Author: Me, I'm Amanda. My friend Whitney and I are throwing ideas at each other. So it could be referred to as co-written.
Feedback: Yep. Liked muchly.
Distribution: Just let me know.
Spoilers: Up to 'Wrecked'
Rating: PG. I'm pretty sure.
Disclaimers: Joss and UPN and etc. I'm tired, and you know anyway, so.
Note: I really don't know where this is going, so if it's not updated for eons, maybe it stopped going. And might I add that I just kind of threw Willow and Tara back together. Um... yes. Okay then.
Part I
Tara smoothed out the page of her book when she turned it, starting to read, then sighing annoyedly. She rolled over, accidentaly knocking the book off the bed with a flutter as she did so. Instead of tending to it, she ignored it and stared at the ceiling.
Willow sat next to the bookshelf, amongst stacks of books, sifting through them sadly. She reached for a pile, transferring them to the large cardboard box that sat empty next to her. The books hit the bottom with a hollow sound, making her stomach churn. She picked up the next book, 'Teach Yourself Witchcraft.' She frowned decisively at it and tossed it into the box as if it were evil itself.
Tara reached blindly for her pen, picking it up and aiming at the cork board they had with a boredness unlike any other. She closed one eye, her tongue twisting itself in concentration. The pen flew through the air, missing the board by a few inches and she sighed, dropping back onto the matress.
Willow glanced at Tara while she absently tucked a few strands of hair behind her ears. She turned her gaze back to the books surrounding her. Was she doing the right thing? She looked at Tara again, who was blowing at a strand of hair that had fallen into her eyes.
The blonde paused, listening to the shuffling sounds behind her. "Will?"
She stopped in mid-reach. "Yeah?"
"What're you doing?" Tara rolled her head back, letting it drop over the edge of the bed so she was looking at Willow upside down.
"Nothing important..." She finished her reach, putting another book into the box.
Tara blinked drowsily, feeling the blood rushing to her head. "I'm bored..."
"I'm... I don't know."
Tara rolled over with an almost inaudible groan and fixed her gaze upon Willow. "What's wrong?"
Willow shook her head slowly. "Nothing's wrong. Why would you think that?"
"You're kind of avoid-y. And you're really only like that when something's wrong."
"I'm not avoid-y. Just..." Willow dropped another book in the box. "Cleaning out my bookshelf."
"Of magick books. That's why it's 'really nothing.' Will..."
"It's nothing." She hefted the last stack of books up and into the box, a sad gaze moved to the now empty bookshelf. A small frown played upon her lips, making Tara want to help her.
"Will..." She pushed herself up off the bed, moving to kneel down beside Willow. She reached a gentle hand up to trace the shape of the lips she adored that were turned down in a frown, then trailed them down to mingle with Willow's fingers. "Please talk to me. It's not nothing. I know this is hard for you and I want to support you and help you as much as I can."
"But you can't!" Willow pulled her fingers away, folding them in her lap with a contained anger. "You aren't me and you don't have to do this."
"I know Willow, that's why you have to talk to me. I can't even try to be there for you if you don't talk to me. And if you're not going to talk to me and I can't be there for you, then why am I here?"
"Because I-I can't... I can't do-" She cut her words off and stared at the box blankly. "If you want me to stop, why are you doing magick?"
"Will... we're seperate people. I haven't done any magick around you, but I can't just stop. All I can do is try and help, and I want to help. If you let me."
Willow turned her gaze back to Tara. "Then you stop too. That'll help me."
"Why?" Tara was feeling the edges of confusion creep up on her.
"See! I-I need to..." She stood up, looking down at Tara for a split second, her eyes bearing the weight of her sadness and confusion. She turned and began to move towards the door, evidently planning on going somewhere.
Tara moved across the room stealthily, taking hold of Willow by her shoulders and turning the smaller girl to face her. "Tell me Willow."
"Why do I have to when you don't?"
Tara pressed her lips together, loosening her hold on Willow. "Because you have a problem. Once it's dealt with, I'm going to teach you the right way to learn magick. I let you go too fast without enough education the first time. And then you can do it whenever you want to."
"I can learn." Her eyes flicked to the door, and she turned once again. "I'm going to the park to meet people who know what it's like to be normal, and I'll learn. So I'll be off. Ta ta." She snickered quietly and walked out of the room, dissapearing down the stairs and out the back door.
Her eyebrows furrowed in a confused line and she flopped back onto the bed. Willow was unbelievably cruel to her when all she wanted to do was help, and she couldn't fathom any reason why she was being so. She looked at the book she had knocked off the bed, twisted and overturned. The book was her. She kicked it gently with the toe of her shoe, turning it over and looking at the bent pages. She sighed sadly, bending down to pick up the book and set it in her lap, tenderly trying to flatten the bent and battered pages. If only it were so easy...
Dawn caught the last fleeting glimpse of Willow leaving and frowned, knowing for sure she didn't hear a good-bye from her. She moved across the hall to Willow and Tara's room, knocking softly on the door. She kept her voice at it's normal, happy tone. "Can I come in?"
Tara looked up from the book like a startled doe. She blinked a few times, placing the book off to side, hoping it wouldn't be noticed. "Y-yeah, come in."
Dawn pushed open the door, walking inside and smiling a friendly smile. As friendly as she could manage. She caught sight of the empty bookshelf, and looked to Tara. "So she's going through with it?"
Tara raised her eyebrows, not following Dawn's train of thought, for she was concentrated on looking and sounding like she was fine. "With what?"
"The magick. Stopping."
"O-oh... I don't know." She frowned, realizing she did know but had just said she didn't.
"You think she can do it?"
"If she thinks she can. But... she said she wanted me to stay because she can't do it without me, yet she won't talk to me and says it would be a lot easier if I stopped to. To me, that says, I need you, but go away. Which..." This only furthered to deepen Tara's frown.
"Which what Tara?"
"It doesn't make any sense. She's not herself."
"No kidding." Dawn raised her arm in reference to their accident. "I don't think she can do it."
Tara drew her legs up onto the bed, sitting cross legged. "That's awful to say. Why don't you think she can do it?"
"Because she can't! She said she would stop, has she?? No."
"Dawn, she needs help and support, you can't do everything alone."
Dawn crossed her arms. "Tell that to Buffy! Willow... she's not herself, she probably never will be! She's messing everything up!"
"Dawn, calm down. She's not herself because of the magick. None of us can really know how dark of a place that is... it's terrifying."
"She ruined everything. Everything! She brought back Buffy when she was happy! It's all her fault. Every magick thing that happens that involves her. It's her fault!"
"Dawn..." Tara's eyebrows furrowed into a concerned line.
"Don't Dawn me!"
Tara sighed, leaning forward to place her chin in her hands and close her eyes. Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm. She knew getting angry at Dawn wouldn't help, but she really was being irrational, and that was wearing on her.
"If someone brought your mother back would you be happy? Huh, would you?"
"Yes and no. Dawn, you can't just answer that. There are reasons why I would want her back, but I know she passed away for a reason, so bringing her back probably wouldn't be best."
Dawn sighed loudly. "You wouldn't understand, because Willow is your girlfriend, and I... well I'm not liking her much right now." She left Tara's room and went back into her own.
Tara stood up swiftly and slammed the door, then turned to the bed and threw back the covers, burrowing under them and pulling them back over her head, curling up into a ball. "Why does everyone keep walking away?" She pressed her hands to her eyes as warm tears flowed freely from them. "It's not as if it doesn't kill me too..." She bit her trembling lip and closed her eyes, hoping she would find the comfort of sleep, where she could dream happy things and not think about any of this.
[This message has been edited by boo (edited February 10, 2002).]
