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 Post subject: Fic: Future Unclear
PostPosted: Fri Mar 22, 2002 11:35 am 
Title: PART 1: Future Unclear
Author: Stephie
Email: TaraWillowFan21@hotmail.com
Feedback: Yes Please, this is my first Buffy story I hope everyone likes something about it
Spoilers: I guess anything up to season 5, nothing too much though but hints of episodes may inserted into the pilot.
Paring: W/T, And well the rest of the gang are in here to.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the “Buffy” characters, I did however create some new one’s for this story, but its dealing with Buffy so that’s Joss’s territory not mine.
Rating: I’d guess PG-13 to be on the safe side
Summary: Tally (New Character) comes from the Future to help in the past, will she be able to make things right? And how will she fit into the group afterwards?

Setting: 20-year-old girl (Tally ~ around 5’3, athletic build, mid-length brown hair) is running down a street in Sunnydale, group of men can be seen chasing her in military type outfits. Finally she stops and starts to mumble a spell.

TALLY: Let me help the one’s I love portal open, open, open (chanting)
A portal open’s in front of her
TALLY: (Goes through the portal)
Portal closes about that time the group of men comes to it
JENKINGS: Sir we have to find her
COMMANDER: Don’t worry we’ll take care of her and her friends (smiles) all in good time
Cuts to same spot in the street, Tally is laying on the ground, her nose is bleeding.
TALLY: (Stands up) (looks around) Man (wipes her nose) (starts to walk down street, she runs into dawn and knocks her down)
DAWN: Geezer’s don’t you watch where your going
TALLY: Dawn I’m so sorry (Helps dawn up)
DAWN: How did you know my name
Dawn luckily was wearing one of those shirts with the name on it
TALLY: (Grins) it’s on your shirt
DAWN: (Embarrassed) Oh (Picking up books)
TALLY: I’m really sorry
DAWN: Don’t worry about it I’m kind of clumsy sometimes to
TALLY: Yeah (Looks at her books) Chemistry huh that’s a fun class
DAWN: Oh yeah so fun I’m flunking it
TALLY: Oh you’ll do fine (stops her self)
DAWN: (looking at tally a little strange)
TALLY: I mean if you study you’ll get it everyone always gets it the more they study
DAWN: Thanks (Smiles) I should get going I’ve got to study (grins)
TALLY: Ok good luck with the studying
Group of girls comes their way
DAWN: Great (discussed) just what I need
TALLY: Not to nice are they
DAWN: That’s putting it for lack of a better word nicely the one in the middle gives me fits all the time
Group walks up to Tally and Dawn
BETH: Well if it isn’t the cutter and her new friend
AMY: You must be new around here to be hanging with this
RAY: Yeah she’ll have you cutting your self to if your not careful
DAWN: (up set) that happen one time and it wasn’t like that
BETH: Whatever so what’s your name (Looks at tally)
TALLY: Tally
AMY: Well Tally why don’t you come hang with us and leave the loser alone
TALLY: (Looks at Dawn) sounds good
DAWN: (Disappointed thinking she’d found a friend)
TALLY: Come on dawn lets leave the losers alone
DAWN: (Laughing) Sure
BETH: Well I never
Tally and Dawn walk away from the girls who are stunned that someone stood up to them
DAWN: That was awesome
TALLY: (Grins) Well they did set their self up for that one
DAWN: (See’s the Magic Shop) This is my stop
TALLY: Oh ok
DAWN: Want to come in
TALLY: Sure
Pans over to a bench where a man is sitting reading a paper
JOHNSON: (Talks into watch, has ear piece in his ear) yes sir I’ve spotted her, do you want me to take her out, but sir, yes sir Johnson out.
Pan into the magic box where Willow, and Tara, are seated doing homework, Anya is at the cash register ringing someone up Xander is helping Giles put up stock stuff, Giles is also dusting. Buffy is in the back training. Dawn and Tally walk into the store
XANDER: Hey look it’s the Dawn mister and someone else
Tally and Dawn walk to the table where Willow and Tara are at
DAWN: Hey guys this is Tally (Sits books down)
Willow: Hi I’m Willow and this is Tara
TARA: Hi
TALLY: (Smiles)
XANDER: I’m Xander and that’s Anya
ANYA: (runs over) I heard my name is their money involved
TALLY: Nope sorry but their may be some if you dust everything
ANYA: Really I thought that was just something old bored people do
TALLY: No they just want you to think that
ANYA: OH (amazed) (runs to Giles) can I dust
GILES: (little shocked) I guess
ANYA: (Takes duster from Giles and starts to go around store and dust)
WILLOW: Wow we found a way to get Anya to work (Smiles)
DAWN: How’d you know she’d do that
TALLY: (Tries to think) Just seams like that type
TARA: You must be a really good character judger
TALLY: Yeah
GILES: So dawn how’d you two meet
DAWN: We ran into each other
TALLY: Literally ran into each other
DAWN: (aside to tally) that’s Giles he’s always full of questions
TARA: So do you go to school with Dawn
TALLY: No
TARA: (little surprised) What
TALLY: I mean I haven’t gotten registered yet; (Thinks) my family’s new here
WILLOW: Well what brings you to Sunnydale
TALLY: Well (Stops) you know I should probably get going
DAWN: You must have some stuff to unpack
TALLY: (Thinks) yeah I do
Tally walks to door Dawn follow her.
DAWN: I guess I’ll see you at school Monday
TALLY: I guess so (looks to group) it was nice meeting all of you
DAWN: See you
Tally walks out the door and closes it
TALLY: See me Monday, so today must be Friday, (Looks around and see’s man walking towards store) Excuse me sir what’s the date
MAN: Oh it’s October 26th
TALLY: 2001
MAN: Yeah (Little surprised by the question)
TALLY: Thank you
Man walks off
TALLY: Two days to fix everything (Walks off)
Johnson follows Tally
Cuts to Willow and Tara’s dorm room where Tara is reading a book laying on the bed.
WILLOW: (at the desk working with lap top) you know its good Dawnie is making new friends
TARA: Uh huh (Starts to read again, very wrapped up in book)
WILLOW: (Notices Tara isn’t really paying attention) And you know she’ll probably do well since she’s got that new dolphin for a pet
TARA: Sure will
WILLOW: (Playfully) And the water house for it (Walks and stands over Tara, Starts to Tickle her)
TARA: (Laughing) OH will…willow stop (Laughing) (Drops book on the floor)
WILLOW: (Laughing) (Stops Tickling) Well that got you out of the book
TARA: (Sits up) Sorry but it’s really good
WILLOW: (Sits besides Tara) it’s ok (Touches Tara’s face) its just one of the things I love about you
TARA: (Smiles)
WILLOW: (Kisses Tara) I’d better let you get back to your book
TARA: (Kisses Willow) What book (They kiss again)
Cut to Buffy on Patrol Big Demon attacks her she gets knocked down, about that time Tally comes from the bushes.
TALLY: (Cast Spell)
Demon runs away
TALLY: Damn that wasn’t supposed to happen in till tomorrow night
BUFFY: (Jumps up) Who the hell are you
TALLY: (Turns around) I have to go
BUFFY: (Grabs Tally’s arm) Not in till I get some answers
TALLY: Buffy I don’t have time for this
BUFFY: How do you know my name
TALLY: Look I’d love to explain but theirs not time now please let me go
BUFFY: You did a spell are you a friend of Willow and Tara’s
TALLY: Yeah something like that
BUFFY: Did they send you
TALLY: (Hears Demon coming again) (Pushes Buffy out of the way)
BUFFY: Ok I want answers now
TALLY: The council sent that demon after you and your friends, we have to stop it before it gets to them, please Buffy just trust me
BUFFY: How do you know about the council
TALLY: It’s a long story and I don’t have time to tell it right now but I have to stop that thing before it gets to Willow and Tara
BUFFY: What about Willow
TALLY: Please just let me go
BUFFY: Fine but I’m coming with you
TALLY: Fine
Cuts campus where Willow and Tara are walking along the street looking at the moon, holding hands. Buffy and Tally come up to Willow and Tara.
BUFFY: Willow is everything ok
WILLOW: Yeah what’s wrong Buffy
BUFFY: (Looks at Tally) That’s what I’d like to know
TALLY: (Looks at Willow and Tara) We have to get you two out of sight
TARA: Hey your Dawn’s friend Tally
TALLY: Yeah but please we have to go
WILLOW: I don’t understand
TALLY: And I don’t have time to explain please just come with me
JOHNSON: Not so fast Tally
TALLY: (Shocked) Johnson what are you doing here
JOHNSON: I could ask you the same question
Buffy, Willow, and Tara are all looking confused
BUFFY: Who are you
JOHNSON: Oh look the slayer (Looks at Tally) well you wasted no time have you
TALLY: (Stands in front of Buffy and the others) Leave them alone
JOHNSON: Oh come now, why would I do that
TALLY: I’m serious
JOHNSON: What are you going to do bore me to death you won’t hurt me I know your values
TALLY: Hurt them and we’ll see where my values lie
JOHNSON: Come on you can’t do this your fooling with destiny
TALLY: No you’re the one’s fooling with destiny I’m just fixing the mess
JOHNSON: (Laughs) The hard way it is then (Pulls out gun) Come on now we’ve got a portal to get to
TALLY: (Looks at Buffy) Get them out of here Buffy
BUFFY: (Nods in agreement)
JOHNSON: (Shoots towards the ground where Buffy and the others where walking) Not so fast
TALLY: Let them go you only want me, let them go and you can have me
JOHNSON: Sorry you’re the one who wanted it the hard way (Starts to shoot)
TALLY: (Puts hand out and stops bullets in mid air, they then fall to the ground)
JOHNSON: How the hell did you do that
TALLY: I’ve been practicing
Tally starts to fight with Johnson they both take a lot of punches from one another, she fights with the same stile as Buffy. Buffy then starts in on the fight. Together they defeat Johnson. About that time the demon comes towards them.
TALLY: (Goes to Willow) Let me have that ring
WILLOW: What
TALLY: Please
WILLOW: (takes off ring that’s on her middle finger) here you go
TALLY: (Runs to Johnson and puts ring on his finger) (To Willow and Tara) Get behind the bushes
Willow and Tara listen to Tally and get behind the bushes. The demon goes to Johnson.
TALLY: (Chants spell)
The Demon vanishes Tara and Willow come from the bushes.
Buffy: (Looks at Tally) You’ve got some explaining to do
Cut to magic shop where the gang is around the table Tally is standing up talking to them.
TALLY: I’m from four years in the future, in my time line the council sent a demon to attack you all well I guess I should be more specific not the whole council but one man a guy who’s a Commander in my time, no one knows his name but this is how he made his mark. He sent the demon to this time, and Willow sent the demon to another dimension, well four years from now you where to have a very pissed off demon wanting revenge and you have the commander helping him, anyway in a fight Willow was killed because the demon used the ring to find her but now it’ll find Johnson and kill him (Pan over to see Johnson tied to a chair) I’ll port back during the attack so he won’t have time to react
WILLOW: Killed
TALLY: Yeah mom (Stops her self) Willow
WILLOW: (surprised) What did you say
TALLY: Nothing, its nothing
TARA: So how do you know magic
TALLY: I’m going to have wonderful teachers, in all of you (Smiles)
BUFFY: Where did you learn to fight like you do
TALLY: Like I said wonderful teachers (Looks at Giles)
GILES: How do you come into our lives
TALLY: Soon Mr. Giles you’ll find out soon
TARA: That’s what I call him
TALLY: I know (Smiles)
DAWN: So where all alive four years from now huh
TALLY: Yeah alive and well
DAWN: So does your family move here with you
TALLY: Not really, I don’t have family till I met you guys (Looks at Tara and Willow) But I have the best parents after I come here, the best any kid could ever have
WILLOW: Us (looks at Tara)
TARA: (Surprised) Where going to be y..yo..your parents
TALLY: (Smiles) Yeah, but you know your all not going to remember a thing when I leave here
BUFFY: Why not
TALLY: I can’t tamper any more then I already have so I’m going to do a forgetting spell on you
WILLOW: We must have taught you well
TALLY: The best
DAWN: So will you be here soon
TALLY: Sooner then you think (looks at clock) and I’d better be getting back (Chants and opens portal) Dawn try to remember when we’re in chemistry together don’t mix the blue powder in the red beaker, just makes a really big mess (Laughs) But I guess we’ll just have to do it to see it (Smiles) (Chants something else and goes through portal with Johnson)
Big flash of light then cuts to Dawn walking with schoolbooks. 16-year-old Tally is walking with backpack. She bumps into Dawn.
DAWN: Geezer’s don’t you watch where your going
TALLY: Oh hey sorry
They pick both their things up
DAWN: Its ok I haven’t seen you around
TALLY: Oh I just got here
DAWN: Really cool, I’m Dawn
TALLY: I’m Tally
Girls from earlier starts to come up
DAWN: Great (discussed) just what I need
TALLY: Not to nice are they
DAWN: That’s putting it for lack of a better word nicely the one in the middle gives me fits all the time
Group walks up to Tally and Dawn
BETH: Well if it isn’t the cutter and her new friend
AMY: You must be new around here to be hanging with this
RAY: Yeah she’ll have you cutting your self to if your not careful
DAWN: (up set) that happen one time and it wasn’t like that
BETH: Whatever so what’s your name (Looks at tally)
TALLY: Tally
AMY: Well Tally why don’t you come hang with us and leave the loser alone
TALLY: (Looks at Dawn) sounds good
DAWN: (Disappointed thinking she’d found a friend)
TALLY: Come on dawn lets leave the losers alone
DAWN: (Laughing) Sure
BETH: Well I never
Tally and Dawn walk away from the girls who are stunned that someone stood up to them
DAWN: That was awesome
TALLY: (Grins) Well they did set their self up for that one
DAWN: (See’s the Magic Shop) This is my stop
TALLY: Oh ok
DAWN: Want to come in
Tally: (Smiles) Sure
Date can be saw from a sign above, October 31, 2001

To Be Continued…………



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 Post subject: Fic: Future Unclear
PostPosted: Fri Mar 22, 2002 11:50 am 
Interesting, raising lots of questions - one of which is how we end up with Amy and Beth in the Sunnydale together (assuming this is Tara's cousin?)

The opening line is also very interesting and tells us alot about Tally... or seems to. Clearly a magic user... aiming to help the ones she loves.

That pulled me in right away - which was good.

It's been a while since I read a fic laid out like a script - and I remember the key thing about that style, you really do need to watch your punctuation. It becomes quite difficult to read in parts. Sometimes this is due to the long flowing sentences, but also because if you are dealing exclusively with speech (with a few descriptions) the writing must mirror how the characters would speak the lines. Try reading it aloud, acting out the parts before posting the next part and see if that helps.

But hey, niggles aside, nice start.

Katharyn

------------------
You hear that baby?



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 Post subject: Fic: Future Unclear
PostPosted: Fri Mar 22, 2002 12:51 pm 
Thanks for the feedback I know I have trouble with the grammar aspect of everything, I get to writing and forget about everything else. And about the Beth/Amy thing, I actually didn't even think about that when I was writing the story, so that just happens to be two names that came into my head Again thanks for the feedback, part 2 will be up soon.


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 Post subject: Fic: Future Unclear
PostPosted: Fri Mar 22, 2002 5:08 pm 
cool fic.
-Will


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