FIC: The Late Shift

[wiccachica]

Oh heavens it is getting hard to get on line these busy days!



And here it is already a week from the supertroll kickoff! I may have to put a little something something together in celebration.



(scrounges the troll up out of a noisy slumber with a broom whisk.)



"Up! Up you silly lazy troll and write something thrilling for me!"



(Me thinks the troll does not like to be roused from his slumber...for I am getting a two fingered salute)



Nothing like a bitter troll to start the morning right.



Expect a SHIFT in reality very soon.



Cheers!



-chica

" I mock you with my Monkey Pants!" - OZ


" Nymph! (pause)Nymphette?"


"Nympho." -The Pirate Movie
-


" If you imps are lookin for a fight, then ya come to the Chapel Oblige-ya!!" - Legend

[tkheaven]

Wicca! and troll! yes yes, wake up..* the troll begins to glare at tk...she winces as an instant revelation hits her like an anvil straight for the forehead...she walks away and returns with....

A mug is waved about in front of the troll..

umm, wouldn't cha like some coffee...with a hint of Bailey's...or perhaps Godiva Liqueur...

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"

-----------------------------
Tara was similarly riveted, her body on slow burn as Willow's lips parted and her mouth opened, the food slipping inside and being consumed. Never in her life had Tara ever wanted to be a chicken casserole so badly...Later that night..."It's good to be a chicken casserole," Tara murmured, before passing out. ~ Answering Darkness by Sassette

[wiccachica]

ohh...coffee....that's marvelous!...but you knowTK...just your avatar will do for the waking of the up...and all....



(The troll rubs his eyes and looks again...)



" Oh...hi there Avatar of me heart...I mean....err...arrr!....GRR!!!...tremble!!!!...PREPARE!!!"



(wink)



-chica and Mr. Trolloskovich

" I mock you with my Monkey Pants!" - OZ


" Nymph! (pause)Nymphette?"


"Nympho." -The Pirate Movie
-


" If you imps are lookin for a fight, then ya come to the Chapel Oblige-ya!!" - Legend

[tkheaven]

you know, I was hesitant to post being as though I changed the avitar...I'm getting into my own preparations as season 'severed' begins next week..but you still love us, right wicca, and Mr. Trolloskovich I'm sure you'll grace us with an incredible update.

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"

-----------------------------
Tara was similarly riveted, her body on slow burn as Willow's lips parted and her mouth opened, the food slipping inside and being consumed. Never in her life had Tara ever wanted to be a chicken casserole so badly...Later that night..."It's good to be a chicken casserole," Tara murmured, before passing out. ~ Answering Darkness by Sassette

[wiccachica]

Tk... Well your new avatar didn't make the troll saucy as I had expected...but he DID laugh...and then lobbed a few rumpled wads of paper at my head before running back into his den and slamming the door to continue his work. I ironed the sheets...and hung them to dry (for there were espresso cup rings too numerous to count upon them)



I bring them forth as an offering...the words are a tidbit...a smidge really... More is in the immediate making...and it is...I say...going to have to get a little...uhm...WEIRD....before it gets better....you know what they say: It has to hurt if it's to heal...



Much winks,



-chica



Chapter 196: Going Up?



"This is the cruelest thing ANY ONE of you have EVER done to me, Cordy...at ANY age..." You complain as Cordy sucks thoughtfully on what you silently hope is a boric acid lollipop.



She blinks at you with an industrial strength look of complacency.



"Hey...I don't lay the tracks, I just conduct the train, Baby." She says.



You cross your arms...still shivering from that little jaunt to the past...a nasty chattering-teeth thing seems to be lingering around your mouth area.



" I want to go back. I want to be UP THERE...with Tara." You point insistently at the ceiling of the mall and put on your firmest expression...cinching your jaw tight to keep the chattering to a minimum.



"You just have to say the magic word and I'll snap you right over to the UP escalator, Rosenberg." Cordy says...twirling the candy in her mouth with a sort of half-lidded fiendish glee.



Damn her evil-yet-oddly-sensible-and-totally-reasonable logic!



You stop to think for a moment.



"Rosebud." you say.



"No." She rolls her eyes.



"There's no place like home?" You try.



"Lame...and…No." She scoffs.



" Open sesame?" Even YOU know this one is a stretch.



"What do I look like a giant cave with a big old boulder? NO..."



You stop to think about this again…and then realize you don’t have to think so hard after all. The answer has been looking you in the face the whole time…the answer…in fact…has been slurping on a lollipop and calling the shots for some time now…



You've been going about this all wrong...



You reach out without much ado… and snatch two handfuls of Cordy's jumper...you pull her up off the ground to look you straight in the eyes.



Her cute shoes dangle helplessly, catching nothing but air.



"Listen to me you evil little Gucci demon...If you don't put me on that escalator….the escalator GOING UP in two seconds, I'm going to drop kick you so hard you are gonna wake up on another network..."



You say all of this through your teeth so she knows you mean it. Cuz we all know that words said through teeth pack some kind of ultra meaning behind them…the kind that make a person wonder if she should piss of Willow Rosenberg….



She casually removes the lollipop from her mouth.



"Wow...that was really forceful...and assertive...very Red Sonja threatening the evil Getren-like....But unless they put like... twenty... new syllables in the magic word...then I 'm gonna have to go with....NO..."



(You want soooo much to drop her on her little corduroy ass.)



You drop her unceremoniously onto her little corduroy ass.



She stares up at you agog. Legs splayed in front of her.



"You actually did it...you dropped me." She says in shock. " I'm a freakin’ little kid, you...bitch!" She says...shattering her rated G standing and plunging you both into the tumultuous world of PG-13.



And then she sits right there on the glassy white linoleum and starts to cry...



...Little hiccuping girly tears...



You look around the immediate area like an embarrassed parent.



" Come on, Cordy....don't do that." You mutter...



Though you have to admit something about Cordy sitting there, braying like a broken donkey, makes you the teeniest bit giddy somewhere deep inside.



Okay...not so deep as right there on the very poignant...very shallow easily noticeable surface....



"Come on...stop crying..." You say...feeling your face flushing....



" Cordy...please.." You continue...using your whiny...kind of hooty pleading voice.



And the tears shut off so fast...it's eerie.



" God...was that SO hard to say?" She mutters and raises her hands.



" Next time you go unconscious....please don't call me...call a baby Xander...or a baby Dawny....though I guess that wouldn't be much more than a big old glowy ball of light, huh?" She says holding her hands up a little higher...preparing to snap...



" Wait!" You shout before she snaps her fingers. She pauses...looking...as usual...annoyed...



" What???"



" It's over? Just like that? 'Please' was the magic word?"



" Sure...why not? You have issues with the magic word?"



" I kinda do... I mean I just went through like...a really long session of torture...and fear...and frogs...and well...icky stuff...and I don't really think it was helpful..." You say.



" I thought it was VERY cleansing." Cordy says...hands still poised.



" I didn't LEARN anything...I didn't see the moral of this story..."



" The moral? You want a moral? They didn't schedule a moral..." Cordy grumbles.



" Well I want one!" You demand with a ill-practiced stomp of your little Willow foot.



" Okay...fine... Here's your morals...I've got four for you....One...don't ever take things from strangers....Two... Don't dawdle when you're going home...Three...don't get knocked unconscious anymore...it kills brain cells..."



" And Four?"



" Four...you have to figure out for yourself...I'll give you a hint... You don't need it anymore.......The Nixon Picture is not as random as you think."



" That makes absolutely NO sense." You pout.



" Sue me." Cordy says.... and lifts her little hands into your face.



<>



TBC...

[Sassette]

Oh, wiccachica ... this fic gets weirder and weirder. And I love it. And, ummm ... I think ... I think the Richard Nixon thing actually kinda' sorta' makes sense. I think I need to cut back on the crack.



-Sass

[Tulipp]

Well, I'm now up to chapter 97 or so....I've been reading big chunks at a time, but I didn't want to wait to the end to tell you it is just fabulous. I loved the Willows and the lust spell...everybody fighting over Tara as a "ground zero carrier monkey" lesbian, also the scene in the the bedroom when Tara and Willow negotiate how made W will be on a scale of 1-10.



Those are just two examples; I wanted to say something specific since I missed commenting on all those great updates. And with all the hilarity and what-the-huh that you go through, there are these soulmate moments that just make me sigh. Oh, and I love your chapter titles.



So...someday I will catch up completely, but until then, thanks for this!

***************

"Gee, I hope I'm not interrupting anything really depressing"
--Riley in "The Initiative"

[wiccachica]

Sassafrass!...Boy I missed seeing you around kiddo! I'll tell you what...if Nixon makes sense...and the crack helps...Then more crack for EVERYONE!!! You are going to need it....heh.



Tulipp... When you finally reach this spot again... If the troll hasn't weirded you out too much...I bid you welcome...and welcome...and Thank you for the nice compliments...I think you'll find this next chapter reminescent of the Colt's foot incident...



Or maybe you wont...who knows...



much winks,



-chica



Chapter 197: Going Down....



I'm in pitch blackness....put here by the evil little Prada Monster...



What is she up to now???



"Cordy??" I call out.



" Cordy?" Comes another voice...a fully female voice...a rich and vibrant voice...a voice full of worry.



I recognize the voice immediately.



I frown. I know I’m frowning because I feel my eyebrows squinch together and my mouth pull down...total frownage...I'm almost certain.



" Tara? I can't see...I think you struck me blind" I say aloud.... Imagining a life filled with a slough of various seeing-eye creatures...



The idea of a seeing-eye-monkey oddly appeals to me though....



" Your eyes are closed, sweetheart..." Tara says patiently.



(Oh...I totally knew that...)



I open my eyes.



Tara is leaning over me… Her hand is stroking the hair back from my face gently.



(I have to admit there are worse places to be….like…EVERYWHERE else on EARTH)



But you have to admit Rosenberg…there IS something a little OFF about her right now…you just can’t place it in your post-inherent haze…



" Hi there." I say.



" You were calling the name ‘Cordy’...that an old pet of yours?" She asks me.



" Cordelia. Chase..." I say...sitting up in the center of the ring of fire...



(Okay...I must have been out for a little more than the normal. It now looks more like a ring of soot....and there are NO Amazons in sight.)



" You were dreaming about Cordelia Chase?" Tara says...looking a little bent out of shape...maybe even a little jealous. Her hand stops stroking the hair away from my forehead…



Woo…here…hold the phones…me wants the hand and the stroking…and maybe a few THOUSAND good morning kisses right about now…It’s kinda like morning….you know with the waking up…and the bleary eyes…and the WANTING KISSES…



" I wouldn't call it dreaming of her... I'd call it more like trapped in the third ring of hell with a demon that looked like Cordy more accurate..." I offer up…kinda moving my head around under her hand like a cat…attempting to jump start her stroking engine again…When I move my head…I feel a clomping…kind of searing but totally non-serious pain in my head…. “ Doohhh…” I say…dropping my head back to her lap in surrender.



Her hand gently starts it’s stroking again.



This pain…it is but a small…mere… sacrifice for the Tara Hand….



“ Oh, Baby…I’m sorry….I hit you pretty hard….” She says.



If only I could purr right now she would understand how much I DON’T CARE about the pain right now…maybe she would shut up and kiss me….



“ I think I knocked you into next week with that one…” She says half laughing…half sadly empathizing.



A very scary decade and a half BACKWARD to be precise…My Dear



“ I’m fine…Really..” I say.



Kiss me…kiss...me…kiss…me….kiss…kiss…kiss…ME….Look right over here…I’m giving you the eye…the lip to eye to lip to eye…look…. that means you are supposed to KISS me now…



“ Do you think you can move?” She asks me.



I blink at her.



“ Uh….yeah…sure….” I mutter…



I’m doing everything but puckering up and making fishy-kissy noises at you, Maclay…what’s the haps?



She puts a hand under my neck and helps me sit up. My head swims a little…but I’m thinking it must be because I have to hold onto her in order to raise myself… our faces are like… inches apart …and my arms are around her neck.



I’m trying so hard I’m practically making SOUND with my expressions over here…and I’m getting NOTHING.



If this were a foreign film the subtitles would be blast away at the bottom of the screen:



(THE RED HEAD SILENTLY SCREAMS WITH ‘COME HITHER’ EYES TO KISS HER…AND IS SOUNDLY REBUFFED AS THE BLONDE HELPS HER TO HER FEET AND BRUSHES THE DUST AND FLECKS OF MUD OFF THE RED-HEAD’S FEATHERS…)



Wow…she seems so…CLINICAL…



I finally disengage from her and waver on my own two feet. She reaches out to steady me with her hands on my waist and I realize she’s touching me like….



Like I fell in dog poo when she hit me… with the tentative little touches…She’s being very nursey…very….eww…MOM-LIKE….



I want to reel away with indignation and demand to know what the hell just made me so UNSEXY here with the nakedy me…and the feathers…. I was fricken HOT…no… I AM FRICKEN HOT!!!



So I try the indignant reeling thing…I manage a full pull away with a half reel and a butt pike right back down onto the floor.



HOLY OUCH!!!



“ Will…what are you DOING???” Tara asks…surprised at my sudden bodily flight for freedom…



I clamber woozily back to my feet…



“ I’m reeling with indignation, damn it!” I say catching my footing.



“ I guess I’m supposed to ask you WHY?” She says in a way she has of making it sound like a statement and a question.



“ Because this…THIS…is supposed to be my best Date Night EVER…and you are supposed to be totally sexied up my the…well…by the ME…and the outfit…and YOU’RE NOT!!”



“ I’m Not?” Tara asks stoically.



“ Come on! I was giving you the Rainbow Bear Stare down there…and you looked like you were making a mental grocery list…” I snap.



Tara stares at me for a moment…like she can’t believe her ears.



“ How did you know I was making a grocery list?” She asks me.



I let my jaw drop.



“ Am I missing something…or did you just say you were head shopping while I’m laying practically naked on your lap…?” I drawl…absolutely offended…



“ Well I don’t know many other abstinence lists…I have no clue about baseball…” She says.



Errrrt! Screeech! ABSTI….WHAT?



“ Abstinence! That’s …that’s CRAZY talk!” I almost fall over again in my shock.



“ Didn’t you even READ the book you hit me with?” Tara asks…walking over to pick up the big red book.



“ No…they just handed it to me and made me drink like a GALLON of gasoline juice…” I say.



“Well there are Five ‘levels’ to an Amazonian ‘Togetherness’ Ritual….” She hands the heavy tome to me. “ Page forty two.”



I open the book…and read to myself… (basically so you too can have the pleasure of hearing this…and thereby being as invested in this story as I am...)



TBC…

Edited by: wiccachica  at: 9/21/02 10:59:03 am

[mollyig]

The idea of a seeing-eye-monkey oddly appeals to me though....



Poor Will, being rebuffed by her girl - what's with this abstinence lark?

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[LeatherQueen]

Abstinence? That's crazy, crack-induced talk!



~LQ

[wiccachica]

Abstinence AND Two editions in one day???Who has ever heard of such craziness...?



Mollyig... Lark....hmm....(channels some familiar writer...) "It was the nightengale and not the lark. That peirced the hollow of thine ear"...my dear...

heh...



LQ... Hello my dearest scritchee...So glad you could drop in. As for the crack...er...crack...I have to say I am not currently ON the crack...I merely produce fic that acts as a crack substitute in order to read the weirdness...



Chapter 198: Pathos, Point-Blank



Okay…so this is what I read (with the help of the Amazonian to English guide in the back):



Ani Moja: Intelina

(Level One: Preparation….)



Anja he tolu megata imbibi Gata intui huh ba huh ba masa.

(Both women are to imbibe the “water of Gaea” the highest order of potent and powerful aphrodisiac…distributed as efficient for a full grown female.)



Mne ta Sirrici increla masa

(4 Parts Sirricus Root ground to a fine paste)



Moja ta gega

(1 part water)



Togreta mina te beele lobas

(Ingestion time is two hours)



hjai klini atalo

They must be cleansed in the sacred mud. (or something about hand baths…hmm…I didn’t get a hand bath…)



Gela ha finini het a pulu huh ba etra.

(Some may experience the effects earlier than others)



Ne Huh bah masu tera det intilina et

There can be no intimate contact during this one hour preparation time.



Ani Beele: Gerena bah

Level Two: Confirmation…..



Greta hata bala. Et fleli net brega gre mata grela mata grea et hasa mojana reyta.

(There must be the dance of the fire bird…who came down upon this place before time was time to bless the first marriage of our first queen…. (okay this is my first time translating Amazon…so forgive me if you know Amazon…and I’m doing an injustice…)



Gola tata gerenala pa chila a chila te

(This sacred book shall measure the stregnth of the comitment of one woman to her other.)



Ne Huh bah masu tera det beele Gerena Bah

(There can be no intimate contact during this two hour Confirmation time.)



(Two hours???….that doesn’t add up….that leaves a one hour lapse of the ingestion time for the drink… that is SO NOT FAIR…..)



Ani Tatou: Imbiela Xetl a

Level Three: Marination (that’s the closest word I could find…I think it makes us sound like dinner….)



(The test of one hour before Ani mne (level four)



Ne Huh bah masu tera det Imbiela

(There can be no intimate contact during the ‘marination’. )(yeah…yeah...I get it…)



Ani Mne: Kilie B’ arunga

(Level 4: Celebration)



Et Greta mata lipi bas na huh ba.

(A dinner and celebration of the impending union.)



Ne Huh bah masu tera det Kilie B’ arunga

(There can be no intimate contact during this Celebration.) (contact punishable by death…blah…blah…blah..)



Ani Pilie: Baruna Matanga Het



Loosely translated to ‘ Level 5: The gloves are off’…



( Here they have graciously added specific ritualistic diagrams that make me have to tilt the book from one side to the other…and turn it upside-down to basically understand how a few of them are physically POSSIBLE.)



I look up at Tara over the book.



“Can a person with actual BONES in their body do THIS one?” I ask.



Tara looks pointedly AWAY from the book…and the diagrams… Her cheeks quickly flushing red. She crosses her arms.



“ What’s the matter?” I ask her.



She rolls her eyes and mutters something under her breath. I can just make it out…



“ I think that Amazonian Fly just kicked in…”



“ Oh.” I say…and slap the book closed.



All-righty… right into level three then…



TBC…

" I mock you with my Monkey Pants!" - OZ


" Nymph! (pause)Nymphette?"


"Nympho." -The Pirate Movie
-


" If you imps are lookin for a fight, then ya come to the Chapel Oblige-ya!!" - Legend

Edited by: wiccachica  at: 9/21/02 1:12:26 pm

[Rane018]

niki, again, you are absolutely brilliant. crazy and brialliant! how hilarious are the five steps?! and having Willow's thought's inbetween the amazonian language and explanations is just too too funny. canot wait for the union and all the rest. hehe... hugs and kisses my darling!

TARA- It looks like gibberish.
SPIKE- (moving to them) Gibberish?
TARA- Or possibly gobbledygook. It's not words, anyway…

the yoko factor

[LeatherQueen]

Two editions in one day!? That is craziness. The troll must be partaking of some heavy caffiene to produce this wackiness!

--------------------------------


"But when they're playing your song on the jukebox in Hell, you might as well dance." - K. Simpson


"Futile... like a FOX, baby!" - Tara in The Late Shift by wiccachica

[wiccachica]

Rane... Crazy and brilliant like a Fox, My Dear...! I like the thought of being just a little bit crazy...I've been told I'm...eccentric...yes...that was the word....



LQ... Now lessee...heavy caffiene? Me? The troll? Never! Caffiene is addictive...and WE are NOT addicts of the coffee (sip) I mean... we can stop whenever we want...(slurp)

(chews thoughtfully on grounds)



What do you say to an evening edition too???



Chapter 199: Defcon Three…



I can’t even begin to stress how far off-kilter my idea of the perfect date night has gone.



I stand in front of a rustic mirror, trying to look at the Ceremonial outfit from every…skin exploiting angle.



They truly wear these things IN PUBLIC?



I smooth at the very low cut red suede pants (that a gigantic seamstress had to bring in and up about fourteen sizes to fit me the way they are supposed to)



The filmy white top is what makes me a little nervous. I’m swimming in this thing…and yet you couldn’t LOSE me in it because you can see right through it.



Haven’t they heard of undergarments?



They have done a little something to distract attention away from my chest…they have painted me… Well…PART of me… with a dark red henna-like substance. It is in ancient Amazonian... that much I figured out. They started at the tips of the fingers on my right hand and spiral upward…across my clavicle area around my left shoulder…and across the top of my back to meet with the words on my right shoulder. It actually looks really exotic…and cool…They took there time putting it on…which gave me NO reprieve from this strange tingling sensation that started in the pit of my stomach a half hour ago.



Is it hot in here?



I ask one of the Amazonian guards for ANOTHER glass of water. She smirks as though privy to some inside joke, and disappears to get me one.



“ Is it hot in here?” I ask another Amazon guard.



“ No.” She says in her most helpful way. But she too is smiling like she knows something I don’t.



I fan myself with the huge sleeve of my shirt.



Even my hair feels hot right now.



Maybe I’m thirsty…maybe I need to eat something…my stomach has started a funny slow burn that I can almost feel in my toes.



My water comes and I chug it down.



I seem to be the night’s entertainment right now, for they are all watching me.



And then at that particular moment my senses kind of dim…



I don’t need water… I don’t need food…Hell if I were in my right mind I wouldn’t even need to be thinking…



I need…SOMETHING…..ELSE….



My head swims.



My thoughts start to turn in only one direction…



Distinctively SOUTH.



“ When do I get to see Tara?” I try my best to sound totally in control…like a completely casual….fifteen year old boy on Love Potion #9…



“ You’ll see her at the celebration…” One of the guards says with that infuriating smirk.



I close my eyes to take a deep breath and count to ten…..



Ten….ten…Tara has ten toes…and ten fingers…I’d like to kiss every one of them…and then I’ll kiss that cute little crinkle between her brows…the one I love so much…



I quickly open my eyes.



Whoa! Where did that come from???



Damn my puerile thoughts!



I Look for a place to sit down… there is only a bed…a damn bed… big enough for four people…or two really athletic ones..… and I don’t want to EVEN LOOK at THAT right now…



Slowly and image of Tara dressed up as Charo ekes into my head.



(Where did that come from…???)



I try to sublimate with a rousing game of mental images.



Hey….there’s kind of a lot of hay on this floor…



(The more to roll in with Tara…) DAMN!



I look at the water cup in my hand…Cup…nice safe cup….



(C-cup)



DAMN IT!



I set the cup down and begin a slow, cat-like, pacing from wall to wall in the small hut.



Air. You can’t turn air into a nasty thought.



(Air…Tara breathes air…she breathes it even faster when you kiss that little spot on the side of her throat…just below her ear….)



DOUBLE DAMN!



I can feel the guards smirking knowingly at me as I stalk from one end of the room to the other.



If I can just keep my thoughts focused…find my center….



(Center…do you even need an anecdote…?)



“Gah!!” I shout out loud and slap a palm to my forehead and continue my pacing.



I hear one of the guards speaking to the other.



“ Just wait until it REALLY gets into her bloodstream…” The taller guard mumbles.



“ But she’s already showing ‘the full signs’…” The other says.



“ Yes…well…we sort of… messed up.” The tall one admits.



“ What do you mean?”



“We made the drinks for the average sized woman.”



“So?”



“ For the average-sized Amazonian woman…”



The shorter Amazon says something in her language that sounds like the equivalent of ‘holy merde…!’



But I’m too busy wearing a trench into the floor of the hut and trying NOT to thing about Tara, to stop and figure out what the problem is.



“ Can I get like two more glasses of water???” I shout.



TBC…



(Now I might be able to get the troll to write the next scene...but I'll have to see...three times in one day is a little bit much for a troll of his age....)

" I mock you with my Monkey Pants!" - OZ


" Nymph! (pause)Nymphette?"


"Nympho." -The Pirate Movie
-


" If you imps are lookin for a fight, then ya come to the Chapel Oblige-ya!!" - Legend

[Sassette]

Give the troll some literary viagra. He needs to write.



-Sass

btw ... I really >really< love this story.

[mollyig]

For the average-sized Amazonian woman Oh good Jaysus. Little Willow getting a double dose. What fun!

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[wiccachica]

Sass... Thank you soooo much for saying that! That really makes my day! You know what would make the troll's day? oh....say...another episode of YOUR series ...up there on the board...a hot cup of coffee....and Sass right here on the old lap. That's what. What do you....er....think?



Mollyig... A double dose? I was thinking of more like a triple on the 'ol go-go juice...Hmm....what do you think? Total Willow Breakdown or not?

[Sassette]

Well, I'll write as soon as I get home from work if you will.



-Sass

[slowontheuptake]

Hi wiccachica this is my second post and I've decided to start here.

God i love this story. It's so manic and refuses to follow and discernable storyline. I'm hoping this story never developes a point because then you'd be obligated to reach it and then there whould be no more story and then I whould be sad and then the word as I know it would end and then my dog would start talking and then she would start telling me what to do and then, inevitably, I would end up a sad babbling drunk at the nearest karoke bar only looking forward to my next turn when I could sing 'Wind beneath my Wings' on endless repeat with my dog singing backup and then... Screw it. I was wondering how long i could keep that up

Anyhoo, love the story, keep it up

[wiccachica]

Sass.... Deal.



I'm showing you mine....where's yours. Can't have something for nothing...tit-for tat... Squid Fro Pro....



hmm?



Uptake... Thank you for your kind words. I promise not to have a feasible plot or a point for that matter if you promise to only babble drunkenly in K. Bars that have B-17 ( I HOnestly Love You) By THE ONJ....and your babble was actually really great...and comforting in that "scary serial killer" kind of way. I mean... not like you're a serial killer... because...I mean only SANE people read my drivel...and understand the moral of the story.



( I had morals once )



-chica



Chapter 200: The Song of the Sands



Thrum bada dum...bada dum...dum...dum.



Dear Mom and Dad,



Having fun here on Amazon Island...wish you were here....



...Well...I actually don't... because if you saw me over the last hour...you would most likely be just a little bit frightened. I have been climbing the walls for about thirty minutes now in a virtual red haze of what I can only describe as major King Kong Mojo-jojo.



I've been marathoning around my small enclosure for some time now… just looking for a State Building to climb to the top of while holding my blonde bombshell safely to me and grappling to a place where I can both have some ALONE-TIME with my girl...just after properly shaking a defiant fist at the world (with the hand NOT holding my lovely girlfriend, of course).



The Amazons have been really nice....well... aside from the whole imprisonment-sandpit-beheading-my-girlfriend thing...They've set me up in a top notch hut...with all the go-go juice I can withstand without the pheromones bursting my frail little non-Amazonian heart.



The weather is rather nice...and they have set up this really great dinner in our honor...isn't that nice? Too bad I'm too crazy with....err...INSOMNIA (yeah insomnia sounds nice and artistic) to actually enjoy much of anything. So I'm sitting on a grass mat...chewing grousily on what I hope is a chicken leg...(though to be quite honest, I haven't been privy to seeing ANY chickens around these parts....



But I don't want to think too hard on it...



I'd bring you both shirts...if they were in the habit of wearing them...I guess this little mental postcard will have to do...



I have to cut this short...one of the guards has mentioned that Tara is on her way in....and well...right now... I have to admit not much else on this tiny planet means squat to me.



(Is it hot in here????)



Okay...see you if we ever get off this island...



Your Daughter,



Willow.



I anxiously place my "chicken" back down on the bone platter and stare at the entrance to the communal gathering place a.k.a...the sand pit of death...a.k.a...the ring of fire...



(Boy do these ladies know how to utilize a space or what???)



Thrum-bada-dum-bada-dum-dum-dum...



I'm not sure if it is my heart...or the drums making all that racket in my ears...I mean...ever since that wine kicked in...I've been hearing Desi Arnaz on cappuccino doing a ratta-tat-tat in my ears at double tempo.



I strain my neck to catch Tara's entrance.



Thrum=bada-dum-bada-dum-bada-dumba-dumba...



And (WHOOSH) the air is taken from the space around me as though I've been instantaneously freeze-dried and vacuum-packed.



I try to inhale...I try to blink...I try...ANYTHING...but I seem to be the hapless prisoner of a little something I'd like to call...ROMANCE...



(I said I'd LIKE to call it that...but in all actuality...it's kind of just plain...old fashioned, unpoetic, unfettered...and downright uninhibited.... Smaug-sized LUST-O-RAMA..)



Tara walks in the doors without being flanked by so much as a SINGLE Guard...



(Where-as they had put me on 24-Hour Smut Watch. How unfair is that?)



They have taken out her braids, much to my immediate dismay...and then my secondary and overwhelmingly appreciative joy.



Her hair has been pulled up and away from her neck in an exotic flurry of twists and cinches. It gives her that Devil-may-care look that I usually find VERRRRY Alurring....



Right now I just think the universe has set its blender of life to CHOP…. just for me.



I finally manage to take a breath.



And I am eternally grateful that there is air to greet me.



Thrum-bada-dum-bada-dum-dum-dum...



Everything in the known world seems to make sense again... The Earth is spinning correctly on it axis...and all is right with humanity...Tara has arrived...



And then...as though someone up there...OUT there has it in for me… and me alone...I get a look at what she's wearing...



And (WHOOSH) That pesky air just zips right out of here again...what's up with THAT???



She smoothes at a clingy white leather sarong…and a matching bosom-friendly halter like top piece.



Her entire left arm is covered in the same ancient Amazonian scrip as my own… The perfect mate to my right-armed scrip.



I don't even realize I'm standing up…. and moving right into the fray of the party.



I am GRAVITATING to her at high speed...and if I am not mistaken...she is doing the same towards me.



I have this feeling of certainty… that if we are closer…a LOT closer…that the words written on us both will come together to create some kind of profound meaning…



We would finish each other’s sentences...



And I am suddenly VERY much INTO finding out what we say…



I’m going in headlong…no holds barred…



I’m a Hawk that has its sights trained on what it wants..



I’m a heat-seeking missile…and well…she is DEFINITELY the hottest thing out here tonight.



I’m a hunter and I am focused on one thing…and one thing only…fueled by the wine of the Goddess…



I am a…



I am running full force into a large Amazon woman doing the shimmy bump and grind on the "dance floor".



Hitting this woman’s ‘shimmy’ is like running headlong into the low-lying limb of a large tree going 60 in a convertible. I stagger backwards about the equivalent of half a basketball court.



Being knocked senseless is one thing…



Having the sense knocked back INTO you when you are on a mission of lust...is quite another...



I suddenly realize where I am...and what my body was about to do... without the aid of the ol' brain...



Auto pilot off



I stop across the GARGANTUAN space of close to three WHOLE yards from her.



We look each other up and down…



The air between us seems to be packed tight with tension.



Thrum-bada-dum-bada-dum-dum-dum...



If we touch…there’s no going back. I can tell by her flushed cheeks, and glassy eyes that she too can claim “hot-patootie-pheromone furnace of love” membership.



We are grown up-type woman…not working within the safe confines of a packet of brownie/water mix and a light bulb oven…



We are dangerous…gasoline…and …well…sparky-hot fire stuff…



If we touch it will mean we have desecrated the sacred ceremony of the Amazon…and will surely be put to a terrible and probably painful and less than aesthetic death….



What’s worse is…



If we touch …if we even TOUCH….I am getting a feeling that this entire island is going to levitate right out of the fricken water…believe you me.



Thrum-bada-dum-bada-dum-dum-dum...



We stare into each other’s eyes for another millisecond and a half.



Thrum-bada-dum-bada-dum-dum-dum...



Tara unconsciously runs a hand across the cleavage line of her top…



I watch her finely tapered fingers travel the course like I’m getting contraband cable feed of the greatest pay-per-view in the history of television…



From one end of that plunging neckline…to the other…



Thrum-bada-dum-bada-dum-dum-dum...



Despite the heat from the large bonfire nearby…I shiver…



Thrum-bada-dum-bada-dum-dum-dum...



We meet gazes again…and I shake my head slowly…



I know what she’s thinking….



She knows what I’m thinking…



Oh this is bad…this is bad…this is not gonna work….you can’t just pretend that you aren’t practically ON FIRE over here….no….SCREW IT…grab her…drag her back to the hut-o-love…and ravish her…of course you’ll share the ravishing…you don’t mid being the ravishee….but she knows that already…and..the whole ravisher…ravishee thing is…



Thrum-bada-dum-bada-dum-dum-dum...



“ Should we…uhm…eat or something….” Tara says over the din…and then moves past me to where the food is laid out buffet-style.



Thrum-bada-dum-bada...dah???



(Maybe she had NO idea what you were thinking…)



Either that… or you have just found out that your girlfriend is like THE QUEEN of Zen Abstinence…..



I start towards her to ask her what this is all about and trip over a wooly monkey-sheep-thing crouching on the ground.



What the...!!!???



It looks balefully up at me before bleating and bumbling away into the crowd of Amazons on it's wool-shorn knuckles.



(did I just see that?)



TBC…

" I mock you with my Monkey Pants!" - OZ


" Nymph! (pause)Nymphette?"


"Nympho." -The Pirate Movie
-


" If you imps are lookin for a fight, then ya come to the Chapel Oblige-ya!!" - Legend

Edited by: wiccachica  at: 9/23/02 8:26:47 pm

[Forbidden Magician]

Well originally I was going to bow to you repeatedly until your next update but since you said it might be taken as an insult in trollish customs....I have taken the liberty of gathering all the stuffed animal sheep this side of the western hemisphere and will sacrifice one every minute in your name until the next update.



I am eternally grateful for the image you put in my head of Willow ricocheting off a shimmying amazon woman

It's priceless. Just priceless. Wicked update

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!

[slowontheuptake]

I'm not what you would call sane although I'm not a serial killer either, unless you ment to type 'cerial likker' which i just did. I both like and lick cerial (it's a thing).

I am, however, a stalker. At the moment I'm stalking both my nieghbors hair dresser (only an alien could manage that particular shade of blond), and the dentist from across the street who I am convinced is growing pot in his office basement. One of these bothers me and one is for future referance. You decide which. So as you can see I'm booked solid on the stocking front. I'll just settle for a fan-fic-fan (he). A fan of your fan fic. A fickle fic fan. A fondly franetic fanatic of fic. I thought of another one but there may be children present.

On an on topic attempt Love the Amazon thing...

Aparently I'm not good at reviewing actual content.

Edited by: slowontheuptake at: 9/24/02 11:12:43 pm

[mollyig]

I’m a heat-seeking missile - and well - she is DEFINITELY the hottest thing out here tonight.



Our poor girls hopped up on the Amazon love juice. Most frustrating, can't wait for the next chapter!

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[tkheaven]

Oh Geez! ROTFLMAO HAHAHAHA! OH, Oh

I've just read, like... FIVE chapters, err something.. and, and..woo! Oh my... doubling over holding her stomach WHOA! tips to the side and falls off her chair...still rolling, laughing...she stops...eyes rolling left to right..checking to see if any of her co-workers even notices..and begins again..bursts out in laughter...LOLOLOLOLOL

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"

-----------------------------
Tara was similarly riveted, her body on slow burn as Willow's lips parted and her mouth opened, the food slipping inside and being consumed. Never in her life had Tara ever wanted to be a chicken casserole so badly...Later that night..."It's good to be a chicken casserole," Tara murmured, before passing out. ~ Answering Darkness by Sassette

[Sassette]

Okay, so I was two days late.



But - ! In the interest of fairness, I did not, in fact, read this update I really REALLY wanted to read until >after< I had written a vignette. Just for you.



So, let me say that now, having read this update - good GOD that's a lot of Love Juice! And, well, could the phrase "Queen of Zen Abstinence" be any funnier? Well, sure, maybe if it had the word 'monkey' in it ... but then you had the woolly monkey sheep-thing, and, well, that was just perfect.



Loved it.



-Sass

[NewRuthRising]

Right. Umm... not sure what reward i can dream up for them. Okay, brain, get in gear. *Clunk...grind...squeeeeeegeeeeee* Errrr... well if you like you can be a Ruth. I'll swap with you. Personally I like your name much better than mine. No, that's not good enough. Okay, how's this? Ice cream, chocalate , espresso, backrubs, footrubs, whatthehellanyplaceyoulike-rubs, and a very cute but stupid hamster to laugh at as it scampers over my keyboard as I'm trying to write. Oh wait, it's gone up my sleeve. Bugger. Have to go. See you later...*Ruth*





Newly-Nicole.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes I get the distinct impression that none of us are as cool as we think we are. Hm. - Tommo

[wiccachica]

Beck and Call...



Forbidden Magician... Stuffed sheep sacrifice??? I laughed outloud on that one! I really like the image that popped into my head...(not the sacrificing...but the stuffed sheep...cuz I have one on my bed) Thank you for the laugh.



Uptake... I feel very honoured to have you a a fan of my fic...and not a stalker...heh...I've already had my fair share of those....



Mollyig... Let me see what we can drum up for you in the way of hopped up Wiccas and crazy antics.



TK... Just reading your post...what with all the laughter and all...gave me a fit of the giggles. (I am a terribly infectious giggler...and now I can't stop....just great...just...GREAT....



Sass...My Dove...I'm so OVERJOYED to see you have your fic up and running right now. I'm going over right now to read!



Rut Dearest...I get to be a Ruth? Well you can be a Niki if you'd like to try it on and wear it around the house to see if it suits you....(wink)

I'm up for the rubs and the coffees...and I'm intrigued with this hamster you say is running across your keyboard ....is this a literal or a figurative hamster? (I ask because I had a hamster a while back. His Name was Vito Cornelius 'Corny') They are noisy...but lovable little tikes...



Okay...enough of my ramblings...I am going to see a show tonight and tomorrow night...but Sat. Morning I will write like there is no tomorrow...(did that make sense?)



-chica

" I mock you with my Monkey Pants!" - OZ


" Nymph! (pause)Nymphette?"


"Nympho." -The Pirate Movie
-


" If you imps are lookin for a fight, then ya come to the Chapel Oblige-ya!!" - Legend

[barnabasvamp]

Chica;

MMMMM....... Lots of Love Juice and our girls! Such visuals- I can hardly think, my head is so full

More please, but enjoy the show first.

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

[NewRuthRising]

No, he's real. Crawling up my top at the minute. I@m not sure how a figurative hamster would work. Anyway, mine is male, cream, long-haired and called Ratty. Oh bugger, he's fallen off my arm. Do you want to borrow him?

I tried being a Niki for a while, but it kinda got, well, itchy. Y'know, itchy. Are you having some problems with, um, frustration? Or am I just a horny bitch? But don't worry, I washed it out, so you can have it back now. But at least I got some practice in, so now I know exactly wher to tickle...too much information, huh? Oh well. We'll share being a Ruth. I'mpretty much a nobody most of the time anyway, so now it will just be literally.



Part-time Ruth.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes I get the distinct impression that none of us are as cool as we think we are. Hm. - Tommo

[wiccachica]

Saturday Morning Cartoons, anyone?



It's espresso Saturday...usually a paid holiday for Trolls...but I have convinced him to share his strangeness.



Chapter 201: I'd Say She's Higher than a Cat's Back in a Dog Show...



When I approach her at the 'All-You-Can-Bludgeon-And-Drag-It-Back-to-the-Village' buffet, Tara is filling her bone plate with food.



No...I take that back...not FILLING so much, as allowing it to teeter precariously to and fro. She puts a hand on top to steady it. I lean to look around her food and right at her.



"Uhm...Tare?" I venture. She lifts something to glassy- eyed-level.



" Do you think....is this is chicken?" She asks.



Okay…avoidance much???



"Tare? What's going ON here?" I ask.



" I'm eating...we're eating..." She looks at my empty hands and then to her leaning tower of hors d’oeuvres. "...WHAT??? You aren't hungry???"



I look at her...RIGHT at her...



" I am..." I say...and watch her blink at me...and then slowly set her plate down on the nearest rock.



I was right! She is the Zen Master! She's like my CARNAL Yoda…she's totally caught my sexy innuendo and now she is going to put me into a 50's dip right here and kiss me like there's no tomorrow...noshes be damned!!!...



I prepare myself for the kiss of the century. I pucker my lips...bat my eyes furiously...my come-hither is kicked into overdrive....



Tara holds up an empty bone plate.



" What do you want on your plate? Taro root? This chickenesque stuff...?" She asks innocently.



My jaw drops. I can feel it drop...



I can practically see a little ‘puff ’ of dust under it as it hits the dirt floor….



" Let me repeat myself...What is going on HERE...???" I say…making a blatant 'you-me' motion between us.



She plucks a grape from her jenga-style meal selection and pops it into her mouth.



"Hmm?" She mumbles...kind of...



And here it is again...that weird feeling that she is not quite...



You watch her chew thoughtfully on another grape, and silently curse that she is not chewing that thoughtfully on your neck...or that sensitive hollow just at your clavicle...



She pops another grape through her lips...torturing you a little more..



She's not....HERSELF...



" Tare...are you feeling okay...?"



"Nipate kinywaji baridi, tafadhali." She says suddenly.



I half laugh...half blink...half brace myself for what could only mean weirdness to come…



And I’ll tell you…that’s a LOT of halves.



What in the world...???



"Uhm...Sweetie...are you speaking Swahili?" I ask.



She looks at me...my darling little Exorcist...



"Swahili? I don't know Swahili..." She says, mounching on another grape like they are going out of style.



The next grape misses her mouth...and the one after that pegs the leading half of the dancing Amazon couple behind her, right in the head...



And now, Tara is sways back on her heels...



And before I can catch her...



TIM-BERRRRR....!!!



I startle forward just as Kalei seems to come out of nowhere and capture my girlfriends falling form before she hits the dirt.



" Wheee!!!" Tara mumbles...and them looks blearily up at me.



"C'mon down here and gimme a cheese danish, you blueberry..."



I watch Kalei assist her to her feet…concern written across her brow. She touches Tara with a strange gingerness…



What the heck...so she thinks you're a blueberry...a kiss is a kiss...is a kiss...



I start towards her again...



And I am immediately pulled short by a huge Amazon hand.



" Don't touch her." Vasedra says.



" Huh? That's my GIRLFRIEND and I'm her...blueberry..." I try to make it sound logical...but fail miserably.



" She may be...contagious." Vasedra says seriously.



Con...WHAT???Is this a plot? A devious ploy... to keep me from my smooch-a-rama?



" Pick out the raisins and just give us the darn muffin..." Tara says crossing her arms with oddly restrained seriousness.



" Yeah...what she said..." I say, crossing my arms and waiting for the world's lamest excuse for not be able to touch my girlfriend.



TBC...



Chapter 202: The Beginning of The End...



Okay...listen up...cuz I'm not particularly excited about explaining this again. Once might even be a bit of a stretch...so feel free to correct me if I tend to babble off course...or drive down some fantastical tangent.



I'm going to tell you this exactly the way Vasedra told it to me...all right...not EXACTLY the way...hers was a little more detailed...and slightly condescending....



Okay...so this is the deal. The wine both Tara and I drank is called the Water of Gaea...and it consists of very lightly diluted Sirricus root.



As you well know.



So this Sirricus root is a close cousin to something called Coltsfoot.



The main difference between the two is... where coltsfoot makes others desire you...sirricus causes you to desire others...



Now...as far as I know (okay...as far as Vasedra knows)...it's pretty rare when it happens...but a few lucky people in the world are severely allergic to this family of natural stimulant.



Where it is supposed to stimulate the sex drive, it instead stimulates the ingestee's most hidden...err...talents and unknown abilities...if you will...



So...if a person has the ability to see auras...but never understood why they were such a good judge of character...



Or a person has excellent intuition...



Or a person can read minds...



I guess for Tara...it happens to be pastries...because as we speak... she is starting a rant about the benefits of the Ho-Ho...and it's place in the Hostess family after being usurped by the devious Ding Dong...



No...really...I'm standing here... painfully sober with worry...and watching several guards try to allay her.



" Peel the frosting! Peel it before the milk comes!" Tara shouts the orders like a seasoned general in the great goodie war.



And then...she drags her gaze up to where I'm standing.



"Uh-Oh..." She says.



And suddenly...



Does my girlfriend pass out?



No.



Does she go into a fit worthy of a Sally Field Award?



Nope...too easy...



My girlfriend has to do it to her strange...and wonderful par...



She <> right out of the guard's strong hands...



Actually...she kind of <> off of this plane of existence...



What in the Sam Hill is going on here???



And if you aren't too busy...could you kinda tell me where my girlfriend has gone to?



TBC...

" I mock you with my Monkey Pants!" - OZ


" Nymph! (pause)Nymphette?"


"Nympho." -The Pirate Movie
-


" If you imps are lookin for a fight, then ya come to the Chapel Oblige-ya!!" - Legend