ok guys (and gals of course) michelle is still having probs (as explained b-low) and requested that i post this for her
so here is chp. 7
-Chris
Hey guys. Depending on when I actually get this to Chris, the update may make my own pre-set deadline or not… hopefully I get it finished by 5…
Basically, I am kicked off of the site for real now. I technically was before, but I may have kinda found a way around the block, and read stuff, but not replied, cuz my parents were/are checking the site to see if I was on… but I forgot to delete it from the history on Friday, so I got caught.
I’m actually staying off this time, cuz I have this almost truce thing with my parents now, as long as I’m ‘honest,’ and if I keep getting kicked off it makes it a lot harder to write…
So, anyway, here’s ch.7, hopefully on time, and sorry bout the delay if not, cuz I really need to stop giving into withdrawals *twitches* and getting myself in trouble…
Feedback is always good, even if I have to get it through chris now too (kelz is on vaca I think, not sure, but somewhere other than the site… and I’m not allowed to talk to her for a while either… but that’s not stuff you’re here to read, so I’ll get onto the story.)
Washi: hey, wow.
Thanx for reading, and I’m glad that I was able to reach your heart with that, and sorry bout the ripping.
Oh, sorry also for any experiences which introduced you to the situation…
Thank you for the compliments, hope you enjoy this one
Grimmy: Buffy can seem confusing…
I think that she is thinking along the lines of the kittens that have replied, in that Tara needs to tell Willow something at least. But she also doesn’t believe that it should happen because Tara is staring or drooling at the wrong time, hence the elbowing.
‘That makes her leave a tiny hole in her protection, maybe big enough for Willow to fit through’
so true. I actually have a line basically like that in one of the later chapters… cuz I tend to write little bits from ahead when I’m working on stuff… but ya, you got it exactly there.
Hmm… save the head smacking for after this one, we’ll see then…
Thanx for reading!
Arwen: hehe yes hope
The flame will definitely get bigger… roaring fire will take a while in coming though
lol, but ya she will help things along quite a bit.
You may very well be right about that look…
Happening next is… well, just read and find out I guess
More coming nowish!
Jeanne:
wow, thanx!
I was looking forward to your ‘normal long, slightly detailed piece of feedback,’ but I have to admit this one blew me away.
I’m glad you liked it that much and… again, thank you
My day is officially made, you have no idea how long I can walk around smiling hugely for no reason just from reading feedback
You got the point across pretty well…
Hope you like ch.7!
allykat: hehe wow thanks.
Glad you liked it… more smiling for me today…
Nope, not wrong at all
Thanks for reading!
Gina: do I enjoy it? Hmm…
Not sure, but the fact that I could do so is a huge compliment, so thank you.
Glad you enjoyed that, another one coming up.
Buffy is good, yay
Thanx for reading!
Definitely looking forward to the ungrounding… I agree, it sucks.
Chris: thanx, glad you liked it.
Hehe sorry bout the angst
More now… or whenever you post it…
willowfan7: hmm… when I first started writing it, no.
but I really have a problem with writing so much angst, can’t help it
thank you, and I’m glad that I did succeed in doing that (or not really glad, sorry bout the heart… but you know what I mean)
thanx
glad you liked it.
Wednesday is here… watch me speed write, cuz I was kicked off the laptop all weekend
Thanx for r&r!
Sammi: thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.
Things are coming along… without any help on my part, hope for improvements soon though.
Thanx again
Just have to add a note: I just checked ‘Annie on my mind’ out of my school library this morning, thanx to a recommendation from a friend (thanks btw) and I already finished it. If any of you kittens out there haven’t read it you have to go get it right now. Okay, done now, but it’s still all in my head and stuff, so I had to add that.
-michelle
Ch. 7
Buffy opens her mouth to speak once more, her eyes filling with gentle compassion and a slight tinge of guilt at her involvement with my new condition.
“Tara, Willow is just- Hey Will!” Her voice never falters or changes to give Willow any idea of the seriousness of what we were talking about, the upbeat tone falling onto the previous heavy silence like oil onto water, ring falsely in my ears already drowned in the deep meaning of her previous speech.
I can feel my breath hitch as Willow walks over to the bed to sit next to me, her now dry hair flowing elegantly out behind her, vibrant against the dark green shirt that clings to her frame. Her sparingly applied mascara and green eyeliner highlight her features, and her lips glisten with a slightly pink gloss. God, she looks so pretty.
It’s almost sad how easy it is for me to keep the tears at bay now that she’s here.
The breech of my protective outer shell only points to eventual devastation, but her presence and glowing warmth makes it so much simpler to just hold the grief in that extra moment, to keep it at bay and concentrate on her. Only her, always.
Can I be any more of a hopeless romantic?
She comes to sit in between Buffy and I on her bed, her brow creasing at the obvious remains of the delicate calm of before that linger in the air. She glances from me to Buffy but doesn’t say anything, all of us sitting in the now familiar shadow of silence, waiting for someone else to break the silence.
This space, full of room for thoughts, the one which used to be so comforting and welcome, is driving me to the point of screaming. Where ten minutes ago I would be thankful for this opportunity to gather myself to watch my friend walk out the door to a future that undoubtedly excluded me, I now have that one nagging doubt, the one, stubborn, hope, yelling in my ears that it is my last opportunity, that I need to take that chance and pull my heart entirely free from the stone encasing I have hidden behind for so long and say something.
But I can’t.
For even stronger than that last spark ignited in me by Buffy’s carelessly thoughtful words is the solid fact that no matter how much I want to, and even can deny it, the chances that she does not love Xander are less than slim; the idea that she would ever care for me in any way other than what I have always assumed so far off that it is almost not considerable.
If it wasn’t like this, if I either had no hope or I had enough, I would have destroyed myself by now.
Instead, I can concentrate on her. Only her.
Her eyes catch mine in question, and from some depths of resolve I had forgotten existed since the last time I had had to try this hard to come up with the strength to put on a brave face I pull of a light expression that turns out more like a grimace. My smile comes out twisted despite my efforts and my voice cracks as I finally end the unbearable quiet that had descended over us.
“You ready?”
A somewhat sad smile graces her features as her hands seek mine, as they so frequently do. Does she even realize how easily they fit together, how constantly they gracefully capture each other?
“Depends on your definition of ready.”
She gestures dismissively down at the outfit that she has so carelessly taken my breath away with, and I am forced to remind myself that it is for her date with Xander that she tries this hard.
“I guess I am… If I have to go.”
An only half-playful pout appears on her lips as she looks down at the bed, her fingers distracting me more than slightly with the random patterns they trace on my skin, leaving tingling paths up and down my palm.
“Come on.”
My fingers catch her chin and pull her eyes up to mine, my voice taking on a teasing note with a flirtatious undertone I would never allow myself if I had complete control over my emotions like before.
“You really don’t wanna go out on a date with the one guy you’ve ever had a serious crush on?”
It is as far as I can hold myself from digging for clues, still not as close as I can get.
“The guy that you love.”
Her eyes widen at this; she is obviously as greatly thrown by my rushed, unplanned statement as I am. Her face reddens slightly as she shakes her head.
“Not, not love. Not close. Like I said, I really don’t even wanna go. I mean, I know you were helping me back there and stuff, but…”
She drops her eyes once again to the blankets beneath us, contemplating.
“I don’t know, it just kinda detracts from the excitement when the guy’s using you. Not that I’m not happy that you covered for me over there, it’s just…” she trails off again, but looks up deeply into my eyes.
My heart swells, caught between a treacherous lightness and horrible, guilty sinking.
She doesn’t love him. She doesn’t love him.
Her mouth opens and closes a couple of times as she debates with herself about something, turning slightly pink. Her hands squeeze mine tightly as she finally begins.
“I don’t love him, not anymore. I used to think I did, I guess, but… lately I’ve been feeling-”
But a honk from outside interrupts whatever it was she was going to reveal to me, and her eyes dull a little.
Xander sits in his truck, motioning for her to come out. No roses, no greetings, not even a walk for her from the front door. Just an impatient wave that I can barely catch through the hazy window and a low call to her.
And I got her into this. My motives may have been good, but I got her into it.
I try guiltily to still the rising excitement in my heart at her admission.
She really doesn’t love him. Suddenly my far-fetched, suppressed day-dreams don’t seem quite so backwards. But still pretty unreachable.
And Xander is here to ruin it again, here to take her away before I can fully overcome my inner barriers and show her exactly how crucial that information was to me, to stop her on the brink of another revelation that, judging by the slightly frightened look in her eye, will take a while to coax out again.
But to my surprise, she takes a deep breath and continues what she had been saying, although I can tell from her slightly defeated posture that it is not fully what she had wanted to reveal.
Her shoulders lift slightly in a nondescript shrug.
“I guess…I don’t know, I’d just rather spend the time with you.”
Her face moves a little closer to mine. I can feel my heart slow and my mind freeze instantly as her eyes close
Another honk from outside and she jumps a little, before her lips brush my cheek lightly, the brief, heavenly contact shooting an overwhelmingly sweet and fiery rush to every particle of my body. My eyes close and I manage to hold in the ragged sigh that threatens my lips at this new sensation, tingling waves rippling through me from the points where her lustrous lips meet my skin in feathery touches.
Her face heats up to match her hair as she stands up and walks towards the door with a small wave in my direction, pausing only to grab her coat from the hook at the front of her room.
My shell crumbles the minute the soft thud announces here departure, and I look helplessly to Buffy as tears trickle slowly down my face.
Giddiness at her unexpected goodbye actions, regret at whatever moment my insecurities just caused me to pass up, guilt at the baseless date I have roped her into, hope at all the little signs I can’t help magnifying a thousand times over… they all fight for dominance in my weakened heart.
As the tears start to fall more freely, and my confusion and emotional exhaustion battle with what little resolve I have left against breaking down and crying out months worth of overdue grief, Buffy’s hand grips my shoulder.
“Nu uh Tara, not now.” As she talks she moves over to put on her snow jacket, a sense of hopeful dread fills me. It is only increased when she speaks again, holding the door open with her arm as she leans out.
“Gotta be ready when Willow gets back.”
Oh no, she isn’t- she wouldn’t… is she?
“Buffy.” My voice cracks with an attempt at a warning tone, not helped along by the anxious tightening of my throat and light-headed conflict with emotions.
“What are you doing?”
She pauses, more than halfway outside, and turns back to look at me.
“What kind of person would I be if I let a friend pass up their first chance to be with someone they love?”
Her comment rings in my ears confirming me, bringing to life my worst doubts and greatest hopes.
She tosses one last remark over her shoulder, her voice much more distant as she walks through the hallway to the front door.
“Either of my friends.”
That is all I am left with as the door closes behind her too, leaving me to watch in an overloaded state of semi-shock as she walks down the path beside the street, following the distant red lights of Xander’s truck to the movie theatre.
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"True knowledge is knowing that you know nothing" - I Forgot
. First she's elbowing Tara when she's showing interest then follows the stare-fest between Willow and Buffy.... and AFTER that Buffy is all for pushing Tara towards Willow, strange.
& a 
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and just so lovely. I hope everything is alright. Love sammi xx 
Spot 
loves 
and 
Are we going to have to wait a really long time to see them get together? 
I hope not. They are just too cute. 
Can't wait to 
more. Update soon, please? 
? Now I think he deserves about a thousand of these!
I'm really glad she made that clear to Tara.
. Funny that you can write a story but not read one :-)
, a 
Xander for turning up at THAT moment , he made me so 
