Sorry i take all of this back. I just got a rush of faith(in black leather of course) in your ability to tell this story. Ignore me.
by ShaggyKat » Tue Feb 12, 2002 10:51 am
Sorry i take all of this back. I just got a rush of faith(in black leather of course) in your ability to tell this story. Ignore me.
by wiccachica » Tue Feb 12, 2002 10:58 am
Just a brief jarg here to let you know I wouldn't let the story troll do the whole Dawnie thing....
Just can't see it... eh eh...you were so right on with that one....
We'll see what I can negotiate....
And BTW...I never ignore sound advice....
by ShaggyKat » Tue Feb 12, 2002 11:12 am
by Jessie » Tue Feb 12, 2002 5:41 pm
This is a great story -- I keep re-reading it to pass the time btwn updates (which isn't much). Your posting schedule rocks!
JD
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"And how long have you known your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?"
by Malia » Wed Feb 13, 2002 3:08 am
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Willow:"It's just I like having something that's just y'know mine."
Tara:"I'm y'know..."
Willow:"What?"
Tara:"Yours."
by wiccachica » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:01 am
Chapter Forty-Seven: The Turn of the Key: Miss Homecoming Queen….
If I thought they were being creepy before…and believe me, I did…then this afternoon is the piece de resistance of creepiness on their part.
Honestly…..I swear I don’t know why I put up with all of this…
Willow and Tara burst into the house dripping wet from head to toe. I’m on the couch, my legs casually over the arm…soles of my shoes greeting them.
" Heard of umbrellas?" I say from my reclined position. Both squelchy women look at me. Guess sarcasm isn’t fashionable today…. At least not mine.
" What are you doing home, Dawnie?" Willow scolds. I tap my watch.
" It’s almost five. I didn’t know there was a reverse curfew these days…" Tara looks a little pale around the gills. I swing my feet down.
" What’s wrong with her?" Willow is thinking up a lie. She has the "I’m thinking up a lie" face on right now. I cross my arms… I can’t wait to hear this one…
" She ate something that didn’t agree with her." Willow ekes out.
Eww…a sad and deflated three on the Willow Excuse Scale. Tara brushes at her face as though being attacked by flies.
" Well it looks like she’s still arguing with it." I point out. Then, realizing something, Willow turns her full attention to me.
" You not feeling strange?" She asks. I shrug.
" Ate a Tuna and grape jelly quesadilla surprise when I came home…it’s doing a little song and dance…which I guess is the surprise…..other than that…should I be feeling STRANGE right now?"
" Not feeling like you have any ‘feelings’…in our particular region?"
She’s fishing…but for what???
" Feeling like I want to check out of my room here at Creepy Castle…what is WITH you guys lately?"
" Dawn? Dawnie….. when you grow up…. You CAN’T drive the Twinkie….you just can’t…" Tara says definitively.
" Is she drunk???" I ask, and then the most horrific thought immediately comes to mind….. " Is Glory back??? Is that what you’re not telling me???"
" No to the drunk…and no to the Glory.. I promise….Tara’s just having spongy cake food issues today’s in her depleted state."
" I want a normal family." I say.
" Isn’t going to happen in this lifetime, toots…" Buffy says, coming in from the kitchen, unwrapping a snack. She stops in the middle of the room….. looks at me standing here with my arms crossed, and then at Willow and Tara…soaking wet, and bedraggled. " Did I miss something?"
She bites into the Twinkie.
Tara wails and hides her face in Willow’s shoulder. Buffy stops in mid chew. She looks at the Twinkie.
" Okay…Now I KNOW I missed something…and it has to do with this. Is it poison? Band Cake? Am I going to sprout horns?"
THAT would be fun to watch.
Willow is stroking Tara’s head to calm her.
" Tara’s having a bad reaction to something she…um…ate earlier…she needs some rest…."
Buffy does something now that almost knocks me bad on the couch in shock. She does a very obvious once over of Tara…maybe more like a twice over…. With a twist.
" Can I do anything to help?" Buffy asks, Twinkie forgotten. Willow recognizes the anvil of innuendo in that tone, and cranes her head up to look at Buffy.
" I think we’ll manage." Willow says cooly…and though I thought it wasn’t possible…she pulls Tara even closer, and strokes her hair possessively.
I’m thinking that logic has taken a wrong turn somewhere and is now trying to park horizontally in a parallel dimension….
Buffy seems to be ignoring Willow’s reaction, and is trying to help by taking Tara’s arm. Willow tries to pull Tara behind her.
" Get off her!" Willow growls.
Okay…and here’s where the question of: Why couldn’t the monks put me in a sane environment to keep me safe? Like Cleveland, or Los Angeles….or Atascadero State Penitentiary for the Criminally Insane?
" Mine!!!" Buffy says loudly…
….and there it is…
…...it’s out there…
…… There is a millisecond when everyone in the room realized the strangeness of that one word coming out of Buffy’s mouth in reference to her best friend’s lover….
….. And then it was like they had swallowed dumb-ass juice.
Willow and Buffy lunge at each other, and Tara stumbles backward out of the fray. I watch in horror as they go down on the floor…in what could only be called a catfight.
It’s almost as if Buffy has lost the ability for rational thought…and skilled fighting….
Which surreally gives Willow the advantage. Not that it matters…because they are both locked up in each other’s hair right now, and neither is budging.
" You can’t have her! You have a (grunt) hundred million stupid boys!"
" I want HER!" Buffy growls, and they reaffirm their relationship with each other’s hair by moving a little to the left.
What is going ON here???? And how am I supposed to stop it…alone????
As if on cue, the front door opens. Xander and Anya come in, and stop to stare in amazement at Buffy and Willow wrangling on the floor.
Okay…good…witnesses….people to help pull them apart….and possibly shake them back into THIS world…
Both Xander and Anya run to Tara’s side.
" Are you alright, Tare? You hurt?" Xander hugs her, and strokes her hair now. Anya is trying to get him to let go…but not because she didn’t want him to be hugging her…
" I WANT to hold her now! You promised….we’d take turns! You’re not living up to the bargain." Anya cowls.
" Bargain Schmargain." Xander says, and kisses Tara’s cheek to prove it.
There are times I wonder about our purpose in life. Why we are here…what service do we provide to the Universe as a whole. I know…it’s deep stuff…but just because my hormones are on over drive doesn’t mean I don’t philosophize….
So all these questions are ricocheting around my head, and It’s moments like this very one that answer every question in one fail swoop.
We ABSOLUTELY MUST be the joke of the fricken galaxy.
Somewhere a cosmic laugh track is set up to record our live studio audience…and people are watching us on little galactic TVs and giggling like gnomes…..
" What the bleeding hell is THIS?" Spike says from behind me.
Frankly, he scares the heck out of me, coming out of nowhere like that, but by the disgusted look on his face at all of this….I am VERY glad he was here. The Calvary. The Pale Knight……he’ll fix this.
" Spike!" Do I sound too relieved??…buck up…sound like a grown up…grown ups are reserved…and mature…..
Willow and Buffy have unlatched from each other, and are now moving Jurrassic Park Style towards Xander and Anya. Xander looks tragically torn between wanting to keep a hold of HIS Tara prize…and wanting to keep his arms attached to his body…
" Spike." I say in a very mature…grown up type way… " Nrrfh!" Which in ‘I’m about to Pass Out world’ is equivalent to the word "Help." ……
Can’t I do anything right?
And then everything goes black in my crazy…little world….
TBC……
by Bobo's Mom » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:27 am
And hey, you write internal dialog,and conversation in general, really well - and have you ever thought about writing a bawdy french farce?
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TARA: Willow and I always know how to find each other!
ANYA: With yoga?
****************
BUFFYBOT: That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!
by Pixie » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:38 am
by wiccachica » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:42 am
I Suppose I could write one...but that would just be autobiographical....
Though I'm not French.
And I'm cutting back to only Two Bawds a day...which would make me less than the average bawdy girl quota.... (which stands at three and a half bawds a second at last count)
I was going to slip into a geeky computer joke about being 'baudy' in a binary modulation sense of the word....or something tawdry like how many bites per second one can achieve..... but I stray....oh how I stray.....
And to boot.... I kinda sway towards the Dark Side of the Farce......
(mopping up coffee from keyboard...)
[This message has been edited by wiccachica (edited February 13, 2002).]
by Tiggrscorpio » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:52 am
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She's my everything!
by wiccachica » Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:11 am
Trying to make up for the lost Afternoon Edition yesterday...
Chapter Forty-Eight: Love Bites….
I should have spun on my heel and walked out of here when I had the chance. I really should have…but there was something intriguingly WRONG with this picture on such a severely deep level, that I felt it was my duty to at least stay and watch…and silently hope that whatever it was..they’d all recall every single moment of it later on….
Not to mention seeing Buffy and Red brawling on the floor, made for pretty interesting fantasy fodder.
And then they drew apart from each other…and fixed their gazes on Xander and Anya…who were doing the strangest kind of tug-of-war thing with Tara.
And that’s when the Niblet took a header, and I had to catch her and put her on the couch and turn back to the din….or should I say…den….?
…And then there is that funny smell to the room, Spike, don’t forget that...not unpleasant really…just….odd….familiar even….
I’m not seeing what the fighting is all about…except maybe the little blonde witch looks exceptionally drinkable this evening…. I wouldn’t have hesitated in sneaking a little nibble on that porcelain throat of hers……if a certain piece of hardware wasn’t stopping me…..
What’s wrong with me??? I can’t EAT Blondie!! I shake off the strange haze that had crept over me like a thick blanket….
" It’s my turn to kiss her!" Anya yells, and goes for the gold lips pursed as she fights to plant one on Tara.
Ohh….NOW I get it….it’s one of those things you hear about….being a lesbian IS catching… and Blondie here is like the little ground zero carrier monkey….
" I LOVE her!" Xander whines…a sound worse than nails on a bloody chalkboard if you ask me.
Xander’s a lesbian? Actually…It would explain almost everything….
" She’s MINE! I SAW her first!" Willow says, circling to the left…looking for an angle to take Xander out. Her eyes glitter dangerously at him.
" That only means you set the standard for improvement, Baby Doll…. It’s MY turn…." Buffy says, and Willow forgets Xander long enough to launch herself at Buffy again.
" Improvement my ass!" Willow snaps, and they tangle like gang members in a bad 60’s musical. Hardly any violence…just a lot of staggering and seemingly well choreographed spins….lovely really in a Witch vs. Slayer way….
Xander and Anya start pulling again at Tara…who seems to be smiling soupily and taking this all very well….
Of course she is….everybody here is fiending for her….like they are under some kind of spell….
Spell……
Smell….. that smell….it’s very pheromony….very….Foster’s Point where all the teens go to make out smell… and it’s coming off Blondie in waves.
No wonder it was making me want to eat her and the others want to….well…fight like they are over her….
It’s a spell that has gone all wonky….
I have to get Blondie out of the picture…and sense I’m the sole one here who only wants to jump her in the Double Bacon Cheeseburger sense….It’s up to me to save her….
Now how am I going to fight off four horn-ed creatures of blood-lust…minus the blood…heavy on the lust……
Think Spike…..Think…..
TBC….
by boo » Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:39 am
by ShaggyKat » Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:51 am
Hmmm cheeseburger. gotta go have lunch.
loving the catfight, but why isn't buffy using her super slayer strength?
by UniDagger » Wed Feb 13, 2002 1:01 pm
by katydid » Wed Feb 13, 2002 1:39 pm
------------------
"She practically has 'genuine molded plastic' stamped on her ass.
by supermus » Wed Feb 13, 2002 1:42 pm
------------------
"You made a bear! Undo it! Undo it!"
"Good bye to you/Goodbye to everything that I knew"
by wiccachica » Wed Feb 13, 2002 2:01 pm
quote:
I've gotten a little bit confused. What happened to them being in that shack. Is this still the story about the tat, cuz it's gotten kinda muddled in my brain. Are W/T actually saying all of this stuff? If the story is getting told why are we getting Spike and Dawn's perspective?
All good questions.... yes they are still in the shack...but they are all sharing in story time...it's kind of a he said/she said thing...this is post tatt activities....sorry...I know this can get confusing....but please place all blame, anger and resentment towards my story troll....he's at the helm...and he's rather bonzo.....I don't know what to do about him...we've tried therapy...
quote:by Malia » Wed Feb 13, 2002 2:30 pm
------------------
Willow:"It's just I like having something that's just y'know mine."
Tara:"I am y'know..."
Willow:"What?"
Tara:"Yours."
by wiccachica » Wed Feb 13, 2002 3:18 pm
Chapter Forty-Nine: Rebel Without a Claws….
" Vampires!!!" I shout…and point up at the ceiling.
Giddy bints…they all look.
…..Even Blondie…whom I’m supposed to be saving.
And for one split second….they are all distracted enough for me to work my Big Bad Mojo….
Willow and Buffy have paused mid-brawl.
Xander and Anya have stopped trying to divide Tara…..
And the next split second…I’m halfway up the stairs with Blondie over one shoulder… Super hero extraordinarre… faster than the speed of sound….
Well…almost….
" Wheeee!" My ward hoots, and pummels my back for the sheer hell of it…
" Ow…for the love of…Ow! Quit it! I’m not a pony ride!" I say as I whisk her inside the first open door I see.
I slam the door closed to the sound of thundering footsteps…
…..They finally caught on…there are no vampires clinging to the ceiling…. And I’ve stolen their best girl…..
Something about trickery and kidnapping appeals to the vamp in me.
I toss Tara on the bed, and quickly begin barricading the door…. Dressers….chairs….anything not nailed to the bloody floor.
They are beating on the door. It sounds as though they might be working together now…trying to free Tara….or capture her…I’m not quite sure how the mind of a lust-bidden lot works at times like this…but what I do know is that it sounds like our resident slayer has managed to recall her Slayer skills enough to take that door on with fervor.
" Spike…why is the room spinning?" Tara asks from the bed…Buffy’s bed…. Buffy’s room….
" Witchy-poo…I really don’t know…." The now rhythmically violent beating on the door is starting to give me the willies. I don’t know how long this really sturdy furniture is going to hold against the raw power of sexually frustrated Scoobies.
The entire doorframe shakes with what could only be the strength of a Slayer.
" You can’t have her all to yourself, Spike… You have to share!" Buffy shouts.
" You all need to take a cold shower!" I yell through the door. The door shakes again under their wrath.
" Spike…. I’m not feeling so good…." Tara moans….
She is looking a little greenish…. Like she might…..
" Ahhk!…. You cat in this room, Blondie, and I’ll bloody throw you to the randys out there…." I warn.
She responds eloquently by passing out.
Some gratitude! I save her bleeding life…and risk my own neck….
….neck…. with her head all loppy off to one side…there’s something appealing about her… That delicate neck….
…Pale….. and inviting…. and pulling me closer…jus for a look see…
A little discreet glance at that neck from up close….
I move to the bed…and lean down…hovering inches over that divine throat. …
" Spike???? Are you butt crazy???!!!" Dawn says from the window.
" Gah!!!" I leap away from The Neck as fast as I can… too late…she saw…
" Niblet! Hi! Err…what are you doing out there…?" She’s scowling.
" Don’t you ‘Niblet, Hi’ me, Buster. You were going to EAT her."
" I was just checking to make sure she was all right…" I say defensively… She climbs off the ladder and into the room.
" By checking her pulse with your teeth???"
" I couldn’t HELP myself…it’s a spell or something.…and plus…you know I CAN’T bite her…"
And then it hits me as she sits on the bed to check Tara for marks….she’s all abut concern…and none of the…..
" Why aren’t you all lusty-like on Blondie here as well?"
" Because…quite obviously…I’m the only one…NOT CRAZY in this whole freakin house. You’re trying to taste her like a Kentucky Fried Chicken…and they are being all…ishy over her….What’s next???? Flying monkeys?"
" No….something worse…." I say…panic thick in my throat…..
She looks at me…catching my totally shivery fear vibe….
" What???" Dawn says…not leaving Tara’s side. Even though the witch is unconscious, the little snack can’t help but rely on her for protection….it’s touching really…. But now is not the time for sentimental drudgery…now is the time for outright terror….
The beating of the door has stopped…and everything is silent out there….
And that scares me most of all…..
Who knows what they are plotting…….
TBC….
by canadian kitty » Wed Feb 13, 2002 3:59 pm
And as for the bawdy french farce thing, well wiccachica, being average is highly underrated. I'm not opposed to anything autobiographical.lol.
[This message has been edited by canadian kitty (edited February 13, 2002).]
by Jessie » Wed Feb 13, 2002 4:14 pm
Okay, I thought this story couldn't get any better, but we've got a doped up Tara screaming "wheeee" from a Spike-back ride. That's a picture to take with me everywhere I go ...
Wheeeee!
------------------
"And how long have you known your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?"
by wiccachica » Wed Feb 13, 2002 4:27 pm
This fic is completely autobiographical...the names have been changed to protect the guilty.... but everything so far has been essentially true to the best of my knowledge....
Alright...I may have exaggerated the part about the naked disco conga line escape and that wacky little stint with the vat of powdered sugar...
Oh...those got cut out???
You'll see them on the DVD...with commentary....
Have a great night!
by Kalita » Wed Feb 13, 2002 5:17 pm
Hollywood. humph.
by wiccachica » Wed Feb 13, 2002 5:32 pm
If you only knew......
Tee Hee....
Here's a little one to grown on...
Chapter Fifty: The World’s Shortest Chapter
** WHIRR-KACHUNK……WHIRR-KACHUNK…..WHIRR-KACHUNKACHUNKACHUNKACHUNKA……**
I’m afraid to search my brain for what sound is coming from outside that door now…because on some level…I already know what it is…and what is going to happen next……
** KACHUNKACHUNKACHUNKACHUNKA……HUMMMMMDIDDIDIDIDIDDUMMMMMMM……. **
Where in the world did they get a bloody chainsaw???????
TBC…….
[This message has been edited by wiccachica (edited February 13, 2002).]
by Kalita » Wed Feb 13, 2002 7:29 pm
Keep up the insanity, it's just loverly.
by mollyig » Thu Feb 14, 2002 2:01 am
Xander’s a lesbian? Actually…It would explain almost everything…., and Dawn accusing Spike of checking Tara's pulse with his teeth - espcially made me giggle.
Funny stuff!
------------------
"It took a long time to become the thing i am to you,
and you won't tear it apart without a fight, without a heart"
Become You - Indigo Girls
by ForeverPiper » Thu Feb 14, 2002 3:54 am
" Because…quite obviously…I’m the only one…NOT CRAZY in this whole freakin house. You’re trying to taste her like a Kentucky Fried Chicken…and they are being all…ishy over her….What’s next???? Flying monkeys?"
THAT was funny...the Kentucky Fried Chicken thing...a work of guineus!!!
------------------------------------------
Will. I'm glad you're doing better. -TARA (Dead Things)
...but it's time to work without the net, Will. -TARA (Older and Far Away)
by nika » Thu Feb 14, 2002 9:31 am
------------------
"Eat lot's of applesauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians." Amber Benson
by wiccachica » Thu Feb 14, 2002 9:56 am
I think Lisa is far more worthy of minions than myself....I read her fics and I just LOSE TIME they are so great....
But I DO thank you for your validation...makes me love to write this stuff so long as ya'll enjoy it....
And by the by...Nika....you have a fabulous name!
Best,
Niki (hee)
Here's the morning edition:
Chapter Fifty-One: The Sprung and the Restless???
I have no idea where the chainsaw came from…. or where Insano Berserker Buffy even learned how to use it.
I’m not sure…but I think she might have been keeping it in the top of the hall closet instead of where it belongs…which is….…. say….NO WHERE INSIDE A HOUSE…..
And I think it was the sound of her trying to turn the motor over on that giant stick of moving teeth which sobered me up…completely.
Enough so to realize that I’d been doing this all wrong.
** KACHUNKACHUNKACHUNKACHUNKA……HUMMMMMDIDDIDIDIDIDDUMMMMMMM……. **
Buffy starts towards the door, the chainsaw graggling loudly….then sputtering…then dying again…Guess she didn’t keep the gas can in the closet too…..
She pulls the ripcord….
** WHIRR-KACHUNK……WHIRR-KACHUNK…..**
And before she can turn it over again I’ve touched her temple lightly.
" Sonno." And before she can turn to look at me…and form an angry word beginning with a ‘b’ sound, she’s out cold.
Xander and Anya have paused their war party fun to look down at a now sleeping Buffy. They both look up at me….
" Willow….you put the whammy…. on Buffy." Xander says in awe.
" She’s really going to slaughter you when she wakes up." Anya seconds.
They’re right. She probably will…but I can run…very very fast on these Willow Legs….or maybe a little self-translucence spell till she forgives me.
" It was a little bitsy whammy…a chamomile tea sized sleepy whammy…" I offer. They stare at me.
" So….what now?" Xander prods…looking like he might already know the answer…because he is backing towards the stairs…very slowly…
I know I’m going to have to do this next one at a distance….
" Momma says knock you out." I say apologetically…hoping that later…when they wake up…they will praise me for my great pun reference….but I doubt it. " Sonno" I say and they fall to the hallway floor like friendly lumps…. sleeping peacefully.
I go to the door and knock politely.
" Sod off!" Spike shouts. He sounds screechy, like a fishwife, in his fear.
" Spike…It’s Willow….everything’s…fine…out here."
" Right! Can’t pull the wool over these eyes, Red!" He says.
" I put them to sleep…It’s all okay now…."
" It’s the spell talkin! You’re off your trolley if you think I’m opening this door."
" The…spell…the effects of the coltsfoot is over….for me at least…I’m clean…let me in…"
" Uhm…Will?" Dawn says from the other side…How did she get in there?? " I don’t mean to not trust you…but we aren’t stupid…this is that part in every scary movie where you think the evil demon thing has either died, or seen the error of its evil demon ways…. And then they get all axey- schizo on you…. And you die…..badly….and can’t do sequels…."
Hmm…kid is making sense…. Maybe it’s the coltsfoot talking for me right now… maybe once you’re in there, Willow…you would put them both out and ravage Tara…..ravage…..Tara…..
Hmmm….okay…so I wonder if this spell goes through doors…
" Sonno." I say, and concentrate on the other side of the door. This is like martial arts…just imagine your spell going THROUGH the door, Willow San…….
I have just enough time to realize that this particular spell doesn’t go through doors before I’m suddenly soooo tired…that I don’t think I can…keep my eyes….
TBC……..
[This message has been edited by wiccachica (edited February 14, 2002).]
by UniDagger » Thu Feb 14, 2002 10:19 am
------------------
"Gay Now"
So you're gay?
Yes
Will you be gay tomorrow?
Let me check my calendar...yep. Looks like I'll be gay all week.
******
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