The
BIG HONKIN' ANGST WARNING is still in effect. Please stock up an provisions such as tissues accordingly. Anyone suggesting stocking up on chocolate, too, would not be accused of crazy talk.
Wow, this update got long on me! I would have had at least the first part up sooner, except I wrote the second part first, so... well, that would have just been confusing to post the second part before the first.
And now some replies (sorry I'm so behind on this, and sorry for missing some from two updates ago)...
***tommo - You know, one of the things that first attracted me to this show was the Buffy-Willow friendship. And I think along the way the folks in charge forgot about that friendship. So I guess this is my little attempt at reclaiming it.
***Wolflord - My muse will be glad to know she can finally walk through mtal detectors again.
***SilverWingedNemesis - Um... major happiness? That's a bit off yet. Sorry. But we'll get there, I promise.
***darkmagicwillow - I think that was one of the things that was so terribly heartbreaking about NMR - how alone Tara was.
***barnabasvamp - You know begging doesn't work, right? But don't let that stop you, cuz I like the begging. I'm evil that way.
***The Rose24 - Rane? Rane who?
***Puff - You know, your use of the word "sensitivity" just gave me an idea. How aout a story where the Scoobs are sent to mandatory Demon Sensitivity training? Hehe. "They're not vampires, they're blood reclamation specialists."
***deixs - Thanks!
***xita - Yes, definitely poor Tara. She's breaking my heart, dammit!
***mollyig - It's good to have friends, isn't it? Even if they are clueless sometimes...
***Grimaldi - Yeah, I think that talk is gonna be... um... interesting. *G*
***Grimlock72 - Buffy really is saying all the right things, isn't she? Of course, that doesn't mean she's
thinking all the right things. She's definitely got some issues with Tara's lies, but she's trying to be supporto-gal for Willow's sake, putting her own issues on hold for the moment.
***Plastixs - So you're a little nervous about Buffy confronting Walsh, huh? Hehe. Well, I'll say this... you've got good reason to be nervous. Muahaha.
-BB
Title: The Truth of Deception - Part 20: The Least Likely Place
Author: blameburner
Feedback: Sure… Always a plus
Summary: AU, baby! So you all know by now... Tara is part of the Initiative. Plenty of questions remain, however, and the answers will be revealed... eventually.
Spoiler Warning: S4. Everything up to "Hush" is canon. After that, this story veers off. There will be some similarities to S4, but definite differences. Basically, if it happened after "Hush" on the show, assume it
didn't happen unless I mention it specifically.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, but oh how I wish they were! Joss, blah, blah, ME, blah, blah.
Rating: Generally R, but some NC-17 (maybe). Just be prepared.
Pairings: W/T, of course.
Angst: No cliffhanger, less angst, and a tiny bit o'humor. I'll say a 5.
Previously..."Hey, guys," Willow said excitedly, pulling up to a stop in front of the table. "Tara, this is Buffy, Riley, and Xander. Everyone, this is my friend, Tara."
"Hey!" Anya snorted indignantly. "No, not everyone! Everyone implies the inclusion of each person attending the gathering. I am in attendance, and therefore I am part of everyone, and... you forgot me!"
Willow rolled her eyes and was desperately trying to stop herself from saying something rude, but Tara saved the day.
"Hi, I'm Tara," the blonde said, holding out her hand to the ex-demon.
Anya studies the hand for a moment, then the blonde, who simply smiled at her. Anya broke out into a huge grin and latched onto Tara's hand, shaking it whole-heartedly. "I like you. You have manners - unlike some people," Anya said, nodding her head towards Willow. "I'm Anya."
****************************
Riley caught Tara as she collapsed in grief and lifted her in his arms, kicking the door shut with his foot. If Tara had been capable of any thought beyond the pain, she might have been embarrassed by her utter helplessness. But she wasn't thinking anything beyond the recriminations her mind was screaming.
Riley carried her across the room and dropped down on his knee, then shifted so he was sitting with his back braced against the bed. He pulled Tara across his lap, and she went without protest. He began rocking her gently, speaking soft non-sensical words of friendship and support, the way one does when trying to comfort someone who can't hear anything beyond their own despair anyway.
*************************
"It doesn't matter," Willow said, pushing down her hope and letting her pain rise up once again. "She still lied. How will I ever be able to trust her again?"
"I don't know, Wil," Buffy answered honestly. "That's something only you can figure out. But what you need to decide is whether you love her enough to try?"
Willow looked at Buffy, letting the words really sink in. Did she love Tara enough to try? Did she love Tara enough to hope? To bare her heart once more? To risk everything?
Part 20Tara gathered her shower bag and towel almost mechanically and left her room. She shuffled down the hall and entered the shower room, stripping off her robe practically on auto-pilot.
Riley had left her a few minutes earlier after she had assured him that she'd be fine. After she'd regained the ability to talk.
After she had finally stopped sobbing.
She didn't know exactly how long they had sat there that way, her crying, him rocking her. She did know that she was grateful. It had helped, just a little. To have someone be there for her, to care for her, in that moment was more than she had expected.
More than she had deserved.
She turned on the water and stepped into the spray of the shower. It was scalding, but all she could feel was cold. Frozen. An icy shell of herself. So she turned it up even hotter, letting it burn through her.
She flattened her palms against the slick tile and dropped her head, letting the shower spray cascade over her hair and face, letting it wash away her dried tears even as fresh ones came and mingled with the steaming water. It all mixed together and swirled down the drain, away from her.
It was all floating away. It was all gone.
Tara turned off the shower and toweled her reddened flesh. She walked back to her room clad only in her towel, her robe trailing behind her and dragging carelessly along the floor.
In her room she dressed without thinking, pulling on a pair of cargo pants and a long-sleeved cotton shirt. She thought about curling up onto her bed and sleeping for a while, knowing that duty demanded that she rest. Duty demanded she return to the Initiative that afternoon, even if her soul was aching. Duty always demanded.
Still, she couldn't make herself get into bed. She needed to do something else, be somewhere... else.
This is where it had happened. This is where she had broken Willow's heart. This is where she had broken her own in the process.
She grabbed her jacket and left the place where all her dreams had died.
************************
"Riley!" Buffy shouted, spotting him walking towards her up ahead on the sidewalk out front of her dorm. He held up his hand in a half-wave of acknowledgment, and seemed to quicken his pace towards her.
"Buffy," he said, moving in to hug her, but stopping when she pulled away just out of reach. He knew without her even saying a word. "I swear I didn't know until last night."
"That's what Willow said," Buffy said a little uncertainly. "That's some organization you work for."
"You too, as I recall," Riley said defensively without meaning to. The last thing he wanted to do was fight with Buffy over the right or wrong of The Initiative - especially when at the moment, he figured they were probably on the same side about the issue.
Buffy winced slightly, knowing that in a way he was right. She did work for The Initiative too - sort of. But seeing Buffy react to his words, Riley immediately backpedaled. "Sorry," he said sincerely. "Defending The Initiative is sort of a reflex."
"S'okay," Buffy mumbled. "I can understand that. You've been a soldier for a long time."
"Buffy, really... I promise you I didn't know. I know you might not believe that-"
"Actually, I do," Buffy said quietly, interrupting him.
"Really?" he said, surprised. "Cuz honestly? I'm not sure I would believe me if I was in your place."
Buffy smiled, just a little. "You really are a Boy Scout, aren't you?"
"Um... huh?" he said.
"Something Willow said," Buffy said, still smiling, shaking her head. "It's a compliment. You're so honest that you said you wouldn't think you were being honest if you were me, which wouldn't make any sense if you weren't being honest."
Riley just stared at her, clearly confused.
"That's okay," Buffy said, understanding Riley's confusion since she had been the one who said all that and
she was confused. "Basically, Riley, you're a terrible liar, and you're honest to a fault. So yes, I believe that you didn't know about Tara."
Riley's relief was obvious. He hugged her then, and she accepted it fully. They turned and started walking.
"How's Willow?" Riley asked, concerned.
"She's... terrible," Buffy said.
"I'm sorry," Riley said. He hated that Willow was in pain.
"It's not your fault. It's Professor Walsh's fault. And it's Tara's fault," Buffy said, the anger she had suppressed for Willow's sake rising to the surface.
"Don't be too hard on Tara," Riley said. "I got to know Tara pretty well last night and this morning. She's in a lot of pain over this."
"Good," Buffy snapped, part of her
wanting Tara to hurt for the pain she had caused Willow. The other part of her, though, knew Tara to be a kind and gentle soul, and didn't want to see her suffer.
"Well, not really 'good,'" Buffy corrected a bit reluctantly. "I just... I'm angry because Willow's hurting."
"I know," Riley said.
Buffy's brow furrowed as her mind switched gears. "Why
were you both in fatigues last night, anyway?"
Riley explained to Buffy about Adam, how it had killed Dr. Engleman and escaped, how they had been called in to track down this monstrosity Dr. Engleman had created, how they had searched all night but had found nothing.
Buffy was surprised, to say the least, and Riley's description of what he knew about Adam from Professor Walsh, which wasn't much - just that Adam was some sort of human-demon-computer hybrid and it was very, very dangerous. Regardless of the lack of information they had, Buffy's Slayer senses were definitely tingling. She had a bad feeling about this thing.
"So that's why Professor Walsh called Tara in and broke her cover," Buffy said.
"Yep," Riley agreed, "though I don't think Professor Walsh expected Tara's cover to be broken with Willow. The professor ordered me not to reveal Tara's identity to anyone - including you. I'm sure she didn't expect-"
"That bitch!" Buffy shouted, garnering several startled looks from nearby students. But Buffy was too enraged to be embarrassed. "She was just gonna keep this little lie going on and on and... I am soooo gonna kick her ass!"
Riley would have laughed - because Buffy was really kind of adorable when she was pissed - if he hadn't known Buffy well enough to realize she was serious.
"Well can the ass-kicking wait a while, at least until after we capture Adam?" Riley asked. "Cuz right now he's out there and the only one who knows anything at all about him is Professor Walsh. So we kind of need her, and I don't know how helpful she'll be with two broken arms and her jaw wired shut."
Buffy grumbled her assent with a smirk, knowing Riley was right - and very amused by the mental image he'd just given her of Walsh post-ass-kicking.
"Good," Riley smiled. "Now that that's settled... I need to home, get a change of clothes and some sleep, and then report back to The Initiative this afternoon for Round Two of the Adam hunt."
"Okay," Buffy said, kissing him on the cheek. "I'll see you later," she said, turning to walk off in the opposite direction.
"Where are you going?" Riley asked, stopping her.
"To The Initiative," Buffy said with an evil grin. "I'll hold off on the beating, but I am
definitely going to give Maggie Walsh a piece of my mind."
"Oh boy," Riley muttered. Then he remembered... "Hey, don't mention anything about Tara and Willow's relationship, huh?"
"Willow already warned me- hey. Wait a second. You mean you
knew they were a couple, and you didn't tell me?" she asked incredulously, slugging him on the arm.
"Ow! Watch that Slayer strength, will ya?" Riley cried, rubbing his arm. "And no, I didn't know about that either, not until this morning. Tara told me while we were walking back to her dorm, and she also told me not to let Professor Walsh know."
"I wonder why it matters so much?" Buffy wondered aloud. "Willow didn't want me to say anything because she didn't want to get Tara into trouble with Walsh."
Riley wasn't sure what to do. He didn't know how much Tara had been able to tell Willow about her suspicions about Walsh, or whether Tara had been able to mention it at all. Tara hadn't been capable of telling him at all about her conversation with Willow, though it was obvious it hadn't gone well. But Riley suspected that Tara had not discussed the Walsh thing at any length, which meant that neither Willow nor Buffy knew the extent of the threat Tara feared Walsh represented to Willow.
So that left him with a choice. Should he tell Buffy everything on behalf of Tara, or wait to talk to Tara first, to see how she wanted to handle the situation? Tara had said she had planned to tell Willow everything - including her suspicions that Walsh was up to no good where Willow was concerned. And once Willow knew, Tara had to know that it was likely Buffy would know. So in that sense it
made sense for Riley to just go ahead and tell Buffy all of it.
And yet, Riley realized that the more people that know about any secret - especially one that's so emotionally charged as this one - the harder it is to keep quiet. And if Tara was right, then Willow might be in terrible danger - a danger that is only heightened with the more people that know about it, because the risk of Walsh finding out that Tara was on to her increases with each person that knows what Tara suspected.
Plus there was the undeniable fact that if Buffy knew the full truth - that Tara was afraid Walsh had plans for Willow that would hurt the redhead - Buffy would go absolutely ape-shit. There would be no stopping her from going after Walsh, and then Walsh would know and Tara wouldn't be able to find out what Walsh was planning.
Riley weighed all the risks in his mind, and he made his decision. He would have to lie to Buffy until he could talk to Tara again and find out what she wanted to do.
"I think Tara is trying to protect Willow, though I'm not sure from what," Riley covered. "Whatever it is, I believe that Tara believes it's for the best, and I think that until we know more, we have to respect that."
Buffy considered that for a moment, and then grumbled her agreement. She didn't want Willow to be at risk from whatever Tara was trying to protect her from. The cynical side of Buffy couldn't help but wonder, though, if this whole "protecting Willow" thing was just an excuse Tara made up to try and justify her actions. But the rest of Buffy - including her Slayer instincts - told her to have faith in Tara, even though it was hard for Buffy to have such faith when Tara had caused Willow so much pain.
"Better to play it safe than risk Willow and be sorry," Buffy finally said. "Besides, Professor Walsh knows too much about us all for my liking at the moment, with all the spying and my own relationship with her. It's creepy. So I don't exactly feel the need to have a show-and-tell session with the professor where Willow and Tara's relationship is concerned."
Riley smiled, relieved.
I guess I am capable of lying... when the stakes are this high, he thought, though not proudly.
"Well Mr. Commando, i suppose I should leave you to get your beauty rest," Buffy said with a smirk.
"Or you could come back with me to my room instead?" Riley suggested. "Since we were denied our private patrol time last night?"
Buffy threw her arms around Riley's neck. "Why Mr. Finn... are you propositioning me?"
"That depends, ma'am," he said with a smirk. "Are you accepting?"
"Well I suppose yelling at Professor Walsh can wait a little longer," Buffy grinned.
Riley kissed her then, and they headed off toward Riley's house.
*************************
Willow walked aimlessly, having no real destination in mind even as she silently wished she could just end up somewhere and be magically handed the answer. Then she mentally slapped herself for even considering such a thing.
Wishes and magic... in the same sentence... not good, Rosenberg. At least you didn't say the W word out loud, but still... there's no easy fix for this. No spell, no wish, no free lunch... you've gotta figure this out the hard way.
She stopped in the middle of the street, realizing where she was. She had walked across the campus, through town, and had ended up at...
Xander's.
A weak smile graced her face. Good old Xander. She wasn't ready to divulge all her secrets to him like she had with Buffy, but he wouldn't care. He'd just turn up that goofy grin and give her a shoulder to cry on.
After getting through the front door of the Harris house - which meant getting passed Xander's drunk dad, who today was wearing nothing more than tiger-striped bikini briefs - she knocked on the basement door.
Hearing no answer, she opened the door and walked down the stairs, expecting to find Xander still sleeping. It was Saturday morning, after all. But instead, all she found was...
"Anya?"
Anya turned towards Willow, a pair of Xander's boxer shorts in her hands.
"What are you doing here?" Willow asked.
"I'm waiting for Xander to come home from work so we can have sex," Anya replied matter-of-factly, folding Xander's shorts and placing them on top of the large pile of neatly folded laundry on he bed. She grabbed a towel from the laundry basket and started folding it. "What are you doing here?"
"I was looking for Xander," Willow said with a frown. "So I guess he's not here then?"
"No. If he was here, I wouldn't be waiting for him to come home from work, would I?" Anya said with annoyance. Then something in Willow's eyes softened the ex-demon's tone. "He's putting in some overtime. He should be home in a few hours."
"Oh, okay," Willow said disappointedly. "Well, I guess I'll come back later-"
"Or you could stay," Anya offered. "We could... talk?"
Willow eyed Anya warily. She figured Anya had to be up to something. "Why?"
Anya shrugged. "I don't know. Because I've folded all Xander's laundry - twice - and I don't dare go upstairs for fear of being blinded by that man in the way-too-skimpy-for-his-beer-belly underwear."
Willow had to laugh at that. If I wasn't gay before... she thought with a little giggle.
Anya smiled as Willow relaxed a little. She didn't really like Willow all that well, seeing as how Willow and Xander had that whole "fluke" thing between them and she suspected that if anyone knew how good in bed Xander really was, all the women in Sunnydale would be after her man - whether they were gay or straight. But...
Anya had been a Vengeance Demon for a thousand years. She knew a thing or two about the look a woman gets in her eyes when she'd been wronged, and Willow... Willow had that look. But it wasn't the I-want-her-to-suffer look in Willow's eyes. No, it was the much more difficult my-heart-is-broken-and-I-don't-think-I-can-trust-her-again-but-oh-how-I-want-to look. Either way, Willow needed help, and ex-Vengeance Demon or not, Willow's pain still called to Anya.
"Here. Sit," Anya offered, though it came out more like a command, waving her hand towards the couch. Willow did as she was told, not having the energy to get uppity over Anya's ordering her around. Anya sat down next to the redhead and stared at her.
"What?" Willow asked a bit snippily, looking at Anya out of the corner of her eye.
"Nothing," Anya said, continuing to stare. "So... been wronged lately?"
Willow gaped at her, not sure whether she was more shocked by the forthrightness of the question... or how right the question was. She tried to from words that resembled sentences, but nothing came out.
"I'll take that as a yes," Anya said after a moment, pleased that her finely tuned sense of justice was still sharp as ever.
"How did you... where did you... what..." Willow sputtered.
"It's written all over your face," Anya said, waving her hand dismissively. IT really hadn't been that hard to figure out. "So why don't you just tell Auntie Anya what happened?"
Willow finally closed her mouth, but continued to stare wide-eyed at the ex-demon. Part of her wanted to bolt from the basement, but the other part of her felt a sudden and overwhelming urge to actually talk to Anya. What can it hurt? Willow thought.
"I... I was betrayed by someone," Willow explained, though she decided to keep the fact that it was Tara who had betrayed he to herself. Anya and Xander didn't know about her and Tara's relationship, and Willow really didn't want to have to explain it at the moment - especially with Anya. Goddess knows what crude sexual comments would come out of the ex-demon's mouth if she did.
"Someone you loved?" Anya supplied, more comment than question.
"Yes," Willow said. Then she shook her head. It was all so damn complicated. "You wouldn't understand."
"Hello! Vengeance Demon for a thousand years over here!" Anya said loudly, waving her hand in the air like she wanted the teacher to call on her. "Guardian Angel of scorned women everywhere! What part of 'betrayed by someone you love' do you think I don't understand?"
"Good point," Willow grumbled.
"So what did Tara do?" Anya asked suddenly.
"What? How... Who said anything about Tara?" Willow asked nervously.
"Oh please," Anya said, once again waving her hand dismissively. "Anyone with half a brain could see that you two are in love," she said, then paused as if pondering something. "Which, come to think of it, is probably why Buffy and Xander haven't figured it out. Don't get me wrong, I love Xander. He gives me lots of orgasms, and he's nice to be around, but he's completely clueless. And Buffy? If it doesn't involve demons or Riley, she's just as clueless."
Willow went into automatic defense mode over Buffy - she really couldn't argue Anya's point about Xander's cluelessness. "Buffy knows about Tara and I-"
"Did she figure it out, or did you have to hit her over the head with it?" Anya asked, interrupting.
"Well," Willow said hesitantly, "I had to tell her, but-"
"See?" Anya said smugly. "Clueless."
Willow grumbled about Anya's characterization of the Slayer, but she really couldn't argue it.
"Look, I'm not trying to attack Buffy," Anya said in a slightly less smug tone. "Everyone has moments where they're not as aware as they should be because they're too wrapped up in their own lives."
Willow raised an eyebrow at Anya.
"Yes, I am often wrapped up in my own life," Anya said, acquiescing to the look the witch was giving her, "but that doesn't mean I don't see what's going on. I just don't always feel the need to comment on them. Often I do, but not always. And I just figured you and Tara would come out when you were ready. Although... I had been planning to invite Tara over next week for a slumber party so I could interrogate her. She is my best friend, after all. That's what best friends do. They share."
Willow had to work very hard to keep from laughing.
"So was it really that obvious? Me and Tara?" Willow asked after a moment.
"It was obvious to anyone who knew what to look for," Anya said thoughtfully. "And after a thousand years, you don't think I've had my own trips in and out of the closet?"
Willow was dumbfounded.
"Don't be so shocked," Anya said. "And by the way, you've got good taste. Tara's a hottie."
Willow frowned then, a hint of jealousy rising up within her.
"Oh, keep your flannel on, butch," Anya chastised. "I'm not after your girl."
Willow stared at Anya for a long moment, and then burst out laughing. She couldn't believe she was having this conversation at all, least of all with Anya. She wasn't sure, though, if she was laughing at the absurdity of having this conversation with Anya, or if she was laughing because she was such an emotional basket case that if she wasn't laughing just then she'd be crying.
Anya joined in Willow's laughter, more because it seemed appropriate rather than she understood what the redhead was laughing about.
Finally, Anya directed to conversation back to Tara.
"So... she betrayed you?" Anya asked as gently as possible.
"Yeah," Willow said quietly.
"Did she cheat on you?" Anya questioned.
"No!" Willow said, protective of Tara even now.
"Did she lie to you?"
"Yeah."
"About what?"
Willow hesitated for a moment, really pondering the question. What was she most upset that Tara had lied about? "About who she was."
"What, her name's not Tara?" Anya asked.
"No, it's Tara."
"She's not a nineteen year old college student?"
"No, she is."
"She's not a witch?"
"No, she is."
"She doesn't love you?"
Willow hesitated again. "I don't know."
"Yes you do," Anya corrected.
"No, I don't!" Willow said more harshly than she intended. "I mean she's said she loves me, but I don't know what to believe anymore."
"Why don't you believe her?" Anya asked. Now we're getting somewhere, she thought.
"It's... it's complicated," Willow said lamely.
"It always is," Anya said. In her experience, when someone said "it's complicated," they were usually trying to avoid dealing with it.
"This is more complicated," Willow said honestly. For some reason Willow felt that she could trust Anya with the pain she felt over Tara lying, and yet... she was afraid to divulge all that was going on with the Initiative and Tara. There was so much she didn't understand, so many secrets. "I can't tell you all of it, I'm sorry."
Anya considered this for a moment, trying to determine whether Willow was just trying to avoid the conversation, or if the redhead actually had legitimate reasons for not telling her everything. "It doesn't matter," Anya said finally, having decided that Willow was trying to be honest. "Okay, so for some reason you don't know if you believe that Tara loves you, I'm guessing because she lied to you about something else and you caught her in that lie, right?"
"Yeah," Willow said quietly. The truth of Anya's statement cut her to the core.
"So when you caught her, did she try to lie some more, or did she tell you the truth?" Anya asked.
"She told me the truth," Willow said.
"How do you know?" Anya pressed.
"I... She... I don't know..." Willow admitted. She hadn't really thought about that before. "I just know."
"And did she say she loves you?" Anya said, silently applauding herself for being so insightful. Anya was leading Willow down a path of discovery she didn't even know she was on. I definitely haven't lost my touch, she thought.
"Yes," Willow said, her mind racing to catch up to where Anya was leading her.
"So you believe the rest of what she told you, but not the part about her loving you?" Anya asked. Wait for it... wait for it...
"I guess," Willow said hesitantly, her mind almost there.
"Well that's just dumb," Anya said triumphantly. Touchdown!
"What?" Willow asked incredulously, annoyed that she hadn't seen this coming. Anya had trapped her with her own logic.
"I mean, you either believe her or you don't, about everything," Anya said simply. "What reason would she have to say she loves you now, if she really doesn't?"
"I... I don't know," Willow said, letting the question sink in even through the haze of her annoyance at how much more logical Anya was being than she was.
"Okay, so why did she lie in the first place?" Anya asked, pressing her advantage. "I know you can't go into detail, but generally?"
"She... she kind of had to, I guess. I mean, she thought she was serving the greater good. And..." Willow trailed off.
"And?"
"Well, I think... she said she was trying to protect me," Willow admitted.
"And do you believe that?" Anya asked.
Willow thought about it for a little while. There was so much she still didn't know, so much she didn't understand about why Tara had done what she did. Then she realized... "Yeah, I guess I do."
"Well, as reasons for lying go, those aren't so bad," Anya said matter-of-factly.
"But she still lied," Willow said, clinging to that statement like a lifeline. If she let go of the lie, and the pain stemming from it, then she would have nothing left to fight with - she would have no real reason not to give Tara a second chance. She would be naked and open and able to be hurt again, and she wasn't ready for that.
"Yes, she did," Anya agreed. "And that was wrong. But are you telling me you've never lied? You've never lied to someone you cared about because you thought it was the right thing? Because you thought you were helping more than you were hurting?"
"Well... I don't know." Anya was making entirely too much sense for Willow's liking.
"Of course you have!" Anya said, ignoring Willow's answer. "We all have. I mean, if Buffy came up to you wearing a red leather mini-skirt and black halter top and asked you if she looked like a tramp, would you say yes?"
"Of course I would! I wouldn't want her to go out thinking she looked good when she looked like a slut-puppy!" Willow said.
"Remind me to never ask you if I look fat," Anya said semi-critically. "Okay, fine, new example. Let's say you thought I was cheating on Xander because you saw me kiss some guy, but you weren't sure what the kiss meant. Would you tell Xander?"
"Well, no..." Willow said hesitantly.
"Good girl," Anya said happily.
"Hey! You're not cheating on Xander, are you? Cuz if you are-"
"No, I'm not cheating on Xander," Anya said, rolling her eyes.
"You better not be," Willow said, eyeing Anya warily.
"So why wouldn't you tell him?" Anya asked, re-focusing the subject just a bit.
"Well... I'd want to be sure, first," Willow said thoughtfully. "I wouldn't want to say 'Anya's cheating on you,' which would hurt him a lot, and turn out that I was wrong cuz then I'd have hurt him for no reason."
"So you'd keep information from him to protect him?" Anya asked. Two point conversion! Go me, go me...
Willow's annoyance rose back up. Anya had done it again. "It's not the same thing Anya."
"No, I'm sure it's not. But you can understand the motivation of lying to protect someone, right?"
"Yeah. But-"
"Look, Willow. If you think Tara doesn't love you, you're a fool," Anya said, laying all her cards out on the table. "It's obvious she does, I've seen it. If you can't forgive her for lying to you, that's fine - it's a perfectly valid reason to break up with someone. But don't blame your breakup on her not loving you when you know that's not true, because that's not fair to her, and it's not fair to you."
Willow just looked at Anya for a while, letting the words seep into her soul. Then she nodded. Anya made a lot of sense - too much sense, actually - and Willow had a lot of thinking to do.
Finally Willow stood up, telling Anya she had to go. Anya got up and walked Willow to the bottom of the stairs. She had done what she could - now it was up to Willow.
At the foot of the stairs, Willow surprised Anya - and herself - by hugging the ex-demon. Anya patted her awkwardly on the back. Finally Willow let go, stepping back. The hug was as much thanks as she could offer. She had spent too much time being not especially fond of the ex-demon to actually voice her thanks with words. But the truth was, Willow was grateful.
"Do me a favor?" Willow asked.
"I thought I just did," Anya said. "Geez, how many favors do you need? Of course, if the favor is that you want me to go have make-up sex with Tara for you-"
"No, that's definitely not it," Willow interrupted. There's the Anya we all know and... um, yeah, Willow thought, rolling her eyes. "I just... I have a lot do deal with already in terms of Tara, let alone having to explain to people like Xander and Giles that I'm gay, and that I kept my relationship from them, you know?"
"Enough said," Anya said. "I won't mention any of this to Xander. Or Giles. Though, I would really like to be there when you tell Giles. He'll probably break his glasses by over-cleaning them."
"Sure thing," Willow said, mildly amused. Unlike with Buffy, she didn't worry with Anya and Xander about Tara getting in trouble for lying to Walsh - Xander and Anya didn't even know Walsh. But Willow really, really just didn't want to get into the whole thing with them right now.
"You realize, though, that you are going to have to tell them the truth about your desire to sleep with women eventually, right?" Anya asked in her own, thoughtfully bizarre way.
Willow nodded and grinned just a little. Then she left.
*************************
TBC with Part 21: Centrifugal Force
(get those safety harnesses ready, cuz things are gonna start spinning a bit faster - lots of things being set in motion - just a warning)
"Maybe I'll change my look, or cut class. You don't know! And I'm eating this banana, lunch-time be damned!" - Willow, Dopplegangland
by SilverWingedNemesis » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:23 pm 
run into each other soon. I hate them both being so sad. 
I loved this update, Anya was brilliant and helped Willow to think about everything that has been going on. And I really like how Riley is looking after Tara and protecting her. Poor Tara is kind of numb to everything right now, hopefully Willow will find her soon. 
Anya still has it! Definitely have to give her points for the handling Willow situation, she was very helpful! 
Oh! And may i just add, PLEASE update soon! The suspence to this is killing me! I really want to see what they say to each other when they see each other again! 
