The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Request for a beta
PostPosted: Mon Jan 09, 2012 6:14 pm 
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2. Floating Rose
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Hello,

Many apologies in advance if I mess this up - I'm afraid I've not really posted in a forum before....

I've never submitted any fiction to a public forum, and so am rather nervous. Though I have many (too many, perhaps) ideas floating around, I wanted to get my eye in before attempting anything ambitious.

So, I have a brief (~700 word) bit of fluff and nonsense typed up, and I'd appreciate help from any kind kitten who'd be prepared to attack it with the ol' pruning sheers.

If you reply to this thread, or PM me, or something (did I mention I've no idea what I'm doing?), I'd be happy to post or send or email a copy for review.

Many, many thanks in advance,

JAK

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 Post subject: Re: Request for a beta
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 2:19 pm 
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2. Floating Rose
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Hello again,

Just to clarify a bit (please don't think I'm being all demanding and stuff, I just don't want to mystify people too much as to what I'm looking for).

  • The title is "Taking the cake"
  • The piece itself is a oneshot, with no plans for continuation (I just want to submit a piece that's been bouncing around in my head a while, and to get people's views, feedback, tips, etc.).
  • It is very much in the fluff genre - no real angst or drama, just some silliness and snuggles.
  • It is not (in my opinion) particularly smutty (I've rated it PG-13, and would welcome advice if that's reasonable or not). It only contains some flirty-ness and allusions to something more passionate, but certainly no graphic descriptions.

What I'd like from my dream Beta:

I'd love someone to read through my work - mainly to check and see if it is easy to read (i.e. sentences don't need to be continually reread to fathom my meaning) and makes sense (i.e. no half finished sentences), and I would be very grateful for any suggestions to improve on either point. I do realise that I may very well have to do considerable work (even rewriting it from scratch), so please feel free to be frank - constructive criticism is very welcome.

I would also like an honest comment as to whether this is something that would appeal (either to the Beta, or in the Beta's opinion to the intended audience). I am genuinely not sure as to the quality of my work (both compositional and subject matter). I think it is a reasonably constructed (i.e. readable) piece which is slightly quirky, but I would like to know whether it is better than Dickens, the worst piece of illegible and trite rubbish ever penned, or (what I'm hoping) somewhere in between. I expect to mainly get a sense of this from feedback after submission (assuming I submit it), but would welcome an initial second opinion (even if it is only "well, someone's bound to read it....").

Friendly criticism is very much appreciated - and could range from the "I wouldn't put so many damn subordinate clauses in" all the way to the "don't you think that this has been done more successfully by other people, why don't you try something different?". I know no kitten would ever be mean or unfair, and I really am genuinely uncertain as to whether I could - with considerable practice and work, of course - be a reasonable contributor, or whether I should just sit on the sidelines and enjoy the work of more talented authors.

Finally any review of grammar would be appreciated, but is not required - I do realise that getting someone kind enough to devote the energy to my main requests is already asking a lot!

Please don't feel obliged to Beta without looking first - if you think you'd be interested, just let me know and I'd be happy to chat, answer queries pertaining to this matter, or just to send a copy.

Also, please don't feel you need to do all of this - if you only want to deal with one of the points I'd like help with, just drop me a line and say what you might be prepared to do.

Again, I'd be very appreciative of any help from any of you kind kittens.

Many thanks in advance,

JAK

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 Post subject: Re: Request for a beta
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 4:35 pm 
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4. Extra Flamey

Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2010 3:02 pm
Posts: 220
Location: England
Hi JAK,

If you would like to PM me, I'd be happy to take a look.

Wayland

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 Post subject: Re: Request for a beta
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 4:51 pm 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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I call it was the use of the phrase "subordinate clauses" that really sealed it for Clare.

;)

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 Post subject: Re: Request for a beta
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:10 pm 
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2. Floating Rose
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Hi Wayland,

Thank you so much for the kind offer - I was just off to sleep and thought I'd peruse the board one last time. I'm very glad I did now. I'm now far more hopeful that something resembling a story will hammered out! I'm just formatting and PM-ing now. :)

Hi again, BeMyDeputy,

I know that I do tend to insert far too many subordinate clauses....and that sounded a lot less wrong in my head :blush

I think I....should go now...and...format......

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 Post subject: Re: Request for a beta
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:15 pm 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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My point was that you know what a subordinate clause is.

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 Post subject: Re: Request for a beta
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:27 pm 
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2. Floating Rose
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Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2011 3:35 pm
Posts: 31
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Ah, sorry for the lame attempt at joking :ashamed . My neighbors were a bit rambunctious last night, and the result seems to be my mind has turned to porridge (some might say not too much of a leap).

I think I should probably go get some sleep soon....

....but on the other hand, really, really excited now.

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 Post subject: Re: Request for a beta
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:34 pm 
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2. Floating Rose
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Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2011 3:35 pm
Posts: 31
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Ah, for once I shall jettison my British reserve - good news like this deserves Banana dance:

:banana :eatme :banana

All right lads, don't overdo it....

And now I've publicly demonstrated my overwhelming weirdness, sleep.

Night all, and thanks for making me at home.

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