by Kalita » Sat Feb 16, 2002 12:42 pm
by ellenfan » Sat Feb 16, 2002 3:41 pm
I have been reading this for about a week now, and I have never commented on it. About time! It´s really great and sooo funny. More please, and soon, please!
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„For this, we should all erect little shrines to the goddess Ellen and burn lavender incense. Network TV finally has gays and lesbians on its radar.“ Joyce Millman, Salon.com, May 2000
"Nobody messes with my girl!" Tara in Bargaining Part 2
by ForeverPiper » Sun Feb 17, 2002 8:01 am
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How's that cramp Spike? Still bothering you? -TARA
What? Oh, yeah. -SPIKE
Maybe you should, uh, put some ice one it. -TARA (Note: I laughed SO hard when I saw this)
by wiccachica » Mon Feb 18, 2002 11:27 am
Morning Edition's a little late today....sorry...but I had a little argument with the troll over who should meet naughty Willow.....
Chapter Sixty: Romper Room…or Today’s Special…You Choose the Channel…..
" The phone’s still ringing." I say into Willow’s hair as she trails steamy kisses down my throat. Her bandana has since found it’s way to the floor so I can run my fingers through her hair.
How I turned out to be the one against the washing machine is beyond me. She’s wiry….but strong….
" Mmm….don’t care…." She answers, taking extra time on my breast bone..and sending chills coursing through me.
Don’t ask me what as keeping me from becoming fully engrossed in the make-outing at hand….
…..The ringing sounded so…urgent…. And whoever it was kept hanging up and trying again….making it sound twice as annoying as urgent….
" It could be an emergency…." I say breathlessly. Sending her mixed signals by pulling her closer with one hand…and delicately pushing at her with the other. She comes back up to cover my mouth with hers…
Translation: Shut up, Tare…I’m trying to work here.
I want to melt into that kiss…give in and make crazy laundry love…..but that phone….that stupid phone….
" Let’s take this upstairs." I say quickly, pulling away from her and breaking the mood a little. She blinks at me… a little taken aback by the fact that I am no longer in her arms. I back towards the stairs. The phone is grating on my nerves.
" Tell you what…you finish the laundry, I’ll answer the phone, and then we’ll go up to our room and pick this up where we left off…." Willow looks a little worried.
" You alright?" She asks, crossing her arms.
" Sure…I’m fine…just..that phone….is driving me crazy…"
" I mean…five minutes ago you were all…’More Willow’ and now you’re practically fleeing….."
" I’m NOT fleeing…I’m trying to lure you upstairs…." I say. She thinks about this for a moment.
" Do I bore you? Is that it??"
" Will….you don’t BORE me….. J-just…finish the washing and come up stairs with me..…"
" Okay…fine…" She turns to the washer and begins stuffing the clothes in again as I head up the stairs.
The phone is still ringing off the hook….
Whoever it is on that phone is dead…I swear….I’m going to ring their necks….
I pick up the kitchen line, scowling and hoping they can FEEL my anger through the line…..
" Hello?" I grate.
" Tara? Oh good!" Xander sounds relieved…little does he know I’m considering destroying him. I’m going to give him a piece of my mind…I’m going to…..
I feel familiar arms slip around my waist. VERY familiar lips kiss my temple…then my throat….
What was I saying….?
" Xander….huh…..hoo…wha…what’s with the ringing?" I say…totally disoriented by Willow’s newfound energy, not to mention how quickly she went from defensive pouting girl downstairs to siren seductress up here…
Zero to Sixty…that’s my Willow….why question greatness?
" Tara…you didn’t happen to feed your girlfriend after midnight did you?" Xander asks…wherever he is, the sounds of breaking glass and goofy chuckling can be heard in the background…..
The laughter sounds distantly familiar…but I’m not quite ready to play Sherlock right now… I’m thinking more along the lines of playing a little debutante/stable girl scenario….
" What are you talking about?" I say a little blearily. Willow knows just the spot to pay attention to make me giddy with the unthinking….
" I’m talking about Willow here, acting like she’s been a little to close to the sage while it’s burning…"
Willow sucks lightly on my earlobe and slides her hands under my shirt….slowly travelling up….. and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to drop the phone.
" Are…are you joking…because NOW is not the time to….." On the line there is another crash of something heavy…and more giggling….
I know that giggle now…but I’m trying to make sense of it… You know…I never did actually LOOK to see WHO was feeling me up right now…
I spin around…expecting to see some demon….or…some prankster with a deathwish …..
Willow gives me a sultry smile. She drags her gaze over me with a telltale expression.
Hello Madam Debutante…it seems a little early for a ride…..…
Nope…nothing out of sorts here…..
" Would I joke about Willow practically destroying the place? She’s a walking demolition derby…" Xander says.
" And she’s there….now?" I say vaguely….
" Uhm…hear the merchandise….breaking…? Yes. Willow. Here. Now…" Xander says…sounding annoyed.
" Because….I’m HERE with her…" I say. Xander pauses…
" You mean you WERE…..with her…. She snuck out of the house….and…."
" AM….with her, Xander…." I say.
" How do you…WHAT do you mean…..AM? You must be mistaken…."
" Hands under the shirt…lips on the neck…AM…." I say. There is a long pause on the line…broken only by the sound of Xander wrestling someone into a chair.
" Oh God, Tara….the Willow on your neck is a vampire." He says, in a panic.
" It’s light out." I mention. He pauses again….
" Okay…then I have NO idea what is going on…."
" Come upstairs…" Willow says….pulling at my waist…urging me towards the stairs…
" What don’t you go up and get ready for me…..I’ll be off the phone soon." She gives me a tiny pout before going up the stairs. I watch her go…the view is…definitely MY Willow….right? I mean Will in jeans…whew….
" Something a little strange is happening…" Xander says into my ear.
" Two Willows? I think that’s more than a little strange…." I say.
The front door opens. I hear the sounds of shuffling feet and books being dumped on the coffee table.
" Anybody here? We’re home…" Dawn calls to the house. I lean to look down the hall. We? Home?
" Hey Dawnie…what are you doing home so….." Dawn is walking down the hall towards me, followed closely by a jean-clad Willow….
" Xander…. Chalk another one down for the Willow team." I say.
" Three? This is definitely….a ….dangerous situation…. Are they all clumsy motor mouths? "
I watch as Dawn comes into the kitchen and sits on a stool.
" Willow is going to fix me some peanut butter, banana, and cream cheese sandwiches…" She says. And Willow plants a warm kiss on my cheek as she straps on an apron, and takes out a wicked-looking knife…
" You should come over…and bring your friend…." I say blandly to Xander, and hang up the phone.
" Who was that?" Dawn asks.
" Xander." I say, watching this new Willow taking out all the makings of a truly disgusting sandwich. I'm suddenly stricken by a terrifying idea....
"Hey, Dawnie. I want you to peek at something for me." I say.
" Sure, what?"
" Just if the washer has stopped downstairs. You don’t have to go all the way down there…or even MAKE ANY NOISE AT ALL" I say pointedly.
"Sounds easy enough." She says, looking at me as though I’ve gone nuts, but sliding off the stool and heading for the cellar door anyway.
" She had a fever..so I brought her home." Willow says, spreading cream cheese onto a slice of bread. I watch her deftly cutting up a banana onto the cream cheese.
" Good Call…. Can’t have her sick at school." I say carefully…
" Righty-o." Willow says, cutting the sandwich in half.
Righty-o??? Okay….WHO geeked out my girlfriend???
I hear footsteps on the cellar stairs. Dawn emerges, white as a sheet.
" Tara? The w-washer is s-still…WASHING…." She leans against the door, as if to prevent ghouls from escaping the cellar. " Is the washer…broken? What’s WRONG with the washer???" there is an edge of panic in the young girl’s voice…
Four Willows
Any other day this would have been something to joke about…Tara gets four Willows all to herself…and some wise crack about a very exhausted Tara in bed smoking a cigarette with a dreamy smile on her lips.…..ha ha…all fun…
Nope…I guessing…any other day this would be just as weird as today…
" Sandwich is ready." Willow says, sliding a saucer to the spot where Dawn had been sitting. Dawn looks from the saucer to me. I shrug… Looks harmless enough…. Actually…less harmless than some of dawn’s other concoctions….
" You wanna sandwich, Sweetie?" Willow asks me.
" Hmm? Wha? Sandwich?" I cough…..
This is sooo not the time for tasteless jokes, Tara…..
TBC………
[This message has been edited by wiccachica (edited February 18, 2002).]
by RomanceJunky » Mon Feb 18, 2002 11:51 am
THANK YOU!!!!!!!
Rj...it was a really long weekend...
by katydid » Mon Feb 18, 2002 11:57 am
*looks at clock on bottom corner of computer*
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"She practically has 'genuine molded plastic' stamped on her ass.
by Tiggrscorpio » Mon Feb 18, 2002 12:30 pm
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She's my everything!
by ForeverPiper » Mon Feb 18, 2002 2:10 pm
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Tara: How's that cramp Spike? Still bothering you?
Spike: What? Uh, yeah.
Tara: Maybe you, uh, wanna put some ice on it.
by wiccachica » Mon Feb 18, 2002 3:52 pm
Chapter Sixty One: The Dance of the Tara Plum Tuckered…..
Okay…. This story is boring the bloody gel out of my hair…so I’ll tell the next part….
Sundown. My favourite time of day. That limbo hour between spending eternity as a pile of ashtray fodder, or being the Big…Bad….okay…more like the Big….Annoying…these days.
But I’ve found that bugging the hell out of a person is just as satisfying as drinking them like a juice box. Sometimes…even better…
Tonight I’m feeling particularly ready to paint the town a glorious shade of obnoxious….so I go over to the Summers House.
I find a serious Scooby meeting in progress, sans one red-headed witch. They all have their heads very close together…and don’t give me so much as a glance as I throw myself down in a chair across the room.
" Hello, all…something amiss?" I hope out loud. Buffy doesn’t so much as throw a snide remark my way.
Disappointing, really. So I try again.
" Somebody lose a contact lens or is the world coming to an end again?"
Nothing. Not even a disapproving look. I’m feeling a little underappreciated here,that, or I’m loosing my edge…. so I eavesdrop a little.
I catch Willow’s name in the fray…something going down with the Rufus Witch?
" So, where’s Red this evening?" I ask, and high-five myself mentally because ALL heads swivel my way.
Score.
" Clothes Shopping." Dawn says way too quickly.
" Cleaning my store." Anya blurts at the same time.
" Tied to a chair in my apartment." Xander says…eliciting a look from everyone in the circle. He shrugs.
" Okay..which one is it?" I ask, noting the overall…high-strung WEIRDNESS dynamic of the group this evening.
Something’s up and I aim to…
" Spike…what brings you over here?" Willow asks, coming in from the hall. The Scoobies break their huddle quickly and feign interest in the television….which doesn’t happen to actually be…ON at this time…
" Just came over to spread my good cheer." I say. But she is already looking past me to the couch.
" Hey Tara…can we…talk…." Willow says from the door. Tara nods.
" Sure. In…just a minute…why don’t you go up, and I’ll meet you there." I note the hurt look on Red’s face when Tara turns her attention back to the TV. It is VERY unlike Blondie to put her girl off like that.
" Okay…then…I’ll…be in…our room…then…" Willow says…looking more wounded than ever. She turns to go upstairs, and I see Tara slip a pained look her way….Hmm…a lover’s spat maybe?
Ahh…. inner turmoil and anguish …..my favourite.
When Willow is up the stairs out of earshot, they turn back to their huddle.
I’m left wondering what the hell is going on around here, when the front door opens.
" Hey guys…. Spike…what are doing here?" Willow says, her hair tied up in bandana and her hands full of cleaning supplies.
I spring out of my chair and just as I’m about to shout about the severe WRONGNESS of this…Buffy clamps a hand over my mouth. A strong hand….a painful hand….
Okay…so I’m not supposed to mention that Willow is tampering in amnesia-causing teleportation these days? Got it.
" It took forever to clean up the Magic Box… you sure it was rats?" Willow says, brushing at her jeans daintily.
Is it just me, or is Willow a little frumpier these days….?
" Rats…or raccoons…rabid raccoons…angry rabid raccoons..." Anya says quickly.
She is the world’s worst liar…EVER.
" Head her off, Xander." I hear Buffy hiss, and Xander is suddenly doing his imitation of a point-guard. He moves to stop Willow from getting to the stairs.
" I…I need help…with my laundry…at my house…" He says.
" You need…help?" Willow says wondrously. Is it my imagination….or does she look INTRIGUED with the idea of a laundry tutorial….?
" You know..the whole Lights vs. Whites issue….very confusing…." He tries to look earnest, but I personally think he looks slightly constipated.
Willow is buying it though..she looks happy to help. She is actually BUYING this drivel…?
" Okay…let me get a jacket…it’s getting nippy out." She says, trying to get around him to the stairs, but Xander picks his up off the back of a chair and wraps it around her shoulders. She is practically swimming in it.
" Here…wear mine." He says, and he and Anya herd her to the door.
Once they are gone, Buffy lets me go.
" Okay…help me out here… what‘s with the Martha Stewart Willow out there…and the Margaret Keane…big weepy-eyed Willow up THERE….???
" We’re trying to figure it out, Spike…keep your voice down." Buffy hisses.
" You mean Red doesn’t KNOW there are two of her?"
" Four all together…and NO none of them know…I’m not sure they would take it well…and I just don’t know what I’d do with four crazy Willows." Tara pales visibly at the very thought of a quad of maniacally weeping Willows…
" Four Willows? Are the other three Frumy Mc Frump as well?"
" No…and now that you stuck your big nose in…YOU are going to help us. You and Dawn are going to go check on Spaz Willow and make sure she’s not out of her binds…and then you need to find Kinky Willow and keep her from coming here until we figure this out.
" How does one occupy a Kinky Willow?" I ask, smiling. Blondie catches the tone in my voice and glares a thousand curses my way.
" Parcheesi." Tara says, tersely. She clenches her fists at her sides…I’m guessing to keep from ensuing violence on me in front of the Niblet.
" Don’t be gross, Spike…let’s go." Dawn says..seemingly excited to be helping out in a Scooby capacity.
" I’d better go upstairs and do some major damage control. She looked really upset" Tara says worriedly.
Damage control….so that’s what they’re calling it these days?…Hmm….
Buffy must be able to read my thoughts because I get a very discreet elbow to the gut….
Ow….What??? What did I say??
TBC…..
by RomanceJunky » Mon Feb 18, 2002 5:58 pm
"Parcheesi,' Tara says tersely.
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!
RJ...Sweet!
by katydid » Mon Feb 18, 2002 6:04 pm
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"She practically has 'genuine molded plastic' stamped on her ass.
by ForeverPiper » Mon Feb 18, 2002 6:05 pm
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Tara: Howy's that cramp Spike? Still bothering you?
Spike: What? Oh, yeah.
Tara: Maybe you, uh, wanna put some ice on it.
by Jessie » Mon Feb 18, 2002 6:14 pm
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"And how long have you known your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?"
by supermus » Mon Feb 18, 2002 6:30 pm
by LeatherQueen » Mon Feb 18, 2002 9:16 pm
And I just LOVE Kinky Willow. hee! Go Kinky Willow!
More please! Keep it coming!
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"Honey, I'm the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind." -Glory
by wiccachica » Tue Feb 19, 2002 8:20 am
Kinky Willow
Klutzy Willow
Martha Stewart Willow
And my personal favourite...
Original Willow.... who we see right now in
The Morning Edition:
Chapter Sixty Two: Damage Control.
The only light in the room comes from a desk lamp where Willow is sitting, hunkered over a book, with her back to me.
I can tell by the way her shoulders are pulled up towards her ears, that she is mad….
….boy is she mad….and it’s all my fault….
She doesn’t turn around when I come in and shut the door lightly behind myself. She seems to coil further into her chair, and over the book. I consider going back out, and waiting until she’s had time to roil it over and fall back into a simmer….
Okay…I have two choices at this point…play it off like there is nothing wrong, or fall on my sword.
Judging by the way she turns her face slightly away as I move into the room, I’m thinking she’s imagining me falling onto a sword right now as it is.
" Willow….Will…." I start…but words fail me…I hate it when she’s hurting like this…and the very thought that it was me who caused this pain…brings immediate tears to my eyes. I sit down on the bed…across the room from her, nearly shrouded in the shadows cast by her lamp.
Just tell her about the other Willows…she’ll understand…She’ll think this is funny…and we’ll laugh…"
But she won’t laugh…no…most likely she’s going to panic…probably worse than Buffy did when she found out…actually certainly more so..since it IS her body running around in triplicate all over town…reeking havoc and probably spanking Havoc a little too....and it will just end up being worse, just because I want to feel better about everything.
No…I’m going to have to take the path less traveled on this one.
" On…on a s-scale of one to ten..h-how mad are you at me right now?" I ask. She doesn’t turn to look it me, but does seem to be mulling over the question. Or possibly counting REALLY high....
" Six." She says finally. I can’t see her expression, but she sounds grim.
" Oh…a really strong six? Or like a five, and some extra annoyance on the side?" She turns a page loudly.
" Like a seven….. minus the laying of voodoo chicken bones in your honor." She says, thrashing another page over.
" Oh." I say.
…..Okay…she’s is pissed…. and makes a point of it, by finally slamming the book closed. She doesn’t move to look at me, so I get up, and walk over to stand by her. I gingerly put a hand on her shoulder.
" Touching…is really not a good thing, right now." She says through her teeth, and I cringe, but don’t remove my hand from her shoulder….that would be giving up…
" I’m sorry. I know I’ve been acting…weird…"
" Don’t bother with the sorrys…that won’t get you any lower than a four." She says…not through clenched teeth this time…which is already an improvement.
" Four is better than six." I offer. I can feel her shoulder relaxing slightly under my hand…
" I guess so…but a Willow four is nothing to laugh at...it's still buku ... sleep on the couchy…" She warns.
I know now the lines of communication are open.
I am forever thankful My beautiful Willow has the rage threshold of a preschooler. One minute she hates you forever, and the next she’s forgotten why she even threw the toy at your head and pulled your hair…..
" So… what will another heart-felt ‘Ive been a real jackass today’ get me?" I ask. She looks at me, and I can see by her red-rimmed eyes that she’d been crying. It makes my heart ache, but I manage a half smile and sad, puppy eyes.
" That.... and a kiss might get you a three….. and bed privalages." She says. I kneel down so I can get my arms around her waist.
" I’ll take it." I say…and lean in to kiss her. When we part, she looks thoughtful more than angry.
" I know a gal who knows a gal who can get you a two if you play your cards right…." She says.
" I was hoping we weren’t going to play cards right now…" I say, and kiss her again, trying very hard not to think of all of the Willows running willy-nilly around Sunnydale right now…
……and exactly WHAT Spike was doing to keep Kinky Willow entertained…..
TBC…..
by Charlie » Tue Feb 19, 2002 10:41 am
by Jessie » Tue Feb 19, 2002 10:42 am
quote:
……and exactly WHAT Spike was doing to keep Kinky Willow entertained…..TBC…..
Hmm ... strip parcheesi, I believe. What? There's no such thing? *blushes* Nevermind.
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"And how long have you known your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?"
by wiccachica » Tue Feb 19, 2002 11:34 am
Afternoon Edition X2:
Chapter Sixty Three: Damage Patrol.
" I don’t think this is what Tara had in mind, Spike…." Dawn says sternly as I move easily through the crowd. I’m smirking…which I’m sure makes her think that I’m up to all sorts of evil thoughts …and she’s just going to have to wait to see which one wins out….and honestly…I love making people wonder..
" Why would she be here out of everywhere else in town.?" Dawn asks me.
" If you were a Naughty Willow…this place would be like..a playground…" I say over the music. Dawn sticks close to me.
The Bronze on Tuesday Nights is a zoo. And when I say that… I’m not joking….It sounds like a pack of mating wolves howling out there on the dance floor. They have formed a tight circle, and I wedge my way in, with Dawn hot on my heels.
At the edge of the circle…we stop…. I mean…we have to…because Dawn nearly faints, and it takes me the better part of a minute to gain my own vampire composure….
I reach down to cover Dawn’s eyes…but frankly I needn’t have bothered..she was willing to cover her own…
No way in the world should she be seeing Willow…any Willow…like that.
" What did I tell you, Niblet….PLAY-GROUND.." I say, not taking my eyes off the spectacle on the dance floor.
" Let’s get her out of here." Dawn say through her fingers.
" But she’s having fun!" I argue…and Dawn points…. insistently at the barely dressed Willow doing a literal Flashdance number on the floor to the outright joy of the Tuesday Night Throng.
Okay…by barely dressed…I really mean dressed to bear….
I’m not sure if we got here in time to catch her before she took more off…or had just put some back on….
" I didn’t even know Red owned black lacey undergarments." I say, tapping my foot to the beat now.
" Spike! Get her…and let’s go!" Dawn pleads over the music.
I sigh and move out quickly to grab Willow around the waist, and drag her off the floor.
" Angry boyfriend! Watch yer step…coming through…Angry boyfriend…!" I call out to avoid confrontation. Willow is struggling to get loose.
" Spike…what are you doing here???!!! This is NOT my boyfriend!!! " She shouts.
" Lover’s spat!" I yell over her shoulder. " If you don’t stop fighting me…I’m going to drop you on your bony bum in front of all this lovely folk…." I whisper into her ear.
Okay…so she knows tactic number one has failed…so she swings into number two in a flash…
" I was having fun. You can stay and we can have fun…together….." Willow purrs.
" I was thinking we should go and have that fun elsewhere…" I purr back at her…
" I’m seriously considering gouging my own eyes out at this." Dawn says bleakly.
The Niblet is looking at me with an expression I can read.
Tara is going to kill you. And I’m going to joyously watch and then dance in your entrails when she’s done…
I ignore that look, and spin Willow to face me once we reach the exit. Dawn has managed to locate about 90% of Willow’s clothes.
" What do you want to do, my little gel-armored fiend?" Willow growls, stroking my neck, cheeks, and chest…..
Naughty Willow is a little minx! I cast a glance at the Little Bit again. She’s got her arms crossed and a scowl locked on her youthful face.
Dance in your entrails….dance in your entrails….you better not, Spike ……Tara will KILL you….
I run my fingers through Red’s hair. And she looks into my eyes…entranced…..
…..Oh yeah….this Willow is Bad to the Bone….
" We’ll do something…really…..b-b-b-b-bad…." I croon….
She smiles….
TBC…….
Chapter Sixty Four: Damage Pet Roll.
" Hit me again, Spike" Kinky Willow says with a begrudgeoned pout…and he does, with a wily smirk.
He is having too much fun with this, and honestly…I don’t know how he lives with himself....or doesn't live....whatever....
Kinky Willow lifts the card and peruses the rest in her hand. She takes her time…mentally weighing her options.
" I’ll see your Tabby… and raise you a…Russian Blue…." She says, plopping a fuzzy little gray kitten down in the basket on the table.
" Mew." The kitten complains. Spike turns to me.
" Niblet?" I cross my arms over my chest.
" I told you….I refuse to play cards for KITTENS. It’s soooo far into the eww category I don’t even want to tell you…" I say. Spike shrugs.
" Niblet folds again…." He says and turns to the fourth player at the table.
" And how about you? You still in?" He asks.
" Well….I’m not out of kittens…so I guess I’m in…kittens that is…..and have you ever wondered why they call it poker? I mean…where did THAT name come from…I don’t even want to guess…. I heard once that it came from the German game ‘pochen’ which means pound…but that doesn’t make sense because the pound was English money and not German…but maybe it meant something like ‘pound the table when you have a good hand…which means the whole idea of the ‘poker face’ was out back then…." Klutzy Willow says over her cards.
You think that she would have HAD to take a breath in there somewhere…but I’m telling you…she didn’t.
Why Spike untied and gagged her is beyond me…but even more disturbing is the two Willows sitting side by side, and Naughty Willow’s sidelong flirtatious glances at her other self is frankly giving me the willies.
You would also think that a tramped up version of Willow would not sit still for a dull game of kitten poker…but oh…no…Spike has promised her a rousing game of strip Monopoly later…and she wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to pass go….
I’m hoping before that can happen…Buffy and Tara will have figured this out and I will be saved from the horror of finding out what happens when one of them bankrupts….
Board games will forever fill me with a traumatic sense of horror from this day forward.
And then there is the fact neither uberWillow seems perturbed by the fact that there are two of them.
" You have the sexiest voice." Naughty Willow says with a wink. Klutzy Willow smiles.
" Why thank you…that’s…that’s a real swell …outfit ….you have on….you buy that in town?"
" Could you two…just…not…talk to each other? Please?" I beg…. trying to keep my mind from spiraling into the phantom zone.
" Yeah…that little store on Eighth Street…the one with the red curtains in front…. You don’t think this has too much cleavage?" Kinky Willow says to her slightly goofier twin.
" Not at all…I was thinking you should show more…I mean…what do you have them for if you can’t show them off a little sometimes…I figure…."
I bury my head in my hands…
This is going to be a LONG night. And I am going to need therapy….lots of it…
" What is GOING on here????" Tara says from the door. She and Buffy are staring agog at this not-so-family moment.
The kittens…
The Willows….
The cards….
And me……..
Maybe not so long a night after all…as far as Spike’s existence is concerned….
TBC…..
[This message has been edited by wiccachica (edited February 19, 2002).]
by ShaggyKat » Tue Feb 19, 2002 11:46 am
by katydid » Tue Feb 19, 2002 12:07 pm
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"She practically has 'genuine molded plastic' stamped on her ass.
by supermus » Tue Feb 19, 2002 1:40 pm
by spottiedottie » Tue Feb 19, 2002 3:19 pm
I was laughing so hard, the tuna i ate almost came up stream.
This story is awsome.
Can't wait for the next update.
Amber Rocks!
[This message has been edited by spottiedottie (edited February 19, 2002).]
by ForeverPiper » Tue Feb 19, 2002 3:39 pm
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How's that cramp Spike...maybe you, uh, wanna put some ice on it.
Tara in Older and Far Away
by Pixie » Tue Feb 19, 2002 8:38 pm
by Kalita » Tue Feb 19, 2002 10:53 pm
quote:
Originally posted by supermus:
Hi Sorry, but I have another question. Why is Willow mad at Tara?
Because Tara kept asking her to stay upstairs and wait, while she and the Scoobies worked out a game plan.
Original Willow got slightly pissed at the non-informing and Tara-ignoring.
quote:by wiccachica » Wed Feb 20, 2002 9:50 am
The Morning Edition:
Chapter Sixty Five: You Gotta Know When to Hold ‘Em…Know When to Scold ‘Em….
I don’t think there could ever be a moment stranger than this….EVER.
Two Willows…turn to see me standing at the door of the Magic box…their gorgeous faces light up with unmitigated joy…and then the are up, and rushing at me.
I can’t say I never had particular fantasies that fell along this thread….you know…the old….hey…Tara….oh my gosh….I forgot to tell you I have an identical twin sister…..( and the sappy porn music cues in here….)
But…ahem… I digress….
And besides… the Willow on the right trips over the landing and falls in an ungraceful heap at my feet.
Very un-fantasylike.
" I gotta stop doing THAT." She says….and chortles to herself as I help her off the floor.
" Where’s Willow #1?" Spike asks…trying to sway the focus of the moment my way..instead of how in pain he is about to find himself….
" Resting." I say…trying to wriggle out of a pawing contest between the two Willows. Spike does a once over me.
" Hmm…the rosy cheeks…glowy skin…I’d say the better word for our Red Prototype is that she’s RECUPERATING…." He says…very proud of himself.
" Spike.." I warn…and Buffy silences me with a motion.
" You don’t have to worry about Spike, Tara… the poker…the kittens…my baby sister…." She says. " ….he’s already owed a plethora of pain on soooo many dimensional levels that I doubt he’ll survive..…"
" Promise?" Spike drawls…with a wink.
….and that’s about all it takes…
Buffy is off the front step and launching herself at him, and Spike is bounding backwards out of his chair and away from certain slayer-sanctioned doom.
Luckily Dawn pulls the basket of kittens to her as the cards go flying and the brawl begins. The Two Willows and I stand and watch the fray.
" Oh, phooey….look…. the card game is ruined…" Naughty Willow pouts, and then sighs overdramatically. " I guess we’ll just have to play Monopoly now…."
Okay…Monopoly sounds nice…and safe…and will definitely keep these two out of trouble…..
" That sounds like a good plan. I’m terrible at it, though." I say…vaguely aware of not being able to visually locate Naughty Willow’s left hand ….
" Even better…" Naughty Willow says…and pinches me…sending me moving quickly into the shop.
Buffy had got Spike on the floor and appears to be taking her time with the torture… I guess they’ll have to catch the second game….. or maybe not….
Spike rolls out from under her and sprints for the back door…the bravest vampire I know….
Buffy doesn’t chase after him…no…there will be many more opportunities to bludgeon Spike…later....
" Tara…Spike said that Willow #1 is recuperating…does that mean there’s another one?" Klutzy Willow asks me, entwining her arm in mine…probably more to keep from falling than anything else.
" Uhm…" I say eloquently…and both Willows look at each other.
" I say..the more the merrier…." Klutzy Willow says…giving my arm a cuddly squeeze.
" Funny…that’s EXACTLY what I say too…." Naughty Willow says with a wry wink at me. " Do we all get a chance to RECUPERATE?" She pries.
" N-no!…I mean…no. No recuperating. None…whatsoever….none…."
" Then I strongly suggest you NOT play Monopoly with them…" Dawn says…kittens climbing all over her.
" I want to be the shoe! I love shoes!" Klutzy Willow hoots.
" I want to be the horse…. and rider…." Naughty Willow chimes in…I don’t DARE glance over to see what kind of innuendo THAT was, because I can hear it in her voice.
" That would make me the iron." Yet another Willow says from the door. I spin around and there is Xander and Anya flanking Domestic Willow.
" She forgot her dustpan…." Xander says with a sorry little shrug.
Great….all three Willow copies in one room….now if I could just figure out how to send them…home…
" Oh…goody…more Willow!" Klutzy says.
I don’t look away fast enough NOT to see Naughty give the new redhead a thorough once over.
… If I NEVER had to see that….it would have been too soon….
" Oh goody, indeed." Naughty says, flicking her hair over one shoulder. " We’re going to play Monopoly…you game?"
" I LOVE Monopoly!" Xander says.
Domestic Willow gives me a sweet kiss on the cheek.
" Hey, Sweetie…you playing too?" Dawn steps up…wrestling a clawy little Velcro-like kitten from her shirt.
" No…she’s going to help me with my homework…" Dawn says quickly….. which seems to satisfy Domestic Willow…who moves over to the table to start cleaning up cards.
" I hope this is all of them." Dawn says.
" What?"
" I hope this is all of the Willows floating around town…I mean ..how do we know there aren’t a slew of Willows out there…an army of Willow….What is the plural of Willow? Willi? Willows?"
" Many Willow…." I say offhandedly…
(And this is we should cue the music for the One Hundred Thousand Dollar Pyramid….)
Duh, Tara….
….okay….how dumb am I?
I seem to recall a certain ‘many Willow’ statement from earlier today….
But it wasn’t a wish…was it??? And if it was taken as a wish…then….who granted it?
And is this another lesson about wishing for things you just might get when you live on a Hellmouth??? If so…I guess I’m learning that lesson three-fold right now….
" Ah Ha…." Dawn says, breaking my self-flagulative thoughts…..
" Hmm?" I say.
" She’s right….You have ‘Ah Ha’ all over your face…like you just figured out something." Buffy says.
" Oh..then it’s half an Ah Ha…I know WHEN it must have happened….but not…WHY…."
" You tell us when…and we’ll figure out the why." Buffy says.
And so I tell them of my early homecoming…and the helping with the laundry…..trying to discreetly avoid what I was actually doing to HELP with the laundry….
I don’t think Dawn was catching on, but once I got to the wish…. Buffy’s eyes widen.
" You were HELPING Willow with her LAUNDRY …in the Laundry Room???" She asks incredulously.
" Isn’t that where it’s supposed to happen? That’s what the counters down there are for, right?" Dawn asks….confused.
" No. Laundry is special…it should be done…and folded…. in private…special places….!" Buffy scowls.
" What’s wrong with doing it in the TV room…so you can watch TV at the same time?" Dawn argues.
" When you’re old enough to do laundry…you’ll know why not." Buffy says…finishing the argument.
" I’m old enough to do laundry, Buffy." Dawn says.
" No…no you’re not…and as far as I’m concerned…you will never be old enough for laundry…do you hear me?" Buffy says desperately.
" You are the weirdest sister…EVER." Dawn says, and lifts the gray kitten to her face. " She is a weirdo…yes she is…..weird-o…."
" Mew…" the kitten agrees.
TBC…….
by ShaggyKat » Wed Feb 20, 2002 10:17 am
by wiccachica » Wed Feb 20, 2002 12:30 pm
The Afternoon Edition:
Chapter Sixty Six: Next Time…Make Sure to Copy It on High Resolution….
The Laundry Room.
This HAS to be Ground Zero.
Buffy and I search the room thoroughly…..and the whole time Buffy is chanting:
" I can’t believe you two…in the Laundry Room…." Like a prudish mantra.
I inspect the washing machine very carefully….
" This is where most of the…(Buffy scowls at me)…the uhm….laundry…happened…."
" I’m too pissed to make a pre-soaking crack right now…." She says…examining the washer with me.
We lift the lid.
Nothing.
Buffy rubs the side.
Not a single Genie pops out.
She switches the dials.
Nada. No portholes appear.
" Anything else…happen…besides what you already told me…I mean.. I don’t need the gory details…" Buffy asks.
I strain my mind…
Think, Tara….Think….
It’s just so hard to get one’s mind past a make-out session with Willow Rosenberg….I mean…REALLY…come on….
Okay…there was the…kissing and the handsy hands….and the….pretty….amulet….
" Your amulet." I say. And Buffy bolts upright.
" What??" She says… already looking suspiciously guilty.
" Your amulet…she found it in your pocket. The yellow stone…with the silver…."
" The silver chain…I know which one…crap…that’s not good…" She says and puts her fist on her hips.
" No? Why …?" I ask, petrified she’s going to tell me that Willow is going to keep on multiplying or something.
" The Gemellaggio demon a few nights ago…dropped that….and I totally forgot it was in my pocket…"
" The Gema….the one who could make herself into…." I start.
" Lots of Gems….yeah…." But she looks more disturbed by another thought.
" What?" I ask.
" I had to kill them to get rid of them…I had to kill them all…" She says.
It takes about 6.2 milliseconds for me to reel back slightly.
" We can’t kill the Willows, Buffy!!….We can’t…GET RID of them….just like that!"
" I KNOW…I would NEVER do that…I mean….they’re WILLOW…..I’m just…..I’m thinking we’re stuck with them." She says.
" Willow is going to kill us." I moan.
" And she may have three times the help to do it." Buffy seconds.
" Okay…second choice?" I ask.
" Second choice would be to destroy the amulet….and hope that it doesn’t strand the other Willows here." Buffy says.
" Where is Mr. Giles when you need him…." I groan.
" Tooling around Europe on a mini vacation, like the loafer he is…" Buffy says spitefully.
Okay…think…think like Giles….
And then I’m thinking of something…. Something that just might work.
In all the panic…why hadn’t I thought of this before?
" That looks like a full on Tara ‘Ah Ha’ face." Buffy says hopefully. I start up the stairs where the rest of the Scoobies are waiting…
Naughty Willow is coming down from the upstairs.
" Where have you been?" I ask her.
" Bathroom…." She says and walks over to the couch with the other two Willows.
I head upstairs even as the Willow Trio begin to argue about what show to watch on TV.
" Tare? You figure something out? What’s the deal? What’s going on?" Xander asks.
" I’m going to fix something upstairs…just…keep an eye on our girls here…." I say.
Goodnight Willow cubed…I can’t say it’s been fun….I CAN say it’s been to quote Dawnie…. WEIRD….
I slip into the room quietly and go to the spot where Willow’s jeans had found the floor earlier.
Sure enough, the amulet is still there.
Willow is still sleeping under the covers. She stirs as I sit down on the edge of the bed.
I slip my shirt up over my head and shimmy out of my skirt.
" You coming back to bed, Baby?" Willow mumbles….lifting the blanket and enrobing me with it like a classic movie vampire engulfing her prey into her cloak….
I kiss her, and she strokes my hair, drowsily. In this fugue state, it’s easy to put the amulet against her back.
" I had a funny dream…" She mumbles. I snuggle closer to her and listen to the calm, satisfied sound of her heart.
" You did?" I say with a smile. " Tell me about it…"
" I dreamt that I came in…and got into bed with myself…and I was hitting on me…but I kept turning myself down…and I finally went away in a huff…..Is that some kind of Freudian thing, you think?"
Okay Tara…try to get THAT one out of your long-term memory…..
" Tare…? You down there…..? Tare?"
" I’m here." I say finally.
" What in the world would you do with lots of Willows?" She asks sleepily.
" All I want is this Willow." I murmur into her neck. She chuckles and deftly manages to unhinge my bra with one hand and a smirk.
" You got it." She says…
Six Willow Eyes…..
Six Willow hands…..
The potential of a fun-filled Willopalooza…gone…forever…..in those three little words.
But what do I need all that for…One Willow is enough for me to handle….
I drop the amulet on the floor…. That sucker is going to have a decent burial….
….later…..
But first…I’m going to do a little laundry….
TBC……
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