Spoilers: Set after WreckedNotes: Gráinne is pronounced graw-n-ya. Spelling is UK, because otherwise I would have been a confused lickle bunny wabbit.
I know this is not strictly a W/T fic, as its more about Willow's perspective, but I just wanted to try and set out how she gets back to Tara.
"No, that's not, I mean, it wasn't bad judgement. It was me being arrogant, and selfish . . ." Gráinne could bear it no longer; she reached out to the shivering woman beside her. "Willow, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You have to concentrate now on the future. On growing stronger, and on what you are going to do to make it up to the ones you love."
Willow started to cry, clutching the crystal in her hands ever-tightly.. "I don't know what to do. How can I make it up to her, to all of them. Please, tell me - what should I do?" Gráinne touched the shaking shoulder beside her, and looked into Willow's eyes - "It starts with one word . . . Forgiveness" Willow began to nod her head eagerly, "yes, how do I get them to forgive me?" Smiling, Gráinne said "that's not what I mean. First, you have to forgive yourself. That's the first step".
Willow's voice rose with incredulity. "How can I? What I did? It was horrible. Dawn could have died because I was out of my mind on power that I couldn't handle. And what I did to Tara? That was the worst of all. I messed with her mind. She - she told me one time that when her family was mean to her that she used to escape into her mind - into fantasies and fairy tales - and then after what Glory did to her, well you don't know what Glory did to her, even I don't know what it was like, but God, it must have been awful, and then I did the same thing. I don't deserve her forgiveness!" Gráinne reached out to Willow, and the young woman fell into her arms, sobbing.
After a time, when Willow's crying had subsided, she sat up, and looking embarrassed excused herself.
'Okay Gráinne, you've succeeded in making her cry her eyes out, so obviously she knows what she did was wrong. Now . . . you have to show her that there's hope'
In the bathroom, Willow was trying to compose herself. 'Well done, Will, you've made a complete fool of yourself - again! God, how could I let her do this to me? Even when I talked with Buffy I didn't get this emotional. Its her fault, she was so, I dunno, kind? Stupid! She was kind, therefore I cried!' Another scrub of her now raw-red face with the towel. 'She said I have to forgive myself. How can I? Although, if I want, no need, Tara to forgive me, how can I expect that if I can't forgive myself?' Willow stared at her reflection in the mirror, recognising the truth in what she had just been thinking. 'Ooo-kay, let's see what else this Gráinne person has to say'
When Willow re-entered the room she found Gráinne examining the painting over the bed. She smiled self-consciously as the older woman turned to face her. "Are you okay? Do you want me to go?" Gráinne was worried that she was making Willow deal with too much too soon. "No, please stay. I, I need help, and well, that's what you're doing, well what you were doing before I ran out of here crying like a big old baby, and its what I want you to do - oh help I mean, not cry, no I definitely don't want you to cry. Well, I don't really want me to cry either, but . . ."
Gráinne couldn't contain the giggles any longer. Her outburst causing a confused frown to appear on the face of the redhead. "Oh Jaysus, I'm so sorry Willow, its just, Rupert told me about your propensity for babbling, and I thought he was exaggerating, but, I see now that he wasn't."
Willow's mood shifted from confused to irritated, but her scathing reply was interrupted by a knock at the bedroom door.
Buffy entered warily, and upon seeing that Willow was angry and quite obviously had been crying she entered slayer mode. She was standing in front of Gráinne in a split second. "What did you do to her?" she spat. Willow attempted to intercede, but was silenced by the raised hand of the slayer. Gráinne looked at the glaring young woman before her with a mixture of wariness and amusement. 'Now I know she possesses supernatural strength, but she's just so tiny!' Before she could answer, Buffy grappled with her and attempted to pin her against the wall.
Suddenly, Gráinne disappeared, causing Buffy to fall over and curse loudly. She recovered quickly, and upon standing, saw that Gráinne had re-emerged right beside a shocked Willow. "How did you . . .?" "Buffy, please calm yourself.", Gráinne spoke softly to the agitated slayer before her. Willow turned to Buffy "Buffy, its okay really. She didn't hurt me, well, she did but it was in a kind of a truth hurts way, not a broken bones way. I'm okay".
The tension drained from Buffy, and she looked sheepishly at the stranger. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to manhand, I mean womanhandle you. I just over-reacted when I saw how upset Will was. How did you get away from me anyway?"
"She's a witch", declared Willow, and then turned to the woman beside her to get confirmation of her theory. "Oh, that's grand that is, try to help someone and they resort to namecalling!" Gráinne's response getting the intended wry smiles from the younger women. "I'm gonna go see what Dawn's up to - see has she broken anything . . . else. I'll see you later Will, and sorry again, uhm, Giles' friend". Buffy rapidly exited the room before Gráinne could properly introduce herself.
"Well, that was fun - nearly getting killed by a wee slayer!" smirked Gráinne. Willow laughed at that, surprising herself. "Although a few minutes ago I thought a wee ex-witch was going to kill me. Rupert told me Sunnydale was a dangerous place, but I thought he was talking about the hellmouth!", Gráinne continued, causing Willow to collapse onto the bed in a fit of laughter. She smiled indulgently, and let Willow laugh for a few moments more before quietly asking "Tell me about Tara".
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"To let this love survive would be the greatest gift that we could give"
Emily Saliers (Indigo Girls)
