NEW FIC: "Finding You"

[cinderlust]

Sleek!!!! ack. if i could screech your name right now.

i love it... but like any addiction, i'll be needing another

dose soon.



thanks for this fic.

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello, most wonderful scribe of joy, fear, and all things emotional...



I'm glad Joyce isn't dead, but there's a distinct dread creeping along my veins that is a visceral testimony to this scene.



This event lends itself to a whole lot o' potential interactions, but certainly Tara-as-comforter is right up there near the top. She really strikes a chord in most of us that way, doesn't she, the gentle, embracing wise woman who has spent her share of time in grief's parlor and learned something from it...And the image of her singing, having actually heard AB's voice, is a softly powerful one. I see Tara as the person simultaneously least likely to pretend that she has the answers to life's most existential questions and most equipped (by virtue of both experience AND that reflective quality) to actually have meaningful thoughts on those questions. Her humility seems directly proportional to her wisdom--sort of Xander's opposite in that way, I think.



As ever, I so enjoy Willow's inner dialogue. Goddess, don't we all know that feeling of being new in love and having such a hard time not being with that person, no matter what else is going on in anyone else's life? And of course, Tara imagines that the scope of her need will frighten Willow...which I think is kinda ironic, b/c Willow's always struggled with feeling unwanted in the romantic way, not special or singular enough. Our crazy girls...



You mentioned mush and melodrama--for what it's worth, I think you effectively avoided the less appealing aspects of those things. Of course there's high emotion involved--someone's mother is in mortal danger. But you don't manipulate us in some contrived way; you let us see not only how much Willow and Tara are coming to love and need each other, you're also letting us see how much the rest of these people love and need each other as well--including mothers and daughters.



Great work, Sleek. By the by--I'm still compiling my final responses to feedback to my fic, but just to let you know that your words meant so much to me. You'll read more there, but I wanted to give you the advance notice of my gratitude.



So keep rocking, woman, and bring on any emotion you wanna share with us!



Mary

[deixs]

I want more. I want more!!!





Stef

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-



Tara with Dawn always was a bright spot. Thank you Sleek for reminding us about how it was, only you did it better.



AntigoneUnbound's comments made me think of the things we know about Tara from Beth's statement about her father and Donnie "doing for themselves" and Tara's comment that her mother's death was not sudden, and yet it was. To me that said Tara had been taking care of people for some time, and knew much about pain and surviving. It's when the writers here take what we were given and make something beautiful out of it as Sleek has done with this piece that I marvel how anyone could say all the stories have been told.



Years from now Pens will still have new material that makes us smile or cry or both.



But we'd better not have to wait that long for the next update! More, please.





Thank you,



Jixer

[Grimlock72]

Willows feet stubbornly leading her to Tara's room. Good feet



Soooo... Willow is outside Tara's room just watching and listening without Tara or Dawn knowing. Hmm, whatever will those two talk about next, heh... : -->



Tara is infinitly nicer to Dawn that I would ever be, heh



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[samiamiguess]

Hey there Sleek,

Oh I do so look forward to your posts. Usually I try to come up with some droll humour as feedback to your posts, generally because they've given me such pleasure. But today I just can't do it. No no no. not because there was no joy for me, simply because I can't bring myself to provide foolish humour into a place where you've generated such compassion, understanding and feeling.

Sleek, I agree with your appraisal of Mary's feedback which, as always, is wonderful to read. It so eloquently relates my feelings here, particularly towards what draws us (well me) to Tara. The fact that she is able to provide comfort and kindness so effortlessly and without thinking, so selflessly is a joy to behold and just confirms what a remarkable woman she is. For Willow to see this or at least catch a glimmer of what she is makes me so happy. They are, as we all know, such perfect compliments for each other. Of course how they discover this is what makes for an interesting ride.

One thing I did want to say is that, for me, your writing in this story seems to be getting better and better. Don't get me wrong, it was fabulous to start with, its just in the last few chapters you have portrayed such feeling and emotion so easily and clearly that its just so palpable, the balance here was just right and no mushiness ensued.



So there you go, some actual feedback from me, don't get used to it. I shall be returning to my usual less than helpful feeback anon.



thanks Sleek,

Sonya

Edited by: samiamiguess at: 12/10/02 3:11:55 am

[barnabasvamp]

Oh sleek, great stuff as usual.

The song was a very nice touch and some "poetry" might be nice too!!

Tara as the comforter, always believeable.



Willow so touched, and even though she wants to see her girl, she knows when to wait.

BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

[mollyig]

There was something so lovely about Tara using the picture of Willow to calm herself.



Tara looked at her. A look that told Dawn she can cry shamelessly and be scared and be silly if she wanted to. I really liked this line, it showed so well the compassion that Tara can project.



I can't tell you how insanely pleased I was that Tara sang "Power of two" to Dawn. I'm gonna change my sig back now!



Thanks for another lovely chapter.

---

I happen to think mine is the level head,
and yours is the one things would roll off of.

[Grimaldi]

loved the update



i liked Tara being there for Dawn and Willow standing there watching, thinking that she wanted to crawl into Tara's arms forever

Dude, we're surrounded by perverts!
No! Well, okay. No. Pez!
I don't know, it's like my brain keeps... jacking off

[Taras Shadow]

Sleek



I missed so many updates I believe, and I'm kicking myself



This is such a lovely fic, you are doing a wonderful job, again, this is another fic where my emotions weave and lace through this wonderful story.



Keep up the great writing and I can't wait for more!



~Holly~



Show me where to touch youTara-It Ain't Fickle

Mommy, how come monkey's can't talk?-Odette

[littlecrazy80]

I need more!!!



*lil´c*



Unter den Blinden ist der Einäugige König.

[snuggle79]

I missed two lovely updates!! Shame on me!!

Just awesome !!

snuggle79

__________________

"I got so lost"

"I found you, i will always find you"

[Mix]

I've read this all though and, Wow, Your writing is amazing. I really like the whole Tara and Dawn relationship. Tara is probably the first person who has treated Dawn like she's an adult instead of a child, and you actually make the character quite likable.



I especially like the Willow and Tara relationship, The way you write, you can actually see them falling in love. It's really beautiful.



Thank you for putting pen to paper (or typing on a keyboard!)



Mix

_____________


That was a designer lamp ya Mook!

[Sleek]

~NICKOLE~

hello relentless Kitten. I appreciate your patience for W/T smoochies. Now if you wait just a lil bit more and I believe you may find some in the next chapter.





LeatherQueen

Thank you.



I did write a small, insignificant little story, called 'Bleed To Love Her'…. Well not so insignificant as even I can remember that particular piece. I do hope you write more fics.





Marilda

That's it? You left it there?!?! I want more!! NOW!!!

(Sleek smiles sheepishly) It's been a long wait I know, but I do hope the update will make up for the long absence of some WT love.



Thank you for your encouragement!





The Rose24

Hey thanks. Willow definitely liked Tara's singing too.





cinderlust

Sleek!!!! ack. if i could screech your name right now.

I could hear you loud and clear girl. Will update soon. I have no lame excuse available so I'll leave it at that.



My thanks for readin my crazy stuff.





AntigoneUnbound

Hello, most wonderful scribe of joy, fear, and all things emotional... I think I have never been addressed this way before, so I'll pause and bask in this new salutation… (Sleek chews on the phrase 'Scribe of Joy' and grins cheekily)



K. Done now.



there's a distinct dread creeping along my veins that is a visceral testimony to this scene.

Ooh. You're a keen one aren't ya.



I see Tara as the person simultaneously least likely to pretend that she has the answers to life's most existential questions and most equipped (by virtue of both experience AND that reflective quality) to actually have meaningful thoughts on those questions.

Good insight Mary. The image of Tara comforting Dawn just clings…like a damp cloth against skin. It's so true to character to both Tara and Dawn. I thought it was important for Willow to see this side of Tara…how Tara can be a source of unrestrained love and devotion…things Willow longed for, as you have put eloquently Willow's always struggled with feeling unwanted in the romantic way, not special or singular enough. Our crazy girls...



But you don't manipulate us in some contrived way; you let us see not only how much Willow and Tara are coming to love and need each other, you're also letting us see how much the rest of these people love and need each other as well--including mothers and daughters.

Thank you for this Mary. These words help me immeasurably.



I haven't read your reply to my feedback yet on On Second Thought, rest assured I appreciate your gratitude. Words are the least I can give to such a wonderful piece of writing.



Thanks Mary!





Stef

Hey girl. Just wait a lil bit more.





Jixer

…Tara had been taking care of people for some time, and knew much about pain and surviving. I agree with you on this Jixer. Can't help but remember the ep "The Body" how Tara comforted Willow and Buffy in her own Tara-way.



It's when the writers here take what we were given and make something beautiful out of it as Sleek has done with this piece that I marvel how anyone could say all the stories have been told.



Yes, not all stories have been told, and perceptive people like you give lame TV scripts some depth and dimension by rendering an inspired fan fic. Thank you Jixer. For your thoughts and encouragement.





Grimmy

Willow is outside Tara's room just watching and listening without Tara or Dawn knowing. Hmm, whatever will those two talk about next, heh... Well whatever these two will talk about next will be more of the non- naughty variety. But WT goodness to come soon.



Tara is infinitly nicer to Dawn that I would ever be. I wonder why.







Sonya

Hey there girl, is that you? For a minute there I thought I was readin someone else's feedback…



Usually I try to come up with some droll humour as feedback to your posts Well really now Sonya, I wasn't complaining about your 'feedback stylings'



They are, as we all know, such perfect compliments for each other. Of course how they discover this is what makes for an interesting ride. Yes. Though my fic has provided quite a loopy and bumpy ride…I'm glad you're still hangin on.



its just in the last few chapters you have portrayed such feeling and emotion so easily and clearly that its just so palpable, the balance here was just right and no mushiness ensued. Now I know whenever I get the urge to stop writing this fic, I just have to read your words and my muse will come foraying again twiddle my fingers on the computer keyboard with a vengeance.



So there you go, some actual feedback from me, don't get used to it. YES MA'AM. though a repeat performance would be very nice. Thanks Sonya!





BV

Hey BV! I'll see about the poetry bit. Here's a poem I made a while back…something to chew on.



eyes shut

soul opens

I become

Petals

meeting the Sun.





mollyig

There was something so lovely about Tara using the picture of Willow to calm herself. Yes. Lovely indeed. Tara starting to miss Willow that bad.



I can't tell you how insanely pleased I was that Tara sang "Power of two" to Dawn. I knew you were gonna like the singing bit, but 'insanely pleased' was better I guess.



Thank you so much for the encouragement.





Grimaldi

…thinking that she wanted to crawl into Tara's arms forever *sigh* I know. Thank you for appreciating.





Holly

I missed so many updates I believe, and I'm kicking myself Aww. Please don't kick yourself. Your lovely feedback made up for most of it.



And I extend my hugs to you for the encouragement. You are quite a writer yourself. Keep it up.





littlecrazy80

More to come. Just wait a lil bit more.





Snuggle

Hey girl. Thank your for always taking time to leave your thoughts here.





Mix

WOW. Your words combusted me with gratitude…WOW. Thank you for appreciating this the way you do. I thought I may be kind of slow in making them fall for each other but I'm glad you liked this slow burning process which I chose for this fic.



This is another feedback I will continually re-read whenever I'm hit with the thought of stopping. Thank you so so much for your heartfelt words. I genuinely felt your sincerity.

****



Dear Kittens,



I have an affliction.



There's a big block of ice sitting in my brain called writer's block and my muse left me 'till I thaw my problem. I started a chapter way back but never got to finish it.



Hopefully by tomorrow you will see an update emblazoned on your screens. Until then I am consuming my second bar of hershey's dark chocolate with almonds and staring dully at the blinking cursor.



Thanks for being understanding Kittens.



Sleek

[samiamiguess]

Dear Sleek,



I have an affliction.



There's a big block of ice sitting in my brain called boredom and my motivation left me 'till I thaw my problem. I started my work way back but never got to finish it.



Hopefully by tomorrow I will see an update emblazoned on my screen. Until then I am consuming my second bar of Cadbury's milk chocolate with fruit and nut (what can I say, I'm british..) and staring dully at the blinking cursor.



See, I can be an understanding kitten.



Sonya



*Hands Sleek a blowtorch to heat that ice's ass.*

*Sonya chips hers into a fine ice sculpture. Stands back and admires.*

[Sleek]

Sonya,see.your blow torch came in handy!thanks girl! now if only I get to see your ice sculputure.




****
Authors note: Book excerpts are from Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

Kittens, indulge.





***



Part 19


Untamed





"My life is monotonous," he said."I hunt chickens; men hunt me.
All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike.
And, in consequence, I am a little bored.
But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life.
I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others.
Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground.
Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow.
And then look: you see the grain fields down yonder?I do not eat bread.
Wheat is of no use to me.And that is sad.But you have hair that is the color of gold..."



Willow paused in her reading to check if the blonde woman lying on the bed was still listening.

It was important that Tara would finish her homework today.She was supposed to submit a reaction paper on how "The Little Prince" explains existentialism yesterday but thankfully Willow was able to convince Prof. Calendar into extending the deadline.

Tara had her eyes closed. A sliver of a grin escaped her mouth as her hand rested lightly on Willow's kneecap.Tara dipped her thumb into the soft crease at back of Willow's knee and silently urged her to read on.

The sight of Tara's dove-shaped hand, making itself at home on top of her skirt-covered knee, mesmerized the redhead.The sensitive flesh at the back of her knee giggled in response to Tara's thumb brushes.It was making her head spin.


Goddess.How can she do this?How can she be so oblivious to what she does to me?


Willow sighed inwardly.


Homework Rosenberg!You are here to help. Not to play footsie, knee rubbin or thumb dancing.Oohh.But that feels nice.Yes.Nice Tara thumb.Make my heart pump. Did I just rhyme? Eeeow.


Willow yanked her attention back to the dog eared, vintage copy of Antoine de Saint-Exupery's "The Little Prince" and continued.



"Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me!
The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you.
And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat…"



A warm flush covered Willow's cheeks at what she had just read. The weight of the words rolled from her tongue and slid into her heart.

Silently, she removed her eyes from the book and sneaked a glance at Tara.

The morning light spilled on Tara's golden strands, illuminating her hair.


Enchanted golden wheat.


Willow's lips curled in adoration.

She was not merely reading what the fox said to the prince.Willow was at the brink of revealing what she herself have longed to say.



The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.

"Please--tame me!"he said.
"I want to, very much," the little prince replied."But I have not much time.I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands what one tames," said the fox.
"Men have no more time to understand anything.
They buy things already made at the shops.
But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more.If you want a friend, tame me…"

"What must I do to tame you?" asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox.
"First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass.
I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing.
Words are the source of misunderstandings.
But you will sit a little closer to me, everyday…"



Willow became aware of Tara's eyes on her face.


She knows I'm blushing.She knows I know I'm blushing!Should I look at her now and let her know I know she knows?


The redhead debated a full minute more before she looked up and met Tara's gaze halfway.

Full lips slanted into a lopsided grin on Tara's face.Her eyes twinkled and reflected the depth of Willow had just said.

Tara's fingers splayed open on Willow's knee. An invitation.

Willow quietly laid the book on the desk and captured Tara's fingers with her own.

Slender flesh entwined. Connecting.Emerald eyes into sapphire.

There were no words.Words are the source of misunderstanding.


Only Tara can make silence seem comfortable.Essential even. Essential as Tara.
Willow knew there was a silly, answering grin spreading wide across her face right now, but she didn't care.


Everything is plain to see Willow.We are safe with each other.
Tara's stomach fluttered at the thought.She never took her eyes or her hands from Willow.She couldn’t really.Even if she tried.

Two hands encircled and danced.Skin meeting.Sighing.Cascading.


Thank you for being here with me Willow.You could've gone to Buffy right now, but you chose to be with me.
Tara lifted Willow's hand and slowly brought it to her lips.

Willow's eyes widened in anticipation.

Tara planted light, feather soft kisses on each of Willow's knuckles and on the tender skin between the fingers.

The redhead shut her eyes as she savored the sensation of Tara's moist tongue gliding between her fingers.


Oh Tara.


Tara blew a hot breath across the now glistening pale skin.The tiny delicate hairs on Willow's skin rose in response.


Tara…
Willow implored for more contact.

Willow disentangled her hand from Tara and cupped the blonde's cheek.


Come hither.
Blue eyes beckoned Willow to lean closer.

Willow smiled in acknowledgement.Red tresses fell forward as Willow brought her lips near Tara's partially opened mouth.

Both women closed their eyes as their lips finally met. Melted. Tasted. And sipped the nectar from each other's tongues.

Willow and Tara parted their mouths wider and drank each other hungrily.

Long, deep and endless.


***
TBC

[deixs]

Yipeee, they are kissing!!!

Great update!

How sweet of Willow reading the book to Tara.

And their thoughts.......



Stef

[Mix]

Ok, Wow again. First I have a rather stupid question. Are they still in the hospital? My little brain needs to check so my visualisations are correct! *blushes*



I really liked how you linked the story Willow was reading with how she was feeling, Very crafty and very nicely done. Your writing astounds me with its vividity and clarity.



Loving this.



M

_____________


Proud member of the Nancy Tribe!

[mollyig]

I love the image of Willow reading to Tara, especially that charming story. Willow's reflection on silence was lovely, and so telling of how deep the connection between them is.



Thanks for this.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[Grimaldi]

great update

Dude, we're surrounded by perverts!
No! Well, okay. No. Pez!
I don't know, it's like my brain keeps... jacking off

[littlecrazy80]

Wonderful update!



*lil´c*



Unter den Blinden ist der Einäugige König.

[darkmagicwillow]

I loved how you linked The Little Prince with their interactions as Willow read to Tara. Tara's silence says so much here in a beautiful way.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hey Sleek--



OK, so this goes down as one of my favorite chapters ever on this board.



("Why, Mary?" Sleek asked with her native curiosity.)



Let me tell you why. First of all, I don't think you could have found a better literary companion or device (that last word sounds more mechanical than I intend it) for this scene. It took me back to reading it and to the incredibly powerful simplicity of the exchanges between the Little Prince and other characters. And this particular passage--goddess, it's just so beautiful and so wonderfully apt for this moment b/w our girls. It's true, isn't it: shadings of gold will never look the same to Willow again; so many things have taken on a meaning that only weeks ago were of no import in her life. And they're each "taming" each other, in the best sense of that word--learning about each other; taking the time to discover each other's hidden corners and secret rooms.



And that last sentence alludes to the other thing I liked so much about this chapter (and indeed this entire work): you're taking your time in letting our girls take theirs. You've worked with that pacing element in an ingenious way, too: first they jump each other's bones like crazed weasels (I'm just guessing on that comparison; I don't actually spend a lot of time watching weasels, crazed or otherwise, jumping bones); and THEN they slow down and dance this wonderfully seductive dance such that the simple presence of words from a book and Tara's hand on Willow's leg (while they're both CLOTHED, for heaven's sake) are sensual and moving.



So I return now, albeit reluctantly, to grading exams, but my mind is making frequent dashes over to a certain hospital room where two wonderful women await further instruction from another wonderful woman!



Mary

Edited by: AntigoneUnbound at: 12/17/02 10:50:54 am

[samiamiguess]

Hey Sleek,

So our fair maiden is still incapacitated as our hero, our 'fox', our 'foxy Willow' if you like debates the eternal puzzle of how to escape the 'she knows I know she knows I know' conundrum. From personal experience this can take minutes, hours or even days as the mind logically searches an answer to the deliberation such that food and yes indeed sleep eventually become an issue. But our flamed-haired beauty has a brain that of course far surpasses mine as she is drawn to her Tara after a mere minute of consideration.



Oh well done fiery, foxy Willow.



I did so enjoy this, but I know you know. Ya know?



Ok so feedback, I can do this, for you Sleek I think I can at least try. (Oh the pressure) Ok, what I am enjoying here is the orthoganal polarisation you have taken our girls from the beginning and their joyful "union". How they are going back and almost chastely and innocently exploring all that they missed by their initial encounter as they, to their own surprise, find that theirs is far far more than a simple physical attraction. Quite wonderful. And your descriptions, they certainly have me considering and reflecting on the elegance of hands once again.



Take care dear Sleek,

Sonya

[SilverWingedNemesis]

Okay, a BIG WOWSER from me!



GREAT UPDATE!



That was so sweet...Willow helping Tara...and I loved their thoughts!!



*SIGHS* and the knee rubbing and the kiss... AWWWWW



This isgreat! Keep up the great work!!



~NICKOLE~

------------

"All fear is the fear of loss. And only through that fear, can we truly love."

[sheila wt]

Wonderful chapter!

Loved to see one of my all-time favorite books linked to my all-time favorite couple.

The funniest thing was me reading the end of the chapter and just waiting for the kiss. Willow was getting closer to Tara and I was getting closer to the monitor's screen... I almost felt off the chair...

--------------------------
"She had tasted Willow on her tongue, and she had worn Willow on her skin. There wasn't a shower in the world that could have washed that away." (Terra Firma, by Tulipp)

[The Rose24]

Yay!!! Smoochies.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[barnabasvamp]

Sleek! You have so done it again!



As you show so well in your writing, often times the thoughts and feelings leading up to the "touch" or the "kiss" can be even more emotional and expressive than the act itself. I loved this chapter.

I am touched...Thank you for sharing this.

Quote:

---

eyes shut

soul opens

I become

Petals

meeting the Sun.

---

Beautiful. As I told you, your poetry touches me.

BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

[snuggle79]

*sigh* ...*melts away* that was awesome.

snuggle79

__________________

"I got so lost"

"I found you, i will always find you"

[AWillowAndTaraFan4Ever]

awwwww I can't wait to see what happens next!!!!

"In my world, there are people in chains and we can ride them like ponies"- Vampire Willow



"Hear that baby? You're my always"-Willow to Tara