My first fic - Lost Hope (Updated 11 Oct 09)

[Nue]

dibs ^^

really nice update, thanks!

[Poniac]

Thanks for reading

[Poniac]

Disclaimers: Willow and Tara and other characters borrowed from the television show “Buffy: The Vampire Slayer” are the property of their creator, Joss Whedon, and his affiliates, Mutant Enemy, Fox, and UPN. I’m just playing with their creations.

Spoilers: Starting just after Tara left Willow. I’ve often wondered what Tara went through during that time – and I’ve kind of filled in some gaps. Of course there will be plenty of angst, pain, girl loving and of course a happy ending.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: What Tara went through – all the stuff that wasn’t really covered while they were apart. I've played with the timings and the way some things are revealed.

Love feedback - so the more the better - and thanks to all the kittens for being so friendly and supportive so far.

Part 8 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the sound of the wailing grew Tara’s anxiety increased. She still couldn’t see anything around her; she had no idea where she was and why it was so dark. As she looked down she could see that she wasn’t wearing shoes, the thought struck her as odd, she’d never go anywhere with out putting shoes on first.

The wailing stopped; it was quiet as she stood shivering in the dark, her arms wrapped around herself for warmth. She wondered if maybe she was asleep or maybe she was hallucinating.

‘Baby – I – I’m s-so s-orry’

Tara was startled, she whirled around, but there was nothing to see. Dread gripped at her heart as she feared she knew who uttered those words.

‘Willow?’ she cried out, desperately looking around for a hint or a clue where the disembodied voice was coming from.
‘Baby – I – I’m s-so s-orry’ the voice came at her again.

‘Willow – can you hear me! – please Willow – talk to me’ cried Tara

The voice vanished as quickly as it came, replaced by the wailing.

‘Oh Goddess – Willow’ whispered Tara.

Tara awoke with a start from her ‘dream’ – she was shivering, a pit of fear gnawed at her stomach, and the sound of Willow’s wailing echoed in her ears.

She could feel Willow’s body fear and yet crave the magicks; she could feel Willow’s pain. ‘It’s not a dream’ she thought. Their connection was stronger than ever, though Tara didn’t understand why, perhaps Willow was reaching out to Tara, and perhaps Tara was reaching out to Willow. Whatever the reason she felt Willow’s fear, craving and pain almost as if it was her own.

She took a moment to gather her thoughts, as the pain travelled through her body, prickling her skin. Tara reached over, quickly picked up the phone and dialled.

‘Hello’

‘B-Buffy, thank g-goodness’

‘Tara, what’s wrong?’

‘Oh God B-Buffy, W-Willow’s in t-trouble’

‘Where’

‘I-I don’t k-know b-but I can feel her’

‘Are you sure Tara?’

‘She’s in p-pain Buffy’

‘Hold tight Tara – I’ll call Xander and get him to pick you up’

‘Meet me us at the magic shop and we’ll work it out from there’

‘O-Okay’

Tara tossed the receiver and leapt out of bed, she threw on clothes that were closest to hand, struggling to do up her zipper and shoes with her injured wrist, she cursed and removed the sling, throwing it to the ground.

Tara stumbled as she suddenly felt dizzy, she felt that Willow was suffering, she was enduring pain, yet she sensed Willow welcomed it.

‘Oh sweetheart – what have we d-done to you’ whispered Tara as tears slid down her face. She snatched her tote and threw it over her shoulder as she locked her room and ran down the stairs as fast as she could.

Tara had only to wait several minutes until she saw Xander approaching, she knew it was him by the speed of the car, which screeched to a stop inches from the curb. She wrenched the door open and jumped in as Xander threw the car into gear and speed away from the campus.

He didn’t take his eyes off the road as the car speed through the streets of Sunnydale.

‘Tara – what’s happening to Willow?’ snapped Xander

Tara shocked by his tone whispered ‘I-I-I d-don’t k-know X-Xander’.

Xander glanced at Tara, he saw her shrink into the corner, as if she was scared of him, he sighed as he turned his eyes back to the road.

‘I’m sorry Tara – I get a call from Buffy in the middle of the night telling me that Willow’s in trouble, but we don’t know what sort of trouble or where. And then she tells me that you know something and that I have to pick you up and we’re all going to meet at the Magic Shop.’ Xander stopped to take a deep breath.

‘So forgive me if I’m a little freaked out’

‘Xander I don’t k-know what’s happening to W-Willow, but I know I can f-find her- we can always f-find each other’.

Tara looked at Xander driving as they approached the Magic Box, his eyes were glassy, his face taut, and knuckles white on the steering wheel. She sensed the anger flow from him as he drove.

‘You b-blame me’ she sighed.

‘You left her’ said Xander, his eyes never leaving the road.

Tara whispered ‘She hurt m-me Xander’ as she felt the tears threaten to flow again.

The car slowed suddenly as they arrived at the Magic Shop. Xander turned the keys and looked to Tara.

‘She was wrong to do that’ he said.

‘Yes’ whispered Tara.

‘You leaving hurt her’

‘Yes’ sighed Tara

‘She’s my best friend Tara – I love her’

‘I love her too’ replied Tara her eyes on Xander.

They both were silent as they climbed out of the car and headed towards the Magic Shop.

As Xander opened the door to the magic shop Tara looked down and was startled by the oddly clad feet in front of her.

‘Um Xander – do you know you are wearing fluffy pink piglet slippers?’ asked Tara

Xander paused to look down at his feet and smiled – ‘The rabbit ones freak Anya out. Besides I was in a hurry when I left’

Buffy, Anya and Giles were all sitting around the table in the magic shop, when they walked through the door; Buffy stood up and turned to look at them. ‘So was it a dream or wasn’t it’ asked Buffy

Tara hesitated, ‘It was a dream, b-but what I felt was real’

The scoobies stared at her.

‘We had, um have a c-connection, and we can uh sometimes f-feel each other, or rather w-what each other is feeling’ said Tara looking around her.

‘Tara, what did you feel?’ asked Buffy

Tara felt her voice waver as she spoke ‘Pain…f-fear…craving, and’ she looked at the scoobies, Buffy and Xander were pale, Anya stared at the floor and Giles polished his glasses shaking his head.

Xander cleared his throat to speak ‘And?’

Tara sighed ‘It felt like s-she wanted the pain – wanted to hurt herself. I could hear her voice’ She paused to gather herself.

‘Baby – I – I’m s-so s-orry’, she said that several times.

‘She hurt you – so she’s hurting herself?’ asked Xander as he got to his feet and started pacing the magic shop

‘I-I don’t know Xander’

Buffy raised her voice ‘I don’t care why or how, we have to find her. Any ideas now would be appreciated.’

As Buffy spoke Tara cried out ‘Aarrgghh’, doubled over and crumbled to the floor as a searing pain ripped through her chest. She saw the scoobies as they crowed around her but she couldn’t hear anything except for Willow’s voice.

‘Baby – I – I’m s-so s-orry’

‘Willow’ Tara whimpered as she struggled to breathe ‘Please t-tell me where you are?’ But Tara heard nothing else. She opened her eyes to see the scoobies still crowded around her.

‘Tara, are you ok?’ asked Buffy, helping her to her feet for the second time that night.

Anya took at step forward towards Tara ‘What did you feel then, in your chest?’

‘Pain’ said Tara

‘Coming or going’ asked Anya

‘What do you mean?’

‘Pain exploding into Willow or out of Willow’ said Anya looking around. She thought for the second time that day how silly humans could be. She rolled her eyes and offered and explanation.

‘If Willow was using magicks and Tara felt the pain it should feel different to Willow getting a magical power boost’

‘Boost’ said Tara quickly, looking around ‘It was different to before’

‘So Will’s plugged into a mojo outlet somewhere’ asked Xander.

‘Rack’ prompted Anya

‘What?’ asked Giles who had been sitting back watching the proceedings very carefully.

‘Who’ said Anya

‘What?’ asked Giles again looking slightly flustered.

Anya sighed again ‘For heaven’s sake, not what, who, Rack is a Warlock. He’s very powerful and the only one I know around here who could give Willow such a boost’

‘Why haven’t we heard about him until now?’ asked Giles

Anya paused, she avoided looking at any of the scoobies ‘because he specialises in… giving out dark magicks. Usually in exchange for something else’

‘So how do we find this slime ball?’ asked Buffy

‘Well that’s the good news, he has a room downtown, but it’s cloaked, so it will be hard to find’

‘Cloaked?’ said Xander

‘It’s hidden from us, kind of like invisible’ said Tara

‘Yes’ nodded Anya ‘But we can if we can trace the dark magicks we can locate the room’

‘Anya – do you think you can find this room?’ asked Xander

‘I guess I could try’

‘Right let’s go’ said Buffy as she shouldered a very large sword.

They all gathered at the door waiting for Xander. ‘Xander hurry, what are you doing?’ yelled Buffy

‘Nothing – I’m ready, lets go’ Xander darted out the door and towards the car.

‘Nice shoes’ remarked Tara

Xander smiled ‘Well fighting in fluffy piggy slippers does nothing for my macho image’. As Xander slid into the seat he looked at Tara ‘Uh Tara – I’m sorry about before’

Tara smiled and put an arm on his shoulder ‘No p-problem, lets just go and get her b-back’

The scoobies were silent in the car, waiting for Anya to provide directions. Buffy and Xander were lost in thought, daring not to think that they couldn’t help their friend. Tara was silent despite the pain that periodically invaded her body, and the voice that accompanied it. She didn’t want to further alarm her friends. Giles watched Anya and Tara – hoping that they would be able to find the signs and lead them to Rack.

Anya who had been staring out the window suddenly yelled out ‘Turn left – now’. Xander quickly steered the car in the right direction and continued to follow Anya’s instructions until she ordered the car to a sudden halt.

As they exited the car Tara said ‘It’s close – I can feel it’.

Anya looked around and walked towards a space in the middle of the road. She held her hands up and waved them around. ‘Tara – come here’ she yelled.

‘Can you feel the cool air here?’ Anya asked

Tara placed her hands in the air feeling around, and her fingers brushed against a cool pocket of air ‘Yes – I can feel it, we’re here’. She turned to Anya ‘How do we get in?’

Anya kept searching for the coldest pocket of air ‘We just find the right spot – here it is’

The scoobies gathered around Anya. She held her hands out in front of her and as she stepped forward she vanished. One by one the scoobies followed until the only thing left in the street was an abandoned car.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for great update-y goodness... I hope Willow is there with Rack and is willing to accept Tara's help...

[Poniac]

Zampasa1975 - thanks for your comments


Disclaimers: Willow and Tara and other characters borrowed from the television show “Buffy: The Vampire Slayer” are the property of their creator, Joss Whedon, and his affiliates, Mutant Enemy, Fox, and UPN. I’m just playing with their creations.

Spoilers: Starting just after Tara left Willow. I’ve often wondered what Tara went through during that time – and I’ve kind of filled in some gaps. Of course there will be plenty of angst, pain, girl loving and of course a happy ending.

Rating: PG-13 for now - things will I'm sure heat up a bit. Gets a little violent at the end.

Summary: What Tara went through – all the stuff that wasn’t really covered while they were apart. A bit of a different ending.

Feedback: The more the better.

Sorry it's taken a while for this update - damn work getting in the way of my life!!!

Part 9 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Tara entered the dimly lit room she immediately noticed the smell of strawberries, just like her dream. She looked behind her to see that all the scoobies had arrived and were standing, looking around the room, unsure of what to do next. All eyes landed on Anya, who glared back at them, snapping ‘Don’t look at me – I’ve never been here before’.

Buffy looked at Tara expectantly. ‘She’s h-here or at least she w-was here’ stammered Tara aware that dark magicks was in use nearby.

Before they could do anything Tara felt another pain explode in her chest, and gasped as she fell to her knees clutching her chest. As the Scoobies crowded around Tara, the door to the room flung open revealing a talk dark haired warlock, clad in a long back robe. Rack stood at the entrance to the room, his one blue eye taking in the scene around him.

‘I didn’t expect so many visitors this time of night’ he said calmly.

Buffy pushed to the front of the group and stood toe to toe with Rack. Behind her Anya and Xander helped Tara to her feet. As Buffy looked up at Rack, noticing his badly scarred face, she said ‘We are here for Willow’.

Rack paused and smiled, revealing a row of brown and rotted teeth. His one blue eye examined the scoobies one by one, until his attention was caught by Tara. He looked at her for a few seconds, winked and then returned his attention to Buffy. ‘Well we are kind of busy’ he snarled, ‘perhaps you’d like to wait until we have concluded our business’.

Buffy squared her shoulders and faced up to Rack snapping ‘I don’t think so – we’ve come for Willow and we want to see her now’.

Rack smiled and nodded. He stepped from the doorway and motioned for the scoobies to go inside. Giles stepped forward and spoke to Buffy ‘I think I’ll stay out here – just to keep an eye on things’ he whispered. Buffy nodded and stepped through the doorway. The other scoobies followed her into a large room, which was sparsely furnished with a few crusty old sofas and a couple of old wooden coffee tables.

As Tara looked around she could feel, but couldn’t see Willow. As her eyes frantically scanned the dark corners of the room she noticed someone seated on the couch. Her eyes narrowed as she felt anger boil in her stomach, Tara spoke through gritted teeth ‘Amy, what are you doing here, and where is Willow?’

As Tara spoke the scoobies surrounded her, looking at Amy for an answer, but before she could respond there was a blinding flash, followed by the familiar sound of Willow wailing.

Tara spun around expecting to see Willow, but still couldn’t see her. Buffy’s eyes had followed the flash of light to the ceiling, revealing a sight that made her heart jump with fear. She reached out to grab Tara’s arm whilst her eyes never left the ceiling, Tara followed Buffy’s gaze only to see Willow splayed out on the ceiling, at least 10 feet above their heads.

Willow was lying with her eyes closed, her arms and legs spread outwards from her body. Her hair was fanned out underneath her head; her light tan shirt was dishevelled, and pulled up to her waist, revealing her stomach, and the waistband of her jeans. Her face was in a grimace, and a trail of blood had leaked its way from her nose, down the side of her face.

‘Oh God – Willow - No’ cried Tara as she gripped the slayer’s arm. Xander and Anya barely had time to react to the sight of Willow on the ceiling before Buffy turned on Rack snarling ‘What have you done to her?’ she advanced on him ‘Get her down – now’.

‘Such a temper – I heard the slayer was something special’ snarled Rack as he glanced over at the remaining Scoobies. Tara seemed paralysed by the sight, here eyes never leaving Willow whilst Xander and Anya gripped each other, watching Buffy confront Rack.

‘She came here on her own you know’ smiled Rack, his eyes appraising the group before him. ‘She wanted something from me and I delivered’, his eyes wandered back to Willow, still splayed out on the ceiling.

Buffy advanced on Rack growling ‘I don’t care – get her down from there before I tear this place into confetti’.

As Buffy advanced towards Rack he waved his hand over her, keeping her immobilised, he continued on towards Tara, waving his hand over Xander and Anya, his eyes on the blonde witch.

‘So here you are’ murmured Rack as studied Tara, he leaned in close and smelled her ‘Vanilla’ he smiled, ‘Strawberries and Vanilla’. Tara froze, feeling her skin prickle as his hot breath assaulted her neck.

‘What do you want from her?’ she whispered, here eyes never leaving Willow.

‘Pain’ smiled Rack inhaling Tara’s scent, ‘and thanks to you Vanilla she has plenty to spare’.

Tara gasped ‘I-I…she…’ her voice wavered and she fell silent.

‘Strawberry here, so powerful and yet so…… pitiful’ mused Rack.

‘Let her go – you have w-what you w-wanted’ stammered Tara.

‘What’s in it for me Vanilla? Why let her go when she…has so much more to give’ Tara tore her eyes from Willow, and looked at Rack. ‘What do you want?’

Rack leaned close and sniffed, his eyes locking on hers as he whispered ‘You’.

‘No’ a voice bellowed from above. All eyes in the room looked up to see Willow’s, eyes now open, as she floated down to the floor, her arms outstretched, her flaming red hair now black and her eyes dark.

Willow pushed in between Rack and Tara, ‘Thanks – but I’ll take this from here’ she said whilst she placed a hand to his chest and released a blinding charge that sent him flying across the room, crashing into the wall. As his magical hold on the Scoobies released, Buffy, Xander and Anya all broke free from the immobilising spell and stood staring at Willow.

Xander leaned over to Buffy and whispered ‘When did the Willster have a makeover?’ Anya slapped Xander across the back of the head ‘Are you trying to get us all killed?’ she whispered.

‘W-W-Willow are y-you ok?’ stuttered Tara as she struggled to understand what was going on.

Willow stood in the centre of the room, and looked around her ‘So these are her friends’ she laughed. ‘No wonder mousy wanted a step up in the world’.

‘Willow is not mousy’ challenged Buffy as she stepped forward. Willow turned to Buffy ‘so here is the slayer, saving little mousy again…this time from herself’. She smiled, her lips black, her white skin lined with dark pulsing veins. ‘She doesn’t need your help’ snarled Willow as she grabbed Buffy around the neck and lifted her from the ground, ‘so why don’t you go home, and take your band of pathetic sidekicks with you.’

As Willow lifted Buffy from the ground Tara cried ‘Willow – No’, whilst Xander launched himself at her. Willow threw Buffy across the room, and turned to meet Xander, smiling ‘Come on – do you really think you could hurt me?’ Willow extended her hand and rebuffed Xander, sending him crashing into the sofa.

‘You’re not W-Willow’ stammered Tara, standing her ground.

Willow moved slowly towards Tara, she raised a hand, and dragged her fingertips down Tara’s cheek. ‘Oh baby – but I am Willow – just the new and improved version’ smiled the dark witch as she stood face to face with the blonde witch. Tara blinked and stifled a cry as she looked into Willow’s dark eyes and saw nothing of her soul mate.

Willow’s lips curled into a dark smile as she looked at Tara. ‘Why are you here?’ ‘To take you home’ croaked Tara looking anywhere but the dark orbs that threatened to drill through her.

‘SHE’S NOT YOURS TO TAKE HOME ANYMORE’ screamed Willow, her dark veins pulsing, rage contorting her face.

Tara flinched and backed away from the dark witch, looking for a place to hide; tears welled in her eyes and began to fall, dripping down her cheeks. Xander and Buffy, sensing a brief reprieve clamoured over the furniture to Tara’s side.

Willow smiled and advanced towards the trio ‘Ah look the rescuers running to your side – pity they weren’t so attentive to poor pathetic Willow when she needed them’.

Xander stepped forward ‘Will we’re here for you and always have been.’

Willow’s eyes narrowed as she growled ‘Poor Xander – if you were such a good friend – why did she come here?’ As Willow raised her hand sparks flew and as she aimed at Xander he grimaced and stood in front Tara, protectively pushing her behind him. Slightly distracted by Xander’s move, Willow hesitated giving Buffy the split second she needed to launch an attack on the witch.

As Buffy threw herself at Willow she caught the witch off guard, and as she fell to the ground her head came into contact with the hard floor.

‘Giles – we need you in here - now’ cried Buffy as Xander assisted Buffy in holding the dazed witch down.

Tara cried ‘Don’t hurt her’; she rushed towards Willow as Giles joined them in the room. ‘Oh Lord’ he muttered to himself.

Willow started to struggle back to her feet. ‘Um I don’t think we have to worry about that Tara’ muttered Xander as he floundered trying to keep the witch on the ground.

Tara reached out to Willow and put a hand on her forehead whispering ‘restare gest’, the witch’s eyes blazed at Tara before closing, and her body slumping to the ground.

‘Way to go Tara’ said Xander as he let go of Willow and laid her down on the floor. ‘What was that and how long do we have before her witchiness is back up and trying to kill us?’

Buffy, Giles and Xander looked expectantly at Tara, but as she looked back at them she couldn’t respond. She broke down, sobbing, ‘I – I don’t know, she’s strong, so not long’.

Buffy moved to comfort Tara, looking at Giles ‘How long?’

‘Well um Buffy, I think that Tara is right, she does appear to be strong, and well Tara’s magic is no match for the dark magicks in Willows system right now – I’d say we have just a few minutes’ mumbled Giles as he looked around the damaged room.

Buffy sighed ‘So not enough time to move her – what do we do now? We can’t just leave her here’

Anya piped up ‘Well you can’t take her home; she’ll try to kill you all and end up wrecking all the furniture’

Xander glared at his girlfriend ‘An, this is Will we’re talking about here’.

‘Yes Xander, but it’s not achey brakey yellow crayon Willow here it’s rip your arms off and spill your guts dark witch. Not the kind of witch you want to have in your home’ snapped Anya.

‘Stop’ cried Tara ‘This is Willow – at least she is still part Willow’. She knelt down next to the unconscious witch and put a hand to her cheek. ‘We have to do something to help her’.

‘I know a spell’

All the Scoobies jumped as they remembered they weren’t alone in the room. They all turned to meet the voice, Amy stood at the centre of the room, glaring back at them, arms folded across her chest.

Tara drew herself up and faced Amy ‘What w-were you d-doing here anyway? Did you bring her to this disgusting p-place’ spat Tara.

‘What do you care – she’s not your g-g-girlfriend anymore’ growled Amy, mocking Tara’s stutter.

As Tara stepped forward, Xander jumped in front of her ‘Ladies, ladies – as much as I like a good old fashioned cat fight - let’s just keep focused here, we need to keep Will down and out for the count until we can figure out how to help her’.

Tara sighed and locked eyes with Amy ‘So what are you suggesting, and how do you know it won’t hurt her’

Amy folded her arms and sneered ‘As if you care’.

‘Amy’ snapped Buffy ‘This isn’t the time’

Amy glared at Tara and turned to Giles ‘Well I can do a temporal binding, it’s not permanent – but should give you time to work out how to bring her back.’

Buffy stepped forward and confronted Amy ‘This wouldn’t be a problem if you didn’t bring her here’

Amy stepped forward toe to toe with the slayer ‘She wanted to come here – she wanted it – she couldn’t talk to you’

Giles looked up from Willow and snapped at Amy and Buffy ‘That’s enough’, he looked back at Willow and sighed ‘I suppose Amy’s spell could work, but can you do the spell, and who will take the dark magicks?’

‘We don’t have to take the dark magicks from her – in time she’ll regain control’ replied Amy, her eyes on Buffy.

‘I don’t trust her’ snapped Tara glaring at Amy. She turned her head as she heard a low growl from the floor. Willow was starting to move, shaking her head, and clenching her fists.

‘That may be so, but I’m not sure we have much of a choice here’ said Giles looking up from barley conscious Willow, ‘We’re running out of time.’ He turned to Tara and put a hand on her shoulder ‘I think we have to go try Amy’s spell’

Tara looked up at Giles with red rimmed eyes and whispered ‘Giles, I think Amy b-bought her here to hurt her…’ she couldn’t continue and looked away, the pain of seeing Willow hurting too much for the blonde witch.

Giles placed a hand on Tara’s arm ‘You may not trust her – but do you trust me?’

Tara simply nodded and stepped away from Giles, towards Anya, Buffy and Xander.

‘Right’ Giles looked at Amy ‘Should we start? – and might I remind you Amy that should any harm befall Willow we will hold you responsible’ his eyes held hers firmly.

Amy stepped forward and knelt by the struggling Willow. She held her hands over Willow’s forehead, murmuring words as a light breeze swirled around them.

[center]For the greater good of all and with harm to none,
This power is bound until time to be undone.
By karmic power
This power is tied and knotted be,
so that it can't harm human, beast or weather.
So it be done.[/center]

As she completed the spell the light breeze increased in intensity and swirled around Willow forming a tight glowing magical bond around her chest. As the bond constricted, Willow’s eyes opened, her dark pupils shined brightly, and her mouth opened to release a high pitched scream which lasted several seconds until her eyes closed and she slumped back to the ground.

Buffy, Xander and Tara stepped forward to examine Willow ‘Is she ok’ asked Xander looking at Tara.

‘I-I’m not sure, but she s-seems ok’ replied Tara

Buffy sighed ‘Well I’m glad that’s over, what do we do now?’

Giles knelt down and gently put his hand to Willow’s cheek. ‘I think we should take her home – she can’t hurt us or herself at the moment.’ He stood up and walked over to Tara, put his hand on her shoulder and sighed. She looked into his lined and sad face, ‘Thank-you’

Giles gave Tara a grim smile ‘She seems Ok, but I think we have a few challenges ahead of us.’

Tara looked at Willow with sadness and regret in her eyes 'Let's just get her home' she whispered to no one in particular.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... I hope that Willow is now free of the dark magic and can start the healing process with Tara at her side... I'm really really worried about Amy's involvement in the spell. I kinda hope she very soon gets the message that nobody messes with Tara's girl...

[Poniac]

Zampasa1975 - Thanks for your comments - you encourage me to keep posting!

Disclaimers: Willow and Tara and other characters borrowed from the television show “Buffy: The Vampire Slayer” are the property of their creator, Joss Whedon, and his affiliates, Mutant Enemy, Fox, and UPN. I’m just playing with their creations.

Spoilers: Starting just after Tara left Willow. I’ve often wondered what Tara went through during that time – and I’ve kind of filled in some gaps. Of course there will be plenty of angst, pain, girl loving and of course a happy ending.

Rating: This part is NC-17 - Naughty memories of girl on girl loving - read hot sex scene.

Smut alert - it's as explict as it gets. This is my first foray at writing smut so it took a while to make sure I has happy with it..... fingers crossed

Summary: What Tara went through – all the stuff that wasn’t really covered while they were apart. A bit of a different ending - once I changed what happened while they were apart the ending ended up being different...I just went with it.

Feedback: The more the better.

Sorry it's taken a while for this update - damn work getting in the way of my life!!!

Part 10 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had taken some time, but the Scoobies had got Willow back home. They left Rack unconscious on the floor of his room, and Amy vanished shortly after she cast the spell on Willow.

They had gently carried Willow out of Racks room, and drove her back to the house on Revello Drive. It was agreed that Willow should stay in the basement, an uncomfortable but unanimous decision. Anya insisted that she’d do less damage down in the basement and Tara didn’t want the dark witch in Willow’s room. Buffy and Xander quietly thought she’d be easier to contain in the basement should anything go wrong.

They made Willow comfortable on a bed, and then all but Tara withdrew back upstairs. Tara sat alone in the dimly lit basement staring at the unmoving Willow. As her eyes rested on the witch memories tumbled through her mind, good and bad. Voices reverberated through her mind with matching pictures, the times they spent in her room, the first time she really let Willow know how she felt, ‘I am you know – Yours’, Willow’s first declaration of love ‘‘I love you Tara Maclay’, the smile on Willows face after their first kiss ‘Wow’, the tight feeling in her chest the first time she saw the redhead, the pain she felt when she told Willow she knew about the spell, ‘You violated my mind Willow’, Willow’s agonised face as she asked the question ‘are you going to leave me?’.

She sighed and leaned forward taking Willow’s hand, she gripped it in hers and bought it to her cheek. Her most precious memory burst forward tearing at her heart and soul.

Tara leaned up against the door and tuned the lock. She looked at Willow, who was sitting on the edge of her bed, taking her shoes off. She leaned back on the bed and looked lovingly up at Tara – ‘So baby what would you like to do tonight – we can watch some TV, or we can, snuggle, or whatever you want – the night is all ours. Buffy’s out patrolling and Anya and Xander insisted on helping – so we aren’t needed, and I’ve finished all of my assignments’ gloated Willow.

Tara took a deep breath and walked towards Willow. ‘Well Ms Rosenberg, I’ve been thinking about things – w-well actually I’ve been thinking about you.’

‘Oh – good things I hope’ smiled Willow as she reclined on the bed, looking adoringly at her girlfriend’.

‘Very good things’ smiled Tara as she climbed on the bed, crawling up until she was nose to nose with Willow. She looked at her girlfriend, once again wondering why she was so lucky to have such as wonderful person in her life. She leaned forward pressed her lips against Willows, savouring the touch of her soft lips, she pushed her body into Willow, until she heard the redhead groan with delight. She broke their kiss, ran her tongue over Willow’s lips, and placed soft kisses all over her face, nuzzled her ear, kissed down her neck and slowly ran her tongue from the dip in Willow’s throat to her mouth. As Willow’s lips parted in a moan Tara slipped her tongue into Willow and their tongues met and slowly danced in their mouths.

As they kissed Tara could feel Willow’s hand sneak under her shirt and touch her skin, she groaned, Willows touch searing her skin. Willow could feel their bodies heat up, and her centre tingle, and her need grow, she wrapped her arms around Tara and held her tight as she rolled over so that she was now straddling her girlfriend.

They broke their kiss, both breathing heavy and flushed bright red. Tara released Willow’s waist and bought her hands up to cup her face, as she pulled Willow’s face in close she drew Willow’s earlobe into her mouth and sucked, drawing a loud moan from Willow. Tara’s hand searched out the buttons on Willow’s shirt and she began to release Willow from her top. As she worked on Willow’s buttons she felt Willows lips on her own, pushing, sucking on her tongue, she felt her body ache for Willow and she feet a need to have Willow’s skin against her own.

She’d finished the buttons, and slipped Willow’s shirt over her shoulders, Willow shrugged it off and returned to kissing Tara’s neck and throat. Tara ran her hands over the redhead’s back, scraping her nails down the length of her back, eliciting another loud moan from Willow. She felt Willow’s thigh between her legs, and each time Willow leaned forward she felt the friction rub against her already aching centre, she felt herself grind herself against Willow’s thigh, the sensation causing her to grip Willow’s shoulders, and bring her teeth to Willow’s neck.

‘Oh God – Tara – I – um – Goddess – is it just me or is it – um really really hot in here’ moaned Willow as Tara nipped her neck gently. Willow pushed herself up and looked at Tara ‘Uh baby – I don’t think that this….’

Tara looked up at Willow smiling, she raised her fingers to Willow’s lips.

‘Shhh’

‘Uh – baby – I’ mumbled Willow distracted by Tara’s hand as it fingered the waistline of her pants.

‘Will’

‘Um’

‘Sweetie look at me’

Willow managed to focus on the brilliant blue eyes in front of her. ‘Oh baby, God, you are so beautiful’

‘Willow – I want you’

Willow froze, ‘You …’

‘Yes Willow Rosenberg – I w-want you now, I want you on top of me, I want your lips on mine, I want your skin against m-mine, and I want you inside of me.’

Willow smiled, ‘Tara – are you sure?’

‘Willow – less talk more love’ smiled Tara as her fingers explored the redhead’s soft skin.

Willow buried her face in Tara’s neck, as she kissed her flesh and her tongue trailed down her collarbone she slipped her hands under Tara’s t-shirt and pulled it over her head. Tara lay under her, golden hair spread across the pillow, cheeks flushed, eyes sparkling, and lips slightly parted as she breathed heavily. Willow kissed down her neck and onto her chest, pausing at the lacy black bra to run her tongue along the edge of the lace and down between her ample breasts. Willow felt Tara’s hands clench her shoulders she buried her face in Tara’s soft flesh and with her right hand she reached around to release her bra, allowing her breasts to break free. She nuzzled Tara’s breasts, massaging the soft flesh, gently kissing, and touching, her lips finding a nipple, she sucked it, pinching it gently between her teeth and flicking it with her tongue, she massaged the other breast and gently flicked the nipple until it was hard and then she took that one into her mouth. Willow took her time, alternating from one hard nub of flesh to the other.

‘Oh Will...’ Tara felt as if her body was on fire, the sensation of Willow sucking on her nipples was almost too much to bear. As Willow kissed and caressed Tara’s breasts her hand reached down and pulled up Tara’s skirt, inching her hand up her thigh.

Tara was breathing heavily, ‘Oh Willow - I need to tell y-you something'

‘Now?’ asked Willow smiling.

'It's j-just that all the time you've been kissing and touching me, the only sensible thought I h-have is that I love you'. So I wanted to say it now, before I say it later in a moment of p-passion and you don't think I m-mean it'

She paused, looking into her lover’s bright green eyes ‘I love you Willow Rosenberg’

Willow smiled, ‘I love you too Tara Maclay’.

Their foreheads met, and they held each other still for a moment.

Tara grasped Willow’s shoulders, pulled her close, and gently rolled her over so that she was now straddling Willow. She leaned over Willow allowing her long blonde hair to drape over the redhead’s chest, as she kissed up her neck and along her jaw line. Tara’s nimble fingers reached around and unclasped Willow’s bra, as she slowly pulled the straps down over Willow’s shoulders kissing until she pulled the garment free and gazed down upon her breasts.

Willow groaned as Tara gently ran her nails down her chest, stopping to cup her breasts. She leant forward and kissed Willow’s soft white skin, her tongue swirling around her nipples, and she groaned, and felt her wetness grow as Willow’s nipple hardened in her mouth.

Tara’s body was humming in tune with Willow’s as they touched, kissed, and explored each other, their sense of urgency grew as Willow reached around and unzipped Tara’s skirt, sliding it down her legs, revealing her light blue underwear.

Willow looked adoringly at her girlfriend and brought her face down for a lingering kiss. After a moment Tara broke the kiss to reach down and slide her fingers into the waist of Willow’s jeans. Willow felt pangs of ecstasy work their way up from her toes to her fingertips as Tara worked her pants and panties free and flung them into the corner. They lay side by side, touching, caressing, giving and receiving long wet kisses.

Tara looked at the redhead, her eyes were closed, her lips curling slightly upward in a small smile, her red hair framing her face, she could see small reddish freckles on her nose. She wondered how it was possible to love someone else so much, she wondered if this is what Willow felt for her. Her eyes travelled down Willow’s body, resting on her perfectly pert breasts, her beautifully soft white flesh, her copper curls, and her long slim legs. She sighed, and leant forward and pressed her lips against Willows. As they kissed her fingers trailed down Willow’s cheek, neck and settled on her breast, tweaking and massaging the small hard nubs of flesh.

‘Uhhhmmmmm’ Willow groaned into Tara’s mouth.

Tara’s fingers kept wandering until they found the soft copper curls, she hesitated, savouring the moment, her eyes found Willows while her fingers explored further. She shivered as her fingers felt Willow’s wetness, Willow moaned, arching her back and gripped Tara’s shoulders, she buried her face in Willow’s neck as her fingers travelled up and down the soft flesh, and then circled the small bundle of nerves that bought so much pleasure.

‘God Willow you’re so wet’ moaned Tara as she continued to circle and rub. Tara felt Willow’s body shake, ‘Oh Tara, it’s – it’s too much’ gasped Willow.

‘Do you want me to stop?’ whispered Tara into Willows ear as she kept increasing the pace, her finger sliding up and down Willow’s centre, each rub inflaming her more.

‘Um….what….no – no don’t stop’ mumbled Willow. Her hips started to move in rhythm with Tara’s finger strokes, her back arched and she wrapped Tara in a tight embrace.

‘I – I think…’ moaned the redhead.

‘It’s okay sweetie, relax, I w-want you to come for m-me’ moaned Tara, her fingers never losing rhythm, her eyes on Willows’.

Willow looked into Tara’s eyes, they seemed darker than usual, but they still filled her heart with joy. She pulled Tara’s head down for a kiss, and as their lips met Willow cried out ‘Oh baby – I Taraaa yessss’. Willow felt the tingling in her toes spread to her thighs and her centre as their passion climaxed in her centre, sending her body into a spasm, her hips bucking, as waves of ecstasy echoed through her.

Tara smiled, as she looked at Willow, prostrate, red faced, sweat glistening on her forehead, eyes closed, mouth slightly open, her breathing ragged, her chest heaving up and down.

After a few minutes Willow could speak, ‘Umm Tara?’

‘Yes sweetie?’

‘I so want to do that again’ said Willow as she opened her eyes and smiled at her girlfriend. They lay quietly for a few minutes kissing and savouring each other’s touch.

Willow leaned up on her elbow, ‘Baby - I want to ask you a question’

‘Sure honey, what is it?’

‘Why do you still have your underpants on?’ asked Willow raising her eyebrows.

Tara laughed ‘because you haven’t removed them yet’

Willow gave her a wicked smile ‘we’ll have to remedy that situation’, and grasped Tara and rolled over, so that she was laying on top of her. She leaned down and kissed Tara, her lips kissing a trail down her jaw line and chest. Her lips quickly found Tara’s soft breasts, ‘God Tara your skin is so soft’ murmured Willow as she licked and kissed the flesh. As she found Tara’s nipple and sucked it into her mouth she felt it harden and Tara arch her back, and push herself into Willow moaning. Tara’s moans excited Willow, causing her to gently bit down on Tara’s flesh, generating another sound from Tara. As her lips feasted on Tara’s flesh, her hand wondered to her other breast and kneaded the soft mound. Willow gasped as she felt Tara’s nails bite into her back, the sensation bought another pang of desire to her centre. She desperately wanted to taste more of Tara, her lips travelled down the length of Tara’s torso, until she found herself at Tara’s centre.

As she kissed Tara she felt Tara’s hands in her hair, and heard her breath quicken as she kissed her again through the moist fabric between her legs. She hooked her fingers through the fabric and slowly pulled the garment down and gently slipped them from Tara’s legs.

She returned to Tara’s blonde curls, gently blowing and kissing her soft thighs, teasing all around, until Tara moaned and pushed her hips towards Willows lips, making her desire clear. Willow breathed in her scent, mild, salty, yet as she gently ran her tongue along the moist flesh, she thought she tasted sweet.

‘Ohhhhh’ moaned Tara as Willow continued to taste her, running her tongue up and down, over her clit, swirling, and searching for her entrance. Tara gently ran Willow’s hair through her hands as she licked and kissed her, she could barely speak, and could only manage a few guttural sounds to indicate her pleasure.

‘Uh….oh…uh…mmmmm’ she groaned. Willow kept pace with her tongue swirling around her clit, but her fingers searched out Tara’s entrance. She probed, feeling the moist centre, feeling Tara’s heat.

‘Oh Willow – yes – I need you’ whispered Tara, as she opened her legs wider for Willow.

Willow thought she might come right there and then, this beautiful woman, whom she loved more than anything or anyone else was laying underneath her opening her legs for Willow’s pleasure, whispering her name.

As her tongue alternated between swirling around and flicking Tara’s clit, she slowly began to slide two fingers into her girlfriend. Tara was hot, and wet and Willow’s fingers slid in easily. She started to slide her fingers in and out of Tara, easily maintaining concentration on kissing and licking her clit. It wasn’t long before Tara was pushing her hips into Willows face, matching pace with Willows fingers sliding in and out of her centre. Willow could feel the heat from their bodies searing their skin, sweat running down her face and the moisture from Tara running down her legs.

‘Will…..’ moaned Tara, as she guided Will’s face away from her task. She motioned to Will that she wanted her face to face.

‘I want to see you and I want to touch you’ she whispered as she stared into her bright green eyes.

She held Willow’s hand and guided back down to between her legs. Willow shivered as she felt her fingers slide in and out of Tara. ‘Oh – Oh – Ta….’
Willow was trying hard to concentrate on Tara but found that the sensation between her legs was building.

Sweat gathered on their brows, glistened on their skin, they were face to face, eye to eye, lip to lip. Tara tasted herself on Willow’s lips.

Tara’s hand slid in between Willow’s legs and searched for her centre, when she found it she gently rubbed and circled it with her fingers. As she rubbed the soft spot and felt it firm, she felt herself tighten around Willow’s fingers. The tingling in her body told her that her release wasn’t far away.

Willow felt Tara tighten around her fingers, and thought that she might come from that very sensation, she felt slightly dizzy but continued to drive her fingers in and out of her girlfriend who had started moaning, groaning, giving her body over to Willow, thrusting her hips into Willow’s hand.

‘Goddess Will – I think I’m going to….’

‘I know’

‘Oh, ohhhh’

Tara grabbed Willow’s face, and kissed her, thrusting her tongue deep into her mouth, she pushed herself hard up against Willows fingers, whilst pushing her fingers into Willow.

‘Aaarrrgghhh Tara’ cried Willow as her orgasm flowed through her. A second later Tara cried out as she felt her climax tear through her body. They both felt the climax of each other’s passion, felt their bodies spasm, their eyes locked together, both breathing heaving, shivering. Willow still on top of Tara, started to move, but Tara held her tight in her arms, drawing her closer. Willow relaxed, their bodies melded into one. They lay quietly for a few minutes; regaining their breath, allowing their heads to clear, and the adrenalin dissipate from their bodies.

Tara reached down and pulled up the sheet from the bottom of the bed to cover them – their lips met in a gentle kiss, and they fell asleep staring into each other’s eyes.

‘Tara, Tara’

She opened her eyes and found Buffy staring at her. ‘Hey Tara, are you ok?’ whispered Buffy, ‘You’ve been down here for ages – we were going to send out a search party’

Tara bought a hand up and wiped away the tears that had been resting on her cheeks. ‘H-Hey Buffy’, she forced that memory to the back of her mind once again.

Buffy dragged a chair over to the bed and sat next to Tara. They were both silent as they contemplated the vision in front of them. Tara’s eyes never left Willow as she whispered ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have left’.

Buffy sighed ‘Maybe – but – I’m not sure it would have made a difference. Maybe I should have been a better friend to both of you – I should have seen this coming’

Tara gave Buffy a small smile ‘You kinda had some stuff to go through – it’s not your fault you didn’t notice’.

‘That’s the thing Tara, you noticed, Xander noticed and even Giles noticed, but… I…. I’m her best friend and I just was too busy. I let her down.’

Tara took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. Looking at Buffy she said ‘Well – I think we should stop b-blaming ourselves and find a way to get Willow b-back’.

Buffy smiled, always surprised by Tara’s resilience. ‘So – Anya’s pretty sure it’s not addiction – she thinks it’s some kind of power trip’

Tara frowned ‘Yeah – that’s w-what she said to me, and I get what she m-meant, but I’m still not sure how that means we c-can help her’. Tara’s mind wondered again, was this their fault. Did they demand too much from Willow? Was there too much pressure? Did they rely too much on her use of magic? Should she have tried more before she left?

Buffy stood up, brushing off her jeans ‘Well I’m going to go back up and check in with Giles – maybe he’s got an idea how we can do this. Are you coming up? I can send Xander down to watch her for a while.’

Tara settled in her chair, keeping a hold of Willow’s hand, ‘I think I’ll stay down here for the n-night – thanks anyway’ she replied without looking at the slayer. Buffy sighed and started up the stairs ‘Ok – well I’m still going to send Xander down later with something for you to eat.’ She wasn’t surprised when Tara didn’t respond.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... I really really hope that the Scoobies very soon realize that Amy and Jen are the "bad guys" and need to be dealt with... I hope Tara's loving care is bringing the slightly nerdy Willow back...

[Sandman78]

Now that was ...HOT!! Too bad it was only a flashback, and Tara still has to face the reality of Willow's dark magic use, no thanks to Amy's help pushing her in that direction. If it wasn't for her Willow wouldn't have met the likes of Rack. I really never liked Amy, and I still don't. I never expected Dark Willow to surface though, you got me there.
please update soon.

[Poniac]

Thanks I've got a draft of the next update but I'm working on another short fic too. Just waiting for a bit of inspiration to hit. I should have the update in the next few days.

[Poniac]

Disclaimers: Willow and Tara and other characters borrowed from the television show “Buffy: The Vampire Slayer” are the property of their creator, Joss Whedon, and his affiliates, Mutant Enemy, Fox, and UPN. I’m just playing with their creations.

Spoilers: Starting just after Tara left Willow. I’ve often wondered what Tara went through during that time – and I’ve kind of filled in some gaps. Of course there will be plenty of angst, pain, girl loving and of course a happy ending.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: What Tara went through – all the stuff that wasn’t really covered while they were apart. I've played with the timings and the way some things are revealed.

Love feedback - so the more the better - and thanks to all the kittens for being so friendly and supportive so far.

A short update....

Part 11 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘I don’t understand’ muttered Jen ‘How is this getting me closer to Tara?’ she asked the woman sitting next to her.

Amy sighed again, ‘Amateurs’ she muttered ‘look – how many times do I have to explain this to you? Blondie left Willow because she was using too much magic’ Amy snorted to herself ‘which is just ridiculous’, she paused looking at Jen, ‘and that’s where you come in, a nice, new, innocent witch, kind and you’re there to talk to when Willow falls of the wagon. Of course the love spell will help – but she won’t know about that part.’

Jen looked down at her hands ‘I get that bit Amy, but I’m not sure why you told Willow that she was something going on between us, surely they’re going to talk?’

Amy smiled ‘That’s the beauty of it – Willow is so juiced up it doesn’t matter what Tara says, she won’t believe her.’

***************

‘Buffy I don’t think you understand how serious this is’ snapped Giles as he followed Buffy towards the kitchen of the Summer’s house.

‘Don’t tell me I don’t understand Giles, after all who the hell called you back here?’ said Buffy her voice rising. She turned towards the kitchen counter, her back to Giles ‘My best friend is messed up in dark magicks, and may not recover, and my other friend is sitting downstairs in my basement, with a broken heart, terrified of what might happen, and I can’t do anything to help either of them. You don’t need to remind me that this is serious.’

‘Buffy’ Giles responded gently ‘I don’t mean that you don’t care – it’s just that I’m terribly worried….I don’t know how we can get Willow out of this safely.’

‘Well Giles – I don’t care how you do it –find a way’ snapped Buffy as she walked out the back door slamming it behind her. Giles heard Buffy stomping down the stairs as she yelled out ‘I’m going to patrol’.

‘Hey G-man, we’re off’ said Xander as he poked his head around the corner into the kitchen. ‘What?’ muttered Giles turning to look at Xander, with preoccupied eyes.

‘We’re outa here, Dawn is going to spend the night at Casa de Harris, just you know in case Willow goes all wiggy. Buffy wants her safe.’

Giles looked at Xander ‘Right – umm that’s umm good – yes good idea.’

‘Don’t worry – Buff will be back soon and I’m a phone call away’ called out Xander as he herded Anya and Dawn out the front door.

**********
Tara awoke with a start; something had jolted her from her restless sleep. She sat up and looked around, the basement was empty, except for Willow, she sighed as she heard Buffy stomp down the stairs realising that the slayer was on her way to patrol.

As she stood from the chair she released Willow’s hand and returned it to her side. She looked around and found a plate of sandwiches and a glass of juice on the table next to her. She smiled, Xander or Buffy had been down to see her but she had slept through it. ‘I must be tired’ she grimaced to herself.

‘Why are you here?’ asked a small voice from the cot. Tara jumped at the sound, turning towards the voice. She hesitantly made her way to the cot, only to see a very tired and pale Willow looking back at her.

She sat down next to Willow and took a deep breath before she responded. ‘Willow I still …c-care for you – I just w-wanted to make sure you were ok’

Willow’s eyes were hard, as she turned to face Tara ‘Well now that you’ve done your duty you can go’. Willow’s words stung Tara, but she refused to show her feelings ‘W-Will…’ she stammered as she moved towards Willow.

‘You lied to me’ cried Willow, ‘Liar’ her voice raised as she thrashed in her bed, she turned to Tara, her eyes black her face contorted with rage ‘Liar’. She continued to fight against the binding, but soon exhausted herself and fell back into a restless slumber.

The tears that had threatened to fall now fell freely, coursing down Tara’s cheeks.

‘Tara, are you OK?’ asked Giles as he descended the basement stairs. Tara quickly wiped away the tears with her sleeve and turned to face Giles. She was warmed by the concerned look on his face, as he came towards her.

'I'm fine - why?'

‘I thought I heard voices?’ said Giles looking around the basement for anything out of the ordinary.

‘W-Willow woke up for a minute’ responded Tara her eyes on the witch.

‘Oh – that’s... are you sure you are ok?’

Tara sighed and looked to Giles, ‘I’m fine, she was only conscious long enough to call me a liar and she crashed again’.

Giles lifted his eyebrows ‘Liar – I can’t imagine that you’d…..’ his voice quietly trailed off.

Tara put her hand out to touch his shoulder ‘Thanks Mr Giles’ she whispered ‘I don’t know what she meant – I’ve n-never lied to her. Well I d-did omit the demon thing, but that was a long time ago now…’

‘Indeed’ muttered Giles ‘That can’t be what she’s referring to’

‘Should she be able to c-come in and out of consciousness, even with the b-binding?’ asked Tara nervously

‘Well no she shouldn’t – but we all know that she’s incredibly powerful, even without the boost she got from Rack’

‘Is she still d-dangerous?’

‘I’m afraid so – until the last of the dark magicks is out of her system’

Tara turned away from Giles and walked towards the stairs ‘that’s n-not p-possible is it Mr Giles?’ she asked, her back to the watcher.

Giles sighed and turned towards the unconscious witch ‘Not that I know of – but the coven is working on it for me…for all of us’

‘Would you excuse m-me for a little w-while Mr Giles – I just need to clear my head’ Tara hung her head and proceeded to walk up the stairs. She stopped at the top of the stairs, without turning back said ‘Can you please make sure she’s safe until I get back.’

Giles turned to look at the figure laid out on the cot before him; Willow looked so small, so fragile, so vulnerable… and yet so dangerous. He sat down next to the cot, he reached down and picked up Willow’s hand, he held it tight as his mind wandered to simpler times.

***********
Buffy sensed the person following her before she saw or heard them. She turned suddenly arm raised, stake poised to strike, but her arm fell to her side when she realised her supposed assailant was Tara.

‘Oh Buffy – I’m I glad I caught up to you’ puffed Tara as she neared the slayer.

Buffy glanced down at Tara’s plastered hand ‘How’s the arm after tonight?’

Tara smiled looking at the plaster ‘You know – I barely noticed’

‘Is Willow ok?’ asked Buffy

‘She’s…fine…well she c-came out of it for a m-minute – long enough to call m-me a liar’ said Tara pausing to catch her breath.

Buffy looked at the witch ‘She called you a liar’ Buffy paused ‘do you know what she meant?’

‘N-no idea – I-I haven’t lied to Willow’ stammered Tara ‘I was hoping that you m-might know why she w-would say that’

The witch and the slayer paused to look around them; the slayer led Tara to a bench nearby. The sat close together, gaining some comfort from the closeness, but they remained in silent contemplation.

The slayer looked at Tara, her face was tight with worry, and clearly she was very tired and upset. Buffy sighed ‘I really wish I could tell you something Tara, but she’s never said anything like that to me. She um well was angry and hurt that you left – but I think she blamed herself – not you’.

Thoughts ran through Tara’s head like a kaleidoscope, it had been a very long day and she’d only managed to catch a few minutes sleep once Willow had been bought back to the house. But she knew sleep wouldn’t come until she knew what they were facing, what they needed to do to help Willow. Her mind wondered back to Rack. ‘How could she go to him’ she thought to herself ‘what must she have been feeling to go there’ the pain she had been avoiding started to weave its way into her heart again. She took a breath and pushed the thoughts away – that wouldn’t help now, she’d deal with her pain later – when Willow was safe.

Her mind wondered back to Rack’s she wondered how Willow had found the cloaked space, it took both Anya and Tara to find it – and they knew roughly where they were looking. She couldn’t have accidentally stumbled across it in her travels…..

Tara’s head snapped up, her eyes hard and cold, one word came to mind ‘Amy’ she growled. She remembered that Amy and Jen were at Rack’s when they arrived; they were watching while Rack drew on Willow’s pain and dosed her with magicks.

Buffy jumped when she heard Tara cry out Amy’s name, the witch moved at alarming speed, as she dashed off into the darkness. ‘Tara’ Buffy called out, as the blonde witch vanished from view. ‘Oh I don’t think so’ snapped Buffy as she started after her.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... I hope Tara learns Amy's and Jen's plan and kicks their sorry ass's...

[DaddyCatALSO]

MMYYess, this version already seems to have gone far beyond being "well, pretty much evil now." Would *not* want to be her in the next scene.

[Poniac]

A SHORT UPDATE

Rating mmm PG13 for now

PART 12 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tara's blood coursed through her veins as she hurried out of the cemetery. Buffy's voice was ringing in her ears but she refused to acknowledge it, she was angry, perhaps angrier than she had ever been. She now had someone to blame, someone to give her some answers.

Buffy finally caught up with the blonde and stepped up beside her.

'Tara'

She was met with silence.

'Are all witches so god damn stubborn or is it just you two?' asked Buffy

She was relieved when Tara slowed just a little.

'Do you even know where Amy lives?'

'I can do a locator spell' said Tara, her eyes not meeting Buffy's.

'Shouldn't we think about this first - how do we know Amy is to blame?í

'Buffy are you going to slow me down or help me out?' asked Tara as she turned to face Buffy.

Buffy sighed she wasn't going to let the witch go off on her own. God knows what could happen. 'I'll tell you where she lives but only if I come with you'

Tara hesitated 'Ok'

'Right, slow down Flo-Jo, we need to do a u-turn'

**********
Giles sat up in his chair as he felt Willow stir. He watched as she opened her eyes and looked around. He let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding when he saw that her eyes were their normal emerald colour.

She blinked a few times before she glanced around the room.

'Giles?' Willow asked closing her eyes

'Yes Willow?' the watcher asked leaning towards Willow

'Did she go?'

'Yes - but she'll be back shortly' replied the watcher know exactly who Willow was referring to.

'I told her to go cried Willow but I don't want her...'

'Willow dear child, she'll be back'

'Giles ...I, did something really stupid!!'

'Well - umm perhaps you weren't using your best judgement at that time' responded Giles trying to ease the situation, careful not to agitate her.

Now I've got this darkness inside of me, and I've lost Tara and Buffy hates me, and I let you down.... Willow started to sob 'I've lost everything'. As she sobbed Giles noticed her fists clench and body become rigid, he stood up from the chair as he called out to Willow.

'Willow - fight it, you can beat it, don't let it control you' he urged.

'G-Giles I ...I can't, it's too strong' whimpered Willow as her body began to shake.

'Willow - you are stronger, concentrate, don't give in'

He looked at Willow, her body convulsing, her muscles straining, sweat beading on her forehead. She's fighting with everything she has Giles thought to himself - but will it be enough?

As Willow started to moan Giles noticed blood drip from her nose, down her cheek. Fight Willow he urged. As he stepped forward to wipe the blood from Willows face she shuddered and then went limp.

**********
Buffy led Tara up a flight of stairs in a small block of apartments. She turned to Tara 'Right, how do you want to do this?'

Tara stepped forward and knocked heavily on the door.

Buffy smirked to herself 'So I guess this is how weíre playing it'

The door creaked open. Buffy pushed Tara to the side and stepped into the darkened room. 'I donít like this' she muttered 'Stay behind me' she called to Tara as she ventured down the hall.

**********
'I see' muttered Giles as he stood in the hallway of Ravello Drive, the phone to his ear, his eyes cast down.

Are you quite sure?'

He stood still for a few moments, listening intently, the lines across his forehead giving away his concern. He raised his hand to his face and pinched between his eyes, hoping to relieve the tension in his head.

'I understand ... yes ... I had feared the worst'

'It's not necessary I believe I have a copy here in my personal library'

'I assure you every care will be taken'

'Yes and I appreciate your discretion in this matter'

I'll let you know'

'Thank you'

Giles sighed and placed the phone down on the hall table. He stared at the floor for a few moments and then reached for the phone, and quickly dialled a number.

**********
Buffy stood staring down at a crumpled mass on the floor of the Madison flat.

What is it?' asked Tara looking around nervously.

'I'm not sure stay back' said Buffy as she stepped forward towards the mass. Her slayer's night vision gave her an advantage, as she knelt down she noticed blonde hair spray out from under a dark hooded jacket. She reached forward and pulled the hood back revealing a badly beaten woman.

'Amy' sighed Buffy as she looked into the witches vacant eyes.

'Is she ...? hesitated Tara, afraid to say the word.

'Dead? ... Yes' said the slayer as she stood up looking around the room. The room was in a state, furniture upturned, papers strewn across the floor, a vase lay smashed on the floor, smudges of blood on the walls further evidence of a violent end for Amy. Buffy stepped backwards 'I think we should go - this must have been noisy, we don't want to attract attention'. She grasped Tara by the arm and steered her back down the hall towards the entrance way.

'B-Buffy maybe w-we should look around, t-try to find a way to h-help Willow' said Tara as Buffy pulled her down the stairs and away from the apartment. 'Tara - whatever, whoever did that could be just around the corner. Let's just get out of here and worry about Willow later'. Tara hesitated, but then quickly followed the slayer away from the apartment.

**********
'Now?'

'Right, yep, yep'

'No problem G-man'

'Ok - I'm on it'

Xander slammed down the phone and called out to Anya as he reached for his coat. 'An - I gotta run an errand for Giles - back in a little while'. Not hearing any response Xander ducked his head around the corner. Anya was sitting close to Dawn, as they both concentrated on the Monopoly board on the table. He smiled as he heard snippets of their conversation.

'So I can treble my income if I purchase lower quality properties and put more hotels on them?' asked Dawn staring down at the board. Anya smiled at the teenager 'Yes - don't go for those big Park Avenue properties you'll over capitalise, you would do better to buy more properties of lesser value'

Dawn laughed as she looked up to the ex-demon 'Buffy is so dead next time we play'

Xander called out again 'An - gotta run an errand for Giles, back in a little while'. Anya waved an arm as she rolled the dice, 'Be careful, don't get bitten, don't think about other women, and make sure you record the mileage so we can bill the Magic shop' called out the ex-demon as she eyed the dice rolling across the board. Xander Harris laughed to himself as he slammed the front door and raced down the stairs into the night.

**********
Buffy and Tara slowed their pace as they reached a safe distance from the apartment. She looked at the witch walking beside her. Buffy's heart broke as she looked at her friend, her eyes were dull, red rimmed and were surrounded by dark circles, evidence of not enough sleep over the last few days. Her hair fell loosely around her face, barely hiding her increasingly sallow complexion. Although she'd ditched the sling, her wrist was still in a cast, and must have still been painful as the witch cradled it in her arm as she walked. Buffy slowed down and took her friendís arm and steered her to the nearest bench and motioned for her to sit down.

Tara looked up at Buffy, and raised her eyebrows 'W-whatís wrong?' She looked around, expecting danger, but just finding the contemplative eyes of the slayer. 'Tara I'm worried about you' said the slayer eyeing her friend.

'B-Buffy I'm f-fine' stammered Tara as she avoided the slayers piercing gaze. Sheíd never lied to her friends before, and even now she couldnít meet the slayers eyes.

Buffy sighed and moved towards the blonde 'You are sooo not fine' said the slayer reaching out to place her arm around her shoulders. 'So not fine that we have to find a new word to define not fine' said Buffy as she pulled Tara towards her and held her close. Tara managed a tiny smile as she leaned into the slayer. She craved the comfort, the warmth and the relief of sharing her fears with another person. She'd managed through so much of this alone, that she couldn't resist the warm arm around her drawing her in closer. As she leaned in and felt Buffy's arms circle her she felt her pain rise to the surface, and for the first time in a long time she didnít push it down.

Buffy held her friend tight as she released her pain and grief. Her heart broke all over again as she felt Tara's body shake as she sobbed, felt her hot tears as they flowed freely. She held her tight knowing that these may be the first of many tears shed over the next couple of days.

Tara gripped the slayer and let herself feel again. She wept for Willow, she wept for Amy, and finally she wept for herself.

**********
Xander watched the watcher as he studied the book. Giles eyes were tired, his face drawn as he concentrated on the text in his hands. 'So G-man is it doable?' asked Xander, the fear in his eyes betraying his casual words.

Giles eyes remained on the text as he held his hand up to Xander, motioning him to wait. His eyes continued to scan the text, his lips moving as he absorbed the words in front of him. He stopped and closed the book; looking up at Xander he gave the briefest of smiles 'I think we have the answer'. He turned and placed the book on a table, reaching for the handkerchief in his pocket; he reached up and removed his glasses.

Xander stood still watching as Giles cleaned his glasses in quiet contemplation, not daring to interrupt his train of thought. Before he could say anything his thoughts were interrupted by a shrill scream from the basement. Both men raced towards the basement, launching down the steps two at a time they arrived to find Willow struggling violently against her binding.

**********
Tara had run out of tears some time ago, but sheíd stayed wrapped in the slayers arms, enjoying the warm the comfort and the support. Eventually she sighed and gently pulled herself away from the slayer; she leaned back against the bench and looked up at the sky.

'Thank you' she whispered as she turned to met the slayers eyes. Buffy smiled and held onto her hand, 'You are welcome'. They both sat back in silence for a few minutes, neither willing to break the silence, both enjoying the brief peace their contact bought them.

After a few moments Tara sat up and turned to the slayer, What now?' she asked. 'Clearly Rack did that to Amy - who else would have wanted her dead?' Buffy sighed 'I had hoped that weíd got rid of him'. She stood up and looked around 'Why doesnít any one die and stay dead around this place?' muttered the slayer as she kicked a stone across the road. Buffy's eyeís returned to Tara. 'Tara, I'm worried about you ... you've had a very tough time lately.

Tara's smile was grim as she silently agreed with Buffy. She didn't have the heart, or energy to argue when she knew Buffy was right. 'Tara - I'm going to suggest something and I want you to listen very carefully and please don't say anything until you've given this some thought'. The blonde witch eyed Buffy as she talked, her eyebrows rose as she listened, but she remained silent.

Buffy took a deep breath and continued. 'I think you need a break away from all of this'. She hesitated, gauging Tara's response, when the witch remained silent she continued. 'I know you want to help Willow, but I don't know how much longer you can handle this. It's too much, too hard, too dangerous, for you and Willow'.

Tara took a deep breath and stared at the ground. Part of her was relieved by the thought of not dealing with Willow; she knew in her heart she was rapidly approaching her physical and emotional limits. Part of her was terrified of leaving Willow behind whilst she was in so much pain and danger.

Buffy hesitated, watching Tara's face as she thought though her emotions. 'Tara' she whispered 'to lose one of you would be devastating' She took a deep breath as she wiped a tear from her cheek 'But I know if I lose one of you I lose both of you - and I just can't face that'.

**********
Xander's feet were rooted to the ground as he stared at his friend. Willow was barely recognisable, her hair dark, her pale face covered by dark veins, her face contorted by rage as she screamed. Xander paled watching his best friend in pain as she thrashed against the magic holding her in place.

He turned to Giles 'What do we do?'. Giles looked at the witch with soft eyes 'We have a spell, we can help her but I need a few things from the magic shop'. Xander eyed Willow nervously 'How long will that binding thingy last?

I'm not sure - we need to find Amy, she can help with the spell'.

'Buffy can do that - I can get Anya and get your supplies from the magic shop' Xander nervously leant from foot to foot, eager to do something to help his friend, to put his efforts into action.

'I think you should leave Anya with Dawn for the moment, just in case...' said the watcher his eyes not meeting Xanderís.

Xander's eyes widened as he stared at the Watcher 'Giles - is this spell going to hurt Willow?' Giles hesitated for a moment too long. Xander leant forward and stood face to face with the watcher 'Tell me' he demanded.

Giles looked at his feet for a second before he met Xander's eyes, 'Xander, you know that these things are - not always predictable. I don't think this spell will hurt Willow, but there is a chance she may not come out of it unscathed'.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... I'm wondering is Amy really dead or is that some kind ploy on her part to have revenge on the Scoobies... The spell is making me really worried... I hope Tara is able to stay strong and be there to help Willow every step of the way, if she is not there I'm worried that Willow would take that wrongly and accuse Tara for abandoning her...

[love_2003]

I love this story so far. I feel bad for saying this but I hope that Amy really is dead and if she is I'm kinda wondering if Jen did it. I hope Tara stays by Willow's side no matter what the outcome of the spell. I hope what Amy and Jen are trying to do is brought out into the open.
Keep updating.

[Poniac]

Love 2003 - thanks for your comments - I hope you keep reading!
Zampasa1975 - it's a bit of a long journey for these two but as you know we kittens like a happy ending - no matter how angsty things get! thanks for reading.

Rating mmm probably NC17

PART 13 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy sat down next to Tara, both were silent as they leaned back and stared at the stars. Tara was the first to break the silence, ‘Buffy – I understand that you are w-worried, you might be right – I need a break, I’m tired, I need to gather m-my thoughts.’ Tara paused ‘But I can’t go now, when Willow is controlled by the magicks, I c-can’t leave her like that. When she’s better, I’ll take a break, I’ll take a b-break to rest and think about things.’ Buffy smiled at the blonde witch ‘I suppose that’s the best I could hope for – it was a long shot. Let’s get back to Giles before we become a late night snack.’

The women walked back to the Summers’ house in silence, their worried thoughts focussed on their friend and lover. As they mounted the stairs to the house, they could hear shouting. Opening the door they recognised the raised voices. ‘What the hell does that mean?’ shouted Xander as he faced Giles, unaware of the their presence.

‘What’s going on?’ asked Buffy as she approached a very clearly upset Xander. He turned to Buffy, and waved his arms at Giles angrily, ‘Giles is going to do some magical mojo on Willow, without knowing what it will do to her!’

Buffy and Tara turned to Giles ‘W-what spell?’ asked Tara her blue eyes steady on Giles.

‘A spell to drain her magical energy.’

‘The d-dark magicks r-right?’

‘Well yes – but….’

‘But – there’s a but?’ asked Buffy’s eyes moving between Giles and Tara.

Tara’s eyes were sad when she answered Buffy ‘It’s tricky, Willow’s own magicks is n-now entwined with the dark magicks, s-separating them is um …difficult.’

‘Difficult? Give Will a splitting headache difficult, or blow Willow’s head off her shoulders difficult?’

Giles stepped forward and picked up the text from the side table, ‘according to my sources, if done properly, Willow will suffer little more than a mild headache, and some tiredness…but if it doesn’t go to plan, there could be…difficulties.’

‘W-what sort of d-difficulties Mr Giles?’

Giles looked at the three stricken youngsters. His heart ached for them, how did things get this far, so quickly he asked himself, not for the first time that day. He removed his glasses and started cleaning them, ‘Well…anything from severe headache, to umm well the very worst possibility, which I stress is very, very unlikely.’

‘I-it c-could k-kill her?’ stammered Tara, as tears welled in her eyes.

‘Tara – I wouldn’t suggest it – if I thought there was the remotest chance that it would seriously hurt Willow.’ The four of them stood silent in the Summer’s lounge room, until their thoughts were broken by the sound of wailing from the basement. Tara sighed and turned to the watcher ‘Mr Giles, have you asked W-willow if she is ok with this?’

‘No.’

‘I’m g-going to ask her…’

‘Do you think that’s the best idea?’

Tara paused at the top of the stairs to the basement, with out turning around she responded, her voice wavering, ‘It’s her risk to t-take not ours.’

Willow shook as one searing flame of pain after another travelled the length of her body. Her eyes were tightly squeezed shut, her breath was ragged, her eyes were underlined by dark circles, and sweat ran down from her brow, past her temples, and down her neck. Her face was deathly pale, and yet lined with ugly dark veins, which pulsed with each flame of pain through her body.

She sensed Tara’s presence before she heard her moving around the basement. ‘You came back,’ she whispered – keeping her eyes closed, not daring to look into the blonde’s eyes.

‘I-I …’ Tara paused, unsure of what to say.

‘You shouldn’t be here – shouldn’t see me like this.’

Willow tensed as another flame of pain seared through her body. Tara looked at her with heaviness in her heart, ‘Giles has a spell…that c-could…help you, c-could take away the dark magicks.’

‘Since there’s no woo and no hoo there’s a catch riiigghhhhttttttt…,’ Willow finished with a cry as she struggled to contain the darkness. Tara’s instinct pushed her towards Willow as the dark witch struggled against the pain, fear and cravings she grasped Willow’s hand and bought it up to her cheek, entwined her fingers, and pressed her lips against the cool pale flesh.

‘There are r-risks.’

Willow opened her eyes and for the first time turned to look at Tara. The blonde looked, tired, dishevelled, and heartbroken. Willow, filled with self loathing, disgusted that she caused her lover such pain turned and stared at the wall.

‘I don’t care – if I live or die anymore,’ she growled, trembling, trying to keep the darkness away – she would not show Tara her darkness again. Tara fought back tears as she held Willow’s hand ‘We c-care Willow, all of us, w-we care.’

‘I can’t keep fighting I’m so tired Tara, tell Giles to do the spell.’ Tara’s tears finally spilled and dripped down her face, she pulled Willow’s hand to rest against her forehead, ‘Are y-you s-sure W-Willow?’

‘Whatever happens to me - you can move on with your life.’ Willow kept her eyes on the wall as she spoke, she didn’t want Tara to see the tears in her eyes, and she couldn’t bear to see the pity, or relief in Tara’s.

‘Will, I-I …’ Tara was interrupted.

‘I don’t have the energy to argue Tara, please get Giles to do the spell.’

Tara openly wept, tears coursing down her face as she gripped Willow’s hand. The redhead kept her eyes closed, and her face turned to the wall so the blonde couldn’t see her tears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Good heavens - are you sure?’ asked Giles.

Buffy leaned back in the chair, her eyes on the watcher, ‘Yep – dead, cold, and all messed up – someone wanted to make sure she was out of the picture.’

‘So this screws things up?’ Xander paced nervously around the lounge room, his worried eyes alternating between the watcher and slayer.

'I mean - the spell - we need her don't we?'

‘Not necessarily – we need to know what the spell was that Amy used, then we can work out the rest, perhaps Tara will remember the spell.’

Buffy screwed up her nose as she tried to recall the spell, ‘something about power, bound, karmic knots, and beasty weather…’ her voice dwindled as she tried to recall the details.

‘For the greater good of all and with harm to n-none, this power is bound until, time to be undone, by k-karmic power, this power is tied and knotted be, so that it can't harm human, beast or w-weather. So it be done.’

All eyes turned to Tara. She stood at the top of the stairs to the basement, her eyes red rimmed, her cheeks tear stained. ‘Well, um Tara, that’s very impressive,’ muttered Giles as his eyes returned to the text on his lap, not wanting to see Tara’s pain.

‘M-Mr Giles – Willow w-wants you to do the spell.’ Tara paused as she watched the faces of her friends fall, and their eyes return to the watcher. ‘She’s aware of the r-r-risks.’

Giles stood, the text still clenched in his hand, ‘Right.’ He paused as he thought about the spell they were about to do. It was risky, something he would not normally approve of, but it was Willow, his Willow. And it was his fault, ‘Dear God’, he thought, ‘this is my fault, I shouldn’t have left, they needed me, and look at how things ended up.’ He gathered himself and looked at the scoobies, all watching him expectantly. He took a deep breath.

‘Xander get the ingredients, Buffy please clear the basement, of everything except Willow and soft bedding, Tara please set up a protection spell around the basement, and cast a spell that will cloak us from any visitors to the house. I don’t know how long this will take and it’s extremely important that we are not interrupted.’

The scoobies leapt straight into their tasks, Giles’ directions gave them something to do, something to focus on, something to hope for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giles, Xander, Buffy and Tara gathered in the basement. It had been cleared of all furniture except for a mattress placed in the centre of the room. An unconscious Willow lay upon the mattress, still bound by the powerful magicks.

They stood around Willow and held hands. Giles with his eyes on Willow slowly spoke;

‘For the greater good of all and with harm to n-none, this power has been bound.’

‘For the greater good of all and with harm to none, this power shall be undone.’

‘By karmic power, unknot this power that be tied, and bring forward all the dark so that harm may come to none.’

Giles nodded to Tara who moved forward and knelt down at Willow’s side. She dipped her finger into small bowl, and gently anointed Willow’s forehead, chest and lips with the dark thick liquid. She stood up and rejoined the circle.

‘By karmic power, release this magicks, bring forward all the dark so that harm may come to none.’

‘Release this power from this human, so that it can’t harm human, beast or weather.’

Tara looked around as she felt the earth move beneath her feet, she gripped the hands to her left and right. Giles noticed Tara’s apprehension, ‘Whatever happens don’t break the circle,’ he said. She looked to her left, Buffy was staring at Willow, her eyes hard and wary, to her right Xander was looking around the basement, his eyes looking anywhere but Willow’s prostrate form.

Giles continued the spell ‘Release the power from this human, so that it can’t harm human, beast or weather. Bring forward the power. Release.’

He continued the last part of the spell, a banishing curse in Latin.

‘Jam tibi impero et præcipio maligne spiritus!’

‘ut confestim allata et circulo discedas, absque omni strepito, terrore, clamore et foetore,’

‘asque sine omni damno mei tam animæ quam corporis,’

‘absque omni læsione cujuscunque creaturæ vel rei’

‘et ad locum a justissimo tibi deputatum in momento et ictu oculi abeas’
‘et hinc proripias’

‘So it be done.’

As he finished the last sentence a light began to centre on Willow, the scoobies remained standing close, hands tightly clenched. The ground beneath them shook, the windows rattled, dust rained down from the ceiling, and the light over Willow began to glow and swirl over her body.

‘Hold on - don’t break the circle,’ shouted Giles as a wind started to circle, and roar around the scoobies. They held the circle as the light over Willow entered her body through her eyes, nose, ears and mouth. Willow’s body arched and glowed, the light coursing through her system, streaming up and down from her toes to the top of her head.

The wind increased, battering the scoobies, they held fast despite the pressure pulling them apart. Suddenly the windows in the basement gave way as a dark cloud smashed through the glass and swirled around Willow’s body. The darkness followed the light into Willow through her eyes, nose, ears and mouth, and chased the light through her system. Willow arched, screaming as the battle raged in her body.

Tara cried as she watched Willow scream, as her body fought to expel the dark magicks. The slayer’s grip on her hand was starting to ache; her wrist not yet fully healed was feeling the pressure from the slayer’s tight grip, and the pressure of the raging wind trying to pull them apart.

It seemed like hours before the rumbling beneath their feet stopped, and the wind swirling around them died down, until it was a lazy breeze at their feet. ‘Don’t break the circle yet,’ demanded Giles, watching Willow, waiting for the last part of the spell to take effect. Willow’s body was now glowing, and Willow’s body suddenly shook and rose off the floor into the air – as her body hung limp just above the scoobies heads a stream of dark cloud exited Willow’s mouth and stream out the broken basement windows. Finally when all the dark cloud had exited Willow’s body she dropped onto the floor, unconscious, her red hair fanned out underneath her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giles closed the door as he left the room, he paused at the top of the stairs to gather his thoughts and then slowly descended them one by one. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he looked up meeting two sets of expectant, worried eyes.

‘Giles?’ asked Buffy nervously.

He paused before responding, ‘I’m afraid she’s still unresponsive.’

‘B-but it’s been 3 days Mr Giles, surely…’ Tara paused, unsure she could finish the sentence, ‘there m-must be some c-change…’ she finished feebly.

‘I wish I could see some change Tara, but there’s nothing. I’m afraid that her health could be jeopardised if we don’t seek assistance. I’m not sure this is a magicks problem, all the tests I’ve done show that she’s free of dark magicks. I’m afraid it’s time we called in a physician.’

Tara was the first to respond, ‘I-I’m just going up to make s-sure she’s comfortable.’ She raced up the stairs to avoid any more conversation with Giles.

Buffy watched as Tara rushed up the stairs and slipped into Willow’s room quietly closing the door behind her. She turned to Giles, ‘What kind of doctor do you think we can get to see Willow? It’s not like we can tell them how she got into that state and why we’ve let her stay that way.’

‘Buffy – I have the name of a physician who, …well let’s just say has a reputation for being discreet and umm turns a blind eye to some of the more unusual activities in Sunnydale.’

‘You’ve used him before?’

‘No – but she was referred to me by a contact that I trust.’

Buffy’s sensitive slayer hearing picked up the sound of quiet sobbing from the upstairs bedroom. She sighed and turned to Giles ‘I suppose she does house calls?’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tara stood and wiped the tears from her eyes, and moved towards the window. She sniffed, it seemed that all she did these days was cry, she cried for Willow, for Buffy, Xander, Dawn, Anya and Giles – and she cried for herself. She couldn’t stop. Every day she sat in this room, she watched Willow fade, she watched her friends hopes fade, and felt her own slide away.

It had been three days since they had performed the spell. Three long, insufferable, unbearable days, waiting for Willow to wake up. At first they were optimistic, Willow was uninjured, Giles was assured there was little or no dark magicks in her system, he urged them to let her rest.

‘Rest,’ Tara sighed as she turned to the redhead on the bed. Looking at Willow, her heart ached. Her dark veins had vanished, her hair was once again a firey shade of red, but her skin was pale, her bright emerald eyes were closed, and surrounded by dark shadows.

Tara returned to the seat next to the bed and resumed her vigil. She picked up Willow’s hand and bought it to her face, closed her eyes and hummed, comforted and yet torn by the feeling the warmth of Willow’s hand against her moist cheek.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Are you angry?’ asked Dawn sipping a jumbo sized chocolate milkshake.

Tara took a sip of her coke, and considered her answer carefully ‘I was angry – now…I’m more worried t-than angry, but it still hurts.’

‘Buffy’s angry – she doesn’t show it but…’ Dawn didn’t finish her sentence, her eyes rested on her plate as she picked at her fries.

Tara reached out for the teenager’s hand, ‘Dawnie, j-just because Buffy is angry doesn’t mean she’s stopped loving Willow. She’s looking after her right now, m-making sure that she’s ok – she didn’t have to.’

Dawn smiled ‘She wanted you out of the house – I heard her, she told you to take me out and not come back for at least an hour or she’d make sure the doctor looked you over while she was visiting Willow.’ Tara laughed ‘She did, but I’m glad she did – we haven’t had a chance to talk for a while.’

Dawn’s eyes widened as she spotted a young man a few tables over ‘Oh Tara, it’s …’ Dawn blushed furiously as the young man waved her over to his table. Tara smiled, ‘I think someone wants to say hi, what was his name again?’

‘Daniel, Daniel umm Winters,’ she muttered as she jumped up from her chair. ‘I’ll be back soon,’ she called out as she weaved her way between the chairs. She turned back to Tara, ‘You don’t mind do you? I’ll just say hi, then we can head home.’

Tara slipped her sunglasses on and leaned back into the chair, ‘Take your time Dawn,’ she paused as she finished her sentence under her breath, ‘we’ve got at least half an hour…or Buffy will make sure I end up getting a full physical.’ Tara was enjoying sitting quietly in the sun resting, her eyes wandered around the Café, she noticed Dawn sitting at a table chatting to her friend, her eyes moved on catching a glimpse of the second hand bookshop across the road. She couldn’t help smiling as she remembered the last time she visited the shop, several weeks ago.

‘Sweetie, can we drop into the bookshop for a minute? I want to pick up a book.’ Willow smiled at her sweetly ‘Sure baby, what are you looking for?’

‘Poetry.’

‘Oh love poems perhaps?’ asked her girlfriend wiggling her eyebrows seductively. Tara playfully pushed Willow into the shop ‘Rosenberg, is your mind always in the gutter?’

‘Only around you,’ she smirked. Tara rolled her eyes ‘I’m heading upstairs to the poetry section, come find me when you’ve finished looking.’ Willow smiled as she watched her girlfriend make her way up the stairs.

‘Eyes on the books sweetie,’ Tara called out as she reached the top of the stairs. ‘So busted,’ laughed Willow as she weaved her way around the shelves looking for something to read. Willow found her way to the end of the store, as her eyes roamed the shelves her eyebrows rose, and a smile appeared, ‘Oh lesbian erotica,’ she whispered to herself as she pulled a book from the shelf.

Upstairs Tara was deep in thought reading a verse of text. She felt warm hands wrap around her waist from behind, and Willow’s lips on her ear ‘What are you reading?’ Tara shuddered as she moaned, ‘Edna Millay’s Renascence.’ Willow’s tongue worked it’s way around Tara’s ear lobe ‘mmmm America’s first women Pulitzer Prize winner for poetry,’ murmured Willow. ‘Uh huh,’ sighed Tara as she leant back into Willow’s embrace. Willow’s tongue worked its way down the blonde’s neck and along her shoulder. ‘Uh Willow,’ moaned Tara as she felt the redhead’s hands creep up from her waist towards her breasts.

‘mmm?’ she asked her lips never leaving the blonde’s neck.

‘What, are ooohhhh – um n-nothing,’ Tara groaned, her objections forgotten as Willow’s hands reached around and gently massaged her breasts. Willow’s expert fingers searched out her hard nipples and tweaked the nubs causing Tara to groan and push herself into Willow.

Willow continued to massage the blonde’s breasts, whist kissing and licking her neck, noting that Tara’s breathing was becoming more ragged, and her voice deeper. ‘Goddess Willow,’ groaned Tara as she turned around and kissed the redhead. She held Willow’s face between her hands and pressed her lips against the redheads, her tongue searching out Willow’s warmth. Willow held Tara close, leading her towards a nook in the corner of the room, she felt Tara’s tongue searching for entry, sliding across her bottom lip, she opened her lips, allowing Tara’s tongue to plunge deeply into her mouth.

Willow moaned into her lover’s mouth, pushing her up against the rows of books, she kissed down Tara’s neck, and quickly unbuttoned her top, revealing a purple silk bra. Her tongue worked its way down between her breasts, licking between the ample mounds, her lips sucking on the soft sweet flesh. Tara’s hands wandered around Willow’s body, rubbing the firm curves of her ass, up and down her back, and around to her front, squeezing and massaging the redheads pert breasts. Willow’s hands wandered down the blonde’s thighs dragging up her skirt, trailing her fingernails along the creamy flesh. ‘Ah Will…sweetie,’ moaned Tara hoarsely, ‘I’m not sure…umm caught…noise.’ Willow knelt down in front of her girlfriend and lifted her tee so she could kiss her stomach, ‘Spell… stairs…noise…okay,’ moaned the redhead as her tongue and lips worked Tara’s stomach, and her hands worked their way up her thighs. Tara’s hands reached down and tangled in the redheads locks, she felt her heart beat faster the closer the redheads breath to her centre.

Willow’s lips moved across Tara’s thighs, and towards her centre. She rubbed her nose against Tara’s damp panties, causing the blonde to twitch and push her groin into Willow’s face. ‘Oh Tara,’ she moaned as she nipped at the blonde’s fleshy inner thigh. Her fingers trailed around the dark blue material and pulled them down to Tara’s knees, revealing her moist, swollen sex. Willow inhaled the musky aroma as she ran her tongue up and down Tara’s dark pink outer lips, she moaned into her girlfriend, drawing her closer. Tara felt Willow’s probing tongue in her as she felt the redheads strong hands on her ass drawing her hips closer to Willow’s mouth. She shifted, slightly opening her legs, allowing Willow’s tongue to enter her. She flexed and gasped as she felt her lover’s tongue explore her centre, searching, lapping at her liquid desire, and probing her need, she moved her fingers through Willow’s hair guiding and encouraging the redhead.

Willow felt Tara’s fingers in her hair tighten their grip, and she felt her lover’s thighs quiver as she found her clit. The bundle of nerves stood out proudly, teasing, Willow flicked it with her tongue, and then gently drew it between her teeth. With her left hand she held Tara’s skirt up around her waist, whilst her right hand snaked it’s way up her thigh and slid between her wet lips. ‘Yes,’ gasped Tara as she felt Willow’s fingers work their way towards her centre. With her lips still on Tara’s clit, sucking, and teasing, she gently slid two fingers all the way into the blonde. She felt Tara’s muscles, tighten and contract around her fingers as she worked them in and out of her girlfriend.

Tara, unable to control herself any longer, thrust her hips into the redheads face, her breath came in short quick gasps, she groaned and pulled Willow’s face towards her as she felt the heat in her centre spread down to her toes, and back up, the start of an exquisite orgasm. Tara came fast and hard against the redhead’s lips, tongue and fingers. ‘Oh Goddess Will,’ panted Tara as she looked down at the smile on her beautiful redhead’s face, ‘come up here.’ Willow, grinned and slid up the blonde’s body, pulling up her panties, and releasing her skirt. Tara pulled her in for a long kiss, her tongue explored Willow’s mouth and lips, kissing away the taste of herself. Tara leant back against the shelving and pushed out her thigh, she pulled Willow close so that she straddled Tara’s thigh. The blonde felt Willow’s wetness on her as she moved between the redhead’s legs.

‘Uh baby,’ moaned Willow as she pushed her hips against the blonde. She leaned in close so that she was kissing Tara’s neck as she straddled her, pushing her centre into her thigh. With their arms around each other, they rocked their hips, Willow’s centre already throbbing, rubbed delightfully against the blonde. Knowing Willow’s climax was close, Tara slipped her fingers between her thigh and Willows underpants, her fingers found her clit, and gently pressured it as Willow ground against her fingers. Tara held her lover close and kissed and nibbled her ear as she whispered ‘Take me Willow – I’m yours, all yours sweetheart.’

Willow groaned as she moved against the blonde, the fire in her centre threatened to consume her, as she felt her clit rub against the blonde’s fingers, and their breasts rub together. As she felt her climax near Tara’s words caused her to fall over the edge crying out her lover’s name, as she branded her lover’s fingers and thigh with her scent. For a moment she rested in Tara’s arms as she fought to stay upright, and bring her breathing under control. She pulled back and looked into the bright blue eyes of her lover. Tara smiled and leaned forward to kiss her girlfriend ‘Will that was, um delicious, I love you.’ They embraced a few more moments before they quickly picked out a book and retreated giggling downstairs.

Tara smiled; she looked around, wondering how long she had been lost in her memories. Blushing, she moved uncomfortably as she realised how vivid the memory was and how aroused she’d become.

‘Tara, wow you’ll never guess what happened!’ giggled Dawn as she returned to the table. ‘Are you okay? Dawn asked as she looked at the blonde; her cheeks were flushed, and she looked slightly dazed. ‘I’m fine Dawnie, ‘ responded Tara clearing her throat, and smiling at the teenager, ‘What happened?’

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... I hope Willow is going to be ok very very soon so that she and Tara can begin their getting back together process...

[Poniac]

Lost Hope

NC 17

Part 14~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy paced the lounge room.

The doctor was due shortly. The slayer was worried. She laughed to herself as she paced, she was always worried, and it’s all she had done for the last couple of months. She’d watched as her best friend went from happy to a wrecked shell in a matter of weeks, and she watched Tara suffer through Willow’s painful journey.

She didn’t understand how things had gotten so bad, how Willow, her cute, nerdy, never do anything wrong friend had ended up dark vein-y wicked witch of the west. She didn’t know why Willow felt the need to wield such power, to need such control…she sighed as she sat down and checked her watch. Tara would be back any moment with Dawn, and the doctor wouldn’t be far behind. She was going through all the possible things the doctor could say when she heard the door open as Tara and Dawn returned home.

Tara walked towards Buffy, eyeing the closed door up the stairs, ‘She isn’t here y-yet is she?’ the blonde asked.

‘No, she’ll be here shortly.’

Tara smiled, relieved, ‘I’m going up to make sure she’s okay.’

‘I’ll bring her up when she gets here, Giles has gone to pick her up, explain a few things before she gets here.’

‘Oh, okay.’

Buffy turned to Dawn, ‘So how was your milkshake break?’

Dawn squealed, ‘Oh God Buffy, you have no idea! This guy I know asked me out, just out of nowhere, asked me out, can you believe it, God, he’s so good looking, tall and he’s got the bluest eyes…’ Dawn’s eyes glazed over as she was lost in her thoughts for a second.

Buffy smirked watching her sister, she thought she must have been taking babble lessons from Willow.

‘A date?’ asked Buffy, raising her eyebrows and keeping her voice stern.

Dawn’s eyes snapped open as the slayers words penetrated the haze of her daydream. ‘Oh, you’re not going to let me go? Buffy that’s so not fair, you never let me go anywhere, please let me go out a date with him! – it’s just a date, you have dates all the time…’ Dawn paused for a breath as she watched her sister.

Buffy continued the charade, ‘Well Dawn you’re still young, and well I don’t know this guy, he could be any Tom, Dick or Demon-y nasty guy…’ she hesitated watching Dawns face fall, ‘but I guess one small date wouldn’t hurt as long as I get to meet him first, and you have a curfew missy.’

Buffy was interrupted as Dawn threw herself at the slayer, quickly hugged her and ran up the stairs shouting out, ‘I’ve got to call Janice…’

‘Well that’s one person around here who’s happy,’ she muttered as she watched her sister disappear up the stairs. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. She sighed and rose to open the door.

‘Hello Buffy.’

‘Hey Giles, come on in,’ Buffy held the door open for Giles and his guest.

He stepped through the door and turned to introduce his visitor, ‘Buffy, this is Dr Luca, Brae Luca.’ Buffy stepped forward and held out her hand to greet the doctor, ‘Hey, Buffy Summers.’ She looked at the newcomer, the doctor was slightly taller than she was, slim, wearing blue jeans with loafers, a white shirt under a black jacket. Her face was soft, her eyes were blue and sharp, and her blonde hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail.

‘Call me Brae,’ smiled the doctor as she shook Buffy’s hand. The slayer felt the doctor’s firm grip and their eyes quickly assessed each other as they shook hands. Brae released her grip, and turned to Giles, ‘So Rupert, shall we get this underway, I’d really like to see our patient as soon as possible.’

‘Right, well, Buffy?’ Giles waved his arms and indicated for the slayer to lead the doctor to Willow’s room. Buffy hesitated and knocked at the door, as she quietly pushed it open. Tara rose from the side of Willow’s bed, and stepped forward to greet the visitors filing into Willow’s bedroom. Across the hall, Dawn slipped from her room quickly into Willow’s room behind Buffy and Giles.

Brae assessed the situation and stepped forward to greet the pale blonde standing by the bed. ‘I’m doctor Brae Luca, and you are…’ Tara reached out and held the doctors hand, ‘T-Tara, I’m Willow’s umm, friend,

‘Right,’ Brae, paused as she looked around her, ‘so you’re all staying?’

Buffy nodded, her eyes on the doctor, arms crossed, ‘Yes, we’re family.’

Brae glanced quickly at Giles, who shrugged and gave her a small smile. She turned towards the patient and started her examination. Buffy watched carefully as the Doctor examined Willow, she looked the redhead over from head to toe, listened to her heartbeat, examined her eyes, ears, mouth, took her temperature, blood pressure, and pulse. She then took Willow’s head in her hands and carefully felt every inch of her skull, she gently returned Willow’s head to the pillow.

The doctor pulled a pocket knife from her jacket, she flipped the blade and pulled the blankets up over Willow’s feet. She grasped Willow’s toe and quickly jabbed the underside of her big toe with the tip of the knife. Willow’s body jerked, and then returned to it’s inactive state.

‘Hey!’ Buffy stepped forward and grasped the doctor’s wrist. ‘What was that for?’ she asked angrily. Brae shrugged free, ‘Sorry, I should have warned you – I don’t normally have an audience.’ She turned to the group. ‘I was checking to see if Willow is responsive to pain, clearly she is, that’s a good sign.’ Buffy pulled the covers back over Willow’s feet and glared at the doctor. Brae ignored Buffy’s cold look and addressed the rest of the group, ‘Right, the good news, is that Willow does not appear to have any major physical injuries that would explain her current state.’

A collective sigh of relief came from the gathered scoobies.

‘But – she should have come around by now, the fact that she is still unconscious is worrying.’ Brae stood and stared at Willow, her eyes fixed on the redhead. After a minute she cleared her throat, ‘I don’t normally do this, but considering the circumstances, I need to know more before I can suggest a course of action. Who’s the other witch here?’

Tara raised her hand, ‘That w-would be m-me,’ she stammered.

‘Right, come here, sit down next to Willow and place one hand on her forehead, and the other on her heart.’

‘Why?’

‘You’re connected right?’

‘H-how did you know?’

‘I can sense it, now please just put one hand on her forehead, and the other on her chest.’

Tara did as she was asked.

‘Right, now read her essence. Don’t try to tell me what you feel, just hold it, feel it.’

Tara took a steadying breath and closed her eyes, after a moment she frowned and adjusted her hand position. After a few moments a gentle glow emerged from under each of Tara’s hands. Brae stepped next to Tara and placed a hand on her head, she closed her eyes and stood next to the blonde.

After a moment she removed her hand from Tara’s head and tapped her on the shoulder, ‘You can stop now.’

‘Tara, what did you feel?” asked Brae.

‘Um, she’s hurting, but not in p-pain, she’s very low on energy, and our connection is very w-weak, I had trouble connecting, and w-we’ve n-never had trouble con-connecting b-before.’ Tara stammered as she tried hard to hold back tears. Buffy stepped towards the blonde and wrapped an arm around her and rubbed her back.

Brae turned to Tara, ‘You’re not just her friend are you?’

‘It’s c-complicated.’ Tara glanced at Buffy for support.

Buffy held Tara, but addressed the doctor, ‘Why are you poking about her personal life? What’s that got to do with how to make her better?’

‘She needs connection.’ Brae returned Buffy’s challenge, ‘there is no physical reason why Willow isn’t awake. I think she’s lost her connection, with her family, and her loved ones. If we can re-connect, with her, I think we can bring her around.’

‘So – how exactly do we do that?’

‘For Tara, what she just did, for a couple of times a day, or until she feels like she’s getting closer. For everyone else, talk to her, include her, bring her back to her family.’

‘What if that that d-doesn’t work?’ asked Tara.

‘Let’s worry about that if we don’t see an improvement in two days. After that she’s going to need some intervention, and we’ll have to discuss those issues further. But right now I’m going to hook Willow up to an IV drip, to keep up her nutrients and fluids.’

Tara watched as the doctor worked on Willow, hooking her up to a drip that would provide her sustenance. She watched at Brae’s hands moved over Willow’s hands, inserting the needle, taping down, setting up the IV drip and brushing the redhead’s hair from her face. Tara’s heart clenched as the doctor gently touched Willow; jealousy snaked through her veins and settled in her stomach. ‘Don’t be silly, she’s just looking after her, no need to be jealous.’ Tara frowned, ‘besides, she’s not yours to get jealous about anymore,’ she reminded herself.

Brae straightened up and turned to the scoobies, ‘Right, we’re done here for now, before I go I’d like to talk to Tara.’

Giles nodded, ‘I’ll meet you downstairs then shall I?’

‘Thank you Rupert.’

Buffy grabbed Dawn by the shoulders, ‘Right kiddo, you’ve got homework to do.’ Dawn sighed and rolled her eyes as Buffy led her from the room.

Brae sat down next to Willow and watched the redhead. Tara stood at the end of the bed waiting for Brae to say something. Brae spoke without raising her eyes from the redhead, ‘How long has Willow been abusing dark magic?’

Tara crossed her arms over her chest, ‘We’re n-not really sure, why?’

Brae’s eyes moved to the blonde, ‘What do you mean you’re not sure?’

Tara sighed, ‘She did a few spells last year, little ones, then…’ Brae turned towards the blonde, ‘You knew that she cast dark magic? She used the darkness, she abused magic, what was she thinking? How could she be so irresponsible?’ she asked, her tone sharp.

Tara’s eyes narrowed as she returned the doctor’s glare, ‘The first time Willow used d-dark magicks was to punish a hell God for t-taking my mind, she then went on to save the world, again.’ Tara took a deep breath, ‘She used the magicks to p-protect us, all of us, when Buffy was dead, she held us together, she, she lost herself while she w-was trying to hold us all together, we needed her so much.’ Tara’s eyes never left the doctor’s face, ‘The n-next time she used dark magicks was to r-resurrect the slayer, to bring back the only person who can save us, t-the one who has saved all of us time and time again.’

She advanced on the doctor, ‘By then she was lost, she f-forgot why we loved her, forgot that we didn’t need her p-power, that we needed her, she got lost. S-so don’t tell me what’s irresponsible, Willow got lost saving you, me and the r-rest of this c-crappy place. She m-made a mistake, but she’ll find her way b-back to us…’

Tara paused as she shook and tears flowed down her cheeks. She moved past the doctor and sat down next to Willow; she took her hand and grasped it between her own. ‘Thank you for helping us Brae, b-but I think you s-should g-go now.’

Brae moved to the bedroom door, ‘I’ll be back in the morning to check on her.’ She stepped through the door and closed it behind her.

Tara leaned over Willow and brushed the hair from her pale face. ‘I’m sorry sweetie, I d-didn’t mean to loose my temper, b-but I couldn’t let her say that you were irresponsible, I know you weren’t, I know you were j-just doing your best,’ Tara hung her head and whispered, ‘and I got so jealous when she touched your hair and face, I shouldn’t have snapped at her.’

She picked up Willow’s hand and bought it to her face, closed her eyes and hummed, comforted and yet torn by the feeling the warmth of Willow’s hand against her cheek. Tara’s mind wandered as she held Willow, she recalled a conversation they had about 12 months into their relationship. They were spending a lazy Saturday afternoon in Tara’s room.

Willow asked Tara, ‘So how was coffee with Jenna today?’

‘Fine sweetie.’ Tara continued to flick through her magazine.

‘Right, well you know, coffee’s good, I guess…’ Willow stared at the bed and fidgeted with her notebook and pen.

‘Yeah – it was good to see Jenna.’

‘She’s pretty isn’t she, and smart, I mean you think she’s pretty don’t you?’ Willow asked nervously.

‘Pretty?’ Tara looked at Willow and smiled, ‘I guess so honey, why do you ask?’

‘Well I don’t know – she’s kind of pretty, and she really likes you, and you like her, you used to hang out…’

Tara looked at Willow carefully, the redhead blushed and fidgeted under Tara’s gaze. Tara closed her magazine and dropped it over the side of the bed. ‘Willow, is there something you want to ask me?’

Willow’s face flushed as she picked at the hem on her sleeve. ‘Um I well, just think that, um Jenna is um really pretty and I...’ Willow took a deep breath and brushed at the tears threatening to spill over, ‘I think that maybe she likes you, I see the way she looks at you…’

‘Will, how long have you been worrying about this?’

‘Well, you know, not long, I just see her sometimes, and when she sees you she lights up, and you know in the coffee shop, I came in to pick you up she kissed you goodbye, and her lips were on your cheek, for a long time, well to you it might not have seemed like a long time, but to me…well seeing her lips on your cheek, well it seemed like forever to me…’ Willow drew a shaky breath and avoided the blonde’s piercing blue eyes.

Tara smiled at her girlfriend, ‘Willow, look at me.’

Willow’s unsure eye’s met Tara’s, ‘Sweetie, have I ever given you any reason to think that I am, or have ever been attracted to Jenna, or anyone other than you for that matter?’

The redhead’s face matched her locks, ‘No.’

‘Did I return Jenna’s kiss, today or any other time?’

‘Not that I’ve seen.’

Tara frowned at her girlfriend, ‘Will, what is this about? I mean, you can’t possibly think that I have any feelings at all for Jenna?’

Willow sighed, ‘No – I guess not.’

Tara’s eyebrow raised as she looked at her lover, ‘You g-guess not?’

Willow stared at the bed, unable to meet her girlfriend’s eyes, ‘Well you know, she’s pretty, she’s smart, she’s popular, and got lot’s of friends, cheerleader, pretty much perfect really…’ she mumbled.

‘Perhaps you’d like to date her?’ suggested Tara with a slight edge to her voice.

Willow sighed, ‘Tara, I don’t like her, I like you, but she likes you, and she’s not me…’

Tara’s eyes shone as she grasped Willow’s hands, ‘Willow, look at me. I love you. I don’t love Jenna. I’m not attracted to Jenna. I don’t care that she likes me, if she does.’ Tara leaned towards her girlfriend and took her face in her hands, ‘Willow, I love you; I love you because you are who you are, not in spite of who you are. I love that you were in the school chess club, that you were a mathlete, that you take advanced physics for the ‘fun’ of it, that you can figure out the square root of 723 in your head, that you alphabetise my CD collection, cross referenced by artist and year…’

Tara pulled Willow close and pressed her lips against the redheads, ‘Don’t you get it yet Willow, it’s those things that make you who you are, it’s those things that make you the woman that I love.’ Their lips meet and moved against each other for a few minutes, until the need for air overwhelmed them both.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Willow, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

‘Sweetie, do you remember what I said to you that night you went to the nether realm, the night we did our first big spell together?’

Willow grinned, ‘Yes.’

‘It’s still true, I’m still yours.’ Tara pushed Willow back onto the bed and passionately claimed her lips. Willow rolled Tara on to her back, ‘You are mine – always,’ she said as she pushed Tara down onto the bed. ‘Only yours baby,’ purred Tara. Willow leaned over her girlfriend their lips meeting as Willow slid her knee between Tara’s legs. Tara groaned and pulled her closer, needing the feel of Willow against her. As she pulled Willow’s thigh against her centre, she felt Willow hot against her own thigh. Willow groaned and ground her hips against Tara, who continued to push herself against Willow. She loved the feeling of Willow on top of her, the look of Willow’s eyes filled with need, reflecting her own, the feeling of Willows skin against her own.

‘Tell me what you want,’ groaned Tara as Willow’s tongue found its way from her neck to her soft breasts.

‘You,’ mumbled Willow into the blonde’s breasts, ‘I want you – only you.’

‘I am you know,’ whispered Tara as she wound her fingers in the redhead’s hair.

‘What?’ mumbled Willow as she continued to kiss Tara’s breasts.

‘Yours.’

Willow smiled, ‘You – out of those clothes.’ They laughed as they quickly disrobed and Willow pounced ontop of her girlfriend. Tara felt the heat rise from her centre as Willow pushed her thigh between her legs. She felt Willows nipples hard against her, as Willow’s lips moved up her chest and neck to her lips. She parted her lips to allow Willow’s tongue to explore her, and was rewarded with Willows groan and the feel of her hands on her breast.

Tara loved this part of Willow, she loved Willow’s naked desire, she loved seeing the need burn in Willow’s eyes, she loved the feel of Willow on top of her, inside her, loving her, needing her.

She pulled Willow close, ‘Baby – tell me what you want,’ Tara stared into Willows eyes holding her gaze. Willow kissed Tara again sucking on her tongue, until Tara moaned. She looked into Tara’s eyes, ‘I want you.’

‘Tell me again’ whispered Tara

‘I want you, I want to touch you, make love to you, feel you, please you, I want to open you up and climb inside.’

‘Then take me, I’m all yours, just yours,’ whispered Tara.

Willow’s lips kissed their way down Tara’s body until she reached the blondes soft curls. Her fingers brushed against the soft curls, and then found their way into Tara’s slick centre. Willow groaned, ‘Baby – God you’re so wet.’

‘It’s what you do to me sweetie,’ mumbled Tara as Willow’s fingers explored her centre. Tara groaned and pushed her hips up as fingers continued to probe her wetness, sliding up and down her centre until they found her clit. As Willow slowly and gently circled the small bundle of nerves, she pulled herself up and kissed her girlfriend. Tara opened her eyes and smiled when she saw Willow’s emerald eyes looking down at her.

‘Oh Will that’s good,’ she whispered. Willow kept her fingers circling Tara’s clit as she looked into her eyes.

'Tell me what you want Willow,' said Tara, her eyes never leaving Willow's

Willow blushed, her fingers continuing to circle Tara’s clit, she rested her forehead against the blondes shoulder. ‘Umm,’ she groaned.

Tara’s arms tightened around the redhead, ‘Come on baby – tell me what you want to do - you can tell me anything.’ Willow blushed as whispered into Tara’s ear, ‘I want use the thing we bought at the shop.’ Just hearing those words made Tara’s centre throb, her heat beat faster, and her hips rise to push against Willow’s fingers. Tara smiled as she kissed Willow on the cheek, ‘Oh baby, I’d love that.’ She felt Willow shudder as she held her and whispered into her ear how she thought Willow could please her.

Willow reached under the bed and pulled out a small red box, and fumbled through the contents. ‘Close your eyes,’ she commanded. Tara smiled and closed her eyes, ‘Willow you don’t need to be embarrassed.’

‘I’m not embarrassed, it’s just that I don’t want you to see me put it on,’ mumbled Willow, as she fiddled with straps and clips. ‘I could help you put it on sweetie,’ purred Tara as she let her hands wander over the redhead’s hips, ‘Don’t worry sweetie, I still have my eyes closed.’ Willow smiled as she felt her lover’s hands pull and adjust the harness. ‘It feels kind of weird,’ giggled Willow, ‘it rubs in the right spot.’

Tara tightened the final buckle, and ran her hands over the harness and her girlfriend’s hips. ‘Can I open my eyes now?’

‘Yes.’

‘I think I like it,’ smiled Tara, her hands pulling the redhead towards her.

Their lips met in a passionate kiss, Willow’s tongue pushed into Tara’s mouth, as her hands moved towards her breasts. She kissed down Tara’s jaw, neck, and continued until she met Tara’s soft breasts. She took a nipple into her mouth; and glanced up at Tara’s face as she lightly bit down. Tara’s body flinched as the painful nip registered. To ease the pain Willow then sucked on the nipple bringing delight to Tara who groaned something loudly whilst grinding her hips into Willow.

Tara was so aroused she was dizzy; she took a deep breath as Willow sucked on her nipples, and massaged her breasts. She thought she would climax from Willow’s attention to her breasts, she reached for the harness, the feel of soft leather against her fingers aroused her further, her hand moved to the silicon mast, she grasped and pulled Willow closer to her, causing the straps to rub roughly against the redheads centre.

Willow gasped, the surge of pleasure bouncing from her groin to her toes and back. She pulled back and took in the eyes of her girlfriend. Tara’s eyes were filled with desire, a darker shade of blue than normal, she steadily returned Willow’s gaze. She felt her own wetness on the leather, and she felt it warm the inside of her thighs.

Their tongues danced, as Willow pushed her tongue into the blonde’s mouth swirling, thrusting, their hands caressed each other searching, touching, rubbing. Willow reached down and groaned as her fingers brushed against Tara’s wetness as she fingered the soft blonde curls.

Willow’s kisses trailed down the blonde’s chest, past her belly button and down to her centre. Tara’s hips pushed up in anticipation, thrusting against Willow’s face. Tara groaned loudly, and reached behind her to grasp the bedhead. Willow’s tongue travelled the length of Tara’s centre, reveling in the sweet taste of her lover. Her tongue explored, lapping up her lover’s sweet juice, she found the small bundle of nerves and swirled around it with her tongue. Tara gasped, ‘Oh God, Willow, yes, yes…I want you.’

Willow climbed to her knees, and worked her way up Tara’s body until their lips met again in a hot wet kiss, Tara moaned as she licked herself from Willow’s lips.

‘What do you want sweetie,’ she purred as she kissed Willow’s lips.

‘Open your legs,’ she whispered. Tara obeyed immediately, spreading her legs wide to accommodate the redhead. Their eyes met for a moment, the question was asked and answered in a split second. Willow reached down and guided the appendage to Tara’s entrance. She paused for a second, encouraged by the desire in Tara’s eyes; she gently thrust all the way into her lover, burying herself all the way into Tara. Tara gasped and shuddered as the silicon easily slid inside, and filled her. Her hands gripped the bedhead, her eyes squeezed shut and her legs opened wider, as she felt Willow’s hips move, pulled away from and then and then towards her. She felt Willow’s body roughly push against her, the pressure on her was exquisite, the feeling of Willow’s hard nipples rubbing against her own, caused her breathing to deepen.

Willow buried her head in the blonde’s neck and shoulder as she ground her hips into Tara’s. Her lips sucked Tara’s sweaty neck as her hips pushed against the blonde. Willow felt Tara’s body relax underneath her, and Tara’s arms wrap tighter around her shoulders as pushed up against Willow’s hips. Willow grunted as she continued to thrust into Tara, plunging in and out of the blonde she felt the friction of the leather rub against her own throbbing centre.

‘Oh Tara, God…’ Willow moaned into the blonde’s ear, ‘does this feel good?’

‘Yes, Will, I love the way you feel on top of me…pushing inside me.’

Willow reached down to touch Tara, her fingers worked their way through her blonde curls to her clit, and she applied a little pressure as she continued to thrust into the blonde.

‘Aargh,’ cried Tara as she arched into the redhead, she moaned and wrapped her legs around Willow’s back.

‘Will, I want you to mark me,’ she gasped into her lover’s ear. Willow’s lips were already on the blonde’s neck, ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes baby, mark me, please – I want to be yours.’

Willow growled, ‘You are mine.’ Her lips found Tara’s soft spot on her neck and she sucked, and then nipped the skin. She felt the blonde quiver underneath her, as she marked her as her own.

Tara groaned as Willow marked her neck, her need was primal, to be needed wanted, loved, she pulled the redhead tight against her as she whispered in her ear. ‘Take me Willow, make me come, make me yours.’

Willow’s centre throbbed as she continued to push into the blonde, Tara’s words took her right to the edge of ecstasy. She lifted her head and stared into her lover’s eyes, ‘Tara I love you, God baby, I love you so much.’ Tara was already on edge, when Willow spoke she knew her climax was near, she wrapped her arms tightly around the red head. ‘Goddess Will I’m close, please don’t make me wait, I want to come with you inside me,’ she groaned into her lovers ear.

Tara reached down and slipped her fingers between Willow’s centre and the harness. ‘God Will you’re soaking.’ Her fingers sought out Willow’s clit and circled the nub. Willow’s hips thrust out of control, ‘Taraaaaa,’ she cried as her climax tore through her body, echoing from her toes to her centre and back again. As soon as Tara felt Willow’s centre explode her body released her orgasm, ‘Willowwww,’ she cried as her centre throbbed against the redhead.

They lay tangled in each other’s arms, wrapped in the sheet. Willow ran her finger down Tara’s neck, over the mark she left earlier, ‘That’s going to be one decent mark baby,’ she whispered.

Tara faced her lover, ‘Willow I love you, and I want you to know that you can mark me anywhere any time, I don’t care who knows that I’m yours.’

Tara smiled to herself, she was Willow’s. Even right now, when they were apart, no matter what happened she was Willow’s. It just couldn’t be any other way.

[restlessminds]

Nicely done. I like the way you weave past and present, there's something very natural about it. Really like your writing style as well, it flows so easily. Looking forward to more.

Thanks for sharing
restlessminds

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... Big yay for Tara standing up against Dr. Luca...

[Poniac]

Lost Hope

Zampasa1975 - Thanks for reading, glad you're enjoying it

Restlessminds - Thanks, I'm trying to get a nice flow going between past and present.

This is my first update that's been beta'd. Thanks to Restlessminds for helping me out and giving me some great feedback

The song that Tara sings to Willow is Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks.

Love feedback - so the more the better - and thanks to all the kittens for being so friendly and supportive so far.

PG13

Part15~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Giles, how did that young girl end up in such bad shape?” Brae stared at the watcher over her cup of tea. Giles stared into his cup for an age before he answered.

“Willow is incredibly powerful, sadly more powerful than I gave her credit for, and her ability grew well before her understanding of how to control it.” He looked up at the doctor, his eyes soft, “I should have taken better care of her, I shouldn’t have left - for God’s sake they’re still just children.”

“What about her … friend, Tara, the other witch, has she been…using dark magicks?”

“No, Tara wouldn’t,” he snapped at the doctor. “Sorry Brae, but Tara, well Tara’s from a long line of witches, she’s well in control of her powers. She tried to help Willow, to show her the way, but … well perhaps the lure of power was too much for Willow.” Giles sighed and took a sip from his cup of tea. Brea noticed that his hand was shaking as he placed the cup back onto the saucer.

“You know, she left Willow because she thought Willow was abusing her powers.” Giles looked up at the doctor, his eyes haunted, “Two broken hearts because I made a mistake, two people driven to the brink because I went back to England and turned my back on these young people.”

Brae reached out and placed her hand over the watchers, “What would have happened if you’d stayed Rupert, do you know for sure that any of this wouldn’t have happened?”

“I don’t know Brae, but I know that there are two women up there who are soul mates, who are apart and broken hearted, and I’m responsible.” Giles sighed as he removed his glasses and cleaned the lenses.

“Rupert,” Brae’s eyes were hard, “Willow decided to use the darkness, wise or not, she made a choice, and now…” the doctor looked away from Giles, “she’s suffering the consequences, and so are her loved ones.”

“Brae…” warned Giles.

“Rupert, Tara told me that Willow started to use the magicks to punish a hell God, to resurrect Buffy…”

“Yes, that’s right, and much more.”

Brae stood in front of the watcher, arms crossed, “That would mean she’s incredibly powerful, and potentially dangerous.”

“It appears so.”

“Have you advised the council?”

“No.”

“But you should, shouldn’t you?”

Giles’ face was lined with worry, “I should, and I’d be surprised if they didn’t already know that there was a rising magical power in Sunnydale.”

“They just don’t know it’s Willow?”

“No, and they won’t find out if I can help it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tara watched Willow’s face as the redhead slept. Thoughts tumbled through her mind, she’d reacted angrily to Brae, she’d stood up for Willow, even when she wasn’t sure she should. She reached out and brushed the redhead’s cheek with her fingers. The blonde was confused, she was still hurt by Willow’s actions, but now she was starting to see things differently. They had relied on Willow to protect them, and had stood by each time she used more difficult and more powerful spells.”

“What pressure you must have felt to keep us safe,” murmured Tara as she gently stroked her girlfriend’s cheek. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you much after Buffy was gone, you had to do so much on your own.” Tara’s heart sank as she tried to recall all that had happened after Buffy’s death. She took a long time to recover from Glory’s brutal assault. Willow was simultaneously grieving for her best friend, nursing her girlfriend through a trauma, supporting Dawn, and leading the scoobies.

Tara’s flawed memory provided only glimpses of that time, snapshots of Willow nursing her back to health, holding her during sleepless nights, soothing her after the night terrors that still occasionally haunted her.

“You were so strong,” wept the blonde as her fingertips traced the lines on Willow’s face, “you did so much for all of us, and what was the cost to you? Maybe I pushed you away, m-maybe you went with Amy because I was too hard on you, maybe you found something there that I …” Tara took a deep breath, leaned forward and kissed the redhead on the forehead. She smiled, “I want to sing you something special, I know how much you love it when I sing to you.” Tara sang quietly to the redhead, as she ran her fingers through her locks and caressed her face.

“They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up”

Tara leaned in and kissed Willow’s forehead, “I mean it sweetheart, I’ll never give up on you, and I won’t accept you doing it either.” Tara stood from the bed and smoothed out the sheet, “I’m going downstairs for a minute, but I’m sending up Dawn, she’s going to talk through her homework with you.”

Tara watched Willow hopefully, for any sign of movement. After a moment she sighed and left the room, closing the door behind her.

As Tara left the room Willow’s eyes fluttered under her eyelids, “T-Ta,” she whispered, before the blackness claimed her once again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tara entered the kitchen and noticed Giles and Brae sitting at the kitchen table. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t r-realise you were s-still here,” she turned and went to leave the room.

Brae jumped up from her chair, “Tara.” She paused, waiting for the blonde to respond.

Tara turned and faced the doctor, her arms crossing her chest defensively, “Yes Brae?” Her eyes were cold and her face unreadable as she faced the doctor.

Brae hesitated as she saw the coolness in the blonde’s eyes, it struck her as unnatural, “I’m sorry Tara, umm, I’m sorry for what I said up there. I’ve seen a few cases of witches getting in too far over their heads and it’s never ended well. I guess I was a little harsh.”

Tara’s eyes stayed on the doctor for a long moment, then she spoke slowly and carefully, “Brae, W-Willow is my soulmate and I will n-never tolerate anyone saying anything negative about her w-when she isn’t able to d-defend herself,” she took a deep breath, “I might not know where our relationship stands at the m-moment, but I w-will always be there for her.”

Brae stood still, stunned by Tara’s words. She regained her composure, “Uh, right Tara, once again, I’m sorry.” Brae turned and sat down at the kitchen table with Giles, her cheeks red.

“A-Apology accepted. Excuse me, I have to f-find Dawn, she wants to talk to Willow.”

Giles and Brae exchanged glances, “Well, that was…uncharacteristic,” murmured Giles, “she’s under enormous pressure Brae,” he explained.

“Ah Rupert, don’t worry,” Brae stood up and reached for her bag, “I like her better when she’s showing a bit of spunk. Oh by the way, how did Tara hurt her hand?”

“Oh – I believe she fell and sustained a slight fracture, it appears to be healing well, why do you ask?”

“The cast must be bothering her, tomorrow I’ll do a healing spell and see if I can’t get it off for her.” Brae stood and placed a hand on Giles’ shoulder, “Rupert, I’ll be back tomorrow to check on Willow, call me if her condition changes.” The doctor headed towards the door, as she pulled on the doorknob she turned to the watcher and smiled, “Tomorrow I’ll try to not piss everyone off.’ She gave the watcher a nod and walked through the entrance, the door closing firmly behind her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And then he asked me out! Can you believe it Willow, I mean he asked me out, and Buffy said I could go, I mean I thought she was going to have a fit, but she just lectured me and told me she’d stake him if he hurt me, vampire or not,” Dawn paused to take a big breath. “But I don’t think she’d stake him if he wasn’t a vampire,” Dawn paused thinking, “she might beat him to a bloody pulp though. But he’s so sweet and cute, and there’s no way he’s going to ever hurt me.”

Dawn reached out and held Willow’s hand, “Tara said I should talk to you about things that are going on for me, and she thought I should work through my homework with you, but God, how boring.” Dawn smiled, “I guess I am anyway though, but I also wanted to talk to you about her…” she paused glancing at the door to make sure it was closed, “she’s been so good to me, to all of us, and to you, she’s like here next to you all the time, and she just looks at you for hours on end with big sad blue eyes. Sometimes she smiles, but most of the time she just watches you, touches you and brushes your hair.” Dawn’s voice wavered as she continued, “I know you guys were broken up before, but she’s been there for you, we all know that she loves you, and I know Willow, if you wake up, she’ll be there for you and you can work it out.” Dawn brushed a tear from her cheek, “Please Willow, we all miss you, Buffy just walks around sad all day not even slaying or beating the snot out of Spike cheers her up, she just mopes around watching you and she chases Tara around with plates of food trying to get her to eat.”

“Xander and Anya come around, but they don’t stay, I don’t think that he can see you like this, he wrinkles up his face and paces around the room, and rushes out after a few minutes, mumbling something about crayons. And I know that you think that Anya hates you but I overheard her showing Buffy and Tara your medical insurance and how to make sure that if you had to go to hospital that you didn’t have to pay for anything. She even went with Tara to the college to talk to your lecturers about your courses, she made sure that neither of you will fail your units. She got them to agree that you can submit your work late…I think that maybe she scared them into agreeing, but you know she did it cause she cares.”

Dawn picked up a brush and started gently brushing Willow’s hair, “And Giles, well he just looks grey most of the time…I think he blames himself, for not being here. He found a doctor, not a normal doctor, she knows magic and stuff, she was a bit pushy but she says that you’re going to be okay. I thought that her and Buffy were going to have a fight over you, but they just stared at each other. I think they were both afraid that Tara would get angry at them if they fought in front of you. The doctor’s coming back tomorrow and she’s going to check you over again.” Dawn continued to stroke the redheads hair, “So did I tell you that Daniel has the nicest eyes, I think that he’s going to take me out to dinner at a really nice place, and Janice and I are going shopping for a dress and …”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tara scratched her nose, leaving a smudge of batter on her cheek, “Damn it,” she muttered as she wiped her face. “Dawn!” she called out, “funny shapes or rounds?”

“Funny shapes,” called out the teenager.

“Okay, you’ve got five minutes, Xander will be here shortly.” Tara poured batter into the fry pan and set the container down on the kitchen bench. She watched as the batter bubbled, and then turned the pancake over, batter spilling over the edge of the pan as she struggled with the spatula. After a moment Tara slid the pancake out of the pan and onto a plate, already holding a large pile of star-shaped pancakes. “Willow would like these,” she mused to herself, “stars from the big pineapple constellation.”

Tara moved to the dining room, placing the plate on the table, “Dawn, they’re ready,” she called out, “Juice?”

“Yes please,” Dawn smiled at Tara and kissed her on the cheek as she sat down at the table.

Tara blushed, “You’re in a good mood this morning, any particular reason?”

“You know it was really good to talk to Willow last night,” Dawn paused as she took a sip of her juice, “um I know that it’s not the same, but it kinda felt like she’s part of us again, you know?”

Tara smiled widely at the teenager, “Yeah Dawnie, I k-know what you mean.”

There was a knock on the front door as it creaked open, “Morning 1430 Ravello Drive – Dawnie, your four wheeled chariot awaits,” called out Xander as he made his way into the kitchen. “Ooh - do I smell Tara’s pancakes?”

“Morning Xander, I made some for you,” Tara handed the carpenter a plate and pointed him towards the table. Xander smiled at the blonde and gave her a quick hug. “If I wasn’t with Anya and you weren’t … of the sapphic persuasion, I’d fall for you…” he winked at the blonde and proceeded to pile his plate high with pancakes.

“Do I smell Tara pancakes?” Buffy asked as she entered the kitchen.

“S-Sorry Buffy, did we wake you? You can’t have been asleep long, I heard you c-come in a few hours ago.” Tara smiled as she examined the disheveled slayer, Buffy’s hair flat on one side of her head and teased out on the other.

“I know,” grumbled Buffy, “bed hair, well actually it’s getting into a fight with 3 vamps and being knocked into the rose bush hair…” she looked towards the table, “Does the slayer get pancake rewards?” she asked hopefully.

“Sure, here you go.” Tara handed the slayer a plate and a glass of juice.

“I like the table service here, I think I might come back,” teased Buffy as she headed to the table to join Dawn and Xander.

Tara watched her three friends eat; smiling as they ate pancakes drenched in maple syrup, drank juice and chatted to each other. It almost seemed like a normal scooby day, except it wasn’t. Tears blurred Tara’s vision as she watched her friends, it wasn’t a normal day, and she feared she might never enjoy a normal scooby day again.

As Tara watched her friends, she heard a knock at the door. She frowned to herself as she walked towards the door, it was too early for Giles, and the doctor wasn’t coming until after lunch.

Tara opened the door.

“Um, hi Tara, I w-was wondering if you, um, had a few minutes to talk to me.”

Tara stood in the doorway, surprised to see her friend on the doorstep, “Jen?”

Tara stared at the brunette, “How did you know where to find me?”

Jen looked at the ground, “Uh, well a while ago, when Amy and I were talking, she mentioned that you spent a lot of time here with Willow and Buffy. I um, couldn’t find you on campus, and so I thought I’d try here…”

“Well, come on in, we c-can talk,” Tara led Jen into the lounge room of the Summers’ house. She indicated for Jen to sit on the couch, “What did you want to t-talk about?”

Jen looked at Tara. Her heart sank as she realised that the blonde was going to be very, very angry with her. “I uh wanted to talk to you about Amy, and uh Willow.”

Tara’s eyes narrowed as she watched the brunette fidget on the couch, she felt her chest tighten in fear as she waited for Jen to continue. “You know that um, well, Amy is dead?”

Tara nodded.

“Well the police think it was a robbery gone wrong, but I think that Rack or some of his friends came for her, and killed her.” Jen paused as she wiped tears from her eyes, “She owed them because she promised them something she didn’t have…” Jen paused, she feared Tara’s reaction, “Tara, Amy offered them Willow’s power.”

Tara’s body hummed with anger as she asked in disbelief, “Amy promised Rack Willow’s power? Tara shook her head.

Jen continued, “She was jealous – I think, and she thought that if she gave Rack something that he wanted he would give her more power. When she realised how powerful Willow was, she thought that she could do a deal with him, but I don’t think Willow knew about that stuff.”

“How could she do that?”

Jen held her hands together in her lap to stop them shaking, “I um don’t really know, but she said she found a way to channel Willow’s power to Rack.”

Tara gritted her teeth, and took a deep breath before she continued, “Jen, did Willow go willingly to see Rack?”

The brunette saw the pain in Tara’s eyes, she couldn’t bear the thought of causing her more pain, but she deserved the truth, “The first time, Amy tricked her into going, into taking the power, and then once Willow had a taste…it’s almost impossible to resist,” whispered Jen, “all this extra power, the feeling is indescribable, you feel invincible, like nothing can hurt you…” Jen’s voice faded as her eyes fell to the floor.

Tara stood and stared at the brunette. Her mind raced, why hadn’t Willow talked to her about this? How could she have let Amy take her to that place? How long had this been going on?

“Jen, did Rack take any of Willow’s power?” Tara’s voice cracked as she spoke.

“No … you left her, and she went a little off the rails, and Rack didn’t get a chance to…”

Tara’s mind raced, trying to work out how long Jen had been involved. She remembered the incident at the Expresso Pump, “You knew?” Tara asked the brunette, “you knew when we ran into each other in the hall?”

Jen sighed, now was the time for the truth, “Yes,” she whispered, her eyes not meeting the blondes.

Tara’s eyes flashed with anger as her arms folded across her chest, “Jen, how long have you known about this?”

“The whole time, Tara...I’m so sorry…I…”

Tara raised her hand to Jen, signaling for her to stop talking. Tara closed her eyes and rubbed her temples with her index fingers. Jen sat on the couch, her hands in her lap and eyes on the floor. After a few silent moments Tara opened her eyes, and stared at the nervous girl on the couch. “I’ll be back in a moment,” she snapped, “do not go anywhere, do not move, if you so much as blink, Goddess help me I’ll make Amy’s death look like a walk in the park.”

Jen’s face paled at the threat, she wondered briefly if Tara was trying to scare her, but decided she wasn’t going to find out. She nervously nodded and returned her eyes to the floor.

Tara turned and walked into the kitchen where the scoobies where cleaning away the plates from breakfast. Buffy looked over at Tara, “What’s wrong?” she asked, her eyes darting around the kitchen. Tara whispered, “Buffy I need to talk to you, we have a visitor, and w-we need to get Xander and Dawn off to school, now.” Buffy saw the urgency in the blonde’s eyes and tension lining her face.

Buffy leapt into action, “Okay, Dawn, time to go, Xander you’d better get her to school on time,” Buffy called out as she herded the two out of the kitchen and towards the front door. “You don’t want to be late, and I’ve got people to see, things to do!” Dawn and Xander complained as they were pushed towards the door, but soon found themselves out on the porch. They looked at each other and shrugged. Xander smiled at the teenager, “Pre school mocha?” Dawn smiled and linked her arm through his as they walked towards the car.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... I hope Jen is able to explain what Amy did to Willow...

[Poniac]

Hi

Jen will explain, but I don't think it's going to make anyone happy

Thanks for reading!

[Poniac]

Lost Hope

Love feedback - so the more the better - and thanks to all the kittens for being so friendly and supportive so far.

Big thanks once again to Restlessminds for being my beta and pointing out more than a few typos and one or two errors in logic!! (and picking up on my gratituous use of the aussie vernacular)

NC 17 - Just a bit of a tease.....

Part 16 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Buffy closed the door and turned to Tara. “Right, you want me here, or should I …?”

“You can stay Buffy, I m-might need you here for protection.” Tara nodded towards the brunette sitting on the couch.

Buffy examined the visitor musing, “She doesn’t look dangerous.”

“Uh no Buffy, she might be the one needing the protection.” Tara walked into the lounge and sat opposite the brunette.

“Okayyyy, this could get interesting,” smirked Buffy as she followed Tara into the lounge.

Tara sat in the chair for a few minutes staring at Jen, she let her eyes wander over the brunette, she was disheveled, a little thin, her eyes were dull and her face drawn.

“She looks scared,” thought the blonde. “She should,” she reminded herself.

“So Jen, let me get t-this right,” Tara paused to clear her thoughts, “you and Amy knew that Willow and I had b-broken up because I was worried about her growing misuse of magicks.”

Jen nodded, her eyes not meeting Tara’s.

“Then after spending a bit of time with Willow, Amy realised how p-powerful Willow is, and decided she w-wanted Willow’s power.”

The brunette nodded again.

“So you hatch some bizarre scheme to take Willow’s power from her, without her knowledge.”

Tara stared at Jen, waiting for her to acknowledge her comments before she continued.

“In doing this you get Willow in deep with dark magicks, so much so t-that she can’t stop on her own. In the meantime you befriend me… I don’t understand why you did that.”

Jen cleared her throat, “Uh Amy knew that Willow really wanted to stop for you and she thought that if she kept you two apart… she’d have longer to get what she wanted from Willow.” Jen hung her head and started to cry, “and I um really liked you and Amy promised to uh give me a spell…”

Tara frowned, “A spell?”

Buffy had been listening to the entire exchange; after Jen spoke she jumped up from the corner chair and stepped towards the brunette. Her eyes flashed, and she spoke angrily, “You did this to my best friend so you could have a shot at her girlfriend?”

Tara turned to stare at Buffy, “What?”

Buffy turned to Tara, “She sold out Willow so Amy would give her a love spell, to do on you.”

She stepped towards the Brunette, her arms crossed, “So help me, I should tear you into a thousand pieces, I would make Amy’s death look like a peaceful way to go,” she growled.

Jen’s face paled as the slayer advanced.

Tara stood, shaken, “Buffy wait!” She turned to Jen, “is this true?”

“I, uh, guess so…”

“All that time, taking me to the doctors, helping me out…you were just hoping …that when Amy had finished with Willow that I, I …” Tara’s voice cracked, “I would go out with you? You were going to put a spell on me?”

Tara’s legs trembled; she sagged to the couch, and put her head in her hands. Buffy reached out to the blonde, “Tara, are you okay?” Tara’s shoulders shook as she sobbed. Buffy frowned, as her anger rose she looked up at the brunette.

“You.”

Buffy’s eyes were hard. She advanced on the brunette and reached out, grabbing her by the throat. Jen squealed as she felt the slayers hand tighten around her neck.

Jen tried to speak but she couldn’t, the slayers grip prevented her from speaking. Buffy bought her face up to the brunette’s, and whispered, “I am going to escort you to the front door, and then I’m going to let you go, if you so much as glance back in the direction of this house, I will kill you. If you so much as dare to ever speak to my friends or me again I will kill you. And if you ever give me any reason to come after your skanky ass again, guess what?”

“You’ll kill m-me?” gasped the brunette as Buffy released her grip.

“Good guess,” snarled Buffy as she dragged Jen towards the front door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy stood next to Tara, the blonde had been sitting on the couch, wrapped in her own thoughts for the last hour. Finally she looked up at Buffy, “Thanks,” she said as she wiped away tears.

“For what?”

“Getting rid of her, and not hurting her too much.”

Buffy smiled, “Oh, that was my pleasure, I don’t think she’ll be back here, or anywhere near any of us again, ever.”

Tara crossed her arms and stared at the floor, “Buffy what makes t-them do it?’

“Uh, do what?”

“Think that they can control me by p-putting a spell on me, to change me, what’s so wrong with me that I n-need to be changed?” Tara’s pained eyes searched Buffy’s, desperate for an answer.

“Oh Tara,” Buffy kneeled down in front of the blonde, wrapping her arms around and hugging her close. Tara leaned in and held her friend; they stayed that way for a few moments. Buffy pulled away, and looked her friend in the face, “Tara, I’m not sure why Jen would do something so horrible, but maybe I can tell you why I think Will did what she did, if you want me to?”

Tara dried her tears and nodded.

“You didn’t really know Willow … before,” Buffy hesitated, not sure how to proceed, “well, before she got the life that she has now, she was … different, still Willow, but shyer, more nervous, more nerdy, more babbly…”

“More babbly?” asked Tara with a small smile.

“Oh, definitely more babbly,” grinned Buffy, “but, she was kind of an outcast Tara. Now we don’t see her like that, but… she had a tough time, especially before I came along.”

Buffy’s smile faded as she remembered their first years together. “The other kids were tough on her, merciless - being smart and conscientious didn’t win her any friends, but you know Will, she couldn’t be any other way. So she just ploughed on like it didn’t bother her, but stuff like that stays with you. I think that inside Willow is just a big kid who’s still worried that she’ll never fit in, never be liked for who she really is… I think that maybe she forgot that we love her for her, not because she’s super powerful, or a smart hacker, or a good leader…”

Buffy’s eyes filled with tears, “I think that I was so wrapped up in my stuff that I forgot to tell her that she’s my best friend, and I love her, and I owe her everything for bringing me back.”

“Oh, Buffy, you c-can’t blame yourself, you were in a really bad place.”

“Maybe, but that goes for you too you know.”

Tara smiled, “Busted…”

Buffy smiled back at the blonde, “Yep, what say we stop the blame game, and get our Willow back to us as soon as we can?”

“Agreed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tara found herself back in the room with Willow. She’d just taken over from Buffy, who’d spent an hour alone with the redhead. Tara noticed that when Buffy slipped out of the room her eyes were puffy and red rimmed. She had simply smiled at the slayer, silently offering her support.

Sitting in the bedroom next to Willow, Tara’s mind mulled over her life and how it would be different without Willow. Since the vibrant redhead had come into her life things had never been the same. Granted, some not so good, she could definitely live without the threat of constant evil and the occasional apocalypse, but her relationship with Willow had given her so much - her friendship with the scoobies, her growing magical ability, self confidence, friends at college, and a home, a family. She had always dreamt of having a family that she could trust, love and hold onto. Willow had brought her that, sure it wasn’t a family in the traditional sense, but it was a family.

Tara laughed to herself; Willow had even insisted that she meet her parents. She wanted the blonde to know that she was part of the Rosenberg family too.

“Are you sure you want to come out to your parents the same night I meet them Will? Perhaps you could come out first, and then when they’ve become used to the idea we could meet?” Tara asked her girlfriend nervously.

Willow turned to the blonde, “I’m sure, they are going to be fine with me coming out and they are going to love you.” She leaned in and kissed Tara gently on the lips.

“You’re a little nervous?”

“Yeah, a little b-bit.”

“Don’t be, they’re going to love you. You’re beautiful, sweet, intelligent, and most of all you make me very, very happy,” Willow beamed at the blonde.

Tara smiled, “Okay.”

‘Will?”

“Yes?”

“Kiss me again,” Tara blushed as she pulled the redhead in for a lingering kiss. Eventually Willow broke the kiss and pulled back from her girlfriend, “You know it’s not fair to do that to me before we go to my parents for dinner!”

Tara smirked at her lover, “You’re the one making me have dinner with your parents, you deserve to suffer.”

Willow pouted, “Well you have no right kissing me like that,” she smiled at the blonde, “that’s an after dinner kiss.”

Tara laughed and brought her lips in for another kiss. Willow pulled away, smirking, “Oh, no I don’ t think so you vixen. You are going to have to wait until later now.”

Tara pouted, “Another after dinner kiss?”

Willow grinned, “Definitely, after dinner.” She paused and checked her watch, “shall we go then?”

“Okay.”

The two women made their way up the long garden path and knocked on the impressive oak door.

Willow leaned over and quickly whispered into Tara’s ear, “By the way, don’t worry if Mom doesn’t get your name right, it’s a thing she does.”

Before Tara could respond the door swung open revealing an excited Ira and Sheila Rosenberg ready to greet their guests. “Willow,” smiled Shirley, she leaned in and hugged her daughter, “it’s so good of you to come to dinner, we see you so little these days.”

“Hey Mom,” smiled Willow returning her mother’s hug.
“Uh, Mom, Dad this is Tara,”

“H-Hello, n-nice to m-meet you,” stammered Tara as she faced both parents.

“Well hello Tara dear, it’s so nice to meet another friend of Willow’s,” Shirley motioned for the two to come inside, “she really only ever bought over that pushy Bunny girl, pretty, but not too bright, and that Harris boy, nice but a little odd, played with Barbie dolls.”

“Mom,” warned Willow, “just because she wasn’t interested in the transformation of the bourgeoisie in 18th century France does not mean she’s dumb. Buffy,” Willow frowned as she emphasized the f’s in Buffy, “is in fact quite clever in her own way.”

“And she has a mean right hook,” added Tara with a smile.

Willow grinned at her girlfriend, “Yes she does.”

Ira interrupted the banter, “Come on into the kitchen girls we’re having a very simple meal tonight, your mother and I have been working on writing a lecture series all day so we thought we’d go with some fresh garden salad and grilled salmon, I hope that’s okay with you two.”

“Fine by me,” said Willow.

“I t-think it sounds lovely Mr Rosenberg,” said Tara, stuttering only slightly.

Ira dished out the portions as he chatted with his daughter, Tara watched the interaction carefully whilst Mrs Rosenberg finished off the salad in the kitchen.

“So I saw your grades were still in the top 5% this semester Willow, well done.”

Willow blushed, “Thanks Dad, things are going well.” She snuck a look at Tara who was sitting opposite her at the table.

Tara grinned, “Yes, Mr. Rosenberg, Willow is doing very well this semester, I think she’ll top the course.”

Mrs. Rosenberg joined the others as they sat down to enjoy their meal. They chatted casually; Mr. and Mrs. Rosenberg asking Tara about her study, and her family. Tara happily filled them in on her courses and how she was enjoying college. She even managed a few words about her family, just happy that Willow’s parents were showing an interest.

Towards the end of the meal Willow leaned back in her chair and rubbed her stomach. “Oh man, I think I ate too much, Dad that was great salmon, where did you get if from?”

“Oh, the deli on the corner, they’re very good you know. If you came home more often you’d know that.” Willow’s father smiled and looked at his daughter over his frames.

“Well Mom, Dad, that was one of the things I thought we could talk about tonight, I’ve not been coming for a reason and I wanted to tell you about it.” Willow glanced at Tara, who gave her girlfriend a big smile and squeezed her hand for support. Willow swallowed, she was nervous, but she desperately wanted her parents to know her, and Tara.

Willow’s parent’s glanced at each other and put down their utensils.

“So, Mom, Dad - things have been very, um, different at college, as you know there are lots of things happening, and you need to take the time out to figure out who you are.”

“Oh Willow, you don’t want to drop out do you?” Willow’s mother looked bereft, “you’re doing so well.”

Willow laughed, “God no Mum, I’m really enjoying it, and I’m doing well, so no I don’t want to drop out of college,” she paused to frown at her mother, “you really think I’d want to drop out?”

“Neither of us thinks that you want to drop out Willow, it’s just that sometimes it’s the unexpected things that come to pass. You know the old saying, every parent’s nightmare…” Willow’s father explained.

“Oh, well if you’re prepared for the unexpected, that’s good.”

Willow’s parents continued to stare at their daughter.

Willow cleared her throat, “Uh, I um guess this is the hard part, and I didn’t rehears. I should have but I didn’t, so here goes…”

Willow took a deep breath and squeezed Tara’s hand.

“Mom, Dad, I’m gay and this is my girlfriend Tara, we’re together and very much in love.”

Silence enveloped the dining room, Willow could hear her heart pounding against her ribs, and she thought she could her Tara’s doing the same. She paused, waiting for a response, unwilling to break the silence before her parents.

“Oh,” Shirley raised her eyebrows and glanced at her husband.

Ira smiled and avoided his wife’s eyes, “Well I think that’s lovely Willow, you seem very happy together.”

Willow stared at her father, “Uh - thanks Dad, but you don’t seem surprised.”

Ira glanced at his wife, “Well Willow, when I was upstairs dressing before dinner, I happened to look out the window and see…you two making out on the footpath so I’ve um had a little time to adjust to the surprise.”

Shirley glared at her daughter, “Willow Rosenberg, you were making out on the footpath in front of the house? What will the neighbors think?”

Willow blushed, “We weren’t making out…”

Tara raised her eyebrows at the redhead and smiled a little.

Willow rolled her eyes, “Well maybe just a little.”

Shirley rose from the dinner table and started to collect the dinner plates, “Well Willow, the next time you bring Terri by please refrain from making out in the driveway. Anyone for coffee?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Willow swung her arm, her fingers entwined with Tara’s as they walked back to the campus.

“You okay sweetie?” asked Tara

Willow squeezed her hand, “Yes, just a lot going on up here,” she pointed at her head and wiggled her fingers.

“Ah - want to share?”

“That went way better than I expected.”

“And that’s bad?”

“No, just, well it’s kind of a let down, I guess.”

“You were expecting a fight?”

“I’m not sure what I was expecting, but that wasn’t it. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that they’ve accepted you, I guess their reaction wasn’t quite what I thought it was going to be.”

Tara grinned and squeezed the redhead’s hand, “I guess life is full of good surprises.”

“Yes it is, and it makes things easier.”

“Like what?”

Willow blushed in the dark, “Well uh, you know having them welcome you into the family, and you know…” her voice dropped as her mind swirled with possibilities.

“Will, sweetie, are you okay?”

Willow stopped and turned to Tara, “Well baby, it makes it easier for them to accept that one day you will – hopefully – be my wife and the mother of our children.”

Tara gaped at her girlfriend, “Will, I – I…”

Willow panicked, “Oh God, Tara, I was just, you know, thinking about the future, you know what we, together, may or may not decide to do…”

Tara pressed her lips against Willow’s to silence the redhead. They kissed until they reached Tara’s dorm room. Willow fumbled with the lock, until the door creaked open and they fell through the doorway.

“So Ms Rosenberg, you think that one day you might want to marry me?” asked Tara as she moved her lips down the redhead’s neck.

“Oh, yes, one day I’m gonna ask you to marry me,” groaned Willow as she allowed the blonde access to her neck and pulled Tara towards her so that their breasts were pushed together.

Tara’s eyes filled with tears as she looked into Willow’s emerald orbs, “Willow, are you serious, really? You want to marry me?”

Willow bought her hands to the blonde’s face, “Tara, one day, when we’re out of college, and have jobs, and our own place, I’m going to buy you the biggest, nicest ring I can find and I'm going to ask you to marry me.”

Tears dripped down Tara’s face as she kissed the redhead, “and one day when we’re out of college, and have jobs, and our own place I’m going to say yes.”

Tara’s thoughts were interrupted by a gentle knock at the door.

“Come in,” she called out.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... Good that Jen is gone for good... I hope Tara tells Willow that she still intents of saying Yes to her...

[Poniac]

Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 3:38 pm Post subject: Re: My first fic - Lost Hope (Updated 23 Aug 09)

Zampasa1975 - Thanks - Tara say yes to Willow, Willow say yes to Tara, it's gotta happen in the end

Lost Hope

Love feedback - so the more the better - and thanks to all the kittens for being so friendly and supportive so far.

Big thanks once again to Restlessminds for being my beta and pointing out more than a few typos and one or two errors in logic!! (and picking up on my gratituous use of the aussie vernacular - in particular the word 'hey' at the end of a sentence (my bad I was channelling my father..)

NC 17 - Just a bit of a tease.....

Part 17 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The door opened and Brae slipped quietly into the room.

“Hey Tara.”

Tara smiled at the doctor, “Hey Brae, how are you?”

“Good, how’s our patient?”

“I think she’s doing b-better.”

“That’s good to hear, I’ll check her out shortly, but first I want to talk about your wrist.”

Tara grimaced as she held up the wrist cast for inspection, “This? I’m kind of used to it now.”

Brae sat down next to Tara and examined her wrist, “I hope you don’t mind, but this morning I went to the clinic and checked your medical records, I think we can do a small healing spell and get this cast off you today.”

Tara frowned, “A spell? I’m not sure...” She stared at her plastered wrist, her mind questioning the use of magicks for such a minor problem.

Brae watched the blonde, “Tara, I can see you’re hesitant, I understand, really I do, but this isn’t dark magicks, and it’s not misuse of magicks. I’m a healer, magicks and healing is my gift and it’s what I do.’

She paused, “please, you let me help Willow, let me help you.”

'I guess you're right," Tara smiled, “Actually I’d r-really appreciate it.”

“Right, then let’s get on with it!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tara flexed her fingers as Brae watched.

“Looking good,” Brae remarked, “make a tight fist.” She watched as Tara clenched and unclenched her hand. “Excellent!”

“Wow, that’s great,” she looked up at the doctor, “thanks,” she smiled gratefully.

Brae picked up the cast, “You won’t need this anymore,” she announced as she tossed the cut up plaster into the wastepaper basket. She turned to the blonde, and looked at her for a few moments before speaking.

“Tara, I just want to ask you a question, I’d appreciate an honest answer.”

Tara’s face became a mask, “S-sure, what is it?”

“Your wrist, it wasn’t Willow was it?”

“What? No. I fell, c-collided with another student.”

Brae sighed, “Good, that’s good.”

Tara watched Brae, she cocked her head slightly and tried to get a read on the doctor. “This is personal for you isn’t it?”

Brae’s eyes quickly flashed with anger and then pain, “It shouldn’t be.”

“But it is,” prompted Tara.

Brae stood beside the bed and watched Willow sleep for a few minutes before she turned to speak to Tara.

“Yes, it’s personal - my sister got in too deep and couldn’t find her way out.” Brae’s jaw set as she contained her anger.

“Oh I’m sorry Brae,” said Tara.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, Tara. She only had herself to blame, she …” Brae sighed and turned back to Willow, “she was out of her depth and got lost.”

“You couldn’t help her?”

“I wasn’t there, I was in med school, she was supposed to be working as a free lance photographer, but… she had a boyfriend, and he introduced her to the dark magicks. By the time I knew, it was too late.”

Brae gave the blonde a small smile, that didn’t mask her pain, “The magicks consumed her, she was a wreck, addicted, not caring about anyone or anything else, he left her, and she died alone.”

Tara’s heart broke for the blonde doctor, “Oh Brae, that m-must have been horrible for you, and your family.”

“It wasn’t the best time of my life,” she paused and looked at Willow, “so I guess I owe both you and Willow an apology.”

“Why?”

“I was angry, Talia died alone, had no one to help her, Willow here has people lining up to save her. She’s broken your heart, hurt her friends, and yet you’re all still here, and she’s still not coming around. I’m sorry, I’m not making sense.”

“I get it,” Tara looked at Willow sadly, “I love her – more than anything.”

“I can see that, she’s one lucky woman.”

Tara smiled, “Brae, you might not believe this given the circumstances, but so am I.”

Brae reached out and wrapped one arm around the blonde, “Let’s see how she’s going.”

Brae sat down next to Willow’s bed, “So how’s my favourite patient today?” she asked the redhead as she examined Willow, replacing her drip. “She’s looking a bit better,” Brae lifted her hand to the redhead’s face and grazed her face with the back of her hand, “she’s not as pale, and the dark circles under her eyes are gone.”

Tara looked at the doctor hopefully, “W-What does that mean, could she be coming out of it?”

Brae smiled at the blonde, “Things are looking good, but we can’t go on like this, I think we’ll give her one more day, and then I’ll have to think about hospitalisation. Have you been connecting with her, talking to her?”

“T-Two or three times a day…I c-could do more if I need to – I don’t want to be too intrusive, I mean, we’re not … together anymore, so maybe she wouldn’t want me to…” Tara turned to look sadly at the redhead. “Everyone else has been up here talking to her, Dawn probably the most, she likes the chance to talk to her…” Tara eyes filled with tears as she stood and turned towards the door, “I’m just going to get a drink, I’ll be back shortly.”

Brae watched the blonde leave; she turned to Willow and eyed the redhead. “Well Willow, I don’t know what you did to deserve her, but you have one hell of a girlfriend. If I was you I wouldn’t linger too long, because you may wake up to find that beautiful woman has moved on without you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Moonlight streamed through the window, the curtains fluttered as a cool wind entered the room. Tara did as she had done each night since they brought Willow home. She was curled up in a reading chair next to Willow’s bed. She dozed lightly, her cheek resting against the edge of the chair. Her arm snaked out the side and rested against the redhead’s, their fingers entwined.

Tara opened her eyes checking the room, she sat up, unsure why she was awake. She looked at Willow who appeared to be sleeping soundly. She rubbed at her eyes with her free hand, and yawned as she nestled back down in the chair and closed her eyes. Then she felt it, a gentle squeeze of her right hand. She automatically squeezed back. Her eyes snapped open, she squeezed again, and was shocked to feel a gentle pressure on her hand.

Tara leaned over the bed, “Willow, sweetie, can you hear me?” she whispered gently. She saw Willow’s eyes move under her eyelids and felt Willow squeeze her hand once again. “Oh Goddess, please Willow if you’re awake, let me know you can hear me.”

“Tara,” whispered the redhead as she opened her eyes partway and stared at the blonde.

“Oh Will," Tara smiled, then leaned down and gently pressed her lips against Willow’s, “It’s so good to hear your voice.”

“Hey,” the redhead smiled up at the blonde, she frowned, “what happened, am I in hospital?”

“No, you’re here at Buffy’s, don’t worry about what happened, all that’s important is that you’re okay.”

Willow reached for her hand, “Ouch, why do I have a drip in?”

“You were out for a few days so the doctor put in a drip to make sure you got some nutrients.”

“Oh,” Willow leaned back into the pillow and closed her eyes.

“Tara?”

“Yes Will?”

“Was I hurt, I don’t remember…”

“What do you remember sw - Will?”

“Not much, um it’s a blur but I don’t remember much after seeing you at the Expresso Pump, just flashes, like shorts from a movie.”

“Will,” Tara paused as she ran her fingers across the redhead’s cheek, “we don’t have to talk about this now.”

“It’s bad isn’t it?” asked Willow, her voice cracking, “I lost control and I hurt someone didn’t I? Oh Goddess, I hurt Buffy didn’t I? I remember fighting her…” Willow struggled to sit up.

Tara held her back against her pillow, and looked into Willow’s bright green eyes, “Will listen to me, you didn’t hurt anyone, it’s okay, just rest and we can talk about this in the morning.”

“Really, I didn’t hurt anyone?”

“No, you didn’t hurt anyone.”

Willow sighed and rested back into her pillows. She closed her eyes and Tara had thought she’d gone back to sleep when she spoke, “Tara, not that I’m not very happy to see you, but um why are you here, when you … you … should be … somewhere else…”

Tara took Willow’s hand, “Even though we’re n-not together, I’d never just leave you when you’re hurt; I still … care about you.”

Willow’s eyes filled with tears as she looked away from the blonde, “I don’t deserve you anyway, you should just go back to her, at least she’ll make you happy and won’t hurt you, she won’t betray you.”

The blonde frowned, “What are you talking about, which she should I be going back to?”

“J-J-Jen,”

“What?!!” Tara stared at Willow, “W-What are you saying? You t-think I’m with Jen?” She watched as tears welled in Willow’s eyes and slid down her cheeks.

“Amy said that…” Willow couldn’t continue as sobs wracked her small frame.

“Oh sweetheart,” Tara leant forward and wrapped her arms around Willow’s shoulders, “it’s n-not true, I never, ever…” she paused as she cupped the redhead’s face and looked deep into her emerald eyes, “Will, listen to me, you know it’s only ever been you… even when we’re not... it’s still only you…”

Willow looked at Tara with wide teary eyes, “S-so you’re not…”

Tara smiled, “No, I’m not…”

“Oh,” Willow frowned as she wiped at her eyes, “Amy said that you’d moved on, that she saw you with Jen, and that, well - you’d told Jen you’d never get back with me because of the dark magicks…” Willow started to cry again.

“Shhhhh sweetie, it’s just not true.” Tara kissed Willow on the forehead and pulled her close. Tara breathed in Willow’s scent, her heart aching for the redhead, she held her close, whishing she could hold her forever.

“Why, Tara, why would she say those things?” sobbed Willow, “it hurt so much. I thought I’d lost you…I…”

“That’s why you went to Rack?”

Willow looked at Tara tearfully and nodded, “I’d been a couple of times before, but this time I – I didn’t care what happened, I just …” she hung her head and stared at her hands.

“Will, you can tell me,” Tara whispered softly to the redhead.

Willow continued to stare at her hands, avoiding Tara’s eyes, “I – I lost hope,” she whispered as tears dripped down her cheeks.

As Tara stared at Willow her eyes watered, she didn’t speak, scared that she’d burst into tears. She pulled the redhead close, burying her face in her neck, she wrapped her arms around Willow and held her tight. After a moment Willow lifted her arms and wrapped them around Tara and began to sob. They clung to each other for a long time. Finally Willow pulled away, “I,” she started, “I feel so ashamed Tara, so…”

Tara put her finger to the redheads lips, “Shh my love, not now, it’s not the time. You need to rest, we can talk tomorrow.”

“You’re going now?” Willow’s voice wavered.

“No, I’m going to be next to you, right here.”

Willow hung her head, “Um I don’t have the right to ask, but do you think you might be able to sleep here?” Willow patted the mattress next to her, “if you want to.”

“S-Sure, I can do that.” Tara smiled and climbed onto the bed and lay next to Willow. The redhead rolled so she was nested into Tara, the blondes’ chest resting against Willow’s back.

Willow whispered, “Is this okay?”

Tara smiled and pulled Willow into her, “Yes, it’s just fine,” she whispered back as she wrapped her arms around the redhead.

Willow smiled, and instantly fell into a long deep sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow’s lips travelled the length of Tara’s body, kissing, licking and tasting the blonde, “Goddess baby, I love how you taste,” she murmured between wet kisses. Her tongue found Tara’s nipples and sucked on the hard nubs. Willow felt her girlfriend respond underneath her as she worked the blonde’s nipples with her tongue and teeth. “Oh Goddess Will, that’s so good,” whispered Tara as her fingers travelled up and down Willow’s back, her nails leaving red trails along her creamy white skin. Willow’s centre throbbed as she continued to kiss her girlfriend, her lips travelling down towards the blonde’s centre…

Willow woke with a start, she reached out and felt the blonde laying next to her, “Oh,’ she sighed as she closed her eyes and leaned back into the pillow. “God,” groaned the redhead, “that was intense.” She sighed and tried to calm her aroused body and throbbing centre; she reached out and searched for Tara’s hand in the dark.

Tara gripped Willow’s shoulders, she groaned loudly as the redhead’s tongue explored her centre, probing and tasting. She thrust her tongue in and out of Tara, causing the blonde’s hips to buck and push into Willow’s face. “God Will, I want you, now.” Willow shifted so that two fingers were at Tara’s entrance, she groaned as she slid into her girlfriend. Tara panted heavily as Willow’s fingers slid in and out of her pussy, “Oh yes Will, that’s so good, don’t stop.” The blonde rode Willow’s fingers, until she felt her inner muscles contract, her fingers were entangled in the redhead’s hair as she continued to lick and suck her clit. With her left hand Tara reached up and tweaked her own nipples, as she felt Willow’s tongue work it’s magic on her clit.

Tara awoke with a start, she immediately reached out and felt the redhead lying next to her, “Oh,” she moaned, relieved, and yet disappointed, she closed her eyes and leaned back into the pillow.

When sunlight broke through the curtains Tara was still awake, her eyes on the sleeping redhead. She watched as Willow’s eyes fluttered open, “Hey,” she whispered.

“Hey,” smiled Willow.

“How are you feeling?”

“Uh, less tired, less confused, and very happy to be looking at you.”

Tara blushed and hid her face under a curtain of long blonde hair, “I haven’t told anyone else you’re awake yet, I should do that, they’re going to be thrilled.”

Willow’s face crumpled, “Thrilled or terrified?” she asked nervously.

Tara held Willow’s face in her hands and pressed her lips to her forehead, “I said thrilled and I m-mean it. They will be so relieved, no matter w-what happened Will, they love you,” Tara paused and stared into the redhead’s eyes, “we all do,” she said keeping steady eye contact.

Willow felt all the air leave her lungs as she stared into Tara’s blue eyes.

“Really?” asked Willow, her heart beating wildly against her chest.

“Really,” assured Tara.

Willow whispered, “Do you think that eventually one day they’ll forgive me?”

Tara reached out and pushed a strand of stray hair behind the redhead’s ear, “I think there is some talking to be done, on both sides, but I think they’ll forgive you.”

Willow’s smile covered her face.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... Big Yay for Willow waking up... I hope the talk will be relatively easy and that Willow and Tara reconnect...

[DaddyCatALSO]

Synchronized dreaming; won't qualify for the Olympics, but less mysterious than synchronized swimming.

Welcome back, Wil.

[restlessminds]

Ooh, I do love a tender reconciliation scene!

You know, I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned before how much I like this rendition of Tara. You've got her personality just right. You strike a really nice balance between her strength and fragility.

Very nicely done as usual.

Thanks for sharing
restlessminds