As promised (to no one but myself) here is the next chapter.
I understand that this process is a deeply personal and private one, but I thought that another character's presence needed to be brought in here for a greater balance. Thus, this next part contains a lot of Faith. She will begin to play a larger role--along with at least 1 more major secondary character--from here on out. I hope she fits in ok.
Thank you again to all of you wonderful people who continually write comments and leave feedback on this story. I know it is not an easy one to read, so I am really appreciative of your support of it. And thank you to everyone who reads this as well! Even if you don't leave feedback, I appreciate the fact that you are reading
I've reached 10000 hits! I am still in shock over this.. When I first starting writng this (way back when), I never thought I'd get 100 hits, let alone 10000! Yay for you guys!
Thanks you so much!
Wimpy0729: No worries about missing one... I'm writing as fast as my little fingers and brain will carry me, so it's a lot to keep up with!
Thank you so much for your comments. It is great to see how people feel when they read this. Not that I'm glad I am making this difficult to read, but that it is coming across in a realistic and effective way. Thanks for getting the "two Taras" concept. I struggled over getting that out there and it is something that will be developed further as she seeks professional help and as she progresses with Willow as well. It will be a long and rocky road, but I hope you'll hang in there for the remainder! Thank you so much for your trust with this very important process. I promise to handle it with respect and truth.
I liked the rock idea too--it seemed apt for the situation and the deference to the ocean that runs through the the latter half of this fic reinforces the idea (I think). Tara and Willow are far from reaching total and utter truth and trust, but they're getting there.
I teased, but I couldn't help it. I hope you don't mind the way it played out
vampyregurl73: Yes, you do indeed get a ribbon AND a certificate for being my 200th post! (It's in the mail, okay?
)
I think Tara is holding it together well, too. I mean, I still want to show her pain and anxiety and the adverse affects of the abuse (and the secret), but I want her to be strong and courageous as well. Thank you for noticing this and pointing it out.
It's been difficult for me to write Willow in all of this--her reactions, her strength, her missteps and doubts. I hope it's realistic.
Tara is indeed layered and stronger than even she realizes. Eventually (I hope) she will come to this conclusion, but not for a while yet. Being with Willow will certainly help her see herself for who she really is.
Tara is dealing the only way she knows how and in the only way that she feels safe. I think the idea of a hospital scares Tara in that she would have to disclose to A LOT of people and that frightens her even more than the depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety and fear. This will come up later...
Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. Your comments have definitely helped me (both this time and before) to figure out exactly where i wanted to go with certain things. Thanks for keeping me company!
KioNewgo: I'm glad you like that last part. hope this part doesn't disappoint! I thought that a physical manifestation of Tara's emotions would be a good way for her to be able to separate it from being too much to carry. And so I thought of the rocks... Glad you like it! Hope some of your answers are answered in this next part.. I'll let you read it and not ruin it for you! You are quite perceptive with the flashbacks and the fact that Tara has had previous sexual encounters without dealing with them (or so we assume). Your theory won't be fully answered this time, but maybe it will come up soon.
Thanks again for reading and commenting.. It really helps guide the writing process!
LonelyTara: Thanks for your kind words! I like writing imagery--it's a thing
For me, the idea of imagery in fiction serves many purposes and so that's what I;m trying to do... sometimes I worry that it comes off as too contrived, though, so thanks for the reassurance. Please let me know if it ever goes too over the top!
Oooh, shivery! Love that word! Hope you like this next part and that it doesn't disappoint!
SMGOVAN: Sooorrrry!
I hope this next part doesn't end on too much of a cliffhanger and that some things are sorted out! Yes, I think the rock thing is pretty cool... and you can sure get a lot of force behind thowing things (don't try it with breakable items, though!) There's nothing better than throwing a stone towards the ocean, waiting endlessly for it to make it's splash, and then wondering where it will be taken the next time the current sweeps it up. I reccommend it to everyone who hasn't tried it! I agree that Tara's chances are definitely increased if she seeks a professional who can help her line everything up and help the clutter of things that are going on. Thanks for your comments!
Warning: This chapter gets a little NC 17ish, so beware. Also, as per the last ten chapters or so, there is a lot of angst, turmoil and overall bad stuff going on here. Please don't read if it is going to hurt you in any way...
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Chapter 24: Gone
*******
Faith managed to keep her cool through most of the afternoon and evening when Willow and her new girl took off. Well, she thought she was acting normal, but if you’d asked any of the other dig members, they’d say that Dr. Lehane had a beef with someone and was taking it out on every innocent bystander. She snapped at Jenny when the girl forgot to bring her coffee at four o’clock--an occurance that she had never been a part of before--and she berated Danny when he tried to extract a piece of pottery without supervision—something he’d been doing since he graduated three years ago.
Faith was in a snit.
She didn’t know what was going on with Willow. She was trying her best to be patient, to be an understanding friend, but it was so out of character for her friend and colleague to blow off her work and not keep her in the loop while on a dig.
Faith was worried.
Pacing from wall to wall in her small room, Faith went over the pros and cons of dragging the redhead out of bed and demanding an explanation. She knew that the lead anthropologist was back on site—the SUV was still in the parking lot and her bags were not in there anymore. Unless she and the blonde decided to hitchhike over 150 kilometers back to the city, it was a safe bet that they had made their way back to the compound.
Okay, pro: finding out if Red is truly okay and that the blonde is not some succubus trying to fuck her friend into oblivion against her will. Con: Willow asked for understanding and some time to help her girl and barging in on them while there’s sleep or something less platonic going on would probably send the spitey redhead off on her. So I guess I can add a possible broken bone or at least a black eye to the ‘cons’ list. Faith thought to herself.
“Arghhhh!” Faith screamed—none too quietly—as she took the five steps she needed to make it to the back wall of her room. She felt closed in. Grabbing her sweater off the back of the chair, Faith shoved open her patio door and slipped out into the night. She decided to try and run her indecision out of herself by taking a few laps around the lighted compound.
She stretched for exactly six seconds and then took off at a full sprint running clockwise around the large group of buildings. The night air was damp and cold and each breath that Faith took in on that fourth and final round around the compound felt like icicles jabbing into the walls of her lungs.
But the run had served its purpose of clearing her mind.
She knew what she had to do.
*******
Willow thanked every deity known in this world and others for the place she was in right now—lying in a bed beneath the most glorious woman in the universe. Tara’s swaying breasts, still enclosed in her cotton bra, lay right within groping distance. Her own undergarment had been discarded long ago and she was riding the waves that Tara’s mouth on her breast were providing. The blonde was worshiping her body and nothing had ever felt as good to Willow as she did in that moment.
“Willow, umm,” Tara said lifting her mouth from a taut mouth-soaked nipple making a popping noise. “Sweetie, you are absolutely delectable,” she murmured in between kisses and nibbles. She rained her mouth down Willow’s chest, leaving no piece of skin untouched. Tara made love to every single freckle that graced Willow’s upper body. She just kept on discovering more and more smatterings of color to adore. The blonde was curious about whether the freckles covered her lower body as well.
Tara planned on finding out very soon.
Willow was adrift. A slow buzz started at her toes and traveled the entire expanse of her body. Where Tara’s mouth connected with her body, Willow was on fire. The blonde was circling the redhead’s navel, swirling her tongue inside the crevice making Willow arch and moan. The blonde's hands continued to knead her still wet breasts, pinching and rolling the nipples in time with the grinding of her hips.
Willow clenched her raised thighs around Tara’s sides and rolled them gently over so that she now hovered over the blonde. Tara giggled at the sudden change in position and didn’t let it stop her hands from reconnecting with Willow’s suspended breasts. Despite it being against her better judgement and the little voice coming from below her waist, Willow swiped Tara’s busy hands away and focused on levelling the clothing playing field.
Pushing back the desire that was pounding through every pore in her body, Willow reverently caressed the blonde’s hair back from her flushed face. Her fingertips traced a path from Tara’s eyebrows, shaping those darkened blue eyes, over the bridge of her nose and down finally to kiss-roughened lips. She was mesmerized by the beauty in front of her, and it was apparent to Tara through those expressive green eyes how Willow actually saw her. For the first time in her life, Tara didn’t feel dirty or shameful. She didn’t want this feeling to end, and so she pulled Willow down to her mouth again and latched onto the redhead’s lips.
Lost in a sweet, yet sensual, kiss, neither woman heard the initial pounding that came from outside. Willow had managed to lower the straps of Tara’s bra and was reaching back to unhook the final barrier. Her mouth watered at the idea of finally getting those scrumptious breasts in her mouth. She had dreamed of this moment—literally. Just as the cups were lowering over final swell, Tara jumped up and threw Willow off.
“Wha-What? What is it, honey? Too fast? I knew we were moving too fast. I knew it, I knew it! Damn you, Rosenberg, all with the grabby and the fondling and-and the—“ Willow found her tirade cut off once again when Tara’s lips ravished her own.
“Not too fast, sweetie,” Tara spoke as her lips left Willow’s for a quick second. “I heard something outside. Maybe we should check it out?” She said reaching for her shirt.
“Oh, um, okay, good. Not too fast then. Just a noise. A scary noise?” she questioned her voice rising unnaturally.
Tara opened her mouth to reply when another bang came from the patio door. “Red! Open up for fuck’s sake! It’s colder than a goddamn convent out here. I’m freezing my fine set of –“
“Don’t finish that sentence, Faith,” Willow warned as she yanked the patio door open. “What the hell are you doing out there at,” the redhead glanced down at her watch, “One-thirty in the morning?” she demanded as she tried to straighten her hastily thrown on shirt.
Tara, ever being the perceptive reader of emotions, decided to leave the friends to hash out their problems without being in the way. “Will, I-I’m going to r-r-run to the w-washrooms and maybe g-g-get a bite to eat. I’ll b-be back in a little w-w-while, okay?” she questioned as she gathered up her discarded sweater and headed for the inside door.
Upon hearing her love speak, Willow looked up in awe and thanks at Tara’s deep reserve of tact—something she wished Faith had a little more of. Knowing that she didn’t want the fragile blonde around for what was sure to be Faith’s less than delicate brow-beating, she was relieved that Tara read the situation well. “Sure, baby. Make sure you get something to eat, okay? It’s been a while. Help yourself to whatever’s out there.” Walking towards the blonde, Willow stopped in front of her and gave Tara a small grin and loving kiss. “See you soon, my love,” she whispered.
Tara left the two anthropologists to resolve their differences. She felt an immediate swarm of guilt at the thought that she was to blame for the argument and disquiet between the old friends. She walked the hallway lined in white walls until there was a fork in the path. Tara couldn’t quite remember the setup of the building so she decided to turn right and hoped to come upon either the bathroom or the kitchen.
Back in the cramped room, Faith entered fully and was assaulted by the unmistakeable aroma of sex. The scattered clothing—she thought she saw a satin red bra hanging from the desk in the corner—and unmade bed did nothing to quench her anger.
“What the fuck, Red?” Faith attacked going into pace-mode again. “You leave without warning, give me a cryptic message about Blondie needing you, make an appearance at camp and then disappear for the entire day without warning. No, ‘hey, Faith, I’m back and I have a guest,’ no, ‘everything’s fine we’re just really horny and need some alone time.’ I’ve had to take on all your responsibilities since you left and I totally remembered why I
hate being lead digger.” Faith stopped in her tracks when she heard the tell-tale signs that the redhead was crying.
“Woah, woah there,” Faith exclaimed running to Willow. “What’s with the tears? I’m not gonna beat on you or anything. Jeez, Red,” Faith’s voice was filled with concern as she made her way to the redhead.
Faith went to sit next to Willow on the bed but caught herself before plopping down. “Yo, Red. Is it okay to sit here? If I ain’t getting any, I for sure don’t want to sit in any either,” the brunette said from a semi-crouched position with her ass hanging over the messy bed.
Willow couldn’t help but chuckle over her friend’s discretionary actions. “Sit down, Faith. Nothing happened.” Then she added: “thanks to you,” under her breath.
“I can’t get into details—you have to trust me on this, okay?” Willow spoke as she shifted to make room for Faith on the bed. “Tara is going through some things and she’s asked for my help. I’m going to try and get her to stay here so I can take my duties back up, but if she needs to go, then I’m going too. I know this is not the most professional way to conduct myself, and I’d understand if you felt the need to report me, but I’m not backing down from what I believe in. And what I believe in right now is Tara, is us.”
Willow exhaled deeply when she got all of that out in one breath. The redhead was concerned with her lack of explanation to Faith, and she really hated lying to her, but there was no other way to go about this right now. Tara asked her point blank not to say anything to anyone, so Willow would just have to hope for the best that Faith would understand.
Faith had witnessed many Willow-babbles over the years that she had known the redhead, but none so logical and straight forward. “So you are helping this woman with some personal issues, is that it?” Faith questioned. “She needs a friend right now and you’re that person? It has nothing to do with the fact that you two were just bumping uglies in here?” Faith threw the questions at Willow like they were hand grenades.
“I love her, Faith. I told you that. She is the most beautiful and amazing woman that I’ve ever met. Someday I am going to marry her and have her babies. It’s the real deal. And if loving and helping Tara means that I’m dinged professionally, so be it. It’s not worth my job. I’ll get another one. I’ll work as a cleaning lady if I have to, I’ll panhandle if it comes to it. But I will
not let that woman down, do you hear me?”
Willow was entering the breaking point territory herself. So much had happened in the past few days that had immensely changed her existence. She wasn’t sure herself if this world was such a good place to live anymore if the universe—or some higher being—allowed those terrible things to happen to Tara. She never had a childhood. She had supressed all of her happy memories. She was overcome with ideas of shame and guilt and self-hate. She was terrified of the world. And Willow was her anchor. This courageous woman had decided to place all of her faith in a woman who still couldn’t deal with her issues of abandonment, of her parents’ death, a woman who threw herself into work and isolated herself from anything remotely social. Willow was doubting her ability to be anything but a liability to Tara.
She was terrified.
Faith knew the situation was serious when Willow referenced her career. She had known the redhead for a long time and had seen nothing but utter dedication for the pursuit of advancement from her. If Willow was willing to throw everything away, she was either insane or completely in love—the options ended up meaning the same thing to the cynical brunette.
“I’m going to have to trust you on this, aren’t I,” Faith questioned frustratedly. “Well, I don’t really it like it too much, but I’m going to give you my trust, Red. You should know that it doesn’t come easily and if you break it, you won’t get it back.” Faith shifted so that she could throw a companionable arm around the redhead’s slumped shoulders. “Know that if you need anything, I’m here for you, got it? No matter what it is, I’m here.” The brunette just held Willow closer as the redhead sobbed out her worries and her inadequacies.
Time had passed and Willow was snapped out of her gloom when she realized that Tara had not come back. It had been over an hour and she immediately jumped up from the bed, throwing on a sweater and heading for the door. “Faith! Tara… she’s, I-I, where is she? She should have been back by now,” the redhead stated incoherently.
“I’m sure she’s okay,” Faith tried to sooth the obviously frazzled nerves of her colleague. “What kind of trouble could she get up to in the compound, anyway?”
Ideas of sharp knives, alcohol and pills, shotguns and the proximity of the chilling depths of the ocean ran through Willow’s mind as she raced to put her feet in her shoes properly. When she couldn’t get them on right, the redhead snactched them up from the ground and flung the hiking boots against the far wall. “God
dammit!” she yelled as she ran from the room barefoot.
I have to find her. She has to be okay. I shouldn’t have left her alone. Oh my God, this is all my fault. She trusted me and I let her down. Did I tell her I loved her before she left? I can’t live without her. Please, oh please let her be okay.
Willow’s mind was on full babble alert as she swept the door to her room open and immediately went flying at full speed down the hallway with her sock-clad feet slipping and sliding with every turn and sudden stop she tried to take. She looked everywhere for Tara—in the bathroom, the kitchen, the TV room and in every hallway. She even went so far as to poke her head inside every bunkroom to check and see if the blonde had gotten tired and decided to crash. Every light was now blazing in the compound and people were starting to stir inside their rooms. Willow finally collapsed in the kitchen when her search became futile.
Tara was gone.
She had left her alone and now Tara was gone.
Wiping the tears off her face that were continuously spilling over from her eyes and causing her vision to blur, Willow cleared her mind and brought the image of Tara’s eyes into focus. As she felt herself calm exponentially as blueness swept over her, Willow could make out a voice calling to her.
“Red! Willow, god dammit! Where are you?” Faith bellowed down the halls. Finally finding her friend crumpled on the kitchen floor surrounded by a puddle of her own tears, the direness of the situation finally reached her mind.
Fuck, look at her. I’ve never seen Red look this way before. Something must be seriously wrong for be acting like this. Faith mentally stopped in her tracks as she went over the horrible possibilities that had the potential to reduce this woman to the irrational mess she saw in front of her. Deciding then and there to be nothing but a pillar of trust and support to both of the women, Faith gathered Willow’s wracking frame up in her arms like a helpless baby and gently walked back towards the redhead’s room.
A mad panic was still sweeping through Willow. She had to find Tara. Now. Trying her best to wrestle herself free from Faith’s protective arms, the redhead squirmed and twisted like a captured animal.
“I have to find Tara, Faith! Let me go! She needs me, please!
Please just let me go!” Willow hysterically screamed and pounded against the brunette’s solid frame.
“She’s okay, Red. Your girl’s okay. She was sleeping on the floor outside your room and you ran right past her. She’s waiting for you, calm down, okay? You don’t want to scare her do you?” Faith questioned as she felt the redhead relaxing. “Come on now, gather yourself before you go in there,” Faith instructed as she put Willow on her feet at the end of the hallway towards the single rooms.
Faith watched as Willow erupted into a burst of speed once again as she made her way towards her room, wanting nothing but to see with her own eyes that Tara was indeed safe inside. As the brunette turned to make her way to bed, her stomach clenched in apprehension over Willow’s profound anxiousness and the possible reasons for causing such a reaction in the redhead.
Wanting nothing more than to forget her own past and the memories that tonight’s events had rehashed, Faith went quietly into her room and took out her stashed flask from its hiding place beneath her mattress.
Swallowing down half of the bottle in one swig, the brunette flopped onto her bed and prayed for a dark and quiet sleep.
********
TBC...
by Cyteach » Fri Nov 12, 2010 9:33 am 
!!! My outrage aside, I'm glad Tara has found a coping mechanism that is significantly less self destructive (duh) than cutting (the grasping and chucking of the rocks). The fact that she is open to the idea of recv. help of the phsyciatric variety bolds very well for her chances of recovery. Well done... 
... lol you have such good erotic imagery. Please continue the smoochies (even if the do keep getting interupted... *giggles*)
:D:D
..
