOL

Tara, Faith and Ethan rescued the hairball, not Willow. Whether he even thanked Tara is the first thought to pop into her head.. hellooooooooo? Someone give me a 2 X 4. Seriously. He cheated on her --twice, tried to kill her and Buffy and Tara etc. He’s done a lot of damage to her personally yet she can’t give Faith a single break? When you get right down to it, Oz is a selfish, egotistical, bum. Willow doesn’t get to be happy unless it’s with him and on his terms. Tara is willing to sacrifice her own happiness for Willow. That is true love. Even Faith has a better understanding of love and happiness than Oz. She may not have that in her life.. but she “gets” it. Willow has a lot to make up for. And she better hurry coz Faith might decide to step in and steal Tara’s heart. (If I didn’t already know how this was fated to go and where this is being posted... )

I’m anxious to see the wolf scurrying down the road with his tail between his legs. Fantastic updates!

[Katharyn]

Missocki - Dibbies with no followthru is just being a tease

Kajun - Heya, thanks for the catch up

To be fair to Willow, it's an artificial contrivance to keep things broadly aligned with canon. Actually, if you count the passing of days and nights etc, this is happening over the same time period as canon. It was just that on TV it can be that much more condensed and look at other characters. In writing from their PoV I can only ever make her ask herself the same questions... And if I wasn't aiming for one specific point in time for it all to come together *cough* she'd have long since moved...

And, I think you might be happier with the final Oz scene for the above reasons...

You know I love Faith and Tara giving her a chance is skewing our opinions of her, but - again - from Buffy/Willow's point of view Faith has a lot to make up for. And maybe it would be impossible for them. But she's only recently back and - actually - Faith's not been around that long (most in a cage or doing evil things) so... again, it's the structure that does it to some extent. But... sure, they're being harsh on her because it makes any modification of that more worthwhile. I'm not sure Willow and Faith will ever be 'friends' even if they can tolerate each other one day?

Faith may also be playing a long game too. No one said she was stupid...

I make a lot of Ethan's shirts... always have And who wouldn't do anything for a face full of THAT Slayer cleavage (BTW - did you see Eliza in BBT as the FBI agent? Not cleavagy slut bomb but... ummm)

It was amusing for what you're calling Scoobie 2.0 to achieve nearly everything here...Gave Faith another good moment, and Tara and very much will work towards another scene in S4...

Okay, now I have to be fair to Oz. Your 'ex''s current 'girlfriend' plus Ethan Rayne, plus Faith turn up... Oh, and you're a wolfman whose naked in a cage. In the initative. One who doesn't say much. I can forgive him for thanks not being the first word and I do skip everything from finding him to them finding Scoobie 1.0. I really do think he will have said something.

And again, to be fair, you might react a little better to this in hindsight after seeing his departure scene...

I do wonder if I would have had Tara fighting more if she hadn't thought she was a demon and 'leaving' anyway...?

Faith, as we have said, is observant. She's seen this 'love' thing working for others. She knows how people tick (mostly so she can play on it) so yeah, she does get it...

And I am quite certain that there's a T/F fic diverging from here... but I won't be writing it. Maybe Lara and Faith... LOL

So pleased you enjoyed them. I THINK that we have one part where Oz leaves etc and then we're up to extra flamey in 58...

Thanks again!

Katharyn

[Willow_Friendly]

It amazes me how little there security is it's like anyboby can walk right in. I'm hoping Buffy and the gang don't think that Tara is untrustwothy now that they found out that shes been around Ethan and letting out Faith.

[Katharyn]

Willow_friendly - Well, to be fair to myself, it amazed me that Buffy could put on a labcoat and glasses and just walk in too So I don't think using the backdoor *cough* when they have all the plans etc on computer is stretching too far. Remember, Adam walked right out through it so... it's there.

Or maybe I don't remember things they really were - very possible!

Your point about Tara is something she'll probably worry about but... I'm not trying to make them totally heartless!

Thanks for your support!

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

I really am hoping that the (mental) changes I make to Willow here compared to canon show her in a more favourable light. I've explained already the need to drag things out to mirror canon and the light that casts on Willow. Well, here, I touch on making that less the case. Shifting the focus on what left her thinking so long about this without needing to change too much.

Oh, and 58? Extra. Flamey. Candle. Nakedness. Love. No wax.

Katharyn

---------------

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Fifty-Seven
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: The gang have gotten out of the Initiative and before things can go to much anticipated ground, there’s more angst to get through.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: Okay, this is likely to be a short one. Why? Well, it comes down to structure and where you want to leave a story between parts. I like to look at the ending of a post as the ending of a chapter in a book. You can leave people hanging, but you don’t leave them on something that’s unsatisfying as well. There’s a big difference (you decide if it works!) So we ended the last part at the point that the action was done and things needed to be resolved on the personal level.
On the other hand, look at what still needs to happen in NMR in this reality… Tara and Willow not only have to find each other but I need to do some justice to the fact that they’ve waited for a perfect moment. Guess where that comes? Can anyone say ‘extra flamey’? Sure you did. I’ve not decided (at time of writing first draft) how explicit that will get, but I have to do justice to it and you can’t necessarily do that off the back of a part that opens with the decisions being made and all that. Plus the necessary clean up from what just happened around Ethan, Faith and the like. (I didn’t mean that to sound as dirty as it might have done!) So… Yeah, keep this one short (apart from this note!) and then in Part 58 we’ll deal with the end of all questions – because there’s no doubt anyway.
Again, this part includes elements lifted directly from scripts or changed only slightly. Credit, of course, goes to the episode writers for that, the changes are entirely my own and I think they’d justified from the more defined, less symbolism based, development of that relationship we’re all here for.
Thanks to: Whoever gave me chance to have the most enormous fun with New Moon Rising. I’m just loving this, and I haven’t even got to the good part as yet. Okay, enough notes, they’re almost longer than the chapter itself.




Tara had barely participated in the celebration of their success, and there’d actually been one. She hadn’t wanted to be a party pooper, but… somehow this just felt like it complicated things again. Everyone was happy and… she didn’t know if she could be.

At least once everyone was wearing pants again. That seemed to have been some kind of marker of ultimate success. Everyone was wearing pants. That was what you wanted, at the end of the day.

Pants on.

But despite her role in that, she’d done what she’d always done when it came to groups of people celebrating something she wasn’t sure she could be part of. She’d slid into the background and then – when she’d faded from their attention – she’d slipped away.

The fact that she hadn’t gotten very far was… kind of awkward.

“You’re leaving me there, alone?” Faith asked, following her out of the back door to the tavern. “After what I just did for you? Seriously?”

“For me?”

“I sure as hell didn’t do it for Fido.”

“I’m not n-not leaving you alone,” Tara said. “I mean – I mean, they were okay with you, weren’t they?”

Faith’s smile said that she actually relished the awkwardness. “Buffy’s still mad at me about that Eddie guy – even though I never even boffed him at least not much – Anya hates me cos I did boff Xander, Willow pretty much hated me because of the same thing, Xander’s stuck in the middle and not exactly life and soul of the party either. Giles is disappointed and can’t decide whether to give me to the Watchers. So, yeah… nice party all in all.”

“Ethan?” Tara tried, hoping to find someone or something to repay Faith even a little. Though maybe the Slayer needed to be doing some repayment of her own.

“Might’ve been cool once and I’d give him a test run, if I was even more bored than I am now,” Faith said. “But the guy’s a perve.”

“But is he your kind of p-perve?”

“Maybe,” Faith said. Of course, if that happened it sounded like it would be entirely on her terms.

And it would be, everything Tara had heard suggested Faith was one hundred percent in touch with and in charge of her sexuality. Whatever issues she had – and there were obviously plenty – Faith didn’t seem to think that was a part of them.

Willow might’ve had another opinion, but on this the smartest woman that she knew didn’t have a clue.

“I – I have to go,” she said.

“Yeah… I saw them slip out,” Faith said. “Red and the mutt. So you’re figuring the worst?”

“They have all that history,” Tara offered. It seemed like explanation enough, right?

“I already told you what I think of history, right?”

“It’s in the p-past?”

“Bingo, give the girl a stuffed animal – and where I come from, that means that tax stuff.”

“Taxidermy?”

“Yeah, that. Look, I don’t know why I’m the one who has to keep telling you this but… Look, the show’s not over until the red haired lady sings.”

“Willow, she – she doesn’t sing.”

“You get the idea.” Faith didn’t leave her an option to say ‘no’. “Don’t make me repeat myself, that only gets me pissed.”

“You – do – do you really think - ?”

“I don’t know,” Faith shrugged. “I don’t do relationships, T. I don’t. It’s just cleaner that way. But you guys do, I get that. I don’t understand it, but I get it. One thing I do know though is that we make the world what we expect it to be.”

Tara looked up. This was the closest to genuine philosophy she’d ever heard from Faith. The girl had her own, unique, wisdom. But this had the possibility of becoming almost profound.

Which probably meant she was going to follow up with something about backdoors or boffing someone…

Faith continued. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but… I believed I was a fuck up, I listened to what everyone else told me and guess what? I was a fuck up. I kept being a fuck up.”

“Now you’ve changed your mind?” Tara asked.

“I want to. Maybe that’s enough but – I helped you today, I helped them, and I didn’t have to be a suck up to do it. No rules, no Watchers and no bullshit about doing what they say. No one telling me I should be tucked up in bed an hour after patrol or that I can’t party with or screw who I like, but - I still did good, right?”

Tara smiled, how could she not? Faith had come through for her in a way that was above and beyond… Well, okay, it might have – technically - been her duty. But she hadn’t been doing it thus far. That really did deserve some praise. “You did good.”

“Damn straight. Kind of. So… my point. I started to believe maybe I didn’t have to be what I was. Maybe I could stop being a fuck up, without giving up who I was too. And look what happened.”

“So… you’re saying I need to believe Willow might choose me?” Tara asked.

“You won’t fight, we’ve seen that but if you won’t even believe it, you might as well just give up anyway. What would she want you for – you know, apart from the sex – if you can’t even believe that? She might pick him, sure, but if you’re not open to the possibility - ”

“I want it!” Tara insisted.

“But you don’t believe it. Christ, you’re really making me do this power of positive thinking crap on you aren’t you?”

She had to smile again, just a little. “I don’t mean to, you can go back to being a b-bitch if it makes you feel better.”

“Thanks. You’re leaving, I can see that. But – if she comes to you tonight, maybe it’ll be to let you down. Maybe it won’t. Me… I never got what she saw in him anyway. Scrawny, scratchy and apart from the lead guitarist thing, not much going on until he could lick his own balls.

“If nothing else you’ve got fuckability on your side- ” Faith was grinning, trying to lighten the mood. But it seemed pretty much like her personal epiphany hadn’t extended to toning down her potty mouth.

Tara shook her head, not really wanting to hear that sort of thing about herself. But she lingered all the same, rather than just making her excuses. Everyone kind of expected Willow to be with Oz.

It was like their… what do you call it? Their default setting, Willow and Oz. That was how it went. So when Willow and Oz left to work stuff out, that was what Willow and Oz needed to do and everyone gave them the space to be Willow and Oz.

She’d known, of course, that Willow was about to leave with him. Her girlfriend – was she still calling her that? – had tried to talk to her, tried to explain probably but… Tara hadn’t felt like she could bear it and didn’t want to break down in front of the others either. So she’d smiled and waved and pretended she was fine.

There was no fooling Willow, of course, but it was for the best. Willow needed to think clearly right now – to make her choice - not to feel guilty about doing that to her.

No one else had even questioned it.

Buffy knew about them, so Willow said, but she hadn’t exactly said much about it either way and it looked like she was still getting used to the idea her roommate was into girls. Maybe it was more about getting used to Faith being on her side though?

The rest of them… they thought Willow would be happy with Oz. They didn’t know any better so she couldn’t blame them and… I can’t say that she wouldn’t be.

I can’t even say that she’d be happy with me because… eventually… I’d have to go away. The demon would take me and she won’t want to be anywhere near me once it does. Then she’d wish she could have this time again, to make a different choice.

But if ‘nothing lasted forever’ and ‘being happy was the most important thing’ and ‘death could take you at any moment’ – especially when they did things like they had today – then… Faith kind of had a point.

And Faith was the only one rooting for her.

Suddenly Tara felt like she should give the Slayer – this Slayer – a hug of thanks but… Faith wasn’t really the kind of girl who did hugs. Maybe she’d have turned out better if she had been but… we’re all of us what life made us.

Maybe what we made of ourselves.

And there was really only one person she really wanted to be hugging.

Willow had pressed against her, held her, hours ago now. Explaining away what she’d thought had happened and… the smell of her was what had caused all this trouble. Hugs could be dangerous things, but she wouldn’t trade that moment for… Maybe Willow would hug her one more time when she came to say… well, what she had to say.

Whatever that was.

“We’re not exactly friends,” Faith said, “but… I give a shit about you. Which is more than I can say for most people and as close as I get. You want Red, you have to believe it. No way it'll happen otherwise.

“Life’s unfair, Tara. You probably noticed. Don’t expect it just to give you anything. I told you before, but it doesn’t look like it sunk in. You want something, you have to take it and if something gets in the way, rip its balls off. Whether they’re furry or not”

With that and half a wave – as if she wasn’t quite sure how to do that - Faith headed back into the tavern.

“And thus endeth the lesson,” Tara said to herself. Somehow, despite what the day had brought, she wasn’t worried about walking home alone.

No, it was later tonight or maybe tomorrow that she was worried about. Monsters were small potatoes.

-----------------------

Willow looked around the van one more time; it really felt like they were building up to the fact that she wouldn’t see it again. Since walking out on the rest of the party… What had seemed complicated. Wasn’t. What she was struggling with now was not being able to get over the simplicity that was that decision.

It felt like it should be harder and that she should feel bad if it wasn’t…

But this couldn’t work as it did now. It didn’t show any sign of changing, not in the ways that mattered when things got serious and extreme and that was exactly when it had to work. Not just when things were easy and great.

And they might’ve been again. They might’ve been great… even easy.

“I shouldn’t have come back now… I just thought I’d changed,” Oz said.

There… it was out there. But there was her part of this too, and she hoped it would just be understood. That this wasn’t all his choice. She wouldn’t do what she was going to do after this because he had decided he had to leave. No… she’d have done that anyway.

But equally, they didn’t have to spoil a nice moment of… closure, she supposed, by saying it. It should just be known. Just like the fact that he couldn’t be here anymore.

“You have changed,” she said, smiling. There was a part of her that wanted to hate him, for hurting Tara, trying to hurt her worse, but… it wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t chosen what he was. In fact he’d been clean around the world trying to do something about it. But… she couldn’t wait for that anymore.

She didn’t want to wait for that. Or to wait for him.

It wasn’t about the waiting… even if he’d been just Oz – no wolf…

Funny, he’d made her decision for her when he admitted he shouldn’t be here and now that was done, now they were just closing Willow and Oz down like an old, beloved store that wasn’t making any money. You could keep it going through the losses, but at the end of the day… that was a struggle you couldn’t justify.

She couldn’t understand why it’d been so hard to make a decision that didn’t really feel it had been any choice at all.

It wasn’t like she’d said ‘no’ to him and so she was ‘left’ with Tara. She’d… done the opposite. You know, apart from the telling Tara that part…

“You stopped the wolf coming out,” she added. “I saw it.”

The hard part was still to come. The hard was asking Tara to take her back, to ignore – or forgive her for – the doubts she’d had. Not about them but about herself and what the right thing to do was. How couldn’t she have known from the very first moment he came through that door? Surprise, she supposed, had a lot to do with it.

She’d been caught off guard, but… they’d been talking about getting a cat, after all!

“But I couldn’t look at you,” Oz said, still looking away from her. “I mean, it turns out… the one thing that brings it out in me is you… which falls under the heading of ironic in my book.”

He’d gone away because the wolf had made him… stray. Because he couldn’t control himself after he had. Because he’d killed a girl, another werewolf, who’d come after her. A rival…

He’d done it because that was what it was to be a wolf. And he’d come back because he thought he could stop being the wolf and start being the man, the good man she’d thought she’d known.

Not so. The man had his flaws too. Pretty big ones, actually.

“It was my fault,” Willow said, wondering if he actually had to leave. That they couldn’t be together, that they needed to end this state of uncertainty was obvious. But maybe they could still know each other? Or did the wolf forbid even that? “I upset you.”

“Well, we’re safe then, cause you’ll never do that again.”

She smiled. There wasn’t much point in being childish about it, which was the truth. Knowing what she knew now, how she felt and what the right thing was, she could upset him right this very moment. And that was only one reason that this did have to be handled carefully.

There was the man she’d loved and there was the wolf she had to be wary of. And they were both Oz.

“But you’re happy?”

And because that took her mind back to Tara, she couldn’t help but smile in a different way. “I am. I can’t explain it - ”

“It may be safer for both of us if you didn’t.”

The wolf at the door. Herbs and bangles, teas and meditation… The wolf didn’t listen to those things. It slept, fitfully, but it never left. Not really. It always had an ear and an eye open. A nostril, perhaps.

“I missed you, Oz. I wrote you so many letters… but I didn’t have any place to send them, you know?” And then… “I couldn’t live like that.”

“It was stupid to think that you’d just be… waiting.”

“I was waiting,” Willow said. “I feel like some part of me will always be waiting for you. But that’s a part of me and… there’s another part of me now. When you left I… I was still the Willow from High School. Now… I’m another me. I’ve grown, I’ve changed. So have you. We’re trying to hold onto things that were good; they were very, very good. Then. But… that’s not who we are now. Neither of us.”

“I guess.”

“And you know… we were friends, long before we were anything else. I kind of think…”

“Yeah…”

“What are you gonna do?” she asked.

“I think I better take off.”

“When?”

“Pretty much now.”

Willow nodded, not arguing even though a part of her wanted what he offered, Ozness. Even though, that comfortable familiarity was appealing and even though she knew that he loved her. She knew also that his love for her wasn’t what either would need for it to be and her love for him… It wasn’t, perhaps it had never been, that of passionate lovers or of an old married couple. More like… friends who’d become more and more and then found themselves struggling to define what they were any other way.

He’d become a habit…

Her love for Tara, at any stage, had always been different from how she’d felt about him. Not purer. Not better. But different, certainly. And most importantly… right. That was what she could say about her and Tara, she’d been unable to realise the difference until she’d experienced both sides.

It was… right. It fitted. And he didn’t. Maybe he never had. Not quite. Something had always been a little bit… off.

And though she was crying as they hugged for the last time, some of that was relief.

A part of her was glad it was all over and a part of her was sad.

But all of her knew what the right thing was.

******************

[Azirahael]

Dibs!!!

So much Oz bashing! (the comments, not the story)

I think for me, and something i keep forgetting, because i know it ain't true,
Is that at this point in the story, Tara really thinks her days are numbered.
Which makes her reluctance to stand up for herself much more believable.

It's something i forget so utterly.
Tara's not just shy, she has a good reason to avoid Willow/not get involved, especially if she loves her.

Goddess, i just can't wait to get to Family.
Please unleash some vengeance there.
Maybe if Faith was visiting for a couple of days...
Or Diana was around...
Oh yes.

Can't wait for Extra Flamey

R

[Kajun]

Katharyn, Now I feel better.

Faith could have left by now; snuck away like Tara tried to do. She knows Tara is her only ally of the group, yet, she goes back in after Tara leaves. Is she a glutton for punishment or really trying to change her life? I think it’s the latter. Her speech about positive thinking isn’t just a matter of spouting off words.. her actions, staying when she could leave any time, are testament to that. The scoobies have an opportunity here to add a valuable member to the group. Sure, she’s volatile and unpredictable, but they had all kinds of concerns with Angel/Angelus. I won’t be happy if it turns out Faith is pulling a con. Especially when Tara has been defending her!

On to Willow… FINALLY! I’m glad it’s clear that, even if dog-boy stayed in Sunnydale, they are over –forever. I’d be thrilled if, the chapter following extra-flamey, we learned that Diana and her faithful companions made sure the wolf actually left town. Perhaps his van broke down and he needed a bit of.. encouragement.. to continue on foot/paw, at a rather quickened pace, heading well out of the city and far away from Tara. I’ll just pretend that happens off camera.

You did a great job of building the tension leading up to this point. I was ready to crack! I hate seeing Tara hurt. It makes me crazy like a certain Slayer!

You’re about 6/7 hours ahead of me so.. Extra Flamey Candles for Valentine’s Day? That would be some pretty perfect timing.. (hint-hint).

[Katharyn]

Kajun - I hadn't thought or planned it but through pure, dumb luck... Yes, extra flamey on Valentines Day.

Honestly, why does Faith go back into that celebration? Because it's a party. Because she's Faith and she's kicked things. Now... after several days in a cage. She's horny. LOL.

At least that was my logic. Sure, you could read it your way which is far more meaningful. And also true, under the hood *cough* Wow, a new dirty phrase...

I do think that Faith has to be a positive thinker. Maybe not about entirely positive things. But she is pretty damned sure that she can do whatever she wants. Maybe in unorthodox ways. Involving violence or screwing. But yeah, she can do what she wants!

As for the possibility it could be something else, or her future, you don't really expect me to say anything do you?

Yes, that is the change I wanted to make to Willow's thinking. I wanted it over no matter what and in no way could Tara be a consolation or the only choice that was left (both viable in canon)

No more Oz. Period. He will not return in this story. I promised it would only be at canon points and now the boy is gone... (more so if your off camera element happened!)

Thanks so much

Katharyn

[love_2003]

So happy I finally read and caught up with this amazing story. I love how you delve into their thought process.

[Willow_Friendly]

I feel that when Faith says that there not really friends with Tara i think shes trying to convince herself that. And i'm hoping when Faith sees's Willow and Tara's relationship that maybe she'll change her mind about how relationships work that she might consider trying one. I know that we'er all glad the Oz is gone but i feel bad for him. I always wished that he'll comeback one day not to be with Willow but to be her friend plus i like Seth Green.

[Katharyn]

Love 2003 - So happy you're here! Tell me at the end if you STILL love the thought processes... it's a big chunk of writing coming your way! Thanks!

Willow_friendly - Thanks for stopping in again You may be right about Faith, it's a valid reading of her but what I had in mind for at least part of the time I was writing was that - actually - she doesn't know when she's friends because she can't recognise it. For a chunk of my life I could relate to that. I had friends, I really did. But somehow I always felt like they were other people's friends, that I was just peripheral to that other friendship. It wasn't the case and I love many of those people dearly to this day, but that was where I was in my own headspace. I'm not sure Faith would know a friendship even if she was smack in the middle of it.

Which could lead to what you were saying.

I think we can be sure that Faith will be having relationships wherever they are. Only they might be short ones... measured in minutes LOL. But yes, we can hope for her.

Of course, everyone likes Seth Green... but I was never sad the character left. (Robot)Chicken and egg, I suppose, they started to change him so they could ship him out the way they did. But post S3 (even before Verruca showed up) that relationship did not work for me. I thought so at the time and exploited that a little in this fic.

Thanks
Katharyn

[DaddyCatALSO]

Totally marvy. I had this great plan last Wed.s night, print a copy, read on the way home, make briliant and sensitive observations Thursday morning, read and comment on the next chapter Sat., then be ready for the two followups as oon as thye're psoted this week. And on Thurs. I wake up with hyponatremia of all stupid things and do 4 days in the hospital where my landlady works. C'est la evrything, I guess.

Chap. 55: the list, and the trouble it gets her into, so typically Willow. Like how this version of "Is that ehr sweater" departs form canon of Willow just leaving the one she was wearing. And your implication that Oz was smelling tears and emotion "all over" Tara matches how I've always seen those scenes; several writers have made it work, but it just doesn't seem likely that W&T would use tht hurried moment before class to cross the full-sex line. (Of course, in my own version of events, they'd doen that several weeks back, at an undisclosed time between "Who Are You" and "Superstar" :-).) Aak, out of time, more later.

[Missocki]

Yeah, did not get a chance to actually give feedback on the last update, I was doing my maid of bonor duties dutifully. Hee.
Love this Faith. She is trying so hard not to be Tara's friend, it's adorable in her iwn Faithy way. I loved how you discribed Willow's thoughts on Oz and Tara while she was saying goodbye to Oz.
Tara is such a sweetheart, and I'm glad Faith is seeing the writing on the wall and telling Tara.
Time for some flamey candles and flamey other things...
Woot!

[Grimm]

I have been battling the flu for the last week and have prayed for death many times over.

Alas, it was not meant to be because I am still here...more or less.

OZ, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. You won't be missed.

Love me some Faith.

Lets get Extra Flamey.

[Katharyn]

Daddycatalso - Everyone's having accidents and problems! Hope you're okay...

Chp55 feedback... Willow's a list girl, obviously. But her lack of success is more like me. I make lists and end up with pros and cons swapped all around and stuff. Then I just cancel them out and bias it towards what I really want to do but know I can't (or fear) for some reason... LOL.

Honestly, right up front, I never saw the 'sweater' as a euphemism for recent sex at the time but... it's pretty obvious. You're right though, chronologically it'd be tough!

Thanks and get well

Missocki - Umm... you were 'Maid of Bonor'? See... there's a typo in there and it could be in two VERY different places... with VERY different implications!!

Like I said in earlier feedback, I really don't thin Faith is trying not to be a friend, I just don't think she recognises it happening, knows what to do etc... Maybe if she did then you'd be right anyway, but she's sort of oblivious...

Sorting Willow's thoughts out, removing the implied 'doubt' was important to me, though I wanted to preserve the MR structure so... compromised. We'll see something similar at Family, I am sure...

And yes, time for Extra Flamey in just a minute.

Thank you!

Grimm - Back just in time... Hope you're feeling better now.

And I'm sure you COULD love you some Faith

Yes, lets get Extra Flamey...

Now.

Katharyn

[Katharyn]

Hey all... last but one part of NMR.

Yes, there is a morning after scene

Oh, and apologise now. I've tried but... somehow this doesn't read as smoothly as I would like. Just... doesn't. Course, you might be distracted like I was...

Time to go do the Valentines thing, enjoy y'all.

Katharyn

-----------------------

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Fifty Eight
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: An extra flamey time…
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations (and this is one of them) and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: So… we all know where we are now. I couldn’t consider changing anything about the final scene of the canon but since the script for this scene runs to only 130 words, including directions, I will of course be taking things… further.
I want feedback. I want. THUD. COLD SHOWERS. Whatever emoticon does it for you (please don’t use the whip…). Caution on this one kittens, I can’t imagine any of you don’t want to read the intimate details of the girls together but – without being overly graphic – you certainly will if you read all the sections of this one.
Once again, I blame Sassette, I have to lump everything they should’ve been doing for weeks into this because she was so convincing doing it the night they met and I’m a contrary kind of gal who liked a challenge of not doing it that way!
Thanks to: Everyone who waited and believed. And the woman on the train today who was at least trying not to look like she was reading from my screen while I was redrafting this. I like the idea maybe she got a tiny thrill to start off her day.
Grimm for the reminder about the power cut! Why else do they need candles!?



Beyond the window… what?

A whole world.

It was dark out there now, the power cut was unexplained but might have something to do with the Initiative. Maybe. In a few hours, things would be brighter. It was a world that – if Daddy had had his way – she’d not have seen even this much of. There was nothing out there for her, he’d always said so. You’re better off at home, Tara. With your family.

He’d been wrong about that and so, with the paternal infallibility she’d always assumed now gone, he could’ve been wrong about other things. There was something here for her but… if that was snatched away now then maybe the rest of the world was something she should go and experience before…?

Willow would want her to stay, they’d already promised to be friends but that’d been easier to say than it would be to do… It’ll be a knife through my heart to see her, to see them together.

And yet… to see Willow happy would also be a blessing. All, in many ways, that she could want for someone she loved. It’d just be the wrong person who was making her happy.

If that were possible. If she was happy then how could Oz be the wrong person? Felt that way…

Wouldn’t it be better for all of them if she wasn’t here though? Except… sure, there might be a world out there but there was a world here she’d worked so hard to get to see. A world of learning that Daddy had allowed her come and experience even though he thought she’d be better at home…

A place she loved and enjoyed. Somewhere she didn’t want to leave and she didn’t want to throw her education away. So… even if it hurt after… well, after… Should she stay? She wanted to… It wasn’t like she had to run into Willow everywhere, was it? Until Wicca Group, she hadn’t seen Willow anywhere around campus. That was something she was sure she would’ve remembered.

So their friendship maybe could be carefully managed and so not to be as painful as it might otherwise have seemed inevitable?

Not after the part where Willow very gently, tenderly even, ripped her heart out and fed it back to her with a spoon. It wouldn’t be done to hurt her, anything but that because she knew Willow would hardly be able to bear it either. But hurt it would.

When she does it, I’ll have to be strong, I’ll have to hold some of it in so she doesn’t feel too badly about it.

And that moment to be was strong was almost here. Tension built in her and everything she’d been holding down felt like it was rising up inside her, all at once. Felt a lot like wanting to throw up and then sob…

There was no missing Willow’s presence, she could feel it in the building but more than that she’d seen her girl approaching. Her girlfriend – for at least the next few seconds or minutes – hadn’t even looked up at the window to see if she was there. But then the room was almost dark, lit only by moon. It probably looked like no one was home.

With the lights on… everything that Willow had touched and been interested in would be teasing her, taunting her…

It’d be less of a home without Willow too. Having her girl spend so much time here, so many nights, had changed a slightly stale – but impressively big – dorm room into someplace that really meant something to her.

They’d made memories here. Made out against that wall. And that one - actually. And right there. Touched… all around the place. Fallen onto the bed. Woke up in each other’s arms and made out some more.

Oh, and the string of lights around the mirror, that had helped too. Willow had always liked those.

Maybe I can call my kitty ‘Willow’? Secretly at least, and I’ll tell no one that I call her that. To the rest of the world she’ll be Miss Kitty Fantastico, but to me she’ll always be Willow?

Except she wouldn’t be and… it wouldn’t be fair. Kitty would get all confused when she was called different names. When Willow broke it off with her, there wouldn’t – and shouldn’t – be a Willow that she was stroking and petting, nuzzling and feeding top quality cat food to…

Okay, so that last part wouldn’t happen with either Willow but…

I’m not leaving.

No matter what was about to happen, the decision had come easier than she’d thought. Now she just had to follow through on it.

“I’m not leaving,” she said it to herself out loud, just as the knock on the door sounded. A little hesitant but under her breath… “I’m not leaving, I’ll be strong for her and I’m not leaving.”

Willow would still be here, even if she was with Oz and they’d promised to be friends. Diana was here, the Goddess had approached her and she couldn’t just run out on an old-fashioned deity. It wasn’t… polite.

Then there was someone who was kind of depending on her, Faith. Faith needed someone to be here who’d listen to her, someone had to stop her going off the rails again and… and… She had to do what she could to help her new friend.

Even if Faith wouldn’t admit they were friends.

“I’m going to be strong for her,” she murmured again, getting back to the most important thing as she opened the door.

It was no surprise that it was Willow, after seeing and feeling her. What was a little more surprising was the candle she must’ve lit once she was inside the building. She hadn’t had it lit when she’d walked up to the building.

A big candle, about as big as you’d want to walk around with except in some religious procession.

A big, lit, candle. It threw up the soft, red light into Willow’s face and highlighted her soft, red hair. Very soft… It smelled so nice too. She could still smell it on her pillow, the one she’d set aside and not cried into, just to protect it for a little longer.

“No candles?” Willow asked, seeing the darkened room beyond her. “Well, I brought one - It’s extra flamey.”

This… this wasn’t the way it was supposed to go? Was it? Small gifts, even large – extra flamey – candles, weren’t a required, or expected, element of the breakup dance. Or was this what they called, ‘letting her down easy’? ‘Putting a torch – or a candle – to their love’?

Was that how people did this?

Was it some sort of coping mechanism that helped you get through it?

‘We’re not going out anymore, but here, I brought candles’?

Willow handed the candle over and – strangely – it didn’t help at all as part of a let-down. But it’s warm presence did… was it possible she was wrong? She didn’t really dare to hope as she moved aside so Willow could come past her. Dare to hope and she’d come crashing back onto the rocks of despair.

But, on the other hand, candle.

“Tara, I have to tell you that - ”

Oh, and there were the rocks…

“I understand,” she said. “You have to be with the person you l-love.”

“I am.”

‘I am’? What did that mean? ‘I am going back to him, he’s the person I love.’ Or was it that ‘right here, right now, right at this very moment in your room, I’m with the person I love?’

Did – could – Willow mean what she sounded to? Mean that? When, finally, she looked at Willow she still seemed… uncertain.

Uncertain what to say?

How to say it?

What she wanted?

Hope surged, even though there was nothing concrete to base it on… Willow hadn’t told her yet that she was leaving her, brushing her off. And had given her enough to let that hope flicker back into life where there’d been none only a few seconds ago. Screw the rocks… right now she was in the air… She’d crash or… fly.

“You mean - ”

“I mean,” Willow replied, nodding in candlelight.

What? What did she do? What did she say? She wanted to dance, to sing and to cry out in pure joy but… she was still being strong so, she shared that smile that Willow had fallen in love with.

Was still in love with.

“Okay?” Willow asked. “I mean, is it? Okay?”

Okay? Willow wanted to know if she was ‘okay’? She wasn’t ‘okay’ at all. She was so far beyond okay… And it was up there too. Way beyond just being okay. The decision was… perfect.

She was soaring.

“Oh, yes.”

And now?

Now what for them? The world, life, their relationship and their love… they were all filled with possibilities. But right here, right now, what was next? What – How did she stop her heart beating like it was going to explode out of her chest?

“I feel horrible about everything I put you through. I’m gonna make it up, too. Starting right now.”

Something about how Willow said ‘now’ was so laden with promise that it almost made her swoon. She’d really never swooned in her life, but that… if her knees went weak then, that’d be a swoon right?

“Right now?” To have told a story, this wouldn’t have seemed like a perfect moment. Not the one they’d been waiting for. But… no more waiting.

Willow’s smile was no less promising and somehow she knew that they wouldn’t need the candle anymore. But even when she’d blown it out she could still see the light in Willow’s eyes. And the love they held.

For her.

For them.

--------------------------

For Willow the moment was strangely calm. Her nerves had been on edge, her fears had been about the terrible possibility that she’d put Tara through too much to be let back in again.

That, for her own protection, this girl - this wonderful girl who was drawing her back into the dim light of the room – would reject her. Even that wouldn’t have meant that letting Oz go had been wrong, but… it would’ve left her alone.

Maybe she’d have deserved it, but it wasn’t what had happened. Obviously… Tara wasn’t going to let her be alone. Oh no.

And now that she was past that – they were past that - there was nothing but good.

It didn’t have to matter that she’d risked tearing Tara’s heart in two or that – right to the last moment – Tara had obviously doubted the outcome. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t really done the research she’d intended to about what she was pretty sure was about to happen. Not all of it. Not unless you called liberal doses of very erotically inspiring fiction ‘research.’

And she had, when she’d justified it to herself.

There’d been some kind of unilateral, unspoken, decision that as perfect moments went, this was theirs. That hadn’t left a whole lot of time – or any actually – for research.

Also, with the candle blown out, it was pretty much all dark. Her eyes were adjusting to the dim glow through the window, cast by the campus emergency lights. Luckily, she already knew her way around Tara… Most of her, anyway.

So, right now, she figured that they could feel their way.

Their hands were touching, Tara had pulled her back by her pinkies into the room but now that they were still, those hands were circling. Almost like a game, but one that neither of them was trying to win. Fingers linked, palms to palms, their hands remained the only parts of them that were touching, but their lips were mimicking the same game. Not touching, but moving this way and back. Seeking.

Wondering.

Who?

When?

“What - ”

This kiss came to silence her, to cut off the question. She wasn’t supposed to say anything else. At least not yet. What was there to say? One thing… but it was there, in the air, without the words being needed.

And what a kiss it was…

It was Tara’s passion that drove it. Her sheer urgency and her need for them to reconnect. Often she found that her girl Tara would follow her lead, but not now, not in this kiss that was removing all question.

Their hands remained linked – but they were just still, held firm – while the kiss just went on and on as if it had a life, and a will of its own. It was soft but at the same time it was strong.

It demanded but it gave in equal measure.

And it was sweet… until finally, with a last pull on her bottom lip, they parted and she couldn’t help but sigh and give a little exclamation. “Ohh.”

Looking into each other’s eyes – even in the dim light - it was obvious what they had to do. Their lips met again, but this time Willow found she was an equal partner. Her motions weren’t corrected by Tara’s needs; rather Tara would follow her lead and then take the kiss in her own direction. It might have had life and will, but now it was harnessed by them, that kiss. And when that one ended, she found that she had to sigh again. “Ohh.”

The third time, Tara was holding her face and her eyes had adjusted enough that she was sure her girl looked… hungry.

This was the time that their tongues did more than dance. This was the time that she offered and received more and more. Like they could become one through the power of a kiss as well as the promise of love. And by the time that kiss finished… breathless. “Ohh,” she moaned for the third time.

“Are – are you okay?” Tara asked, as if fearing she’d got stuck in a loop of ‘ohh’. It might, she had to admit privately, very well have been the case.

“We can speak now?” she asked, opening her eyes slowly and smiling.

“Not if you don’t want to. I just – I thought maybe you were broken.”

“If I was –well, I’m mended now and, Tara, I want everything,” Willow said. “I want everything.”

“You… you talked all night with him, didn’t you?” Tara asked.

“I don’t want to talk about him - ”

“Didn’t you?” Tara insisted that she answer by stroking her hair, running a finger over the lobe of her ear. As interrogation techniques went it was right up there with thumbscrews in terms of the simplicity of effectiveness. Plus, all you needed was a hand. A soft, beautiful hand with fingers that… Ohh.

“Yes, but - ”

“I want us to t-talk,” Tara said.

“All night?” Willow asked. “Really?”

“No,” Tara said, “Not all night.” Then she was kissing her again. It was getting more passionate, more urgent and Willow admired what Tara had just done. In one word, one silly notion, she’d put all thought of comparison, all concept of history, behind them. This night wasn’t going to be about an apology or proving anything to each other. Nor about making up for what had happened. Certainly not another form of apology.

This was them. For them.

Maybe they would talk about it one day, one night. But not this night. For now, there was only the present and the future. Everything else was behind them and gone.

But she intended to make some memories right here.

Somehow in the midst of that kiss – she didn’t really know how it happened - she found herself almost lying on top of Tara. Yeah, Tara must’ve pulled her down onto the bed and then over on top of her. Funny, she hadn’t noticed, she’d been lost in the kiss and since it had continued, not much else had mattered.

“You are beautiful,” Willow murmured, teasing at the buttons of Tara’s top, littering her cheek bones, the sweep of her neck and her collarbone with kisses as she went.

Tara didn’t say anything, but eventually pressed a hand into her hair and guided Willow’s lips back to hers. The kiss was required and she was happy enough to oblige. Just because she was on top didn’t mean she was on top. Nor in control. Not even of herself.

This time when the kiss ended it was Tara’s sigh – no, that was actually a moan – that marked it. And only when her lips weren’t pressed against Tara’s did she realise why. Not just the kiss.

In the same way that she’d found they were lying down without her noticing, now she found that her hand had gone down between them and was pressed – enthusiastically – between Tara’s legs. The pressure, the movement had made…

Lust for Tara wasn’t new, far from it. She’d been having feelings, thoughts and dreams for so long that it couldn’t seem new anymore – especially when backed up with experience – but she didn’t feel guilty that this wasn’t just about soft, gentle love.

I just made this girl moan and I want to make her moan a whole lot more.

I’m going to.

Nor was Tara still. She was moving, seeking the sensations that would make her feel good. Even though Willow was at least two layers of clothing away from bare skin, she fancied that’s she could feel the heat and the simple need that lay behind it.

It wasn’t hard to imagine, they had basically the same physiology and… I feel it too.

Need.

Even now Tara hadn’t just lain back to be loved, far from it. No, ‘on top’ certainly didn’t mean she was ‘on top’… Tara’s hand was firmly holding their lips together, the other hugging the small of her back. It was the moans, sighs and vibrations that told her that contact through the heavy denim wasn’t what Tara wanted… Even before she’d gotten Tara’s top open, she pushed her hand into the waistband of those jeans, inside and… With only thin cotton between her hand and that one part of Tara she’d not yet fully explored…

Fully?

Hardly…

She continued her motions, seeking the greatest response. It seemed a little forward to go further, to get inside Tara’s underwear without even undressing her, but Tara didn’t seem to care at all. The beautiful girl – woman - was moaning into her mouth already, making her need obvious.

The way that she cried out, the spasms that shook her belly and thighs, pointed the way and she found she was seduced into moving her fingers around to caress cotton covered lips, her palm pressed against the lusting heart of Tara’s desire.

Time elongated, stretched, snapped back and stretched again. It was tough to judge how long when she was so taken with the taste, smell and sensation of making love to this girl, but this wasn’t the way, not through the cotton. Not without getting into some skin to skin contact down there and that only fuelled her desire to deliver on the promise she was making, moving her fingers beneath. Hand trapped by the heaving movement of Tara’s hips, refusing to release it.

Like I even wanted to…

Her caresses followed Tara’s need. Now she had the singularly intimate sensation that any contact between their skin provoked and it wasn’t just skin… Flesh that she was provoking to greater and greater need. Tension and energy was building already and she could feel it. From Tara. In Tara. In herself.

She knew what it was that Tara needed not because they were the same – they weren’t – or because a girl just knew what another girl liked (yet to be conclusively proven in all aspects) but because that sense of Tara, that flow of energy was connected to her. And even in their previous making out and rounding of various bases… it’d never quite felt like this.

Yes, it was a sexual connection this time. Laced with the love that was long since familiar but no less cherished. Especially now.

If there was a difference between them it was that she was still able to think, to marvel intellectually at the feelings this was provoking in both of them. But Tara… Tara was beyond complex thought at the moment.

So, no, she wasn’t surprised when Tara’s moans into her mouth reached a fever pitch that was matched by the movements of her pleasure-addled body. She wasn’t surprised because she knew it was coming.

And more than just knowing, she felt some sort of – less intense – echo of the pleasure that her lover, her partner and her girlfriend was feeling. One day she’d analyse how this happened, but now she was just overcome by the whole experience as Tara swooped from anticipation and desperate need down into the plunging valley of satisfaction and completion.

In the immediate moment, Willow held on for all she was worth and… eventually they found themselves looking into each other’s eyes and the kisses were less fervent, the motions between Tara’s legs more… Well, she liked to think they simply said ‘Here I am and here I remain’. No embarrassment. No pride. No shock or surprise. No regrets.

Just love.

“What?” she asked as Tara tried to form words but looked almost as if she was about to burst into tears.

“I… never…”

Never what? The answer couldn’t be the obvious… could it? Hadn’t they…? Curiosity was like her middle name, but she didn’t ask. Didn’t need to. Later… later... later was good enough. Later was something they had plenty of. Even tonight, there was plenty of later to be had.

“Want to know what I’m thinking?” Willow asked as she wondered whether – when she brought her hand out of the constrained space of Tara’s jeans – licking her fingers would be either incredibly crass or super-sexy? What was the etiquette on that? She had no idea… Seemed better than wiping them on the sheets or a towel… that would just be… uhh, no…

“Go on,” Tara said, seeming happy for her to keep her weight – and her hand – right where it was.

“Research is overrated,” Willow said.

“Huh?”

“Never mind,” she nuzzled Tara’s face, her kisses smaller now, littered over her entire face.

“It’s not how – it’s not how I – umm – imagined,” Tara said.

“I did some imagining too,” Willow said, playfully nibbling on Tara’s earlobe. They weren’t done, not by a long shot. “I did some imagining of you imagining too… What you were doing when you were imagining.”

Tara laughed, it was probably hard to be embarrassed about that sort of thing when your girl’s hand was between your legs and for the first time in your life you’d exposed your most intimate moments to someone else.

“You needed that,” she told Tara. “It might not be – it may not have been the romantic evening we thought about and wanted to build up to. But we had a candle, even if you blew it out, and you did need it. I did too… we both needed it.”

Tara nodded, kissing the end of her nose which would’ve suggested she wasn’t taking this seriously except… fingers still right where they’d found a home. That might not have been ‘serious’ but it was ‘monumental’ not to mention… wonderful.

“Now,” Willow said. “We need to ask ourselves…”

“Hmm?”

“What else do we need?”

--------------------------

It wasn’t a surprise to Tara that mutual undressing could be such a tantalising pleasure. Even after… well, that. And it wasn’t like she and Willow had been wrapped up in snowsuits over the time they’d been together. But… wow.

No, if she was surprised by the process of unwrapping each other – this time - it was more about how her desire never abated. What Willow had done at the first time of asking… Still stuck on ‘wow’. But, unlike when she’d taken care of her own pleasures – because who didn’t do that - the level of desire hadn’t subsided in the afterglow.

Oh no… Maybe because Willow hadn’t – exactly – let go. Maybe because they’d been talking… Not exactly ‘dirty’ but not the sort of language you’d use at the dinner-table with your grandmother either. Not unless she was a dyke.

And when had she ever used that term?

So lying with Willow, a soft hand still between her legs and – occasionally – more intimately ‘between’ than that, she’d found she needed no time, no few moments to recover and rebalance herself.

This was far from over and… Willow was right. She’d needed it, they both had. The urgency they’d felt then had been abated, any hint of fear dismissed because intimacy at that level had reconfirmed trust and… Well, now that she’d ‘come’ she could turn her attentions to the woman she loved.

Not that it was Willow’s ‘turn’ since that implied a plan and some sort of unnecessary quid pro quo.

But… they were both naked now and she’d enjoyed the undressing immensely. Knew that her girl had too. Gradually baring Willow, revealing more of her skin to caress and touch… And yes, that included the physical centres of her sexuality. Tied – as Willow always seemed able to prove – to that special and unique brain of hers.

Willow loved her successes. She wanted and needed to be ‘good’ or even ‘best’ at whatever she did. She hadn’t asked, but Tara had told her – with absolute honesty – just how good she’d already been.

And it’d been like a glow had spread over her girl at that moment. Reassured, pleased and even more confident… Where was the bad in promising Willow that no one had – or could – make her feel that way? It seemed impossible that there could be anyone else who could ever do that. Not with the way that their touch… Because… Oh. My. God.

They hadn’t exactly stopped and talked about it, but Willow had admitted the presence of the connection they shared. She’d also hinted that – for Willow - the… climax of her pleasure had been… yeah, back to the ‘wow’.

Having nothing to compare against she wasn’t that sure whether the ribbons of energy that sparked as Willow touched her had added much to her experience but… apparently being on the giving side was intense too.

Somehow that was one more thing that she couldn’t wait to experience.

Absolutely couldn’t wait.

But Willow was laughing… Why was Willow laughing? This wasn’t a laughing moment. “What?” she asked, knowing she must be muffled by the duvet cover that was up over her head.

“You’re…” Willow laughed again, breaking down.

“What?!” Tara threw the bedding back and emerged from between Willow’s spread legs where she’d been slowly making her way… Obviously not slowly enough. If she’d built Willow up to the urgency of need that she’d felt when this girl had been fingering – Well, if she’d taken Willow to that edge already then there was no way she’d have been laughing. Not now.

“You’re like a big lump,” Willow laughed. “I’m sorry – but – all covered up, you look… I want to see you, baby.”

“Won’t you get cold?” Tara asked.

“You think we can possibly be cold?” Willow asked. “Really? It’s South California, you’re used to Montana and… well… this…”

When you put it that way… She kicked out at the bedding, pushed it clear of them and looked back to Willow. “Better?”

“I think, maybe it’s better for you too?” Willow parted her legs with no hint of embarrassment and every sign of real need. Every physical sign too, because… yeah. Now the power had come on, they hadn’t gotten out of bed but the light from the open curtains and the Christmas tree lights on the wall showed her off to beautiful – if colourful – effect.

Maybe Willow was able to laugh when she was on the edge? Or maybe the edge was further away. Oh well, the journey was half the fun – or so they said.

“I can’t deny that - ”

Willow switched from stroking her hair to holding her head up, back from where it was ready to go… “Sorry, baby, but… one thing I have to say. Did you know you’ve not missed a word once since we started to kiss?”

She smiled, she could think of plenty of reasons why things might’ve been worked out that way.

“So, do you promise and solemnly swear,” Willow started to ask, “that the next time you have an oral presentation to make that you’ll stop by just before. I’d love to help you get a good grade.”

“I promise,” Tara said.

“Now,” Willow said, switching to teasing her hair, her skin. “What was I saying about oral presentations?”

She just smiled again- it was an obvious joke - and took Willow’s previously restraining hand in her own. Caressed it gently while she bent lower to kiss the soft skin of her lover’s belly. No denial now. No question about how far was far enough to count. From this moment they were certainly lovers as well as girlfriends. With none of the hetro-normative criteria to apply, she was a big – if theoretical - believer that for women together, you were having sex when you thought you were having sex. After all, they’d been wondering about it for long enough.

And right now, she very much felt… She’s my lover. I’m her lover. We’re lovers.

With that happy thought in mind she kissed lower, into the edge of the hair that framed her destination. And then was struck with the worry that – “Tell me if it’s - ”

Willow didn’t bother to hear her out. Willow didn’t care about anything but her and what they were about to do. Tara felt she owed it to her to follow the example, if not the timetable of need. Rather than go straight to it the obvious need, she kissed back upwards, to the smooth skin around Willow’s belly-button and then back down, left and right, down to the triangle of hair and a little deeper towards the lower point this time.

More than once, more than twice she did this and each time Willow’s hips lifted a little higher, as if begging to reach her destination. She didn’t need their energy connection to understand the building need, it was right there in the sound, heat, movement and yes, the feel of Willow’s body and her passion. And yes, there was that sense between them, the innate understanding and sensation, like another sense entirely that she could just label ‘Willow.’ A place in her being that felt a little of what Willow felt.

Reflected and magnified it. Spurred her on if she could’ve hesitated at all.

The third time, Willow moaned and pressed her hand against the back of her head, urging and requiring her to give her what she’d been built up to need and want. Maybe, another time, she might have prolonged this even further and stood her ground but it was torture for her too. She hadn’t wanted to appear hasty, but now she didn’t want to be tardy either.

Years of dreams and fumbles and wishes and fantasies… Months of wanting and loving…

“Yes,” she murmured and the hand relaxed – a little – trusting that the promise would be fulfilled - and soon.

Kissing lower, using her tongue to tantalise, she felt the soft hair tickling her nose and her lips, then the change in the landscape as the tip found the upper extent of… Not there. Not right away? Or… should she?

Shimmying down the bed, giving herself a better position she instead kissed the curiously bare lips, already swollen and pouting at her. Willow only experienced a momentary disappointment then as the assumption of where her next kiss might fall was replaced with a different – equally tantalising - reality.

And then she started to nuzzle, kiss and lick her way around Willow’s sex.

Dream – or fantasise – about this as much as you like. Self-explore and even – out of sheer frustrated curiosity and terrified embarrassment – expose yourself to some carefully made for women erotica as Willow had but… there was no preparing for this. Not really. It was an experience that defied preparation.

Willow wasn’t the same as her and even if she had been, the perspective was all different too. But… Willow didn’t seem to care or consider her inexpert. It was impossible to worry that Willow might not be enjoying this because every, single sign said she was. More than enjoying. Much more than just enjoying. Needing, wanting and even requiring.

And the threads of sensation, that connection they had, surrounded and bound her to Willow in a very real way. Because it connected with her, her pleasure built and grew in a different way. Not that would end with orgasm, but it certainly would encourage her towards another one…

The sounds Willow was making, the occasional words that made sense beyond repeating her name and speaking of love... The movement, the jerks and spasms as some particular cluster of nerves was accessed and stimulated. She found she was automatically filing these all away for future pleasures, repeating what seemed to provoke the desired response and discarding what didn’t work so well.

Willow wasn’t afraid to show what she wanted – even if she wasn’t quite capable of asking for it at the moment. So she was guided by hand, her girl was happy to guide her, and by the sounds.

Soon even that, even licking at Willow, wasn’t close to enough and the demand was plain.

They were holding hands as she pushed her face more tightly against Willow, enjoying the sensations of the intimacy all the more. Her tongue went deeper while, with her other hand, she stroked up and down a thigh that all at once lifted and like its counterpart locked around her sides. Demanding. Holding. Needing badly enough to restrain her from doing anything else.

And that was far from the only response.

Willow squeezed at her hand, while the girl was increasingly forceful in her thrashing. She could see, when she lifted her head only to have it pushed back a second later, that Willow was squeezing at her own breast. It was a sight she found deliciously appealing since she was the one motivating that level of need in her lover.

Then, when her tongue slipped upwards, it wasn’t deliberate. It got a response though. Willow was on the edge by now and as it slid over the delicate nub of pink flesh that must’ve been the very core of her passion, the other girl cried out in strangled need. Willow’s thighs clasping and quivering more than once.

And she found a way to make herself understandable again. Such urgent need would do that to you, apparently. “There – please Tara, right there!”

No one had ever said ‘please’ to her quite like that.

And so soon after Willow had… helped her, no hint of teasing crossed her mind. Her focus was entirely on the urgency of Willow’s need.

Flickering her tongue back and forth cross that one, tiny spot, she could feel the inevitability of what was about to hit her lover growing and growing. And then –

It did.

Willow’s need was gone, overwhelmed and drowned in heated, wet pleasure. Mirrored and rippling out through their energy connection.

The same sensations, albeit not as powerful, ran through her. In as much as the muscles inside her belly and her sex were clasping and releasing, the tension of the thighs doing the same. Her fingers were being squeezed in time with the motions on Willow’s breast while her girl did the same thing to herself.

One day… she’d think about all that but not now…

When it was done, when it was over, she was surprised to find Willow’s hand slip down, between them, covering her sex and preventing any further contact. But then she understood that this wasn’t a rejection, far from it. Without having it explained she knew that it wasn’t shame or an abrupt end. It was just too much for her lover. Too raw. Too powerful… Willow needed time, a moment at least just to recover herself, take back ownership of her body which had been given over to the need until it was satiated.

“Ohhh,” Willow said, over and over. Almost as she breathed.

Obedient to the unspoken request not to touch her girl anywhere that was now too sensitive - at least not right now – she found that she still desired the intimacy of close contact and she moved herself a little higher up Willow, then a lot, until her face was level with Willow’s breasts. Say what you like about shy girls, but those stiff nipples were thrusting shamelessly towards the ceiling. She pushed in and kissed the nearest one, stroking Willow’s arm but not touching the hand that guarded her sensitivity.

And, clear of the area, Willow relaxed. Perhaps realising she was seeming a little defensive. More than she wanted to be.

“Ohhh,” Willow said again. “Baby… umm… I think, I think you broke me but at least I know what a home run is now. Oh my God…”

Tara smiled, happy with herself. More than happy with herself, this was… probably the biggest thing ever. Not only being with Willow but delivering on a promise that was just kind of assumed but could never have been guaranteed. She knew now why Willow had that big, silly grin after their earlier tryst with the hands down pants… Or a hand, anyway.

“Nothing to say?” Willow asked. “Or did you lose your tongue somewhere?”

They both giggled at that one. “You’re funny. Beautiful too.”

“I’m beautiful?”

You’re beautiful,” Tara told her again. “So beautiful.”

“More beautiful when I – well, when you take me there?”

What, they were avoiding using the word ‘orgasm’? Or ‘coming’? Or… whatever you wanted to call it. Okay, that was good because they were both such… inadequate words. Not only was it inadequate, but ‘orgasm’ was also a weird word and really, with her face resting on Willow’s chest as she listened to her lover’s slowing heart, she didn’t care what they were saying.

And sure, she nodded. It was true, even in this little light… Willow might not ever have been more beautiful than that and from what should’ve been a kinda unflattering perspective. Able to look right up her nose and all.

Wrapping her arm around Willow, she also found she was suddenly missing the covers. Not because she cold but it’d just be more comfy.

Thing was, she was already comfy enough that moving away was… No.

“More beautiful,” she confirmed and wrapped her leg over Willow’s too, curling up as much as she was able. Willow, perhaps less sensitive than she had been a moment ago - or perhaps just reassured by her posture - just went with it, accepting and returning the embrace.

“Not as beautiful as you though,” Willow said, teasing her hair back while Tara kissed her breast again. She didn’t think she was being especially playful. It was more that… it was right there, so what was she supposed to do? Right there… Once again, she pressed her lips against it.

Willow thought she was beautiful. Willow loved her. Willow had chosen her. Not against nothing, not versus loneliness and heartache. Willow had chosen her over that guy and… no two ways about it that felt good. Better even than what’d happened when the candle went out.

She’d never been that great at sports, never ever been the first pick – not usually the last one either because if nothing else she’d never carried much weight – but to be chosen just because of who she was?

That really felt good. It was going to feel good for a while yet. Long enough that she didn’t have to get all that feeling good out of her system right now.

“Are you sleepy?” Willow asked, rousing her from the possibility of just falling asleep listening to her girl’s heartbeat.

“Kinda,” she replied.

“Long day,” Willow said.

“Neither of us slept.” Tara yawned and felt, rather than saw, Willow catch it too. “Last night, I mean.”

“I guess, but…”

“What?” She tipped her head, looking up at the dim play of light across the side of Willow’s face. Her girlfriend – her lover - was caressing her gently. Not teasing or playing or taking things further. Just… enjoying the ribbon of magical connection, enjoying touching her. She’d never felt so smooth as when Willow had revelled in it.

“You can’t sleep there,” Willow said.

That wasn’t what Willow had been about to say, there was something else.

“I’ll get pins and needles,” Willow continued. “And I won’t be comfy even if you are.”

Tara had to admit she was very comfy but could see the point Willow was making. “So… you want me to move?”

“No…”

“Then you see the problem.”

To move was to end – in some way - a wonderful night and a… incredible day, in the very literal sense of the word ‘incredible’. Moving would mean breaking this clinch. It’d probably mean going to grab the covers and… “What was it you really wanted to say?” Tara asked.

“No.”

“I think I’ve earned the truth. I can handle it.”

“Damn you and your logic,” Willow teased. “So sly and - ”

“No, I’m just right,” Tara completed.

“Right, you’re right. You’re right and I’m… I… I kinda had a vision of how this might go and - ”

“You’re not saying disappointed? Are you?” Tara asked, knowing that wasn’t the case. But there was definitely something bothering her.

“I… I… Well, I…”

“Willow?”

“I’ve not got as – I don’t know how to say this – umm - as up close and personal with you as you have – with me, I mean.”

“That’s not how I remember it,” Tara said. Willow had been pretty up close and personal.

“No, I mean… Tara, I mean – I mean - I haven’t been down on you.” The last part came out in a blurted rush.

Tara blinked, took a moment. What did you say to something like that?

“Oh! Sweetie… wow, umm… You don’t have do that – I’m good, I’m very, very good – You have no idea how good I am right now.”

“I think maybe I do,” Willow said slyly. “But… I don’t think you get it. I wanted to. For you – I mean, I know that no one will have… I wanted to be your first and I just kind of assumed that - ”

Somehow doing that was more important than what they’d already done? And how? No… not at all. Willow, perhaps, had misunderstood what a homerun really was for them. But, she wasn’t going to denigrate or dismiss her girl’s desires now was she because… umm, she wanted that too.

Just… it didn’t need to be now. Did it?

“You will be,” Tara said, taking the opportunity to shift on the bed, bringing them into a position where she supposed they might more easily find sleep but also retain their comfort and physical connection. “Because you know… there’s always morning, right?”

“Oh… that’s how this works?”

********************

[Missocki]

Dibs! And did I just see the word climax?! Eep!

Okay, I'm back. Squee!!!!!!

A big, lit, candle. It threw up the soft, red light into Willow’s face and highlighted her soft, red hair. Very soft… It smelled so nice too. She could still smell it on her pillow, the one she’d set aside and not cried into, just to protect it for a little longer.

D'aww, this was so sweet and yet sad. But this though but up for it, especially because it dove deeper into the "Okay?"

“Okay?” Willow asked. “I mean, is it? Okay?”

Okay? Willow wanted to know if she was ‘okay’? She wasn’t ‘okay’ at all. She was so far beyond okay… And it was up there too. Way beyond just being okay. The decision was… perfect.

She was soaring.

So perfect! And my favorite toss in

It didn’t have to matter that she’d risked tearing Tara’s heart in two or that – right to the last moment – Tara had obviously doubted the outcome. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t really done the research she’d intended to about what she was pretty sure was about to happen. Not all of it. Not unless you called liberal doses of very erotically inspiring fiction ‘research.’

I see what you did there!!!!
Can't wait for more, and thank you for such a lovely part, and "parts" teehee

[Kajun]

…
…
..Uhh..

llufayBueti GOM DUTH ttiwren.. umhuhm.. DUHT.. MGO.. nettirw yllufituaeB

*inhale exhale inhale exhale inhale..*

Wha.. what day is.. where did.. wha? OH!