[center]Usus ad Obsurum
By Robbie Kelly
Willow Watcher
© June 2006[/center]
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything related to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the characters. The other things dealing with movie reference is own by their cooperates and I am just using it for my own sick pleasure. Please don’t sue because I don’t have anything.
Rating: NC-17 for sexual content, violence, language, gore and horror.
Pairing: Willow and Tara
Spoilers: This is set a few days after Wrecked. There is reference to the movie Exorcist© however things are twisted to suit the way I have written this story.
Warning: There is total angst in this story. Gore and horror is a plenty in here people so if that turns your stomach then don’t read it.
Special thanks go to my friend Kay (Spellbound) for being my beta and helping with research and beating me over the head when I needed it. She said and I quote “If this story can freak me out then I’ll be impressed.” Therefore I shall do my best Kay. And as always a thanks to my beautiful wife Jennifer. She has always supported me in everything that I write. I love you baby.
Chapter 1
Abandoning Hope
//Please baby! I’m sorry, don’t leave me!// //Will, you did this. I told you that if you could stop for a week...and you couldn’t even do that! You couldn’t go one day without using magic, and you took my memories away, AGAIN! Now leave me alone so I can to pack my stuff.// //Baby?//
Willow cringed at the memory of the night that her Tara left. She sighed as she listened to the repeated buzzing sound coming from receiver.
“Twelve, thirteen, fourteen...” She counted. “Please pick up the phone.” She begged into the plastic device held to her face. Her fingers nervously twisted into the phone cord.
She closed her eyes and sighed counting again. {Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen...}
“Hello.” Tara’s voice said softly.
“Tara? Tara!” Willow shouted as her heartbeat became faster.
“I’m not available to answer your call right now...”
Willow placed the receiver back down on the cradle. {Of course it’s gonna be an answering machine. What are the chances that she’s ever going to pick up when I call?} Willow crinkled her brow. {Who sets their answering machine to pick up on twenty rings? Does an answering machine even have a setting for twenty rings?}
Life as a Scooby had taught her to look at all possible aspects of a situation and Willow was the best at nit picking out the finer details.
She picked up the phone again and pushed redial.
“One, two, three...”
“Hello. I’m not available to answer your call...”
Willow slammed down the phone. “Damn it!”
“Uh, did the phone do something to you or are you abusing it and cursing it for some other reason? ‘Cause I’m still working out the more important financial situations around here to go and buy a new one.” Buffy stood against the doorway to the kitchen, crossing her arms.
Willow gave the Slayer a small grin. “Sorry Buffy, it’s just...” She let out a long sigh. “Tara won’t answer my calls.”
“You really expect her too?” A muffled voice came out of Dawn as she walked past Buffy and over to the counter.
“Dawn.” Buffy chided her sister.
Willow’s eyes dropped to the floor.
“What?” Dawn turned around and faced both women. “I’m the only one around here that has the guts to say anything. Willow screwed up! Tara left! Willow screwed up more! Tara won’t come back! Is that so hard to comprehend Buffy?” Dawn cradled her broken arm. “I’m tired of hearing it. ‘Tara left, boo hoo. I can’t live without her, boo hoo. She won’t answer my calls, boo hoo.’ She’s pathetic!” She pointed at Willow.
“Shut up!” Willow screamed at the teenager.
“Or what? You’ll break my other arm? Oh, why not make it my leg?!” Dawn shouted back.
“That’s enough! Buffy screamed out causing Willow and Dawn to jump.
The Slayer’s actions and voice have been not of the norm. The once vibrant blonde was just existing, not living since her resurrection.
“Both of you stop it!” Buffy stood in between the redhead and her sister in a strong stance as if the two might make it a physical attack on each other instead of verbal.
“You know what? Fine!” Dawn looked at Buffy. “I’m the one who’s had enough! I’m moving out!”
Buffy’s eyes widened. “Oh, I don’t think so!”
“I don’t care what you think! I won’t stay here another night while you let,” Dawn sneered over at Willow’s direction, “her live here! Some worn out junkie who threw her whole life away!”
“What the hell has gotten into you Dawn? Why are you acting like this?” Buffy asked worried.
She has never seen so much anger and hatred pouring out from her sister, especially towards Willow. Given, she had right to be mad at the redhead and the torturous silent treatment over the past few days was enough to send Willow down a guilt trip from hell but something else was wrong. Something didn’t add up.
Dawn closed her eyes and sighed trying to calm herself. “Nothing is wrong. I just want away from Willow and if you are going to let her live here then I’m leaving.” Dawn held her chin high almost daring her sister to argue.
“Dawn.” Buffy said quietly.
She saw the face that her sister was showing. She almost smiled thinking how Willow, the old Willow, taught Dawn the infamous ‘Rosenberg Resolve Face Technique’. But everything was different now as if the roles of the two women were switched.
Dawn standing tall like Willow when the redhead’s mind was set on something and Willow being quiet like Dawn, hiding in the shadows just listening and waiting.
The sound of a whimper behind the Slayer caused both Summer’s sisters to look.
Willow sat there on the tiled floor with her hands covering her face repeating ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’ over and over.
“Yeah we know you are. A sorry waste of space!” Dawn spat out at the woman she once looked up too.
Willow wiped the tears off her cheeks and got off the floor. She looked at the young woman in the eyes. There was no compassion, no friendship, not even the slightest hint of wavering from the words she spoke. Only the hurt and disappointment that stared back.
Willow lowered her head and walked out of the room. The sound of the front door was heard opening and closing with a tiny click.
Dawn closed her eyes. Even though she displayed the hurtful spite she had, her heart was shattering in a million pieces.
Without a word, Buffy gently guided her Dawn out the back door. Both sisters stood there facing one another.
“Would you please explain to me the whole ‘Cybil’ scene in there? Buffy asked leaning against the house.
“Why should I even start? You’re just going to take her side anyway.” Dawn placed her hand on her hip.
“I am not taking sides in this! Do you think for one instant that I like the idea of Willow going all ‘Magic Eraser’ on us and nearly got us killed? You think I enjoy picking you up off the ground after Willow conjured up some demon that tried to kill you?” Buffy shouted out.
Dawn rubbed her hand over her face. “Then why are you protecting her when you should look after Tara?”
Buffy walked over. “What do you mean look after Tara? Dawn, did something happen to her?”
“Like you care!” Dawn turned around and stomped off the small porch.
With lightening speed, Buffy leaped from where she stood and landed in front of the retreating teenager. She grabbed Dawn by her uninjured shoulder. “Damn it Dawn! Tell me!”
Dawn pulled herself out of the Slayer’s grasp. “I promised I wouldn’t say. Unlike some people who live in this house, I keep my word.”
Buffy’s flared her nostrils in total frustration. “Tell me or I swear Dawn I’ll...”
“What? You’ll what Buffy, twist my arm?!” Dawn held out her injured limb.
“Forget this shit! I don’t need this from you!” Buffy walked away. “You won’t tell me I’ll find out myself from Tara!” She yelled over her shoulder.
Dawn’s eyes widened. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either she had to say something to her sister in hopes that they could keep it between the two of them or Buffy would confront Tara and the blonde witch would not confide in Dawn with anything anymore and Tara needed to trust someone especially since the problems with Willow.
She saw her sister walk around the side of the house. Sighing, Dawn took off in a sprint to catch her.
“Buffy! Wait!” She yelled out.
Buffy stood still with her arms crossed. “What?” Came the short, sharp reply.
“I’ll tell you but you have to swear to me that you won’t say anything to anyone, especially Willow. The last thing Tara needs is for her to find out.”
“Dawn, just tell me what’s going on?” Buffy asked.
“Swear it Buffy.” Dawn emphasized.
Buffy made an ‘X’ mark across her chest. “Cross my heart and hope to...”
“Don’t even finish that phrase.” Dawn said sternly.
“Right.” Buffy smiled. “I swear it Dawn I will not say a word to anyone.” She said as she looked into dark brown eyes.
Dawn nodded, satisfied with her sister’s promise.
***
Willow sat at the edge of the front porch with her legs drawn up to her chest. {Dawn’s right. I screwed everything up. Bringing Buffy back and ripping her out of heaven, two mind wiping spells, pushing Tara away; why is everything so complicated?} She sighed hugging her legs tighter.
Her ears twitched as she picked up on her name being spoken from the side of the house.
She turned her head and peered around the corner to see Buffy and Dawn standing there.
“Willow can’t find out about this Buffy. Tara made me promise and if she knew that I was telling you about this, it would hurt her and I think she’s been through enough.” Dawn lowered her head.
Buffy nodded in agreement. “Promise me that she didn’t mean too?”
“It’s what she said and I believe her. She was just so tired. The bad part is that I was the one who suggested it.” Dawn’s voice cracked with emotion.
“How did you suggest it?” Buffy asked in confusion.
“I just...Tara couldn’t sleep without the nightmares. When I saw her, she looked so tired. So I told her to take a sleeping pill so she could rest at least for a whole night.” Dawn explained.
“But you didn’t tell her to take a whole hand full!” Buffy stomped her foot. “How could she have been so stupid and with you at her house?! She has gone too far!”
“Buffy, it’s not her fault that I was there. When I left I forgot my History notes so I went back later and found her on the couch and I don’t think she took a whole handful. Maybe two or three more than she should have. I could have over reacted by calling the ambulance, but seeing her there and not answering me kinda freaked me out.”
Buffy shuddered as flashes flooded her mind remembering that is how she found her mother.
She shook her head and looked at her sister. “You didn’t over react.” She placed a comforting hand on Dawn’s shoulder. “You did good Dawn.”
A smile came over the young woman’s face. “Really?”
“Really.” Buffy assured her and smiled.
Willow’s hand was shaking as she clamped it over her mouth to muffle the cries. {Tara. Oh baby, what have I done?} She stood up and braced herself against the house. She placed her cheek against the cool siding. {I have to see her.} Willow shook her head. {No. I can’t. I’ll bring back her nightmares. I’ll leave. I’ll go far away so she won’t see me ever again.}
Willow pushed herself up and walked into the house and upstairs to her room.
***
Buffy knocked on the door to apartment 5C. The door came open with a distraught and slightly fatigued blonde.
“Buffy? What are you d-doing here?” Tara asked tightly wrapping her arms around herself.
“Oh, just dropped by to see you.” Buffy smiled slightly and squeezed her way in the door.
Tara sighed. “Come on in.” She said in a low whisper.
Buffy stood there looking around the small space. “Nice.”
“It’s suitable.” Tara said shortly, plopping herself down on a bean bag in the floor.
Buffy tilted her head. “Are you alright? You seem kinda worse for wear.”
“Uh yeah, thanks. It’s been a rough couple of days. Um, how’s Dawnie?” Tara asked trying to steer the conversation in a different direction.
“Oh, she’s fine. I dropped her off at Janice’s.” Buffy sat down on the floor in front of the blonde witch. “We need to talk.”
***
“Xander, I really need your help!” Anya shouted over a stack of boxes that she was carrying from the stock room.
“Ahn, I need to go talk to Will.” Xander said taking the boxes and sitting them down on the floor.
“It’s always about Willow!” The ex-demon voiced. “God, Xander! Wake up! She almost got everyone killed and I had to dish out another four hundred dollars to have the front window fixed. Not to mention that she ran Giles back to England and drove Tara away and you are just going to stand there and take her side like always!” Anya sighed.
“Ahn, please honey.” He pleaded with his fiancé.
Anya walked over to him and placed her hands on her hips. “You are going to have to learn who is more important to you, Willow or me. I can’t live in the shadow of her.”
“It’s not like that and you know it!” Xander shouted and slammed his fist on the counter. He cringed and rubbed the side of his hand. “You know I love you and I am not putting anyone before you. I just want to talk to her.”
Anya put her arms around his neck. “Alright, but can you stay here and help me first?” She said smiling and batting her eye lids.
Xander laughed and kissed her on the nose. “Yeah. I’ll just call and tell her that we’ll come over later. O.K.”
Anya grinned. “Yes. I think that would be appropriate manners to call before hand. She might be in the middle of masturbating since Tara isn’t there to give her orgasms and us popping in would be rude.”
Xander shook his head and walked over to the phone and dialed the number. He waited patiently as the phone picked up.
“Hello?” Came the croaky reply.
“Hey Will.” Xander said. He frowned at the tone of her voice.
“Who is this?”
“Uh, it’s me Xander.” He crinkled his brows in confusion.
“Oh yeah right, Xander. You need something?” The voice came back.
“Just thought I’d let you know that Anya and I will be coming over later.” Xander told her.
“Yeah, O.K. Whatever. I’ll be here. Bye.”
The phone clicked and then a dial tone was heard.
Xander stood there looking at the receiver. He shook his head and placed it back on the cradle.
“That was strange.”
“What?” Anya asked looking up from a pile of books she had placed on the counter.
“Willow. She sounds so...I don’t know, off.” He explained walking over to Anya.
“She’s going through withdrawals. She will be acting strange, more than usual. Nothing to worry about.” Anya patted him on the shoulder. “Now pick up some stock papers and help me organize this stuff.”
“Yes dear.” Xander laughed.
***
“Thanks a lot Uncle Jacob. I don’t know how long I’ll stay but I won’t make it long.” Willow smiled, relieved that she had a place to go to.
“Nonsense. You stay there as long as you need too. There’s no rush my little Rosebud.” Willow’s uncle’s chuckle came clear over the line.
Willow cringed at the child nickname. “Yeah. I’ll call you when I get there.” She told him as she flipped through her personal phone book. She frowned when she came across Tara’s name and number when she lived in the dorms at USC.
“Alright. You be careful Willow.” Her uncle said sincerely.
“I will. Love you Uncle Jacob.” A tear slipped down her cheek.
“Love you too Rosebud.”
And that said the call ended.
Willow gently hung up the phone and sighed. {Better get this done and over with.} She walked over to her desk but stopped and turned around when the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hey Will it’s me.” The voice came back.
“Xander? You sound kinda bad. Are you coming down with a cold?” Willow said worried about her best friend.
“Uh, no. Just a little croaky. Listen, I just want to tell you that Anya and I won’t be coming over for awhile.”
“What? Why?” Willow’s voice was wavering.
“Because of what you did. We are just going to keep our distance O.K. I gotta go. Bye.”
Willow cried as she placed the phone back down. For the first time in years, she was alone.
_________________ "Oh yeah?! Well...so's your face! -Fear Itself
Last edited by Willow Watcher on Fri Jul 21, 2006 12:20 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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