It came from the She Magazine website. (Hope it hasn't already been posted! If so - sorry)
http://www.shemag.com/x_files/x_main.asp
"Generation X-Files"
written by Ms. X
Sex, sex, sex. I can't remember a time when so many were this excited. But now, there is sex everywhere. Not to date myself (since dating myself would be less climactic than doing myself), but I remember a time when couples on TV slept in separate twin beds. Ok, so maybe they were reruns of old shows, but they were new to me. Now, the couples we see on TV not only sleep in one big bed, but they have sex. Not only that, but they also separately (or sometimes together) sleep with other people in their beds, too. Our TV heroes (and sheroes) have become bed-hopping, primetime whores! But hey, the theory is that sex sells. So, the more boob they put in the tube, the more we watch. And if it's boob-to-boob tube, then we're popping the popcorn and inviting over friends to watch it with us. The worst part is that the networks know we're watching, so it almost becomes a contest to see who can find a way to get the most sexual content into the most amount of things we'll view in a 3-hour primetime evening. You can almost see the writers diligently sitting at their desks, struggling to get that script just right and finished on time, knowing what the producers and the networks want…and the phone rings…
"Hello?"
"Hey there…it's Mr. Network Executive here. I know you're reworking that script so we can sell that episode to the gay, lesbian and straight-men-that-like-to-fantasize-about-lesbians audience… I understand that it's hard to get that whole lesbian love scene thing in there, since the entire episode takes place in the mall and all… But we are getting close to deadline and were wondering… um—is it in yet?" Oh, it's in there all right and if it's not yet, it will be. Not only will it be in that episode, but it will also wind up in at least 1 or 2 commercials in some way, even if only implied. The reality is that sex, having sex, sexuality, talking about sex or thinking about sex is pretty much all TV is about these days. Think I'm exaggerating? I think you're misjudging me again. And I know just how to make my point. …
Wrote song about it. Like to hear it? Here it goes: (There's no tune to my song. It's just a freestyle, spoken song, dedicated to my new friends: Kat and Melissa.)
The sex is in the city
Kim is grabbing Sonia's titty
Carrie's makin'-out with Alanis Morrissette
Tell me Mr. Network—
Is it in yet?
The boob is on my tube Changing channels
now requires lube
It's my verbal illustration
Of the rampant copulation
A state of physical or implied elation
On every station.
Bobby, Mr. Practice
Is getting quite a bit of practice
Squeezing the firmest of his firm—and then some.
Ally's busy swapping spit
Even with the ones with tit
And we all already know
Which way Willow's branches blow.
The boob is on my tube
Changing channels now requires lube
It's my verbal illustration
Of the rampant copulation
A state of physical or implied elation
On every station.
We all have raised our fist
For Ellen, the cunning linguist
Her and Mel reached their conclusion
With girlfriends stacked with pure confusion
Not to mention Anne's delusion…
Each case on SVU
Sex crime victim…maybe two.
No one screws on CSI 'cept the victims…then they die
We won't ask the networks why
Gay, lesbian, straight or bi
Sex is all over our television set
Tell me, Mr. Network—
Is it in yet?
And that cast of folk from Queer
In 45 minutes- more booty than I've had in a year
Tell me Brian—
Is it in yet?
I could go on, but there are far too many words I can't use in print, although rhyming them would be lots of fun. Besides, if all that doesn't convince you that I'm right, then nothing will.
Daytime talk, afternoon soaps, primetime series to late night fare and the commercials in between, everywhere you look, it's all about sex, of every kind under the sun. And we're lapping it up like water in the desert.
If you think I'm getting on a soapbox against all this then you're wrong. I'm just as addicted to booty-v as the next person, especially when they find a way to get that girlie-girlie action on my screen.
I was on the edge of my seat viewing The View-girls' Lisa and Meredith's daytime kiss. I called all my friends, back in the day, when Dax kissed her (female) mate from a previous life. And I can't tell you how many times I watched Xena and Gabrielle...waiting for yet another dose of mythical Amazon lesbo love. I wasn't even bothered when Gabrielle married that guy. In the end, I knew they'd kill him off to keep our gals together.
I watch every minute of this stuff, waiting with baited-breasts for the networks to make the next girl-girl kiss (or more) happen and wondering how much popcorn I will need to pop.
(Ms. X is a freelance writer currently living in Ft. Lauderdale, Fl. She is the self-described voice for Generation X. E-mail her at msx@shemag.com)
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