"I'm, umm … I'm still a little mad," Tara said, her nostrils flaring and her eyes sparking. Buffy looked a little taken aback by the expression on Tara's face, but quickly recovered.
"Mad - mad is good. It's good to get mad," Buffy said, inwardly casting about for somewhere to go with that statement. "It's better than, I dunno - being all heartbroken and hurt."
"I'm a little hurt, too," Tara admitted softly, her eyes downcast.
"Well, it could be worse - you could be all hurt and mad and thinking about leaving, too," Buffy said, trying to somehow save this conversation. "You're not thinking about leaving, are you?" she asked quickly, realizing that with the way this little talk was going, that's exactly what Tara could be thinking. But that was ridiculous - wasn't it? Tara had tried to leave before … had even spent the night at Xander and Anya's and talked about going home to live with her parents, until Buffy had offered her a place to stay.
Buffy winced inwardly, still surprised at herself for pretty much telling Willow to leave the Summers home. Another thing to feel guilty about, she thought with a sigh. Willow had needed help and support, and Buffy had booted her out, telling her she wasn't welcome with the magick. Still, she had Dawn to think about, and the terrible example Willow had been setting.
And, if she were perfectly honest with herself, she had been a little scared of what Willow would do, and the deepest darkest part of her still hadn't forgiven Willow for bringing her back. She had fought against the feeling, knowing it was disloyal at best, but it had been there - this tiny kernel of pain and anger that she hadn't been able to help having.
"No, I'm not thinking of leaving," Tara said firmly, a resolved look tightening her mouth, her words breaking Buffy out of her thoughts. "We're going to work this out - I just … I need time to cool off," Tara explained. "I don't want to say anything while I'm angry that I'll just regret later."
"I suppose just telling Willow off wouldn't go over so well, huh?" Buffy said, a wry look on her face. "She tends to get a little defensive when she thinks she's doing the right thing. But her heart is always in the right place," she said, feeling the need to explain Willow's actions. "Even when she's doing something wrong, her heart is always >always< in the right place."
"I know," Tara said simply, a fond look crossing her face despite the anger she was feeling. "I don't think I could ever >stay< mad at her - because she's always trying to do what she thinks is best. She just has to learn that we have to decide what's best together."
"Umm … I hate to bring this up," Buffy said hesitantly.
"I decided what was best for her without her input today at school?" Tara finished for her, a sad expression on her face.
"How do you do that?" Buffy asked, her brow furrowing as Tara said exactly what she had been thinking.
"It's a gift," Tara said with a light laugh. "But you're right - I shouldn't have just … ordered Willow to go home. I think … I think I was just scared. This whole thing is so … I'm scared," Tara admitted softly.
"It's okay to be scared," Buffy said, covering Tara's hand with her own. "And it's okay that you lost your head a little - God knows I tend to be a little over-protective myself," she said, the uncharacteristic self-analysis making a rueful smile cross her face. "I just think … I don't know, I don't want to butt in. It's not like my love life is so perfect I'm qualified to give advice."
"No, I want to hear this," Tara said sincerely. "Sometimes, it's like - I don't know … Willow and I are too close to this situation, y'know? Neither one of us can look at it objectively."
"Well, it's … you have this whole Earth Mother nurturing thing going, and Willow's been fighting on the Hellmouth for a really long time and she feels responsible for so much - and Willow has never >ever< shirked responsibility," Buffy said thoughtfully, her thoughts crystallizing in her mind as she spoke.
"We both need to lighten up, don't we?" Tara asked with a small smile.
"All I really know is, both of you need the other to be okay," Buffy said simply.
"We kind of figured that all out - in Hell," Tara said, her face paling as the vivid memories flashed through her mind. "But I guess … it's going to take practice, and time - it's something we're going to have to work on. It's an important process."
"It is," Buffy agreed with a nod. "And you can't just skip it. You two need to talk - to really talk - and work this all out."
"Thanks, Buffy," Tara said, a grateful look in her eyes.
"No need to thank me," Buffy said, blushing lightly. "It's about time I started taking care of my family again."
"Y'know what?" Tara asked softly. "We're here to take care of you, too - all of us. And if you ever need to talk … if you ever need someone who'll just listen …"
"I know where to go," Buffy said with a little smile, tears stinging the backs of her eyes. She had meant it when she had said Tara was family - had meant it when she had stood up to her father and her brother and placed herself in their way - but even so, she hadn't known very well. Family, yes, but like a cousin you only saw at reunions and had to trade Christmas cards with. She hadn't really understood Tara, but now she did. And Tara seemed to understand her, too, and that understanding - that acceptance - was something she so desperately needed right now. "Thank you."
"No need to thank me," Tara said, parroting Buffy's earlier words. "That's what family is for."
"And … I know 'thank you' isn't needed," Buffy said. "But still - I'm … I'm so glad Dawn had you and Willow this summer. I'm … she needed someone to be there, and I'm just - I'm glad you two were there."
"I am, too," Tara said. "She's … Dawn's really special, and she's … not just because she's the key. She's just a really great girl, and she's going to grow up into a wonderful adult, I just know it."
"I know I've been having trouble moving from sister to parent, but she's doing okay, isn't she?" Buffy asked, her tone uncertain.
"She's doing fine," Tara assured her. "And you're doing fine. It's hard all around - how could it be anything else? But you're both going to be okay."
"Here we are, talking about 'me' stuff again," Buffy said with a laugh. "Have I always been this self-centered?"
"Well," Tara said, her own laugh escaping as her eyes twinkled. "I did date Willow for months before you knew about it - and even then she told you."
"Oh, yeah," Buffy said with a wince. "I had to buy so many mochas to make up for that one. I was so involved in my Riley-drama I didn't even know Willow was going through this huge thing."
"Well, it's not like you had even met me except for a few times," Tara said with a shrug. "And it's not like you saw us together for very long. Of course, Faith picked up on it right away," Tara said, her tone teasing.
"Faith? >Faith< picked up on it?" Buffy asked, her voice squeaking and her eyes growing wide. "How did Faith notice when I had no idea?"
"Well, I think Faith might swing that way sometimes," Tara said with a shrug. "She's, umm … kinda' butch."
"Really?" Buffy said, a bemused expression crossing her face. "But … she was always hanging on some guy. I mean, she and Xander …"
"That is >so< not a visual I need," Tara said, cutting Buffy off.
"Okay, yeah - ewww," Buffy said, shuddering.
"Besides - I said I think she >might sometimes< swing that way," Tara said with a shrug.
"How'd you know she knew?" Buffy asked, her brow furrowing. "I mean, did she just - come out and say it? And how come Willow never told me this?"
"She waited until Willow left to get soda before mentioning it," Tara said. "She, uhhh … she, umm … she said she guessed Willow wasn't, umm … 'driving stick' anymore."
"Driving stick?" Buffy asked delicately, enunciating each word. "Okay - that SO sounds like Faith."
"Yeah, I was surprised," Tara said. "Here Willow had been talking non-stop about how nice and friendly you were, and then I get there, and you - only not you - says this really … well, kinda' … graphic thing. That's when I figured out it wasn't you."
"You figured out it wasn't me because I said something out of character when you had never met me?" Buffy asked, her eyebrows raising.
"No, no," Tara said quickly. "I … that made me look, y'know, at Faith's aura? And it looked all wrong, like it didn't fit. It wasn't right, like … like a square peg in a round hole."
"So Faith's a square peg and I'm a round hole?" Buffy asked, then briefly shut her eyes as Tara snickered. "Okay, that came out a lot dirtier than I had expected. "Let's talk about this aura thingy. What's it look like? And can you really tell what kind of mood people are in from looking?" Buffy asked curiously.
"I … well, it's really hard to describe what it looks like. It's usually described as colors, because that's the closest thing to compare it to. It's like, you could probably compare it all to scents or … or sounds, but it wouldn't translate as well," Tara said with a little shrug. "And yeah, you can get people's moods, but mostly you kind of … you get a sense for what kind of person they are. Like, kind of their - their personalities, almost."
"What's, umm … what's Willow's aura look like?" Buffy asked.
"Oh, Willow's is nice," Tara said, a warm smile crossing her face. "It's like … like burnished gold. It's … it's, umm … it's got some darkness in it - it's not completely yellow, y'know? But it's … I guess it's … shiny? Like, it's dark in color, but bright. Gleaming."
"Dark but bright?" Buffy asked with a bemused smile. "You're right … that doesn't translate very well."
"Well, if … if it were a scent, it would be cinnamon," Tara said, her look thoughtful. "And if it were a sound, it would be, like … like … a romantic piano piece, all grand movement and sweeping lines in a minor key for that kind of sad sound, but beautiful - very very beautiful."
"Oh, that's nice," Buffy said, her eyes twinkling. "Do mine," she said. "What's my aura like?"
"I, umm … I usually don't look," Tara said. "It's like … it's kind of … invasive? I haven't looked since you, umm…"
"Since I came back?" Buffy asked softly, the laughter in her eyes fading. "What was it like before?"
"A strong powerful blue," Tara said instantly. "And like the smell of a storm, and the sound of brass instruments playing a fanfare - all bright, but powerful. Very powerful," she finished softly.
"Could you … could you, umm …?"
"You want me to look?" Tara asked gently.
"I feel so different," Buffy confessed. "Like things are so wrong, and I don't - I don't know if it's me, or if it's the world, or it's me >in< the world, and …"
"I'll look," Tara said, gazing at Buffy, a serious expression on her face. Buffy watched in fascination as Tara's eyes grew distant, as if not really looking at anything, and yet she somehow managed to give the impression of studying something intently at the same time - as if she was memorizing something only she could see. Buffy fought back a laugh as she realized that's exactly what Tara was doing.
"Well?" Buffy prompted impatiently after Tara had stared at her for a few long moments.
"It's the same, Buffy," Tara said, a little grin quirking her lips. "It's the same."
"It's the same," Buffy said, taking in a deep breath then letting it out slowly.
"It's kind of … a little disconnected," Tara admitted softly. "But I think … I think that will get better, like - like you have a cut and it's healing."
"You got any mystical neosporin?" Buffy asked wryly, a sense of relief washing over her as she realized that she would be okay. She finally wanted to be the person she had been, and now it looked like she could - like it wasn't some impossible unattainable goal, but something that would just take time. She had plenty of time.
"I think it just needs to happen gradually and naturally," Tara said with a soft laugh. "And, umm … I don't think they make mystical neosporin. But if they did, I bet Anya could find some."
"Your mocha got cold," Buffy pointed out, looking at the untouched cup in front of Tara.
"Oh, I guess it did," Tara said, looking down at the neglected coffee.
"You ready to head back?" Buffy asked, motioning to the door.
"Yeah - yeah, I think I am," Tara said with a nod, standing up and waiting for Buffy to precede her out of the Espresso Pump. She didn't know what it was - maybe the 'cool off' period, or maybe listening to Buffy's problems instead of dwelling on her own - but she felt better. Lighter. The fight with Willow didn't seem so bleak, and she found herself empathizing with Willow's position a little more. Not that she even remotely thought Willow had been right, but she could understand a little better what was going through Willow's head when she had decided they were going to have children without even discussing it with her.
Buffy and Tara walked in silence, the sun still bright in the sky, though it would be dusk soon. Still, it was aways off, and so they strolled casually, each lost in their own thoughts as they traveled along the familiar streets of Sunnydale.
Tara felt a small smile cross her face at that thought. The streets were familiar because it was home, and that was such a warm and happy feeling. She had never felt at home in the town she had grown up in, the only thing that felt familiar on this deep emotional level was her mother, and when she had died, the last vestige of safety and security had left her - the only family she had really had was gone.
But now she had a new family and a new home, and she would do whatever it took to preserve that. She would talk with Willow about the fight - about everything - and they would be okay. They >had< to be okay. There really was no other option, because Tara knew she would be lost without her.
"Tara!" Buffy called, pulling her oblivious friend behind her.
Tara snapped out of her musings, seeing several small hooded figures in plain brown robes surround her and Buffy. A quick head count revealed there were six, and Tara felt her body tense and the adrenaline rush through her as her Scooby instinct told her this would be a fight.
"Greetings, oh Exalted Vessel of Her Most Magnificent and Splendid Glorificus, whose rebirth in Hell has led to our present state of joy and rapture," the first figure said, pulling back his hood to reveal his green and twisted features, the obsequious expression on his face spreading into a smile that looked more like a grimace. "I am called Terror, and I serve She of the Dazzling Countenance and Sartorial Sense."
Buffy looked at the sky as if searching for answers from a higher power. Couldn't she ever have a normal evening? "What do you want?" she asked, her voice a low growl as she moved to stand between the hobbits with leprosy and Tara, turning her head this way and that to keep them all in her sight.
"We come bearing tidings and news from Her Most -"
"From Glory," Buffy interrupted. "Yeah, we got it. Out with it."
"I," Terror said, a stymied look on his face. Never before had he been interrupted when listing the many virtues of Glorificus, and he was unsure how to proceed.
"Just get to it before I start pummeling you all," Buffy snarled.
"It's okay," Tara said softly. "Just … give us the message."
"Yes, oh Exalted Vessel," Terror said with a little bow in Tara's direction. "Her Most Curious and Inquisitive Deity wishes to know if you are still in possession of the necronomicon? The book you had taken with you and brought back out of Hell?"
"Why?" Tara asked slowly, a suspicious look on her face.
"Her Most Gracious and Giving Wonderfulness has information regarding the use of the necronomicon she would deign bestow upon you," Terror said, bowing his head repeatedly as he spoke, the five other figures bowing as well.
"I don't want anything from Glory," Tara said tightly, her eyes flashing. "I just want Glory to leave me alone."
"I'm afraid you must take this information," Terror said. "Her Most Munificent and Bountiful Glorificus in all her Beneficence wishes to reward you for your part in restoring Her Most Jocund and Fortunate Wonder to Hell, and to assist you in keeping His Most Putrid and Vile Loathesomeness from interfering in your life."
"What?" Tara asked, her eyes widening slightly.
"I'm afraid you must take this information," Terror said again, an impatient look briefly crossing his face before quickly changing into a subservient smile. "Her Most Munificent and Bountiful Glorificus in all her Benificence wishes to reward you for -"
"We got all that," Buffy said, cutting him off. "She means to ask - why would Glory want to help us, what's in it for her, and what, exactly, would this involve doing with the book?"
"I, well - she didn't say," Terror said, a panicked look immediately crossing his face. "I mean, Her Most -"
"Right - she didn't say," Buffy said, cutting him off again. "Look … how about you all go run along and tell Glory that we're not interested in anything she has to offer before I use you all as a warm-up for my patrol tonight, okay?"
"We merely wish to know if you are still in possession of the necronomicon," Terror said quickly, his eyes widening as he backed up a step.
"Of course I still have it," Tara said with a little frown. "At least, I know who has it," she added, as she suddenly remembered she had never taken it out of Spike's coat.
"Oh, God - you didn't give it to Wesley, did you?" Buffy asked, turning to look at Tara with a horrified expression on her face.
"No," Tara said, shaking her head, her voice in an undertone. "I accidentally left it in Spike's coat."
"Oh, yeah, that'll be easy to get back," Buffy said nodding, before a look of realization came over her face. "Spike's coat?" Buffy asked again.
"Umm … yeah?" Tara asked hesitantly, sensing that something was very wrong, but having no idea what it was.
"You left the Big Book of Evil with Spike?" Buffy asked, her voice squeaking.
"I'm sure he hasn't done anything with it," Tara said quickly. "He wouldn't have had time to -"
"No, he just had time to get mugged and have it stolen," Buffy said by way of explanation. "Some humans beat him up last night and took his coat."
"Am I to take that to mean that you are no longer in possession of the necronomicon?" Terror asked, his tone an apology for interrupting their conversation with his question.
"That's right," Buffy said with a nod. "So we don't have the book, and that means Glory can go play with someone else."
"Right?" Tara asked, looking at Terror. "We don't have it, so … Glory leaves us alone?"
"I'm afraid that's not what we were instructed," Terror said with a sigh. "Her Most Lethal One has ordered your death should you not be in possession of the book," Terror went on with a regretful shake of his head. "We honor and praise you, Exalted Vesselness and Savior. We mourn the fact we must kill you now."
"Oh, brother," Buffy said, rolling her eyes as they all rushed towards Tara at once.
by Grimaldi » Sun Sep 01, 2002 2:45 pm 
I can't believe you said that. You mean to tell me that it's not droolworthy?? 
and **HUGS**
, (I agree "Poor Tink") with Willow hearing the words, but being too distracted to really listen to what he was saying. The Trickster is proving he doesn't give up, and I am so glad the doll's eye's crystal gave Willow clarity, before she made an unforgivable mistake by doing the spell to put Tara "under suggestion". And now with the realization that the book is probably with the muggers, Tara wandering outside with hopefully Buffy on her trail, I can't wait to see what happens next! 
and Willow for realizing what was going before she gave in to the evil "crack"le... 
Hey, maybe Tink can save the day now. You know... she can fly into Sunnydale and go sprinkle the Hellgods with her fairy dust, make them think happy thoughts and then forget about Willow and Tara?? Please?? 
Okay, I know that's reaching. I just want our girls to be okay. **SNIFF**
