Ok - now for the update...
Title: Mending Fences
Author: SlayerTazz
E-mail: tazz72@yahoo.com
Feedback: Yes, please!
Distribution: Sure, just let me know.
Spoilers: Up to and including Season 6, this is mostly AU though.
Pairing: W/T
Rating: PG-13. Some chapters may increase in rating. Fair warning will be given.
Disclaimers: Joss and Co. own all. I'm just borrowing them for the time being...
Summary: Willow and Tara have talked since she left, they have bumped into one another, Willow panicked and ran…where do we go from here…phone calls and talking things out.
Notes: All character thoughts/dreams are in italics.
Mending Fences
Part 3
**********
Tara stared at the phone, she had been debating on if she should call or not for an hour now. Dawn had called to let Tara know she was home and that Willow was in her room and that Willow was down, but okay. Just then her phone rang. Tara jumped.
“H-hello?” she said.
“Um…Tara, hi, it’s me, Willow.”
“Willow, hi…” the blonde wasn’t sure what to say.
“Tara, I’m sorry about earlier. I just…”
“Will, its okay. I just hope you’re alright.”
“I am, but there are some things that I want to say to you – but I don’t know if I can or not.”
”Willow, there’s nothing you can’t say to me. I love you and nothing can change that.”
“I know. I want to see you, to say this stuff to your face, but I’m scared.”
“How about you come over here or I come over there…that way we are alone at least and it’s a semi- comfortable environment.”
“I can’t do it here, Tara. Where are you? Dawn gave me the number, but nobody has told me where you are staying. I think it was probably for my own good, but you never know.”
“Oh, I’m sorry I thought you knew. I got my old dorm room back. It was still open so I figured it would be a good place. I don’t feel so lost or alone here. You’re welcome to come over and we can talk. No pressure, I swear – just you and me talking.”
“I’d like that,” said Willow as she thought about all the memories she was going to have to face going into that room. “How about tomorrow morning for the talk? Or do you have a class?”
“Tomorrow morning works for me,” Tara said smiling to herself.
“What time?”
“9:00 work for you?” said the blonde hoping this would be okay. Not too early, but early enough for them to talk for a good amount of time, if needed.
“Ok, I’ll see you at 9:00. I love you, Tara.”
“I love you too, Will. Sweet dreams.” With that they hung up the phone. Neither girl thinking that they were going to get much sleep, but hoping for a little.
**********
The alarm buzzed loudly. Tara glanced at the clock - 6:45. “Ugh,” was all she could think as she hit the snooze button. She hadn’t been able to fall asleep right away last night. She was so curious and nervous about how things were going to go with Willow today. Tara rolled back over and tried to fall back to sleep, a few more minutes couldn’t hurt. Again the alarm buzzed and again a groan could be heard from the blonde. She reached over and turned it off again.
Butterflies were having their way with her stomach as she showered and got ready for Willow to arrive. Tara ran down to the bagel shop to get coffee and bagels so that they had something to munch on. She wanted Willow to feel as comfortable as possible. She had a feeling that this was going to be a rough day for both of them.
Tara finished setting things up and looked at the clock – 8:46. Back came the butterflies from earlier and they brought friends this time.
**********
Willow’s alarm buzzed happily for a good ten to fifteen minutes before Buffy grudgingly walked across the hall and shut it off. Willow was still sound asleep. Buffy knew that today was going to be a big day for the red head. Willow had told her the night before how nervous she was and how she didn’t know what to expect from their talk. She was betting that Willow hadn’t slept much last night so she was leery on waking her, but she knew that it had to be done. Softly Buffy moved to wake the red head when she heard the red head talking. She tried to stifle her giggle but wasn’t successful.
“No, not the frogs – you can’t make me talk by threatening me with them,” said Willow.
“Willow,” Buffy giggled and shook the red head trying to wake her.
“Huh?” Willow said in a groggy voice looking at Buffy who was still giggling.
“You are so cute sometimes, Willow. Must have been one hell of a dream you were having. Exactly what does one have to do to be threatened with frogs anyway?” Buffy couldn’t resist.
Willow just glared at Buffy and then buried her face in her pillow hiding the different shades of red that were cycling through her skin.
Willow got up, showered and got ready to go to Tara’s. She thought about eating, but the butterflies that were flying around in her stomach told her it would be better if she didn’t. She looked at the clock and decided that now would be a good time to leave so she wasn’t late getting to Tara’s.
**********
A soft knock came at the door. Tara jumped at the sound. She had been lost in her thoughts. She walked over and opened the door. There stood the love of her life looking about as scared and nervous as she was. Willow looked so beautiful though. Tara loved the stonewashed black jeans and white v-necked top Willow was wearing. They accentuated all the right curves. Tara scolded herself for having those thoughts, but she couldn’t help it. She was still so in love with Willow.
“Hi,” Tara said softly as she smiled and motioned for Willow to come in.
“Hi, thanks.” Willow walked in checking out the room and especially how beautiful Tara was looking. She was dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans and an old Sunnydale High t-shirt. Xander had given it to her as a gag gift for Christmas last year.
“I, um, g-g-got some bagels and coffee for us…I wasn’t sure if you’d eaten and well to be…um…honest, I thought it might help,” Tara said as she shyly stared at the ground. She was starting to think that this might not have been the best place for them to meet – alone and with all the memories of the room.
“Thanks, you didn’t have to – but yeah it may help,” Willow said noticing how Tara was stuttering and pulling inside herself like the Tara she had first met.
Tara closed the door and walked over to the desk where she had laid out the food. She handed Willow her cup of coffee.
“Double mocha special with extra foamy goodness – I believe that was your favorite.”
“Mmmm, that is definitely my favorite. Thank you,” Willow said. As she reached for the cup their hands touched, just briefly but they both felt it.
“I j-j-just want to s-s-say that there is…um…no pressure or anything f-f-for what we are talking about today. If you d-d-don’t feel comfortable or anything w-w-we don’t have to discuss it,” Tara said getting very annoyed with herself for stuttering so much. She knew that if Willow hadn’t thought that she was nervous already, this was going to be a dead give away.
“Thanks,” Willow said with a soft smile hoping to make Tara feel a bit more at ease. Willow thought to herself ‘she is so cute when she stutters, she only does it when she is really scared or nervous.’ Wishing she could make the blonde feel more at ease was something Willow knew she wasn’t going to be able to do.
They sat down on the bed making sure there was plenty of space between them. They ate their bagels and drank their coffee in silence, both lost in thought but also enjoying the company that the other had to offer. Neither girl knew how or where to start the conversation. They were also hoping the other would take the lead.
“I suppose I should get this started since I’m the one that messed this all up,” started Willow who then kicked herself for saying that.
“Willow, you didn’t mess it up. We both have things that we are at fault for,” Tara replied, hoping that it would make it easier for Willow. She was grateful that the red head had begun the conversation, though the silence was starting to get to her.
Tara rose from the bed and walked over towards the window. Leaning up against the wall she watched as the sun illuminated the sparkles in Willow’s hair. She had always loved that about her. Willow had the most amazing hair.
Willow turned to face Tara. She wasn’t sure where to start, but she knew that she had committed to doing this so she had better get with the talking.
“First off, let me say I’m truly sorry for what I did. I know that doesn’t make up for stealing your memories, lying to you, abusing magic, or even almost getting us all killed. But I am truly sorry, Tara. I really would never intentionally hurt anyone, especially my family.” A tear fell down Willow’s cheek. Tara felt a pang in her heart as she watched the tear stream down Willow’s face.
“I don’t have an explanation for what I did. There isn’t one specific reason for my doing what I did…I know that I hurt you and well, everyone. I’m sorriest that I hurt you though. Tara you have to believe me when I tell you that I love you. I’m so lost without you.” The tears were flowing a bit more freely, though Willow was trying not to let them.
“Will,” Tara said as her heart was breaking watching the tears flowing down the red heads face. She slowly and cautiously made her way over to where Willow was sitting. Tara knelt before Willow and brushed the tears off her face. “I have a question for you and I want you to be completely honest with me, no matter how much the truth may hurt me…”
Willow did not like this lead in, but she swore to herself she was going to do whatever it took to make this work.
“Ok, ask me anything, Tara.”
“Yesterday when you helped me up, did you get the rush of feelings, emotions, and memories?”
“Yes,” said Willow barely audible.
“Ok, when it got t-to the p-part where you were doing the magic and stuff…was, um, t-t-that how it made you feel when you d-d-did the spells? Was it that big of a rush?” Tara wasn’t sure she was ready to hear the answer to this, but she knew she needed to know. If the magic did give Willow the total euphoric feeling, Tara wasn’t sure that she would ever be able to compete with that and if she could, would Willow resent her for making her give up that feeling.
“Um,” started Willow not really wanting to answer the question honestly. She knew that she was going to truly hurt Tara with the answer. “It was kinda accurate. The feeling is a bit different than how it felt in the memories yesterday,” Willow started to explain.
Tara got up and walked back over to the window. She knew she needed to hear this – but it was so hard to listen to. She leaned up against the wall and looked at Willow again.
“I don’t understand. What does it feel like?” Tara asked.
“Well, it’s hard to explain. Remember when we started to do the spells together? Remember the ones into the nether realm? How the power would build up inside and it made you feel stronger?”
“Yeah, I remember that.” Tara’s mind drifted back to them sitting on the floor, chanting, with candles surrounding them and their passion building. The heat in the room had begun to rise and they could barely keep their feelings for one another in control.
“Well it was sorta like that. The feeling builds within you and you start to feel like you are invincible, like you are larger than life. The passion is extreme and you get a warming sensation throughout your whole body. Breathing is hard to achieve, but you don’t need air, because the magic is sustaining you…” With every word, Willow watched it cut through Tara. She wished she could stop talking so she could stop hurting her. She knew that Tara said that she wanted to know – but was this price a bit too much to pay?
“Wow, I’m gonna guess that you are kinda lessening the true feeling due to the lack of words to explain it or to save my feelings. I think I can understand a little bit better why it was so appealing. Why it would become more important to you than me, or well, any of us,” Tara said, knowing that it would hurt Willow to hear it, but almost feeling justified in her own hurt to say it.
“Tara, I’m not sure that this is helping us. I just seem to be hurting you more and that isn’t what I want to do. I love you and want to do whatever it takes to have you back in my life, next to me day and night. I just don’t think this is helping.”
“Willow, I need to know to understand what the attraction is. You knew that you would lose me if you did another spell…you looked me in the eyes and said you wouldn’t, while in your mind you were plotting the spell to take away the memories of heaven from Buffy. You tell me you love me and want me with you, but you were willing to lie to my face for this. I need to understand, because if I don’t then I don’t know if I can ever trust you again.” Tara started to cry. She tried to hold it in, but the feelings inside her were overpowering.
“Tara, I know that and I want you to understand, but I don’t want to hurt you any more. You have no idea how much it kills me to see you cry, or to know that I hurt you,” Willow said as she got up and walked towards the blonde. “There is nothing in this world more important to me than you…” Willow took the blondes hand into her own. “You are what makes my heart beat, you are the air I breathe…I can’t live in this world or any world without you with me.” Willow was now shedding tears again. She had pulled Tara’s hand to her heart.
Tara stood there listening while Willow talked. She was feeling Willow’s heart beating as she spoke. Tara could feel her own heart beating along with Willow’s. Their hearts were in sync with one another as they had been before. It was part of what made them always feel so right together. As the tears fell down her loves face Tara couldn’t help but want to just take Willow into her arms and forget all that had passed between them and all that was wrong. She couldn’t stand to see Willow hurt, not ever. She wanted to take the pain away, but knew that she couldn’t.
“I’m sorry, this isn’t going anything like I had planned or at least thought it would,” Tara finally said.
“Tara, don’t be sorry. It’s my fault. I messed it up with us and I know that I have no right to hope that you will be willing to give me another chance or anything. If you can’t love me the way that is needed for a relationship, I can learn to accept it, but if I have to lose your friendship as well, I don’t know if I can deal with that. I need you in my life.”
“Willow, you are never going to lose me completely. When Oz came back, I was willing to step aside if he was what you wanted but I was still going to be your friend. I’m not going to just walk out of your life now. I know we have a long way to go to making this right…but I am NEVER going to be totally out of your life. I don’t think I could deal with that – I need you in my life, too.”
Willow looked into Tara’s eyes. She could see the blonde was fighting with herself. She wasn’t sure what the battle was about, but she knew that it was taking its toll on her. Willow also knew that she was the cause of this turmoil and as much as she hated it there was nothing she could do. Or was there? Willow’s eyes fixated on the face of the blonde before her. Her eyes were still the most amazing blue that she had ever seen. They were more inviting than any picture of any exotic vacation spot advertising their blue waters. Tara’s lips were as red as a rose and she knew from all their kisses that they were softer than any petal a rose could offer. Her skin was softer than the most exotically expensive silk in the world. Willow suddenly became hyperaware that Tara’s hand was still covering her heart. Willow could feel the heat emanating from her hand.
Slowly, Willow reached up cupping the blondes face with her hand. She felt Tara softly lean into the touch. Willow ran the pad of her thumb under one of Tara’s eyes wiping away the tears that were falling. Her breath caught in her throat when she felt the softness of her skin. Her thumb continued to trace the features of the blonde’s face standing before her. She traced the outline of Tara’s lips, the perfect cupids bow that they made and she couldn’t resist them any longer. Slowly, Willow leaned forward, at first sensing hesitation from Tara, then full acceptance. Leaning in, their lips touched, gently at first and then growing more passionate as their feelings rushed throughout their bodies. Tara’s hand, resting over Willow’s heart, traced its way to her back as she engulfed the red heads petite body into her arms. Willow wrapped her arms around Tara and pulled her closer. Their kiss quickly became a kiss of need and desire. Willow opened her mouth having felt Tara’s tongue on her lips seeking passage. Their tongues battled for dominance, one overtaking the other, massaging each other. Both girls exhaled low, throaty moans of pleasure. Both knew that they shouldn’t be doing this, but also needing it so much. Needing the connection and to know that they were not alone. Forced to break due to the lack of oxygen in their bodies, both knew that this was a mistake. It was too soon. They weren’t anywhere near ready to resume their relationship.
“I’m sorry,” both girls said as they separated putting plenty of space between them so as not to be as drawn together again.
They stood there catching their breath and staring at one another for a long time. Both were still reeling from that kiss. It had been a long time since they had kissed one another with such passion. They may have only been apart for a month, but they had been having problems for a while. Neither was willing to admit it before, but they both knew.
“Do you want me to leave?” Willow asked finally breaking the silence between them.
“No, Willow, please don’t. I want us to talk, but I think we should probably refrain from…um…touching,” replied Tara.
“Yeah, I think that would be, um, best. I know this is out of line, I have to tell you that you still take my breath away, and make the world around us melt away when you kiss me,” Willow thought a little levity might help and it wasn’t like she was making it up. Tara’s kissing talent always amazed her.
Tara blushed and quickly looked at the ground. She still wasn’t used to getting compliments, though Willow always made an effort to lavish her with them.
"Can I ask you something now?" Willow said after a long silence and they had both found spots to sit far enough apart so as not to have a repeat of the kiss...for now.
"Sure."
"You felt what I was feeling when we touched...well I also felt what I'm assuming was what you felt. The betrayal and the hurt. Was that how you felt?"
"Y-y-yeah it w-w-was..." Tara regretfully answered. As she did Willow bowed her head. She was hoping that maybe there was a chance that it wasn't or that it was somehow skewed because of her guilt.
"Was it really that bad? The hurt I mean." Willow knew she didn't want to know the answer to this, but she had to ask it.
"Honestly?"
"Always, baby, please..."
"What you felt wasn't all of it, but it was most of it," Tara said as she looked to the ground, not sure why she had told her that, but she did want to always be honest.
"Tara, I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't help or make up for it - but I am truly sorry." Willow was starting to cry, the reality of everything was setting in.
"I know you're sorry now, Willow, and I know you love me...that is what I want to use to drive us toward the future. If you're willing..." Tara stopped as she waited for Willow to calm down a bit. Noticing that the blonde had stopped talking Willow looked up at her. Gazing deep into Tara's eyes, Willow could feel a calming sensation within herself.
"Tara, baby, if I'm willing what?"
Tara got up from her spot on the bed and walked towards Willow. Slowly and cautiously she made her way until she was directly in front of her. Willow looked up at her, not sure what to expect. Tara took one of Willow’s hands into her own. She just stood there holding it for a minute - trying to get up the courage to say what she had building inside.
"If you're willing to try again, I would like to see if maybe we can build a future - together as a couple. I don't expect it to be easy, nor am I assuming that you are willing or want to...but I know its what I want."
Willow couldn't believe her ears, after everything that had happened and all the hurt and betrayal, Tara was willing to work at a relationship with her. Willow stood up to meet Tara eye-to-eye, her hand still in Tara's.
"Baby I love you - you are now and always will be my everything. Of course I'm willing to try, and I don't think it will be easy, but...WOW." Willow didn't know what to make of this - overwhelming excitement and the fear of failure were bombarding her emotions. She squeezed Tara's hand, she wanted to take her into her arms and show her how much she loved her, but knew that now was not the time for it.
"Really?" Tara had to ask - she wasn't sure Willow was going to be willing to work on this or want her back. She knew that Willow still loved her, but the cost of giving up magic had always been too great for Willow to give up.
"Tara, I don't expect it to be easy - but there isn't anything that I won't do for you. Yes, I know I was selfish before, but you left me - I don't wanna risk losing you again."
“I love you, Will. I think we need to take this slow though. Maybe start with dating?”
“Dating is nice – and you’re right, slow is going to be best. So Ms. Maclay, will you do me the honor of going out on a date with me Friday night?” Willow smiled.
“Well, gee its kinda short notice – let me check my calendar,” giggled Tara as she pretended to page through her assignment notebook. “Looks like I am free. What exactly did you have in mind?”
“Well, I haven’t fully decided yet, but I promise it will be fun.”
”How am I going to know how to dress if I don’t know what we are doing?”
“Dress up a bit but be comfy – that’s all I can tell you.” Willow grinned as the wheels in her head started to turn. She had to come up with something extra fun for their first date.
“Great that I can do.” Tara was starting to glow. Things had been a bit rough this morning but they were turning out better than she had anticipated.
“Um, Tara?”
“Yeah, Willow?”
“You didn’t really possibly have plans did you? I don’t want you to cancel anything or blow something off for me.” Willow was suddenly getting nervous about things.
“No honey – all I was planning on doing was sitting here thinking about you and maybe studying. I would much rather be with you and studying isn’t something I enjoy anyway – that was always YOUR thing.” Tara flashed one of her patented smirks at Willow. She thought it was so cute that Willow was getting nervous…probably because she was too.
Willow glanced at the clock and realized they had fifteen minutes to finish up if they were going to make it to their first class of the day. Tara noticed Willow glancing at the clock and smiled to herself.
“Wow, time flies huh?” said Willow.
“Always when I’m with you…” was all Tara could say. Willow took Tara’s hand into her own again. She looked at the blonde and smiled.
“I love you so much Tara, I know we can make this work.”
”I love you too, Willow. As long as we’re both willing to try, this will work. We’d better get going – class starts soon,” Tara said as she pulled Willow into a hug.
**********
TBC…Next up – THE DATE…
A dream is a wish the heart makes.
Willow: "You had two eggs, sunny-side-up. I remember because they were wiggling at me like little boobs."
Tara: "Sassy Eggs."
) Oh, kissage. Yippee. Our girls are getting closer, but still lots to work out. Can't wait for the big date! 
Too bad I can never seem to find the honest ones 
) I'm glad that they decided to take things slowly. Great job!!! 
I am glad Willow and Tara are working things out. 
The show did cheat us through a lot of their relationship and glossed over a lot of aspects that are key in making things work – thankfully I don’t have to. I’m glad you like that I’m not – sorry you winced. 
um, er, ok…Thanks…not sure what to say to that. Yer too nice to me at times… 
when does that ever happen. Oxymoron I believe.
