The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Obsession.. by Washi
PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 8:44 pm 
Hey Washi! This is such an intense fic. I've been really enjoying re-reading it. Look forward to the next update!



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 Post subject: Replies:
PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 9:29 am 
Hey all! I'm glad ya'll like it. I have a new part that's... well, new. :grin I'll post that tonight.

Replies:



TemperedCynic: Hey you! I'm glad you liked it. :)

Dark Dark times. You'll see how it goes, and as for Faith, you'll see more of her this time around. She reminds me of someone. :lol Thanks.



warriorlove: Hey! I'm glad you liked it, and glad you liked Faith. :grin Thanks.



sam darls: Hey Sammi! I'm glad you liked it. And I'm very happy that everyone thinks it's highly emotional, I was going for that. :lol Thanks.



SJ: Hey! I'm happy you liked it, thanks and more soon. :grin



WhiteSkyFire: Hey Sky! I'm glad you liked it, and more tonight, really. :grin Thanks.



DarkWiccan: Hey! I'm flattered you think I wrote that well. I gotta say, The Heart Rules The Mind is freakin' awesome! Hopefully, I won't dissapoint. :grin Thanks.



nazelhuts: Hey Nazel! Yep, yet another Washi fic. :lol I'm glad you liked it, and update coming tonight. :grin

Thanks.



snuggle79: Hey! I'm happy yu liked it! More soon. Tonight. :grin Thanks.



Puff: Hey! I'm glad you're enjoying it. Yeah, they so need to face each other and not run, you'll see more of that, and as for Faith taking care of Willow, you'll also see more of that. :grin I intend to exploit Faith more this time around. Thanks.



ophelia11: Hey! I'm glad you like it. And ooh! Intense? I'm glad too. :grin More tonight, promise, and thanks. :grin



Ok ya'll, I'll be back here later with an update. Until then!

-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:Dark-bliss.net :. .:Blink.Flash.Sparkle.:. .:My blog:. .:Blood and Ink:. .:Washi's 70s Site:.



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 Post subject: update!
PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 6:42 pm 
TITLE: Here Without You 7a/ 10 (I think)

AUTHOR: Washi (ZWS)

FEEDBACK: I love it, I live for it, give it to me!

RATING: R, I think for implied sex, although some steamy scenes are planned.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the characters, Joss does or whoever. If I owned them, do you really think I would let season 6 happen? And why the hell would I be writing this?

So yeah, all belongs to Joss, ME etc...

The lyrics in this piece are owned by their respective owners.

SPOILERS: None, this is AU. It’s set in Sunnydale, but without the whole Hellmouth thingy.

TIMELINE and NOTES: Willow is about 23, Tara is 24, etc…

I read two kickass fics about Willow being in love and Tara being unsure, which are ‘Beholden’ by cinderlust and ‘The Heart Rules the Mind’ by DarkWiccan. Since both these fics aren’t finished, I thought I’d try to write about it.

Also, this fic contains angst, the road to an endless love contains a heartbreak in general.

This is also a way for me to exorcise my own inner demons.

I also hope my music taste doesn’t make people flinch.

Don’t worry, still working on the ‘Sex Journals’ and Dark Core, but I needed to get this out of my system.

Do I need to tell you how this ends? Didn’t think so.

Finally, this fic is written, and will have one update a day.

ARCHIVE: Ask and ye shall receive.

DEDICATION: This is for Yel and all the people who ever fell in love with their best friends, and who suffered through a love that’s not returned.

Thanks: To DarkWiccan for continuing The Heart Rules The Mind, To Arron, and she knows why and to Marciam, who read this one and told me what she thought. :grin



Thoughts are in < >, flashbacks in italics, and lyrics in bold.



*****



Your face, it haunts

My once pleasant dreams

Your voice, it chased away

All the sanity in me



These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase



When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have

All of me



Evanescence – My Immortal




I’m here without you baby

But you’re still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time



I’m here without you baby

But you’re still with me in my dreams

And tonight it’s only you and me



Three Doors Down – Here Without You





She saw her walking towards her, her long blonde locks flowing behind her. Light cascaded on her hair, making it shine like the purest gold. She walked steadily, and the redhead held her breath, watching this Goddess, this flaxen-haired angel come to her. She saw the deepest blue eyes stare back at her, and she smiled, her face splitting into a giant grin. The blonde replied with a crooked smile of her own and continued walking until they were face to face.

Slowly, she extended her hands and her fingertips touched the warm skin they longed for since she had seen her blonde goddess.

They touched, almost too lightly to be felt and they migrated to run over the smooth skin of her cheekbones, her eyelids and finally came to rest on the corner of the blonde’s lips, her thumb pausing there, as if tasting the sweet skin. The redhead looked at the plush rose lips inviting hers closer, and she could only comply, needing to quench the thirst that had persecuted her for so long.

The pad of her thumb ran over them, slowly, pulling slightly at them, and the blonde’s breathing hitched. She wanted the kiss, she needed it, and the redhead was only eager to finally taste the blonde. And she did, by slowly removing her digit and leaning forward, feeling the blonde’s breath on her own moist lips. They touched, and everything else seemed so little, so insignificant. Nothing was true besides this moment, this kiss, this union.

Their lips started brushing against each other slowly, lightly, but soon, it wasn’t enough. Mouths opened and fused, as tongues crept out to meet their mates, to entwine, to dance. Hands moved towards auburn or blonde locks and soon were entangled there, pulling the other person’s mouth more tightly against their own as their tongues continued rubbing against each other. Their breathing increased as they swallowed each other’s groans and moans of pleasure.

Sweet desire flowed in their veins, tinting their blood with red passion. Their minds were no longer in control, and all they wanted was to get even closer. Clothes becoming cumbersome, they were quickly tossed aside to reveal the magnificence of their bodies, for once bare, naked, as were their souls at that moment. They stared shamelessly.

After a long moment, they reached for each other, their hearts pounding in their chests, the din almost deafening. Lips merged again as their hands explored new places and discovered new pleasure points. The desire was now pooling between their legs and instinctively, they parted the other’s legs to place a thigh. They started grinding into each other, feeling the pleasure, the moisture on their legs and on their noses…



Willow bolted awake as Faith dripped a cold glass of water on her nose. Faith shrugged and pointed at her watch. They were late.

Despite her pounding head, Willow jumped up and walked to the bathroom, a cold “I hate you” tossed over her shoulder at Faith, who smirked and looked very pleased with herself.



*****



Faith was tired. She had been working non-stop on a computer, and her eyes were sore. Her ass was starting to become numb from all the sitting, and she needed a cigarette break. She got up, stretched and caught a young employee looking at her, his eye wide. It was obvious what he was thinking about, and it probably involved Faith in a white tee shirt and a lot of water. She smirked and walked over to him.



“Like whatcha see?” she asked him cockily.



He looked stunned and could only nod his head. She smiled. “Can you believe a chick didn’t want me?”



The stunned look on his face turned to surprise and finally to shock. She waggled her eyebrows at him and walked over to Willow’s desk, swaying her ass provocatively. She looked at Willow and couldn’t help but feel for her friend. She was looking at her computer screen blankly. At first, when Giles had told her that Marti wasn’t going anymore, but that Willow was her replacement, she almost jumped gleefully, which she of course didn’t do. She thought she and the redhead would have fun, but Willow was miserable, and Faith didn’t want to party anymore. It was as if the redhead’s presence reminded her of her love for Buffy, and that also made her sad. She’d never admit it, but it did. Her grin faded.



“Hey Will.” She quietly greeted her friend.



Willow never responded, she just looked at her and raised her eyebrow.



“Look, I’m sorry for before, okay? I know it was mean. Thought it’d be funny, but it ain’t if you’re not laughing Will.”



Willow’s glare softened. “You called me Will.”



“Nope, I called ya Red.” Faith quickly said.



“Nope, you called me Will. Twice if I may say so.”



“Ok, ok, whatever, let’s take a break, I need a smoke.” Faith replied, shrugging.



Willow got up and they both left.



*****



After getting cups of coffee, both girls sat on a bench outside. Faith opened her pack and took one smoke out, lightly tapping on it before raising it to her lips and holding it there. She took her lighter out of her pocket and flicked it open before lighting her cigarette. She took a drag and watched as the smoke drifted away from her. Willow sat quietly and sipped at her coffee, her eyes far away.



“Red?”



Willow didn’t respond, her eyes staring at nothing in particular, pain evident in them. Faith looked at her and felt a sharp jab of pain in her heart.



“Red?” Faith called again, this time putting her hand on Willow’s shoulder.



“Yeah?” Willow replied, still staring afar.



“Red, are you okay? You look kinda out of it.”



“I’m ok.”



“If ya say so.” Faith replied and went back to drinking her coffee.



“I am.” Willow replied, “It’s just… I just wonder how things will be when I get back, how things will have changed, because things will have changed, and I kinda wonder how I should react towards Tara, because now she knows, and even though we’ll never get together, I still, you know, want us to be friends. But I know it won’t be the same. And that kinda scares me, a-and...”



Her cell phone ringing interrupted Willow. She looked at the number and saw that it was from back home, more precisely, Xander's cell. She looked at the phone and finally answered.



“Hello.”



She listened to the caller for a few seconds. “Is this an emergency?” she asked.



“Then goodbye.” she said, ending the call.



“Red, who was it?” Faith asked, feeling sorry for the person who called.



“Back home.” Willow replied, her face set with resolve. “I told them to only call me for an emergency. But they keep calling me, and Xander even went as far as telling me to think of how this is hurting Tara. I know she’s hurting, or at least I think she is. But she’s not hurting the way I am. None of them ever have. They don’t understand what it feels like to have your heart ripped out. We both do. Me and You Faith.” Willow looked solemnly at the brunette, tears in her eyes.



Faith wouldn’t let herself break down. She knew that if she was going to let herself go, she’d cry for hours. And doing that in office hours was so not her style.



“Willow, how about tonight we get some take-out and we stay in the hotel, and we talk about all this mess, okay?”



Willow nodded and wiped her eyes like a little child. Faith got up, stubbing her cigarette on the ground and started going back inside, Willow following her like a lost puppy.



*****



“God, what a long freakin’ day.” Faith exclaimed as they set down their stuff on the table in the small living room in their suite. They had decided to go for Chinese and placed the containers on the small coffee table, before going and getting out of their work clothes into something more comfortable. They both sat in their pajamas on the couch and both started eating silently. When they finished their food, Faith got up and made coffee. Setting down the two mugs on the table, Willow looked into hers and scowled.



“I like mine black.” Willow protested.



“And how the hell can you drink coffee that strong black?”



“It makes me feel even more numb. The caffeine keeps me going. Or, I’m gonna break down.”



“Maybe you wouldn’t break down if you ate something. Willow, you’re killing yourself.” he said, touching her hand.



“I died Saturday night.”




“Well, not tonight. Tonight is white and filled with sugar.”



“But…”



“Look Red, you’ve been living off coffee, and I promised Blondie I’d take care of you, so white and sugar-y.” Faith replied before almost slapping herself.







Willow’s face once more darkened and her pensive-face came back. It was impossible of her to get the blonde off her mind for more than a few seconds. Willow raised her eyes to Faith’s and smiled sadly.



“She told you to take care of me?” the redhead whispered, uncertainly.



Faith looked at her and decided to tell her the truth. “Yeah, she asked me to look after you, for her.”



“Oh.”



Faith nodded and lit a smoke. She took a long drag and exhaled slowly, making circles with the smoke.



“So, Red, what should we do?”



“Finish these and go to bed?” the redhead asked hopefully.



“I meant about the girls we’re in love… I mean the girls we want.” Faith said, cursing herself for her slip.



Willow’s eyes locked on Faith’s. “Don’t worry, you can say it in front of me, I won’t tell anyone else.”



Faith sighed. “It’s just, you know, if I don’t say it, then maybe I can deny it to myself, ya know?” she said, taking another drag of her cigarette.



Willow looked at her for a long while, nodding. Finally, she spoke. “You should tell Buffy.”



“Riight. Just what I need a healthy dose of rejection. I’ve been rejected enough my whole life Will, hell, I’ve been rejected by my own mother. So, ya know, not saying anything is better than being rejected again.” Faith spat out, her eyes darkening with pain.



“Well, who knows Faith. You gotta risk something, and maybe, Buffy is interested in you. I mean, I know she only dated guys , but you never know. You gotta risk it Faith, think of what you’ll get back if she does like you too.” Willow babbled.



“Look who’s talking.” Faith muttered before glancing at her friend, who looked hurt. “Sorry Willow. You know I didn’t mean that.” Willow nodded, but Faith continued. “But seriously, how can you not know Tara doesn’t like you? Ok, how about this, if I risk it, you’ll risk it too. K?”



Willow thought about it for a while, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. What Faith had said hurt, but she knew it was true. “When we go back.”



Faith smiled and stubbed out her cigarette. “No Bull.”



“Really, I’ll do it, I mean, what do I have to lose?”



“That’s the spirit Red!” Faith replied.



“Now, I’m off to bed.” Willow told her as she got up. She walked to her room and stopped before going in. “Thanks Faith.”



The brunette smiled. “No prob Red.”



*****



Willow showered and got ready for bed. She laid for a while on her back, just looking at the ceiling and thinking. Tears, unnoticed, trickled down her cheeks as she kept thinking of that night, of the night in which her heart was broken. She turned in bed and switched on the radio, noticing for the first time wetness on her face. She wiped at her tears angrily, she was so tired of crying.

A rock song came on the radio, and she listened to the singer’s voice. It was one of her favorite songs, and she turned down the volume so only she could hear it. She held the pillow tightly to her, as if it was Tara’s body and she fell into a heavy sleep, the last thing she heard being the song’s chorus.



I’m here without you baby

But you’re still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time



I’m here without you baby

But you’re still with me in my dreams

And tonight it’s only you and me





*****



T.B.C

-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:Dark-bliss.net :. .:Blink.Flash.Sparkle.:. .:My blog:. .:Blood and Ink:. .:Washi's 70s Site:.

Edited by: Washi  at: 4/17/04 8:04 pm


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 Post subject: Re: update!
PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 7:58 pm 
This was truly amazing Washi, you know ... it's just *shrugs shoulders* wow. I'm glad you revisited this story, because although the first version was emotional and beautiful, this one is all that with added greatness.



It hits really close to home and it's so therapeutic ;)

--------------------------

Tinna Karen

-tölvunörd í fyrsta ættlið



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 Post subject: Re: update!
PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 8:04 pm 
Poor Willow. How long til she's back home and being wooed by her blonde goddess?



I also like what you've done with Faith in this story. In spite of her flaws, I've always really liked her character and you've given her more depth than we usually see. She's still got a bit of an edge to her but you've captured the humanity in her quite well. That and she's not an evil murdering rogue slayer in this story. :D



Anyway. Great job. I look forward to reading more!



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 Post subject: Re: update!
PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 11:36 pm 
Wow baby, powerful stuff here.



I love the friendship between Willow and Faith. It's so nice to see that they're there for each other, knowing what the other is kinda going through. I'm really loiving your Faith. :D



And you put the "I died Saturday night" in there again. Man, that line gets me everytime. :( It's a good thing though, I can feel! :lol



Seriously though, you have got to be one of favourite W/T authors of all time. :)



~Holly~ :heart

Baby, baby, baby when all you're love is gone, who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world

- Bright Lights - Matchbox Twenty


"Show me where to touch you." - Tara, It Ain't Fickle (Luciddream)



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 Post subject: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 6:51 am 
Loved the update!!



Keep'em comin'



:bigwave



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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 8:54 am 
Poor girls..they are tearing their hearts apart:sob :sob



but...somehow they might get what the desire, who knows :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D



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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 9:09 am 
That was so amazing..God, I loved it :heart Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)



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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2004 1:22 am 
Great update :read



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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2004 8:20 am 
Sigh. Those talks between two person who are totally heartbroken. :sigh Brings back some not so old memories.

I'm glad that Willow and Faith have each other.

Can't wait for the next part! :)



s79

I look at horses and I see really big ponies.

The greatest thing you'll learn, is just to love and be loved in return.







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 Post subject: Re: TPITPOL revisited: Here without you
PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2004 10:46 pm 
I'm loving this fic even though I'm always impatient and want to get to the happy ending (this is supposed to be my escape from the angst of RL :p ). I know, I know, I need to be patient but :gnome



Of course being the little fanfic lurker geek that I am, I went off searching for the original version of this story so that I could "compare" how good the revision is.



:whistle



Okay, yea, you caught me, I was just being impatient and wanting to get to the happy ending even if it's in the original version. Am I just blind - is the original posted anywhere?



Mic



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 Post subject: Re: TPITPOL revisited: Here without you
PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 7:51 am 
Also liking the Faith/Willow interaction. Thanks for the great update, Washi. It's good that both girls are going to finally take a chance and go for what they want.:)



Yvonne:peace



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 Post subject: Re: update!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 1:37 pm 
I can't help thinking that Faith is very brave for planning her talk with Buffy. She has no idea what Buffy's reaction will be to her declaration. Rejection is a real possibility, and yet she is willing to take the risk. I would be the type who stayed in the background, pining from afar. Two women, so different from each other are drawn together by mutually shared pain. I really like that dynamic. Will they try to get their girls, or will they continue to slough through their existance pretending to themselves it's real life? Time will tell. Brilliant Washi.


More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen (1935 - )



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 Post subject: Re: update!
PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 5:36 am 
You know I read a lot of fics without posting on the thread ... However, I felt it was time to post on this one. Just when I thought I could not find an angst fic to make my heart break ... I read this one....



To see Willow in love with Tara and not know she feels the same is just not the way this is supposed to work Washi!! :cry Fix it ... Can we have the happy ending yet? Oh alright ... I will have patience and wait... *mumbles*



Can we please have an update soon though?!



Excellent work hun.



~Mikaelah

Willow: "Where would you go? If you felt lost and alone? ..."

Tara: "To You..."


~~Truly and Forever~~



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 Post subject: UPDATE
PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2004 9:06 pm 
Hey everyone, sorry this took so long, but my muse felt the love in the air and went to frollick with some other muse. :lol

Can't reply now, but I have an update. Thanks to everyone!



TITLE: Here Without You 7b/ 10 (I think)

AUTHOR: Washi (ZWS)

FEEDBACK: I love it, I live for it, give it to me!

RATING: R, I think for implied sex, although some steamy scenes are planned.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the characters, Joss does or whoever. If I owned them, do you really think I would let season 6 happen? And why the hell would I be writing this?

So yeah, all belongs to Joss, ME etc...

The lyrics in this piece are owned by their respective owners.

SPOILERS: None, this is AU. It’s set in Sunnydale, but without the whole Hellmouth thingy.

TIMELINE and NOTES: Willow is about 23, Tara is 24, etc…

I read two kickass fics about Willow being in love and Tara being unsure, which are ‘Beholden’ by cinderlust and ‘The Heart Rules the Mind’ by DarkWiccan. Since both these fics aren’t finished, I thought I’d try to write about it.

Also, this fic contains angst, the road to an endless love contains a heartbreak in general.

This is also a way for me to exorcise my own inner demons.

I also hope my music taste doesn’t make people flinch.

Don’t worry, still working on the ‘Sex Journals’ and Dark Core, but I needed to get this out of my system.

Do I need to tell you how this ends? Didn’t think so.

Finally, this fic is written, and will have one update a day.

ARCHIVE: Ask and ye shall receive.

DEDICATION: This is for Yel and all the people who ever fell in love with their best friends, and who suffered through a love that’s not returned.

Thanks: To DarkWiccan for continuing The Heart Rules The Mind.



Thoughts are in < >, flashbacks in italics, and lyrics in bold.



*****



Your face, it haunts

My once pleasant dreams

Your voice, it chased away

All the sanity in me



These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase



When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have

All of me



Evanescence – My Immortal




I’m here without you baby

But your still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time



I’m here without you baby

But your still with me in my dreams

And tonight it’s only you and me



Three Doors Down – Here Without You







Tara woke up and looked around dazedly.







And then, she knew, she remembered. She clutched at the pillow and inhaled deeply, calmed by the smell of her Willow. She shifted her legs slightly and felt a throbbing between her legs. She almost moaned with pleasure, but quickly muffled it. She didn’t remember her dream. And yet, she knew it had been intense, and that it had aroused her beyond belief. Cupping her mound through her panties, she knew just how much she was excited. She sighed and got up, heading to the bathroom for a very cold shower.



*****



Tara walked absently down the halls of Sunnydale’s one and only art gallery. Her eyes took in the colors of every painting, every curve, and every feeling emanating from them. But all she saw was darkness. Sadness, loneliness, heart-ache. All those feelings were pounding into her cells, almost guiding her towards her office, where an easel was set up. She closed the door and quickly stripped down to her underwear before shrugging into some old jeans and tee-shirt she kept in her office for when she felt the need to paint.

After getting out her equipment, she walked to stand in front of the easel. She looked at the canvas, almost transfixed by it, and her hand automatically started mixing colors.

Soon, the canvas wasn’t as pristine as before as Tara’s hand almost did the work alone. The blonde just kept staring at the canvas, her eyes looking beyond it, into another world.

Sweat beaded on Tara’s forehead, and she swiped at it unconsciously, smearing a bold streak of deep red on it. She kept painting, even as her hand tired, as she started crying softly, wiping at the tears as they ran down her cheeks with the back of her hands, turning the tracks left by her weeping into black streaks of pain and heart break.

It was nearing noon when Tara finally put down her brushes and looked at what her heart had painted.

Willow, her face ashen, her eyes full of tears and sadness. Willow that night at the Bronze.



*****



Tara was still gazing at the portrait of her love when Buffy and Xander came into her office. Her gaze troubled, her eyes watery, she didn’t even notice her friends walk into the room. Buffy slowly raised her hand and put it on Tara’s shoulder, who flinched unconsciously. Without turning around, she knew who it was.



“Buffy, Xander, what are you d-doing here?”



Her almost cold tone startled Buffy slightly. “We, um, we came to see if you wanted to go have lunch with us. You know, outside.”



“I don’t feel like it Buffy, b-but thank you.” Tara replied, her cold tone disappearing and her smile softening her expression. Buffy sighed and looked at Xander.



“Aww, come on girly girl, I’m paying, for I am payday man. And, we’ll pick up Anya, who’ll probably make some really crude statements about sex, and who’ll embarrass me until I’ll pray for a hell-hole to open up and swallow me alive. That’s gotta count for something, right?” He said, smiling boyishly.



Tara looked at him and grinned. “That sounds like f-fun, but my mood is not contagious, or, maybe it is, and all of you would feel like h-hell by the end of lunch.”



Xander looked up at her, startled. He remembered that sentence, one that seemed spoken years ago. Willow had said almost exactly the same thing that night, right before they went out.







Buffy counter-attacked. “Please, please, come on Tara, for me.” The short blonde pleaded, her lower lip forming a pout.



“Alright, alright, stop the pout. Just, let me get out of these clothes.” She said, plucking lightly at her paint-covered clothes. “Give me five minutes.”



They both nodded and left the room.



*****



Less than half an hour later, the four of them were sitting down, eating lunch silently.



Tara thought, her heart breaking even more at the last thought. What would she do if Willow now hated her? How would she live?



It was a thought that haunted her. What if the positions were now reversed? She had never hated Willow, quite the opposite, but what if Willow hated her? The thought alone made her sick to the stomach, and her tears started welling up again. Life without Willow wasn’t really life, and she didn’t want to experience even a day of it.



She looked up and locked gazes with Xander. She needed to make sure Willow didn’t hate her.



“Xander, can you c-call Willow?”



Xander’s gaze softened, and he nodded. Taking out his cell phone from his jacket, he speed-dialed Willow’s number and waited. After two rings, the redhead answered.



“Hey Willow! How’s my favourite redhead? We miss you!”



Her voice coldly asked him if it was an emergency.



“No, it’s not, but wait! We’re having lunch and thinking about you!”



“Then Goodbye.” The redhead replied softly before hanging up.



“Willow? Will!” Xander said into the phone, but only the dial tone replied. He looked up at Tara and smiled apologetically.



“She hung up. “ he told her softly.



That one sentence made Tara feel as if a truck had run her over. Her hand automatically went up to her mouth as her eyes watered.



“No, please don’t cry, look, maybe she was in a meeting or something. It doesn’t mean anything.”



“She h-hates me. This is all my f-fault.” The blonde whispered, her breathing hitched. She felt a lump forming in her throat and swallowed convulsively to dissipate it some.



Anya looked at her and rolled her eyes. “Look Tara, I am going to be perfectly blunt.” She started, which earned her a roll of the eyes form both Buffy and Xander. She glared at them and started again. “If I were Willow, I would hate you, despise you even, or more like loathe, because loathe is stronger. Anyways, I must say that I am not Willow, her need for revenge and vengeance isn’t as strong as mine, because she will never hate someone she once loved. She will always love you.” She finished with a grin.



Buffy watched as Tara stopped her quiet tears and as her face brightened, while Xander’s face paled. Anya turned to him and smiled brightly.



“Remind me to never hurt you.” He said, trying to relieve some of the tension in the room.



“I better not have to remind you.” Anya quickly replied.



Buffy snickered and noticed Tara’s smile. she chanted inwardly. If they hadn’t been in a café, she would have gotten up and pulled Anya into the famous Snoopy Dance that both Xander and Willow knew so well.



Buffy looked at her watch and almost slapped her forehead. “Oh crap! I’m late! I gotta go guys! Tara, will I see you later?” she asked as she got up and started putting her stuff in her bag.



“I’ll probably be back at the apartment tonight, but only to get some of my own stuff to sleep in. I want to s-sleep in Willow’s bed again. It makes me f-feel closer to h-her.” Tara replied, cursing her stutter. To tell the truth, sleeping in Willow’s bed did make her feel better, it was as if a part of the redhead was with her in the big bed, and she didn’t feel quite so alone.



Buffy nodded, placing a hand on Tara’s shoulder. “Sure thing. Maybe we could chat for a while?”



“Thanks Buffy.” She replied with a smile and a nod.



“Good, I’ll see you later, and bye Xander and Anya.” Buffy said before leaving.



*****



Later that day, Tara stopped at her and Buffy’s apartment to get her stuff. Opening the door, the smell of popcorn and hot chocolate assaulted her nostrils. She smiled as she saw Buffy come out of their kitchen, two cups of hot chocolate on the tray she put on the coffee table. She winked at the taller blonde and ran back to the kitchen. Tara set down her coat and sat down, nursing one of the cups in her hands. Buffy soon emerged from the kitchen, carrying a big bowl of popcorn. Finally sitting down, the smaller blonde broke the silence.



“How are you?”



Tara thought for a second. How did she feel? Everything was so jumbled in her head, images from the past few days echoing again and again in her skull.



“Seriously? I don’t know. It’s… It’s like someone t-took a shaker and j-just mixed everything in my head. I feel pain, and anticipation. I just… I’m kinda n-nervous for some reason. I’m afraid that m-maybe Willow will have forg-gotten about me, or that, she might h-hate me. And, and that scares me.” Tara said slowly, trying to put the maelstrom of feelings raging into her heart into words.



“Yikes, those are only bad-type feelings.” Buffy noted, munching on the popcorn.



Tara shook her head and took a slow sip of the hot beverage. “Not… not only those. I m-mean, I feel love. I know what it is now, I know what that nagging feeling in my heart is called, you know? I used to feel like that when I looked at Willow, but now, I know what that is, why my heart flutters when I just pronounce her name. I feel love, I love her.” Tara said, not once stuttering, knowing confidently what that warmth inside of her was.



Buffy smiled and a dreamy expression rippled over her face. “Yeah. It’s like, when you see her, you wanna kiss those pouty lips, or just lay down next to her and run your fingers through her long dark hair, or just look into those dark brown eyes, which aren’t really brown, but more like greenish hazel, and I should shut up now.” Buffy finally stopped, noticing the teasing grin that was raising the corner of Tara’s mouth, and she blushed scarlet.



“I always knew s-something was going on with you and Faith. It’s obvious you l-like her, um, in a Sapphic way.” The grinning girl said, smiling teasingly.



“It’s obvious? Damn.” Buffy replied, pouting. “Then, why doesn’t she notice me? If it’s obvious, she should know, right?”



Tara smiled indulgently at her friend. “Buffy, have you not seen how she l-looks at you? Faith is totally into you. She would, um, eat you, if you gave her the occ-ccasion.” Another teasing grin spread over her face at the same time as a blush.



Buffy looked at her for a few seconds, not saying anything, just looking at her owlishly. She pointed a finger at the grinning girl. “You! Oh god.” Buffy managed to say before covering her face with her hands and blushing fiercely.



“Buffy?” Tara’s voice wavered, and her grin faded. “Buffy, what am I going to do?”



Buffy raised her head from her hands and looked seriously at her friend. “I say we tell them. We stop playing games, and we just tell them.”



“But, Buffy, if I just c-call her, won’t she th-think that I’m loving her out of g-guilt?”



“I don’t know Tara. She could. After all, if you just come out and tell her, she’ll probably think that that’s the deal, and she’ll try to shelter her heart.” Buffy thought for a second and then spoke again. “But, we have almost a month, right? Before they come back. Use that time to think of how to tell her.”



Tara nodded wordlessly and looked at her watch. “I sh-should p-pack.”



Buffy nodded and watched as her friend walked into her room.



*****



Later that night, Tara got into the covers in Willow’s bed and nuzzled the pillow she was resting her head on, the sweet smell of her love soothing her frazzled nerves. She tossed and turned for half an hour before she decided some music would help her sleep. She switched on the radio and turned down the music so that only she could hear it.

The sound of guitars filled the room, and she sighed. It was one of her favorite songs. She sighed and settled down into bed, thinking of her beloved redhead, and she drifted off to sleep, the last thing she heard being the song’s chorus.



I’m here without you baby

But your still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time



I’m here without you baby

But your still with me in my dreams

And tonight it’s only you and me





*****



TBC

-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:Dark-bliss.net :. .:Blink.Flash.Sparkle.:. .:My blog:. .:Blood and Ink:. .:Washi's 70s Site:.

Edited by: Washi  at: 4/17/04 8:08 pm


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 Post subject: Re: UPDATE
PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2004 9:52 pm 
~sighs~ Can this month go any slower? There has to be some way for Tara to let Willow know the love she feels and stop this heart break. :sob



Good to see the muse is working Washi. Great update!



~Mikaelah

Willow: "Where would you go? If you felt lost and alone? ..."

Tara: "To You..."


~~Truly and Forever~~



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 Post subject: Re: UPDATE
PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2004 10:02 pm 
YAY! Update-y goodness :D And a completely new update at that. The first version of this story was great, but the additions really adding to it. It's not changes just for changing - we are finding out a lot more about everyone involved and (if possible) the angst level seems even higher.



Love, love, LOVE! this fic.

-shuyaku

Oh God, Willow—you’re giving me the gift of Karen Carpenter. Just when I think I grasp the full extent of your love." - Tara

"Why do birds suddenly appear? It’s because, you are queer…" - Willow (Gods Served and Abandoned by AntigoneUnbound)



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 Post subject: Re: UPDATE
PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2004 11:43 pm 
Hey Washi!



Yes, I'm finally catching up with this fic and totally love it! Although I'm not big on the patience and really want them to all get together and at least start to talk about it. This is just eating them up inside (and me too).



Can't wait to read more!



Oh yeah, I've always wanted to tell you how much I love your avatar -- it mesmerizes me everytime I see it and my eyes get all dizzy! So yummy! :drool



Wimpy



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 Post subject: Re: UPDATE
PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2004 12:28 am 
HEY! love the rewrite! i feel sooo bad for tara...:cry and right now i'm listening to a song by oliver james "the greatest story ever told" and thinking about the dance they had when willow came back... it's just sad... here's the lyrics to the song i'm listening to...



Thank you for this moment

I gotta say how beatuiful you are

Of all the hopes and dreams i could have prayed for

Here you are

If I could have one dance forever

I would take you by the hand

Tonight it’s you and I together

I'm so glad I'm your man



And if i lived a thousand years you know

I’d never could explain

The way I lost my heart to you that day

But if destiny decided I should look the other way

Then the world would never know

The greatest story ever told

And did I tell you that I love you to night



I don’t hear the music when I’m looking in you eyes

But I feal the rythem of your body close to mine

It’s the way we talk that’s sends me

It’s the way we’ll always be here

Your kiss your pretty smile you know I die for

Oh baby you're all I need



And if i lived a thousand years you know

I’d never could explain

The way I lost my heart to you that day

But if destiny decided I should look the other way

Then the world would never know

The greatest story ever told

And did I tell you that I love you just how much I really need you

Did I tell you that I love you tonight



tonight



And if i lived a thousand years you know

I’d never could explain

The way I lost my heart to you that day

But if destiny decided I should look the other way

Then the world would never know

The greatest story ever told

And did I tell you that I love you just how much I really need you

Did I tell you that I love you tonight



...gosh i'm soo sappy...:cry ... love ur update tho...hehe

"How can i/ Beleive that my heart will find/ Someone like you/ You see the really me/ No in betweens/ I had nowhere to hide/ You took away the walls around me/ Make me feel safe to share my truth/ I see the heavens open/ A heart that once was broken/ It's holding nothing back/ Now that i found you



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 Post subject: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2004 1:54 am 


Great update!! I love your story!! :bounce



More please :applause



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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2004 5:18 am 
That update was amazing, as always.. Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)



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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2004 8:06 am 
So much doubt and anguish in the air, but of course the love outweighs it. I think I'd be sleeping in Willow's bed as well, if I felt what Tara was feeling. Also, the picture Tara painted of Willow at the Bronze. The one person who makes her feel so much love, at the exact moment that makes her feel so much pain. Wonderful update!:)



Yvonne:peace



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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2004 8:01 pm 
Hey Washi. I'm speechless. I continue to be blown away with each update. Can't wait for the next one! :)



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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2004 11:49 am 
delurking to say one word: update :)



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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2004 11:55 am 
Washi, I read it again and all I can say is: UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*lil´c*

"Okay, we’re here, we’re queer, let’s kick this shit into gear," Five by Five (Taras Shadow)



SweetAmber



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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2004 6:53 pm 
i read this twice.... and YOU MUST UPDATE!!!! dont leave me hangin here~!!!! PWEASE?!?!!? *deep breath* woo.. ok im fine now.. hehe but please updatesoon? :) :heart





-Kelsey



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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2004 1:47 am 
Great update :clap



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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2004 3:01 am 
Saying excellent or superb would still be an understatement to your wonderful story. :) Hm, have to think of a better word. :hmm How about amazing...breathtaking? :D



s79

I look at horses and I see really big ponies.

The greatest thing you'll learn, is just to love and be loved in return.







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 Post subject: Re: Hi Washi
PostPosted: Wed Apr 21, 2004 11:28 pm 
Washi, I love your story - just caught up and I can't wait for more.



snuggle79 - I love your Lara/Dana avatar. I miss them together and really hope Lara comes back next season!!

-pipsberg



"We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep - it's as simple and ordinary as that."

Michael Cunningham, The Hours



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