Author: Garner
Email: Garner502@yahoo.com
Feedback: Please, always welcome. Besides, here’s your chance to get even and let me have it.
Distribution: Post this where you want, just let me know when you do.
Spoilers: None.
Rating: PG
Pairing: W/T
Disclaimer: Willow and Tara belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and those involved with the show. I have no right to any of them and make no money from this.
Summary: Set at some indeterminate point, probably in the future (which is one reason background details are left abnormally vague), Willow and Tara make Valentine’s Day plans.
Note: Written February 2002
A Single Heartbeat
“You know tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day, right?” Willow asked, nervously rotating her bagel sandwich but not actually taking a bite. Strangely, she did not look up at the face of her lover who sat across from her.
“Uh-huh,” Tara answered noncommittally. She was eating with quite a bit more enthusiasm, taking large bites and chewing quickly, which was unusual for her.
“So, do you, ah, have any specific plans? You know, anything special in mind?” The red head inquired a bit sheepish that for a change her mind was blank and she had made no romantic arrangements of her own. Nothing she had come up with had felt right or adequate to express the love she felt for the woman before her. This bothered her more than she was willing to admit.
“Ummm, n-no, I don’t,” Tara began, rapidly swallowing. “You’re always so much better at the planning these sorts of things than I am,” she looked down and a faint blush colored her face. “Mine just come out all sappy.”
Willow smiled and looked at her companion, still delighted at the charm of her occasional shyness. “I beg to differ. Who was it that came up with the camping weekend in the mountains? Or the ski lodge retreat? I seem to recall something involving rose petals, satin sheets and a great number of candles.”
“But you were the one who planned that whole LA ballet and Hilton suite trip. And it was your idea to have four midnight picnics during full moons to dedicate our love to each of the elements,” Tara’s blush deepened as she recalled those nights and the tenderness they had shared. She gazed into Willow’s green eyes with complete adoration. “You made each of them so...transcendentally beautiful.”
“You never give yourself enough credit,” the smaller girl admonished, reaching for and taking the other’s hand. “The only transcendent beauty there was yours.”
They looked at each other for a moment and then laughed at their syrupyness and let go. Willow finally took a bite while Tara sipped her water. Neither had any great ideas, and both hoped the other was just playing coy and had a surprise in mind.
“What about the rest of the gang?”
“I think they all have plans so we’re on our own.”
Another pregnant silence was filled by the sounds of chewing. Normally they would have been content to eat quietly, but an underlying tension lay between them giving the meal an awkwardness they hadn’t felt together in some time.
Near the end Willow finally asked hesitantly, “Do, do you think we’re getting complacent? That we’ve been together so long we take each other for granted?”
“I...I don’t know. You’re so much a part of me, my life, everything, that it seems as natural as breathing for you to be with me,” The witch contemplated for a moment and then added, “I used to feel especially blessed anytime you looked at me or touched me.”
“Exactly,” Willow agreed quickly. “But now all that seems so routine. I mean I still look at you, really see you, I think.” The blonde nodded emphatically. “But your touch and body are so familiar...”
“That some of the excitement is gone?” Tara asked.
“Maybe, I don't know. It’s not like I don't love you, because I do, very much.”
“It’s just that I don’t know any way to fully show you how much I love you."
Willow’s half smile lit up her face and she said, “Oh, but you do that every night.”
Tara’s cheeks turned a deep rosy hue and she looked down before meeting her lover’s eyes. “Will, not every night.”
“Yes, every night,” Willow corrected earnestly. “When I go to sleep and you are lying there snuggled up beside me I feel your love.”
Tara’s eyes misted as tears threatened to form. They hadn’t had this sentimental a conversation in a long time. At that moment she wished she could show Willow the full enormity of her love. She might not stutter when she spoke from the heart but words were still so inadequate.
They separated after lunch and each went about their daily schedules though thoughts of their partner lingered. The idea that they could be taking the other for granted or that their lovemaking might be as routine as their days disturbed both of them. Neither was very productive, and they felt a strange melancholy settle over them. It wasn’t passion that was lacking, exactly, but something did seem to be absent.
Over dinner they discussed their activities and what dangers currently confronted the Scooby gang. During one of the lulls Tara thought, ‘You share my soul, why is it I can’t share with you how I truly feel?’
Willow thought much the same thing, and it was a measure of their bond that they both longed to reassure the other. Tara’s deeper knowledge of witchcraft allowed her to catch a glimmer of an idea first.
Initially she rejected it as impossible or too dangerous, but the more she considered it, the more she decided it might be worth bringing up anyway.
“Sweety,” she began uncertainly. “What we talked about at lunch has been running through my mind all day. It’s like a scab or itch that draws your attention no matter how hard you try and avoid it.”
“I know I felt the same thing. I-I barely got any work done,” Willow concurred.
The blonde went on cautiously. “I may have an idea, a way to give you a glimpse of me that you’ve never had before.”
“But, it’s dangerous?” Willow asked finishing her companion’s thought.
“Yes, no, I’m not really sure. It's something I vaguely recall coming across. It allows two people who know and trust each other completely to briefly brush their souls together. Or at least I-I think it does,” Tara finished, not sure if Willow fully understood what she meant.
“God and Goddess, that would be like becoming one with the other person, truly joining with them, if even for a second,” Willow said breathlessly, amazed that such a thing could even be done. She continued in a more subdued tone, “But that would also be sorta dangerous wouldn’t it? The two people might get lost in each other or intermingled and never come back.”
Tara nodded, pleased by her love’s understanding. “T-that’s exactly it. The synchronicity of the floating rose would be nothing compared to this. Do, do you think it’s worth the chance?” She asked fearfully, though whether because she hoped Willow would say yes or not, she wasn’t certain.
“Oh Tara, honey, it's a beautiful idea even if we don’t go through with it,” Willow said as she considered the matter. It would be a risk, but was it worthwhile? She saw the apprehensive look on Tara’s sweet face and thought of how her day had been haunted by the doubts she had risen. “Do you think we should try?”
“Maybe we should learn more about the spell, what it entails, before making a final decision,” Tara equivocated.
“That would definitely be the smart way to go,” Willow affirmed. “And it allows us to delay any final decision.” She concluded with a grin.
It took Tara a great deal of rummaging through their spell books to find the volume containing the spell. They sat on the couch, arms entwined, and eagerly read through it together, the thick tome supported between them on their thighs. It was more involved than Tara had remembered. It required them to do the exact same things for twenty-four hours prior to casting the spell, which needed to be performed in the hour of Venus while the moon was in the sky. They had all the various herbs, oils and incenses necessary and at least the ritual portion would not be too much more elaborate than others they had done.
Tara broke the silence. “So, what do you t-think?”
“That someone must be a little excited by the idea,” Willow replied on hearing the faint stutter in the blonde’s voice. “It seems doable, I mean nothing we haven’t done before, mostly, and the danger isn’t too great and if it meant a lot to you I’d be willing to try, but I don’t want to push you into something we shouldn’t do either, so it’s OK if you don’t want to, I won’t be disappointed and I’ll stop now.”
She looked expectantly at her lover, seeing the telltale signs of her interest, and curiosity mixed with a touch of concern. “I know that look though. It says that you want to, but you don’t want to force me into anything. I’ve always trusted you, if you think it’s safe enough than I'm most definitely willing.”
Tara smiled at her friend and kissed her lightly on the lips. “You know me too well,” she said. “But I think you are as intrigued as I am. It’s not really too dangerous and it will be a great way to share the day, whether the spell works or not. Keep in mind that nothing could happen.”
Willow smiled mischievously and stated, “As long as you are with me, something is going to happen.”
Seeing Tara’s ever so slight flush, the red head kissed her lover and the two continued for a short time. Afterwards they set about preparing for the next day and changing their normal activities so that they could remain together. The magical supplies were easy, but matching clothes were a bit more of a problem. None of their skirts matched so they settled on jeans and similar white blouses. Even their underwear and shoes needed to be the same, or as close as possible.
When everything was laid out and ready, they went back downstairs and watched TV till bedtime. Returning to their bedroom, they practiced getting undressed in unison, which proved to be a bit more difficult than it seemed. A few wry observations and giggles kept interfering with the process. Neither could remember that last time they felt so giddy.
Standing naked in front of each other, they intoned the proper invocation and chant, anointed their hearts with the right mix of herbs and each lit an incense stick from a candle to their left. When they had finished they embraced, and kissed. Following that they put away the supplies and climbed into bed at the same time.
The following day was both interesting and nerve-wracking. Mirroring the other’s actions was not easy. They both found they were constantly observing and watching how their partner performed even the smallest actions. A raised eyebrow or quirked lip was mimicked as much as possible. At first they found the exercise frustrating, each positive that they were so out of synch that the spell would surely fail. However, as the day wore on they started to develop a rhythm where they anticipated what the other girl was about to do. Even small idiosyncrasies like the way Tara brushed her hair back or how Willow held a fork were noticed and repeated. By dinner their actions were such copies of each other they might have been choreographed and endlessly practiced.
Early on speaking had seemed to be the biggest problem, but by unspoken agreement they dispensed with it sometime after noon. Neither had ever felt closer to their love, and yet the gulf separating them seemed even larger than before. Each longed to bridge that gap, to touch and merge with the other. They spent much of the night sitting across from each other meditating and opening their senses. When the hour of Venus finally started, their breathing was almost in perfect harmony.
They each moved to face the west and sat side by side. Left and right hands joined.
“I want you to know that even if the spell fails, this has still been the most marvelous day I have ever shared with you,” they both said broad smiles lighting their faces.
Each added some of the correct herbs to the metal chafing dish in front of them, and two pillars of fragrant smoke rose upwards. As they spoke the ritual words, the columns spiraled and twisted together. They both blinked simultaneously and took a breath as the world around them began to slow.
An individual grain of some herb burst into incandescent flame and was transformed into a sudden plume of darker smoke. They felt a warm and reassuring presence within and beside them. They blinked again and drew in another rush of air. Neither could sense the walls around them nor the floor beneath them. Perspiration beaded on their foreheads in exactly the same place and one drop slowly worked its way down each nose. Both of their chests rose and fell, and the twirling smoke merged into a single spire. Each felt the surge of blood flow through their arms and legs, and noticed the similar stream nearby.
Twin golden glows faintly shone from their bellies as they drew another breath. The drops of sweat fell with decreasing speed and the sense of the other enveloped them as the golden light expanded into two overlapping spheres. Two mouths opened and two chests rose at the inhalation. A larger and smaller heart each took in blood, and then began to squeeze in perfect unity.
The golden aura that surrounded them both merged into one consuming light, and each became aware of the other. Their perceptions twirled dizzingly as the thoughts and life of the other opened before them. All the deepest memories and emotions poured through the pair, threatening to drag them along. United, they felt an overwhelming flood of love and devotion towards each other drown out all else. A profound sense of tranquillity and completeness settled on each as they were laid bare before one another.
Their hearts continued their contraction, and Willow’s broke step, replenishing its chambers before Tara’s. The drops of sweat crashed to the floor and the gold light shimmered and faded. Two chests heaved for air as four tracks of joyful tears streamed unimpeded. Each felt a hurtling sensation as though falling from a great height and were suddenly aware of their individual bodies.
They half turned towards one another and gently caressed the other’s wet cheek. They looked at each other as if for the first time after a long separation. Their hands, still mirror images, gently stroked and touched the other’s body. They rediscovered their most sensitive spots and the areas that brought the most pleasure, each awed at the incredible beauty and depth of passion of the other.
Eventually the magnitude of their exertions crashed down upon them. Spent and deeply content, they collapsed together on the floor, sleep enfolding them. They would probably be stiff and sore the next day, but neither cared. No matter what happened in the future, they would each carry with them the memory of the single heartbeat when they were one.
END