Finey_McFine: Wooh! That's early! Well, congrats on the dibs! I'm glad you liked the chapter! That is a great scene (and no one can!) That definitely is his most disappointing moments ever! That's his best friend and he doesn't even give a damn if what he's asking her to do is going to ruin her life! Stupid Xander! Hope you like the new chapter!
Laragh: I'm glad you liked it! Everything's better when they're together! (now that Jack Johnson song is stuck in my head -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSntFujR6Yw in case you haven't heard it) Merry day after Christmas!
Chapter 9 of 11
What if this storm ends?
And I don't see you as you are now
Ever again
Things got better, slowly and painfully, for Willow, while getting worse for everyone else. Buffy struggled to resist Spike, while Xander and Anya’s wedding imploded. Then Buffy got infected with some demonic poison and went crazy. Throughout all of it, Willow had remained magic-free, searching every time for a way to help without using spells.
Tara never pushed her to start practicing again, Willow making the decision on her own and taking baby steps toward it once she finally did. It felt almost like she was in high school again, back when she’d first started practicing. She started small, levitating pencils and pillows around her bedroom. Her concentration broke when the door slammed downstairs, probably Dawn annoyed about something, or Buffy making her way home after a rough night. The things she’d been hovering fell toward the floor, but she managed to recover her control and caught them before they hit the carpet.
She let them fall a moment later and rolled off her bed to crawl around and pick them up. She could have easily called them back to her with a gesture, but her self-control had been thoroughly expended for the day and she crawled around the floor without a second thought.
Tara couldn’t see Willow as she entered their bedroom, but she heard her moving and she called her girlfriend’s name, smiling as Willow’s red head popped up on the far side of the bed. “What are you doing on the floor?” Tara asked, laughing.
“I was just picking up. I didn’t think that was you, with all the door slamming,” Willow confessed, giving her a sheepish grin. She sat back on her heels and piled her collected pennies and pencils on the foot of the bed, sitting up on her knees a moment later to dig something out of her pocket.
“Oh, Buffy just went outside with Xander.” She put her school bag down next to the dresser and straightened a picture frame that was sitting on top of the dresser. “Will, what…” Tara froze as she turned from the chest of drawers and noticed the redhead’s posture. “Um, oh…”
Willow looked confused, glancing down at herself and then up at Tara and finally to her hands cupping something invisible from Tara’s point of view. “Oh! Tara, oh no!”
The blonde had one hand covering her mouth, struggling to hear over the sudden pounding of her heart in her ears. “You-you’re not…are you?”
“No! I mean, you don’t want to, do you?” Willow asked, starting to move before she remembered that she was still on her knees. Her arms pin-wheeled wildly for a long moment before she crashed to the floor. Tara was quick to get to her side, though she had to pull back her hands as Willow started swatting at the carpet with both hands, her voice muffled as she cursed into the floor.
She was still eventually, Tara sitting on the floor beside her when she finally lifted her head. Tara had both arms curled around her bent up knees. “Are you okay?” Tara asked, trying not to laugh.
Willow groaned, rolling over to put her head in the blonde’s lap. “Yes, unless embarrassment can really kill you.”
“Don’t be embarrassed,” Tara said, combing her fingers through her partner’s hair. “I w-was just s-surprised.”
“But I wanted to do it right, with a ring and a nice outfit, but I was still going to get down on my knee, of course, and we were going to go out to dinner…”
“You want to get married?” Tara interrupted her to ask, fingers frozen where they were buried in red hair. Willow blinked, realizing how much she’d said and she blushed brightly, mouth hanging open as she tried to think of anything to say.
“Do you?” was all she could come up with.
Tara smiled softly, hesitating teasingly. “That would be telling,” she said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to her lover’s forehead. “Ask me nicely and I’ll answer you.”
Willow didn’t speak for a long moment, swallowing thickly. “I think I want to be surprised,” she said, voice hoarse and thick with emotion. She stared up at Tara, their eyes locked, and Tara’s fingers traced over her face gently. Willow kissed the fingers as they touched her lips, her hands coming up to catch Tara’s hand.
“So what were you picking up off the floor?” Tara asked, voice soft. There was a distinctive feeling of closeness in the air between them and she tried to distract them. If Willow wanted to propose, had been thinking about it, she wanted to let her do it in her own way. She knew perfectly well what she would say if Willow asked, and hoped that Willow knew it too and wouldn’t honestly be surprised by her answer.
Willow blushed, pushing herself up to lean against the base of their bed, still embarrassed about their misunderstanding. “Oh, I was practicing with some of the little stuff around the room and I dropped some of it, so I was just getting it up.”
“How’s it going?” Tara asked, giving her a reassuring smile.
Willow shrugged. “I’m still staying small. It feels okay.”
“Can we try something small together?”
“Anytime, baby,” Willow responded, smirking cheekily. “Oh, did you mean do spells, because that’s okay too. Not as good as the other thing though.” Tara swatted her arm and Willow caught her hand, dropping her restraints and letting herself
feel Tara. Her connection and contact with Tara was the only time she let herself go entirely, relaxing the tight control she kept over herself to touch Tara’s essence.
Tara sucked in a surprised breath, not expecting Willow’s complete surrender but matching it with her own. They were completely open to each other like this. There were no secrets, nothing hidden that the other couldn’t see. Tara’s power expanded Willow’s own, drawing her into the world, the powerful connection to life around her that Tara maintained without effort. It was simple and beautiful and no matter how many times Willow touched it, it continually overwhelmed her. They were still seated on the floor of their room, but she could hear the birds outside, the dry crackle of leaves in grass, feel the slow but steady growth of fresh grass, new life coming forward at the advent of Spring.
Their fingers twined, palms flat against each other and Willow opened her eyes without realizing that she’d closed them. “How was that?” she asked breathily, laughing shakily. She lifted one finger slowly and a framed picture of Buffy, Dawn, and Joyce floated up with it. She twirled her finger in a slow loop and the photo followed her finger obediently.
“You don’t need me to do that,” Tara said, amused.
In response Willow snapped her fingers and set a spark alight at the end of her finger. Tara watched as it faded from red to green and blue and stopped. Willow leaned forward and held the finger up next to Tara’s eyes, her own eyes flickering back and forth between Tara’s eyes and the flame, adjusting the color carefully.
“I don’t have to see them to be able to do this,” Willow confessed in a whisper, smiling and sticking the tip of her tongue between her teeth. “I could never forget this color.” The color steadied and she leaned back, satisfied.
“Cute,” Tara said, laughing.
“Oh, cute?” Willow questioned, her eyes narrowing as she concentrated, the color darkening. “What about that?”
Tara blinked, not sure of the significance of the new color. “What about that?”
Willow cocked an eyebrow at her, swallowing thickly. “I guess you don’t see it as much as I do,” she conceded, eyes lingering on the blue flame before she blew it out.
“Are you going to make me guess?” Tara asked softly.
Willow’s eyes met hers and the redhead shook from side to side. “I love your eyes. I can see through you. Did you know they change colors, though? It’s gorgeous.” She flicked her finger and the flame came back to life, a blue fireball balanced on the palm of her free hand. She looked up from the fire to Tara’s eyes, the reflection of the flames on her face. “There it is,” she whispered, closing her fist around the fire.
“What?” Tara’s question was whispered, barely audible.
Willow didn’t speak for a moment, shifting closer and leaning her head forward to press a kiss to her lover’s forehead, lips moving to either side to kiss her eyelids. “Your eyes get dark when you want me.” Willow breathed the words straight into her ear and Tara shivered, fingers tightening around Willow’s fingers. Their powers were still locked together, the connection sending sparks of feeling into the miniscule space between their palms.
Tara’s eyes were struggling to stay all the way open, lids fluttering as she tried to catch her breath. “Willow…” Her words were cut off as Willow captured her lips, free hand cupping her cheek. The redhead moved closer, on her knees in front of Tara. Tara could only blink as Willow was gone again as quickly as she’d kissed her. “Huh?” the blonde gaped dumbly, staring at her as Willow jumped to her feet and pulled Tara up after her. “Will, what are you…?”
“You just stay there,” Willow directed, waving her back as she rooted through a drawer. She found what she was looking for and returned to stand in front of Tara, kissing her again quickly and then dropping to her knees. Tara was staring down at her, jaw hanging. “Don’t say anything,” Willow requested. “I know this is weird and I might be screwing it up, but I want, no, I need to do this, and you’re so beautiful, and I love you so much…” She paused, taking a deep breath. “Ignore the rambling, please, and let me start something that sounds good, or better.” She groaned, squeezing her eyes closed. “You have to believe me that I’m serious about this and I had a speech planned out, I’m just nervous.”
Tara giggled and covered her mouth with both hands, forcing herself to breathe deeply. “Y-you, you’re n-not serious.” Willow opened her hand and revealed the ring and Tara’s eyes widened. “Y-you’re serious…”
“I’m in love with you, Tara. And we were just talking about this, and I said I was going to wait and do it right, but who says this isn’t the right way, you know? I’m in love with you and I want to marry you. I know it seems sudden, or whatever, but I want to ask you to be my wife. I love you, and I want to be with you forever. I’m yours, for the rest of our lives. Would you do me the incredible honor of becoming my wife? I’ll take care of you, and make you happy, and…”
Tara’s hand landed over her mouth, the blonde blinking at her. “Just g-give me a s-second here,” she requested, smiling crookedly. Willow nodded, one hand curling around the hand on her lips, pulling it down to kiss the back of it. “You w-want to g-get married…” Willow nodded without lifting her lips from their place on Tara’s skin. “Y-you want t-to marry m-me?” The redhead nodded again, lowering the restraints on her power, letting her connection to Tara surge to the forefront. They both gasped, overwhelmed with each other, and Tara could feel Willow’s honest love. Willow was frowning though, a strange look of concentration on her face.
“There’s something…”
Tara heard Willow speak a split second before she felt sharp pain and fell to the ground as Willow dove forward and tackled her. Everything was loud, Willow’s rapid breathing harsh in her ears. There were other sounds too, birds and wind and a strange crunching noise she couldn’t quite place. And then Willow was chanting her name, her voice wild and frantic. The redhead’s anxious face popped into her sight and she blinked up at her. “There’s s-something on your shirt,” she said, one hand trembling as it reached up to touch the spot, strange and sudden red stains on Willow’s shirt.
Willow was having the opposite problem, not hearing anything but the pounding of her own heart in her ears. Tara’s blood was burning hot on her hands, more pouring out with every beat. “Shh, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay. Be still, please,” she pleaded, the words inaudible over her panic. Tara’s life was being pumped into her hands and she couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything. She’d felt the shot coming, the incredible connection to life and nature that she got through Tara had saved her life, given her just a half of a second to react, try and drive Tara out of the way.
The bullet had still hit her, though higher than it would have if Willow hadn’t shoved her. It was clear of her heart, but was still bleeding heavily. Willow pressed her fingers tighter against the wound, trying desperately to clear her head, think of something to do to stop this. Tara couldn’t just be
gone. It was unthinkable. Without her,
she was unthinkable.
Every dark thing she’d ever learned was screaming inside her, clamoring to get out, for revenge. And if Tara’s life slipped away from her, she honestly didn’t know if she’d be able, or even want, to stop herself from releasing every horrible impulse in her mind. She shoved it down, squeezing her eyes closed and taking a deep breath. She almost gagged on the smell of the blood, thick in the air, the heat and slickness of it against her palms. She forced herself to concentrate and apply pressure, trying to remember any first aid she’d ever learned.
“Tara, baby, can you hear me?” she questioned, the blonde’s eyes closed. The blood flow was slowing down, but Tara didn’t respond. Willow felt tears burning her eyes and her blurred vision found the ring she’d bought for Tara on the carpet. It was shining in the afternoon sunlight through the window, surrounded by halos of white light through her tears. She steadied her breathing with extreme effort, quieting the angry, demanding voices in her mind. She extended her power tentatively, not sure what she was doing, what she would find, but then she reached Tara, her spirit still there and strong, and Willow almost fainted in relief. Her powers stretched further, exploring the wound. The bullet had gone straight through, and she touched the hole with her abilities, repairing the damage as she found it, carefully and slowly.
Her concentration was disrupted as a siren pulled up outside and she did the first thing that sprang to mind and screamed at the top of her lungs, praying that the hole in the window would let someone hear her. Tara groaned, stirring under her hands, but didn’t wake up.
And then Xander was there, falling to his knees on the other side of Tara’s body. “Oh God, Will. What happened?”
“You tell me,” she demanded. “What the hell is going on out there?”
“Warren,” he answered. “He shot Buffy.”
“And Tara,” Willow growled, her rage screaming again now that she had a name, a target for her fury. “He shot my Tara.”
He frowned at her, shaking his head. “Hey, focus! We’ve got to get them to the hospital,” he reminded her. “Keep pressure on it, and I’m going to go get the EMTs.” He was gone a moment later, leaving Willow alone with her furious anger. And Tara. The blonde stirred weakly, groaning and drawing Willow’s attention.
The stretcher was there then, the techs pushing Willow back out of their way and Xander had to catch her around the waist to keep her from fighting her way back to Tara’s side. “Willow, no! We’ll go with them to the hospital.” She went limp at the sight of Tara, pale and bleeding on the gurney.
“She can’t die,” Willow gasped, part of her surprised that she could speak at all. She turned in his arms, clinging to him with both hands. “I can’t lose her, Xander!”
“She’s not going to die,” Xander said, guiding her head to his shoulder. The EMTs were gesturing behind Willow and he guided her with him to follow them. His arm curled over her shoulder and he jumped as he stepped on the broken glass, looking down at his feet. Willow started to follow the doctors but couldn’t move for Xander being frozen. “Uh, Will, what’s that?”
Willow followed his eyes, finding the ring on the floor in front of his foot. She bent and picked it up, choking on sudden tears. The ring trembled between her fingers as her hands shook. Her eyes were wide, jaw hanging. One of the EMTs stomped back up the stairs, calling to them and Xander shook her gently. Her eyes found his as his hand covered hers. Nerveless fingers dropped the ring into his palm and he curled his arm around her shoulder again, guiding her toward the stairs.
The ambulance rocked as they drove to the hospital, both gurneys meaning that Xander and Willow were in his car behind them. Willow was out of the car almost before it was parked, Xander having to chase her through the parking lot to catch up. Buffy and Tara were both already in surgery and Willow could only pace anxiously in the waiting room, the floodgates of her rage held back only by the steady beating of Tara’s heart in her ears. She put all of her energy into maintaining the connection, everything she’d learned about control put to the test.
It felt like an eternity before they were allowed in to see Tara, the Slayer still in surgery. Tara was under blankets and wires, pale but breathing. Willow slumped weakly into the chair beside the bed, her hands shaking as she struggled to resist casting. The doctors had finished repairing a nicked artery, commenting that it had curiously already started to heal, drawing a look from Xander to Willow, but the redhead was much too distracted to notice. When the doctor excused himself, Xander followed him out, giving Willow her privacy.
Tara was unconscious, but her fingers twitched against Willow’s touch and the redhead took a deep, shuddering breath. Tara’s fingers were cold from blood loss and Willow covered both hands with her own in an effort to warm them up. She couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but keep her eyes trained on the steady rise and fall of Tara’s chest. Tara was still alive. It echoed in her mind at the rhythm of the blonde’s heartbeat. Time was measured in the interminable quiet between beats. She didn’t move her eyes, tried not to even blink, scared that the first time her eyes flickered from their vigil, her second chance would be lost, never to be had again.
A curious thing happened then, as she sat waiting for any sign of wakefulness from Tara. Sitting and waiting, nothing to do but wait and pray, she caught herself studying Tara, her mind filled with flashes of memories, everything she knew, everything she loved about her. And as she thought and remembered, she could feel her rage growing quieter. No matter what happened, Tara wouldn’t want her to feel like this, to seek revenge. She had a feeling that without everything she’d learned, all the study and practice she’d been doing, her attitude wouldn’t have been nearly so forgiving.
Xander returned, but she couldn’t have said how long he’d been gone, shutting the door with a quiet click behind him. “Will, I need to talk to you,” he started hesitantly. She didn’t respond, maintaining her vigilant focus. “Will, Willow, it’s Buffy.” His voice was hoarse and she finally looked up, turning on her seat to look at him. She’d been almost entirely focused on Tara, but Xander looked as bad or worse than she did herself. He was pale and tired, his shirt covered in Buffy’s blood. “They’re saying she’s not going to make it.”
Willow blinked, outwardly calm. Last time she’d tried to help Buffy, she’d done nothing but screw up all of their lives. This wasn’t the same thing. The Slayer wasn’t dead yet. “No,” she declared softly and he swallowed thickly. “We’re not losing her again.” She stood up from her seat, pressing shaking hands flat against her legs to steady them. “Stay with Tara,” she directed, leaning over to kiss her beloved’s forehead. He didn’t speak as she turned and walked past him, moving to the door. “Xander, if…if something goes wrong…”
“I’ll take care of her,” he promised. Willow looked down at his hand as it appeared over her shoulder, Tara’s ring cupped in his palm. “She’s going to want you to give her this back.” She took it gingerly, pinching it up between two fingers and his hand retreated to grip her shoulder, squeezing hard once before he let her go.
*****
Merry Whatever-winter-holiday-you-celebrate! And sorry about the tiny cliffie/more intense chapter as your Christmas surprise... that's just how they fell for the double chapter this weekend...
ETA: Yes, Laragh, there will be another chapter on Tuesday - so you won't have to wait very long!
Thank you for reading!
I love that that is people's reactions... (is that good or bad?) I'm glad it was believable! Yeah, I figure that's pretty much a new experience for her - she'd take some time to get feeling better...at least a little bit! Nah, I got it 
since the kids were up at 6:30am!
