Once more you've managed to capture Willow in such a way that makes her more real. Keep up the excellent work! (And look after yourself !!!)
Vita nimium brevis est saginare fungos!
(Life is too short to stuff a mushroom!)
by Forrister » Fri Sep 07, 2001 11:16 am
Once more you've managed to capture Willow in such a way that makes her more real. Keep up the excellent work! (And look after yourself !!!)
Vita nimium brevis est saginare fungos!
(Life is too short to stuff a mushroom!)
by Katharyn » Fri Sep 07, 2001 11:42 am
Keep the feedback coming I can't get enough though I expect to find an acceptable substitute tonight.
Katharyn
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She's my always and luck ain't got nothing to do with it.
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 07, 2001).]
by xita » Fri Sep 07, 2001 6:22 pm
"So they had that in common too. They both had class.
And they were in love."
sigh.
So tough this episode. I like how little words drove this thing forward, making Willow's decision even more real.
by Katharyn » Sun Sep 09, 2001 6:37 am
Katharyn
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Title: The Beginnings Cycle – One Flame Dying, Another… (Currently Part 20)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Oh yes. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “New Moon Rising” Actually the NMR spoilers are not exactly limited being as the whole episode is W/T/O centred.
Summary: Immediate prequel to the Extra Flamey scene that will be told in “Burning Bright” both Willow and Tara’s PoV’s. You all know where this is going… last stop.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13 (but it changes next time!)
Couples: W/T – Willow knows it, Tara doesn’t- poor baby.
Notes: This part was another of those total afterthoughts that plague me. Essentially there was too great a gap from “The Flickering Flame” to “Burning Bright” – too much happened that I had ignored. So I inserted this one. As so much has already been said about W/T’’s feelings this goes back on old ground and does not have some of the impact of earlier parts, but I think it is important from an overall story point of view and see’s Tara starting to lay blame at her own door, rather than just suffering the consequences. How wrong can she be?
The transcript from http://www.psyche.kn-bremen.de/ was used to get the lines from the episode right for the W/O scene in the van.
Thanks To: Again to Anna who inspired some late additions to “The Flickering Flame” that are completed here, particularly by her request for the explanation for the whole “Oz smells Willow on Tara” stuff. Kerry who is sweet enough to worry about me burning myself out with all this, I took your advice about some time off. And L who I took that time off with.
The Beginning Cycle
One Flame Dying – Another…
By Katharyn Rosser
‘But... you're happy?’ Oz asked her.
Willow smiled in spite of it all, because of it actually. ‘I am. I can't explain it -’ And she couldn’t. She didn’t have to hide anything from anyone anymore. Not Oz who she was sure was going to leave and deserved to be assured of that fact. That she was happy. Everyone seemed concerned with her happiness - and no one with their own. Not doubting her own feelings anymore. The reasons behind them. She was happy because she was in love. She was happy in love. And was in love because she was happy. Or at least she would be when, she hoped, Tara accepted her. Forgave her for all she had put the other woman through in the last days.
Tara. Least of all she could hide it from Tara. The person who had made her what she was today. Stable, happy, not a vengeance demon or a burnt out psycho witch, and in love. At peace with herself. Her present and her future. Only her past remained to be dealt with. Now. Then she would offer all that she was to that woman, what else could she do?
If Oz had pressed her for the reasons why she could say that she was happy then she wouldn’t have been able to say all the things that she was thinking - except as a big, babbley mess - all she could have answered was nothing more accurate, more descriptive and more meaningful than “Tara.” Tara made her happy. She loved Tara. And she was loved in return by Tara. It was all Tara. It was different to how it had been with Oz. Not better, not worse. Different. But the love she still felt for Oz was different too now. It was the love of old friends. Not lovers.
It was past tense. Oz was then. Tara was her now and her always.
And she was different too. She wasn't the Willow whom Oz had loved. She wasn't the Willow who had loved him as a man. He would have found that out, if they had somehow come back as a result of his return to Sunnydale. He wouldn’t have known her as he thought he did. They couldn’t have been happy. Neither of them, though they might have tried hard for some time. But eventually the truth would force itself out.
She was the Willow who had come to know Tara, to shape that woman and be shaped in turn until they became two halves of the same whole. Though one half didn’t know that yet – which was why she had asked Oz to bring her here as a final favour. She had some stuff to collect, to do – then she would go and see the woman she loved. She would beg Tara to forgive all the hurt she had caused her and to accept the love that she offered. She was planning a suitable speech in her head. She knew what she wanted to say. But she doubted that she would utter a word of it. One way or another she and Tara would be beyond too many words tonight.
But first, before what she hoped would be the joy. The pain. No sunshine and rain though.
‘It may be safer for both of us if you don't’ he warned her.
That did bother her, that he had come so far – felt he could control himself and could return to her - and now he had lost that self-assurance. Because of his feelings for her. He was a stoic guy but that just bottled stuff up – and the wolf was the outlet for that stuff. She was sorry – for him - that she couldn’t be what he needed. But what he needed was something she could no longer give. She had moved on and it was sad that he hadn’t. From what he had told her he might well have spent his time away obsessing over a memory of how she had once been. It had given him the strength – the will to tame the wolf. But it perhaps had fixated the wolf on her too. She, not the moon, was what triggered the wolf now. At least the memory of her as he thought she had been. And though it was the very least of the reasons why she couldn’t be with Oz it would have been enough. How could they live like that?
‘I missed you, Oz. I wrote you so many letters... but I didn't have any place to send them, you know?’ Letter that had condemned him, pleaded with him, ranted and raved, calmly argued the merits and flaws, begged and cajoled and finally one that told him that she didn’t think he should come back. But she would not have posted that one – even if she’d had an address to send it to – until today she had not known that she truly did not want him back. Her heart may have known. Her soul may have suspected. But her brain had been in the comfort zone, refusing to contemplate that change despite all the others. ‘I couldn't live like that.’ But she had for far too long. Until someone had dragged her back into the world. Not with her kicking and screaming but instead taking slow, painfully slow, measured steps in response to a kind word, understanding and, it turned out, a whole lot of love.
Until Tara had been there for her.
They had become friends, she and Tara, and the letters to Oz had slowed to a trickle. Something inside her had told her then. Told her that Oz was not the only option – but still she had ignored that voice. She had tormented Tara with her indecision on so many things. Her last letter to him had been written the night she had first acknowledged what she felt for the woman she now knew she loved. That was the one, the one she would never have posted. When she had known that Oz was not her future. That Tara could be. But the tiniest seed of doubt had remained. And when he had come back that seed had blossomed. For a few hours it had seemed so attractive that blossom, the sight, the fragrance. But ultimately it had been choked by the deeper roots of the tree that represented her love for Tara. Which had it’s own beautiful blossoms. Ones that would last.
‘It was stupid to think that you'd just be... waiting.’ He offered her that.
But it had seemed kind of sweet in a weirdly possessive and fixated way. It was for so long what she had wanted. For him just to return and for them to pick up again, if not where they had been getting back to it as fast as they could. ‘I was waiting. I feel like some part of me will always be waiting for you. Like if I'm old and blue-haired, and I turn the corner in Istanbul and there you are, I won't be surprised. Because... you're with me, you know?’ And it was true. Part of him would always belong to her, and vice-versa but that was the way of first love wasn't it? That was how these things went. She doubted that they would ever be in Istanbul… and if she was she wanted to be there on a trip with Tara. Not hoping to run into him.
‘I know.’ He stopped, looked to Willow as if he might be about to say something else then changed his mind. ‘But now is not that time, I guess.’
Willow shook her head. ‘No,’ confirmed it. She was sad for them. For Oz and Willow she was sad. But in equal measure with that sadness was the joy of finding and having Tara. The excitement, the devotion. The love. That was why she couldn’t argue. He seemed to want her to do that. To try and persuade him that he could stay even if there was little chance of anything coming from it. Or none. But she couldn’t do that. She knew what, who, she wanted. He knew it too. It was just a natural human response – to want to be wanted.
Willow knew that want. And the only person she wanted to want her… was not in this van.
Despite what was about to happen, Oz leaving again she could not prevent other things coming into her mind. It was a sad time, it was painful for him to be leaving again. He was still Oz. But the fact that he was leaving was built around the fact that she could not be with him – or he around her – and that was because she wanted Tara. And it was Tara who kept appearing in her thoughts. Even now. Even during this terrible moment in their lives. Willow knew she was lucky. For her Tara made it that little bit less painful. For Oz there was no such upside and so she felt worse for him than she did for herself. He would be alone. And that was not a nice place to be. He had done it to her. But she could not wish it on him.
It was almost over this time with Oz. Finally. This time there would be closure, a time when Oz and Willow would end. It had never been “over” like that before. It would soon be she realised as she looked at him and he looked right back at her. Her mind was filled with their past. Good, bad, great and horrific. It was all a fond memory. But just that – a memory. Her future lay elsewhere. Tara. ‘What are you gonna do?’ she asked him.
It was not an entirely information based question. She didn’t know how she would handle him still being around. She didn’t think he would stay, would have bet against it. But he could still surprise her. This might be the end for them but seeing him every day would not help either of them – or Tara. And with the wolf so easily triggered…
Tara had to be her priority now. Her safety, her comfort. Her love.
Even though the idea of not seeing him was almost as bad.
‘I think I better take off.’
‘When?’ she asked.
‘Pretty much now’ he told her.
She couldn’t argue with that. She wouldn’t and didn’t – though perhaps she sensed that the invitation to argue was there as he told her. Part of her wanted him to stay, even if only to get his education. Part of him wanted her to ask him to, but knew that she would not. But both of them, she thought, knew that she needed him to go. For her and for Tara. It wasn't a nice thought – him going and it was selfish on her part. Life once again without Oz. But it was a life that would, if she will still have me, be filled by someone equally as special.
She nodded once, accepting it, but not trusting her voice as tears sprang to her eyes. Tears for them, and the fact that there was no longer a them. Tears for him. He would be alone now, as she had been and she could only hope that he would find someone who he could be with. That he wouldn’t feel that he had to be alone because of the wolf. Or her. Tears for their shared past and for their separate futures.
Realising that this was it, the end, she accepted his offer for a final embrace and moved into it. A hold that only old – and ex - lovers could appreciate. It was a hug she could just hope would never be one she would have to share with Tara and amidst the tears the possibilities with that woman opened like a flower before her and were a comfort to her.
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Tara was distraught.
Distraught didn’t begin to describe it. It didn’t do justice to what she felt deep down in the pit of her stomach. In her heart. Her brain. In every part of her. Numb fear had given way to reasoned terror. She knew now where different things had gone wrong. And who was there to blame but herself? She was terrified and of so many things – none of them under her control, she was powerless. And it was her own fault. To have had no say, no power, no opportunity would have been better. To have been swept along by events and to have been forced to accept what happened as a given would have made things that little bit more acceptable. But that wasn't the case. She’d had the power at times. She’d had opportunities to make it all different but she had given them all up and now she had to wait in silence and darkness for the results of her submission to fate.
She had come back here, to her room, after Willow had rushed off to try and save Oz from the Initiative. He had, for that brief time been gone. No longer a threat to her. All she’d had to do was to keep quiet about Oz’s fate. Just do what she had always done best. Just stay silent. That was all it took. How easy would that have been? No one else had known. No one else had seen. It had been her last chance to remove him from their lives. And it was their lives. What happened to one of them would decide the fate of the other. She’d had the right to use her last opportunity. It wouldn’t have been moral, but she had the right - presented by opportunity.
But she couldn’t. This was Willow’s life to live. Her future. Though there was a “they”, though they were effectively a couple or should have been if he hadn’t returned. Though they were in love and should have been together, there was a difference. Willow had a future. She didn’t. And Willow deserved the best that she could offer her for that future. Even if all she could offer to her was someone else. Someone who was Oz. And Willow had accepted the first part of that offer. Willow had left her, again, to see that Oz was rescued. Willow was always leaving. Or she was. That was all they seemed to do. Leave each other in indecision – and in Willow’s case not always as alone as she invariably was.
And it wouldn’t have mattered what her heritage was. What her future was. Whether she had one or not. This was Willow. And she deserved the best. Could I, Tara asked herself, honestly say that I was that best person – thing – for her?
And certainly Tara could not expect Willow to leave him there once she knew, even after he had gone for her, tried to kill her as he once had Willow. But just the tiniest part of her wished they would leave him to the “specialists” at the Initiative, but it was a part of her that could never win out over her concern for the woman she loved. Even if Willow’s future was with Oz and not her then that was what she had to want for Willow. The best. So the Scoobies would go without her and retrieve him – or try their best. And they would succeed and Oz would be back in Willow’s life.
That was what they did. They did good. And that was good doing. If they had told her that they needed her witchy help then she would have gone there too. She would have freed him herself in spite of it all But they hadn’t asked. No one ever asked her for help but Willow. She helped them at Willow’s request – not theirs. They had Willow anyway who was far more use to them for that sort of thing, for the doing of good – not that either of them should really be practising if Willow was in a state anything like her own.
It was good for everyone but her.
But it was the only way it could have been. When he, Oz, had gone for her this afternoon she couldn’t do a thing about it. Who could have known that just holding Willow, comforting each other – perhaps for the last time - would result in that reaction? There were consequences for you. The consequence of keeping it a secret from him perhaps? Willow should have told him… something. But Willow had told no one, not even her friends. I am a night in the chem. lab or library. Not a person. I’m a thing. And though Willow couldn’t know it now, she was more right in that than she knew.
Even if not everything – the details – he should have known something, that Willow was not alone. That someone else was making her happy – at least she hoped she had been. She had though she was. If he had known would he even have tried? Would he have even bothered to stay? Couldn’t he, like she did, have accepted what made Willow happy and left it alone? Without forcing this situation. Without asking Willow to choose. Without taking Willow away from her. But he hadn’t known and that was why she could not entirely blame him. Why she would have let him hurt her, maybe even kill her before she would have struck back at him as she could have done. She had the opportunity there too. She had made the conscious decision not to try and make use of the arts to control or stop the wolf. In the state that she was in, with no balance, no focus and no self-control she might have killed him. If someone had asked her how she might use her powers to do that she couldn’t have said. But she knew that the power was there – power enough for that, in those circumstances. It whispered to her. Told her that she could do that. Even now her raw, tattered emotions would give her the strength and the opportunity to strike back at him. But there would be no control and without control only darkness would rule. That was the most important lessons she had learnt at her mother’s knee. She might have killed him – or someone else. And that could never be.
Not even for Willow would she step onto that path.
She would have let him kill her before she would disobey the most basic rules of Wicca. They were there for good reason. You messed with the darker forces not particularly at your own peril but at the peril of everyone around you. Everyone you cared for. That was what made the consequences so grave. It could not be.
And if she had hurt him, what then for her and Willow? What if Willow had been about to choose him? She would hate me. Even acting in self defence Willow would have known that Tara was acting selfishly – if she had done that. She had tried to explain the warnings to Willow enough – to prevent rash experimentation. If she had gone against her own words what other conclusion could Willow have drawn?
And worse, what if she had been about to choose me? She would start to fear me and that too would lead to us growing apart and eventually perhaps hate. That was the mistake of the Maclay woman who resided deep in history. One of them had chosen to embrace that path. Her motives and actions unknown and now, her mother had told her, we all necessarily suffer for it. The demon that had caused it lived on through the Maclay daughters ad infinitum.
And so she had avoided the temptation to strike back at the man, the wolf, who tormented her emotions. She still avoided the whispers. Locked them away from conscious thought – consigned them to nibbling at the fringes of her awareness. She had told Willow as fast as she could – to see him rescued so Willow would have the chance to make a choice without having it forced on her by circumstance, by the consequence – ironically – of the most important embrace that they might ever share and one that was less sexual than they had shared since long before they became more than friends. One preceded by another opportunity. When Willow had as good as asked her what she should do and instead of fighting, of persuading…
She'd let Willow go. She’s told Willow to make a choice. She'd as good as told the other woman to make the choice that wasn't her. She hadn’t even told Willow that she was the only real choice for her and wanted the reverse to be true. She hadn’t said anything but that Willow should choose what made her happy.
No matter what it does to me. No matter how your decision makes me feel. And she hated herself for admitting that she would do the same again. She could do nothing else.
When she had left Willow's door this morning - leaving Oz there with Willow it had been weakness and fear that had driven her away - that and the total lack of any reasonable option. What was she to do, grab hold of him and throw him out of the room, wait for Willow and then barricade herself in with the other and never let the world intrude? Not really an option.
Or she could have run.
She'd run and she hadn’t stopped until she got back. Away from Oz. Away from Willow, away from the immediate source of her pain, to where she felt safe.
She'd feel safer with Willow here with her.
So that had been weakness. A shock. Confronted by a tormentor that did not even know who it was that he was tormenting. Whose life he was ruining. She had been surprised so she left. What had been the excuse though when Willow came over to explain that situation? To tell her why Oz was there at that time. What it didn’t mean.
She'd been afraid at first that it was to say goodbye, to say that it was the end. Their end. And then she had known hope. Some vague hope that there was a chance for them.
Willow had told her that what she had suspected was not true and that had been good. The relief had washed over her like a wave breaking on the beach and she knew that there was still a chance. That it was not a foregone conclusion that she would be left alone once more. But this time bereft too. Having tasted the freedom that love for the right person gave you… and the wonderful constraints… how could she go back? Then she could have made her case. She could have told Willow the sort of things that Oz had no doubt been telling her all night. Told her how good they were. How Willow made her feel. What she saw in their future. What she wanted for them. For Willow.
And then Willow had broken down.
Had she been seeking a friend more than a potential lover when she arrived at my door perhaps? She couldn’t refuse that role either. It was too easy to slip into because she had never left it. They had become lovers out of a special friendship that they still maintained rather than working up from attraction and dating. And when Willow had blurted out her fears, her hopes, her feelings she had just looked on Willow as a friend. If they had just been friends Tara would have…
Told her exactly what she told her anyway.
That she had to do what made her happy. What else could she say?
But why would that be her? Had they really known "happy" together? They had shared moments that might be described that way, both as friends and as more than friends but they had limited themselves to that. Willow had fought with herself to allow herself to become closer to Tara - in secret. Why would she now fight to be with her in public. To take the hard path instead of the easier one. To choose the person her friends had never considered over the one they always assumed to be Willow’s future. To choose me over the one person I always knew could take her away from me.
They had no doubt rescued Oz by now, got him back… and with emotions high, relief a factor and joy an issue who would doubt or condemn them for getting closer tonight? Even now as Tara sat here in her darkened room they would be together somewhere, perhaps equally dark - perhaps for a different reason. Together. Willow and Oz.
Willow.
It wasn't fair.
It had been all too recently that Willow had come to her, allowed herself to bridge the hidebound barriers of convention and to admit their love, revel in it. Experience it. And now it was to be snatched away by a "person" who had abandoned Willow with barely a word. A "person" who had killed the woman he had betrayed Willow with. The "person" who had threatened her, who would have killed her too.
Taken her away from Willow.
And now he was going to get her another way.
It worried her. That Oz could be that way. Not so much the wolf, the goddess knew that she had her own secrets to keep. Her own demon to try and control. But that the wolf was so fixated on Willow. That the wolf was a reflection of Oz. The wolf had already gone after Willow once though and anyone, anyone who interfered with Willow was obviously at risk. What sort of hidden jealousies and possessiveness did that reveal in the other side of the reflection.? In Oz?
Nothing healthy certainly. Tara was afraid that Willow might be hurt – and not just emotionally. She knew enough about werewolves to know that Oz was not typical as described by Willow. They had been common enough in the area she came from. Every few years her grandfather had gone out on the hunt for one, her father had joined him sometimes. But always on a full moon – at night. For it to happen in broad daylight… that was not normal. And focus? They were pretty much “rend, tear and rip apart.” Not big on focus your average werewolf by all accounts.
She was terrified that he would hurt Willow. But that would be Willow’s choice. To take that risk. If she did. But perhaps it was no bigger risk than staying with her. With the demon. Even if Willow did not know that about her. At least with Oz Willow would know the dangers. Would accept them up front. Maybe that was better than the secret that she could not share with Willow. Better than the risk that Tara could not quantify. Better than getting any closer then losing me to the necessary constraints imposed by my family.
Better to break now?
She had told Willow that she would always be here. That wasn't the truth. She would always be her friend. She would always be there for whatever Willow needed. But she might very well not be here. Best case she would be gone within a few months anyway. Never having known much of the blissful uncertainty of full on, making you do the wacky love. Back to a life that was set, certain and not at all wacky.
Back home to her family.
And if things started to go badly how could she stay? Despite her promise to Willow there had to be an element of self-preservation. And she would have to give them the chance to find themselves again. Her being around was not going to help - not that her path and Willow's naturally crossed on campus. But Willow would be everywhere she went. Oz would be. They would be. Everywhere. Because that was how things went in life. Mr Murphy would raise his ugly head and they would start to run into each other everywhere.
Tara, until meeting Willow, had not been a lucky person – and see how that had gone recently too… That made her a big believer in Mr Murphy and his Law. She’d lost faith in Murphy for a while back there with Willow, but now he was back and with a vengeance. What can go wrong… Well it will. How could she have doubted that?
She loved Willow.
Willow loved her.
The only thing that could take that away?
Oz.
What could go wrong. Did. But the consequences of that had never been as great. Not solitude though that was bad enough. Not the immediate pain, intellectually she knew that would dim. Willow herself was the proof of that. It was not being together. Not having had the chance to know if would really work. If it really was for always. It was not having Willow and belonging to her. That was what opened the black pit of despair that she was heading towards.
She was alone and that was as dark as her room. And there was nothing left to pierce the darkness. What was there, now she had lost Willow that could restore the light?
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A candle.
That was all she had to offer Tara. Other than herself that is – and that was the most important thing anyway. But she needed to take Tara something. A symbol. A way of showing that she was giving and no longer taking advantage of Tara’s nature. The patient, caring, understanding and beautiful woman deserved better than a lousy candle.
But what else was she going to find at this time. If she had chance to go shopping she would have found something half as beautiful as Tara. Half as wonderful. But it wouldn’t have matched the woman she loved in splendour. But circumstances had prevented that shopping trip.
It was just a symbol after all. Course whatever she had decided to take to Tara would have been a symbol. A book, that could have been a symbol. A half-eaten packet of cookies. That could have been a symbol. An old sock. That could have been a symbol too.
She wasn’t sure exactly how just yet, better to let Tara make the intellectual connection herself. But it was something she could hold. To stop herself fidgeting. The wringing of sweaty palms. She didn’t want to go to Tara with sweaty palms. Certainly not this night when if everything she desired came to pass then there might be the laying on of palms. And hands in general.
And lips.
If Tara would take her into her heart then she hoped that they might become closer tonight than they had been. Intimate. One.
But this particular candle more than any other was a symbol. It was one she had recovered from Oz’s room months ago when he had left – for the first time. It had been one of the first things she had ever given him when they had started to date. Well “given” was a radical description. She had taken it around for a romantic night and forgot to take it away again. He probably hadn’t known what it was he had. Certainly those were her thoughts when she had found it, left behind in Devon’s clearance of Oz’s room.
And now she was sort of glad she had it. Because it was a symbol. She had given it to one person and he had never lit the candle. Now she could give it to another person. And she would light the flame herself. This time it would burn brighter and longer.
Course it was kind of hard to light a candle without a match or a lighter. She had forgotten that, but it seemed kind of fitting actually, she thought as she stood outside Tara’s door. That only what Tara had taught her could help her now. ‘Ignis Incend’ The flame leapt into being and burned bright as she knocked on that door and waited for the woman she loved to open that door, and hopefully her heart.
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 09, 2001).]
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i like this fic - it's good
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good job kath! thanks so much
michele
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As far as I can tell, they don't even bother to take their clothes off -- it's just two women sitting around Utopia, being gay.
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I'm glad to hear that you've been enjoying yourself!
Carpe noctem! Scribit, fiet.
(Sieze the night! So it shall be written, so shall it be.)
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Katharyn
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 09, 2001).]
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I'm going to have to go to work today and manage to be serious and conservative with this hanging over my head. Have you considered a career in the psychological torture business!!
My only consolation is that you're probably really enjoying this!
Fuit mulierquae me potare egit. Nunquam steti gradum ad ei gratius agendas.
(It was a woman who drove me to drink. I never stopped to thank her.)
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Seriously though...this is a totally awesome story and i 100% waiting anxiously for the next part.
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If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
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I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS READ THE NOTE BELOW BEFORE PROCEEDING TO THE STORY.
I always told myself that this is not a story that I would ever write. It had, frankly, been done to death and with varying degrees of skill by many other fanfic writers. Some of the versions of the events related below were pretty cringe-worthy – some of them were wonderful and much better than this one has any hope of being. All in all, I thought, leave it alone.
However I came back to revisit it for a number of reasons. It is such a crucial stage in Willow and Tara’s blossoming relationship that it was hard to ignore or gloss over…even just to put my own slant on it and establish some continuity with the other stories in this cycle. Also I was a little sick of writing Willow and Tara angst…which is the mainstay of this cycle. Even in their happy stories they are at least thinking something is wrong far too often. I wanted a story devoid of anything but joy and was too lazy to make a situation up for myself, so here it is. New Moon Rising the missing conclusion – angst free after the “end of the episode stuff.” Promise.
This story is composed chiefly of sexual activity. After a point that is all there is to it. It is not something I tend to dwell on in my writing but agree with the beta reader who read a first draft of this months ago now and who pointed out that it is kinda hard to avoid here! I hope that the readers will find it nice rather than titillating, sweet rather than in any way pornographic and beautiful rather than purely sexy. That said it is more than a little explicit. If you do not wish to read about somewhat detailed consensual sex between two women deeply, madly in love stop now. There are no further warnings – there is however a shortened, original, version that closes prior to the explicit events – a fade out if you will. I will e-mail that version to anyone who wants it so you will not be missing anything “plot”wise if you choose to take that version instead.
DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU ARE:
- LIKELY TO BE BOTHERED OR OFFENDED BY SUCH MATERIAL
- IF YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE READING IT IN YOUR JURISDICTION
- UNSURE ABOUT EITHER OF THE ABOVE
And with the overcautious warnings to the “good stuff.”
Katharyn
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Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Burning Bright (Currently Part 21)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Oh yes. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “New Moon Rising” Actually the NMR spoilers are not exactly limited being as the whole episode is W/T/O centred.
Summary: It’s the Extra Flamey scene, before and after the episode fade out. If you don’t know… then you shouldn’t be reading it.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG17 – I am serious. See the warning above.
Couples: W/T in every sense.
Notes: What can I say other than I wish they hadn’t put that damn candle out! It made good TV but it was hell trying to get some light into this and I wanted visuals! The transcript from http://www.psyche.kn-bremen.de/ was used to get the lines at the very beginning right. There is a slight recap. “A dying flame…” ended with Willow at the door, this takes a slight step back. What can I say? I wanted to give it some pretensions of literature rather than just Extra Flamey fun.
Thanks To: Everyone who has stuck with this so long. Some of you might have been waiting just for this…(eh Ruth? Just kidding.) Well here it is. This is not the end. For me the Beginning does not “end” until “Family” and I intend to take this cycle there. But no more doubts about their love for our girls. It’s ok though – there is more material for angst… can you guess the next big theme given where I want to take this to? Anyway for now just enjoy this one. I enjoyed writing it. And redrafting it. A lot. A lot more than I perhaps should have done or would have done for any other. Thanks to all those who convinced me to post this (full) version. And thanks once more to L. She kinda enjoyed this one too.
The Beginnings Cycle
Burning Bright
(Full Version)
By
Katharyn Rosser
The dark surrounded Tara. It intruded itself through the window that she stared, unseeing, through. It caressed her. The only thing that would. It wrapped itself around her, for she would never know another embrace. It reduced the room to a dimly lit hole that she had crawled back into with some relief – forcing herself to face the truth that she was alone. Again. And this time it might well be her fault.
She had not fought for what she wanted. What she loved. She had given it up without a struggle and was angry with herself because of that. She had encouraged that person she wanted to seek happiness, elsewhere, when she might have been the best thing for that woman she loved.
For Willow.
And she was. She knew that. She was the best thing for Willow. But her knowing that did not count.
She had told Willow to do what made her happy but had never put her case – never suggested that that thing might have been Tara Maclay. She had meekly accepted that it would have been that Oz. And now it was. She hoped that Willow was happy, would be. But she had to reconcile herself with the fact that she hadn’t shown the backbone – or as her father would have put it “the fire in her belly” – to fight for Willow. To make the case for their love.
The fire wasn't really in her belly. It was in her heart. And it had grown dim. The flame was nearly extinguished and so quickly. And when it went out there would only be the pain.
She knew the knock at the door, had been expecting it for some time now. She knew that Willow would not leave her in suspense, knew she meant that much to the other young woman. But also that she didn’t mean enough to be her choice. The knock was Willow. And that was the only reason that she answered it. Had it been anyone else in the world she would have ignored it and hidden herself under the covers. But who else in the world was there? Who else would there be after she opened that door.
No one.
Not even Willow.
She opened the door and was greeted by Willow, holding a candle, the flame long and extended, whispering in the gentle breeze that fluttered down the corridor. A candle. How apt. So now she could snuff out that flame like the love she felt for Willow. And whilst she might burn her fingers the pain of her lost love would burn a thousand times hotter before leaving her heart cold. She could feel the use of magic in the hallway. At least Willow had got something from her.
‘No candles?’ Willow asked knowing that this was what she had been waiting to do. For far too long now. Stuff had got in the way. Stupid question though. The room was lit only by the dim lights outside. It was a place to start though. To get to saying what she had to say, to do what she wanted to do. Needed to do. Into her whole big speech. ‘Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey.’
That it was Tara had to admit, as bright and powerful as the love she felt for Willow. But it could be snuffed out just the same. That power – that extra flame would not keep it going, just burn it out that much sooner. And perfect…Willow was giving it to her, stepping inside. A last gift. To be near the light, to feel the heat once more. And then be plunged back into darkness. The heat of the wafting flame warmed her suddenly cold cheeks. The light, she knew, illuminated her frightened features. But this was not a time for pretence. If Willow was about to end it all then she should at least see the effect. Even if Tara would never tell Willow what it was doing to her.
Willow closed the door. She wasn’t blind. She could see what Tara was feeling, if not what she was thinking. In the process of making her choice she had felt those things herself. The tears had come to her – they had shared them in a moment that had nearly, ultimately, got Tara killed. ‘Tara, I have to tell you...’
I can’t hear this, Tara thought to herself. I just can’t. One day I might want to know. But not now. She couldn’t stand here and have it explained to her – the why, the wherefore…the reason that Willow couldn’t love her over Oz. The logic, the reasoning, the sensible option. She cut Willow off at the first hesitation. ‘No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love.’ Her voice let her down once more as she descended into crippling emotional pain. But why should she care? Her voice was the least important thing her world right now. After all who would she have to talk to when Willow left?
She would try to hold herself together whilst Willow was here, but once she stepped out of that door…. for the last time as anything but a friend Tara knew that she would collapse and mentally, emotionally and physically. But she wouldn’t show Willow that. She wouldn’t allow the love she felt to be a burden to their friendship. She wouldn’t ask Willow to support her now. And the next time they met she would try to be strong again…if she could. Because Willow didn’t deserve to know what this was doing to her. She had to be happy it was true. And could she really be happy if she knew what she would be doing to the person she rejected?
Tara was so caught up in her own emotions that she almost missed the two words that changed her life.
‘I am.’
No… it was a mistake. I misheard her. Misinterpreted her. A thousand reasons why those words didn’t mean what she wanted them to flooded through Tara’s mind – and where they had passed there was only the vague hope…but more than there had been before Willow had uttered them.
Tara dared to feel hope again. She turned her gaze outward from her own selfish pain and saw Willow again, as if for the first time. The beautiful Willow. The woman she loved. Could she really mean what she seemed to be saying? ‘You mean...’
‘I mean.’ Willow paused searching for some special words. Some movie like phrase to tell Tara what she meant. Her speech had fallen by the wayside and that gave her no answers either. So those two words became a statement. A promise. A devotion and to follow that she could not think of anything to say other than ‘Okay?’
Oh goddess… Tara didn’t know what was coming in that pause. It all sounded so hopeful. So real…but with just another couple of words Willow could blow that away forever. It was still not too late to crush her…and after raising hope it was doubly cruel. But could she mean…? The “okay?” was a question that Tara had no other answer for than ‘Oh, yes.’
‘I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now.’ Willow offered and promised the woman who had long ago become her true love. Tara had said yes… “oh, yes” even. Willow had been confused by Oz’s return…but in hindsight it had made everything so very clear. Even if Oz had been cured…under control and could guarantee her that things would be like they were at their best then she would still have confirmed her earlier choice. Tara was her choice, just as she was Tara’s. And there it was, that smile…that beautiful smile. So hesitant, almost timid, as if afraid that she would snatch her offer away, before coming more confident and self-assured. Willow drunk in the moment. And by candlelight too. It would never come again.
‘Right now?’ Could Willow really be offering what Tara though she was… She wanted to tell Willow that she didn’t have to. That they didn’t have to. That it was enough that Willow had come back to her. Chosen her. Made her complete. But those words could not come – because this time she could not refuse the offer. Maybe that was selfish but she had done self-sacrifice… now she wanted to be happy. That this night would mark their first time… for this… was a double blessing and perhaps the more special because of it. Fitting. She had told Willow, not so long ago, that before she would be ready for this she would have to make a real choice.
Now she had. But how close had it been that choice?
It didn’t matter. She’d come in first. Second was nowhere. Even if had been a hair’s breadth she was still Willow’s choice.
Tara watched as Willow smiled at her, the woman she wanted, confirming both her offer and the immediacy of it. It was a smile that was just a little different. It held a different kind of promise. Tara blew out the candle and plunged the room into not the darkness as she had feared a few minutes ago but instead a place she had always wanted to be.
Willow watched in the dim moonlight as Tara placed the smoking candle on the nearest surface without looking anywhere but at her. The smoke filled her nostrils but all she could smell was Tara. They did not speak for what seemed like an age. But all she could hear was Tara. The room was pretty dark as her eyes adjusted. But all she could see was Tara. Three out of the five senses. All she wanted to do now was to fulfil the other two. To touch and taste this woman. And with another sense, one that defied naming, she could feel Tara within her heart and her soul.
There was some moonlight, penetrating through the window, enough to highlight eyes that had been so close to tears. Willow had seen that – had known that she would have hurt this woman so much… and hated herself for that causing that. Nothing was going to hurt Tara again if she could do anything at all about it. Nothing because she would do anything. Least of all me, she promised herself.
Those eyes moved closer to her as Tara stepped forwards and raised her arms hesitantly at first, an invitation that Willow took pleasure in accepting, moving forward into Tara’s embrace, feeling those hands first resting on her shoulder. Tara swaying as if there was some music they could dance to and Willow followed her. Then Willow felt the other woman pulling her head into her shoulder, gently holding it there, her hair being stroked, a series of light kisses on the side of her head, moving inwards towards her ear then a breath… less than a whisper ‘Thank you’ she heard. It shattered the silence.
Willow did not verbalise a reply but instead twisted her head to bring her lips round to meet Tara’s own. Not directly but by way of her nose, the tip of which she kissed gently, before moving to those lips, finding them waiting for her. It seemed clumsy in the dark as her own twisting form had blocked the spread of the light from the window. Though they had snuggled more and more they had not spent nearly enough time kissing it was more intimate that they had previously been totally happy with – at least not with the passion that Willow now felt towards this beautiful woman. A woman who loved her so much that she had been ready to give her up, expected to lose her. Who else had she ever known who would do that for her with no other reason? A woman so who felt so vulnerable that Willow revelled in just holding her and keeping her safe. But a woman with more strength than even she realised and who, when she held Willow, made the whole world a better place to be. Who, when they were in the same room, made everything all right.
The woman I love and who I could now freely admit that I lust after, Willow realised. Not that she would spoil the moment with chit chat that was rapidly becoming irrelevant and obvious. It was a clumsy kiss initially but Willow made it a passionate one, inserting her tongue between Tara’s lips to meet hers there, flicking, teasing and dancing as they continued to sway. It was passion. Real, raw, passion that she felt and the only agenda she had was to make sure Tara knew it…that Tara would never doubt why they were doing this – that she would never have cause to believe that it was guilt. It was passion and it was love and everything she had ever wanted - that was enough.
Tara was surprised by the force of Willow’s kiss and more by the tongue… so surprised that for long seconds she could no more but be a passive recipient of that kiss, until eventually she engaged Willow’s searching tongue with her own. It was something that Tara had never really done much of – this tongue kissing…French. Even with Willow. It had been awkward when they had. It had seemed a step too far before. But she could immediately sense the attraction. A union of their mouths… making them closer to being one… just as she knew that they would become closer in other ways – physical ways and when Willow took her head in her hands, manipulating her as the other woman wanted her to be she was certain then that this would be the night. That they would become physically one. Just as they were already spiritually one. Something greater than the sum of their parts.
Why was it French? She wondered that before the thought was banished along with everything else that was not immediately Willow. Because everything right now was Willow. Every thought, other than that one, but that was nothing new – Willow had dominated her thoughts for along time now. But everything else. That was shiny and new. And it was good.
Willow dropped her hands and ran them down along Tara’s spine causing her blonde goddess to shiver, down lower and then back up her sides. Running up her torso, ignoring the outer swell of Tara’s chest, up from under the arms to the shoulders once more and then down the arms to the hands that now hung limply…shocked into submission…at her sides. Back down to the hands where they briefly linked, held hands, squeezing with the rhythm of a kiss that was going on and on and on. Then Willow moved inside Tara’s hands and gently placed a thumb under each side of the other woman’s top and started to drag those thumbs up the sides of her torso, nail scratching gently, tickling as the fabric rose and rose. Tara weakly lifted her arms, allowing Willow to keep going. Those thumb nails rasping as the passed over the cotton of her bra and into the sensitive flesh of her armpits and then lifted the top over Tara’s head. Tara stood arms raised, head covered. Utterly vulnerable and utterly trusting in Willow’s actions.
Willow did not proceed at once, left Tara there like that as she drunk in the sight of her lover… yes not just her love but her lover – the extra “r” felt good inside her - the pale creamy skin interrupted only by the white cups and strapping of Tara’s bra before the sea of material that covered Tara’s face and hair. Willow just looked at that view, then slowly drew the top up and over Tara’s head, discarded it on the floor and offered her the embrace again but this time with hands resting on bare, smooth flesh rather than concealing fabric.
Tara gladly stepped back into it… allowing Willow to move at her own pace at this delicate and so beautiful moment. Not that she would have done a thing to change how they had started. Willow’s hands were all over her, now uncovered, torso discovering her flesh for the first time. Before there had always been something in the way. But not now. There would be nothing in the way tonight. Eager, stroking, excited, pressing, hesitant, squeezing, determined, teasing. And all the while Willow sucked her deep into another long, indulgent kiss. They had the time for indulgence. All the time they would need. When last they had been here they had just minutes to hold each other thinking that it might be for the last time. But now it would last for hours and it was just the beginning.
Willow withdrew her eagerly moving tongue and broke the contact with Tara’s lips and instead started to plant small, tiny little kisses all over the other woman’s face, her forehead, in her hair, her ears, her shoulders and the line of her collar bone. Down to the upper swell of her chest – a chest that Willow could no longer allow to be constrained and hidden from her view. A chest that already seemed to be heaving as much as her own. It was – barring the kiss – the definitive moment. When she removed Tara’s underwear she was committed.
But she had already committed herself. This was just… this was just a matter of removing pesky concealing garments. She didn’t hesitate as she finally focused those stroking, roving hands on the clasp of Tara’s bra and fumbled with it. Well that was embarrassing. It would not surrender as easily as it should to her and Willow reminded herself of some inept boy trying to figure out just what to do. But she knew what she wanted to do…and what she wanted to be done to her. The clasp quickly gave up the unequal fight with her passion and Tara shrugged her shoulders allowing the slightest touch from Willow to bring the brassiere from it’s role and Willow could not stop herself from sucking in her breath. She had seen Tara before, nude, had even touched those globes of flesh through night time concealment, in a snugly way, that, as Willow moved around Tara were now silhouetted against the window light but this was, this was perky, taut and….
Different. It was all different now Tara thought. It was really going to happen. She wanted to cry as Willow placed her hands lightly on the tip of her breasts and Tara felt them swell, rising to the occasion like spikes driven through her chest. But if she shed a tear then Willow might stop until assured that they were of joy. And she didn’t want Willow to stop so she fought against it. She had refused to allow herself to feel the more animal lusts that she had known she possessed for this woman. The woman who now caressed her bare breasts. Until now. Before there had always been the likelihood that this moment would never come. Now it was here. Willow was here. And all she wanted to do was cry…again? No. That would not be.
Willow was here.
Willow held them, running her thumbs over the taut points, weighed them in her hands, cupping them and running her hands round the sweeping curves up under Tara’s arms and back over the upper slopes and between them, along Tara’s breastbone – drinking them in with her hungry hands, like nothing she had felt before. So totally unlike touching her own chest that it was like exploring another world. With your own body you knew what was coming because you felt it from both sides. Touching and being touched. But with this body… She could touch. But she would have to rely on Tara to touch her. It was a brave new world that she had to kiss.
As Willow bent in and planted those tiny kisses of hers on the swell of her breasts, closing in on the darker points, Tara finally became one with the moment. She couldn’t stand here and be totally submissive to Willow’s explorations. She needed to do some exploring of her own. She needed to see Willow – even in this dim light. To hold her and yes finally, really, touch her. But…
But she had little more idea of how to go about than Willow had. Her previous, all too brief experiences, had been little more than guilty fumbles – nice fumbles, but fumble all the same. But in her dreams…for months now she had imagined this time, imagined how she was going to physically make love this wonderful woman in a manner that would befit their spiritual connection.
And it started with undressing her and to do that Tara snatched back the impetus, the control from Willow. Brought Willow back to her mouth with her hands and held her head still and kissed her lips, just once more then slowly reached down to unfasten Willow’s clothing, to tease it from her like the wrapping of a birthday present. So carefully at first but with increasing urgency. Things were becoming less and less spiritual.
As Willow moved to keep touching her Tara just said ‘No love’ and carried on undressing the redhead – though Willow was clearly having trouble obeying the request, she fidgeted.
Willow’s hands were dying to touch Tara again, to explore her. To finish undressing her. But Tara clearly had her own plan…though eventually Tara did allow those hands to rest on her sides but only when she was as topless as Tara, gently touching – resting and not even holding until Tara sank down before her and her hands were grazing Tara’s sides as she slipped downwards, coming to rest on in that silky long blonde hair.
Down before the woman she loved, Tara unfastened Willow’s shoes and encouraged the other to raise her feet, one then the other, to remove them – flinging the shoes with a clatter across the room into a corner, well out of their way. Tara drew off the lower portion of Willow’s clothing and had her love step out of that too. She found it hard to believe that she was, finally, on her knee’s before the woman she adored. Who had chosen to love her. How many dreams had this moment factored in during the last months? Unable to hold back the physical and emotional need Tara wrapped her arms around Willow’s waist, pulled her herself inwards to rest her cheek against Willow’s still part hidden belly revelling in the warmth their of the skin, the scent of her love’s flesh and was it not just the flesh? She was going to find out.
But even with that embrace the kneeling woman had still not touched her as Willow wanted to be touched. Needed to be touched. With her down there, where Willow had only recently allowed herself to dream of this woman being the tension was unbearable. She did not know what it would be like but it would be Tara and that was enough. What else could she ask for? Or desire?
Tara pulled back and rested on her haunches before Willow, her heart pounding, chest swollen and aching as she drew in almost ragged breaths. She looked up at Willow in the dim light and with eyes that Willow probably couldn’t see properly asked her if she could. If it was all right. If Willow’s need was as great as her own.
Willow recognised that need in Tara because she felt the need herself and decided to take action to secure the progression of this moment without any delays. She hooked her fingers into the elastic of her panties and pushed them down over her buttocks and left them there resting on her slightly spread thighs, exposing herself wantonly to Tara. But that was alright. She was ready to be wanton. She wanted to be wanton. She needed to be.
This time it was Tara’s turn to audibly draw in her breath as she looked up along the length of Willow’s form. The light was just enough to work with and highlight the contrasts of Willow’s body. Small dark nipples, shadow where the curves fell out of the light and below, in stark contrast a patch of dark fur that in light Tara already knew was fiery red and beguiling as Willow’s hair. But now, here in the dark, it was a dark mysterious place that Tara wanted to explore for the benefit of them both.
Willow felt Tara reach forward to draw down the framing underwear, help her out of her panties and stood there naked before the kneeling woman and she could only guess at what was about to happen to her… but she welcomed every breath, every touch, every gesture and cry before they even happened because the trust she had in the kneeling beauty was absolute. That she would never hurt her. That she would always love her. That she would fulfil her desires – even though she herself was not totally sure what they were. But Tara would know. Willow reached out, placed a hand in Tara’s hair, stroked at it and was responded to as if by the kitty that Tara had wanted to get. Goddess was it only yesterday morning that she had mentioned that? Tara was rubbing her head against that hand, bringing it to her face then back into her hair. Willow kept up the stroking movements over hair and flesh and she knew in that connection that Tara was seeking her permission…her final permission.
And though they were long past needing that permission, she gave it, the tiniest pressure from her outstretched hand bringing Tara’s head forward and Willow stepped into it herself as Tara’s hands reached up and touched her breasts, playing there, one dropping and swirling over her belly – tracing little circles down and down, round her belly button down lower. And where Tara’s fingers had gone the soft kisses followed. Tara rose up to kiss the tips of Willow’s breasts, the swells, then sank again to follow her fingers down under the risen flesh of those, down to follow her belly. A tongue jutted out into her belly button swirled there itself as the fingers had done moments before.
And so knowing this pattern Willow was in a state of delicious anticipation. Sure of where the fingers were ultimately heading. Certain that the kisses would soon follow. The fingers by now were teasing at the upper edge of Willow’s intimate flesh, an area bordered by the soft fur that covered her mons. Those fingers twirled, twisting some of that hair into tiny, tight swirls which unravelled themselves quickly when the fingers withdrew and fell to Willow’s feet, running up her calves, the ticklish flesh at the back of her knees the outside of her thighs. The kisses remaining this time at the level of Tara’s bent head.
Tara moved her fingers back over the tops of her thighs to meet that intimate fur once more – from the sides this time, twirling again. Tickling now as she planted those kisses on the lowest portion of her belly that yet remained above full and final commitment, trying to avoid making the sudden move to full intimacy that might shock Willow or panic her.
It was maddening to Willow, to have her lover so close to where she needed her to be, physically, and to have to wait, but what were they waiting for? What was Tara waiting for? Building anticipation perhaps. She was as anticipated as she could be. She was past anticipation and into desperate need.
Tara, though, was determined not to spoil this moment. Willow had to be sure. A mistake now didn’t bear thinking about. Though Willow was clearly physically excited and this was a big, big step in any relationship…the moment of physical connection. More so for them, now after the events of the last few days. She twisted her head upwards to look up Willow, past her small breasts and into her face where breath was already coming unevenly. She smiled – though Willow would likely not be able to see it. ‘Love?’
It was a double-edged question…and Willow could not bring herself to speak, but accepted the offer in every sense. Instead she returned her hand to the back of Tara’s head and encouraged that first kiss to what was, for the moment at least, the very centre of her being. It was so soft, so gentle that it could have been a breeze blowing a feather across her. A touch so light it might not even have been there if her eyes had not confirmed the contact. A kiss that almost wasn’t.
And Tara’s fingertips grazing up behind her slightly parted legs tickled the sensitive skin behind her knee’s causing her to quiver… but she might have done so anyway as at that moment the kiss became more insistent. Teasing, and as two pairs of lips were parted Tara’s tongue sipped at the spring of her desire… a spring that was flowing from deep within her.
Willow could feel Tara’s hands at play over her body, given licence to roam now as they had never been before with restraints borne on her side of fear and uncertainty and on Tara’s out of the utmost respect for that fear. The fear though was gone… though some uncertainty remained… but it was apprehension only that she could not bring the same responses out of Tara. Her new lover. Her love. And try as she might to learn from Tara’s movements, touches and actions on her body her mind was consumed with the need to receive – not to analyse. Not to learn. Simply to reach the peaks of their physical connection… and oh by the goddess it was already coming to that… so soon… too soon. Too fast. But she needed it so much that she wouldn’t have fought that tide if she had been able to.
Tara had fantasised about this occasion for so long now that they had been as good as dress rehearsals… or undressed ones. But nothing could have prepared her for this. The opportunity to love this beautiful woman in every way. Not from afar…but from so close that she could smell, touch and taste her. And Willow was clearly not apprehensive or withdrawn. She was accepting this most intimate loving without anything but desire… desire that was rapidly building within her, faster than Tara would have dreamt possible. Again Tara could feel it with all of her senses. The breathing more ragged still, the body quivering as Willow tried to stand still before her. The hips starting to flutter, inner muscles and thighs dancing to the beat of Tara’s motions. The smell of female desire…the taste of Willow on her tongue and the sight of the woman she loved reaching the peaks of her pleasure.
Reached…
Willow could not help crying out such was the intensity of the sensation. The pleasure that coursed through her, radiating from that taut nub that Tara had fixated on, racing through every vein, artery and nerve to engulf her body. Reflexively she clasped Tara’s face to her with her hands locked between the other woman’s head…riding out the storm and at the heights of her pleasure feeling an intrusion within her as Tara allowed her lover to milk her fingers of what additional pleasure that they could bring to her – the tongue not ceasing in it’s actions until with a final cry Willow’s legs finally gave out and she collapsed like a rag doll to be caught by Tara and lowered carefully to rest in her arms.
Holding her there Tara was still caught in the surprise at the speed of Willow’s response to her touches, her caresses and kisses – for that had been the first time that she had done that too… She had loved before… but never chosen to make love. Not like that. The next time would be a little slower. Drawn out and even more fulfilling. She cradled Willow’s head, and held the exhausted and drained torso over her knees and as was their custom stroked at Willow’s hair. Willow’s brow was beaded with sweat – the breathing finally…minutes after the storm had broken…returning to normal. And finally she heard Willow speak.
‘Never…?’ Willow said knowing of Tara’s previous involvement but also that she had not been able to become intimate with that other person… and despite the loneliness that Tara had felt, in part because of that, Willow was glad. Glad that she could have been the one to receive that gift from Tara and bemused that she could reduce her to collapsing in pleasure, so quickly, so devastatingly beautifully.
‘No love never.’ Tara confirmed as Willow nuzzled at her bare chest.
Willow shifted. She wanted to give something back…all of that she had received… and more. And not here on the floor. She kissed Tara on the lips and tasted herself there… another new experience that would, half and hour ago have filled her with embarrassment to even consider. But now it was just erotic, a confirmation of her own desire… and Tara’s – a desire that she would have to satisfy. And wanted to…if she could.
Gently, and with a plan, Willow started to caress Tara – who she realised was still partially clothed – wanting to build her up for what was to come. As Tara stroked her hair she continued to stroke bare arms. To touch once again those breasts with her searching fingers. Teasing an ear as she pushed blonde hair back. Running a thumb along Tara’s eyebrows, easing them back into place. Circling her little finger around the darker flesh of Tara’s aureole… oh she wanted to see…
Still holding Willow and utterly content there on the floor Tara needed nothing other than she had already got. Willow in her arms…actually choosing to be there. But Willow clearly had other plans. What had started out as gentle caresses such as they had sometimes shared before were becoming more insistent…more deliberate and…. ‘Ow!’
Willow smiled mischievously having tweaked at Tara’s hardened nipples, determined to raise herself out of a lethargy induced by the waves of pleasure that this woman had sent through her body and determined that Tara would not settle, would not have to settle, for simply providing that pleasure. She moved, half rolling and half falling out of Tara’s embrace to the floor and stood up once more…extended her arm to Tara in invitation and when that hand was taken drew Tara up to stand with her and almost in a dance swung them around so that she could lower Tara to the bed that they had shared many times now… but never like this.
Tara could not take her eyes off Willow’s shape as she moved around the room, around the bed and brought that candle she had gifted to her to rest it beneath her bedside lamp.
‘I want to see you love. Is that OK?’ Willow asked she came back to the bed where Tara had scooted back from the edge and leaned over her and gently pulled at Tara’s remaining clothing.
Tara just nodded, not at all opposed to the visual feast.
Willow spoke the words and the candle leapt into flamey life once again. From silhouette to glorious – though dim – Technicolor. She prompted Tara to lift herself and allow them those clothes to be removed till they were, at last, naked together. Another first. Willow smiled and moved around out of the light source, allowing that candle light to reach Tara, looking upon her nude form at last without reservation or embarrassment. ‘Oh…Tara…’ It was just desire that she felt now. And lucky.
Tara had always imagined this moment would be in the dark…that it would be more romantic that way though she couldn’t deny Willow anything – nor did she want to. As Willow looked down at her naked on the bed her modesty made her want to cover herself up, to turn over and pull the sheets over her body – to do this under the covers. But modesty had no place here tonight. In the dark, candlelit, under the moon and stars or under big pink neon spotlights… it made no difference at all. Not now. Not now that she had Willow. That they belonged to each other.
Willow hesitated unsure now of just how to proceed, to begin… a kiss is always a good place to start though… take it from there and see where things lead… She got on the bed next to Tara and felt the other woman’s hands on her skin, stoking her as she lay there. Was it an offer…a chance for her to receive again? But she had no intention of passively receiving – this was Tara’s time. She reciprocated those hands wandering but also leaned in and kissed Tara once more on the lips. It was a kiss that started almost chastely, soon became lingering and as her hands took on other tasks became lusty…on both sides.
With her hand deliberately, but almost automatically, moving to the junction of Tara’s thighs she found the other woman ready for her, responding to that touching hand by reflexively moving against it, coaxing her into giving Tara what she so very obviously needed from her. Finding her damp and ready for her Willow wanted to slip down there, to give Tara what she had received from her. But Tara would not release her from the kiss, bringing her back to it with her hands and the tiny whimpering complaining noises that she made when Willow tried to leave her mouth behind.
With Willow’s hand at the new fulcrum of her being Tara was in no hurry to end the kiss. And…oh goddess….Willow had managed to tease out that ultimately sensitive nub of flesh from it’s concealment. She doubted that it had been deliberate… but her body was already so attuned to Willow’s movements on it…and Willow’s movements so attuned to her body’s needs that she couldn’t be surprised.
Tara was sure that nothing else was needed… that hand, those fingers…Willow’s kiss and touch. That was all that was necessary to bring her to where her body needed to go. But Willow wanted to give more… and she resisted it every time Willow tried to move away from the kiss but finally Willow broke away – though her fingers continued their caresses and the other hand went wandering over her body, her chest her thighs, the backs of her knees, in her hair…everywhere.
‘Please love… let me…’ Willow breathed at Tara. It was a plea really. A plea to let her prove herself to this wonderful woman….to demonstrate not that she could, or not just that but that she wanted to. That she needed to. For herself as well as Tara. And Tara once more could not refuse her.
Seeing rather than hearing the acceptance from Tara, Willow drew in a deep breath. She was going to do this. She was determined, delighted and damn it…unsure of just how. To receive was not the same as to give. She sank back down Tara, her hands continuing in her work…apparently from the sounds that Tara made and the responses of her body, good work – which ought to make this easier…no that wasn’t the right attitude. She wasn’t looking for easy - she was looking for success and that meant treating Tara to the same wonderful sensations that she had received and she could – starting right now.
Willow gently splayed Tara’s lower limbs apart allowing herself room to take up a more comfortable position and then felt Tara immediately bring her ankles, seemingly in response to the continued movement of Willow’s fingertips, round to meet on her upper back – drawing her in closer to the where both needed her to be with more and more desperation until finally Willow made the connection. Their lips met once more… but a different pairing. At first they merely fluttered there, tickled by the golden fur that surrounded Tara’s intimate flesh, then they grew more insistent kissing then finally parting to allow her tongue dance freely.
Unsure of just what she ‘should’ be doing – or even what exactly it was Tara had done to her Willow paused, glanced up Tara’s body raising her head and was gratified to here a disappointed moan from the other woman, and to see a hand abandon the work it was doing on Tara’s own chest to take her head and push it back down into the delta. Willow would have smiled too, but the pressure was insistent if fleeting – then hand going back to do something else, something unseen, whilst Willow’s own hands continued in their travels. Well one of them at least – the other had found a home…a warm safe place to stay and explore. A home that Tara was apparently was reluctant to let it leave as she…
Oh god it was there…Tara was reaching her own climax…the muscles clamped down on her exploring fingers so that Willow had to use real force to continue her movements…guessing now at what Tara would need at this delicate time…using her own experiences to tell her that this was not over for Tara. To tell her that those fingers, her kisses, the movement of her other hand across other sensitive parts of Tara’s body were all more important now for Tara than anything they had already done - so the noises that the blonde woman made as the peak hit her told Willow. Getting there was, as they said, just half of the fun.
Eventually though Tara began to come down and it was only then that Willow allowed herself to feel anything other than Tara… It was not triumph she felt… the way she would usually feel having proven to herself that she could do something. It was profound relief…that the last hurdle to their love had fallen. That she could give Tara everything that she deserved. And more than that…that she already loved to do so for the woman she loved. And they would love each other more that night – in every way.
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Endnote: You might think that this cuts off sharply,no cuddles and snuggles. Well put it this way, it wasn't the end of the night for our girls... I could have written a book! Next part is set the following morning. Cuddles and snuggles promise.
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 11, 2001).]
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When you mentioned that we might need some time to read the story and more time to give feedback, you neglected to add some more time between the two for the necessary cold shower! I've got a big silly grin on my face that I'm going to have the devil's own time explaining.
All humour aside this was a truly beautiful moment told in excellent style. I bow to your wonderful writing and offer you a laurel wreath.
Estne Finis, aut Initium Finis, aut Finis initii, aut Initium?
Is it The End, or The Beginning of The End, or The End of The Beginning, or The Beginning?
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*going to cool down a little before attempting to say anything else about this... - trust me to read it in school...*
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And since I’m a cuddles and snuggles kinda guy, I’m really looking forward to the next part (as much as I was looking forward to this one )
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I don't care. This is wonderful. Now, on to the snuggles and cuddles, dammit!
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"I will say, I've been in some weird places, but this is…another weird place."
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I woke up EARLIER to read this before I went to school....I didnt finish it this morning but gee it put me in a goofy mood....lol
Continue with the great work, ya know we love it. and just cuz its amazing...
here:
*hands you a cookie*
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If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
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nic
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"Eep ork ah ah means I want to screw you." The uncensored song lyrics not allowed on the Jetsons.
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1, Any light coming through the windo would be moonlight as Sunnydale had a whole town blackout.
2, "You have to be with the person you love"
There is no most after this. That struck me the most as it kind of made Willow being with Tara a little less than it should be. Willow was there as she loved Tara, no most about it.
Apart from that it was a sweet part, thanks for posting it so quickly
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As for the rest of you ungrateful kitties I am detecting a theme here (but luv the feedback thanks.) I give you snuggles and smoochies and it's all "we want more than snuggles and smoochies." I give you "more" and now you want snuggles and smoochies???!! Aah well maybe it is just that I should have connected the morning after to this fic, that might have done it better.
Anyway thankyou all very much for taking the time for reading, having your cold shower (Kerry) and feeding back. Please keep it coming if there is anyone left who hasn;t read this yet... The next part "First Light" will be posted perhaps tonight, probably tomorrow morning.
Katharyn
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She's my always
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posted September 09, 2001 11:27 Great chapter Katharyn, poor Tara, must have been so hard for her to think that Willow had chosen Oz over her…oh boy, is she in for a wonderful surprise IP: LoggedWiccanBexGay Now! i like this fic - it's good
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posted September 09, 2001 11:51 really cool chapter!i like this fic - it's good
IP: LoggedrocketdykeWillowhand good job kath! thanks so much
michele
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As far as I can tell, they don't even bother to take their clothes off -- it's just two women sitting around Utopia, being gay.
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posted September 09, 2001 13:09 wow!!! the suspense is killing me, but i love it...good job kath! thanks so much
michele
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As far as I can tell, they don't even bother to take their clothes off -- it's just two women sitting around Utopia, being gay.
I'm glad to hear that you've been enjoying yourself!
Carpe noctem! Scribit, fiet.
(Sieze the night! So it shall be written, so shall it be.)
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posted September 09, 2001 14:23 I'll admit to liking my mushrooms stuffed with a few herbs, a little butter and maybe the tiniest hint of garlic. Sometimes it is worth taking the time, like in this story. The next part will be all the more wonderful for the waiting.I'm glad to hear that you've been enjoying yourself!
Carpe noctem! Scribit, fiet.
(Sieze the night! So it shall be written, so shall it be.)
Katharyn
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 09, 2001).]
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posted September 09, 2001 17:11 You will no doubt be pleased to hear that "Burning Bright" has now completed final redraft. But I think that I will hold off on posting till tomorrow to give everyone a chance to read "One Flame Dying..." first. So you see the more of you who feedback, the more I will know have read it and the more likely I am to post sooner...Katharyn
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 09, 2001).]
IP: LoggedForristerWillowhand I'm going to have to go to work today and manage to be serious and conservative with this hanging over my head. Have you considered a career in the psychological torture business!!
My only consolation is that you're probably really enjoying this!
Fuit mulierquae me potare egit. Nunquam steti gradum ad ei gratius agendas.
(It was a woman who drove me to drink. I never stopped to thank her.)
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posted September 09, 2001 17:38 You'd do it too, you rotter!I'm going to have to go to work today and manage to be serious and conservative with this hanging over my head. Have you considered a career in the psychological torture business!!
My only consolation is that you're probably really enjoying this!
Fuit mulierquae me potare egit. Nunquam steti gradum ad ei gratius agendas.
(It was a woman who drove me to drink. I never stopped to thank her.)
Seriously though...this is a totally awesome story and i 100% waiting anxiously for the next part.
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If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
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posted September 09, 2001 18:04 Kat!! I read it! I read it twice! and I adore it! please post asap! *cries* I have school tommorrow, and dreaded band practice...ill be sitting in suspense ALL day....thus not being able to concentrate and it will go very slowly and ill be sad...*giggles* please? *shrugs*Seriously though...this is a totally awesome story and i 100% waiting anxiously for the next part.
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If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
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posted September 09, 2001 21:45 oh just post it, you tease! IP: LoggedPuffBig Pineapple IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 00:03 Please post it, some people are staying awake IP: LoggedlegendCool Monster Fighter IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 00:26 Please, we beg of you 'POST IT'. The suspense is just so damn....suspenseful (funny that!) The wait is killing us! Please...pretty please....pretty please with a cherry on top IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS READ THE NOTE BELOW BEFORE PROCEEDING TO THE STORY.
I always told myself that this is not a story that I would ever write. It had, frankly, been done to death and with varying degrees of skill by many other fanfic writers. Some of the versions of the events related below were pretty cringe-worthy – some of them were wonderful and much better than this one has any hope of being. All in all, I thought, leave it alone.
However I came back to revisit it for a number of reasons. It is such a crucial stage in Willow and Tara’s blossoming relationship that it was hard to ignore or gloss over…even just to put my own slant on it and establish some continuity with the other stories in this cycle. Also I was a little sick of writing Willow and Tara angst…which is the mainstay of this cycle. Even in their happy stories they are at least thinking something is wrong far too often. I wanted a story devoid of anything but joy and was too lazy to make a situation up for myself, so here it is. New Moon Rising the missing conclusion – angst free after the “end of the episode stuff.” Promise.
This story is composed chiefly of sexual activity. After a point that is all there is to it. It is not something I tend to dwell on in my writing but agree with the beta reader who read a first draft of this months ago now and who pointed out that it is kinda hard to avoid here! I hope that the readers will find it nice rather than titillating, sweet rather than in any way pornographic and beautiful rather than purely sexy. That said it is more than a little explicit. If you do not wish to read about somewhat detailed consensual sex between two women deeply, madly in love stop now. There are no further warnings – there is however a shortened, original, version that closes prior to the explicit events – a fade out if you will. I will e-mail that version to anyone who wants it so you will not be missing anything “plot”wise if you choose to take that version instead.
DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU ARE:
- LIKELY TO BE BOTHERED OR OFFENDED BY SUCH MATERIAL
- IF YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE READING IT IN YOUR JURISDICTION
- UNSURE ABOUT EITHER OF THE ABOVE
And with the overcautious warnings to the “good stuff.”
Katharyn
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Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Burning Bright (Currently Part 21)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Oh yes. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “New Moon Rising” Actually the NMR spoilers are not exactly limited being as the whole episode is W/T/O centred.
Summary: It’s the Extra Flamey scene, before and after the episode fade out. If you don’t know… then you shouldn’t be reading it.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG17 – I am serious. See the warning above.
Couples: W/T in every sense.
Notes: What can I say other than I wish they hadn’t put that damn candle out! It made good TV but it was hell trying to get some light into this and I wanted visuals! The transcript from http://www.psyche.kn-bremen.de/ was used to get the lines at the very beginning right. There is a slight recap. “A dying flame…” ended with Willow at the door, this takes a slight step back. What can I say? I wanted to give it some pretensions of literature rather than just Extra Flamey fun.
Thanks To: Everyone who has stuck with this so long. Some of you might have been waiting just for this…(eh Ruth? Just kidding.) Well here it is. This is not the end. For me the Beginning does not “end” until “Family” and I intend to take this cycle there. But no more doubts about their love for our girls. It’s ok though – there is more material for angst… can you guess the next big theme given where I want to take this to? Anyway for now just enjoy this one. I enjoyed writing it. And redrafting it. A lot. A lot more than I perhaps should have done or would have done for any other. Thanks to all those who convinced me to post this (full) version. And thanks once more to L. She kinda enjoyed this one too.
The Beginnings Cycle
Burning Bright
(Full Version)
By
Katharyn Rosser
The dark surrounded Tara. It intruded itself through the window that she stared, unseeing, through. It caressed her. The only thing that would. It wrapped itself around her, for she would never know another embrace. It reduced the room to a dimly lit hole that she had crawled back into with some relief – forcing herself to face the truth that she was alone. Again. And this time it might well be her fault.
She had not fought for what she wanted. What she loved. She had given it up without a struggle and was angry with herself because of that. She had encouraged that person she wanted to seek happiness, elsewhere, when she might have been the best thing for that woman she loved.
For Willow.
And she was. She knew that. She was the best thing for Willow. But her knowing that did not count.
She had told Willow to do what made her happy but had never put her case – never suggested that that thing might have been Tara Maclay. She had meekly accepted that it would have been that Oz. And now it was. She hoped that Willow was happy, would be. But she had to reconcile herself with the fact that she hadn’t shown the backbone – or as her father would have put it “the fire in her belly” – to fight for Willow. To make the case for their love.
The fire wasn't really in her belly. It was in her heart. And it had grown dim. The flame was nearly extinguished and so quickly. And when it went out there would only be the pain.
She knew the knock at the door, had been expecting it for some time now. She knew that Willow would not leave her in suspense, knew she meant that much to the other young woman. But also that she didn’t mean enough to be her choice. The knock was Willow. And that was the only reason that she answered it. Had it been anyone else in the world she would have ignored it and hidden herself under the covers. But who else in the world was there? Who else would there be after she opened that door.
No one.
Not even Willow.
She opened the door and was greeted by Willow, holding a candle, the flame long and extended, whispering in the gentle breeze that fluttered down the corridor. A candle. How apt. So now she could snuff out that flame like the love she felt for Willow. And whilst she might burn her fingers the pain of her lost love would burn a thousand times hotter before leaving her heart cold. She could feel the use of magic in the hallway. At least Willow had got something from her.
‘No candles?’ Willow asked knowing that this was what she had been waiting to do. For far too long now. Stuff had got in the way. Stupid question though. The room was lit only by the dim lights outside. It was a place to start though. To get to saying what she had to say, to do what she wanted to do. Needed to do. Into her whole big speech. ‘Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey.’
That it was Tara had to admit, as bright and powerful as the love she felt for Willow. But it could be snuffed out just the same. That power – that extra flame would not keep it going, just burn it out that much sooner. And perfect…Willow was giving it to her, stepping inside. A last gift. To be near the light, to feel the heat once more. And then be plunged back into darkness. The heat of the wafting flame warmed her suddenly cold cheeks. The light, she knew, illuminated her frightened features. But this was not a time for pretence. If Willow was about to end it all then she should at least see the effect. Even if Tara would never tell Willow what it was doing to her.
Willow closed the door. She wasn’t blind. She could see what Tara was feeling, if not what she was thinking. In the process of making her choice she had felt those things herself. The tears had come to her – they had shared them in a moment that had nearly, ultimately, got Tara killed. ‘Tara, I have to tell you...’
I can’t hear this, Tara thought to herself. I just can’t. One day I might want to know. But not now. She couldn’t stand here and have it explained to her – the why, the wherefore…the reason that Willow couldn’t love her over Oz. The logic, the reasoning, the sensible option. She cut Willow off at the first hesitation. ‘No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love.’ Her voice let her down once more as she descended into crippling emotional pain. But why should she care? Her voice was the least important thing her world right now. After all who would she have to talk to when Willow left?
She would try to hold herself together whilst Willow was here, but once she stepped out of that door…. for the last time as anything but a friend Tara knew that she would collapse and mentally, emotionally and physically. But she wouldn’t show Willow that. She wouldn’t allow the love she felt to be a burden to their friendship. She wouldn’t ask Willow to support her now. And the next time they met she would try to be strong again…if she could. Because Willow didn’t deserve to know what this was doing to her. She had to be happy it was true. And could she really be happy if she knew what she would be doing to the person she rejected?
Tara was so caught up in her own emotions that she almost missed the two words that changed her life.
‘I am.’
No… it was a mistake. I misheard her. Misinterpreted her. A thousand reasons why those words didn’t mean what she wanted them to flooded through Tara’s mind – and where they had passed there was only the vague hope…but more than there had been before Willow had uttered them.
Tara dared to feel hope again. She turned her gaze outward from her own selfish pain and saw Willow again, as if for the first time. The beautiful Willow. The woman she loved. Could she really mean what she seemed to be saying? ‘You mean...’
‘I mean.’ Willow paused searching for some special words. Some movie like phrase to tell Tara what she meant. Her speech had fallen by the wayside and that gave her no answers either. So those two words became a statement. A promise. A devotion and to follow that she could not think of anything to say other than ‘Okay?’
Oh goddess… Tara didn’t know what was coming in that pause. It all sounded so hopeful. So real…but with just another couple of words Willow could blow that away forever. It was still not too late to crush her…and after raising hope it was doubly cruel. But could she mean…? The “okay?” was a question that Tara had no other answer for than ‘Oh, yes.’
‘I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now.’ Willow offered and promised the woman who had long ago become her true love. Tara had said yes… “oh, yes” even. Willow had been confused by Oz’s return…but in hindsight it had made everything so very clear. Even if Oz had been cured…under control and could guarantee her that things would be like they were at their best then she would still have confirmed her earlier choice. Tara was her choice, just as she was Tara’s. And there it was, that smile…that beautiful smile. So hesitant, almost timid, as if afraid that she would snatch her offer away, before coming more confident and self-assured. Willow drunk in the moment. And by candlelight too. It would never come again.
‘Right now?’ Could Willow really be offering what Tara though she was… She wanted to tell Willow that she didn’t have to. That they didn’t have to. That it was enough that Willow had come back to her. Chosen her. Made her complete. But those words could not come – because this time she could not refuse the offer. Maybe that was selfish but she had done self-sacrifice… now she wanted to be happy. That this night would mark their first time… for this… was a double blessing and perhaps the more special because of it. Fitting. She had told Willow, not so long ago, that before she would be ready for this she would have to make a real choice.
Now she had. But how close had it been that choice?
It didn’t matter. She’d come in first. Second was nowhere. Even if had been a hair’s breadth she was still Willow’s choice.
Tara watched as Willow smiled at her, the woman she wanted, confirming both her offer and the immediacy of it. It was a smile that was just a little different. It held a different kind of promise. Tara blew out the candle and plunged the room into not the darkness as she had feared a few minutes ago but instead a place she had always wanted to be.
Willow watched in the dim moonlight as Tara placed the smoking candle on the nearest surface without looking anywhere but at her. The smoke filled her nostrils but all she could smell was Tara. They did not speak for what seemed like an age. But all she could hear was Tara. The room was pretty dark as her eyes adjusted. But all she could see was Tara. Three out of the five senses. All she wanted to do now was to fulfil the other two. To touch and taste this woman. And with another sense, one that defied naming, she could feel Tara within her heart and her soul.
There was some moonlight, penetrating through the window, enough to highlight eyes that had been so close to tears. Willow had seen that – had known that she would have hurt this woman so much… and hated herself for that causing that. Nothing was going to hurt Tara again if she could do anything at all about it. Nothing because she would do anything. Least of all me, she promised herself.
Those eyes moved closer to her as Tara stepped forwards and raised her arms hesitantly at first, an invitation that Willow took pleasure in accepting, moving forward into Tara’s embrace, feeling those hands first resting on her shoulder. Tara swaying as if there was some music they could dance to and Willow followed her. Then Willow felt the other woman pulling her head into her shoulder, gently holding it there, her hair being stroked, a series of light kisses on the side of her head, moving inwards towards her ear then a breath… less than a whisper ‘Thank you’ she heard. It shattered the silence.
Willow did not verbalise a reply but instead twisted her head to bring her lips round to meet Tara’s own. Not directly but by way of her nose, the tip of which she kissed gently, before moving to those lips, finding them waiting for her. It seemed clumsy in the dark as her own twisting form had blocked the spread of the light from the window. Though they had snuggled more and more they had not spent nearly enough time kissing it was more intimate that they had previously been totally happy with – at least not with the passion that Willow now felt towards this beautiful woman. A woman who loved her so much that she had been ready to give her up, expected to lose her. Who else had she ever known who would do that for her with no other reason? A woman so who felt so vulnerable that Willow revelled in just holding her and keeping her safe. But a woman with more strength than even she realised and who, when she held Willow, made the whole world a better place to be. Who, when they were in the same room, made everything all right.
The woman I love and who I could now freely admit that I lust after, Willow realised. Not that she would spoil the moment with chit chat that was rapidly becoming irrelevant and obvious. It was a clumsy kiss initially but Willow made it a passionate one, inserting her tongue between Tara’s lips to meet hers there, flicking, teasing and dancing as they continued to sway. It was passion. Real, raw, passion that she felt and the only agenda she had was to make sure Tara knew it…that Tara would never doubt why they were doing this – that she would never have cause to believe that it was guilt. It was passion and it was love and everything she had ever wanted - that was enough.
Tara was surprised by the force of Willow’s kiss and more by the tongue… so surprised that for long seconds she could no more but be a passive recipient of that kiss, until eventually she engaged Willow’s searching tongue with her own. It was something that Tara had never really done much of – this tongue kissing…French. Even with Willow. It had been awkward when they had. It had seemed a step too far before. But she could immediately sense the attraction. A union of their mouths… making them closer to being one… just as she knew that they would become closer in other ways – physical ways and when Willow took her head in her hands, manipulating her as the other woman wanted her to be she was certain then that this would be the night. That they would become physically one. Just as they were already spiritually one. Something greater than the sum of their parts.
Why was it French? She wondered that before the thought was banished along with everything else that was not immediately Willow. Because everything right now was Willow. Every thought, other than that one, but that was nothing new – Willow had dominated her thoughts for along time now. But everything else. That was shiny and new. And it was good.
Willow dropped her hands and ran them down along Tara’s spine causing her blonde goddess to shiver, down lower and then back up her sides. Running up her torso, ignoring the outer swell of Tara’s chest, up from under the arms to the shoulders once more and then down the arms to the hands that now hung limply…shocked into submission…at her sides. Back down to the hands where they briefly linked, held hands, squeezing with the rhythm of a kiss that was going on and on and on. Then Willow moved inside Tara’s hands and gently placed a thumb under each side of the other woman’s top and started to drag those thumbs up the sides of her torso, nail scratching gently, tickling as the fabric rose and rose. Tara weakly lifted her arms, allowing Willow to keep going. Those thumb nails rasping as the passed over the cotton of her bra and into the sensitive flesh of her armpits and then lifted the top over Tara’s head. Tara stood arms raised, head covered. Utterly vulnerable and utterly trusting in Willow’s actions.
Willow did not proceed at once, left Tara there like that as she drunk in the sight of her lover… yes not just her love but her lover – the extra “r” felt good inside her - the pale creamy skin interrupted only by the white cups and strapping of Tara’s bra before the sea of material that covered Tara’s face and hair. Willow just looked at that view, then slowly drew the top up and over Tara’s head, discarded it on the floor and offered her the embrace again but this time with hands resting on bare, smooth flesh rather than concealing fabric.
Tara gladly stepped back into it… allowing Willow to move at her own pace at this delicate and so beautiful moment. Not that she would have done a thing to change how they had started. Willow’s hands were all over her, now uncovered, torso discovering her flesh for the first time. Before there had always been something in the way. But not now. There would be nothing in the way tonight. Eager, stroking, excited, pressing, hesitant, squeezing, determined, teasing. And all the while Willow sucked her deep into another long, indulgent kiss. They had the time for indulgence. All the time they would need. When last they had been here they had just minutes to hold each other thinking that it might be for the last time. But now it would last for hours and it was just the beginning.
Willow withdrew her eagerly moving tongue and broke the contact with Tara’s lips and instead started to plant small, tiny little kisses all over the other woman’s face, her forehead, in her hair, her ears, her shoulders and the line of her collar bone. Down to the upper swell of her chest – a chest that Willow could no longer allow to be constrained and hidden from her view. A chest that already seemed to be heaving as much as her own. It was – barring the kiss – the definitive moment. When she removed Tara’s underwear she was committed.
But she had already committed herself. This was just… this was just a matter of removing pesky concealing garments. She didn’t hesitate as she finally focused those stroking, roving hands on the clasp of Tara’s bra and fumbled with it. Well that was embarrassing. It would not surrender as easily as it should to her and Willow reminded herself of some inept boy trying to figure out just what to do. But she knew what she wanted to do…and what she wanted to be done to her. The clasp quickly gave up the unequal fight with her passion and Tara shrugged her shoulders allowing the slightest touch from Willow to bring the brassiere from it’s role and Willow could not stop herself from sucking in her breath. She had seen Tara before, nude, had even touched those globes of flesh through night time concealment, in a snugly way, that, as Willow moved around Tara were now silhouetted against the window light but this was, this was perky, taut and….
Different. It was all different now Tara thought. It was really going to happen. She wanted to cry as Willow placed her hands lightly on the tip of her breasts and Tara felt them swell, rising to the occasion like spikes driven through her chest. But if she shed a tear then Willow might stop until assured that they were of joy. And she didn’t want Willow to stop so she fought against it. She had refused to allow herself to feel the more animal lusts that she had known she possessed for this woman. The woman who now caressed her bare breasts. Until now. Before there had always been the likelihood that this moment would never come. Now it was here. Willow was here. And all she wanted to do was cry…again? No. That would not be.
Willow was here.
Willow held them, running her thumbs over the taut points, weighed them in her hands, cupping them and running her hands round the sweeping curves up under Tara’s arms and back over the upper slopes and between them, along Tara’s breastbone – drinking them in with her hungry hands, like nothing she had felt before. So totally unlike touching her own chest that it was like exploring another world. With your own body you knew what was coming because you felt it from both sides. Touching and being touched. But with this body… She could touch. But she would have to rely on Tara to touch her. It was a brave new world that she had to kiss.
As Willow bent in and planted those tiny kisses of hers on the swell of her breasts, closing in on the darker points, Tara finally became one with the moment. She couldn’t stand here and be totally submissive to Willow’s explorations. She needed to do some exploring of her own. She needed to see Willow – even in this dim light. To hold her and yes finally, really, touch her. But…
But she had little more idea of how to go about than Willow had. Her previous, all too brief experiences, had been little more than guilty fumbles – nice fumbles, but fumble all the same. But in her dreams…for months now she had imagined this time, imagined how she was going to physically make love this wonderful woman in a manner that would befit their spiritual connection.
And it started with undressing her and to do that Tara snatched back the impetus, the control from Willow. Brought Willow back to her mouth with her hands and held her head still and kissed her lips, just once more then slowly reached down to unfasten Willow’s clothing, to tease it from her like the wrapping of a birthday present. So carefully at first but with increasing urgency. Things were becoming less and less spiritual.
As Willow moved to keep touching her Tara just said ‘No love’ and carried on undressing the redhead – though Willow was clearly having trouble obeying the request, she fidgeted.
Willow’s hands were dying to touch Tara again, to explore her. To finish undressing her. But Tara clearly had her own plan…though eventually Tara did allow those hands to rest on her sides but only when she was as topless as Tara, gently touching – resting and not even holding until Tara sank down before her and her hands were grazing Tara’s sides as she slipped downwards, coming to rest on in that silky long blonde hair.
Down before the woman she loved, Tara unfastened Willow’s shoes and encouraged the other to raise her feet, one then the other, to remove them – flinging the shoes with a clatter across the room into a corner, well out of their way. Tara drew off the lower portion of Willow’s clothing and had her love step out of that too. She found it hard to believe that she was, finally, on her knee’s before the woman she adored. Who had chosen to love her. How many dreams had this moment factored in during the last months? Unable to hold back the physical and emotional need Tara wrapped her arms around Willow’s waist, pulled her herself inwards to rest her cheek against Willow’s still part hidden belly revelling in the warmth their of the skin, the scent of her love’s flesh and was it not just the flesh? She was going to find out.
But even with that embrace the kneeling woman had still not touched her as Willow wanted to be touched. Needed to be touched. With her down there, where Willow had only recently allowed herself to dream of this woman being the tension was unbearable. She did not know what it would be like but it would be Tara and that was enough. What else could she ask for? Or desire?
Tara pulled back and rested on her haunches before Willow, her heart pounding, chest swollen and aching as she drew in almost ragged breaths. She looked up at Willow in the dim light and with eyes that Willow probably couldn’t see properly asked her if she could. If it was all right. If Willow’s need was as great as her own.
Willow recognised that need in Tara because she felt the need herself and decided to take action to secure the progression of this moment without any delays. She hooked her fingers into the elastic of her panties and pushed them down over her buttocks and left them there resting on her slightly spread thighs, exposing herself wantonly to Tara. But that was alright. She was ready to be wanton. She wanted to be wanton. She needed to be.
This time it was Tara’s turn to audibly draw in her breath as she looked up along the length of Willow’s form. The light was just enough to work with and highlight the contrasts of Willow’s body. Small dark nipples, shadow where the curves fell out of the light and below, in stark contrast a patch of dark fur that in light Tara already knew was fiery red and beguiling as Willow’s hair. But now, here in the dark, it was a dark mysterious place that Tara wanted to explore for the benefit of them both.
Willow felt Tara reach forward to draw down the framing underwear, help her out of her panties and stood there naked before the kneeling woman and she could only guess at what was about to happen to her… but she welcomed every breath, every touch, every gesture and cry before they even happened because the trust she had in the kneeling beauty was absolute. That she would never hurt her. That she would always love her. That she would fulfil her desires – even though she herself was not totally sure what they were. But Tara would know. Willow reached out, placed a hand in Tara’s hair, stroked at it and was responded to as if by the kitty that Tara had wanted to get. Goddess was it only yesterday morning that she had mentioned that? Tara was rubbing her head against that hand, bringing it to her face then back into her hair. Willow kept up the stroking movements over hair and flesh and she knew in that connection that Tara was seeking her permission…her final permission.
And though they were long past needing that permission, she gave it, the tiniest pressure from her outstretched hand bringing Tara’s head forward and Willow stepped into it herself as Tara’s hands reached up and touched her breasts, playing there, one dropping and swirling over her belly – tracing little circles down and down, round her belly button down lower. And where Tara’s fingers had gone the soft kisses followed. Tara rose up to kiss the tips of Willow’s breasts, the swells, then sank again to follow her fingers down under the risen flesh of those, down to follow her belly. A tongue jutted out into her belly button swirled there itself as the fingers had done moments before.
And so knowing this pattern Willow was in a state of delicious anticipation. Sure of where the fingers were ultimately heading. Certain that the kisses would soon follow. The fingers by now were teasing at the upper edge of Willow’s intimate flesh, an area bordered by the soft fur that covered her mons. Those fingers twirled, twisting some of that hair into tiny, tight swirls which unravelled themselves quickly when the fingers withdrew and fell to Willow’s feet, running up her calves, the ticklish flesh at the back of her knees the outside of her thighs. The kisses remaining this time at the level of Tara’s bent head.
Tara moved her fingers back over the tops of her thighs to meet that intimate fur once more – from the sides this time, twirling again. Tickling now as she planted those kisses on the lowest portion of her belly that yet remained above full and final commitment, trying to avoid making the sudden move to full intimacy that might shock Willow or panic her.
It was maddening to Willow, to have her lover so close to where she needed her to be, physically, and to have to wait, but what were they waiting for? What was Tara waiting for? Building anticipation perhaps. She was as anticipated as she could be. She was past anticipation and into desperate need.
Tara, though, was determined not to spoil this moment. Willow had to be sure. A mistake now didn’t bear thinking about. Though Willow was clearly physically excited and this was a big, big step in any relationship…the moment of physical connection. More so for them, now after the events of the last few days. She twisted her head upwards to look up Willow, past her small breasts and into her face where breath was already coming unevenly. She smiled – though Willow would likely not be able to see it. ‘Love?’
It was a double-edged question…and Willow could not bring herself to speak, but accepted the offer in every sense. Instead she returned her hand to the back of Tara’s head and encouraged that first kiss to what was, for the moment at least, the very centre of her being. It was so soft, so gentle that it could have been a breeze blowing a feather across her. A touch so light it might not even have been there if her eyes had not confirmed the contact. A kiss that almost wasn’t.
And Tara’s fingertips grazing up behind her slightly parted legs tickled the sensitive skin behind her knee’s causing her to quiver… but she might have done so anyway as at that moment the kiss became more insistent. Teasing, and as two pairs of lips were parted Tara’s tongue sipped at the spring of her desire… a spring that was flowing from deep within her.
Willow could feel Tara’s hands at play over her body, given licence to roam now as they had never been before with restraints borne on her side of fear and uncertainty and on Tara’s out of the utmost respect for that fear. The fear though was gone… though some uncertainty remained… but it was apprehension only that she could not bring the same responses out of Tara. Her new lover. Her love. And try as she might to learn from Tara’s movements, touches and actions on her body her mind was consumed with the need to receive – not to analyse. Not to learn. Simply to reach the peaks of their physical connection… and oh by the goddess it was already coming to that… so soon… too soon. Too fast. But she needed it so much that she wouldn’t have fought that tide if she had been able to.
Tara had fantasised about this occasion for so long now that they had been as good as dress rehearsals… or undressed ones. But nothing could have prepared her for this. The opportunity to love this beautiful woman in every way. Not from afar…but from so close that she could smell, touch and taste her. And Willow was clearly not apprehensive or withdrawn. She was accepting this most intimate loving without anything but desire… desire that was rapidly building within her, faster than Tara would have dreamt possible. Again Tara could feel it with all of her senses. The breathing more ragged still, the body quivering as Willow tried to stand still before her. The hips starting to flutter, inner muscles and thighs dancing to the beat of Tara’s motions. The smell of female desire…the taste of Willow on her tongue and the sight of the woman she loved reaching the peaks of her pleasure.
Reached…
Willow could not help crying out such was the intensity of the sensation. The pleasure that coursed through her, radiating from that taut nub that Tara had fixated on, racing through every vein, artery and nerve to engulf her body. Reflexively she clasped Tara’s face to her with her hands locked between the other woman’s head…riding out the storm and at the heights of her pleasure feeling an intrusion within her as Tara allowed her lover to milk her fingers of what additional pleasure that they could bring to her – the tongue not ceasing in it’s actions until with a final cry Willow’s legs finally gave out and she collapsed like a rag doll to be caught by Tara and lowered carefully to rest in her arms.
Holding her there Tara was still caught in the surprise at the speed of Willow’s response to her touches, her caresses and kisses – for that had been the first time that she had done that too… She had loved before… but never chosen to make love. Not like that. The next time would be a little slower. Drawn out and even more fulfilling. She cradled Willow’s head, and held the exhausted and drained torso over her knees and as was their custom stroked at Willow’s hair. Willow’s brow was beaded with sweat – the breathing finally…minutes after the storm had broken…returning to normal. And finally she heard Willow speak.
‘Never…?’ Willow said knowing of Tara’s previous involvement but also that she had not been able to become intimate with that other person… and despite the loneliness that Tara had felt, in part because of that, Willow was glad. Glad that she could have been the one to receive that gift from Tara and bemused that she could reduce her to collapsing in pleasure, so quickly, so devastatingly beautifully.
‘No love never.’ Tara confirmed as Willow nuzzled at her bare chest.
Willow shifted. She wanted to give something back…all of that she had received… and more. And not here on the floor. She kissed Tara on the lips and tasted herself there… another new experience that would, half and hour ago have filled her with embarrassment to even consider. But now it was just erotic, a confirmation of her own desire… and Tara’s – a desire that she would have to satisfy. And wanted to…if she could.
Gently, and with a plan, Willow started to caress Tara – who she realised was still partially clothed – wanting to build her up for what was to come. As Tara stroked her hair she continued to stroke bare arms. To touch once again those breasts with her searching fingers. Teasing an ear as she pushed blonde hair back. Running a thumb along Tara’s eyebrows, easing them back into place. Circling her little finger around the darker flesh of Tara’s aureole… oh she wanted to see…
Still holding Willow and utterly content there on the floor Tara needed nothing other than she had already got. Willow in her arms…actually choosing to be there. But Willow clearly had other plans. What had started out as gentle caresses such as they had sometimes shared before were becoming more insistent…more deliberate and…. ‘Ow!’
Willow smiled mischievously having tweaked at Tara’s hardened nipples, determined to raise herself out of a lethargy induced by the waves of pleasure that this woman had sent through her body and determined that Tara would not settle, would not have to settle, for simply providing that pleasure. She moved, half rolling and half falling out of Tara’s embrace to the floor and stood up once more…extended her arm to Tara in invitation and when that hand was taken drew Tara up to stand with her and almost in a dance swung them around so that she could lower Tara to the bed that they had shared many times now… but never like this.
Tara could not take her eyes off Willow’s shape as she moved around the room, around the bed and brought that candle she had gifted to her to rest it beneath her bedside lamp.
‘I want to see you love. Is that OK?’ Willow asked she came back to the bed where Tara had scooted back from the edge and leaned over her and gently pulled at Tara’s remaining clothing.
Tara just nodded, not at all opposed to the visual feast.
Willow spoke the words and the candle leapt into flamey life once again. From silhouette to glorious – though dim – Technicolor. She prompted Tara to lift herself and allow them those clothes to be removed till they were, at last, naked together. Another first. Willow smiled and moved around out of the light source, allowing that candle light to reach Tara, looking upon her nude form at last without reservation or embarrassment. ‘Oh…Tara…’ It was just desire that she felt now. And lucky.
Tara had always imagined this moment would be in the dark…that it would be more romantic that way though she couldn’t deny Willow anything – nor did she want to. As Willow looked down at her naked on the bed her modesty made her want to cover herself up, to turn over and pull the sheets over her body – to do this under the covers. But modesty had no place here tonight. In the dark, candlelit, under the moon and stars or under big pink neon spotlights… it made no difference at all. Not now. Not now that she had Willow. That they belonged to each other.
Willow hesitated unsure now of just how to proceed, to begin… a kiss is always a good place to start though… take it from there and see where things lead… She got on the bed next to Tara and felt the other woman’s hands on her skin, stoking her as she lay there. Was it an offer…a chance for her to receive again? But she had no intention of passively receiving – this was Tara’s time. She reciprocated those hands wandering but also leaned in and kissed Tara once more on the lips. It was a kiss that started almost chastely, soon became lingering and as her hands took on other tasks became lusty…on both sides.
With her hand deliberately, but almost automatically, moving to the junction of Tara’s thighs she found the other woman ready for her, responding to that touching hand by reflexively moving against it, coaxing her into giving Tara what she so very obviously needed from her. Finding her damp and ready for her Willow wanted to slip down there, to give Tara what she had received from her. But Tara would not release her from the kiss, bringing her back to it with her hands and the tiny whimpering complaining noises that she made when Willow tried to leave her mouth behind.
With Willow’s hand at the new fulcrum of her being Tara was in no hurry to end the kiss. And…oh goddess….Willow had managed to tease out that ultimately sensitive nub of flesh from it’s concealment. She doubted that it had been deliberate… but her body was already so attuned to Willow’s movements on it…and Willow’s movements so attuned to her body’s needs that she couldn’t be surprised.
Tara was sure that nothing else was needed… that hand, those fingers…Willow’s kiss and touch. That was all that was necessary to bring her to where her body needed to go. But Willow wanted to give more… and she resisted it every time Willow tried to move away from the kiss but finally Willow broke away – though her fingers continued their caresses and the other hand went wandering over her body, her chest her thighs, the backs of her knees, in her hair…everywhere.
‘Please love… let me…’ Willow breathed at Tara. It was a plea really. A plea to let her prove herself to this wonderful woman….to demonstrate not that she could, or not just that but that she wanted to. That she needed to. For herself as well as Tara. And Tara once more could not refuse her.
Seeing rather than hearing the acceptance from Tara, Willow drew in a deep breath. She was going to do this. She was determined, delighted and damn it…unsure of just how. To receive was not the same as to give. She sank back down Tara, her hands continuing in her work…apparently from the sounds that Tara made and the responses of her body, good work – which ought to make this easier…no that wasn’t the right attitude. She wasn’t looking for easy - she was looking for success and that meant treating Tara to the same wonderful sensations that she had received and she could – starting right now.
Willow gently splayed Tara’s lower limbs apart allowing herself room to take up a more comfortable position and then felt Tara immediately bring her ankles, seemingly in response to the continued movement of Willow’s fingertips, round to meet on her upper back – drawing her in closer to the where both needed her to be with more and more desperation until finally Willow made the connection. Their lips met once more… but a different pairing. At first they merely fluttered there, tickled by the golden fur that surrounded Tara’s intimate flesh, then they grew more insistent kissing then finally parting to allow her tongue dance freely.
Unsure of just what she ‘should’ be doing – or even what exactly it was Tara had done to her Willow paused, glanced up Tara’s body raising her head and was gratified to here a disappointed moan from the other woman, and to see a hand abandon the work it was doing on Tara’s own chest to take her head and push it back down into the delta. Willow would have smiled too, but the pressure was insistent if fleeting – then hand going back to do something else, something unseen, whilst Willow’s own hands continued in their travels. Well one of them at least – the other had found a home…a warm safe place to stay and explore. A home that Tara was apparently was reluctant to let it leave as she…
Oh god it was there…Tara was reaching her own climax…the muscles clamped down on her exploring fingers so that Willow had to use real force to continue her movements…guessing now at what Tara would need at this delicate time…using her own experiences to tell her that this was not over for Tara. To tell her that those fingers, her kisses, the movement of her other hand across other sensitive parts of Tara’s body were all more important now for Tara than anything they had already done - so the noises that the blonde woman made as the peak hit her told Willow. Getting there was, as they said, just half of the fun.
Eventually though Tara began to come down and it was only then that Willow allowed herself to feel anything other than Tara… It was not triumph she felt… the way she would usually feel having proven to herself that she could do something. It was profound relief…that the last hurdle to their love had fallen. That she could give Tara everything that she deserved. And more than that…that she already loved to do so for the woman she loved. And they would love each other more that night – in every way.
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Endnote: You might think that this cuts off sharply,no cuddles and snuggles. Well put it this way, it wasn't the end of the night for our girls... I could have written a book! Next part is set the following morning. Cuddles and snuggles promise.
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 11, 2001).]
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When you mentioned that we might need some time to read the story and more time to give feedback, you neglected to add some more time between the two for the necessary cold shower! I've got a big silly grin on my face that I'm going to have the devil's own time explaining.
All humour aside this was a truly beautiful moment told in excellent style. I bow to your wonderful writing and offer you a laurel wreath.
Estne Finis, aut Initium Finis, aut Finis initii, aut Initium?
Is it The End, or The Beginning of The End, or The End of The Beginning, or The Beginning?
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*going to cool down a little before attempting to say anything else about this... - trust me to read it in school...*
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And since I’m a cuddles and snuggles kinda guy, I’m really looking forward to the next part (as much as I was looking forward to this one )
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I don't care. This is wonderful. Now, on to the snuggles and cuddles, dammit!
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"I will say, I've been in some weird places, but this is…another weird place."
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I woke up EARLIER to read this before I went to school....I didnt finish it this morning but gee it put me in a goofy mood....lol
Continue with the great work, ya know we love it. and just cuz its amazing...
here:
*hands you a cookie*
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If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
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nic
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"Eep ork ah ah means I want to screw you." The uncensored song lyrics not allowed on the Jetsons.
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1, Any light coming through the windo would be moonlight as Sunnydale had a whole town blackout.
2, "You have to be with the person you love"
There is no most after this. That struck me the most as it kind of made Willow being with Tara a little less than it should be. Willow was there as she loved Tara, no most about it.
Apart from that it was a sweet part, thanks for posting it so quickly
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As for the rest of you ungrateful kitties I am detecting a theme here (but luv the feedback thanks.) I give you snuggles and smoochies and it's all "we want more than snuggles and smoochies." I give you "more" and now you want snuggles and smoochies???!! Aah well maybe it is just that I should have connected the morning after to this fic, that might have done it better.
Anyway thankyou all very much for taking the time for reading, having your cold shower (Kerry) and feeding back. Please keep it coming if there is anyone left who hasn;t read this yet... The next part "First Light" will be posted perhaps tonight, probably tomorrow morning.
Katharyn
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She's my always
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I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS READ THE NOTE BELOW BEFORE PROCEEDING TO THE STORY.
I always told myself that this is not a story that I would ever write. It had, frankly, been done to death and with varying degrees of skill by many other fanfic writers. Some of the versions of the events related below were pretty cringe-worthy – some of them were wonderful and much better than this one has any hope of being. All in all, I thought, leave it alone.
However I came back to revisit it for a number of reasons. It is such a crucial stage in Willow and Tara’s blossoming relationship that it was hard to ignore or gloss over…even just to put my own slant on it and establish some continuity with the other stories in this cycle. Also I was a little sick of writing Willow and Tara angst…which is the mainstay of this cycle. Even in their happy stories they are at least thinking something is wrong far too often. I wanted a story devoid of anything but joy and was too lazy to make a situation up for myself, so here it is. New Moon Rising the missing conclusion – angst free after the “end of the episode stuff.” Promise.
This story is composed chiefly of sexual activity. After a point that is all there is to it. It is not something I tend to dwell on in my writing but agree with the beta reader who read a first draft of this months ago now and who pointed out that it is kinda hard to avoid here! I hope that the readers will find it nice rather than titillating, sweet rather than in any way pornographic and beautiful rather than purely sexy. That said it is more than a little explicit. If you do not wish to read about somewhat detailed consensual sex between two women deeply, madly in love stop now. There are no further warnings – there is however a shortened, original, version that closes prior to the explicit events – a fade out if you will. I will e-mail that version to anyone who wants it so you will not be missing anything “plot”wise if you choose to take that version instead.
DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU ARE:
- LIKELY TO BE BOTHERED OR OFFENDED BY SUCH MATERIAL
- IF YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE READING IT IN YOUR JURISDICTION
- UNSURE ABOUT EITHER OF THE ABOVE
And with the overcautious warnings to the “good stuff.”
Katharyn
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Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Burning Bright (Currently Part 21)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Oh yes. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “New Moon Rising” Actually the NMR spoilers are not exactly limited being as the whole episode is W/T/O centred.
Summary: It’s the Extra Flamey scene, before and after the episode fade out. If you don’t know… then you shouldn’t be reading it.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG17 – I am serious. See the warning above.
Couples: W/T in every sense.
Notes: What can I say other than I wish they hadn’t put that damn candle out! It made good TV but it was hell trying to get some light into this and I wanted visuals! The transcript from http://www.psyche.kn-bremen.de/ was used to get the lines at the very beginning right. There is a slight recap. “A dying flame…” ended with Willow at the door, this takes a slight step back. What can I say? I wanted to give it some pretensions of literature rather than just Extra Flamey fun.
Thanks To: Everyone who has stuck with this so long. Some of you might have been waiting just for this…(eh Ruth? Just kidding.) Well here it is. This is not the end. For me the Beginning does not “end” until “Family” and I intend to take this cycle there. But no more doubts about their love for our girls. It’s ok though – there is more material for angst… can you guess the next big theme given where I want to take this to? Anyway for now just enjoy this one. I enjoyed writing it. And redrafting it. A lot. A lot more than I perhaps should have done or would have done for any other. Thanks to all those who convinced me to post this (full) version. And thanks once more to L. She kinda enjoyed this one too.
The Beginnings Cycle
Burning Bright
(Full Version)
By
Katharyn Rosser
The dark surrounded Tara. It intruded itself through the window that she stared, unseeing, through. It caressed her. The only thing that would. It wrapped itself around her, for she would never know another embrace. It reduced the room to a dimly lit hole that she had crawled back into with some relief – forcing herself to face the truth that she was alone. Again. And this time it might well be her fault.
She had not fought for what she wanted. What she loved. She had given it up without a struggle and was angry with herself because of that. She had encouraged that person she wanted to seek happiness, elsewhere, when she might have been the best thing for that woman she loved.
For Willow.
And she was. She knew that. She was the best thing for Willow. But her knowing that did not count.
She had told Willow to do what made her happy but had never put her case – never suggested that that thing might have been Tara Maclay. She had meekly accepted that it would have been that Oz. And now it was. She hoped that Willow was happy, would be. But she had to reconcile herself with the fact that she hadn’t shown the backbone – or as her father would have put it “the fire in her belly” – to fight for Willow. To make the case for their love.
The fire wasn't really in her belly. It was in her heart. And it had grown dim. The flame was nearly extinguished and so quickly. And when it went out there would only be the pain.
She knew the knock at the door, had been expecting it for some time now. She knew that Willow would not leave her in suspense, knew she meant that much to the other young woman. But also that she didn’t mean enough to be her choice. The knock was Willow. And that was the only reason that she answered it. Had it been anyone else in the world she would have ignored it and hidden herself under the covers. But who else in the world was there? Who else would there be after she opened that door.
No one.
Not even Willow.
She opened the door and was greeted by Willow, holding a candle, the flame long and extended, whispering in the gentle breeze that fluttered down the corridor. A candle. How apt. So now she could snuff out that flame like the love she felt for Willow. And whilst she might burn her fingers the pain of her lost love would burn a thousand times hotter before leaving her heart cold. She could feel the use of magic in the hallway. At least Willow had got something from her.
‘No candles?’ Willow asked knowing that this was what she had been waiting to do. For far too long now. Stuff had got in the way. Stupid question though. The room was lit only by the dim lights outside. It was a place to start though. To get to saying what she had to say, to do what she wanted to do. Needed to do. Into her whole big speech. ‘Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey.’
That it was Tara had to admit, as bright and powerful as the love she felt for Willow. But it could be snuffed out just the same. That power – that extra flame would not keep it going, just burn it out that much sooner. And perfect…Willow was giving it to her, stepping inside. A last gift. To be near the light, to feel the heat once more. And then be plunged back into darkness. The heat of the wafting flame warmed her suddenly cold cheeks. The light, she knew, illuminated her frightened features. But this was not a time for pretence. If Willow was about to end it all then she should at least see the effect. Even if Tara would never tell Willow what it was doing to her.
Willow closed the door. She wasn’t blind. She could see what Tara was feeling, if not what she was thinking. In the process of making her choice she had felt those things herself. The tears had come to her – they had shared them in a moment that had nearly, ultimately, got Tara killed. ‘Tara, I have to tell you...’
I can’t hear this, Tara thought to herself. I just can’t. One day I might want to know. But not now. She couldn’t stand here and have it explained to her – the why, the wherefore…the reason that Willow couldn’t love her over Oz. The logic, the reasoning, the sensible option. She cut Willow off at the first hesitation. ‘No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love.’ Her voice let her down once more as she descended into crippling emotional pain. But why should she care? Her voice was the least important thing her world right now. After all who would she have to talk to when Willow left?
She would try to hold herself together whilst Willow was here, but once she stepped out of that door…. for the last time as anything but a friend Tara knew that she would collapse and mentally, emotionally and physically. But she wouldn’t show Willow that. She wouldn’t allow the love she felt to be a burden to their friendship. She wouldn’t ask Willow to support her now. And the next time they met she would try to be strong again…if she could. Because Willow didn’t deserve to know what this was doing to her. She had to be happy it was true. And could she really be happy if she knew what she would be doing to the person she rejected?
Tara was so caught up in her own emotions that she almost missed the two words that changed her life.
‘I am.’
No… it was a mistake. I misheard her. Misinterpreted her. A thousand reasons why those words didn’t mean what she wanted them to flooded through Tara’s mind – and where they had passed there was only the vague hope…but more than there had been before Willow had uttered them.
Tara dared to feel hope again. She turned her gaze outward from her own selfish pain and saw Willow again, as if for the first time. The beautiful Willow. The woman she loved. Could she really mean what she seemed to be saying? ‘You mean...’
‘I mean.’ Willow paused searching for some special words. Some movie like phrase to tell Tara what she meant. Her speech had fallen by the wayside and that gave her no answers either. So those two words became a statement. A promise. A devotion and to follow that she could not think of anything to say other than ‘Okay?’
Oh goddess… Tara didn’t know what was coming in that pause. It all sounded so hopeful. So real…but with just another couple of words Willow could blow that away forever. It was still not too late to crush her…and after raising hope it was doubly cruel. But could she mean…? The “okay?” was a question that Tara had no other answer for than ‘Oh, yes.’
‘I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now.’ Willow offered and promised the woman who had long ago become her true love. Tara had said yes… “oh, yes” even. Willow had been confused by Oz’s return…but in hindsight it had made everything so very clear. Even if Oz had been cured…under control and could guarantee her that things would be like they were at their best then she would still have confirmed her earlier choice. Tara was her choice, just as she was Tara’s. And there it was, that smile…that beautiful smile. So hesitant, almost timid, as if afraid that she would snatch her offer away, before coming more confident and self-assured. Willow drunk in the moment. And by candlelight too. It would never come again.
‘Right now?’ Could Willow really be offering what Tara though she was… She wanted to tell Willow that she didn’t have to. That they didn’t have to. That it was enough that Willow had come back to her. Chosen her. Made her complete. But those words could not come – because this time she could not refuse the offer. Maybe that was selfish but she had done self-sacrifice… now she wanted to be happy. That this night would mark their first time… for this… was a double blessing and perhaps the more special because of it. Fitting. She had told Willow, not so long ago, that before she would be ready for this she would have to make a real choice.
Now she had. But how close had it been that choice?
It didn’t matter. She’d come in first. Second was nowhere. Even if had been a hair’s breadth she was still Willow’s choice.
Tara watched as Willow smiled at her, the woman she wanted, confirming both her offer and the immediacy of it. It was a smile that was just a little different. It held a different kind of promise. Tara blew out the candle and plunged the room into not the darkness as she had feared a few minutes ago but instead a place she had always wanted to be.
Willow watched in the dim moonlight as Tara placed the smoking candle on the nearest surface without looking anywhere but at her. The smoke filled her nostrils but all she could smell was Tara. They did not speak for what seemed like an age. But all she could hear was Tara. The room was pretty dark as her eyes adjusted. But all she could see was Tara. Three out of the five senses. All she wanted to do now was to fulfil the other two. To touch and taste this woman. And with another sense, one that defied naming, she could feel Tara within her heart and her soul.
There was some moonlight, penetrating through the window, enough to highlight eyes that had been so close to tears. Willow had seen that – had known that she would have hurt this woman so much… and hated herself for that causing that. Nothing was going to hurt Tara again if she could do anything at all about it. Nothing because she would do anything. Least of all me, she promised herself.
Those eyes moved closer to her as Tara stepped forwards and raised her arms hesitantly at first, an invitation that Willow took pleasure in accepting, moving forward into Tara’s embrace, feeling those hands first resting on her shoulder. Tara swaying as if there was some music they could dance to and Willow followed her. Then Willow felt the other woman pulling her head into her shoulder, gently holding it there, her hair being stroked, a series of light kisses on the side of her head, moving inwards towards her ear then a breath… less than a whisper ‘Thank you’ she heard. It shattered the silence.
Willow did not verbalise a reply but instead twisted her head to bring her lips round to meet Tara’s own. Not directly but by way of her nose, the tip of which she kissed gently, before moving to those lips, finding them waiting for her. It seemed clumsy in the dark as her own twisting form had blocked the spread of the light from the window. Though they had snuggled more and more they had not spent nearly enough time kissing it was more intimate that they had previously been totally happy with – at least not with the passion that Willow now felt towards this beautiful woman. A woman who loved her so much that she had been ready to give her up, expected to lose her. Who else had she ever known who would do that for her with no other reason? A woman so who felt so vulnerable that Willow revelled in just holding her and keeping her safe. But a woman with more strength than even she realised and who, when she held Willow, made the whole world a better place to be. Who, when they were in the same room, made everything all right.
The woman I love and who I could now freely admit that I lust after, Willow realised. Not that she would spoil the moment with chit chat that was rapidly becoming irrelevant and obvious. It was a clumsy kiss initially but Willow made it a passionate one, inserting her tongue between Tara’s lips to meet hers there, flicking, teasing and dancing as they continued to sway. It was passion. Real, raw, passion that she felt and the only agenda she had was to make sure Tara knew it…that Tara would never doubt why they were doing this – that she would never have cause to believe that it was guilt. It was passion and it was love and everything she had ever wanted - that was enough.
Tara was surprised by the force of Willow’s kiss and more by the tongue… so surprised that for long seconds she could no more but be a passive recipient of that kiss, until eventually she engaged Willow’s searching tongue with her own. It was something that Tara had never really done much of – this tongue kissing…French. Even with Willow. It had been awkward when they had. It had seemed a step too far before. But she could immediately sense the attraction. A union of their mouths… making them closer to being one… just as she knew that they would become closer in other ways – physical ways and when Willow took her head in her hands, manipulating her as the other woman wanted her to be she was certain then that this would be the night. That they would become physically one. Just as they were already spiritually one. Something greater than the sum of their parts.
Why was it French? She wondered that before the thought was banished along with everything else that was not immediately Willow. Because everything right now was Willow. Every thought, other than that one, but that was nothing new – Willow had dominated her thoughts for along time now. But everything else. That was shiny and new. And it was good.
Willow dropped her hands and ran them down along Tara’s spine causing her blonde goddess to shiver, down lower and then back up her sides. Running up her torso, ignoring the outer swell of Tara’s chest, up from under the arms to the shoulders once more and then down the arms to the hands that now hung limply…shocked into submission…at her sides. Back down to the hands where they briefly linked, held hands, squeezing with the rhythm of a kiss that was going on and on and on. Then Willow moved inside Tara’s hands and gently placed a thumb under each side of the other woman’s top and started to drag those thumbs up the sides of her torso, nail scratching gently, tickling as the fabric rose and rose. Tara weakly lifted her arms, allowing Willow to keep going. Those thumb nails rasping as the passed over the cotton of her bra and into the sensitive flesh of her armpits and then lifted the top over Tara’s head. Tara stood arms raised, head covered. Utterly vulnerable and utterly trusting in Willow’s actions.
Willow did not proceed at once, left Tara there like that as she drunk in the sight of her lover… yes not just her love but her lover – the extra “r” felt good inside her - the pale creamy skin interrupted only by the white cups and strapping of Tara’s bra before the sea of material that covered Tara’s face and hair. Willow just looked at that view, then slowly drew the top up and over Tara’s head, discarded it on the floor and offered her the embrace again but this time with hands resting on bare, smooth flesh rather than concealing fabric.
Tara gladly stepped back into it… allowing Willow to move at her own pace at this delicate and so beautiful moment. Not that she would have done a thing to change how they had started. Willow’s hands were all over her, now uncovered, torso discovering her flesh for the first time. Before there had always been something in the way. But not now. There would be nothing in the way tonight. Eager, stroking, excited, pressing, hesitant, squeezing, determined, teasing. And all the while Willow sucked her deep into another long, indulgent kiss. They had the time for indulgence. All the time they would need. When last they had been here they had just minutes to hold each other thinking that it might be for the last time. But now it would last for hours and it was just the beginning.
Willow withdrew her eagerly moving tongue and broke the contact with Tara’s lips and instead started to plant small, tiny little kisses all over the other woman’s face, her forehead, in her hair, her ears, her shoulders and the line of her collar bone. Down to the upper swell of her chest – a chest that Willow could no longer allow to be constrained and hidden from her view. A chest that already seemed to be heaving as much as her own. It was – barring the kiss – the definitive moment. When she removed Tara’s underwear she was committed.
But she had already committed herself. This was just… this was just a matter of removing pesky concealing garments. She didn’t hesitate as she finally focused those stroking, roving hands on the clasp of Tara’s bra and fumbled with it. Well that was embarrassing. It would not surrender as easily as it should to her and Willow reminded herself of some inept boy trying to figure out just what to do. But she knew what she wanted to do…and what she wanted to be done to her. The clasp quickly gave up the unequal fight with her passion and Tara shrugged her shoulders allowing the slightest touch from Willow to bring the brassiere from it’s role and Willow could not stop herself from sucking in her breath. She had seen Tara before, nude, had even touched those globes of flesh through night time concealment, in a snugly way, that, as Willow moved around Tara were now silhouetted against the window light but this was, this was perky, taut and….
Different. It was all different now Tara thought. It was really going to happen. She wanted to cry as Willow placed her hands lightly on the tip of her breasts and Tara felt them swell, rising to the occasion like spikes driven through her chest. But if she shed a tear then Willow might stop until assured that they were of joy. And she didn’t want Willow to stop so she fought against it. She had refused to allow herself to feel the more animal lusts that she had known she possessed for this woman. The woman who now caressed her bare breasts. Until now. Before there had always been the likelihood that this moment would never come. Now it was here. Willow was here. And all she wanted to do was cry…again? No. That would not be.
Willow was here.
Willow held them, running her thumbs over the taut points, weighed them in her hands, cupping them and running her hands round the sweeping curves up under Tara’s arms and back over the upper slopes and between them, along Tara’s breastbone – drinking them in with her hungry hands, like nothing she had felt before. So totally unlike touching her own chest that it was like exploring another world. With your own body you knew what was coming because you felt it from both sides. Touching and being touched. But with this body… She could touch. But she would have to rely on Tara to touch her. It was a brave new world that she had to kiss.
As Willow bent in and planted those tiny kisses of hers on the swell of her breasts, closing in on the darker points, Tara finally became one with the moment. She couldn’t stand here and be totally submissive to Willow’s explorations. She needed to do some exploring of her own. She needed to see Willow – even in this dim light. To hold her and yes finally, really, touch her. But…
But she had little more idea of how to go about than Willow had. Her previous, all too brief experiences, had been little more than guilty fumbles – nice fumbles, but fumble all the same. But in her dreams…for months now she had imagined this time, imagined how she was going to physically make love this wonderful woman in a manner that would befit their spiritual connection.
And it started with undressing her and to do that Tara snatched back the impetus, the control from Willow. Brought Willow back to her mouth with her hands and held her head still and kissed her lips, just once more then slowly reached down to unfasten Willow’s clothing, to tease it from her like the wrapping of a birthday present. So carefully at first but with increasing urgency. Things were becoming less and less spiritual.
As Willow moved to keep touching her Tara just said ‘No love’ and carried on undressing the redhead – though Willow was clearly having trouble obeying the request, she fidgeted.
Willow’s hands were dying to touch Tara again, to explore her. To finish undressing her. But Tara clearly had her own plan…though eventually Tara did allow those hands to rest on her sides but only when she was as topless as Tara, gently touching – resting and not even holding until Tara sank down before her and her hands were grazing Tara’s sides as she slipped downwards, coming to rest on in that silky long blonde hair.
Down before the woman she loved, Tara unfastened Willow’s shoes and encouraged the other to raise her feet, one then the other, to remove them – flinging the shoes with a clatter across the room into a corner, well out of their way. Tara drew off the lower portion of Willow’s clothing and had her love step out of that too. She found it hard to believe that she was, finally, on her knee’s before the woman she adored. Who had chosen to love her. How many dreams had this moment factored in during the last months? Unable to hold back the physical and emotional need Tara wrapped her arms around Willow’s waist, pulled her herself inwards to rest her cheek against Willow’s still part hidden belly revelling in the warmth their of the skin, the scent of her love’s flesh and was it not just the flesh? She was going to find out.
But even with that embrace the kneeling woman had still not touched her as Willow wanted to be touched. Needed to be touched. With her down there, where Willow had only recently allowed herself to dream of this woman being the tension was unbearable. She did not know what it would be like but it would be Tara and that was enough. What else could she ask for? Or desire?
Tara pulled back and rested on her haunches before Willow, her heart pounding, chest swollen and aching as she drew in almost ragged breaths. She looked up at Willow in the dim light and with eyes that Willow probably couldn’t see properly asked her if she could. If it was all right. If Willow’s need was as great as her own.
Willow recognised that need in Tara because she felt the need herself and decided to take action to secure the progression of this moment without any delays. She hooked her fingers into the elastic of her panties and pushed them down over her buttocks and left them there resting on her slightly spread thighs, exposing herself wantonly to Tara. But that was alright. She was ready to be wanton. She wanted to be wanton. She needed to be.
This time it was Tara’s turn to audibly draw in her breath as she looked up along the length of Willow’s form. The light was just enough to work with and highlight the contrasts of Willow’s body. Small dark nipples, shadow where the curves fell out of the light and below, in stark contrast a patch of dark fur that in light Tara already knew was fiery red and beguiling as Willow’s hair. But now, here in the dark, it was a dark mysterious place that Tara wanted to explore for the benefit of them both.
Willow felt Tara reach forward to draw down the framing underwear, help her out of her panties and stood there naked before the kneeling woman and she could only guess at what was about to happen to her… but she welcomed every breath, every touch, every gesture and cry before they even happened because the trust she had in the kneeling beauty was absolute. That she would never hurt her. That she would always love her. That she would fulfil her desires – even though she herself was not totally sure what they were. But Tara would know. Willow reached out, placed a hand in Tara’s hair, stroked at it and was responded to as if by the kitty that Tara had wanted to get. Goddess was it only yesterday morning that she had mentioned that? Tara was rubbing her head against that hand, bringing it to her face then back into her hair. Willow kept up the stroking movements over hair and flesh and she knew in that connection that Tara was seeking her permission…her final permission.
And though they were long past needing that permission, she gave it, the tiniest pressure from her outstretched hand bringing Tara’s head forward and Willow stepped into it herself as Tara’s hands reached up and touched her breasts, playing there, one dropping and swirling over her belly – tracing little circles down and down, round her belly button down lower. And where Tara’s fingers had gone the soft kisses followed. Tara rose up to kiss the tips of Willow’s breasts, the swells, then sank again to follow her fingers down under the risen flesh of those, down to follow her belly. A tongue jutted out into her belly button swirled there itself as the fingers had done moments before.
And so knowing this pattern Willow was in a state of delicious anticipation. Sure of where the fingers were ultimately heading. Certain that the kisses would soon follow. The fingers by now were teasing at the upper edge of Willow’s intimate flesh, an area bordered by the soft fur that covered her mons. Those fingers twirled, twisting some of that hair into tiny, tight swirls which unravelled themselves quickly when the fingers withdrew and fell to Willow’s feet, running up her calves, the ticklish flesh at the back of her knees the outside of her thighs. The kisses remaining this time at the level of Tara’s bent head.
Tara moved her fingers back over the tops of her thighs to meet that intimate fur once more – from the sides this time, twirling again. Tickling now as she planted those kisses on the lowest portion of her belly that yet remained above full and final commitment, trying to avoid making the sudden move to full intimacy that might shock Willow or panic her.
It was maddening to Willow, to have her lover so close to where she needed her to be, physically, and to have to wait, but what were they waiting for? What was Tara waiting for? Building anticipation perhaps. She was as anticipated as she could be. She was past anticipation and into desperate need.
Tara, though, was determined not to spoil this moment. Willow had to be sure. A mistake now didn’t bear thinking about. Though Willow was clearly physically excited and this was a big, big step in any relationship…the moment of physical connection. More so for them, now after the events of the last few days. She twisted her head upwards to look up Willow, past her small breasts and into her face where breath was already coming unevenly. She smiled – though Willow would likely not be able to see it. ‘Love?’
It was a double-edged question…and Willow could not bring herself to speak, but accepted the offer in every sense. Instead she returned her hand to the back of Tara’s head and encouraged that first kiss to what was, for the moment at least, the very centre of her being. It was so soft, so gentle that it could have been a breeze blowing a feather across her. A touch so light it might not even have been there if her eyes had not confirmed the contact. A kiss that almost wasn’t.
And Tara’s fingertips grazing up behind her slightly parted legs tickled the sensitive skin behind her knee’s causing her to quiver… but she might have done so anyway as at that moment the kiss became more insistent. Teasing, and as two pairs of lips were parted Tara’s tongue sipped at the spring of her desire… a spring that was flowing from deep within her.
Willow could feel Tara’s hands at play over her body, given licence to roam now as they had never been before with restraints borne on her side of fear and uncertainty and on Tara’s out of the utmost respect for that fear. The fear though was gone… though some uncertainty remained… but it was apprehension only that she could not bring the same responses out of Tara. Her new lover. Her love. And try as she might to learn from Tara’s movements, touches and actions on her body her mind was consumed with the need to receive – not to analyse. Not to learn. Simply to reach the peaks of their physical connection… and oh by the goddess it was already coming to that… so soon… too soon. Too fast. But she needed it so much that she wouldn’t have fought that tide if she had been able to.
Tara had fantasised about this occasion for so long now that they had been as good as dress rehearsals… or undressed ones. But nothing could have prepared her for this. The opportunity to love this beautiful woman in every way. Not from afar…but from so close that she could smell, touch and taste her. And Willow was clearly not apprehensive or withdrawn. She was accepting this most intimate loving without anything but desire… desire that was rapidly building within her, faster than Tara would have dreamt possible. Again Tara could feel it with all of her senses. The breathing more ragged still, the body quivering as Willow tried to stand still before her. The hips starting to flutter, inner muscles and thighs dancing to the beat of Tara’s motions. The smell of female desire…the taste of Willow on her tongue and the sight of the woman she loved reaching the peaks of her pleasure.
Reached…
Willow could not help crying out such was the intensity of the sensation. The pleasure that coursed through her, radiating from that taut nub that Tara had fixated on, racing through every vein, artery and nerve to engulf her body. Reflexively she clasped Tara’s face to her with her hands locked between the other woman’s head…riding out the storm and at the heights of her pleasure feeling an intrusion within her as Tara allowed her lover to milk her fingers of what additional pleasure that they could bring to her – the tongue not ceasing in it’s actions until with a final cry Willow’s legs finally gave out and she collapsed like a rag doll to be caught by Tara and lowered carefully to rest in her arms.
Holding her there Tara was still caught in the surprise at the speed of Willow’s response to her touches, her caresses and kisses – for that had been the first time that she had done that too… She had loved before… but never chosen to make love. Not like that. The next time would be a little slower. Drawn out and even more fulfilling. She cradled Willow’s head, and held the exhausted and drained torso over her knees and as was their custom stroked at Willow’s hair. Willow’s brow was beaded with sweat – the breathing finally…minutes after the storm had broken…returning to normal. And finally she heard Willow speak.
‘Never…?’ Willow said knowing of Tara’s previous involvement but also that she had not been able to become intimate with that other person… and despite the loneliness that Tara had felt, in part because of that, Willow was glad. Glad that she could have been the one to receive that gift from Tara and bemused that she could reduce her to collapsing in pleasure, so quickly, so devastatingly beautifully.
‘No love never.’ Tara confirmed as Willow nuzzled at her bare chest.
Willow shifted. She wanted to give something back…all of that she had received… and more. And not here on the floor. She kissed Tara on the lips and tasted herself there… another new experience that would, half and hour ago have filled her with embarrassment to even consider. But now it was just erotic, a confirmation of her own desire… and Tara’s – a desire that she would have to satisfy. And wanted to…if she could.
Gently, and with a plan, Willow started to caress Tara – who she realised was still partially clothed – wanting to build her up for what was to come. As Tara stroked her hair she continued to stroke bare arms. To touch once again those breasts with her searching fingers. Teasing an ear as she pushed blonde hair back. Running a thumb along Tara’s eyebrows, easing them back into place. Circling her little finger around the darker flesh of Tara’s aureole… oh she wanted to see…
Still holding Willow and utterly content there on the floor Tara needed nothing other than she had already got. Willow in her arms…actually choosing to be there. But Willow clearly had other plans. What had started out as gentle caresses such as they had sometimes shared before were becoming more insistent…more deliberate and…. ‘Ow!’
Willow smiled mischievously having tweaked at Tara’s hardened nipples, determined to raise herself out of a lethargy induced by the waves of pleasure that this woman had sent through her body and determined that Tara would not settle, would not have to settle, for simply providing that pleasure. She moved, half rolling and half falling out of Tara’s embrace to the floor and stood up once more…extended her arm to Tara in invitation and when that hand was taken drew Tara up to stand with her and almost in a dance swung them around so that she could lower Tara to the bed that they had shared many times now… but never like this.
Tara could not take her eyes off Willow’s shape as she moved around the room, around the bed and brought that candle she had gifted to her to rest it beneath her bedside lamp.
‘I want to see you love. Is that OK?’ Willow asked she came back to the bed where Tara had scooted back from the edge and leaned over her and gently pulled at Tara’s remaining clothing.
Tara just nodded, not at all opposed to the visual feast.
Willow spoke the words and the candle leapt into flamey life once again. From silhouette to glorious – though dim – Technicolor. She prompted Tara to lift herself and allow them those clothes to be removed till they were, at last, naked together. Another first. Willow smiled and moved around out of the light source, allowing that candle light to reach Tara, looking upon her nude form at last without reservation or embarrassment. ‘Oh…Tara…’ It was just desire that she felt now. And lucky.
Tara had always imagined this moment would be in the dark…that it would be more romantic that way though she couldn’t deny Willow anything – nor did she want to. As Willow looked down at her naked on the bed her modesty made her want to cover herself up, to turn over and pull the sheets over her body – to do this under the covers. But modesty had no place here tonight. In the dark, candlelit, under the moon and stars or under big pink neon spotlights… it made no difference at all. Not now. Not now that she had Willow. That they belonged to each other.
Willow hesitated unsure now of just how to proceed, to begin… a kiss is always a good place to start though… take it from there and see where things lead… She got on the bed next to Tara and felt the other woman’s hands on her skin, stoking her as she lay there. Was it an offer…a chance for her to receive again? But she had no intention of passively receiving – this was Tara’s time. She reciprocated those hands wandering but also leaned in and kissed Tara once more on the lips. It was a kiss that started almost chastely, soon became lingering and as her hands took on other tasks became lusty…on both sides.
With her hand deliberately, but almost automatically, moving to the junction of Tara’s thighs she found the other woman ready for her, responding to that touching hand by reflexively moving against it, coaxing her into giving Tara what she so very obviously needed from her. Finding her damp and ready for her Willow wanted to slip down there, to give Tara what she had received from her. But Tara would not release her from the kiss, bringing her back to it with her hands and the tiny whimpering complaining noises that she made when Willow tried to leave her mouth behind.
With Willow’s hand at the new fulcrum of her being Tara was in no hurry to end the kiss. And…oh goddess….Willow had managed to tease out that ultimately sensitive nub of flesh from it’s concealment. She doubted that it had been deliberate… but her body was already so attuned to Willow’s movements on it…and Willow’s movements so attuned to her body’s needs that she couldn’t be surprised.
Tara was sure that nothing else was needed… that hand, those fingers…Willow’s kiss and touch. That was all that was necessary to bring her to where her body needed to go. But Willow wanted to give more… and she resisted it every time Willow tried to move away from the kiss but finally Willow broke away – though her fingers continued their caresses and the other hand went wandering over her body, her chest her thighs, the backs of her knees, in her hair…everywhere.
‘Please love… let me…’ Willow breathed at Tara. It was a plea really. A plea to let her prove herself to this wonderful woman….to demonstrate not that she could, or not just that but that she wanted to. That she needed to. For herself as well as Tara. And Tara once more could not refuse her.
Seeing rather than hearing the acceptance from Tara, Willow drew in a deep breath. She was going to do this. She was determined, delighted and damn it…unsure of just how. To receive was not the same as to give. She sank back down Tara, her hands continuing in her work…apparently from the sounds that Tara made and the responses of her body, good work – which ought to make this easier…no that wasn’t the right attitude. She wasn’t looking for easy - she was looking for success and that meant treating Tara to the same wonderful sensations that she had received and she could – starting right now.
Willow gently splayed Tara’s lower limbs apart allowing herself room to take up a more comfortable position and then felt Tara immediately bring her ankles, seemingly in response to the continued movement of Willow’s fingertips, round to meet on her upper back – drawing her in closer to the where both needed her to be with more and more desperation until finally Willow made the connection. Their lips met once more… but a different pairing. At first they merely fluttered there, tickled by the golden fur that surrounded Tara’s intimate flesh, then they grew more insistent kissing then finally parting to allow her tongue dance freely.
Unsure of just what she ‘should’ be doing – or even what exactly it was Tara had done to her Willow paused, glanced up Tara’s body raising her head and was gratified to here a disappointed moan from the other woman, and to see a hand abandon the work it was doing on Tara’s own chest to take her head and push it back down into the delta. Willow would have smiled too, but the pressure was insistent if fleeting – then hand going back to do something else, something unseen, whilst Willow’s own hands continued in their travels. Well one of them at least – the other had found a home…a warm safe place to stay and explore. A home that Tara was apparently was reluctant to let it leave as she…
Oh god it was there…Tara was reaching her own climax…the muscles clamped down on her exploring fingers so that Willow had to use real force to continue her movements…guessing now at what Tara would need at this delicate time…using her own experiences to tell her that this was not over for Tara. To tell her that those fingers, her kisses, the movement of her other hand across other sensitive parts of Tara’s body were all more important now for Tara than anything they had already done - so the noises that the blonde woman made as the peak hit her told Willow. Getting there was, as they said, just half of the fun.
Eventually though Tara began to come down and it was only then that Willow allowed herself to feel anything other than Tara… It was not triumph she felt… the way she would usually feel having proven to herself that she could do something. It was profound relief…that the last hurdle to their love had fallen. That she could give Tara everything that she deserved. And more than that…that she already loved to do so for the woman she loved. And they would love each other more that night – in every way.
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Endnote: You might think that this cuts off sharply,no cuddles and snuggles. Well put it this way, it wasn't the end of the night for our girls... I could have written a book! Next part is set the following morning. Cuddles and snuggles promise.
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 11, 2001).]
IP: Logged
When you mentioned that we might need some time to read the story and more time to give feedback, you neglected to add some more time between the two for the necessary cold shower! I've got a big silly grin on my face that I'm going to have the devil's own time explaining.
All humour aside this was a truly beautiful moment told in excellent style. I bow to your wonderful writing and offer you a laurel wreath.
Estne Finis, aut Initium Finis, aut Finis initii, aut Initium?
Is it The End, or The Beginning of The End, or The End of The Beginning, or The Beginning?
IP: Logged
*going to cool down a little before attempting to say anything else about this... - trust me to read it in school...*
IP: Logged
And since I’m a cuddles and snuggles kinda guy, I’m really looking forward to the next part (as much as I was looking forward to this one )
IP: Logged
I don't care. This is wonderful. Now, on to the snuggles and cuddles, dammit!
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"I will say, I've been in some weird places, but this is…another weird place."
IP: Logged
I woke up EARLIER to read this before I went to school....I didnt finish it this morning but gee it put me in a goofy mood....lol
Continue with the great work, ya know we love it. and just cuz its amazing...
here:
*hands you a cookie*
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If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
IP: Logged
nic
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"Eep ork ah ah means I want to screw you." The uncensored song lyrics not allowed on the Jetsons.
IP: Logged
1, Any light coming through the windo would be moonlight as Sunnydale had a whole town blackout.
2, "You have to be with the person you love"
There is no most after this. That struck me the most as it kind of made Willow being with Tara a little less than it should be. Willow was there as she loved Tara, no most about it.
Apart from that it was a sweet part, thanks for posting it so quickly
IP: Logged
IP: Logged
IP: Logged
As for the rest of you ungrateful kitties I am detecting a theme here (but luv the feedback thanks.) I give you snuggles and smoochies and it's all "we want more than snuggles and smoochies." I give you "more" and now you want snuggles and smoochies???!! Aah well maybe it is just that I should have connected the morning after to this fic, that might have done it better.
Anyway thankyou all very much for taking the time for reading, having your cold shower (Kerry) and feeding back. Please keep it coming if there is anyone left who hasn;t read this yet... The next part "First Light" will be posted perhaps tonight, probably tomorrow morning.
Katharyn
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She's my always
IP: Logged
When you mentioned that we might need some time to read the story and more time to give feedback, you neglected to add some more time between the two for the necessary cold shower! I've got a big silly grin on my face that I'm going to have the devil's own time explaining.
All humour aside this was a truly beautiful moment told in excellent style. I bow to your wonderful writing and offer you a laurel wreath.
Estne Finis, aut Initium Finis, aut Finis initii, aut Initium?
Is it The End, or The Beginning of The End, or The End of The Beginning, or The Beginning?
IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 07:08 O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!When you mentioned that we might need some time to read the story and more time to give feedback, you neglected to add some more time between the two for the necessary cold shower! I've got a big silly grin on my face that I'm going to have the devil's own time explaining.
All humour aside this was a truly beautiful moment told in excellent style. I bow to your wonderful writing and offer you a laurel wreath.
Estne Finis, aut Initium Finis, aut Finis initii, aut Initium?
Is it The End, or The Beginning of The End, or The End of The Beginning, or The Beginning?
*going to cool down a little before attempting to say anything else about this... - trust me to read it in school...*
IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 07:37 this is really well written...*going to cool down a little before attempting to say anything else about this... - trust me to read it in school...*
IP: LoggedWardukeStrong like an Amazon And since I’m a cuddles and snuggles kinda guy, I’m really looking forward to the next part (as much as I was looking forward to this one )
IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 10:26 Truly beautiful Katharyn, very romantic and sexy.And since I’m a cuddles and snuggles kinda guy, I’m really looking forward to the next part (as much as I was looking forward to this one )
I don't care. This is wonderful. Now, on to the snuggles and cuddles, dammit!
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"I will say, I've been in some weird places, but this is…another weird place."
IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 11:58 Reading this at home made me late for work.
I don't care. This is wonderful. Now, on to the snuggles and cuddles, dammit!
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"I will say, I've been in some weird places, but this is…another weird place."
I woke up EARLIER to read this before I went to school....I didnt finish it this morning but gee it put me in a goofy mood....lol
Continue with the great work, ya know we love it. and just cuz its amazing...
here:
*hands you a cookie*
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If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 18:18 Bravo! Yo, that was great. very very well worth the wait, and im so entirely looking forward to morning snuggles hheheI woke up EARLIER to read this before I went to school....I didnt finish it this morning but gee it put me in a goofy mood....lol
Continue with the great work, ya know we love it. and just cuz its amazing...
here:
*hands you a cookie*
------------------
If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
nic
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"Eep ork ah ah means I want to screw you." The uncensored song lyrics not allowed on the Jetsons.
IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 18:43 yeah.nic
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"Eep ork ah ah means I want to screw you." The uncensored song lyrics not allowed on the Jetsons.
1, Any light coming through the windo would be moonlight as Sunnydale had a whole town blackout.
2, "You have to be with the person you love"
There is no most after this. That struck me the most as it kind of made Willow being with Tara a little less than it should be. Willow was there as she loved Tara, no most about it.
Apart from that it was a sweet part, thanks for posting it so quickly
IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 20:10 Hi Katharyn and thanks for this part although 2 things really struck me.1, Any light coming through the windo would be moonlight as Sunnydale had a whole town blackout.
2, "You have to be with the person you love"
There is no most after this. That struck me the most as it kind of made Willow being with Tara a little less than it should be. Willow was there as she loved Tara, no most about it.
Apart from that it was a sweet part, thanks for posting it so quickly
IP: LoggedlegendCool Monster Fighter IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 21:04 The only word that is springing into my mind is 'WOW'! This part was truly wonderful!... Can't wait for the morning snuggles! IP: Loggedcatliz16Blessed Wannabe IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 22:12 We need the morning snuggles now!!! Loved this part - like all the others ...IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs As for the rest of you ungrateful kitties I am detecting a theme here (but luv the feedback thanks.) I give you snuggles and smoochies and it's all "we want more than snuggles and smoochies." I give you "more" and now you want snuggles and smoochies???!! Aah well maybe it is just that I should have connected the morning after to this fic, that might have done it better.
Anyway thankyou all very much for taking the time for reading, having your cold shower (Kerry) and feeding back. Please keep it coming if there is anyone left who hasn;t read this yet... The next part "First Light" will be posted perhaps tonight, probably tomorrow morning.
Katharyn
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She's my always
IP: Logged
posted September 11, 2001 00:39 Thankyou Puff for spotting the deliberate mistakes. Or not so deliberate...As for the rest of you ungrateful kitties I am detecting a theme here (but luv the feedback thanks.) I give you snuggles and smoochies and it's all "we want more than snuggles and smoochies." I give you "more" and now you want snuggles and smoochies???!! Aah well maybe it is just that I should have connected the morning after to this fic, that might have done it better.
Anyway thankyou all very much for taking the time for reading, having your cold shower (Kerry) and feeding back. Please keep it coming if there is anyone left who hasn;t read this yet... The next part "First Light" will be posted perhaps tonight, probably tomorrow morning.
Katharyn
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She's my always
by Warduke » Sun Sep 09, 2001 8:27 am
by WiccanBex » Sun Sep 09, 2001 8:51 am
i like this fic - it's good
by rocketdyke » Sun Sep 09, 2001 10:09 am
good job kath! thanks so much
michele
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As far as I can tell, they don't even bother to take their clothes off -- it's just two women sitting around Utopia, being gay.
by Forrister » Sun Sep 09, 2001 11:23 am
I'm glad to hear that you've been enjoying yourself!
Carpe noctem! Scribit, fiet.
(Sieze the night! So it shall be written, so shall it be.)
by Katharyn » Sun Sep 09, 2001 2:11 pm
Katharyn
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 09, 2001).]
by Forrister » Sun Sep 09, 2001 2:38 pm
I'm going to have to go to work today and manage to be serious and conservative with this hanging over my head. Have you considered a career in the psychological torture business!!
My only consolation is that you're probably really enjoying this!
Fuit mulierquae me potare egit. Nunquam steti gradum ad ei gratius agendas.
(It was a woman who drove me to drink. I never stopped to thank her.)
by Sneaky Kitty » Sun Sep 09, 2001 3:04 pm
Seriously though...this is a totally awesome story and i 100% waiting anxiously for the next part.
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If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
by Puff » Sun Sep 09, 2001 9:03 pm
by legend » Sun Sep 09, 2001 9:26 pm
by Katharyn » Sun Sep 09, 2001 11:07 pm
I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS READ THE NOTE BELOW BEFORE PROCEEDING TO THE STORY.
I always told myself that this is not a story that I would ever write. It had, frankly, been done to death and with varying degrees of skill by many other fanfic writers. Some of the versions of the events related below were pretty cringe-worthy – some of them were wonderful and much better than this one has any hope of being. All in all, I thought, leave it alone.
However I came back to revisit it for a number of reasons. It is such a crucial stage in Willow and Tara’s blossoming relationship that it was hard to ignore or gloss over…even just to put my own slant on it and establish some continuity with the other stories in this cycle. Also I was a little sick of writing Willow and Tara angst…which is the mainstay of this cycle. Even in their happy stories they are at least thinking something is wrong far too often. I wanted a story devoid of anything but joy and was too lazy to make a situation up for myself, so here it is. New Moon Rising the missing conclusion – angst free after the “end of the episode stuff.” Promise.
This story is composed chiefly of sexual activity. After a point that is all there is to it. It is not something I tend to dwell on in my writing but agree with the beta reader who read a first draft of this months ago now and who pointed out that it is kinda hard to avoid here! I hope that the readers will find it nice rather than titillating, sweet rather than in any way pornographic and beautiful rather than purely sexy. That said it is more than a little explicit. If you do not wish to read about somewhat detailed consensual sex between two women deeply, madly in love stop now. There are no further warnings – there is however a shortened, original, version that closes prior to the explicit events – a fade out if you will. I will e-mail that version to anyone who wants it so you will not be missing anything “plot”wise if you choose to take that version instead.
DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU ARE:
- LIKELY TO BE BOTHERED OR OFFENDED BY SUCH MATERIAL
- IF YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE READING IT IN YOUR JURISDICTION
- UNSURE ABOUT EITHER OF THE ABOVE
And with the overcautious warnings to the “good stuff.”
Katharyn
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Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Burning Bright (Currently Part 21)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Oh yes. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “New Moon Rising” Actually the NMR spoilers are not exactly limited being as the whole episode is W/T/O centred.
Summary: It’s the Extra Flamey scene, before and after the episode fade out. If you don’t know… then you shouldn’t be reading it.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG17 – I am serious. See the warning above.
Couples: W/T in every sense.
Notes: What can I say other than I wish they hadn’t put that damn candle out! It made good TV but it was hell trying to get some light into this and I wanted visuals! The transcript from http://www.psyche.kn-bremen.de/ was used to get the lines at the very beginning right. There is a slight recap. “A dying flame…” ended with Willow at the door, this takes a slight step back. What can I say? I wanted to give it some pretensions of literature rather than just Extra Flamey fun.
Thanks To: Everyone who has stuck with this so long. Some of you might have been waiting just for this…(eh Ruth? Just kidding.) Well here it is. This is not the end. For me the Beginning does not “end” until “Family” and I intend to take this cycle there. But no more doubts about their love for our girls. It’s ok though – there is more material for angst… can you guess the next big theme given where I want to take this to? Anyway for now just enjoy this one. I enjoyed writing it. And redrafting it. A lot. A lot more than I perhaps should have done or would have done for any other. Thanks to all those who convinced me to post this (full) version. And thanks once more to L. She kinda enjoyed this one too.
The Beginnings Cycle
Burning Bright
(Full Version)
By
Katharyn Rosser
The dark surrounded Tara. It intruded itself through the window that she stared, unseeing, through. It caressed her. The only thing that would. It wrapped itself around her, for she would never know another embrace. It reduced the room to a dimly lit hole that she had crawled back into with some relief – forcing herself to face the truth that she was alone. Again. And this time it might well be her fault.
She had not fought for what she wanted. What she loved. She had given it up without a struggle and was angry with herself because of that. She had encouraged that person she wanted to seek happiness, elsewhere, when she might have been the best thing for that woman she loved.
For Willow.
And she was. She knew that. She was the best thing for Willow. But her knowing that did not count.
She had told Willow to do what made her happy but had never put her case – never suggested that that thing might have been Tara Maclay. She had meekly accepted that it would have been that Oz. And now it was. She hoped that Willow was happy, would be. But she had to reconcile herself with the fact that she hadn’t shown the backbone – or as her father would have put it “the fire in her belly” – to fight for Willow. To make the case for their love.
The fire wasn't really in her belly. It was in her heart. And it had grown dim. The flame was nearly extinguished and so quickly. And when it went out there would only be the pain.
She knew the knock at the door, had been expecting it for some time now. She knew that Willow would not leave her in suspense, knew she meant that much to the other young woman. But also that she didn’t mean enough to be her choice. The knock was Willow. And that was the only reason that she answered it. Had it been anyone else in the world she would have ignored it and hidden herself under the covers. But who else in the world was there? Who else would there be after she opened that door.
No one.
Not even Willow.
She opened the door and was greeted by Willow, holding a candle, the flame long and extended, whispering in the gentle breeze that fluttered down the corridor. A candle. How apt. So now she could snuff out that flame like the love she felt for Willow. And whilst she might burn her fingers the pain of her lost love would burn a thousand times hotter before leaving her heart cold. She could feel the use of magic in the hallway. At least Willow had got something from her.
‘No candles?’ Willow asked knowing that this was what she had been waiting to do. For far too long now. Stuff had got in the way. Stupid question though. The room was lit only by the dim lights outside. It was a place to start though. To get to saying what she had to say, to do what she wanted to do. Needed to do. Into her whole big speech. ‘Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey.’
That it was Tara had to admit, as bright and powerful as the love she felt for Willow. But it could be snuffed out just the same. That power – that extra flame would not keep it going, just burn it out that much sooner. And perfect…Willow was giving it to her, stepping inside. A last gift. To be near the light, to feel the heat once more. And then be plunged back into darkness. The heat of the wafting flame warmed her suddenly cold cheeks. The light, she knew, illuminated her frightened features. But this was not a time for pretence. If Willow was about to end it all then she should at least see the effect. Even if Tara would never tell Willow what it was doing to her.
Willow closed the door. She wasn’t blind. She could see what Tara was feeling, if not what she was thinking. In the process of making her choice she had felt those things herself. The tears had come to her – they had shared them in a moment that had nearly, ultimately, got Tara killed. ‘Tara, I have to tell you...’
I can’t hear this, Tara thought to herself. I just can’t. One day I might want to know. But not now. She couldn’t stand here and have it explained to her – the why, the wherefore…the reason that Willow couldn’t love her over Oz. The logic, the reasoning, the sensible option. She cut Willow off at the first hesitation. ‘No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love.’ Her voice let her down once more as she descended into crippling emotional pain. But why should she care? Her voice was the least important thing her world right now. After all who would she have to talk to when Willow left?
She would try to hold herself together whilst Willow was here, but once she stepped out of that door…. for the last time as anything but a friend Tara knew that she would collapse and mentally, emotionally and physically. But she wouldn’t show Willow that. She wouldn’t allow the love she felt to be a burden to their friendship. She wouldn’t ask Willow to support her now. And the next time they met she would try to be strong again…if she could. Because Willow didn’t deserve to know what this was doing to her. She had to be happy it was true. And could she really be happy if she knew what she would be doing to the person she rejected?
Tara was so caught up in her own emotions that she almost missed the two words that changed her life.
‘I am.’
No… it was a mistake. I misheard her. Misinterpreted her. A thousand reasons why those words didn’t mean what she wanted them to flooded through Tara’s mind – and where they had passed there was only the vague hope…but more than there had been before Willow had uttered them.
Tara dared to feel hope again. She turned her gaze outward from her own selfish pain and saw Willow again, as if for the first time. The beautiful Willow. The woman she loved. Could she really mean what she seemed to be saying? ‘You mean...’
‘I mean.’ Willow paused searching for some special words. Some movie like phrase to tell Tara what she meant. Her speech had fallen by the wayside and that gave her no answers either. So those two words became a statement. A promise. A devotion and to follow that she could not think of anything to say other than ‘Okay?’
Oh goddess… Tara didn’t know what was coming in that pause. It all sounded so hopeful. So real…but with just another couple of words Willow could blow that away forever. It was still not too late to crush her…and after raising hope it was doubly cruel. But could she mean…? The “okay?” was a question that Tara had no other answer for than ‘Oh, yes.’
‘I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now.’ Willow offered and promised the woman who had long ago become her true love. Tara had said yes… “oh, yes” even. Willow had been confused by Oz’s return…but in hindsight it had made everything so very clear. Even if Oz had been cured…under control and could guarantee her that things would be like they were at their best then she would still have confirmed her earlier choice. Tara was her choice, just as she was Tara’s. And there it was, that smile…that beautiful smile. So hesitant, almost timid, as if afraid that she would snatch her offer away, before coming more confident and self-assured. Willow drunk in the moment. And by candlelight too. It would never come again.
‘Right now?’ Could Willow really be offering what Tara though she was… She wanted to tell Willow that she didn’t have to. That they didn’t have to. That it was enough that Willow had come back to her. Chosen her. Made her complete. But those words could not come – because this time she could not refuse the offer. Maybe that was selfish but she had done self-sacrifice… now she wanted to be happy. That this night would mark their first time… for this… was a double blessing and perhaps the more special because of it. Fitting. She had told Willow, not so long ago, that before she would be ready for this she would have to make a real choice.
Now she had. But how close had it been that choice?
It didn’t matter. She’d come in first. Second was nowhere. Even if had been a hair’s breadth she was still Willow’s choice.
Tara watched as Willow smiled at her, the woman she wanted, confirming both her offer and the immediacy of it. It was a smile that was just a little different. It held a different kind of promise. Tara blew out the candle and plunged the room into not the darkness as she had feared a few minutes ago but instead a place she had always wanted to be.
Willow watched in the dim moonlight as Tara placed the smoking candle on the nearest surface without looking anywhere but at her. The smoke filled her nostrils but all she could smell was Tara. They did not speak for what seemed like an age. But all she could hear was Tara. The room was pretty dark as her eyes adjusted. But all she could see was Tara. Three out of the five senses. All she wanted to do now was to fulfil the other two. To touch and taste this woman. And with another sense, one that defied naming, she could feel Tara within her heart and her soul.
There was some moonlight, penetrating through the window, enough to highlight eyes that had been so close to tears. Willow had seen that – had known that she would have hurt this woman so much… and hated herself for that causing that. Nothing was going to hurt Tara again if she could do anything at all about it. Nothing because she would do anything. Least of all me, she promised herself.
Those eyes moved closer to her as Tara stepped forwards and raised her arms hesitantly at first, an invitation that Willow took pleasure in accepting, moving forward into Tara’s embrace, feeling those hands first resting on her shoulder. Tara swaying as if there was some music they could dance to and Willow followed her. Then Willow felt the other woman pulling her head into her shoulder, gently holding it there, her hair being stroked, a series of light kisses on the side of her head, moving inwards towards her ear then a breath… less than a whisper ‘Thank you’ she heard. It shattered the silence.
Willow did not verbalise a reply but instead twisted her head to bring her lips round to meet Tara’s own. Not directly but by way of her nose, the tip of which she kissed gently, before moving to those lips, finding them waiting for her. It seemed clumsy in the dark as her own twisting form had blocked the spread of the light from the window. Though they had snuggled more and more they had not spent nearly enough time kissing it was more intimate that they had previously been totally happy with – at least not with the passion that Willow now felt towards this beautiful woman. A woman who loved her so much that she had been ready to give her up, expected to lose her. Who else had she ever known who would do that for her with no other reason? A woman so who felt so vulnerable that Willow revelled in just holding her and keeping her safe. But a woman with more strength than even she realised and who, when she held Willow, made the whole world a better place to be. Who, when they were in the same room, made everything all right.
The woman I love and who I could now freely admit that I lust after, Willow realised. Not that she would spoil the moment with chit chat that was rapidly becoming irrelevant and obvious. It was a clumsy kiss initially but Willow made it a passionate one, inserting her tongue between Tara’s lips to meet hers there, flicking, teasing and dancing as they continued to sway. It was passion. Real, raw, passion that she felt and the only agenda she had was to make sure Tara knew it…that Tara would never doubt why they were doing this – that she would never have cause to believe that it was guilt. It was passion and it was love and everything she had ever wanted - that was enough.
Tara was surprised by the force of Willow’s kiss and more by the tongue… so surprised that for long seconds she could no more but be a passive recipient of that kiss, until eventually she engaged Willow’s searching tongue with her own. It was something that Tara had never really done much of – this tongue kissing…French. Even with Willow. It had been awkward when they had. It had seemed a step too far before. But she could immediately sense the attraction. A union of their mouths… making them closer to being one… just as she knew that they would become closer in other ways – physical ways and when Willow took her head in her hands, manipulating her as the other woman wanted her to be she was certain then that this would be the night. That they would become physically one. Just as they were already spiritually one. Something greater than the sum of their parts.
Why was it French? She wondered that before the thought was banished along with everything else that was not immediately Willow. Because everything right now was Willow. Every thought, other than that one, but that was nothing new – Willow had dominated her thoughts for along time now. But everything else. That was shiny and new. And it was good.
Willow dropped her hands and ran them down along Tara’s spine causing her blonde goddess to shiver, down lower and then back up her sides. Running up her torso, ignoring the outer swell of Tara’s chest, up from under the arms to the shoulders once more and then down the arms to the hands that now hung limply…shocked into submission…at her sides. Back down to the hands where they briefly linked, held hands, squeezing with the rhythm of a kiss that was going on and on and on. Then Willow moved inside Tara’s hands and gently placed a thumb under each side of the other woman’s top and started to drag those thumbs up the sides of her torso, nail scratching gently, tickling as the fabric rose and rose. Tara weakly lifted her arms, allowing Willow to keep going. Those thumb nails rasping as the passed over the cotton of her bra and into the sensitive flesh of her armpits and then lifted the top over Tara’s head. Tara stood arms raised, head covered. Utterly vulnerable and utterly trusting in Willow’s actions.
Willow did not proceed at once, left Tara there like that as she drunk in the sight of her lover… yes not just her love but her lover – the extra “r” felt good inside her - the pale creamy skin interrupted only by the white cups and strapping of Tara’s bra before the sea of material that covered Tara’s face and hair. Willow just looked at that view, then slowly drew the top up and over Tara’s head, discarded it on the floor and offered her the embrace again but this time with hands resting on bare, smooth flesh rather than concealing fabric.
Tara gladly stepped back into it… allowing Willow to move at her own pace at this delicate and so beautiful moment. Not that she would have done a thing to change how they had started. Willow’s hands were all over her, now uncovered, torso discovering her flesh for the first time. Before there had always been something in the way. But not now. There would be nothing in the way tonight. Eager, stroking, excited, pressing, hesitant, squeezing, determined, teasing. And all the while Willow sucked her deep into another long, indulgent kiss. They had the time for indulgence. All the time they would need. When last they had been here they had just minutes to hold each other thinking that it might be for the last time. But now it would last for hours and it was just the beginning.
Willow withdrew her eagerly moving tongue and broke the contact with Tara’s lips and instead started to plant small, tiny little kisses all over the other woman’s face, her forehead, in her hair, her ears, her shoulders and the line of her collar bone. Down to the upper swell of her chest – a chest that Willow could no longer allow to be constrained and hidden from her view. A chest that already seemed to be heaving as much as her own. It was – barring the kiss – the definitive moment. When she removed Tara’s underwear she was committed.
But she had already committed herself. This was just… this was just a matter of removing pesky concealing garments. She didn’t hesitate as she finally focused those stroking, roving hands on the clasp of Tara’s bra and fumbled with it. Well that was embarrassing. It would not surrender as easily as it should to her and Willow reminded herself of some inept boy trying to figure out just what to do. But she knew what she wanted to do…and what she wanted to be done to her. The clasp quickly gave up the unequal fight with her passion and Tara shrugged her shoulders allowing the slightest touch from Willow to bring the brassiere from it’s role and Willow could not stop herself from sucking in her breath. She had seen Tara before, nude, had even touched those globes of flesh through night time concealment, in a snugly way, that, as Willow moved around Tara were now silhouetted against the window light but this was, this was perky, taut and….
Different. It was all different now Tara thought. It was really going to happen. She wanted to cry as Willow placed her hands lightly on the tip of her breasts and Tara felt them swell, rising to the occasion like spikes driven through her chest. But if she shed a tear then Willow might stop until assured that they were of joy. And she didn’t want Willow to stop so she fought against it. She had refused to allow herself to feel the more animal lusts that she had known she possessed for this woman. The woman who now caressed her bare breasts. Until now. Before there had always been the likelihood that this moment would never come. Now it was here. Willow was here. And all she wanted to do was cry…again? No. That would not be.
Willow was here.
Willow held them, running her thumbs over the taut points, weighed them in her hands, cupping them and running her hands round the sweeping curves up under Tara’s arms and back over the upper slopes and between them, along Tara’s breastbone – drinking them in with her hungry hands, like nothing she had felt before. So totally unlike touching her own chest that it was like exploring another world. With your own body you knew what was coming because you felt it from both sides. Touching and being touched. But with this body… She could touch. But she would have to rely on Tara to touch her. It was a brave new world that she had to kiss.
As Willow bent in and planted those tiny kisses of hers on the swell of her breasts, closing in on the darker points, Tara finally became one with the moment. She couldn’t stand here and be totally submissive to Willow’s explorations. She needed to do some exploring of her own. She needed to see Willow – even in this dim light. To hold her and yes finally, really, touch her. But…
But she had little more idea of how to go about than Willow had. Her previous, all too brief experiences, had been little more than guilty fumbles – nice fumbles, but fumble all the same. But in her dreams…for months now she had imagined this time, imagined how she was going to physically make love this wonderful woman in a manner that would befit their spiritual connection.
And it started with undressing her and to do that Tara snatched back the impetus, the control from Willow. Brought Willow back to her mouth with her hands and held her head still and kissed her lips, just once more then slowly reached down to unfasten Willow’s clothing, to tease it from her like the wrapping of a birthday present. So carefully at first but with increasing urgency. Things were becoming less and less spiritual.
As Willow moved to keep touching her Tara just said ‘No love’ and carried on undressing the redhead – though Willow was clearly having trouble obeying the request, she fidgeted.
Willow’s hands were dying to touch Tara again, to explore her. To finish undressing her. But Tara clearly had her own plan…though eventually Tara did allow those hands to rest on her sides but only when she was as topless as Tara, gently touching – resting and not even holding until Tara sank down before her and her hands were grazing Tara’s sides as she slipped downwards, coming to rest on in that silky long blonde hair.
Down before the woman she loved, Tara unfastened Willow’s shoes and encouraged the other to raise her feet, one then the other, to remove them – flinging the shoes with a clatter across the room into a corner, well out of their way. Tara drew off the lower portion of Willow’s clothing and had her love step out of that too. She found it hard to believe that she was, finally, on her knee’s before the woman she adored. Who had chosen to love her. How many dreams had this moment factored in during the last months? Unable to hold back the physical and emotional need Tara wrapped her arms around Willow’s waist, pulled her herself inwards to rest her cheek against Willow’s still part hidden belly revelling in the warmth their of the skin, the scent of her love’s flesh and was it not just the flesh? She was going to find out.
But even with that embrace the kneeling woman had still not touched her as Willow wanted to be touched. Needed to be touched. With her down there, where Willow had only recently allowed herself to dream of this woman being the tension was unbearable. She did not know what it would be like but it would be Tara and that was enough. What else could she ask for? Or desire?
Tara pulled back and rested on her haunches before Willow, her heart pounding, chest swollen and aching as she drew in almost ragged breaths. She looked up at Willow in the dim light and with eyes that Willow probably couldn’t see properly asked her if she could. If it was all right. If Willow’s need was as great as her own.
Willow recognised that need in Tara because she felt the need herself and decided to take action to secure the progression of this moment without any delays. She hooked her fingers into the elastic of her panties and pushed them down over her buttocks and left them there resting on her slightly spread thighs, exposing herself wantonly to Tara. But that was alright. She was ready to be wanton. She wanted to be wanton. She needed to be.
This time it was Tara’s turn to audibly draw in her breath as she looked up along the length of Willow’s form. The light was just enough to work with and highlight the contrasts of Willow’s body. Small dark nipples, shadow where the curves fell out of the light and below, in stark contrast a patch of dark fur that in light Tara already knew was fiery red and beguiling as Willow’s hair. But now, here in the dark, it was a dark mysterious place that Tara wanted to explore for the benefit of them both.
Willow felt Tara reach forward to draw down the framing underwear, help her out of her panties and stood there naked before the kneeling woman and she could only guess at what was about to happen to her… but she welcomed every breath, every touch, every gesture and cry before they even happened because the trust she had in the kneeling beauty was absolute. That she would never hurt her. That she would always love her. That she would fulfil her desires – even though she herself was not totally sure what they were. But Tara would know. Willow reached out, placed a hand in Tara’s hair, stroked at it and was responded to as if by the kitty that Tara had wanted to get. Goddess was it only yesterday morning that she had mentioned that? Tara was rubbing her head against that hand, bringing it to her face then back into her hair. Willow kept up the stroking movements over hair and flesh and she knew in that connection that Tara was seeking her permission…her final permission.
And though they were long past needing that permission, she gave it, the tiniest pressure from her outstretched hand bringing Tara’s head forward and Willow stepped into it herself as Tara’s hands reached up and touched her breasts, playing there, one dropping and swirling over her belly – tracing little circles down and down, round her belly button down lower. And where Tara’s fingers had gone the soft kisses followed. Tara rose up to kiss the tips of Willow’s breasts, the swells, then sank again to follow her fingers down under the risen flesh of those, down to follow her belly. A tongue jutted out into her belly button swirled there itself as the fingers had done moments before.
And so knowing this pattern Willow was in a state of delicious anticipation. Sure of where the fingers were ultimately heading. Certain that the kisses would soon follow. The fingers by now were teasing at the upper edge of Willow’s intimate flesh, an area bordered by the soft fur that covered her mons. Those fingers twirled, twisting some of that hair into tiny, tight swirls which unravelled themselves quickly when the fingers withdrew and fell to Willow’s feet, running up her calves, the ticklish flesh at the back of her knees the outside of her thighs. The kisses remaining this time at the level of Tara’s bent head.
Tara moved her fingers back over the tops of her thighs to meet that intimate fur once more – from the sides this time, twirling again. Tickling now as she planted those kisses on the lowest portion of her belly that yet remained above full and final commitment, trying to avoid making the sudden move to full intimacy that might shock Willow or panic her.
It was maddening to Willow, to have her lover so close to where she needed her to be, physically, and to have to wait, but what were they waiting for? What was Tara waiting for? Building anticipation perhaps. She was as anticipated as she could be. She was past anticipation and into desperate need.
Tara, though, was determined not to spoil this moment. Willow had to be sure. A mistake now didn’t bear thinking about. Though Willow was clearly physically excited and this was a big, big step in any relationship…the moment of physical connection. More so for them, now after the events of the last few days. She twisted her head upwards to look up Willow, past her small breasts and into her face where breath was already coming unevenly. She smiled – though Willow would likely not be able to see it. ‘Love?’
It was a double-edged question…and Willow could not bring herself to speak, but accepted the offer in every sense. Instead she returned her hand to the back of Tara’s head and encouraged that first kiss to what was, for the moment at least, the very centre of her being. It was so soft, so gentle that it could have been a breeze blowing a feather across her. A touch so light it might not even have been there if her eyes had not confirmed the contact. A kiss that almost wasn’t.
And Tara’s fingertips grazing up behind her slightly parted legs tickled the sensitive skin behind her knee’s causing her to quiver… but she might have done so anyway as at that moment the kiss became more insistent. Teasing, and as two pairs of lips were parted Tara’s tongue sipped at the spring of her desire… a spring that was flowing from deep within her.
Willow could feel Tara’s hands at play over her body, given licence to roam now as they had never been before with restraints borne on her side of fear and uncertainty and on Tara’s out of the utmost respect for that fear. The fear though was gone… though some uncertainty remained… but it was apprehension only that she could not bring the same responses out of Tara. Her new lover. Her love. And try as she might to learn from Tara’s movements, touches and actions on her body her mind was consumed with the need to receive – not to analyse. Not to learn. Simply to reach the peaks of their physical connection… and oh by the goddess it was already coming to that… so soon… too soon. Too fast. But she needed it so much that she wouldn’t have fought that tide if she had been able to.
Tara had fantasised about this occasion for so long now that they had been as good as dress rehearsals… or undressed ones. But nothing could have prepared her for this. The opportunity to love this beautiful woman in every way. Not from afar…but from so close that she could smell, touch and taste her. And Willow was clearly not apprehensive or withdrawn. She was accepting this most intimate loving without anything but desire… desire that was rapidly building within her, faster than Tara would have dreamt possible. Again Tara could feel it with all of her senses. The breathing more ragged still, the body quivering as Willow tried to stand still before her. The hips starting to flutter, inner muscles and thighs dancing to the beat of Tara’s motions. The smell of female desire…the taste of Willow on her tongue and the sight of the woman she loved reaching the peaks of her pleasure.
Reached…
Willow could not help crying out such was the intensity of the sensation. The pleasure that coursed through her, radiating from that taut nub that Tara had fixated on, racing through every vein, artery and nerve to engulf her body. Reflexively she clasped Tara’s face to her with her hands locked between the other woman’s head…riding out the storm and at the heights of her pleasure feeling an intrusion within her as Tara allowed her lover to milk her fingers of what additional pleasure that they could bring to her – the tongue not ceasing in it’s actions until with a final cry Willow’s legs finally gave out and she collapsed like a rag doll to be caught by Tara and lowered carefully to rest in her arms.
Holding her there Tara was still caught in the surprise at the speed of Willow’s response to her touches, her caresses and kisses – for that had been the first time that she had done that too… She had loved before… but never chosen to make love. Not like that. The next time would be a little slower. Drawn out and even more fulfilling. She cradled Willow’s head, and held the exhausted and drained torso over her knees and as was their custom stroked at Willow’s hair. Willow’s brow was beaded with sweat – the breathing finally…minutes after the storm had broken…returning to normal. And finally she heard Willow speak.
‘Never…?’ Willow said knowing of Tara’s previous involvement but also that she had not been able to become intimate with that other person… and despite the loneliness that Tara had felt, in part because of that, Willow was glad. Glad that she could have been the one to receive that gift from Tara and bemused that she could reduce her to collapsing in pleasure, so quickly, so devastatingly beautifully.
‘No love never.’ Tara confirmed as Willow nuzzled at her bare chest.
Willow shifted. She wanted to give something back…all of that she had received… and more. And not here on the floor. She kissed Tara on the lips and tasted herself there… another new experience that would, half and hour ago have filled her with embarrassment to even consider. But now it was just erotic, a confirmation of her own desire… and Tara’s – a desire that she would have to satisfy. And wanted to…if she could.
Gently, and with a plan, Willow started to caress Tara – who she realised was still partially clothed – wanting to build her up for what was to come. As Tara stroked her hair she continued to stroke bare arms. To touch once again those breasts with her searching fingers. Teasing an ear as she pushed blonde hair back. Running a thumb along Tara’s eyebrows, easing them back into place. Circling her little finger around the darker flesh of Tara’s aureole… oh she wanted to see…
Still holding Willow and utterly content there on the floor Tara needed nothing other than she had already got. Willow in her arms…actually choosing to be there. But Willow clearly had other plans. What had started out as gentle caresses such as they had sometimes shared before were becoming more insistent…more deliberate and…. ‘Ow!’
Willow smiled mischievously having tweaked at Tara’s hardened nipples, determined to raise herself out of a lethargy induced by the waves of pleasure that this woman had sent through her body and determined that Tara would not settle, would not have to settle, for simply providing that pleasure. She moved, half rolling and half falling out of Tara’s embrace to the floor and stood up once more…extended her arm to Tara in invitation and when that hand was taken drew Tara up to stand with her and almost in a dance swung them around so that she could lower Tara to the bed that they had shared many times now… but never like this.
Tara could not take her eyes off Willow’s shape as she moved around the room, around the bed and brought that candle she had gifted to her to rest it beneath her bedside lamp.
‘I want to see you love. Is that OK?’ Willow asked she came back to the bed where Tara had scooted back from the edge and leaned over her and gently pulled at Tara’s remaining clothing.
Tara just nodded, not at all opposed to the visual feast.
Willow spoke the words and the candle leapt into flamey life once again. From silhouette to glorious – though dim – Technicolor. She prompted Tara to lift herself and allow them those clothes to be removed till they were, at last, naked together. Another first. Willow smiled and moved around out of the light source, allowing that candle light to reach Tara, looking upon her nude form at last without reservation or embarrassment. ‘Oh…Tara…’ It was just desire that she felt now. And lucky.
Tara had always imagined this moment would be in the dark…that it would be more romantic that way though she couldn’t deny Willow anything – nor did she want to. As Willow looked down at her naked on the bed her modesty made her want to cover herself up, to turn over and pull the sheets over her body – to do this under the covers. But modesty had no place here tonight. In the dark, candlelit, under the moon and stars or under big pink neon spotlights… it made no difference at all. Not now. Not now that she had Willow. That they belonged to each other.
Willow hesitated unsure now of just how to proceed, to begin… a kiss is always a good place to start though… take it from there and see where things lead… She got on the bed next to Tara and felt the other woman’s hands on her skin, stoking her as she lay there. Was it an offer…a chance for her to receive again? But she had no intention of passively receiving – this was Tara’s time. She reciprocated those hands wandering but also leaned in and kissed Tara once more on the lips. It was a kiss that started almost chastely, soon became lingering and as her hands took on other tasks became lusty…on both sides.
With her hand deliberately, but almost automatically, moving to the junction of Tara’s thighs she found the other woman ready for her, responding to that touching hand by reflexively moving against it, coaxing her into giving Tara what she so very obviously needed from her. Finding her damp and ready for her Willow wanted to slip down there, to give Tara what she had received from her. But Tara would not release her from the kiss, bringing her back to it with her hands and the tiny whimpering complaining noises that she made when Willow tried to leave her mouth behind.
With Willow’s hand at the new fulcrum of her being Tara was in no hurry to end the kiss. And…oh goddess….Willow had managed to tease out that ultimately sensitive nub of flesh from it’s concealment. She doubted that it had been deliberate… but her body was already so attuned to Willow’s movements on it…and Willow’s movements so attuned to her body’s needs that she couldn’t be surprised.
Tara was sure that nothing else was needed… that hand, those fingers…Willow’s kiss and touch. That was all that was necessary to bring her to where her body needed to go. But Willow wanted to give more… and she resisted it every time Willow tried to move away from the kiss but finally Willow broke away – though her fingers continued their caresses and the other hand went wandering over her body, her chest her thighs, the backs of her knees, in her hair…everywhere.
‘Please love… let me…’ Willow breathed at Tara. It was a plea really. A plea to let her prove herself to this wonderful woman….to demonstrate not that she could, or not just that but that she wanted to. That she needed to. For herself as well as Tara. And Tara once more could not refuse her.
Seeing rather than hearing the acceptance from Tara, Willow drew in a deep breath. She was going to do this. She was determined, delighted and damn it…unsure of just how. To receive was not the same as to give. She sank back down Tara, her hands continuing in her work…apparently from the sounds that Tara made and the responses of her body, good work – which ought to make this easier…no that wasn’t the right attitude. She wasn’t looking for easy - she was looking for success and that meant treating Tara to the same wonderful sensations that she had received and she could – starting right now.
Willow gently splayed Tara’s lower limbs apart allowing herself room to take up a more comfortable position and then felt Tara immediately bring her ankles, seemingly in response to the continued movement of Willow’s fingertips, round to meet on her upper back – drawing her in closer to the where both needed her to be with more and more desperation until finally Willow made the connection. Their lips met once more… but a different pairing. At first they merely fluttered there, tickled by the golden fur that surrounded Tara’s intimate flesh, then they grew more insistent kissing then finally parting to allow her tongue dance freely.
Unsure of just what she ‘should’ be doing – or even what exactly it was Tara had done to her Willow paused, glanced up Tara’s body raising her head and was gratified to here a disappointed moan from the other woman, and to see a hand abandon the work it was doing on Tara’s own chest to take her head and push it back down into the delta. Willow would have smiled too, but the pressure was insistent if fleeting – then hand going back to do something else, something unseen, whilst Willow’s own hands continued in their travels. Well one of them at least – the other had found a home…a warm safe place to stay and explore. A home that Tara was apparently was reluctant to let it leave as she…
Oh god it was there…Tara was reaching her own climax…the muscles clamped down on her exploring fingers so that Willow had to use real force to continue her movements…guessing now at what Tara would need at this delicate time…using her own experiences to tell her that this was not over for Tara. To tell her that those fingers, her kisses, the movement of her other hand across other sensitive parts of Tara’s body were all more important now for Tara than anything they had already done - so the noises that the blonde woman made as the peak hit her told Willow. Getting there was, as they said, just half of the fun.
Eventually though Tara began to come down and it was only then that Willow allowed herself to feel anything other than Tara… It was not triumph she felt… the way she would usually feel having proven to herself that she could do something. It was profound relief…that the last hurdle to their love had fallen. That she could give Tara everything that she deserved. And more than that…that she already loved to do so for the woman she loved. And they would love each other more that night – in every way.
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Endnote: You might think that this cuts off sharply,no cuddles and snuggles. Well put it this way, it wasn't the end of the night for our girls... I could have written a book! Next part is set the following morning. Cuddles and snuggles promise.
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 11, 2001).]
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When you mentioned that we might need some time to read the story and more time to give feedback, you neglected to add some more time between the two for the necessary cold shower! I've got a big silly grin on my face that I'm going to have the devil's own time explaining.
All humour aside this was a truly beautiful moment told in excellent style. I bow to your wonderful writing and offer you a laurel wreath.
Estne Finis, aut Initium Finis, aut Finis initii, aut Initium?
Is it The End, or The Beginning of The End, or The End of The Beginning, or The Beginning?
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*going to cool down a little before attempting to say anything else about this... - trust me to read it in school...*
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And since I’m a cuddles and snuggles kinda guy, I’m really looking forward to the next part (as much as I was looking forward to this one )
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I don't care. This is wonderful. Now, on to the snuggles and cuddles, dammit!
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"I will say, I've been in some weird places, but this is…another weird place."
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I woke up EARLIER to read this before I went to school....I didnt finish it this morning but gee it put me in a goofy mood....lol
Continue with the great work, ya know we love it. and just cuz its amazing...
here:
*hands you a cookie*
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If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
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nic
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"Eep ork ah ah means I want to screw you." The uncensored song lyrics not allowed on the Jetsons.
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1, Any light coming through the windo would be moonlight as Sunnydale had a whole town blackout.
2, "You have to be with the person you love"
There is no most after this. That struck me the most as it kind of made Willow being with Tara a little less than it should be. Willow was there as she loved Tara, no most about it.
Apart from that it was a sweet part, thanks for posting it so quickly
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As for the rest of you ungrateful kitties I am detecting a theme here (but luv the feedback thanks.) I give you snuggles and smoochies and it's all "we want more than snuggles and smoochies." I give you "more" and now you want snuggles and smoochies???!! Aah well maybe it is just that I should have connected the morning after to this fic, that might have done it better.
Anyway thankyou all very much for taking the time for reading, having your cold shower (Kerry) and feeding back. Please keep it coming if there is anyone left who hasn;t read this yet... The next part "First Light" will be posted perhaps tonight, probably tomorrow morning.
Katharyn
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She's my always
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When you mentioned that we might need some time to read the story and more time to give feedback, you neglected to add some more time between the two for the necessary cold shower! I've got a big silly grin on my face that I'm going to have the devil's own time explaining.
All humour aside this was a truly beautiful moment told in excellent style. I bow to your wonderful writing and offer you a laurel wreath.
Estne Finis, aut Initium Finis, aut Finis initii, aut Initium?
Is it The End, or The Beginning of The End, or The End of The Beginning, or The Beginning?
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posted September 10, 2001 07:08 O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!When you mentioned that we might need some time to read the story and more time to give feedback, you neglected to add some more time between the two for the necessary cold shower! I've got a big silly grin on my face that I'm going to have the devil's own time explaining.
All humour aside this was a truly beautiful moment told in excellent style. I bow to your wonderful writing and offer you a laurel wreath.
Estne Finis, aut Initium Finis, aut Finis initii, aut Initium?
Is it The End, or The Beginning of The End, or The End of The Beginning, or The Beginning?
*going to cool down a little before attempting to say anything else about this... - trust me to read it in school...*
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posted September 10, 2001 07:37 this is really well written...*going to cool down a little before attempting to say anything else about this... - trust me to read it in school...*
IP: LoggedWardukeStrong like an Amazon And since I’m a cuddles and snuggles kinda guy, I’m really looking forward to the next part (as much as I was looking forward to this one )
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posted September 10, 2001 10:26 Truly beautiful Katharyn, very romantic and sexy.And since I’m a cuddles and snuggles kinda guy, I’m really looking forward to the next part (as much as I was looking forward to this one )
I don't care. This is wonderful. Now, on to the snuggles and cuddles, dammit!
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"I will say, I've been in some weird places, but this is…another weird place."
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posted September 10, 2001 11:58 Reading this at home made me late for work.
I don't care. This is wonderful. Now, on to the snuggles and cuddles, dammit!
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"I will say, I've been in some weird places, but this is…another weird place."
I woke up EARLIER to read this before I went to school....I didnt finish it this morning but gee it put me in a goofy mood....lol
Continue with the great work, ya know we love it. and just cuz its amazing...
here:
*hands you a cookie*
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If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
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posted September 10, 2001 18:18 Bravo! Yo, that was great. very very well worth the wait, and im so entirely looking forward to morning snuggles hheheI woke up EARLIER to read this before I went to school....I didnt finish it this morning but gee it put me in a goofy mood....lol
Continue with the great work, ya know we love it. and just cuz its amazing...
here:
*hands you a cookie*
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If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
nic
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"Eep ork ah ah means I want to screw you." The uncensored song lyrics not allowed on the Jetsons.
IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 18:43 yeah.nic
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"Eep ork ah ah means I want to screw you." The uncensored song lyrics not allowed on the Jetsons.
1, Any light coming through the windo would be moonlight as Sunnydale had a whole town blackout.
2, "You have to be with the person you love"
There is no most after this. That struck me the most as it kind of made Willow being with Tara a little less than it should be. Willow was there as she loved Tara, no most about it.
Apart from that it was a sweet part, thanks for posting it so quickly
IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 20:10 Hi Katharyn and thanks for this part although 2 things really struck me.1, Any light coming through the windo would be moonlight as Sunnydale had a whole town blackout.
2, "You have to be with the person you love"
There is no most after this. That struck me the most as it kind of made Willow being with Tara a little less than it should be. Willow was there as she loved Tara, no most about it.
Apart from that it was a sweet part, thanks for posting it so quickly
IP: LoggedlegendCool Monster Fighter IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 21:04 The only word that is springing into my mind is 'WOW'! This part was truly wonderful!... Can't wait for the morning snuggles! IP: Loggedcatliz16Blessed Wannabe IP: Logged
posted September 10, 2001 22:12 We need the morning snuggles now!!! Loved this part - like all the others ...IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs As for the rest of you ungrateful kitties I am detecting a theme here (but luv the feedback thanks.) I give you snuggles and smoochies and it's all "we want more than snuggles and smoochies." I give you "more" and now you want snuggles and smoochies???!! Aah well maybe it is just that I should have connected the morning after to this fic, that might have done it better.
Anyway thankyou all very much for taking the time for reading, having your cold shower (Kerry) and feeding back. Please keep it coming if there is anyone left who hasn;t read this yet... The next part "First Light" will be posted perhaps tonight, probably tomorrow morning.
Katharyn
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She's my always
IP: Logged
posted September 11, 2001 00:39 Thankyou Puff for spotting the deliberate mistakes. Or not so deliberate...As for the rest of you ungrateful kitties I am detecting a theme here (but luv the feedback thanks.) I give you snuggles and smoochies and it's all "we want more than snuggles and smoochies." I give you "more" and now you want snuggles and smoochies???!! Aah well maybe it is just that I should have connected the morning after to this fic, that might have done it better.
Anyway thankyou all very much for taking the time for reading, having your cold shower (Kerry) and feeding back. Please keep it coming if there is anyone left who hasn;t read this yet... The next part "First Light" will be posted perhaps tonight, probably tomorrow morning.
Katharyn
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She's my always
by Forrister » Mon Sep 10, 2001 4:08 am
When you mentioned that we might need some time to read the story and more time to give feedback, you neglected to add some more time between the two for the necessary cold shower! I've got a big silly grin on my face that I'm going to have the devil's own time explaining.
All humour aside this was a truly beautiful moment told in excellent style. I bow to your wonderful writing and offer you a laurel wreath.
Estne Finis, aut Initium Finis, aut Finis initii, aut Initium?
Is it The End, or The Beginning of The End, or The End of The Beginning, or The Beginning?
by WiccanBex » Mon Sep 10, 2001 4:37 am
*going to cool down a little before attempting to say anything else about this... - trust me to read it in school...*
by Warduke » Mon Sep 10, 2001 7:26 am
And since I’m a cuddles and snuggles kinda guy, I’m really looking forward to the next part (as much as I was looking forward to this one )
by CaptMurdock » Mon Sep 10, 2001 8:58 am
I don't care. This is wonderful. Now, on to the snuggles and cuddles, dammit!
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"I will say, I've been in some weird places, but this is…another weird place."
by Sneaky Kitty » Mon Sep 10, 2001 3:18 pm
I woke up EARLIER to read this before I went to school....I didnt finish it this morning but gee it put me in a goofy mood....lol
Continue with the great work, ya know we love it. and just cuz its amazing...
here:
*hands you a cookie*
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If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
......in the end we are all still innocent......
Someone tell me why?
by dreiser » Mon Sep 10, 2001 3:43 pm
nic
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"Eep ork ah ah means I want to screw you." The uncensored song lyrics not allowed on the Jetsons.
by Puff » Mon Sep 10, 2001 5:10 pm
1, Any light coming through the windo would be moonlight as Sunnydale had a whole town blackout.
2, "You have to be with the person you love"
There is no most after this. That struck me the most as it kind of made Willow being with Tara a little less than it should be. Willow was there as she loved Tara, no most about it.
Apart from that it was a sweet part, thanks for posting it so quickly
by legend » Mon Sep 10, 2001 6:04 pm
by catliz16 » Mon Sep 10, 2001 7:12 pm
by Katharyn » Mon Sep 10, 2001 9:39 pm
As for the rest of you ungrateful kitties I am detecting a theme here (but luv the feedback thanks.) I give you snuggles and smoochies and it's all "we want more than snuggles and smoochies." I give you "more" and now you want snuggles and smoochies???!! Aah well maybe it is just that I should have connected the morning after to this fic, that might have done it better.
Anyway thankyou all very much for taking the time for reading, having your cold shower (Kerry) and feeding back. Please keep it coming if there is anyone left who hasn;t read this yet... The next part "First Light" will be posted perhaps tonight, probably tomorrow morning.
Katharyn
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She's my always
by catliz16 » Tue Sep 11, 2001 3:09 am
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"After one take," remembers Hannigan," Joss did say, 'Can we have one that's less like you're going to sleep together in about five minutes?'"
by Forrister » Tue Sep 11, 2001 4:13 am
Is sex all you folk think about? (Don't answer that - it's a rhetorical question!)
Melior dare quam accipere est.
(It is better to give than to receive.)
by tommo » Tue Sep 11, 2001 7:58 am
quote:
Originally posted by Forrister:
Is sex all you folk think about? (Don't answer that - it's a rhetorical question!)
Rhetorical or not, yeah. It is.
quote:
Melior dare quam accipere est.
(It is better to give than to receive.)
Really? Heh heh...
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"She looked across at Willow, whose face was filled with light. She had never felt so calm and happy, and strong..." ~ Unseen: Door To Alternity
[This message has been edited by tommo (edited September 11, 2001).]
quote:quote:by nika » Tue Sep 11, 2001 9:26 am
by Katharyn » Tue Sep 11, 2001 11:08 am
Katharyn
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 11, 2001).]
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