by NeverChosen » Mon Jan 11, 2010 11:59 pm
Really Long Replies, Story Continues in Next Post
Wow... I feel loved.
And I don't mean that in any sarcastic way. Nor in wry wit. I have a lot of trouble accepting praise unless people are very specific about what they like and why (it gives the words a sense of reality), but... I think y'all have gotten through...
*gentle look of disbelief* My story doesn't suck.
Unfortunately, my response to that revelation is going to be a discussion about creation. Why? Because I write what I want to read, and I like to read how other people regard their own stories. In 2002-2004, there was a lot of discussion on the subject in the archived stories I've read. Sometimes I found the discussions of as much interest as the stories themselves. Perhaps the time for that is passed. *grin* But then, people have always said I'm a little old fashioned.
To tell you all the truth (some of you know this already), this particular story started out as a creative writing exercise that I set for myself. It is both wonderful and vaguely disquieting the response that I've gotten here, after my "real fic" experience in Missing (which was born out of the need to give back to this community, which has given me so much). I always felt that a story needed to be planned, plotted, carefully measured for pace, consistency, tone... like animation, every action needs a time to settle in accordance with the nature of that action. Chapters needed to be cohesive. Wording needed to be pondered, rewritten, left to cure over time, and then be revisited. I left a lot of unresolved issues in that story, but it had an end that tied together enough that it felt like a proper ending.
Comparing the responses to the respective stories, I guess I overdid it... or maybe people just see the potential for gratuitous smut that was absent in Missing?
Part one of what started this story was process- as I've mentioned before, I wanted to do improv and there was nobody to listen. So this story is written in as close to improv as can be done without a live audience (which is kinda pointless, I know)- I sit down and just write. In anything I've ever done before, I wrote scenes out of order and spent my time fitting them back together. This linear creation thing is totally new and the self-imposed lack of editing is like having my security blanket stolen (Gee- maybe it's time to grow up? Nah.)
Writing without an outline is scary. I don't know how I'm going to end this, nor how I'm going to fix some of the messes I've made. Luckily I have a very defined sense of how magic works in my world, and what exactly all this succubus stuff is about- I don't have to make it up as I go, just express it in terms of Tara's responses. To tell the truth, the underlying succubus idea was adapted from an old story of mine (totally different character, totally different circumstances, so totally different storyline) so I had already worked out the mechanics. The process of discovery was irresistible and necessary- I set up situations, but there is very little work I've had to do beyond that. What would a person like Tara, with her background and perceptions, do with this situation?
Which leads me to Part Two of why I started writing this. Forgive me if this sounds confrontational, but it's because of my annoyance with Smut. It seems to me (as a declared prude) that lots of Kittens want Willow and Tara to just go at it at the slightest provocation. So I did something very deliberate. I took the idea of Insta-Smut and turned it on its head. What is the embodiment of sex in mythical context? A succubus. By typical Kitten logic, the idea of Tara turning into a succubus would be an open invitation for lots and lots of sex scenes. The characters would enjoy their fortune and life would be grand.
Sorry, but no. It just doesn't work that way... there are just too many implications. I gave the pair their moment after the second chapter. I could have ended the story there, actually, and I think everyone would have gone home happily thinking naughty thoughts. But where's the fun in that? The stories I love are those that explore the true implications of the situations the characters are in. The story is not in the situations. It is in the characters and how they react within those situations. How does it change them? In this case, it makes the end of the second chapter... wrong. And both Tara and Willow have realized this (though Willow doesn't particularly care, I suspect that she would rather be free to spend a lifetime of physical intimacy than short term, potentially fatal, enjoyment). I have the responsibility to make the relationship right again- to take away the barriers I have created in a believable manner. In this case, it is unconscionable for Willow and Tara to just jump in bed together. Don't you want to give that freedom back to them? I do. But I want to do it right, or at least as well as my ability to write will allow. I'm no Tullipp, no AntigoneUnbound, no Katharyn, no Sassette, nor a Jixer. All I can promise is my best effort and hope that it is enough to satisfy.
I have been fortunate. The more I write this, the more it all fits together. I was very lucky with how Buffy-verse cannon flows so nicely into the mythos that I had planned. So far I've only thought of two things (can you guess what?) that I can't explain in my Unified Theory of Tara as Succubus- I'm continually amazed how it all just falls together. It will be a slow process by necessity, but I know how it can come together- I just have to find the path that gets there. It's almost as much of a mystery to me as to you guys at this point. Regardless, there is no question that Willow and Tara will be in this together until it does.
And then they can rut like bunnies.
Off camera.
--Individual Replies, in reverse order
Morrigan- It really is a different experience when you read at your own pace. In chat, I have some small degree of control over what I give you. Is it one line? Or three? I split things up fairly carefully, believe it or not. I still think that I need to log one of those and post what it looks like in that format as well- and so everyone gets to benefit from your snarking.
AmberGoddess- I always appreciate your comments... but no. No guilt free smut so long as;
A)Willow could, oh, DIE from it.
B)There is any sense that such action would be motivated by anything other than love- despite the fact that the girls are still very much in love, Tara has a lot of insecurities feeding into that suspicion. That is a pretty big honking issue to take to bed with them.
C)Buffy is unconscious on the bed... cuz that's just a creepy thought ("But they could just shove her on the floor!" yell the loyal Kittens).
TW4E- You are too kind. I have, more than once, looked at what I wrote and thought that you were probably reading with a look of gentle incredulity. This is my insecurities talking, I know- but the fact is that you have studied how the mind works, including minds whose perceptions have been horribly scarred, and that's fundamentally what I'm writing about. Your opinion, in my world, carries that little bit of extra weight... your support is much appreciated. By the same token, though, please tell me if you think I'm doing something that's bizarre. Believe it or not, I take criticism rather well. It's the praise that I haven't learned to deal with yet. ^_^
Fuchsin- And I'm still not sure how to type an umlaut. -_-; I'm glad that I've managed to hold your interest. Hopefully I can keep it as the story gets less dark...
SJ- Thank you, as always. Feel free to critique, though! I very much want to improve as I go.
Zampsa- Oh, Willow is willing. She has been willing since the beginning... which is one reason that Tara will not let her. The full reasons are in the diatribe up top. It actually would have been pretty sad if the Entamari ward worked really well- we'd end up with Tara stuck in her room for the duration of the story. Cinematicly, that would be good for budgeting. Theatrically, you'd save on scenery changes. In writing, it's just too confining. All I'd save is description of new locales (which I'm not very good about anyway- since we've all seen the show there's usually no need to reiterate the visuals) and I lose out on a lot of potential material.
Oops. I think I just used up the time I was going to write another story section with. Sorry about that. It evens out, though. I did two bits over the past weekend- the one above and the second one is below.
-Never
