Extra1380@aol.com
Oh, please excuse any spelling or grammar mistakes since I just wrote this tonight and don't have anyone to look it over. Now on with the show
Title: A Night Without Armor (Yes I stole the title from Jewel's poetry book title)
Author: Tempest (Vicki)
Spoilers: All episodes this season
Pairing: Will/Tara
Rating: PG-13 ( I think? no sex if that's what you're going for but plenty of lovey doveyness)
Disclaimers: Don't own em, just borrowin em, Joss Whedon has that pleasure
Summary: Willow deals with the aftermath of the dispute with Giles
and Tara supports her
archiving: I don't think anyone will want to, but hey if it please you.. make it so, just give me a heads up about it.
A Night Without Armor
By Tempest
There was a kind of comfort that came with the darkness of night. Maybe it was the way it clouded the world, the way it left everything without form. All that remained were blurred outlines of once familiar objects. Everything is different; no pleasing colors, no familiar sounds, no clear direction, and lost with that are the expectations of how we believed the world to be. Or maybe it is how the light of the moon can reach places the sun neglects, how shadows become substance and substance becomes shadows. There is a freedom in that, a freedom to let our armor fall at our feet, and allow our bruises to breathe before the light of day calls us back to arms. But this night, one red haired girl was having trouble escaping that armor. She had been wearing it for so long it was hard to separate where it ended and she began. It left her feeling cold and hard, and...alone. Armor that was used as a barrier between her and all that would do her harm was becoming so stiff even the goodness that could comfort her was being denied entry. Maybe these were just the babblings of girl being forced to grow up, or the wallowing sounds of a 'rank, arrogant amateur.' That was what Giles had called her. One day she is a 'big gun' the next she's an, 'arrogant amateur.' And 'rank' what was that anyway, if Giles was gonna insult her at least he could use less stuffy 'tea and crumpets' insults.
*What in the sam heck was I thinking...did I threaten Giles...I threatened Giles...I told him not to piss me off. I never used to be able to think, ' don't piss me off,' let alone say it out loud to something that is not an inanimate object. That must have really pissed him off. There I go again, I'm turning into a potty mouth. But he didn't have to be so mean with me. I had to bring Buffy back...I couldn't...I had to bring to bring her back. It wasn't like I did it for selfish reasons..right? No because that would make me bad, and I'm sooo not bad, like if bad were a country I would be the U.S and it would be Fiji, as far away as you can get before you start heading back...although that would mean one step in the wrong direction and I could be....no bad example, bad example, no heading in the direction of badness here, no sir, nothing but clear skies and pleasant weather prediction here. Of course that begs the question of why I'm out here when I could be upstairs with an incredibly beautiful cuddle buddy. Tara...my Tara.
Suddenly the scent of jasmine and sunflowers filled her senses and a smile graced her previously forlorn face. She asked the known figure behind her,
"Are you stalking me because you know California has some of the strictest laws on that. Besides my incredibly powerful and beautiful girlfriend won't be pleased." Willow then heard the wonderfully soothing voice of her soulmate respond.
"I just couldn't help myself, I see a beautiful woman sitting in the dark all alone and I can't help but want to be near her. Besides you can't have that great of girlfriend if she's leaving you out here all alone."
Willow turned to the doorway of the back porch to see her lover Tara in her white night gown, her arms crossed across her chest, and her head leaning against the door frame. She was bathed in the moonlight and the sight was so mesmerizing that it left Willow without words and her heart halted it's action for a moment. When she regained he power of speech she replied,
"Actually my girlfriend is so wonderful that she'd probably worry herself sick if I troubled her with every little thought that goes through my head. She doesn't need the extra pressure. I just needed some fresh air to clear my head." She gave a reassuring half smile to Tara, but she knew that her love wasn't buying it. Tara gave a sympathetic but disapproving look and pushed herself of the wall and walked over to Willow. She sat down behind he lover that was perched on the steps of the backyard deck, and engulfed Willow with her body. She wrapped her arms around the red head's waist, let her thighs encase her lovers thighs, and rested her head on Willows shoulder as her nose nuzzled her neck. Willow instinctually leaned back into Tara's perfect embrace. They stayed like that for a little bit, neither one wanting to interrupt such a delicate and tender moment. Reluctantly Tara broke the comfortable silence.
"That's not fair love, you know that if I tried to keep something that was bothering me from you, you would be breaking out your resolve face until I cracked. This is what I'm here for, if I can't give you the outlet that you need than what good of a girlfriend am I." Willow giggled then playfully answered,
"you mean besides the obvious 'French' benefits, and bedroom bonuses."
"Please Willow, no more sarcastic smoke screens, just be real with me. It's just me you and the moon here."
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to be all evasive maneuver gal, I just...I don't know...I keep waiting for things to go back to normal, and it just seems like we're stuck in the Twilight Zone. I don't...I don't know how to be...here... Am I just babbling because I was babbling in my head before and I kept taking these weird turns and ended up thinking about Fiji and weather forecasts and I have no idea what they meant and they were my own thoughts so if I can't figure out what the heck they mean you're probably not gonn mphh...mumm"
Tara silenced the nervous ramblings with a sweet and tender kiss. She pulled back from Willows lips before it got too passionate as seemed to be the case on many occasions when they made with the smoochies.
"Sweetie, does this sudden case of the blues have to do with why Giles trotted out of the kitchen in a huff. I was coming down the stairs to find you and Mr. Giles wasn't with the happy face when he stomped by me. Did something happen between the two of you." Tara twisted her body so she was half facing her lover but still providing the protective warmth of her embrace. She looked into Willow's eyes wanting to let her know that she could tell her anything, that she was here to listen with an open heart to whatever she needed to say. Willow looked into Tara's eye and was blown away by the concern she saw there. It wasn't an expectant gaze or a judgmental stare, just a look full of love and patience. She cupped her lover's cheek with her hand and rubbed her thumb along the soft skin. She smiled, trying to convey her thanks for the obvious comfort Tara was trying to give her, and then responded
"We talked about the resurrection spell ....I thought he would have been proud of me, you know, he always used to be full of the fatherly pride when I could bring my wicca ways to the scooby group. But he was so angry, and so cold...he called me a stupid girl.. and then I got angry and said something stupid..." her voice trailed off hinting to Tara that whatever Willow said it wasn't something she was proud of.
"What did you say love?" Willow averted her eyes, looking down at the suddenly very interesting splinters that were protruding from the steps of the deck. She knew she had to answer.
"I told him that he was right, I am powerful and so maybe it isn't such a good idea to....it isn't such a good idea to piss me off." And suddenly the armor fell, it came crashing down and brought with it a flood of tears from the eyes of the red haired witch. Tara held her, she held Willow's body as it trembled and cowered. She didn't utter a word, only whispered comforting sounds knowing that Willow didn't need words she just needed to breakdown, she needed to be weak and vulnerable, and needed to know that here with her lover it was okay, she could be weak, she could be scared. So Tara held on, and when she felt Willow start to pull away she pulled her in tighter, not giving her the opportunity to put the walls back up, forcing her to take this moment of reconciliation for all it was worth. And finally after the tears subsided and breathing returned to normal Tara lifted Willows face to meet her eyes and said,
"Willow I'm sure that Giles is upstairs right now regretting this whole confrontation with you . He's just in shock...and seeing Buffy back in the flesh probably hit him really hard...his emotions must be bouncing off the walls. I mean we at least had weeks to get used to the idea of bringing Buffy back and when it worked we still weren't prepared for it. He's had to digest all of this in a few days, ya know. I know he would never wish to hurt you in any way. You know that Willow. This whole resurrection thing is leaving us all a little wiggy. "
" I'm scared Tara. I'm scared that he might be right. He said the only other people that do the magic I did are the baddies that we fight. I told him I wasn't like them but...I use the same forces they do, how much better can I be? Where does what I am end and what they are begin... It's like I'm on walking on this high wire in the circus except I have these lifeline belt things to keep me from falling off, but for some reason I keep taking them off, I push them away...I push you away." Tara knew where she was going with this. It was something that had been irking in her mind since it happened but she didn't think the present-buffy being back from the dead- situation called for a nursing of her bruised ego. It just seemed selfish to think about it. But now Willow was acknowledging it so maybe there was more to it than she was allowing there to be. She answered Willow's lingering statement,
"The spell...the transmutation spell we did for that demon that came back with Buffy."
"I let go of your hands, we were joined and I let go. I didn't want to, it was like it happened instinctually, like this power I have just took over because it knew it could...because I knew I could." Willow hung her head in shame, this admission wasn't easy, and the desire to avoid it, to pretend that a problem didn't exist was very strong, but her love for Tara was stronger and if she wanted to prove that to her then she had to be honest, she had to admit something was wrong. Then Tara spoke,
"Baby, look at me, please look at me." Willow raised her eyes expecting to see shame in her lover's eyes that rivaled her own but she didn't find anything close to that waiting for her.
"Willow, you are not like them. You are so far from what they are, and it kills me to think that you've been holding these thoughts inside your head when they are nothing but....wishy washy poppy kosh." Tara was really regretting her lack of vocabulary in such an emotional situation but when she saw the inklings of a smile that it was starting to bring out in her lover she couldn't be more proud of her lack of verbal skills.
"Poppy kosh huh, well then I guess I can stop my fret fest." They both broke into giggles and it felt good that they could still find that comfort zone even after hitting a very emotionally turbulent level of conversation. Then Tara took a more serious tone again.
"Willow, I'd be lying if I said it didn't...concern me when you broke our connection during that spell. But I do know that we are not under normal conditions here. We've got a slayer back from the dead, a house falling apart as we speak, a Watcher that was huge part of our gang leave us only to return a few days later, a fifteen year old girl that we've been trying to play mother, sister and friend to in addition to all the normal scoobyage. Yes I was concerned, but that concern was knocked out of the park by the faith and love I have in you. I know you are just trying to do the most good for the most people and maybe it's starting to wear you thin. It's hard to be all these things we've had to be recently in addition to the bubbly babbling girl the gang expects of you. But we are gonna get through this, because that is what people who love each other do. They take the good with the ba....the not so good and they make it. I love you so much Willow, just trust in that, if nothing else, trust in that and everything will be okay."
Willow threw herself in Taras open arms and tried to pour all the, gratitude, hope, joy, fulfillment, and love she was feeling into that one embrace. She wondered how she got to be so lucky to share her life with Tara, how she could ever be worthy of something as beautiful as Tara, how anything in this world, any creation or phenomenon, any natural wonder or human achievement could ever compare to the beauty of this women she was being cradled by. The beauty of her Tara.
"I love you so much Tara, we're gonna be okay, I believe in that, I believe in us." The lips of the soulmates joined in a passionate but reassuring kiss. A validation, a seal, a promise, that the words spoken that night would carry them through these trying times. No matter what the fates would throw at their feet to make them stumble, to make them falter, their love would remain in the end.
"Guess it's time for snuggles and snoozes huh baby." Willow took the hand of her lover and lead her through the house to their bedroom. As Willow lifted the cover to the bed she looked at Tara questioningly.
"what's the matter honey," Tara asked softly.
"Could we go without the nighty's and pajamas tonight?"
"Willow it might be awkward if Buffy comes in here tomorrow morning. This was her mom's room...I don't know if she's gotten used to the idea yet."
"I just wanted to feel you next to me tonight....just you...just this."
"Always." Tara understood, they needed this, especially tonight. She lifted the nightgown from her body and laid down on the bed. Willow gathered her in her arms and together they let everything else fade away as skin met skin, love met love. Before she drifted off into sleep Willow remembered the thoughts she was having earlier about the comfort and the freedom found in the darkness of the night. Over the course of night her view changed, "Someone else can have that, I've got the light of the world in my arms."
The End....
Okay so what do you think, do be gentle with your response, this was my first attempt at writing fanfic.
Tempest
[This message has been edited by Tempest819 (edited October 18, 2001).]
[This message has been edited by Tempest819 (edited October 18, 2001).]