Hey.
Okay, first off I’m sorry this wasn’t up yesterday, finished it then, and was actually in the process of copying and pasting from word when my dad walked in and decided I’d had enough internet time for one day. I’d have had it done sooner, but this has been kinda a stressful week (what with my parents pressuring me to show me what I am writing and my best friend finding the site on google, and consequently a certain post I’d made in the kitten about 10 minutes beforehand… which actually went over pretty well, considering. She was really cool about it, saying she’d be my friend no matter what and stuff… but if I go there there is gonna be about a 10 page thread on her and al this other stuff, and that’s not what I’m posting here.)
Anyway, I am going to warn you now, this chapter doesn’t follow the mood I set (kind of) in the prologue and first three. I was in a weird, um, well, mood (or weird for me at least) when I started it, and it wouldn’t go away until I wrote this (yes, I am fully aware of how corny-author-melodramatic-writing crap that sounded, but it’s true) and I only finished it yesterday, like I said…
Anyway, I know that this won’t really follow the train of thought set in the other three… so sorry about that. The next one will (hopefully) be back to the way I wrote it in the beginning, and if you want to wait until ch.4 is up to read anything I wont blame you. I feel really stupid posting this, cuz it was gonna be only for me, just a small thing, cuz it wouldn’t get outta my head, but then every time I tried to write this chapter it came out either pretty much like this or all awkward and forced (again moody author crap things from me), and since I promised an update by today, here you go.
One last warning, I don’t write… like this, I’m not good at it. I know I over-exaggerated several things in here, and its gonna be, well… different. Again, sorry, and the next one will be back to how I like to write. Since it’s the weekend (and I feel kinda bad about this one) I can promise an update by Monday or Tuesday.
Okay, I’m finally done babbling, enjoy… or not, I’m not sure about posting this so… ya.
Taras Shadow: Hey! thanx for reading, sorry bout your mean computer. glad you like the concept, although i'm not sure exactly exactly how closly it will follow it (i'm having a hard time writing Willow actually folowing Xander around like they did in the movie, so there might be less of that, sorry...)
also glad you liked Tara's POV! thanx again!
Sammi: Hey! hehe thank you, glad you liked the emotions.
more coming up right now... thanx for r&r!
-michelle
Ch. 3
I slowly move my head to rest on her shoulder as I limp shakily away from my bed, trying to, out of loyalty to our friendship, keep the rest my body as far from hers as I can while still remaining upright.
Her arm, however, snakes its way around my waist and pulls me carefully closer, taking almost all of my weight off of my foot. Her body is pressed delightfully against mine for the third time today, and the anticipated rush that floods my limbs makes my legs go weak.
Her laugh breaks the crystal silence around us as I stumble, her grip tightening on my arm and her hand sliding smoothly up the side of my stomach as she struggles to keep me standing. I must have developed some super-human form of self-control while I wasn’t paying attention; not a single gasp or moan escapes my lips as she firmly draws me in until I am positioned snugly against her, my head in the crook of her shoulder, my upper body cushioned against hers, my arm around her waist and her own wrapped tightly across my abdomen.
This is a very preferred way of walking, I decide, as we slowly make our way over to the window; not only is there not a single molecule of air in between our bodies, but my ankle isn’t even hurting anymore as we reach the sill.
Now comes the hard part, as I have no wish to tumble face first into the deep snow outside, even if it would mean another few minutes being repositioned against Willow…
She, however, seems to have a solution, and turns quickly to me.
“Do you think you can stand here for a minute?” I nod slowly, still unsure of what she is thinking.
Her hands wrap around my own, enfolding them in a delicious, silky warmth, as she moves them to the sill to support my weight. She then slides easily out of the window, taking only a second to gain steady footing.
As she motions for me to sit on the sill, I think my heart stops. She had better not be insinuating what I think she is, because I don’t think I could handle that…
But she is. Taking a deep breath to regain some form of circulation to my shaking limbs, I push myself up until my legs hang over the sill. Her fingers wrap delicately around my ankles, securing me.
I begin to slide slowly down the wall, easily trusting her to control my journey down until I reach the ground, but sure that I will pass out soon if just the feel of her fingertips through the denim of my jeans, on my ankles no less, makes me this light-headed.
The dark-blue material bunches up around my legs, pulled up a few inches as I slide down further; her hands readjust themselves on my calves. My fuzzy mind wonders hazily how I can focus this much on a single section of my body, but I already know the answer.
Willowhand.
They are at my knees now, still sliding up mercilessly. No matter how many times I remind myself that all she is doing is helping a hurt friend out of her window, my mind conjures plenty of other images for me. Her hands stroking sensually, making their way up over my knees, to my thighs, fingertips brushing, closer, until I can feel myself literally burning with need, soaked in wanting her…
I somehow manage to jerk my mind up out of the proverbial gutter before I can make a sound, feeling my face burn in embarrassment at my own thoughts. Luckily, she has her eyes closed, although I can’t imagine what she is thinking about, and doesn’t notice my wide eyes or heavy breathing.
Her hands are making their way up the outside of my thighs now; her fingers tighten as my descent quickens, stalling me and leaving tingly paths up my legs. They slide gracefully over my hips and the hem of my jeans to set the skin of my midsection on fire where they somehow manage to work their way under my shirt, and I can only half-still the gasp that comes to my lips. The shirt folds and rises slightly, adding to the subtle resistance my skin makes as her hands rise farther, a insignificant yet pleasant tickling sensation joining all of the other physical senses crowding my mind, until my feet reach the ground and they stop tantalizingly at my ribcage.
Her arms move up to my shoulders, holding e steady as I balance on one leg, but her eyes remain shut, her breathing heavier that usual, as is mine.
“Sorry.” I mutter, my voice betraying my by trembling, still heavy with all the want that she somehow inspires in me by simply helping me out of my room.
“Huh?” her eyes are still halfway lidded and darker than usual, her arms trembling.
“Willow, what-” but suddenly her arms are tight around my waist, pulling me as close to her as physically possible, and her lips are pressed fiercely against mine as I revel in the softness of her pushing against me. Her lips linger against mine, pulling me deeply into the kiss as I bask in the velvet of them against my mouth. My back meets the solid wall of my bedroom as she leans further into me and her lips trail their way softly across my chin and down to my throat, moving smoothly along it with silky contact that makes me think I’m going to faint.
I can hear her voice from somewhere far off as she journeys back up my jawline, nibbling and teasing all the way, until she reaches my mouth again, her lips rubbing sensually against the edges of mine as I fight to remain standing.
Her voice is growing louder, more insistent in my ears as I wonder distractedly how she can speak so clearly and continue to kiss me so sweetly at the same time.
‘Tara.’ She is definitely calling me now, and her hands feel somewhat distant on my waist.
“Tara.” The image of her is dissolving in front of my face as her solid voice breaks through to me, finally, and I struggle to open my eyes.
Wait, open my eyes? But my eyes are open.
I can see her green eyes as she looks deeply into my soul, her red hair as she leans in once again…
“Tara!”
My eyes snap open, the previous, heavenly image cracking like a brittle statue and crumbling around me.
Willow is watching me curiously with concern in her eyes, as I struggled to regain any form of composure.
“Tara, are you okay?” I nod dumbly, forcing the intense sensations out of my mind. She reaches out to push a lone strand of hair out of my eyes and studies me, her brow furrowed.
I find suddenly that it is possible to blush more noticeably than I had earlier today as my mind is cleared, albeit slowly, of the vivid fantasy I conjured seconds earlier.
“You sure?” She looks, for a brief moment, caught between two equally hard paths, then she continues.
“Cuz, if there’s something wrong, you know you can tell me, right?”
It’s almost funny how she says the exact thing that will make me think the hardest. She knows me too well for my own good.
I should be able to trust her, with everything. If I told her, would she really abandon our friendship without a backward glance or regret, as I have so often feared? I honestly do not know.
But I need to trust her, at least in this, to do the right thing. If I never speak to her again, I have to know that it will be because she made the right choice and trust that, too.
I nod slowly, fully aware of what I am getting myself into. I am going to tell her.
Not right now, it will take me at least a few hours to work up the courage. A few years, maybe?
But I push that thought too from my head. I can’t back out now, I have to tell her, before she finds out on her own. And judging by my reaction earlier… I don’t really have that much time.
“I know. But not now, later. Okay?” She nods, but still looks worried, obviously not expecting a full answer.
The words freeze in my mind as they leave my mouth, their meaning bringing the reality of it back to me. I am actually going to do it.
As we walk off through the snow, my head still resting on her shoulder and her arm still around my waist, I try to build up the courage to let out what I feel. It’s easy enough, thinking about it now, cuddled up against her warm, slim frame, with her jacket pulled around me and her arms anchoring me at her side. But even a brief image of actually facing her with the truth makes me heart speed up and my stomach leap into my throat. But I will do it. I have to trust her.
I will tell her tonight.
thanx for reading... i'll have ch. 4 up by tuesday, promise!
"Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, and trusting them not to."
by Blue Channel » Sat Nov 01, 2003 8:16 pm 
that Willow comes to her senses soon enough. If Tara keeps all her feelings and all the sadness they cause her pent up for too long, it's likely to come out in unpleasant ways. But I suppose the angst now makes the eventual smoochies all the more sweeter...
"I'm going to have to make it a special place on my bed, maybe a shrine if I have the energy later." was fun to read, made me smile 
glad you liked!
YAY! 
I can't wait to read the next part. I wonder how Tara is going to tell Willow? I wonder how Willow will react? Gosh, there's just so much! I'm loving this fic! 
What was sooooo horribly bad about this chapter that you had to use Lord knows how many lines to apologize in advance for it ??
)
for posting the replies.
