Worth Waiting For

[DaddyCatALSO]

Interesting change, and with Buffy not in the meld no attracting the attention of the First Slayer. (I once speculated on what body parts other Scoobies &* associates would be, but that wasn't used either.) Wonder what comes next.

[abarda]

Great update! I really liked the spell they did, it was fantastic... And I hope that now that Adam is past, Tara will be able to deal with her troubled past and then she and Willow will have their smoochies!

[MochaVamp]

Great use of moving the show's storyline around. I think you take is far more interesting.

[Morrigan]

Next update is in the works. In the meantime, replies to you wonderful folks who leave feedback, and help me keep the motivation to keep writing.




FIRESIGN:

Can't wait to read more - nice cliffhanger

Thanks...more coming soon, I promise.


leonhart17:

I like the changes you made to the fight! Very cool idea!

Hope the girls are okay - can't wait to see what you do (if anything) with Restless...

Thanks. I liked the idea of using a magic/tech meld to overcome the demon/tech enemy. And though i like the original enjoining spell, i wanted something that would include more than just the original four Scoobies.

I don't think I am gonna do much with 'Restless' for most of the Scoobs, or I should say the aftermath of this spell will be very different. With Buffy not having been in the spell-group, the first slayer wont be making an appearance. And if i explain any more, I'll ruin teh next few updates...so shutting up now.


Zampsa1975:

Nice way to make Adam go boom... I hope the Scoobies and wolves get out of Initiative ok...

Thanks! And more on the exit from the Initiative coming soon..


AmberGoddess:

Tara gets to help, and there's no yicky chest-gouging from Riley (I mean really, was there a point beyond squidge factor there?)

I definitely wanted Tara involved. I mean, they had the 'i accept your relationship' scene but then Tara is ignored during something she could definitely have helped with.

As for Riley, there was squickiness with the self-surgery there. I know they meant it to show how much Buffy meant to him, that he could overcome the conditioning to save her, when his own safety was not enough...but still, it was gross. Glad you liked my version better!


love_2003:

Maybe now that the fight with Adam is over Willow and Tara can focus more on their relationship. Hopefully Tara will open up to Willow about what exactly happened in her past.

That is the hope. After all, monsters taking over teh world do tend to make personal issues take a back seat - but now our girls will have more time to focus on themselves and each other.


DaddyCatALSO:

Interesting change, and with Buffy not in the meld no attracting the attention of the First Slayer.

Exactly. I didn't really like Restless, nor the extended metaphor that female power will be inimical to cooperative power...that really bugged me. I much prefer the concept of synergy.


abarda:

I really liked the spell they did, it was fantastic... And I hope that now that Adam is past, Tara will be able to deal with her troubled past

I'm glad you liked it. We didnt see much in the show of combining technology with magic...it always seemed like tech vs. magic instead. I wanted to see how they can be combined.


MochaVamp:

Great use of moving the show's storyline around.

Thank you. The farther I get into this, the farther from canon it moves. I'm glad you are enjoying my personal take on the possibilities. Especially as I know season four has been redone over and over again.



Thanks to all of you, for the feedback and support. I hope to have the next update up this week, with more frequent updates to follow. Stay tuned!

[Morrigan]

~*~*~*~*~*~*~



Willow and Tara simultaneously crumpled. They were kept from cracking their skulls on the concrete floor only by the swift supportive movement of two werewolves.


Everyone froze again as the soldiers on the other side of the lab raised their rifles. They were not yet accustomed to the idea of apparent monsters being good guys, and the sight of the two young women falling into the arms of werewolves triggered their trained impulse to attack.


Graham's sharp “Belay that!” broke the tension of the moment, and the commandos lowered the guns with sheepish expressions.


The room seemed to move back into normal time after that. Xander groaned, and abruptly sat down on the floor, followed a moment later by Giles and Anya. Of all those involved in the spellcasting, Oz seemed the least affected, though even he looked drawn and weary. The rest of his pack clustered around the Scoobies, lighting portable lanterns and handing out sports drinks from backpacks they had brought. Meanwhile Willow and Tara began to stir a bit.


Buffy, seeing that Willow, Tara and the rest of the Scoobies were in good hands (or paws) , placed the glowing uranium core onto the floor, and rushed to Riley. He was sitting doubled over and there was a faint odor of scorched flesh. She dropped to her knees in front of him.


“Riley?” Her voice was soft with love and concern. “What happened? Where are you hurt?”


Riley raised his head and looked at her, pain warring with relief for control of his expression. “I had a chip, too.” His voice sounded rusty, and tired. “Apparently Adam wanted me for one of his pet Frankensteins. He activated my chip and it made me come to him. But that EMP...I think it blew my chip too...and cooked me a little.” He slowly straightened, enough for Buffy to raise his shirt and look.


There was a patch of swollen and reddened flesh above his left pectoral. It looked tender and was beginning to bruise. Buffy drew a sharp breath in between her teeth as she touched it – it felt like sunburned skin.


“We need to get you to a doctor, and them…” She jerked her head toward the huddled mass of Scoobies and werewolves, “out of here and safe.”


“No.” Riley's voice was firm. “Not all the HST's would have been affected by the sleepygas. I've got men in harm's way in there – I am not going to leave them in danger.”


Buffy lowered her head for a moment, it was obvious she wanting to object. She sighed deeply, and lifted her gaze to his. “Then I'm going with you. I understand why you have to do this. But you aren't a hundred percent, not with that burn or whatever it is.”


He nodded, his gratitude for her understanding obvious. She rose, and moved back as he got slowly to his feet. He swayed a bit once he was upright, then his jaw bunched and he resumed his normal erect posture.


“Just let me check on Will and Tara. Then we'll go in.” Buffy squeezed her boyfriend’s hand, and turned to walk the short distance to the women who had really saved the day.


Both witches were conscious again. Someone had moved them so they could sit together against the wall. They were leaning in toward each other as though they would fall without the extra support. Both were pale and obviously exhausted.


Buffy knelt down in front of them, taking their joined hands between her own. “You guys were great! Are you okay?” She rolled her eyes at the obvious answer to her own question and amended it. “Or, at least, gonna be okay?”


Willow's voice was thin and tired but sounded serene. “We'll be fine. Just really tired. And you were great too – everybody was.” Her voice took on the dreamy tone she often had when talking about casting spells. “I never would have guessed how much power the Scoobies have, altogether. It was like, an order of magnitude stronger than I expected.”


She shook her head, visibly dislodging herself from a non-urgent train of thought. “Is Riley okay?”


Smiling, Buffy nodded her head toward the group of commandos, where Riley stood in intense conversation with Graham. “He's okay. He had a chip and it blew out when you did your thing, but I think he'll be okay. We're gonna go back into the main complex, and make sure the demons are contained.” She stood and raised her voice for the benefit of all the Scoobies and wolves. “You guys were amazing. Time to get you all out of here, though.”


Giles smiled at her from where he sat, nursing a Gatorade. “Oh good. I can go home and have a civilized beverage.” A ripple of laughter ran through the group at his sally. “I'll make sure everyone gets home safely, Buffy. You will ensure that you and your young man do as well, yes?”


A bright smile answered him. “You bet. All that's left now is cleanup. Adam's dead and we're all still alive. I feel like together, we can do anything. “



~*~*~*~*~*~*~



The Colonel was enraged, partly with Riley Finn, but mostly with himself.


Finn had tried to warn him that the HSTs had been too easy to catch, and that something was wrong. Finn had even brought up the possibility that it was some kind of trap. Then that slayer girlfriend of his had said the same thing.


He hadn't believed it, because he hadn't wanted to believe it. He'd been too impressed with the efficiency of the troops he commanded. He had wanted to bask in the satisfaction of a job well done.


Too well, as it turned out.


He had arrived at the armory to find some of his men already there, passing out weapons as others arrived. He had been able to take control of the situation from there, containing the HST's that were still conscious with a minimum number of casualties. But if Finn hadn't gone behind my back and rearranged the duty rosters, enabled the sedative gas canisters and warned the rest of my men...God, it would have been a massacre. We've had a hard enough time containing less than a fourth of the HST's. If there had been any more loose, most of us would be dead by now.


“Sir! We got friendlies in our field of fire!”


The Colonel's head snapped around to see Finn, his blonde girlfriend and a double squad of soldiers emerging from the 314 laboratory section. It looked like they were attempting to join his group of soldiers.


“Shift fire lanes!” He began to issue orders automatically. “They're gonna have to get here on their own, but keep their flanks secure!”


The men around him moved quickly to adjust, concentrating heavy fire on the monsters to either side of the approaching group. The Colonel noticed that the soldiers with Finn were giving most of their attention to covering their rear – it was Buffy, that tiny blonde girl, who was carving them a safe path forward.


He watched in awe as she mowed through the demons in her path with an astonishing grace and power. Every punch she threw landed with brutal efficiency, every kick sent an HST flying into the hail of bullets bracketing her path. He watched and for the first time began to understand exactly what a Slayer was, and just how little he, or the government, understood what they had been meddling with.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~



The journey out of the Initiative had seemed much longer than the trip in. All the Scoobies were exhausted, especially Willow and Tara, and the group had needed to stop often to rest. After the third such break, Oz had intervened.


“We'll get home a lot faster if you guys will let the pack help. Hunk and Hick can easily carry you and Tara, Will. And if the rest of you, “ His eyes swept over Giles, Xander and Anya. “will lean on us, we might get home before it gets too late. I don't know about you guys, but I really don't feel like fending off vampires on the way to my bed.”


“How come you aren't ready to fall over?” Xander's voice held curiosity and a bit of wounded masculine pride.


“I think it's because of the wolf in me Magical being and all that. And my pack is here with me. We're always stronger when we're together.” Oz gave a wry smile as he continued. “I wouldn't want to go for a jog though. I am pretty tired.”


With a few more comments, it was settled, and the pack got the Scoobies out of the tunnel and through the woods at the edge of campus much more quickly than they could have moved without help.


The five who were still in their wolf forms settled their charges against trees and faded back into the underbrush. A short while later they re-emerged in human form and began helping the pure humans up again. Willow raised an eyebrow.


“Not complaining, but where'd you get the clothes?”


Doro laughed. “We stashed some out here earlier, before we went in. Oz figured you guys would be tapped out and would need help getting home.”


The group got to the cars without further incident, and split up from there. Zeke volunteered to drive Giles home in his car, and the twin wolves helped the witches into Xander's car. The rest piled into the van. They all agreed they could worry about getting the vehicles back to their respective owners later. Right now, they all needed food and sleep, not necessarily in that order.


As Hunk started the Xandermobile and pulled onto the university access road that led to Tara's dorm, Willow found herself feeling unaccountably nervous. This was the closest she had been to being alone with Tara since they had confirmed that Tara was not a demon, and the parting that day had not been the best of possible circumstances.


In an attempt to avoid thinking about that, her busy brain found something else to worry about. “I hope Buff and Riley are okay.”


“I'm sure they will be, sweetie.” Tara reached over and took her hand, the touch carrying comfort and support. “Graham said they planned to take out most of the demons with gas before the fight even started. A-and they have all those guns, and taser things. And Buffy..s-she's kinda a major weapon herself.”


“Yeah. I know. But I always hate this part, when she goes off to fight demons alone, and I have to wait to find out if she's alright, or hurt....I'm always afraid something will happen when I'm not there.”


“I know.” Tara looked a little nervous herself as the car pulled into the parking lot behind her dorm. “But I'm sure she'll be okay. I mean, Adam's gone, and he was the big bad, right?”


Willow gave a small, tired smile. “Yeah. We helped take down the big bad, and I guess the soldiers can handle the rest. I just hate feeling helpless.”


The car came to a stop and the blonde witch looked down at their joined hands.


“Will...do you...w-would you like to s-stay here, with me? Tonight?”


The smile that blossomed on Willow's face was nearly blinding.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~

TBC


Many thanks to taranwillow4ever for amazingly fast beta work. Any remaining mistakes or flaws are my own.

[leonhart17]

aww I loved how everyone was taking care of each other! So different from their attitudes leading up to the Adam showdown on the show...

Mean cliffhanger! Of course we know what Willow is going to say, but I'm so curious about what they're going to do... nothing too wild, because they're both taking it slow, and because they're exhausted, but even just talking or cuddling would be so cute!

Can't wait!

Great job on this one!

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for great update-y goodness... Good that Willow & Tara are ok... Big yay for Tara asking Willow to spend the night with her...

[deviantART]

Of course she wanna tell and have some goodnight ! ! !!
great updates loves that story =)

[arsyadriani]

The smile that blossomed on Willow's face was nearly blinding

that's the answer she needed
more WillowTara goodness pleease
RC

[abarda]

I love these werewolves...

And Tara asking Willow to stay with her... So cute!
Please, more!

[AmberGoddess]

I've said it before, I'll say it again- I love the wolves. This was a great update. I'm so glad Tara asked Willow to stay, I hope they talk. More soon please!

[Morrigan]

The next update is in beta, and so it's time for weekend replies..


leonhart17:

I loved how everyone was taking care of each other!

I think it's more fun to write the caring relationships. I mean, we all know that friendships go through rough spots, but sometimes on the show it got a little much. I'm glad you are enjoying the group as much as I am.

Mean cliffhanger! Of course we know what Willow is going to say, but I'm so curious about what they're going to do... nothing too wild, because they're both taking it slow, and because they're exhausted, but even just talking or cuddling would be so cute!

You know, i hadn't even thought of this as a cliffhanger. But I promise plenty of Will&Tara time in the next update. They have a lot to talk about and work through.

Thanks for the continued support!


Zampsa1975:

Big yay for Tara asking Willow to spend the night with her

What do you do after defeating an evil monster/cyborg dude? Spend the night with your beautiful girl, of course! Glad you are enjoying the story!


deviantART:

Of course she wanna tell and have some goodnight

I'm not gonna promise much in the smoochies department yet. Remember that they havent really talked since Tara found out she is fully human. They'll get there...eventually.

Thanks for the feedback!


arsyadriani:

more WillowTara goodness pleease

More on the way! Thanks for reading!


abarda:

I love these werewolves...

Thanks. You know, when I started writing them, I had no idea how integral they would become to the story. I am glad you are enjoying them.


AmberGoddess:

I've said it before, I'll say it again- I love the wolves. This was a great update. I'm so glad Tara asked Willow to stay, I hope they talk.

I have become far more attached to the pack than i had expected to. And they keep popping up in the story. I am glad they have been so well recieved by the readers.

Tara and Willow will be doing some much-needed talking in this next update. Promise. Thanks for your continued support!




I am trying to get more frequent updates going - Thanks to all the feedbackers and readers...More ison the way!

[love_2003]

Really hope that Tara is able to explain what happened in her past with Willow and therefore is able to see that nothing she says will make Willow run the other way. Looking forward to reading what happens next.

[Morrigan]

love_2003:

Really hope that Tara is able to explain what happened in her past

Willow is going to learn a lot in this update. Enjoy, and thanks for feedback!





Both my betas are buried in other obligations right now, so this update may be a little rough.


This update contains images that are evocative of abuse.






~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“Thank you guys, so much.” Willow said as the twin werewolves helped her and Tara into the dorm room.


“Welcome.” Hick's face creased into a gentle smile.


“No, I mean, thanks for taking us here and all, but I meant, for everything. We wouldn't have even gotten in there today without you and the rest of the pack.”


Hunk chuckled. “And he meant you are welcome for all of it. That's what we came here for, after all. Now, you two get some rest.”


His brother looked around the small room after Tara was settled on the edge of the bed. “You guys have food in here? Oz said you would need to eat quite a bit to make up the energy you used.”


Willow blushed, and Tara looked at her quizzically. She looked at her feet and mumbled, “He used to stuff me after I cast. A-anyway, we'll order some take out.”


“Okay. Call us if you need anything.” With that, the tall young men left, closing the door softly behind them.


The room seemed bigger once they were gone. Bigger, and very quiet. Willow's mind was darting about with the manic energy of exhaustion. What happens now? There's so much we still haven't really talked about, haven't resolved. I don't know if I should bring up the not-demon issue, or ignore it, or what. Can I hold her? Maybe she doesn't want me to touch her. I shouldn't assume anything. But if I don't reach out to her, will she feel rejected? I don't wan -


Warm, full lips caressing her own brought her out of her frantic mental babble with a jolt. Her eyes flew open to see Tara gazing at her from a few inches away, wearing an impish little smile.


“You looked a little lost in there. Figured I had better take emergency measures.” Blue eyes stared into green, seeming to search for something. “We have a lot to talk about. Well, I-I have a lot to talk about. But I've m-missed you, and I really just w-want to get some sleep right now. I-is that okay?”


“Of course, baby.” Willow raised her hand to cup Tara's cheek, stroking the soft skin with her thumb. “I'm pretty beat, too.”


There were a few awkward moments as they got ready for bed. Neither felt really comfortable changing in front of the other yet, so they took turns in the bathroom down the hall.


Once they were settled into the bed however, the unease was gone, and Tara pulled Willow over to rest on her shoulder as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And for the two of them, it was.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~



She was very young, and she was hiding. Her clothes and the closet she was huddled in seemed unfamiliar for a moment, then such concerns were forgotten as the footsteps grew closer. The floorboards shuddered with each heavy booted footfall. She could hear his breathing, harsh and rasping in the otherwise silent house.

She pressed back harder into the musty corner, thin arms clasping her knees tight beneath her chin. Yesterday's ache answered the pressure of skin against wall; tomorrow there would be new places that would twinge when touched. The creak of the door opening, the slide of hangers on the bar, and he had found her. She closed her eyes, and resolved that this time, she would not scream.



A moonlit room, and she was curled into her mother's arms. Sobbing into the embrace, saltwater pain for the bruises on them both. Her mother's gentle hands, stroking her back, smoothing the fabric of her shirt in slow warming strokes. Relaxing into that love, the only pure thing she had.

“Sweetheart, it'll be okay. You learn to accept it.” A hitched breath, a stifled sob from that beloved form. “Sometimes I feel so bad for bringing you into this world. But now that you're here, I can't be sorry for loving you so much.” A lullaby floated on the fall breeze as her mother, singing softly, rocked her into exhausted sleep.



She couldn't see, could barely breathe. There was just the pain, too familiar to be met with tears, too intense to bear in silence. The rest she felt at one remove, the sheets beneath her, sweat and air upon her skin. And the sounds, of voice and flesh, that she tried not to hear until her mind could find someplace else to be...

“Demon girl. All your kind, filthy. Disgusting. You should thank me for letting you live.” Jarred back into herself by his words, feeling them crawl over her skin and slither into her soul, festering, as he spat on her belly and left her alone with the anguish.



She fell to her knees at the graveside, the pain from abraded knees unheeded. Tears fell, scalding hot on her frozen cheeks. The name written into stone meant only emptiness now, a cold substitute for the only shelter the young woman had ever known. Her mother's last whispered words echoing in her ears...”Promise me, Tara, that you will get away.”

Whispering, “I promise, Mama. Someday.” For now, she could only hold the memory and endure. Hide the behind the wall she had built in her mind, and wait.



Climbing down from the tall cab of the truck, trembling with nervous/hope/fear/elation. Thanking the driver for the lift, turning to face her new home, her new...life? Walking slowly across the blistering tarmac.

Begging her mother's Goddess, in an endless chant beneath her breath,”Please don't let them find me, Please let me control the demon, Please let me be free....” Not daring to believe, yet, that here she could, perhaps, be safe.



Riley's voice, etched forever in her memory, cheerfully declaring “You are officially one-hundred-percent human, no demon included.” Feeling the walls in her mind shiver and shift, their very foundations destroyed with a smile.

A wave of helplessness and rage flashing through the widening cracks, flooding her mind with the need to be alone. Alone, without green eyes to see her snarling low,”It was all for nothing. All the pain, all the shame, all the terror. Not a demon. Not evil.” Shaking with anguish, a scream echoing through her mind. “It was all for nothing!”



They woke simultaneously, “It was all for nothing!” issuing in strangled whimpers from two mouths.


Willow leaned up on one elbow, tears streaming down her face, images from the shared dream still scorching her heart. “Tara, oh god, baby...I'm so sorry...”


Tara's face crumpled, her normally serene demeanor crushed beneath the weight of simple empathy. Willow gathered her into her arms, and held her close while they both wept.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~



The minutes blurred by, lost in the emotional maelstrom that had Willow and Tara firmly in its grasp. They were caught in fear and rage, pain and desperate loneliness echoing through them both and reflecting back to the other. Neither ever knew how much time had passed before Willow pulled back, wrenching herself away, sobbing.


“We're in a feedback loop.” She spoke between shuddering breaths, fighting for air and control with which to speak. “Still linked, from the spell. Need to ground.”


Tara was now curled in on herself, knees drawn up to her chest. She nodded between sobs. “Fruit. In the fridge..”


Willow forced herself to her feet and stumbled over to open the tiny dorm refrigerator. She grabbed two yoghurts, and a couple of apples she found there, along with two bottles of water. She brought her loot to the bed and dropped it, before rummaging through a drawer for spoons.


She tore the lid off of one of the yoghurts, and handed it and a spoon to Tara. “Here, baby. Come on, we've got to eat, to get grounded.”


Tara levered herself up to a sitting position and forced herself to take a bite, while Willow opened the other container and began to eat as well. As they made their way through the food, they began to calm, the hurricane of feelings that had lashed them both fading enough so they could breathe.


Willow was still crying, but now the tears were her own, born of what she had seen the woman she loved living through. She struggled to regain control of herself. Tara lived with that for how many years? I can at least be strong enough to not fall apart now. Gathering and throwing away the detritus of their meal, she used the time to breathe deeply and reach for calm. Be there for her, I have to be strong for her. How has she been living with all this?


While she was still tidying up, Tara's voice startled her with its normalcy. “Next time, we take your ex-boyfriend's advice. A-and that's something you don't hear from every lesbian.”


The dry comment startled Willow into a giggle, which soon turned into near hysteria for both of them. It was a feeble joke, but they desperately needed the emotional release. Willow staggered back to the bed, and collapsed next to her girlfriend.


Laughter faded into contemplative silence. The redhead turned onto her side and gazed at Tara's somber face.


“That...we were still linked, from the spell. And so I shared your dream.”


Tara nodded, but said nothing.


“It wasn't just a dream, was it? Those were memories?” Willow's voice wavered on the last word, her tone nearly begging to be contradicted.


A deep sigh was enough to kill that faint hope, and Tara rolled to face her fully. “They w-were memories, yes. I-I don't know if I can talk a-about it. I'm s-sorry you had to see a-any of it and...”


Willow interrupted, urgency clear in her tone. “Baby, you've got to talk to somebody. I mean, okay, so maybe I'm not the best person to talk to, what with you needing someone who can focus on what you need, and I'll probably be all with the 'grrrr' and getting large with the butch, but you can't keep all that inside...” She reigned in her budding tirade when she saw Tara nodding in agreement.


“I made an a-appointment. At the student center?” Tara was hesitant, searching for signs of disapproval as she spoke. “They have free counseling there and...Sweetie...I-I know you love me. A-and that means so much to me, but...I think I need help f-from someone who knows a-about this stuff.”


Green eyes caught and held blue as Willow answered. “I think that's a good idea. I want to help, I'd do anything to make you feel better, but...you're not a computer or a lab experiment or a math problem, and I don't know what to do. I-I don't know even how to keep from hurting you more.” Her eyes filled once more. “I want to know how to help, but I don't.”


“I love you, too, Will.” Tara reached out and took her hand. “M-maybe, you could come w-with me, sometimes, to the counselor? So w-we can figure it out?”


“Anything. Whatever you need.”


“Hold me?”


She rolled onto her back and fitted her arms firmly around Tara, nestling the blonde head into the curve of her shoulder. She lay there gently stroking that soft hair, long after Tara's breathing told her she was asleep.


I'll do everything in my power to help you through this, Tara, she vowed silently. Whatever it takes, however long it takes, I'll be here. I promise.

[leonhart17]

aww I just want to give Tara a hug... poor kid... I'm glad Willow is there to hold her. Hopefully the therapy goes well... I'm glad Willow understands that Tara needs something she can't help with...other than by being there of course!

Love the update!

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for great update-y goodness... Good that Willow found about the depth of Tara's abuse due to the link... I hope the therapy sessions with Willow truly help...

[taranwillow4ever]

Great job

[abarda]

Scary past Tara has, huh? I really hope therapy will help her.
And I'm a little afraid of Willow's promise. I mean, we know what happens to Willow when Tara is hurt...
Well, please, keep writing, this story is really good!

[WolfDragonGod]

great story can't wait for more

[veiled isis]

Ohmygod! Can i just say big big BIG Wow's! Your writing is amazing, thanks it's easily been bout two years since i've been here reading stuff and yeah yeah i know, its very silly. Must have got distracted cos i remember now why i really love this place....it rocks! Anyhow, i really really really wanted a willow tara fic from back in the college days where its all new and the first story i click on is yours! Which is absolutely amazing and exactly what i needed so thanks dude. Now, my only problem is that i ran out. Its all gone and there's no more left for me to read any idea when that will be fixed up?? Soon me hopes x x

[Morrigan]

leonhart17:

I just want to give Tara a hug... poor kid... I'm glad Willow is there to hold her....I'm glad Willow understands that Tara needs something she can't help with

Tara has been through the fire, and Willow will sooth the burns as best she can...but willow does not at all like the role of helpless bystander...

Thanks for the feedback!


Zampsa1975:

Good that Willow found about the depth of Tara's abuse due to the link

I wanted Willow to have a bit more of a clue about what Tara is facing down...

Thanks for commenting!


taranwillow4ever: Thanks!


abarda:

Scary past Tara has, huh? I really hope therapy will help her.
And I'm a little afraid of Willow's promise. I mean, we know what happens to Willow when Tara is hurt...

Poor Tara did not have the best of family lives, no. And yes, Willow does tend to get a little...agitated...when Tara is in pain for any reason...

I appreciate the feedback!


WolfDragonGod: Thanks...More coming right up!


veiled isis:

it's easily been bout two years since i've been here reading stuff and yeah yeah i know, its very silly. Must have got distracted cos i remember now why i really love this place....it rocks!

This place does rock! I am a new fan really - I just watched teh series this past summer, and once I landed here, I was hooked! This is my first fic ever, so I am deeply flattered by your compliments.

Now, my only problem is that i ran out. Its all gone and there's no more left for me to read any idea when that will be fixed up?? Soon me hopes

I try to update about once a week. but as for the next installment...how does right now grab you? Thanks for commenting!



~*~*~*~*~*~*~



The next several weeks were an exhausting blur for Willow. In addition to the aftermath of the fight with Adam, it was the end of the semester, which meant exams. As well as, of course, the emotional tension from her relationship with Tara.


The Initiative was being shut down. Riley and the other wounded from the underground battle had been sent to the relatively nearby Fort Irwin for medical attention. The rest of the soldiers were waiting for their next assignments and the medical and lab personnel had already left.


According to Buffy, Riley had not yet decided whether to stay in the Army or to tender his resignation. All of the Scoobies could understand his dilemma; the Army was all he really knew, and if he gave that up just to stay with Buffy, it could cause major problems in their relationship down the road. Understandable as it was, though, not knowing what he would do was killing Buffy. Willow could see her friend emotionally revisiting the end of her relationship with Angel;once again, it seemed that the slayer might lose a man she loved to missions elsewhere.


So Willow spent as much time as she could with Buffy, using the need for study as a reason to keep a close eye on her best friend.


Exams were not a huge obstacle for the redhead. She had always been an excellent student, and even through all the drama this semester, she had more than kept up with her classwork. In fact, she could have failed all of her exams, and still made decent grades in her classes.


Merely decent grades, however, were not good enough for Willow. So she studied, and as was her habit, helped others study at the same time. She was determined that Buffy would do better in college than she had in high school, and so spent quite a bit of time preparing her roommate for tests.


And of course, she also studied with Tara. At the moment in many ways, this was the most relaxing thing they could do together.. While focused on academics, they could sit companionably together, frequently exchanging swift kisses and casual caresses as one or the other got up to get a different book or something to drink. . Similarly to when they were preparing to fight Adam, directing their energy into something outside of themselves melted most of the awkwardness that had lately plagued them.



When they weren't studying, that awkwardness returned. Tara seemed to run hot and cold, sometimes wanting to kiss and cuddle, then pulling away and seeming to shrink back inside herself. Willow kept looking for patterns, for something that would give her warning that she needed to give Tara space, but she hadn't yet been able to figure out what triggered the withdrawals.


When Tara started therapy, Willow had hit the library, determined to find out everything she could about the effects of childhood abuse. Unfortunately, the information she got only confused her further. From her research, it seemed that there was no clear way to predict the course of Tara's healing process. It wasn't direct, mathematical, the way Willow liked things to be. The reactions to the same kind of abuse varied widely in different people, and none of what she read could give her any better advice than to ask the survivor how to help.


But what could she do when Tara herself didn't know what she needed? It was maddening, and as the weeks went by, she found her rage at her girlfriend's family growing stronger and deeper. She did her best to keep her feelings to herself; to simply listen when Tara wanted to talk, and to accept it when she couldn't. But what she really wanted to do was buy a shotgun and go on a road trip. She had never felt this way toward a human before, and she was not handling it well.


All of this was in the back of her mind as she headed back to her dorm room after finishing her last exam. She grumpily headed up the stairs of Stevenson Hall, wondering just when it was that her life had become so incredibly complicated.


And yet I wouldn't give any of it up either. I mean, I stayed here to help Buffy with the slaying. Dealing with relationship drama comes with the best friend package. And Tara...if I had the choice to have never fallen in love with her to avoid feeling like this, would I take it? No...even with all the uncertainty, she's still the best part of my life. I don't know how I can love her so much after only a few months of knowing her, but I do.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~



Tara wasn't sure what she had expected from therapy, but it sure wasn't this. She looked around at the cheerfully decorated office, its warm colors and overstuffed furniture exactly the opposite of the cold austerity she had imagined. She sank down on the couch, and picked up a throw pillow to hold in her lap, while her therapist took a seat across the coffee table from her.


Marcy was also not what she had expected. There had been a vague image in her mind of someone with tiny glasses, dressed in a severely tailored business suit, leaning back in an office chair and taking inscrutable notes. Marcy wasn't like that at all. If pressed to describe her, the word Tara would come up with was 'grandmotherly'. She was in her late fifties or early sixties, with graying brown hair, and kind eyes. Her comfortably plump form was usually clad in jeans and soft knit tops.


Despite Marcy's warmth and sympathetic bearing, their first meeting had been acutely uncomfortable for Tara. She had asked a long series of questions about Tara's family history, her emotional state and current life. Tara had answered as best she could to a total stranger, avoiding supernatural references, and stammering through her replies.


She felt a little better before she left; Marcy had explained the reasoning behind the questions, and they had talked a little bit about what Tara hoped to gain from counseling. The therapist had expressed confidence that with work and time, Tara could overcome what her family had done to her, and go on to lead a happy and fulfilled life.


She had gone home after that session mentally and physically exhausted, and she had slept for nearly twelve hours. The next day she had gratefully seized on Willow's suggestion that they study. When they were reading side by side, Tara could feel almost normal, and they could just be a young college couple getting ready for exams. It also meant she didn't have to talk about her appointment.


The next few sessions had been both easier and harder than that first one. It was easier because Marcy now knew the bare bones of what she was here for – harder because she was trying to avoid having to explain the 'demon' issue, and was certain she could not tell Marcy that she was a witch. It was all exhausting, the sessions themselves, dealing with her feelings afterward, watching Willow trying to pretend everything was fine.


But here she was, once again, as ready as she was going to get for talking about her childhood. Talking about her father, her brother, and her mother, necessary as she knew it was, still felt like a herculean task. Not to mention describing the beatings, verbal assaults, and the other things that she could not yet name aloud. And now there was the anger she had begun to feel at her mother, for whom she had only ever felt love. In some ways, she felt worse now than she had when she had started coming here.


What did you expect, Tara, a magic pill that would make it all go away? Make you forget? Heh. You know that nothing is ever that easy for you. And really, what have you done to deserve anything easy? Even now, you are lying to this woman who is trying to help you. And you expect her to make it all better when you won't even tell her the truth?


A soft cough from Marcy broke her inner diatribe. Tara hesitantly raised her eyes to meet brown ones gazing at her in concern.


“Want to talk about what you were thinking?”


Tara shifted uncomfortably, pulling the pillow closer to her and dropping her shoulders.


Marcy smiled. “Tara, I have been a therapist here in Sunnydale for over thirty years now. I have seen a lot of clients, and many of those clients have been afraid to tell me everything they needed to. They were afraid that I wouldn't believe them, or afraid that I would have them locked up in hospital for the strange things they needed to talk about.”


“I think you may be one of those clients.”


Hunching even further into herself, Tara stared down at her knees. Her hair swung forward to hide her face as her mind raced. Is she saying what I think she's saying? Does she know about the Hellmouth, about the vampires, maybe even that witchcraft is real? Could I be honest with her? Hope rose a bit, only to be quashed by the critical side of her mind. Right. Your therapist knows all about things that go bump in the night. Or, more likely, she is trying to trap you. You know better than to trust a stranger to have your best interests in mind. After all, you couldn't even inspire that in your family..


When Tara said nothing, Marcy continued with a sad smile. “Your caution is understandable, Tara. I don't blame you for it. After all, from what you have already said, you haven't been given a lot of reason to trust anyone. Maybe this will help.”


A rustling sound from the side of the office drew Tara's gaze. She watched in shock as a blanket rose from the basket there. Her head snapped up to look at Marcy, whose face was set in concentration, eyes narrowed and focused on the blanket as it unfolded itself and floated over to settle around Tara's shoulders.


“Y-you're a ..”


“A witch?” Marcy's face had relaxed as she let go her mental hold on the fabric, and now held an expression of mild amusement. “Yes. I don't have near the power that you do, but yes. And I have the feeling that most of what you aren't telling me has to do with either your power or other things that most people don't believe in.”


Staring in mild shock, Tara was still at war with herself. Just because her therapist was a witch didn't necessarily mean it was a good idea to trust her with everything. After a moment's thought, she nearly smacked her own forehead in exasperation with herself. “May I-I scan y-your aura?”


Marcy smiled. “Sure. I do admire your caution.”


Tara shifted into the first stage of trance, in order to allow her aural vision to come into full focus. She carefully looked over her therapist, noting that there were none of the tell-tale flares or angry colors she associated with evil entities. All she saw was calm, well-balanced energy, flowing in tune with the body and its surroundings.


After returning to her normal conscious state, she sat for a moment more, still reluctant to tell her whole story. But I made a promise to get help. And if I don't tell the whole sordid thing, she won’t be able to really help me. She took a deep breath, and began to talk.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~



“May I present Captain Riley Finn, commanding officer of the UC Sunnydale ROTC!” Buffy had a huge smile plastered across her face, and Willow couldn't blame her. None of the Scoobies had ever seen Riley in a dress uniform, and Willow had to admit, he looked very handsome.


She suspected that had she gotten to the room just a few minutes later than she did, she still wouldn't have seen him in his uniform. As it was, the tie was a bit skewed in his collar, and the tunic was unbuttoned. She couldn't even pretend to be shocked though. After all, their passion for each other had never been much of a secret, and they hadn't seen one another in weeks.


She moved forward to give him a hug, and then stepped back again. “Not that I'm not really happy to see you here, and congratulations, by the way, but how did you manage it? I mean, I thought the Army was more of a 'go where we send you' kind of deal than a 'go where you want to go' thing?”


Riley chuckled, and moved to put his arm around Buffy's shoulders. “Well, apparently I was more messed up than any of us thought, physically. While they were doing the testing before the surgery to remove the chip, they found really high adrenal levels, and a few other problems that were apparently caused by Professor Walsh's tinkering. After they fixed all that, I think they were afraid if I resigned I would make trouble. So they pretty much let me know without saying it that I could have any assignment I wanted.”


He shrugged, and continued. “I still don't know if I really want to stay in the Army. But being posted here will give me a couple of years to figure it out, and a real reason to be here.” He looked down at Buffy, his eyes tender. “I don't think I would do very well without a job, and the Army is all I know.”


Willow looked away as they kissed. After nearly a minute, when she glanced back and they were still lip-locked, she cleared her throat ostentatiously. The lovebirds broke the kiss and grinned at her unrepentantly.


“We should celebrate! End of the semester, finals are over, Riley's back and Adam is history.” Buffy's voice was enthusiastic. “How about the Bronze? Tomorrow night? Tara's last exam is tomorrow morning, right?”


“Yeah.” Willow tried to sound excited by the idea, but she really wasn't in a party mood. Things with Tara were still too hard, too strained. “I'll ask her later.”


“Great! We'll invite the pack too. Make it a big night out!”


As Buffy rattled on, Riley caught Willow's eyes. He looked concerned, and there were questions in his eyes, but Willow shrugged them off, and turned away to grab a snack while Buffy planned the party.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Big thanks to taranwillow4ever for beta work!

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for great update-y goodness... Good that Tara has started the therapy... I truly hope she find it easier to talk to Marcy about the abuse now that she knows she's also a witch... I truly hope that Tara also tells Willow everything. Maybe during some spell they do together they again share a link so Tara finds out the depth of Willow's love for her and begin to heal...

[leonhart17]

Aww I hope Willow tells Tara how she feels... I'm glad Tara is doing good and being careful with the therapy!

Oooh, can't wait for the Bronze!

[love_2003]

Glad that we are able to see how Tara is doing in therapy. Hopefully her and Willow will be able to talk more now. Looking forward to the get together at the Bronze.

[abarda]

Great that Tara is able to trust her therapist. It is important.
And I think their celebration at Bronze is gonna be nice! Or I hope so...

[WolfDragonGod]

sweet update this is getting better and better. Tara has a lot to go through hope she will be alright.

[Morrigan]

Zampsa1975:

Good that Tara has started the therapy... I truly hope she find it easier to talk to Marcy about the abuse now that she knows she's also a witch... I truly hope that Tara also tells Willow everything.

Our girls have got a little ways to go yet before the path is smoothed out for them, but Tara has certainly take some good first steps. Thanks for sticking with me!


leonhart17:

Oooh, can't wait for the Bronze!

And now you don't have to. One Bronze party scene, coming up! Thanks for the feedback!


love_2003:

Glad that we are able to see how Tara is doing in therapy.

I didn't want to write an intricate account of therapy in this fic, as that subject is too intricate for me to deal with well without hijacking the over-arching love story. But I did want to show a little of the foundation of the therapeutic relationship. Thank you for commenting!


abarda:

Great that Tara is able to trust her therapist. It is important.

It really is. ANd that's why I needed to make Tara's counselor at least aware of the supernatural. The ability to say any and everything in therapy can be pivotal to the process.

As for the Bronze...read on, and thanks for the feedback!


WolfDragonGod:

Tara has a lot to go through hope she will be alright.

She does have a lot to deal with...but this IS the Kittenboard after all, so I do promise a happy ending. I am glad you are enjoying the story!



Thanks to all who are reading, and even more to those of you who leave comments!





~*~*~*~*~*~*~


~*~*~*~*~*~*~



The Bronze was packed. There were several bands slated to play that night, and between their particular fans and exam-weary college students, the club was full to capacity. It was only by sheer luck that the gang had managed to secure a table toward the back of the club, as another group headed out for a frat party.


In spite of the press of strangers, the presence of her friends and Tara beside her, Willow felt very alone. Everyone else seemed to having a great time. The table was rarely full, as Scoobies and wolves circulated between the dance floor, bar and pool table. It seemed to Willow that even Giles was having a better time than she was – a classically beautiful woman of about his age had approached him early in the evening and asked him to dance, and he had spent a considerable portion of the night in her company.


It didn't help that neither she nor Tara were in the best of moods when they arrived. Willow had been alarmed and upset earlier as Tara shared the discovery that her therapist was also a witch, and had identified Tara as one. Long years as a Scooby made her suspect anything that seemed too pat, too easy, and her witchy girlfriend finding a witchy counselor just seemed a little too much like an answered wish. And they all knew how bad wishes could turn out in Sunnydale.


Tara had taken exception to her negative reaction, arguing that she had been careful before opening up. She had seemed hurt that Willow wasn't reassured by her description of Marcy's aura. Once it became clear that Willow was not going to even try to trust her insight, Tara had changed the subject entirely, refusing to discuss it further. As a result, the afternoon they had planned to spend relaxing together had turned into a tense situation for both of them.


By the time they arrived at the Bronze, both had been relieved to be in the presence of others. At least with the gang around them they could focus on something other than their disagreement, and there were plenty of distractions in the club. They had said their hellos, gotten drinks, and settled in at the table. Neither had moved much since.


When I first started coming here, I expected to sit to sit out every dance. She felt resentment stealing over her. After all, I was a big spaz who couldn't talk to guys in complete words. Then I had a boyfriend in the band, and I still didn't dance, because he was onstage and I was busy being thrilled that he looked at me once in a while during the show. But now, here I am, at the Bronze, with my girlfriend sitting right next to me, and we haven't danced once all night. And why? Because she thinks I am being paranoid. Hah!


She didn't grow up here. She has seen some nasty stuff since we met, sure, and she was great in the fight with Adam, but she hasn't seen how things that seem good always turn out badly around here. Oz seemed like the perfect guy until he turned out to be wolfy, Angel was romantic as a girl could ask for before he and Buffy did the wacky, Professor Walsh seemed so cool before she turned out to be psycho...the list goes on and on. But no, Willow doesn't know what she is talking about.


She fiddled with her drink as her mental rant continued. She's just shutting me out. Every time I come up with a suggestion that might help her feel better, she either stops listening, or starts telling me why it won't work. Doesn't she get that I can help fix things? I mean, that's why I started learning magic, to help solve problems. That's what we DO.


Willow absently listened to the conversation Tara was having with Zeke, while her eyes roamed the dance floor. A slow song was playing, and her gaze was drawn by the couples she knew. Hunk and Billie were up near the stage, close to Buffy and Riley. Further over to the left, Anya was nestled into Xander's arms, and her own heart softened a bit at the near-blissful expression on the face of her oldest friend. She still wasn't particularly fond of the ex-demon, but he seemed happy.


She looked away, unwilling to intrude on the moment Xander was basking in even by staring. Her eyes blankly roamed the rest of the dance floor, until a flash of ginger hair caught her attention. She looked closer, and saw Oz, dancing close with...Doro? When did THAT happen? Not that I have a problem with it but...Doro?


The slow song ended and Willow was jostled as people began to return to their tables. Even her own friends seemed to be danced out, as most of them gathered in around her and Tara, pulling stools in and crowding close together. As Oz and Doro wandered up, the diminutive pack-leader looked her in the eye, and tilted her head. It seemed almost as if Doro was asking her, without words, to not make an issue of whatever was going on between her and Oz. Willow held her gaze for a moment, then nodded, and was answered by a quick flash of a smile.


Talk around their table grew rapid and fragmented, jokes about the crowd around them and the music interspersed with discussions of jobs, classes and patrols. It felt to Willow like the party was drawing to a close, the group coming together one final time before heading off in couples and small groups.


On the heels of that thought, Anya rose from her stool, and began to tug at Xander's arm. “Okay, we have danced and socialized for longer than the minimum acceptable time. Can we go back to your basement and have orgasms now?”


The rolled eyes of the Scoobies and the ripple of chuckles from the wolves were cut short by Willow's outburst. “Do we ALWAYS have to hear about your sex life Anya? Could you maybe, just ONCE, leave discreetly without announcing to the whole world that you are running off to do..well..Xander? Some of us really don't want that mental picture!”


Most of the group shifted uncomfortably and looked away, but Anya just looked puzzled. “What's wrong with speaking plainly? I'm sure Tara will be giving you orgasms later, so why should we hide it?”


Willow exploded up off her stool, a glance at Tara's nervous, mortified face just fueling her anger. “What Tara and I do is none of your business! And I don't want to know about what anyone else is doing in bed!”


She felt more than saw Tara push away from the table, and turned to see her girlfriend retreating. With a final glare at Anya, she began to push her way through the crowd to follow.


Tara had just disappeared into the ladies bathroom when Willow felt a hand on her arm, restraining her. She whirled around, ready to bite the head off whoever was interfering, but she didn't get the chance.


“What the hell, Will?” Buffy's expression was a cross between exasperation and concern. “What was that all about?”


“Buffy, let me go. Anya upset Tara, and I need to go help her.”


“Will.” Buffy's voice was even, carefully modulated. “I don't think Anya upset Tara. I think you did.”


“Me? I didn't do anything, until that demon started giving a blow-by-blow of her sex life! Tara really doesn't need to hear that right now. She's going through so much, and somebody has to stand up for her, take care of her!”


Riley had moved up to them in time to catch this last outburst, and he exchanged somber glances with Buffy before speaking. “Why don't we take this back to the dorm? Buffy, will you go get Tara, and take her to your room? We'll meet you there.”


Buffy nodded and moved away just as Willow began to protest.


“We don't need some kind of intervention, Riley!”


Riley cut her off. “Yeah, actually, you do. And if you love Tara, really love her, you'll come along and listen.”


Willow shook her head in negation, but allowed him to lead her through the crowd and out the door. She fumed as they walked toward campus.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~



By the time Buffy and Tara arrived at the room Willow was nearly vibrating with tension. Some part of her knew her fury was irrational, but that wasn't helping to calm her down at all. Instead, it drove her higher into the spiral of frustration.


It seemed like it took forever for the four of them to get seated, and then there was a taut silence that all of them seemed reluctant to break. Tara was sitting next to Willow, holding her hand, but wouldn't look at her. Buffy and Riley sat across from them on Buffy's bed, looking studiously at the floor.


Finally, Buffy dropped her shoulders, sighed, and looked up to meet Willow's eyes. “Will...ever since we took down Adam, you've been...well...a little crazy. Tara's told me a little bit of what she's been going through, but you haven't been talking to me at all about whatever is making you so strung out. You just...I'm worried about you.”


“I've just had a lot going on!” Willow's voice was defensive. “There was Adam, and then you were all worried about Riley and I had to get you through exams, and I had my own exams, and Tara's hurting and...”


“Whoah! Hold on there, Will. First, I'm not saying that you haven't had reason to be stressed out, okay? Second, while I appreciate you helping me study, that was your idea, not mine. I would have gotten through without your help, not as well, but I would have. What I'm worried about is that you are holding everything inside. And we all know that when we do that, bad stuff always happens.”


Tara spoke softly. “She's right, sweetie. You've told me about times in the past when you all hid things from each other.”


Willow rounded on her. “Why is it when Buffy brings up a problem, everybody listens, but when I try to get you to be a little cautious about that quote unquote 'counselor' of yours, you get mad and won't even discuss it?


Withdrawing her hand, Tara wrapped her arms around her stomach, but met her eyes steadily. “This isn't about her. This is about you, and how you have been acting for the last few weeks.”


“This has everything to do with her!” Willow was drawing breath to continue her tirade when Riley spoke.


“What about your counselor? I'm lost here.”


“Tara's therapist just oh-so-conveniently turns out to be a witch, and wants to know everything about her family, and her spellwork, and everything. And Tara won't believe me when I tell her that things that seem too good to be true in Sunnydale always ARE.” Willow really hadn't intended to bring up this issue in front of the others, but now she was glad she had. Maybe if Buffy tells her to be careful, she'll listen.


“We've been over this already, sweetie. I checked her aura, and watched her energy flows. She's not evil.” Tara was beginning to get exasperated now, and it showed in her voice. There was not trace of a stutter, just firm clear tones. “I even kept watching her energy while I was talking to her, and nothing fluxed. What more do you want me to do?”


“I want you to trust me!” The words were out of her mouth before she even realized she was thinking them, and the anguish in her delivery stunned them all into silence for a moment.


Riley stood and crossed to the door, while Buffy moved to kneel on the floor in front of the witches.


“Do you want us to stay? Or to give you some privacy?” Her voice was soft, her eyes lovingly concerned as she looked from Tara to Willow and back again.


“Give us a few minutes?” Tara answered, and squeezed Buffy's hand as the slayer rose to her feet. Buffy put her hand briefly on Willow's shoulder before she turned and headed out the door with her boyfriend.


Tears began to trickle down Willow's cheeks as she looked into Tara's face, searching for understanding. “You'll talk to Marcy about what happened to you, but you won't talk to me. You've talked to Buffy about it, but not me. Every suggestion I make, you reject, and it's like my opinion doesn't even matter, because I haven't been through it.”


Tara gathered her close, cradling her in those long, strong arms. “Darling, I do trust you, I do. You still know more about what...what happened than Marcy or Buffy. There are things from the dream that I just can't talk about with anybody yet.”


“But why won't you let me help? I help fix things, that's what I do...” Willow's face was now red and blotchy with the tears; her eyes dark with pain.


“Willow, look at me.”


Green eyes rose, brimming with fresh tears.


“I'm not broken. I don't need you to fix me.”


Sobs began to wrack Willow's slender frame, and she curled in on herself. “If...if you don't need me...I'll lose you...” Her voice trailed off, her gasping breaths unable to support speech.


Once again, Tara enfolded her, pulling her halfway into her lap. “I don't need you to fix me, sweetie, but I do need you. I need to hold you and be held by you. I need to hear the silly things you say in your sleep. I need to feel the magic we make together. I need smoochies.”


In spite of herself, Willow giggled a bit, her desperate fear beginning to ebb as Tara spoke.


“But, darling, I need you to trust me too. I mean..I know you're worried about me, but I need you to believe that I am strong enough to get through this. I'm the only one who CAN...and I need you to help me believe that what happened isn't going to ruin the rest of my life.” Tears began to fog Tara's voice. “Part of me feels like I don't have the right to ask you for that, but..Willow, I love you and I need to know if you can trust me to heal myself.”


Willow's head came up, and she looked deeply into the face of her love. “I can. I'll work on it.” She leaned her forehead against Tara's, and started breathing deeply, getting control of herself. “I'm sorry I'm such a spaz.”


“And I'll try to talk more, tell you what I'm feeling more. I didn't mean to shut you out.”


“Love you, Tara.”


They leaned into each other, allowing the stress and worry of the past weeks to be washed away by their embrace. There would be more talking in the next few days, they both knew. But for now, they felt closer than they had for a while.


After a few minutes of snuggling, Tara ducked her head to capture Willow's lips with her own. The bitter taste of salt from their tears only made the kiss sweeter for them both.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Many thanks to taranwillow4ever for beta work!

[leonhart17]

Aww too bad they were too stressed at the Bronze to have fun with the group but I'm glad Willow finally let out some of her feelings - I'm a textbook bottler of feelings too so I can understand how she feels - and I know how good it feels to just let it all out!

I'm glad the girls are back on the same page!

[love_2003]

Glad to see that they finally talked. I was wondering who was going to breakdown first.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for great update-y goodness... Good that they finally started to talk about what they feel... I hope that with Tara's help Willow learn to talk about her problems and keep them bottled up for too long...