The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: ...
PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2003 8:29 pm 
dont listen to ruth, wendy! trust me, she starts off making sweet comments about the fic (which are totally warranted), then suggests more narration (she is an english teacher after all) but then you cant stop writing it, ever! narration takes over your whole life. look at what happened to me. i beg you! :punch (love ya ruthificus)



ok, honest now, i love this fic. love the pace the cross over and the story behind it.

"We're forgetting about the troll.

Let's pay attention to the troll." Tara, Triangle



*never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence*



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 Post subject: did she come back OK in the first place?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 26, 2003 3:17 pm 
After reading this fic again I came to wonder; did Tara come back all okay ? Buffy didn't come back all that nice after all.



Granted W&H used another method but still, knowing that you were dead and resurrected can't be fun. Hopefully all the bad consequences of her resurrection will fall onto W&H, it's not like Tara had a choice in the matter anyway.



Still a bit worried though....



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine



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 Post subject: Re: did she come back OK in the first place?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2003 2:59 am 
Dexis-Tara’s headache-yep memories returning so don’t worry about anything else or maybe lots to worry about:devilish



Ruth- One of the reasons I enjoyed Angel was Lilah she always seemed such a complex character and I’m pleased you feel I have accurately portrayed her. Yes Tara is different, still essentially Tara but even more self-reliant than she was before. She is also going to have more confidence in her own abilities. The way to bring her back occurred to me almost straight away and again I’m pleased you find it an interesting idea.



The change in tenses for this was due to moving, changing the pace of the piece. I wanted to keep it moving at a breakneck pace and as you noted unfortunately narration sometimes suffers. Narration not always my strong part and yeah I know I should work on it and as I said when I spoke to you constructive criticism is always welcome.:D



Barnabasvamp- I found this to be the most intense thing I have ever written which is why it took a back seat for a while. Lilah-yep never to be trusted but Tara knew that so was prepared for anything. The returning memories are going to be something that Tara will have to deal with and her friends might need to help her.



Grimaldi- the car scene was important to me and I wasn’t sure if I had pushed it to far but I think it worked. At least Tara has everyone round her when the memories return.



Grimmy- yes the memories will be bittersweet some good and some bad but the intensity of the emotion when they return might be briefly overwhelming. On Gavin, Willow won’t have to worry about revenge as a certain Lilah Morgan now has a lot of information to use on him:evil . I believe my beta contacted you about the hotel (thank you Beth:wave , what would I do without you:bigkiss ). Spike- I wanted to have him in this story but not an Angel clone so I hope I have kept some of his attitude but with a caring edge. On your last posting did she come back okay? She came back but she is different and the memories of her coming back and what happened to her are just something else she will have to deal with.



Rane-I am pleased you like the way this was built up and yes the pace is very, very deliberate but will slow slightly when they get back to Sunnydale.





These five words in my head scream "are we having fun yet?"



Chad Kroeger

Edited by: Magrat70 at: 1/29/03 1:19:11 am


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 Post subject: Twisted part 9
PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2003 1:22 pm 
Title: Twisted part 9

Author: Magrat

Rating: R

Spoilers: As before.



Twisted part 9



“Tara,” screamed Willow rushing to her fallen lover.



Tara looked up. “W-willow?”



“Tara, you remember me…I mean all of us?” Asked Willow with a mixture of fear and relief.



“Y-yes, it’s all coming b-back to me,” said Tara tears flowing freely down her shirt. “There was blood on your shirt and the pain, oh god the pain and then warmth and peace; I felt my spirit was at peace.



“Tara, I’m sorry,” said Willow her heart breaking all over again.



Tara pulled her knees up to her chest rocking gently back and forth, tears coursing down her face.



“Tara,” said Willow her face a mask of fear.



“What’s wrong with her?” Dawn asked anxiously.



Buffy watched Tara without realizing that silent tears were slipping down her own face. She moved toward the huddled figure on the floor in a trance like state, shaking off Angel as he tried to pull her back. Buffy dropped to her knees in front of Tara putting her arms around her shoulders. “I know, I know.”



Willow knelt next to the pair and gathered them both up.



“This is very nice, with the touchy, feely,” said Spike. “But that girl needs some sleep.”



“What’s wrong with you Spike? Gone soft?” Taunted Cordelia.



Spike glared at her, his jaw tightening and fists clenching.



Lorne moved between the two of them. “C’mon, he’s got a point. It’s been a long night for all of us.”



Dawn approached the crying trio; she could see Tara’s arms pulling even tighter around herself. “Buffy, Willow, I think you should give Tara some space.”



Willow pulled away, and gently disengaged the slayer from Tara who was still rocking back and forth. “Tara, do you want to sleep?” Still no response from the blonde woman, Willow gently tugged at her shoulder until Tara looked up at her. “ Baby, are you tired?”



“T-tired, yes,” answered Tara feeling exhaustion biting into the marrow of her bones.



Spike moved forward and scooped Tara up in his arms. “Where can she sleep?” He asked Lorne.



“Take her into my bedroom,” said Lorne. Spike walked through Lorne’s apartment, kicked the bedroom door open and placed Tara on the bed before starting to remove her boots.



“What are you doing Spike?” Asked Lorne who had followed close behind him.



“ Just thought I’d make her more comfortable,” answered the vampire.



“She’s not yours to make comfortable,” snapped Willow. “Leave her alone Spike.”



Spike turned to look at the redhead whose eyes were burning straight through him. “Red, I’m just trying to help and she doesn’t belong to anyone, not Wolfram and Hart or to you and the rest of the Scoobies out there.”



Willow could feel anger and resentment churning within her and she struggled to control her emotions until Lorne laid a hand on her shoulder and whispered softly in her ear. “Remember she is going to need you, don’t make an issue and don’t lose your temper.”



“Fine,” said Willow through gritted teeth. “I’ll do what ever Tara wants.”



Tara had her eyes closed, lying on the bed, her head pounding with tension; she didn’t want to have to deal with this right now. She just wanted to sleep. “Willow, Spike please, just leave me for a while.



“Tara,” said Lorne gently. “Do you want something, more comfortable to change into?”



“Thank you,” whispered Tara nodding. ”If you d-don’t mind?”



“Of course not Sweetie,” said the host as he hustled Spike and Willow out the door. He pulled out a pair of silk pajamas and handed them to Tara. “They might be a little large you might just need the shirt.”



“Thank you,” said Tara and quickly changed as the host turned his back. “Lorne I…thank you. Lorne?”



“What Sweetie?” Asked the demon catching the question in the witch’s voice.



“Can I t-talk with you for a while?” Asked Tara.



“Sure but wouldn’t you rather talk with one of your friends or Willow?” Asked Lorne.



“I-I d-d-don’t, I don’t think I can f-face them right now,” said Tara getting more and more agitated.



“I’ll just go out to make sure that everyone is settled for the night and I’ll be right back,” said Lorne.



“I’m s-sorry you’re probably tired, I’ve no right…”



“Shh, Sweetie if you need to talk, I’ll be back,” said Lorne moving to the bed and patting Tara’s hand.



“Thank you,” said Tara.



*******************



Lorne looked at the anxious faces that were waiting for him as he exited his apartment.



“How is she, does she want anything?” Asked Willow, her face puffy from the amount of tears she had shed.



“She wants to talk,” admitted Lorne.



“To me?” Asked Willow her face lighting up for a brief moment.



“I’m sorry no, she wants to talk to me,” said Lorne.



Willow’s face crumpled again. “Why? She doesn’t even know you,” she said, a trace of bitterness biting in her voice.



“I think that might be the whole point,” said Lorne gently. “I think she is a little scared and confused right now.”



“Then why doesn’t she want me?” Asked Willow, her voice sounding harsh and truculent.



“She might, but you’ve got to give her space,” said Lorne putting an arm around Willow and leading her as far away from the bedroom as he could hoping that Tara couldn’t hear her.



“I tried that, but she left,” argued Willow.



“And then she came back, trust her, trust yourself,” said Lorne soothingly. “Everything will be fine.”



“You can’t know that,” said Willow the fight suddenly leaving her as her shoulders drooped.



“Maybe not, but you have to let her find her own way,” said Lorne. “It’s probably the only way you will get her back. If you want her?”



“Of course, I do,” said Willow fire sparking in her eyes again. “God, how can you even say that?”



“She is going to be different…”



“I know, we brought Buffy back, she was different,” said Willow. “But we worked through it.”



“Yes, but Buffy didn’t have some lawyers manipulating her. Buffy was brought back by people who loved her. Tara was not. Her powers have been scrutinized in a way that they never should have been. She’s not the same woman you loved.”



Willow shook her head. “She’s still Tara, I can…I can feel it, I can feel her and I know I could only love her.”



Lorne nodded; pleased his probing had gotten what he wanted. He felt more confident in going in to talk to Tara knowing that he could tell her exactly how much she meant to the young redhead. “I’ll tell her,” he promised.



“Please, “ said Willow folding into his arms. “My world was destroyed when she died, I’m not going to mess things up a second time.”



He nodded and turned to the rest of the group. “I don’t know where you are all going to sleep, just try and make yourselves as comfortable as possible. I’ll hand some blankets out to you.”



“Does anyone mind if Dawn has the couch?” Asked Buffy.



Everyone gave their agreement to this. Lorne walked towards the bedroom to be stopped by Giles who had stayed very quiet most of the night, trying to get his head around what was going on. “She is in a very vulnerable place right now.”



“I know,” said the demon. “I won’t hurt her.”



Giles nodded. “Tell her if there is anything I can do…”



“I will,” said Lorne laying his hand on Giles shoulder. “And will you look after…”



“Everyone else,” smiled the Englishman.



“No, no, I was thinking of the bar, I’ve seen how Spike and Angel have been growling at one another. Keep Anya away from the schnapps and Spike from the tequila and Jack Daniels,” said the host and then giving Giles an appraising look and whispered in his ear. “The decent Scotch is hidden behind the glasses under the bar and if you keep Angel and Spike from wrecking the place you deserve it.”



Giles smiled at the host and then went to stand between the two vampires who were in the middle of a childish shoving match.



Lorne came back out of the bedroom and handed a pile of blankets to the slayer before disappearing back in the room.



*******************



“I was hoping that you would be asleep,” said Lorne softly seeing the strained, tired looking face of the blonde witch.



“If you don’t want to talk to me…”



“It’s not that Sweetie, you look exhausted,” said the demon sitting on the bed.



“I’m tired, but it scares me to shut my eyes,” said Tara staring into the distance.



“Why?” Asked Lorne moving to sit next to the blonde and gently pulling her in close.



“I can s-see it all,” said Tara her head hanging down low until it was resting against the demon’s chest.



“All what?” Asked Lorne.



“My family, how they were right; my dad told me I would become a demon on my twentieth birthday. He may have been wrong about that, but he always knew I would be evil. Looks like he was right about that,” whispered Tara.



“You evil? I don’t feel it, not one small bit,” said Lorne. “How can you even think that? And remember even if you had been a demon, not all of us are evil, look at me.”



“He used to hit me, said it was for my own good, keep the demon in check,” said Tara softly, not noticing his small attempt at humor, too lost in her pain and then she shivered. “But Donnie was even worse, sometimes I hoped I would die.”



“Who is Donnie?” Asked the host.



“My b-brother,” whispered Tara. “He used to b-beat me until I s-screamed and then he would b-beat me some more.”



Lorne closed his eyes, controlling the anger that was starting to eat him. “Didn’t your

parents try to stop him?”



“When my M-Mom was alive it wasn’t so bad, but I think he b-blamed me partly for her illness, D-dad didn’t care, probably thought I d-deserved it. Maybe I did?”



“No-one deserves that,” said Lorne holding her close. “You never deserved it.”



“How do you know? I’m evil. I deserve anything that happens to me.” The witch’s voice strident, making Lorne jump after the whispered conversation they had had so far.



“I’m not buying this evil bull from you,” said the host deciding to challenge her.



“Why else would they have gone to all that trouble to bring me back, if they didn’t think I was evil? I threatened Willow with a gun. I so wanted to kill her, not exactly the actions of a good girl,” said Tara her voice again soft.



“Tara, you have had people play with your mind,” said Lorne feeling the young woman stiffen in his arms. “That means something to you; doesn’t it?”



“It’s all that has ever happened to me, my f-family, Glory, W-willow and now… maybe I would be better off still dead,” said Tara.



“There is a room full of people out there who would disagree with you,” said Lorne. “Don’t let Wolfram and Hart do this to you.”



“It’s more than that,” said Tara her voice dropping again. “All my memories came back and it was so…it hurt.” Said Tara closing her eyes and drawing a slow breath as she tried to compose herself to continue. Even the good things in my life like Willow, Dawn and Buffy come with a warning label. Everything in my life is connected with pain. I just want it to stop.”



“Your life or the people who love you?” Questioned Lorne.



Tara shrugged.



“Earlier tonight you were full of fire and now all you want is to give up, come on Tara; I expect more from you,” argued Lorne.



“What would you know?” Snapped Tara.



Lorne dropped his voice to be less confrontational. “Tell me then, explain it to me?”



“S-she k-k-k, she killed someone. I love her so much, but I don’t know that I should be in love with her anymore,” said Tara pain clearly evident in her eyes.



“You were going to kill her,” countered the host.



“That was different…”



“How? Why were you going to kill her?” Asked Lorne offering a silent prayer to any deity that was listening that the witch would understand his argument.



“I thought she had killed my p-parents and my daughter” Tara said plaintively, as she moved away from Lorne and pulled her knees to her chin.



Lorne cupped Tara’s chin and pulled it so that he could look into her eyes. “How do you think you’d have felt if the woman you loved was shot and you were covered in her blood and you watched her life pour away from you?” He left it a second to allow the words to sink in, so that she could fully comprehend the horror Willow had faced. “Do you think you would have stayed sane?”



“Your s-shirt,” repeated Tara and then seeing the question on the host’s face. “I remember seeing b-blood on her shirt. It w-was h-horrible f-for her.” She closed her eyes, as the memories of the hacker’s pain as she sang came back to her.



“Yes, it was,” agreed Lorne holding Tara in close as she started to cry. “Don’t decide you shouldn’t love her, not yet. She loves you, remember all the things she did for you.”



“She l-loved me. She can’t be s-sure, not now. I don’t even know, who I am anymore.” Tara said, sadly.



“She does love you and she knows exactly who you are,” said Lorne kissing the top of her head.



“L-lorne?” Asked Tara.



“Yes Sweetie.”



“D-do you know who k-killed me?” Tara asked trembling, anxiety shaking her voice.



“I don’t, but if you promise to get some sleep, I’ll promise to find out,” said Lorne.



“I can’t sleep,” said Tara.



“Of course you can Sweetie,” said Lorne. “You are exhausted.” He adjusted his body and slid down the bed and he was more than a little surprised when she didn’t resist and allowed herself to be pulled into his chest. Lorne started to hum as he stroked her hair and after a while as her breathing started to become slow and rhythmic he softly started to sing. “Hush, little baby, don’t say a word, Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird don’t sing, Mama’s gonna buy you a diamond ring…”



TBC







The Glorious People Republic of Treacle Mine Road;



Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Love and a Hard Boiled Egg


Edited by: Magrat70 at: 3/17/03 9:42:20 am


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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 9
PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2003 1:34 pm 
Magrat First of all, let me say I just loved all your fics! They rule! I just read the latest chappy, and all I can say is that it just rocks, and I love it.

The feelings and emotions that u wrote down are so true, so real, I started bawling like a kid.

Poor Willow, not knowing what to do, poor Tara, reliving all her pain, Buffy understanding more or less what Tara is going through, Dawn seeing her surrogate sister suffer like that, my heart was just torn apart. I can't wait for the next update. :grin

Edited by: Washi  at: 3/16/03 11:38:23 am


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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 9
PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2003 2:45 pm 
I started reading this fic on another site, but only recently caught up with the latest updates.



This is another great story. :bounce



I'm glad that Tara's escaped from WH, I just hope that she gets over her confusion soon.



I understand, you should be with the person you l-love


I am




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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 9
PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2003 3:12 pm 
Even though I remember most of this fic I still tend to re-read it partly on each update. Must be a good story then :)



Anyway, what I noticed most is how quick Tara is to pull herself down. She had more pain in her life then anyone should have, that much is true. Still life itself comes with a warning label to use Tara's figure of speech. You take those warnings and hope good comes from it.



Good thing she was talking to Lorne, I think he is a better listener than Willow would have been. Willow wants to make all things better for Tara, or at least try. Thats not what Tara needs right now, she mostly needs to believe in herself again. If she had told Willow about Donnie, well...



I wonder if the removal of the memory-block also brought back Tara's memories of 'being dead' i.e. was she in heaven or such ? More to the point, would she have preferred to stay there as was Buffy's problem ? Trouble with that is that Tara would never admit that, she's to kind for that... she'll bottle up her own doubts to avoid possibly hurting others. Never mind that those 'others' might want to share those doubts and help her through it. Tough choice.



I hope Tara has at least learned to control her empath abilities, otherwise she'll never get any sleep with all those people being concerned for her in the next room. Tara needs some time to think things through just by herself, Lorn seems a good listener/reflector for that purpose.



Who thought up the W&H plan by the way ? Did Gavin come up with that all by himself or is there some other higher boss we can blame/harm/kill for that ? Will W&H act smart and just back of the entire Willow/Tara situation or will they try again to get Tara ? Maybe Gavin will try something on his own to recover his losses and possibly safe his own miserable life. I'm almost hoping he would try something, with Willow, Buffy and Anya around... (kinda reminds me of a Animal Planet commercial.. "who wants a biscuit" type of situation :) )



Just as long as eventually Willow and Tara do talk to each other, preferably alone. Don't let miscommunication and 'assuming things' get in the way of a relationship please, thanks :D



I still don't see how any thinking person at W&H could have thought their Tara-scheme would hold for very long. Granted this went to pieces earlier than expected but the entire scheme was rather diffcult to maintain. Ah well... on to happier times I hope.



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 9
PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2003 3:53 pm 
:applause :applause :applause



Gosh, poor Willow she is so upset. I'm glad there is someone there for tara to talk. More on Spike adn Angel!! I wanna see a vamp fight!!! I love how you wrote the characters emotions. Lovey update:)



-Will

"I think finding her soulmate would have made Tara a more confident and secure person" -Amber Benson



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 9
PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2003 10:22 pm 
Wendy, I was surprised by Tara's reaction but I can see her being hurt by what Willow had done. Thankfully Lorne was there to remind her of what she was capable of when pressed.

-----------------------------------

Only 50 cents



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 9
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2003 9:09 am 
loved the update :)



i liked the talk between Tara and Lorne, and it was good that he was the one to talk to her first rather than Willow or the others since they would let their emotions play a bigger factor in trying to help Tara.



Lorne telling Giles to mind the bar, keep Anya away from the schnapps, Spike from the tequllia and to keep Spike and Angel from fighting was funny

You can't just go declaring shenanigans on innocent people, that's how wars get started!
I'm not stealing, I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 9
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2003 10:35 am 
:applause Update!!



Poor Tara, all those memories and feelings rushing in at once. Truly hard to comprehend.



Very interesting that Tara chose to turn to Lorne for someone to talk to.



Tara may need comforting, but Willow is also going to need support, while waiting for Tara to deal with her feelings.



BV

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before"-Mae West



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 9
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2003 11:20 am 
Hell that was alot of emotions. Hope Tara doesn´t suffer to much. I don´t like it when she is in pain.



It must be really heavy for Willow to see the love of her live is alive and that Tara doesn´t want to talk to her. :sob



But maybe she will be ready really soon:bounce



Great updates.



CU:wave

SoL/Natti



Man sieht nur mit dem Herzen gut, das Wesentliche ist für die Augen unsichtbar - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 9
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2003 2:20 am 
Washi- You are very sweet:kiss . Twisted has always felt heavy to write and there is still a little pain to go before it starts get better. I’m glad you are enjoying it.:D



Justin- it’ll take a little while but Tara will start to come back to normal.



Grimmy- where to start:p , nope not Gavin’s idea, he was following orders but enjoying it too much:rage . Will the Scooby’s go after him? No, they are too busy looking after Tara, but a certain Lilah Morgan has a lot on him:wink . Tara has memories of her death and that will impact on all of them. Tara and Willow will need to talk but its get them there that will be the hard part.



Willntlover-sorry no vamp fight, but maybe vamp bitching:devilish . I’m glad you enjoyed the emotions, it was hard to write but I’m pleased you think it is accurate.



Xita- I understand what you mean about being surprised by Tara’s reaction but she is hurt and confused and not really thinking straight but she’ll soon get herself together. Lorne was good for her but she may need more pushing.



Grimaldi- I agree it worked better because Lorne was neutral and had no view to push on how Tara should behave or feel. And I made jokes:laugh I know it doesn’t happen often.



Barnabasvamp- Yes the memories flooding back would have been very painful. Lorne, I think was sympathetic without having his ownagenda so it made it easier than with the people she loves. Willow will need support and it is time for Buffy to be her friend.



Stroke of luck- Tara is in pain but I’m sure eventually a certain redhead will make things better:whistle .





The Glorious People Republic of Treacle Mine Road;



Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Love and a Hard Boiled Egg




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 Post subject: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Thu May 22, 2003 12:07 pm 
Title: Twisted part 10

Author: Magrat

Spoilers: As before

Ratings: R

Feedback: yes please but keep it constructive

Disclaimer: They don’t belong to me; I would have treated them better. London Rain belongs to the wonderful Heather Nova



Twisted part 10



Tara woke gently from a deep dreamless sleep; it took her a moment to adjust to her surroundings and everything that had happened the night before. She stole a look at the alarm clock on Lorne’s night table. It read 3:30 she had been asleep for almost 12 hours.



She could feel the presence of someone else in the room. Tara spoke without giving much impression that she had awoken. “Whatcha doing Spike?”



The vampire was surprised but gave no outward sign. “Those new empathic type powers are really working for you.”



Tara opened her eyes to see him sitting crossed legged on Lorne’s dresser, looking rather like a devilish imp. “Maybe, but you still haven’t answered my question. What are you doing Spike?”



Spike shrugged. “Just checking that you’re alright. I slipped in when the gang were all talking.”



“Funny,” said Tara. “I never figured you as my guardian angel. So what is going on with you Spike?”



“Can’t a bloke show a little concern?” Spike asked, putting on an offended air.



“Is that what having a soul does for you?” Asked Tara and then looking curious. “How did you do it anyway?”



The vampire shifted uncomfortably and wouldn’t look at the witch. “It’s not important and it’s done now, but you…”



Tara closed her eyes and opened her mind, seeking his feelings. “It was painful, wasn’t it? Worse than you ever thought and the weight of guilt you feel is crushing.” Tara shivered at the mark of darkness and despair that could and would never quite leave him. “You’re still not sure if you can live with it, but you think by helping me you might be able to?”



Spike stared moodily towards the door, now starting to wish he hadn’t come to see her.



Tara caught his mood. “I’m s-sorry, that was rude of me. You can g-go if you want.”



“In a little while,” said Spike relaxing slightly. “You know you are going to start freaking people out doing that. Can you stop it?” He asked out of pure curiosity.



“Y-yes, I think so,” answered Tara. “I have to concentrate to do it.”



“I’m not saying it won’t be useful for the Scooby’s…”



“What would you say if I told you I wasn’t going back with them?” Asked Tara.



Spike cocked his head to one side shocked. “Is that some kinda weird type of joke?”



“N-no, I’m n-not sure if going back is the best thing for them or me,” explained Tara.



“Not the best thing for them? They travelled here to find you. They would have stormed Wolfram and Hart to get you back. If you don’t go back it’s for you not them,” retorted Spike. “The niblet is so excited, she hasn’t stopped talking about you. Red, is waiting for the moment she can talk to you, even the demon chick is happy, so don’t say it’s about them.”



“B-but, its hard you know Spike, everything that I’ve been through…Its just hard.”



“Isn’t that another reason to return? I mean how many people have died, gone to heaven and come back? At least with The Scoobys you have someone else who has been through it.” He checked Tara’s face. “Okay maybe not the strongest selling point in the world, but its something.” Still not getting any reaction from the blonde he finally snapped out, “Look, you’re family and you better get used to it.”



Spike watched the tears start to show in her eyes. “C’mon love, you’re stronger than this.”



“ No, I’m not Spike. I’m scared…”



“Well, that’s understandable, that bastard Warren shot you. Anyone would be bloody scared of being with The Scoobys, but it’s where you belong,” Spike dropped his voice, trying to be gentle.



Tara suddenly threw back her head, roaring with laughter. “Dying doesn’t scare me, if that’s what you think.”



“Well, it crossed my mind…”



“No, dying is easy. It’s being alive…”



“I know I was with Buffy remember, I helped her…” Spike stopped searching for the right word. “I helped her feel.”



Tara raised an eyebrow. “You really believe that don’t you?”



“Yes,” answered the vampire with utter conviction.



“You didn’t, you just stopped her from having to deal with her life,” said Tara meeting his stare.



“She needed me…”



“She needed to live Spike…whatever you did together, it didn’t help her live it just sunk her further…”



“This isn’t about me and Buffy. This is about you and you not facing up to your life,” said Spike jumping down from his perch and baring down on the blonde.



Tara backed away from his movement to the other side of the bed pulling her knees up and protectively hugging them.



Spike stopped moving immediately, and sat slowly on the end of the bed, struck by the look of fear on her face. “I won’t hurt you love. I can’t even if I want too.”



“I bet you can,” shrugged Tara her heart still pounding hard, but she reached out with her mind and could feel that he really did mean her no harm. “You can h-hurt B-Buffy, so you can probably do the same to me.”



He reached out his hand for Tara and then pulled it back. Spike knew this wasn’t his place. “Talk with the niblet, please.”



“Why is this so important to you?” Asked Tara.



“I want to do some good,” he mumbled. “For you…for Buffy…”



“It’s always about Buffy with you isn’t it?” Asked Tara with an exasperated edge to her voice.



The vampire didn’t try and disagree, instead he just shrugged his shoulders and got off the bed but before leaving he looked over his shoulder. “I’ll send Dawn in to see you.”



*************



“What the hell are you up to?” Asked Angel slamming Spike against the wall as he came through the door.



“What’s it to you, you big poof?” Sneered Spike, as he pushed the other vampire off.



“Actually, I’m kinda intrigued too,” said Buffy appearing from behind Angel.



Spike bit back on a sarcastic retort. “I was talking with the witch; she wants to talk to Dawn.”



“Really?” Asked the teenager lighting up.



“Why don’t you go in and see her,” said Spike softly.



*****************



Dawn stood at the threshold of the bedroom, her heart pounding. So much had happened over the last couple of years. She had already witnessed her sister die and come back from the grave and now this. Dawn took a deep breath and entered.



Tara felt Dawn’s indecision. “Hey, Sweetie.”



The teenager walked unsteadily into the room. The memory of discovering Tara’s dead body flashed through her head. “It’s really you, isn’t it?” Asked Dawn going to the bed, sitting by Tara and tracing her fingers over the planes of the blonde woman’s face. “I almost imagined I’d dreamt last night, but it’s real and your back. Tara, I missed you so much. It was horrible without you, I mean Buffy tried to hold us together but Willow…she was…she was dead without you.” Dawn put her head on Tara’s chest and wrapped her arms around her. “I can hear your heart beat.” Dawn couldn’t hold together any longer and dissolved into tears.



“Shh, Dawnie, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere,” said Tara sealing her future, unable to hurt Dawn more.



***************************



Willow walked away from her friends and went into the bar, her shoulders dropping. She went into a booth and curled up into herself, surrendering to the heartache she felt.



The slayer followed quietly, she watched for a second before speaking. “Willow, she’ll come around.”



Willowed looked up and was barely able to focus at Buffy through puffy, blood shot eyes. “When, after she’s spoken to everyone who isn’t me?”



“Give her time,” said Buffy sitting beside Willow and grasping both her hands. “It’s hard to adjust to living again.”



“I know Buffy…”



“Willow, I think you should forget about Tara for the moment…”



“What?” Asked Willow her voice harsh. “How can you even suggest that?”



“Look, that came out all wrong, I think you should concentrate on you, you haven’t been well Will, you’ve hardly even eaten in months…”



“I don’t care about me,” mumbled Willow with a shrug of her shoulders.



“Well, I do,” said the slayer firmly. “And I think Tara does too. You have to make sure you are well for her. You want that don’t you?”



“Of course I do. She is my everything, I want her so much,” stated Willow simply.



“But that could take a while. You have to be healthy and eat and sleep some. Will, do you think you’re going to be able to wait for her? We don’t know how long it’ll take for her to be the Tara we both loved.”



“I’ll wait, as long as it takes and even if she isn’t the same person…I will always love her,” whispered Willow her face showing so much pain. “What else can I do?”



“Do you think you can deal with the pain of seeing her every day and Tara not being yours? “ Asked Buffy as she pulled Willow into her arms, stroking her hands through her fragile friend’s hair.



“At least I can see her Buffy, and I never dreamed that would happen again,” said Willow. “I suppose I’ll just have to wait.”



Buffy nodded. “It’ll be fine Willow. You’ll see everything will be okay. She’s here now… everything is good.” As she rocked Willow back and forth, she could already feel the difference. Before Tara came back so inward had Willow turned her grief that she hardly ever let anyone touch her. Buffy couldn’t believe how light and insubstantial her friend felt, she couldn’t help but wonder how much longer Willow would have survived if Tara hadn’t been brought back to them.



Buffy waited until Willow had pulled herself together. “Do you want to go back into the apartment? I think we have a lot of things to discuss with everyone.”



***************************



Tara calmed Dawn down and eventually decided it was about time she got out of bed. She showered quickly and pulled on the clothes Wolfram and Hart had bought. She now felt uncomfortable in the leather trousers and the body clinging tank top.



Dawn sat on the bed waiting for Tara, she watched the blonde emerge from the bathroom pulling and twisting at her clothes. “It’s not really you, huh?”



Tara gave her the famous Maclay crooked smile. “I wish I could carry it off, but it’s just not me.”



“I don’t know,” said Dawn grinning. “I’m sure Willow will be drooling every time…” The teenager slapped a hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry…”



“Dawn it’s okay, you don’t have to watch everything to you say to me. I want things back as near to normal as possible,” Tara said softly, trying to put Dawn at ease.



Dawn looked at Tara her eyes shinning with hope. “You mean you’ll go back to Willow?”



Tara looked away in the face of so much hope. “M-maybe, we’ll just have to see how things go.”



The teenager nodded trying to ignore the hesitation in the blonde’s voice. “Whatcha gonna do now?”



“I think I’d better go and talk to everyone, see w-what the plans are,” said Tara walking towards the bedroom door.



****************************



Tara stepped nervously into Lorne’s sitting room and she blushed as all eyes turned to look at her. “Hey,” she said hesitantly.



“Hey,” said Buffy warmly, trying to put her friend at ease.



Everything went quiet for a few moments no one quite sure what to say.



“Do you want a seat?” Fred asked springing from her chair finding the silence unbearable.



“N-no thank you,” said Tara and then deciding she had to get it out. “It’s weird you know, I look around this room and…uhm there are people I barely know and people who are closer to me than my own relatives…”



“Tara…” said Willow.



The blonde raised her hand and looked at Willow. “P-people I love, but I’m standing in front of you all with nothing…I have nothing now, I have n-no identity, nowhere to live and no money. I feel like I am begging you all to look after me…and I h-hate it.” Tara had dropped her eyes wanting to get her feelings out, scared of what she might see and shutting herself off to what she could feel. Tara jumped as she felt a hand grip her shoulder. She turned to see Spike standing by her. He nodded encouragingly.



“You know you have a home with us, always,” said Buffy. “And don’t think it’s charity. You are family.



“Thank you,” said Tara touched by the slayer’s sincerity, but her eyes were still on Willow. “But is everyone sure they want me to…”



“By everyone, I take it you mean me,” said Willow slowly, not meeting Tara’s eyes, she didn’t want the blonde to be put under pressure by her to come home with them by the way she felt. “And of course I want you to, it’s your home and I…and we’ve all missed you.”



Spike decided to intervene as the atmosphere became loaded. “This is great but when are we going? ‘Cause I’d make it soon people, we don’t know if the lawyers from hell are going to come after Blondie here and if they do I’d rather face them on home turf.”



“Agreed,” said Buffy. “I say we get back tonight.”



“Tonight?” Asked Giles. “Are you sure?”



“Yes,” said Buffy firmly. “Everyone needs to get home to their own beds. Anya can you do your thing to get out of here, so we have enough room in the car?”



“It’s okay,” said Tara. “If Spike doesn’t mind, I’ll go on the back of his bike.” She was scared of being in such a confined space with everyone.



Spike shrugged. “Sure.”



Tara hid her relief. “Lorne, can I talk with you for a second?”



“Sure, Sweetie,” said Lorne motioning for Tara to follow him into the bar. “Oh by the way I found out who…”



“I know, Warren,” said Tara and then seeing the demon’s surprise. “Spike told me.”



Lorne nodded. “Fine, so what can I do for you?”



“I want you to read my f-future, I…I f-feel so lost. I want to know if I’m doing the right thing. I promised my Mom, that I would never let anyone abuse me, the way Dad abused her, but you know the things Willow did to me…”



“Tara, before you died, you went back to her, didn’t you?” Asked Lorne.



“Yes,” admitted the blonde.



“You had forgiven her?” He persisted.



Tara nodded. “But…”



“No more buts, Tara, I’ll tell you what I can see and then you can decide,” said Lorne going to the machine and setting it up. “What do you want to sing?”



Tara looked at the book he gave her and pointed I think this would be appropriate; don’t you?”



Lorne smiled. “I suppose, lets hear you sing Sweetie.”



Willow was sitting in the living room as she heard the music start, she went to the door to listen and she watched Tara start to sing.





I'm coming, I’m coming home to you

I'm alive I'm a mess

I can't wait to get home to you

To get warm, warm and undressed



Tara kept her eyes shut as she sang.





There've been changes beyond my dreams

Everybody wants me to sing

There've been changes beyond my grasp

Things aren’t sinking in



Tara opened her eyes to see Willow watching her intently and she couldn’t help but start to sing to the redhead.



So keep me, keep me

In your bed all day, all day

Nothing heals me like you do

Nothing heals me like you do



Willow felt her heart pound; she wished Tara was really singing those words to her. The way the blonde was looking at her was making her shiver.



And when somebody knows you well

Well there's no comfort like that

And when somebody needs you

Well there's no drug Iike that



Tara wanted to go to Willow, wanted to hold her. Willow was looking at her with such open desire and love that it took all of her will power to stay on the stage and keep on singing.



So keep me, keep me

In your bed all day, all day

Nothing heals me like you do

Keep me keep me

In your bed all day, all day

Nothing heals me like you do



The blonde knew it was too soon to go to Willow, but she felt the words and meant them and a part of her wanted to live out exactly what she was singing.





And when I’m home, curled in your arms

And I'm safe again

I'll close my eyes and sleep, sleep

To the sound of London Rain



So keep me, keep me

In your bed all day, all day

Nothing heals me like you do

Keep me keep me

In your bed all day, all day

Nothing heals me like you do

Nothing heals me like you do



Willow went to walk towards the stage when Buffy walked in and grabbed her. “Have you got all your stuff together?”



“Apart from what’s left at the hotel,” said Willow as she watched Tara turn to Lorne and knew the moment had slipped from her.



Tara turned to Lorne expectantly. “Well?”



The demon looked at Willow and back to Tara. “Do you really need me to tell you where your future lies?”



TBC





The Glorious People Republic of Treacle Mine Road;



Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Love and a Hard Boiled Egg


Edited by: Magrat70 at: 5/22/03 11:49:12 pm


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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Thu May 22, 2003 12:31 pm 
:clap Wendy, you did it again! I'm typing this and crying my eyes out. Tara is soo lost, and Willow, Willow's just a wreck. Being in each other's presence is what's gonna heal them.

I wonder what Lorne is gonna tell her and what's gonna happen woth W&H.Because, we can't forget them.



I'm waiting anxiously for the next chapter. :grin

---------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa

Edited by: Washi  at: 5/22/03 11:33:50 am


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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Thu May 22, 2003 2:18 pm 
OMG! I totally loved Tara going off on Spike about what Buffy needed, that was so gooood.:smash



And tear city Willow being so damn sad, and Tara so confused.:sob Oh well, just getting us back into the groove right :)



Hee hee, the sing, and Lorne, sigh. :boot go Tara go backto Willow and SunnyD.



Loved it!!!!!!!!



-Will

"I think finding her soulmate would have made Tara a more confident and secure person" -Amber Benson



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Thu May 22, 2003 4:03 pm 
:applause Great update..:cry but nice! So Spike and Tara, it's good that she has someone to talk to...even if he is dead. I loved that freaky mind thing she did.:banana Hopefully, she'll work things out with Willow and everything will be all good in SD.(Well, as good as it could be on the hellmouth):grin

Yvonne:peace



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Fri May 23, 2003 2:42 am 
Goody goody, this fic is still running...nice..



I'm not that afraid of W&H coming after them, they're cutting their losses and moving on as is already. It's Gavin I'm worried about, lets hope he gets killed by W&H soon as he did have his pride hurt. He didn't strike me as the type that would take such things in stride and never look back. There is something to say for Willow and Gavin meeting and having a 'chat', yet that would cause more problems for both Willow and Tara.



Tara seems to be unsure if she'll ever fit into her scooby-familly again. That is to be expected since her memory is all messed up, going to Sunnydale could help trigger those old memories and placing them. It could also pressure her in lots of different ways, maybe a quiet town away from the others would be better for her ?



Willow should definitly eat some more, not only to look good for Tara but to prevent ending up in hospital while Tara is back home. Besides, if any badguys come around it would be nice if Willow could at least help defend. She would want to help anyway, so that could be used as incentive too :-)



I do hope Willow and Tara will talk soon, Tara keeps postponing that... which doesn't help. If anything it makes Willow feel less wanted, the song might have fixed some of that. Still, just talking would help too... without hiding behind notes and songs and what not.



Spike is smart ain't he ? Sending in Dawn to convince Tara to come back to Sunnydale, bit mean actually. Tara never said she "wanted to talk to Dawn", Spike told her that she should talk to Dawn and then send Dawn in. Pressure much ??



Grimmy

--

She(Tara) knew that she was Willow too. If she knew that then why hadn't Willow herself? That wasn't fair. She was Willow. she should have known that first. -- Willow in _Sidestep Chronicle_ (part 80)



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Fri May 23, 2003 12:55 pm 
On a scale of 1-10, the angst level in this update was about 150 :sob



But gotta love the last line...

Quote:
The demon looked at Willow and back to Tara. “Do you really need me to tell you where your future lies?”


:applause :applause :applause



Can't wait for more to :read

- shuyaku



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Sat May 24, 2003 3:24 pm 
Hi Wendy, :wave



Yeah, you got Tara back w/the Scoobies, now it seems that Tara and Willow have to get reunited. Hmmm... I guess I should start the chapter 11 beta, :wink so you can get it posted. 'Cause, then again I could wait awhile on it, but that wouldn't be nice, would it? :fallen Especially now that Tara has all her memories back and is figuring out how to rectify them w/what she now knows about herself and Willow.



Well, off to finish chapter 11.



Geesh, Wendy you're really gonna let Tara.... Oh wait I can't tell that :sh can I? : -->>:



"There is a voice within that tells us so certainly when to go forth into the unknown." ~ Elisabeth Kubler Ross



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2003 2:04 am 
Naughty, naughty Beth:lol ;) Teasing the kitties like that:fallen

The Glorious People Republic of Treacle Mine Road;



Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Love and a Hard Boiled Egg




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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2003 3:58 pm 
Wendy great update. I loved Lorne's answer. She doesn't need him to tell her that. She can feel it. She just needs time.



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2003 8:00 am 
great update :)



i liked the song Tara sang. i'm curious as to what Wolfram and Hart are going to do, as they have to know that Tara is no longer under their control. Lorne's right, he doesn't need to tell Tara where her future lies as her heart and soul can do that for her

I'm not stealing, I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2003 12:30 pm 
Washi- I promise a little (or maybe a lot) more pain before the end, which has been now written:wink . As for W&H you’ll just have to wait to see what happens to them:hmm .



Willntlover- I quite enjoyed writing Tara telling Spike off; I think it was overdue in the show too. Oh yes back to SunnyD they all go.



Onyxsundrops- yes Spike may have been a strange person (thing?:hmm ) to talk to but I suppose they were disconnected from the rest of the group so it kinda makes sense.



Grimmy- oh yes Gavin has something due to him:smash ; should be fun. Spike is a vampire; he may have a soul but still a vamp so expect him to try to use everything at his disposal to get his own way. Tara has to sort her own mind out before she can talk to Willow.



Shuyaku- oh yes this is the fic of angst and there is more to come before the happiness:devilish . Lorne was just stating the obvious.



Xita- you are right, Tara knows where her future lies but just needs the time to figure it.



Grimaldi- oh yeah a few lose ends at W&H and you know some of their employees have their own agenda:devilish





The Glorious People Republic of Treacle Mine Road;



Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Love and a Hard Boiled Egg




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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 6:56 am 
Title: Twisted part 11

Author: Magrat

Spoilers: as before and “Billy” from Angel season 3.

Ratings: R

Notes: Thanks to Beth for this.



Twisted part 11





Spike stopped his bike on a hill over looking Sunnydale. “Home sweet home.”



His passenger looked over his shoulder, Tara felt nervous and shaky. “I shouldn’t be here; there are too many memories, too many people who know I’m dead.”



The vampire twisted in his seat to look at Tara, to say something, anything. But, he shut his mouth and gunned the engine. Spike decided he wasn’t about to give her the chance to walk away from a decision already made.



************************



The gang pulled up outside the Summers’ house, they could see Spike’s motorcycle already in the drive.



They’re already here, in the house,” said Willow, reality striking home that Tara was really back.



Buffy nodded.



In the house Xander had been taken by surprise when the bell rang. He looked through the glass panels on the door to see the blonde vampire he hated standing there. He opened the door stake in hand; ready to plunge it straight through Spike’s heart, when a soft voice made him drop the piece of wood.



“Hey Xander.”



“Tara?” He said over and over as if saying the name would snap his brain into gear. He knew she was on her way home but it was still a sock to him.



Tara went to Xander and hugged him. It had been meant to be a brief moment of comfort but Xander leaned into Tara enjoying her warmth, as opposed to the memory that haunted him of touching the witch’s cold, dead, body and seeing her blood on his hands as he had tried to revive her. He had shut out Buffy’s screams that Tara was long dead, until the slayer was forced to pull him away.



“Does Willow know?” Asked Xander, finally bringing himself into the here and now.



“She knows. They should all be back soon,” answered Spike starting to enter the house. Xander put his hand on Spike’s chest.



“Where do you think you’re going, evil dead?”



The vampire shrugged his shoulders and turned to go, he did not want to get into anything.



“N-no, I want Spike to stay,” said Tara.



“Do you know what he has done?” Blazed Xander at Tara. “He’s filth.”



Tara flinched away from his angry words. Spike immediately put his arm around her shoulders. “Shh, love its okay.”



Xander had the good grace to look ashamed. “Oh, god Tara I’m sorry,” he said helplessly as he watched Spike guide Tara to the couch. Xander watched as she sat back, her eyes closed. He could see she looked tired. Stress was etched deeply on her features. Xander shook his head with sadness realizing that another one of his friends was deeply scarred from her time on the hellmouth, but he couldn’t help but feel a swell of happiness at having his friend back.



The three sat in silence and it came as a great relief to them all when they heard a key turn in the door.



Spike rose to his feet as the gang filed in. “I think this is where I leave.” He lifted Tara’s chin. “Remember love, you’re family.”



“Thank you…William,” said Tara softly. He gave her a brief nod and then left.



Xander couldn’t contain his self any longer. “What the hell…”



Willow touched his arm. “Just don’t.”



Buffy cleared her throat. “Tara this might not seem like the right time but in the car we were talking about what you said, you know, about not having anything. We don’t want you to feel that way and we want you to have freedom, not have to feel reliant at all; so we thought we could maybe set the basement up for you to live in. I don’t know what do you think?”



“Thank you Buffy, I’m grateful,” said Tara making an attempt to smile.



“I’m going to contact the council tomorrow and see what they can do about getting your identity back,” said Giles



“They can d-do that?” Asked Tara, raising an eyebrow.



“Oh, yes, it’s about the only thing they are good at,” confirmed Giles with a quick smile.



“Do you want my bed tonight?” Asked Dawn. “I can share with Buffy.”



Tara nodded; she was starting to feel overwhelmed; too much had happened in too short a time. She felt that she needed time to herself. “D-does anyone mind if I turn in?”



“We have your old clothes if you want to change into them,” said Dawn.



The group watched as Tara and Dawn climbed the stairs.



“What’s going on?” Asked Xander. “Will, why aren’t you with her? Why did Captain Peroxide bring her home? And what is with the leather?”



Willow looked to Buffy; she really didn’t have the strength to explain.



“It’s a long story,” said the slayer.



*********************





Gavin walked into his office, he felt exhausted. He had been waiting at the Hyperion for over 24 hours for Angel and his crew to return. The hit team that had been sent out with him had been called back to base in the middle of the night but Gavin had refused to go. Instead he had taken a stun gun and an automatic rifle off of the team and waited for them to return. He had finally given up and decided to take a shower and spruce up before shaking down some of his leads to find the where about of the blonde witch who had haunted his dreams for months as he studied her waiting for the right time to bring her back to life.



“You look like a wreck.”



“Lilah Morgan. Get out my office,” shouted Gavin. “Now.”



Lilah sat back in his padded leather seat. She was dressed in a beautifully tailored Channel suit; her hair and make-up were perfect. She looked like she could have stepped off a Hollywood set or a Paris catwalk. “Your office, hmm. I don’t know I think I could get used to the view from here.”



“I’m not in the mood for games,” said Gavin, staring at her not blinking, with an itch in his hands to give her another beating. Although he had blamed it on Billy, he had enjoyed losing it and knocking the smug smile off the bitch’s face.



“No games, you’re mine now…”



“Get out Lilah before I kick you out,” said Gavin a muscle ticking in his cheek.



Lilah laughed. “I know what you did. I’ve spoken to your little witch and she told me about your attempted teenage grope of her before the heroic vampire whisked her away.”



Gavin felt his insides run cold and a sweat start to run down his back. “What are you going to do?”



“I could tell the senior partners,” Lilah watched in delight as she saw the sweat start to drip from his forehead. “Or as I said from now on I own your ass.”





****************





Giles and Xander quickly fixed up the basement, Tara moved in and Willow spent the next week carefully avoiding her.



**********************



An uneventful patrol was just about finished; Buffy was making her last sweep of the cemetery nearest her home when three vamps jumped her. The slayer dispatched one easily, but one had her from behind and was trying to quell her while the other went for her jugular.



“If I bag a slayer, I’ll be like a god,” said the vampire as he closed in.



Buffy pulled her arm free and pushed the stake through his chest. “Jeez, your lines never improve.” She found herself falling backwards as the other vampire exploded into dust. As she fell she caught a glimpse of a black leather duster and black boots.



“Spike go away, I don’t need you,” Buffy looked at the hand thrust down at her. The hand was smaller, the fingers long, slim and elegant. The slayer grasped the hand. “Hey Tara,” she said without looking at the blonde.



“Buffy,” said Tara helping the slayer to her feet.



“Back to the leather, huh?” Asked Buffy, still feeling a little unsure on how to deal with the witch.



Tara shrugged her feelings to complex for her to explain.



“You know you can talk to me? I’ve been where you are.”



Tara shrugged again.



“You always were more comfortable listening than talking,” said Buffy.



Tara flashed a quick smile that never quite reached her eyes. “It’s what I do.”



As they were walking they passed a bench in the cemetery, Buffy sat and motioned for Tara to join her. “Willow missed…”



“Buffy, don’t,” said Tara cutting the slayer off.



“You know you have to talk about it eventually or the feelings become destructive,” said Buffy.



“Well, I’m not going to screw Spike…I’m sorry,” said Tara seeing the flash of pain across Buffy’s face.



“Are you sure? You were very friendly with him,” said Buffy making a feeble attempt at humor.



“Well, he was kinda there.”



“Oh, he is good at that, like a flea,” muttered Buffy.



“He’s changed you know,” said Tara.



A flare of anger hit Buffy. “Yeah, well did he tell you that he tried to rape me?” She shouted shaking.



Tara took Buffy’s hand her head dropped as she took a deep breath. “I knew he had done something, but I didn’t know exactly what it was.” She turned to look at the slayer, taking in the pain on the smaller woman’s face. “I’m, so sorry that happened to you and no one should tolerate that kind of treatment. Now I know why he...”



“You’re making excuses for him?” Asked Buffy gaping at the witch as she snatched her hand back.



“No, never, soulless or not he crossed the line, he should never have done that.” Said Tara, her brow crinkling, she moved to hold Buffy’s hand again but pulled back. “But, I uhm kinda understand him.”



“You?” Asked Buffy, disbelief rich in her voice.



“Why he felt he had to…”



“Why he felt he had to rape me,” bit back Buffy sarcastically.



“No, of course not,” said Tara keeping her calm in the face of the slayer’s anger. “Why he went through hell to get his soul back…”



“Spike has a soul?” Asked Buffy stunned.



“He thought it would change him, that it would make a difference, and that you would love him. He didn’t know he would still be marked by darkness. He’ll never escape that he is branded with it. A soul will make no difference. Spike thought he’d bring the poet back, but he’s gone forever.”



“Spike has a soul?” Asked Buffy again almost not taking in what Tara had said.



“Yes,” confirmed Tara.



“How? I mean why? Actually, I have no idea what I mean it makes no difference. He is what he is a manipulative lying bastard; a soul makes no difference,” said the slayer her voice hard. “And I still don’t know how you can understand him?”



“Because I’m not who I was and I d-don’t understand what I am becoming. You know you asked about the leather, well this is the third time this week I have put it on and went out to kill.”



“Vampires?” Asked a shocked Buffy.



The witch nodded.



“Do you know how dangerous that is?” Asked Buffy as Tara gave her another non-committal shrug.



“I know things have happened to you Tara, but you’re human. You don’t have super strength. Every time you go out by yourself you risk being killed.”



“And strangely I don’t seem to care,” snapped Tara.



“How can you say that? You have a chance to live…”



“L-like that meant a lot to you Buffy? I thought you’d understand,” said Tara softly a dangerous edge to her voice.



The slayer tried to take the tension away by rubbing the heel of her hand into her forehead. “Tara, you have so many people who love you. We were all devastated when you died. Please, please don’t do this; we need you.”



“Dawn maybe, but she’ll get over it.”



“What about Willow, Xander, Anya and me. Don’t we have a say in things? I like you being here. I love you,” said Buffy. “And Dawn needs you and Willow was…well she might as well have been dead…”



“Oh ‘cause I so feel the love from Willow,” Tara spat at her.



Buffy was shocked by the anger and deep sarcasm in the witch’s voice. “She does, she loves you so very much.”



“Then why is she avoiding me Buffy? She leaves a room when I enter. She hasn’t spoken more than two words to me since I got back,” snapped Tara.



“She is…I won’t hear…she does lo…she is trying... She was broken when you died. I’ve never seen anyone go into such a meltdown. Willow was gone; everything about her was obliterated. Look, I know she has been avoiding you,” Buffy reached out for Tara’s hand again. “Willow thinks she is helping you by giving you space, so go to her, talk to her, and tell her how you feel.”



“Buffy…”



“For both your sakes. I have never known two people who were meant to be together more. I know you’ve been through a lot…”



“Really, you think so?” Asked Tara flippantly before starting to laugh. “It could be the Scooby’s logo couldn’t it?”



Buffy couldn’t help but join in but she could hear the edge of hysteria behind the laughter, she waited until it died down. “If you really want to live, go home and talk to Willow. If I’m wrong, go patrol, self destruct, kill yourself but find out what you’ve got to live for first.”



“She’s a killer,” objected Tara, making excuses for her own fears.



Buffy sighed. “So am I, Giles, Xander, Anya, and Spike; in fact, only you and Dawn have never caused a human’s death and Willow? She was something else, consumed by grief, revenge, anger, madness and power.”



“What if it happens again?” Asked Tara urgently.



“I don’t know Tara, but I don’t think it will; unless you succeed in trying to get yourself killed. Please, just speak to her.”



“Yes, I s-suppose it’s time,” said Tara



Buffy closed her eyes in relief, then reached forward and hugged her friend. “I missed you, I really did.” She whispered into Tara’s ear.



TBC







The Glorious People Republic of Treacle Mine Road;



Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Love and a Hard Boiled Egg


Edited by: Magrat70 at: 7/9/03 10:52 am


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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 7:18 am 
Wendy, I'm so glad I caught this update!

The person who I feel "closest" to in this fic is Willow. She loves Tara so much, and she's doing what she thinks is right by giving her space. To love someone from a distance is really hard. Trust me, I know.

Great update! :grin

-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 12:45 pm 
It's good that Tara has decided to speak to Willow. It seems that there are a lot of unresolved issues that both girls are dealing with and maybe things will get better once they talk. Thanks for the update, I'm curious to see how Buffy will react towards Spike now that she knows he has a soul.



:) Yvonne



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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 2:06 pm 
Strange.... describes this chapter pretty much. I don't care much for Spike's soul (nor for Buffy misbehaving most of s6), all that interests me are his actions. Since he helped Tara several times he's currently considered 'good' to some degree :-)



It's Tara I don't get. That's putting it mildly, she puts distance between herself and Willow (which is understandable at the moment) and then complains they're apart, odd. Why is she so cold-hearted, at last thats how she comes across. I understand she's awfully confused and shaken up, but her current actions don't really help fix any of that. (and don't exactly endear her to me).



If it's Willow attention Tara wants, all she has to do is tell Willow she goes hunting for vampires at night. That should get her Willow's undivided attention for sure :-). Besides if she wants to know why Willow avoids her, she could like ASK her... it's not a new concept or something. Talk to each other people, it helps at times.



For some reason I would have expected Tara to cope better with having been death and being resurrected. Better than Buffy that is, she's almost following Buffy's modus-operandi to a T. All we need now is Dru. Guess I'm a bit dissappointed in the way Tara is (not) handling all this. Why did she agree to come back to Sunnydale ? Killing yourself is MUCH easier in LA, no need to make your friends feel guilty about that.



Maybe some of that brainwashing did stick after all... just what IS Tara afraid of really ? Does she even know ??



P.S. Gavin is getting off lightly, he still has all his limbs. Booooo :)



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 7/9/03 1:08 pm


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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 10:08 pm 
This was a very intriguing update. I don't really understand Tara's attitude yet. I realize that every thing she has been through has to influence her actions, but it's almost like she isn't Tara anymore. Tara has always been the sweet, understanding one with a gentle soul and a maturity beyond her years. Her compassion for Spike is about the only thing that does make sense. Although, I would have expected her to immediately been more upset when she found out about the rape.



Her not understanding why Willow is staying away seems weird also. Everytime Willow has approached her since she came back, Tara has backed off or let Willow know definitively that she isn't ready to be around her. Hopefully, the talk will clear all this up. And the talk being Buffy's idea - it's actually a nice touch I think :lol



I'm really enjoying this fic. Can't wait to see what happens next...

-shuyaku





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 Post subject: Re: Twisted part 10
PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:24 am 
interesting update



whatever Wolfram and Hart did to Tara sure has messed up her mind, i'm glad Buffy was able to get Tara to finally talk to Willow, hopefully it will do some good.



i wonder what Lilah is going to do to Gavin, and wouldn't the senior partners know already that Gavin screwed up?

I'm not stealing, I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?
Oh, relax, Casper, I'm not here to interrupt your blissing. Too much makes you go blind, though, you know



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