First Night
Chapter 4
“ The Vampire Slayer” She runs. The freezing wind stings her eyes and sends tears streaming down her face but still she runs. The thing behind her is faster than she is, but it’s toying with her. She knows this. She knows it could catch her any time it wanted. But it likes the chase. No…not likes. It loves the chase. The hunt thrills it. She can feel its power burning behind her. Hot and bright and fierce and beautiful. This thing, this cruel thing wants her blood.
Tara doesn’t know why she went out tonight. She’s heard about how dangerous the streets of Sunnydale can be after dark. She’s heard the stories of monsters and demons that walk the night. Most people don’t believe that these things exist. But Tara does. She has one inside of her. All the women in her family are part demon. That’s what her father says. That’s why her mother died. Because she couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t handle the raging beast that lived within her. The doctor said that it was the beatings that did it. That her father…no. No, her father wouldn’t have done such a thing. Her father is a religious man that only wanted the best for his family. The beatings were just necessary to keep the demons at bay. Every night Tara would put on an extra pair of leggings just so the belt wouldn’t hurt too bad. “Men are good and women are evil,” was his saying. “Men are good and women are evil.”
None of that matters now. She went out into the night because she was upset. She doesn’t know why she thinks about Willow so much. She’s just another girl that she’s had a crush on. First there was Becky in the tenth grade. Becky was always so nice to her. Until the day Tara told her how she felt. Then Becky wasn’t nice anymore. She told the whole school that Tara was a lesbian and the next two years of high school were pure hell for her. That’s why she left. Why she came to Sunnydale to go to college. She wanted a new start. Wanted to forget about the misery of her childhood. Now she just wants to stay alive.
She thinks about Willow again. Sweet, kind, funny, beautiful Willow. When Willow walked into Donna’s apartment that first night for the circle meeting Tara couldn’t take her eyes off of her. When the others made fun of her suggestions Tara wanted to stick up for her. But women are evil and standing up for your beliefs is a bad thing. Isn’t it? Now, with the beast bearing down on her and her life being measured in minutes, all she wants to do is go home.
She doesn’t see the branch lying across the path in front of her. When she hits it there’s no stopping. She flies forward and lands hard in a puddle of mud. She tries to get up but slips and lands on her back. That’s when she sees it. The thing is so fast. It lands on top of her and she can feel its teeth inches from her neck. She whispers, “Willow.”
Suddenly the thing is airborne. As if a great force had pulled it off of her. She hears noises, scuffling, fighting. Tara clears the mud from her eyes and can’t believe what she’s seeing. A girl…a girl is fighting off the monster. She can’t make out the girl’s face because its so dark, but she can see which of the two is winning the fight. In an instant it’s over. The unknown girl makes a movement too swift for Tara to follow…and the thing disintegrates. The girl seems to look at Tara, like she’s making sure that she’s okay, and then she’s gone. And Tara is left sitting in a mud puddle wondering what the hell just happened.
She picks herself up and starts to head back to her dorm. Nervously looking around to see if any more of the monsters are about. She moves quickly but stays in the shadows. Trying her best not to be seen. She thinks about the girl who saved her. The girl that fought off the evil monster and saved her from a certain death. She thinks about Willow. Oh god, she wishes Willow were here now. “Men are good and women are evil.” But the girl…saved her. The girl fought and beat the evil. And Willow. Willow can’t be evil…can she? “Men are good and women are evil.”
When she finally makes it back to her room she strips down and heads straight for the shower room. As she showers off the mud she knows what she has to do. Home. Home is the place for her. She never should have left in the first place. People like her don’t deserve to be out in the real world. She has to go back home and beg her father for forgiveness. Sure, she’ll have to pay penances. But it will be safe there. She thinks about Willow…and the girl, again. “Men are good and women are evil.” But the girl…the girl fought the evil. Father says that good will always overcome evil. Was the monster good? Was it the good that was trying to destroy the evil? Was she really evil? And the girl…was she evil, too? But the girl saved her. Evil saves evil?
Back in her room Tara looks at all the books she’s collected. The kind of books she would never be allowed to have back home. She bought them all at the Magic Box. The store that’s went through two owners since she started going there and she hears that its about to have a third. “Women are evil.” She gets dressed and lies back on her bed, wanting to pick up one of the books and start reading, but she doesn’t. If she starts being good now then it will only look better for her when she gets back home. “Men are…” The phone rings.
Tara: H…hello?
Donna: Hi…Tara? Its Donna. I tried to reach you earlier but you weren’t home. Are you coming to the meeting tonight?
Tara: N…no. I…I…I d…don’t feel well.
Donna: Oh. Well, okay. I wish you would come though. We’re planning the bake sale tonight and I need to know what you want to bring.
Tara: I…I have to g…go home. My dad…my dad needs me. F…family problems. I’m, sorry.
Donna: No, hey, if you’re needed at home you should go. I understand. I was just wondering…would you maybe like to go out sometime? Maybe dinner? Before you leave?
Tara: What? N…no, I can’t. I’m leaving tomorrow.
“Women are…”
Donna: Well, maybe when you get back then? Give me a call, okay.
Tara: S…sure. That…that would be fine.
Donna: Great. I’ll see you then. Bye.
Tara: Bye.
Tara hangs up the phone knowing that she’s not coming back. Sunnydale has nothing for her. She needs to be home. She needs to be where her father can protect her. But…but that girl…she saved her. She fought the evil and saved Tara’s life. How can that be evil? How can Willow, sweet, funny, beautiful Willow, be evil? Is Willow evil? Willow said she liked Tara. But as soon as her friend Buffy showed up it was like Tara didn’t exist. Like Willow was ashamed of her. “Women are evil.” Why did she do that?
Tara remembers back to when she was twelve. Her father came home from the hospital and she was so excited. Would it be a new baby brother or, she hoped, a new sister. A sweet little sister that she could help to look after, and she and momma could sneak out into the woods with her while daddy was at work and teach her the Craft. She remembers that day so well.
Tara: Daddy! Daddy! You’re home! Where’s momma? Did she have a boy or a girl?
Tara’s dad: Your momma’s dead. Now you go get dressed so I can take you to stay with your grandma for a few days. And don’t pack no junk. Just some clothes. Go on now, y’hear!
“Your mamma’s dead.” And that was it. Not another word was ever spoke to her about it. “Men are…” Tara turned away from him then. Heading to her room. Her head felt numb and she noticed that her cheeks were wet. Crying? Only women cry. “Women are…” She went to her room and started packing. Then it hit her. Her mother was dead. There would be no more sneaking into the woods while daddy was at work. There would be no more hugs, or kindness. There would be no more of mamma’s smile. There would be no more…love. Ever.
She doesn’t remember what happened over the next few hours. Her next memory is of waking in the attic, face still wet with tears, and hearing her father calling her name. She didn’t answer him. She knew what would happen when he found her but she didn’t care.. She just sat there thinking about how she was all alone now. Then she heard another voice. A voice she didn’t recognize. But the voice wasn’t coming into her head as a sound. More of a thought. And it was coming from beneath the attic floorboards.
Tara followed the thought and it led her to a dark corner of the attic. There she saw several loose boards. She pulled the boards up and beneath them was a small wooden box. Inside the box was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. It was a crystal. And when she touched it something magical happened. Her mother appeared.
Tara: M…mama?
Mamma: Oh, my sweet baby girl. I’m soooo sorry I have to leave you.
Tara: (Tears welling up in her eyes again.) Mama, please don’t leave me here…alone.
Mama: Baby, if I could help it you know I would. But mama’s so tired. And I just don’t have the strength to stay with you anymore. I’m so sorry, baby.
Tara: But mama, I need you so much. Please, p…please don’t go.
Mama: I will always be with you, baby. When you’re at your lowest points in life, just reach out with your heart and I’ll be there. Take this Doll’s Eye Crystal, and hold it close to your heart. Will you do that for me?
Tara: I w…will, mama. But…
Mama: Now, listen to me, baby. Mama doesn’t have much time. This crystal has a special gift within it only for you. It has the gift of love. There will be times when the world feels like a cruel and hateful place. But its not. The world can be so beautiful. One day you will meet someone that will make you see this. This person will make you realize that the world is full of kind and beautiful people. People just like you. Offer that person this crystal. If taken, then it’s an act of greed, but if this person refuses the crystal, then you will know that you’ve found the person that will complete you. And you will complete that person. Do you understand how important this is, baby?
Tara: I u…un…understand, mama.
Mama: I knew you would. Oh, my sweet Tara. Remember this day always. And someday, you’ll find your Always.
Tara never forgot. But right now that day seemed like a million miles away, and she felt so…lost. “Please,” she thinks. “Please, just give me a sign.” That’s when the knock came at the door. Tara stood up, wiped her eyes, and opened it. It was Willow.
Next: “A kind and loving world”
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Willow: I still can't believe you didn't tell me about your family and all that.
Tara: I was just afraid if you saw the kind of people I came from, you wouldn't want to be near me.
Willow: See, that's where you're a dummy. I think about what you grew up with and then I look at what you are... it makes me proud... it makes me love you more.
Tara: Everytime I... even at my worst, you always make me feel special. How do you do that?
Willow: Magic!
[This message has been edited by Sara Poe (edited March 28, 2002).]