The Late Shift (FIC)

[wiccachica]

I bow to a fellow twisted-sister...(hmm that didn't come out right....)

oh well....I try...heh...

Chapter Twenty One: This is the Chapter with so Much Action, Suspense, and Drama that it Warrants No Name….
The sound is difficult to describe. Difficult, but not impossible.

A moving train wreck.

Metal squalling.

Ground shaking.

Calamitous.

Coming down the hallway towards the kitchen doors.

A roiling beast from the depths of Hell.

Creating chaos as it comes.

And then the most disturbing sound, beneath the shrieking metal, and cracking linoleum…...

A tiny bell tinkling.

I imagine a behemoth monster crashing its way down the hall. Causing unspeakable wreckage with one gargantuan fist…and cradling a little kitten in the other.

Surely a beast with a kitty can be redeemed…no matter what kind of carnage it wishes to ensue.

The kitchen staff is frozen in fear. Some of them have fled. I would have too if Spike weren’t clinging to my legs, and burying his face in my butler-clad shins.

The sound grows deafening. It’s right outside the door.

And when the doors of the kitchen burst open, I’m shockingly sad for a moment…not terrified, because I notice that it’s Mother…and she doesn’t have a kitty.

A kitty would have at least been something.

Mother also isn’t looking so good…not that she was the picture of loveliness before… now she seems a little more…..

Stressed. And a lot more demony than I recall.

I think mottled slimy skin and horns do that to a girl.

She lifts a mammoth claw….and rings the bell.

" BELL RINGS! STAFF COMES! THOSE ARE THE RULES!" She fixes a now black orb of an eye on me…just one….

" I’M GOING BACK OUT THERE! I’M GOING TO RING THIS BELL! I’M GOING TO RING IT AND YOU ALL ARE GOING TO SERVE THE MAIN COURSE!" She tinkles the bell again.

And from somewhere in the depths of my soul…beneath the utter terror I’m feeling…comes a shred of something I will later either construe as a gutsy move, or a senseless act of idiocy. I think it’s more like a strange feeling that Mother here isn’t all-together intelligent. Just unattractive and scary…..

" M-Miss…Mother?" I croak. I feel more than see Spike look up at me from beneath my knees. I’m sure he’s thinking I’ve gone around the bend. I feel him tighten his hold on my legs almost painfully.

Shut the bleeding hell up, Blondie… The grip says.

" Really…It’s my fault. I was supposed to be listening for the bell. That was my job…. And it’s this body….well his hearing is poor…. Hers is better…but as you can see…she isn’t much use to us right now….if you could get somebody to…." I indicate Spike on the floor and then myself….

" Wha…??" Spike starts to defend his vampire hearing… and I discreetly move my foot hard enough to silence him.

Mother stares at me….both eyes this time. She clacks her teeth…in thought…or in annoyance.

Maybe she’s more surprised that I had the chutzpah to speak to her….but she seems to be mulling over her options….and mulling takes time….

She can spray me across the room with one good swipe of that claw…. Or she could…..

" Yes…yes…. Can’t have you doing a bad job…can’t have that…. The bell rings… you SERVE. Got it???"

" Got it." I say softy…and as meekly as I can make Spike’s look. … Mother turns and leaves with much less fanfare as she came in with….

*****

" That wussy-boy crap made me want to hurl." Spike says to me from above. I look up at him. My forehead feeling chaffed from tweedy butler pants…

I slide my arms from around his legs and lean back on my knees. " But it was bloody smart…I give you that." He finishes reaches down and helps me to my feet.

MY feet.

Feet that are mine…small…cute…girly feet… and girly legs…and thank the Goddess…boobs! But there’s no time to welcome them back…

I brush off my maid uniform and rake my fingers through me hair to make myself at least presentable.

" We are getting out of here." I say. I’m trying to pull off look collected.

" How do you propose we do that?" Spike asks, already lighting a cigarette.

" We wait for the bell…." I say…and then I hit him…right in the face…as hard as my wonderful girly-girl fist can manage…. He grabs his face.

" What the…!!! What was that for???"

" I owe you one more…. One for each cigarette you smoked AFTER I told you to stop." I shake out the pain from my hand.

" Ow…" He whines…and rubs at his jaw. " So when’s the next one coming?" I’m looking around the kitchen for a weapon strong enough to face Mother with….

" Wouldn’t you like to know?"

TBC…………

[Kalita]

I've got a niftier title for that chapter:

How Tara Got Her Boobs Back.

(with apologies to Terry MacMillan)

[CaptMurdock]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kalita:
How Tara Got Her Boobs Back.

---

Oh, thaaaank you, Double-Oh-Seven. That made me spray chocolate cake all over my monitor.

But it's a great title!

quote:

[AutumnT]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kalita:
How Tara Got Her Boobs Back.

---

*snort*

I just want to know how she was planning to welcome them back...

quote:

[wiccachica]

Kalita-

I about fell out of my chair! ( not a good thing per se in the work place)

Great Title!!!

Maybe I'll save that one for a Willow chapter...because really... I think she'll enjoy welcoming them back just as much.....

[DISASTERAREA]

OH.MY.GOD!!!! I dont think Ive laughed so much in my entire life, reading htis after I'd read the excellent spin off series from Miss K on the BuffyNFaith list (Completely off topic but if any of u get the chance check out this site http://www.geocities.com/kitty_licks/Kittyspadindex.htm the Slayer Do... and ATST series are f@*kin' hilarious, anyway enough of the plugging) I literally could not breathe, Im still trying to recover, but I know Ill be giggling all day in work tomorrow. Ive even managed to piss off my sis who keeps shouting me to shut up, I guess I should csause it is 1:30am, I guess I'll have to read the next parts a little earlier...or later, my brains still not straight.
Anyhoo I guess what the point of my babbling mess of a reply is that the fic is GREAT, and I cant wait for the next update

[Tiggrscorpio]

I wish I could say I knew where the hell this was going, but I have absolutely no clue. I'm simply fascinated and can't wait for more!

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She's my everything!

[LeatherQueen]

You know, this is just the most bizarre fic,... but I absolutely love it. You've got me rolling on the floor laughing every time I read an update. Keep it coming!

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"Honey, I'm the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind." -Glory

[mollyig]

Most entertaining. I keep visualising Tara doing a Spike sneer and I just giggle.

Well done!

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Now that I know there's something to know, I can't *not* know, just because I'm afraid
somebody'll know I know, you know?

[Mini-ALF]

Excellent thinking by Tara to get the creepy 'mother' to switch her and Spike back. I'm interested to see where this goes from here.

Michelle

[wiccachica]

And now...for the Morning Edition.....

Chapter Twenty Two: Aren't You Dying to Know What It Says......???

Funny thing about us and plans.

Plans always change.

See…we had planned to be calm and heroically unflappable when Mother returned…

One second we were trying to map out how we would trick her into changing us at least into our respective bodies….. and then how we were going to make her let Spike and Tara go…..

And the next….

I come walking in the door in the sleaziest short leather skirt and spaghetti-strappy black blouse ensemble that I have ever laid eyes on. My hair is pulled up away from my neck…and I have on more makeup than I’ve ever seen…on anything…

…….except maybe a very sleazy clown…..

It’s not hard to see that it is definitely NOT my sixteen-year old skin. I mean…I’m curvier in all the places that count….and believe me…as much skin as THIS me is showing…. I CAN COUNT! …ONE…TWO…!!!…and if I so much as breathe, that skirt is going to add a resounding FOUR…FIVE….maybe SIX to the tally.

Not only that…but my sixteen-year-old skin is staring at (what I could only refer to at this time as Late-Night Showtime Willow) with not only a little bit of awe…but also an equal amount of drool….

….And not only is that just wrong….but gross…. Seeing me ogling….. myself lavisciously, is serious therapy fodder if there ever was some…

I kick at Xander under the table.

My sixteen-year-old eyes do not need to see me looking like THAT….

Strangely, kicking Xander makes me slip a fraction of the way back into my happy place….

I stand up.

Running around having THAT KIND of FUN in MY SKIN!!!??? Not that THAT is even a skin I’ve ever had on! Not….not even when I was Vampie Willow….or…or…that Halloween with the ghost…and the dead…and the… the…

I think babbling inside one’s head looses a little something for the rest of the class, because everyone…even Showtime Willow is watching me point, shake a finger at, and waggle my eyebrows in the direction of this newest scantily-clothed addition while nary a sound comes out of me.

After a few seconds of embarrassed silence… I sit.

" I think she’s trying to say …the fuh?…." Buffy diplomatically translates my silent Willow babble for me.

Close enough.

Showtime Willow smirks at me. She crosses her arms…I’m thinking to either warm the practically-out-in-the-world-boobalondas….or to look cocky and defiant…. I’m guessing the latter.

" That is actually your current…or most current skin I’m guessing…" Anya says.

" You mean I’ve…she…this…slutty…..well….. me…. has… been walking around up there…like that…for a whole day???"

" Probably more like a few hours….dimensional time zone thing…. Lots of skin collecting takes extra time. Have to stretch out those minutes..make em last…"

I’m staring at Anya now…She seems actually amused by the whole thing. Not to mention a little proud of her current status as resident know-it-all.

I turn back to Showtime Willow.

" Aren’t you COLD?" I plead. I’m really a little distressed by the sight of so much of my skin…while I’m not the one in it….

And, oh yeah, what IS this? The Annual Willow Cloning Parade? Why doesn’t anyone else have a hoochieganger?

Why am I the only one being exposed in this twisted scenario???? I have a lot of other self-pitying questions, but I’m distracted by the look on Dawnie’s face.

" Uhm…. Willow…." Dawn says looking at Showtime…tilting her head slowly to one side…. and down from the smirk….down from the rack….down…down…and oh dammit….down…...

I follow her gaze….

Oh no…oh no…oh no….

" So…..how long have you had THAT tattoo there?"

There are moments a girl just wants to crawl under a rock and perish…..

TBC………

[This message has been edited by wiccachica (edited January 31, 2002).]

[Kalita]

OMG... SkankyWillow! This is just too much.

I can't wait to see Tara's reaction when she meets THIS.

[canadian kitty]

Oh please, for the love of all that is smutty and demented, share with us the details of that tatoo.

[sinfaery]

hoochieganger,...hehehehehe, I felt that is a word to love, know, and remember!

Rock on, girlie!

[wiccachica]

Take two...they're small....

Chapter Twenty Three: Dorothy Enters The Land of Odds

Waiting is the hardest part of any well-devised plan. It really doesn’t work out very well when one of us is a hotheaded vampire.

Okay… I use the term hotheaded very loosely since he’s basically cold all of the time.

That’s really not the issue. The issue is trying to keep him reined in long enough to wait for Mother to ring that bell.

Then we serve her up a pick old Crock-Pot of Scooby-style whoop-ass, and save our friends from impending doom using kick-ass saucepans and lethal soup spoons.

It’ll sound way tougher when it’s said out loud…by a woman NOT wearing a French Maid outfit…..believe me.

It’s been five minutes.

And still we wait…

Spike is pacing the length of the kitchen like a caged…well….vampire…and casting longing looks at the few members of the kitchen staff still in the room. He rubs the scar at his eyebrow in agitation then turns to me.

" I’m starving, Blondie, and it’s all your fault." He mutters. " You’re supposed to fill up the tank before you return the bloody rental…"

" I’m sorry I didn’t have time to put in a few quarts in-between the scary demon lady and the being imprisoned and all, Spike. It l-looks like you’ll have to wait till we get out of this…" I say, half listening for a bell, and half hypnotized by his rhythmic stalking from wall to wall.

" Ffffff!" She chuffs at me. " Who made you the bloody Dorothy?"

Maybe hefting a kick-ass saucepan has made me a little braver than I would be…but I move right up into his face so he has to stop mid stride. It surprises him.

" I did, Spike…right after you lost all coherent speech and bodily function due to being a big fat COWARD!"

I think he’d hit me right now if he could, because he knows I’m right. But I’m thinking…even if he could… I’d still be able to take him.

" I wasn’t …being…a…coward…" He backs down from my potent glare. " I was conserving my energy."

" To what? Run as fast as my little girly legs would take you, Chicken Little?" I cock an eyebrow at him. Direct hit. He blanches…probably running the whole ‘cowering on the floor most of the time’ part of his stay in the kitchen.

" Okay. Okay. Point made. No need to rub it in till it burns." He smoothes at his jacket. " There’s something…just…. scary….. about being you, Blondie. You’re so…ALIVE…. And so….. KILLABLE….it’s really very disconcerting….fear of death and all….Haven’t had that feeling for a while… But I’m back to my old self. Manhunter….undead bad-ass ….William the Bloody… Ready and willing… and so forth…."

I catch the glint in his eye.

He’s telling the truth.

William the Braying Goose-Donkey Boy has left the building….

" I’m tired of waiting around for Mother Mucous to ring us out. I say we do what we do best…"

" And what would that be?" I ask. This time it is he who comes up and fills my vision with his wickedly bumpy vampire smile.

" We crash their pretty little party." He says…loving every bit of this moment.

It sounds, rushed, stupid, bull-headed, and thoughtless….

But….for some reason….. I like it.

" You’re on….but Spike?" We walk to the door Mother left out of.

" Yeah?" He asks as he pulls the door open.

" I’m still Dorothy, and don’t you forget it."

" That’s fine by me… I’m kind of partial to being one of the lions, or tigers, or bears lurking at the edge of the forest anyway…." He winks.

And with that, we leave one sort of insanity…..and enter another….

TBC….

Chapter Twenty Four: Rat-a-tatt-oo To You Two Too….

I call it divine intervention.

My…NOT having to discuss a certain work of body art with the rest of the group.

The others might call it interruption.

Besides…anything I said would have paled in comparison to the reaction gotten from the arrival of totally normal Doppeldawnie and Beach-Bunny-Bimbo Buffy.

" No! No! No! No!….NO!" Buffy shrieks, petrified.

For to call what she is wearing a pink two-piece….. would be a serious overstatement…

It’s more of a one very small piece…. split into a seriously fabric-deprived two-piece…..

And from over here…it’s clear that Buffy isn’t sporting ANY tattoos. She is up and wrestling Anya out of her tux jacket at breakneck speed.

" Hey! Hey!" Anya shrills in surprise as Buffy mugs her and rushes over to wrap the jacket over the most prominently unclothed points of interest of her sappily grinning Dopplepopinoutalloverus.

" Where’s Mother??? I want her to change us back…RIGHT NOW!!!"

" And ruin all the FUN???" Xander hoots. " This is like an anatomy lesson…without the tests…and the learning….and with MORE…( he blanches as Buffy glares his way)…less…things to (covers eyes) Hide my eyes from! Saw nothing! Blind man! I-AM-A-BAD-BLIND-MAN!!….." He howls.

Not so funny when it’s YOUR almost naked bits out in the breeze, is it? My smugness must be apparent; she whips the cranky-look my way too.

"At least they didn’t get all trashy with my body." Dawn says proudly, looking over her jean-clad self. " You look very lovely." She says pointedly to her Doppeldawnie.

" None of the leather stuff fit." Doppeldawnie says reasonably. The voice was most certainly Dawn Summers…but there was a sultry…almost wry quality to it that made every word sound like a proposition. Very back-crawling-with-oogy-chills stuff….

" Okay….disturbed by that comment." Dawn says, looking away.

" You know…so far… I think I’VE gotten the end of the stick on this deal…" Buffy says…struggling with her body to keep the jacket on. Being in non-slayer-Dawn body makes a futile effort…but points for trying.

Hands down…she wins the award from most skin shown….

" But at least I won’t have to remove a tattoo when this is all over." She adds.

Hmm? What? Tattoo? Where? No tattoo….

I’m not about to explain anything about how that tattoo is NOT the result of some horn-ed Chronos Demon, gone all wacky with the pale little clean curvy slate that is me.

That tattoo is more of a ‘horn-ed Willow on a crazy whim’ ….kind of chaos thing…..

And thank goodness they SHOULDN’T get close enough to read what it says……

Then…as if on cue…my Showtime facesake betrays the hell out of me.

" Hey..the tatt came with the skin honey…" She purrs.

Buffy is looking at me. Wonder.

Xander is looking at me. Intrigue

Dawn is looking at me. Surprise.

Anya is looking at me: Applause.
" YOU GOT A TATTOO????" Buffy says…almost forgetting her battle with the Beach Bunny…er… Buffy.

" This is really not the issue…here…now… the issue here is…. Well…. It’s not this…"

" What does it say, Buffy?" Anya calls from her chair. Buffy does the unthinkable…and moves in for a closer inspection.

" OH-MY-GOD…." She says slowly, righting herself. Her cheeks are probably as red as mine are right now. Though I doubt it.

" I was inebriated, Buffy…. It made sense at the time….really very kind of poetic…..and the…well…the ink poker guy at the parlour thought it was really…..er….funny….did I mention the bibaciousness?" I blather.

" Well???" Xander prompts. Buffy struggles for speech for a moment…then looks at me.

" You want to tell them…or shall I?"

" How about…uhm…neither…" I say hopefully…..

" Is it something I shouldn’t hear? Is it NC-17 stuff?" Dawn asks… starting around the table to see. I make a mad dash for my Showtime Late-night body…and use the threat of Buffy’s slayer fists to hold them at bay….

" It is between me…My tattoo artist…and …well that’s all you need to know….."

Oh something big and scary please happen right now so I don’t have to suffer the embarrassment of this…pleasepleasepleaseplease….I’ll never live this down….

TBC…….

[ShaggyKat]

I am laughing so hard inside. God I shouldn't read this at work. I think I have tears.

[nika]

Oh *lol* this is *lol* so much *lol* freakin'
fun!

"And thank the Goddess boobs!but there's no time to welcome them back"

May I be the first to volunteer my services as head of the welcoming commitee when there is time? Pretty pleeeease?

Showtime Willow and french maid Tara (beep-beep nurse heart attack here!!!!!!)

The tattoo, what does it say? This is the best cliffhanger question ever.

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"Eat lot's of applesauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians." Amber Benson

[wiccachica]

I've really gotta do some work sometime soon...but I'm having so much darn fun!

This chapter is small...but weird.... enjoy.

Chapter Twenty-Five: Club Huh the Fuh????

Note to Self: Never get riled up for battle by a hotheaded vamp.

It will end weirdly.

End Transmission.

One minute we were walking down an extremely long hallway….on our way to save the rest of the Scooby gang…..

One, obviously wrong, turn later (totally Spike’s fault)

And here we are….

Lost. But not quite…. nowhere…..

Nothing behind us…no exits to the left or right ….The only door in the long…nondescript white hall is that big…scary-looking red one there in front of us……the one that stands in dimensions best suited for a giant.

The huge Silver letters above this door, attempt to explain what we will find inside. ….and on those words….I could see Spike’s Vampy resolve starting to falter….

* CLUB DISCOTEKKA*

" Bugger me." Spike mutters. " I hate disco." And pushes open the door, just a little.

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

The beat from inside is bone-rattlingly loud. Spike looks paler than normal….

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

Cuz it’s the last dance…..last chance…..for luuuuve…..

The music seems to be telling us not to come in…it’s the last chance to save ourselves…to run the other way…..

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

But there is something about it…the mesmerizing lights and sounds…the beats…the beats…the never wavering rhythm….that pulls us in….like great, funkadelic sirens from the beyond….

Must enter….must…dance…last dance…must….get down on it…and shake a groove thang….must ….

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

Because both of us know we have no choice but to relinquish our fate to what lies beyond …. Not to mention the fact that a mysteriously alluring night club in a big gray creepy house amidst a weird-dimensional brouhaha…will be something of a story to tell later on….. I’d stake Spike’s un-life on it……. No pun intended

But here we are…..

A Funky Wicca and her Groovy Succ-u-bus….

Moving into dangerous waters…but…..

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

Okay…. Danger schmanger…..Have at thee, demons.

TBC……..

For all you Disco Lovers: I’m sorry…disco was the weirdest thing that popped into my head at the door….(and yes I write these like my own personal choose-your-own-adventure book)

For all you door lovers…it was a good red door…it did it’s door-like job quite well. (And yes… I only hire unionized doors for parts in fic…)

You think I’m going nowhere with this story…but oh… I think this actually going to head somewhere quite fun ……

Bwahahaahahahahaha (evil laugh)

[LeatherQueen]

*LMAO* Oh my god... this thing is just getting funnier and weirder and better all the time. And oh how I want to know what that tattoo says.

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"Honey, I'm the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind." -Glory

[AutumnT]

quote:

---

Originally posted by wiccachica:
You think I’m going nowhere with this story…

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I think I can speak for many who actually just think you are gloriously insane. I was out to dinner with friends tonight and just randomly started laughing when thinking about this fic. And I could not even start to explain what I thought was funny to them...quote:

[lurker1.0]

Ah yes the glory of infectious insanity. It's what this world needs more of. And what, thankfully, this fic supplies lots of. And after reading it all in one sitting, oh boy, everything's just alot funnier right now.
Keep up the good work this fic be very very good

[wiccachica]

Good Morning, Kittens.....

Be warned....

Thar be swells ahead.....

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

Chapter Twenty-Six: Miracle of Miracles

Who says once in a great while…people don’t get their prayers answered right on the spot.

I asked for something scary to take the pressure of me and my tattoo….

I got Mother…

And a Jeanie-like zappity-boink right back into my chair. Like I had never gotten up.

I hate it when she does that.

Mother must have been taking her time freshening up. She looks herself again… the one without the slime or the oozy skin… She pats her neatly bunned hair primly.

" I see you’ve met a few of the boys…" Mother notes.

Showtime, Doppeldawn, and Bunny are all seated now as well, looking pleased with themselves.

It’s a full house…almost…okay…not even…. We are still missing the Xander, Anya, and Dawnie.

" Back so soon?" Mother asks Showtime.

" Soooo…BORING. Only one skin per place…per person….…there’s no changy fun…we came to get into something more…flexible…."

" Hey…I’m plenty flexible…" I begin…

oops…Willow…wrong kind of flexible… Why can’t I keep my mouth shut till I hear all the facts…?

" That is one reality that should have stayed closed…talk about snoozeville…." Bunny says rolling her eyes.

" Hey, buddy…that’s my dimension you’re bagging on." Buffy growls at her once again unrobed body.

" ooooookaaaaaay……..Let’s talk deal, here." Anya finally pipes up. We all look at her. She has Xander’s face in a little half smile.

" Deal?" Mother smirks. " Who makes deals here? You? You make deals?"

" You change us all back to normal…you tell us where the door back home is…"

" Tara and Spike." I whisper.

" And you release Tara and Spike…" Anya says.

" That sounds like a demand. Not a deal."

" Well the deal is you keep your job…your skins…your dirty business of breaking into alter realities…and I won’t pass on what I’ve seen here to D’Hoffren. ..I’m sure he’ll have a thing or two to say to the demon council about you running a second term…."

That seems to hit Mother right where she lives.

You go, Anya!

Anya examines Xander’s almost non-existent nails nonchalantly.

"What does a Chronos demon with a bad record and a only a thousand years of skin filing experience do out in the demon work force? I’ll tell you. I see ‘Chaos Demon Porta-Potti service and repair specialist’ in your future…... And THAT is a scary job..…"

Mother taps her talons on the table…She’s pretending to think about it…

She’s obviously just saving Demon Face by not caving immediately.

Clackety clackety….

She stops her tapping. And smiles a saccharine sweet fang-ed smile at Anya.

" You have a deal." She says.

****

And suddenly…

I’m very cold…..Very cold and very almost naked….

I’m Showtime-Late-Night Willow!

Which, by default is as close to being me as I can hope to be!!!

Poof… like that… not so much as a battle to the death. And I don’t even get to swing so much as a rotten sword…. So then….too easy, one might say…I tell you yes… yes it is… and I for one am not going to spend valuable time looking a gift horse in the mouth…especially not on the Hellmouth…cuz even gift horses can grow fangs and take arms off at a whim in these parts……

I’m doing it again…the Inner-Willow babble….

I look around the table… at the normal…yet ill-dressed group of Scoobies…Mother…. And Mother’s ‘boys’. Who look as though they have already picked out their new skins.

Richard Nixon.

Scott Baio (Charles in Charge Edition)

Vanna White

Pauly Shore (Encino Man Edition)

And Mr. T.

I’m tempted to ask the important question here… WHY being a big one……But there is no time to dwell on these peculiarities…. We have to find Tara and Spike and get home…STAT.

Buffy is buttoning up the tux jacket.

Oddly Xander and Dawn look to be the most normally dressed….except for…a few minor things….

" Anya….Where is my body hair???" Xander asks…itching at his arms and upper legs and scowling.

" I had to do what was necessary to survive in your body, Xander… that entailed shaving the fur off… I guess the demon was just keeping up the job for me…."

Xander stops itching for a moment. He stares at her, aghast.

" You…didn’t……shave…it ALL….off…???" He asks in a frightened pleading lamby voice.

" It’ll GROW back, you big baby…." Anya says…and then she looks down at her own clothes..

She is in a pair of fuzzy flannel pajamas ….

…….with little bunnies on them… in cute little blue bunny jackets.

" Ba….Ba…Bu…bu……." She stammers….

She has now gone from our resident poindexter…to traumatized, in the matter of seconds….

" I want to go home…." She whimpers, looking on the verge of passing out.

Buffy…back in full Slayer glory…puts her hand on my shoulder and looks at Mother.

" Where’s the door out of Bizzaro-land?"

" Right where it’s always been…at the Magic Box. It was closed till someone uncorked it last week."

Nixon says matter-of-factly.

" UnCORKED?" Buffy is perplexed…. " What kind of cork plugs up a gate to a waked-up place like this?"

" The Table of Haspathtos. Big heavy ugly thing… there’s a warning on the top…Don’t move this table or ye be damned blah blah blah…or something like that…" Vanna says.

We all look at Anya….she’s too freaked out by her own pants to notice she’s to blame for a large portion of this whole mess.

But now is not the time to bludgeon Anya.

" Okay…Xander…you take Anya and Dawn back to the Box and wait for us. Will and I are going to get Tara and Spike…"

" Right." Xander looks extremely happy he wasn’t volunteered for a recon mission in this house. " Got it."

" And our friends are where?" Buffy muscles in on Mother….

" Kitchen. Left door…end of the hall on the right after the first turn."

We head out to find out My Tara…and …well Spike too…..

‘ Operation Find Tara and Spike and Get the hoo-ha Outta Here’ is under way!

TBC…….

Chapter Twenty-Seven: This is the Utility Chapter That Takes Our Heroines Where They Need To Be.

Wrong turn…somewhere…..

First right? Second door?

Last door on the first left?

" Uhm….Buffy… I think you lost us…" I offer. She points a finger at me.

" You have nothing to say about it…Tattoo Girl."

Okay… I back down from THAT argument…but…it doesn’t mean she didn’t get us lost….

Not that it matters, because the only door there is is that Big Red Door at the end.

Big silver letters read: Club Discotekka….

" It’s a club." Buffy says…looking a bit intrigued by the idea of a club in a house.

" Could be a trap." I say.

" Well it won’t be the first time we’ve gone into a trap. " Buffy says...and opens the door.

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

[Kalita]

And the weirdness keeps on comin'....

I do still want to know what that tat says. Heh...

[ShaggyKat]

me too... and like when she actually got it hehehe

[wiccachica]

Disclaimor: The songs used in the fic are the sole property of the artist. I lay no claim to the creatvity and work refrenced below. A big thank you to Alicia Bridges, The Tavares, Gloria Gaynor…and all of the other disco greats….. I bow to your disconess….

And yes...the tattoo, it's origin, and its message will be explained...soon....but you must have faith.....

Chapter Twenty-eight: You Can’t Always get What You Want….SAYS WHO????

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

My heart…every cell of my body wants to syncopate to this music. My skin feels as though it is throbbing in tempo as Buffy and I push our way into the club…through tightly packed dancing bodies.

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

I’m having a hard time trying to focus on Buffy moving through the crowd in front of me…and the lights strobing, the steamy, pulsing crowd of dancers all around me. It’s like being pulled in too many directions at once. My mind swims with it, beats to it…it makes me giddy, and frightened, and safe…all in the space between each beat…

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

I WILL SURVIVE….

And then a hand comes down on my arm and pulls me short.

Spike. And he looks like a butler. This is starting to feel like a costume party. He’s got a beer in his other hand…and a surprised smile on his face.

" Here! Lookit you, Red! " He shouts at me over the din. He’s completely snockered…who knows how long he’s been here…nursing beer after beer…. " You look like a…. I knew once in the thirties…." I can’t hear the word he uses over the music… I’m not sure if it’s in English… so I’m not sure whether to be offended or flattered.

" We’ve come to get you out!" I shout over the noise. Spike seems to be concentrating (as well as he can) on my cleavage.

" Blondie is going to get a blasted thrill out of YOU…. You wanna beer….." He slurs. Blondie. Tara. Good. She’s here…

" Where’s Tara?" I shout. And he nods off onto the dance floor. I follow his gaze….

And the dancing bodies seem to part just for me.

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

The lights from above seem to favour only her.

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

And everything else in this reality…and a million others….. falls away.

Even the music seems a universe from where I am right now…. watching her dance…..

Her eyes are closed, her head thrown back…engulfed in the music I can no longer hear… Her arms go up, above her head… I love to watch her dance…. Hell… I love to see her move…breath…exist….

And can I just say…HELLO French Maid outfit!

My trance is broken by Spike taking my arm again….and the music crashes over me. I hear Spike yelling into my ear…but I can’t seem to take my eyes off Tara….

" There’s something about this place…the music…it’ll hypnotize…you…thank goodness I loathe Disco…."

I’m feeling this music inside my head…my chest…I can practically smell it in the musky air….

I WANT TO DANCE.

And the music is calling me out…..

" You listening to me, Blondie? I said the music’s contagious…you have to fight it….Disco KILLS!…."

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

Please don't talk about love tonight
Please don't talk about sweet love
Please don't talk about being true
And all the trouble that we've been through

But it’s too late….I want to….no…I HAVE to dance….

I slip out of his grasp…move past Buffy…doing the Hustle like no one’s business…. And head hazily in the direction of the hands-down most beautiful girl in the room….

Ah, Please don't talk about all of the plans
We has for fixing this broken romance
I want to go where the people dance
I want some action...I want to live!

And then she opens her eyes and sees me....

TBC…

[This message has been edited by wiccachica (edited February 01, 2002).]

[ShaggyKat]

Wiccachick,

Could you like, just spend all day, updating this story? Cause I love it!

[wiccachica]

And an afternoon edition?

ShaggyKat...your wish is my command..

I don't write fic on the weekend...I only do serious writing and other nonsense Sat-Sun...so I'll probably throw out one more update today until Monday...

Disclaimor: The songs used in the fic are the sole property of the artist. I lay no claim to the creatvity and work refrenced below. A big thank you to Alicia Bridges, The Tavares, Gloria Gaynor…and all of the other disco greats….. I bow to your disconess….

Chapter Twenty Nine: Come With Me if You Want To Live….or is that Jive….??

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

I’m sweaty, buoyant, and enrobed in the most wonderful music in the world! I have the insatiable urge to raise my hands above my head……

I had seen a DJ earlier…. A smiling Chaos Demon…wearing a beanie cap and thick-rimmed specs…spinning in a booth the shape of a giant glass blender…

He smiled at me…and winked as he put on some Sly and the Family Stone…just for me…..

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

He pointed up to the neon sign over his blender booth as it switched from **GRIND** to **PUREE** and then music picked up tempo.

*** THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP***

And then I was swept away again…into the crowd….. dancing faster and harder than I ever thought I could. It seemed to go one for hours….

And just when I thought it would be the end of me…. The neon sign over the Big Blender switches to **MIX**…and brings the tempo down…..

*** THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP***

And I was alive…and filled with disco…Eyes closed, head back…..

I’d never really been a fan of disco before…but for some reason….now this was the best music EVER created…. The best feeling…EVER…..

Except……maybe…..

Oh, I...Ohhh I... I love the nightlife,
I got to boogie on the disco 'round, oh yea
Oh, I...Ohhh I... I love the nightlife,
I got to boogie on the disco 'round, oh yea

I open my eyes…and my vision is filled with Willow…walking towards me through the crowd…..wearing a VERY short leather skirt a strappy black blouse, and a pair of calf-high black boots….

Disco is now the SECOND best feeling ever….

She says my name …I can’t hear it said, but I can tell by the familiar motion of her lips around the word… that little smile she gets at the end…and it is usually at that smile I have to just kiss her or go insane…..

She slides an arm around my waist…with that same little smile, and her palm pressed against the small of my back. She eases in and presses her lips against my ear in a way that makes my stomach flutter.

Reflecting how I feel for you
thinking about those people then
I know that in a thousand years
I'd fall in love with you again.

This is the only way that we should fly
this is the only way to go
and if I lose you I know I would die.

Oh say you'll always be my baby
we can make it shine, we can take forever
just a minute at a time.

More than a woman, more than a woman to me
more than a woman, more than a woman to me
more than a woman, oh, oh, oh.

" I’m here to save you, Baby." She says. I can still hear the smile I her voice.

Almost on second nature, I place my hand on the back of her neck, and we stand like this for what seems like an eternity.

And then the music is gone. I’ve suddenly gone deaf to it. There is only our heartbeats. Hers and mine.

The people are still dancing…and I wonder if our hearts are beating THAT loudly. But the spell is not broken for them…only us two….

" I’m here to save you." She whispers again. Her breath making me shiver. Goddess… how long has it been since we’ve held each other like this?

You already have. I think to myself.

" Let’s get out of here." Is what I say out loud.

TBC….

[ShaggyKat]

I am Saved! Halleluiah! Halleluiah!

I think I love you .... r writing.

ket

[Jessie]

I LOVE this story. I will try to be patient and wait for the next update -- but I might just have to start over and keep reading it until you add more. This is sooo wonderful!!

You rock. J

------------------
"And how long have you known your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?"

[UniDagger]

Oh wow. I know Im sitting here (at work) with the goofiest grin...better get rid of it before someone comes in. I LOVE THIS STORY!!

------------------
"Gay Now"
So you're gay?
Yes
Will you be gay tomorrow?
Let me check my calendar...yep. Looks like I'll be gay all week.
******
My other car is a broom.
***