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Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - Chapter 176 - 01/27/14 - COMPLETE

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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO - 02/02/13

Postby Missocki » Sat Feb 02, 2013 11:06 am

Maybeeeee.....
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO - 02/02/13

Postby faolan228 » Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:05 pm

The delight I feel every time I see an update is always slightly dimmed in fear of the feels I know you'll cause. Curse these human emotions, my affection for fiction lesbians, and my weakness for your prose.

I think, despite their differences, or maybe especially because of them, advice from Auntie Faith is the sort of thing Tara needs, and likewise. Perhaps between Anne and Faith, Tara will have all the unsolicited advice a girl could need xD
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"Friendship is obviously magic. Love is a sorta super strong friendship. We gay people love so hard we broke 'Social Norm'. Ergo, we gay people are ultra-strong wizards."
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO - 02/02/13

Postby Kajun » Sat Feb 02, 2013 2:11 pm

Katharyn, This is why Faith was a better choice than Annie. She doesn’t sugar coat it, or give false hope. She isn’t holding back for fear of hurting Tara’s feelings. Annie is a good friend but most people aren’t brutally honest with their friends –not if they wanna keep them. Faith is 100% right. Tara has to fight for Willow. That doesn’t mean putting the gloves on and going 10 rounds. Just let Willow know she isn’t going anywhere, unlike OZ who ran far away like a coward. That small step, even though Tara had an unpleasant encounter and is hurting even more now, is another step towards Willow sending the giant hairball packing.. for good this time.

Buffy needs to tread carefully.. Tara has a Goddess, two giant dogs, a rogue Slayer and a witch on her side! Get mad about Tara letting Faith out of her cage all night? Fine. Get over it. Tara did what Buffy and all the scoobies should have done. Even though Willow hates Faith.. the cleavage-y slut bomb just did her one hell of a favor. Tara has given Faith a chance and Faith is prompting Tara to do the same for herself –without even knowing there’s more going on with Tara than the reappearance of wolf-boy.

Hooray for Faith! And for brave Tara – painful as it is right now, good times are in the works. :) Hurry up and get there though!!!!

Where did my post go? Oh.. Previewing is great but it helps to hit "submit". LOL
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO - 02/02/13

Postby Grimm » Sat Feb 02, 2013 2:51 pm

Yay for Faith :applause . Boo for every other bad thing that happened to MY Tara in this update :cry .

I think the Faith/Tara thing works because they are different sides of the same coin, ying to the others yang if you will.

Maybe I'm reading to far into this. But, did Faith just decide to escape? Her cage, Sunnydale and her current way of life?

Hurry up and make it better :pray
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO - 02/02/13

Postby Azirahael » Sat Feb 02, 2013 5:35 pm

Poor Tara.

Hold on baby, it gets better, i promise and Katharyn promises too, don't you Katharyn? :whip

and as before, i liked the things that faith came up with when she had time to think.
as much as it sucked for her, i think that the time in the cage was needed. it gave her time to slow down and take stock, think about things like, why she's here, what made her stay, what made her come back, and how the Scoobies are thinking.

she's got a real gift there, she just needs to learn how to use it.

And i like her advise to Tara: Stand and fight for your woman, bitch! (I'm paraphrasing slightly here)

In the Words of Faith: "Damn Kat, that's some good shit ya got goin' on there girl!"

roll on the :wtkiss

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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO - 02/02/13

Postby Willow_Friendly » Sat Feb 02, 2013 10:24 pm

Noooo Tara you gave up to easley and i wanted to see butch Tara come out too. It's funny seeing Faith gave relationship advice and befriend Tara and fighting not to at the same time. And it seems like only Buffy and Tara go's see Faith at all maybe after this Oz thing gets settled Tara can talk to Willow so she can go with her and meet the real Faith.
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO - 02/02/13

Postby Katharyn » Sun Feb 03, 2013 6:35 am

Thanks to you all, very much.

Missocki - Tara will go to the Willow. Tara will go to the Willow.

Or vice versa...

And yes, one step closer.

Faolan - I get where you're coming from, but we're not that far from getting through this... And you know where it's going.

And yeah, Faith and Annie are good for Tara. Annie will fade a little into the background while Faith is around (purely a question of volume of characters and keeping the story moving) but they'll give her what they need and if there have to be 'sides' then they're definitely on Tara's side.

Kajun - I'm not sure Annie would've held back too much. She's pretty much out there and has already been that way with Tara. However... it'd definitely true that Faith would prod her that much harder! It's interesting that you can actually read into the canon that someone prodded Tara. We know it wasn't Faith there, but... here, it just works that way. I think it would've been easier for her to sit back and wait to be disappointed.

Ah, you're looking for the Faith vs. Buffy rematch! I get it... You're a catfight fan too, right? :)

Also, I have to admit, YES - this was a great way to rehabilitate Faith for this readership... :D

Grimm - I wouldn't disagree. Aside from the desire not to change Tara, a merger of those characters' best qualities would create a pretty formidable whole... (though the worst qualities wouldn't be a good thing... maybe there's a fic to be written there, but you can't do it inside FAQ LOL)

Did Faith make that decision? HOnestly, I don't remember!

Better is coming...

Azirahael - Oh yes, I very definitely promise.

I'm not really sure Faith is 'thinking' any more than she usually does. What has changed is possibly more her belligerence and the state of mind she's in when she is reacting. Maybe she wouldn't have cared enough to speak up if she'd thought about it, but her instinctive reaction - when she's not being a bitch - turned out to win favour around here :)

A thinking Faith could be a dangerous thing... just change how she sees things and react to them :)

Good shit? Good enough :)

Willow_friendly - I won't deny there were a few smiles writing Faith like this and - somehow - still feeling she was in character. The thing with visits to Faith is that - if you're going to let her out - then Buffy has to be there. So, how many people do you need hanging around? I like to think others may have been helping out, taking food etc, but Buffy's the key for security reasons and Tara's the one who has a perspective not so coloured by what went before. It makes sense that I mention them more, but I've never ruled anyone else going. But Faith wouldn't put up with Xander's analysis based on about 2 minutes of 'connection', Anya would just go 'he's mine now' and Willow and Faith just don't get on... Who does that leave? Just Giles and he might well feel more guilt than anyone else because he did have a real responsibility.

Thanks again all!

Katharyn
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Chance in *Chance*
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO - 02/02/13

Postby Katharyn » Sun Feb 03, 2013 9:17 am

Okay, it's blatant self publicity, but once released by moderators take a look at my new thread...

Willow and Tara: The Raiders Chronicles

:whip

It will not interfere with the posting of this thread... I've finished redraft of this story and so it's just part prep and 200-280 days to sort out the finale... :)

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If I wanted a little pussy, I've got my own to play with.

Chance in *Chance*
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO - 02/02/13

Postby DaddyCatALSO » Mon Feb 04, 2013 11:15 am

Yes, I thought of that as soon as I typed "one goes out where the other goes in." Background; that sentence was very familair to me from 1- a story I read when I was in elementary school 2-a totally unrelated song often palyed on a kids' show I used to watch. So when I first started seieng W&T as the msot eprfetc match I'd ever seen on screen, or TV at leats, that each one seems to have a strong point *exactly* where the other has a weakness, it just came naturally to me to describe them that way. I only relaized the other ways to take it after I hit "Submit."

Yes, resolution can so easily evaporate when the situation you're resolved to face it's there when you get there. Tara, I feel for you.

Faith as counselor; well, not much formal education but lots of animal cunning and a good bit of (Edith Bunker like?) gut wisdom. She's often portrayed in different variations of that way in Pens, and soem other places. (Heck, one of my "lost fics" had her sitting with Harmony in an all-night diner, discussing rehab over decaf- that scene came after the femslash scene, of course.)
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Kim: (breaks off the kissing) I l... (Sue stops her with a hand)
Sue: We don't talk about things like that right after, you know that, no saying those things in The Moment.
Kim: (moves the hand aside) Screw The Moment. I *love* you.
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO - 02/02/13

Postby Katharyn » Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:46 pm

Daddcatalso - Don't worry about it, I'm famed for having one of the dirtiest minds I know. Once upon a time I used to make Xita blush in chat too :) I can spot (someone elses) innuendo at a hundred paces. Sadly I can be oblivious to them when I'm talking, but that's my problem :)

Counselors benefit from animal cunning? Is that like a job requirement? Wow, who guessed!? Rethinking Mister Mackie from South Park now...

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Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 04/02/13

Postby Katharyn » Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:47 pm

Very few surprises in this one, leans much more heavily on canon. And regarding the ending... this is how things go. Even when you're up, you can come down... with a bump.

Enjoy - if you can.

Katharyn

-----------------------

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Fifty-Three
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: Oh, yes. It’s still New Moon Rising. Willow – finally – admits to Buffy just why things are complicated.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: The first scene in this part is another of those that features a fair amount of dialogue which matches the canon but, for once, isn’t pure T/W. Why? Because I think it’s something that just… works – Buffy, for once, gives good advice too. And you don’t mess with that sort of scene too much if you know what’s good for you, but the trade-off is that you need to work with the dialogue that is presented and go with it, changing only mildly for added effect. Though it’d be tempting to change things so that Willow never had any doubt at all in her mind where her future lay, where’s the drama in that approach? I think what I can say (and have said) is that she never doubted the love she has for Tara – and I show that – but the question becomes about if she can only have one of them… which? Otherwise where is the drama of the whole episode? And it’s the drama I’m pushed into reflecting, or I might as well just have had Willow brush Oz off and turn up with a candle right away…
(PS – how do you tell you’ve been a kitten too long, well, when you think about the extra flamey candle, you wonder about what some writers – not me – might’ve suggested was done with the hot wax… Someone who commits those kind of fics to memory, has that been written? Ohh… the horror! Not me, I won’t do that to that smooth skin…)
Anyway, all that said about the canon dialogue, this chapter’s got a whole lot of Willow, getting into her head – hey, it’s me! – and things are just a little different.
Oh, finally, why isn’t Riley here (since I’ve not killed him)? Not sure if I already explained this anywhere else… but basically this is not Buffy’s story and the Initiative is somewhat side-lined as you’ve seen. Or at least… it was.
Thanks to: I have to stress the credit for the original writers again here, I’ve used a lot of their lines in this part particularly and then filled in the gaps.




Funny how things worked out. Funny like a hole in the head. Another hole. Other than ears, eyes and mouth. An extra hole. Funny like that. So… not really funny at all.

For the last little while, whenever she’d wanted to talk to someone about something, she’d gone to Tara.

Something? Anything.

Where else should she have gone? Tara listened, sympathised and – when warranted – came up with some good advice. But mostly she listened.

Hugged and held her.

Kissed her, maybe.

And maybe that had been a part of how she and Buffy had drifted a little further apart than she’d been comfortable with. But that was life, right? Both of them had shiny new <gender of choice>friends and even if Eddie’s shine was more about his slightly greasy skin, she wasn’t going to say so.

Now though… Who did she have she could talk to if it wasn’t Buffy? And besides, her friend wanted to know what was wrong because – no matter what she might say about herself from time to time – Buffy wasn’t stupid.

A little self-absorbed, especially when it came to boyfriend time, but… who wasn’t? Girlfriends did the same thing to you… The difference was that she doubted Tara would ever look like ending the world.

Just my world.

And when you had both boyfriends and girlfriends, what did that make you? If it hadn’t been her problem at the moment, she might’ve said ‘Faith’ and had a laugh about it. But it was her… and she certainly wasn’t feeling lucky. Cursed perhaps, but not lucky.

I can’t talk to Tara… How did that ever happen?

The conversations she’d had with Tara though, over the last few months. Sublime. Ridiculous. Important. Issue driven. Funny – in both senses of the word. Theoretical. Everything… It was unlike anything – or anyone – she’d ever known. So this wasn’t just a physical thing that she felt, although… Good grief she’d been planning to make this weekend the perfect time and now… this.

They’d even been talking about getting a kitten…

I can tell her anything, I’ve told her nearly everything, never held anything back. Not when it was just the two of us. Other people, yes. Would that have helped? Do I really have to fight against what other people expect? Because they don’t know?

The thing they’d never gotten around to talking about though, what was happening right now. What might happen if Oz came back? You didn’t, obviously. Even if she’d said ‘it wouldn’t change a thing, I’m safe here in your arms, your arms are where I want to be and… you know, these are very sexy arms’ well, that would’ve been then, theoretical and not now… When it was less ‘theoretical’ and more ‘very real’.

Maybe Tara should’ve asked her? Maybe she should’ve thought about it more? Maybe then she’d have had a clue when to do that?

Was it anyone’s fault? Probably not…

So here she’d been, sat playing with Mister Snuggles floppier ear when Buffy came back to the room from Eddie’s – after a while of giving her some space - and was still playing with it when her friend asked the inevitable question.

In a way though, she was glad Buffy did that. After all if she couldn’t talk to Tara, who else could she talk to? Buffy was the one.

“So, come on. I wanna hear about you and Oz. You saw him, right?”

“I was with him all night.”

Buffy’s eyebrows raised a notch, not judgementally but more… ‘OMG. Fast work, Willow.’

“All night?” The grin wasn’t any less laden with innuendo and that just felt… wrong to hear it. “”Oh my God.”

See… OMG. Right there.

“Wait. Last night was a wolf moon, right?” Buffy asked, realising the implications.

She was the Slayer; these were the things that she had to keep track of. Oz hadn’t ever been the only werewolf in town, even if they weren’t drawn to the Hellmouth in swarms – packs - like most other beasties of the night. The only things that drew them was prey. And there were easier places.

Oh, and werewolves of the opposite gender. They turned out to be pretty easy too.

And there was a question, did you get gay werewolves? When they were wolfy? She wasn’t going to ask herself how that worked. Maybe they didn’t need to get wolfy? Maybe they could be just like anyone else?

“Yup.” It seemed like… She had to wonder whether her feelings and confusion over what to do were all caught up in a general thankfulness. That he’d beaten the curse of lycanthropy, bestowed on him by a bite. It hadn’t been his fault, after all. None of it.

At least until… the bitch.

There was no escaping it, it could easily be that. Or at least a little of that, but as she’d said to him at the time there were some nights of the month she wasn’t much fun to be around.

Everyone needed their space, even in a couple. It was just that some of his space had been spent in a cage – the same cage Faith was in now - protecting both himself and others from being bitten and turned too.

It shouldn’t have mattered that he’d beaten it. Walked freely under the wolf moon, shouldn’t have made any difference at all – not to ‘them’. Was that any reason for her to be so confused?

“So either you’re about to tell me something incredibly kinky, or - ”

“No kink. He didn’t change Buffy. He said he was gonna find a cure, and he did. In Tibet, because – you know – that’s where the mystical cures all come from. A landlocked country that’s mostly made up of mountains. Of all the places in the entire world to find herbs and stuff… Why Tibet?” Maybe a little focus would be a good thing?

Not realising that this might’ve made things so very difficult for her, Buffy saw it as nothing but a good thing. It was – for him - but… nothing but complicated. Couldn’t it have taken a few more months and maybe… maybe she’d not even have had to think about this? Maybe then he wouldn’t have even come back, wouldn’t have expected her to still be alone.

I’m not alone with her. I’m never alone with her.

“Oh my God. I can’t believe it.”

Of course, Buffy and the others were Oz’s friends too. They’d all greeted him like he was their long lost… friend. Funny how that worked.

Something did seem to twig with Buffy now though. “Okay, I’m all with the woo-hoo here, and you’re – kind of - not.”

“No,” she said. “There’s ‘woo’ and, and ‘hoo’. But there’s ‘uh-oh’, and… ‘why now?’ And a whole mess of… ‘it’s complicated’.”

There it was. There was no way, no way at all that Buffy wasn’t going to ask about it. She had to and… now was the time. It wasn’t the perfect time, it wasn’t a good time, in fact it was damned awkward and she had more on her mind but… Now, right now, she needed Buffy to know. And to understand.

No matter what she thought about it… or Tara.

Buffy didn’t let her down. “Why ‘complicated’?”

Take a breath. Commit to it. Just tell the truth. “It’s complicated… because of Tara.”

She couldn’t believe - no matter what Giles had noticed in the past - that saying her name made her smile. Not this time… Not unless it was one of those sad smiles.

If she hadn’t been wound up so tight then it might’ve been interesting to track the movement of emotion, the moment that Buffy would actually realise and what her immediate reaction would be. But she was wound tight so… no.

“You mean Tara has crush on Oz? No. No, she didn’t even know…”

Then there it was. The moment.

“Oh!” her roommate exclaimed.

And what did you say to that? Not much… Take it and run with it Buff, say what you like… Let it all out.

She found herself looking up at Buffy when she stood up. Surprise would do that to a girl and it wasn’t likely to be anything to do with sitting there on a bed beside a big-old lezzer. Even a theoretical one. Kind of theoretical anyway.

“Oh. Um… well…. That’s great. You know, I mean, I think Tara’s a really great girl, Will.”

For all the doubts that had been expressed over the last few months, no one could really question what she’d done for them and… “She is. And… there’s something between us. It – it wasn’t something I was looking for. It’s just powerful. And it’s totally different from what Oz and I have. Had. Have… I don’t know whether we have it or had it or we’d get it back again… Past tense, see? But Tara… Tara’s present tense, you know what I mean?”

Buffy was still in the surprised phase of getting to grips with this, that was pretty obvious and so she made herself sit down again. “Well, there you go, I mean, you know, you have to – you have to follow your heart, Will. And that’s what’s important, Will.”

“Why do you keep saying my name like that?”

“Like what, Will?” Exactly the same…

“Buffy? Are you freaking out?” Okay, it wasn’t what every girl wanted to hear. It was one thing being friends with someone who liked girls; most people knew how to deal with that – what with most guys doing that and all – but being a girl and sharing a room with a girl who liked girls… A girl. One girl in all the world… Not this one girl in all the world.

Tara.

Well, that revelation was something different, obviously.

Of course, Buffy went into denial mode. Unless you were a right-wing, intolerant nutso – she wasn’t – then you would deny wouldn’t you? “What? No, Will, d - ” She sighed, stood back up – realised what that might look like and sat back down one more time. This time though, not stiff and worried. No, this time Buffy was more relaxed.

That sitting down again - easier in her company - that was more important to her than nearly anything that her friend could say at this moment. That was the important part. That was the ‘I’m coming back to your space, I’m being with you, sitting here, on your bed and I know there’s nothing to worry about and I know that you’re not going to jump me. At least not right now…’

As if anyone could jump a Slayer. At least one who didn’t want to be jumped.

“No,” Buffy said, “No, absolutely no to that question. I’m not freaking out.”

Even with the obvious sign though, it was possible that the lady doth protest too much. So she gave Buffy a look and they’d known each other long enough to know what those sorts of looks meant. In fact, they might have been able to have this whole conversation through looks alone. All except for the surprising part… then they might’ve needed charades and just what was the sign for ‘I like this girl but I’ve not liked her yet?’

Enquiring minds wanted to – No, enquiring minds didn’t give a shit. Not right now.

Tara used to play charades, she’d said so…

I’ve never played charades with her. Why didn’t I play charades with her?

“I’m – No, I’m glad you told me,” Buffy said and this time the words lined up with the physical ease Buffy was showing. The hand that covered and then gently wrapped around hers felt like a bigger deal than it ever had before too. “So - what did you say to Oz?”

She sighed. “I was going to tell him right up front, let him down before he got his hopes up… but then we started hanging out and… I could just feel everything coming back. He’s Oz, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

And that was the honest truth. She’d never intended it to get to the early morning with him still there. She’d never intended him to go away thinking there could be something between them again. She’d certainly never intended Tara to come around and find him there when she wasn’t able to explain. Never intended to let the girl she was in love with assume the very worst thing possible.

None of that had been intended. But good intentions were nothing unless they were backed up by action and that was where she’d fallen short.

“I don’t wanna hurt anyone, Buffy.”

The little shake of the head told her what Buffy thought about that idea. It just wasn’t going to fly. She didn’t say any different either. “Take it from me, no matter what, somebody’s gonna get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest. With both of them. Or it’s gonna be a lot worse.”

At that moment all she could do was nod, accept the advice as being good and honest. Buffy was right, honesty was the thing and… she had to be that. With Oz.

With Tara.

I have to go find her because she needs to know...

-----------------------------

The knocking had started out timidly. Timid, timid, timid… barely there. Afraid to disturb her. It’d been easy to ignore after the first jump when her cocoon of silence had been broached.

But it hadn’t gone away, that knocking. It’d only gotten bolder, if not more confident. Insistent. Like ‘I’m not going away, not this time.’

And she’d still ignored it. There wasn’t anyone she wanted to see. When the knock came again, she’d called out. “Annie, please – I said - ”

“Annie told me you were in there,” Willow said. “Tara… please.”

Willow… I should have known. I should’ve felt it. But… I’ve shut that part of myself down, so that I don’t have to feel because if I don’t feel then I can’t get hurt right?

Wrong. It wasn’t exactly working out.


Yes… there was someone she wanted to see. One person.

If she dared to open to the door.

Nothing good could come of it though, could it? Willow was here to tell her what she already knew. That she’d gotten back together with Oz, she’d know by now that she’d come around this morning and found him there. So…

Yeah. Nothing good, taking them both back to dwell on that and what must’ve happened.

So maybe it was the practical side of that made her get up, go to the door and stand with her head resting against it, just for a few seconds as Willow pleaded again with her to open it. If Willow had just tried the handle she could’ve walked straight in, it wasn’t locked… but Willow wouldn’t do that even if she’d realised. Even though this had all but been her home from home.

What had been their space, together, had turned back into hers. But it felt emptier. Lonelier than even when she’d first arrived at college and hadn’t known anyone.

And, head against the door, with Willow right outside, the practical part of her said, ‘let her tell you, at least then you’ll know. You’ll have heard it and you can stop worrying about how she’ll say it.’

Or it might’ve been the hopeful part that put aside what she knew had happened last night and thought – maybe – Willow might still choose her, still want her in her life. If that was what Willow said, she wouldn’t care that Oz had stayed, or what had happened. None of it. She had no claim on Willow if she wanted to – She wouldn’t care, not if…

But… no.

“Please, Tara,” Willow said. “Let me in.”

Opened up to it now, she could feel Willow there, thought that maybe Willow had her hand pressed to the other side of the once living wood, that the energy that coursed through it from one to the other was a real thing she could sense and feel.

Will I ever get to touch her again? Or will we avoid that? Even if we stay friends? Awkwardly keeping our hands in our pockets to avoid feeling?

“Please.”

Turning the handle, she opened the door.

“Hi,” Willow said, as if she hadn’t just been begging for her to open the door. Okay, begging wasn’t good. She could pretend that had never happened, if Willow would only do the same should she break down and wrap her arms around her legs and just beg her not to do what she was about to.

The practical side of her was stupid if it wanted to hear this, thinking she could move on…

“Hi.” She stepped back to allow Willow in, then closed the door behind them. She didn’t want anyone else seeing this.

“I can only stay for a minute. I have class.”

She’d known that. She’d known because the alarm had been set to get Willow up for it. You couldn’t argue with the alarm, or the reason that they needed it. Because it was just too comfy to be lying there together. It had been -

I’ll have to change the alarm, when it’s just me.

“Me too, I-I-I have class too.”

Later… but yeah, she had a class. Anything that gave her cause to sound like she wasn’t doing too badly. So she didn’t sound like she really was just going to curl up in a ball and sob after Willow told her what she was here for. She had to be strong, so this wasn’t so hard for Willow to get through

Faith would kick her ass for being a doormat but… it was Willow.

“Baby – I mean - Tara, I just want you to know that what you saw this morning, it wasn’t -”

Wasn’t what? What it looked like? Important? Something that had been planned? So was any of that better than what she’d assumed?

And I can’t hear it… I should let her talk, I should, but I can’t hear it.

“No, it’s okay. I-I always knew that if he came back - ” Except he wasn’t supposed to be back. He was supposed to be gone, off on the impossible quest. She’d never worried about it, not really, because Willow never had either. She’d never even expected to see him again.

And now he was here.

Here with Willow.

What was it she’d been going to say? To do? When she went around there? Fight – she’d been going to fight it. Not just take it lying down. But look at me now, I’m all stood up and ready to take it this way instead.

“Tara - We were just talking. Nothing – nothing happened.”

Surprise actually made her smile. Could this be real? Was this a dream? Was she going to wake up to an awful reality? “Oh. Really?” For once longer nails would’ve been good. She was digging her fingers into her palm, trying to hurt herself, trying to wake up – to be sure that what she was hearing was reality.

And Willow nodded.

She nodded. Nothing happened. I was wrong!

Willow’s expression wasn’t matching her moment of jubilation. Just because that hadn’t happened – and it would never cross her mind not to believe Willow in this – didn’t mean that everything was fine and this had just been a blip in their relationship. No, Willow was still all too serious. Maybe… maybe Oz staying and ‘doing’ something would’ve been better. Maybe that would’ve ‘just’ made it ‘a physical thing.’

A physical thing could really be a blip, better than the alternative right? Not something where you stayed the night and just talked… Not something so intimate as that. They’d done it, they’d done it so often that the idea Willow would do it with someone else now... made her feel - Could be that felt worse than the other thing had made her feel.

“But, you know, it was intense. Just talking. We have a lot to talk about.”

Which was the thing, wasn’t it. Willow and Oz had history, lots of history that she couldn’t match or compete with – even if she’d wanted to. She wasn’t asking Willow to look back; she was hoping that she’d look forwards instead. And see her there. Now there was hope of that again… Not much, perhaps, but some.

The positive part of her was still struggling to stay afloat in a sea of fear, but… she’d snatched a breath.

“Whatever, you know, happens… I’ll still be here. I’ll still be your friend.” She was in that life now, she was involved with the things that they did. Involved with the Goddess… and most importantly she didn’t think she could bear for Willow to disappear out of her life entirely… assuming she could survive the end of them being together as a couple.

“Of course we’ll be friends! That’s not even a question!” Willow said.

Easier said than done, Tara supposed. But… she appreciated the promise, she wanted it to be the case but… they’d have to see wouldn’t they? “But I’m saying, I know what Oz means to you.”

Willow shook her head. “How can you?”

No… she didn’t have that history, did she?

“How can you know, when I’m not even sure?” Willow completed. “I mean, I know what he meant to me. Like in the past tense. But he left here, he left me, Tara and… everything changed. I changed and… then we - ”

We! Yes, we! We. Us. Together. Willow and Tara. We…

“What?” she asked, as calm as she could manage. She knew that Willow was about to start crying, she was tearing up already. And she knew that when the tears came she’d have to fight back her own. She’d have to keep herself in check so that she could be strong for poor Willow who was going through all this. It was going to be hard, it was going to be very, very hard to hold her without making it -

“I don’t know. I just – life was starting to get so good again – with you - and - ” Willow sighed, moving towards her. A plea in its own way for a touch, a connection. For some part of what they had together. Strength… advice. Something.

Whatever it was that she wanted, Tara wasn’t certain she could give it to her. All she could do was try.

“You’re a big part of that, the biggest,” Willow continued, and the tears were flowing by then. “And then here comes the thing I used to think I wanted - thought I wanted most of all - and… I don’t know what to do, I… I wanna know, but I don’t. I’m sorry but… I don’t.”

Reaching up, she brushed the free flowing tears from Willow’s cheek. The first time she’d had to touch them. She hadn’t made Willow cry all this time and hated her part in it now even when the almost electric current that connected them when they touched was there and she could feel the confusion, the fear and the regret…

Fight? How could she fight when Willow was fighting herself?

“Do what makes you… h-h-happy.”

As Willow hugged her, she ran her hands through her girl’s hair not seeing further than the fact that this was going to be the last time – for all that hope had briefly flared.

*********************
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby Missocki » Mon Feb 04, 2013 1:06 pm

Dibs?!
The scene between Willow and Tara kills me every fricking time. My poor girls! :cry
Seriously, crying Alyson pops into my head and water works.

I Love how you wrote scenes though, so thoughtful of the meaning behind the words and gestures, not letting us forget how important it all is. I can be strong like an amazon until the next update...
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby Katharyn » Mon Feb 04, 2013 1:45 pm

Missocki - I know exactly what you mean! Some things you're excited about, writing this. Some things... make you feel bad for even thinking it, let alone writing it.

So pleased it rang true for you, there's a big difference between script and 'novelisation' because of the depth of thought and feeling you can show outside the words. But that has to work right or you lose the effect, so I am pleased it seems to have done that for you.

Thanks

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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby DaddyCatALSO » Mon Feb 04, 2013 2:51 pm

Definitely worked for me too. Or, in other words, "Wow!" Not much else to say; I did like not only the narrative tension but also the plausible added dialogue. Flowed better than the original. bobk
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby Grimm » Mon Feb 04, 2013 5:26 pm

:cry :sob :(( :rage :gnome :crash !!!

Really, what more is there to say?

This was a necessary evil. You wrote it. We read it.

Now, just fix it :pray
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby Azirahael » Mon Feb 04, 2013 6:42 pm

"Do what makes you ha-happy."

That's why i love her.

R
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby Kajun » Mon Feb 04, 2013 11:44 pm

Katharyn, I appreciate that you kept this episode well within canon. No doubt you could have made big changes in dialog and settings, successfully.. but why mess with such an iconic moment? You wrote notes about this previously so I knew the general plan. What you did add, small changes in dialog and especially the thought process for Willow and for Tara, really elevates the emotional impact –even when I know this one by heart having re-watched it more than any other episode. When Buffy wrapped her hand around Willow’s I could feel the tears welling up.

Tara is willing to just be friends with Willow but that would be like torture. No matter how sincere her intentions, it would be very difficult to stick around for an extended period. I don’t know anyone that could handle watching, up close and personal, their soulmate enjoying life with someone else.

You’re killing me here.. FATE <----- Bring it on!
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby Katharyn » Tue Feb 05, 2013 9:41 pm

Thanks all, I will reply to the feedback this evening. However for now I just wanted to mark and note the passing of actor Robin Sachs who played Ethan Rayne (amongst other genre roles). Since I perhaps made more use of him in my stories than most other writers hereabouts I felt like it was something that I should acknowledge. He certainly - in limited screen time - made an impact on me with that portrayal, to the extent the performance is still with me now whenever I want to write something for the character.

I don't know, I just thought I should put something rather than just continue writing Ethan without saying a word.

RIP Robin, your creations and work are still with us.
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby Azirahael » Tue Feb 05, 2013 9:47 pm

Oh shit!
I loved that guy.
He was on YouTube. I he could make a story about shoes sound interesting and classy.
Kinda puts a weird spin on my use of him in a story.

And it makes me cry a little.
Because we are going to lose other scoobies at some point.
Or their actors anyway.

Godbye Robin, and you will be missed.
R
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby Kajun » Tue Feb 05, 2013 10:54 pm

Yes, very sad news. I had a feeling you might say something. It’s pretty amazing that he was only in 4 episodes of Buffy –it feels like that number should be a higher. It’s a testament to his talent that, of seven years of BTVS characters, Ethan remains a fan favorite. RIP Robin.
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby Grimm » Wed Feb 06, 2013 3:44 am

He died on his 62nd Birthday.

R.I.P. Robin
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby DaddyCatALSO » Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:34 am

Actually four days before, but it's still a shocker - he was only about five years older than I am. (Tony by almost 2 years, Kristine by about 6 months, and Harris Yulin of course, probably Harry Groener and MArc MEtcalfe, are the only other ones that's true of. My goal is to last long enough to read all their memoirs.)

He also did a horror film in the erliets 70s called _Vampire Circus_ which I have not seen but Keith Topping calls one of his fvaorites. I wish I'd known RObin was in _Galaxy Quest_ when they still had a copy in the $5 bin.
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby Katharyn » Wed Feb 06, 2013 12:08 pm

I'm just addressing the feedback, the Robin Sachs stuff speaks for itself. Nice to see other people weighing in though.

Daddcatalso - It is hard to say stuff about this, it's not a comfortable subject to read or write as sensitive as we are. Also it was very close to canon so... not really mine anyway. Your words about the flow and dialogue are appreciated though. Thanks.

Grimm - Ditto Grimmy... Necessary evil is a good way to put it. As for fixing... not right away, but progress...

Thanks

Azirahael - Of course :)

Kajun - You're right... This episode (and certain parts of it) are part of our collective memories of T&W. There are things that can't be made much better (Flamey) that would be entirely ruined or lost if this stuff didn't happen. So, to justify the good stuff, you have to earn it through some of this... I could've wiped the slate, Oz came back. Willow told him to take a hike. Tara and Willow go down the pound and get Miss Kitty. Someone lights a candle. But... why? First it's outside the rules and second, there ARE things I'm very much going to change (no S6) so if this is a fic within the boundaries of canon then I can't overhaul everything...

And pleased you read my notes :)

The additions, honestly, are more about making a transition from 2 minutes on screen to a novel environment. TV is - in it's own way - as artificial as writing when compared to real world interaction. Just in opposite directions usually. Why do a lot of people think Tarantino is a great writer of dialogue? Because no one talks that way, so it's cool! (Same applies to a certain someone...) It's not that they do reality any better than anyone else, it's that they create a different way of speaking etc which works, but it's no more real than TV or a novel. I'm not claiming what I've got in there is, but I just like to add stuff because I have the time... unlike on TV.

Or rather YOU have the time, to read it :)

Of course, Tara knows that she won't have to stick around for that long... *SIGH* So sad...

Next part in a moment, but y'all are going to have to get used to 3+ day updates again once we get past NMR!

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Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR - 02/06/13

Postby Katharyn » Wed Feb 06, 2013 12:10 pm

Title: Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Fifty-Four
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: New Moon Rising… Oz comes after Tara and things start to go… differently.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: Okay, we’re still New Moon Rising and why not? We’ll be here a while yet, too. Still, I promise, you’ll notice when it ends. However, for all that one reality echoes another one and certain things just have to happen as they were always intended to (this is a theme for me as some readers may know) we’re going to break out of that again… starting very soon. But for now, at the very start, we’re back with the familiar… (no pun intended)
Willow, I should say, still doesn’t really doubt what she knows. The thing for her is she doesn’t know how to deal with it, or how to avoid hurting anyone. Of course, not hurting anyone hurts someone… As we open she’s going through a process more than anything else. Trying to rationalise what doesn’t fit a rationale.
Thanks to: Once again I have to acknowledge that this chapter lifts a lot of elements and lines directly from the script of the canon.




Pros and cons.

It should’ve been easy to make a list, right? Just a list? But she didn’t even know how to head it up, let alone go through everything that needed to appear on it. Willow Rosenberg, incapable of making a list properly… This was what she’d been brought to.

Who was pro? Who was con?

She switched pens and scratched out the words above the empty columns. Wrote ‘Tara’ and ‘Oz’ instead.

But no, that wasn’t going to work either. Oz had done things that were a con while she couldn’t think about Tara being anything other than a pro. Writing that in would… was that a con? That Tara was just too good for her? How did you live up to some kind of perfection like that over a prolonged period of time?

She didn’t add it, thinking about the mostly empty piece of paper and how it might look. Oz had some pros as well, not by comparison but certainly just in his own right.

So if she wrote anything in either column under their names then she was going to have to write pros and cons in both sides and then all she’d have was a list for each person that swirling around in her mind and what was that going to do to help anyway? She already knew what was in her head…

The good points and the bad… Somehow she felt – because it was a decision making crutch she’d used often in the past – she should really try it this time.

Oz had cheated on her. Tara never would.

She had history with Oz, going back years. A lot of special moments. Tara… not so much in time, but there had still been plenty of special moments, even if just in the last couple of months. More even than in years with Oz, but there’d be more with either of them, she supposed. So that wasn’t really anything she could write down, was it?

Oz had just left, not even getting into it with her, not making it a decision for them. Tara… She couldn’t see Tara doing that. Tara would’ve talked things through. Always.

Oz had a dark secret that – apparently - he’d beaten and Tara… didn’t. She hadn’t beaten it, but didn’t need to either.

What was it she’d said to Buffy? Oz was Oz… Okay, but Tara was Tara and that was no less special… maybe more.

Both made her laugh, sure their jokes were really different but… they made her laugh. You know, when Oz spoke.

That was something else, for different reasons, they were both very capable of quiet. One of those had driven her to distraction – sometimes – and the other… she treasured.

Oz had musical talent, but Tara could sing. Muppet karaoke at least. They’d proven that and… what was this, a talent show? No… Technically it was a Computer Security 101 lecture that she was barely registering, let along paying attention to or making notes about. She’d been doing this stuff when she was twelve and she had no fear about what was going to be on the test. Just for fun she’d already hacked the professor’s email. Just to prove she could and to size up the likely difficulty of the test.

Not very difficult, if his own security and password selection was anything to go by.

So… In effect this was like a free period. All that she’d written down in her notebook was the dividing line and four scratched out words. No more a hint of a decision than there were any notes.

Pros and cons… useless. How did you judge people that way? People you loved. Had loved. Would love. Something about love anyway. They weren’t cars to choose between or vacation destinations. Not even cars to rent on vacation.

Crumpling up the entire sheet paper, she found the entire lecture hall turning around to look at her. And Doctor Farman who was giving the lecture. Umm. “Sorry. Unexpectedly crunchy.” She was surprised he’d even heard it, she knew from the headers of his email that he had regular appointments from his ear doctor. It’d been hard to avoid noticing some things when it was right there staring at her.

The lecture continued after her apology and no one was paying attention to her. Wanting to listen, wanting to put what she had to decide out of her mind wasn’t enough. It was like thinking about wanting to go to sleep, it just kept you awake all the more because now you were worried about why that wasn’t happening. It was only hours later that you remembered that there were tricks that you could’ve used to get to sleep…

And sleep wasn’t something she’d had a lot of. Or any, actually… if she counted sheep right now then she might easily find herself nodding off, except… the sheep that she was thinking of were being savaged by a werewolf. “Ughhhhh!”

Willow jerked upright and… once again everyone was looking at her.

“Miss Rosenberg, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Sir?”

“Sleep on your own time or leave my lecture hall, please. No more disturbances.”

Mortified as lots of people were quietly laughing at her, barely concealing their amusement at all, she sat up very straight, eyes opened very wide and… what was she going to do?

----------------------

On her way to her next class, Tara really didn’t know what to think.

She didn’t even know what to hope. Daddy had always told her there was such a thing as ‘fool’s hope’, it was the kind of thing that stopped you doing what you should because instead you delayed, hoping that something strange and miraculous would happen. Overcoming all of the odds against it.

The sort of combination of events that you’d maybe heard about but never experienced. Daddy had learned about it in the marines, came to believe it when he’d heard stories of men who’d been miraculously saved by those strange combinations of chance and coincidence. What he’d drilled into her and Donny though was that you couldn’t ever rely on it.

Or you ended up just a story told by other people, you rarely got to tell it yourself.

You heard about those weird things, but the only thing you heard about all the other times that it didn’t happen that way was when things went wrong. In the marines that had meant people getting hurt or killed.

Daddy had never held with waiting for things to work out, he firmly believed in being realistic enough not to need fools hope. You prepared for what you could influence and change, you accepted what you couldn’t and found the next best thing to do instead.

There were always choices, which was ironic when she thought about all the things where she had no choice. This wasn’t one of them though…

She’d been all into Faith’s advice to fight her corner without – you know – the actual ‘fight’. But then Oz’s presence in Willow’s room had deflated her.

Then she’d considered bowing out with some kind of dignity, telling Willow that it was okay. That she understood and that Oz had been there first and longest and…

But then Willow had held her, hugged her and she’d stroked Willow’s hair and smelled her and – and - how could she just give in? Not backing out became an important, key decision and she’d made it. But that didn’t mean that she was actively doing much to get things to turn her way. How could she? This was Willow’s heart, her love… Not something to influence, it had to be felt and acted on.

Knowing that Willow did love her – and she’d not doubted that since long before Willow had shouted it out to the whole world on that deserted beach – was no comfort. She’d never actually doubted it, not once, and there was no hiding the fact that love existed between them.

And probably would continue to do so after, if…

But love wasn’t enough if she wasn’t the one that Willow chose to be with. It’d just be a pale shadow of what they’d promised themselves. And that was exactly why Oz was –

Right here?

“Willow!”

She stopped in the corridor, processed who he was and that he was right here and… he’d called her Willow? And now he was confused, what was up with that? Except… Oh, he was a werewolf. That was why he’d left and didn’t they – didn’t they have better senses of smell? Oh… He’d smelt Willow on her?

Oh…

And, even though he knew she wasn’t his girlfriend – his ex-girlfriend – he was coming over to her anyway. Cheerful, if confused by what his senses were telling him.

“Hey. Lara, right?”

“Tara,” she said quietly.

“I thought I sm… ah, I thought I heard Willow.”

So she’d been right. What else might his wolfy senses be able to tell him? After all she and Willow had spent most nights together in the last week, they were bound to be… It was disconcerting, that he could detect something she hadn’t even been aware of. And she’d just hugged Willow took, stroked her hair. Taken comfort from what was now – perhaps – betraying her?

Did he know about them? Did he know he was in a competition? Even if it was only with her? No… if he knew, Willow would’ve told her. But if he figured it out… She clutched her books more tightly, keeping it like a shield between them.

But he was holding books too. Which was… bad.

“You’re um, you’re coming back to school here, huh?” she asked. Say no. Say no. Say no.

He nodded, gave her an easy going smile. “Pretty much. Feeling… oddly motivated.”

That’d be Willow. She was oddly motivating in a bottle of love and desire and… She caught him sniffing at the air again, and then the confusion. Which meant he was trying to figure out what his non-native senses were telling him, animal instincts in conflict with the evidence of his eyes and mind?

He’s looking for Willow and can’t find her here. Asking himself what’s going on. What the possibilities are.

Tara knew that she just had to get away from here, before he came to the right conclusion – or even a dangerously wrong one. But on the other hand… if he was going to be a part of Willow’s life and she wasn’t going to lose her as at least a friend then didn’t she have to be nice, at least?

Besides… running now would only tell him what he needed to know.

“That’s um, that’s great. I mean, that’s, that’s great for you and Willow, right?” She was also, obviously, interested in his intentions. Would he pick up on that?

“I hope so,” he said brightly. Like they were just two people who shared a common friend and both wanted the best for her. He was just convinced that he was the best for Willow, because he didn’t even know there was an alternative stood right here in front of him.

She felt anonymous again, unseen in a room full of people. Like… before Willow.

She shifted the books in her hands, getting a better grip. “Good, that’s, because - ”

“Is that her sweater?” he asked, finally putting the evidence of his eyes and his nose together.

She looked down at the sweater she’d borrowed when the weather had turned while they were out a few days ago. It was one of Willow’s favourites so of course he’d probably know it. Denial was… pointless. Anyone else she could’ve just said it was coincidence but not him. The scent…

But people – girlfriends - friends who were girls borrowed stuff all the time though so… why the big deal? Maybe it was only a big deal if she made it one.

“I just, I just hope that you guys will be very… happy.”

So she didn’t like to think of anyone else making Willow happy? She couldn’t think of Willow without wanting her to be happy. No matter who with.

He wasn’t fooled though, following his nose another step closer. “You smell like her, it’s not just… She’s all over you, do you know that?”

That part of her that was most influenced by Faith flared, briefly. Of course I know! Stupid dog boy! Of course I know! I love her. I’ve held her, comforted her, and been with her when you ran away from her, when you left her alone and heartbroken. I was there! Of course I know!

And then faded, because… time to be afraid.

He was angry now and right away her instincts on how to deal with big dogs had kicked in, don’t look them in the eye and don’t show fear. Avoiding his eyes, she hoped that would be enough because now that he was angry, she was getting even more afraid.

But… “I can’t. I - I can’t talk about this.” She had to get out of here now, because she couldn’t be the one to tell him about her and Willow. She couldn’t. I might not even be able to get through the words.

He grabbed her arm though, stopped her walking away from him.

Flustered, she knew she’d said the wrong thing. They were on a wavelength, she and Oz. Perhaps it was a Willow-wavelength.

“But there is something to talk about?” He was angrier now. Angry, perhaps, with events and his assumptions. Maybe even with Willow who wasn’t here to tell him anything, but she was the one who was right here… the one he was holding, his grip tightening until his fingers were digging into her arm. Hurting her.

What could she say? What did she say? Lie?

“Are you two involved?” He made the leap accurately enough based on her silence. What she wasn’t saying was at least as important as what she was.

“I have – I - I - I have to go”

“Cause she never said anything to me like that. We talked all night and she never said - ”

Tara, backing off, trying to get herself away from him, knew that she was the focus of anger that wasn’t even necessarily her fault.

“No, stop!” He grabbed her again, shouting now. “Is she in love with you? Tell me, is she?!” He was shaking her too and she dropped the books, looking first down at them and then – disbelievingly - at him.

Oh Gods…

This…? Was this even possible? He was panting, making noises that no person ought to be able to. His hand – they both seemed as surprised as each other. His hand was growing fur. Claws. It was the middle of the day and he was… changing.

He was wolfing out.

His face… his eyes were black, his face distorted and even in this she pitied him as much as she was terrified of him.

Maybe he felt the same about himself…

“Run,” he said, his vocal chords already distorted by the change. Whether the man was afraid of what he might do or the wolf wanted a chase – or vice versa – didn’t matter.

Released, told what she needed to do, Tara didn’t hesitate in the slightest. She just fled. It didn’t matter where, somewhere that was away was all that mattered. While she could – before he changed.

He didn’t start after her for a while, but she could hear the change even over the sound of her shoes clattering on hard, shiny floors as she ran. And when that noise was done, when she guessed that was done, she heard the howl at a moon that wasn’t even there…

And he was, then, after her.

Chasing her down, he could smell her. She realised that, understood what it meant. His senses would always be able to find her and she’d never be able to run fast enough. So… she had to be smart. She had to get away. To put some obstacle between them that the wolf couldn’t get past or through.

These floors were – initially – her saving grace as he ran at full pelt after her and where her boots clung to the linoleum and let her make the corner, his claws and pads didn’t given him the same purchase and he slid right on down the perpendicular corridor, snarled and then started back to the corner that she’d just gone around.

Her navigation was instinctive, but once she realised where it had taken her she did see… a chance.

A slim chance.

A chance to delay him, catch him behind a barrier that he couldn’t break or get around, that was the whole point after all. Her running wasn’t just to let him chase her down like a dog fetching a stick. Not to give him what he might easily have wanted…

But then what? Even if she managed to trap him somewhere – or keep him outside while she was inside? Well, someone would come and help… even if he stayed there. But they could get hurt, the animal didn’t care… Surely though, he’d change back eventually? Surely he’d be rational when he did.

Rational and naked, but she supposed that given the choice she could put up with that. Knowing he was naked meant being alive, a good thing in every other way.

She exited out of the loading dock at the back of the lecture theatre, jumping down to the street, but darting off into the bushes instead, catching her clothes on them and pushing on through, ignoring the damage to Willow’s favourite sweater.

He was right behind her, she was sure that one time he snapped it was only that she moved her hand out of the way that he didn’t have her in his jaws. Feeling the sticky wetness of warm spittle hitting her skin. Another change of direction, she was nearly there. Nearly there… This time he didn’t go sliding, four feet were better than two outdoors and maybe, maybe he was letting her give him a run?

Fine.

So long as his jaws weren’t around her throat or crushing her neck, she didn’t take the time to care why that was. She was just thankful for it and threw herself at a door that had always been open up to now… but didn’t move this time.

Oh Gods… No!

The werewolf that had – until recently – been Willow’s boyfriend came around the corner of the building and knew it had her. It slowed, wary of what she might do now that she was cornered and trapped. It was an animal, it’d behave like an animal and expect her to do the same. It’d dart in to finish her, but before that it would feint, snap at her if she kicked or punched out. Size her up.

Magic… magic… There had to be something she could do? But what? She couldn’t think – terror did that to her. Panic overcame the calm that she needed. The combination of the circumstances kept anything resembling control from her mind and… It was still a person, it was Willow’s boyfriend. She didn’t get to hurt him.

But – she had to. Magic might elude her but she could swing her bag and caught the werewolf on the snout, making Oz yelp and then snarl… threatening its retribution, lunging at her. Tara screamed, her butt pressed up against the door and trying to make herself as small as possible when…

The door finally gave way, opening behind her. She spilled inside, falling on her ass and never so grateful for doing that. Graceful? Natch. Alive? Yeah.

Alive was what counted. All that counted.

And she hadn’t turned him into anything…

From her position on her ass, she kicked at the door, the first time it closed was on Oz’s snout causing him to yelp and pull back. She kicked again and the door slammed shut, but there was no way that she could see to lock it so instead of trying, she ran again.

The darkness ahead of her was – at least – a familiar path, dimly lit by the thin window high above the floor. Then more light, streaming in as he got the door open and the sun chased her ahead of him. The the beat of paws tipped with terrible claws loping down the corridor after her, but she’d gained enough time hadn’t she? Surely it was enough. It had to be. She grabbed the handle of the wooden door, jerked it open and heard the evil screech of hinges that had gone far too long without proper maintenance.

Inside, in the main room, it was familiar and it was light.

“Hey there, seafood lover - Hey, what is it?” Faith asked from her cage when she realised this wasn’t just a normal visit. How panicked and afraid she was.

“T-trouble,” she panted.

Immediately the Slayer was on her feet, ready and primed for whatever was going to follow her into this, her prison. “What is it?”

She didn’t have the breath to answer and it wasn’t needed once Oz burst through the door, leaping straight off the top of the steps and knocking over the table and deckchairs that they’d been using, plates and everything else going flying.

He wheeled on her, ignoring the young woman in the cage that had once been his. He had focus in his rage, or maybe she was just the most accessible target. Werewolves were famously wild, but they were just as famously nocturnal and lunar in their nature so everything she thought she knew, kind of out of the window right now.

The sun was high in the sky... so it was her that had did this to him, or rather discovering the truth about her and Willow had.

“Open the cage!” Faith shouted.

Tara didn’t answer. What? Faith didn’t think that was what she wanted? She’d love to get it open and have a Slayer on her side. What else had she hoped for coming here? To find a nearby protector who could handle him. But she needed to get to the key and that was hung on the wall on the opposite side of the room. Beyond Oz.

The werewolf padded slowly into the centre of the room, sniffed the air and paid brief attention to Faith in the cage before dismissing the captive to turn back towards her. Walking forwards slowly towards her. Warier after she’d hit him and trapped his sensitive muzzle in the door, he seemed content to take his time now.

It wasn’t like he was racing daylight or anything, was it?

Tara looked around for something that she could do, but there really wasn’t anything. This had been an empty space, that was how Oz had taken it over for his retreat when he got all wolfy, to secure the beast. Since they’d caught Faith it’d been used as a jail cell. The only thing it had to be was secure and anonymous. Someone no one else needed to visit.

And her entire purpose in coming here had been for Faith to help her, not just to bear witness to her demise.

“Tara Maclay! You open this fucking cage! Right the hell now!” Faith demanded, as if blaming her for the fact she wasn’t out yet.

“I can’t get to the key!” She could see it, not far away at all. But right past the snarling creature that wanted to disembowel and eat her.

“Shit.” Faith started rattling the lock, using all her strength on the door but you had to figure that if it had withstood a werewolf eager to get out and rampage then it wasn’t going to fall to a young human, even if she was the Slayer. Now would be a great time to find out that Faith had been making use of her alone time to try and escape and just needed one, last bit of force to –

Oz wasn’t waiting. The werewolf leapt, flying towards her and Tara could do little other with so little warning than throw up her hands, only realising what would happen if she was bitten when it was too late.

She’d become one of these things…

Bright side, she’d be alive.

But he didn’t want to turn her, he wanted her dead. He was driven by a mating instinct that perhaps the animal didn’t understand the threat to, but the man certainly did and it was some strange hybrid of the two that was trying to kill her now.

The weight of the werewolf bore down on her, holding her down with its paws on her shoulders, snapping teeth above her face. His breath reminding her of his diet as a wolf and all she could do was to grab and push at the matted fur around his neck, trying to keep him from being able to bite her. Straining against her full strength though, the jaws moved inexorably to the point he could clamp down on her arm –

But before that a piercing whistle rang out through the room, echoed around the stonework. The werewolf’s head spun, his paws still holding her down, but the attention taken by Faith’s distraction and now she was banging something up and down the bars. It made the werewolf twitch, its ears alert, nose sniffing at the air and the eyes fixed on a new target.

“Hey, dog boy. You want to hump someone’s leg? Try mine.”

Oz growled, a rumbling sound that reverberated right through all the air spaces in her body. It might have been a warning, and then he was past that and leapt off her, bounding over to the cage in two easy springs, sticking his claw in through the bars, swiping at Faith who kicked out at the intruding limb, making him yelp and further holding his attention.

Chew toys fight back.

Taking advantage of the time she’d been offered, Tara got to her feet while Faith fended off the swiping paw, deftly dodging it even when Oz moved back and forth around the three exposed sides – and even the top - of the cage. Then the werewolf was crashing into it and the whole – cast iron – thing shook, but the paw was always in there, trying to get at her. To take her by surprise.

Meanwhile Tara went for the key. She moved slowly, not wanting to attract his attention again when Faith was taking such risks to hold it. It gave her the chance to watch how the Slayer was dealing with the werewolf’s efforts. While the creature was up on top of the cage, around the sides of it and trying to tip it on its side, Faith was just as active, at one point pinning herself into the upper corners, then jumping down when the werewolf shifted its attack.

While Faith looked like she could do this for hours without getting tagged, it was Tara’s firm intent that wouldn’t have to happen. Finally she got her hands on the keys, but they must’ve made some sort of noise because the werewolf whirled on her, investigating the new sound it had detected.

Maybe something understood that what she was doing was a threat, but it didn’t matter. Even as Tara tensed herself, ready for it to spring at her again, Faith’s arm looped out of the cage and jerked it back, then looped across its matted, slobber covered throat. The other hand was held up, demanding the keys from her.

Now was the time to find some accuracy. Tara had never been great at throwing, but this time everything seemed to go right and the keys arced towards the Slayer’s hand and… landed right in her palm.

How good was that under pressure?

Instantly Faith let the werewolf go and then it was torn between the person in the cage that had tormented it or its original target which had enraged it.

Faith needed a moment to unlock the cage door though so Tara shouted at it, just having trust that the Slayer would let herself out of the cage and come to her aid once she did. It was trust she found easy, not a foolish hope.

The growl of the werewolf pretty much didn’t need any translation. It wasn’t going to do anything but tear her throat out but…

Faith was out.

“Bad dog. No biscuit.” The werewolf was still whipping around as Faith’s foot smashed into the side of its head and caused it sprawl sideways, stunned by the impact.

“You okay, Tara?” Faith called while she circled it.

She could see that Faith was intending to work out some tensions and pent up energy on the creature who – she had to remember – was Oz.

Willow’s Oz.

“Y-yes – thank you – wait!”

Faith had already put the boot in though, once in the guts and once in the head, the yelp of the werewolf drowning out her request to Faith. “It’s Oz!” Tara said. “It’s Oz.”

Faith circled him again, looking down at him. “Yeah, I figured, T. I’m no big brain like your girlfriend, but I’ve got to admit this is unusual. Wolf boy usually only gets out at night. Found out about you and Red did he?” The Slayer was punctuating her words with more kicks.

She didn’t answer because… well, was the answer not obvious? And this wasn’t the time nor the circumstance to talk about it. Not in front of him. Now she had another worry. She’d gotten here alive, gotten Faith out of the cage and now she had to worry about what Faith was going to do to him.

Unfortunately she didn’t seem to have all that much influence since Faith’s blood was up, looking – and sounding – like she was starting to enjoy herself. A number of other blows landed as the werewolf tried to get to its feet again, but Faith didn’t let it up. She just beat it back down and then punished it for its temerity.

Except Faith had probably never thought about ‘temerity’ in her life.

From the Slayer’s point of view the creature just wasn’t allowed to start to pose a threat and every time that it tried to get up again, Faith put it down.

“Faith!” Tara said eventually, grabbing the Slayer’s shoulder only to have to whirl on her, eyes more alive than she’d seen them.

Wild eyes. Wilder than the werewolf actually.

“Faith. It’s a person. It’s Oz.”

“The dog boy never liked me,” Faith said, but stopped her torment – at least for a moment. “And you’ve got no reason to like him. Look what he tried to do, Tara. You drove him to get wolfy in the daytime. You’ve seriously pissed this boy off. You think he’ll just shake hands and walk off into the sunset when he turns back?”

The werewolf hadn’t given up, it did try to get up again and Faith put it right back down, but without some of the venom that had been lacing her actions to that point. Maybe she was getting through to her?

“It’s Oz!” Tara said again. What Faith was saying to her made sense only in the world where she didn’t care about Willow. She didn’t know that world, she didn’t want to be in it. For now… even if he’d come after her, wanted to rip her throat out and – gulp – but even given all that, it was still Oz and Willow still loved him.

She couldn’t let her saviour kill him, even if Faith had a way to actually do that.

Which she probably didn’t.

They hadn’t left her incarcerated with a silver dagger or anything. So unless those rings Faith had on were silver and good luck killing someone with a ring, right? Umm, well, perhaps Faith would be creative enough to find a way. Taking a chance probably wasn’t wise.

“You’re too sweet for your own good,” Faith said, giving the wolf one, last kick to the head.

This time he stayed down, not even managing a whimper. But he was still alive, still breathing. She could hear it, see it.

“Help m-me,” Tara said. “Help me get him into the cage.”

“Me help you?” Faith asked, slightly amused as Tara tried to lift the dead weight and drag him. She barely made him twitch. “Tell you what, T, how about you help me?”

Tara met the other girl’s eyes, they were alive as she’d already noted. Amused even by a life or death situation. One bite and – “He didn’t bite you did he?” she asked, looking the Slayer over. No sign of blood that was hers.

“Do I look stupid? You?”

“I don’t think so,” Tara said, checking herself. To be honest the adrenaline high and the bumps and bruises she’d picked up along the way were probably masking anything… Oh, what if he had bitten her?

“Be sure,” Faith said, straining as she hauled the deadweight of the creature towards the cage. “Or you’ll be sharing this place with him. And won’t that be fun for Red?”

*********************
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If I wanted a little pussy, I've got my own to play with.

Chance in *Chance*
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR - 02/06/13

Postby Azirahael » Wed Feb 06, 2013 12:13 pm

Dibs!

This was Wicked Awesome!

And i think that Faith did the right thing: a foe bludgeoned into unconsciousness is one that you don't have to kill as a threat.

And yay for how you protrayed Faith: maybe on the side of the angels, but still blunt and sarcastic. Still Faith.

I can't wait for everyone to get in the room together.
Should be good.

Especially with Buffy's tendency to jump to conclusions :)

More! More! :bounce

[Big hug and snuggles!]
R :flower
Last edited by Azirahael on Wed Feb 06, 2013 7:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - 02/04/13

Postby Missocki » Wed Feb 06, 2013 1:06 pm

Sweet googily moogily! I love that Faith was the one to put the smack down on Oz! Yeah. The big question is what will happen to Faith? She's out of the cave and at least for the time being she won't be going in. I wonder what the scoobies' reactions will be. Hopefully, Willow at least, will cut Faith some slack for her having saved Tara!
I must admit I had hoped Oz would not have freaked out, but it was a big shocker, no justifying what he did, because it still irks me. Mostly because I expected better from Oz.
Great update once again!
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR - 02/06/13

Postby Willow_Friendly » Wed Feb 06, 2013 2:59 pm

For one thing when Oz will be in a lot of pain when he wakes up. And Yay for Faith saving Tara's life and this should show the gang that Faith doesn't need to be in that cage anymore and that she can be really helpful. And Willow should not be angry with Faith anymore because if Faith didn't help Tara then Oz would've killed her. (Even though we all ready know she'll be with Tara) I Hope this makes things easier for Willow to choose who she wants to be with.

Great Update!!
Last edited by Willow_Friendly on Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR - 02/06/13

Postby faolan228 » Wed Feb 06, 2013 8:58 pm

WHOOOO!

Sooo much better than I expected. As someone said above, I never liked this scene. I always expected more, expected better from Oz. Yet the Faith smackdown was worth it. How long have we had a Tara and Faith vs. Something Carnivorous scene from you? Love it.

Though I do worry about Faith. Hopefully the Scoobies don't jump to conclusions the way they usually do.
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR - 02/06/13

Postby Kajun » Wed Feb 06, 2013 9:02 pm

Katharyn, To add to the con list.. Oz would most likely cheat again. There’s not a single thing Willow can put in the con side for Tara –even if she knew about the (bullshit) demon secret. I know Willow is upset but the unexpectedly crunchy paper was pretty funny. Oz just shows up expecting to pick up where they left off. He hasn’t earned the right to be forgiven or trusted. Wolfing out at the slightest hint that Willow loves someone else is proof that he is unstable and possessive. The problem isn’t the wolf; it’s the boy wearing the beast’s skin.

I LOVE that Tara ran to Faith. That whole scene had me on the edge of my seat. The Slayer needed to cut loose and beat some ass and no one deserved a good stomping more than the hairball. He should consider himself lucky Tara didn’t run to Diana. She would have put him down before Tara had a chance to stop it, then the dogs could have enjoyed a nice little snack before dinner! Yeah, I said I didn’t want him killed.. just gone.. but.. I get all riled up when Tara is in harm’s way. GRRR.

Willow doesn’t owe Oz anything but she’s racking up a rather large depth with Faith and doesn’t even know it yet! Have I told you lately how much I dig your version of S4? AWESOME! :)
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Re: Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda - CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR - 02/06/13

Postby Grimm » Wed Feb 06, 2013 10:54 pm

Hot Damn!!!!!! :banana

Faith kicked the dog shit out of OZ. Which he abso-fricking-lutely deserved 10 fold!!!!!

I really thought Tara was leading OZ towards Diana and the dogs. But, this was so much better. If Willow can't give Faith the benefit of the doubt after this situation, she probably never will.

Wow, that was amazing, Katharyn. I'm all hyped up after reading this. I can't wait to see where we go from here. This was a pretty big change since the Initiative was not involved. So, I'm wondering if there will be a big rescue mission and power outage that leads us to the extra flamey candle moment?

Really, REALLY great update. You did an OUTSTANDING job writing the action.

Ps. Please don't play with my emotions. Did OZ scratch/bite Tara? You kinda left that question open-ended there at the end....tease.
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