AU Fic: Returning Home (working title)

[Tempest Duer]

bluewillowwitch: Oh yes, she was pissed all right. I'll try and update tomorrow.

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[thebardgirl]

wowzah.....scary Tara....i like...i like....very good, very good and all in all, i am so pleased you reminded me of it...can't wait for more!

-elizabeth

Last night in sweet slumber I dreamed I did see my own precious jewel sat smiling by me.

And when I awakened I found it not so; my eyes like some fountain with tears overflowed.

[Tempest Duer]

Liz - I'm glad you managed to read all this, hon. I'm a total feedback whore, but you already know that. And hey, you know what? Here's an update for you!



Chapter 16: Ice





MAJOR ANGST WARNING!





Tara collapsed against me, shaking and crying. I held her close and wrapped my coat around us, hoping that somehow I could warm her and protect her from the cold that so clearly came from within. I cradled her in my arms and whispered what I hoped were sweetnothings in her ear as she wept into my shoulder.



I was bemused at the sudden flood of varying extreme personalities I'd seen in Tara. From the good-natured flirt to the sultry temptress, the woman blind to everything but us and our mutual desire; the wise, insightful half-drunk; the magically powerful witch with a deadly temper and no the emotionally broken victim who lay weeping in my arms.



There were so many Taras. How was I supposed to know which one was the real one? Or was the real Tara another woman entirely, and a different one from the ones I'd already met? I wasn't sure I was ready for whatever the answer might end up being. I wasn't sure that I really wanted to know how hollow and broken the woman I loved really was.



Eventually, Tara stopped crying and stared sadly into my eyes. "I'm sorry, Willow. I'm so sorry."



I kissed her cheeks and forehead. "Don't be."



"But the d-demon..."



I stiffened. "A demon? Where?"



"I-it wanted to hurt Faith."



I stared at her. "What demon? Where is it?"



"I... I..." She shuddered.



I reached out with my gift, trying to find this demon that had frightened Tara so badly, but there was nothing.



"I can't find any demons, Tara."



"B-but... they... they always t-told me... that I'm..."



"There are no demons within a mile of this particular place at the present time. There's a large group of them ransacking the nearest red light district, but that's a mile and a half from here. Tell me who this demon is."



She shook her head. "I-it wanted to h-hurt Faith."



I snorted. "Can't say I blame it, I did too."



"I w-was just so a-angry... what she s-said and it scared me... and I just..." She trailed off.



"What scared you, Tara?"



She stood up straight and looked me straight in the eye. "I've already been broken in enough. She may have been joking, but it's not funny, not when you've been through what I have. Not when D-Donny and m-my father... not when they..."



My insides turned to ice. I didn't want to believe it. The bastards prepared to shell out a million bucks for this girl had wanted her for...



I didn't even want to think about it.



"How did they get away with it?" I hissed. "How could they..."



"They're rich." Tara's voice was hollow. "When you have money, people keep their mouths shut. Not many people knew, anyway..."



"I don't blame you for being angry, Tara."



"B-but the d-demon..."



"Sounds like no demon I've ever heard of. They have no sense of justice, Tara. But I think you should really tell me who this demon is who's so powerful that I can't sense it with my gift."



"I-it's me."



My insides went from ice to Absolute Zero. Okay, not quite, because if they had then I wouldn't have been able to respond, but just above Absolute Zero, by that tiny fraction of a degree that allowed me to be conscious of my fury.



"You're no demon," I said flatly. "Those bastards..."



Tara started shaking. I grabbed her shoulders to make sure she didn't fall down and looked into her eyes. "You're no demon, Tara. I'd be able to tell if you were, and you aren't. Those bastards... I can't believe what they did... beat you and raped you and lied to you." Tears of fury welled up in my eyes. "Tara, can't you see? You're whole life you've been abused and manipulated.



"I'm sorry, Tara. But death is too good for the men who called themselves your family."



She smiled through the tears. "You're cute when you're vengeful."



I sighed. "Tara, do you even believe me?"



"It's hard to suddenly believe that everything you've been told your entire life was a load of crap, Willow."



I pulled her to me. "God damn it, Tara! I'm so angry right now, I could... I don't even know. I've never been this angry before! I never want to see you hurt again, Tara... ever."



"W-why?"



"How can you even say that?" I sighed. "I love you, Tara. I love you more than anything. I wish I could express it to you better, I wish I knew more words I could say it with, I wish i could use my computer of a brain to analyze how to best show you how much you mean to me, but I can't. All I can do is be there, tell you how much you mean to me and hope beyond all hope that you believe me.



"I never thought I'd meet someone like you, Tara. There are so many different sides to you, I'm not even sure which ones are which half the time. You're confusing and intriguing and stubbornly refuse to be analyzed, so all I can do is leave my heart in charge. It scares me, Tara. It scares me in a completely different way than anything here does, almost as if I'll be worse off if I stop being afraid.



"Seeing you like this... I want to cry. Hell, I am crying." I wiped the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand. "I haven't cried since... I can't even remember the last time I cried. And here I am, terrified, lost, confused, wanting to protect you but not wanting to smother you, and furious at what's been done to you, but... to be honest Tara... just because I'm with you... I've never been happier."



"I'm the luckiest woman in the world," Tara mumbled into my neck.



"No," I told her. "I am."







Sorry it was so angsty, guys, but it was an important plot device, as I'm sure you all realize. The next few chapters will have dashes of angst here and there, but nothing as major as this. Anywho, I hope I made you feel something tonight, but I'm tired as all hell, and I'm going to bed.

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[Shandem]

hello



absolutely this story. I just read it in the last half hour or so and it is really good. I love all the twists and things that make you go 'hmmm, wonder whats up?' Oh! And I think angst is very good when its written well and you write it very well indeed. Like you said important plot device and all.

bravo! encore! Anyways keep up the good work, can't wait for more of it.



see ya

[michellesflute]

Hey, I've just realised I hadn't left feedback to the last chapter. Errr, sorry!

Still love your story, and the last two updates were great!

Taras past is really horrible, and Faith stupid comments didn't make it any easier for her.

And it's a shame that Tara thinks it was a demon inside her, who made her want to hurt Faith. She should know that she is able to protect herself and Willow by just being herself. It's about time that she stands up against people who do or say things that hurt her, on purpose or not.



And for Taras so called family, I think Willow is going to take 'good care' for them! I totally trust you with that!



Now I just hope there weren't too many mistakes in this post.



Can't wait for the next update!

Wie soll ich meine Seele halten, dass sie nicht an Deine rührt... - Rilke

How can I keep my soul in me, so that it doesn't touch your soul...

[Tempest Duer]

Shandem: I'm glad you like, and understand abou the angst and stuff without getting too mad. I'm also glad I meet your approval.



Oh, and welcome to the boards, as I see you're a n00b.



michellesflute: Hey there, how's my favorite lucky flute doing? I'm glad you liked, and that you're back now, feeding the feedback junkie. And there are no mistakes in your post, what the hell are you talking about?

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[sabina]

Hi



Sorry for not leaving feedback sooner but I only found this chapter today



You weren't kidding when you said it would be angsty... I'm feeling the sudden urge to kill Tara's father and brother... slowly



I hope Willow's love for Tara helps her to heal.



More soon?

---

"I know I was born and I know that I'll die.

The in between is mine.

I am mine!" - Pearl Jam

[bluewillowwitch]

TD ,

I loved this update! GO ! I can't believe what those asses did to . No wait those two, yes I can. Can't wait to more. Update soon, please?





Grace

------------------------------------------

"Fate keeps on happening."--Anita Loos



"I'm here without you baby/But your still with me in my dreams/And tonight girl, it's only you and me."--3 Doors Down--Here Without You----Mine and My Baby's song.

[Tempest Duer]

sabina: No, I don't kid. I don't kid at all. I'd like to say more than, uh, they'll get what they deserve, but they will. You know I wouldn't allow anything less. Willow's plan of action just got a lot more vengeful.



bluewillowwitch: Well, I'm glad I made you feel something. Especially something strong. Is it okay to be proud of myself? Next update will be coming in a few days.

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[astrangerhere]

TD-



Is it a compliment that your update in places made my flesh crawl? This is the first time i have seen this aspect of abuse explored with respect to Tara's past.



On a side note, i reread all 16 chapters today, and I am still eager for the ladies to discuss Willow's dream, or at least get some indication that Will has conected the dots with respect to that actually having happened.



There are so many people in Will's path of fury right now, i would not want to be in a ten mile radius of the fallout. God help Faith the next time she offers to do anything for Tara in Will's presence.



Looking forward to learning more about why Will was PE1 in the first place when she left Sunnydale and what she did that made her reputation so lasting.



Its been a fun read, lookin for more soon



a.s.h.

[Tempest Duer]

astrangerhere: Well, I'm certainly flattered that I elicited such a strong response from you. This chapter was intended to piss people off, to make them hate the Maclay men even more than they already do.



One thing though... Sunnydale doesn't exist in this fic. Except maybe as Willow and Tara's home in the real world. This twisted place is the Hellmouth. Willow really became a PI because she can find anything if she looks for it.



And yes, God help Faith... she's going to need all the help she can get.

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[TaraBaby77]

WAHOO!!!! That wasn't too bad. I loved it!!! Sorry it took me awhile to get back on here and reading again. But, I am here now and I say WAHOO to that update. Keep'em comin', kay??? Great work!!! =)

Aaron

'TaraBaby77'

[Tempest Duer]

Aaron- well, okay, but only for you.





Chapter 17- Wish I Couldn't Remember





I don't know how long we stood there in the alleyway, but it felt like a long time. We'd been doing a lot of standing in alleys recently, I realized, and it was getting boring. I was sick of standing in alleys, waiting for the two of us to manage to get a grip on our emotions.



I kissed Tara on the forehead. "We should get moving. Are you ready to go?"



She sighed. "I guess so. Maybe we can find a way to take the edge off."



We started walking. I put a protective arm around Tara's shoulders. "There isn't much that can do that properly, Tare, even here. The only real way to stop the pain is to forget it, and the only way to forget it is to forget everything. You must have some good memories that you want to keep a hold of."



She nodded, but didn't say anything.



"And don't turn to my solution either. It's not worth it, and the tweedy bartender is far from the the worst of the troubles it brings me."



"I liked Giles."



"You haven't known him as long as I have."



"Very true. But what's wrong with it, Willow? I mean, that scotch made me pretty insightful, didn't it?"



I shook my head. "You saw that vicious thing I was drinking, didn't you Tara? Giles named it after me because I'm the only one who can stomach something that strong. Somebody tried it once, and he was under the table after one sip."



"One sip?"



"That's right." I chuckled. "It's not really alcohol. Alcohol couldn't do that to a person. I don't really want to know what's in it. But after one of them, Tara, I'm pleasantly drunk. After two, I act a little strange. And after three, I finally stop hurting. Time does heal all wounds, love, but it's a damn slow process."



"I thought I was in control for a while there." Tara sighed again. "I thought I could keep the memories at a distance. But what Faith said..." She trailed off for a moment and stared into space. "I guess it just goes to show how easy it is to reopen old wounds."



We finally made it out of the alleys and found ourselves on a narrow, empty street. Burnt-out cracasses of old buildings lined both sides, the charcoal and crumbling cement giving the whole place a ghostly feel.



It was strange to be away from the action, the pollution and the sputtering neon. A few streetlamps still sputtered on and off, but most of the light came from the moon and the stars. Everything was so quiet the place didn't even feel seedy. It was strange.



There was something else strange, too. It felt dead. I reached out with my gift, trying to find some sign of life, hoping beyond all hope that my first impression of the place would turn out to be wrong.



It wasn't. There was no life anywhere to be found. No drunks taking shelter in the wreckage. No predators on the hunt, no prey desparately trying to live another day. No rats. No insects. No life.



"I can't believe it," I hissed. "The bastards Whitewashed the place!"



"Whitewashed?" Tara shivered. "I bet you're not talking about Tom Sawyer and his friends either."



I laughed, but it was more a reflex because I knew what Tara had said was funny than that I'd actually been amused. "Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. This is what the Fangs do when they've got what they want. They wipe every living thing in range straight out of existence, as though it had never been born. It's the same thing they did to my childhood home.



"It was me they were after. I'm still not sure why. I had power, sure, but they had so much more. They burnt out the whole district trying to find me, and when they didn't they Whitewashed the place. I was across town at the time, so there was no way they could have found me. If my mother had been with me, I'd have had the last laugh."



Tara put an arm around me. "You don't have to talk about this now. It can wait until we're sure we're safe."



"We won't ever be sure of that." I shook my head. "I'm in danger for being me, and you're in danger because I love you. Besides, you're going to hear this from somebody sooner or later, the Powers That Be will see to that. I'd rather you heard it from me, because you might not believe anyone else, even though it's all true... though I desparately wish it weren't.



"Where was I? Oh, right, my mother. She was real, you know, she was from the real world, she studied psychology and the human mind fascinated her. I think it's why she came to the Hellmouth, because the real world didn't hold enough answers for her with her inquisitive mind.



"When she came here, she found knowledge, insight, and my father. It wasn't until after she died that I found out that her husband wasn't my father, and it was my father that gave me this mysterious power. I still don't know who he is, you know, nobody would tell me that. I'd like to find out some day.



"My mother and her husband- he was never really a father to me- were always busy and never had any time for me. Still they were the only family I knew. When I came home after the Whitewashing, everything was gone. They'd even put poor Ira out of his misery, the poor bastard. I think he made a mistake marrying my mother, because he somehow inherited my problems, even though that's backwards."



I stopped and inhaled. I really talk too much.



Tara squeezed my shoulder. "It'll be all right."



She was lying of course, but it felt good to pretend. "I know." I took a deep breath and continued. "When I came back, everything was gone except her. But I couldn't touch her or anything. My gift said she wasn't there, only my mind knew better. They'd lynched her on a lamppost and left her there, and I couldn't touch her. I couldn't take her down. I suppose I still feel guilty that I couldn't do anything for her."



Tara kissed me firmly. "I wish I could say I was glad you told me all this. But I am glad that I know a little more about you, miserable that it is. Let's keep going."



So we walked. We didn't talk because we didn't have anything to say. Normally I'd have felt the need to fill the silence with inane chatter, but I didn't feel up to it at the moment. The only sound besides the sputtering of the streetlamps was the clicking of our shoes on the battered asphalt.



I stopped suddenly as my gift tingled in my brain. I turned my head in the direction that I knew the source would be.



Sitting on a roof, with his legs dangling down and a cold smile on his lips, was Number Two. He was clad entirely in white, from his polished white shoes, pressed white suit, starched shirt and white silk tie to the white bowler hat perched jauntily on his head. A white rose with a frosted stem was pinned to his lapel, and his deadly silver sword sat at his waist in an elegant white scabbard.



"Hello there Willow Rosenberg," said Number Two softly. "Welcome home."

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[michellesflute]

Tempest Duer , great update, as always!!

Your updates are really worth the wait, and I was like and and when I saw it!

Well, I keep repeating myself, but I totally like what you did with the hellmouth and your interpretation of it. The whole weird and mysterious touch to your story is absolute engrossing.

As for Willow's drink, can I have one? Well, or better not.

But how do they say: "You can't drown your problems in alcohol, they can swim" or something like that. Stupid proverb.

And, well, I'm your favourite happy flute, I feel flattered, but honestly, do you know any others?

Wie soll ich meine Seele halten, dass sie nicht an Deine rührt... - Rilke

How can I keep my soul in me, so that it doesn't touch your soul...

[TaraBaby77]

YAY!!!!



I was glad to see another update. And what an update it is... Great stuff, TD. Keep'em comin' kay??? =)

Aaron

'TaraBaby77'

[Tempest Duer]

michellesflute: Well, there is this one... but actually, according to a number of flutists, that wouldn't actually work. I'll take their word for it.



Aaron: Glad you liked. I'd really gone too long without posting an update, so you pushed me to do it.

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[sabina]

Hi



It's so good to see an update of this fic, I had missed it



I'm still a little confused about what powers does Willow have And I wonder, why does everyone seems to hold a grudge against her?



I agree that Tara forgetting her past isn't the best solution to deal with her problems but I hope Willow can help Tara heal and leave her past behind her.



More?

---

"I know I was born and I know that I'll die.

The in between is mine.

I am mine!" - Pearl Jam

[bluewillowwitch]

TD ,

I loved the update! Okay just can't catch a break can see. I'm glad that she has with her. Their lives suck but together things have to get better. Right? Can't wait to more. Update soon, please?





Grace

------------------------------------------

"Fate keeps on happening."--Anita Loos

[Tempest Duer]

sabina: Ooh, my bad. Willow can use magic, but more importantly she's got a special gift for finding anything. It also sort of doubles as a spidey-sense, but mostly she can find anything so long as it exists.



bluewillowwitch: No, I'm afraid she can't. I'll see what I can do about updating, but I'll have to check with my girlfriend first...

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[MiniShrink]

I know that after three years you won't be updating this, but I'd just like to let you know how much I've enjoyed it.